God has given us gifts to enrich our lives and the lives of those around us. It is through giving and receiving gifts that we can experience security, comfort, ease, and enjoyment in our relationships. In this series, you will learn how reframing our relationships and perspectives can lead to a profound shift in how we experience life. Foundational to our growth steps is to recognize and experience that our joy comes from the life of God within, and not from external sources, we can find happiness and contentment in every moment. With intention and regaining our power of choice, we can reframe our thinking, we can develop and grow in our journey towards a life of promise full of abundance.

EP175: When I feel like I’m failing…I know… it sounds so dramatic, but it’s easy to feel like we have failed as parents when we feel unappreciated or even attacked or blamed. This week, we faced some unexpected disappointments, and insecurity stepped in and initiated negative narratives that were (very) short of hopefulness. But it was a quick turnaround!Every setback in any relationship is an opportunity for growth and every contrast we encounter is a chance to come back even stronger. And most of all, more secure.  The next time you feel contrast, in other words, something that is clearly NOT your preference, it’s the perfect time to give yourself a pass, and then find the golden nuggets of wisdom that will make you brighter, stronger, wiser, shinier, and more resilient than ever.  The first thing to remember after experiencing a contrasting disappointment is to remember that you have a choice. You can attach your meaning to the situation. If you can embrace your security in God’s friendship and reassure yourself of the gift your personality is, you can tell yourself a story of redemption and restoration. In every and any situation. This is powerful news!  When we feel judged, we tend to quickly judge that person back. When we react out of a broken heart, we will continue to project judgments on the people around us to feel better about ourselves. This is what keeps us stuck.  We can develop the skill and compassion to carry one another’s feelings of pain, rather than correct them. There’s a season of understanding and validating that is extremely helpful, and is an effective way to show unconditional love.  Research shows that the happiest and most satisfied people are those who see their loved ones in a positive light…many times even more positively than they see themselves! A highly thought of person is a well-loved person.  You can learn to change your mind… and your relationships will change. Instead of a fixed mindset (This will never change!) we encourage you to develop a growth mindset! (I can adjust!). Problems feel huge at the moment, but when your mindset adjusts, your choice is engaged, and the “problem” loses its “hugeness” and power.  Integrity and Intent coupled together create hope and trust. And when that integrity is strong, and foundationally sound, it’s the perfect place to let your imagination dream with new ideas and tap into wondrous possibilities! Great Ideas to Ponder:What do you think about yourself?How or what do you think about your spouse/family members?What is one of the purposes of your marriage/family relationships?What are your current thoughts and feelings toward your most significant relationships?Start today, plan that one thing you never thought you could, and do something about it.  When we make bold dreams, and our hearts are willing and surrender to God’s ways and God's thoughts, we milk life for everything it’s got for us! So let’s apply this to our lives in a very practical way. Let’s squeeze the best out of every situation and refuse to waste our pain. And when we aren’t perfect, and life isn’t perfect, we give ourselves a HUGE PASS and say, I shall hunt for the treasure here and learn to love better every day.https://www.bobandaudrey.com/https://www.audreyclub.com/Music by Bohdan Kuzmin from Pixabay

https://www.audreyclub.com/https://www.bobandaudrey.com/Music by Bohdan Kuzmin from Pixabay

https://www.audreyclub.com/https://www.bobandaudrey.com/Music by Bohdan Kuzmin from Pixabay

https://www.audreyclub.com/https://www.bobandaudrey.com/Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

https://www.audreyclub.com/https://www.bobandaudrey.com/ Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/https://www.audreyclub.com/Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay. 

https://www.audreyclub.com/Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Podcast by bobandaudrey.comMusic by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Podcast by bobandaudrey.comMusic by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

https://www.bobandaudrey.com/www.audreyclub.comMusic by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

BobandAudrey.comAudreyClub.comMusic by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.https://www.audreyclub.com/ 

Break Free from Unhealthy TiesWhen helping people in their relationships, we find people continually asking for a deeper connection, so that their love, support, and companionship are received and reciprocal. By breaking free from the shackles of unhealthy ties to agendas, comparisons, and vices, individuals can foster relationships that are grounded in authenticity, mutual respect, and personal growth. These healthier connections not only enhance emotional well-being but also serve as a foundation for a more fulfilling and harmonious life. Beneath the surface of seemingly healthy relationships, there can exist toxic elements that hinder personal growth and emotional well-being. Let’s identify these and break any unhealthy ties to agendas, comparisons, and vices that can taint our relationships, causing significant harm to ourselves and those around us. This is a great day for freedom! 1.  TimelinesDo you get impatient presuming things aren’t moving fast enough? Impatience is an unhealthy tie that can corrode the fabric of even the strongest relationships! When we struggle with impatience, we often prioritize immediate gratification over the long-term well-being of the partnership. Impatient behaviors can manifest as being short-tempered, demanding quick results, or constantly pressuring one's partner. These actions create tension, erode trust, and hinder effective communication. Impatience can also lead to impulsive decision-making, causing significant rifts in the relationship as important issues are not given the time and attention they deserve. By fostering patience and understanding, individuals can create a nurturing environment where growth, compromise, and trust can flourish.Empowering Belief Suggestion: I can relax and be calm. When progress isn’t fast enough for me, I can trust God that He is working behind the scenes. God’s presence is my safe and calm retreat.  2. Comparison In a society that glorifies perfection and success, we can fall into the trap of comparing ourselves and our families and kids to others.Comparisons can drive a wedge between us, and breed insecurities, resentment, and a constant feeling of inadequacy. When we compare our relationships to others, we fail to appreciate the unique qualities and dynamics within our partnerships. Instead, we should focus on cultivating gratitude and celebrating the strengths and growth in our relationships, fostering an atmosphere of love and support.Empowering Belief Suggestion: Even if it doesn’t feel fair I can trust in God’s justice. I choose to smile and accept and expect abundance and promotion for my life and family. I am not alone, I am in partnership with God and His friendship vindicates me.  3. Hidden AgendasHidden agendas can be sneaky, and we don’t even know we have them. Sub-consciously we are tied to unspoken expectations and agendas. These hidden motives can sabotage the authenticity of our connections and complicate our relationships with manipulation. All this, without even trying! It is crucial to be transparent and genuine in our intentions, communicating openly and honestly with our spouses, kids, and friends. The best way to be free of hidden agendas is to resist fear regarding others. The other important approach is to resist the temptation to think that others need to share the same values and convictions as you. This can be challenging when you’re in the same family!  Empowering Belief Suggestion: Even though I have dreams, desires, and good ideas for my family and friends, I release them to have their own dreams and their journey. I trust Jesus to speak to their hearts, and I let go of my opinions.4. VicesUnhealthy relationships often involve the presence of vices such as addiction or substance abuse. These destructive habits can erode trust, communication, and overall well-being within a relationship. Vices can create a toxic environment that is detrimental to personal growth and the vitality of the relationship. Breaking free from these vices includes having empathy for yourself and others and creating goals and asking for help and support. Empowering Belief Suggestion: I am not a disappointment to God, myself, or others. When I crave comfort, I immediately move toward my friendship with God in my secret place. I let go of the addictions that give me false comfort.  5. DistractionsIn a world filled with constant stimulation and demands on our attention, it is crucial to recognize the impact of these distractions and actively work to mitigate their influence. By prioritizing uninterrupted quality time, fostering open and attentive communication, and practicing mindful presence, we can navigate the distraction-filled landscape and build healthier and more fulfilling connections. Embracing intentional engagement with our loved ones allows us to forge deeper bonds and create a sense of belonging in an increasingly distracted world.Empowering Belief Suggestion: I am courageous and wise. I value the gift of each day and the time I’ve been given. I forgive myself, and I focus on what’s important. 6. Limited BeliefsIt’s so important to be aware of our inner dialogue! We can have unhealthy ties to our narrative, and remain unaware of the implications! The stories we tell ourselves create the trajectory of our lives. Telling yourself positive and life-giving faith-filled stories about your life, your future, the people around you, and your future is powerful and gives space for hope, possibilities, and answers to prayer.  Empowering Belief Suggestion: I write the truth in my heart that’s in complete agreement with God’s promise for me and my future. I invest in heart beliefs that establish peace and wealth and Lordship with Jesus.  7. Resentment Resentment breeds emotional distance, leading us to withdraw and withhold. Breaking the unhealthy ties of resentment is a powerful step toward newfound freedom! Lingering resentment prevents genuine closeness and impedes the cultivation of empathy and compassion. The emotional disconnection can manifest in a lack of affection and withdrawal. Overcoming resentment necessitates a willingness to empathize with one another's experiences, puts nerdy into practice, and fosters an atmosphere of emotional safety and support, and acceptance.  Empowering Belief Suggestion: I sent away the offense of what that person said or did to me. This offense is not benefiting my life, and I don’t give it any more power. I turn and move towards the peace of God’s presence and I experience mercy for me, and I extend that mercy to others.  Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.https://www.audreyclub.com/https://www.lovemarriedlife.com/podcast

