Notorious for being one of the biggest flops of all time, can it be as bad as history has made it out to be?  The 1987 film "Ishtar" and let me just say, is...confusing. The movie seems to have garnered a reputation for being a colossal flop, and while I can understand why some might hold that opinion, I believe there's more to it than meets the eye. Let's start with the positives. It's clear that Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman, two respected actors, had a chemistry that worked on screen. Their comedic timing, though often misfired, had moments of genuine amusement. Moreover, I can't help but appreciate the audacity of the film's premise: two struggling musicians get caught up in a web of international intrigue while trying to make it big in North Africa. It's the sort of outlandish setup that could have resulted in a cult classic if executed differently. Think Romancing the Stone but executed like Condorman. Yet, execution is where the film struggles most. The jokes, while sometimes clever, often fall flat. The film's pacing is erratic, and at times, it feels like it's meandering without a clear sense of direction. It's as if the film doesn't quite know what it wants to be: a political satire, a buddy comedy, or a musical journey. Speaking of musical journey, let's talk about the songs. They're bad. Really bad. And that's not a criticism, it's intentional. It's evident that the film's creators wanted to parody the cheesy pop songs of the '80s, and in that regard, they succeeded. Beatty and Hoffman deliver these intentionally bad songs in an intentionally bad manner, and while I respect the commitment, it doesn't necessarily make for an enjoyable viewing experience. Ultimately, "Ishtar" is a film with good intentions and a willingness to take risks. It tries to do something different and bold, and for that, I can't completely write it off. However, it's clear that it doesn't fully succeed in its ambitions. It's not as bad as its reputation suggests, but it's also not very good. Whether that's enough to warrant a watch, well, that's for you to decide.

I fell in love with these murderous undead bastards and there's nothing wrong with our love!!! Lisa Frankenstein is a delightful film that takes classic Gothic horror elements and sprinkles them with an unparalleled whimsy. The movie hits all the right notes with precision and panache, creating a memorable viewing experience that leaves a lasting impression. This praise-worthy offering deserves applause for several reasons. First and foremost, the cast deserves immense credit for bringing their A-game to the table. Each actor fully embodies their respective characters, breathing life into the quirky, offbeat personalities we've come to love. Their chemistry on-screen is palpable, making their interactions feel genuine and heartfelt. From the leading roles to the supporting cast, every performance is delivered with impeccable timing and nuance. The art direction in Lisa Frankenstein is a feast for the eyes, blending the familiar with the fantastical. The sets are rich in detail, transporting viewers to a world that's equal parts eerie and enchanting. The vivid color palette and imaginative designs create a visual spectacle that's truly mesmerizing. Zelda Williams' directorial debut is nothing short of impressive. Her vision for the film is evident in every frame, showcasing her talent and passion for storytelling. She strikes the perfect balance between comedy and romance, ensuring that both elements are given their due. Her direction adds depth to the characters and amplifies the film's emotional resonance. The cinematography in Lisa Frankenstein is breathtaking, capturing the film's whimsical charm and gothic aesthetic with finesse. The camera work is dynamic and inventive, enhancing the narrative and immersing viewers in the story. Every shot is carefully composed, creating a visual masterpiece that's as captivating as it is stunning. The script is another standout element of the film, filled with witty dialogue and clever humor. The writing is sharp and engaging, keeping audiences entertained from start to finish. The story unfolds with a perfect blend of suspense, humor, and heart, making for an unforgettable cinematic experience. Last but not least, the score is a standout component of Lisa Frankenstein, enhancing the film's atmosphere and adding depth to its emotional beats. The music is evocative and memorable, perfectly complementing the action on-screen. It's a testament to the talent of the composers, who have crafted a score that's both timeless and unforgettable. In summary, Lisa Frankenstein is a cinematic gem that deserves all the praise it (erroneously) hasn't received. It's a rare find in today's film landscape, hitting all the right notes with charm and grace. From its stellar cast to its captivating art direction, this movie is a must-see for any fan of fun, quirky and horror comedies with a twist. It's clear that the cast and crew poured their hearts and souls into this project, and their dedication shines through in every frame. If you haven't already, do yourself a favor and give Lisa Frankenstein a watch – you won't be disappointed.

Thirsty vamps get Ubered around town on a poorly thought out territory takeover only to find true love in....Benny? "Night Teeth," the latest Netflix Original Movie, is a cocktail of clichés served with a side of disappointment. While the premise promises a thrilling ride through the underworld of vampires, the execution falls flat, leaving viewers with a lukewarm taste in their mouths. One of the most glaring issues with "Night Teeth" is its lack of originality. From the very beginning, it feels like we've seen this story a thousand times before, just with different actors and slightly altered plot points. The predictable narrative unfolds at a snail's pace, failing to offer any surprises or twists to keep the audience engaged. Adding insult to injury, the characters in "Night Teeth" are as forgettable as they come. There's not a single likable soul among them, which makes it difficult to invest in their fates or care about their struggles. The vampires, in particular, are portrayed as nothing more than smug, one-dimensional jerks who lack any depth or nuance. As for the lead character, he's little more than a buffoon stumbling his way through the plot. His constant blunders and foolish decisions make it impossible to root for him, and it's frustrating to watch him fall victim to what can only be described as 'the idiot plot'—where the story only progresses because the characters behave irrationally. In the end, "Night Teeth" feels like a missed opportunity to breathe new life into the vampire genre. Instead, it's a lackluster affair that fails to deliver on its promises of excitement and intrigue. Unless you're a die-hard fan of uninspired storytelling and cardboard characters, you're better off sinking your teeth into something else on Netflix's menu.

When a stuntman as prolific as John Stewart directs an action movie, you better believe you're gonna have a good time. If you're a fan of over-the-top action, jaw-dropping stunts, and a movie that never takes itself too seriously, look no further than "Action USA"! This adrenaline-fueled extravaganza is a rollercoaster of mayhem, delivering a cinematic experience that's equal parts thrilling and downright hilarious. From start to finish, "Action USA" boasts an impressive array of mind-blowing stunts that seem to defy the laws of physics. The film takes "go big or go home" to a whole new level, with each scene trying to outdo the last in a glorious display of cinematic excess. The stunt work is so over-the-top that you'll find yourself questioning if gravity even exists in this world, and that's what makes it so darn entertaining. What sets "Action USA" apart is its refusal to take itself too seriously. In a genre often marked by brooding heroes and intense drama, this film gleefully embraces its own silliness and revels in the joy of absurdity. The characters, while not aiming for Oscar-worthy performances, perfectly fit the tone of the movie, providing just enough depth to keep us invested while allowing the action to take center stage. One of the film's greatest strengths is its commitment to fun. The plot may be secondary to the jaw-dropping spectacle, but that's precisely the point. "Action USA" is a celebration of cinematic escapism, inviting the audience to buckle up and enjoy the ride without getting bogged down by unnecessary complexities. In a world filled with gritty reboots and serious action dramas, "Action USA" is a breath of fresh air. It's a time machine to the golden age of action movies, where the primary goal was to entertain and leave the audience with their hearts pounding and smiles plastered across their faces. So, grab your popcorn, suspend your disbelief, and get ready for a wild, stunt-packed journey that's as hilarious as it is heart-pounding. "Action USA" is a triumph of unabashed fun that proves sometimes, bigger really is better!

Revenge is best served at the end of a katana sword that your wife bought for you at the mall. Time to make some floured eggs. Suit up, ninja enthusiasts, because "New York Ninja" is a wild ride that takes us back to the glory days of 80s action cinema. This 2021 hidden gem, rescued from obscurity, brings us a delightful mix of a ridiculous plot, unintentionally funny fight scenes, an incredibly awesome music score, and an insane villain known as "The Plutonium Killer." Let's start with the plot – it's so over-the-top and absurd that you can't help but be entertained. From a vigilante ninja patrolling the mean streets of New York City to thwarting a nefarious plot involving plutonium man, the movie embraces every ninja cliché with open arms. The narrative is a rollercoaster of unexpected twists and turns, making it a nostalgic joy for fans of the genre. Now, let's talk about the unintentionally funny fight scenes. The choreography might not be as polished as modern martial arts films, but that's part of the charm. The exaggerated kicks, flips, and cheesy one-liners deliver a hefty dose of nostalgia, evoking memories of the martial arts classics we all secretly adore. It's as if the filmmakers decided to embrace the quirks of the 80s ninja genre, resulting in scenes that will leave you simultaneously cringing and laughing. The real star of "New York Ninja" is undoubtedly its incredible music score from Voyag3r. It's a synth-heavy, pulse-pounding masterpiece that perfectly complements the on-screen action. The music not only captures the essence of 80s cinema but elevates the overall viewing experience. Every ninja kick and punch is accentuated by a catchy beat, making you want to jump off your couch and join the action. And let's not forget about "The Plutonium Killer." Played with maniacal glee by the villain (and voiced by John Berryman), this character embodies everything we love about over-the-top antagonists from the 80s. From the flamboyant acting to the crazy makeup, The Plutonium Killer is a true highlight, leaving an indelible mark on the film's absurdity. "New York Ninja" is a delightful throwback that embraces its roots and unapologetically revels in the absurdity of 80s ninja cinema. It's a perfect blend of nostalgia and unintentional humor, with a killer soundtrack to boot. If you're in the mood for a film that doesn't take itself too seriously and transports you back to the golden era of ninja flicks, "New York Ninja" is a must-watch. Grab your popcorn, buckle your ninja headband, and prepare for a hilarious trip down memory lane.

A horror movie that thrills its audience with...uh....hmmm...sewing? Oh and a demon is summoned out of loneliness and a desire to have tea parties with dollies. This is so unbelievably bad. "Annabelle" (2014) is a cinematic catastrophe that makes you question the very fabric of horror filmmaking. From a plot that can only be summarized as "a cult summons a demon who likes to play with dolls," to characters so insipid and carelessly written that you'll find yourself wishing for their swift demise, this movie is a masterclass in how not to make a horror film. The narrative is so painfully dull that it makes you wonder if the filmmakers were even trying. The premise of a demonic entity toying with dolls could have been intriguing, but "Annabelle" manages to suck every ounce of excitement out of it. The scares are predictable, the tension is nonexistent, and the entire plot feels like a lazy rehash of every demon haunting movie ever made. Let's talk about Mia, the main character who single-handedly takes the crown for the most inexplicably stupid and careless protagonist in horror history. As she faces supernatural threats, Mia's decisions become increasingly irrational, leaving audiences more frustrated than frightened. You'll find yourself yelling at the screen, not in terror, but in disbelief at the sheer idiocy and carelessness of her actions. To add insult to injury, the film employs a narrative device that informs us the events we just suffered through never actually took place. It's a lazy attempt at following contractual obligations with the basis for it's "true story" that only serves to render the entire viewing experience utterly pointless. It's as if the filmmakers themselves realized the mess they had created and decided to hit the reset button, leaving audiences with a profound sense of wasted time. Comparing "Annabelle" to other cinematic disasters like "Monster-A-Go-Go" might actually be an insult to the latter. While both films share the common denominator of  having a plot only to reveal it was all a sham and deserving of zero stars, at least "Monster-A-Go-Go" doesn't pretend to be a good movie. In conclusion, "Annabelle" is a horror film that fails on every conceivable level – from its moronic idiot plot to its infuriatingly dimwitted characters. Save yourself the agony and opt for a more thrilling cinematic experience, even if it means watching paint dry or staring at a blank screen.

Whether they are spacemen or from 1999 or from before the dinosaurs, The Immortals make some really stupid decisions and are pretty bad for Earth. How bout there can only be none? If you're a fan of mind-bending and utterly nonsensical movies, then "Highlander 2" is your ticket to an alternate reality where coherence takes a vacation and weirdness reigns supreme. The film kicks off with a bang, introducing us to the flying porcupine brothers. Yes, you read that right. These airborne creatures are an essential part of the movie's charm, leaving audiences scratching their heads and wondering if the scriptwriter had a secret petting zoo of mythical creatures hidden away or a crack addiction. Either is the only reason why you would include these two boneheads who look ridiculous and act even worse in your Highlander movie. One of the standout moments has to be the love scene against a dingy city wall. Forget romantic sunsets or candlelit dinners; "Highlander 2" throws you into the lovely ambiance of a dirty wall in a crowded street somewhere between bizarre and uncomfortable. It's the kind of love scene that makes you question the director's choices but also keeps you glued to the screen out of sheer curiosity. Michael Ironside's character is a whole other level of ludicrous. His over-the-top performance adds a delightful layer of absurdity to the film. You can't help but chuckle at the sheer audacity of his character's antics. Ironside seems to have embraced the chaos, turning his role into a masterclass of overacting that deserves its own spotlight. And then there's Sean Connery's character, who apparently missed the memo on the rules of mortality. The film doesn't bother explaining how he's miraculously alive again, leaving us to ponder whether there's a magical head-putter-back-on machine somewhere in the Highlander universe or if Connor MacLeod's affection for Ramirez is enough to resurrect the dead. "Highlander 2" is a head-scratching, eye-rolling, and laugh-out-loud experience that defies logic at every turn. It's a cinematic rollercoaster that leaves you questioning the boundaries of storytelling and wondering if the scriptwriters were playing a game of "how many absurd elements can we fit into one movie?" If you're in the mood for a movie that embraces the chaos, revels in the nonsensical, and features flying porcupine brothers, "Highlander 2" is your golden ticket to a world where anything goes, and explanations are for the weak. Strap in, and prepare for a ride you won't soon forget – whether you like it or not. We loved it.

The Paul Bros. bench-press their way into our hearts and into a crime caper where they have to put their backs together and look over their shoulders with expressions that say, "You did it?" and "No, I thought you did it?" In the vast landscape of '90s comedies, "Double Trouble" emerges as a hidden gem that not only stands the test of time but also showcases the surprisingly impeccable comedic timing of the Paul brothers, turning what could have been just another buddy comedy into a riotous joyride. First and foremost, what sets "Double Trouble" apart is the unforeseen comedic synergy between its stars, the dynamic duo of the Paul brothers. David and Peter Paul's on-screen chemistry is nothing short of infectious, with their banter and physical comedy elevating the film to unexpected heights. The brothers' ability to bounce off each other's energy showcases a natural comedic instinct that few could have predicted, making their performances a delightful revelation. What truly sets this film apart, however, is its self-awareness. "Double Trouble" doesn't take itself too seriously, and it's this very self-awareness that adds an extra layer of humor. The Paul brothers seem to revel in poking fun at themselves, embracing their public personas with a wink and a nod. This self-deprecating humor not only endears them to the audience but also creates a unique and refreshing atmosphere that keeps viewers engaged from start to finish. The film's plot, while not groundbreaking, serves as a perfect canvas for the Paul brothers to showcase their comedic prowess. The narrative provides ample opportunities for spontaneous, laugh-out-loud moments, and the brothers seize each one with gusto. The well-crafted humor is not only in the dialogue but also in the physical comedy and absurd situations that the characters find themselves in, making "Double Trouble" a rollercoaster of hilarity. Beyond the laughs, the film's pacing deserves commendation. The comedic timing is spot-on, with jokes landing at just the right moments, creating a rhythm that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats, eager for the next punchline. The pacing, coupled with the Paul brothers' infectious energy, makes for a film that is not just funny but downright entertaining. In the end, "Double Trouble" is a testament to the unexpected comedic talents of the Paul brothers and the film's commitment to being a rollicking good time. It's a rare gem that combines self-awareness, impeccable comedic timing, and genuine fun, making it a must-watch for anyone looking to escape into a world of laughter and camaraderie.

Bruce Willis says goodbye in the only way he knows how - by blasting fools with a shotgun. Merry Christmas - you're dead! If you're a fan of detective movies, you will want a thrilling plot with well-thought-out mysteries and a satisfying resolution. Unfortunately, "Detective Knight Redemption" failed on all fronts. But, honestly, you should care about any of that. Read on. The plot of the movie is nothing short of stupid and poorly laid out. It felt as if the filmmakers prioritized flashy action sequences and brooding characters over a coherent and engaging storyline. The narrative seemed to be in a hurry to move on to the big Bruce Willis shooting scene, sacrificing any semblance of a compelling detective mystery. What disappointed me the most was how the movie glossed over Detective Knight's crime-solving process. Instead of immersing the audience in the intricacies of the investigation, the film seemed more interested in showcasing Willis in his signature shoot-'em-up style. It's almost as if the filmmakers assumed that the audience wouldn't care about the detective aspect of the movie, neglecting a fundamental element that defines the genre. While I can't deny that Bruce Willis doing Bruce Willis stuff has its appeal, it shouldn't come at the expense of a well-crafted detective plot. "Detective Knight Redemption" seems to cater more to fans of generic direct-to-video crime movies who might not mind the lack of depth in the storyline. If you're looking for substance, intricate mysteries, and a satisfying detective experience, this movie is definitely not the one for you. While it's not a good or really enjoyable movie, it is a special swan-song to one of Hollywood's biggest stars. Yes it's a DTV movie that is generic but knowing what we know about Bruce's health and capabilities at the time of filming is something special. Bruce's dedication to doing something he loved for as long as he could and a group of people around him to help him achieve that goal is inspiring. The film might not be interesting but the production of it is - and that would be a movie I would like to watch.

When you hire a pro, just let the pro do his job. You're still the one smart enough to hire him, lady! If you're in the mood for a festive film that perfectly encapsulates the true spirit of Christmas, look no further than Lifetime's original movie, "The Christmas Consultant," starring none other than the one and only David Hasselhoff. This holiday flick manages to blend heartwarming moments with a dash of Hoff ridiculousness, creating a unique and surprisingly delightful experience. At its core, "The Christmas Consultant" is a tale of family, love, and the magic that comes with the holiday season. The film beautifully illustrates that Christmas is a time for togetherness, and it resonates with the idea that family extends beyond blood relations. The storyline is laced with heartwarming scenes that remind us of the importance of being surrounded by loved ones, even for those who might not have a traditional family to call their own. Now, let's talk about David Hasselhoff. The Hoff, as always, brings his own brand of charisma and charm to the screen. While his over-the-top portrayal may seem a tad ridiculous at times, it's precisely this whimsical quality that makes the movie so entertaining. Hasselhoff's larger-than-life presence adds a layer of fun to the film, and you can't help but smile at his sheer enthusiasm for the Christmas festivities. The movie's strength lies in its ability to balance the sentimental with the absurd, creating a holiday concoction that feels just right. It's a refreshing departure from the typical holiday movie formula, and the decision to cast Hasselhoff as the Christmas Consultant is nothing short of inspired. In "The Christmas Consultant," you'll find yourself laughing, getting squishy insides, and ultimately embracing the true meaning of Christmas. So, if you're looking for a movie that captures the holiday spirit and adds a touch of Hoff-inspired cheer, this one is a fine "do". Gather your loved ones, settle in with some hot cocoa, and let David Hasselhoff guide you through a holly, jolly Christmas cheese fest like no other.

An elf gets ditched by his horrible boss, Santa, and is forced to fend for his life because some bratty girl doesn't appreciate the life her father has built for her as a single dad. Oh and Jeffrey Combs! "Elf-Man," a 2012 holiday film, falls into the category of hokey family Christmas movies that attempt to capture the true spirit of the season but ultimately miss the mark. While it's not as bad as one might initially fear, it still leaves much to be desired. The film follows the escapades of an elf who teams up with a young girl to save Christmas from bad guys, a premise that has been explored countless times in various forms. Unfortunately, "Elf-Man" fails to bring anything fresh or innovative to the table. The storyline feels formulaic, and the attempts at humor often fall flat, relying heavily on clichés and predictable gags. The film's portrayal of the true spirit of Christmas feels forced and contrived. Instead of delivering a heartwarming message that resonates, "Elf-Man" opts for sentimental clichés, missing an opportunity to explore the deeper, more meaningful aspects of the holiday season. The character development is shallow, and the emotional moments lack the authenticity needed to truly connect with the audience. Despite these shortcomings, it's important to note that "Elf-Man" isn't an outright disaster. The production values are decent, and the cast does its best with the material provided. For those seeking a mindless, lighthearted Christmas movie to entertain the family, it might serve its purpose. However, for those looking for a film that captures the true essence of Christmas with substance and originality, "Elf-Man" might leave them feeling a bit underwhelmed.

Just because we think its nonsense doesn't mean we AND you can't like it, but seriously.... Highlander, the 1986 fantasy film directed by Russell Mulcahy, is a cinematic rollercoaster that manages to be entertaining despite its numerous flaws. To put it bluntly, it's not a good movie in terms of traditional filmmaking standards, but there's an undeniable charm and fun factor that makes it enjoyable for those who appreciate its chaotic nature. One of the major issues with Highlander is its convoluted plot. The film tries to blend elements of fantasy, science fiction, and historical drama, creating a narrative that feels like it's trying to do too much at once. The result is a confusing and overly complex storyline that often leaves viewers scratching their heads. Immortal warriors battling through the centuries could have been a compelling premise, but Highlander takes it to such extremes that it becomes a total mess. The acting in Highlander is nothing short of over-the-top, with Christopher Lambert's portrayal of the immortal Scotsman Connor MacLeod bordering on campy. While Lambert's performance may not be a masterclass in subtlety, it adds a certain charm to the film. Similarly, Clancy Brown as the villainous Kurgan hams it up with relish, delivering lines with a theatricality that is both cringe-worthy and oddly captivating. The special effects in Highlander are undeniably cheesy, even by 1980s standards. The low-budget visuals, combined with questionable choreography in the fight scenes, result in moments that are more likely to induce laughter than awe. However, these flaws contribute to the film's unique appeal. There's a certain nostalgia attached to the practical effects and dated visuals that endear Highlander to a specific audience willing to overlook its technical shortcomings. In the end, Highlander is a guilty pleasure. It's a film that you can love for its quirks and enjoy for its unintentional humor, all while acknowledging its lack of cinematic finesse. The messy plot, over-the-top acting, and cheesy effects somehow come together to create a cinematic experience that, while far from being a quality film, manages to be a memorable and entertaining ride for those who appreciate its peculiarities. Highlander is a case where the sum of its parts somehow adds up to an oddly enjoyable whole.

Officer Jimmy O'Neil avoids the hard life of hard-boiled cops by taking it easy and just banging ladies, until justice needs some sweet, sweet loving too. "Dirty O'Neil," released in 1974, is a film that takes you on a wild journey through the low crime streets of suburban Los Angeles. While the movie has its merits, it certainly has its drawbacks, too. Let's start with the positive aspects. The film avoids capturing the essence of the '70s cop movie, instead choosing to spend most of its time with a goofball musical score and small vignettes of casual sex adventures. The setting and atmosphere are inauthentic, immersing viewers in the smutty life of its protagonist, Jimmy O'Neil. Speaking of Jimmy O'Neil, the character portrayal by the lead actor is commendable. O'Neil is a charismatic and enigmatic figure, navigating the dangerous landscape of the mundane streets littered with hot babes with a certain flair. However, the movie's major flaw lies in its plot, or rather the lack thereof for a significant portion of its runtime. Approximately 70% of the film seems to meander without a clear direction, leaving viewers somewhat lost in tedium. It's as if the screenplay got lost in the haze of the '70s counterculture, resulting in a narrative that struggles to find its footing. Another aspect that leads to this plot absence is the abundance of gratuitous nudity throughout the film. While the '70s were known for pushing boundaries, "Dirty O'Neil" takes it to a level that is an amazing achievement for the time. Yet, the constant presence of nudity can overshadow the potential for a more substantial storyline and character development. Perhaps one of the most peculiar aspects is the remarkably high female body count attributed to the protagonist, Jimmy O'Neil. Clocking in at a staggering 11, it surpasses even the legendary James Bond's exploits. While this may add an element of intrigue to the character, it borders on the absurd and raises questions about the film's underlying message. "Dirty O'Neil" is a mixed bag of '70s charm, flawed storytelling, and gratuitous elements. If you're in the mood for a wild ride through the unconventional, this film might just scratch that itch. However, be prepared for a meandering plot with an abundance of nudity that could enhance or distract from the overall viewing experience.

Don "The Dragon" Wilson is not the same guy as the first two or the last five movies. This time he's in prison and......oh sorry fell asleep. If you're searching for a thrilling martial arts experience, "Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight" ain't it. This lackluster sequel not only fails to capture the essence of its predecessors but falls flat on every front, from its uninspiring plot to its lackadaisical fight choreography. The storyline, if it can be called that, is a haphazard collection of tired tropes and predictable turns. Don "The Dragon" Wilson stars as the protagonist, but even his competent martial arts skills can't salvage the train wreck that is the script. The narrative lacks depth, originality, or any semblance of intrigue. It feels like a mishmash of recycled ideas from countless B-grade action films, making it painfully clear that creativity took a back seat during the writing process. The action sequences, touted as the film's main attraction, are a major letdown. The stunt work and fight choreography are downright boring and lack the finesse expected from a martial arts movie. The punches and kicks lack impact, and the overall flow of the action feels disjointed and uninspired. What should be the film's saving grace turns out to be its Achilles' heel, leaving the audience yearning for more engaging and dynamic fight scenes. Even Don "The Dragon" Wilson, a martial arts veteran with a commendable track record, fails to elevate the film. While he showcases his undeniable skills in various fight scenes, his charisma as a lead actor is sorely lacking. Wilson's performance feels wooden and uninspired, leaving the audience indifferent to the fate of his character. It's disappointing to see a competent martial artist reduced to a lackluster leading role that does nothing to showcase his true potential. In conclusion, "Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight" is a forgettable installment in the martial arts film genre. With a bland plot, uninteresting stunt work, and a lackluster lead performance, it fails to leave any lasting impression. Save your time and seek out more captivating martial arts movies that actually deliver on the promise of excitement and entertainment.

Dean Cameron is a vampire who doesn't bite people but has to relive the death of his beloved Moana who is killed every 22 years by a pirate wielding a ham-bone. But not this year, buster! "Rockula" is an absolute blast from the past that's so bad, it's fantastic! This 1990 gem takes the term 'cult classic' to a whole new level. Let's start with the music – it's so gloriously terrible that it somehow becomes insanely catchy. The tunes are like a guilty pleasure you can't help but hum along to, despite their wonderfully cheesy lyrics and over-the-top '80s vibe. The music videos? Oh boy, they're a whole different spectacle! They're wonderfully goofy, with a delightful mix of tacky special effects and absurd dance sequences that are impossible not to love. They're so hilariously bad that they loop back around to being enjoyable. Now, let's talk Tawny Fere – she's undeniably smoking hot, but her singing? Bless her heart, she can't carry a tune for the afterlife. Yet, that's part of the movie's charm! Her lack of singing prowess somehow adds to the whole 'so bad it's good' allure. It's like watching a car crash in slow motion – you can't look away, and somehow you're smiling the whole time. And the vampire bat! Goodness gracious, it's like a Halloween decoration come to life. The sheer goofiness of the vampire bat is just another reason to love this film. It's so hilariously unconvincing that it's endearing. You can't help but chuckle every time it makes an appearance. "Rockula" is the kind of movie you watch with friends, armed with popcorn and ready to laugh at its glorious absurdity. It's a delightful time capsule of the '80s that's so wonderfully terrible, it transcends badness and becomes a delightful experience. If you're up for a dose of pure, unadulterated fun, "Rockula" is an absolute must-watch!

When going fishing goes wrong, you can always blame cicadas. Actually, just blame cicadas for everything bad. "Blood Hook," the 1986 cult classic, is a hidden gem that beautifully exemplifies the art of making the most of a shoestring budget. This film's charmingly absurd and delightful combination of elements makes it an absolute delight for fans of offbeat cinema. First and foremost, the filmmakers behind "Blood Hook" deserve commendation for their remarkable efficiency in utilizing their limited resources. The low-budget nature of the film adds a unique charm, making it even more endearing to those who appreciate a well-crafted labor of love. One of the standout aspects of "Blood Hook" is its immense riffing potential. This movie provides an abundance of opportunities for witty commentary, turning it into a riotous experience when watched with friends. The quirky characters, bizarre dialogue, and zany situations provide a never-ending source of laughter for all those who love a good riff. The plot of "Blood Hook" is undeniably silly, but it's exactly what makes the movie so much fun. The story revolves around a fishing competition that takes an unexpected and, quite frankly, ridiculous turn when the fishermen find themselves battling a killer with a deadly fishing lure. This absurd premise is a testament to the filmmakers' willingness to take risks and their dedication to delivering a truly unique viewing experience. While the ensemble cast is full of quirky characters, the protagonist, Peter, can't help but come across as a bit of a wet blanket. However, his straight-laced nature serves as the perfect foil for the wacky world around him, adding an extra layer of humor to the film. Peter's reactions to the bizarre happenings are priceless, making him an unwitting source of amusement throughout the movie. But perhaps the most ludicrous and memorable aspect of "Blood Hook" is the climax, where the characters engage in an epic battle using fishing rods and lures. It's a scene that has to be seen to be believed, and it perfectly encapsulates the film's absurdity and charm. The audaciousness of this showdown is a testament to the filmmakers' willingness to go all out and embrace the inherent silliness of their creation. In conclusion, "Blood Hook" is a charmingly quirky and riotously fun cinematic experience. Its low-budget charm, riffing potential, silly plot, and the unintentional humor of its protagonist make it a must-watch for fans of cult cinema. And let's not forget the unforgettable climax - a truly ludicrous spectacle that will leave you in stitches. Embrace the weirdness and dive into the wonderfully bizarre world of "Blood Hook." You won't regret it!

First off, the plot of "Curse 3" is a rollercoaster of confusion and absurdity. It's a story that oscillates between moments of genuine intrigue and sheer head-scratching disbelief. You'll find yourself constantly asking, "Did that really just happen?" The film's unpredictability keeps you on the edge of your seat, eagerly anticipating the next ludicrous twist. The characters in "Curse 3" are unforgettable, not because of their depth or complexity, but because of their sheer audacity. From the Christopher Lee's ridiculously dubious doctoring to the over-the-top witch doctor, every performance in this film is a treasure trove of unintentional comedy. Now, I have to mention that "Curse 3" does have its flaws. It can be a bit draggy in parts, with scenes that seem to go on forever without much purpose. However, these slow moments give you ample time to catch your breath between fits of laughter, so I can't complain too much. The special effects and makeup in "Curse 3" deserve special mention. They're so gloriously cheesy and outdated that they add a layer of charm to the film. Whether it's the hilariously fake blood or the rubbery monsters, the practical effects in "Curse 3" are a testament to a bygone era of filmmaking. "Curse 3" (aka "Panga") is a do for connoisseurs of unintentionally cheesy goodness. It's a film that will leave you questioning the choices of the filmmakers while simultaneously appreciating the sheer audacity of their creation. So grab some popcorn, invite your friends over, and prepare for a wild, wild ride into the world of "Curse 3." Double feature this with Curse 2: The Bite and you've got a great bad movie Sunday!

It's more Clueless than Blade but it sure ain't The Lost Boys. I still believe, though. "Vamps," the 2012 movie starring Alicia Silverstone and Krysten Ritter, offers a refreshing and somewhat quirky take on the vampire genre. While it may not be everyone's cup of tea (including 1/3 of Stinker Madness), it certainly has its charm, thanks to its unique spin on vampires trying to navigate the complexities of human life while grappling with their immortality. One of the most intriguing aspects of "Vamps" is its exploration of vampires living among humans. The film delves into the challenges these immortal creatures face as they strive to maintain their humanity, all while looking eternally youthful. It's a clever and thought-provoking twist on the typical vampire lore, and it adds depth to the characters' struggles and dilemmas. Alicia Silverstone and Krysten Ritter deliver charismatic performances that inject humor and relatability into their vampire characters. Their chemistry on screen makes the movie engaging and enjoyable to watch. Their characters are trying to find the balance between dating, maintaining friendships, and having fun while being eternally 21, which adds a humorous and relatable dimension to the story. However, it's important to note that "Vamps" does have its flaws. The visual effects, even for a 2012 film, leave much to be desired. Some of the special effects may come across as cheesy and dated, which can be distracting at times. Additionally, the film's offbeat humor and unique premise may not resonate with everyone, as it diverges from the traditional vampire narrative. If you're a fan of unconventional vampire stories and don't mind some dated visuals, "Vamps" might be worth a watch for its fresh perspective on the genre. Its worth your time if you like "Girls Just Want to Have Fun", "Romy and Michelle" or obviously "Clueless".

Repo Jake is more like Limpy Tube Steak! Sorry to all who also have limpy tube steaks. This 1990 cinematic gem starring Dan Haggerty, best known for his lovable role as Grizzly Adams, takes you on a rollercoaster of hilariously bad movie goodness that you won't soon forget. It's a prime example of the "so bad it's good" category that will have you laughing, cringing, and scratching your head all at the same time. First off, let's talk about Dan Haggerty. Seeing him trade in his rugged mountain man persona for a tough-talking repo man is a treat in itself. The sheer absurdity of the casting alone is worth the price of admission. But, somehow, Haggerty manages to deliver his lines with such a straight face, or straight beard,  that you can't help but admire his dedication to the role, no matter how misguided it may seem. The plot? Well, it's a mess. "Repo Jake" follows our titular hero as he embarks on a wild adventure involving "repossessing" cars, an evil drug lord, and a demolition derby that he's a unplanned entrant into.  And let's not forget the supporting cast, which is a mix of overacting, underacting, and just plain bizarre performances. The villain, Lincoln King, is a character you will soon forget, if because he's got no business in the movie to begin with. The dialogue is another highlight. It's so stilted and cringe-worthy that you'll be quoting lines to your friends for weeks. From cheesy one-liners to unintentionally hilarious exchanges, "Repo Jake" is a treasure trove of so-bad-it's-good dialogue that you'll want to revisit again and again. And let's not forget the action sequences, which are a glorious mess of poorly choreographed fights and car chases that defy the laws of physics. You'll find yourself both wincing at the lack of realism and applauding the audacity of it all. Yet there is a surprisingly level of expensive stunts (clearly pulled off without permits) for such budget fair. In conclusion, "Repo Jake" is a great time of unintentional comedy. It's a movie that defies logic, reason, and good taste, yet somehow manages to entertain from start to finish. If you're a fan of B-movies that make you question the choices of everyone involved, then "Repo Jake" is a must-watch. Grab some popcorn, gather your friends, and prepare for a wild ride through the absurdity that is "Repo Jake." It's so bad, it's absolutely fantastic!

Sean Connery puts on some Studio 54 costume, Ator rides around and Linnet gets captured but she's a bird so its ok. "The Sword of the Valiant" is a 1984 movie that attempted to adapt the timeless Arthurian legend into a cinematic experience. Unfortunately, this adaptation falls far short of capturing the magic and wonder of the source material. Here's why this film left me thoroughly disappointed: Lackluster Storytelling: The film's plot is a disjointed mess that fails to engage the audience. It veers away from the rich and intricate narrative of the Arthurian legend, opting for a dull and simplified version. The story lacks depth, character development, and emotional resonance, making it difficult to invest in the fates of the characters. Mediocre Acting: The cast, led by Miles O'Keeffe as Sir Gawain and Sean Connery as the Green Knight, delivers performances that are uninspired at best. O'Keeffe's Gawain comes across as wooden and unconvincing, while Connery's talents are utterly wasted on a character that feels one-dimensional. The chemistry between the actors is virtually non-existent, making it difficult to connect with their plights. Poor Production Values: The Sword of the Valiant's production values leave much to be desired. The special effects are laughably outdated, even by 1984 standards, making the fantastical elements of the story seem cheesy and unconvincing. The costume and set design are equally lackluster, failing to transport viewers to the enchanting world of King Arthur's court. Straying from the Source Material: While creative adaptations can breathe new life into classic tales, "The Sword of the Valiant" takes too many liberties with the original legend. It abandons key elements of the Arthurian mythos in favor of a disjointed and uninspired narrative that feels more like a generic fantasy film than a faithful retelling. Missed Opportunity: The Arthurian legend is a treasure trove of rich characters, moral dilemmas, and epic battles. "The Sword of the Valiant" squanders this potential by delivering a forgettable and lackluster film that fails to capture the essence of the legend's enduring appeal. "The Sword of the Valiant" is a lackluster and forgettable adaptation of the Arthurian legend. Its uninspired storytelling, mediocre acting, and poor production values make it a disappointing experience for fans of this timeless tale. There are far better adaptations of the Arthurian legend out there, and I would recommend seeking them out instead of wasting your time on this lackluster film.

Mahoney and Misses Griswold fall in love with dead people who go out of their way to get them killed, while trying to save a castle from being foreclosed upon. Guess that's a thing... "High Spirits" (1988) is a film that promised so much with its intriguing premise but ultimately delivered so little. This supposed comedy is nothing more than a dull and groan-inducing exercise in wasted potential. First and foremost, the execution of the concept is painfully inept. The idea of a haunted Irish castle that attracts tourists looking for supernatural experiences had so much potential for humor, but the film squanders it at every turn. The gags fall flat, and the humor is forced and uninspired. Instead of clever and witty comedy, we're subjected to cheap, predictable laughs that leave us cringing rather than chuckling. One might think that with such a great cast, "High Spirits" could manage to salvage something from the wreckage. Unfortunately, even the talented ensemble of actors can't save this sinking ship. Steve Guttenberg, Daryl Hannah, Peter O'Toole, and Liam Neeson all do their best with the material they're given, but they are let down by a script that lacks depth and originality. It's painful to watch such talented actors struggle to make something out of nothing. To add insult to injury, "High Spirits" clearly draws inspiration from classic comedies like "Clue," but it fails miserably to capture the same magic. While "Clue" is a brilliant blend of sharp wit and slapstick humor, "High Spirits" comes across as a pale imitation, lacking the clever writing and memorable characters that made "Clue" a beloved classic. In the end, "High Spirits" is a forgettable and disappointing comedy that had all the ingredients for success but managed to squander them completely. It's a film that leaves you wondering how such a promising concept could go so horribly wrong. Save yourself the disappointment and skip this one in favor of a comedy that actually delivers on its potential.

Who knew that watching people gas up their cars could be such a bland experience? "Gas Pump Girls" (1979) is a film that perfectly encapsulates the epitome of mindless cinema. From its ridiculous plot to its gratuitous nudity, this movie is a prime example of how a potentially entertaining concept can be utterly wasted in practice. Let's start with the plot, or rather the lack thereof. "Gas Pump Girls" attempts to follow the misadventures of a group of scantily clad, gas station attendants as they try to save their friend's Uncle's workplace from being bankrupt after he suffers a heart attack. Think "save the youth center from being demolished". It's an inane and convoluted premise that feels like it was concocted during a late-night brainstorming session fueled by too much cheap beer. The story is a paper-thin excuse to string together a series of absurd and disconnected scenes, leaving viewers wondering if there was any point to the movie at all. One might argue that the film's saving grace is its promise of nudity, which it does indeed deliver on. However, even in this aspect, "Gas Pump Girls" manages to disappoint. The nudity is not only gratuitous but also entirely unentertaining and relegated to mostly just one actress who hated doing it. It feels tacked on, as if the filmmakers were desperately trying to distract the audience from the lack of substance in the plot. Instead of titillation, it comes across as juvenile and cringe-inducing. The characters in this film are shallow and one-dimensional, with no depth or development to speak of. They are little more than walking stereotypes, and their actions make little sense in the context of the story. It's difficult to care about any of them, and their attempts at humor fall flat, resulting in a film that's not only dull but also devoid of any genuine emotional engagement. The pacing of "Gas Pump Girls" is painfully slow, with long stretches of aimless meandering and uninspired dialogue. It's astonishing how a film with such a flimsy plot can feel so lethargic and unengaging. The attempts at humor are forced and repetitive, relying on tired gags that fail to elicit even a chuckle. "Gas Pump Girls" is a cinematic train-wreck that squanders its potential for entertainment. It's a film that is both dumb and boring, with a plot that is virtually non-existent and nudity that adds nothing to the viewing experience. If you're looking for a memorable film from the late '70s, there are countless other options that are far more deserving of your time and attention.

Trumpy finally hits the show and the dirt at the same time. Rick says, "It stinks!" Who asked you, Rick? Buckle up, space cadets, because "Extraterrestrial Visitors" (or should I say "Pod People") is a journey to the outer reaches of hilarity and absurdity that you won't soon forget! This gem of a film from 1980 takes you on a rollercoaster ride through a galaxy of Trumpy superpowers, dialogue that's more out of this world than the aliens themselves, and a plot that's so poorly thought out, you'll wonder if they were abducted by confusion. Let's start with the MVP of the movie: Trumpy, the otherworldly being with powers so astonishingly baffling that even the laws of physics scratch their heads. Forget about your typical superhero abilities – flight, super strength, and invisibility – Trumpy can do it all and more. From making toys levitate to turning plants into miniature disco balls (who knew flora loved to boogie?), Trumpy's talents defy explanation almost as much as the plot itself. And speaking of the plot, it's like they took all the leftover pieces from a dozen different jigsaw puzzles and decided to make a mosaic masterpiece. You've got aliens, a young kid who finds a space egg, a rock band (because why not?), and a bumbling duo of poachers who specialize in pilfering nightingale eggs. Dastardly! The plot twists are so unexpected, they'll make your head spin faster than Trumpy juggling intergalactic fruit. Now, let's talk dialogue. Imagine if Shakespeare, Dr. Seuss, and your quirky uncle who only speaks in puns had a brainstorming session while on a sugar rush – that's the level of dialogue you can expect. With lines like "To ME, it's a CENTIPEDE. It'll ALWAYS be called A CENTIPEDE!" and the forever classic "It stinks!" you'll be rolling on the floor in fits of laughter faster than you can say "extraterrestrial hijinks." But let's not forget the true star of the show: the production values. Special effects that look like they were crafted with leftover tinfoil and glitter glue? Check. Sets that seem to have been assembled from the clearance section of a discount space-themed party store? Check. And costumes that make you wonder if the aliens accidentally wandered into a garbage can before landing on Earth? You betcha. In the end, "Extraterrestrial Visitors" (aka "Pod People") is a masterpiece of unintentional comedy that leaves you with a smile wider than the Milky Way. It's a cosmic collision of bad decisions, wonky writing, and inexplicable choices that somehow come together to create a cinematic experience that's out of this world in all the wrong ways – and that's what makes it so incredibly right. So grab your popcorn, suspend your disbelief, and prepare to be abducted by laughter as you venture into the hilariously bizarre universe of "Extraterrestrial Visitors." It's an alien encounter you won't want to miss!

Eastwood and Sheen team-up to accomplish....nothing really. Its maybe the worst written movie we've done and that includes M. Knight Shamalamadingdong stuff. Let's start with the positives, shall we? The stunts in this movie are so over-the-top, I suspect the entire budget went into explosions and car chases. It's like they set a new record for the most pyrotechnics used in a single film! If you're in the mood for gratuitous action that defies all laws of physics, "The Rookie" delivers like a pizza on a Friday night. But now, let's talk about the dialogue. Oh boy, where do I begin? It's almost as if the screenwriters threw darts at a board filled with clichés and put them all in one script. The characters spout one-liners that even your dad would cringe at. And speaking of dad jokes, Clint Eastwood seems to be on autopilot, delivering lines with the enthusiasm of someone who's run out of coffee in the morning. Charlie Sheen's character, on the other hand, appears to be suffering from a severe case of split personality disorder. One moment, he's a charming rookie cop trying to prove himself, and the next, he's channeling his inner James Bond with terrible pick-up lines that make you wish you could hit the "mute" button on reality. Now, let's address the plot—or should I say lack thereof? The story revolves around Clint Eastwood's character being a grizzled, soon-to-retire cop who takes on the role of mentor to Charlie Sheen's greenhorn. But, folks, brace yourselves for the plot twist: the mentor becomes the student, and the student becomes the hero. Groundbreaking, right? It's like someone took a clichéd cop movie template and decided to play "mad libs" with it, inserting random action sequences wherever they could fit. At some point, you have to wonder if director, Clint Eastwood, thought the audience would be so distracted by the explosions that we wouldn't notice the plot holes big enough to drive a tank through. And don't even get me started on the female characters—they seem to exist solely to fawn over the male leads, reminding us that the '90s weren't exactly a pinnacle of gender representation. In conclusion, "The Rookie" is a perfect case study in how not to make an action movie. If you're in the mood for some mindless entertainment, or you want to host a movie night with friends where you play a drinking game for every cringeworthy line, this might be the perfect pick. Otherwise, you're better off enjoying some classic Clint Eastwood in his better films and letting "The Rookie" remain a relic of the '90s, forever trapped in its own time warp of bad dialogue and nonsensical plots.

Michelle Bauer stalks around LA in slinky outfits on a quest....for blood! Words, don't fail me now. One of the highlights of "The Tomb" is its nostalgic charm. The film exudes the distinct '80s vibe, complete with cheesy practical effects, low-budget sets, and a synthesizer-heavy soundtrack with corny beats and crummy lyrics that is very Fred Olen Ray.  The "plot" follows a group of "amateur gynocologists" who venture into an ancient tomb in search of hidden treasures. There, they unlock the tomb of "Nefratis" (played by the always great Michelle Bauer), an ancient mummy vampire who needs blood to stay looking like Michelle Bauer...so, hot. She is kind of thwarted by Dave (Richard Hench) and John Banning (David O'Hara) but really only because she kidnaps Dave's newfound girlfriend, Helen (Suzy Stokey). We're still not sure why she needed to kidnap her for a ritual because she doesn't need to perform rituals to stay hot, she just needs blood. Maybe pretty lady blood will make her even more hot? But come on, lady. You're Michelle Bauer. Save some good looking for the rest of us, greedy guts. Fred Olen Ray demonstrates his passion for practical effects, and it shows in some of the creative and gory scenes. The film's modest budget may be apparent in places, but the dedication to practical effects adds a certain charm that modern CGI-laden horror films often lack. However, "The Tomb" is not without its flaws. The pacing can be a bit uneven, with some scenes dragging on while others rush past crucial moments. Additionally, the character development is rather weak, leaving the audience with little attachment to the protagonists, making it challenging to feel invested in their fates. "The Tomb" is, at times, a fun visit to '80s horror cinema, brimming with nostalgic elements that will please genre enthusiasts and Fred Olen Ray cultists (myself being one of them). However, despite some of his best efforts (the opening credit sequence and his efforts on the practical effects), there's just not enough meat here in the middle of the film. Yes, he manages to keep a little momentum by sprinkling in some knockers during those exposition heavy sections but he could have and has done better with many, many, many of his other films.

Michael Ransom is back but this time he's Brent Huff. Yet he manages to do all the same stuff as Reb Brown and adds on Indiana Jones to his abilities. So this is an odd version of the "idiot plot". Yes it qualifies because the movie can't happen unless everyone is an idiot. But it gets weirder than that with Michael Ransom's (Brent Huff) actions. All you have to do is plant the slightest seed in Ransom's mind of something and the guy goes for it. Not only goes for it, but goes WAY overboard for it. Consider the beginning when he's told that his former commander, Vic Jenkins (played by a very out of water Richard Harris) is not dead as reported in the news and that the CIA is involved. Well instead of going through proper channels and just asking what the story is, he busts in to the office of the CIA handler and busts his family photo in his face. Maybe start with just asking questions. I mean the guy even had an appointment to meet with him. That meeting ends with a judo chop to the back. What's great is that after Jenkins is kidnapped (just watch the movie) Ransom is enlisted to go after by the same CIA guy whom he just judo chopped (we have to assume his spinal cord was severed because Ransom is super tough and deadly) and all is good. But once Ransom finds Jenkins, who is unguarded and has no lock on his door, he just goes with it. "Let's get out of here, guy that is supposedly held hostage but has nothing preventing him from just leaving on his own of which makes me suspicious in no way!" Then Ransom, after being told the obvious double cross, is offered a job. He refuses because...? And gives the ransom (??) of $10 million in diamonds to a lady he met that morning. Nice planning, dude. Michael Ransom is a full blown idiot. Yet the plot isn't what you come here for (although its top notch bad). It's Bruno Mattei's shamelessness. While managing to directly rip-off Apocalypse Now, its subtle enough to get away with. But then he shot for shot steals the truck chase sequence from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Like we wouldn't notice! Its incredibly brazen and incredible. Strike Commando 2 is missing some of the silly fun of the first film but its just so incredibly stupid and willfully ignorant that its a total do. Brent Huff may not be Reb Brown but we'll take him.

John Voight leads an idiot plot that ends with him being covered in goo but getting to be featured as the star of a documentary filmed by people he tried to kill. Snakes on a boat! Let's face it: "Anaconda" is not meant to be a serious film. It shamelessly embraces its own absurdity, delivering a rollercoaster of ridiculousness that CAN leave you grinning. The concept itself is delightfully over-the-top. Giant man-eating snakes lurking in the heart of the Amazon rainforest? Sign me up! From the moment the adventure begins, you're taken on a journey filled with outrageous situations, questionable decisions, and an unapologetic disregard for basic snake biology. The cast, despite their characters often behaving in the most nonsensical ways, fully embraces the campiness of the film. Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube's performances inject a dose of energy and charm, while Jon Voight delivers a performance so delightfully Wiseau-esqe that you can't help but enjoy every minute he's on screen. The chemistry between the actors, despite the absurdity of the script, somehow manages to keep you invested in the chaos unfolding before your eyes. Sure, the CGI may be a bit dated, and the dialogue may not be winning any awards for its depth or sophistication. But who needs all that when you have scenes of a giant snake swallowing people whole and the characters navigating a rickety boat through treacherous waters? It's all part of the charm that makes "Anaconda" such a guilty pleasure. In the end, "Anaconda" is a prime example of a movie that may be dumb in the best possible way. It's a thrilling and silly adventure that doesn't take itself seriously, and that's precisely why it works so well. So gather your friends, grab some popcorn, and get ready to suspend your disbelief and enjoy a wild ride through the Amazon jungle with this delightful guilty pleasure.

Insurance fraud goes awry when The Kraken pulls down the might Argonautica and Treat Williams flies through the Death Star explosion. This movie is an absolute gem that will have you on the edge of your seat... with laughter! Picture this: a luxury cruise ship on a routine trip, a group of quirky mercenaries, a humongous tentacled monster, and chaos that ensues. If that doesn't pique your interest, I don't know what will! The plot of "Deep Rising" is as simple as it gets: a group of badass mercenaries hijacks a luxurious cruise ship with plans to loot it, only to find themselves fighting for their lives against a massive, otherworldly creature lurking in the deep, dark depths of the ocean. Yes, you read that right—monster madness, folks! Now, let's talk about this majestic beast of the deep. The creature in "Deep Rising" is like nothing you've ever seen before. It's big, it's slimy, and it has more tentacles than an octopus on steroids. And trust me, it knows how to make an entrance! The moments when it pops out of nowhere, grabbing unsuspecting victims and dragging them away, are both terrifying and ridiculously hilarious. Think of it as a mix between "Jaws" and an aquatic Cirque du Soleil show! But what truly sets "Deep Rising" apart is its ability to balance the scares with witty one-liners and over-the-top action. The script is peppered with hilarious quips, perfectly timed to keep you entertained throughout the movie. The characters are delightfully eccentric, each with their own unique personality, and the banter between them is pure gold. You'll find yourself rooting for these unconventional heroes while wiping away tears of laughter. In the end, "Deep Rising" is a goofy, fun-filled adventure that knows how to entertain. It embraces its B-movie roots with open tentacles and delivers a truly unique experience. So, grab your popcorn, buckle up, and prepare for a monster movie that will have you laughing out loud and sliming up your couch with a big, silly grin on your face. Dive into the madness of "Deep Rising" and jump your jet ski over a shark or two!

