Sue Marriott and Dr. George explore her inspiration for writing her new book, tips for applying the information in a clinical setting, as well as deeper dives into concepts like failed mourning and the relationship with dysregulated attachment. With her decades of research, Dr. George offers thorough insights into the world of attachment, trauma, and building security.

A refresher course on all things attachment from spectrums, connective and protective systems, embodied stories, and much more.

We’ve covered the different protection and connection strategies - preoccupied (red on the spectrum), dismissing (blue on the spectrum), and unresolved (tie-dye), but today’s episode is all about what secure attachment actually looks like in daily life. You’ve experienced the continuum from red, blue, or even tie-dye, but how do you know when you’re in your green? A securely attached system doesn’t mean you’re never upset - it’s about having the ability to stay engaged while you have big feelings.  In this episode, Ann and Sue discuss what this can look like conversationally, conditions that promote a secure base in parenting, and how to check in with yourself and deepen your connection with others.

The neuroscience of awe as an antidote to our stress response system In this series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World, we've covered tough topics head-on. It is, therefore, fitting that we close the series with something scientifically hopeful to help us stay in our secure selves so we can stay engaged and active as social advocates and not collapse in overwhelm. The science of this specific feeling of awe has garnered much attention for good reason.  Our guest today has spent decades exploring the sensation and documenting how to develop it in everyday life. We have all experienced these small moments that allow us to shift our mindset away from ourselves and into something so bigger. Co-hosts Sue Marriott and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss the power of awe with guest expert Dr. Dacher Keltner where they explore the science, the mystical and the hope of awe as an inspirational tool for collective healing. "You can be outdoors by yourself, you can be listening to an amazing passage of music, you can think about somebodywhose life really inspires you. You have this urge to connect, to be part of community, to be good to other people, to share with other people, to make the world and your community a little bit better - that tells us something fundamental about the DNA of Awe." - Dr. Dacher Keltner Time Stamps for Awe 2:15 - What is awe? 3:31 - Physiology during moments of awe 8:21 - One of Dr. Keltner's most striking discoveries about awe 8:57 - Understanding everyday awe 10:11 - The role of curiosity in awe 13:31 - The power of music 14:27 - The 8 wonders that bring us awe 21:20 - Collective effervescence 25:38 - Alan Cowen & Dacher Keltner's experiential maps 27:36 - Awe in animals 32:16 - How awe can sometimes lead you astray 40:17 - Using awe as a tool for younger generations Resources for today's episode on the feeling of "awe" DacherKeltner.com - Personal website full of research, books, videos, and other resources  Greater Good Science Center - Resource center with podcasts, quizzes, articles & videos  Science of Happiness - Podcast by the Great Good Network  AlanCowen.com - Visuals of mapping emotion You can purchase his most recent book, here!! About our Guest - Dr. Dacher Keltner Dr. Keltner is one of the world’s foremost emotion scientists. He is a professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and the director of the Greater Good Science Center. He has over 200 scientific publications and six books, including Born to Be Good, The Compassionate Instinct, and The Power Paradox. He has written for many popular outlets, from The New York Times to Slate. He was also the scientific advisor behind Pixar’s Inside Out, is involved with the education of healthcare providers and judges, and has consulted extensively for Google, Apple, and Pinterest, on issues related to emotion and well-being.     We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons - joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Click here for Awe - Dr. Dacher Keltner - Transcripts  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!

Linda Thai shares her journey of self-discovery as she navigates her own identity in the aftermath of unrecognized transgenerational trauma. She has dedicated her life to building secure relations within herself and her roots, and provides body-oriented healing using sheds light on the reality of unraveling transgenerational traumas. Through her various healing strategies, she reclaims the unresolved ancestral grief and trauma in her lineage and inspires others to look at our colonized systems through a different lens.

Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Anna Graybeal discuss the necessary steps to building security and embracing tough conversations within our communities. This conversation takes a scientific and therapy-based approach to guide us toward the big emotions around these topics and equips us with the tools to cope with uncertainties, and an opportunity to learn how to harness healthy discussions around the climate crisis. When we can address the resistance within ourselves, we can use that as fuel to unite and heal our planet, our well-being, and our relationships.

Dr. Ann Kelley and Dr. Anna Graybeal discuss the necessary steps to building security and embracing tough conversations within our communities. This conversation takes a scientific and therapy-based approach to guide us toward the big emotions around these topics and equips us with the tools to cope with uncertainties, and an opportunity to learn how to harness healthy discussions around the climate crisis. When we can address the resistance within ourselves, we can use that as fuel to unite and heal our planet, our well-being, and our relationships.

This a continuation of our previous discussion with Gliceria Pérez & Debra Chatman-Finley where we explore other lasting effects of racial trauma. From the challenges of parenting with an unresolved trauma history to navigating day-to-day as a person of color, they use group therapy as an opportunity to make space for women to vocalize their pain and build community. Gliceria and Debra share personal stories and real-life examples of microaggressions and discrimination and offer insightful ways white individuals can acknowledge their privilege and cultivate an inclusive community.

This is part of the series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World AND the first of a 2-parter on racial trauma! BIPOC therapists tell the truth about their experiences - from corporate America to working in child protective services, this discussion is full of painful yet unfortunately common experiences of discrimination, intimidation, and blatant inequality. Gliceria Perez and Debra Chatman-Finley join Sue Marriott as they teach white therapists what it's like for clients of color. They also model how to embrace these tough conversations to create a safe space in our communities. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

This is part of the series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World AND the first of a 2-parter on racial trauma! BIPOC therapists tell the truth about their experiences - from corporate America to working in child protective services, this discussion is full of painful yet unfortunately common experiences of discrimination, intimidation, and blatant inequality. Gliceria Perez and Debra Chatman-Finley join Sue Marriott as they teach white therapists what it's like for clients of color. They also model how to embrace these tough conversations to create a safe space in our communities. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Finding and maintaining connection and a sense of security in times of fear and general chaos is THE ultimate challenge.  This is a very special episode - co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott are joined by 24-year-old homesteader Mason Marriott-Voss, to discuss navigating big generational differences and re-building a sense of security in an uncertain world. This is the first of the new series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World. See the resource-filled show notes for today's episode at www.therapistuncensored.com/202.

Some dreams can feel insignificant, but can be a portal into a deeper understanding of who we are and what we need. When we drift off to sleep each night, we are unlocking a world within ourselves that can help us find healing and take a step towards building security. With Jungian Analysts Deborah Stewart, Lisa Marchiano and Joseph Lee, co-host Dr. Ann Kelley explores the significance of our dreams and the potential journeys of growth through a Jungian lens.

From weird dream fragments to unsettling nightmares, our associations to each dream can tell us a little bit more about our unconscious. Tapping into these deeper meanings can help us explore who we are and help us navigate from unsettledness in the dream back to security. Co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss the power of association in dreams and connect those to our inner working models. For shownotes www.therapistuncensored.com/200 to join our ad-free feed www.therapistuncensored.com/join.

The care we receive in early development can be a strong indicator of who we become and how we interact. While it is mostly unconscious, our internal working models play a role in how we navigate our relationships with ourselves and others. Co-hosts Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott use neuroscience and personal narratives to help make this science digestible and applicable in our daily lives.

Michael Baldwin is an accomplished leader in the communications industry with over 35 years of experience. Despite his many successes, after years of suppressing his traumas, Baldwin reached a breaking point. Through his work with Dr. Jeffrey Magnavita, Baldwin's life was transformed by the power of EMDR. He wanted to make the science digestible for all audiences and created visual "billboards" for various aspects of EMDR. After teaming up with EMDR specialist Dr. Deborah Korn, the two authored "Every Memory Deserves Respect" - a book dedicated to helping others understand and heal their traumas. In this discussion, Deborah Korn explores the ways that trauma may go unnoticed, the ways it stores in our bodies, and common fears that are expressed when beginning the EMDR process. As an experienced client, Michael Baldwin is able to provide personal and meaningful ways that EMDR has improved his quality of life, relationships, and confidence.

As a certified Neonatal Therapist, Sue Ludwig has dedicated her life to not only the physical development but the emotional development of her patients. Ludwig brings intentionality to each moment by strategically working to regulate patients' nervous systems during their time in the NICU. Her process focuses on the interconnection of the mind and body and aims to support the child's development in vulnerable situations. She explains the importance of proper technique to avoid disrupting the nervous system, and the long-term effects on neurodevelopment. Through her personal and professional journeys, Sue Ludwig has learned the value of being present in small moments to build deeper connections and experience lasting results.