What have you been waiting for?For my big breakEmpowering belief suggestion: I am not desperate for I know God as my source. I am not in lack for He has promised to provide all that I need, I choose and I live in peace for he keeps me as the apple of His eye and hides me under the shadow of His wing, Psalm 17:8.               2. For a God momentEmpowering belief suggestion: I have access to my friendship with God every moment. I am not a disappointment to God. My God-given imagination serves me and I find courage to walk in harmony with /god and His design for my life.3.  For my spouse to stop________Empowering belief suggestion: My spouse (loved one) is not my limitation or problem or obstacle. I choose to focus on the strengths and gifts of my spouse.  4. For my spouse to start ____________Empowering belief suggestion: I am at peace knowing he/she is not my source, I am complete and have everything I need in my relationship and friendship with God.5. For my child/parent to start _____________Empowering belief suggestion: I trust that God is pursuing him/her with His unfailing love, I easily let go of my agendas for others.6.  For the perfect opportunityEmpowering belief suggestion: I am surrounded by countless opportunities every day. I swim in the seas of possibilities. I easily hear Goed’s voice for inspiration, and direction and act on them.7. For financial securityEmpowering belief suggestion: I am secure and don’t worry about money. I trust God for wisdom and how to use my time and finances wisely. God is my provider. Full Article at https://www.lovemarriedlife.com/articlesAudrey's Happy Club https://www.audreyclub.com/Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Podcast full articles.Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Episode #160Attention is a Big Deal! We naturally pay attention to what we are interested in. Take a look at your current life… the fact is, this is not the end of your story! If you still have breath, you are a story that’s being told! Happy moments and happy memories are a gift, but they can also be directions. If you’re interested in a life full of abundance, then let’s stoke the fire of momentum and invest in deciding your intention, attention, and vision for your every day.  Intention, Attention, and VisionHere are ten intentions that you may want to set for yourself that would really help your relationships move forward together. When you build momentum in your relationships, you’ll be in an ongoing state of moving forward together, making memories, and sharing meaningful moments. Even when you face obstacles together, you're able to take them in stride as you work together to keep going. Momentum propels you towards fulfilling relationships. It all starts with intention.  Show kindness: “I’m going to be warm towards you and value your perspective and your needs. I’m going to give you the strongest version of me, without reminding you of your weaknesses.”Love unconditionally: “Whether the current conditions are favorable or challenging, I’m going to be consistent and stable in my love for you.”Participate in open and vulnerable communication: “I remember that when I’m vulnerable, it establishes a deeper bond between us and makes us feel closer. When I share my personal journey with you, I am giving you a gift.”Share passion, affection, and intimacy: “I prioritize being affectionate…like trust, it’s something that grows and develops over time. I want you to feel wanted.”Support and appreciation: “Part of supporting you is being enthusiastic when you share your journey with me. Part of appreciating is using words, and being specific with what I’m grateful for! Compliment and admire: “I don’t settle for stagnation, assuming our relationship is fine because we’re not having conflict. Complimenting and admiring you keeps our relationship fresh and alive.Avoid criticism, complaints, and correcting: “Even when our preferences, values, and convictions are different, I’m not going to bring constant attention to them. Instead, I find a playful and creative way to reach your heart.Personal space without guilt: We are together (in our family, our friendship, our marriage) but we are also individuals, so I am secure enough to allow you space and self-expression.” Seasons of feeling stuck: “I don’t want to defend, argue, debate, or impose my convictions or my preferences, so I will re-evaluate my expectations, accept you, and be easy to get along with and carefree.” Don’t question the nature of our relationship: “I won’t judge your intentions or presume you’re against me, even when my feelings are hurt.” Often times I just working through “my own stuff”.When it comes to attention begin to notice what you pay attention to in your life. The things you feed your attention with will tend to grow (both positive and negative). What you withhold attention FROM, tends to wither and fall away. Nothing drives people up a wall faster than being ignored. We all love attention because it provides validation. Whatever has your attention has your power. See your attention as currency and spend it on what you value. You have a choice, be decisive and it’s in your power to select what you’re giving your attention to. It’s a big deal! It’s useful to inventory what we are feeding with our attention. Vision is the willingness to see.  Take a look at your past and “see” the best. The times together that felt close and fun. There have been a lot of things that have gone really well in your life, but they might be living dormant. Stoke the fires of good times in the past. Remember what you first loved about each other! Talk about your favorite memories!  The practical definition of faith is simply “Seeing the end from the beginning”. Whatever you’re praying for? See it and feel it now. Smile when you think of your future and your dreams coming true. Journey to find the momentum that will propel you forward. A healthy relationship should be easy, smooth, and carefree. That's not saying there will never be challenges or difficulties. That's part of having a passionate, long-term partnership. Don't settle for stagnation there is a surplus of enthusiasm (momentum) available for you! Enthusiasm breeds hope which leads to the dreams of your heart revisited and a future of freedom and joy realized. Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Infectious Joy!We all “high-function” in life and our relationships when we are full of joy and peace.  The profound and simple strategy of Whatever we focus on gets bigger and bigger and stronger and stronger has the potential to change the story of your life.   Anything you’re not wanting to experience “more of” simply stop looking at it and obsessing over it. Anything you ARE wanting to experience more of….redemptive qualities in your children and spouse, good news, beauty, and hope, look and focus on those things, and you’ll experience a turnaround!We truly are shaped by our thoughtsScripture makes it so clear, and offers a clear map to infectious joy: 4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! 5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you (Philippians 4:4-9).Troubling TimesWhat do we do when circumstances and appearances look grim? This is your day to change the story of my life, and encounter peace. If you continue to tell yourself the same story, It’s just a matter of time until there’s another injustice, and life will keep being too serious and there is no fun.  Try some of these practical steps: 1. Remind yourself: I can (and will) find joy in this journey. I will not blame anybody for my current circumstances or disappointments. I’m going to give up trying to change anybody. I refuse to measure other people’s progress.  2. I chose to smile as I imagine the possibilities ahead, even if it isn’t what I first imagined it would be. I give, I consider others, and I sacrifice for others, and therefore discover the art of true giving. It’s more blessed and rewarding to give rather than receive!  3. Listen with patience, listen like a sponge, and absorb those around you, and any troubles they have incurred. Learning to truly listen expresses love, acceptance, and compassion in a way that will turn circumstances around. Everyone loves to feel heard! What do I do to foster infectious joy?Celebrate even when there isn’t a big event! It's important to mark small, daily successes and things “going well”. Even if it’s about getting off work earlier than expected or starting an exercise regime. These are positive events that gain strength and significance when we make time to recognize them with excitement and affection. Celebrate good news together. Search for good news! You will find what you’re looking for. And “match” the excitement and celebration of others.Enjoy listening to God’s voice, and consider developing this skill. Hunches are the hounds of heaven! Every simple step makes a big difference in your relationships. Don’t underestimate what you can do today!Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