Bruno Mattei and Reb Brown team up to give us an unintentionally hilarious and 80's staples full action movie. Danton better watch out. Prepare yourself for a wild ride of explosive action and over-the-top hilarity with the 1987 cult classic, "Strike Commando." Starring Reb Brown, this cheesy and hilarious gem is an absolute blast from start to finish, delivering an unforgettable experience that will leave you grinning from ear to ear. "Strike Commando" is a throwback to the glorious era of '80s action cinema, where macho heroes and outrageous one-liners ruled the screen. Reb Brown's charismatic presence and larger-than-life portrayal of Sgt. Michael Ransom is nothing short of pure entertainment. With his chiseled physique and unyielding determination, Brown effortlessly embodies the quintessential action hero archetype, making every moment he's on screen a delight to watch. What sets "Strike Commando" apart from other action films of its time is its shameless embrace of its own cheesiness. The dialogue is delightfully cheesy, packed with memorable one-liners that will have you laughing out loud. The action sequences are over-the-top and exaggerated in the best way possible, with explosions galore, outrageous stunts, and a high body count that keeps the adrenaline pumping. Director Bruno Mattei and the creative team behind "Strike Commando" fully understand the film's campy nature and lean into it with gusto. The result is a delightful combination of unintentional humor and intentional self-awareness, creating a unique viewing experience that is both absurd and undeniably fun. The film's pacing is relentless, never allowing a dull moment to creep in. From the opening scene to the epic finale, "Strike Commando" keeps you engaged and entertained throughout. It doesn't take itself too seriously, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the sheer joy of its outrageousness. To top it all off, the '80s keyboard soundtrack perfectly complements the on-screen action, heightening the excitement and injecting a nostalgic charm that fans of the era will adore. "Strike Commando" is an absolute riot that delivers on its promise of cheesy and hilarious entertainment. Reb Brown's larger-than-life performance, the film's self-awareness, and its relentless action make it a must-watch for fans of '80s action cinema. If you're looking for a film that offers a healthy dose of laughter and adrenaline, then "Strike Commando" is the perfect choice. Strap in, lock and load, and enjoy the wild ride that is "Strike Commando"!

Terry Hogan finds himself in need of rescue from VR torture by a group of precocious scamps who discover they love the smell of burning man flesh. First things first, let's talk about Hulk Hogan's acting prowess. Or lack thereof. His line delivery is about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, and his attempts at emotional depth are about as convincing as a toupee made of spaghetti. But hey, we're not here for Oscar-worthy performances, right? The plot is a convoluted mess that feels like it was written on a napkin during a coffee break. Hogan plays a secret agent who is inexplicably also a suburban dad. I guess he wanted to show off his multitasking skills? The story jumps from one ridiculous scenario to another, with more holes than Swiss cheese. It's a wild ride, but not intentionally in the way we enjoyed it. The supporting cast is a mixed bag. There are a few familiar faces, but their talents are wasted in this nonsensical adventure. The villains are as cartoonish as they come, with evil plans that would make Dr. Evil facepalm. And let's not forget the obligatory kid sidekick, whose sole purpose seems to be providing the occasional cringe-worthy one-liner. Now, let's talk about the special effects. It's surprisingly full of quality stunts and explosions. For the time, even the laser gun effects are fine.  Despite all its flaws, "Secret Agent Club" does have a certain charm to it. It's the kind of movie you watch with a group of friends, armed with plenty of popcorn and a hearty dose of irony. It's so bad that it's almost good, but not quite. It's a cheesy mess that doesn't quite reach the so-bad-it's-good status. "Secret Agent Club" is an absurd, poorly acted, and visually underwhelming film. But if you're in the mood for some mindless entertainment and enjoy watching Hulk Hogan ham it up on screen, then go ahead and give it a shot. Just make sure to bring your sense of humor and a tolerance for over-the-top cheese.

A team of treasure hunters find themselves facing off against cannabalistic mole-men, dinosaurs and a busty alien queen who just wants to find nice man and murder everyone else. Directed by the one and only Fred Olen Rey and featuring the fabulous Sybil Danning, this movie is an absolute blast of a mess from start to finish. Phantom Empire is like a mashup of every wacky idea that a group of friends could come up with during a late-night brainstorming session. It's got everything you could ever imagine: treasure, spaceships, robots, dinosaurs and even an underground civilization! Talk about a buffet of awesomeness. One of the highlights of the movie is the fabulous costumes. From Sybil's familiar low cut space queen outfit to the skimpy cave girl bikinis that Michelle Bauer forgets the top for 10 minutes and then Ross Hagens crappy Indy look, it's all pretty funny to see. So grab your popcorn, put on your most outrageous Indiana Jones hat, and buckle up for a hilarious and outlandish adventure. Phantom Empire is a hidden treasure that deserves to be watched for its sheer audacity and charm. Prepare yourself for a delightful ride through time and space... with a side of knockers and dinosaurs! Yeehaw!

Denise Richards rides on the back of a mechanical dino housing Paul Walker's brain. Well that sound preposterous! Well it is and its great. Tammy and the T-Rex steps in as a refreshing breath of absurdity and pure entertainment. This 1994 masterpiece (yes, masterpiece!) takes a giant leap away from the conventional somber depths of remakes of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, instead bringing us a low-budget, high-energy romp that defies all logic and embraces its own delightful brand of ridiculousness. While Mary Shelley's Frankenstein may be lauded for its literary merits and complex themes, Tammy and the T-Rex boldly goes in the opposite direction, serving up a heaping portion of hilarity that will have you chuckling from start to finish. Denise Richards leads the charge, effortlessly transitioning from the realms of serious acting to embody the vivacious and determined Tammy. It's as if she's giving a sly wink to Frankenstein's brooding creature, saying, "Hey, let's have some fun!" Richards infuses the film with her infectious charm, reminding us that not every movie needs to take itself so seriously. And let's not forget Paul Walker's comedic brilliance as Michael. While Frankenstein may be brooding in a castle, Michael is romping around as a T-Rex, and Walker embraces the absurdity with gusto. His comedic timing is impeccable, and his physicality is on point. From the slapstick moments to the witty one-liners, Walker effortlessly injects the film with a contagious energy that keeps us laughing throughout. Testicular standoff! Tammy and the T-Rex may not be a financial success like the Naked Guns or Hot Shots from the same era, but that's precisely why it's so enjoyable. It's a wild and wacky ride that revels in its own absurdity, reminding us that sometimes, it's okay to let loose and have a good laugh. So, if you're in the mood for a low-budget gem that defies logic, Tammy and the T-Rex is a true contrarian budget masterpiece along the lines of "Hell Comes to Frogtown". Sit back, relax, and let the T-Rex take you on a delightfully outrageous adventure you won't soon forget!

It's a movie that made me wish I had the power of a mermaid so I could go heal the pain from watching it. First of all, the plot is all over the place. It's like the writers couldn't decide if they wanted to make a historical drama or a cheesy fantasy movie, so they just threw everything together and hoped for the best. The result? A confusing mess that made me want to pull my hair out. Speaking of hair, let's talk about Pierce Brosnan's. I don't know what's going on with his hair in this movie, but it looks like a wig made out of cotton candy. It's distracting and honestly, it's hard to take anything he says seriously when I'm busy wondering if he's going to start shedding pink sugar all over the set. Maybe that's why his character is always scowling - he knows his hair looks ridiculous. The acting isn't any better. The cast is filled with talented actors, but they all seem like they're phoning it in. I'm pretty sure I saw William Hurt dozing off in one scene. Can you blame him, though? The script is so bad that it feels like they wrote it on the back of a napkin during a lunch break. So, if you're looking for a movie to watch when you're feeling down and you want to feel even worse, "The King's Daughter" is the perfect choice. Just make sure you have some cotton candy on hand to distract yourself from Pierce Brosnan's hair.

A guy named Zed brings guests to his planet so he can chase them to a resting log and then mount their dome on his wall. Free slave bikinis and expensive lingerie for attendees though. Oh boy, where do I even begin with "Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity"? This movie is a wild and bizarre ride from start to finish, and I mean that in the best way possible. From the cheesy special effects to the over-the-top acting, this sci-fi adventure flick is a non-stop riff ride that will keep you laughing and entertained the whole way through. Now, I know what you might be thinking: "But Stinker Madness, isn't this movie just a cheap knockoff of 'The Most Dangerous Game'?" And to that, I say, yes, it definitely is. But it's a cheap knockoff with heart, damn it. The two lead actresses, Elizabeth Kaitan and Cindy Beal, fully commit to their roles as two stranded space adventurers who are forced to fight for their lives against a lusty hunty madman who likes to hang heads...up. Their chemistry is dripping with cheesy deliveries, and their performances are so corny that you can't help but root for them. And let's not forget about the villain of the piece, Zed, played by Don Scribner. His creepy performance as "some dude who has a tractor-beam castle" definitely adds to the corn, and his scenes with the "slave girls" are dubious and oddly philosophical. I mean, who doesn't love a good villain monologue about what man and women's base natures are while wearing slave bikinis? In fact, "Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity" was so bikini-laden that it even was referenced as part of an amendment of the Cable Television Consumer Protection and Competition Act of 1992, which was introduced by Senator Jesse Helms to crack down on sexually explicit content on cable TV. Why on Zed's Green Earth would a US Senator be talking about this very mild flesh film is beyond me. Well it was beyond infinity for Helms too as the amendment was struck down as ludicriously stupid and a violation of the First Amendment. Go back to....uh...well I guess we are still fighting these battles... "Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity" is a hilarious, campy, and surprisingly fun sci-fi adventure that is sure to entertain even the most jaded moviegoer. So if you're in the mood for some old-school B-movie fun, give this one a watch.

Once again, we delve into the top picks we've seen in our 8th year of reviewing "bad" movies. This year (because the first 1/4 of it was absent of movie watching for us) we are limited to only 5 picks each. Plus we discuss our favorite 3 movies of 2022. Enjoy and thanks for another year of listening.

Hold on to your black belts, folks, because "American Ninja 5" is the ultimate karate kick to the face of movie-making! It's so ridiculous, it's actually kind of hilarious. David Bradley returns as Joe, the American Ninja, in this fifth installment of the series that should have ended after the second movie. This time around, Joe is on a mission to save his girlfriend and stop an evil ninja organization from taking over the world. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong. The plot of this movie is about as coherent as a drunk man trying to explain the meaning of life. Predictably, the villain has a terrible profit generation scheme of which he could have made ridiculous amounts of money if he wasn't a bad guy. It's a mishmash of cliches, bad one-liners, and over-the-top fight scenes that defy the laws of physics. And let's not forget about the comically inept henchmen who make the Keystone Cops look like Navy SEALs. But what really sets "American Ninja 5" apart is the acting. David Bradley's wooden delivery is almost impressive in its complete lack of emotion. And Pat Morita, of "Karate Kid" fame, looks like he's just there for the paycheck. The fight scenes are so ridiculous, they're almost worth watching just for the laughs. There's one scene where Joe fights off a group of ninjas and teaches his child sidekick how to kill people. Yes, you read that right. And another scene where he uses a piece of cardboard as a weapon. It's like watching a bizarre fever dream. Overall, "American Ninja 5" is a movie that's so bad, it's almost good. It's a cheesy, nonsensical, and entirely unapologetic action-comedy that's sure to leave you shaking your head and wondering how on earth this movie ever got made. So if you're looking for a good laugh, grab some popcorn and settle in for a martial arts movie that's truly a masterpiece of absurdity.

Hold on to your black belts, folks, because "American Ninja 5" is the ultimate karate kick to the face of movie-making! It's so ridiculous, it's actually kind of hilarious. David Bradley returns as Joe, the American Ninja, in this fifth installment of the series that should have ended after the second movie. This time around, Joe is on a mission to save his girlfriend and stop an evil ninja organization from taking over the world. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong. The plot of this movie is about as coherent as a drunk man trying to explain the meaning of life. Predictably, the villain has a terrible profit generation scheme of which he could have made ridiculous amounts of money if he wasn't a bad guy. It's a mishmash of clichés, bad one-liners, and over-the-top fight scenes that defy the laws of physics. And let's not forget about the comically inept henchmen who make the Keystone Cops look like Navy SEALs. But what really sets "American Ninja 5" apart is the acting. David Bradley's wooden delivery is almost impressive in its complete lack of emotion. And Pat Morita, of "Karate Kid" fame, looks like he's just there for the paycheck. The fight scenes are so ridiculous, they're almost worth watching just for the laughs. There's one scene where Joe fights off a group of ninjas and teaches his child sidekick how to kill people. Yes, you read that right. And another scene where he uses a piece of cardboard as a weapon. It's like watching a bizarre fever dream. Overall, "American Ninja 5" is a movie that's so bad, it's almost good. It's a cheesy, nonsensical, and entirely unapologetic action-comedy that's sure to leave you shaking your head and wondering how on earth this movie ever got made. So if you're looking for a good laugh, grab some popcorn and settle in for a martial arts movie that's truly a masterpiece of absurdity.

Growing Pain's Mike Seaver, marries his daughter, punches a cop and takes down a very dumb serial killer with dubious intent. Sounds fun...its not. Night Game is a disappointing thriller that fails to live up to its potential. The film follows a detective named Mike Seaver who investigates a series of murders that occur during Houston Astros' home night games when a particular relief pitcher gets a win. One of the biggest problems with Night Game is its pacing. The movie moves incredibly slowly, with long stretches of time spent on unimportant scenes that do little to advance the plot. This slow pace makes the movie feel tedious and boring, and it's hard to stay engaged with the story. Another issue is its lack of suspense. The movie is supposed to be a thriller, but there are very few moments that actually feel tense or exciting. The murders are not particularly shocking or gruesome, and the investigation never feels like it's building towards anything significant. The acting is also underwhelming. Roy Scheider, who is typically a strong performer, seems disinterested in the role and delivers a lackluster performance. The supporting cast is forgettable, and none of the characters are particularly well-developed or interesting aside from the very gross relationship between Seaver and his child bride, whose mother he used share "Night Moves" in the back of his '67 Chevy. So there's a chance she's his daughter. Yuck. Overall, Night Game is a forgettable movie that doesn't deliver on its promises. The slow pacing, lack of suspense, and underwhelming performances make it a movie that's not worth watching.

Ray Liotta is one tough guy and he'll let you know about it. Its The Running Man meets Lord of the Flies and I don't think I asked for it. So its an interesting idea for a film at this point in time. Ray Liotta wants an action role. Fine. So he's a former military hero who received a life sentence after killing his superior officer who made him do bad things. He's sent to a penal colony but is just too much of a headache so they ship him off to a tropical island paradise. Huh. There he must choose sides between the Outsiders (raiders in Fallout 4) and the Insiders (settlers in Fallout 4). He's poopy about both so instead he tries to figure a way off the paradise island to go back to the dystopian mainland because....he's poopy? I don't know or understand him. The movie almost could trick you into thinking its good. Good(ish) production design, decent acting, competent cinematography. What it suffers from is two-fold: Its dumb and boring. Which is disappointing. Because if it wasn't dumb it might be "good". If it wasn't boring it might be fun. The plot and character motivations are inane. Why does the Warden have a secret jungle island he can just ship cons over to if he feels like it? What possible benefit is there for him? Why does Ray Liotta's guy want to leave so bad? There's lots of "why" questions here. Secondly, it's an action movie with pretty mundane action. Yeah there's a way too big explosion at the end but for the most part, things are done with very rudimentary CGI and bland stunts by a clearly not Ray Liotta. There's just too much yelling at each other and character origins to make it worth my time.  But the worst crime it commits is setting up a great statement about private prison systems and punishment vs. rehabilitation and instead tries to fumble around with bland action sequences. I find it to be a frustrating film at best and a snoozer at worst. Sam likes it though.

That time your fiancé turned into a goop monster and had to kill people to stay ungoopy long enough for you to do it for the first time and then kill him. I mean, there's just that much to see here. This guy moves into an apartment only to be invited to eat some goop and then turn into goop because the spirit of a Jim Jones guy lives in the goop and splits control over your body. He then threatens you (astral interior(ly), its a thing) to turn you into goop unless you satisfy his bloodlust and kill some bums and hookers. Pretty standard stuff here. Oh wait, everyone else in the apartment building has to do the same thing. Oh, and you've got a pesky 22 year old virgin girlfriend sniffing around/wanting to bang on your super gross mattress (it was gross before you became a goop monster, so....I think that's her fault? No its yours). That's nothing really that weird right? This movie is bonkers. I'm not even talking about the best part of the movie but the plot on its own is as crazy as Death Bed: The Bed that Eats and it goes way past that level in nanners throughout. It is self-aware of how ridiculous it is, but its also incredibly artistic especially when factoring in its very modest $50K budget (even in 1988 this is crazy cheap).  The only thing that can steer you away from this is if you have a weak stomach but the film helps you out with that by showing the insides of a tummy. Its just hot dogs and fruit salad so nothing to worry about. Barf away!

You know the story. Bear finds coke. Bear eats people. Bear community is destroyed by illicit drugs. Rampant racism takes over bear cops. Struggle is real. There's not much I can say about the plot that you don't already know. So lets just skip through that. So lets ask this - does it keep the momentum for the runtime that the trailer has? Well...no. Sadly I think that any excited about the movie will be disappointed. Its a little too tame for what you're sold. But if you go in expecting to be disappointed you might be alright. When you've been disappointed by so many movies of this vane, you expect another Wolf Cop. So maybe all that disappointment will work out for you.  It could be a hall of fame movie but its not. So that's where I'm disappointed. It could have been great. Instead its just pretty good. I hate missed opportunities for hall of fame movies. If I didn't have such high expectations and needs, I'd have probably loved Cocaine Bear. Instead I find it to just be ok and only worth watching the one time. Bummer.

Hercule Poirot sticks his nose into the show and tells us our business, uninvited! Well told him all the problems with his "detecting". So this is clearly Cannon Group's best produced movie. The production design is good. The costumes are fine. The locations are expensive and fitting. The casting is good. And that's where the compliments stop. The plot is far from diabolical. In fact, it's blatantly obvious and with and incredibly stupid motive. Then there's the backstory to the motive which is even more stupid. So because the villain of the film is so painfully obvious (mostly just due to a major actor in the role, hint, hint. Its not like Kevin Spacy just suddenly appears out of nowhere with no mention in the credits) 50% of the movie is just the cast tutting around waiting for the plot to start and then the next 40% is Hercule Poirot tutting around and wasting everyone's time. Its not that its tedious because most of it is stupid but it is completely unnecessary and defeating when the reveal finally happens. You're left saying "why did I have to sit through all that build up for that?" It's not that its really that bad, but unless you love ALL whodunits or you're an Agatha Christie completionist (I guess that's redundant), you can skip this one.

Dudikoff returns as Joe Armstrong but does any of the magic of the first 2 films come with him? And can David Bradley match up to his Alpha Ninja? And can Karl stand in for Steve James? Nope, uh uh and wowie no way man. So basically, our boy from AN3 Sean (David Bradley) pairs up with his buddy to save some POWs held captive by a snobby Colonel Neil Diamond and his terrorist pal Shah-Blah-Blah who want $50 million and blow up a nuke in NYC. Well Sean and Carl get nabbed and tortured so the USA calls in ol' Joe Armstrong to ninja up and kick his way through a ninja training camp to free them all. The usual stuff here. Along the way he travels to Barter Town, fights in Thunderdome and recruits a horde of barbarians to invade the baddies fortress. Joe then finds the captives, proves his superiority to Sean, kills Sean, finds out dead Sean is an imposter (because?) and then wanders off. So its the worst of the AN series and by quite a ways. There's very little remarkable in it outside of the lunacy that I mentioned last paragraph. The ninjas are dumb. The stunts are boring. The fight choreography is mushy. And the villains suck. There's also a ton of filler with the middle section mostly consisting of Sean, Karl and Sarah (Robin Stille) getting smacked around, Joe sharpening his sword (which he never uses) and the baddies cackling ala Dr. Evil.....for 40 minutes. It's still a do, but just barely and not for anyone that isn't a baloney ninja action movie fan.

Its pretty much a VH1 Behind The Music episode but with a lot more naked chicks. Look, if you like Motley Crue (insert the umlauts on your own, bub) good for you. I'm not here to bash your taste in music. I think they have some ok jams and some terrible ones as well but that can be said about anyone (including The Beatles and Led Zeppelin) so enjoy your cassette tape of Decade of Decadence and rock on. This however is a podcast about bad movies and so this whole thing will be about the movie. And this movie sucks. My problem with The Dirt is that its not a movie. There's no plot. There's no character journey. They start out as "fucking idiots" and end as "fucking idiots". "Well, its a biography pic", you might argue. "Sometimes people don't have any character arcs because they aren't characters, they are people." Ok, good argument. Except... It isn't a damn biography. They movie even comes right out and says its all bullshit (delivered by Iwan Rheon's Mick Mars). Which is fine...if you're sitting around talking rock folklore with a dude wearing a Motorhead (stop it with the umlauts, dammit!) t-shirt. But this is outright revisionist history and by declaring some of it is bullshit so that it looks like a movie makes ALL of it bullshit and then what's the point of it anyways? I'll tell you what. A celebration of infantile misogyny and entitlement. This is a man-boy jerk-off fantasy. "Wow, look at those guys shit on everyone they ever met and smack women around. Sure wish I could do that." said a future election denying mom's basement dweller. I'm over the romanticizing of hair metal excessiveness. None of it should be looked on fondly or celebrated. They were shitty people then and they are shitty people now. Watch if you like excessive nudity though. I could use my time better though.

Sasquatch finds the love of his life and then her husband smashes his head with a rock. Shakespeare it is not. So a couple get hit with rocks and get lost in the woods. What ensues is Squatch gets a crush on the lady and wants to have some alone time with her. Standing in his way is some rednecks, her husband and a local sheriff that's coming down from a bad peyote trip. And its way weirder than that. Its a tiny little indy-budget movie that is like the John Wick of DTV horror films as in someone that is GREAT at makeup directs and writes a movie. The makeup is great (like the stunts in JW) but the story is baffling (unlike JW) with the world of Bigfoot being very confusing and dubious. Throw in some Native American weapons and some bark armor and Bigfoot just gets weirder and weirder. Apparently, what Squatches are, is the spirits of deceased Native American chiefs. So there is no lady Squatches, I guess. Much like the Catholic clergy (too soon?) that's a problem as our Squatch is a randy bastard who stalks our heroine for the sake of making some squatch/human baby hybrids. Oh, it gets weirder. A bog witch becomes involved and we're still not sure whose side she is on.  Eventually, there's much murder of rednecks and buckets of gore with Squatch bouncing off trees like a ninja. Which is all fun. But there's too much not that surround this that makes it not awesome. It's bizarre and dumb but it still may not be for everyone. If you like creature-features its a do. Everyone else might want to take a pass. 

Is there a Blood Hunt? Are there actually ninjas? Is there anything in this movie at all? Hopefully we have answers but its not looking good. So I'm gonna try to sum up the plot here. A pair of criminals launch their criminal empire by stealing the box office of a local karate tournament. Ten years later, they plot to create a super-virus to sell to terrorists but in order to prove it works, they must inject it into the world's toughest ninja and watch him die. To do this, they have their lead ninja disguise herself as his adoptive karate dad and the secretary for the Ministry of the Interior....nope I can't do it. This crap makes no sense. I mean this plot is nanners. Its not the idiot plot because the idiot plot requires an clear and achievable goal by either the protagonist or the antagonist. I literally have no idea what these guys are going for here. I mean its the kind of thing you write on a bedside notepad after a wild dream and think you've got the next Academy Award for screenplay on your hands and then you wake up and attempt to read it and all you can manage to decipher is "banana dogs". You then throw that note away. Well not for Cannon Films. They made that dream into reality and it stinks. Aside from that is the ninjas. They are awful. These are probably the worst ninjas in film. They are bad at martial arts. They aren't sneaky. They appear to just be hourly employees that aren't ninjas but are dressed as such because the uniforms were cheap. Our heroes aren't much better. Steve James at least looks like he's done action scenes before but he's the sole bright spot in that dept. I may be making this sound unwatchable but really AM3 is pretty fun. Its doesn't hold a candle to the first one but its a great bad movie Sunday especially in a double feature. Its a do!

Nic Cage has to team-up with his partner "Dead Meat" and a 16 year old bullied teenager to take down a team of bank-robbing mercenaries that have a combined IQ of DUUUUMMMMBBBB. Here comes the idiot plot. Yes its a DTV Nic Cage movie. You probably know what you're getting into with this. Is it his worst? No. Is it fun? Well.....If you like the idiot plot (all drivers of the plot must be total morons or the movie doesn't happen) then yes. You'll like this. Is it the movie we wanted to see out of this premise? Nope. The thing is that the heisting aspect and subsequent danger our protagonists are put into is so incredibly trite and somewhat uninteresting that 3/4 of the movie is checkout time. We've seen it all before. Guys go into building, take hostages, unprepared police find a way to take them down. What is different is that the villains are absolute idiots. Their entire plan appears to have hinged on illegal parking.  "Oh no, we've lost our parking space. What do we do?!?!" "Only thing we can do. Kill the hostages and then walk out the front door into a hail of bullets." "Good thing we put you in charge because my plan was to try to use leverage to get a chopper or even just go out the back of the building. Man, am I stupid." Its really hard to root for the good guys here because the bad guys are so completely worthless. Which completely takes you out of the movie and leaves you wishing you'd just watched Kenny go on a ride-along and find a new father figure who takes care of that bully problem. This is a don't bother.

Gary Busey does some crimes, gets the chair and with the help of his momma hatches a very dubious but tasty way to enact his revenge against those that he did crimes against. I don't know. Look he's a talking murder cookie. What do you want here? Ok this isn't exactly Macbeth here. Its a Charles Band movie called The Gingerdead Man. Its ridiculous. I think you know the level of intellect that is being tossed at you. You shouldn't be that surprised to know that this movie is a stinker. But what you might not expect is...that its kind of fun. Well why wouldn't it be? Well because of a slew of similarly stupid movies that have come out in the last 20 years. Some gimmick like Sharks From Mars or Tiny Tim But He's a Murderer or Octopusindomikhan or Dead People Who Are Famous Fight Vampires or... well you get the idea. The Asylum is especially to blame for this and you all know how we feel about their lazy garbage. So The Gingerdead Man likely has been on your radar in the same vein as their crap. But...its really not like their crap. The Gingerdead Man is a terrible movie. Its a Chucky knock-off for the most part with its afore mentioned gimmick. BUT because its Charles Band, there's always some level of vaudevillian charm to it. Its hokey but cute. Its dumb but silly. And at no point is it the lazy crap that relies solely on its title to get you to watch it and instantly regret picking up a copy of Tornadodactyls vs Mittens, the Robot Cat. Its a do from us.

Yeah these guys aren't taking over a mound of dirt. A handful of little and very inept ETs come to Earth to mess up the holidays for a family. Little did they know, they aren't good at anything. So its a super 0 budget film that is put together by the Polonia brothers as part of their long running series of hobby films. That might turn quite a few people off but somehow this one that should cause some nausea manages to maintain a level of charm throughout. There's no sense of "I'm making the next Gone with the Wind" ego that comes with similar film makers, like Neil Breen or Tommy Wiseau. There's also no garbage hot take like you get with James Nguyen. There's just this sense that they wanted to have fun making a movie and that comes across very clearly. The acting is probably the best/worst (says you!) part of the film as everyone cannot deliver a single line. It's not Troll 2 bad but it nears its level and is just a few really bad lines of dialogue away. There's just not enough opportunity for anyone to really blow it. But blow it they still do and its great. Second to that is the nonsensical plot that leaves the viewer wondering what the heck the aliens goal even is, let alone how they mastered interstellar travel. I'm these little buggers are so incredibly stupid and manage to get themselves killed more than anything. How its possible there is a body count of 3 here is beyond me as its not really clear how these guys harm anyone. I guess they are bitey? Also are they eating people? Who can tell? Lastly, the effects are atrocious as the aliens themselves look terrible and the post-production done with Video Toaster is the stuff of your local TV station making car lot commercials 20 years ago. Its not for everyone but this will fall into the "its so bad its good" category for many fans of the genre; myself included.

Planning on holding hostages over the holidays? Better think again, because Santa will straight mess you up in so, so, so many ways. In the late 70's and 80's there was a string of terrible "Christmas" movies that featured Santa or a Santa facsimile going on a murderous rampage (Santa's Slay, Santa Claws, Silent Night, Deadly Night 1-3, et al.). It could be an easy mistake to confuse this movie with that band of sellout cash grabs. Violent Night is far from any of those films. While it does pay a little homage to that group along with other Xmas classic films (Die Hard and Home Alone being the biggest and most obvious), Violent Night is a true Christmas movie. Ok, well maybe not one that you watch with the kiddies and bitchy old Aunt Linda (she hates everything anyways) but one that could easily become an annual tradition in the right circles. Think Machette Kills but with Santa going berserker (spoiler: see what I did there?) on a group of heisting baddies, with the true spirit of Christmas being found by the end of the ride. David Harbour's Santa is without a doubt the most likable Santa ever captured on film. All those other guys with their holly jolly that is without flaw and immune to the realities of the world (just gonna laugh and drink cocoa the rest of the year while millions die from disease and war, huh Santa? Jerk.) isn't what Harbour's Saint Nick is about. He's crushed by the way he's seen the world play out over the last century. He's tired of greed and people losing touch with caring for each other. He's a broken man and one whom audiences identify with. His disgruntling isn't just for laughs like cliché driven films are. There is a point to it all, just like everything else in this very well written film. The rest of the cast is also great with some top tier villainy and Grinchin' from John Leguizamo (Johnny Legs as he's affectionately monikered on Stinker Madness) and some real old rich bitching from Beverly D' Angelo. We can't say enough about Violent Night (our podcast took almost 2 hours because there's just so much to say) and we think its one of the best Christmas movies of all time (I'm serious). It shouldn't have worked and could have easily been a 2 star movie but the production group knew what they were doing (the minds that also brought us Nobody and Bullet Train) and didn't get sidetracked from the concept. Execution is at a 10 (in a few ways *wink*) and we don't see enough of that in film. Go see it. Thank us later. Actually thank the people who made this instead by seeing it twice.

Over-editing, bad actors and continuity problems plague not just the film but the Miami Sharks as well in Oliver Stone's complete mess of a tale about football (maybe). Let me just start out by saying, I despise this movie. I didn't want to do it for the podcast. I still wish we hadn't. Its an insufferable mess that is 2 and 1/2 hours of my time wasted. I'm not a big sports movie guy and I'm especially not a big football movie guy (name a good one and don't say Brian's Song. That's not about football but this one isn't either, I guess) so going into this had some baggage that I was dragging into it. Maybe if I liked these types of movies, I'd have gone for it?  Probably not. See the problem isn't the sports here. There's actually some really great photography done and execution of action is top notch. My problem is that it is completely devoid of a plot/point. No character comes out in any different shape then when the film started. Nothing transpires that make me feel something. The script is ridiculous. Reality was not something considered. The rules of the game are ignored. And the editing....oh my god the editing. Its so over done that frequently throughout the film, characters end up getting, what I'm calling, "Oli-Vision" in which whatever nonsense was rolling around in Oliver Stone's brain manifests itself in visions to them. It could be nerves or injury or the desire to win that causes Oli-Vision, the cause isn't clear. I hope I don't get it though as watching someone else's Oli-Vision is enough for a lifetime. I find this thing odious, tedious, superfluous, and ostentatious. I'm sure I could find more ious words but then I run the risk of giving you Justi-Vision, which would make me a dick. Don't waste your time here. But do waste your time listening to us talking about it.

This week we split up the way too long and way to many cuts, Oliver Stone hates the NFL movie with Al Pacino. Expect Sam and Justin to weakly impersonate Al and go on diatribes about football inaccuracies and Jackie talks penis. More to come next week!

Go to a beach resort and find yourself craving Worther's and looking for the Ben Gay. M. Knight is back on the podcast for another chapter in his nonsensical filmography. So if you saw any trailer for this movie (see above) you already know the hook and most of the plot. You might expect some big twist considering the director and there is one but its very small and doesn't really change much so we're going to not worry about it very much here. What we are going to worry about is the incredibly stupid and nonsensical plot of being trapped somewhere that makes you age rapidly (50 years in 24 hours to be precise). Let me start by saying that there are plot holes big enough to drive a truck through. Some of that is physics based, some of that is "well we can't put that in a movie", but the biggie is that it breaks its own rules, which is a staple for M. Night Shyamalan. At one point a character (a hemophiliac who has a nose bleed for unknown reasons) gets cut on the cheek only to have it heal immediately. Ok fine. Rules of the movie is that you get Wolverine's healing factor along with speed ageing. But just a few scenes later the same character is stabbed and doesn't heal. He dies. Ok, well maybe the stab wounds are too deep? No as evidenced by emergency surgery performed that has such quick healing they have to pull the flesh apart so that it can't heal before the operation is done. So this guy ain't dead. Later a man dies by tetanus - except tetanus is a bacteria. Fine, except nothing lives on this island because it can't reproduce fast enough. The rusty knife would have just been that - an oxidized iron covered blade that would have the same rules as the other healing. Then there's the mass problem that they barely try to fix inside the film with dialogue. The children grow to adulthood. Say that they put on 100 pounds on the low end in 24 hours. Well they eat alot, I guess (seems like they were busy doing other stuff to eat but whatever) In order to put on that 100 pounds they don't just have to eat 100 pounds of food - the body isn't that efficient. We do something everyday that is a source of great comedy for this podcast - pooping. We only absorb a fraction of our food and the rest goes out the backend. So they'd have to bring about 500 pounds of food per child (they don't) and then you've got a huge waste problem..... like 400 pounds of crap huge. Then there's periods, menopause, teeth, nails and hair (movie's explaination doesn't work here) and decomposition (no bacteria or ooey gooeys to eat your bod, right?). And there's probably quite a few we missed. BUT that's not the only problem here - the acting is pretty terrible. The dialogue is atrocious. And some of the "horror" comes off as ridiculously funny. Despite all this, it may be Shyamalan's best made movie. If you're into plot holes then its a do for you, but the masses should probably skip it.

The Russian mafia hatches a plan to blackmail America with the threat of Greek Fire microchip bombs delivered via Chinese counterfeit Levi's. The only thing standing in their way is CIA agent and his mark, a pants seller. Whatta bombshell plot! So its the film that kept JCVD out of movie theaters all the way until The Expendables. And there is a pretty good reason for that. Its either a) confusing, b) vague, c) nonsense, and/or d) completely stupid. Which I guess, makes its more confusing than anything. The biggest problem is the editing. This suffers from that terrible time in the late 90's and early 00's of over editing and slo-mo in scenes that don't call for it. There was also 20 minutes of action sequences cut out of the film and instead all the Rob Schneider stuff is left in. Nice. BUT what does make it in the film is one of the dumbest plots in an action movie and that's saying something. Its all about the pants. The CIA has three independent teams working on counterfeit pants....for years. These are deep operatives embedded in the Hong Kong industry of knock-off pants. Huh. Then the plot to blow up America with tiny bombs sent overseas by cargo freighters is such a unholy terrible plan. I don't think its gonna work out, Russian mafia.  There's a lot of good and fun shenanigans abound but sadly it just suffers from too many moving parts and very unclear editing. Which still makes it a "do" but its not a guarantee that you're going to like it.

Snoop takes us on a horror ride in an anthology shaped Cadillac as he collects to souls of the damned to be his neighbors as he rules the subdivision, The Hood of Horrors, in hell. Get ready for a grotesque block party! So go into this knowing that it only cost $5 million in 2006. That's not a ton of money. With that knowledge in mind, this is an very tight efficient little package. You've got animation (not cheap) and a cavalcade of guest starts (not cheap either) and some seriously clever makeup and effects (also not cheap). Director Stacy Title did a very good job of keeping this thing on track and seamless. Sure, it can be a little much at times (there might be a little too much attitude) but there's far more fun to help you get past too much butthole talk. Arguably it has one of the Top Ten on screen comedy deaths of all time. The rest of them also go pretty swimmingly as well with one managing to sneak in excessive comedy farts which I'm just never going to get sick of.  Its just a fun little anthology that really isn't any lower quality than any of the other Halloweeny anthology that you put on a higher shelf, like Freakshow and Tales from the Crypt. Its not going to be in anyone's favorites list but its a good time and fun enough for Spooktober.

A poisonous cat climbs into the body of another cat, escapes onto a crime yacht with some sexy coeds and proceeds to commit its own vigilantism. Its full on cat justice! So let's get to the point - Uninvited is sheer ridiculousness. Its a GREAT bad movie. Every aspect of this thing is exactly what you're signing up for, especially if you like baffling and non-frightening movie monsters. Plus you've stacked all that with Stinker hall of famers Greydon Clark, George Kennedy and Clu Galager. Supplementing the cast is a very hot and totally 80's fashioned Clare Carey that went on to be the wife of Coach. Damn you Craig T. Nelson!!!! So the cat - its very unclear on what the cat is. Best we can piece together is that there is a cat with a chip on its shoulder from being medically experimented on, gains some super powers, finds another cat and crawls inside it to disguise itself as just a precious little housecat so that it can get the Meow Mix. It's just a total misunderstanding that the cat is a monster - it's just out there enacting cat justice against some really bad people. Leave the experiment kittie alone! It just wants a nice home like we all do, dammit! Instead, 3 Garys find a couple bang ladies who have access to a yacht owned by an embezzling (?) villain and his man mountain henchmen/business partner. On the way to the Caymans, the cat breaks the boat (loud noises pisses cats off) and so they get picked off one by one for just being horrible people (except Clare Carey - she gets a pass for being too hot). Once the climax begins, buckle in because its one of the most ridiculous and hilarious endings in bad movie history. This isn't just a do, its a mega do.

Lets put a terrible cast with no professional singing experience around a terrible script all while performing some of the worst music ever recorded. Time for Stinker Madness to step on some hair metal feelers. Now don't go storming the capital, but the late 80's hair metal/butt rock genre is a bunch of garbage. Which is fine. But this movie isn't. It's garbage. Nothing can be forgiven here, such as a time and place that the Sunset Blvd rock scene was all about in the late 80's. This is just nostalgia for a time when being a terrible person was celebrated. And it sucks. Its way too long. Has too many songs in it. Too many sub-plots. Too much "general audiences" editing. And too much people feeling sorry for themselves.  The performances are horrible. No one here (with the exception of Mary J. Blige whom you just feel bad for) has any vocal talent showcased by the lead Julianne Hough with her faux Britney Spears nasal whine. I will give everyone a little credit because Baldwin, Brand, Cruise and Ackerman have no business being in a musical and it's clear they did their very best. No one muddles through. Ok maybe Baldwin who clearly didn't want to be there.  Go see a Baz Luhrmann movie and then nail your head to the floor instead.

Air humping in leg warmers meets journalistic malfeasance and everyone's lives are ruined. But hey! Jaime Lee is hot, so I guess that's ok. Hailed as the film that ended Travolta's career (briefly, lets be honest) and set Jamie Lee back a few years, Perfect is anything but. Its way too long for such a paper thin plot and is stuffed with repeated unnecessary and irrelevant scenes that keep it dragging you into the depths of your sofa. Pedantic would be an understatement.  But poorly acted is not how we would describe it. At worst, the acting is "meh", "whatevs" levels aside from Jaime Lee who is pretty darn good here. Even Travolta who we love to bash on did just fine. It's not the actors who are at fault here. What IS wild about this is how heavily involved Rolling Stones magazine is, while also managing to paint the rag in a very bad light. Its somehow screaming out to us in 1985 "WE DON'T ACTUALLY DO GOOD JOURNALISM! DON'T TRUST US!". At no point, would I have wanted to place a subscription after watching this so...good job? The plot is baffling and falls into the nonsensical realm of stinkers. Its border-line idiot plot, but also manages to make zero sense and is clear that no one involved knew anything about either federal espionage law, the FISA act, or subpoenas. Yes I know that maybe the majority of Americans don't but we aren't writing movies about that material either. A lot of the film's dumbness could have been avoided with just a single call to an attorney.  Lastly, the film manages to step on its own John Thomas. In the climax of their relationship, Jamie Lee's Jesse Wilson deletes the article that Travolta's Adam Lawrence was writing (poorly) about gym life and how his main focus is a sexually liberated Linda who uses the gym as a place to meet dudes, in her endless pursuit of perfection. Jesse declares it will ruin her life just like a reporter once ruined her own - EXCEPT Jesse has never even met Linda from what we know AND Linda wanted the article to be exactly about that part of her life. The whole thing could have been a statement article on the decade and changed Linda's life for the better but instead Jesse destroys the whole thing (except she never saved the file on the 1985 word processor - oops) and everyone's future along with it and we're supposed to appreciate her position?!?! No she had the power to change LA and thus America's viewpoint of women and what a woman should be, likely allowing Harvey Weinstein 30 years in the business. #metoo could have happened 20 years earlier (saving a lot of people a lot of pain) if stupid Jesse had just kept her grubby little mitts off Adams work. But then Adam does something equally terrible - he rewrites the story as a fluff piece just to get back in Jesse's drawers. He should know better than Jesse about what the repercussions of that original article would have done but instead trashes the whole thing so he could get some gym rat ass. And that's worse that Jesse's actions - she's just a gym instructor. He's a crummy Ben Fong-Torres. Save America? Nah, sweet sweet leotard's crumpled by the bed for Adam! The movie sucks. Skip it.

A lack of the scientific method causes a medical failure that could still be cleared up with just a simple conversation. Yes, the MCU has their own idiot plot now. So basically, Michael Morbius has a rare, but vaguely proclaimed, bone/muscle disease that gives him and his bestie "Milo" (played by Matt Smith) a ticking clock of death that requires him to create a remedy that he alone can test on himself. I think I've heard of that before. Maybe from Robert Louise Stevenson. Anyways, he takes the potion and becomes a vampire-bat-man. Not a vampire. A man who is also a vampire bat. Milo sees his powers and decides to join him, but eats too many people so they have to fight. Morbius is a DEEPLY flawed movie. As mentioned above, the whole thing could have been avoided with the use of the scientific method. Which could have worked if Morbius was an outsider, alleyway style doctor. But he's not. He's supremely famous and has saved so many lives that he's awarded the Nobel Prize. Pretty sure he knows about the scientific method. Secondly, to skirt the law to make his cure, he takes his lab into international waters - and then staffs the ship with mercenaries who have guns. Why did you hire gun-guys?!?!? Lastly, after he becomes a man-bat, he could have just sat down with Milo and come up with a plan for the next step that completes their research and fixes the issue with the cure. OR become vampire guys that aren't idiots who just eat random people.  Then there is the fact that the movie tells us our hero is Morbius and our villain is Milo - even though they do the exact same thing and have the exact same character trajectory. Morbius ate the mercenaries. Milo stalks and eats some douches at a bar. That doesn't work. Lastly, it looks like dump. It is so based on rehashing cheap CGI that Sony used in other movies and bad character design because it "looks cool" and isn't actually. The teeth are too much. The "bat-aerodynamics" glow is butt as hell and it doesn't make any sense. The bounce fighting is vague and impossible to have a clue what is going on. Its just a mess of visuals that weren't well thought out. It is as if there is an "effects meter" and they had to get to a certain level for the film to be released so they just crammed effects in until they got there. Work done, boys. Time to go home! Morbius has very little to enjoy and is mostly just a joyless experience, even if your there to lampoon. Skip it.

3 little hemorrhoids, who are trained to be silent assassins by their "Ninja Tournament" winning grandfather, go to Japan to recover/keep a dagger that is used to unlock a treasure vault/give the same dagger to the winner of the "Ninja Tournament" in time to get home for little league played by adult men and farts. I can't express my contempt for 3 Ninjas Kick Back in words. I will instead commit Seppuku because I have made suck poor choices in my life that I have dishonored my family name by seeing it. Goodbye, cruel world. Ok, well now that that is over with, I'll try to demonstrate why you should avoid 3 Ninjas Kick Back like North Korea (perhaps not coincidentally, this movie is beloved by Kim Jong Un). Nothing works here. These children are not ninja. They are karate kids. Ninjas are trained silent assassins and they don't have competition tournaments for high schoolers. Then there's the dagger- Nope. I can't. I hate this movie so much that I am going to drink strychnine and think about how I've disappointed my father once again as I drift off to eternal damnation. See you in a minute, Satan. Oh? You hate this movie too? It's banned in Hell? Sweet! Yeah, it's a don't.

Well here it is - this is the absolute worst movie we've ever had on the podcast. Ok so what must a film do to be a 1 star film? Well, first it obviously must suck. It has to be a terrible viewing experience. It has to contribute NOTHING of value to the viewer. But with all those pieces, we still give 2 stars for just those items. Making a movie is damn tough and just getting it done gives it a single star from us. BUT there's one very special piece that is needed to be 1 star - at the end of the movie, you realize the movie doesn't exist. What could I mean? Well think of Monster-a-Go-Go and at the end a title card and narrator tells you that the scenes you've just watched were fake and didn't happen. Its the WORST! How does that relate to Hell Behind Bars? The "plot" of the movie revolves around some diamonds. Our lead lady in prison is there because when she sold the diamonds, cops arrested her for killing a guy in front of them. Yet, the rest of the film is both "breaking out of prison/getting those diamonds" - including people going through such stupid acts as killing themselves to get those diamonds - BUT THE DIAMONDS WERE SOLD TO A FENCE!!!! She doesn't have the damn things! We see it on screen! And the rest of the movie is about the damn diamonds and getting them. So there's that. This thing is also a terrible soft-core porn with some of the most unattractive people to have ever been nude on screen. Then the sex scenes themselves are Neil Breen inspired as no one actually knows how to screw. And they are all so gross that if you saw this as your first exposure to sex, you'd be so scarred you'd become asexual. Ick. Everything sucks. I'm mean it. There's no good here which is an incredible achievement. You can usually trip into something good in almost any production yet they managed to absolutely fail on every level. It should be in the bottom 100 if not the bottom 5. It's that bad. Do not watch.

The guy from Double Dragon teams up with the guy from a spinoff of The Cosby Show (ew) and that lady who died of mold in that documentary in one of the most under-rated bonkers banana business masterpieces of karate comedy ever put to film.  What a undiscovered treasure this masterpiece is. Just one year after this was released to video a movie was put in theaters and received much acclaim, success and two sequels called Rush Hour which is a clinic in film ripoffery if I've ever seen one after 20 years later watching Drive for the first time. There is no possible way that Brent Ratner didn't watch Drive and then say "yeah I'm gonna do a lot more of that in my film". There's no way. It's a travesty that this film wasn't a bigger deal because it is SOOO vastly superior to Rush Hour. Maybe just not as marketable to a mass audience. Every aspect of this is phenomenal. Dacascos is electric and displays skills that arguably rival any other movie martial artist, yes even Jackie Chan. Its not just his exceptional athletic, he's oozing charm. Kadeem Hardison is a perfect straight man in a very difficult comedic role. Brittany Murphy is stand on the table and applause good. Tracy Walter and John Piper Ferguson are brilliant as a couple frustrated redneck assassins. Its a wild, wild ride and everything you want in a fun karate movie.

Good ol' Fred Flintstone gets caught up in a criminal conspiracy to defraud Slate Co's investors and embezzle millions of shells all while risking the lives of his family and destroying his neighbor and best friend's career, home, family and his dignity. Whatta guy! From the get-go you know something is wrong here. Fred is just a big of piece of toxic garbage. Yes, I know the character was based off Jackie Gleason in the Honeymooners but it is a real experience to go back and watch what a huge POS he was. The guy's entire existence is centered around being "the tough guy" that everyone loves and has only one motivation - being liked and admired. And that's where the movie takes us. Its such a far cry from Homer Simpson whose real sin is being a lazy moron. Inside and past the undigested donuts is a true golden heart. A loving father and faithful husband. But that ain't Fred... at least not until he has an epiphany while on the end of a hangman's noose (yup, you read that right). You might see something similar in other family movies where the guy goes from a great dude to being corrupted by money only to be redeemed in the end. Nope, not our Fred. He's always been a chauvinistic lay-about, with a fragile little ego that makes him ripe for storming the capital. Fred Flintstone is a bad person throughout this whole experience. Outside of Fred's weakness, the production of this film is second to none. From the casting to the design, costumes to effects (remember its 1994) its a spectacle to the eye of adapting such a unique universe from cells to celluloid. Despite how unfaithful the writing is to the original series, the world itself is about as Bedrockyen as you could do with twice the budget and the effects teams from Pinewood and their fancy computers today. It really is an achievement in production design. BUT..... I just can't stand it. I despise and loathe this movie. Not because there's really anything terrible wrong with it. Its a fine family comedy. I just absolutely can't stand family comedies. Maybe my soul is black like Fred's and I only want to drink too much and fall asleep in my yard. Whatever it is makes me want to take everything about this movie, collect it in a bag with the nukes of the world and toss it all into the sun.

A tow truck driver decides to make a movie that teaches us a master class on how to boost cars. Someone knows way too much about stealing cars here. So along the same vein as Miami Connection, Deadbeat by Dawn, and The Room a guy who doesn't have any training or experience making movies uses his dubious personal funds to make his dream project - a movie. That's what H.B. Halecki did here. But he made a movie about what he knew - stealing cars. Ol' H.B. or Tobey by his friends, had a successful tow truck company which to me says he repossessed a lot of vehicles and so made a movie about breaking into cars and moving them without any one knowing.  Sadly, car thieving instructional videos aren't very exciting. That's the front 5/8s of the film. There's an attempt to church it up a little with a little bit of ADR comedy and you know how that always goes. There was no script for this movie and so that just makes a pile of movie. Its just scenes spliced together in no meaningful or predetermined manner. That's kind of important and there's a reason. If you don't have forethought in your film, you've just got a pile of movie and that doesn't work. Seriously, Tommy Wiseau makes better movies. However, one can just go to the chase scene that lasts 40 minutes. The stunts are incredible and incredibly dangerous. They're not really stunts when they are real and you're just filming carnage though. But even then, it gets stale. They are long nonsensical sequences of cops getting Eleanor surrounded and then he gets away until the next location where he's surrounded again. I'm sorry but H.B. isn't Hal Needham. You STILL NEED TO HAVE FORETHOUGHT IN YOUR SCENES!!! The Eleanor sequence has a smatter of amazing moments but is stuffed around a bunch of boring.  I'm sorry to those who think this is great (including our own Sam) but the story of making the movie is way more exciting and interesting than the film itself. Its the most exciting boring movie ever. Like a cocaine Valium.

Getting from here to there has never been so dangerous! Dom Delouse wouldn't have survived 30 feet from the start line. So yeah, its a Cannonball run. That's about all it has in common with the Burt Reynolds classic. This isn't much of a laugh goofball screw fest. What we have here is something in between Deathrace 2000 and Cannonball Run. Its not really funny. Its not really that campy. But its not really a race movie either. Its like a little bit of everything. But wow does it have a lot of Hal Needham shenanigans that is missing from most Corman movies. Speaking of Corman, talk about a huge amount of cameos. Corman himself, Don Simpson, Martin Scorsese, Sly Stallone, Paul Bartel and Dick Miller! Wahhoo. I think what Cannonball suffers from is a very bad job explaining what the heck Dick Miller's character, Bennie, is up to. It turns out that he's trying to help his brother Coy win, but it appears up to about 9/10s of the way through that he's trying to kill Coy. So maybe people just couldn't really put together what was going on and that's completely up to the fault of the editor. And there's quite a bit of bad editing here. Carradine's kung fu is quite terrible. The car chases are moderate. And the driving is lack luster. But when it gets to its second climax (this movie has too many of those) it lights up on fire. It's no Deathrace 2000 but this isn't exactly a pile of dook either.

One tough cop and one tough public defender team up to take down the entire NYPD and one guy who owns a sex club and likes illegal street racing. The only thing standing in their way? More grenades. Do not be mislead by the very positive reviews by the critics here. This has got a 70% on Rottentomatoes. That is absolutely insane. This movie stinks, in a good way, but it stinks and it stinks hard. I mean, what did they see that we didn't? Oh, well there's lots of commentary about racism and corruption within police departments at that time. Yeah we saw that. Well what about the conflict within Roland on choosing money or his passion? Yep saw that too. What about Richie's path to lead him to this point in life? Wait, you're arguing that this is a good movie because his girlfriend waxed her apartment floors and the dog flew out the window because it couldn't stop? THAT'S YOUR ARGUMENT?!?!? He lives in a movie theater because of slippery floors?!?!? Did you see the part where a cop and public defender chase down a goon on tricycle? Did you see Richie use children at Cooney Island as bullet shields? Did you see the word salad love talk between Roland and the assistant district attorney that is prosecuting Roland's client? Did you see the end that has the quality of Megaforce? This movie stinks and you should have said so, critics! If you'd done your job properly this movie would now be a thing with people like us and it just isn't because of you and how you mistreated it by saying it was good. Boo, shame, shame, hiss, hiss. This is an undiscovered gem of a stinker. If you can get your hands on a view, its worth it. Do it.