Elizabeth A. Stanley, Ph.D., is an associate professor of security studies at Georgetown University and the creator of Mindfulness-Based Mind Fitness Training (MMFT)®, taught to thousands in civilian and military high-stress environments. In 2019, Dr. Stanley published "Widen the Window: Training your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recovering from Trauma" - a highly praised resource known for providing tools to heal and thrive. We are replaying this discussion we shared with Dr. Stanley in early 2022 as a reminder of the power of expanding our windows of tolerance and building resiliency.   To check out the original show notes for Elizabeth Stanley's episode, click here!   Resources related to Elizabeth Stanley Ph.D.'s Episode  Dr. Elizabeth A. Stanley's Website "Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma" - Purchase "Mindfulness-Based Mind-Fit Training" - Online Courses "Optimizing the Caveman Within Us" - Dr. Elizabeth A. Stanley's TedTalk Please join us today! By joining as a Patron premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content, and very unique study opportunities.  Sponsors who help make these episodes free and available to all – support them to support us! Dipsea is an app that brings you socially responsible sexy stories made by and for those who identify as women. Women often have sexual trauma on top of hurtful cultural messaging around sexuality, sofinding a new product that can safely reconnect you to an important essence of yourself is very positive.  Dipsea promotes sexual and sensual health via imagination in a way that is safe, discreet, and respectful.  Reconnect to parts of you that might have been neglected, find things you didn't know you were into, or just gain more confidence in the bedroom, whether you have someone with you or not.  Check it out totally free using our link – this gives you a full 30 days to explore what they are all about dipseastories.com/tu or just click HERE.   Cozy Earth Bedding is made using the finest, premium viscose from highly sustainable bamboo. Their bedding is naturally-temperature-regulating, so you'll sleep comfy all year round. Plus, every Cozy Earth bedding item comes in a beautiful, reusable canvas bag! No gift wrapping is required! Cozy Earth also has a Luxurious LoungewearCollection from their ultra-soft lounge pants, tees, and pajamas for women...  to their popular joggers, pullover crews, and hoodies for men -- Cozy Earth loungewear is designed to flatter every body type.  And check out their premium plush and waffle bath towels... they'll love those, too. SAVE forty percent NOW on Cozy Earth bedding, loungewear, pajamas, and towels. Go to Cozyearth.com/TU Zocdoc can help you find therapists, psychiatrists, and doctors of all sorts and flavors that your family may need that are close to you, taking new patients, and even taking your insurance. Find the doctor that is right for you, and book an appointment, in person or remotely, that works for your schedule. Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. No more excuses not to take care of yourself – check it out and book now, many providers are available within 24 hours. Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show!  

Integrating psychology, neurobiology and spiritual awakening - this episode will inspire you as it has the 26 million viewers of the TED Talk, Stroke of Insight. Using neuroanatomy and her deep insights from a serious stroke, Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor and Sue Marriott discuss the 4 interpersonal skill subsets in the brain. Also find out more about Whole Brain Living and the various ways it can be applied across the multiple settings by getting in touch with Bolte-Taylor. This a a must-not-miss replay from 2022, find more at www.therapistuncensored.com/195, www.therapistuncensored.com/join to get an ad-free feed and join the online community.

"Call-out culture" - a term coined within the last few years, but a concept that has existed long before. With a society immersed in technology, there are many positives about the seemingly never-ending conversation, but with the increase in connection, there's also an increase in the ability to speak negatively to and about one another. How do we educate others without tearing them down? In a divided world, changing our approach can help create social change. Loretta J. Ross, an activist, professor, and self-proclaimed "professional feminist" has dedicated years of her life to understanding how and why this culture has evolved. Follow along in her insightful discussion with co-host, Sue Marriott as they explore the intentions behind these actions, the root of the issue, and how to more effectively "call-in" without "calling out" using the "Five C Continuum" process.

Everyone is familiar with reacting “in the heat of the moment,” but do we really understand what that means? In this episode, Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley unravel the mystery behind our nervous systems auto-pilot settings. They simplify otherwise complex ideas by breaking in to 2 main points.   Becoming aware whether you are in the Protection versus Connection pathways in our nervous system helps us manage them. How does our story affect how we react and deal with conflict, and how can we mitigate it? Tune in for this insightful and eye-opening discussion on our internal working models when interacting with others. More at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Calm is contagious, too! Coping through Coronavirus. Our hearts hurt for those affected by COVID. Those who are ill, survivors of those taken by the virus, service employee's continuing to work, front-line medical and science warriors, those who lost their job or savings, those who are isolated alone and those stuck at home in harsh relationships or with kids out of school and needy... it's all relative. It doesn't help to compare pain - pain is pain - we all need support through this coronavirus pandemic. Period. So let's clasp hands and co-regulate one another through this as best we can. In this episode, Sue and Ann discuss how we are collectively processing the coronavirus pandemic and provide some tools on how we can regulate our emotions during these coronavirus times. We are having experiences that are creating emotions that we do not normally have from a day-to-day basis and will have to understand how to process. Get the Facts but don't Rubber-Neck (southern term I think, slowing down and looking hard at a wreck on the freeway even though you don't really want to see). Use social media purposefully, don't get hooked watching the stats there is nothing to see there that will help us cope. It's being covered each time as new news, so our nervous system stays in alert. Limit social media and create your bubble of safety. Use sources you trust and don't act from rumors. Name your feelings - identify the specific source rather than live in ocean of free-floating anxiety. Better to be afraid for your mom or your 401 K than feel the weight of anxiety globally. Connect socially as part of your ADL's - activities of daily living. Breathing Techniques - Breathing in for a count of 5 and exhaling for a count of 5. Imagery - Imagining a sense of calm and safety in your environment and community. Use your mind to soothe and comfort yourself - this is neuroscience and it actually works! Add a safe person, place or animal that comforts you. Perspective matters - this will end. Interconnectedness - We are all experiencing this collectively. You are not alone. The virus does not discriminate it's a great equalizer even though we aren't equally effected (it hits marginalized communities hardest). Know what you can and cannot control - We cannot predict what will happen. We can control what we focus on, what information and how much information we are consuming. Our global actions can have a global impact. World Health Organization RAIN by Tara Brock Recognize what is happening; Allow the experience to be there, just as it is; Investigate with interest and care; Nurture with self-compassion. APPLE Acknowledge the thought that comes to mind. Pause your reaction and breathe. Pull back and understand that thoughts are not always your own. Let go of the thought or feeling. Explore the present moment. Stop. Touch. Go. Resources and Links to recent articles: Trusted resources TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselman TU63: Living with Cancer – The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann TU52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience has been recently released and is now available! And, since you are deep into these show notes then you are one of us, so get 10% off by putting in code OURCLAN. 🙂 While this course is utilized heavily by clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. It is a full 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ______ Want to help us keep going? We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.

Freeze Appease Dissociate... Appease is Fawning when it comes to C-PTSD Are you a huge people-pleaser, conflict avoider, peace-keeper? Maybe you are just being nice, but if you are compelled to do it, driven to not take up much space, to not impose... and you don't have much of a choice about it, there may be something deeper going on. If so, today's episode talks to you, friend. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start at any time by CLICKING HERE! No sales, no gimmicks, just 4 supportive email over a month to support you in changing an emotional health habit that no longer works for you. Shout out to all those on the 30-day Challenge! You've been getting a series of emails.... this show discusses a topic that will help MANY of you with your personal emotional growth challenge. Fawning This is actually an old term coined by Peter Walker in 2003 discussing Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries. - Peter Walker on his website. You may be familiar with fight flight and freeze - the 3 common threat responses that our autonomic nervous system unconsciously engages when it perceives danger. If not, there is a TON of information about this in many previous episodes of Therapist Uncensored. We are interested because it affects how we relate to others and makes us act really stupid at times. :) Well, it's smart from an old survival perspective but can be really bone-headed in our adult lives when the reaction is triggered and yet the threat doesn't warrant such survival response. Well, when we can't escape the trauma and thus fighting or fleeing isn't an option, our bodies will freeze, appease or dissociate. The appease portion of the response is what Walker refers to as "Fawn." It is another survival response which is often associated with complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It occurs when survivors recognize danger signals and stay safe by complying and minimizing confrontation. Freeze, Appease or Dissociate - Fawning refers to Appease. People-pleasing Being unable to say how you really think or feel Caring for others to your own detriment Always saying “yes” to requests Flattering others Struggling with low self-esteem Avoiding conflict Feeling taken advantage of Being very concerned about fitting in with others Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder C-PTSD Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. While this course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), it is also for all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationship!. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this mo...

30-Day Emotional Health Challenge Update In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss their progress in their 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start today by CLICKING HERE! No sales no gimmicks, just support for you to change! Positive, Humbling, and Frickin’ Hard Ann discuses the positive activation around sharing and discussing the 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. Sue shares about the Challenge of the Emotional Health Challenge  A bit ambitious because it is a deeply held unconscious learning Working on Changing Adaptations From Early Childhood The consensus in the Facebook group and among our Patrons is that we're picking something that was an adaptation from our early life. It was important that we learn to do it, but it's not necessarily helping us now. The problem is it was laid down in our bodies so early and really without conscious thought, so even just thinking about it doesn't necessarily change it. Instead, we adapt to it, repress it, etc. This leads to a cycle of recognizing something, acknowledging that it isn’t working, and then repeating the behavior, which is induces shame. Relief and Frustration These behaviors are implicit (unconscious) not explicit (conscious), which makes them really hard to change. The Process:  Community connection  Trying to teach ourselves to do something new  Picking one thing, not everything, with love, compassion, and curiosity  Examine the symptom or behavior that is no longer serving us  Just learning about it and becoming more aware Not trying to repress or change it Try something new and continue to learn  Are we resistant to changing? Reluctant to give up the old behavior? Etc Adjusting the Emotional Health Goal Sue discusses the zig-zag process of scaling her goal up and down based on her exploration process and how her thoughts about it changed after attending a conference with Bruce Eckert on Memory Reconsolidation.  Two Particularly Helpful Takeaways From the Conference We can’t know our unconscious Sue tests out whether or not The Memory Reconsolidation Technique is something we can do alone Because the behavior is implicit, it comes from the unconscious, so there is no way to see it by ourselves. But we can still move it by being curious about our responses and what comes up in the feelings of threat. Seeing the effects of the implicit coming out in our explicit reactions and working to get more comfortable with it invites it in more. State Dependent Learning When we're in a regulated state, we have access to all this great knowledge and learned information. As we get into a dysregulated state, the neural network shifts and it becomes a different learning. We really actually kind of lose contact for a moment with that more reflective stance. Especially if we come from a neglect or a trauma background or had tough things in life or had adversity. We have these learnings that are on their own neural network. Neural Networks and Changing Symptomatic Behavior There are 2 different neural circuits, and the only way to change the symptomatic behavior is to access the other neural circuit. This has to do with activation, so we have to actually feel the feelings to improve emotional health. How Do We know What’s Changing? It starts with the behavior starts with the symptom. In recognizing the symptom that you want to shift, you've gone much more internal and you've named one part of it. In exploring it, we are un-layering it, and we’re smack dab on our which is to to go deeper and shift to more of a sense of security inside of you. Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience...