www.bobandaudrey.comMusic by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

www.bobandaudrey.comMusic by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

 Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay. Inspired by the Street

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

A complete article related to this Podcast can be found at https://www.lovemarriedlife.com/articles#5 Internationalize your Internal DialogueDon’t listen to yourself, talk to yourself.  Life is shaped by your thoughts, so changing your thoughts hugely affects your relationships. Understanding the creative power of our thoughts as they’re aligned with God’s thoughts is a game-changer and it’s a developed skill worth pursuing!#6 Ask for God’s PerspectiveEvery time we humble ourselves and ask and are teachable, we open the gateway to hearing God’s perspective.#7 Everything has something to teach meMost desire a life that is sweet and simple, but the paradox is, if we look for happiness we won’t find it, yet if we seek wisdom, and his Kingdom, happiness finds us!#8 Draw energy from the beauty around youWe must recognize the energy sources available to us, and receive rejuvenation and refreshing as much as possible! Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Visit BobandAudrey.comMusic by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

What do you REALLY want?PART ONE OF FOURTaking time to articulate your desires is extremely valuable. The thoughts in your mind and the dreams of your heart can be unpacked and clarified, and this is a gift to your relationships. Knowing yourself, and having peace in your heart draws you into the highest and best version of yourself.  God loves to give us the desires of our heartPsalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart”. Psalm 84:11 confirms, “No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly”. Just like any loving Father, God loves to give you unexpected pleasures and happy surprises! Music by lemonmusicstudio from Pixabay.

It can feel discouraging when you have a desire, and it’s not being fulfilled. No one is immune from discouraging circumstances, but there is a practical remedy for regaining a new point of view and avoiding a spiral of despair. If you’re feeling tired or overwhelmed in your relationships, hope is the best way to rehearse a future of freedom and joy.

Being lovable is a gift to those around you. Investing in loving yourself, enables you to love others. You can love others to the same capacity as you have to love yourself. Loving yourself is not referring to vanity or arrogance, but agreement and alignment with the wonder of God’s creation. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll be looking for someone or something or some circumstance - to fulfill your dreams and cause you to feel complete. If you expect someone to fix your life, or make you happy, you will be disappointed. When you have a great relationship with yourself, you don’t need a relationship to be happy! Today is the perfect day to explore new ways to love life, love each other, love ourselves, and love being loved by God.

Dwelling on an offense hoping for it to somehow make sense simply reinforces the problem and doesn’t usually end in relief. You have the choice to feed the negative thoughts or interrupt them and align with a heavenly perspective.If you’re ready to stop stewing and suppressing your agitation, the agony can end immediately. Imagine if you were less afraid, more healed from your past hurt, and able to let go of all the things you know you can’t or shouldn’t control! You would be a different person and you would attract different things. More opportunities and healthier versions of your present relationships.

A conversation is an encounter when hearts and minds exchange ideas, feelings, and happenings. When each person is secure and patient in listening, there’s a setup for success. Conversations are a gift to our relationships that have the potential to become a search and discovery of matters of the heart that keep us connected and feeling close.

We’ve all found ourselves in the middle of a ridiculous conversation where we are both defending our positions of rightness and then gaining momentum of determination and even aggression to make our point heard. These emotionally charged talks don’t usually get us what we had hoped for, and unless resolve is achieved, they make things worse. Make hope your decision. Hopelessness about a problem is a bigger problem than the problem!

Every week, we meet with individuals and couples that are open and willing to re-write "the story" of their lives. They have decided that it’s time to flip the negativity of their past and choose a new beginning. In order to truly let go of the past, and the power of the memory that just doesn’t go away, it starts with experiencing the love God. You’re worth having a new beginning and freedom from what's behind you!

Conversations with God about your relationships can be the most energizing and valuable encounters. Nothing feels better than a really good talk with someone who loves, cares, and is willing to understand what you’re thinking and possibly going through. Being understood and gently guided along in a better direction brings a lot of peace. It’s always the perfect time to engage in conversation with God.

After so much emphasis on respond-ability, and taking personal responsibility for your choices and direction in life, we have come to understand that there are times when we simply crave rest and need to receive. It’s the opposite side of the same coin! That’s when we develop our ability to depend on Him and stop depending on our human strength. Depend-ability.

The rush of everyday life, the pressure of red lights, buzzing phones, messy houses, unanswered emails, and needy people around you are real. But please recognize the peace that is available to you. There is peace in every step. Every thought. Every choice. Every single breath.

Having the desire to make advancements is a remedy for settling and resorting to maintaining what you already have. Contentment and growth work hand in hand and both are equally important as we grow together in relationships and “walk in love”. Creating movement involves asking yourself the right questions:

A secure relationship is one where there is a secure bond between two people. That bond is predictable, consistent, and accessible to you. You feel like you can reach your loved ones emotionally and they’ll be responsive to you. Whether it’s your parent, your best friend, your child, or your brother…the benefits of security in a relationship are foundational and are the perfect set-up for enjoying each other’s company.

If you are feeling the tension of life and the pressures are squeezing the life out of your relationships, don’t be dismayed. There are practical things we can implement to retrieve the flow of “giving and taking” and enjoying love together. Depth and substance coupled with the lightness of life is the sweet combination that breeds instant life into your relationships. Choose to process life differently and your focus will change…just imagine the positive outcomes!

Can we become too comfortable? Comfort and nurturing love are vital in every relationship, but on the other side of that spectrum, we all crave growth which is only ignited through new challenges. Places of comfort are where we find healing. Times of challenge and new opportunities stimulate progress.

Turn your venting into a prepared conversation of verbal processing can bring renewed understanding. In many circumstances, habitual venting is a poor coping mechanism. It dives into negativity when you’re upset and is a poor way to treat your loved ones. We believe there is a wise way to release pressure through verbal processing.