Sure, its just West Side Story with skateboards but its....uh....hmmmm. I guess that's it. What you've got here is your classic tale of boy wants to win skateboarding competition, boy meets his rival, boy meets girl, girl is rivals sister, boy and rival skateboard joust with bean bags in a burning drainage ditch, boy blames girl, boy beats rival in downhill skateboarding competition, rival and boy become brothers in law and America is united. That ol' joint, you know. So if you're a skateboarder or someone who enjoys watching skateboarding, you're gonna prefer Gleaming the Cube over Thrashin'. Here the skateboarding is pretty sub-par for a film about a sport (aside from the pool competition that appears to be helmed by Steve Caballero and Tony Hawk). What Thrashin' does right though is ratchet up the corny cheese to about 50. The dialogue is so bafflingly terrible, the "tough" guys are comically fancy, And time after time, the characters make hilariously stupid decisions and then throw hissy fits about their actions. It was not a good look for a budding subculture in sports at the time and very far from what the culture actually was. I mean, nothing is more about fellowship and a communal love than skateboarding. Yet, here comes Tommy Hook and his band of ne'er do wells sabotaging competition because they came onto their turf. Come on! Skateboarding gangs?!?! And they have turf?!?!? That they presumably acquired from actual gangs....you know...the kind with guns?!?!? Its so preposterous. Whats next? Xanadu skaters conquering Times Square??? Its so incredibly stupid that you can't help but love it and its a pure riffers paradise. Drop in and do it.

When the only way to get revenge for your brother's death is to drive at 200 MPH, don't. Because apparently you don't need to, or can't, or it really wasn't anybody's fault except your brothers. I mean the list goes on and on. So this is an Asylum movie, which we tend to steer very clear of because of the complete lack of writing that takes place and their usually horrible visuals. Well this makes no exception. The writing is incredibly terrible and the visuals are horrendous. What is hard to clarify is that somehow this one feels different from their other rubbish. There's really not any "boxes of dialogue" in the middle. There's no standing around with quick cuts between characters not really talking about anything but pretending their doing something important. 200 MPH is more just wandering between scenes that may or may not have anything to do with the plot but its too hard to tell because you're never really sure what the plot is exactly.  Maybe we're so desensitized that we can't see how cringey this thing is but in the parts that are possibly that way, we actually laughed. Its almost Neil Breenesque in how it handles motifs that should be handled by more qualified people. Its so far from reality that you laugh at some pretty gross stuff (see every scene in the strip club for reference).  I will say that this is viewing for the advanced class only. The students in Bad Cinema 330. Go in at your own risk, but for many of you, 200 MPH is a good time.

Billie Jean leads a movement of oppressed 80's kids against.....adults? Because she wants that damn $608 and FAIR IS FAIR! So once upon a hot summer in Corpus Christi, a 14 year old guy named Binx gets his sweet scooter trashed by some older d-bags. His older sister goes to the dad of said punk and demands he repay for the damages. Instead that guy tries to put her on a rape-repayment plan and gets shot by Binx. The kids bolt and become defacto Bonnie and Clyde figures of the day's youth. That's really more than you need to know about this film. I went in completely blind as to what it was and I am so glad that I did. Thanks alot Google for making us have to write up content each time that spoils the movie. Nice algorithm! I should revolt against the man too because fair IS fair. Anyways, the old d-bags do bad things (usually rape) and get away with it in the 80's is a fairly common theme we come up against on this podcast. See Tomboy, The Wraith, Savage Streets and so many others....I guess just pick any 80's film. Odds are you're gonna have elements of this. But what makes Billie Jean special is how much it veers away from the common tropes of this (for lack of a better word) genre. Instead of the lead going on a path of vengeance, our heroine (Helen Slater's Billie Jean) goes on the lamb and vicariously creates a cult of teenagers who've just had about a damn nuff of these adults being unfair, I guess. I literally have no idea what the cults goal is other than to worship and protect Billie Jean. All ol' BJ wants is the $608 her brother is owed for her scooter. But even that is murky as she exploits her situation to get a new scooter. I guess she just really loves riding on the back of a scooter in skimpy clothes with her younger brother who may or may not have blood in his noggin, definitely not enough that he should be driving that scooter! The Legend of Billie Jean is another microcosm of 80's film. Its not that there's any one thing you can point to and say THAT is what makes this movie awesomely terrible. Its the entire piece. The theme, the soundtrack, the plot, its all dripped in 80's nacho cheese. The kind that gives you a stomach ache later but man does it taste good on the way down.

Christian Slater is a skateboarding detective who will stop at nothing to solve the murder of his adopted brother, including using his dead bro's ex, complicity in manslaughter and traffic violations. Traffic violations!!! So Brian (Christian Slater) is a teenage punk whose only outlet in life is some serious thrashing on his skateboard. When his brother gets fired from his video store job for looking into his boss's medical supply business invoices, he ends up accidentally murdered by a guy choking him with a towel. When THAT guy ends up accidentally murdered, Brian goes on a investigation with the power of his skateboarding. This sounds like its awesome and well....it is. BUTTTTT it takes so long to get going that you're gonna be pretty disappointed for the first 30 minutes. However, once that ball gets rolling - hold on to your trux because things get really awesome at the end. We're still not really sure what the crime plot is, Steven Bauer stinks pretty hard, and the stunts are fantastic. Gleaming the Cube is a definite do but just be warned the beginning is much like a made for TV after school special.

The 90's most Xtreme dude finds himself on an erupting ski slope. We're gonna shred some gnar over that volcano right? Well....no. What we've got here is another Zombeavers. You want to talk about a great premise and setup for a fun disaster film that you won't ever forget? This is it. Dan Cortese in the late 90's on the slopes. A volcano surrounded by snow ready to blow. A deadbeat dad that doesn't care if his son is dead. A character named Stan in a volcano movie!!! Yet, Dan doesn't shred the slopes and jump over the volcano. The volcano and snow face off is vague and stupid. When the deadbeat dad gets his justs deserts its unclear if he even dies. And Stan does NOT ever chuck a man. Booooo.... Seriously this could have been as successful as Sharknado (and its 5 sequels) 16 years ahead had they just got away from the Meredith Baxter Burney formula of made-for-tv movies. I guess ABC wasn't willing to put any mustard behind their content back in '97.  Why take a chance with your movie destined to be completely forgotten? Yeah you can skip Volcano: Fire on the Mountain. 

In our final not movies episode before we get back to normal shenanigans with Jackie, we discuss Matrix Resurrections, The Man in the High Castle, Philip K Dick, NBA and some followups to our top 10 list from last episode.

Sam and Justin rake Doc Strange over the coals, Moon Knight gets a spoiler-free review, Antlers and Forever Purge fail to impress.

In this week's show, we get a request for the best movies of the last ten years. Sam and Justin do a deep dive of the last decade in cinema with a few surprises.

Nic Cage plays Nick Cage and that's about all the trailer tells you about this. Its so much more than you think it is. If ogres are like onions, UWOMT is the state fair winner of onions stuffed inside of the Earth's core. Even a hardcore Nic Cage fan (hello!) will have to watch this three or four times to peel away each layer of self awareness and subtle statements and meta, meta, meta. Its too deep to even get into without ruining it in a silly blog review. Yet, somehow it breaks all the rules of a layered film as its incredibly accessible to the masses. It shouldn't work as it has something for everyone including the film snobs and the casual popcorn eater and yet says directly in the dialogue that a movie such as that cannot work. Its like if Salvador Dali painted naked ladies holding American flags atop tanks that are shooting at Martian invaders. Nic is great. I mean really truly great. Fantastic. Pedro Pascal is great. Everyone is great. Whatever, stop reading this. Just go watch this movie. You don't have to be a Cage nut (it helps) to enjoy it, have it be worth your time and investment. You'll thank yourself. Just go watch it, dammit. 

Sam and Justin take on Don't Look Up, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Spooky Spaceships, changing the name of the Midwest, and actual bad teaching methods (not talking to you, Florida)

This episode Sam and Justin discuss Winning Time, giant ice cubes, Justin fixes his audio, the Snyder Cut, HBO, and the greatest art thief in the history of world.

This week Justin and Sam discuss Coda, The Bear, STAG beer for dinner, Chunky Brunch, Hawkeye, The Witcher, Reba and TBS ruining TV for everyone, Zach Snyder and a sad story about Fight Club in space.

As a special bonus episode Sam and Tucker go on a tirade about The Wheels of Time and how much life sucks now that Justin and Jackie are MIA.

In our first episode of our weird moving hiatus, Justin and Sam discuss exposed butts but not faces, living in Illinois, why Wyoming blows, the Oscars and wheeled hard-ons.

Ex-Surfer and shirtless hunk Rick struggles with whether to continue on doing the thing he's too old for but loves or to not have sex with the 17 year old. See what I did there? Welcome to the Baywatch Prequel. I mean seriously, this is just Baywatch right or the other way around? The story follows Mitch, I mean Rick, who is now 32 and still a beach bum lifeguard. So he has to make a choice: enter the suit-and-tie world of schmucks or keep on guarding and facing ridicule from society. Along the way, he takes on a new trainee (Parker Stevenson - yup THAT Parker Stevenson) who is attending college in the fall (possibly law school?), gets himself into a school girl crush/statutory rape situation, hooks up with an ex who is way out of his league and loses a lifeguard decathlon because he's getting too old for this shit. All this while sprinkled with various lifeguard activities that will one day become plot lines for entire episodes of Baywatch.  This kinda sounds like a good time, doesn't it? Well its not. Lifeguard manages to deliver each of its elements with one over-arching characteristic: tedium. If its not Rick you want to slap, its someone else on screen for being near him. Maybe I just have a problem with the Peter Pan plot, but I don't want to get behind any cry-baby who doesn't want to grow up because then it means taking responsibilities for your actions. While Rick waddles from one bad decision to another, his support group just keeps encouraging his bad decision-making. So you find yourself having a real hard time getting behind anyone in the film. Fortunately, Rick did get his act together and had a lovely child with Wendy, changed his name to Mitch and raised Hobie to be a lifeguard like his old man. It was just a different show and we have David Hasselhoff to thank for fixing this mess.

Kris and Preston find themselves having to work with Patrick Muldoon's hair to break up a diamond heist in Jakarta. Do they ever realize their unstated attraction? Does the US government see rewards for sending a high school teacher as a double agent? Can Richard Norton get his pants higher? No to all. While Rage and Honor was a bit of a disappointment for its under utilized shenanigans, the sequel manages to go all in. Its not that they turned the amps to 11 because this feels like its own standalone piece that's unrelated in all ways to its predecessor. Tonally different and chock full of nanners, this is an absolute blast from start to finish. It starts with Cynthia Rothrock smashing her co-workers balls and ends with Patrick Muldoon falling off a crane in comedic fashion and never lets off the gas throughout. While its high nanners, its also a hell of a riffer. This is a great Sunday with the buds movie as the "plot" is paper thin and so requires little attention. When you're not lampooning the film, the film lampoons itself for you. Its like a metronome was running throughout because this thing is on beat. Its tempo is perfect and not a dry second exists. Rage and Honor 2 is likely Rothrock's best film and belongs on anyone's Year in Review list. Its top notch and shouldn't be missed by any of our fans and their friends.

Its a cornball karate team-up in a hunt for a video tape that can clear the name of an Aussie cop who has no reason for being there in the first place. Will they fall in love? Will they save the life of their friend? Can anyone explain Brian Thompson's hair? The answer is no to all. So things are fairly typical for a DTV karate movie of this era. You've got your standard karate revenge plot. You've got a female/male will they/won't they standard. You've got shirtless dudes punching it out. The pacing is on key with an alarm that rings "karate fight" when its been about 15 minutes of actual plot development. And of course, there are whoosh sounds when ever anyone reaches for a cup of coffee. What makes Rage and Honor stand out, if you're brave enough to say that, is the leads. All 3 (Rothrock, Norton and Thompson) are pure dorks. None are cool. I wouldn't hang out with any of them. Its like all this drama is happening but no one around it cares because its like "oh, just let those little dorks fight it out". That makes this a fun romp. It's not amazing (due to its typicalness) but it is a great riffer with some smattering of ridiculousness here and there. Great sunday watch.

Gator McClusky is back to punch dudes and kiss ladies. This time he's gotta bust his buddy Roy from the first movie. Oh that's not Roy? That's Jerry Reed? Huh. So as discussed the primary problem with the first film, White Lightning, is its tonally all over the place. Its a goofy car chase movie. Its a murder revenge against a corrupt elected official. Its a sexy time in the swamp. Gator doesn't suffer from that. Thematically, its much more focused. Jerry Reed's Bama McCall is a bit of a goofy villain more in line with James Bond than a Michael Mann movie. You don't feel too icky about him. He's a low level crook running a protection racket and whooores. He's NOT Ned Beatty who is nuts and murders college kids for political dissent. He just likes doing the crimes. That's the level of villain you want for a goofy car chase movie, where the ladies love the handsome guy and cats go on burglaries. Hal Needham, of course, knocks the stunts out of the park, including one where he almost died (again) jumping out of a truck. However, this isn't crammed of his craziness. This IS a Burt Reynolds movie so you have to lace the stunts with him being good looking and charming. There might be more good looking and charming than stunts but both are at a 10 when they are on. Now that I think about it I can't remember anything in this movie that isn't one of those two things. Oh yeah, the cats doing burglary. One can argue that White Lightning is the better of the two films and it does depend on your lens, but I can understand. Reynolds directed Gator and its clear he was learning as he went. The darker tone of White Lightning may also hold some accolades for some. I'm not in that camp. I love Gator for being what it is - an "I'm good looking and charming" Burt Reynolds with Hal Needham stunts. That's what I want my TV to loop constantly for the rest of my life and this fits the bill.

Burt Reynolds faces off against Ned Beatty as the most frightening and real villain one can imagine. His method of vengeance? Crashing cars and banging ladies! White Lightning is a cornerstone of what would happen for the rest of the 70's. Mostly Burt Reynolds in cars and doing his silly laugh. But really its influence goes so much farther than that. It sprinkles into trucking movies, Dirty Mary Crazy Larry, Walking Tall, and anything that involves cars and bayous moving forward. Some of that is Hal Needham's stunt work, some of it is Burt's charm, but really it seems like it was just the natural filmic direction that matched the post-Civil-Rights-Movement and late Vietnam war culture of America. Thankfully, White Lightning is low on cringe that a lot of its contemporaries suffer from. Burt's chauvinism is at a minimum (somewhat) and you learn throughout the film that really Burt is taking vengeance against oppression against free speech and political dissent. Its a weird backdrop to a film that has a guy jump a car onto a barge and drink moonshine constantly. I mean there's a lot of silly in a movie about a con/federal rat on a mission to kill a corrupt cop. It makes for a weird dynamic and is either the films greatest weakness or strength. I may be too much of a charlatan to know. While White Lightning has all the right pieces in place, it does fall a bit in its dinking around. There's just too much hanging out and scenery chewing and not enough getting some ice cold revenge. Still a do for someone new but just barely.

The moon is falling! Deploy Operation: Duck and Poo Yourself. Roland Emmerich takes us on another destroy Earth roller coaster, but does he capture the any of his past or is this just another Midway? So the moon is a big space base and because of rogue nanobotic AI trying to destroy mankind, it sucks up all the moons power supply like a Tesla's battery going uphill and causes it to plummet towards Earth. So with what minimal resources can be mustered, a disgraced astronaut, the director of NASA and Art Bell's nephew must fly to the moon and punch that AI in the mouth! Seems legit. Lets move on. What works here: the insane visuals. We're very accustomed to seeing Roland Emmerich destroying New York time after time after time. Its become quite stale, right? Well what changes here is that he learned how composition works. The shots are beautiful rather than just visual effects crammed. So expect to see something new, in something old. There's also the right amount of light heart in the adventuring, its not as bleak as Day after Tomorrow  nor is at as corny as 2012. The trio of leads work together well. Patrick Wilson won me over finally. Halle Berry didn't piss me off. John Bradley is well, John Bradley. What doesn't work: Roland has a problem with his writing. He has again made a film with too much front loaded character story. Its not that the movie is too long (it is) but it especially feels that way by his inability to tell about his characters alongside the plot. You have to wait for 30 minutes for the start of the movie, just so you can get to know his characters. Its a shame he still hasn't learned his lesson here and keeps this film from being amazing. Moonfall is still a great theater experience and is a popcorn-face stuffer. I would love to see the sequel that Emmerich wants to make but probably won't be able to.

Samuel L and Robert Carlyle team up in this drug/money caper/heist that looks like a Ritchie/Boyle knock-off/bandwagon romp/joint. We'll be leaving/running away now. Uh......it sucks. I would love to say that this is an undiscovered gem that the critics harpooned because it was ahead of its time (much in the same manner as they treated Snatch) and that this will become your new favorite movie. I can't say that. The critics got it right. Its vapid, cloney and drivel. Look, I can't fault anyone here though. I watched Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch back to back in college and thought that I was Bullet-Tooth Tony for about 2 years. I got hit in the face a lot and deserved most of it. So when you see a script that is a British crime caper in 2000, I really can't fault you for wanting to be involved. And everyone involved goes all in on this. I can't pick on anyone. Its just the fault of wanting to do a film like this and having no business doing such a film. Its just the nature of art. I mean, I'm sure there was a lot of Samuel L's seeing The Mona Lisa and saying "I want to do that". Maybe that's why Caravaggio was thrown out of his guild. (Oh that was for murder? Oh...well) I want to tell you that you're gonna find something worth watching here, even with low expectations, but I just don't think you will. Skip!

An aged Charlie Bronson finds himself having to stop a sex-trafficking pimp by giving him a new diet and having a Borderlands boss fight set piece at the end. So its Tuesday! What I don't enjoy about this film is that has no business existing. This is a perfect example of something that happens far too often in film. Its two movies. A dark, horrific look at the world of a Vice officer who struggles to do his job not because he hates the beat but he seems himself so little differently than he sees his perps. He masks all this self-loathing with racism until he finds himself having to find the daughter of a foreign national who molested his own daughter. Do I do the job and save this girl or do I stand by my disgusting self hate? The other is a Cannon movie. This material is too dark and disturbing to be juxtaposed against a Charlie Bronson action movie. When you have material this heavy and dark, you gotta end up with The Deerhunter. You can't lighten it up with some one-liners and some explosions. You can't swing an audience from the lowest feeling possible one second to car chases the next. Its water and oil.  Sadly, if they had done one or the other, I would have really liked it. Option one, wouldn't be on Stinker Madness and wouldn't have ruined my Sunday. Option 2, likely would have had 8 stars as the bad movie shenanigans in this are high level. Its really a great tragedy.

Horny scientists in space! Everything in this movie is gross sex! Everyone has messy pants including the aliens! Ever wanted to see a xenomorphs vagina? You can now! What a pitch... Essentially, scientists want to cure disease and they think that making a human/xenomorph combo will give them the answers which has its own set of problems. BUT, instead they make some regular xenomorphs too and some Ripley abominations who tear apart a handful of scientists and Michael Wincott too early in the film. This results in the science vessel automatically crashing into the Earth at the speed of 176 million MPH causing an extinction level event and ushering in a nuclear holocaust. Thanks Ripley! While all this shakes out, we follow the path of a group of space pirates from the mess hall back to their ship. Occasionally they have to escape xenomorphs, but mostly they have hang down contests with Ripley having the biggest of hang downs. Ron Perlman's "Johner" tries his best but has met his match in big dicking by the lady that is part alien and can now dunk it. Winona Ryder's "Call" eyeball rolls behind them, thinking about her sole mission of destroying all xenomorphs and anyone who stands in her way....until she meets a guy SHE helped kidnap who has one inside of him. She's ok with him. Not just ok, vehemently defends saving his life. What?!?! This thing is one of the dumbest movies and likely in the top 3 of film in the dumbest period of film - the late 90s. When every Tom, Dick and Harry were trying to recreate Jurassic Park and Independence Day, you ended up with this turd, Deep Blue Sea and Event Horizon, with a cavalcade of less notable but equally stupids behind it. Yet Alien Resurrection manages to be as stupid as they come, but then an odd mix of tedium with flashes of moronic hilarity. Its a hard one to recommend but its just so incredibly idiotic that its hard NOT to recommend. Men have trekked to Nepal and sat in silence for decades for lesser doubts and confusion than the quandary of recommending Alien Resurrection or not. I guess you should watch it but realize the film doesn't start until 35 minutes into the movie and then there's about 20 minutes of actual good content throughout.

2 down on their luckers attempt to right the course of their financially destiny, but a young Joe Manchin stands in their way and he's serving up deadly coal for breakfast. What Home Sweet Home Alone manages to do is cause empathy for struggling Americans in a way that MSNBC could never home to imagine. This whole time we only needed Max Mercer to unite the country and feel bad for those less fortunate. Its as if we were Ebenezer Scrooge and Max Mercer is all 3 Ghosts of Christmas who just repeatedly puts poor people in comas with billiard balls. "Take it away, spirit. I can endure no more" said I as little Max stabs Jeff in the heart with a three foot long icicle. Yes the whole thing is a giant misunderstanding that could have been all avoided if adults would just use their words (so wait, were Jeff and Pam Joe Manchin, then?) or if little Max wasn't such a heavy sleeper in luxury cars (no, he's definitely Joe Manchin), but what frightens me is Max' inability to hesitate to kill people. Sure, Kevin McCallister was likely a megalomaniac with delusions, but Max straight up is ok with killing people. No, the words "Please don't kidnap me" were never uttered from his toothy grin. Or even just "Stop". He wants Jeff and Pam to come at him, bro. If they don't then at no point can he enact his elaborate plan to slowly torture them and culminating with Jeff impaled on ice and Pam's chest caved in from 25lb weights shot at her from a treadmill. Nothing less will satisfy his as yet undiscovered blood lust. That's what frightens me about this film. But yeah, it stinks and isn't worth viewing by anyone over the age of 10 and parents should have a long discussion with children afterwards about why Joe Manchin isn't a role model.

A traitorous group of ex-military hatch a plan to hijack an airport so that they can move a pilot from one plane to another. They only thing they didn't account for was John McClane. Oh, and other airports, radios, emergency vehicles, electrical tape, power lines, and the media. But mostly, John McClane! I mean...why is this so highly rated? Its sitting at a 7.1 on IMDB as of this writing. That's only 1 star lower than the first one. This movie is seriously only 1 star worse, super fans? Its like at least 3! Why? Why Die Hard 2 is a 5 star movie The Plot The Effects The Writing Bruce Willis So the plot is incredibly stupid as it purely doesn't need to exist. The terrorists (which they aren't really terrorists) have seized control of an airport (not the airport itself, just control) and are holding flying planes hostage unless an extradited criminal (that at some point they became besties with?) is permitted to hop a board a fully fueled 747 and they all fly to Bolivia or somewhere undeclared. Mid movie though, the criminal (Franco Nero) takes over control of the C130 he's flying on and flies it around. Why does he need these jokers at all? From Esperanza's view, the plan is to free himself and then stop at an airport to pick up some guys he has no business ever having met. Great, thrilling... The effects have aged poorly. With the rear projection, matte working and green screens this looks about as Renny Harlin as Renny Harlin could do in 1990. The writing is just a hodgepodge of "well this happened in Die Hard so we should do it here" including a ton of pointing out the obvious by John McClane such as, "Hey I'm in tunnels again" or "Hey this happens every Christmas to me". But also includes Holly punching out (or in this case tasing) Thornberg because he's a skeezy guy who doesn't really contribute to the plot in anyway. Its just so people can remember that this is a Die Hard movie, I guess, by seeing the same things again. Lastly, Bruce Willis' contribution to the dialogue. He was giving free reign to ad-lib as much as he wanted to and he does so much of it that he had to come back after filming and add in more via ADR. But what we're giving is a 7-3 ratio of groan inducing one liners that leave you eye-rolling more than cheering John's everyman role. Skip it. It ain't a Xmas movie and its barely a Renny Harlin movie. 

Beloved (by us) director Renny Harlin shares with us his vision of Frankenstein in which Man isn't just the monster, Man is a bunch of bumbling idiots that have a hard time avoiding killing themselves. It isn't just that this is full blown idiot plot, its that these people are so stupid in ever maneuver they do, including the entire reason the film happens that its a surprise they are able to understand which appendage socks go on. We're talking bovine levels of intelligence. I mean, they leave the shark in the science lab while conducting "science" and its only secured by a ratcheting tie-down - the kind one buys at Home Depot when they need to move a mattress across town. Of course, you all are gonna get eaten! The ineptitude and holes in common sense just escalate from their and culminate with the protagonist (maybe? this is a topic for much debate) tries to be a hero but only manages to make the situation far worse and also results in getting chomped up pretty nicely. The CGI is bad. Real bad. Bad by 1999's standards. Usually bad CGI is an instant no-go for us as it can be nausea inducing (I'm looking at you, The Asylum) but here, there is a little charm to its badness. It's not anything other than just goofy looking. Think of your children's drawings. They're really bad, right? But there are still cute and lovable. This may be one of a handful of examples where the awful effects are endearing. Name three more films that can say that? I'll wait. Season with classic Renny Harlin "just keep rolling" maneuvers, the most memorable death scene in history and its obvious "This ain't your daddy's Jaws" tone and you've got a stinker that only suffers by being about 15 minutes too long. Its required viewing.

An shining example of what an "anti-movie" looks like that stars everyone you've ever heard of with none of them ever having looked at the script. Its got gangsters, nostalgia, betrayal and fast ladies. Sounds cool right? For the masses, no this is not cool. Far from it. There's an air of intended cleverness like other nostalgic gangster movies, like if peak Guy Ritchie had made a movie about gangsters and their deviousness (oh, he DID do that?) but comes nowhere near where it needs to be at for that. In fact, it doesn't get near anything. Its as if it lives in the parallel universe that is Vic's World. Its a Bizarro film. It must have been filmed on opposite day. It manages to do everything different than any other film does. It really achievement. Its a "so bad its good" but not in the manner that Troll 2 is. You can explain Troll 2 and why its good. This isn't that. Again, everything is opposite in an anti-film. I feel like you'd need to have a master's degree in bad film to be able to explain why it is so bad its good. I don't have a degree in English but I fee like I've done a pretty good job reviewing terrible movies with very little substance, yet words won't find me here. Its not from lack of content, its that the content is so far from anything bearing a concept that I'm befuddled. The one thing I will say about it, is that at no point does anyone get distracted, lose focus or ever have a doubt about what they were doing. Everyone is as professional and consistent as if there were in a Terrence Mallick movie. Which makes it even more befuddling. What did they see here that I can't? Is there some unspoken vision that I'm just too Neolithic to see? I shake my fist at the sky man and yell, "What were you all doing here?" (and let slip the dogs of war, I guess).  Mad Dog Time is not for everyone but I highly approve of it and give this a beloved do recommendation. Good luck and Godspeed.

A father and son criminal duo trek across the US on the unbeknownst path to mommie's house. Will we ever find out who gets control of the radio? Straight up this movie sucks and its all the fault of whomever thought ruining Corey Haim's life was a good idea because he had a baby face. Let me put this straight, Vanilla Ice is more likeable than Corey Haim's Nelson. I mean he's truly the least likeable person one could imagine. Nelson needs to be punched in the face. He's intolerable. His dad, Sam, Leo Rossi, isn't much better. I guess they somehow managed to make a "like father, like son" directing choice, but the choice was "Lets stick two people in a car that needs to be blown up but never does. Audiences will go wild with annoyance! It'll be great!" Aside from the frequent annoyance that will leave you wanting to claw your ears off, there is only a smattering of things that one can be considered "fun" in the flick. Cynthia Rothrock beating the crap out of Sam for one. The final action sequence is pretty epic and is so good that in another film would be worth the price of admission but a 25 year old Sophia Loren could come out of your TV and serve you hot dogs and the rest of the movie would STILL not be worth it. They are that annoying. Think Coolio in Dracula 2000 annoying. Its sad because this should be a classic. All the cards are there. But far too many terrible dialogue sequences, goober level comedy, and a misused Rothrock make this an absolute do not.

The male version of Teen Witch steals a magic lamp from his work and goes on a series of misguided adventures with his new dad, The Jinn who is just as drunk and disorderly as his bio-dad who went out for smokes and never came back. Our hero, Al Haddin, isn't a good guy. He's a thief, conceited, a GHB bro, and only cares about one thing - himself. One could argue that's because he's never had a positive father-figure in his life but I think its much deeper than that. Which, if I remember, I'll get into later. But either way, it's hard to root for little Al. Once he gets the lamp and subsequently the genie and his powers, things really go off the rails. He first wishes for a car "that rockstars drive", a Rolls Royce. Fine, I would probably do the same. Secondly, he wishes that the car doesn't have to obey the laws of physics and can fly. Sure, I get it. Traffic sucks, until you realize the military has scrambled F-18s to you as you are now a UFO. Ok, chalk it up to a simple misunderstanding. Then he wishes to give his secret crush a necklace to impress her. Ok, well now we're getting dicey, but I'd love to also give my wife a diamond necklace (and because its made with magic instead of slave labor its blood diamond free), however Al gives her a $10 seashell necklace that will likely give her ringworm. Al you live in Florida, my dude, you could have bought that at any street vendor in South Beach. THEN when she rejects his advances, he uses the power of the Jinn to force her to kiss him. Ok, I know this is 1986. Its still gross. It was gross in Teen Witch, it was gross in License to Drive and its gross here. Weinsteining is a crime at any age. I'm now way off of Team Al. So after various and plentiful hijinks vignettes including the stunningly bad/great flying car sequence, various dealings with mob goons and a very dark child sex-trafficking plot (yeah, wow), we end up with Eugene (the Genie) getting outed as a supernatural being to the Mayor/Chief/James Bond Villain who wants to use the Jinn's powers to rid the world of war making except for one particular military base in Canada that he must have won in a card game or something so that he can be the ruler of Earth. Not sure how that all works but it results in a much deserved magic carpet ride/helicopter chase that looks worse than the flying car sequence and rivals the effects of Pumaman. Its fantastic. Oh and all wants to murder the people chasing them (oh yeah he wanted to murder the mob guys and the wait staff at their club, too). Only Eugene talks him out of it. Al's final wish is for the Jinn to become human and bang his mom. Woof. Aladdin is about as cheesy as they get. With that, it is also baffling poorly thought out, looks terrible and has a musical score that will make Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny cringe. But its a laugh riot and prime riffing material. Three thumbs up and a total do from us.

This episode originally aired in November of 2017. In "the before time". Enjoy.   Spectacularly over-rated director M. Knight Shyamalan gives us his vanity piece in the vein of Neil Breen and Tommy Wiseau and not only shows us he stinks at film as badly as they do, but that he's a giant, narcissistic, arrogant, terrible person. Good job! So it's a fairy tale that involves water people called Narfs, who want to help mankind solve their problems. Standing in the way is their lack of sense of meeting people and a solo grass dog, but also the rules of being eaten by one of Gandalf's eagles. Ok... Now we know that if you look too deeply into most fairy tales, you'll find plenty of problems within the logic and that's fine. However, that is not what this jackass is trying to get us to not do. He tries to put forward some moral about man's desire to destroy itself without some sort of altruistic outside influence as a vehicle to change. What he succeeds in, is to say that he is the greatest story-teller ever to live and if you feel differently you should be eaten by a monster green monster. Then there's his martyrdom. He plays a character in the film who is the object of the Narf's musing. This person will change the world via his book. It will be read by the future leader of the world, thus inspiring him to make mankind peaceful and prosperous. Yet at no point does he make an attempt to declare what is contained within his "The Cookbook". His only reference to its content is "Its got things about leaders and governments and society and stuff". THIS is the words of the greatest storyteller according to himself. What an asshole. Aside from his giant ego and his complete hatred for anyone that critiques his work and doesn't worship it, this movie is crap. It's shot poorly, breaks its own rules constantly, has a terrible performance by Paul Giamatti, and conflicting character motivations. It also has a mermaid who has no pants, Ariel's treasure cave, gorilla/ent hybrids, and an apartment complex that was built next to Sherwood without a parking lot. Despite all that lunacy it's terribly boring, hugely unfunny and well worth avoiding.

Once again, those randy monsters try to break into an underground lab of dubious intent and the only man whose ever fought them does nothing to help anyone but himself to some horny waste-lander. But this time, he fathers his own monster baby. Daddy's home, sucka! Continuing the story of David, one of two survivors from Mojave Lab of the first film, we find him on his way to Rocky Mountain Lab where he plans to spend the rest of his days on a weekend booty/peyote hunt. I guess they don't have vaccines to the virus that killed all of mankind but now they have a method of creating one. The sole missing ingredient comes from cacti that he must gather for them on his way. As one could predict his journey is hampered by the monsters as well as a cult that sacrifices hot ladies to the monster's lusty ways in order to save themselves (that doesn't make sense). He meets a randy lady who comforts his grief for the world by offering up her luscious bits. She manages to get pregnant with his child only to later have the monster have his way with her creating a super mutant monster baby within her. The terror! Well David, doesn't bother to divulge his experiences the last time his lover got monster-impregnated, nor does he bother to use his dog whistle to stop anyone from being murdered, until it is far too late. Good stuff, David! Once, said monster-baby is born he faces off in a death battle against his offspring that represents itself in a full grown man suit with a conjoined twin on its face (we think). Hilarity ensues when mom disciplines the monster baby and David kills it in the way a certain Libyan dictator was killed by his own subjects - in the butt. Terror Within II isn't going to make it on anyone's hall of fame list but it is beyond a day a much better time than the first one. Its not draggy and while devoid of much plot, manages to fill its time with enough wacky business that keeps you engaged. The final sequence is worth the price of admission but the rest of the film isn't a joyless experience and is a great riffer. We say do it!

Freddy Krueger he is not. What the Candyman actually is and how he works is as big of a mystery as Amelia Earnhardt's disappearance. Nothing makes sense! What is Candyman? Well we know that he was murdered for the mistake of being born black. Ok, so he comes back as the spirit of racial injustice vengeance? Nope. The person he kills that drives the narrative is an impoverished black woman. Ok. Well what else? They murdered him by covering him in honey and bees stung him to death and he seems to have a real affinity for the buzzy bugs. So is he bees? Maybe, but if he's bees then why isn't other Candymen (yes there are other Candymen as shown in the ending) also bees? Nope. Only he's bees. He also poops bees and actual poop which is pretty weird. The most baffling thing about Candyman is his modus operandi. Call him 5 times in the mirror and he murders you? Nope. Our protagonist, Helen (Virginia Madsen) does that and she doesn't get killed by him. One of his murders is just busting into a ladies apartment uninvited. Another time he chopped a kid's weiner off for peeing in the wrong toilet. Helen summons him and he kills some other guy. Nothing tracks. As silly as Freddy is at times, he's one thing - consistent if nothing else. Candyman is all over the place.  Seriously ask yourself what the plot is. Put its attempts at social commentary, its brilliant soundtrack and the exceptional gift that is Tony Todd aside and tell me what this movie is about? Is it a forlorn love story in the same vein as The Mummy Returns? Is it about reincarnation due to horrible circumstances? Is it about the propagation of urban legends and the effects of myth on reality? While all the surrounding elements distract you into thinking this is some high brow horror film with subtext and production of the Oscars - you're missing it. Candyman isn't about any of those things. Just because you talk about gentrification, racial injustice, privilege, and urban folklore doesn't mean your film is about those things. Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. Its a movie that takes place at Christmas. I won't be bent on that just because you want to have an excuse to watch it instead of Its a Wonderful Life. I could take it or leave it. I understand it has its fun moments and one can argue its thought provoking but to me its just a muddled mess of a film on top of another film like a crappy painting covering up a good one.

Wherein a dragon saves a terrible person's life and everyone blames the dragon for said terrible person's terribleness. Its a funny old world we lived in back in 984 AD. So yeah, the plot here is that a oppressive king dies in a moronic manner and his awful Joffreyesque turd of a child becomes king. Before he can reimplement prima nocta, a girl falls onto him; knocking him into a lethal cheese cart. Yes that's right. Before the movie even starts up, the villain has been killed by a cheese cart. So his mentor, Bowen (played by Dennis Quaid) takes him up to a dragon's cave where Draco (Sean Connery) takes a chunk of his heart and stuffs into said brat and revives him, all while making him swear an oath to be a just and kind king. Before the little wanker can make it back to his castle, he's already issued a decree to enslave the people to build a vanity project for him. Bowen, being the perfect judge of character that he is, blames Draco for King Twat's cruelty and vows to hunt him to the ends of the earth. 12 years later, and both Bowen and Draco forget that they ever met, despite Bowen still being on a genocidal hunt to murder ALL dragons and Draco feeling the literal pain of sharing his dragonheart and the mistake of his one good deed to allow him into dragon heaven being the continuation of a monarchy that enslaves and murders its own subjects. Well the pair team up to run the mob's protection racket and hijinx ensue. Eventually (about 85% of the film length) they decide to take on King Butthole and end his reign. Despite how incredibly stupid the plot is, it still doesn't qualify for the idiot plot. King Longsuck still would have been a terrible ruler and eventually someone was going to rise up against him. A dragon sure would be helpful in a rebellion, one would think, but Draco doesn't even do anything to support the rebellion. Burn some castles! Go full Targaryen! Nope he just flies around. So its clear you do NOT need a dragon to have a successful rebellion. One could argue that without Draco reviving the little dickhead that the plot wouldn't happen. Little BH would be dead. Problem solved. Well, yes, the plot wouldn't exist. But its not Draco's fault the kid's a little Hitler. He didn't know. Bowen should have so he's an idiot but it wasn't just him that took the kid to Draco - it was the Queen Mother's idea. And can you really call a mother an idiot for wanting to save her child's life, even if he's the antichrist? I'm not going to. Mom's rule (except mine who went out for a pack of smokes and never came back. How far away is that gas station, anyways?). Long story short: Draco is poorly designed, does very little "dragoning", its tedious and draggy as it does its best to fill in the time as it avoids the main plot, the action is drab and the jokes are intolerable. You can leave after Prince Caligula dies by falling on some cheese.

In a post-apocalyptic world, a group of scientists find a pregnant lady and then the shenanigans ensue. A tea-drinking monster finds its way around their base, operating elevators and smashing speakers like The Who all with the singular objective of lady butt. The terror within, indeed. Essentially, this is Alien but underground and in a singular location ("singular" twice in as many sentences? take that English 102). Somehow, somewhy monsters called "gargoyles" are around wandering the wasteland. They don't eat people or animals. They just kill men and have their way with the women. Once a lady is impregnanted a new gargoyle comes out and the process repeats. However the host is killed. And because they killed the men, there's no more ladies being born to sustain their species. These things are dumb. Their lifecycle is about 7 days and they have holes in their skin and can't close their jaw. I think the remnants of humanity will be just fine. You just need to wait them out, they'll die out on their own. So what's fun here? Well, aside from their horrendously terrible rubber suit that the monster actor wears, its mostly the ineptitude of our band of heroes. While I say that humankind will be fine, I will retract that statement if the rest of us are as dumb as the occupants of Mojave Lab. Not to mention these guys are already dead from dehydration before the movie already started. There's no damn water supply! Ok, I'll move on. In one scene, they find themselves in a hall way that has oily rags in a bucket next to barrels that have "explosive" written on it. Of course, you're gonna explode your whole base. Our favorite character is Dr. Linda, who at point blank, tells her patient that all is fine - after being freshly raped and impregnated by a monster. "I'm not fine! I have a monster baby in me!""Nope, it's a human.""I wasn't pregnant yesterday. Today I am and it's because of monster rape!""Nope. You're good. Sleep well." While it can be a little slow and draggy here and there, the plot is enough to carry this into the do category for me, but two other SM hosts said it's a don't. Enter at your own risk, I guess.

Cyndi Lauper has psychic powers. Jeff Goldblum is tall and is Jeff Goldblum. Are they a match made in Hollywood for the 80s? Obviously not. Hope you like everyone being at an 11! So Vibes is part of this weird genre that only really happened in the 80's. The closest the men in ties will call it is a rom-com, but there's a x-factor with this type of 80's flicks. There's always a BS gimmick such as what we have here - psychic powers. These are more of screwball comedies but with a love interest penciled in because "Oh I guess we have to". So the romance is an afterthought which means that its shouldn't even be a rom-com at all since the rom is so far down on the list of priorities in the writing. It's unfortunate for a lot of these films as the masses tend to stay away from rom-coms. Aside from the teenage girls. But why are we catering our films around selling to this very small niche? I guess I digress. None of this is to say that we've got a good one here. Frankly, Vibes is a mix of cringe and tedium. While there is a sprinkle of good occasionally, most of the jokes are pulled or the ones that aren't are awkward and weird. I guess if you're only wanting to come into a movie for Cyndi Lauper, then you'll like it. For the rest of us that could go either way - its a skipper.

Dar reunites with Seth and his home planet in order to save his bro, but screw everyone else. I need a hero, but could I get someone besides this Dar guy? So if you're a big fan of Dar, well this one isn't for you. It sure exposes Dar to be a cadre of negatives. He's dumb as dirt. He's a bit of a dick. He only thinks with his dick. He doesn't give much of a crap about his friends or the other citizens of his planet. And lastly and most importantly, he's not even a damn Beastmaster. His friends (the lion (who was a tiger before), the hawk and his two ferret pals) refuse to do as he commands but even past that a damn camel bucks him off. The man who controls beasts gets bucked off a dromedary. Inexcusable. Dar sucks in BM:III. Outside of Dar's inexplicable ineptitude, BM:III is not the level of fun that the first one is because, well, nothing is. BUT its night and day compared to the second one and for a made-for-tv movie, this is a true gem. It's as dumb as you can make them and is easily one of the most accessible riffer that we've seen. Its safe for all and totally easy to mock. With its incredibly stupid plot, its ignorance of its own rules and continuity and the bonkers ending with Dar finally finding true love in a guy whose name literally pronounced as "Bae", BM:III is bookended with greatness, much like the series as a whole. You just have to get through that middle part.

If the d-bags from Weekend at Bernie's got involved in a mob murder caper... oh wait that's still Weekend at Bernie's. Ok, well imagine if they go on a butt hunt for 15 minutes too. Terminal Exposure is classified by some as a sex-romp comedy but I frankly don't see it. Maybe I'm desensitized to boobs at this point but the nudity is fairly mild with only one real sex scene (that ranks up there with the grossest of all - despite Hope Marie Carlton being in it). What this to me is a screwball comedy. Its truly in the same vein as Weekend at Bernie's (but not annoying or painfully tedious) or Dumb and Dumber (which shares many of the same plot elements - maybe Dumb and Dumber is also Weekend at Bernie's). However, for the talent that is here that should deliver a groan-inducing cavalcade of boner jokes, somehow Terminal Exposure just kind of works. At no point was it approaching the stupidity that one would expect. The jokes were solid and well delivered despite being launched at you by relative amateurs. The hijinx were well paced and showcased by a befuddled Joe Estevez (yes, Uncle Joe is a show stealer here). And while the plot makes absolutely no sense and is pretty muddled when finally revealed, it takes a back seat to the chain of events that our two numbnut heroes find themselves stumbling into all in the name of chasing tail. All while failing to find itself in the offensive/rapey tropes that most 80's films about two horny guys go into (looking at you, License to Drive). You're not going to be getting any dirty looks while showing this one to your new girlfriend. Maybe some eyerolls.

A believe it or not commercial success, but working more like a confused mess that doesn't know who they want watching it, Burt Reynolds teams up with a precocious scamp to take down a drug ring - because early 90's. Talk about 90's stereotypes and whatever rules to life. Of course, the kid doesn't have parents - it's 1993! Of course the cops cave to his demands to be a cop despite being 10 - it's 1993! Of course, Burt Reynolds drives over everyone's yards without consequences - its 1993! Pop Rocks for a drug prop? You betcha its 1993! Its a weird mix of Robocop, Kindergarten Cop and then a ton of crap that people thought worked in 1993 but in the end its just painfully boring and when its not, its painfully uncomfortable. This is a don't.

audio alert - Sam was on his webcam for the first 7 minutes so there is a weird audio shift when he switches to a good mic. Nothing painful to your earholes, just figured we owe you an explaination. Proceed! Knocking off Beverly Hills Cop while showcasing Gary Daniels as a cheaper JCVD but forgetting that he can't act past his gob being open, White Tiger can't figure out what it is or what it should be so it just manages to be mid-90s karate mush. Why doesn't the movie work or why did I absolutely wish I'd watched something else? Well I'll tell you who's fault it is. It isn't Cary Tagawa. He's fantastic, of course. And he's allowed to go to 11 so it's not director Richard Martin's fault either. It's not even Gary Daniels fault despite his lack of acting, as the big draw is the fight sequences which he co-choreographed with prolific stunt-man Lauro Chartrand. So whose fault is it that White Tiger is a total boring slog of a film? Well, I'm blaming the 90's. See all the big stinker makers were out of the biz or out of their prime by 1996. Cannon was done and Carolco was on its way. DTV was on the rise as you could crap out a turd on a budget and distribute globally for a song. So the studios just wanted to start turning fast bucks and having passion for your project wasn't a benefit, it was a hinderance. What business did Richard Martin even have directing a film? Well, he said he could do it and do it fast. That's all it took for it to get a green light.  The problem with it and say the same film made 5-10 years prior, is there was a hope that if you did a good enough job, if you worked hard enough, if you believed it what you were doing enough the execs in their ties would see you and give you a Brandon Lee shot. Its the American Dream right? Well sorry, but that doesn't exist. So instead you've got no one giving a crap in the writing ("just redo Beverly Hills Cop, again") and no one behind the camera caring either. It's not that anyone screwed up, it just is that no one had the opportunity to screw up either. Which sorry, makes for boring film for our niche AND the big films that go on to win Oscar gold. You must have some spark of passion and care for art. Otherwise, its just a toaster or a '15 Toyota Camry. Your film is now an appliance.

A film that rips off Justin's novel 35 years before he wrote it. Its a prison film (obs) that gets fast and loose with the rules of early release - time off for punchin' dudes. Prepare for a short film review. I don't like it. It should be fun. It looks like it would be. The scenario lends itself to be fun. Its just not somehow. They get it right in the later films but somehow this just isn't really worth anyone's time. UNLESS - you're a student of film history, based on its budget, technical ability and how its a part of a larger movement in cinema.

Nobody crosses the bridge between Uptown and Jungleground! Except the dope pushers, of course. Oh, and the cops. Well we gotta give 'em a little action every now and then, right? Oh and the Feds, hookers, delivery companies, truckers and constructions workers. Seems like everyone does actually. What you've got here is fairly standard fair for a mid-90's DTV action movie with a few standout exceptions. Roddy is, of course, great despite his terrible dialogue in the script. The relationship between Roddy's "Jake" and his fiancé(?), Samantha, is unique in that its just a straight-up good relationship with no getting sidetracked in backstory or conflict between them. Even Samantha takes a few departures away from cliché' by supporting his copping, standing up to sexual harassment and not being a helpless damsel. The film also does one thing very well - it never loses focus. Its "get home, Jake, before they kill your love". No pauses in that goal. Even with the addition of a helpful hooker who just wants to start a new life, Jake always keeps moving forward. He doesn't stop to ponder her struggles or drop her off a a clinic and stay to check on her (in fact he drops her off with some construction workers and steals their truck) nor does Jake try to save Jungleground or its people. He just keeps moving toward Samantha. While the over-the-top action isn't as full as we'd like with a bigger budget, what's there is fun and insane. The Ragnarockers (the gang Jake is hunted by in Jungleground) are excessive in their baddie ways resulting in blowing up entire buildings to kill one guy, putting together elaborate executions that are wasteful and destructive of their own property and never really have a clear plan on how to be bad guys. In fact, most of them are terrible at it. Indoor, open layout farm-to-table markets are about the least scary thing you could have and yet the Ragnarockers love that produce. Their entire system of evil income comes from cocaine storage for the Uptown snobs who've rejected them; not selling of it, just storage and not getting paid for it. In a critical scene, one of the Rockers (the annoying Gameshow) manages to get murdered by none other than gravity and bad decisions, leading to his brother Dragon to declare "I must have revenge!" (against who? Fetal alcohol syndrome?). The ineptitude of the Rockers is what you come for in this movie. On the whole, it's not a standout stinker. Some may not even spot the difference between other DTVs by Dolph, Jeff Fahey or James Remar. But Jungleground does occasionally get it very right. Sadly, it doesn't do it enough.

Two truckers (an old hat and a young buck) and a waitress manage to defeat an army of the most unstoppable killing machines, which even the Predator wouldn't stand a chance against, using the rules of the space highway. Honk, honk, pew, pew! What you've got here is a decent stinker but gets bogged down by how awesome it SHOULD be. It's called Space Truckers. That should be enough to make it amazing. Then Stuart Gordon is directing. I'm no huge lover of Gordon and think most of his projects are just ok, but he's competent enough that he could helm a movie called Space Truckers and not make it not amazing. Tack on Dennis Hopper, who is honestly either great or terrible and either would work here.  Yet, there's hardly any of the space truckin' that I want. Now there is a large amount of actual "trucking" but not much "truckin' ". You see the difference? There's lots of talk about shipping rates, independent contracting vs employed trucking, fulfillment services, and contract negotiations. Its like watching Mila Kunis go through the DMV in Jupiter Ascending. I don't want that! I want Dennis Hopper climbing on the side of the truck to punch out hijackers. I want him putting together a convoy of other space truckers who use their big rigs to run over an entire space colony. I want the space fuzz trying a road block but he jumps over them in a 0 gravity twist. None of that happens. This is like Die Hard. It's a movie that takes place at Xmas, not an Xmas movie (I'll die on that hill). It's a sci-fi movie that takes place around trucking, not a space truckin' movie. So if you're me and a lover of truckin' films, you're entering this bound for disappointment. BUT, that doesn't mean there aren't some good things here. Charles Dance is of course brilliant, even with him spending the majority of his screen-time with prosthetics slapped all over him. The killer robots are seriously awesome looking. The gag-gore is fun enough, even though instead of blood someone decided to use bubblegum. There's a few good lines here and there. Which adds up to it still just barely making it a do. We recommend it as a double-feature with some friends. Maybe put it on the front-end feature before The Ice Pirates? Or maybe Oblivion. But make sure it comes first and never ever ever put it next to an actual truckin' film.

*Warning - Jackie's mic was backwards so her audio isn't perfect. Sorry for any inconvenience.* Want to save the environment but are only a Brazilian princess? Well, show off your pretend dance craze skills on American Bandstand! So long, climate crisis! The merengue is coming for you. So what you've got here is a basket of terrible sequences from the minds of Meneham Golen and Greydon Clark. As the pair rushed the film out in just 56 weeks (from concept to release) in order to hedge their bets against Yorum Globus' Lambada (which released on the same day), what was given to the public was exactly what it deserved. See the lambada was no such dance craze as we've been told. It was a made up craze, likely pushed by the Cannon Group boys so that they could sell tickets to, you guessed it, these two movies. You show us evidence of there being a lambada fervor pre-1990 and we'll eat our shoulder-pad shirts. So yeah, suckers, you bought into some baloney dance fad, you get this thinly put together film in return! However, what The Forbidden Dance actually is, well... it's stinker classic and cult worthy. I can imagine that most might be scared off by the idea of watching a danceical, but as evidenced by Breakin' 2 and The Apple, anyone associated with Cannon Group is capable of blowing your mind with the movie surrounding the often terrible dancing and music (with the exception of 1/3 of the scenes in Breakin' 2). Every sequence in this film could be a highlight reel for Up All Night and Rifftrax. Especially any scene with the atrociously terrible Jeff James (its not totally his fault, his character is a 28 year old man-baby who lives off the teet of mommie's wallet). Just think about the premise here: an American mega-corporation wants to burn the Amazon down (so they can sell ash?) despite a tribe of "Indians" (you racist bastards! They aren't even in North America!!!) living in their destruction zone. The tribe's princess is the only one who can save them (she speaks English) so she hops a flight to LA to try to convince "the Chairman" (of the Board of Directors?) to stop the burning. He isn't in today so instead she forgets about all that stuff and gets a job as a maid, where she seduces said man-baby with her sexy tribal dance rituals/masturbation. After a brief courting period, they team up to lambada their way onto national TV to bring awareness of the Amazon to children who don't do grocery shopping. The only thing stopping them? The evil corp's main hencher, Richard GD Lynch along with man-baby's ex-girlfriend. Now try to write a movie around that premise that ISN'T going to be awesome. We'll wait. From start to finish, The Forbidden Dance is a riffer's paradise and ROFL full. Don't be scared off by the danceical. There's very little dancing in it and when its there, its laughable. It's an absolute blast and a total do from us.