Sue & Ann laughing at themselves, probably at our bumbling efforts on our 30-day emotional health challenge! Enough theory – it’s time to choose JUST ONE emotional health goal to work on for the next 30 days. Let go of what no longer serves you. Join us for our 30-day emotional health challenge! In this episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP are walking the walk. They personally challenge you to pick one thing to work on for the next 30 days – something challenging but within reach. Show Notes - 30 day emotional health challenge Backstory It’s February – this is not a new years resolution because they typically don’t work past about now. You hear about weight loss goals and fitness goals, but the most life-changing skills for long-term happiness and health is actually having close relationships. No matter how secure you are, how much therapy you have had, what letters are behind your name or how old you are, there is always something we can do to improve our sense of ourself and our close relationships. You pick! We give lots of ideas but the upshot is you know your own bad emotional habits. Self -Inventory With love and compassion first – reflect on what you know you need to work on Pick something that if you could change, it would have real meaning to you Pick something that is clear enough to be measurable – if others can see it that’s even better Tell someone what you are doing – gain accountability When you fail, this is a true challenge, remember? When you fail learn a bit more about what happened, where the bad habit or self talk is coming from, what triggers the behavior and ideas for intervention Earned Security and Internal Working Maps – Reviewed What is emotional health? Ann & Sue’s personal challenges Ann shares her personal 30 day challenge goal and how it developed – implicit emotional learning Sue shares her 30 day emotional challenge goal and what her implicit emotional learning she’s trying to unlearn and replace with something more adaptive for today How to identify your old IWM (adaptations to your early environment that are usually based on things that are no longer true) and replace them with new, more accurate IWM Earning Security – a cool club to be a part of 🙂  Examples of what you might try based on where you fall on the Attachment-Regulation Spectrum Resources for this Episode – Recommended Books Self Compassion Workbook A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer Mindful Path to Self-Compassion  by Christopher Germer Neuroscience of Human Relationships by Lou Cozolino Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. This course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move to...

“Yes means yes is the new no means no!” Often we doubt our gut instinct, question our right to take up space in the world, and live governed by fear -especially when we’ve experienced trauma. Meet the Safety Team, a group of ordinary women doing extraordinary work teaching women how to build resiliency and re-claim their sense of agency. In this episode, Co-host Dr Ann Kelley joins this powerful group of women as they teach us how to find our voice, feel more present and powerful in our bodies, build resilience, and heal trauma. Who is The Safety Team? Christine DiBlasio, Ph.D., is the president and co-founder of The Safety Team, as well as a 4th degree black belt in Karate. For over 15 years, Dr. DiBlasio has coordinated and presented workshops on violence prevention, risk reduction, and self-advocacy skills to middle, high school and college students, as well as to community and corporate organizations. She has been instrumental in curriculum development, with a strong focus on serving survivors of interpersonal violence and trauma so as to promote healing. In addition, Dr. DiBlasio created a college and high school internship program and continues to provide leadership training to these interns as well as to an expanding group of volunteers. Dr. DiBlasio’s dedication to the Safety Team is an outgrowth of both her background in martial arts as well as her extensive experience as a practicing licensed psychologist with 30 years of clinical experience. Dr. DiBlasio is the clinical director of a large mental health outpatient practice, and in the context of this work, has provided psychotherapy services for survivors of interpersonal violence, trauma and sexual assault across the lifespan.   Darcy Richardson, MS, is a forensic toxicologist and Vice-President of The Safety Team, a 501(c)3 non-profit focused on the empowerment of women and the reduction of sexual violence. As a toxicologist she has provided expert testimony in over a thousand cases in both criminal and civil courts at the state and federal level. These cases have included assault and sexual assaults where her expertise is used to discuss the impact of alcohol and drugs on the ability to consent or to react effectively in dangerous situations. As part of The Safety Team she uses this expertise to teach women about Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault (DFSA), and how to effectively navigate this risk. Research indicates that half of all sexual assault cases involve alcohol and/or other drugs, which means addressing DFSA in Empowerment Self-Defense (ESD) classes and curricula is an integral part of reducing the incidence of sexual violence overall. Darcy is a 2nd degree black belt in Karate and a 1st degree black belt in Arnis.   Christina Allard, PT, is the volunteer coordinator, and instructor for The Safety Team, Inc. and a licensed Physical Therapist specializing in pediatrics and school-based therapy. She pursued additional training in childhood trauma and its impacts on development. She incorporates her knowledge of neuromuscular and somatic responses to develop movement strategies for emotional regulation in children and teenagers. Her interest in the therapeutic effects of movement sparked her interest in martial arts (brown belt in Karate) and her ongoing commitment to the empowerment model of The Safety Team.   Nancy Keller, MEd, CAS, is the treasurer, co-founder, and lead instructor for The Safety Team, Inc. and a licensed public-school educator with Winooski (VT) School District for more than 30 years. With expertise in curriculum development and instruction, she has created middle school programs for place-based learning in science and mathematics, as well as implemented a school-wide classroom-based program for physical activity. This program was designed to address the movement needs of those children who have experienced trauma, and was built upon her background in the martial arts (3rd degree black belt in Karate ...

Tori Olds with Deep Eddy Psychotherapy Learn to apply the advances in neuroscience to our lives in a real way – we all want to be able to do that, right? This episode delivers on that for sure – memory reconsolidation is changing how therapists practice and explains why those lightbulb moments can actually transform us if done correctly. 🙂 In this episode, Powerhouse clinicians Tori Olds and Bruce Ecker join co-host Sue Marriott in a discussion on how memory reconsolidation brings awareness to old maps and traumatic emotional learning and gives us a clean slate on which to build new learning pathways. Saturday February 15, 2020: Introduction to Coherence Therapy, Austin, TX Who is Bruce Ecker? Bruce Ecker, MA, LMFT is co-originator of Coherence Therapy and coauthor of Unlocking the Emotional Brain: Eliminating Symptoms at Their Roots Using Memory Reconsolidation; the Coherence Therapy Practice Manual & Training Guide; and Depth Oriented Brief Therapy: How To Be Brief When You Were Trained To Be Deep and Vice Versa. Clarifying how transformational change takes place is the central theme of Bruce Ecker’s clinical career, and he has contributed many innovations in concepts and methods of experiential psychotherapy. Since 2006 he has driven the clinical field’s recognition of memory reconsolidation as the core process of transformational change and has developed the application of this brain research breakthrough to advancements in therapeutic effectiveness and psychotherapy integration. Bruce is a frequent presenter at conferences and workshops internationally, has taught extensively in clinical graduate programs, and is in private practice in New York City Who is Dr Tori Olds? Tori Olds, PhD is a psychologist in private practice in Austin, Texas. She is a co-owner of Deep Eddy Psychotherapy, a counseling center housing seventeen clinicians. She specializes in working with trauma, particularly attachment trauma, and utilizing mindfulness and self-compassion as a resource for personal growth. Alongside her clinical work, she has a passion for training therapists in experiential ways of working. She leads a number of study groups and is developing 10 online courses focused on helping clinicians develop experiential skills, as well as understand human development from an evolutionary, neurobiological, and attachment lens. Show Notes Meeting Tori Olds and Bruce Ecker Tori Olds: Clinician and leader of a training group on how to integrate experiential psychotherapies (AEDP, PACT, Somatic Experiencing) Bruce Ecker: Clinician and author of “Unlocking the Emotional Brain” Emotional Learning Emotional learning happens much as a Pavlovian response We often learn without awareness and become prisoners of emotional learning Emotional truths are a powerful mental model how of how the world works that we don’t often realize are there Low self-esteem works as a protective, adaptive tactic By bringing awareness to these learnings, we can de-pathologize them (therapists can help facilitate this) and begin the disconfirmation process Memory reconsolidation Memory reconsolidation: the brain’s built-in, natural way of using new learning to directly update and re-encode existing old learning This process targets emotional learning Memory reconsolidation can serve as a “unifying framework for the psychotherapy field, which has been so fragmented” Therapeutic Contexts of Memory Reconsolidation Coherence therapy, as well as many other different therapeutic models, can produce transformational change through memory reconsolidation Three stages: 1) Discovery 2) Integration 3) Juxtaposition Resources Primer on Memory Reconsolidation – PDF – READ THIS if you want more! Unlocking the Emotional Brain –– Bruce Ecker Coherence Therapy Practice Manual – Bruce Ecker Depth Oriented Brief Therapy – Bruce Ecker Memory Reconsolidation in Psychotherapy: The Neuropsychotherapist Special...