How do you respond well when you're in the middle of hurt and offense? When emotions are whirling, and your buttons are pushed, how in the world do you turn this around? We’re glad you asked. We are so grateful for you. Your investment in listening to this podcast displays your willingness to develop greater ways to love those around you. Our series on respond-ability continues. This week it’s super practical as we walk through the process of working through hurt and offense.

Our lives are controlled by our beliefs, which result in feelings, which fuel our thoughts and actions, and establish our habits. If you're in pain, it makes you self-focused. If you are satisfied and find your pleasure and fulfillment in life, you automatically give to others and respond well. Everything you have today is the sum total of what you have believed up to this moment.

It’s important to differentiate between outside and inside conditions. Your tangible exterior conditions could be good or bad, but your respond-ability is much more susceptible to your inside condition. By taking responsibility and developing respond-ability, we have been able to alleviate about 90% of the negativity and erroneous programming in our lives, which are our limiting heart beliefs, which have given us the gifts of calmness, serenity, love, contentment, peace, and joy. This is our inside internal condition.

When we know how to heal relationships and keep them strong, they make us resilient. This week we uncover one of the most important skills, increasing your respond-ability. When you respond well in any circumstance, you are empowered. All those clichés about how love makes us stronger aren’t just clichés; Connection with people is the joy and quality of life.

Unprecedented guilt is unhealthy for you and your relationships. Is somebody putting you on a guilt trip? It is your choice to get on that train. Guilty people use guilt as a tool to control others. Even if you have people reminding you of your weakness and failure, wallowing in guilt is a choice that indulges your ego. Inflating error is a form of selfishness. Degrading yourself is a way to punish those around you, and a passive-aggressive attempt for others to feel sorry for you, in hopes they will feel guilty too. Your ego gets secret pleasure from negativity.

Whenever we feel like our dreams have crashed, it’s important to realize that your current experience is a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. There is a way to find strength when you’re discouraged. If you feel like the desires of your heart have been hijacked by an injustice, don’t give up. Your difficulty and tragedy are not the end of you. There is hope ahead if you’ll find understanding. In this podcast, I describe what happened to me this last week. It didn’t make any sense. I had zero understanding. I felt tricked. I had done the heart work for months. This was the manifestation of everything I had been believing for. It was an exact and direct answer to prayer.

Sometimes it feels easier to ignore the small conflicts, the dirty looks, or the simple misunderstandings in hopes that they will simply stop happening. Even forgetting an errand, or something trivial can turn into conflict and after a while, we stop enjoying each other like we once did. Most arguments stem from the refusal to own or take responsibility for the small things and many times we lose the ability to create resolve that feels mutual and kind. Most conflict is the result of endless mutual accusations over trivialities that emotional maturity and honesty would have prevented in the first place. So instead of ignoring the small things, consider developing a connection plan.

The very definition of restoration is being mended, repaired, rebuilt, reconditioned, and refurbished. When our inside world of thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are reconstructed, we begin operating in sync with how our creator God originally intended. Unconditional love, perfect love is the medicine and salve that every heart needs to feel renewed. Indicators of healing and restoration are when we aren’t needy or hardened. At times we may experience challenges, loss, and tiredness from living in this world, but we can remain warm, complete, and unnerved. Bottom line: we need God.

Developing compassion for yourself and even your struggles, positions you to love others. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will automatically be needy and pressure others to assure you of security and strength. Clearly and carefully creating mindsets and experiences that agree with God’s best for your life will recover your zeal for life.

A great way to give yourself a break, and truly replenish your heart and soul is to remind your heart of the truth. Instead of spiraling into all the questions that are looming, you can focus on what you know to be true. At this point of (what it feels like) personal dilemma, we can either numb our minds through entertainment or, crash and sleep, find some form of distraction from reality. While none of these are necessarily wrong, they may not satisfy what you are craving the most.

What will keep you stuck, suffering and feeling alone is an offense that leads to resentment and a hardened heart. What will get you out is a renewed mind. When your inside world experiences a turnaround. Instead of white-washing your past, and just hoping for the best, we believe it’s an necessary to deal with your offenses. When you hang on to an offense, you will likely reason your position. And when it feels and sounds reasonable you’ll just hold on to it. Not a good idea. Laying down the right to be offended sets you up for an instant feel good. And it is powerful. So are you ready to move towards a renewed mind? You don’t have to let the troubles or failures of the past disqualify you for the INSTANT change. But you have to take action - to be aware of your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and values.

Are you ready to revise your story? Your content can be improved and life can get better and better without anyone or anything changing in this physical world! If you want “new”, start by telling yourself the story of this past season. Use your voice, talk out loud and describe the narrative.

If you feel hopeful, you are less likely to walk away from a relationship, whether physically or emotionally. Hope and happiness work hand in hand, but hope is even more powerful than happiness when it comes to making great decisions amid hardship. Hope is a future-oriented positive emotion that emerges when things get challenging. You don’t necessarily need hope when things are great, but when uncertainty and anxiety emerge, it’s the stored-up hope that’s available and ready to keep you strong. Life, marriage, and relationships can be easy or hard - and it’s your choice to determine your personal mindset. You are not exempt from peace and joy. It’s your inheritance.

It’s easy to trust when things are working. Feeling secure in a place of trust encapsulates the dream of unconditional love! Trusting others is almost inseparable from loving others. True intimacy can only be achieved through honesty and trust. What are the steps in nurturing and developing a trust-filled relationship even after betrayal or layered disappointments? We are so glad you asked:

If you have ever felt like one person is doing all the giving and receiving nothing in exchange, it’s natural to feel the injustice and move towards feeling misunderstood. At this point, it’s nearly impossible to develop empathy. Yet, most relationships fail not because of a lack of understanding (as most psychologists make us believe), rather it is due to the deficiency of adequate empathy (emotional connection) between our family and friends.

What do you do when you’re not feeling rewarded for your investments in a relationship? We all love to feel the rewards and benefits when we put effort into another person’s heart and life. There is a way to set yourself up to get the prize!

The gift of sight is a big deal because seeing through the eyes of faith opens the door between heaven and earth. Our ability to see affects our family for generations, as we create and choose the life we want as we agree with God.

When you have repetitive thoughts and feelings towards a certain person or life situation, they ultimately become automatic and form an attitude. If you experience the same reality over and over your attitude expands into how you perceive and see others, and even reduce them to their greatest offense. Your perception of others is worth noticing, and in many cases, worth re-evaluating!

How do you switch into a turnaround when unexpected news wants to ambush your life? When you put your shoulders back and refuse to cower in challenging circumstances, you are displaying trust and resolve that God’s promises never change. Maybe things didn’t turn out like you dreamed or imagined, but that doesn’t change the foundation of His goodness!

Experiencing tragedy, loss or hardship is inevitable, and yet hope is available no matter how difficult it is to face the harsh dose of reality. Nobody is immune from hearing bad news of sadness, loss, or potential disaster at some point, but you can be prepared for the unexpected, and even take a step forward into something new!

Imagine bursting at the seams with hope, thus releasing continuous joy into your heart and life. This is the perfect posture for receiving strategy for problem-solving, and strength to withstand any disappointing circumstance or challenge in relationships. Living in hope allows others to experience your best.