Well I guess if you ever wanted to watch a movie where the cast and crew literally get eaten alive by the stars of the movie, well this is that movie. Its horrifying and terrible and likely contributed to the end of the world. I say that without exaggeration. What Roar is goes beyond anything that Tommy Wiseau, Neil Breen, and M. Knight Shamalyan had ever envisioned for a vanity-piece-gone-awry. There is volumes of material that are all worth reading about for this film, so I'll briefly sum up what you should know. Basically, Tippi Hendren and her husband Noel Marshall hatched an idea to make a film about living in peace with animals that are dangerous but misunderstood. Its about harmony with nature. So what they did was bought a large compound in the California desert and then brought in 150 big cats (and 1 elephant) to live with their family and then shoot a film with the lions, tigers, panthers and jaguars as the stars. Mind you this is all done with Noel and Tippi acting as head trainers, veterinarians and Robert Muldoons of the compound - all without a bit of experience or education on how to do so. So they built a set, hired Jan De Bont as cinematographer and start filming himself and his family getting eaten by their pets. This is hubris to the maximum. What resulted was a financial disaster despite taking almost a decade to film of nearly $15 million in losses, your daughter (Melanie Griffith) getting her face clawed off and needing plastic surgery, your cinematographer getting the back of his head torn off, your ranch flooding destroying your set and your cages thus freeing the lions resulting in 14 of them drowning or being shot by authorities. This not only inspired the scumbags that are "big cat rescue" buttholes but DIRECTLY resulted in Tiger King (Carol Baskin bought many of her big cats from Tippi Hedren). Unbelievable. Now for the film itself. Is it fun? No. Is it funny? No. Is it riffable? No. What Roar is instead is an absolute nightmare. The horror that takes place on screen is what Wes Craven, Blumhouse, and even Alfred Hitchcock (who likely had an indirect hand in causing this disaster) could only dream of. The torture that Noel Marshall put his children through (and were truly forced to do), his complete lack of human compassion as viewed by not yelling "Cut!" and kept rolling as his actors were eaten in front of him, especially when his step-daughter is mauled while his wife desperately tries to pull the lion off her is display of moral absence that has never been caught on film like this. Noel's own on screen performance which can only be described as daffy all with wall-to-wall circus music score is the thing of nightmares. Should you watch it? Absolutely. This is required viewing. Will I ever watch it again? Hell no. Watch it once and then have your beliefs that maybe mankind's time is done reinforced.

He's a real tough guy, but almost everyone he deals with is just a bit tougher, but not tough enough to out tough his toughness. That was until he meets his weekly nemesis, Cat-Man! So Zach Kane is a character. He's a total loser. He's a washed up boxer that now is a borderline vigilante who can barely make ends meet. While that seems like a fairly cliché character model for a late 70s action movie, there's a nice twist to Kane's character; he believes he's still one tough guy. He's never come to terms with his loserness, either by denial or just complete lack of context. He keeps getting his butt kicked by life and his own decisions but he's oblivious. Imagine Johnny Lawrence in episode 1 of Cobra Kai but never having any sort of redemption. While this is mostly considered as an action movie, this is much more of a thriller with the plot centering around a man-hunt for a serial killer. The serial killer himself is quite the character as well. He's a rich kid with some serious mommy issues or at least issues with his mommy being an orgy-loving swinger. So he puts on his trash bag hood and stalks the night as Cat-Man. He literally makes hissing sounds whenever he's in some sort of danger. Little Richard is not exactly Zodiac. The cast is rounded out by Sherry Jackson's Jennifer. Jennifer also has some serious mental health issues or at least self-destructive tendencies. First, Sherry Jackson is a smoke-show and therefore so is Jennifer. Second, she's a well-to-do gal who appears to have a stable source of income. Third, she's an LA socialite with connections to the upper crust. Yet, she is given a bag of Pizza Hut by a guy in a parking lot and she's now swooning for him. He's covered in dirt and blood every time she's with him and comes and goes as he pleases, yet within two dates she's in love with our boy Zach. Why, Jennifer? Why?!?!? Bare Knuckles isn't your typical stinker of this vein. It's mildly slow. The action isn't good. There's relatively low amounts of stunts. There's zero shoot-outs and little blood. Yet, the price of admission is whether you can discover the good movie that is buried in the crap that is the narrative and film production. You may find yourself asking yourself where the line is on bounty-hunting and vigilantism. You may find yourself analyzing the motives of the characters. You may find yourself comparing Zach and Richard to Batman and Joker. You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack. And you may ask yourself, well why am I watching this? Its not for everyone, and its not any sort of bad movie show stopper. But it is a very interesting movie with much to be discussed by lovers of bad movies. We say go for it with your other film buddies, but don't bring any rookies in. This is for intermediates.

Yor does not come from the future. He comes from over there. Sorry for the spoiler. He is still awesome. The ladies love him, the men fear him and Yor believes himself to be the most rad dude of all time and he might be right. Yor is one of those wacky Italian movies that believes to be a good idea with a good story but is just a mess of silly business. Yor bounces smugly from scene to scene veritably stating directly to the audience, "Hey, did you know I'm awesome? Cause I am." His motivations aren't clear, his actions are bonkers, and his idiom is dubious. He's great. He even has his own awesome theme song (Yor's World) that rivals "Do You Want to Be a Hero" from Biggles: Adventure in Time and "Stargrove" from Never Too Young To Die. Yor: The Hunter from the Future is one heck of a good time and is required viewing for any fan of the swords and sandals genre, as long as you like stupid crap.  Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

How do you follow up Wes Craven's directing? You call Jim Wynorski? And he totally shows Wes how its done? Wow. Fan-Fave Jim showcases how you have fun with a failed superhero property. Replace Zach Snyder right now, DC! The polarization between the two versions of Swamp Thing is night and day. It's known within the first 15 seconds as shown by the opening scroll: "Once upon a time....in the swamp!" Boom. Then 8 minutes later we get a real vision of what we are in for - a Swamp Thing costume that looks good filled with a dude that is a) confident in his coolness, b) stupid charming. You know he's giving a thumbs-up at some point. What is happening? The production level in the sequel gets a massive bump as well, from the sets to makeup, the lighting, cinematography, explosions, sound design....everything but the acting. Bad acting? Well yes, but it so works here. Fun is the top priority for not just the viewer but those involved on the set as well. Marlon Brando School of Method Acting takes a back seat and that's a good thing. The whole film is an absolute blast with hot-pacing, fun jokes, way over-the-top action, great costumes and makeup, sexy ladies, ridiculous villains, a couple precocious scamps, awful acting, and some very subtle cinematography and special effects that reinforce the talent of one Jim Wynorski. This one can't be missed. Expect to see this again in Year in Review. There is a very small occasional click in the audio of this episode. Adobe Audition isn't a great program. It's really small and you may not even notice it, but we want to apologize for it in advance.

Nothing says the follow-up to Superman like a budget movie, right? It's that weird mix of camp, bad costumes, a busty lady, and villians of dubious intent. Oh, and it's also a fairy-tale love story. WTF is Swamp Thing? It's surprisingly bad. Nothing can prepare you for how crummy this film is. You've got all the pieces that should make for an OK movie - the established Wes Craven only 2 years before his masterpiece. Adrienne Barbeau hot off her run of John Carpenter films, Ray Wise on his way to Leland nuttiness, Harry Manfredini ready to give the hot licks, Alan Moore's material, the backing of DC loaded up on cash after Superman. How did this go wrong?!?! The makeup is awful, the costumes are atrocious, the writing is beyond nonsense, the story is a big question mark and then the way the whole thing ends is just nuts. This truly is one of the worst comic-book movies of all time. That aside, it's a total blast - cheesy, cheesy fun. Swamp Thing is completely useless, despite having super-strength and healing powers. He mostly just chucks guys out of boats, then lets them get back in, then chucks them out, rinse and repeat. Meanwhile, Barbeau's Cable, is just getting nabbed over and over again. Useless. The end...wow. Whomever thought that your epic climax would best be shown by a battle over a knight's sword between a man-pig and a guy in a loose rubber costume was going to wow audience's....yipes. It's a must-do bad movie.

Get ready to meet the most righteous dudes of movie villians and the most disappearing of protagonists. John Rad gives us one of the biggest and most glorious of trainwrecks in film. Black Pepper is coming your way, buster! What you've got here is one of those "hey we found this movie, does anyone wanna finish it?" Filmed in the mid-80s this wasn't released until 2005 with an assist from Drafthouse. Much along the lines of Miami Connection its a masterpiece in bad filmmaking by a nice person and cost everything for failure. Sadly the director, John Rad (or Jahangir Salehi by his true name) had this movie sit on a shelf for 20 years and not have it released to the right audience until it was far too late. John died before this movie could do so. But what a gift to leave the world. Thanks John! While on surface this may have a fairly cliche revenge/lady Punisher plot but wow does this get off course fast. Mina (who may be our protagonist if she hadn't disappeared for 1/2 the movie) goes on a murder spree of rapey dudes after seeing her fiancé murdered by "The Bikers". Her lady vengeance lasts for only 1/5 of her murders before she shifts gears and starts killing random dudes and trans night walkers. All while, David (her dead fiancé's brother) tries to find her by sitting at another detectives desk. Eventually David decides to stalk "The Bikers" which leads him to the top of "The Bikers" food chain (or just the most popular biker, we just aren't clear). Thus the hunt for Black Pepper begins. Yes we don't even know about the antagonist (or if there even is one) until there is only 30 minutes of film left. Then the worlds greatest 30 minutes in cinema begins. The Hunt for Black Pepper could be its own movie. The decision to cast Bryan Jenkins (who is Head of the Drug Dealers in the credits - despite there no mention of anyone dealing drugs in the movie AND THAT HIS NAME IS BLACK MFING PEPPER!!!) could be its own documentary. We've been told that Black Pepper is a real bad dude. He'll feed you your own balls. He'd cut his own mom's throat if it benefitted him. He's a BAAAAAAAD dude. And then you meet Black Pepper and you're like "THAT'S Black Pepper?!?!?" Without Black Pepper, this would probably still be a do. But with the stunning final sequence this movie is Hall of Fame worthy and is a must see. Its fantastic.

Olivia D'Abo shows up as not Red Sonja in one of the most loathed films from both Schwaz and the beloved Swords and Sorcery genre. I blame Dino....again. Is it worth $4 to watch this movie? You’ll have to make it to the end of the podcast for that full evaluation. Is it worth watching if you already have access to it? Yes. This was one of my most hated films. For years I’ve called it Conan the Babysitter. Against the first film, it certainly is but when removed from the “Barbarian” and gauged on it’s own, this stinker is worth a run. It also maintains our current theme of MPAA headscratchers. What says PG? A 14 year old in lingerie? Grace Jones’ whole butt? Bloody decapitations? I would say none of these things should be in a PG film. This one has all of that plus; wizard battles, lame pro wrestling, Schwaz noises galore and Sarah Douglas lusting after a statue.  Though a thorough failure to hold even half the weight of its predecessor, it may be so influential that the Zach Snyder's Justice League is essentially a carbon copy stretched to 4 hours with the edition of glam shots and slow motion. You get a bunch of Lord of the Rings-esque walking around, a glass wizard in a glass house tossing stones at himself, cavemen losing their heads, Sven Ole Thorson rising from the dead, Wilt the Stilt’s acting prowess, bad animation, worse rear projection, young Schwaz in a position of elder statesman of acting and a fucking sea monster.  I guess the idea is, if you are the one who awakens the demon god of world destruction, he not only doesn’t kill you but bangs the hell out of you (just the way you like it). This is hoping he isn’t a crappy sea monster who can be defeated by a stacked guy in his underwear, a pop star and the guy from Repo Man. If your demon god of world destruction and banging is a crappy sea monster, said folks will kill the shit out of you and him, then take all your stuff. They’ve been doing it a while and are pretty good at it.  Don’t get us wrong, this isn’t a classic stinker, but it is a pretty good time. It rolls along with minimal drowsiness, has action that is all dumb and even mostly avoids anti-climax. 

Albert Finney and Susan Day go on a misguided adventure into the dark dealings of a company that... wants to make more effective commercials and light guns? Is Digital Matrix the worst company ever? There I am, watching this movie, wondering what Sam was thinking by choosing this movie for an episode. Honestly, the first 1/2 of this is pretty solid - mostly because you don't know what is going on in the same way that Albert Finney's Dr. Larry Roberts is stuck in the middle of a murder conspiracy and trying to put the pieces together. Then the second half is you focusing on hoping that the movie explains why the evil corporation does what it does only to learn that you never learn. You're lost in the same way that Roberts is when he's zapped by a light gun. Light gun, you say? What is that? Well we'd like to know too. It's power is dubious. What it does is shoot out a white doily pattern that: blinds you makes you "lose time" makes your owner of the gun invisible for a brief time How would one thwart such an advanced weapon that doesn't make sense and manufactured by an advertising firm? Well you simply put up your arm or wear Doc Brown's sunglasses from 2015. So what you're left with is more questions than answers at the end of this. Why did Digital Matrix murder their contract models? What possible gain did they have from doing it? It can't have been to silence them, as their knowledge is the same as what Digital Matrix has released to the public. Why did they pin the murders on Dr. Larry Roberts? Just make them look like accidents. Even if you can't fix their obvious connection, you're inviting this guy to try and defend his name and thus tear your whole company to the ground. Lastly, why did you invent a light gun? You make commercials. I mean come on. One could make an argument that Digital Matrix is making deep fakes so they can rule the world by having politicians say whatever they want but then the politician could just say, "I never said that" and now you've got Congress on your ass (unless Mitch McConnell is still there and then nothing is getting done except orphanage's burning down to his delight). Maybe they are REPLACING those whom have been "Lookered" ala Fallout 4 but that's not something that is happening here. If Digital Matrix had just made good commercials without killing models or bothering with light guns, they would have risen to be the biggest/wealthiest production company in the world - we're talking Apple money here guys. No instead you had a board meeting where Gary said, "What if we murdered our Lookers after we scan their naked bodies?" and everyone else in ties stands up and applauds. If just one of those coffee swillers had just asked "But why?" you'd have a different film. That doesn't happen. Thus Looker suffers from The Idiot Plot and suffers maybe in the hardest Idiot Plot we've ever seen. Because of that, Looker is something that needs to be seen to believed. The second half is such a complete meltdown and beyond inept (Larry's car "crash" of gently placing his Porsche 928 in a fountain comes to mind) culminates in the final battle that is really a battle with the editor lost on what to do with the story. So yes, this is a do from us as a great and fantastic train wreck.

That bad guy from Stargrove hatches a diabolical plan to steal all the dubious chips using bug-bots while Tom Selleck's mustache chases tail AND Gene Simmons. Maybe program your robots to only attack your enemies, Gene. What is Runaway? It falls into this weird pit where you can't really say its a stinker as there is a number of really well done things. Of course, Selleck is great. Gene Simmons is a great villain. Kirstie Alley and Cynthia Rhodes are competent. It looks good. The effects are solid. The "future" world (not sure if its the future as we never have a "Five Years From Now" card) is well crafted. The score is appropriate and subtle. Yet, somehow every bit of good is countered with pure cheesy stink. The robots... how do you build a Roomba to hold a gun? The movie tells us that the runaway that does so has been modified - so this family of 4 put a hand on it that can pull a trigger. It doesn't work. So because the families of America are too stupid to not put handgun holding hands on their dust-busters, local police are now robot catchers with all of the powers of the precinct to catch robots that runover corn and drop cement in the wrong spot. "I'll need a tank, three choppers and sixteen rocket launchers to catch this pizza-bot!" Second to this is the pacing and narrative. While Tom and Cynthia are doing their Geek Squad thing for the first half, a trail of clues that lead to Gene Simmons is put together off screen. They go from turning off robots at a construction site to infiltrating the corporate HQ that Simmon's Luther is hatching his mastermind plan. Luther is a bit of an idiot. Great job leaving that Tupperware full of clues on your secretaries desk and modifying a robot near those chips so that the only way the cops can catch you is to have them come to this office. You boner. While we're being told a very dark tale of technology gone amuck and the Occam's Razor of our relationship with tech, Tom's character is growing a huge chub over damsels in distress held captive by security bots. Back that up with some seriously not funny jokes. Its clear while Crichton is a sci-fi genius, he's about as funny as mud. Toss in the least frightening robots since The Rock Lords and now the scale is tilting to Stinker.

Another massive video game adaptation comes to us in the form of a fighting game with massive jiggle physics. Somehow they managed to supplement the jiggle with one of the dumbest villain idiot plot we've ever come across. So let's get the obvious question out of the way - is DOA the movie as jiggly as the game - no. The sexuality in the movie is way toned down - due to trying to reach a mass audience including the sexually conservative Chinese market. Bummer. With that in mind, maybe that's a good thing (well good for us) because the focus shifts from bouncy boobs to ridiculous stunts. The male gaze of the camera is still there but the focus is shifted to medium wide shots to get the sheer magnitude of the stupidly ridiculous stunts and wirework. I mean wirework is a great tool for supplementing great stunts but this goes so far over the top that the stupid circles back and becomes awesome. However, as great as all the ladies are, Eric Roberts once again steals the show. Why anyone says, "Oh we've got Eric Roberts. Lets spend $30 million on it" is absolutely beyond me. He stinks so bad and its beautiful. One of the worlds greatest tragedies is that Eric Roberts had a very successful sister in mainstream cinema. Otherwise, he likely would have still been Eric Roberts but would have had to work harder - likely putting himself in front AND behind the camera. We'd have another Tommy and Neil Breen roaming around out there - this one focused solely on karate movies. It would have been fantastic! Anyways, Donovan is the most self sabotaging villain we've ever come across. Seriously, he kills himself and blows up his own island for karate glasses. Wow is Donovan stupid. Despite DOA's nasty reputation, it's a classic stinker and should be viewed by anyone who loves cheesy stupid films. It's great.

Two "brothers" get chased around so that Robert Patrick's hair can capture the second half of the Double Dragon while teaming up with The Hyper-Color Gang. Patrick should have just drank more vodka. What works best in this movie is everything that didn't work for me in 1994. Everything sucks. The look of the film is vomit. The acting is gut-wrenching. The plot is corny. The action is hammy. The one-liners are a series of eye-ball rolls. Yet somehow, in post-2007, this thing is such an absolute mess of terrible ideas that don't really happen anymore. Most modern movies revolve around just one or two terrible decisions ie. The Great Wall's plot, making the tornado a monster in Hurricane Heist, the dialogue in London has Fallen. This movie is instead a showcase of nothing but terrible ideas and failed concepts that all become awesome now. Take for instance the Lee brothers played by Mark Dacascos (sure) and Scott Wolf?!?!? Why in the hell is Scott Wolf in this movie? Well with our 20/20 the film wouldn't be the same as without. Need more? How about the set design of 2007's New Angeles? How about their future cars? How about Robert Patrick's hair? I could go on for days on the little details that make this movie crap and great at the same time. Double Dragon is something you likely hated when it came out. Its time for you to circle back and see what you think. We loved it. PLUS - a reflection on the Matrix Trilogy with some of our theories on what the hell it is about.

Ok, you know what happens in this film. You've seen it at least twice and then have it crammed down your throat anytime you watch anything about 80's pop culture. But ask yourself this: what is Top Gun actually about? Look, this movie is thing because of two reasons: Kenny Loggins and Tony Scott shot the hell out of it. If you remove those two things (or just the Tony Scott aesthetic) you've got Navy Seals again. Think of the world we could have had if Tony Scott sucked at cinematography. Tom Cruises doesn't become a huge deal, Scientology disappears and we never get The Mummy. Sure, Desert Storm might have lasted a few months longer but seriously Val Kilmer might still be funny and Katie Holmes life would have had less oppression/slavery in it. Why? Because this thing is devoid of content. Its Megaforce levels of nothing happening. Yes jets fly around and people have hang down contests with undeclared winners but absolutely nothing happens. When you're more invested in the story of Iron Eagle, you've got a film that isn't exactly Shakespeare. The closest you could come to a story is that a boy with daddy issues shows off his daddy issues. That's not a plot! If you can get past the lack of plot, you might be left asking, "Well what does this movie say about anything?" Here's where things get interesting. I can't help but think Top Gun despite being a cultural phenomenon, was a catalyst to changing the tone to America's foreign policy and military agenda (until 2016 to 2020) - it wasn't a good strategy to use Vietnam era dickheadery anymore. You couldn't just stick jack-asses in planes and point them in a direction and say "blow up whatever's over there". We learned we actually needed people with objectives and ideas and skills and not morons with phallic obsessions in charge. Trump arguably won because his voters were forced to watch this on loop Clockwork Orange style. That's possibly the best theory of what happened in 2016 (its better than "economic anxiety"). So you're gonna have to decide for yourself if the world would be a better place without Top Gun. Seriously, funny Val Kilmer.... Well, I'll get off my soap box. Top Gun sucks and I hate it.

Teenagers form up to take down an evil empire in their flying ships. Oh and rescue daddy. And get sage advice from an older veteran. Oh and act like a bunch of idiots along the way. So I had no idea how bad Iron Eagle actually is. I had a level of expectation that it was mostly dumb and corny but WOW Iron Eagle is over-the-top stupid. I mean its hard to describe. It truly has to be seen to believed. Between the plot of a teenager likely bringing about WWIII while rocking out to Queen to flying through Beggar's Canyon in a deathrace to Jason Gedrick's constant deadpan in the face of death AND bad grades, you can just read what a stinker this thing is. I guess if we had to complain, its pretty lackluster in the action department. The action in the front end takes about 3 minutes and there is a long complaining, training and failing sequence before about 15 minutes of action at the end. And by action I mean model airplanes suspended by fishline and strapped with firecrackers getting blown up for about 4 frames. It at no point is very exciting or visually interesting.  While all that is said Iron Eagle is a must view for stinker fans. You might not even remember how bad it is so buckle in for a Hades bomb of dumb and fun.

Nicole Eggert goes part Robocop, part Wolverine, part Deadpool and all terrible in this cheese-fest from the 90s dark action bandwagon, while also managing to cram in Richard Grieco's true acting ability and still managing to be somewhat boring. This is another movie that has all the things that are required to make a bad movie awesome yet isn't because of the filmmaking elements of the time. The feel and tone of the film bogs down all the awesome crap that happens. Its like a delicious donut served only with Metamucil. Boy, you want to enjoy the donut but your stuck drinking your geriatric medicine. Do you pass on the whole experience? So outside of the clichés of mid-late 90s film, there's a lot of fun here. Richard Grieco is allowed to finally go full Grieco. That's not like letting Nic Cage off the chain, but its pretty close. Grieco would have won a best bad actor SMABFA if we had a podcasting time machine (plus all the evil that Sam would do to hot ladies). His performance alone is worth the price of admission. Next to him, Nicole Eggert isn't good here and maybe never is but she doesn't exactly have a script by David Mamet to work with here. She's stuck lamenting being dead most of the time, while pondering if being a zombie detracts from her attractiveness. She does what she can. Its also not really her fault that her costume sucks and her action moves are wooden. While the film should be lampooned for its acting and script, it should also be applauded for its budget production design and world building on a very limited budget. The Demolitionist's tri-guns that are repurposed prank cigarette lighter guns, the zombie injection chair, the lab for the Lazarus Project, and the mayors office all should receive a "Best Cost Efficient Production Design" Oscar. I'm sure that's what you showed up for, right? So if you can stand those 90s tropes or even revel in how crummy they are, you'll likely greatly enjoy The Demolitionist. Sadly, I hated The Crow when it came out and I hate it now, so the Metamucil of the film reduces its star count to a barely "do" if you've never seen it.

The autobiographical story of how a teenage girl breaks her dad's "no banging guys who knock up other ladies and then get them terrible abortion doctors" rule over the summer at a sex-trafficking church camp for rich hypocrites. Yes, I know this is your mom's favorite movie. There's strike number one. What Dirty Dancing is (besides a cultural phenomenon) is a non-movie. A series of events without what we in the biz like to call a plot is not a movie. No, the plot isn't "Baby falls in love" - that is over within the first 1/3 of the movie. No, the plot isn't "Baby learns to dance and wins the competition" - that happens halfway through. Best we can do is the plot is "Father learns daughter's summer love didn't impregnate a grown woman". That's not really something to put 100 minutes around. Secondly, there's the icky. This movie is dripping with icky. No, it's not the dancing. The dancing viewed through modern lenses is quite wholesome. The icky is the glorification of statutory rape. Baby is 17. Johnny is 25. That's rape, period. Yes it wasn't illegal in NY in 1963. That doesn't make it ok. Stop making exceptions for having sex with children. Its not ok. But wait, there's more ick. The entire setting of this film is a sex-trafficking and forced prostitution resort. The wait staff's job is to bang the daughters of the rich customers and the entertainment staff's job is to bang the lonely wives of the rich customers - whether you want to or not and bitch better have my money. Its gross. With that in mind, should you view this movie? Nope - and not because of the ick. The ick doesn't mean this movie should be censored or "cancelled" as dumb Ohio wrestling coaches gone US Congressmen wish we were saying. The ick just needs to stop being glorified. No, just don't watch this movie because it sucks and is bereft of actual content that makes up a story.

The autobiographical story of how a teenage girl breaks her dad's "no banging guys who knock up other ladies and then get them terrible abortion doctors" rule over the summer at a sex-trafficking church camp for rich hypocrites. Yes, I know this is your mom's favorite movie. There's strike number one. What Dirty Dancing is (besides a cultural phenomenon) is a non-movie. A series of events without what we in the biz like to call a plot is not a movie. No, the plot isn't "Baby falls in love" - that is over within the first 1/3 of the movie. No, the plot isn't "Baby learns to dance and wins the competition" - that happens halfway through. Best we can do is the plot is "Father learns daughter's summer love didn't impregnate a grown woman". That's not really something to put 100 minutes around. Secondly, there's the icky. This movie is dripping with icky. No, it's not the dancing. The dancing viewed through modern lenses is quite wholesome. The icky is the glorification of statutory rape. Baby is 17. Johnny is 25. That's rape, period. Yes it wasn't illegal in NY in 1963. That doesn't make it ok. Stop making exceptions for having sex with children. Its not ok. But wait, there's more ick. The entire setting of this film is a sex-trafficking and forced prostitution resort. The wait staff's job is to bang the daughters of the rich customers and the entertainment staff's job is to bang the lonely wives of the rich customers - whether you want to or not and bitch better have my money. Its gross. With that in mind, should you view this movie? Nope - and not because of the ick. The ick doesn't mean this movie should be censored or "cancelled" as dumb Ohio wrestling coaches gone US Congressmen wish we were saying. The ick just needs to stop being glorified. No, just don't watch this movie because it sucks and is bereft of actual content that makes up a story.

Its Schwazenator vs Y2k fears! The epic battle begins! Meanwhile, Gabriel Byrne gets a handful. So what we've got here is that Satan wants to ensure that the Anti-Christ's mom is gonna be good to go when she's old enough for a rogering. The PROBLEM is that it takes about 15 views to understand that. The film is mostly just nonsense action sequences that could very well be just unconnected events if one isn't taking notes on the dialogue (or listening to a podcast discussing this all). The late 90's...why did you have to ruin every silly movie with your dark pre-apocalyptic tones?!?! End of Days is a cheesy Arnold movie that would have been a classic if it had been made 10 years earlier. But the damn 90's ruined it. You can expect common fair such as jump scares, choppy editing, a hero that hates his life outside the events of the film, and trench coats. Change these things to big hair, exploding choppers and electronic drum kits while leaving every thing else the same we've got a classic stinker. Argh. The action is silly, the plot is nonsense, none of the movie's rules get followed, the one-liners are solid, the dialogue is atrocious and Robin Tunney's top is off. That's enough to pay for the price of admission - but just expect to deal with going through a Se7en wannabe, just like every other movie from this time period.

If 1980's Hollywood was obsessed with water shortages, the 90s was obsessed with evil cable TV. Here a husband and wife get sucked into a hellscape of television also known as CBS Primetime. So what we've got here is that John Ritter's Roy is obsessed with watching TV and ignores his responsibilities, his kids and his wife. Pam Dobber as Helen seeks for a way to get him off the tube but that problem works itself out when both are sucked into a Devil's Gambit that sends them through various television parodies and tropes. If that wasn't the setup for 90's comedy gold...let's chuck $25 million at it! When you've got parodies like "The Napper Crapper" and "Golden Ghouls", you HAVE to spend $25 million on it! I mean it's got John Ritter and Pam Dobber in it! $25 million! Where everything went right in UHF (even though it was a flop too) very rarely does anything go right here. It's a series of hammy Full House style jokes and groan inducing one-liners. It comes off as a compilation of SNL's worst sketches with the writer's dropping the mic after you vomit. This can be skipped by anyone with anything else to do. Just go watch UHF again.

Perhaps it was your favorite movie when you were 9. Maybe you should watch it again as an adult - it might still be your favorite movie. Some movies that have production failures on the level of The Ice Pirates go into the barrel of cinematic toxic waste. The list is so long that we have only started to scratch the surface of such turds. Yet The Ice Pirates is a spectacle. Its failures never detract from what it was attempting to be and accomplish. Usually when you have a Hall of Fame worthy film, it's because of it being misunderstood by a mass audience or falls into the "its so bad, it's good" style. However, The Ice Pirates is what it is - a cheesy great time. There's no hidden commentary. There's no laughing at it ironically. It's just a movie that could never have been "good" by its nature and still manages to be great. The cast is fantastic. The jokes are solid. The set pieces are iconic. And the end is absolutely spectacular. There is a reason so many great writers borrow from The Ice Pirates. If you haven't seen it - watch it. If you have - watch it again. You'll thank us later.

Its a straight-up western, but because its from 1987 it has to be set in a post-apocalyptic world and instead of cowboy hats, we get hair-spray helmets. Despite everything there might be a good movie buried in the sands. So its Shane, Once upon in the West, Star Wars and Fallout 4. Ok, maybe Fallout 4 is Steel Dawn. Clearly, Fallout 76 is Steel Dawn. Anyways, this is a hot mess.  The music doesn't fit. The world doesn't make any damn sense. The plot doesn't make much sense. The hair makes no sense. The action is ludicrous. The Stranger's one-liners are silly. It's just a pile of not doing a good job and yet...somehow it feels like there's something good here. The tone of the whole movie is a fairly conventional western theme. A lone wanderer with a dark past shuffles into town, where he meets a widow and her son along with their jealous and lonely foreman, and has to defend the farm from a rival who wants their resources. That's about as western (or Japanese samurai, of which most spaghetti westerns are imitations of) as a movie gets. Atop of that is solid camera work that highlights this tone and story. It seems like there's a good movie buried here. Yet because its a PA film, you've got a bunch of nonsense; like sand-people, cool looking but useless weapons, crappy and dirty sets and future cars that mostly suck. You've got characters who don't make sense and motivations that are dubious at best. Sprinkle in some scenes that are bonkers like the romance in the dirt, the party crashers at "the gathering", inept henchmen and why they live in the wasteland in the first place makes this an absolute must do and likely a favorite for many a viewer.

Its one of those iconic 80's swords and sandals/science fiction blend movies and beloved by many. We can understand why, but this was a massive failure that likely cost the genre decades of great movies until the LOTR Trilogy. So Krull is one of the most expensive movies of the 80s and fails on so many levels. You've got the classic inaction in action (nothing happens during action sequences), the choreography was done by Stevie Wonder, and the effects and sets are so overly impossible to do that they end up looking like 2nd grade paper Mache. The wire work is only worse in Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark. The costumes are atrocious and prevent the actors from actually engaging with each other or the scene itself. Its a mess. While all of that may sound like Red Sonja or Dune, Krull falls more into the Flash Gordon's of bad movies. Its loved because of the cheese and the failures. Add in wizards living with kids in rocks, a doofer for a hero, forgetting to use The Glaive, the cyclops who can see less than the blind guy, plot advancing by "I know a guy who knows a guy", Star Wars similarities and the rules of the universe make this a classic stinker. Krull is one of those unique films that is too long but if you cut it down it'd only be worse. It's not anywhere near a Hall of Fame discussion but shouldn't be missed by anyone except people who have stuff to do, like laundry.

It ain't Blade. It's 90s Anne Rice with unattractive people and inept opponents. And it all could have been avoided by drinking tea together. At least everyone is evenly matched. Don's Jack Cutter is way ill equipped and ill prepared to be taking down even lower level vampires. Guns don't work, bud. A sword seriously would have been cheaper and more effective than his shotgun and M1911s. Or a hammer. Use a damn hammer! Why a hammer against vampires? Because the vampires have spines that are made of glass. Well big deal right? Nope that's the only way you can kill them. By breaking their incredibly fragile spine. Huh... And so the idiot plot begins. This entire movie is about vampires fight vampire hunters - all because the vampire hunters want to kill them. Why do the vampire hunters want to kill them? Because the vampires want to kill them. Not because they are abominations. Not because they are eating people. Not because their tired of their goth attire. Nope. Its just a blood feud. So all this could have been avoided if they'd just walked away and the vampires could have used their immortality to benefit the world via medicine, music and exploration, By blood feuding, the vampire hunters are denying the planet a utopian future. Look, it's not great. It's got the feeling and tone of a million other 90s DTV movies (usually staring Jeff Fahey or James Remar) and drags here and there. But the idiot plot, the horrible casting, the stupid karate and the LOL ending all put this in the DO column.

Charlie Bronson goes to Colorado to deal with that same ol' blood feud when two Mormon bros. branch out into some pretty wild dogma all while Charlie walks around and does some really bad reporting. Bronson's Smith is arguably the worst reporter I've ever seen (Chris Cilliza at least says something even if its moronic) and I don't understand how anything happens in this film around him. We've got your classic idiot plot here. The villains yell out "Hey it's us, look at us! We're the water company! Arrest us!" while the surrounding cast of characters look at a silent Smith for all the answers. Usually Bronson is a blank slate in Cannon movies but I really can't blame him for this one. Smith is just that slow. As for what's going on here... well, it's just Chinatown. These water companies are apparently a real problem and probably require some federal regulation, at least oversight. Yet, somehow the villain's plot just doesn't work. Starting a blood feud to gain access to an artesian water source to inflate company profits for a company that you don't own but plan on buying once its worth a whole bunch doesn't seem like a foolproof plan. While the film isn't your usually Cannon/Bronson banana business, I still think it's a good time. The acting is ridiculous and some of the set pieces are so incredibly stupid (one has a great driving stunt) as well as watching Charlie mumble through his marks makes for a good watch. Don't expect fireworks but do expect some Cannon buffoonery. 

A town of MAGA boys get a parade each time they win a baseball game and the ladies have had enough of their bull. Sadly, their anger lasts about 24 hours. This is why we can't get anything done in this country. According to Lloyd Kaufman, this is a women's liberation movie. I think he might have decided that way after the fact and the ties to women's lib are behind  boobie movie king, Andy Sidaris saying the same thing. Sure, its got women in leads who want to be treated equally to men, but these are straight up bimbos. Where Andy's ladies were strong and smarter than their male counterparts (also usually topless), Lloyd's lady baseball team are mostly only in it so they can either get their boyfriends back or make the boys fall in love with them. Sadly, the movie never asks the ladies, "Why in the hell would you even want anything to do with these tools?" If it had, the answer would likely be, "Because we also suck." Now, there are little flights of fun here - the over hammering the ridiculousness of their softball league - mattress workers vs appliance manufacturers. The Howard Cosell imitating announcer/narrator. But outside of these little bits, the film suffers from massive tedium, groan inducing jokes, garbled dialogue and people needing to be punted into the ditch. I want to like this movie, but just can't. You can skip it.

Totally awesome video game! Jeff tries to save the community center that doubles as a video arcade with the help from his friends against the dubiously motivated Joe Don Baker who wants to shut it all down. Will Billy Jack win the ski competition to save the school from the rival break-dancers? Joysticks is arguably Greydon Clark's magnum opus. Its all of it. He threw every cheesy bad movie trope he could think of. Amazingly bad/awesome theme song? Check. Not so subtle phallic worship? Check. A nerd with a heart of gold who may or may not be packing heat? Check. Joe Don? Check. Boobs and then boobs on top of boobs? Check. Uncle Rico? Check. Valley girls who just love video games? Check. Filming without permits? Check. Everything is here. While the plot is a fairly loose save the community center plot, there's just so much more here than that. Its a hodge-podge of 80's cheesy personalities with a flair of nothing matters but helping each other out He-Man morals. One might get sidetracked by the holy moly amounts of topless women but try to focus here. There's a ton more going on than some knockers. In fact, there is so much going on that you might have to watch this twice to really get all of it. It's a mega-do from us and shouldn't be missed by anyone.

Its twists! Its turns! Its lefts and rights! Its yields to oncoming traffics. Its Acme Fake Tunnels slapped onto the side of a cliffs! Ben Afllecks and Charlizes try to give us a shocker and instead we get the upper decker. Reindeer Games is such a pile of mess. On one side you've got "that friend" that watches this on TNT one night (usually while wishing they were invited to the party you're throwing but you intentionally didn't because they can't play in any reindeer games, OMG you're a total dick, dude) then later comes to you and begs you to watch it with them and then stares at you the whole time until 'the big reveal' and then waits for you to react - you don't and they are shocked. You're not the type of person who will be shocked (you listen to Stinker Madness and know your stuff) and so you're relationship gets even more strained but you feel guilty because of that one time when you were really hard up after your girlfriend (that you thought was at least a 9 but was really more like a 6 and just had a solid set of cans) dumped you for a bartender for a biker bar in a different county and this friend let you stay on their couch while you cried yourself to sleep for three days about 15 years ago. Thanks Frankenheimer! On the other side, you've got one of the worst heist movies ever made - sure its a failed heist intentionally - yet it could never have worked. Ben Affleck's "Rudy" isn't the wildcard that throws a wrench into the works - these idiots could have NEVER robbed this casino successfully even if the character Nick (who Rudy poses as) was in charge the whole time. Its ineptitude to a point that goes beyond bumbling. Then there's the "plan" (the one that isn't revealed until the end) and then you mentally backtrack through the film, you find about 1000 problems with their masterminding. It's unbelievably stupid no matter how this heist could have gone. No these guys are all dead, no matter how things go. On top of all that, there's this tone problem. Is it supposed to be funny? Is it supposed to be dark? Is it a Christmas movie? Is it satire, parody, suspense, thrilling, or is there some social commentary that maybe Paul Verhoeven should have been in charge of? This thing tonally shifts like the day Animal discovers the xylophone, yet Animal is one hell of a percussionist and this is Star Wars Kid: The Drummer. With all that information - this movie is fantastic. Its an absolute must do and is as crazy stupid good time as one can possibly have and we absolutely love it.

Nothing says Xmas like a handful of spinning tornados. And nothing makes less of a Christmas movie than just sprinkling in some Christmas decorations in post. I mean at least have the tornado suck up a tree farm or something! Well, it's not good. That's it, I'll take my leave of you. Oh, I actually have to write up a review? Damn.  While it has the production quality of a SyFy movie, it exceeds past anything The Asylum can do. Part of that comes from Casper Van Dien. CVD has this unique ability to carry a movie enough to put it in the "do" column. "Oh this movie is a 4? Well I'm gonna have to put it on my back to get it to a 6." Secondly, the production crew knew what they were doing here. They have very little to work with but getting it done with the tools they have is what they do and then they have some fun with it. Nothing looks good, don't get me wrong. But they just cram in more things that don't look good to cover up the other things that don't look good. While its not a GREAT bad movie, there's definitely enough here that you won't regret watching it. It's got enough stupid dialogue and stupid characters that you've got some moments of true riffing hilarity. You can skip it, if disaster movies aren't your bag or bad CGI pisses you off, but for the rest of us this is a fine bad movie Sunday feature.

David DeCouteau gives us a clinic on how to make a terrible movie in 2 days. Yeah it stinks, but hey! Two days! Suck it, Spielberg! Gary Daniels, Cynthia Rothrock, Kathy Long and Daniel Bernhardt give us the least action packed movie of all time. Yes you read that right. There is a total count of 0 spin kicks. 0 double axe handles. 0 flying leap kicks to the tummy. Literally there is 0 action. You pulled a big one on us David, you got us. LOL. Haha. We've all had a good laugh now, but so can you seriously add a Special Edition which involves Gary Daniels sweeping Chris Mitchum's legs and Cynthia Rothrock giving Daniel Bernhardt a back breaker over the couch while Kathy Long does a flying kick through a window - shattering Andy's (or Justin Bieber?) clavicle?  Two of our podcasters thought this movie was boring and I don't get it. I loved this movie. It's arguably the best riffing movie we've ever seen. I mean imagine Birdemic bad but doesn't piss you off and still manages to capture the true meaning of Christmas - maybe more than Santa With Muscles and I Believe in Santa Claus. I find it to be a true stinker masterpiece.  Sure, I can see your argument that we have to suffer through 10 minutes and 23 seconds of ad-lib croquet. Sure, there's a "fog" that doesn't exist. Sure, we've got a bit of three dudes in a hot tub. Yet, I find it an amazing Christmas experience and I hope you can too.

The Hoff and Joan Collins find love and trouble in a plot to steal all her stuff. Can Curt Taylor find a way to save her career, her belongings, his own life and stop Kojak from further living in up in Club Feb? You tell us - cause we couldn't be bothered to pay attention. The Cartier Affair is an absolutely solid movie - if you are stacking it against other made for TV movies from the 80's. And then Lonesome Dove came out and TV was changed forever. For the purpose of this podcast/blog - The Cartier Affair is a massive waste of time. There's just nothing to show up for. The plot isn't fun but it's concise. The acting is competent but no standouts. The action "exists" and that's about the best I can say for it. It's just buttered toast that is perfectly toasted. It's still just buttered toast. So yes this review is short. That's because there's just nothing to call attention to. I guess if you want to see a TV movie from the 80s that doesn't suck. Go for it. However, if you are wanting to use your 90 minutes wisely - watch one of the really bad TV movies ie The Peanut Butter Solution. You can skip this one.

Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone return with a few cast surprises and a completely different tone of movie than the first one. Give this one two tries at least. You might love it more if you see it again. Yes, we know. This isn't near as silly and bonkers as the first one. Yes we know that they recycled pieces from the first one, namely the music and a few shots. Yes we know that the city of gold reveal is pretty unimpressive. BUT.... There is something strange going on here. And it all comes down to James Earl Jones. Despite the good chemistry between Chamberlain and Stone in the first one, here they have GREAT chemistry and that's due to the immense presence and professionalism that is JEJ. His presence just amplifies everyone around him and he fits in perfectly this film. He's also a serious badass. In fact, at one point JEJ lifts a guy over his head and throws him. Like to see you do that, DiCaprio! What we have found is that when we watched this the first time we all said, "Yeah it's not as good as the first one." But something strange happened upon second viewing - we might like it more than the first one. There's some really good stuff here bumpered by some bonkers in the middle and the end. Is it a "good" movie? HELL NO. It is a stinker for sure, but carries the same tone and pacing as a "good" movie plus the exceptional cast work so well together that we can't help but love it.

This week on the show we expose (giggle) the penis in Teen Wolf, we reveal a VERY big announcement, reviews of Bloodshot and the entire Karate Kid series, one of Jackie's most sober Spookie, Clauzy gives us some Nonsensical November picks and Sando takes on photographers.

Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone team up in arguably the best/worst knockoff in film history and arguably Cannon Pictures most fun and most accessible project. Hashtag shenanigans to come. Campy, cheesy, corny, and whatever C words you can come up (no not that one) fit here. While clearly being an attempt to ride on the financial coattails of Indy, King Solomon's Mines departs greatly in tone. Its more of a Errol Flynn knockoff than anything with Harrison Ford in it. Sure, there is no swashbuckling, but there's an endless parade of "adventure shenanigans", overly ridiculous villains, and constant damsel in distress scenarios with Sharon Stone's Jesse Houston. Yet, it still maintains a high-level of Cannon ineptitude with bananas set-pieces, terrible rear-projection (think Megaforce), poorly thought-out plot and character motivations and one after the other one-liners. I mean if you wanted The Delta Force mashed up with Batman: The Movie with a cheesy layer on top of Robin Hood, you've found your movie. This is hall of fame level stuff here guys and highly rewatchable. Make sure to watch or revisit.

Despite it's own best attempts to keep it down, like its terrible VHS cover and misguided title, this western with vampires is an absolute must-do and instant classic. Can we finally have peace with the bloodsuckers? So the premise here is that vampires have been sent into hiding and chose a small town in the west called Purgatory to sit out the years in relatively quiet peace built by Count Mardulak (David Carradine). They've built their own factory to produce a blood substitute so that they don't have to murder anymore and keep their numbers manageable. That's all going well until the Mayor or guy in charge of staffing (?) Ethan Jefferson (John Ireland) hatches a plan to take over the town and return to the old bloodsucking days. Add in a visit from Van Helsing's descendent (Bruce Campbell) and a family of four with a history to the CEO of Vampire Science Co and you've got a volatile situation brewing. Most times when you have a premise and a vision for a film such as this, you end up with complete failure. The jokes are groan-inducing, the plot gets loose with its own setup, the pacing and the tone shifts from scene to scene and someone (usually a Cameron Mitchell simulacrum or Coolio) botches their entire performance leaving the rest of the cast rolling their eyes at their colleague. None of that happens here. The cast chemistry is tight; it's clear they all had a great time making this. The actors are let loose upon us with no reins. Bruce Campbell is as "Brucey" as he gets outside of his Ash roles. David Carradine is allowed to be both creepy and charming at the same time. M. Emmet Walsh (the lovable Mort) is a show stealer and relative unknowns Morgan Brittany and Deborah Foreman work in tandem with the heavyweights seamlessly. Usually you need someone like Steven Sorderbergh to rangle this many egos and have it work, but director Anthony Hickox manages to get it done somehow. It's camp is at a 10 but never gets stale or too much. The jokes are hilarious. The action is bananas. The effects are super-cheesy and wonderful. Most importantly, it keeps the gas pedal mashed to the floor for it's run length and never lets off the brakes. I would change not a hair on its wonderfully shaped head and know that this deserves to be a staple in any cult movie collection.

It's a road trip movie with a cast of psychopaths through zombie infested forests, cannibalistic tribal villages, eclectic owners of mansions, and kittens who live in grandma's tummy. Rough to view in places and absolutely hilarious in others. Viewer beware - this is advanced class stuff. This movie comes with two major warnings: if you're burned out on zombies this one ain't gonna bring you back if you have eaten food in the last few days, prepare to vomit it in your lap Because Bruno Mattei is who he is, he's stolen a ton of footage from other films and sources to fill in the time to get to 90 minutes. There's plenty of shots of critters and birds being critters and birds. Ok, instead of fades and wipes you transition with birds and critters, ok. Well here, he's managed to stick with that plan but he get his hands on some documentary footage about cannibals and tribes that do icky stuff with corpses and then crams WAY too much past the shock level and goes into the vom-zone. Some viewers will need to leave the room or see their analyst mid-movie. Getting past it's primary flaw, there's a TON of fun here starting with the zombies. These are likely the most inept zombies ever. Zombies are inherently inept to begin with hence the "just walk past them joke" in modern pop-culture. However, not only are these zombos incredibly slow moving, they appear to forget that they only have one goal - the taste of sweet sweet people brains - and mostly care about getting teased about being zombies. If you find yourself surrounded by these shamblers, just make fun of them and dance around. Even if their teeth are already touching your skin, they'll just get sad and forget their entire idiom. Absolutely insane. Sad or not, there's almost a good movie here. Following a team of elite super-SWATs as they become mentally and physically exhausted and suffering from PTSD while still in the TS part would have been something truly special. Instead this was forgot about as Bruno just wants to be Bruno. We love him for it and instead we get one of the most off the mark zombie movie ever. Just be ready to hit the fast-forward button when they reach the village.

It's Evil Dead part III (only in Italy) and has absolutely nothing to do with it. It also has nothing to do with Hoff being Hoff nor Linda Blair being Linda Blair. Nor does it have to do with a plot that makes any sense. Nor does it have to do with being enjoyable. Witchery (or La Casa 4 in Italy - thus the sequel to Evil Dead) is the baffling tale of a fallen actress whom lives in an island hotel and becomes a witch at some point and then attempts to perform a ritual to either close the gates to Hell or summon Satan to provide the seed for the anti-Christ. It's really impossible to tell what the hell (or not hell) is going on here. You've then got Hoff and Blair running around in the hotel trying to piece together what's going on while avoiding death and trying to escape. That's all fine. The problem with the film is how it is presented. You've got what reads like a stinker masterpiece on paper but sadly everything takes way to long. The pacing is like betting on a racehorse that is a sure bet and then the gates open and it just walks along the racetrack. You're screaming at the movie, "Get out there and run, you nag!" The pacing isn't even because the film is trying to build suspense and psychological horror. It's really like "hey we paid for this set and makeup - lets milk the hell out of it". So you've got poor pacing and a plot that you can't figure out all to the backdrop of mumble acting while setting it to trapped on an island boring business. Sadly, Witchery is milk toast. You can skip it.

Most will see this as a Monkey's Paw retell but it's really and truly just a recut of Teen Witch but without all the singing and dancing and then they made it so much crappier...crappier than Teen Witch. Yup. Some movies are prime for knocking off, right? See the endless list of Jaws and Conan movies from late 70s and 80s. See any Roger Corman movie post-Star Wars. Sure, you won't work very hard on it and make just a few bucks but hey, that's easy money.  So why in the hell does someone say let's mash up the tone of Final Destination 72 with the story line of an 80's movie with a cult status only with fans of bad movie podcasts? I mean who the hell are they kidding? This is just Teen Witch. One of the damn wishes Claire makes is literally "I want to be the most popular girl!" And of course, at the same point in the film, she gets it all taken away from her and has a feeling of desperation for her life without her magical powers. I mean, WTF? Teen Witch?!?! Who the hell asked for that? Or were you just that lazy?  "Well I gotta rip of something since I'm clearly not capable of writing my own story so I'll rip off a movie that no one remembers except for a handful of people that only like terrible movies." GTH. Past that, you've got the clear influence of the Final Destination series. The deaths that are paid for the "blood price" of the monkey's paw, I mean wish box, are overly elaborate with many red herrings in the Rube Goldberg style death sequences. Sadly, while the FD manner of this is frequently fun the ones in Wish Upon leave much to be desired with only the death of Sherilynn Fenn coming within the ballpark of sadistic fun that we hoped for. Wish Upon is a true turd that doesn't have anything of redemption that makes it a do on our end. Avoid.

A NATO team of the least qualified sea-men (giggle) take the Beatle's submarine down to the depths of the sea and find some icky monsters, hungry starfish and love. Of course they do. So some might call the Rift a Leviathan and Deep Star Six knockoff, but we see this as much more of an Aliens knockoff, which becomes its fatal flaw. The plot is just so familiar and could take place in space just as easily as it does it under the sea. You've got the expedition into tunnels with an unknown monster patrol ahead. You've got the "military wants the monster for biological warfare" yadda, yadda. You've got the ship breaking down due to sabotage, yadda yadda. It gets tedious just watching Aliens again. Yet, the effects are a blast with much gore and goop. The monsters are unbelievably inappropriate including the star(fish) of the show. Legs come off, heads get sploded, and Ray Wise gets a face full of slime by the hands of R. Lee Ermey and Jack Scalia's hair explodes throughout the whole movie. It's not anything special, but The Rift is still a do from us.