When we have an anchor in ventral, we can then go visit sympathetic and dorsal without being hijacked by it. In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, Co-host Sue Marriott explores the intersection of Polyvagal Theory, neuroscience, and attachment with Deb Dana. We will investigate how the mind creates stories from information relayed by the nervous system, and how we can rewrite the script to move toward security. Meeting Deb Dana Deb Dana is a clinician and consultant who works with trauma She has a training program called the Rhythm of Regulation Goals of this: understand the nervous system and help people become active operators of their own system Story Follows State The mind narrates what the nervous system knows Therapeutic goal: bringing explicit awareness to implicit processes Neuroception: our nervous system has a response to what is going on in the world and looks to others for cues of safety and danger The brain tries to make sense of what is happening in the body on a physiological level by making up a story Many of us have nervous systems that are shaped by experiences to be wary of connection; this is something that we work on shifting in therapy The Nervous System and Attachment The nervous system services our survival and sets the stage for attachment We have two survival states: Sympathetic: mobilized, energetic state- we see red folks here! Dorsal vagal collapse: immobilized, disconnected state- we see blue folks here! The Hopefulness in Polyvagal Theory “Experience shapes the nervous system and ongoing experience reshapes the nervous system” When shame reduces, curiosity arises The Autonomic Ladder It can be helpful to identify where you currently stand on the ladder, as well as track where you are going on the ladder Ladder orientation from top down- ventral vagal (anchored state), sympathetic (activated state), dorsal (collapsed state) Take Home Tips Use your voice! Intonation before information. We send cues of safety or danger through our tone of voice. Each nervous system is different in how it comes back into repair, and it changes over time. In a ventral state, there is community. If you’re in trouble, go social! (i.e. send a text, make that phone call, reassure yourself) Who is Deb Dana? Deb Dana, LCSW is a clinician and consultant specializing in working with complex trauma and is Coordinator of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium in the Kinsey Institute. She developed the Rhythm of Regulation Clinical Training Series and lectures internationally on ways Polyvagal Theory informs work with trauma survivors.  Deb is the author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation and co-edited, with Stephen Porges, Clinical Applications of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal-Informed Therapies.   Resources: Beginner’s Guide to Polyvagal Theory Using the Autonomic Ladder to Work with Perfectionism The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation Rhythm of Regulation Website Stephen Porges’s and Deb Dana’s Coauthored Book       Who doesn’t love special offers? Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available for a discounted price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study oppo...

Resilience in real-life from a non-Western perspective. (Cover photo, Appleton took responsibility for feeding kids in his village by diving and spearing food from the sea.) “And if there’s any other person that is going through mental health problems or a very hard time in their life, or they have been through something really bad… I just want them to know that they’re not alone.” Alphanso Appleton In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored on Trauma and Resilience, Alphanso Kwame Appleton, a Liberian native, shares his experiences of growing up in a country devastated by civil war, living through the Ebola epidemic, and tragically losing his young daughter. Despite these repeated experiences of trauma, he is healing and has found purpose in his life. This is an incredible story that absolutely captures what resilience looks like and we are pleased that his recovery did not rely on traditional Western approaches. We have so much to learn. Interview by Sue Marriott. Meeting Alphonso Meeting in Liberia through Strongheart and by happenstance, through the work of Dan Siegel. Mentoring youth Surfing Photography Life in Liberia The Liberian Civil War Escaping to Monrovia Child Soldiers Lack of education “Iron Lady” How the love and faith of Alphanso’s grandmother, whom he describes as an “Iron Lady”, protected him from rebel recruitment of child soldiers The Effects of Lack of Education Effects on Society Effect on healthcare industry – and him personally regarding the loss of his daughter The Ebola Epidemic The lack of belief and understanding that Ebola was real The spread of Ebola Alphanso’s photo that went viral thanking science for the Ebola vaccine “…maybe my photo will help young Liberians know science helps the world and become scientists too.” – Photographer Alphanso Appleton Personal Tragedy The loss of Alphanso’s 18 month old daughter, Lisa. Alphanso’s Healing Journey Faith Strongheart – learning a meditation practice Surfing The Universal Language of Photography Resilience through expression of emotion through photos “The Liberia Project” by Apartial featuring Alphanso Appleton “Portraits of Progress” by Alphanso Appleton Moving Forward Current and future endeavors Misconceptions about Africa Words of wisdom “Overall, it’s just finding something you love – something you love doing- something that brings you joy; something that makes you happy. Because that was a really key part of my transformation. That was a really key part of my healing.” Alphanso Appleton Other episodes you may enjoy: TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection TU33: Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Roadmap To Understanding And Treatment Resources “Alphanso Appleton: A Story of Becoming” The Making of Child Surfers, Not Child Soldiers Article in Global Citizen – Surfers Paint Liberia Strongminds.org Alphanso’s contact information alphanso19@gmail.com   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available for a discounted price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION We’re on Patreon!  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join our community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.

Judgment says more about the judg-er than the judg-ee. It’s not Judgement – Bad. It’s Judgment-Interesting. Everybody judges and in truth, we unconsciously evaluate good/bad all the time – both positively and negatively. It’s our brains appraisal system. However unchecked it’s also a very handy interpersonal defense. Today we explore one aspect of insecure functioning, unchecked judgment and harsh self-criticism. It is just one common insecure pattern to think in absolutes and moral righteousness, and before you judge judgers, those of us who’s favorite flavor is self-criticism and self-judgement please be warned that harsh scale extends quickly to those close to us.  Fun times to grow and learn we tell ya!! In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored, Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott break down the big picture of attachment and take a deep dive into just one of the habits of insecure attachment – how we use judgment! Turn on your curiosity and notice your judgments as we go – it’s kinda fun, actually. The Pleasure of Judgement Description of what self-righteous judgment looks like presented in an anecdotal but accurate way. Quick Review Every human being has a system to manage threat. Blue – you down-regulate Red – you up-regulate The Role of Judgment Method of self-protection Response to a feeling of threat 2 types: self-righteous or self-critical Self-Righteous Judgment It’s a great feeling. What’s really going on underneath? Disconnection from threat in our own body Slowing down to experience what we are judging Fortified defense Not pathological, it’s protective Example of Blue Judgment Fear of Vulnerability Judging to keep at a distance Example of Red Judgment Telling others what they are doing wrong Judging to prevent expressing fear of abandonment underneath Non-Judgment Inability to create a judgment can be an indication that we can’t have a sense of self and an essence of threat, and that clearly defining ourselves is too vulnerable. (red-side of insecure spectrum, usually) Judgment Can Be A Healthy Protection Not all judgment is bad Explore it. Righteousness to Relationality Exploring the movie about Harriet Tubman The moral high road Righteousness as the lazy man’s way Making the move Effecting change while staying in the relationship Self-Judgment Also the lazy man’s road Same old negative thoughts No movement and no new neural pathways being built Keeps us stuck Moving from self-loathing to connection Putting our feet to the fire It’s not that it’s pathological – it’s information. We think it’s information about the other person, but really it can be a window into something more interesting if we open up to exploring it.  Why do you judge THAT in particular? What parts of others make your skin crawl? Check if it’s disowned parts of yourself that you are attempting to distance from or stamp out in others. You see…. now it gets interesting and the door opens rather than slams close on the object of our scrutiny. Practice Noticing With Compassion Find your version of what it is that you’re judging. Have a little smile of humor when you catch yourself being judgmental Explore what’s underneath   Resources Healing Your Attachment Wounds by Diane Pool Heller Healing Developmental Trauma Lawrence Heller Self-Compassion, the Hidden Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff Also check out TU73: Building Grit Through Self-Compassion with Kristin Neff   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted early release price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are highly interested in deepening the security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. Price increases on October 22, 2019 when it is released to the wider public.

Trauma is not a life sentence. We are rapidly learning what works to reverse the effects of stored injuries and today we will explore one treatment version of that, called Somatic Experiencing.  First a shout out to a listener who connected us to our guest today, Ali Capurro – thank you! And to everyone else please note that we love these kinds of connections are always open to hear from you on who you think would deepen this conversation of earning security. In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-host Sue Marriott explores Somatic Experiencing with Dr Abi Blakeslee. This interactive deep-dive takes you into the Somatic Experiencing process and provides hope and confirmation that healing trauma is possible through integrated treatment of the brain, the body, and the mind! The Foundations of Somatic Experiencing (SE) Founded by Dr Peter Levine – author of best-selling books “Waking the Tiger- Healing Trauma”, and “In an Unspoken Voice” SE is based on the study of how animals in the wild process and recover from stress and trauma. Focuses on working directly with the nervous system to help people reorganize the non-conscious survival adaptations developed by the sub-cortical or lower brain Definition of Somatic Experiencing the experience of body in the present moment. What SE Looks Like in Practice Present-centered because the healing happens in the here-and-now. It’s a process of following what is is happening in the body and taking a pause from the trauma content to down-regulate the amygdala to a state of safety before moving forward. “The trauma’s not in the event. It’s in the nervous system.” The Nervous System Getting “Unstuck” – Healing Trauma Through Body Awareness Pendulation – Peter Levine defines that as the expansion of contraction of all things moving between expanded States and contracted States. Orienting Exercise The Biological Model of the Threat Response Cycle Wild Animals Versus Humans During Threat Cycle:  Orient – aware of something in environment Defensive Orienting – sense threat Moving Into Social Interaction – Moving Into Fight and Flight – these are active defense responses Increased sympathetic arousal, burst of movements, Moving Into Freeze – passive defense response Heart rate goes into a slow state like for hibernation. Digestion slows down, hello heart rate variability circulation. There’s nothing pumping to the arms and the legs, so everything shifts into this near death state Back to Exploratory Orienting Working With the Nervous System Tracking Sensation – describing sensations happening in the body as they are happening Noticing Movement Patterns – acknowledging the shifts that occur Completion of Defensive Responses – allowing the body to carry out the response desired (runnint, punching, kicking, etc) but VERY SLOWLY Sympathetic Discharge When Coming Out of Freeze or Down From High Sympathetic Charge Impala and the Baboon Video Grounding Exercise Neuroception vs Interoception Neuroception is the lower brain assessment of safety/threat in the environment. Interoception is the awareness of one’s own internal states and can be learned over time. Who is Dr Abi Blakeslee: Dr. Abi Blakeslee is faculty at the Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute and Foundation for Human Enrichment. She is additionally Dr. Peter Levine’s legacy faculty at Ergos Institute for Somatic Education. Dr. Blakeslee holds a Ph.D. in Clinical and Somatic Psychology and is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Her dissertation, with a committee that included Dr. Daniel Siegel, generated original research on the role of implicit memory in healing trauma. Dr. Blakeslee integrates SE with clinical research, secondary trauma interventions, and the psychobiological principles of attachment and shock trauma. She treats individuals, couples, children and families in her clinical practice. Dr.