We have also become highly charged by the benefits and joy that come from being tender. Without judgment, relationships thrive and move towards peace and ease. We will discuss how labels aren’t inherently bad, yet when used to project them onto people they can become tools of harm. And you’ll be encouraged to let the inner movement of your heart always be to love one another. When you love you don’t lose!

Breakthrough starts with conquering fear and the limiting beliefs that sabotage our lives. If you want the power to truly change your circumstances, you carry the authority to open the door to the fullness of peace, joy, and alignment. But circumstances follow your beliefs. Beliefs come first..and they are either based on love or fear.

If you have ever felt ignored you’re not alone. There’s a desire in every person to feel like they are being prioritized. In this episode, we want to validate the person who easily feels deserted and sometimes pressures their loved ones to feel secure. Physical circumstances will never be perfect enough or safe enough for you to feel 100% secure. We are all subject to the unknown. The good news is, resolve, security and answers are available. Take the powerful journey that will lead you to a place of feeling wanted, nurtured, and cherished. You are first choice, and you’re not alone.

One word. Hope. Those who are hopeful can untangle negative outcomes. Thankfully, you don’t have to wait for circumstances to get better and THEN have hope. Feelings affect our spiritual life because Jesus is love and light, so when we choose feelings that agree with hope, healing, possibilities, and making allowance for other’s faults, we come into agreement with His opinion.

A life dream includes relationships that are easy, natural and meaningful. When it comes to accomplishing dreams, most people use force, hard work, drive and fear to make it happen. We love the approach of doing the internal work to live our dreams, and feel the ease and rest of co-creating with God.

Being sensitive to surroundings, people’s feelings, and even the mood of a room is a gift when it comes to relationships. Your ability to feel and evaluate gives you the ability to respond to needs and provide comfort and adjustment.

Will your current daily habits eventually take you to where you want to be? There are myths about consistency that make it feel like a sacrifice, but let’s focus on the rewards because consistency gives people around you reason to trust you. And that’s a great big invitation into an uncomplicated and enjoyable relationship.

To ask anyone to be everything you need isn’t realistic, and can lead to sadness and hopelessness. Expanding your sense of security and worth apart from any relationship (other than God) is empowering and leads to healthy attachments.

Investing in establishing your identity is one of the best gifts you can bring to the people around you. Your identity affects your sense of security, and when we are truly secure and stable, we can see and feel beyond ourselves and love those around us without being self-serving.

If you think you’re getting away with negative thoughts towards someone, think again. Even though people can’t read your mind, you are sending invisible signals and investments. How you think, and subsequently feel about your loved ones is crucial. And believing the BEST about them, and your future will set you up for good times ahead!

Having guaranteed success in what you desire is completely dependent on your deepest intentions. This can feel like a mind-bender! Just when I think I’ve identified my deepest intention, I have to look at my current life and evaluate.

Unconditional love is a weighty term for something that most of us don't really understand, and it simply means "I offer you my love freely without condition.” Otherwise, we are offering love with "strings attached." This creates power struggles and control issues.

Problems arise when we don’t understand. Every problem can be solved when we truly understand. Seeking to understand and the willingness to listen is a choice that will lead to engaging relationships! As Stephen Covey says, “It’s critical: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

If you’re feeling down or even confused, confront yourself before you start confronting others. Maybe you’ve heard the rumors: “There’s nothing with talking to yourself. But when you start answering back, it’s time to worry.” We couldn’t disagree more.

The person who is responsible is the one that has the ability to respond. Respond-ability is Responsibility. If there’s someone around you making excuses, the best person to confront first...is yourself. Taking responsibility for your reactions protects you from judging, complaining, and continuing the nonsense of dysfunction.

Imagine a car stuck deep in wet mud. Tires are spinning and anything even close to the situation is getting messy. When relationships get to this state, exhaustion, and frustration are inevitable. Creating progress and moving forward is possible, but it’s time to stop “spinning your wheels” and try new solutions.

When it feels that it’s like you’re pulling teeth to get your loved one to divulge any thoughts or feelings, a relationship can feel very lonely. Healthy relationships don’t necessarily have to include deep serious topics every day, but feeling connected can take intention and it’s worth the effort!

How much do your attitude and mood affect your relationships? People avoid negative people! Throwing away all negative thoughts is to release all doubt and reject all fears.

Many relationships revert into ruts, where nothing changes, and everything remains the same. And it’s not necessarily fantastic. This happens with our spouses, kids, parents, and even friends. Is there something I can do today? (you may ask) and the answer is a resounding yes.

Love endures all things. A skewed perception of enduring is hunkering down in a crouched position until the storm passes through, but endurance is much more. Under pressure, endurance digs into taps into your source, remembering your higher purpose. Instead of hiding, enduring is expanding and growing through the experience, fixing your eyes on the enthusiastic enjoyment that lies ahead.

If you feel distant from someone you love, how can you start playing nice with each other? As soon as someone feels they can’t be accepted as “completely themselves” in a relationship, self-protection begins to erode true connection. How can you nurture relationships that are simply enjoyable and meaningful?

When you are safe, others will trust you with their heart, and be willing to be vulnerable and transparent. Being a safe person sets us up for fulfilling relationships that are authentic without pretense. What will it take to be safe? Start with contentment.

True success is marked by what you’re in love with. If you’re obsessed with your plan, your ideas or your path, you can miss the joy of life and the ways of wisdom. What sets you apart in this upcoming year, will be your willingness to let go of your agendas and prioritize peace. Your dedication to edit your private-self-talk will stimulate life-filled relationships with those around you. Your consuming desire for authentic transparency will be the perfect setup for courageous joy and dreams come true.

Have you ever become weary of living in this world? Weary of your relationships? Tiredness can easily slip into cynicism, something that becomes challenging to shake off. The downward spiral of doubt that something will change, or whether it is worthwhile trying is a legitimate feeling, yet, we believe it is one that can be overcome.

There’s good news in your relationships: There is always something to celebrate even if you don’t always agree! Getting to the place of openness, honesty, and truly enjoying each other doesn’t require having the same opinions. Differences are what keep the relationship interesting.

Have you ever met someone who has experienced injustice and mistreatment, and they seem to have managed to bounce back and even enjoy life? The most common and natural human reaction to an offence or distaste would be to retaliate or become resentful. But then there are those who have learned to be relationally generous. Instead of holding grudges, they have put away the bitterness.

There are independent people and codependent people and they usually find each other! We tend to be in one of those camps - even if mildly, and knowing how this affects us under stress is an important lesson.

Your decisions design your life. Everyone wants to know the future, but imagine the security you will experience as you see a clear path in front of you. Instead of dissecting the unknown, let’s prepare for the unknown by establishing heart beliefs in God’s promises. Let’s become geniuses at making the best decisions.

We want you to have the best year you have ever had in your life. We want you to experience passion, life, joy and vulnerability. We want you to see a clear path in front of you and confidently move forward with courage and direction. We want you to have relationship goals that are do-able, practical and full of kindness. We want you to partner together with God and have hope like never before.

You can always find what you’re looking for. Whether it’s finding the “good” in someone, or the “bad” in a certain situation. We are all seeking, and we are all finding. Living intentionally about what you are seeking after and what you’re thinking about changes atmospheres, relationships, and your future.