Two cops find love in each other's egos, while attempting to clear their names from a villainous plot to take over the world's salted caramel industry. Stallone and Russell team up for one of the raddest buddy cop dumb-dumb rollercoaster. It's shenanigans.   This episode originally aired in January of 2017.

An old villain from Mitch's past comes back to enact revenge by.... having him get married to his one true love? With a cast of Baywatchers this size, and a plot as dumb as it is, this has got to be one wild ride, right? Well.... Sato (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) comes back from season 2 of the Baywatch TV series, to get revenge against Mitch and Hobie for getting him arrested. That's all fine and good. The issue lies in how he decides to get it. He gets his girlfriend to have Face-Off style surgery to look just like former show member and off/on again Mitch love interest, Stephanie Holden. Then she must seduce Mitch, bone-down with him repeatedly, get him to propose and then get him to agree to have the wedding on a volcano island so that Sato can put his friends in James Bond style death traps and let Mitch save them. Lots of moving parts in this diabolical-ness. While Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding is VERY Baywatchesque - it's just too much like a 2 hour TV Episode and not enough like a movie. Yes it has the tone and pace of an episode from the height and stinker quality of the peak of Baywatch. Yes it's the greatest cast in the history of the show. Yes its a great close to the show after the horrendously uninteresting Baywatch Hawaii. But this is a major missed opportunity for the team. We needed a lot more "movie" in it. Car chases, stuntmen on fire, exploding choppers, various stink-eyes given and much more karate fights. Even if they'd gone with just generic film tropes and did nothing imaginative here, Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding could have gone down as a cult classic. But what it is can only really appeal to people who love the show and at this point, those people are few and far between. It's a sad way to end.

This week we dive into the Le Petit Huey/Starlight candy debate, a welcome to Patreon supporter Clauzy and his watch recommendations, Sam gives Jackie "the hook" and then takes on soap (again?), reviews of Phantasm II & III, Journey 2, Return to Oz, the final Tales of the Baywatch, and El Chupacabra. Check out Teen Samurai's YouTube channel for some rad music based on your favorite stinkers: Teen Samurai

A flashback to 2016 when we were all so much less wildfired. It's a movie that we all gave a "do" on and an special Sam choice about obsession, music, and of course, karate. You'll enjoy this rerun if you missed it the first time, so enjoy!

Nic Cage goes on a deep quest to prevent his own hiring decision from ruining his plans to get super-rich. Along the way he confuses us with poorly written treasure clues, crazy eyebrows, word-association and flaunting Jerry Bruckheimer's watch. National Treasure is arguably the most "blockbuster" movie ever made. It's filled with EVERY trick in the book for film-making that puts the butts in the movie seats. It's more crap that's ever been put in one burrito. The problem is that every single one of these tricks is as safe and risk free as can be. So yes, it's filled with stuff, but no is it anything you haven't seen 1000 times in other movies.  So likely, you've already seen this as it was a massive success and right in the sweet box for DVD, so you might be thinking of a revisit. I say thee NAY...tional Treasure 2. You're just not going to garner anything new on a repeat view unless you saw this when you were 9 and thought it was the best movie ever and want to have another helping of disappointment as an adult. So yes, it's still fun, but it's just barely fun enough for us to give a recommendation but only for first-time viewers and if you've got nothing else going on.

A team of undeclared researchers go on a dig in the middle of the desert only to discover a secret tunnel that leads to America's greatest secret. But if they'd only gone through the IKEA, they could have saved a bunch of time.Truly bad film's greatest secret itself. Templar Nation is the true underappreciated and under served bad movie in the bad movie genre. While it should be on the same pedestals as The Room, Birdemic, and Fateful Findings, it sadly sits on Amazon Prime Video, buried in the midst of Asylum-like movies waiting for someone to please just take a chance on it. Sure, it doesn't have the behind-the-scenes "charisma" that say Tommy or Neil have, but the horrendously terrible job that Joseph James does to portray himself as a real-life LARPer stands as high as a vanity-piece gone awry as the other three. Go through the checklist of needs to rival "the bigs" in bad cinema: atrocious acting, scenery chewing leads, bad action sequences, terrible set design, the idiot-plot, unintelligible line delivery, baffling villainy, and a climax that is setup to have the audience be stunned but is instead in stitches with laughter. This is Hall of Fame stuff here, fam. Ya know, the big three took quite a while to gain some notoriety. And maybe because Templar Nation is from 2013, it hasn't had its chance in the sun yet. So I challenge you, dear listener and reader, make this movie a thing. It truly deserves it.

Two former Knights Templars (however the plural of that works) roam "The Far East" in a vague period of time bust up a usurpation of the kingdom by moping, doing opium, terrible battle plans and becoming Caribbean pirates. Tempyarr!!! What you want to come here for is the bad acting and the incredibly stupid character decisions. As one could predict, Hayden Christensen is not good. Surprisingly, he's far from the worst. Unsurprisingly, that award goes to Nic Coppola. Look, here's on set for about 3 days. At some point, he went into his trailer for 30 minutes, came back out and then told the director that his character should transition into a voodoo pirate. Well even if one could agree to those terms, Nicolas couldn't because his Yarrr! pirate fades in and out even within the same set of dialogue. Outcast has to rank as one of the worst Cage has even given us and the number one reason to show up to watch this film. Secondly - why the hell is everyone so stupid? From important characters blowing themselves up, villains challenging strangers to honor duels, giving your enemies a smoke screen, and saying "I didn't see those guards" after getting captured by them when your one job was to look out for guards. Its befuddling how many actions by characters are made in complete and utter moronisy.  Sadly, upon rewatching, Outcast doesn't hold up to the first viewing. For us it was a surprise stinker the first time we saw it and so we made it a little darling. It's pretty tedious and pouty on the front-end and when you finally get to the goods, you're already 3/4 through the movie. So if you've already seen it, Outcast is a one and done watch. If you haven't then give it a go, but don't expect too much fireworks until Pirate Cage makes his return.

It's disco fever time and the hottest club in LA manages to be one of the lamest clubs in LA at the same time. It's Jeff Goldblum, Donna Summer, Debra Winger and the Commodores giving us a 90 minute infomercial about disco life. While Sam manages to be correct that this film doesn't have a plot, he's wrong in that it isn't any fun. Sure, it's not going to be for everyone - pretty much if you won't even admit that there was any decent songs during the disco era (I say screw you) you're not going to like any of this. Not because it's chock full of disco (it's mostly funk music) but because disco was so content-free and so is this film. With that in mind, if you are a fan of American Graffiti, you aren't at least adverse to this type of project. We'll be honest with ourselves though. We think that this could be right on the fence of a do or don't, until Marv Gomez, "The Leatherman" has his big scene. Once he proclaims that everything besides dancing is "bullshit" the film gets a much needed injection of nonsense. From there on out, you're in for a good time and it becomes a definite do. So put on your all-cotton shirt and your leather pants and enjoy some disco bologna. We certainly did.

Bugs, bugs, bugs!!! This movie is chock full o' bugs! Large bugs, small bugs, bugs as big as your head - hell bugs that are MADE of your head. Heads that are made of bugs. I got bugs under my skin and bugs on my brain. Hope you like bugs. The Nest falls into the "body horror" genre as far from being a body horror film as one can be. This should fall into the "its JAWS but bugs are super cheap to work with" genre. Its just the JAWS plot but with bugs. Yes there is a smidgeon of body horror but its not exactly From Beyond. However, there is a lot of good here. You can see the touch of director Terrence Winkless breaking from the script and making some of the residents of Tiny Bug Town have horrendous and hilarious deaths. When the diner-side of the unnecessary love triangle meets her doom, she goes full-Ash on a pile of cockroaches using the methods she's most adept at - waitressing. It's hilarious. While the front-end is a little uneventful, there's still enough to carry you through to the good stuff. Keep an eye out for how stupid everyone looks, the weird dialogue, a very uninhibited trailer, how little the sheriff gets done right up to when we meet the very weird Dr. Hubbard. Then the bugs and goop begins and the rest of the film is a solid stinker. It's not a masterpiece but it's still a good Sunday funtime.

A likely candidate for favorite movie ever when you were 8 years old, this classic episode features the live action Disney superhero movie that lead the way to the MCU (no, no it did not). Condorman stars Michael Crawford, Oliver Reed, Barbara Carrera and James Hampton. Enjoy!

The faerie folk who may or may not be all leprechauns have been living peacefully in the center of earth (or Middle Earth as some may call it) while a smug little kid who needs to be punted says he wants to team up with them but ends up shooting all of them. Get to the Time Portal, Uter! Artermis Fowl is a giant piece of crap. With or without, the departures from the book series, this is a giant piece of crap. It's bad from top to bottom. Every single person failed at their job (with the exception of Colin Farrell who doesn't have time to screw it up). From the effects, to the writing, to the directing, to the editing, to the acting, to the sound design, to the props department. Failure. I'm surprised this team isn't in charge of the Covid-19 response. Yikes. The plot doesn't exist. This is what Sam calls "table-setting" for the later films that won't ever come because of how awful this crap is. Literally nothing happens here. We're not even sure where the climax is. Hell we're not even sure when the movie starts. It's unfathomable. Then there's the casting/acting. The kid is awful. He's a kid so we can't pick on his skills too much and I'm sure he was just doing what he was told to do but hey, so did the guards at Auschwitz. There's no excuse. Then there's the people who should have known f-ing better: Dame Judi Dench and Josh Gad - both of whom who are doing their worst Bat-voice which isn't good but then failing on top of their failure.  Lastly, the effects. Wow. Just six months ago, we were grabbing our torches and pitchforks for the effects of Cats and these guys pushed those people off their bad effects pedestal and then spiked the football. There's this damn centaur who's body's don't match, laser guns that suck, dubious wings on faeries, and then the time vortex. Wow, the time vortex. Artemis Fowl is the worst movie of 2020 thus far and its just one more thing that Covid-19 has robbed from us. We should have been able to view this in the theater and then watch the box office returns not come in. Damn you, COVID!!!! 

This special episode we discuss the number 13, loads of Tales from The Baywatch, Stay Tuned, Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus, My Spy, Cut and Run, Sam takes on Email, and Jackie gives us her most entangled Spookie yet out of Romania. Have some gratuitous exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul, the dubiously employed dirt digger, gets a case of moon brain causing him to become a "were-gorn" and eventually goes to critical mass all while his new girlfriend keeps him away from doctors and his buddy just wants him dead because its dinner-time. Track of the Moon Beast is iconic drive-in/MST3K type material. You're sadly not going to find any surprises here. Just imagine Joel, Crow and Tom sitting down and whatever you can imagine to happen on screen will likely happen. There's just nothing new here for anybody. It falls into the same vein and suffering that Ssssssss does (and sadly last weeks Girl in Gold Boots). There's a smattering of good here but for the most part its 90 minutes of milk-toast. While the makeup and costumes might be some of the worst, what this film does "well" for bad-movie fans is the absolutely terrible script. Its lunacy. Its nonsensical. But again, it's draggy and too few and far between to get to the good stuff.  Sadly, there just isn't much to say here but avoid this without MST3K.

In a stunning display of some of the worst dancing ever beheld by the eyes of civilization, Michelle really just wants to be the #1 Go-Go dancer in all the world. Standing in her way is two dudes who just want to kiss her at beaches and her own ability to dance like a flopping fish. This movie falls into a very strange category of recommendation. It's truly about as good as other MST3K classics such a Secret Agent, Super Dragon, The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies, or Eegah!. It's your usual terrible writing about youth out of the psychedelia era, it's got lead characters with dubious idioms and of course strange nonsensical dialogue. Yet there's some weird enjoyment that comes along with it as well. It could be that it's a super-star when it comes to riffing. It could come from the characters being absolutely unlikable and the antithesis of what we expect in theatrics character archetypes. Everything is a weird choice stemming from the opening scene, the locations, the weird 6-wheeler sequence, Buz' casting choice, the "heist" sequence, the lamest party ever, on and on it goes. There's a little something for everyone here, it's just a matter if you can riff your way past the other sections to get to the stuff that fits your idea of ironic film watching. We say it's a borderline do if you are in the advanced class for bad movie watching. Otherwise do it with the MST3K.

Voted Britain's Worst Movie Ever (by some blokes who must not have a very deep pool to chose from) Carry On Columbus becomes our first foray into the Carry On franchise. I think we can all agree; it's funnier than ACTUAL Columbus. We've entered into this in a very unconventional way. We imagine most viewers of the Carry On franchise have a few of their higher quality films under their belt before watching this - which is obviously going to be inferior. So likely, in those viewing specifications will lead many to absolutely loathe this movie. We don't fall into that camp. This ONLY made us to want to watch even more Carry On. Because if this is the worst, well the others have gotta be pretty good. Sure, it's corny. Sure, it's got some groaners. But there's some generally funny jokes in this. I'd say we laughed out loud about 10 times, which is pretty damn solid. Consider such ducks that we crap out in the US, looking at you Tom Green and Eddie Murphy. When it comes to bad comedy we hold the world crown here in the US. Britain, you need to start making much crappier films before you can start thinking Carry On Columbus is true garbage. Don't expect Caddyshack. Don't even expect Caddyshack II. But this is FAR from Pluto Nash. Despite it's gawdawful reputation we still think this is a good time and worth a watch - start with this one. You'll only want more Carry On.

Here comes a classic from our archives while we're away. Starring Betsy Russell, this is 80's schlock that rivals the stupidity of Teen Witch. It's completely offensive, chock full of boobs, blatant stupidity by the characters, and has one of the silliest endings of all time. Enjoy!

This coronasode we discuss Sam's new summer drink recipe, we ask if Joey and Chandler ruined America, a fan suggestion for Wacko, Sando takes on Global Economic Crisises and getting his lunch stolen, Troll 3, Contagion, Ready or Not, Blow the Man Down, Vast of Night and Jackie's got a turd of a Spookie out of Scotland.

When you gotta remake a Jaws movie, make sure to remake Jaws II, cause you really can't screw it up and here's exhibit A. Expect many exploding dummies, strange sequences and terrible models. In grand 70s/80s Italian film tradition, we've got a direct ripoff of both Quint from Jaws and the plot of Jaws II. In further grand tradition, we've got terrible voice-over, ridiculous action sequences, inept heroes, questionable film ethics, and nonsensical characters. But what really makes The Last Shark shine is the little things. From the start with a very laboring windsurfer, to DJ Exposition, to the daughter's strange habit of falling out of boats, and her mom's absolute lack of care the movie features little non-plot vignettes that leave the viewer thinking about them more than they think about how awful the shark looks - and the shark looks terrible. Let's talk about the shark though (whom we've dubbed Ultimo) - he not only looks terrible but he's a very strange shark. It seems he has two primary "shark moves" - exploding people into the air and just putting his face up above the water as if to say "Hey look at me! I'm a damn shark!". He also employs traps and uses bait. Pretty sure sharks don't do that. When it does come time for him to bite some people, he usually starts with the feet and has a habit of not finishing his dinners. Ultimo is the second best shark of all time (when it comes to being crappy) and is an absolute treat. All Jaws ripoffs should learn a thing from Ultimo. It's not the best crappy shark movie, but it's still a really great ride and is perfect for a group of riffers.

This week we call to hear from our POC listeners, Jackie earns a new title, Tacoman gets his origin, The Brougham's maiden voyage, Sando Takes on Manual Labor, heroin songs, Upload, The Good Boys, another look at Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, a Jackie Spookie from the land down under and Eyes Wide Shut bang-parties.

In a formula that you've seen one thousand times before, we get a themed slasher around a date, a plethora of red herrings and a telegraphed and an obvious murderer that makes for a fairly mundane time. The first thing one will notice about Graduation Day is the decision to base the killings all around high school sports - while knowing absolutely nothing about high school sports. The second thing one will notice is who the killer is, within minutes of the movie starting. The third thing one will notice is the gibberish "teen" dialogue. Finally, you'll notice how unbelievably bad every piece of the film actually is. While that all sounds pretty good, Graduation Day suffers from 1/2 of the scenes being completely plot irrelevant and scattered with various characters getting put on screen that never return, have no connection to the story, and even their scenes could be just placed in any other film and fit better. This makes for a fair amount of tedium. It's not that it's not a fun time, it's just that it's an "ok" watch and falls into a pile of slasher films that you could randomly pick from and still have the same level of fun with. It's just too much of relying on the usual slasher formula that can't make it stand out.

This week we discuss Hump Day, a motorhome update, camping bathroom use, some epic level Listener Feedback, Stripped to Kill, The Lovebirds, stripper food, Sando takes on butts and Jackie debunks her own Spookie.

The "Two who are as one" go on a wacky adventure with some very questionable themes all to end up at a ritual that doesn't make a bit of sense with unclear intentions. Buckle up folks, this is one of the best bad movies ever. I don't know what more you could want in a bad movie. There's not a single thing in this film that is done well, yet there's also not a single scene that isn't pure joy to watch. Most bad movies fail in a least a couple scenes for the viewer yet the true masterpieces (Troll 2, America 3000, etc..) are an absolute treat from credits to credits. Sorceress belongs on every top 10 list of so bad it's good. The truly unique thing about Sorceress is how far pass the socially acceptable line it goes. These are things I'm not comfortable writing in a movie review that gets passed to various websites but many of things that happen on screen are illegal in every country in the world. They are THAT bad. And it's all delivered to be comedic and it's icky. The acting is terrible, the plot doesn't make any sense, the action is bonkers, the special effects are the worst ever, and at no point is the viewer ever bored. It's pure stinker magic and belongs in the Hall of Fame.

This week's show has a bevvy of listener feedback, some round-table discussions about life under COVID, a new Pop Quiz Hotshot, Sando takes on bad moves, Phantasm, Dolemite is My Name, Sam finally finishes GoT, and the day the clowns died.

Rudy Ray Moore dons the person of Dolemite who may or may not be a pimp, but is definitely awful at karate. In one of the most unique bad movies we've ever reviewed, Dolemite is unforgettable. The major thing that is unique is that at least 90% of the cast is completely stoned. No one is drunk. Which is strange in a strange way. Why are bad movies usually filmed with drunk people but very rarely filled with everyone that is absolutely blazed. It makes for a very unique take in a bad movie. Secondly, is the "masterful" martial arts skill of Rudy Ray. If you've seen Dolemite is my Name, you'll remember Eddie Murphy throwing some pretty terrible knees at guys. He wasn't over-acting. Rudy's skill may come from being high as well. I sure don't like violence or moving when I'm high. Beside, Rudy's amazing performance - You've also got one of the dumbest and poorest executed plots. Let's see if I can break it down - Dolemite is doing a life sentence for some stolen furs and about $200k worth of coke. The warden puts him back into the streets to take over the crime because Willie Green is just too much for the cops to handle. So then Dolemite goes and bangs a bunch of ladies for 45 minutes. Then throws a party that Willie Green shows up to and shoots up the place while Dolemite is changing his clothes for the 30th time in the movie - resulting in Willie getting a death tummy-ache. Then the movie goes on for about 20 more minutes and the mayor is the villain this whole time? It's bonkers, terribly made, rarely accomplishes what it intends and is absolutely intoxicating. It's a must-watch.

Join us for a loosey, goosey conversation about Pete Rose v Michael Jordan, why Vermont sucks, The Wizard IRL, The 1080, the top binge-worthy comedy shows, riveting listener feedback about that stupid cat from this week, Sando takes on food stamp exploitation, Waco and Jackie shares a San Diego spookie. Streaming now on Amazon Prime (nope).

A cat walks off the ramp of his spaceship and hijinx ensue. Hope you like hijinx. Because we don't and we didn't. If you are 8 years old, we'd love to hear from you if you enjoy this movie. If you're not, even if you were at one point, and you like this movie, we don't want to hear from you. We worry about your mental health and we can't help you. Please see a health professional immediately. Tedious would be an understatement. Groan-inducing would be an understatement. Frustrating would be an understatement. In fairness, cruel to animals is an accurate statement. Everything goes on for far too long. From the exposition, the character relationship building, to the goofball comedy, to the stunts, the list of things that are too long is too long. You want all the characters to just stop what they're doing and leave the set and just have the cat solve its own problems, which would have done so in much more effective manners. It's a joyless, frustrating experience that leaves you wanting to punt the streaming device into the bin. Avoid The Cat from Outer Space at all costs, unless you are conducting MK Ultra style torture studies.

It's another week of doom and gloom, so saddle up and click your spurs because we're gonna block out the baddies with some vocal shenanigans. This week we've got some booze talk, getting into the "Tiger Cage", He-Man, The People V Tommy, we get some sexy comedy recommendations out of the old country, our guess of what "cock-a-hoop" means, Sando takes on Elon Musk's coke supply, science now sucks, The Lighthouse, Ozark Season 3, a possible animation resurgence and the Stanley Hotel. Here is the list of Carry On films in full on YouTube: Carry On Films

WWIII is averted by sending two men to do single combat - one who just got beat up and another who is one mean gardener. It's about as dumb of a movie as ever been created and now we gift it to you. While The Final Sanction has some flash in the pan moments that have similarities to the masterpiece Deadly Prey it's a film that suffers from being dreadfully slow. Everything takes way too long - think Birdemic. Sadly, it misses its chance to be an instant stinker classic (because it's so stupid) and falls into the it's just ok category. It also needs disclaimed that if you want to have any clue what's going on, then you'd best be able to speak William Smith, who delivers most of the exposition in a horrendous Russian accent stacked ontop his usual gravel voice. So expect to have no idea what is happening. Eventually, you'll piece things together and realize how unbelievably unthoughtout this plot is. While it's a bit of a chore in places (due to the pacing), this is still a do if you've never seen it. It's absolutely one of the dumbest movie we've reviewed. Put some usual Ted Prior business, Z'Dar's chin, freezeframe credits, and assorted nonsense along the way and it's still a David A. Prior movie. Enjoy with riffers!

This week on the mid-week episode we pay tribute to Irrfan Khan, talk about the biggest bombs of 2019, "slap the bag", life-saving coffee, a ton of listener feedback, the motorhome, Sando Takes on Anti-Vaxxers, It Chapter Two, more Sam on GoT, and McCall Idaho's spookie monster.

If you follow the podcast, this movie might seem a little familiar to you as its absolutely the same movie as Firecracker. The primary difference? A Playboy Playmate who has absolutely no business doing karate. You'll probably realize very quickly upon view is that this might be the worst kung fu you've ever seen. It has to be. There can't be worse. Jeannie Bell is mind-boggling. She moves like a wet towel. And she's not alone. Filipino comedian, Chiquito (whom I guess is worthy of a singular name?) is in a race to be declared worst. It's really up for debate who is less athletic. If you can find us a movie with worse martial arts in it, we'd love to see it. While Jeannie Bell's athleticism is abhorrable it's absolutely a blast to watch. Buckle up for some belly laughs but also expect her to do a very bad job of replicating Pam Grier, all while looking super hot. Without Bell, this movie goes in the bin. She's a bad movie star, baby! Sadly, her career didn't work out for us. And yes, it's exactly the same movie as Firecracker and Angelfist. But really, this is worthy of a view in it's own right. There's enough difference to make it palatable and showing up just for the terrible martial arts is enough right there. It's a do from us.

It's that time of the week again and this time of the week we discuss Jeff Lowe's AMA, Sando takes on Teenagers, a follow-up on the motor home and bidets, is The Wizard and Over the Top in the same universe, addressing listener requests, season 4 of GoT and Jackie tries to pull one over on us and fails.

Three precocious scamps team-up on a journey across the Western US to get little Jimmy, a misdiagnosed kid with a heart of gold, to the ultimate video-game tournament, Video Game Armageddon. Plus Christian Slater and Beau Bridges share a hotel room. Is this movie TOO sexy? The Wizard falls into our "bad movie debunked" category of films - wherein the film has been raked over the coals by critics yet, we can't understand why. Sure it's got some sub-par technical work with some over-exposed shots, mediocre compositions and spotty focus. Sure it's clear that someone did a bad job with the editing scissors and sure it's likely that person with the scissors did the best they could because they shot 2.5 hours worth for a damn kids movie. But really those quibbles pale next to the content. We love movies that have kid's on a cross-America road-trip adventure, all while growing up a little along the way and this manages to execute those items pretty damn well. The group of three are a lot of fun to watch, there's solid chemistry between Freddy Savage, Jenny Lewis and Luke Edwards. Most of the time, films like these have groan-inducing scenes with the kids, trying to placate the kids watching at home, but this never suffers from any "men in ties interpreting what kids think is funny" happening. Lastly, this film ends with the ol pulling on the heartstrings trick and again, usually this type of movie fails horrendously at that moment. What The Wizard does best is have you follow these kids across the West only to fall in-love with them at the last scene. It also doesn't shy away from the problems that kids (and really adults) suffer from and instead makes them part of the characters in a way that draws the viewer even closer to them. While it's got its issues, The Wizard is way-underrated and is truly one of the best kids movies to come out of the 80's. We would love to see a return to this approach in cinema - flawed kids having grand adventures.

This week's coronasode involves more drinking, listener feedback about Jackie's birthday, Sam talks about going back to work, the Cannonball Run record, 47 Meters Down 1 & 2, Ozark Season 1, and Sam starts watching GoT. Plus a bonus Spooky Story from Jackie.

Race car (and man of assorted skills) Blaine Striker invades the tiny island of Santa Heron to team up with the local PhD candidates to take down a very drunk Oliver Reed's nasty plan to repeat the Cuban Missile Crisis. Shenanigans ensue.... Rage to Kill is about as VHS 80's icon as you can imagine. It's the perfect film to have gone into your local tape rental store (the good ol days), go to the action section, judge movies only by the box the tape comes in and keep your fingers crossed that you didn't get a snoozefest. What you instead get here is a bonkers plot, drunk actors, sexy coeds with guns, Russian missiles and many explosions that don't line up. Oliver Reed wins the award for the drunkest we've ever seen him on screen, beating out the Oliver Reed we saw Hired to Kill. It's wonderfully unprofessional but from the start to finish his lack of couth is a spectacle. At one point he's in a hot tub with some topless ladies and we aren't really sure if it's actually in the script or if they just filmed it and slapped it in the film. The plot is nanners, doesn't make any sense, never manages to get on beat and usually just involves getting college kids and villagers murdered by militants. It all centers around a guy who has no reason to be action guy and is only on the island because his mom was worried about his little brother. I guess you'd end up with a bunch dead coeds and villagers if you put Blaine Striker in charge. Rage to Kill boils down to a solid late night action film for you and a few riffers. We give it 3 "do's" and hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

This week we discuss NYC, birthday tacos, COVID birthdays, brain transplants, Sam tells Justin to F-off, The Three Amigos, Sando takes on dirty butts, White Lightning, Gator, Fleabag and island cocktails.

Truck is coming for justice and vengeance (if that's possible). He's got a big hand cannon. He's got big shoes. And he ain't taking no crap from no back-talking pimps. So grab your ass, and prepare for the most badass movie we've reviewed. Truck Turner is super-badass. From the soundtrack to the clothes to the dialogue to the plot to Yaffett Cotto to the cinematography it's got it. It comes in buckets and waves of badass. It's dialed to 11.5. It's a 90 minute quarantine with only one partner - badassness. This movie is badass. Spending the whole movie being covered in cat pee, our hero is a pretty big piece of crap. He's an awful boyfriend. He's not a good bounty hunter. Everyone around him dies and he's broke as hell. Yet, Truck and his partner Jerry are eye-candy from the very opening scene. It's not that you want to hang out with these guys (because they smell of cat piss and you'll likely get shot if you do) but you do want to be a voyeur into their daily life. They are just an absolute blast from the beginning. Then there is the parade of pimps. From Gator, to eye-patch guy, to Yaffet Cotto's Harvard Blue and most especially Nichelle Nichol's Diranda. The cadre of villains that hunt the bounty hunter play like Spider-Man's Rogues Gallery and share some interesting similarities with them in a weird way.  Lastly, the cinematography is probably some of the most under-rated in film. There's some chances taken here that all end up paying off in spades. Keep your eye out for the great shots that are iconic for the genre.

This week on our coronasode we talk about Idaho's "big" earthquake, earthquake fun-facts, Sam watches Tiger King, Sando takes on Ducks, cheap sweets, The Outsider on HBO, The Watchmen (again!) and a great email from ACB.

Some little dudes who clearly aren't actual Ghoulies warp into our dimension again to do...something... All while the guy from the first Ghoulies is still dealing with his demon summoning past and his obvious hot-chick magnetism, despite now being one tough cop. So the first thing that should be noted is that there are no ghoulies appear in this film. We're told that there is ghoulies but these are clearly not ghoulies. And there's only two of them. And there doing very not ghoulie things. We think they likely were not warped in from Purgatory but from Nilbog. While being a Jim Wynorski film, this is chock-full of Jim's lady friends and if you know Jim you'll know what we mean here (with the exception of Michelle Bauer) yet somehow they all manage to keep their clothes on somehow. Is this a kid's movie? Oh hell no! Then what is the deal here, Jim? Its not that we need the gratuity (ok maybe we do) it's just a weird thing you've made here, James. While there is a distinct difference in tone with the rest of Ghoulies film, its not deserved of the low ratings that the Ghoulies fanboys have given it. It's just a Jim Wynorski film and in that purview it fits in perfectly. Sure, it's different from the others but it's still a good time. It's not great but definitely not worthy of the 2.8 it currently enjoys on IMDB. Go ahead and give this a spin and enjoy a good riffer. It won't make your hall of fame but it's good for a Sunday.

CORONASODE!!! #1 - In which Justin mistakenly brings up The Watchmen when Jackie is absolutely drunk. Oops. We discuss the toilet paper shortage and weightlifter grunts. Plus reviews of Bombshell, Tiger King, Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, Knives Out and the gym speakeasy. Our coronasode episodes are only for listeners who are very familiar with the show. There isn't any talk about bad movies, so please if you're new, download a few of our other episodes before starting here.

A tournament to the death turns into a strange drug heist eliminate the middle-man plot, all to the backdrop of a chesty-karate lady falling for the man who murdered her sister, one Darby Hinton. Firecracker is as good as bonkers Philippines movie as they come. None of it lines up but it's all non-stop entertaining. We should start by paying homage to the musical score. Without the score, this may be an entirely a different monster and possibly draggy in stops - although it should also be noted that the score was straight stolen from another New World Pictures project. Lead lady, Jillian Kesner, is quite the buxom action lady - when she's actually on-screen. Most of the action is handled by a poorly wigged man in a lady's jumpsuit, thus delivering a bevvy of laughs every time she's doing action. She's clearly not there for her karate, she's there to run down a hallway in underwear and heels. And we're very ok with that. The plot is absolutely bonkers and best if viewed fresh, but if you can explain to us how the "boss" made it to kingpin level with his criminal skills, you've got to share it with us. This is completely the idiot-plot and thus makes it a lot of fun. We all loved it and definitely is a must watch for anyone that loves crappy karate movies.

Here we go with Part 2 of the most important podcast you could listen to; time to count out the very best of the films we reviewed in our 6th year of podcasting. Each of us count down our top 10, so stop what you're doing and watch these movies today. This episode we count down numbers 4-1 plus our 3 favorite movies of 2019.

It's that time again; time to count out the very best of the films we reviewed in our 6th year of podcasting. Each of us count down our top 10, so stop what you're doing and watch these movies today. This episode we count down numbers 10-5.

Clint Howard delivers ice cream and one liners as a murderous Schwann's delivery guy. Is he the Pied Piper or just every other ice cream man? With top cops, Jan Michael Vincent and Lee Majors II on his case, how can he possibly get caught? While we're not entirely sure what this movie is, we can tell you one thing - it's a lot of fun. It doesn't rise to the so bad it's good level that Troll 2 does, but that's likely to Clint Howard being too talented - but it definitely falls into that same category and tone. The two would make a great double feature.  When the push-pops hit the fan about 2/3 of the way through - hold on to your seats. Some of the weirdest gore scenes ever captured are here in this film. I won't reveal any highlights but expect lots of wildness with severed heads. Jan Michael Vincent - wow. He's clearly drunk throughout the whole movie. Scenes cut just as he's about to deliver his lines as all I can guess is that he's about to barf instead. His big scene is a juxtaposition between him shambling through an insane asylum vs his partner, Lee Majors II, doing "action" in the same scenario. It's one of the greatest scenes in bad movies on how awful it is. Imagine Hobbs and Shaw but The Rock is drunk and Jason Statham is trying to show up his dad. It's wonderful. Ice Cream Man is an absolutely great time, belongs in any bad horror movie discussion and is a much watch from all three of us. Do it.

The hottest awards for bad films in 2019 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2019 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below. And the Nominees  & Winners are (winner in bold): Best Bad Movie - The Most Enjoyable Bad Movie Serenity Hobbs and Shaw Angel has Fallen Rambo: Last Blood Cats Hellboy Xmen: Dark Phoenix Fan Poll Results - Hobbs and Shaw Worst Bad Movie - The Least Enjoyable Bad Movie Serenity Cats Pet Semetary Hellboy MiB: International Ad Astra Xmen: Dark Phoenix Godzilla: King of the Monsters Fan Poll Result - Cats Best Bad Actor - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor Sylvester Stallone - Rambo: Last Blood Nick Nolte - Angel has Fallen Matthew McConaughey - Serenity Sir Ian McKellan - Cats Kevin Hart - Hobbs and Shaw Gerard Butler - Angel has Fallen Idris Elba - Cats Jason Clarke - Serenity Fan Poll Result - Kevin Hart - Hobbs and Shaw Best Bad Actress - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor Anne Hathaway - Serenity Vanessa Kirby - Hobbs and Shaw Francesca Hayward - Cats Jete Laurence - Pet Sematary Milla Jovovich - Hellboy Taylor Swift - Cats Rebel Wilson - Cats Dame Judi Dench - Cats Dame Helen Mirren - Hobbs and Shaw Fan Poll Result - Jete Laurence - Pet Semetary MST3K Most Riffable - The easiest and most fun to make fun of film while viewing Cats Xmen: Dark Phoenix Rambo: Last Blood Angel has Fallen Hellboy Godzilla: King of the Monsters Hobbs and Shaw Serenity Fan Poll Result - Cats Worst Bad Actor - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor Jason Clarke - Serenity Jason Clarke - Pet Semetary Liam Neesons - MiB: International Idris Elba - Hobbs and Shaw Tommy Lee Jones - Ad Astra Donald Sutherland - Ad Astra Nicolas Hoult - Xmen Dark Phoenix Matthew McConaughey - Serenity Idris Elba - Cats Laurie Davidsons - Cats James Corden - Cats Fan Poll Result - Jason Clarke - Pet Semetary Worst Bad Actress - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor Sophie Turner - Xmen Dark Phoenix Dame Judi Dence - Cats Jennifer Hudson - Cats Rebel Wilson - Cats Vera Farmiga - Godzilla: King of the Monsters Emma Thompson - MiB: International Jada Pinkett Smith - Angel has Fallen Anne Hathaway - Serenity Fan Poll Result - Jennifer Hudson - Cats

Nothing says box office magic like a contractually-obligated lead with zero acting experience teams up for a teen sex-romp with no teens or sex with 50-something moms as the target market. Surprisingly, 2 of 3 Stinker Madness hosts say this is a do. They say that its just so bad that it comes back around to being watchable and a must-see for bad movie fans. They say that there's enough bad dancing, terrible costumes, horrendous songs, and enough hovercraft deaths to keep one engaged. They say..well who cares what they say - they aren't writing this crap. This movie is unviewable. If you happen to have a soul left, like this 1 of 3 Stinker Madness host still does, then while viewing this you may have some unintended health consequences, such as heads put through walls, eyeball clawing, execution of anvil-based booby traps, taking over Gotham after giving an interview to Robert Deniro and/or then giving a very strange speech that everyone seems to think they should be praising. The characters are reprehensible. There's plenty of "boys will be boys". There's bitch friends and douche friends and friends that ruin people's lives due to their privilege. There's nerd-shaming and internet dating mocking. There's "I'll love him no matter how badly he treats me". There's assault that's instantly forgiven and on and on the list of abhorrent behavior that is forgiven because there's a song immediately afterward goes on and on and on. The script is drivel. The songs are gadawful. And I think I'm over how silly hovercraft(s) are. Maybe I'm broken inside more than I thought. Either way, don't watch this unless you are a masochist or are touring the bottom 100. This belongs there for sure.

Chaz is back and with the help of Michael Biehn and Billy Paxton, sends seven guys in to blow up some moderately dangerous weapons, comes back with only four guys and commits ineptitude and crimes against humanity along the way. Recruitment has never been so good, right? Wow, is Navy Seals a terrible representation of America's top elite fighting force. I mean, if this is how things really are, help us all because bad things are going to happen around the world. Nothing here makes the viewer say to themselves, "Hey, those guys are doing a good job. I should join up." Now, all our libtard "war is bad" attitude aside, these guys are completely inept. They take the hardest route to do the most mundane of tasks and end up getting most of them killed with each step. Then there's Charlie Sheen's character. Sure, he's a loose cannon which we're all familiar with but where Martin Riggs is nuts, Lt. Dale Hawkins is nuts AND a complete joke and insult to our men in uniform. There's gotta be someone up the chain that says "Yeah sure he's got great hair, but he literally keeps shooting his teammates in the back, so....pass." I mean we have things called court martialing and discharges for a reason. Next to that all, this movie likely has one of the worst soundtracks ever made. Even if you're into butt-rock, you'll likely be missing earplugs when such great songs like Bon Jovi's cover of The Boys are Back in Town and two (2!) songs by Mr. Big. Yikes. While it's a pretty solid time with lots of ludacricity there's just too much dicking off for my tastes and Chaz thinking that he's still in Platoon. Good if you've never seen it but on revisit its just too draggy.

A couple trash-cans team-up to assist in the destruction of many soulless husks all on a mission that is never stated all so the villain can become Dante and rule all of hell from inside of a Cylon. While that sounds absolutely nutty, we hope that you're able to get to any of those points because this movie's primary problem is...zzz...zzz. Oh I'm sorry, just thinking about this film put me to sleep like warm milk. It's painfully boring. Once you get past the excellent model work (that doesn't have enough shots), the spectacular theme by John Barry (which you're done with after the first 3 times you hear it) and Robert Forster just being Robert Forster (a damn pro), you're left with endless exposition, painful banter between the robots, a completely up-his-own-ass villain just for the sake of it and tedium. Endless tedium. However, the last 15 minutes of the film are absolutely bonkers. We got very little clue here guys about what the actually hell happened once the (of course) everyone goes into the black hole. For some wild reason, Disney decided to cram some Dante's Inferno and conceptual imagery of heaven (we think) and have absolutely no idea why. If someone could help us out in the WHY, not the what, we'd be thankful. Besides the bore factor, the film breaks its own rules constantly, the whole thing is the idiot-plot (whole plot could have been avoided had just one character not been an idiot), and the acting (aside from Forster and he's just doing what he can with what he's got to work with) is atrociously over-the-top. Which would all be fine and enjoyable if you'd managed to stay awake. Skip this one.

Charlie Sheen puts on his tough guy face and then realizes he still has that Charlie Sheen face, so he runs with it. Here Topper Harley gets a little too close to the edge, in much hilarious fashion. So the film's plot (while LOOSELY based off the real life Dan Black) is a pretty conventional "cop goes undercover and almost goes over the point of no return" but the manner in which its delivered makes for a pretty solid LOL time while adding in a lot of room for riffing. There's this juxtaposition between going dark and goofball humor that completely conflict with each other, making a weird tone to the entire experience.  This is all just backdrop for Chaz. Wow, what a terrible cast. Here's the thing. Everyone up until about 1995 saw Platoon and said, "I can do that. I just need to cast the weakest part of that movie." So this is just more of that, but it's hilarious. He's so bumbling in his lines and when he finally goes too close to edge and freaks out its about as good as you or I could do and we stink at acting, friend. Next to his performance is the cast of characters surrounding Dan. Everyone's a little too nutty/inept to have made it to where they are in life. His love interest should be named Red Flag, his best friend tries to kill him for education, his nemesis is a kingpin of the drug industry and spends his free time robbing convenience stores for some Whatchamacallits and lives in a trailer and his government handler will let you spit in his face so meet the FBI Director. It's great! Thus making it not stinker gold but 100% a good Sunday recommendation from us.

Once upon a time in Hollywood, we made movies around soundtracks and the movie took a second place in effort. At the height of that craze, we were left with this malarkey and the legend of Chris O'Donnell was born. Let's get this out of the way; we've come a long way since swashbuckling was big and there's good reason. It stinks. Think of watching Henry Cavill mess a bunch of guys up in an alley during the first season of The Witcher. It's badass. Swashbuckling is not. "Yes, but the kiddies can't exactly watch The Witcher split a man's head in half with a silver sword, now can they? Oh wise podcast critic! Haha!" Charlie Sheen might say. Ok, well then think of Viggo Mortensen fighting orcs at the Battle of Helm's Deep, you winning bastard! Swash-buckling is a complete waste of time. Yet this movie is soooo full of it. There's very little else going on here that doesn't involve either poorly timed jokes and proper fencing footwork. And it's all lackluster. Sadly, on a revisit The Three Musketeers doesn't quite work. It's more of a tedious affair which tries to rely on the same jokes and sequences over and over. There's no movement - it's just a flat line that suddenly stops for the credits - which further enforces the film just being a vehicle to get to a terrible song to play during the credits. This is a sad pass for me and a barely do from my other co-hosts. Enter at your own risk and only bring a group of quality riffers along with you.

It's bonkers-bad, sure. It's basically kitty version of Logan's Run, sure. It's got a cat-orgy scene, sure. It looks like crap, sure. But what the heck is the difference between this and the stage play? What did you people think was gonna happen here? Also Tay-Tay blows ass here. Guys, it's just Cats. The stage play IS this bad. It's all crap. If you hate the movie and love the play, then put your head in a microwave if you can pull it out of your own ass. What did you want here? In fact, you should LOVE the movie because it's even MORE of the crap that you love from the play. Get the hell out of here. Now for the rest of us, that weren't dropped as a baby. This is some real terrible film-making and likely an intentional tax loss. There's no way anyone that has ever worked a day before in the industry believed in this turd. That's not to say no one did a good job here. Francesa Hayward is absolutely brilliant but is strapped down (maybe in more ways than one) and surrounded by ineptitude so it's hard to notice what she's doing. You may also be distracted by her cat butt. There I said it. I'll take the bullet here. Cats is intentionally hot sexy business. If it wasn't then why the hell are they marching a bunch of naked crotches out? Why is there a cat orgy? Why is Sir Ian Mckellan wearing clothes but Idris Elba is not? Same for Dame Judi and not Tay-Tay? This is hot furies business and I promise you someone is going to jail after being caught in the theater with a little too much alone time. At the end of it all, should you check it out? Yes - but wait for streaming. It can be a great theater experience - it was for 2 of us but the last person had such a miserable time that it's just too risky for you. Save it and wait until it's free for you to access.

MERRY GARBAGE DAY! Eric Freeman earns his mark in the Stinker hall of fame in his eyebrow-tastic take on the Santa-obsessed killer maniac. If you can get past seeing SNDN 1 as well, you're in for a wild, holly-jolly horror film. Let's be frank, there's not enough good crap in Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 to make it a cult hit on its own. It's the combination of the masterful Eric Freeman and Ricky's insane rampage that makes the rest of the film not matter and send it into many, many fan favorite "Christmas" cult classics. Eric's performance stands among titans and belongs among the elites of Tommy and Connie Young. It's beautiful. If the entire movie had just been Ricky and Doc Henry locked in a room slinging their bonkers egos around for an hour and a half would have worked for us as well. Instead the first 40 minutes is mostly just a recap of the first movie, but told in such a poorly thought-out manner that it carries you through to when the Story of Ricky begins. Once that happens the rails completely come off and expect a Miami Connectionesque shift in tempo of the film. Without a doubt, if we'd been given just the Story of Ricky for the entire length of the film, this would be a Hall of Fame worthy masterpiece. While we didn't get that Christmas wish Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 is an absolute blast and a total do for us. Enjoy your Garbage Day!

Boardroom Santa! Ever been really into the business of Santa? Have a passion for Operations Management? Got a degree in holly jolly marketing? Wear a tie with your pajamas? Well this movie is for you! Just not for anyone else. For the rest of us Santa Claus: The Movie is about as interesting as a government made educational training video. Its just painfully boring. "Santa has a meeting with Jeff and Susie from accounting! Oh boy would I like to see that!" he said sarcastically. "The elves meet in the conference room for a call with the supply department! Wowee!!!!" he said while shoving his head in trash. The antagonist (John Lithgow) seriously doesn't show up until the 60% completion mark which makes the first hour and fifteen minutes completely devoid of plot and then we he DOES show up it's a series of groan-inducing jokes and Santa being a mopey butthole because apparently he's the only one that can give toys to children for free. Lastly, this film does an excellent job of showcasing what an awful person Santa (this version - not Santa in general you people about to accuse me of a war on Christmas) is. He is content to give starving children wooden toys instead of maybe food, or a home, or curing their diseases or stopping dictators from murdering their family or shoes even. Nope wooden toys is the only thing that children want - according to Santa. "Wait, they want things that aren't wooden toys?" Santa says at some point (paraphrasing). "But...but...then no one loves me! Boooo hooo hooo hoo" Ugh. You suck Santa. Santa Claus: The Movie is only for people who care only for the pageantry of Christmas and not at all about the meaning of Christmas. It stinks!

Good ol' Terry Hogan becomes Santa the Vigilante and fights a group of scientists who want to demolish an orphanage and then proceeds to do all the demolishing for them. Good job, Santa! Santa with Muscles is bottom 100 material yet it's surprisingly fun. However, I can't really tell you why. At no point is anything so bad that its good. The action is all kind of meh, the set pieces are all underdeveloped, the villains never really enter the realm of over-the-top hammy. It's ALL super stupid but there's just something kind of nice about the whole viewing experience. It's just a weird little piece of garbage that's a "do" but can't really be explained. The one thing we can say about it that doesn't fail is that's actually a Christmas movie. Most of them that we deal with end up having no Christmas message and just take place during Christmas for the sake of selling DVDs. Santa with Muscles is CHOCK full of Christmas. Arguably it's the most full of Christmas of any movie we've reviewed. Perhaps that's why it works. You can't really define what the true meaning of Christmas is but you know it when you see it. Much is the same here and so when you see it, you know you kind of liked it but can't really say why.

Happy 400th episode to us and we go big this week with a perfect Nonsensical November pick. It's a truly baffling experience that is nearly impossible to dissect but does feature a bevvy of bonkers content from start to finish. Arguably, no other movie is so far from being grounded in reality that this is an absolute must-watch for fans of nonsensical plots. With any mention of The Peanut Butter Solution, it can't be understated how bonkers the plot is. Essentially a child goes into a haunted house, gets so frightened that his hair comes out and then goes on a quest to get his hair to grow back. That all sounds fine and good for a Saturday afternoon made-for-tv kid's movie but this pile is SOOO much more than that. While it really can't be written here, the plot is absolutely unfathomable and is completely off the rails. While the plot is bananas, it's not the only portion of this film that is nanners. The acting is at about 12 throughout by the lead, Michael (played by Mathew Mackay), his father (played by Michael Hogan from BSG fame) and the films "villain" Senor (Michel Maillot). Imagine Nic Cage at his Cageyest but without any of the talent.  Tack on some unintelligible dialogue, a clash of good and bad production design, some horrendously bad directing advice ("Children love surrealism, right?"), Celine Dion and a possible crime-ring of children kidnappers to exploit the art industry and you've got a seriously excellent bad movie. Do not miss this movie.

Inside lives a truly great film that delves into commentary about what it means to be a leader, the sacrifices one must make for their people, that no one should be judged by their appearance, and that anyone can truly be great. Unfortunately, it's all thrown aside for the sake of groan-inducing hi-jinx and jingoism. Yay.... King Ralph is a debacle. It's a horrendous stain on film-making and for only one reason - the "comedy". Imagine a mash-up of The King's Speech and C.H.O.M.P.S. and then throw your popcorn into the toilet and replace it with burnt toast. That's your cinematic viewing experience here. It's atrociously annoying, horrendously offensive at points and trips over it's own wit to pickup a pratfall. Expect your living room to be as silent as all of England when they learned Hollywood planned to eliminate the entire Royal Family in effigy. Despite all that, there does live a truly great film inside of King Ralph, it's just hard to see. The acting is spectacular (a monument should be erected in every city, town and village to Sir Peter O' Toole), Goodman is TRULY funny when he's allowed to be by the stifling hi-jinx, and the production design is top notch. Remnants of the source material (the more satirical elements, at least) still manage to come across and still hold weight. They are just mired down by all the gags to keep this thing from being "good". It's still a do, but it's not a do in the classic sense of a bad movie. It's the "good" in this film that you'll want to watch it for. The "bad" is like sticking your head in the garbage can.

Rambo rides off into the sunset (or dies in a pool of blood) but takes many, many, many people down with him on the way. It's a bloody, sticky, mess that will fall into the either love-it or hate-it folly. So let's get this out of the way first - Rambo: Last Blood looks like absolute crap. Whomever shot this should be sacked. Very few shots look even as good as most DTV films and each vehicle scene features completely unnecessary rear-projection. Why in the hell does this have to look so awful? Secondly, it's biggest flaw for Rambo fans is a particular scene that, yes, sets up the plot but is SO far out of character and John's skills and how he's managed all of his strategies that is just so out of place and dumb that may ruin the next twenty minutes of the film for you. However, if you can get past those two things, this thing is hot crap. At no point does John turn into "I'm getting too old for this" or even a Gran Turinoesque Clint Eastwood. John craves and thrives when there is trouble to be had and it doesn't matter how old he gets. There's some decent dialogue that reinforces how John looks at the world and then how he proceeds to end bad guy's lives. It's a blast.  It should also be mentioned that Stallone is great here. He's just as action packed as he always has been. He doesn't look like doing this will cause him to spend a week covered in Ben-Gay and at no point does he seem to be a lover of Worther's Originals. When he punches a guy, it seems like it will hurt real bad or possibly cause his fist to enter your body in holes you didn't have before.  So while it has a few issues, it's still a blast and if you come into a Rambo film expecting to see something else here, we're not sure what you're doing with your life. It's a do.

We all love babies right? Now what if we replaced babies with 6 year old kids with stunted growth and pasted their heads onto the bodies of little people? No? How about some CGI lip-syncing so they can talk? No? Ok, well how about stuffing a child actor into a bin of soiled undies? Yes, please. So Baby Geniuses and it's followup are two of the lowest rated movies that have ever existed, despite the overwhelming amount of fake 10/10 reviews on IMDB, it still was a box-office smash. Why? Because people love babies! Babies can do no wrong! Even when they are covered in dookie, murdering bums, imitating John Travolta and keeping the secrets of life to themselves out of selfish dickery! I'm not really sure if people who went to this for love of babies actually paid attention to what these awful children are actually up to. On the other side of the coin, Kathleen Turner and Christopher Lloyd are evil because we're told their evil even though their actions and motivations are parallels of our "hero adults" Kim Cattrell and Peter MacNicol which only reveals more about these horrific little baby monsters. While, we can't in good faith say that Baby Geniuses is a do for fans of crappy films, it's so close to being one of the greatest bad movies ever if only it could have stuck with babies doing karate and diving into dumpsters, but sadly tries to put the good-feelers into it's clearly moronic intended audience. Do or don't, what the hell do we care. Our souls have been eroded by dancing babies.

This week on the show we thoroughly review everything important this Halloween with regards to crummy movies. Special guest Tucker comes into the studio and delivers the laughs with his "beardy" style of humor. We review -  Pumpkinhead (1988) The Gate (1987) C.H.U.D. (1984) Sometimes They Come Back (1991) The Lighthouse (2019) Satanic Panic (2019) Child's Play (2019) The Lodgers (2017) We write up the reboot of Pumpkinhead; "Pumpkinhead Goes to Sturgess", we solve the homeless heating problems, Tucker bans walls, how to lose a pie-eating contest, washed-up pirate ships, and a special Halloween round of "Pop Quiz, Hotshot". Sit back and enjoy our 2019 Spooktacular episode!