Learn what actually works in therapy. It’s hard to verbalize the problem with “evidence-based” models of care, but renowned psychoanalyst and psychologist Nancy McWilliams does just that. She further describes what happens in quality depth-oriented therapies such as psychoanalytically-informed, attachment-oriented therapy, and integrates the neurobiological aspect that Freud started that has now been confirmed. Who is Nancy McWilliams? Nancy McWilliams, PhD, ABPP, is Visiting Professor in the Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, and has a private practice in Flemington, New Jersey. She is on the editorial board of Psychoanalytic Psychology and has authored three classic books on psychotherapy, including the award-winning Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, Second Edition: Understanding Personality Structure in the Clinical Process. Dr. McWilliams is an Honorary Member of the American Psychoanalytic Association and a former Erikson Scholar at the Austen Riggs Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. She is a recipient of the Leadership and Scholarship Awards from Division 39 (Psychoanalysis) of the American Psychological Association (APA) and the Hans H. Strupp Award from the Appalachian Psychoanalytic Society, and delivered the Dr. Rosalee G. Weiss Lecture for Outstanding Leaders in Psychology for APA Division 42 (Psychologists in Independent Practice). She has demonstrated psychodynamic psychotherapy in three APA educational videos and has spoken at the commencement ceremonies of the Yale University School of Medicine and the Smith College School for Social Work. Show Notes – Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Therapy with Nancy McWilliams Psychoanalytic Perspective, Trauma & Attachment Based Treatment • Challenges – academic and scientific • Short term focused • Technique driven • However, deprives individuals of the time needed to establish secure attachment to therapist, develop motivation to change, feel root feelings, etc. • Psychoananalytic Perspective • Humanistic-evidence based relationships • Proving and disproving Freud  Trauma treatment history • Long term Therapy Benefits • Devoted Therapist Negative Transference “Difficult patients” typically are the ones that evoke parts of ourselves that we don’t like. Our own ugliness, our own badness, all of that. And again, that goes back to long-term treatment, but also long-term treatment of ourselves, you know, as doing our own work and really, you know, a lifelong process. Research on non-verbal communications and what works in therapy. Learning the defenses and what lies underneath • Narcissism/soft toss • Borderline • what would you advise for people to get the most out of their therapy or any close relationship that they’re in? Do you have thoughts about that?   If you enjoy this episode you may also enjoy these: TU105: Narcissism, What is Going On Under the Defense w Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley TU90: Avoidance and the Difficulty Opening Up with Guest Robert T. Muller TU41: The Dark Side Of Therapy: Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad   Resources: Psychoanalytic Diagnosis by Nancy McWilliams (textbook for therapists and students) To Know and to Care – A_Review of Psychoanalysis by Nancy McWilliams A psychodynamic formulation masterclass by Nancy McWilliams In Conversation Wih Dr Nancy McWilliam The Therapeutic Presence In Psychoanalys by Nancy McWilliams Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed – Lori Gottlieb (Sue read this at Dr. McWilliams suggestion and found it hilarious, poignant and much like therapy occurs in real life. Highly recommended.)   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted early release price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are highly interested in deepening the security in ...

Hey everybody, we are BACK and ready to take off on Season 4!!! Wahoo! Narcissism – This time we focus on how it’s created and what is going on behind the narcissists defenses. Later we will address Malignant Narcissism, which is in a class all to itself! It deserves an entire episode, but for today we will look at what causes it, healthy and pathological degrees of it and what is really going on under the hood of the person afflicted with narcissism. We really heard the requests wanting to hear more about some of the diagnostic pieces of attachment, trauma and the relational sciences. Specifically, narcissism and borderline personality disorder are of great interest to many of you.  We put our heads together about how to best do this in a way that honors those who are struggling with these issues and those in relationship with them. To do this, we are going to weave conversations about narcissism and borderline personality disorder throughout the season. It may be snippets in a podcast about something else, or entire episodes focused on these concerns. Today, we’re going to get started on narcissism. Greek version of the myth: Narcissus, was the son of River God Cephisus and nymph Lyriope. He was known for his beauty and he was loved by God Apollo due to his extraordinary physique. Narcissus was once walking by a lake or river and decided to drink some water; he saw his reflection in the water and was surprised by the beauty he saw; he became entranced by the reflection of himself. He could not obtain the object of his desire though, and he died at the banks of the river or lake from his sorrow. According to the myth Narcissus is still admiring himself in the Underworld, looking at the waters of the Styx. Healthy Narcissism (!?) We all have some element of Narcissism and if we don’t, we get run over in life. We don’t want to be a doormat but we also don’t want to be on a High Horse above it all. We all have narcissism, it’s healthy entitlement. Functional narcissism is about your sense of Self, healthy entitlement and being inside yourself, and really rolling with who you are as a person. It’s being confident instead of being overly in-tune to others opinion of you. Problematic Narcissism If it’s a character trait rather than a moment in time, it’s all about defense. This defense protects the smallness and inadequacy and shame at it’s core, and to compensate, grandiosity is born. That or the opposite, which we will discuss, but if I attack the hell out of myself then I protect myself from you having less than positive feelings about me because I beat you to it. Basically, it’s about deriving self-esteem from outside affirmation in order to maintain internal validity. Narcissism is an injury to the Self, where we’ve had to give ourselves up in service of the other or blow ouselves up to feel “enough”. It is associated with the avoidant/dissmissing attachment category, or the blue side of the attachment spectrum. Narcissistic Tendencies Versus a Disorder (from a Psychologist’s Perspective) It’s only in the much higher degree and more rigid degree of the trait that we would call it disordered or problematic. This is NOT a judgment. We mean it’s problematic for the person who suffers from it and that it infiltrates most every relationship to a point that it significantly impairs daily functioning or social relationships. Not that a person with true Narcissistic personality disorder would notice this distress, because everyone around them are “stupid” or “the best.” You can imagine stupid one’s are differentiated from them and the best one’s reflect their version of themselves. Narcissistic Injury: Example: The blue side – (avoidance/dismissive attachment) is a defense, whether we live there or whether we travel there. When we feel very deeply vulnerable but can’t tolerate that experience, we pull into what we call a narcissistic defense to avoid an injury.

Are you sick of hearing about relationships but interested in attachment? (Or want to deepen your understanding of real world application of the relational sciences while you have a good laugh??!) All the single listeners (think Beyonce) heads up! We are going to break down attachment theory and apply the cool science for all of us…. Continuing in the series on adult attachment, co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP joins Becki Mendivil in a spunky conversation about how attachment affects someone who isn’t in a romantic relationship nor is seeking one, but simply as an individual and a human being. We’ll chat about personal experiences with attachment, how the relational sciences translate to work and parenting with a wide array of anecdotal examples, and dive into the essentials of not remaining in one spot on the attachment spectrum. Becki is self-described as “very blue” so this episode is especially great for those that linger on the avoidant end of the spectrum. Enjoy a great laugh and learn as it unfolds! If you like this you’ll want to be sure and listen to our attachment series, check out episodes 59, 60, and 61! Introduction The problem of assuming someone’s in or seeking a romantic relationship when discussing adult attachment Becki’s giving Therapist Uncensored hosts the what-what on how she reads what we’ve said so far Generational transference of attachment 15:00-30:00: Listening to “The Blue Episode” & Parenting Becki’s experience in listening to the avoidant attachment episode of Therapist Uncensored Seeing the light! Becki’s exeriments to test if this model is actually useful or not. Daughter example. Empathetic silliness unfolds. Sue’s anecdote about her son and changes in attachment Becki affecting change in her physical isolation at work – confronting Sue on therapizing her 🙂 30:00-45:00: Using the Relational Sciences at Work Becki’s wild move towards interacting more directly with peers (!) Avoiding attachment labels/categories as strict definitions of a person Navigating up and down the spectrum of attachment in response to varying types of threats  45:00-60:00: Diving Deeper Attachment disruptions Idea of the “corkscrew” Wrap up and outro   Resources: Adult Attachment Styles in the Workplace – Harms, 2011 article Integrating attachment syle, vigor at work and extra-role performance at work -Little, et al 2011 article Individual differences in Work-Related Well Being, the Role of Attachment 2014     Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted pre-sale purchase price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all are welcome to purchase the course. Price increases on October 16, 2019 when it is released. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We’re on Patreon!  Become a Super Neuronerd, a Gold Neuronerd or an Out and Proud PLATINUM NEURONERD today! 🙂  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for just $5 a month!  Gain access to private, more in-depth episodes and exclusive content.  Help us create a ripple of security by sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   We’ve partnered with Audible! Our listeners get a free audiobook plus a 30-day free membership. Cancel at any time! GET MY FREE BOOK! Tweet