Why do we keep records? So that we can remember. Love keeps no records of wrongs. Why do we tend to remember past hurts even more vividly than past pleasures? Why do we want people to know how badly they have hurt us? Why do we want to keep score? Why is it so hard to let the history of our hurts go, especially if the accounts haven’t been settled?

Suffering is experiencing anything we absolutely DO NOT want to experience. The difference between suffering and longsuffering is: To suffer is to be a victim, blaming those around you wallowing in self-pity. To be longsuffering is to free! To make the deliberate and intentional choice to live indefinitely with something we hate.

Do you want to embrace true life and lasting relationships? Do you want to find beauty in each day? Expressing kindness is a stepping stone to living in harmony. When we make it our number one goal to demonstrate affection and love, kindness is the first step. It takes surrender and humility to love each other with gentleness and tenderness. It takes courage to stop speaking evil and hurtful words. The prize in life is eagerly pursuing peace in every relationship you have. Your creator God is famous for His kindness, so in being like Him, we are co-creating our experiences in life by being loved by Him. Receiving His kindness first sets you up to care deeply and accomplish by kindness what you cannot by force. It’s the kindness of God that leads us to changing the way we think, the way we behave and the way we speak. What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?

When we are scared, or essentially don’t feel safe, we will control our behaviors and our conversations. We may even filter information and withhold information that may cause conflict. The result is a disconnect that seems impossible to recover from. If someone you love isn’t telling you the “whole truth” maybe you haven’t been in a safe place to be vulnerable. It’s easy to blame the other and take sides, but taking a close look at your level of mercy is always a great place to start when you’re ready to bring true resolve.

What do you do when you realize that marriage isn’t going to supply your needs? You thought you married the person who would help you up when you’re down, carry the load when you’re tired, and make you laugh when you lose perspective. There is a natural ability and desire to bring happiness, safety, and a sense of belonging into your marriage, but the desire to love unconditionally can fade, especially when you feel like you’re giving more than you’re getting.

Why do some relationships survive storms, and some don’t? Giving attention and intention to your foundation sets the stage for limitless opportunities. The first step to building a secure bedrock is looking at yourself, and what you are willing to give. An amazing life isn’t just about what you are getting, but what you are willing to offer without restraint.

Consider developing a reservoir of hope for your present relationships. Through imagining yourself as high-functioning, loving unconditionally, being patient, and kind in every circumstance you are rehearsing the best possibilities. The Hoover Dam is a reservoir that produces power and energy. Your reservoir of hope has the potential to develop emotional strength and power in your marriage, your family, and your friendships.

Have you ever wanted someone to tell you how? You understand that harbouring bitter pain is harmful, but letting go is easier said than done. You want to get rid of the pit in your stomach, but it seems to have a stubborn mind of its own. You admit that your relationships would be less complicated if you could let go of resentment, but how is that even possible?

When you have the dream to get somewhere, you can find a way. We have all experienced those turning points in our lives. The moments when we make a decision that changes everything. Where we know that right then and there, we are re-defining ourselves and shifting the course of our life. Reflecting on life-changing moments is a great exercise in connection and gratitude.

If you get up every morning feeling afraid, full of dread for the day, discouraged and still tired from the day before, we’ve got the best news. God doesn’t use a magic wand to grant us joy like a fairy godmother. He partners with us to slay the giants of our wrong beliefs. Instead of changing your circumstances, and the people around you, you get to change how you think and believe about them.

Clarity and focus are your choices, and they change your atmosphere, your relationships, and your possibilities. Even if your circumstances and relationships feel toxic, you have the power to change the trajectory of your future. Being the thermostat of hope in your home makes you highly influential, and it all starts with your decision.

You were created to live in a state of hope, joy, and peace... these aren’t just emotions but can become your abiding feelings, based on your beliefs about who you are, why you were created, and who your Creator really is. There are no hopeless circumstances, just hopeless people, and you can choose to be full of hope.

How come words affect us so much? Why do we take words so personally? How does a little word change everything? Our words have so much power, in both directions! To destroy and damage and break people down, or to mend, and heal and comfort and bring joy and assurance. If words are that powerful, why aren’t we more careful with them?

Resentment keeps us focused on a perception of unfairness, and justice wants to scream out for equilibrium. The “wronged” person feels that they are not getting the help, appreciation, reward, or affection that they deserve. They feel like the betrayal is too deep, and the other person hasn’t “paid” enough for their dishonorable behavior. Even though there may be substantiating evidence to prove those very points, justifying resentment only strengthens and prolongs it.

Taking time to ponder your survival skill as you were younger can become a key to understanding how others experience you, and lead you to higher planes of functionality and resolve. Finding this key is a gift you give those around you, unlocking the places you get stuck in your relationship. It’s you doing your part to find the holding patterns and revealing limitations.

Have you ever felt disrespected in your relationships? If that’s the case, you are not alone. It is likely that the person who is acting disrespectfully towards you may have issues of insecurity and feels highly misunderstood and unheard. Their reactions and pushback are demonstrated in a way to diminish others to feel empowered and good about themselves.

Anxiety can come from guessing another’s motives and thoughts. When you feel like there’s a disconnect, it’s natural to wonder why. Why aren’t my adult children kind to me? What did I do wrong? How are they so easily offended and smothered by me? Why doesn’t my family respect my values? Any of these questions can lead you down a tortuous path of wondering and suspecting the worst-case scenario.

Fight fire with fire. The phrase “fight fire with fire” is an idiom that dates back to the middle 1800s. ... To fight fire with fire means to use the same weapons or tactics that an aggressor is using on you. Even though that’s the natural and logical reaction, it doesn’t work well in relationships. Taking personal responsibility for your responses is one of the fastest ways to revolutionize security and ultimately joy in your relationship.

When you have resolved the real you, you can “get planted” anywhere...good or bad, and you will thrive. When you have resolved the real you, you can live with difficult people, survive scenarios, and enjoy peace, joy, and fulfillment. Nothing can take it away from you!

Being together with a couple for a marriage intensive is an incredible experience as we unravel cycles of mistrust and create new beginnings full of safety and assurance. We want to offer you strategies based on the experience we get from being with people and couples who are walking through this journey and feeling disconnected from each other.

Our thoughts direct our life! Believe what others say about you? Then you repeat that over and over in your head. How you see yourself will guide your expectations, both good and bad. And it’s more than just a positive affirmation, it’s based on the truth of what God says about you. Writing the truth of who you are - in your heart establishes your value, dignity, and worth.

Can you remember a challenge in your life that you faced, and you didn’t have the playbook? What was the situation, and what did you develop or learn about yourself? How is that character trait necessary for what you are facing today?

Have you ever noticed yourself sighing with disgust when someone who (apparently) loves you is disrespecting you? Let’s dive deep into the traps of disrespect, and then find our way out of its guises of despair.

Even if “talking” comes naturally, connecting in a way that leads to feeling loved and enjoyed is a wonderful adventure. Thriving relationships include connecting conversations, and the art of formulating our thoughts into words is a continual school of development and intention.

How’s your love life? Here are some simple indicators that you are enjoying security and joy in your relationship. We are convinced that it only takes one person to “tend to the garden” of your relationship to get things started. Why not start today?