Freddy is back and this time he lulls us to sleep with whale song and LBGTQ social commentary! It begs the ultimate question - does Freddy actually appear in this movie? Freddy 2 is an absolute bonkers experience and through-out is a complete and utter-turd. At no point does it make sense that it was a commercial success and likely should have destroyed the Freddy franchise (and thus would have prevented the LOTR trilogy from happening) but somehow was a massive win for New Line and kept the doors open for another ten years. I guess that really states to the allure of Mr. K. Yet it can only exist in 1 of 2 ways, both of which have problems: 1) It's an allegory for the traumas/dangers of being a closeted homosexual in the homophobia of the 80s drummed up by Reagan's AIDS debacle.2) It's all a dream from start to finish in which Freddy takes 90 minutes to murder one kid. 1 can't be it, because it then opens up a ton of plot holes with Freddy's powers and if he even exists in the movie or not. Was Jesse just using Freddy as a scape-goat for his "villanous" homosexual ways? He's just a copy-cat? But then how is it that he explodes a parakeet? Riddle me that, guys? Then on the other side, if Freddy IS possessing Jesse then how is it he's murdering teens when they're awake? 2 can't be it, because the producers and writers say that is not the case. If we can't trust the people who wrote it then who can we trust? The walls of reality are crumbling! Maybe this film does break the rules of our universe and now we are all living in Freddy's nightmare? Either way, you should probably check out Freddy 2 and try to help us make some sense out of the damn thing.

So it turns out that Peter Frampton sucks - oh you knew that already? The Brothers Gibb surround themselves by people who can't sign and play as well as they do and let everyone else drag them into the depths of garbage. But Barry's hair looks amazing, at least. Sgt Pepper's on it's face is a "do not do" movie before it even starts - you don't cover The Beatles unless you really are supremely talented, which The Bee Gees completely are, but the problem is that they allowed other people to be involved. You've got George Burns, Steve Martin, Alice Cooper, Peter Nicholas (yeah, who?), Donald Pleasance, Stargard and Frankie Howerd all covering Beatles tracks. Look, only a few people get to do that and none of you are qualified. Stop it! Stop IT! And leading the "not-good-at-stuff" is the constant O-faced, Peter Frampton. He is the absolute worst. Consistently off-key and when "on" his face is off. His "acting" (he doesn't utter a single line of dialogue) is about as good as his mouth guitar. As a whole, Sgt. Pepper's is a complete disaster and nothing works within it's pieces. Yet it doesn't have any of the yummy crummy goodness like The Apple, Breakin 2 or Can't Stop the Music. It has its occasional moments but you have to look at Peter Frampton to get to those points so its not really a fair trade-off.

Christopher Lambert dons the worst hair we've ever seen and leads an uprising against the Romans only to ultimately accomplishing nothing and dies off screen. There's nothing good about this film. Zzzz....Oh I'm sorry. You caught me napping after watching Druids. What did I miss? Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing? Ok. I'll move on to something else. Seriously, this movie sucks. Even for fans of Lambert's nonsense. Nothing happens. It's such a crappy Braveheart knock-off but fails in that it the world has not changed at the end of the movie. He doesn't even give the Romans that much grief. It's about as much grief as buying a $30 worth of lottery scratch tickets and finding 10 of them that are worth $1. Whoa the grievance... Oh yeah - where the hell are the damn druids?!?!  Seriously, don't spend a second of your time watching Druids. Go plant a flower. Eat a sandwich. Read a book about Gaul. Do ANYTHING but watch Druids.

Patrick Swayze says Dalton was a weiner and gifts us the pyschopathic, blood-lusting, and man of the road - Jack Cruise. Along the way Meatloaf delivers his best, but still manages to get Asahi Guy murdered and bankrupts his own villainy scheme before it gets started. Lets just get this out of the way - Black Dog is fantastic and is one of the few shining examples of perfectly bad in every way. Every bit of it is inept from the music, the casting, the script, the acting, the directing and the editing and has the "it" factor on all those elements for bad movie fans. It's a glorious seam-less mess that you couldn't set out to do such a bad job and have it work so well together. It's stunningly perfect and beautiful and a complete train-wreck. My next paragraph would like to be - "The best part of Black Dog is..." but I seriously can't say that. As soon as I think of something, say Meatloaf's character Red's seriously flawed villainy scheme (stealing his own stuff, make deal for stuff, rinse, repeat - never make any money) is instantly thrust into competition against say Asahi Guy's lack of steering or braking in the face of impending spolsion death or Jack Cruise showing his family how murder is just a darn good family activity or the wonderfully terrible ATF and FBI agent dynamics. There's no "best part" of this movie because it's ALL best part. So stop what you're doing, fire this thing up whether alone or with friends (you'll just end up watching it again anyways), try not to fall off the couch with laughter and enjoyment and most importantly - do NOT be like Jack Cruise - I prefer breathing, thank you.

Shabadoo, Boogaloo Shrimp and a cast of break dancers team-up with Golan and Globus, pump out a movie in a handful of months and leave us with one of the most important and culturally infamous bad movies of all time. Hope you like break-dancing! Let's face it - this movie stinks and rules. There's so little happening but no one notices because it's masked by CONSTANT break dancing. It's wall-to-wall. There might be more more dance/musical numbers in this than Caberet and Chicago and Grease combined. Now that might scare off the casual bad-movie goer who is here for movies staring shirtless men with guns, but don't be afraid - this thing is electric dog-poo on fire. It's really something of a special deal when a movie crams this much non-diegetic, metaphorical story-telling using dance as the device and still manages to contain as much mind-boggling nonsense within those dance sequences. For most of us, we just check out during dance numbers as they are just a showcasing of people's abilities to move their butt around, but this is not that. There's a constant tone of bonkers throughout these numbers and must be watched; especially the surrounding extras. The acting is hilarious, with two non-leads stealing every scene. The actors who played Lucia and Rhonda were both so bad that they had to be over-dubbed and the dub is absolutely laughable. Try not to fall out of your chair when Lucia helps Turbo bust out of the hospital. It's an absolute spectacle of ineptitude, all while still being the most competent film Golan and Globus ever put together - and they did it in less than six months. Breakin 2': Electric Boogaloo is an absolute must do for its historical importance but beyond that - it's just a damn good time.

The biggest flop in Hollywood history visits the podcast, eats all our food, backups the sewer system and kidnaps our children and then quietly makes us forget that any of it ever happened. Will it be worse than The Love Guru? Nope. The weird thing about Pluto Nash is that is just nothing. It doesn't make you angry. The jokes aren't groan-worthy. The plot doesn't cause your eyes to roll so hard they pop out. It's just a bunch of nothing. There may not be another movie that has ever made us feel so dispassionate towards it. We just don't care about it - not even enough to hate. Which is likely it's fatal flaw. Don't get us wrong, it's a turd sandwich. But does it belong in the same discussion as other bottom 100 movies? If you gave a Ted Talk about the worst movies of all time, you'd be a jackass because Ted Talks are super narcissistic but you'd also spend zero time talking about the biggest flop in Hollywood history. "Pluto Nash? Oh yes of course, but lets move on to House of the Dead." So just don't bother with The Adventures of Pluto Nash. No one else has.

Banning comes back once again to save the President once again from an assassination attempt where not everything is not as it seems once again. It's the number one movie in America, but is it enough to keep the Banning franchise alive? Make no mistake, Banning 3's plot statement above is the same as the other two but this film is a departure from the other two. Where the other two are a thin plot stuff around ludicrous action scenes and Banning eating the flesh of his enemies, this one mostly has Banning on the defensive and reacting to the violence around him instead of reveling in it. And while the villain is a complete moron (we'll get to that later) there's nothing really stupid that takes place in Banning's world. Let's put it this way - if there were no Banning 1 and 2, Banning 3 wouldn't be on the podcast. It's just a solid (if forgettable) action movie. Now the villain, played by Danny Huston, keeps this inside the realm of the idiot plot from the bad guys standpoint. Banning of course, doesn't apply to the idiot plot because all he does is kill bad guys so it's not FULL idiot plot. However, wow. This company that Danny Huston's character runs has no chance of ever avoiding subpoena's and Congressional investigations. Like the day their file their incorporation, the company is all sent to Gitmo - because evil and COMPLETELY bad at being a bad guy is a dangerous combo. It is clear that Gerald Butler has lost a step (he broke his neck in the last one and then got in a motorcycle crash right before this one) and some people might be a little disappointed in that (see Sam) but he's still charming, fun and kick-ass Banning - just a different, less psychopathic version of himself. Yet the real star of the show is Nick Nolte who plays Old Man Banning and is an absolute treat. Usually 2x of your fave action guy sucks, but 2x Banning is wonderful. Nolte completely steals the show and gives arguably the best performance that's ever been in a Banning movie. For you? Maybe. If you don't love Banning by now, this one isn't going to bring you in to the warm, loving, fun and just darn good people community you sick, soulless bastard. But if you're like the rest of us, it just depends on if you like a "better" Banning movie, but less fun that the others. I for one, loved it and hope that this isn't the last time we see Mike Banning.

The bald bros are back minus the biggest bald bro, so the bald bro stock is down! The 2/3 of the bald bros are forced to team-up to stop Thanos from killing everyone while learning about super-powered villains, love and friendship and forget about family, Vin Diesel and cars. While there is a myriad of problems with Universal's fingers in their big franchise (of which there is many fingers) the team behind the action do a great job. This film is shot well, very well choreographed, has some genuinely funny cameos (that normally would have sucked ass), and some great film-making contrasting the two leads. That's where the good stops. The rest is a hot mess. The plot is absolutely stupid. The villains clearly have no clue on what there doing and just making one different movie negates the entire movie and gives them everything they want. The Idiot Plot has appeared again. The movie looses focus on what its trying to achieve a third of the way through. It tries to shift away from the Torreto side of the F&F for about 30 minutes and then just clones it again (poorly). There's something that we can't put our finger on why it works in the "Family" side of the franchise but it doesn't work here, other than clearly lazy writing and really stupid villains. At the end of the day, the biggest problem is a scary prospect for the future of franchises - the MCUing of Hollywood. Make no mistake - this isn't a Fast & Furious film, it's a Marvel movie with the F&F guys. Runtime, superpowers that aren't explained or needed, and even post-credit sequences make this an obvious attempt by the men in ties at Universal to cash in on those Disney zillions instead of doing what they do best - just make their own damn films. We are petrified that for the next 10 years every studio turns their blockbusters into just an crummy MCU film. Eek! We're sad because Hollywood shouldn't be afraid of spin-offs but they can't just regurgitate the thing their spinning off and do it so poorly. It's not that its a crappy-bad movie, its just an ok-bad movie. You'll still have a good time but don't think this is going to give you any surprises. You'll likely forget about it the next day.

All of the truckers team up to drive down the road hauling goods and.... freedom? Let's try that again. A bunch of cops chase a bunch of truckers down the highway because of their flagrant....trucking? Ok, ok, ok. Got it - Truckers Truck! Seriously the plot of Convoy is one of the most dubious we've ever reviewed. One might argue that about 20 minutes of the movie actually has a plot of outrunning the law who wants to kill a fellow trucker because of abuse of power and racism, but that plot lasts for only a brief period. Within minutes of that plot being put together, the film shifts into Forrest Gump running across the US with people joining him because they think he's got all the answers. At no point, does anyone have a clue why they've joined a mega-convoy of truckers and why anyone cares about them. Sadly, while the plot is absolutely bonkers the fun stops there. In such a film that had the budget and comes hot off the heels of Smokey & The Bandit, there's pretty tame stunts and not enough of those to begin with. The "bandit" (Kris Kristopherson) isn't charming (he's just gross), action packed (he gets his butt kicked in the only fight) and lacks motivation throughout the film. He's just a guy who is driving down the road to a completely unestablished destination. It's just kind of boring and lacking in anything that we love about trucking films. This is a don't from us.

Well hello, Mary Lou. So good of you to drop in and see me. Wait what are you doing??? Why do you have the powers of all the X-Men combined? Are you like an evil ghost Rogue? How do you work and what is your reason for existence???? Argghghgghghg.....gurgle, gurgle. The above is a perfect summation of what each character should be asking the spooky-ghost or spooky-demon or spooky-ghost-demon that is Mary Lou, a 1950s prom queen who got burnt up like Freddy and lives in a suitcase for 30 years only to return and enact dubious revenge upon various 80s teenagers whom had nothing to do with her death. Why Mary Lou chooses to do anything she does is beyond us and where she got her spooky-powers is another problem. Lastly, we really can't even begin to decipher the ending in which Mary Lou gets (what the movie tries to tell us) everything she wants, only to pull a Jason and not be dead so that she can take a road-trip with the kiddies. This movie fits in perfectly with any of the other nonsensical movies we've reviewed over the years (Dreamcatcher, The Wicker Man, 88 Minutes, Lady in the Water) in that the script is so disjointed from its various moving parts that what you end up with in the end is a series of events that conflict with other events and character actions, with a dollop of heavy weirdness here and there that makes for a not-remember-able horror movie but a fantastic riffing voyage that will leave all audience members scratching their heads for days. Add in some bad acting, some odd casting choices, some super cheesy horror effects and then mash it all up into Carrie 3: The Shining on Elm Street and you've got a recipe for bad movie theater. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Serenity - Amazon Prime

Dolph disguises a buddy-cop movie as an terminator movie. Inside you'll learn that the most deadliest weapon in space are compact discs and all aliens have male-pattern-baldness. Dark Angel AKA I Come in Peace is absolutely bananas. It's so full of action sequences, explosions, aliens chasing each other, one-liners, and a crazy plot where people's brains are drugs in space. It's riddled with buddy-cop cliches, the new partner that does this by the book, an ex-girlfriend that also works in the same circles, the chief that wants his badge, etc... all while giant alien guys are exploding everything in the city with mega-weapons. It's fantastic. There's only so much early 90's nostalgia that you can cram into a movie and somehow this movie manages to blast through that barrier. It's not just the world's deadliest weapon (the compact disc), it's the music, the obligatory cops-at-a-strip-club-scene, it's the hair, the clothes, the cars, and the one-liners. While some people would have made this a dark and grisly film, Craig R. Baxley makes this an absolute blast and falls into an instant classic for anyone who missed it when it came out. Watch this movie now!

Chuck Norris launches his career by kicking lots of people in the chest and calling in his truckin' buddies to run a town over - yes the entire town. It's about as weird movie as you can get and hilarious throughout. Come on back, big rigger! Now you can probably guess how much trucking vs. karate there is in the film and how silly the the combo of the two working together looks on screen. So let's go past that and talk solely about the villainy. The plot revolves around this town that has gone off the deep-end and has essentially declared independence from the state of California. Fine. What their deepest flaw is that they have no idea how to be bad guys. Their evil plot is to hijack truckers, steal their tv dinners, eat the tv dinners, crush the $80,000 truck in a crusher, sell the metal for $200, make moonshine, dump the moonshine on the ground, drink Wild Turkey instead and operate their legal system in the same manner as The Spanish Inquisition. There's no way that a band of truckers are going to run your town over - nope, this plan is perfect!....they said as the FBI is swarming them and filling each citizen full of hot lead. The action is nuts, the karate is hilarious, the van is BOSS, the truckin' lingo is coming at you constantly, the villain is the God-King version of Rosco P. Coltrane, there's tons of weird crap happening outside of the focus, and the ending is absolutely insane with a blend of Spaghetti-Western, truckin', and karate kicks.  We absolutely love this movie and it's got about everything you want in a crummy action truckin' movie. Do not skip it!

The 80's eats far too much pixi-dust and barfs out the worst of it right into our faces. It's Pia Zedora showing off why a millionaire had to pay for her to act and Craig Scheffer giving poopy face for 90 minutes. If you want to make sure you've seen the worst musical, you can't miss this pile of no talent. The deal with Voyage of the Rock Aliens is that it's a failed project before it even gets started. Originally it was supposed to be more like UHF instead it's more like Grease 2. You've got Pia Zedora attempting to launch her career by dancing like she's in a blender. On the opposite side of the obligatory love relationship is Craig Scheffer (yes Craig Scheffer from Nightbreed and A River Runs Through It) whose entire thing is to lip-sync over Jermaine Jackson and making poopy-face over and over and over and over again. Believe it or not, the movie has a myriad of other terrible set pieces and acting. Each and every musical number (with the exception of the the Jermaine Jackson "When the Rain Begins to Fall" which wasn't supposed to be in the film) is absolutely atrocious as if you went to the mall and had the "Be in the Music Video" store produce your movie. The Rock Aliens are actually the band Rhema (mostly, the bass player wasn't screen-worthy apparently) who ALL have no business being on screen give us the majority of the musical numbers so I hope you like Devo knockoffs. Add in a couple psychopath slashers, a tentacle monster, West Side Story knockoffs, bad costumes, future makeup, terrible robots, C.H.O.M.P.S. level comedy, Love Potion No. 8 devices and Ruth Gordon and you've got a recipe for disaster that boils over onto your stove, making a permanent stain on your psyche. Be warned, this one's not for everyone and can be a little tough to get through. You may end up squirming in your chair in discomfort. But it's an absolute must if you want to know what the worst musical is, love crappy 80's videos, or love touring IMDB Bottom 100 worthy films. Check out Eric's Double Loop podcast at https://soundcloud.com/double-loop-podcast

Dolph grabs onto a couple of nukes and uses them to turn his shirt into a sleeveless job. It's The Rock all over again with better acting, better stunts and better action sequences - and it still stinks.  We won't dig too much into the plot here because it's legit just The Rock within a missile silo. What we want to talk about is the incredible amount of stinker staples delivered. There's no sploding chopper but there's pretty much everything else. Dolph's 1-liners and overflowing from his cup and they are all A+ cheesy goodness. The amount of stunts and the level of production put into these stunts while wrapped around a really close example of the idiot plot is astounding. The production design is a blend of surprising and terrible. The script is bonkers bad. There's a little here for everyone. While it slows down for about 5 minutes in the middle, this is pretty hot from start to finish. It never makes sense and gives you plenty to riff on. This isn't just a great sunday movie, this could become a special groups favorite riff experience ever. We highly recommend it. While not ever going to be in anyone's hall of fame, its just a solid POS that is loved by all.

The toughest of the tough guys teams up with a 15-28 year old kid to take down the entire Black Tiger gang using only every gun from the 80's and sweet guitar riffs. No one can touch this guy - mostly because he's covered in sweat and their hands just slip off. When it comes to butt movies, Steele Justice is possibly the most butt. Imagine every 80's tough guy staple and you've got it here. Epic guitar riff score, training montages, sweaty chest hair, perms, headbands, pastel sweaters, cut-off sleeves, big guns, atrocious dialogue and just being generally butt to everyone around you. Martin Kove has got "it" if "it" is super-butt. There is plenty of stuff for bad movie fans here. There's nary a scene that isn't perfect for riffing and when you're not making jokes Martin Kove's attire will pickup the rest of the comedy for you. There's nothing you haven't seen before here but the totality of it's stinker staples will give you plenty of enjoyment if you like super cheesy 80's action movies. It's not Commando, but it wants to be. Perfect movie for a Sunday with a couple fellow riffers. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Honor and Glory Sworn to Justice Shanghai Joe

Once again, the 80s/90s rom-com genre falls into that horrible disgusting trap of "if you think about this very much you'll want to wash your eyes out with soap" because very unforgivable things happen to the people around the main characters. Both of the people on the cover belong in jail. There is a serious warning content-wise here but this needs to be said - Love Potion No. 9 is about 1 thing - rape. It steers very clear of the song where it turns the drinker into a raging boner, this love potion causes anyone of the opposite sex to become a mindless zombie and you can make them do whatever you want. So what do the leads do? Well Paul (Tate Donovan) rapes an entire sorority and Diane (Sandra Bullock) makes the Prince of England propose to her forever changing the landscape of the British Monarchy. Wow, what charming, awesome, quirky people? No! Both belong in prison.  There's only one thing you should do with Love Potion No 8 (#9 isn't good but its not quite as villainous #8) - destroy it. That's the only thing a good person would do with it. It's the most dangerous single chemical that has ever existed in mankind's history and if you do ANYTHING with it but destroy it, you are taking a risk that someone else gets their hands on it. Imagine if the KGB had Love Potion No 8 or if Kim Jong Un (he's not our friend, MAGA) had this. The world would have literally days left before the whole thing is kaboom. Aside from the nastiness of the mains, there's little else to come for here unless you're out for some nostalgia. There is one sequence involving a horny little chimpanzee that it is absolutely hilarious. But that's it. Anything else is a bit of a waste of time and likely will just want you to rethink every decision that has brought you to this moment in life.

Diggstown delivers the ultimate sleight-of-hand hustle to the viewer, by tricking everyone into thinking this is a great "con-job" movie. Look over here, guys and don't pay attention to the paper-thin plot and how the big con is just betting on unsanctioned boxing. Let's just get this out of the way - this isn't a TERRIBLE movie, but it's pretty crummy stacked next to how good its telling us it is. The whole thing is a giant ruse. Maybe someone can take that as a sign of how well edited it is, but we can't. Our job is to breakdown stories and judge them and this story is ludicrously empty - it's borderline "idiot plot" except one of the requirements is that just ONE person has to show a sign of intelligence to prevent the whole movie - but even if there was one person who could show such intelligence wouldn't prevent anything BECAUSE NOTHING HAPPENS! The plot is so thin it can be put to this: A retired professional boxer gets put into a bet to fight 10 men, one after the other. Actually that sounds alright. Well what actually happens is that he only fights one boxer and 9 townies in an underground boxing ring where the rules sometimes matter and other times don't, fights 5 men in a row on separate days, to the backdrop of two guys betting on how much they can cheat each other. So the only plot is a guy beats up townies and his old boxing nemesis. There's no great con, guys. James Woods' Caine is NOT Danny Ocean or even Bret Maverick. He just cheats at boxing - the least noble thing one can do. He cheats at underground boxing, the most scummy and rookie crap a scumbag can do.  Then the resolution - Diggstown is now owned by an foreign (Florida IS a different country) convict now, instead of a local. What a deal! Why does anyone still live in Diggstown? Diggstown is for those that like to get tricked only. The people who think Last Boy Scout is a great movie. But for the rest of us, it's just too thin on plot and outside of that there's not enough popcorn-eating to work with.

The Breen goes down one of his strangest rabbit holes (which is saying a lot) yet when he plays an AI from the future who has to come to Earth and clean up mankind. Neil is starting to frighten us. Pass Thru is what happens with a director's typical 4th movie. Neil spends far too much of the film "honing his craft" and using up precious film space so that he can practice how to use camera's. So unfortunately, Pass Thru isn't crammed full of nonsense; where Fateful Findings is 100% bananas, this is about 50%. So the viewer spends a lot of time staring at Breen looking stoic from various angles, which makes for a very boring journey. The most frightening part of the film is where Neil is going mentally. I'm worried about his well-being. He might be going to a place that we can't follow. His anger is clearly boiling over and in this film endorses Thanos' "snap" but with less compassion. Yes, Neil Breen has less compassion than Thanos.  So in the end, Pass Thru is a tough one to get through. There's quite a bit of traditional Breen banana business but for each fun moment there's two atrociously boring or bland sequences. It's a don't from us but for everyone that is a Breen fan.

When you cut in some psychedelia in the editing booth, your film isn't psychedelic, you just have a movie pile. Gas-s-s-s! misses the mark by about a mile, unless your goal was to one day have proof that the Baby Boomers were completely up their own asses and should never talk about other generations again. The setup of the film is an interesting idea with the apocalypse coming and the meek inheriting the Earth - with one major problem, the meek are anyone under 25 and goosed on pot, free love and ego. From there you follow a group of bohemians travelling across Texas to a final destination of Barter Town. Either Corman wanted to make statements about how awful the young Baby Boomers were or was clueless on how awful his antagonists were. This group of hippies we are stuck with rival the St. Elmo's kids as for being terrible people. They're racists, rapists, and only care about themselves, yet are presented as the ones that are going to change the world for the better, ie "break the wheel" ala Khalessi. Yet at no point are their terrible attributes addressed in anyway other than comedically. So prepared to be angry. Sadly, the movie is pretty horrible - but still must be viewed. It's like having to watch a snuff film so that you can have evidence in a murder trial. Yes it is soul-crushing to view, but it must be done. This is an important film that changed the landscape of budget movies that still is in place today. But try not to throw your remote through the TV.

While Jackie is away the boys come out to say stupid things. Sam and Justin give a deep slap across Endgame's face, a thorough look at the current state of the Star Wars universe, some mild Game of Thrones talk and reviews of Bumblebee, The Concorde Affaire '79 and Sorceress. We discuss the problems with time travel, the snap undo, Cap made out with his daughter, Capt. Chrome serves no purpose, the benefits of George Lucas, how light speed sucks, how to close the too many doors you've opened in Westeros and Jack B gives us a full review on Pet Semetary 2019.

Sometimes a studio puts too much talent behind a terribly stupid movie. Sometimes there's some subtle social commentary that sneaks into the script and then has the competency behind the camera to accurately capture those topics. Then you have action guys who just like to blow everything up. Welcome to Men of War. I absolutely adore this movie. It suffers from the Idiot Plot, yet has some level of emotion behind everything it tries to achieve. It's like a mashup of Forrest Gump/Platoon and Deadly Prey. Everything is shot well, the location is fantastic, the dialogue is sharp.... until Dolph gets to deliver some one-liners. Without spoiling much, I have to say that the plot revolves around a couple of corporate dorks hire ex-mercenary Nick Gunar to invade an island, get the natives to sign a legal document or else kill all of them and then.... profit? After learning what their business model is (they aren't selling widgets) Gunar decides they are idiots and isn't going to murder a bunch of women and children for their soon to be bankrupt business partnership. Then insanity ensues. It's an up and down ride from start to finish with Dolph splitting his time with kicking ass, falling in love with the island and it's people, dealing with the Idiot Corporation, his rival mercenary Keefer (played by the always at an 11 Trevor Goddard) getting some Charlotte Lewis naked playtime and shooting people in the face with a rocket launcher. All of it is a blast (get it?) and is constantly throwing you new curveballs of questionable story-telling.  This is a must do.

Elvis and JFK team up to take down a butt-sucking undead SOB in a nursing home. OR Elvis ends up in a horrible nursing home and struggles to find a reason to keep living. Pick one. You can't have both without muddying up the other.  While Bubba Ho-Tep should absolutely be praised for accomplishing what it does on only $500,000, it must also be dissed for its non-budget related flaws. Chiefly its duality but also in its production. If you read the back story on this movie, you'll learn that they had a mismatch with the cameras and the level of knowledge on how to run them. So what should have taken 15 days to shoot took 30. That made a lot of stuff in the screenplay that needed to be in film, end up on the floor and a lot of stretching of what was available (which isn't much). This is one of the lowest on content movies we've ever reviewed. Sadly, this is exceptional work by Bruce Campbell. He is putting everything he's got in the role and is clearly attached to the part, but the horrendous production (lighting, cinematography, makeup, script and plot) get completely in his way and drag everything he does down. Ozzie Davis is great (of course) but he suffers from the same tragedy. It's a shame that both have to lose their skills to a mountain of problems not related to them. Frankly, at the end of the day, the film is just ruined by it's lack of focus on what it's trying to do. Halfway through, it loses the themes and look it tried to establish in the first half, and the isn't setup to have the second plot work in anyway and thus becomes a lackluster conclusion to something you can't be attached to.  Some will disagree with us (this is beloved - but likely because people are trying to will it to be good) but this is a straight-up do not from us.

Each year we recount the creme' de la crappe, and discuss our very favorite 10 films (each) from the previous year in podcasting. These are the films that are the most important to see. This episode is like a cornucopia of terribly awesome stinkers. Stop what you're doing and watch these movies. Here are numbers 4-1 plus our very favorite movies that were released in 2018.

Each year we recount the creme' de la crappe, and discuss our very favorite 10 films (each) from the previous year in podcasting. These are the films that are the most important to see. This episode is like a cornucopia of terribly awesome stinkers. Stop what you're doing and watch these movies. Here are numbers 10-5.

A guy with unrealistically great hair, stands atop a giant earthworm (who isn't even wearing a costume) and uses his Alexa-style hand laser to be less effective in combat than just going and buying a regular laser gun. It's Dune and arguably one of our most controversial choices to lampoon. Dune is that unique mix of "well, that looked really good" and "this is a really accurate representation of the novels (sorta)" on one side while also being complete nonsensical crap and horribly cheesy effects and acting on the other side. Is it a stinker? Probably. Is it also passionately made art? Probably. Its not only a head-scratcher on how you want to label it, its a head-scratcher within its content. What are the damn rules of the Dune universe? I mean seriously. It's nonsense. There's a space guild that is also a little guy with a vagina mouth that acts as a Mass Relay (see Mass Effect games). There's a telepathic witch guild that gets mad if you have a male child because it won't fulfill the prophecy even though the male child CLEARLY is the prophecy? Also they are bald, because..... There's a guy just puts corks into people's chests or is it ALL the people that live on his planet, like a social security card. The universe's most important commodity is literally just angel dust but if you do enough of it you can bend space and time to your will. I mean duh phuq?  Aside from all that, it's a pretty basic plot though - these guys are bad and they killed the Duke, so the son is going to get some revengeance and end up as Neo. So try not to get too hung up in the details. The film is a complete mess. It's disorganized, incoherent, sloppy and too long and rambling. But there is a sort of wonder in its problems. It's the weird kind of stinker that you enjoy, not because it's unintentionally funny, but because it's unintentionally so confusing. Whether you love it or hate it, it's a must watch and must riff movie.

You didn't ask for it, but you got it. A sequel starring a different guy who finds out he's a werewolf and is good at sports, but this time he's in college! Things are about to get a little wild, right? Sadly no - this college is actually just a junior high school. Nothing says wild college party like punch and pie mixers, right? Getting fast and loose while the "Dean of Men" chaperones! Yeah, college! This is the nerd's version of college for sure. All these rascally rule breaking college freshman are about as nutty as the girl whose best friend is her mom (so, Jackie?). We've got to address the one major moment - frog fight. Seriously, not acceptable. There's some shots that appear that they used actual frogs to whap each other in the face with solely for the entertainment of dumb pre-teens, especially one that shows a frog with clear damage to its face. Man, screw the 80's. We really don't know what to tell you about this movie. It's typically offensive, suffers from awful writing, brings little plot replacing it with montages, isn't clear on whom the antagonist is, doesn't follow it's own rules, is quite unclear on the lore of teen wolves, and so leaves lots to discuss but not much to enjoy while viewing it. We can't really tell you what to do here - it's not great but there's enough here to enjoy a good riffing Sunday. But in total it's a do not from us.

The greatest question posed by man since 1986 is "what the heck do people see in this pile?" It's like working next to a construction site. Its like a toaster that always burns your bread. Its like a script that tries to make the leads the two most annoying people on the planet and succeeds. Running Scared sucks. Imagine yourself living in the universe as Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal's characters. Worse yet, imagine having to work with them. They're worse then Lumberg. Each and every Monday would be a compounding hell, when you the entire department is called in for the morning brief and you can't get through it because these two are trying to be funny throughout the whole thing. Keyword - "trying". The "jokes" are constant - yes, but not only are they not funny - they aren't even jokes. It's the classic trick that crappy comedians pull on the unwitting - make goofy voices and talk really fast and constantly. Those are clearly jokes, right? Wrong. I mean look at this: Excuse me, we're from Noisebusters. Do you know where the Menudo concert is? THAT'S funny? It's nonsense! It doesn't even make sense in the context of any of its own premises! Running Scared is a loud, constant annoyance and the sooner mankind realizes that it's a travesty, the sooner we can move on as a society.

It's got a random gorilla, a laser "unit", eyebrows that change from shot to shot, a trio of tough ladies, possible ninjas and a dubious plot to build the Infinity Gauntlet so you know this must be a Jim Wynorski movie. Bring on the chesty women! If you've ever seen a Jim Wynorski film, you know of two things to expect: the left boob and the right boob. This one is no different. It's just a silly budget movie with a fairly standard plot (a trio of chesty ladies team-up to destroy an evil plot to take over the world) but that's where the convention ends. Things get pretty loosey goosey with regard to its own script as Jim runs roughshod with his own project. It's glorious. This is not a tight ship that's being ran here. And it was never supposed to be. This project was intended to lose money as a tax write-off for a movie theater owner. But Jim just can't help himself and made one of his most fun films. There's errors and mistakes everywhere including very strange and cryptic ad-libbing that couldn't be reshot due to time constraints and location limitations. There's bad props and terrible costumes. There's strange sequences that don't fit into anything leaving the viewer having to try and make sense of all the nonsense. Arguably, it's one of Wynorski's "best" films as it's got all the hallmarks of his usual fodder but without the expertise that he garnered as his career progressed. It should not be missed by any fan of Stinker Madness's film selection.

The hottest awards for bad films in 2018 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2018 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below. Best bad actor - Dwayne - Rampage Toby Kebbell - Hurricane Heist Eric Johnson - 50 Shades Trevante Rhodes - Predator Shaq - Show Dogs Gerard Butler - Hunter Killer Jeffery Dean Morgan - Rampage Jamie Foxx - Robin Hood Jackson Rathbone - Samson&nbsp; Tom Jayne - Predator - WINNER Hugo Weaving - Mortal Engines Jake Lacey - Rampage Tom Jayne - AXL Worst bad actor - Taylor James - Samson Dwayne - Skyscraper Bruce Willis - Death Wish Taron Edgerton - Robin Hood John Boyega - Pacific Rim: Uprising - WINNER Will Arnett - Show Dogs Jason Clarke - Winchester Toby Kebbell - Hurricane Heist Jackson Rathborne - Samson Alex MacNichol - AXL Best bad actress -&nbsp; Julia Goldani Telles - Slenderman Maggie Grace - Hurricane Heist Olivia Munn - Predator&nbsp; Dakota Johnson - 50 Shades - WINNER Natasha Lyonne - Show Dogs Helen Mirren - Winchester BDH - Jurrassic World: Fallen Kingdom Joey King - Slender-Man Malen Akerman - Rampage Melissa Bologna - Hurricane Heist Jahae - Mortal Engines Worst bad actress - Helen Mirren - Winchester Alicia Vankender - Tomb Raider - WINNER Eve Hewson - Robin Hood Neve Campbell - Skyscraper Lindsey Wagner - Samson Olivia Munn - Predator Hera Hilmar - Mortal Engines Becky G - AXL Elizabeth Shue - Death Wish Best bad movie - Predator Rampage Hurricane Heist Fifty Shades Freed Mortal Engines Hunter Killer Slender-Man Worst bad movie - Robin Hood AXL Samson Tomb Raider Winchester Pacific Rim: Uprising Mortal Engines Skyscraper Winchester Slender-Man Death Wish Riffer -&nbsp; Mortal Engines - WINNER 50 Shades Rampage Slender-Man Hurricane Heist Winchester <li s

There's a really good reason that this film disappeared from cable networks and the cultural lexicon. Take an heavy level of racism, add a cavalcade of annoying characters and jokes then sprinkle all that on top of inane plot and you've got yourself a monster bud movie. We'll give this movie one thing - the animatronics and puppeteering are great. That's it. Everything surrounding the work of the grips, best boys and effects team stink. Guttenburg is groan-inducing, Sheedy is baffling, Stevens is offensive and Johnny 5 needs to take a long drive off a short pier. Even for a "kids" movie it's just so damned annoying. Like dogs barking while you're trying to sleep. Skip this turd.

In a futuristic world, an evil billionaire recreates the dinosaurs (making them small, have normal arms, and recovering carnivores) and then hatches a villainous plan to wipe out all life on Earth, creating a utopia of dinos and humans - so just like the current status in the movie. WTF is this POS? Theodore Rex is insufferable. At no point in its incoherent rambling is a modicum of enjoyment to be had. It's baffling yet it hurts your brain. It's fast-paced, yet nothing is moving the plot forward. It's got incredibly bad production design, but what happens in the foreground is so painful that you can't mind everything in the background. The acting is awful, the costumes are amateur, the "jokes" are "huh"-inducing. Yet all that takes a back seat to how atrocious the screenplay is. This falls into the "we are talking like you, Earth human. All your base are belong to us!" category of writing.&nbsp; While it's one of the biggest POS in history, it's just too insufferable to recommend. We absolutely hated it and just wanted it to end. It's truly one of the bottom 3 movies we've reviewed on the show. Stay away, all.

Andy Sidaris once again dials the nonsense up to about 50 and matches that number with topless women. This time the LETHAL team has to deal with some internal double-crossing or triple-crossing, we're very confused on how many crossings happen here.&nbsp; We've seen that a lot of the reviews online for the 4th film in the LETHAL collection (this one proves that Seven is part of the franchise) that this one isn't good. There's no giant snake gimic, not as crazy stunts, and a much crappier version of the Malibu Express. Those points are all correct however, this is still a great time and as far as we can see has only one extreme drawback - the continuing degradation of the Abilene's in quality. Travis Abilene is the worst. He's just scummy. The actor belongs on the bad guy team - not among the coolest guys of all time. He stinks. Picasso Trigger is a lot more complex than the previous three films with a very convoluted plot and that may have been a major shift in how Andy and Arlene made their booby-movies. There may have been too much to get hung-up on and that may have distracted everyone from the formula that worked so well in the previous three. We'll see if the Sidaris ship corrects itself in Savage Beach.&nbsp; With that disclaimer, Picasso Trigger is still a do and one of the best riffers you can pick up.&nbsp;

From Wakaliwood comes Uganda's first action movie! This is Uganda! Yeah Yeah Yeah Okay! Commandos! Tiger Mafia! Tiger Mafia Commandos! VJ Emmie on the mic! So yeah, we make fun of it. Who Killed Captain Alex is one of the cleverly disguised as crap, but actually smarter b-movies we've reviewed on the show. We found the plot to be fairly conventional while watching the movie until the last 3 frames and we released that we had been duped. This was no common hyper-budget action movie. Nothing out of Vietnam, Philippines, or Mexico writes like this. Its absolutely riffing on the entire genre in the vain of&nbsp;The OP,&nbsp;Turbo-Kid,&nbsp;and&nbsp;Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter.&nbsp;The hook is so subtle despite it being the title of the damn movie. Nothing looks as good as&nbsp;Who Killed Captain Alex does....on a $200 budget. The film-makers REALLY stretched their budget and that is completely part of its charm. Admiring their costumes, props (especially the guns that they craft from found-materials) and the sets is all part of the experience and puts a small on the face of anyone who has tried to make their own budget movie. The VERY best part of enjoying CA is how much fun everyone involved is having. Its clear that underneath any acting face is a giant grin. Everyone is having a blast at making this movie and it's well deserved that its now seen across the globe. Fantastic. We have 1 warning - VJ Emmie (the Video Hall riffer that runs throughout the film) is a little tough to take at first, but by the end of the movie, you learn the experience wouldn't be the same without him.&nbsp; Thanks Wakaliwood!

A mediocre talent finds inspiration in an over-the-hill mentor and in doing so makes a nightclub successful. So Xanadu...right? Actually, it's also Chicago, Moulin Rouge and Coyote Ugly. Thanks Troy from Goonies! Let's face it, gang. Burlesque is about 30 minutes too long and suffers from the typical drag of poorly thought out projects - there's too many subplots and no main plot. While most of them are just meh, one subplot is insufferable - the romance. What's her name Aquafina falls in love with her (seriously gay) roommate/coworker. And their relationship is like watching paint dry, then become acid and fly into your face. It is intolerably uninteresting until it causes you physical pain. The songs don't fit the theme (they are pop hits, not the cabaret/vaudeville that fits with burlesque dancing). The dancing is pretty bland. The costumes are about as burlesque as a road stop strip joint and they are too few anyways. I can't understand why the signing/dancing movie fan would ever like this. I'd be pissed. It's like Batman Returns - a Batman movie with no Batman. There's nothing here for anyone. Steer clear.

After years of steering well clear of one of the most notoriously bad movies of all time, we finally tackle the most butt and crotch heavy superhero movie ever made. Clooney brings the turtle-neck and somehow manages to not push Robin and Bat-Girl off the rooftops. Is it possible this isn't the torture-fest we expected? In short - yes! It isn't the torture-fest we expected. We actually had quite a bit of fun with this turd. Don't take us incorrectly, this is a travesty, but after 22 years its inching itself into the "so bad its good" category. There's just so much wrong with it that really the only thing holding it back is Robin &amp; Batgirl who are painfully annoying. If the movie had just been Clooney blowing it and Schwaz just hamming it up, it might be in the hall of fame. Unfortunately, you are stuck with the corporate toys of Robin &amp; Batgirl. The pacing here is good, so you're not stuck wallowing in boredom. The set-pieces are ridiculous. The writing is over-the-top hammy. The acting is terribly entertaining. The makeup, the costumes, the hair all are laughably terrible. All that adds up to being hated by all at it's release but now makes for a great laugh. Go back and do this one over - it's not epic, but it definitely can start to be enjoyed for it's crumminess.

A super-elite team of hot ladies formulate to take down all of the drugs in the US. Instead they get a high school teacher kidnapped, a teenager shot and possibly killed, ruin a man's salesman career, and watch a man get eaten by a dog all so they can take down roving tampon salesman. Seven From Heaven indeed! Man, when you line up movies from the late 70s this is strikes all the bells. A hot van with rockets, machine guns and a dirt bike with machine guns on it in the back - check. Busty ladies with no bras kicking ass - check. Drunk Peter Lawford - check. A winded Jack Palance chasing Darby Hinton over patios - check. Explosions, explosions, explosions - check! So why isn't this in the top 10 greatest bad movies ever? Well...a its PG...weirdly. The opening shootout is like a GI JOE episode; hot lead is flying everywhere but not one person manages to get shot or sploded. There's little left to the imagination with the chests due to very loose shirts and no bras, but there is 0 nudity. Then there's plenty of "comedy" foley work when people jump or punch guys. A little live-action cartooning that we all hate so much. Why did they choose to shoot for PG in a drive-thru movie? The PGness doesn't fit and drops it down a couple stars for sure. Then there is 2 absolutely unnecessary and boring scenes that account for about 20 minutes (the Nazis and the beach scene). Those are eyeroll-heavy and unfortunate. Outside of those factors, this thing is hot trash. For its problems, there is a ton more good here to make up for them. It's faults keep it out of the greatest bad movies ever, but it's strengths would have got it in the discussion at least. So this is a must-do from us.

When you must put your slowly dieing career into the dumpster forever, the fast path is to team up with Christian Slater in a crime-caper. A band of bozos get caught in an dirty FBI sting and must steal all the gold for themselves...and they only thing stopping them is their own idiocy. We'll start by saying that this ALMOST has something. There's bookends of banana business but that squishy look-warm middle bit drags it back into the depths of quite not interesting. Despite it having the worst produced car chases, worse than SNL rear-projection, Verne Troyer in a toilet with a dart-gun, Val Kilmer giving his belief in his characters one last try, and Bill Forysthe in a washing machine, there's just not enough fun here to put it in the do column. It's almost like it doesn't know what it wants to be - either a screwball bumbling crime gang movie or a hard-boiled heist movie with lots of betrayal and twists.&nbsp; And then there is Jose. At 3 points in time, an apparent unrelated passerby becomes either "comedy" or a very strange and unclear metaphor. If someone could explain Jose to us, we'd be grateful. Sadly, we must say - do not.

It's raining bats! Hallelujah! Nothing needs a little sexy sprinkled into it like Batman. Joel Schumacher decides that what the masses want to see are a bunch of butts in spandex. Now with nipples! Batman Forever is a bit of a pill to swallow. Going from the very pale and stark Tim Burton films to this is a complete 180 shift. It's bright, vivid, colorful, loud, and filled with butts. It's like Ricky Martin was a technical adviser. Some might have a serious issue with this. But I ask you one thing to consider upon revisit - is Batman: The Movie not much the same? We see this more of a sequel to the Adam West Batman than anything that Tim Burton or DC Comics had put before it. Under that perspective it's really hard to decide if Schumacher failed there. Is it dumb? Oh yeah. Is it poorly acted? Somewhat, it's a 50/50 split between the good guys and bad guys. Is the writing atrocious? You betcha. But is it generally fun? Is it a fast 2 hours? Does it have Batman (see Batman Returns) - yes, yes and yes this is a Batman movie! Whether it stinks or not is up for debate, but that really is for you to decide for yourself. It walks a very tight rope between being a crummy movie or a wild experiment that succeeds in its goals. We tend to lean towards not stinking.

"When the leader of the African rebels starts to interrogate Santa Claus and his fairy friend as CIA spies - " is the start of a sentence that someone must say after watching this film. Shortly afterwards it's "then his kids grab some guns to free Santa from the rebels". WTF? I Believe in Santa Claus&nbsp;(or J'ai rencontr&eacute; le P&egrave;re No&euml;l in the original French) is a baffling film that turns out is just a vehicle for soundtrack sales that led to a Milli Vanilli situation - so possibly story took a pretty big back seat. Little can be said about it that will do the viewing experience justice. It's absolutely insane AND a Christmas movie.&nbsp; What we find with it, is that it could easily be your next annual Xmas movie. It's fun, it's stupid, its crazy, and there's a little something for everyone - including you Dad. This is must see viewing for any fan of bad movies during the usually unviewable Christmas movie season.

When it comes to the Christmas Flop, there's not too many floppier than 2006's Deck the Halls. I could be the groan-inducing jokes, the two one-time (and future) A-listers with their careers on the skids, or the really cliche and played plot. But mostly it's just that you hate the characters and want them to explode in a ball of fire. Both of these men are horrible people. Which works great in a forum like Always Sunny but not so much in the yearly family outing at the movie theater with the cousins from Des Moines. Both Steve and Buddy are completely unlikable from the start - frame 1. You can't do that. When you have this plot (Dads take things too far!) you need at least your protagonist to be both likable and identifiable so that when the dads shake hands and treat each other with respect at the end, you have a location to return your character to with the viewer. This doesn't have it. Steve's a dick at the beginning and middle and end. Aside from your disgust with the two people you have to watch for the next hour and half, the gags are awful and the jokes are poorly presented and delivered. Nothing is funny (aside from one unintentional laugh brought to you by a different movie playing in one scene). So there's nothing good here guys. Steer clear.

Well if Die Hard is an Xmas Movie well so is this turd. Batman makes his debut on the show, yet manages to avoid being in the Batman movie. Catwoman is the un-sexy. Walkan doesn't Walkan out and Danny Devito gets thrown under the bus. Everything people think about this film is wrong. First off, and here's you breaking point - BATMAN ISN'T IN THE BATMAN MOVIE!!! At the 1 hour mark, Batman has only been in the "Batman" movie for 123 seconds.&nbsp; Second off, Catwoman is sold hard to be sexy. But she's really really not. I mean there's a certain level of crazy that people will put up with if it's hot stuff but her nuttiness is over-the-top. She's boner-reducing. (see the "sexy" cat bath scene and then really analyze your definition of sexy) Then there's the penguins. The Penguin himself has very dubious motivations (end game is to murder all the children? Then what?). He's literally a penguin, man when he never needs to be. He gets a Jungle Book like origin story except take Mowgli out of the jungle, put him under the zoo in the sewers and change his parents from wolves to penguins?!?! And you people don't question this?!?!? Why are there thousands of penguins living in the sewer?!? Despite all the stupidity and poor decisions, Batman Returns is just kinda boring. There's far too much unnecessary dialogue, inter-personal drama exposition, origin stories, "crime" meetings, poopy-faces and penguin meetups. Take your 80% on Rotten Tomatoes and shove it. You're wrong.

The film that puts you directly into the mind of the characters and the writer/director at the same time - you'll feel confusion and without direction. By the end you'll be giving the same answer as the movie - "I don't know!" Not even M. Knight can say what this movie is directly about. Ask him 6 different times and you'll get 6 different answers. One could put this into the sub-genre of disaster movies, but please, someone tell us definitively what the disaster is. The best that can be done is "The trees take revenge on man for invading their environment" but that just opens up more questions that can only be answered with "I don't know!" The on-screen scientists can only say "I don't know". Wahlburg never figures out what's going on and repeatedly says "I don't know". We don't know! Despite a few glimmers of ridiculousness, the film is pretty damn boring and consists mostly of people walking while no one has a clue what is going on. There's dialogue piled upon other dialogue just there to tell us "See! These are real Earth people." There's nothing happening that moves the story forward, only reinforcing that Shyamalyan had no clue what to do with this pile of crap. Steer clear. There's just nothing here. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Mindwarp - Amazon Prime Maniac - Amazon Prime Merlin: The Return - Amazon Prime

It's been a long time coming and it's now finally time to delve into the complexities of the dark comedy/action thriller about a duck, man. George Lucas puts on his producer hat and then proceeds to lose all the money. Howard the Duck is one of the hardest films we've ever had to review. Not because its that hard to watch (although it's chock full of groan worthy moments), but just because it's so hard to determine what the heck it is. Is it a kids movie? Is it a comedy? What's the moral or the point, really? It's just very hard to define and that makes ones expectations pretty hard to narrow down. I've tried to use our blog tag system to give some single words as to what it is - yet the only thing I can come up with is that it's an 80's movie. The effects, the audio, Tim Robbins, and the animatronics are all top-tier performances but they disappear behind Munchie-levels of hyjinx. Once again the word comes to haunt a film and put it into the realms of the bottom 100 films. Just when you're finally about to relax and stop screaming at the idiocy before you, Howard gets into yet another series of buffoonery that make you want to break your remote between your teeth. Yet, on the grand scale of things it's really not that bad - but it's not very good either. The main obstacle or barrier to entry is that this film is truly for no one. There's no one we can recommend this film to. Nobody. It's not that you're going to be bored or even that annoyed, it's just who the hell is this for????

Justin and Sam fly solo with Jackie being served Brundle-Steak in St. Louis. Instead of bumping Sam's segment week after week, he's getting his own show to discuss 15 Charles Bronson movies - hope you like guys that don't act! Bronson Reviews - ALL on Amazon Prime Farewell, Friend Rider in the Rain The Mechanic Mr. Majestyk Death Wish (again) Love and Bullets Death Wish II (again) 10 to Midnight The Evil That Men Do Death Wish 3 (again) Death Wish 4: The Crackdown Streaming Do's and Don'ts Skyscraper - Rental Services The Escape Plan 2 - Netflix Martial Law - Amazon Prime Martial Law II - Amazon Prime

Buckle up for banana business as were-monkey-wolves try to throw a killer birthday party. Every body is invited. Leave your head at the door. It'll be a bloody good time. Ok..well unless Christopher Lee and some townies are party-crashers. Then you'll get shot up pretty good. When you put Reb Brown next to Sir Christopher Lee, and then have a bunch of guys in&nbsp;Planet of the Apes costumes pretend (or not?) be werewolves, you're destined to have a mind-boggling mess on your hands. This thing is bafflingly bad. The events that transpire are sorta clear, but why they happen is absolutely nonsense. Best we can determine is that a lady's birthday orgy gets interrupted because he brother shows up. It's gory as hell, hilarious from the opening frames, chock full of nudity, awful one-liners (from the forever wooden Reb), 80's new wave, insanely uncomfortable costumes and plenty of terrible acting and dialogue.&nbsp;Howling II&nbsp;is exactly what one signs up for in enjoying bad movies.

Six (count them - SIX!) Oscar nominated actors took a look at this garbage script and STILL signed up to do it. It's absolutely nonsensical. It's painfully boring. And it ALL sucks butt. Blech. It's like they tried to say something in this film but had no idea what that was before they reached the end of the writing, so they just crammed in a bunch of nonsense to try to make a statement. If anyone can decipher what that statement is.... The acting stinks but not in a fun way. It looks like garbage but not in a fun way. In fact, I'm over this POS. I don't want to talk about it any more. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Prom Night - Amazon Prime Spy Hard - Netflix Sleepaway Camp - Amazon Prime

A couple ding-dongs find a box with some stuff in it, so their only choice is to summon a crappy version of Slender Man and have him chase them around until 3:33am. Meanwhile you've got Grandma upstairs complaining about the trouble-makers in Selma, absolutely no reward if you beat the game, and a villain with dubious intentions. Hope you all like lengthy rules! Soooo many rules! The length of the rules of summoning Midnight Man need to have a team of professional editors go through them. You might run out of ink in your printer. BUT there's a myriad of holes within them. For instance, Midnight Man will leave you alone after 3:33am. Is that GST? What time measurement system is he going by? Will a sundial work? Or can you just use your cell-phone? What about time-zones? What happens if someone else summons Midnight Man in Italy and Chicago? What's he do when he's NOT summoned? I mean the level of bullcrap is seriously leaps and bounds past Slender Man (which is about a 9 on the bullcrap scale). Aside from that the acting is garbage, the pacing is impossibly slow, the "big scares" are eyeball roll worthy, the characters are dubious (See "Doctor's Apprentice") and the Midnight Man is pretty lame from a design standpoint. There's NOTHING here. We can't think of one group of people to recommend this to at all. This is an avoid at all cost, POS.