Have you ever just sat back and observed a small child as they learn something new? There is this profound sense of awe and wonder with each new discovery they make. Kids are naturally curious. As adults, we tend to take what we know about the world for granted. But, through the eyes of a child, the world is an exciting mystery just waiting to be discovered! What if we told you that it is possible to experience that childlike curiosity in your day-to-day life, starting right now? What if we also told you that curiosity is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have? Curiosity is much more than a quest for knowledge and is not as simple as it seems. In this episode of Therapist Uncensored: Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott, invite you to rediscover curiosity and experience the world and your relationships from a revitalized perspective! Why is Ann so obsessed with curiosity?! Childlike Wonder: Think about how a child sees things for the first time. It’s strictly curiosity. As we get older, the world becomes more predictable. Being “In the Know” vs “In the Unknown” When we think we know a lot, we limit ourselves. It takes a lot of security to be uncertain. The neuroscience of curiosity A willingness to embrace uncertainty and curiosity go hand in hand. Attachment, curiosity, and anxiety How does our attachment style affect our experience? If you feel bodily anxiety in the questions you’re asking, you’re probably not in the right state. How can we learn to become truly curious about someone in a loving way if we lean towards the blue or red side of the spectrum? If we’re on the blue side of the spectrum, how can we move out to a place where we’re curious. If we’re on the red side, how do we move from asking questions out of anxiety to asking out of curiosity? People who are curious about you are attractive, and we can tell the difference if they’re not really interested. You get to be curious about your therapist. Tips to cultivate curiosity: Train your brain Be aware of what’s happening in your body Recognizing judgment Are you judging people when they speak instead of listening to them? This is a kind of cognitive closure. Slow down and stimulate your own curiosity with questions. Look for novelty and discovery in your interactions. Early relationships often break up out of boredom. You can be curious about your anxiety related to asking questions and even share your anxiety with the person making you nervous. Sharing vulnerability brings people together. Cultivate wonder and awe. To review or learn about the different attachment styles, listen to: TU59: Dismissing/Avoidant Attachment – Are You Cool, or just Cut Off? TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Grow Your Security by Learning the Signs of Anxious Attachment TU61: It’s Not Crazy, It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted pre-sale purchase price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE approval for clinicians pending), all are welcome to purchase the course. Price increases on September 18th. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We’re on Patreon!  Become a Super Neuronerd, a Gold Neuronerd or an Out and Proud PLATINUM NEURONERD today! 🙂  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for just $5 a month!  Gain access to private, more in-depth episodes and exclusive content.  Help us create a ripple of security by sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up.   We’ve partnered with Audible! Our listeners get a free audiobook plus a 30-day free membership. Cancel at any time! GET MY FREE BOOK! Tweet

The Power of Co-Regulation Explore the myth of self-regulation, the natural neurobiology of co-regulation and it’s capacity to engage safety and heal trauma. Learn about using interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) and Polyvagal Theory to establish safety and security in therapy and in relationships. Therapist Uncensored co-host Sue Marriott LCSW CGP talks with author and therapist Bonnie Badenoch about the concept of using safety to reshape your neural landscape through authentic relationships. Badenoch guides us through her progression of building a bridge between science and practice to cultivate the best therapeutic mind. You’ll learn how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system. Also, special hats off to Steve Porges and polyvagal theory. 0:00-30:00 What creates safety? How do our internal systems want us to be received? Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle. Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state. Polyvagal theory and Steve Porges. How can we explore the relationship between safety and curiosity and best use the language of “safety,” versus “comfort” and “discomfort”, especially towards the beginning of therapy and in new relationships? Badenoch contends that there’s no such thing as a maladaptive experience; that humans are always adaptive and require co-regulation. What’s the difference between co-regulation and auto-regulation? Is there a “myth” of self-regulation? Discussion of ideal parent figure protocol. Badenoch explores the connection between co-regulation, neural circuitry and forging relationships in your life. 30:00-60:00 Social Baseline Theory is what happens to our perceptions when someone we trust is with us. The difficulty and pain of tasks is always reduced when we’re with a trusted beloved and this relaxes our amygdala response. Badenoch walks us through her experience of feeling safe during and between client sessions. It’s key to have mutual, caring, receptive relationships with people who are willing to listen rather than jump in and try to offer advice. Young therapists. Everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have in their neural make up but how can we embody a therapeutic presence in the world through compassion or a “happy humility”? Resources: A Symphony of Gifts From Relational Neuroscience (1) Excellent PDF from Bonnie Badenoch Being a Brain-Wise Therapist: A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology [2008] Badenoch  The Brain-Savvy Therapist’s Workbook [2011] Badenoch  The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships [2017] Badenoch The Heart of Trauma Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships by Steve Porges!   For our listeners! Our long-awaited Advanced Course is launching soon! Purchase today for the lowest price possible. Pre-sale pricing ends September 18.  CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE   Join Us On Patreon For as little as $5 a month you can join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds to gain private, more in-depth episodes AND to support production of this podcast to provide access to the science of relationships across the globe.   YES SIGN ME UP FOR PATREON, OR FIND OUT MORE, click here! THANK YOU to all of our current Patrons!! Tweet

We knew we had to interview Dr. Elliott upon finding his book, Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Treatment for Comprehensive Repair(2016). It immediately became Sue’s current favorite read and that is saying a lot! We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions. In today’s episode you will hear about why attachment matters, background thoughts on insecurity and prevalence, brand new (to the US) and updated attachment research and then we mostly focus on how to apply all this knowledge with clients with attachment issues, and ourselves. Dr. Elliott introduces our audience to the 3 Pillars of Comprehensive Treatment: Ideal Parent Protocol, Metacognition and Fostering Collaborative Capacity. While he touches on them all, please download the 4 PDF attachments provided below, and start by reviewing the Overview. If for any reason you have trouble getting them, contact us and we will shoot them over to you! Dr David Elliott’s Bio: Dr. Elliott received his Ph.D. in Psychology in 1989 from Harvard University. His clinical training while at Harvard included externships at the Tufts University Counseling Center, the Outpatient Psychiatry Clinic of St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center in Brighton, Massachusetts, and a clinical psychology internship at McLean Hospital, the psychiatric teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School. He also completed a post-doctoral fellowship at McLean Hospital, where he worked on the Adolescent and Family Treatment Unit and at the hospital’s mental health outpatient clinic. He was licensed as a Psychologist in Massachusetts in 1990, and in Rhode Island in 1993. Recognizing from an early age that there are many dimensions to human experience, any and all of which can contribute to well-being or to difficulty, Dr. Elliott has maintained a commitment to learning and understanding the whole range of human possibility — from the deepest confusions and struggles of psychosis, to the patterns of personality that create personal and relational conflicts, to the development of the self in ways that promote both independence and intimacy, and to higher levels of growth that allow for flourishing and even a recognition of oneself as beyond the limits of the personal self. Four PDFs Overview of the Three Pillars Model of Attachment Treatment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) The Five Primary Conditions that Promote Secure Attachment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Levels of Metacognitive Skills (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Fostering Collaborative Capacity and Behavior (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Additional resources for this episode: Daniel Brown, co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults This is his current website, which focuses on his meditation and spiritual development activities. Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown andDavid Elliott  Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview Edited by Howard Steele and Mariam Steele Our favorite clinical reference for those that want to learn much more deeply about using the AAI to treat attachment and learn about its usefulness with various populations. Video of Strange Situation to familiarize yourself with Mary Ainsworth and later Mary Main’s phenomenal work. These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page! If you appreciate this work you can help it continue by becoming a Patron – ie. a super fan, or what we call Neuronerds. Get access to a private community, direct access to us and more content  Click here to sign up for as little as $5 a month. You can also help us by subscribing on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify or Podbean to name a few and by leaving a review so others can discove...

100 Episodes and Going Strong! A Review of Our Most Popular and Referenced Episodes Tune in for a review of our listener’s favorite episodes and back stories about the evolution of Therapist Uncensored with co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott. This is a show hosted by 2 therapists who share the most usable science on attachment relationships, psychotherapy, and trauma. It combines both host lead conversations and interviews with top experts in their respective fields – neuroscientists, therapists, researchers, musicians, pop-culture celebrities, and so on – that share their wisdom about relationships. Today we celebrate starting with colleague Patty Olwell, and evolving everything from our messaging, our website, our audio and editing, and our co-host relationship. This is the last show of Season 3, BUT we will be back with new shows by early September. In the meantime, we will be re-playing some of these favorites.  We look forward to our next season of deepening our conversations on attachment, neuroscience, polyvagal theory, depth psychotherapy, sexuality, and more! Most Popular Episodes By Everyone, Including Us! Known as “the bundle” of attachment, these episodes summarize the attachment spectrum and have building security at their core. They are, by far, the most referenced, reviewed, and appreciated! Episode 59: Dismissing/Avoidant attachment. Are you cool or just cut off? Episode 60: Preoccupation in Relationships-Grow your security by learning signs of Anxious Attachment Episode 61: It’s not crazy, it’s just a solution to an unsolvable problem – Disorganized Attachment Other Popular Episodes Include: *Note: listed in order of discussion plus a brief summary of the show conversation Episode 54- The Stress Response System –Attachment Across the Lifespan specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging. Stephen Porges –  Episode 93: Polyvagal Theory in Action: The Practice of Body Regulation The father of Polyvagal Theory! fat led to groundbreaking shifts in our understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat and trauma. Dan Siegel – Episode 16: Inside The Mind of Dr. Dan Siegel Father of interpersonal neurobiology Discussed how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection. He called for us all to become pervasive leaders. Alan Sroufe – Episode 56: How We Come To Define Ourselves, Attachment Research Across The Decades If you’ve ever wanted to know how much you can predict a person’s development years in advance, then you’ll enjoy our conversation with Dr. Alan Sroufe. his research findings over the years and how insecure and secure attachment tendencies can develop and affect an individual through their lives. Bonnie Badenock – Episode 83: Establishing Neurological Safety Through Relationships  discussed how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system. Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle. Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state. Patricia Crittenden – Episode 96, 97, & 98 One of the originators of attachment theory studied under Mary Ainsworth Ep 96: Attachment and Self-protective strategies Ep 97: Dynamic Maturation Model (DMM) Ep 98: Diving deeper into the DMM of Attachment – our summary   Stan Tatkin – Episode 12: If It’s Not Good For You, It’s Not Good For Us talking about understanding how attachment plays out in Long term relationships In order to get over hidden shame, you need to expose it to safe people.  Shame can only be healed interpersonally. Different cultures social constructions of shame.