If you have been taught that “marriage is hard” there is a very good chance that you are experiencing that self-fulfilling prophecy. At your core, you have beliefs that direct your life. Whether good or bad, empowering or disempowering, your subconscious has been programmed with opinions and experiences and it is validated with layers of evidence. You will continue to get more of what you already have, simply because your beliefs have brought you to where you are.

Cruel words in the name of “just being honest” are not okay. Are your actions and words telling your spouse and loved ones, “You’re not enough”? Following the map of unconditional love can result in finding paradise, even if it’s just for you.

If you are feeling oversensitive, unsupported or misunderstood, it’s likely that deep down, you’re really scared, and not being loved where you need it the most. Everyone has “fear buttons”, but they go unnoticed when things are going well in the relationship. We call these “core fears” and we love helping people find the love they need to courageously conquer their fears.

Living by default and just hoping your feelings will change is dangerous. Those feelings that get you frustrated can eventually turn into feelings of disgust and disdain. The complaining eventually turns into a relationship where you say: I love you but I don’t like you right now. I'm committed to you and this family, but I feel stuck.

It seems like everyone has unique challenges in this season and world situation, and Bob and I want you to feel deeply loved and supported. We need each other! This isn’t a “regular podcast”. We sat down and prayed for you and your family. We hope you can take the time to play this in your car, or listen to it as you fall asleep, or however it works best for you.

Many people feel trapped right now, but let’s think about that concept. The only way you will feel trapped is when you “don’t have a choice”. The fact is, you always have a choice. You make thousands of choices every single day. Here are some ideas of how you can “take back” your choice and pioneer through uncertainty with intention and flexibility. Allow desperation to be the mother of innovation in your relationships!

Desiring headway in the quality of your relationship is admirable. What happens when you’ve been waiting a long time to move forward and you can’t get the other person to do their part? What if you’re doing everything you can think of yourself to enrich your life together and the other person doesn’t seem to be making an effort? These scenarios can become frustrating. Becoming desperate in the lack of progress can lead to fixation and an unhealthy attachment to measurement and control and can sabotage true connection. So what do you do?

The simple definition of magic is simply “avoiding the process”. Is it okay to believe in an amazing relationship? Yes, as long as you’re pursuing your part in taking responsibility and resisting the temptation to put your spouse on your time schedule.

Change is inevitable but growth is optional. Within every changing season, there is the opportunity for growth. Within every challenge there is an invitation to deepen and enrich our lives, if we refuse to agree with defeat. Proverbs tell us that a wise son or daughter knows their season. Let’s be creative and wise with the season we are in! Let’s be “aware of the elements” and prepare for them and search for the treasures within our moments!

As daily routines are grinding to a halt for so many, the strain on our relationships can feel paralyzing and overwhelming. This quantum switch has the potential to change the trajectory for your future. Times like March 2020 become a defining moment in history where circumstances are shaken and sifted resulting in a huge reset. This is a huge opportunity to take advantage of the moment and make a fresh start when it comes to your relationships.

“Behind every decision you make, is a value, something you believe is worth holding to that is now being advanced in some way by your choice of action.” - Bob Your personal values are influenced by your upbringing, gender, personality, experiences, conscious choices and your emotional needs, fears, desires, and ambitions. While there are some ‘universal’ values, like the pursuit of being loved, living in peace, knowing the truth, however, the ‘value set’ that you carry is unique to you.

If fighting is a problem in your relationship or marriage be sure to listen to this episode. Fighting is a very serious problem and I can’t encourage you enough to find the help you need to end the battle before any further harm is done.

Your first realization of dysfunction is a pivotal moment! So the next time something annoys you or makes you feel uncomfortable, recognize the value of that moment. Whether you are conscious of it or not: You are about to make an internal choice.

Don’t you love it when everything seems to click into place, and having a relationship together is easy? If an effortless connection is bliss, then why do married couples give up so easily and settle for frustration and sometimes even indifference?

When we are low-functioning and under stress or duress, we automatically tap into our strong suits and push down the gas pedal and go into overdrive. We do it without conscious thought, and the results have the potential to sabotage your relationships. What makes it worse, is it's so hard to detect or understand because deep in our hearts, "we're just trying to make things better!" We can be experienced as being forceful or resistant. So, it really is true: Your strengths overused turn into weaknesses.

You are not an accident, you are not here by chance, and you aren’t just the result of two people coming together. You are so much more! Before the world began, God had you in mind. You were a dream in His heart. He smiled as He pondered about “when” He would place you in this world. It would be the perfect time of course. Everything about God is perfect. Long before your conception, He knew you. Then from His heart of love, He gave you His very breath for life.

What are God’s design and dream for relationships? It’s simple, sweet and beautifully compelling: To live in harmony. In fact, the Bible makes it clear that it is truly wonderful and delightful when we live together in unity. Heavenly harmony is compared to dew that trips down from the skies and refreshes the mountains. And from this realm of sweet harmony, God releases His promises, blessing, and favor.

Happy people all have something in common. It’s not that they’re all rich, thin, successful, good-looking, or famous. Nor is it that they’re the ones with the fastest cars, the best toys, the routine spa days, or the best bodies. They don’t have the biggest houses or experience the most exotic vacations. They didn’t win the lottery or marry the perfect spouse. They don’t have the most important job, the most Facebook likes, the best YouTube channel, or the best-behaved children. Honestly, we don’t need to have any of these things to be happy.

The New Year is full of new potential. When you start a new project or season in your life, you seem to notice opportunities suddenly appearing ahead of you. I like to think that the New Year marks a perfect time to explore NEW. Take hold of that excitement you feel within you and direct it toward a purpose, a passion and dream soon to be realized.

Brainstorming is a stimulating exercise where you get together to generate new ideas and solutions. Instead of just having a night of Netflix, consider the outcomes that could happen if you take an hour to brainstorm together! The fun part about this concept is you decide (ahead of time!) that this is a safe space to be uninhibited, and no ideas are criticized or scrutinized. This takes relationship adventure to the next level.

Having a confident understanding of your “personal communication goals” sheds so much light on every relationship! A common question that readers ask is, “What if I’m different when I’m with my spouse than I am with everyone else? Which goal is my true authentic self?” We ask you to base your results on how you are with the majority of your relationships, not just the person closest to you. Another method of exploring your goals is thinking back about when you were a child, and what was most important to you.

Applying the Plan of peace can be learned and practiced. But you will find that where you once had conflict, when you apply the plan of peace, these areas of your relationship become our greatest strength. You can start pursuing your relationships today, even if the other person isn’t even aware!

Even though we had read countless books and studies on the topic of communication, we wanted to get to the heart of the matter. Sure, we understand that we have different styles and personalities, but what is the motivation behind our communication? Why are we so determined to get our point across? Why do some people in our family have (it seems like) zero tolerance for certain conversations?

Many people survive their lives feeling pressured and guilty within their relationships, all in the name of loyalty and self-sacrifice. In order to have great relationships, we need to learn how to establish healthy boundaries.

Why do love on a surface level? Why not admit our love for our own opinion, and then joyfully move towards our differences. We really are better together.

Commitment says: “I have come into this relationship to lay down my life so that you will have life.” Being steadfast makes you trustworthy and safe. What does it take to give this incredible gift to those you love?