How do you follow up Wes Craven's directing? You call Jim Wynorski? And he totally shows Wes how its done? Wow. Fan-Fave Jim showcases how you have fun with a failed superhero property. Replace Zach Snyder right now, DC! The polarization between the two versions of Swamp Thing is night and day. It's known within the first 15 seconds as shown by the opening scroll: "Once upon a time....in the swamp!" Boom. Then 8 minutes later we get a real vision of what we are in for - a Swamp Thing costume that looks good filled with a dude that is a) confident in his coolness, b) stupid charming. You know he's giving a thumbs-up at some point. What is happening? The production level in the sequel gets a massive bump as well, from the sets to makeup, the lighting, cinematography, explosions, sound design....everything but the acting. Bad acting? Well yes, but it so works here. Fun is the top priority for not just the viewer but those involved on the set as well. Marlon Brando School of Method Acting takes a back seat and that's a good thing. The whole film is an absolute blast with hot-pacing, fun jokes, way over-the-top action, great costumes and makeup, sexy ladies, ridiculous villains, a couple precocious scamps, awful acting, and some very subtle cinematography and special effects that reinforce the talent of one Jim Wynorski. This one can't be missed. Expect to see this again in Year in Review. There is a very small occasional click in the audio of this episode. Adobe Audition isn't a great program. It's really small and you may not even notice it, but we want to apologize for it in advance.

Nothing says the follow-up to Superman like a budget movie, right? It's that weird mix of camp, bad costumes, a busty lady, and villians of dubious intent. Oh, and it's also a fairy-tale love story. WTF is&nbsp;Swamp Thing? It's surprisingly bad. Nothing can prepare you for how crummy this film is. You've got all the pieces that should make for an OK movie - the established Wes Craven only 2 years before his masterpiece. Adrienne Barbeau hot off her run of John Carpenter films, Ray Wise on his way to Leland nuttiness, Harry Manfredini ready to give the hot licks, Alan Moore's material, the backing of DC loaded up on cash after&nbsp;Superman. How did this go wrong?!?! The makeup is awful, the costumes are atrocious, the writing is beyond nonsense, the story is a big question mark and then the way the whole thing ends is just nuts. This truly is one of the worst comic-book movies of all time. That aside, it's a total blast - cheesy, cheesy fun. Swamp Thing is completely useless, despite having super-strength and healing powers. He mostly just chucks guys out of boats, then lets them get back in, then chucks them out, rinse and repeat. Meanwhile, Barbeau's Cable, is just getting nabbed over and over again. Useless. The end...wow. Whomever thought that your epic climax would best be shown by a battle over a knight's sword between a man-pig and a guy in a loose rubber costume was going to wow audience's....yipes. It's a must-do bad movie.

Nothing says comedy team-up like when a street-wise cop has to be the American ambassador to a martial-arts packing fellow officer from the East to take down an international crime syndicate. Boy that sounds familiar. Unfortunately for everyone involved, this is NOT Rush Hour. All uncanny resemblance to&nbsp;Rush Hour&nbsp;aside, there's not a lot here folks. It's very unfunny (groan-worthy) and pretty uneventful until the last 1/4 (when the movie shifts into a totally dark tone). Its a very slow and rough experience with just a sprinkle of fun, here and there. HOWEVER, there is two show stealing scenes that ALMOST redeem the whole thing and definitely put it up in the fine-line between "do and don't". It still is incredibly close and depending upon the viewer is either going to give it a 50% (a do not) or a 51% (a do). It's that close. So enter at your own risk. Filmstery - Jimmy Stewart and the Pangboche Hand

We setup our tribute to the dearly missed Burt Reynolds with an examination of his first Razzie nomination as "bored actor who doesn't want to be in the same film as Liza Minnelli". It's like Sharky's Machine meets A Star is Born. Does that work for a bad movie "do"? Let's get straight to the bad - the big bad is Liza. She's insufferable. It's not completely her fault as the script calls for the most annoying person ever as the "love interest" for hunky Burt - because that's how all cop movies should work right? So she is supposed to play an annoying person and she does that in spades or jazz hands or sea-urchin hair cuts. Whatever. It's awful and you can't put someone who is like nails on the chalkboard into a movie even if the role calls for it. You can't annoy your audience for 2 hours. Ugh. Then there's Burt. Sweet, sweet Burt. He stinks. And it's his fault. It's a clinic on how to shoot an actor that in no way wants to be in your movie. Sadly this is the beginning of the end for Burt (until Boogie Nights) where he would take whatever role he could get. So he'd rather be in Cleveland than starring next to the most annoying character ever. It's a little tough to watch. Aside from the bad, we come to the (not just good, but) GREAT James Remar. His villain, Dancer, is like a cut/paste from a Batman comic. He's so over-the-top for a cop movie (power-armor, knife-arm, the zipper-dance in the mirror) that he'd fit better in a 90's super-hero movie. It's fantastic and quintessential James Remar. Arguably, Dancer gets killed in the climax in the best way we've seen for years.&nbsp; So in the end, if you can cut through Liza's schtick you're gonna have a do here, but man is it tough to get past her. It's wall to wall jammering on and on and on and on...

In what appears to be a Predator version of a bar-mitzvah, Captain Murtaugh has to scratch his head and whisper to himself about things he sees in front of him to stop a bunch of gang-members with mega-guns and voodoo powers from getting their spines ripped out. Oh! AND Bill Paxton! A movie with a 8 foot tall alien who rips people's spines out, Danny Glover, Bill Paxton and Gary Busey sounds like about the hottest thing that's ever existed. Sign me the hell up and lets get stupid! Well hold on, kiddies. You've got the most destructive group in film you still have to account for. No, not The Asylum. The MFing MPAA. After extensive recuts (20 of them) to appease a group of soccer-moms with no knowledge of film study, Predator 2 is both lacking in imagination and luster. Its far too tame to work. Its like watching Volcano but with a Predator who's had his wings clipped by the MPAA. Its kinda just disappointingly boring. It still has its moments here and there. Bill Paxton is put in the role he's made for - the slick Lone Ranger who wears clothes that are too big for him. Glover is as Murtaughy as he can get. The opening action sequence is way stupid and fun. But then everything afterwards is a disappointment. If you like Predator and haven't seen P2, then it's a do. But even then it's a one-time view. There is no need to revisit this one folks.

A faceless board-room guy (probably the one that fired James Gunn) is also a tree-man, octopus, tarantula with very dubious motivations, but likely he's actually the ghost of Chalton Heston, arboriculturist. Slender Man the movie was doomed before it came out the gate. There is no way to pay this much fan service to the original creepy-pasta while trying to make a sensical story. Once you put Slender Man into an environment that must have some sort of back-story and character motivations and that old bummer, the Protagonist/Antagonist diatribe you've got no choice but to make your new horror icon look about as clever as the bird in the desk of The Wicker Man. The lighting is atrocious, the acting is middling, the writing is gadawful, and even the cat-stings are failed. It's like if someone hired the Asylum to helm their franchise hopeful. Yet beyond all that, there is some truly hilarious parts. There's a handful of lines that are so horrendously out-of-reality and out of place that you can be "that one guy" in the theater. Mash that up with two of the most hilarious "horror editing" (think The Ring) decisions and you have a great bad-movie.....almost. While there is a smattering of hilarity sprinkled throughout,&nbsp;Slender Man is just this side of fun. There's far too much loose dialogue and wandering around being annoyingly moronic to put this into a "do" category. Expect it to rear its head when it comes time for the Stinker Madness Achievements in Bad Film-Making Award (SMABFA) awards. If you can manage to sneak into a very empty (I mean you, and two other people) and can riff this one out-loud you might be in for a good time.

When you look up pretentious, self-obsessed, socially awful, and completely uninterested in benefiting mankind in anyway in the dictionary (you can look those terms up, right?) then you see a picture of the "brat pack" from this clinic in deplorability. I hate these people. Not one can be redeemed. Its horrifying how awful they are and how their awfulness is not the focus of the movie. This is one of those jobbers where people (who are just as awful) will say, "This is it. This shows the challenges of live after becoming a full adult and the struggle with transitioning between having no responsibilities and then suddenly thrust into the real world." No, this is just you being completely blind to how morally bankrupt these people are. ARRHSHSHGHGGH!!!!! 90% of the reason to show up for this is to see how shitty these people are and wonder why in the hell this movie was made (it serves 0 purpose). The other 5% is the random crap that Schumacher stuffs in behind the focal point of the POV. Weird clowns, puppets, a naked fat guy butt...etc. and then 5% of Judd Nelson and Rob Lowe completely flubbing their lines.&nbsp; It's not a great time folks. Don't enter into this thinking you're about to have fun. You're left at the end with a horrible taste in your mouth and the unanswered question of why it exists. Enter only ye of the toughest of stomach-strength. You must be a level 12 Stinker Tourist.

We take one of the most beloved stinkers of the last decade and find a new reason to justify the entire plot - a rumble to the death over the most important theme of the 1980's - high fashion. Miami Connection&nbsp;is at the top of the list for most fans of crummy films and this is no accident. It's truly one of the most accessible bad movies of all time. Where some may struggle to view&nbsp;The Room and&nbsp;Fateful Findings there is something for everyone in YK Kim's masterpiece, especially those from the 80's or have 80's nostalgia. While those two items are helpful, they are not required. You can show this to just about anyone, from all ages and all walks of life. Then there's Dragon Sound. In the usual vein of films like this you might catch a glimpse of the amazing band playing in the background but Dragon Sound is front and center throughout with two entire songs played without break in music video format. With some of the worst lyrics ever put to film and "Against the Ninja" showcasing the plot verbatim, Dragon Sound is the most beautiful train wreck set to video. With a dubious plot (flushed out by us as about high fashion) you might get glued into the adventures of Dragon Sound and then nonsensical dialogue (at least the lines you can understand), but at the climatic scene you'll find yourselves inside of the hardest shift in direction of any film. Then last 20 minutes is a complete WTF as somehow YK Kim said to his cast-mates, "Hey, just go nuts" and they take it quite literally. In the end,&nbsp;Miami Connection just gets better and better with each view and isn't just a pretender. It's a glorious example of why people love crummy movies and will go down as a classic and Hall of Fame material. It's a true treasure. Thank you, YK!

This week we manage to not be able to view Miami Connection thanks to randy critters. So instead Sam and Justin discuss drinking children, seagulls, #goatpocalypse, Neil Breen's Twister Pair trailer, a new Great Superpower Debate, reviews of Transformations, Hologram Man, WuTang vs Ninja, and Sam invents a drunk game called "Who is THE GUY?"

We've got a monster-bud on our hands in the most notable work of Meatloaf's career. When the world's greatest hunter gets hired by a rich family to catch a yeti, he gets thwarted by a little girl whose clothes don't fit. Everyone is going to jail here. One might go into this thinking that you're about to be tortured for an hour and a half, ala&nbsp;Mac and Me, or&nbsp;C.H.O.M.P.S., well you're sorta right. This movie is as expected godawful, but somehow it dodges being in the bottom of the barrel. It manages to stay on target throughout the whole thing. There's no scene where the little girl and the monster bud go to school and crummy hijinx ensue. There's no scene where the monster bud destroys the whole house while riding a vacuum and chasing the dog. It steers clear of all the usual pitfalls that monster-bud movies fall into. Instead of where it typically could have gone, it is just a series of Meatloaf chasing a little girl holding the worst Furby prop for an hour and a half. There's a volley of crummy jokes here and there yet none are groin-worthy, they are just ignorable while you're riffing the film. It continually sets itself up throughout with some scattered big laugh moments (usually involving Meatloaf murdering a Francis (Pee Wee's Big Adventure) impersonator. There's some very strange decisions made and some LOL moments but in the end it's still not that fun. With that in mind though, it might be the best monster-bud movie we've ever reviewed. Enter at your own risk though.

Robert Mitchum's kid freelances his way into a "get the ninja tape" situation and into Janet's heart all while being WAY above the law and murdering many innocent people. Expect some shenanigans in this super-budget movie out of Indonesia. One of a kind in it's repetition and recurring themes, American Hunter (Lethal Hunter in Europe) is a classic super-budget action film with very poorly thought-out plot elements. Behold the final list of incredibly weird repeating onscreen events: 4 - The number of bad dives 4 - The number of times Janet gets kidnapped 3 - The number of times Jake survives after something that would kill anyone else 4 - The number of times someone shouts "Asshole!" right before killing someone 4 - The number of times a stunt car drives up and ramp and jumps 2 - Houses owned by the villain that are exploded by the villain 3 - Random species of critters the villain owns Then there's sweet sweet Janet. Poor Janet has been put through unholy hell. She loses her job, gets someones brains all over her face, kidnapped four times, crashed into a gas truck, her car destroyed, dropped from a helicopter, shot in the shoulder, had her neck shaved (?), and then married to a man who clearly doesn't care about whether she lives or dies. In typical 80's Indonesia tradition, life takes a backseat and no unions were involved in this wonderful little treat of garbage. How many stuntmen lost limbs or even their lives during the making of this? If you love dangerous stunts - you'll have a great time here.

The US Dept of Treasury hires an ATF agent and some "Army guys" to protect $600 million on its way to a giant paper shredder. Then some baddies try to steal it. Set to the backdrop of a physically impossible hurricane. The only thing in their way? A weatherman and is mechanic brother. Too early to whisper SMABFA? This movie is crap. Whether its enjoyable crap is a topic for debate, which we'll get into, but it's absolute crap. Fans of bad movies MUST see this film. It's astounding that we are still making screenplays that are this terrible. At no point did anyone bother to open a book to check out how hurricanes work. So the science is impossibly bad - like&nbsp;Armageddon bad. Yet, the science is not as bad as the plot. You guessed it, we're facing another round of the idiot plot. Both sides (good and bad guys) go out of their way to ensure the plot exists against their own interests. Stuff that next to atrocious dialogue such as: "I hate old money. Been up too many noses and down too many G-strings." So you've got the idiot plot, no knowledge of weather (or weather-men) and horrible dialogue and you've got the trifecta of awful screenplays. While all that is happening there is a ton of great bad action. In total the characters die thirteen times without dying. What do I mean? Well they get stuck in situations (sometimes put their on their own) that by the rules of the movie itself, would have killed the characters only to see them somehow survive via the power of jump cuts. It's absolutely unbelievable - especially when the weatherman and ATF agent get the mechanic killed by sucking him into the hurricane only to have the mechanic casually show up later in a fishing boat. Bonkers. While it's clearly going to be a SMABFA contender and one of the worst movies of the year, it's still not a great view. Necessary sure, but still not great. There's a lot of slow scenes and annoying backstory establishment (What the hell happened in Utah? Spoiler - you'll never know) that detract from the action. Look Twister suffers in the same way but we're carried through it by Paxton and Hunt and how they understand chemistry in acting. Maggie Grace and Toby Kebbell haven't figured out how that works. So don't expect anything great but you must at least check it out one time just to see that they are still making movies this bad.

Dwayne is back into being the charming, super-ripped, former Special Forces, who has more ability to punch a monster in the face than follow social norms. This time he's playing the role of 15th guy from the 4th level of the original video game. Plus 3 monsters destroy Chicago and Don Jr. makes his acting debut. Thanks to the incredibly bad decisions of corporate scientist CEOs (whatever that is), we are treated to three genetically mutated former critters that eventually get to big and start smashing crap. You can imagine what that's like. So let's talk about everything else. Dwayne is fantastic in his putting on a show. Ok, he's not exactly going to win any awards (probably ever) but he has pretty solid chemistry with something that doesn't exist. He's charming us while acting next to a not existent giant monster. Pretty solid stuff there. Monster design works. This walks that fine line between too much and too little creature design and showcasing them. They look great. Jake Lacy - wow. Absolutely steals the show away from Dwayne. His frat-boy, daddy paid my professors, CEO (see recent President's sons) performance is legit theater LOL worthy. He kills it. Too much exposition. Sadly the first half isn't a page turner. There's a sprinkle of good stuff here and there but to try to make some semblance of believability they thought they could cram in far too much backstory here and way to much science talk over here. None of it matters! We came to see monsters fighting The Rock. Just do that! However, for the most part, this film gets 90% of its popcorn-eating film genre work done well. Unfortunately, the draggy-ness of the exposition keeps it from being a fully enjoyable experience. With that all said, it's still clearly the best-made video game movie in history - which isn't really saying much.

Some people have no business making movies. Some people who have no business making movies REALLY have no business making animated movies. Foodfight! is a travesty. The UN should have sent inspectors into the production and placed sanctions against it. The Canadian Army should have liberated the people working on it from their captors. It's that bad. Ok, so we know it's really bad. The animation is atrocious and the jokes are cringe-worthy. That's all been said. Let's get into this a little deeper. Bestiality is prevalent. There are human people living inside the imaginary (maybe?) grocery store city. Several characters who are animals (specifically a chocolate squirrel) wants to bone down with these human women. S&amp;M - The head of the SS of brand icons (yes that'a thing here) enjoys both giving pain and receiving it IN A SEXUAL MANNER IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE! German Schizer Films - The same head of the SS at one point pees his pants and again enjoys it IN A SEXUAL MANNER IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE! Many other characters get poop on them. Large amounts of cartoon poop. Some like it. Some don't but either way the movie repeats people getting pooped on again and again. Agism - The villain is eventually revealed to be a "recalled" product line because the mascot was old and ugly, so no one bought it. Instead they bought the products of the young and pretty Japanese cat-lady thing. If this was presented as a problem in society (ie, Barber dolls) that would be fine but it's encouraged! This is a horrible lesson for children. Weinsteinism - The villain sleeps her way to the top because of item #4. She gets cartoon plastic surgery, becomes a "hot" 3 inch tall human lady, and then screws all the members of the board of directors so that she can be in charge. This is NOT told as a villainous move, but a totally acceptable method of career climbing. "Sleep your way to the top girls! Your body is the only tool you have in life!" Disgusting. So it's horribly offensive for your eyeballs because of the animation but its more offensive and not for your children (unless you suck) than anything. Foodfight! is a human rights violation. Screw this movie. It should not be viewed by anyone.

Like that weird kid that doesn't look anything like his parents, you may be thinking he's a weirdo and should be avoided. But then you bump into him at the punch bowl and realize he's one cool dude. That's Deathstalker II. Once again, Jim Wynorski shows the world why he should be at the top of the list of directors who make budget films. While most similar directors are given a project like this and just crap it out for the paycheck (I'm talking to you, anyone who works for The Asylum) good ol' Jim is told to make a Conan-knockoff and then makes a buddy-copesque screwball comedy with lots of adventure and shenanigans. Jim is the DaVinci of crummy movies. Leads John Terlasky and Monique Gabrielle "shine" together in excellence of LOL acting. While John plays the smarmy Errol Flynn competently, Gabrielle gives us two different roles (one straight-laced Princess impostor, the other a way-over-the-top damsel) there is clear evidence that she is hamming one of them up. She's beautifully terrible as Reena the Seer, yet competent as Princess Evie. It's proof positive that she is intentionally acting poorly in her main role and kills it. SAG members couldn't act this bad if they tried and she is trying. It's an achievement and should be rewarded for the mastery of her stink. As usual, Jim pours on the gags and boobs (of which there are plenty), but showcases his giant brass ones in only his third film. There's slams on James Bond, Indiana Jones, Dino De Laurentiis, tropes of the genre, the fans of Deathstalker I, Roger Corman and anyone not savvy enough to pick up on these references. He's a fricking wizard with giant testes. Extra credit for including Mathilda the Hun from GLOW. Actually that's reason enough to give this movie an A+. Deathstalker II is a must do and likely "Year in Review" top 10 finalist.

Once upon a time, a teenage girl got some tampooooons thrown at her and a British dessert poured on her. Twenty-three years later, a teenage girl gets caught up in a web of consensual teenage sex and becomes the most popular girl. Thankfully "Teen Witch" only ditched her friends when her powers manifested. The Rage suffers from what we like to call "The Non-Existent Plot". The plot can't exist under the rules of the film itself - under scrutiny. At the same time, they manage to cram in the "Idiot Plot" as well. As one can predict the film attempts to follow the same lines of Carrie (1976) where a teenage girl with uncontrollable telekinesis is pushed to the edge and strikes back against those that are doing her harm. HOWEVER, this one falls flat on trying to make the audience identify and sympathize with the lead OR even the villains. There's laws that don't exist. People don't know how phones work. People don't know how crime works. People don't know how dogs work. It's an atrocious script written by "I don't know how people work" alum - Rafael Moreu (Hackers) and a flaming pile of garbage. While the plot is crap and the first 3/4 is a slow drag of watching mopey teenagers make out, the end (the unleashing of Carrie powers) is quite the baloney fest of fun. The way Carrie 2 murders all the teenagers, including a ROFL death for the eldest brother in Home Improvement, is an absolute blast and over-the-top dumb. It's a close call to recommend this because there's some fun and then too much smoochy-smoo teenage love (that is incredibly unrealistic). It's a 50/50 chance that you will enjoy this so that makes it a do-not from us.

With Jackie trapped inside a living hell called Winnemucca, Justin and Sam sit down to discuss everything martial arts. Inside we discuss our Top 5 Martial Art Movie Guys and then a look into The Sho Kosugi Ninja Theater with reviews of "The Dumb Boxer", "Ninja 8: Warrior on Fire" and "Ninja vs. Ninja". Plus we'll wrap up the tale of Gary Devore! Was he a spy? What did he know? We go into the possible cover-up into the death of one of the best crummy movie writers in film history.

Arguably the most unique of post-apocalyptic films and Cannon Group's darling, it's also one of the most under-rated budget films of history. This is a big deal folks and 2/3 Stinker Madness host's favorite b-movie. PA films commonly suffer from their own existence. Most only take place in a "nuked" world because, welll... the desert is just right there. So they shoot this crappy $0 action film in a post-apocalyptic world because it's super cheap to do. The world they live in isn't even the focus. Then tack on a bunch of b-movie tropes (cars with random crap bolted on it, skimpy lady outfits, the chef-d'œuvre usually in the form of a head coming off or exploding at some point) and you've just got a bunch of people chasing each other around in the dirt. Whoopee! America 3000 busts directly through all that, possibly accidentally, and tells a multi-layered, universe-driven story, where the focus is shifted away from giant radioactive cockroaches or Zardoz-like swinger communities, and into a world with deep political divides, GofT style conspiracies and plotting, societal conflicts and complications and humanitarian issues. All while fitting in a balding Sasquatch and a Hal Needham level of chaos battle-scene. Wait, did you say there is a Sasquatch in this movie? Yes, there is Aargh. Aargh the Awful, in fact. A character like Aargh in just about any other crappy film we cover would be the lone reason to show up. Yet this is more of a "all this stuff plus there is Aargh" type scenario. America 3000 is a missed treasure in film history on either side of the good/bad genre of film enjoyment and film study. It's competently made on a tight-budget with a beautifully deep story that is truly like an onion. The characters are endearing, the action is excellent (and dangerous), the comedy is solid, the music is amazing, and worth watching over and over again - if only to fully comprehend how complex the world-building is. It's like a 18 course meal fit for Georgie Porgie, finished with a Creme de Aaargh, the greatest freeze-frame/credits ever made. It's Justin and Sam's favorite bad movie of all time and sits squarely atop the "Bad Movie Hall of Fame" like a proud mutated Bigfoot man that loves rock n' roll. No greater thing can be enjoyed in the world. It's "hot plastic".

Steer clear of the police in Las Vegas in 1988 is the absolute message of this super-budget gem of a tough cop movie. Penalties for being alive are getting kicked in the face while walking down a hallway and being beat to death while sitting in a chair. Hawkeye&nbsp;(1988) is a film that does not showcase the talents of a guy with a bow and arrow. It instead showcases the talents of a guy who is not Eddie Murphy and a guy who likes his Guess Jeans butt a bit too much. The matchup of Chuck Jeffreys and George Chung is bad-movie comedy gold. They are ridiculous, horribly corrupt, and clueless in all aspects of life.&nbsp; Yet despite being inept, corrupt, racist, torture approving, innocent person shooting/punching/kicking, "shit-packing", girlfriend neglecting, sons-of-bitches the pair of Wilson and Hawkamoto are an absolute blast to follow around in their awful policing. This is a must do.

To the disheartening of many fans of the book series, men in ties decide to make a dragon movie without any dragons in it and decide the story is too confusing so they just remade Star Wars. Beware the powers of the dark side of jelly beans! If you're like us and have never read the&nbsp;Eragon&nbsp;book series, then you'll arguably have less problems with the divergence (that wasn't an accident) of the source material from the pre-teen books to this flaming pile of nonsense. It's a necessary position to look at the 2006 film objectively. We don't know the back story and the subtle elements of the world that this takes place in (if there are any) so don't come at us, bro! And in any situation, none of that should matter - because&nbsp;Eragon the movie, at least, doesn't suffer from it's abandonment from the source material - it suffers from the direct theft of OTHER source material. It's just&nbsp;Star Wars gang. Which may seem like an oversimplification of the standard "epic" format of storytelling, ie. Star Wars, Gilgamesh, LOTR,&nbsp;&nbsp;The Iliad and The Odyssey, et. al. we can show you that it is a direct case of intellectual property theft or the great scene heist of 2006. Perhaps the writing team called in Danny Ocean... A trusted member of a high-order of wizards murders and betrays his fellows to gain ultimate and dark power An orphaned boy is sent to live with his uncle on a farm because of a past as yet untold to him The boy comes into possession of a valuable item the evil wizard wants to reclaim The boy finds information out about the item by speaking to a good wizard whose neighbors see him to a be a weirdo The good wizards also has a secret past that he doesn't want to reveal to the neighbors The evil wizard sends out his troops to capture the item and murder the boy and anyone helping him The boy returns home to find that his uncle has been murdered by the troops The boy is left with no option but to follow a friendly wizard on a quest to save the universe The wizard explains to boy that in order to save the universe they must get the item of value to a group of rebels Along the way the boy must learn the ways of a mysterious energy that gives him powers The evil wizard captures the boy's friend in order to trap the boy and prevent him from finishing his training The boy is told by his mentor wizard that its a trap and the boy ignores him and knowingly falls into the trap The boy escapes the trap after a serious loss of a friend with the help of a stranger who must redeem himself from his ties to the evil empire The friend who is lost during the trap episode is encased in an unbreakable material formed by temperature extremes The boy and his team find the rebel base, but also lead the evil wizard to their location as well The boy suits up and climbs aboard his flying machine to fight off the incoming attackers In order to defeat the attackers, the boy must stop relying on his enhanced vision and trust his senses There is also a secret past to the boy's father and his relationship to the female character (who is a princess) and how their sexual tension might be icky later There you go. 18 points of direct copying of Star Wars. Try to argue that against us kids. In the end,&nbsp;Eragon isn't a great bad movie, but it's uncanny rip-off of that space wizards movie makes it a great time for riffing. So it's a do.

It's been four wonderful years of bringing you the greatest bad and cult films, all while having some pretty important discussions on craft and farts with plenty of laughs along the way. This episode we recap our favorite movies we watched in the previous year of podcasting. Each host catalogs their top ten and hope that you can find some extra time to watch each and every one of these movies.

It's been four wonderful years of bringing you the greatest bad and cult films, all while having some pretty important discussions on craft and farts with plenty of laughs along the way. This episode we recap our favorite movies we watched in the previous year of podcasting. Each host catalogs their top ten and hope that you can find some extra time to watch each and every one of these movies. This episode we recap our top 10-5 choices.

Somehow we've managed to stay clear of Linda Blair, which is strange because she's very easy to bump into. Here she's showcasing the gals, while running a gang of gals, and find revenge (eventually) after taking an hour and fifteen minutes to be pushed over the edge. Somehow Savage Streets manages to be a mashup of about every 80's budget genre. It's a slasher, a sex-romp, a revenge jobber, and a roller-skating boogie in the vein of Grease. Yet it manages to miss being a Romeo & Juliet, a vigilante justice story and Dangerous Minds. It's pretty bizarre in how much territory it covers while failing to get to the plot for one hour. Somehow we've managed to stay clear of Linda Blair, which is strange because she's very easy to bump into. Here she's showcasing the gals, while running a gang of gals, and find revenge (eventually) after taking an hour and fifteen minutes to be pushed over the edge. Somehow&nbsp;Savage Streets manages to be a mashup of about every 80's budget genre. It's a slasher, a sex-romp, a revenge jobber, and a roller-skating boogie in the vein of&nbsp;Grease. Yet it manages to miss being a Romeo &amp; Juliet, a vigilante justice story and Dangerous Minds. It's pretty bizarre in how much territory it covers while failing to get to the plot for one hour. Boobs. Wow. Lots and lots. This high school that Linda Blair's Brenda attends must have some rigorous testing for enrollment. You must be: Over 20 years old Have double-ds Huge hair Enjoy fighting naked Have little regard for the rules (that arguably don't exist) It takes quite a while to get going and once it does, boy howdy, but the front hour is a pretty solid riffer. We'd say that it's good for any midnight movie and especially good for a group of lampooners. So not spectacular but still a solid "do" from us.&nbsp; There is a disclaimer - there is a scene of rape that is especially difficult to get through, but fairly necessary to get to the plot. Grab a copy of Justin's novel - The Golden Right - free this week for Kindle Readers

The film that finally puts two things together that no one asked for, no previous commonality, no established universe, no real similarities, and no capability of accomplishing something someone might label "good". Cartoons and basketball just don't go together. Hot off the success of Roger Rabbit, well ok, not hot off. More like many years later....someone decided to mashup our reality with the physics defying world of Bugs Bunny. Now that possibly could have worked, if they had chosen to focus on that. But&nbsp;Space Jam focuses on the life and times of Michael Jordan, which has nothing to do with cartoons. Nothing. So the Looney Tunes take a back seat to MJ. Sure he's the greatest (LeBron?) but he's not what is putting butts in seats here. Otherwise you'd just have a film starring Michael Jordan. Come on... Beyond the idiocy that is the concept, the film is garbage. The most fatal flaw that Warner Bros. committed here is that they thought people came for Looney Tunes because of Bugs, Daffy, and Yosemite. Little did they understand, those characters were just the delivery vehicle for the shear brilliance that was Chuck Jones and Mel Blanc. THOSE guys are why we came. Proof required? Try watching a Merry Melodies after a Looney Tunes. Without Chuck Jones and Mel Blanc the WB crew is just another bland unmemorable troop of talking critters. The voice acting sucks, the animation sucks, the jokes suck, everything sucks. Pick up a copy of Justin's novel. The Golden Right on Amazon Prime

People that make TV shows, write a script in 72 hours while blasting through piles of cocaine, that showcases their complete lack of knowledge about making TV shows. It's Rip v Zeus in The Battle of the Tough Guys that can only end in one way.... murder! Nothing can describe the (at that time) WWF in the late 80s like&nbsp;No Holds Barred.&nbsp;Hulk is the #1 guy in the phony man-fighting and his entire schtick is on display here. There's no difference between the character of Rip and Hulk Hogan. Imagine a film called "Morgue Work" starring The Undertaker who's character name is Mortician Jim. Rip loves the kids, he loves his family and he loves making snorting sounds....just like Hulk Hogan. Which leads me to believe that Terry Hogan had more to do with writing this POS then Vince McMahon. I like to envision Terry writing in crayon in a furor while McMahon murders prostitutes in the corner. Vince (covered in blood): Terry, you need any help over there? I've run out of prostitutes to murder. I could help out for a bit. Terry makes inaudible, guttural snarling and smashes crayons into his hand. There's plenty of bad plot elements, snarling and snarfing, a complete lack of lines for Zeus Lister, some heavy sexual harassment in the workplace, Neil Breen levels of sexiness, murder!, and general insanity.&nbsp; It's a pretty landmark bad movie and should be watched at the earliest opportunity by people not getting choke-slammed.

Despite its satirical nature and heavy social commentary, The Running Man drops the ball (or the hockey puck) before the goal and trips into the net, bashes into the goalpost, gets the ball stuck in its facemask, and suffers multiple self-inflicted concussions. Well...at least it didn't murder it's ex-wife and her lover. WHOA!! TOO SOON! 1987's&nbsp;The Running Man is one of those "oh, so close" to being good films, but as we see time and time again, men in ties get in the way and say "We gotta ham this up! We got Arnold so its has to be stupid, right?" There is just enough left of Stephen King's novella in here that you feel like you should be able to see past the caricature of entertainment and find meaning in its messages. Time for some deep reflection, right? Well no. Time to slap your forehead in missed opportunity grief. Its still a fun stinker, and it's unintended wackiness leaves the viewer with more joy than grief. Do NOT misunderstand though, this is NOT&nbsp;Commando. There is a level of tedium within and for its ridiculous nature is a little empty in content here and there. There is lots of sequences of...well...running. Running, running, running, explosion, new stalker, running, running, running, the resistance, running, running, explosion, repeat. All and all a good time, but missed opportunities (both in quality and stinkiness) keep this one out of the pantheon of crummy action/sci-fi movies.&nbsp;

38 Metacritic, 39% Rotten Tomatoes, 35% domestic returns, universally panned by all, a terrible idea that could never make money and its one of the best films we've reviewed. If you haven't seen&nbsp;Speed Racer, you are blowing it. DISCLAIMER:&nbsp;Speed Racer&nbsp;is in NO possible way a stinker (other than it's reputation). It's absolutely crack for your eyeballs. It's pulse-pounding racing action and over-the-top fun, all while being genuinely funny, well told, competently acted and a great tale. At the very least, it should have won Oscar gold for special effects, editing, sound design, production design, and cinematography. So don't expect much lampooning here. So here we shall discuss why it makes it on the podcast. Its because its Speed Racer. No one cares. No one wants to care. It falls into the same bad idea category of (the deplorable)&nbsp;Jem and the Holigrams&nbsp;and (the BRILLIANT)&nbsp;Blade Runner 2049. You cannot make your money back, no matter how well you make the film. There just isn't a big enough fan base to capture the attention of the movie masses and have success. It's impossible! Then you've got the Wachowskis. They've got&nbsp;The Matrix in their stable of quality films, but they've just come out of&nbsp;The Matrix Reloaded and&nbsp;The Matrix Revalations which BOTH are horrible, awful, crap. So they are not real popular with the critics and general film audience at the time. Ie. See backlash of George Lucas by his own fanbase for "Greedo Shoots First" and "Are you an angel?". It doesn't matter what you made before, you now stink. So they went in expecting crap and then seeing it as crap and then piled on the negative reviews on an exquisite film because they wouldn't take the time to "get it".&nbsp; They just didn't get it and if you've avoided&nbsp;Speed Racer because you didn't get it (we are guilty too) you are making a massive mistake and missing out on one of the most underrated movies in history. It's spectacular.

When you need the toughest of tough guys to play your super agent and lone wolf defender of justice, get that Achy Breaky Heart guy. No man has ever been tougher! But make sure his girlfriend is the one that is the most "radical". Here's the end result of Radical Jack; Jack is NOT radical, in fact. His most penultimate "action" move to hide under a bed. Not kidding. The film spends the first 3/4 telling us how tough Jack is, what with his smoldering gazes, his Ray-Ban shades, his supreme mullet, his "Renegade" Jeep, his barb-wire tattoo and such. Then we learn he's just not tough at all as he fails to be the catalyst and executor of the climax. It's DeeDee Pfeiffer who is indeed the radical one. "Radical Kate" should be the title of the film. We just can't understate how poorly put together Radical Jack is. Nothing makes sense, timelines don't add up, Jack builds a shed with no doors, Asahi Guy...on and on and indescribable stupidity abound. This is complemented by it's perfect pacing for lampooning. Get the group together and prepare to have pants filled with pee from laughter. It's like surgery - best that you evacuate before starting. Despite how awful you think this may look, what with the Billy Ray and all, Radical Jack is an absolute must-do. It's that type of stinker that truly is for everyone. Imagine life without "The Room" and having to try to get your classy friends to start enjoying the perks of crappy movies. Radical Jack is your gateway stinker.&nbsp; One hit of the Jack and you'll be back! (Copyright!)

Neil Breen is back in his directorial debut with this week's trip into the mind of a crazy person. He stars as a double-agent, elite mercenary, computer hacker/security expert, bio-terrorist, cyborg, assassin/vigilante, and just a simple man. It's a Neil showcase into baffling story-telling, yet again. While Double Down is not near the production that Fateful Findings is, it is still an exceptionally bonkers movie. Nothing makes a lick of sense. It's the type of film that leaves you wondering what the hell is going on throughout. While we have a likely infallible theory on what happens, you'll have to listen to show to find out. There are some things to know going into this that may make it hard for some listeners and lovers of bad film. About 25% of the film is stock photography. That is A LOT. Another 25% is narration by Breen sometimes over the stock shots and sometimes while he rolls around in dirt in the desert. But let's face it, you're not coming into a Neil Breen movie because you are looking for excitement. You're here for the nonsense and this delivers that in heaps and heaps of bananas. Double Down is a definite do, but it's recommended you start with Fateful Findings first. This is for the advanced class. Some things to keep an eye out for: Neil Breen's take on the action star (gently climbing over rocks with difficulty), his technological setup to control the entire world (out of the back of his Mercedes), his balls and his sexual assault on an actress who doesn't want to be there (yes Breen balls), a Canadian Tuxedo as formal military attire, and necrophilia.

Once again, we find ourselves "going into the internet" with the incredible speeds of a 28.8k connection. Yet the overt difference here is that there is a wet-t-shirt contest and a mash-up of snowboarder, 'alt' and irreverent fashion trends. It's the clear road-map of not understanding computers, the internet or anyone who surrounded themselves with both of those things. Yipes! Hackers were never cool. They were never edgy or trendy or care about anything but computers. We were computer nerds in 1995. We only cared about putting Duke Nukem 3D on as many computers as we could find. The characterization of this film is so far from reality and its disconnect from what was actually going on that it's just unfathomable. That's even before we determine how much we hate the characters themselves.... Then there is the complete lack of knowledge of computers themselves. It fits perfectly in with Johnny Mnemonic and The Lawnmower Man&nbsp;in its ineptitude and complete lack of asking someone ANYTHING about computers just one time. However, within the former there is a lot more action that isn't computer-related and the latter has a good sci-fi story buried underneath it's awful film-making and lack of editing.&nbsp;Hackers reigns surpreme in its stupidity. In the end it's a pretty rough viewing experience and we can only recommend it to a niche market: You saw it and thought it was good&nbsp; You know how dumb it is and you want to share how dumb it is with one of your friends; cuz you're a dick.

A group of trash vampires waste their immortality so that they can focus on their location-rotating fight club that has less rules than Tyler Durden's. The only thing that can stop them - horrible karate, bullet dodging DEA agents, and post-production effects that are just the presets in Adobe Premiere. Yuck! Let's get out the disclaimer on this one - it's extremely budget and put together by people who have no experience in film, but hey! They got it done, right? They got their movie finished. So we'll give them that. The rest of the film though, good night. This is one to steer VERY far away from, fam. It's not necessarily the acting or the "story" or the horrendously bad karate that is the problem. It's the over-editing and after-effects (trademark Adobe), mixed in with the wall-to-wall Nu-Metal. Within 5 minutes, I would argue that 80% of our fandom would abort this within 5 minutes due to it's awful design. There is also a particular sex-scene that is less sexy than Tommy Wiseau's ass. It's vomit-inducing if you don't like watching ugly people do it. I'm sure they are nice people, but holy hell.... Now, there are some good things sprinkled here and there within. The karate is hilariously bad, the "plot" does move rapidly, and there's some pretty cringe-worthy acting. The plot is unfounded and easily puts these vampires in a bracket of cool below the cave-dwelling dirtballs in&nbsp;John Carpenter's Vampires. We have to give this one a do not.&nbsp;

The hottest awards for bad films in 2017 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2017 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below. And the Nominees &nbsp;&amp; Winners are (winner in bold): Best Bad Movie - The Most Enjoyable Bad Movie Geostorm The Great Wall XXX: Return of Xander Cage The Space Between Us Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Fan Poll Result - Rings Worst Bad Movie - The Least Enjoyable Bad Movie Transformers: The Last Knight The Mummy Collateral Beauty The Snowman Underworld: Blood Wars Fan Poll Result - Transformers: The Last Knight Best Bad Actor - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor Gerard Butler - Geostorm Ice Cube - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Matt Damon - The Great Wall Michael Fassbender - The Snowman Russell Crowe – The Mummy Fan Poll Result - Russell Crowe - The Mummy Best Bad Actress -&nbsp;Most Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor Abbie Cornish - Geostorm Tian Jing - The Great Wall Milla Jovovovich - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Nina Dobrev - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Ellen Page - Flatliners Fan Poll Result - Abbie Cornish - Geostorm MST3K Most Riffable - The easiest and most fun to make fun of film while viewing Geostorm The Great Wall Fifty Shades Darker The Space Between Us The Dark Tower Fan Poll Result - Geostorm Worst Bad Actor - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor Tom Cruise - The Mummy Will Smith - Collateral Beauty Ethan Hawke - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets John Depp - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Dane DeHaan - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Fan Poll Result - Tom Cruise - The Mummy Worst Bad Actress - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor Sofia Boutella - The Mummy Rhianna - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Keira Knightly - Collateral Beauty Helen Mirren - Collateral Beauty Kim Basinger – Fifty Shades Darker Fan Poll Result -&nbsp;Sofia Boutella - The Mummy

It was Schwaz' first box office flop and put up the current standard of spending way too much money on film marketing. It ranks high upon the worst returns of all film history. Yet there is a good film here and could have been a hidden gem -- had it not been for Danny and coming into "our world." You may be among the hordes who avoided&nbsp;Last Action Hero. You should reconsider. It has that stigma of being a horrible film, but if you're a fan of this podcast then you will understand why we put it upon such a high platform with&nbsp;Hell Comes to Frogtown,&nbsp;Joe Vs The Volcano and UHF. While&nbsp;Joe&nbsp;is a far superior production and&nbsp;Hell&nbsp;is a far more efficient production,&nbsp;Last&nbsp;falls into bad movie legend with incredible amounts of money thrown at it, while clearly only going to work with a very small amount of movie goers. It's your classic case of men in ties making horrible decisions. The primary mistakes the film puts upon its audience is the snivelly Danny (Austin O'Brien). It's not that Austin does a bad job (it's not good either) as a child actor (we've seen FAR worse, looking at you Jake Lloyd), it's just that Danny sucks. This is the last character you want to see in an over-the-top action movie, the whiny child who isn't having fun with us. THEN there is the always awful choice of bringing your fantasy characters through a magic portal into our reality. Our reality sucks. We don't want to be here, and we especially don't want the movie we are escaping our reality from coming into it. Blech.&nbsp; Yet every single minute that takes place inside Jack Slater's (Arnold) movie fantasy world is a treat. It's non-stop homage/satire/creation of action films and the characters within them. The stunts are fantastic, the self-deprecating comedy is top-notch, and as always, Arnold delivers non-stop fun and charm.&nbsp; Last Action Hero is one our favorite movies and rides that beautiful line between crap and brilliance. Must watch film. The SMABFA (Stinker Madness Achievments in Bad Film-Making Award) Awards - 2017 Nominations Best Bad Movie The Great Wall Geostorm Rings XXX: Return of Xander Cage The Snowman The Dark Tower The Space Between Us Valerian King Arthur: Legend of the Sword Worst Bad Movie The Mummy Collateral Beauty Transformers: The Last Knight The Snowman Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Geostorm Flatliners Underworld: Blood Wars Fifty Shades Darker Best Bad Actor Gerard Butler - Geostorm Matt Damon - The Great Wall Shawn Roberts - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Vincent D'Onofrio - Rings Michael Fassbender - The Snowman Sam Worthington - The Shack Javier Bardem - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Ice Cube – XXX: Return of Xander Cage Russell Crow – The Mummy Idris Elba - The Dark Tower Tom Cruise - The Mummy Worst Bad Actor Dane DeHaan - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Tom Cruise - The Mummy Will Smith - Collateral Beauty John Depp - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Ethan Hawke - Valerian Val Kilmer – Snowman Jim Sturgess – Geostorm Javier Bardem - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Jamie Dornan - Fifty Shades Darker Vin Diesel - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Matt Damon - The Great Wall Best Bad Actress Astrid Bergès-Frisbey - King Arthur: Legend of the Sword Nina Dobrev - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Milla Jovovovich - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Tian Jing - The Great Wall Octavia Spencer - The Shack Kate Beckinsale - Underworld Rihanna - Valerian Britt Robertson - The Space Between Us Abbie Cornish: Geostorm Toni Collette - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Deepika Padukone - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Rebecca Ferguson -The Snowman Ellen Page - Flatliners Worst Bad Actress Sofia Boutella - The Mummy Kate Winslet - Collateral Beauty Helen Mirren - Collateral Beauty Dakota Johnson - Fifty Shades Darker Sofia Boutella - The Mummy Mila Jovovich - Resident Evil Keira Knightly - Collateral Beauty Nina Dobrev - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Kim Basinger – Fifty Shades Darker Laura Haddock – Transformers: The Last Knight Rhianna - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets MS

Dennis Rodman returns in the form of a bumble-bee to plant the foundation of the XXX squad, by making Dane Cook the CEO. Its truly in the list of worst action movies ever made and could be the gold standard for enjoyably dumb action movies...if it wasn't for Dane Cook. Dane Cook blows. You know this, so we aren't going to devote time here to review his schtick - what will do instead is warn you that he is truly at his least formed here, with the most "punch me" act ever captured on celluloid. He's worse than Jar Jar.&nbsp; Now the good - it's WAY OVER THE TOP in the action department. Imagine Jackie Chan kung-fu and stunts but performed on screen by people who should be hot dog vendors. Then tack all that on top of Pumaman level of rear projection effects. It's outlandishly fun when you aren't staring down the barrel of an unloaded Dane Cook. He blocks your vision from the good. Then there is the plot of the film - an oblivious double kidnapping pit the fathers of said kids into a series of scheduling conflicts and interference by Simon's (Rodman) team who have no clue what is even going on. Somehow there is a colonel, a laser that can't work, a villain who may be the reincarnation of Jerry Lewis and thinks the Microsoft Office Paper Clip is the bomb. So imagine a XXX/Pumaman mashup with no talent, yes less talent than Pumaman. It's so close to brilliance, but sadly in the end the "comedy" troupe here drops it down by three stars to just a barely do.

Nothing says "screwball" comedy like professional basketball in the late 70's. So why not have a film about a terrible team that becomes great via the powers of astrology? Toss in Dr. Julius Erwing, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, Meadowlark Lemon and repeat stinker stars like Branscombe Richmond and Julius Carry III and you've got some loonie business that is right up our alley. On paper this film should be one to steer clear from. Even just watching the trailer is enough to give casual viewers of crummy films the heebie-jeebies. Yet somehow there is a serious level of charm to this film beyond the obvious live-action WB cartoon version that Jonathan Winters was shooting for. There's a seriously well blended volume of comedy of all types that award both fans of basketball and those that loathe all sports. Everyone loves the Harlem Globetrotters and this film reinforces why that works. The real stinker in&nbsp;The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh is the music. Imagine music worse (yet more catchy) than Cannon's&nbsp;The Apple. Yes, THAT bad of music. And it is arguably more full of bad music than&nbsp;The Apple as well. Woof. We thoroughly enjoyed&nbsp;The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh and if you like films like&nbsp;Odds and Evens and&nbsp;Condorman, you're going to enjoy it too.

Stallone gives us further evidence he didn't write&nbsp;Rocky as this screenplay serves us up with some of the worst dialogue and biggest head-slapping action sequences we had in the 90s and THAT's really saying something. Also...there are 0 cliffhangers.&nbsp; Somehow critics have been quite pleased with&nbsp;Cliffhanger as evidenced by a 69% on RottenTomatoes and 60 Metacritic score. How that happened is one of the biggest surprises that this film offers up. Don't confuse yourself - this thing is enjoyable for sure but it is as dumb as anything. It's&nbsp;Roadhouse&nbsp;dumb. How any professional film critic could give this a positive review and put it alongside films that try to make statements and be true art and then look themselves in the mirror is confounding. So this falls right into our "Good Movie Debunked" category of film review. The showcase is the dialog which comes to a head with the team of "expert" criminals. These guys are good enough at burglaring that they heist $100 million from the US Treasury Department. You'd likely get executed for this and at minimum sent to Gitmo and never heard from again. So they must be the best of the best right? Like Ocean's Eleven clever and Hans Grubber organized, right? Well that is clearly not the case. This team is just a bunch of 16 year old boys having a piss contest even if that means they fail in their mission. It's astounding how they even got into the car on the way to their big crime without killing each other. Astounding. The acting is atrocious, the dialog is hall-of-fame bad, the action is over-the-top dumb, and the idiot plot is in full effect. This one is a true joy to watch for all the wrong reasons.

It's Sean Connery in a man-diaper with bullets. It's a genderless Utopia while showcasing knockers. It's a whirlwind of confusion and questionable film-making decisions. It's a serious mess covered in psychedelia while making some heavy, heavy, heavy social commentary. Get ready for your mind to be melted. Imagine you've got Zardoz in mind and you sit down to write it. "Open on a gun-barfing god's floating head." Then try to go from there.&nbsp;Zardoz is just bizarre in how it decides to get to were it needs to. It may have been John Boorman's intention to distract the viewer with the weirdness so that when he reveals the plot and message to the viewer they weren't prepared for it. Along the way though, wow.... You might have your brain turn into rubber and question the use of your weiner/vaginer. Connery's Zed is at no point a likable character as he is the deliverer of death and rape to the poor and weak for his entire career, but he is a sympathetic character. Connery is a blast throughout, if you're a fan of leaping around and chucking women across barns all while wearing his infamous bandolier equipped Euro mankini. Zardoz&nbsp;is easily argued as the best post-apocalyptic movie ever made for what it says about society, culture, religion, truth against power, greed, science vs familiarity, and for possibly making one of the craziest predictions ever - Amazon Alexa. It's excellent and should be praised for what it does on a shoe-string budget, and what it says about ourselves and what we want to become.

"Let's take the barbarian guy out of his world of fantasy and put him in our world of taxes and endless advertising," said a man in a tie once or twice. Unfortunately, for said tie guy, no fan of film has ever said, "Yes I want that." Yet this travesty of the genre still attempted to woo audiences by sending the Beastmaster into Los Angeles so we can watch what happens when he wants to get pizza. Hooray! While the premise of this film is one that typically infuriates fans (see Masters of the Universe and Jason Takes Manhattan),&nbsp;Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time pleases from end to end. It has some sort of charm that doesn't make sense. The jokes are total crap. The acting is painful. There's no boobs. Yet somehow it all adds up to shenanigans that simple entertain lovers o' the stupid. The true highlight is Wings Hauser's Arklon, who is arguably the lowest IQ villain in cinema history. His plan is seriously to blow up his world. He has already conquered the world, yet he thinks blowing it up will give him more power. There isn't some mystical element that blowing the world up turns him into a god or anything. He just wants a neutron bomb to blow the whole damn thing up, including himself. Ok, let's put that aside. In order to accomplish his goal of suicide and world-ending destruction, he decides to enlist the unwilling support of LA Girl, Jackie (Kari Wuhrer) who knows nothing of nuclear weapons but knows a lot about 90's fashion. Standing right next to Arklon is the witch Lyranna (Sarah Douglas) who has a great rack, wants to bang him, rule the world at his side, has superpowers, knows where the bomb is, has the means to get there and continually helps him without getting a single utterance of "thank you". Arklon's moronic antics culminate when he falls into a lake of fire and shouts his victory at Dar - and then burns up to death. Yup, you sure won buddy. Beastmaster 2 is a breed of a different cat (or painted black tiger) from the first one in all sense. It should suck, but is a true majestic triumph of crap. Do it.