What if we flipped the script and learned to see our body as a messenger that needs to be heard rather than an obstacle to be conquered when it comes to our relationship with food? When we take physiological perspective, we learn that the body has much to say not only about food but also emotional regulation and our basic human needs for attachment and defense. Using the sensory information, attachment system and working with defenses. Who are our guests on this episode, you ask? Well here ya go, they are pretty bad-ass and they were interviewed by Dr. Ann Kelley: Paula Scatoloni, LCSW, CEDS, SEP Paula is a somatic-based psychotherapist, Certified Eating Disorders Specialist, and Somatic Experiencing™ practitioner in Chapel Hill, NC. She has worked in the field of eating disorders for over two decades. Paula served as the Eating Disorder Coordinator at Duke University CAPS for nine years and has taught extensively on the etiology and treatment of eating disorders through workshops, professional trainings, and conferences. She co-developed the first intensive outpatient program for eating disorders in the U.S with Dr. Anita Johnston. She is the co-founder of the Embodied Recovery model and the Embodied Recovery Institute in Durham, NC. Rachel Lewis-Marlow, MS, EdS, LPC, LMBT Rachel is a somatically integrative psychotherapist, dually licensed in counseling and therapeutic massage and bodywork. She is a Certified Advanced Practitioner in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and has advanced training and 25+ years of experience in diverse somatic therapies including Craniosacral Therapy, Energetic Osteopathy, Oncology massage and Aromatherapy. Rachel She is the co-founder of the Embodied Recovery model and the Embodied Recovery Institute in Durham, NC. provides ongoing training and supervision to clinical and support staff in the programmatic implementation of the Embodied Recovery model. In her private practice in Chapel Hill, NC, Rachel works with trauma, eating disorders, and dissociative disorders.   TU99 Shownotes (are these not awesome or what? Patrons help us be able to do this, thank you you know who you are.) Typical Treatment Model Bio-Psychosocial model Bio: has been usage of pharmacology, re-feeding, nutritional rehabilitation, and yoga Psycho part has been education about emotion and emotional tolerance, dialectical behavioral therapy, supportive therapies to support emotional processing and cognitive distortions, cognitive behavioral treatment to address the distortions, and then try to change the behaviors by changing the cognitions, Social part: family and dynamics around having a place of belonging and one’s sense of belonging in the world, the culture, & the family Usually a treatment team: dietician, a therapist, family therapist, a psychiatrist, a physician Typical View of Recovery Goal: to get somebody to eat a prescribed amount of nutritional food in order to achieve a range of BMI or body size or shape eat it in what we call a normative style, which is a very relative term Focus is on how behaviors are a response to an attitude towards the body itself What’s Missing? Being curious about what the body is saying and expressing through the eating disorder behaviors Shifting the Perspective: The Embodied Recovery Model The Embodied Recovery Model is Somato–Psycho-Social. It expands the role of the body to include anatomy, physiology, kinesiology, movement, and posture. The 5 Core Principles of the Embodied Recovery Model The 5 Core Principles facilitate the intersection between somatic organization, subjective experience of self, and basic human needs for attachment and defense. Shifting from bio-psycho-social model to somato-psycho-social model. Directly resourcing the body so that it becomes a resource in recovery rather than an obstacle to recovery. Collaborate with the body at the physiological level to support the infrastructures that govern emo...

Dive deeper into this new (to us) model of interpreting attachment science and discover how to apply it into your daily life. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD have fun breaking down the last two episodes where Dr. Patricia Crittenden so generously shared her model called the Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM). Focus is on personal and clinical importance in this last of a 3-part series on the DMM. Before we begin: A’s (Red in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Blue on TU B’s (Blue in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Green on TU C’s (Green in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Red on TU AC’s = Historically referred to Tie Dye on TU **Note: We know the colors may be a bit confusing, but it is important to us that you receive information as Dr Crittenden has published it. It is by happenstance that our colors are the same (with the exception of tie dye), but they represent different thinking and behavioral patterns. When we refer to color in the episodes and in the show notes, we are referring to the colors we have historically used on the TU podcast and the letters and self-protective strategies of the DMM. This is only in order to maintain consistency and make the information more easily understood by our listeners. However, the colors as shown in the slides and as listed above, are the way Dr Crittenden uses them in her fantastic work! Brief Hierarchy of Attachment Theory: There’s a lot of similarity between the more familiar Mary Main et al ABC-D model of attachment and the Patricia Crittenden’s DMM interpretation of attachment, but there are also some very important differences. What’s in A Name? Dynamic Maturational Model (DMM) – potentially intimidating mouthful, BUT let’s break it down What it means: Sue and Ann share their take on Dr Crittenden’s walk through the developmental process that happens in attachment from infancy to adulthood. (Listen to Episode 96 and Episode 97). As we mature into different stages of our life, our needs and self-protective strategies (what the DMM helps us learn) we use change accordingly. The beautiful thing about the DMM is the way it incorporates culture, sexuality, key relationships, and danger/safety into the attachment mix. Speaking of safety…. One key difference between the DMM and traditional attachment models is the emphasis on SAFETY rather than SECURITY. According to the DMM: -attachment is about the dyadic relationship in danger, it does not just live in the person -we take in information from the environment (parent in infancy) and shift this into “behaviors” or self-protective strategies. -these strategies develop to protect us. They are our brain’s way of helping us reduce danger and increase connectedness by creating closeness, proximity, and safety. Information Processing -It’s physiological. There are 3 systems: Somatic: what does our body feel…our heart, our stomach feel Cognitive: how we process the information, how do we make meaning Emotional: what’s coming up Bottom line, we can learn from our body. They are connected but not hierarchical. Security = Integration of all 3 of these info systems (Therapist Uncensored’s model ie. getting to the green) The Attachment Spectrum As you move out on the spectrum, (in the DMM, it’s a circle, which is also really cool) we begin to inhibit or exaggerate information based on the response in our environment/the response of our caregivers. We will tend to lean Blue or Red or Tie Dye (check out episodes 59, 60, 61 for more detailed info on each color). NOTE: These colors are Ann and Sue’s Attachment & Regulation Spectrum, not colors from the DMM. It is NOT conscious and forms in the first 2 years via Neuroception. Neuroception (listen to our episode on Polyvagal Theory for more info) tells us, as infants, that if we cry, our caregiver will react a certain way. We inhibit information according to what will keep us safe and bring us closer to our ca...

Note: This episode is Part 2 of 2. It stands alone, but to start at Part 1 click HERE.   “So which strategy in this model is best? Every behavioral strategy is the right strategy for some problem, but no strategy is the best strategy for every problem. We need them all.” – Dr Patricia Crittenden, creator of the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment & Adaptation (DMM) using culture and context. LOOKING FOR THE SLIDES? DOWNLOAD THE PDF HERE: Rudiments-of-the-DMM-PDF VERSION OR THE POWERPOINT VERSION HERE:  Rudiments of the DMM Powerpoint version  Or if you have great eyesight :) you can view them here.   Therapist Uncensored Episode 97 Show Notes: Before we begin: A’s (Red in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Blue on TU B’s (Blue in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Green on TU C’s (Green in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Red on TU AC’s = Historically referred to Tie Dye on TU **Note: We know the colors may be a bit confusing, but it is important to us that you receive information as Dr Crittenden has published it. It is by happenstance that our colors are the same (with the exception of tie dye), but they represent different thinking and behavioral patterns. When we refer to color in the episodes and in the show notes, we are referring to the colors we have historically used on the TU podcast and the letters and self-protective strategies of the DMM. This is only in order to maintain consistency and make the information more easily understood by our listeners. However, the colors as shown in the slides and as listed above, are the way Dr Crittenden uses them in her fantastic work! Let’s Dive In: To understand self-protective strategies, we have to understand the information the brain is using, even in infancy – it’s neurological. A’s, the B’s and the C’s emphasize different sorts of information. Strategies by Age Group and Model Representation:   Infancy DMM                           Ainsworth                ABC+D A-2: Avoidant                           A1-2                    A1-2 B1-2: Reserved                    B1-4                    B1-4 B3: Comfortable                    C1                       C1-2 B4-5: Reactive                                              D-Controlling C1-2: Resistant/Passive   Preschool Preschoolers utilize false positive affect. A’s split their own self from the other, and they focus on the parent. They take the perspective of the powerful person. C’s split their negative affect, showing either the vulnerable or the invulnerable affect. They hide the other from view. DMM                             Ainsworth               ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                 A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Compliant      B1-4 B1-2: Reserved                                               C1-2 B3: Comfortable                                               D-Controlling B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive C3-4: Aggressive/Feigned Helpless School Age DMM                             Ainsworth               ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                 A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Compliant                       B1-4 B1-2: Reserved                                                C1-2 B3: Comfortable                                          D-Controlling B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive C3-4: Aggressive/Feigned Helpless C5-6: Punitive/Seductive   Adolescence DMM                             Ainsworth               ABC+D A1-2: Avoidant                                                 A1-2 A3-4: Compulsively Caregiving/Compliant                        B1-4 A5-6: Compulsively Promiscuous/Self-Reliant                    C1-2 B1-2: Reserved                                          U/Cannot Classify B3: Comfortable B4-5: Reactive C1-2: Resistant/Passive