It is simply not possible to change or to heal others against their will, as it is not possible to ‘control’ what the other thinks and feels. Taking personal responsibility to find healing for yourself literally changes the atmosphere and dynamic of the relationship, and doesn’t require “waiting” for the other person to change!

Safety is extremely important for relationships, but it can become such a focus that we miss the adventure of spontaneity! Being childlike means we remember how to play. People want trust, safety, and consistency in relationships. The other side of the relationship coin is adventure, spontaneity and the element of surprise.

We find that most people who come to us for help are dissatisfied. They’re struggling with disappointment, a sense of lack and a restless desire for something more. They are stuck in the place of “waiting” for something or someone to change: their bank account; their spouse; their children; their health... they are convinced that they can’t have joy until circumstances and people line up. Many face challenges in their relationships of unresolved conflict and have even given up on having honest conversations that end up being constructive. It’s not exactly easy to laugh when your heart is full of depression, anger or fear.

Like the chemical reaction or fuel to a fire, your thoughts towards a person propel reaction and outcome. Whatever we choose to focus our attention on will automatically multiply in our lives. If our attention is on everything we don’t have, those very things will become more… or worse... If our attention is on our troubles or the injustice of the past, they will become our trials of the present also.

I love chemistry in relationships. It’s not necessarily romantic, it’s just a person with another person! Everyone has experienced it - you’re with someone and it clicks. Something in you just loves being with that other someone. Science experiments are the most exciting when there’s a reaction of bubbling or fizzing and maybe even a burst of an explosion. In chemistry class, it’s explainable. In relationships, it can be more perplexing, especially when it comes to keeping the connection alive and working.

Pain is inevitable. It is part of being human. Often, however, we add to our pain and develop the land of suffering. We make judgments about people and situations and in so doing give those people and situations significance and power in our lives. That brings emotional pain to a place of suffering.

Emotional pain does not have to be wasted. It can serve as a map leading you to healed heart, hope, and effortless joy. Can you imagine your pain helping you? Leading you to the place where you need to be? Instead of avoiding pain, we suggest that you notice where you are experiencing emotional sensitivity or heartache and ask God to meet you there.

Why is it in relationships we tend to treat those we love the most… the worst. Why do we say things… mean things, to those we’re close to that we would never say to someone at work, at church, or in a grocery store. Where’s the logic in this? I want to share with you some thoughts that can lead to some real-life application so you’re not living life by default but rather with intention and purpose. Being aware of what you’re doing and how others experience you is invaluable in making the needed course correction for you...and the more you’ll enjoy your life and relationships.

Have you ever heard yourself saying “I don’t care anymore” even though you know you do, but you just can’t handle the frustration any longer? This is what happens when we have been carrying too many cares for way too long. We snap. We can’t care anymore, because it hasn’t helped, and nothing seems to be changing. Caring ends up leading to anxiety and worry. So, in order to survive, we either stop caring as much, or we receive the invitation from Jesus where he invites us into a life of being “carefree” and full of hope.

When you are weary and stressed, your relationships are usually the first to take the hit. But how do we stop our minds from spinning into overdrive, sending out waves of “I need to fix this!” or “I just want to quit!” We call like to call this, “The scenario of the Quitters and Controllers”. And we have all spent time in both camps! It’s true that relationships and family dynamics are hard work, but as we all know, they result in the greatest reward. We all want the same thing: safety, laughter, peace and just plain ole “enjoying each other”.

Apologizing doesn’t mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your opinion. There are four common apology myths that have the potential to break through your disconnect, and truly set you on a roadway to unconditional love.

You’ll learn in today’s episode that apologies like that are not a true effective apology, and there are simple layers of an apology that have the potential to radically heal the unresolved conflict that you are living with. Becoming an expert at truly apologizing is a life-long journey, but it’s worth every second of investment.

Our emotional distress can arise from our expectations of others. They can be spoken or unspoken. Either way, there is an expectation that is not being met leading to a disappointment.

If God truly loves making something out of nothing, then maybe, just maybe He can take your failures, your poor choices and selfish behavior and give you something so wonderful and new that it will exceed your wildest and richest dreams.

Imagine how empowering it would feel to choose your emotions? Most people presume they are slaves to their circumstances and feelings. So when relationships aren’t connecting, and they feel frustrated or impatient, their emotions drive them straight to the land of hopelessness.

We have all experienced the immediate feelings that flood our souls when a relationship disappointment takes place. And they are not fun. These feelings want to take us captive and negatively affect our life. Or at least ruin our day. Depending on the degree of the offense.

When it comes to disappointment, what’s the first thing you should do when someone has overlooked you and not considered your feelings? What do you do when someone is not living up to your hopes, dreams or expectations?

Dreams, hopes, and anticipation can quickly turn into expectations, and expectations can turn into our greatest disappointments. One of the most positive, powerful and transforming skills you can develop for relationships, is how to navigate a disappointment quickly to bring resolve, understanding, and connection.

It may be about disappointments, differences, disagreements, or a host of other possibilities, but confrontation is critical – and inevitable. However, the key is to use confrontation to develop a deeper connection, not to prove yourself right at the expense of the other feeling unloved or unheard.

Your Father in heaven has you covered. There may be a failure in your life and you may be at a deep point of discouragement but your Father wants to cover you. Imagine His arms around you, His peace surrounding you, and His protection guarding your heart.

The thought of standing at the crossroads of life isn’t anything new. But if you’re consumed by questioning the direction of your career, relationships, and overall life purpose—don’t worry. It’s actually more normal than not.

We have shared our lives on stages around the world, written many books and even hosted our own on-air live daily television program for two decades, but this is different. The uniqueness of being alone together in our home with you makes this a precious opportunity of closeness.

Most couples have never mastered a sure way to navigate disappointment and offenses, which leads to hiding, pretending and even keeping secrets. Thriving in marriage relationships requires vulnerability, openness, and honesty. These work well and are maintained in a culture of safety and skill sets of navigating conflict with kindness and mercy. Unfortunately, most marriages live with 69% unresolved conflict and never figure out how to be truly honest and truthful without hurting each other. When feelings are hurt, insecurities usually arise, and both husband and wife retreat or react, finding a way to survive and protect their perception of safety. The result is a dysfunctional cycle that seems never-ending and can lead to desperation.

When helping couples recover from affairs and addictions, it’s important to recognize the voice of desperation and then contrast it to the possibilities that are found in hope. The simple and undeniable power of hope is understated. There is enough power in hope to lift anyone out of the deepest pit of despair. People everywhere are craving it. For some, their very lives depend on it. When it feels like an impossible situation, it is the first step toward choosing life. It is available and it is yours for the choosing. If hope is so powerful, then how does one get desperate enough to have an affair? In my case, it was an affair. But the attraction to any addiction shares the same language. I can look back and identify the voice of desperation enticing me to follow its dangerous demise.

After being the featured guests on many podcasts, and hosting over a hundred episodes of Live Transformed podcasts with Dr. Jim Richards, we finally sat down and began recording our own podcast, “All About Relationships.” Just the two of us in our office, face to face with honest hearts and a desire to help others. We pushed the “record button” and immediately something extremely vulnerable and personal started to happen. We have shared our lives on stages around the world, written many books and even hosted our own on-air live daily television program for two decades, but this is different. The uniqueness of being alone together in our home with you makes this a precious opportunity of closeness.