Treating Attachment & Self-Protective Strategies “If it protects you, it’s the right strategy.” – Dr Patricia Crittenden, creator of the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment & Adaptation (DMM) using culture and context. LOOKING FOR THE SLIDES? DOWNLOAD THE PDF HERE: Rudiments-of-the-DMM-PDF VERSION OR THE POWERPOINT VERSION HERE:  Rudiments of the DMM Powerpoint version  Or if you have great eyesight :) you can view them here. Are you ready to move from describing injured developmental pathways and symptoms – to addressing how to heal from disrupted development? We are on the case! In this episode co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discusses exactly that with Dr. Patrica Crittenden, founder of the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment & Adaption (DMM) using culture and context to understand, decode and heal early relational injuries. Their conversation was deep and wide, thus will be published in two sections. In today’s episode, TU96, Dr. Crittenden focuses on wide-reaching cultural aspects of development, safety and danger. She uses decades of observations, assessment, research and clinical work to describe her take on what she refers to as the American Attachment researchers and elucidates how her model is similar and where and why it differs. Dr. Crittenden’s focus on applying this rich research clinically aligns perfectly with the mission of this podcast. Whether you are a clinician, foster parent, educator or are interested for your own personal reasons, you will find her perspective fresh and thought-provoking! Please see the PACKED resources and show notes below! Who is Patricia Crittenden and why do want to know her…. Dr. Mary Ainsworth Dr. Crittenden studied under Mary. D. Ainsworth from 1978 until 1983, when she received her Ph.D. as a psychologist in the Social Ecology and Development Program at the University of Virginia. In addition to Mary Ainsworth’s constant guidance and support, her psychology master’s thesis on the CARE-Index, was developed in consultation with John Bowlby and her family systems research, on patterns of family functioning in maltreating families, was accomplished with guidance from E. Mavis Hetherington. John Bowbly Dr. Crittenden has served on the Faculties of Psychology at the Universities of Virginia and Miami and held visiting professorships at the Universities of Helsinki (Finland) and Bologna (Italy) as well as San Diego State University (USA) and Edith Cowan University (Australia). In 1992 she received a Senior Post-doctoral Fellowship, with a focus on child sexual abuse and the development of individual differences in human sexuality, at the Family Research Laboratory, University of New Hampshire. In 1993-4 she was awarded the Beverley Professorship at the Clark Institute of Psychiatry (Canada). In the last two decades, Dr. Patricia Crittenden has worked cross-culturally as a developmental psychopathologist developing the Dynamic-Maturational Model (DMM) of attachment and adaptation, along with a developmentally attuned, life-span set of procedures for assessing self-protective strategies. She has received a career achievement award for “Outstanding Contributions to the Field of Child and Family Development” from the European Family Therapy Association in Berlin. Currently, Dr. Crittenden’s work is focused on preventive and culture- sensitive applications of the DMM to mental health treatment, child protection, and criminal rehabilitation. Before we begin: A’s (Red in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Blue on TU B’s (Blue in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Green on TU C’s (Green in the DMM)=Historically referred to as Red on TU AC’s = Historically referred to Tie Dye on TU **Note: We know the colors may be a bit confusing, but it is important to us that you receive information as Dr Crittenden has published it. It is by happenstance that our colors are the same (with the exception of tie dye),

Oxytocin and dogs! Our pet relationships provide a trust and bonding boost, and is the natural love drug our bodies make at key relational moments such as child-birth, nursing, orgasm and falling in love.* In this episode we discuss how to create this moral molecule without even needing complicated human relationships by connecting mutually to our companion pets. What’s not to love about that? The science now is clear – this inter-species relationship is mutually beneficial and potentially life-changing for both of you. Lower cortisol, higher oxytocin, more trust and connection – ba bing! Most of us can relate to having a beloved pet that has been a significant part of our lives. We love them, and the cool thing is, they love us back unconditionally it seems, without regard to our moral failings. In fact, there is now crazy hard science research to back up the power of this connection, particularly regarding dogs. In our last episode, we told you that we’d be talking more about the love drug, oxytocin, and how we can actively induce the release of this hormone in our bodies in order to promote our favorite subject, building security. In this one we get real and walk the walk of vulnerability.  So, what do pets, specifically dogs, have to do with oxytocin and building security? Well, security happens through safe connection, and connection both induces the release of oxytocin and is created by it’s presence. This cascade creates a feeling of physiological safety and openness and warmth in our bodies, which helps us to bond and build security. Believe it or not, we can consciously manipulate our body’s release of oxytocin through the bond we create with our beloved pets. And if you’ve been following the podcast, you know this ties into the previous 2 episodes on Polyvagal Theory and our autonomic nervous system. In this episode, join Ann and Sue as they talk about what this experience looks like in real life and how to cultivate the love-drug cross-species. Also hear Sue’s incredibly powerful story of tragic loss, and renewed hope, all related to pets. *Of course we are simplifying a bit – nothing is all good. Oxytocin isn’t always a love-drug, it can cause aggression or feelings of loneliness. For example if the wolves had made eye-contact as the companion dogs did (the wolves made much less eye contact and had no increase in the hormone), it would probably have spiked aggression rather than bonding (an urge to protect their bonded pack rather than attach to the alien human), but we are focusing here on the most major findings of the neuropeptide. Cooper comforting Sue… I know so MANY of you have pets as primaries, it’s a real relationship (scientifically and intuitively) that truly comforts and heals. Episode 95 show notes: Oxytocin – Ann and Sue’s favorite neuropeptide, AKA the cuddle drug, the love drug, the moral molecule. Research shows that the bond we have with our pets is reciprocal. The pleasure center of the brain lights up in us and in our animal partners. Cortisol levels decrease, and oxytocin levels increase in humans and animals when we have high eye contact. The most significant increase (up to almost 300%) is seen with dogs and varies based on breed. It’s an extra boost if we catch our dogs looking at us first. Don’t be embarrassed about your significant other with 4 legs, or less. Hear about bonding with fish, monkey’s picking and humans grooming behavior, and what lice has to do with it all. Dogs and any other beloved pet can be serious attachment figure in our lives, helping us to build a sense of safety and security in the world. It can be a very powerful relationship that is just as strong, and sometimes stronger, than human connections. Granted some people have pets as just animals, an object to guard their home or to rescue or to get dates, but that is totally different from the potential real attachment relationships that in the right circumstances can enhance the li...

The science of relaxing into love, this episode continues the exploration of Polyvagal Theory, one of the most important theories of our generation, especially when it comes to trauma and psychological treatment. Join Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley as they continue to break down and bring Polyvagal Theory to life. Through discussion and real-life examples of what happens when our bodies experience threat, you will learn how to recognize when you or your loved one is experiencing an unconscious physiological threat response as well as some practical self-regulation skills to move back into safety. Additionally, we will begin unfolding how powerful relationships are in helping us establish, maintain and return to a physiological state of safety. It’s true, love really is a drug! Check out TU93b, our interview with Dr Stephen Porges, the father of Polyvagal Theory by clicking here!  Why are we so jazzed about Polyvagal Theory (PVT)? PVT looks at the body related to attachment, related to getting close to one another, and to co-regulation and ties it all together! What’s PVT all about? PVT is an evolutionarily based theory that explains how our bodies sense danger and threat and also how we respond. It helps us to understand what is going on physiologically during these times, so we can learn to recognize our bodies’ signals and utilize skills to regulate our nervous system. Polyvagal Theory Breakdown The bottom line is are we safe or are we in danger? Neuroception: Our brains are always scanning for info from the environment that regulates whether we feel safe or not safe. It is spontaneous and completely outside of our awareness. Old View: Only Fight or Flight Response Systems, but that’s outdated. Polyvagal View: We not only have a Fight or Flight Response, we also have a Freeze Response. The Systems and the Vagus Nerve Autonomic Nervous System – Autonomic=Automatic – all the things our bodies do for us without thinking Examples: blinking, digestion, etc… Breathing is the only autonomic process we can manipulate consciously Parasympathetic Para=Paralyzed This is the brake. Sympathetic Energizing Where “Fight and Flight” are Prehistoric example (Old View): being attacked by a saber tooth tiger, response will be to run from it or fight it, literally. Everyday example: A mad spouse, angry boss, disapproving parent Fight=defensiveness, blame, etc. Flight=withdrawing, physically leaving a party, stonewalling The Vagus Nerve Largest nerve in the body All mammals and vertebrates have it, some versions of it in fish Runs throughout our entire body Information Freeway – carries information from scans of the environment to the brain Our Brains: Safety vs Danger Safety: This is the Social Engagement System (The Green Zone) When we are safe, the lights are on all the way to the top of our minds. We are our very best selves. Hearts are open Whole neuro psychological, the biological system is signaling safety: the heart rate slows, breath is steady, able to digest food, make eye contact, have movement in our face so other people can read us, inner ear relaxes, ears relaxes enabling us to pick up human voice very, very well. Danger: When in danger, our brains work in reverse order. breathing quickens and is shallow, heart rate increases, non-vital body functions are shut down, Inner ear constricts because it listening for high tones and low tones – listening for predators, oxygen level decreases, stress hormones (cortisol, norepinephrine, and adrenaline) are dumped into system. Neural WiFi: Our unconscious neurological states of feeling safe or feeling threatened translate to the people we interact with, even through the phone. Example: Sue & Ann’s phone conversation Bottom Up: Vagus nerve: picks info up from our body bottom and carries it up to the brain Brain: Safety: top of the mind Can think and reflect down, think about what’s happening and even learn new things Danger: bottom of the mind

Are you cool or just cut off - you may think you are calm cool and collected, but ask around. :) This episode hangs with the next 2 in discussing attachment patterns in adulthood and are core content of the podcast. Well, at least when it was recorded, we keep learning a lot and updating our model so tune in and see where we go with it over time ok?

Neuroscience tells us that learning to manage our arousal through practice benefits our minds and body very quickly. We wouldn’t be doing this right if we weren’t offering practical strategies.This is a bonus episode designed to go with Episode 52 – but what’s super cool is that this one is a straight 12-minute mindfulness meditation lead by yoga master and psychotherapist, Kelly Inselmann. More at www.therapistuncensored.com