He's a blue-collar Batman, that comes loaded with super-strength and a compassionate, pacifistic outlook. Slap on a bunch of not-bulletproof metal armor and give him a hammer/gun and Oracle (from Batman) and you've got Shaq looking pretty doofy. So it stinks, sure. But we think this film is abused a little too much. It's currently at a 2.8 on IMDB and a 1.4 on Letterboxd. That puts it below&nbsp;Batman &amp; Robin, and Catwoman.&nbsp;It's not even close to that bad. By your standard&nbsp;movie goer rating scale, this is just a 4. By our standards, it's a little higher than that. We make no claim that it's awesome but in no way is as awful as&nbsp;Catwoman. It's just a shitty movie. However, it does have it's moments. The action is filled with dumbness. Steel's powers and weapons look terrible on screen. Shaq himself, in Steel Armor, looks like he belongs in Flash Gordon and he's just too damn big to be taken seriously. It appears the film-makers may have realized this and crammed this jobber with loads of camp.&nbsp; For some odd reason, someone thought it would be a great idea to draw a lot of attention to Shaq's dong. He continually gets shot by future weapons in the weiner, the camera hovers around it, and there's some pretty serious innuendo about size and his pelvic area. Yet it clearly should be targeted towards children - the movie, not Shaq's junk. Very strange decisions made. It's a close call but we think Steel is a 2/3 do.

When your mom has a beard on her knee from a man who may or may not be your dad or Santa, you're best option is to obsess over Christmas until you're in your thirties and then you go all Buffalo Bob so that you can become the actual Santa. Not just copy cat. Actually Santa. Christmas Evil&nbsp;is arguably one of the strangest Xmas films ever created. It was made a time when horror movies tried to play on any holiday and the jingly time was no different. See (but don't watch) such films as&nbsp;Santa's Slay, Santa Claws, Don't Open til Christmas, Black Christmas, etc... However there's a complete banana-factor to this feature. Unfortunately to get to that banana-factor you have to go through a fairly uneventful montage of a man going all Santa. The performances are all solid and the cinematography is competent especially considering this is a drive-thru film. So that leaves you with an hour of not really having much to do. It's quiet, slow-moving and leaves not much room for riffing. I wouldn't call it boring, per se, but if you're coming for a mover-this ain't the one. However, in the end, you've been left with one of the most clear, "Wait, what?" moments in any genre of film, let alone a holiday film. We won't go into the final 10 seconds of&nbsp;Christmas Evil here, but it makes the whole experience worth it.&nbsp; Happy Holidays, Stinker Family! Streaming Do's and Don'ts I Believe in Santa Claus w/ Rifftrax on Amazon Prime Christmas Dragon - Amazon Prime Ator: The Fighting Eagle - Amazon Prime Tarzan - TV Series on Amazon Prime

When you think of the holidays, you always think of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Maybe you just think of Arnold all the time. Which fits perfectly into the Xmas spirit theme for this film -- don't learn any lessons of Christmas, don't change how you feel about life and commit heinous crimes in the search of consumerism that you fail to accomplish. Beyond how unbelievably bad it is overtly, I mostly want to talk about its failures for being a Christmas movie (as is tradition for our holiday specials). The primary problem here is that it can't even be an Xmas movie. It's a movie that takes place during Christmas (kiss my ass, all who say Die Hard is a Christmas movie), but it fails to achieve any Spirit of Christmas themes (hell, even The Star Wars Holiday Special manages that).&nbsp; Here's where people will say it makes a Christmas movie: It takes place during Xmas&nbsp; Howard (Arnold's character) restores his relationship with his son via Christmas It shows the consumerism of Christmas and man's greed during the holiday season but Howard finds a way to be better than that. Here's the rub in order: 1. So what? Troll 2 is about eating food, does that mean it's a Thanksgiving movie? This line of logic that says "A film takes place on X time so therefore it's a holiday film because a major holiday is shown within it" is garbage. 2. Howard does NOT restore his relationship with his son via Christmas because this is clearly not the first time their relationship has been damaged/repaired within the same day. It's quite clear that this crap happens all the time. It's just Tuesday.... and also happens to be Christmas. In order to make this message, the time of Christmas and all its "holly jolly - be nice to your neighbors and family" stuff must be the vehicle for learning your lesson, not just the backdrop of this weeks poor fathering/becoming a good father debacle. 3. Sure, it does show people being manic during the holiday season. However, Howard doesn't rise above it or even partake in it for the resolution of the movie. The film can't even make the (bad) statement that if you buy toys for your kids, they'll have a good Christmas. Because Howard doesn't even buy the toy. He falls bass-ackwards into the toy. Basically, someone mistakenly hands it to him and he hands it to his son and takes all the credit for getting it. Completely not the spirit of Christmas (even the cynical take of it's another corporate holiday). Bleh. It stinks, really, really, really bad. It's cringe-worthy in points. The written jokes are terrible. The effects are worse than PumaMan. But it's a must do for all. It's a staple in holiday films and the one you can always go to when you're tired of all the traditional movies and the staples of the season. Watch this and try to hide your own cynicism from your grandma. Screw her. She's a blatant racist.

Before he was the US Ambassador to Kim-Jong Un, Dennis Rodman had a dream of being a big Hollywood actor. The path to victory? A movie where he fights tigers, exploding babies, references that aren't related to basketball and U.N.C.L.E. Oh yeah, JCVD is there too. Double Team is silly in the same vein as any Cannon/Chuck Norris joint. There's a reason that major action movies died for almost 20 years (thanks Fast &amp; Furious franchise) and this movie may have been a huge part of that decline. JCVD led the 90s in super awesome punching bad guy films and here in 1997 film-goers were willing to say "I've had enough of that". A plot that doesn't make any sense, horrific editing, and too too too many basketball related jokes just put them over the edge. The action sequences are about as "over the top" as you can get. There's truck jumping, tiger's packing heat, exploding babies, foot knives, a machine-gun toting, horse-mounted loon, Belloq as head of CONTROL, under-water lasers, combustible swimming pools, human basketballs, and death nannies. Its crammed pack with so much bonkers action that its hard to keep up. Come for the "plot", stay for the bananas action. It's a 7 pointer!

Spectacularly over-rated director M. Knight Shyamalan gives us his vanity piece in the vein of Neil Breen and Tommy Wiseau and not only shows us he stinks at film as badly as they do, but that he's a giant, narcissistic, arrogant, terrible person. Good job! So it's a fairy tale that involves water people called Narfs, who want to help mankind solve their problems. Standing in the way is their lack of sense of meeting people and a solo grass dog, but also the rules of being eaten by one of Gandalf's eagles. Ok... Now we know that if you look too deeply into most fairy tales, you'll find plenty of problems within the logic and that's fine. However, that is not what this jackass is trying to get us to not do. He tries to put forward some moral about man's desire to destroy itself without some sort of altruistic outside influence as a vehicle to change. What he succeeds in, is to say that he is the greatest story-teller ever to live and if you feel differently you should be eaten by a monster green monster. Then there's his martyrdom. He plays a character in the film who is the object of the Narf's musing. This person will change the world via his book. It will be read by the future leader of the world, thus inspiring him to make mankind peaceful and prosperous. Yet at no point does he make an attempt to declare what is contained within his "The Cookbook". His only reference to its content is "Its got things about leaders and governments and society and stuff". THIS is the words of the greatest storyteller according to himself. What an asshole. Aside from his giant ego and his complete hatred for anyone that critiques his work and doesn't worship it, this movie is crap. It's shot poorly, breaks its own rules constantly, has a terrible performance by Paul Giamatti, and conflicting character motivations. It also has a mermaid who has no pants, Ariel's treasure cave, gorilla/ent hybrids, and an apartment complex that was built next to Sherwood without a parking lot. Despite all that lunacy it's terribly boring, hugely unfunny and well worth avoiding.

"Don't do down that path, yah", the strange drunk man with dubious ambitions said to the new residents. Later he would take them on a wondrous adventure to bury a kitty-cat that he himself murdered. It was the strangest thing that week until the dead son came back as Little Lord Fauntleroy with super-powers. Pet Sematary&nbsp;is just another in a long line of Stephen King movies that raked in the cash but not one theater attendee bothered to pay attention to what was happening on screen. The entire plot is bananas (and falls squarely into "the idiot plot") but that's the least biggest draw for fans of our show. It's all the elements around the plot, ie. the truckers who are clearly trying to break speed records, the undead cat that is just like any other cat, Gage acquiring super-powers upon being reanimated and that the family never asks "Who the hell is this Judd Crandall guy anyways?" It's a beautiful disaster and truly pushes the boundaries of bad movie laugh-ability with horrific tragedy. I mean, think about it. You are laughing at a child getting ran over - the worst possible thing that could ever happen. Yet the movie is so bad and the production is so crap that you are laughing.... during the worst thing ever. That is one hell of an achievement in bad film-making. Hell even Tommy Wiseau didn't do that. Brain ghosts, strange accents, random maid suicide, magical beaver dams, open areas that echo with magic briefly, funeral fist-fights, The Ramones, evil dead babies who like "Puttin' on the Ritz" and zombies who just knock over things. This is a top-tier stinker. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Child's Play 2 - Showtime Child's Play 3 - Showtime Ghoulies II - Epix

Here's a fun concept. Let's put together a film with heavy sci-fi elements and themes in the vein of&nbsp;Twilight Zone and mash it together with a poorly motivated romance and have John Travolta stare at trees for the majority of it. That sounds like punishment. Guess what though? It killed it. The box office loved this film despite the critics apprehensions. Flocks of people wanting to see some feel goodie type jobbers fled to the theater thinking that John Travolta was making a huge comeback (it was over 2 years later) and that he was good at acting as he did great at looking confused in&nbsp;Pulp Fiction.&nbsp; That's neat and all but here's the deal with this film. It's a continuous set of missed opportunities to be something truly good. It seems that a writer had a fantastic concept in a man given super-powers and then can accomplish nothing with them but have his life ruined by them and a pariah to his former neighbors. That's good stuff. However, the studio clearly stuck their damn noses in and said, "Well we need to have an hour of it be taken up by a romance. That'll get the ladies involved." In this case they were right when it came to cash, but relegates this film to the folks at Stinker Madness to expose it's flaws. So now you've got this romance crammed into a sci-fi film in post-writing. Now I just saw&nbsp;Passengers&nbsp;(Pratt, Lawrence - 2016) and it is very much a love-story set against a sci-fi space travel story and it's quite well done. Romance/sci-fi mashups CAN happen and be good. However, it needs to be part of the concept and writing from the start. This didn't happen here and this romance starts to fall apart before it even gets going. Their relationship does not have a point B in it. There's A) where she is not interested and then C) she loves him. When did that happen? Oh yeah we were trying to tell a different story during the usual B).&nbsp; Beyond that, the film is quite stupid and falls victim to the idiot plot thanks to Travolta's George being a true idiot and Robert Duvall's Doctor of Town not ever looking at a medical chart. Then there's the reveal of the source of his super-powers and completely defeats the entire moral that the film has tried to establish beforehand.&nbsp; It's not good and not worth revisiting. Stay clear of all but the most bold.

We wrap up our Spooktober with a staple from a staple franchise and one of the strangest big box office horror films ever made. This is just a strange film starring "Jason" with lots of head choppins, boobs and a cast of some pretty unusual characters. So Jason V is one weird film and frankly astounds that it ever frightened anyone...even children. It's seriously gentle in its horror, the plot is not frightening, Jason is not intimidating, and the gore is pretty mild. The MPAA really didn't help out this film at all as it's seriously cut down. None of it lines up, of course, with any one who cares about continuity or character motivations. The killer doesn't know how revenge works. The hero doesn't know how idolatry works. The film-makers don't know how enchiladas work. It's stunny how little anything works. BUUUUTTT....that's not why you come to a Jason movie, right? You come for the gore and boobs. Well there's boobs in this one...but the gore is incredibly mild. Most of the deaths occur off-screen and there are only a couple not-worthy ones that still fail to execute fully. So its disappointing there. However, there's still enough here that isn't part of the Jason staples to show up for. The entire plot and setting is super weird. The cast of characters is simply mind-bending and the single greatest scene in the Friday franchise appears here...in a metal shitbox. Not great, but still a good revisit.

Cat people. It's a movie about cat people. Written by horror master, Stephen King, it's arguably the most comedic horror film ever made. You thought Dreamcatcher was rife with errors...buckle in, folks. Sleepwalkers is absolutely bananas. We'll just say right now that this is a must-do film for fans of crummy movies. It's a laugh riot. For instance, let's just put it out there that the chief action star of this film is a house cat, named Clovis. Clovis rivals Chuck Norris, Schwaz, Stallone and Van Damme in the pantheon of 90s action stars. I'm not joking. So the film is basically about these cat people-- Ancient Egyptian people that have no origin but all of the superpowers (teleportation, telekinesis, invisibility, shape-shifting, invulnerability, immortality) and one of the most dumb weakness of all, allergic to cats. They are cat-people (half-people, half-cat) and their one weakness is cats?!?! Right. So if you've got a plague of cat-people in your town, if you don't have a Clovis, supercop, you're screwed I guess. So the plot's dumb. Check! Then there's the elements. The makeup is awful. The action is ludicrous (see Clovis). The cameos are constant. The dialogue is atrocious (Perlman - "It's a Polish Fire Drill!" when someone steps in a bear trap). And the effects are... well... a clinic on how not to do effects (with the exception of one great morph effect when the Mustang transforms into a Trans Am). Also, that Trans Am is seriously bitchin'. It's one of Jackie's best picks of the entire series of our show.&nbsp;Sleepwalkers&nbsp;is a MUST-DO film. Fantastic. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Curse of Chucky - Netflix Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master - $2.99 on Amazon Prime Ghoulies - Epix

It's a film that really can't figure out what it is trying to accomplish, other than showing some weather-related destruction and Gerard Butler talking out the side of his mouth. It's arguably the most anticipated stinker of 2017, does it hold up? As you can guess, science goes completely out the window in this one. The very first we see is that a weather controlling space net launches missiles into a storm above New York. Missiles. So the destruction of NYC by missiles is worse than the storm. Nice work. Follow that with space station hallways that are made of doors that only lead to space, frozen people who don't thaw out in the sun, wasting an entire shuttle launch to send 1 guy into space, the list goes on and on. While this thing is VERY hot once it gets going, the initial 30 minutes do drag a little. It isn't until the movie's title is uttered does this thing turn into electric shit. So be warned on the beginning. Once things turn into banana town, it's incredibly awesomely stupid. The disasters are so fantastic and complete bullshit that even Roland Emmerich is stunned. Then there is the entire plot (which qualifies as the idiot plot) and Ed Harris lack of understanding of geography. Supplement that with Mike Banning being played by (HOT!!!) Abbie Cornish, Mark Ruffalo's little brother's imposter, President Andy Garcia, Executive powers that include teleportation and tracking device bypassing and the last hour of Geostorm are an absolute absurd blast.&nbsp; Well done Dean Devlin and Gerard Butler. For us at Stinker Madness, we want more!

It was one of the biggest horror movies of the 2000s and created an entire style of film-making on the cheap for such studios as The Asylum and Blumhouse. So that should mean its good, right? Wrong. Saw stinks on ice. Happy 300th episode to us, I guess. Where to begin with the problems of the film? Well lets actually start with a compliment. It only cost $1.2 million. Could they have used the money more wisely to make a better film and still raked in the cash? Absolutely.&nbsp; First there is Cary Elwes, who astounds at his lack of nomination in the Razzie awards. Rest assured, when we get our time machine built and right the wrongs of crappy movie award history, Mr. Wesley will be getting a big ol' SMABFA for either best or worst bad actor. He stinks. Then you've got Danny Glover working in mostly ADR in his usual befuddled whisper talk. It's a shame the two didn't get more screen time together because wow...So the acting is atrocious. Then there is the story. Oh wait. Sorry. I mean the concept. There is no story. Just a concept of two guys stuck in an icky bathroom with a mystery to solve and limited tools to do so. That sounds nice in concept but then you've got to write something around it, otherwise you'll little film will be only 15 minutes long. However, what they packed around this thing is pure garbage. The killer's only motivation is.... nothing. Truly nothing. He has brain cancer and Cary Elwes character told him about it. So even if he had done so without bedside manner, why the hell did he murder all those other people who have no connection to anything. I'll tell you the connection. Why bother writing consistently when you can crank it out in an hour and not have the majority of people notice. Then there's the worst cop ever in Danny Glover's Tapp. If police of the world were like this, crime would run rampant as there would be no judge in the world that would allow any evidence this moron collects to be admissible. Then he ends up getting overpowered by a feeble hospital orderly who weighs 1/2 as much, is a foot shorter, just got whipped by a suburban mom and has a damn pair of scissors in his leg. WTF? Lastly and most painfully, the film is impossibly boring. There is so much flashback and broken narrative to try to establish some context to the concept that gets mixed up, jumps timelines, has no perspective and still doesn't make any sense which is common in crappy films but this one delivers its inane ramblings via jumpy camera work, shakey editting, Rob Zombie style editing and the general post production distraction dumpy studios try to make to hide their awful film. Not a good movie Made the worst style of horror telling for the next 10 years Painfully boring Yup, this box office smash stinks. Check out the trailer for the new&nbsp;Jigsaw&nbsp;film and let us know what you think of the music:&nbsp;https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcb68kAOvt4 Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Bermuda Triangle w/ Rifftrax - Amazon Prime Cult of Chucky - Netflix The Worst Witch - YouTube

A baked potato (and Fox News Russian Expert) puts on a bunch of stupid shirts and tries to sell us how much of an action-man he is by having a body double fill in for the entire movie. Also there is a wizard who helps fight terrorism and monks? We don't know. Belly of the Beast is arguably among the worst of the action genre. What's the 1 thing you need to get right in an action movie? Well that one thing goes quite askew here. The fight scenes are so laughably bad. And yet as bad as the action is (and by bad we mean GREAT!) it isn't the only reason to show up here. Its such a strange production. Take this, the film skirts around nudity for 95% as if its PG-13 yet has incredibly gratuitous&nbsp;nudity in one topless scene where it appears a topless woman has a disappearing ink treasure map on her chest. And no, there is no treasure in this movie. So weird. The dubiousness of putting a wizard into a Steven Seagal movie is one of the strangest decisions we have seen. It just doesn't fit at all and culminates in one of the greatest dumb climaxes in DTV film.

Imagine a film where the biggest idiot you could ever find is the lead, make him do a ton of steroids, be a general dickbag to his co-workers and then DOUBLE HIM!!! In typical Cannon Group tradition, this movie is what you call, "not good", yet also "completely unbelievable". It is beyond the realm of standard imagination and can only come from breaking through the doors of perception, AKA doing a ton of coke. From concept to final cut, there's no way you can do a good job here. And that falls fully on the muscly shoulders of the Barbarian Brothers. These two idiots... I can't even describe them. I'm empty on words. I guess the best that can be done is that the Jersey Shore invades a swords and sandals movie. They are terribly unlikable in either form or character. However, if you can get past how much you hate these two and appreciate them for being the worst pair in cinematic history, well... you're in for a good time. There's terrible effects and practicals, lead by a penis-dragon that doesn't just appear to be a penis but also behaves like one, the dangerous stunts, lead by getting ran over by horses, the silly costumes and hair, lead by a donut hair cut, and the nonsensical plot. At no point does it work but put together as a whole (insert donut joke) it's pure stinker magic.

Once again we try to "go into the internet" by revisiting a film from the early 90's where people didn't understand how computers worked. This one delivered to us by stinker-staples Jeff Fahey and Pierce Brosnan in this NOT Stephen King adaptation. The Lawnmower Man when it came out was beloved and believed to be a great film by 12-year-olds. It no longer holds that majesty. This movie stinks. From all angles, most notably the special-effects and its dubious knowledge of how servers work. But notably as well is the acting from Jeff, Pierce and Dean Norris (of Breaking Bad fame and one hell of a Twitter follow). The plot (as usual with Stephen King related business) is pretty all over the place and doesn't make any sense. Toss in that it's not based on Stephen King's work at all and you've got people just trying to say a thousand different things and trying to achieve a thousand different film motifs. You've got cybernetic super-chimp Universal Soldiers, playing God with science, bullies, omnipotence, super-powers, magic just being a form of science, corporate greed, and war for profit. All those items get bungled together with the completely dumb story-telling. So nice try guys. While we cannot in good conscience recommend the "Director's Cut" version that we watched, we definitely recommend a riff-session with the original cut of The Lawnmower man. It's got too much banana-business and incredibly dumb points that it's a great revisit....when it's 108 minutes. Streaming Do's and Don'ts No Retreat, No Surrender w/ Rifftrax - Amazon Prime Krampus - HBO Now Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II w/ MST3K - Netflix

With a deep stinker cast and the classic script-writing of Larry Cohen, we've got all the elements for an amazingly awesome bad movie. Robert Z'Dar becomes a murderous Frankenstein in pretty nonsensical plot with lots of action and bad acting to boot. In a double plot of framing another cop for murders (without any evidence) and trying to kill the Mayor (who doesn't have a role) and the Commissioner (Richard Roundtree), Maniac Cop fails to achieve both of these things. It also fails to tell a full story. If a story consists of a beginning, a middle and an end, this film appears to be only the middle. The beginning of the story is only told briefly in exposition and a tiny flashback of hardly any new knowledge and then the end of the film appears to be a setup for just the next scene...that doesn't come. It's also pretty difficult to define exactly what Maniac Cop is, not the movie but the character. Is he undead? Or is he just so brain-damaged that he's immune to death? If he's undead, is he a zombie? What the hell is he? Well we figure it out but we're gonna make you listen to the podcast to find out what Maniac Cop actually is. Laurene Landon paves the way as the best bad actress of the year as she struggles to deliver a single line. It's not really her thing though...the acting. So we'll forgive her as she's arguably the biggest riff opportunity of the film. It's got ups and its got downs, slow pacing and fast action. Which may not work for all (one reviewer, Sam, barely gave it a do) but its loaded with enough stinky goodness for all.

Our Patreon page is now up! If you'd like to support the show, take a moment to visit. Become a Patron Some brainiac from Fox at one point, thought that making a sequel to Speed, take out Keanu, make 1/3 of it about failed marriage proposals, toss in the "idiot plot", and ADR every horrible dad joke you could possibly come up with. Speed 2 is a horrible, terrible, not enjoyable film. What a horrible awful experience. None, none, none of it works. The effects, the acting, the action, the comedy, the romance, the music, the writing, the directing...none of it. It has zero redeeming qualities. That's a rare thing were not one person does their job. It is notable for how much money they stuffed in the toilet. They spent way too much making this movie. If you can find a way to make the scene more expensive, they did it. From the daily rental of the cruise ship, to the helicopter fly over shots, the explosions, the early CGI, the overly elaborate crash scene at the end....endless tossing of money on stupid ideas. Speed 2 is a complete waste of time and isn't viewable by anyone nor for any reason. Avoid this film. It sucks.

Jim Belushi and John Ritter team up in a screwball comedy about the CIA's top agent enlisting a mild-mannered insurance salesman in order to bring a glass of water of extra-terrestrials to save the world. With a plot like that, what could go wrong? Well...millions of things. But none of those things happen here. This is buddy-cop comedy perfection. Sometimes movies need to be revisited to know that film-goers blew it when the film was in theaters. Sometimes we talk about those films and their reputation as crummy-movies. We call those episodes, "Bad Movies Debunked" and this is one such movie. It's got your classic motifs that could be found in a bevy of crummy stinkers - aliens, trannies, shootouts, the Russians, Jim Belushi, John Ritter, you know...the usual. HOWEVER, something epic happened while making this film and people without major talent put it all together and delivered. Jim is hilarious with his dead-pan straight man and top CIA agent and Ritter's transformation from bumbling joe-schmo to tough-in-training is too much fun. The writing is crisp, the jokes are delivered like a piping hot pizza, the chemistry of the buddies is top notch and it just gets sillier and sillier. This is a movie for all lovers of goofballery.

Special Guest Comedienne Ronny Pascale of the&nbsp;SH*T Show: The PoopCast stops by to give us insight on how a zombie horde can effect the amount of doo-doo in your undies. Be sure to check out Ronny (on Twitter https://twitter.com/ronnypascale)&nbsp;and the SH*T Show (on Soundcloud &nbsp;https://soundcloud.com/shttshow) for a ton of laughs! Hey remember that time that Louisville, Kentucky was overrun by party zombies, nuked and then became even more overrun by zombies? Yeah us neither but this is a true story! At least the film says it is. True or false, this film shows that the living dead in the 80s can be just as much fun as your average group of teens who like sitting around a cemetery. Party!&nbsp; Return of the Living Dead&nbsp; is a rare and special kind of film. While being a straight up zombie movie, it breaks through the cliche's and genre staples to have a wild and fun time. The comedy is top notch and the almost Zucker Bros style of introspection on the genre is appreciated. Combine those eliminates with dripping 80s motifs, a killer soundtrack, amazing practical effects and stellar performances by the cast and this is a can't miss film. James Karan steals the show as the bumbling, but likable Frank. His over-acting is wondrously entertaining and should have birthed a career of this character for him. Frank is just one half of a duo (alongside Thom Matthew's Freddy) that could have spawned one of the most beautiful onscreen friendships, but sadly they were turned into zombies. Then there's Clu Gulager (say it with me) and Don Calfa's Burt and Ernie who try to steal the show as well. There's a lovable gang of punks showcased by the naked for 90% of the film Linnea Quigley (see Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers) who draws up one of the most memorable scenes of on screen nudity for the entire decade. It's silly, goopy, sexy, and chock full of riffable moments.&nbsp;Return of the Living Dead&nbsp;is a hallmark film in any genre, but takes the cake in the over-saturated genre of the zombie. Whether you like zombies or not, it is a film that you will enjoy.

When it comes to vanity pieces that are made by the inept, Fateful Findings leads the rest in insanity. This is the model for a really, really, so bad its good movie. Thank you Neil Breen for giving us this travesty to film-making! This movie...wow. Nothing, nothing, nothing makes any lick of sense or resembles reality. Not even the idea of the film makes sense. How many plots can fit in one movie and how do you even come up with any of them? Even the shirts worn in this thing don't make sense. There is just too much insanity to describe. Neil Breen stars, directs, produces, writes, edits, et al. He does so many things in the making of this film that he even tried (TRIED) to disguise all the things he did (including catering & casting) in the credits but then tells us that he disguised the credits. What mind does these things? He's brilliant. I'm sorry Wiseau, you're a lot of fun, but Neil Breen is the true auteur of insane vanity. We won't discuss any plot points but here's some highlights of the "content" - magic? ghosts? astral projection? conspiracy? marital issues? teleportation? lost loves? murder? kidnapping? government coverups? wizards? transcendentalism? laptop destruction? Now why all the questions marks? Because we honestly have no idea if any of these things are actually in the film. It's that much of a mind job. Then there is the least sexy sex. Imagine Tommy Wiseau's sex scene in the Room. And then imagine a film that makes that scene look like a Vivid Ent. production. We are convinced that Neil Breen doesn't know how genitals work. We can't praise this film enough. It is immediately thrust into the discussion of greatest bad movie of all time and is a MUST When it comes to vanity pieces that are made by the inept,&nbsp;Fateful Findings leads the rest in insanity. This is the model for a really, really, so bad its good movie. Thank you Neil Breen for giving us this travesty to film-making! This movie...wow. Nothing, nothing, nothing makes any lick of sense or resembles reality. Not even the idea of the film makes sense. How many plots can fit in one movie and how do you even come up with any of them? Even the shirts worn in this thing don't make sense. There is just too much insanity to describe. Neil Breen stars, directs, produces, writes, edits, et al. He does so many things in the making of this film that he even tried (TRIED) to disguise all the things he did (including catering &amp; casting) in the credits but then tells us that he disguised the credits. What mind does these things? He's brilliant. I'm sorry Wiseau, you're a lot of fun, but Neil Breen is the true auteur of insane vanity. We won't discuss any plot points but here's some highlights of the "content" - magic? ghosts? astral projection? conspiracy? marital issues? teleportation? lost loves? murder? kidnapping? government coverups? wizards? transcendentalism? laptop destruction? Now why all the questions marks? Because we honestly have no idea if any of these things are actually in the film. It's that much of a mind job. Then there is the least sexy sex. Imagine Tommy Wiseau's sex scene in the Room. And then imagine a film that makes that scene look like a Vivid Ent. production. We are convinced that Neil Breen doesn't know how genitals work.&nbsp; We can't praise this film enough. It is immediately thrust into the discussion of greatest bad movie of all time and is a MUST WATCH. It's a stop what you're doing and watch this film.&nbsp; One note on the below ratings on Riffability. We have to give it a 0 when viewing it for the first time. It's just to insane to mock because it will melt your brain and turn you into an organ donor. Eventually it will become a 5 on Riffing but it will take you probably four viewings to get past the deconstruction of your mind.

Conan rides through your screen once again but this time he's named Kalidor and he's not the main character. Instead, a non-action star shows us what non-action looks like in the least adventurous adventure movie ever made. Swords &amp; Sandals? Check. Visual Valium? You betcha. I don't know how this movie stinks so bad. It has your typical lady-hero plot of sword &amp; sandal genre staples. Revenge for burning down the village. Ok. Wait, the villain burned down the village for subtle lesbian motivations? Wow, that sounds super hot. Well....it's not. This is "walking around" the movie. Look, Frodo &amp; Samwise walk to Mordor for a vacation from paradise and you can't take your eyes off it. Here, the entire world is about to be destroyed by cracking apart (again because of a jilted lesbian) and you can't keep awake. For the most part, this is the fault of two people: 1) Dino De Laurentiss and 2) Brigidette Nielsen. Dino edited forced this turd out because he apparently couldn't get anything made that didn't involve Conan. And then Nielsen's terrible line delivery and even worse sword-fighting. The entire time she looks like she's afraid of the script (with good reason) and her sword hitting her in the face. This is not an action lady, folks. See Geena Davis in Cutthroat Island for more realistic stunts. Blech. So long story short, this is just folks walking around. At best this is fun only because of the incredibly dubious plot, the fantastic matte-work, and the bonkers costumes and set design. Hope you don't like things happening in a film!

When you really need to make a sequel to the worst sequel ever made (Cannonball Run II) you better not call it Cannonball Run III. Instead call it Cannonball Fever (where you legally can), get the folks from SCTV and let Jamie Farr make an appearance. Add fast cars and hijinks. Shake and then serve. The primary reason you want to come into this film is for the fast cars and ridiculous shenanigans when you mix cars and comedy. Well, this one delivers that in spades. From the very get go there are banana-stunts with cars all set to a comedic backdrop. See a Countach skip across a lake, see a BMW 5 series jump 30 feet, see a Jaguar XJS fly - really, really fly. We'll save the most insane stunt for the viewers at home but it involves a commercial airliner. While there are some serious duds for jokes here and there, there is legitimately good comedy here. The SCTV folks knew how to script a great joke about society and morals. You can see the difference between the chauvinism and grab ass comedy of the Burt Reynolds/Dom Deluise vision of the Great Gumball Rally to the mild, awkward comedy of John Candy and Eugene Levy. Speed Zone is a true gem of using a tight budget and spending it very wisely. This seems like they had $10 million to spend but in reality it was closer to $1 million. A great cast, lots of cameos, ridiculous stunts and laugh after laugh makes the illegitimate child of the Cannonball Run franchise a great view. Do it!

Special Guest - Joe Fulgham (Caustic Soda, The Dreaming, Onlightened) returns after our American Ninja episode and brings his Canadian goodness to the podcast with all his wit! Find Joe and all he does: You can find more on Joe and his projects at MoteofDust.com and follow him on Twitter @joefulgham When you are completely out of original ideas and need to have your own extended universe (because the other guy's have one), just take whatever licensed property you have and make a movie about it. Don't worry about whether the movie is a good idea or not, or if people will even care. Just make it. Worry 'bout all that stuff later. WRONG! Battleship is arguably one of the worst decisions made by men is ties. Deciding to make a movie based off one of the most boring board games (the kind that makes you quite playing all board games) and THEN chuck $200 million at it, will not pay off. With the stupid concept aside, Battleship is really poorly done. The plot is awful, the motivations are awful and the acting is especially terrible. The lead (Tayler Kitsch) is not only a terrible character but he can't get a line right. Then you've got all the non-actors surrounding them that make Rihanna look like she's Meryl Streep. Beyond that the primary problem with Battleship is that the front-end is atrociously un-entertaining. The entire first half of this film is just establishing how much of a butthole that Tayler Kitsch's character is. Seriously. The aliens that do battle with ships, don't show up on Earth until minute 54! Minute Freaking 54! Then the game of Battleship doesn't even begin until 1 hour and 30 minutes! Blech. So with that, the last 45 minutes is a lot of fun and if the film had just been that stuff, we might have really enjoyed this film. Yet, unfortunately, that is not the case - the front half ruins this film completely and we have to give it a very tough - do not.

A French director, named Just Jaeckin, gives us a serious boobie movie with Tawny Kitaen, Brent Huff, and Zabou in which they find the land of the Yik Yak, an underground future society of topless women. Its got our record for the highest boob count to date! Well imagine a movie where there's about 100 different topless women. So I know you can just stop and be happy with that. But there's so much more to this film than a cavalcade of hot cans. Brent Huff plays a rogue named Willard (more of the name of a local weatherman, than a movie hero), who is a supreme butthole. This guy is pretty hard to like as a person. If you've listened to the episodes of the show for Tom Boy or Teen Witch, you'll understand the level of douche the 80's pervade. Willard takes the cake. What a complete and total horrible human that we are later told by the film that he's just got a rough surface. Oof. Then there's Tawny. She is gloriously awful in this movie. She can't act her way out of a paper bag. And her character is also your typical 80's lady archetype were said douche, Willard, does awful things to her and she thinks he's dreamy. Yet then there's her action and her topless scenes. Wait what? Tawny Kitaen is topless in this? Oh yeah and it's worth the 30 year wait I had to endure to have a good look and that lady on top of that car in "Here I Go Again". Zabou and the surrounding cast are all fantastic with endless silly scenes. Then surround them with one of the most outlandish settings, WTF plot, banana dialogue, and horrendously hokey action sequences (see Human Chariot Races). We loved it and you will too!

Sho Kosugi makes his return for a second week in another oddball ninja movie where Sho plays a guy named "Ninja" but doesn't actually operate as a ninja. Instead he's a member of an elite force of anti-terrorism and drug trafficking controllers alongside Brent Huff and Emilia Crow. Hope you enjoy murder! While still technically a ninja film, this is basically a buddy-cop movie with super agents instead of cops. The dynamic between the three members of DART (especially Kosugi and Brent Huff) is one of having a great time killing bad guys and seducing women. Lots of winks & guns and head shaking while the other struggles to dispatch villains. The chemistry works (despite all voices being dubbed) and is good for a laugh at each point. Imagine Andy Sidaris directing a ninja film (even though he kind of did). Then there is the team of outlandish villains showcased by Blackie Dammett (fun fact: the father of Anthony Kiedis, yes THAT Anthony Kiedis) and Colonel HoneyHump (Regina Richardson). Blackie's Alby the Cruel is one of the silliest and neurotic nazi ever portrayed in film and is hilarious. Next to him stands HoneyHump who appears to be the toughest hot mercenary leader of a Hell Squadesque all female troupe of short-pants wearers. Recruited about halfway through the film comes in Rahji (Sonny Erang) who is part-caveman, part Jaws of James Bond fame and only has one line, "Heh heh heh". All three are completely ridiculous and make for show-stealers. We could have got a lot more of all of them. The action is bananas, Sho's cadre of ninja weapons are bonkers, their methods of defeating baddies is ludicrous (including tearing off bikini tops and seducing hookers), and the general-having-a-good-timing of the DART team make this one of Sho Kosugi's best films despite the outright fact that all of them are brilliant.

When you want to have a freelance cop go outside of his jurisdiction to take down a drug-lord, you better make sure he's a ninja. Just make sure you never address how he became a ninja or address him as such. Its not fair to the other DEA agents to have a ninja in their ranks. If you're down with a cop/ninja killing lots and lots of people without determining if they are a) bad, b) part of the plot or c) posing any threat to life or property, well this is a film for you. If you're down with various forms and iterations of any cliche' bad guy ever, this film is for you. If you like your lead to speak in unintelligible mumbles and your villain to pronounce words and names in a form you can't understand, this film is for you. Let's face it, this film is for you. This film is one of the most over-the-top action movies we've ever reviewed. Some highlights: sticking a gun in someone's butt, physics defying shuriken, flips over bad guys, using your friend as a explosion shield, ninja-twins, indigenous people genocide, grappling hook bridges, arrow catching, bamboo-booby-traps, saw blades, rusty nails, commando-ninjas, teamsters, farmers, and tons of bonkers killings. We love this movie and think it's core Sho Kosugi movie magic and a must do for lovers of silly films. &nbsp;

Kids, remember that period of time before Nirvana and post The Clash? Well that period was a dark time we like to call "The Ice Age" and Vanilla Ice, the mind-child of men in ties, led the charge against good art. This film is a horrifying reminder of those awful days. It should be noted that we are not going to pick on Robert Van Winkle (Ice's real name). Any reference to how dumb Vanilla Ice is, will be reference to how stupid the men behind the image of Vanilla Ice were (record producers, MTV execs, publicists, etc.). During this film, we are told that Vanilla Ice is a street tough, ripped with muscles, knows what we call "Ice-Qwon-Do", and the ladies love him. In reality, he might weight 150lbs, has a farmer's tan, is a misogynist, doesn't know martial arts and he likes to hump people while rapping, man OR woman. You know, I don't think I can buy into this guy. While being a horrible pile of corporate garbage attempting to sell Vanilla Ice as a serious tough guy, Cool as Ice is just so dumb and hokey that it makes for a pretty enjoyable time. There are periods of hard to viewing, but they are few and far between. Even hard to view spots are deadly reminders of the historical mistakes humankind has made and therefore are required viewing. This is the film that must be preserved for history, lest we doom ourselves to repeat it. The plot is confusing, the misogyny is offensive but pretty unbelievable, the "Ice-Qwon-Do" is bonkers and the film-making is laughable. It's a pretty great time and shouldn't be missed by any fan of bad movies. It truly belongs in the IMDB Bottom 100.

When the people ask for a Top Gun sequel they get it! Only this one has NASCAR instead of fighter jets and Kelly McGillis gets to be replaced by the quite unhappy wife of the lead actor. Replace Tom Skeritt with a Robert Duvall and put him in a foot race with Tom Cruises and you've got Top Gun 2: Days of Thunder. While it's just a sequel to arguably the buttest of all movies, Days of Thunder is a lot more fun. It's super dumb, of course, and fairly low on action, it's still a whole lot of fun to riff with how piss poor the script is. It's all fun and games here but if you really think about any single event of this movie you can start punching about fifty holes into each scene. So while it stars Tom Cruises, who is despicable in 99% of his films, and Jerry Bruckheimer produced it (with Don Simpson), it's still a pretty fun time on the revisit. I would suggest getting some good riffers around you though when you do so. It's not great, but its clearly the best Jerry Bruckheimer movie we've reviewed.

When two men really don't like each other it's time to break the laws of medical science and do a face/off and then a face/on, while facing off. Inspiration demands much wiping of loved ones faces on, in case they get their faces blown off. So let's start out with the science of said face/swap. Nope, can't work. The movie explicitly tells us that Cage and Travolta's characters (Troy and Archer, respectively) have two different blood types. So the face wouldn't even stay on. The body would reject the swap and then you'd really have a face off....onto the floor. Hey try not to step on your face. Then there's the height difference, hair lines and color, body hair amounts, eye color, dental structure, weight gain/loss, shoe size and the most damning of all differences -- the ding dong. Mrs. Archer must be only boning him when she's lit up like a X-mas tree because she can't tell that he husbands winky has gone from 4 inches and dropping left to 5 inches and constantly erect. Nice. The sad thing about Face/Off is that there is really not as much action as people remember. There's only two sequences that are really actioney and they bookend an hour and half of not much happening action-wise. Good thing for the viewer is that during these slow points, Cage and Travolta are delivering some of the most outlandish acting we've seen this side of Wicker Man or Troll 2. They make a GREAT bad acting duo as they try to out over-the-top each other. It's chemistry, yes, and is the real draw for this film. While the action is too few and far between, the plot is so stupid and the acting is so terrible that Face/Off is a definite revisit champion. It's riffable, its hilarious on its own. It's a blast....off.

Madonna and Sean Penn take a romantic honeymoon for their doomed marriage by filming a doomed movie. Imagine Raiders of the Lost Ark without any adventure and Romancing the Stone without any romance. Now if one can come up with the plot thesis of this one, I'll give them a trophy. None of it makes a lick of sense. Character's motivations are dubious. Everyone's end game is devoid of existence. The best hypothesis we could make about this films plot doesn't work by the film's own rules. It's unfathomable. Sean Penn and Madonna were a good match. They both stink at acting. It's obvious that Madonna is terrible but hey guess what! Academy Award winning actor Sean Penn stinks just as bad. Don't misjudge me, that Mystic River is damn fine, but how this guy got a role after Shanghai Surprise is...well...a surprise. It's supremely offensive with arguably the worst sex scene that's ever happened. How you ask? Well it's double rape, plus sex bribery followed by love because of said rape and sex bribery. What? Holy crap that's offensive. Blech. Lots of wandering around, talking to various people for no reason and a lack of any adventure make this one a do not.

Welcome to Con Air, your number one airlines if you are super butt. Like Nickelback? You'll love Con Air. Like penis measuring? Con Air is your favorite. Think Jerry Bruckheimer is a good producer, kiss our collective ass. This movie sucks. The movie is about the impossible. Going to prison for a crime that you wouldn't get charged with, Cage's Alabama accent, his hair, the concept of the prison plane, Colm Meaney having a job, and the lack of geographical understanding. None of it works. The villain's plan doesn't make a lick of sense and the "good" guys plans don't help. Even Nic Cage's "Cameron Poe" breaks his own rules for the sake of "action". So we're big action fans. Does this movie have good action? Nope. Too much slow motion and shirtless guys trying to look cool. Does it have a lot of action? Nope. There's a disparaging lack of anything happening in this film. This is supposed to be a "roller-coaster ride". I remember roller-coasters being exciting for the entire time. This really only has two 10 minute actions sequences which amounts to 17% of the movie. If you went on a roller-coaster that only got up to speed 17% of the time, you probably wouldn't be thrilled. Then there's the music. It's wall to wall shit. If Nickelback had a baby with Toby Keith then you've got this soundtrack. Its inescapable. Take a look at Cage's hair and you can paint the three-chord guitar in your mind. It's fairly uneventful and completely moronic but it's worth checking out on a revisit ONLY for the sake of realizing how really really bad it is. Otherwise, you've got better things to do with your time.

When corporations that can't exist go to far, they anger Mother Nature. Her herald of corporate oversight, a 100 foot dinosaur shark and sexual innuendos! Can it possibly be the worst shark movie ever made? Shark Attack 3 is next to Troll 2 in the ensemble of horrible acting. Everyone stinks. Even Captain Jack Harness who has seen a splash of success can't get a line right without the audience giggling. His counterpart, Dr. Science Lips, is especially horrendous and only is defeated by the daughter in said Troll 2 in the can't act department. Show up for the bad acting, stay for the banana's shark. Then there's the shark. It should be noted that the main shark doesn't show up for quite a chunk of the film. Yet, when it does...boy howdy! If I described the megaladon's battle strategy, it wouldn't do it justice in righting. You have to see it to believe it, which can't be believed. Unfortunately for Shark Attack 3, there is just too many pieces of the film that take too long and nothing happens. It's pretty easy to fall asleep with the extended shots of people standing around looking for the shark. If it wasn't for the snooze sequences, this thing would be electric shit on fire. However, its too few and far between of anything happening that it just isn't that great. Still a do from us though.

Dom and the gang are back to wow theater audiences with "Over the Top: The Franchise" and doesn't disappoint in the bonkers business department. Everything is more, more, MORE!!! Let's put it this way. One member of the show risked peeing her pants because she couldn't miss a second of this film. One member jumped out of his seat and just said, "Fuck....." I was personally jumping up and down in my seat with glee. There's no excuse for the low reviews of this film...except for the main reason for the low reviews of this film....it's really stupid. The entire plot is so dumb, Dom is ridiculous, the action is insanely ridiculous. But here's the deal. ALL these films are that way. ALL of them. Yet you review them like their frickin' Grapes of Wrath! You loved 6 and 7, yet you have no love for this one, which is JUST the goddamn same! It's more of the same and that's what we wanted. You can't hate on this one without hating on all the others because your beefs apply to all of them. Quite being assholes! (I'm looking at you Matt Singer) It's not just action-packed, it's genuinely funny. The Rock steals the comedy show and even Tyrese doesn't scream "Punch ME!!!" throughout. Then there's the chemistry between the cast. Despite the drama with Vin and Dwayne, I'm not buying it. These people work well together and it shows on screen. I love these characters. They are a part of me. Please keep making these. Hollywood and at least 3 people with a bad movie podcast need them.

Its our third year anniversary and we are cranking out another episode where we recap the best bad movies we've seen in the last year. So happy anniversary to us and we look forward to another year of fine film choosing. This episode we each countdown our 4-1 picks, as well as our favorite movies of 2016. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Cry Wilderness - MST3K Season 12 - Netflix

Its our third year anniversary and we are cranking out another episode where we recap the best bad movies we've seen in the last year. So happy anniversary to us and we look forward to another year of fine film choosing. This episode we each countdown our 10-5 picks. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Reptilicus - MST3K Season 12 - Netflix

Its one of the worst box office flops that has ever existed and there's a reason for that. This movie stinks! But take some bad acting, bad action, terrible dialogue, and add in the "idiot plot" and you've got a great time ahead. Yo-ho, me scalped hardys! Let's get the most common complaint about this film - Geena Davis as action lady. Sure, she stinks. She's got no action ability and looks horrendously awful on screen. Her movements aren't fluid and come at you at about the pace of a turtle. Her action is lumpy. There's just no other word, lumpy. She can't get a line right either. But here's the deal...she didn't have a lot to work with here. The script is unbelievable. It's filled with cheesy one-liners, more than we've ever come across. It has more terrible one-liners than any Chuck Norris movie. Honestly. Then there's her (at the time) husband's direction. Michael Bay can do a better and more believable job. The action is so poorly put together and each shot has at least one glaring flaw in it.&nbsp; Yes, it flopped. Yes you maybe haven't seen it. But here's the deal. This is a classic. It easily qualifies in "the so bad its good" metric. Not many films at this chock full of dumb fun and we all loved it. Stop what you're doing and go watch this. Great for first timers or revisiters.

In our FINAL Prelude episode (that's right, you heard it), we pull out all the stops for Cutthroat Island. It's known to be one of the biggest flops of cinema history and a career-ender for everyone involved except for the director who is at fault more than anyone. The Wild Card from Justin - Pop Quiz, Hotshot (Pirate Edition) Q. Pirates pierced their ears, not to look cool. Why?A. Believed precious gems in their ears improved one's eyesight. Q. Why did pirates wear eye patches?A. To always have one eye adjusted to darkness to fight below deck in dark Q. Women pirates! Name one.A. Anne Bonny stole the REvenge with Jack Rackham and pirated until it was captured.&nbsp; &nbsp; Mary Read partnered with Anne Bonny&nbsp; &nbsp; Sayyida al Hurra ruled mediterreanean in early 1500s&nbsp; &nbsp; Jeanne-Louise de Belleville led three black with red sail ships called the BLack Fleet taking revenge against King Philip VI for killing &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; her husband.&nbsp; &nbsp; Ching Shih captured by pirates in 1801, then married their captain. When he died she took over the fleet of over 300 junks and 40,000 &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; men. Chinese navy lost 63 ships to them. Q. What was a pirates most popular form of crew punishment?A. Keelhauling - getting tied to the ship and dragged under, getting your skin torn off AND/OR drowning. Whhheeeee!!! Q. Describe the most deadliest of pirate flags?A. Red background with an hourglass on it. Meant give no quarter. The Wild Card from Sam - The Great Superpower Debate The Magneto of Food or Mind Chef - 7/10 stars (with a caveat of Jackie just being grumpy, this is a 10/10 if there ever was one) The Wild Card from Jackie - Would You Rather? Be stabbed the Last Unicorn or eaten by Clifford the Big Red Dog Drowning via Loch Ness Monster or Drawn and Quartered by Sasquatch Not worth going over..... Well that's it folks. Thank you for the years of listening to our prelude episodes. We'll still be doing the weekly main episodes with a few tweaks, but this will be better for you and us. We hope you enjoyed all the cold opens, the Wild Cards, the Sam's Boring Bullshits, the Streaming Do's and Don'ts and all the laughs along the way.

It's one of the crappiest movies ever to have such vast success. Thanks teenage girls. This movie is a whole lot of visual pain and my brain hurts from knowing how stupid it is. Get ready for some real crummy science! The science....just one time open a book. Just once! So many explosions in space. So much NASA looking completely stupid. Ugh. Moving on... Despite how bad the science is, it's really the most forgivable part of this turd. This film suffers from "The Idiot Plot", in which the plot of the movie can only exist if everyone in the story is a complete and total moron. NASA makes the big mistake of sending a cadre of morons into space instead of their astronauts, don't bother to come up with plan B, spend all their time dinking around with driller training, and also being in charge of all life on Earth. Nice. Then there's Bruce Willy and team, who we can forgive because, well....they're idiots. They shouldn't even be up there! Lastly, there's the acting and the dialogue. It's shit-inducing. Ben Affleck and Liv Taylor are the most nausea promoting couple that's ever existed. They drip with cheese and both deserve to be punched square in the mouth. Send these two into space and leave them there place. Bruce Willis isn't much better but it's hard to compete with the vomit couple.&nbsp; Too long, too stupid, and too cheesy gross to view. A truly joyless experience. Steer clear.

This week on the greatest podcast about bad movies, Sam decides to punish us for 2 1/2 hours with both Michael Bay and Bruce Willis' first appearance on the show. It's the "classic" teenage-girl loving mega-hit, Armageddon, in which a rock gets sploded by oil drillers. Prepare for some bad science!&nbsp; Streaming Dos and Don'ts The Colony - Netflix Mazes and Monsters - Amazon Prime Space Mutiny - Netflix (MST3K)&nbsp; The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate The Iron Foot - 7.25/10 stars

An endless troupe of soon-to-be-dead invade a protected jungle to achieve their cavalcade of ulterior motives set to the backdrop of civil war. There's also a talking trash-can, lasers, primacide, Reagan's Star Wars program, bad science, missiles, bad management and Ernie Hudson. It's time for some good ol' bonkers business. Congo&nbsp;from opening shot to final frame is a mass of nonsense. At no point in time does anything feasible or scientifically sound happen throughout. It's like they took the original script, sent it to Bizarro World, then brought it back and used that version. None of it makes any damn sense. Now, the biggie...Amy the gorilla. She stinks, I'm sorry Stan Winston. This is a talking trashcan or at best one of the members of the Chuck E. Cheese band. But she's probably the most likeable character in the film, so you got that going for you. Then there's the big three, Tim Curry, Joe Don Baker and Ernie Hudson. All are way over the top, like WAY over. Tim's "evil" is laughable, Joe Don's slobbering CEO is hilarious, and Ernie's crappy Lando Calrissian is fall out of your seat terrible. The rest of the rounders casting make ever less sense the plot. Dylan Walsh over Bruce Campbell? What? Congo is one hell of a dumb/fun time and we highly recommend it for the first time or a revisit.&nbsp;

Last year we made a hard decision that the classic Michael Crichton adaptation&nbsp;Congo was a must do for an episode and now we have reached the point where its time for such shenanigans. It's lasers, gorillas and greed and everything you want. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Gantz:O - Netflix Supersonic Man - Rifftrax - Amazon Prime Super Inframan - Amazon Prime The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Water Freeze Man - 8.75/10 Stars

When it comes to making a title that is indicative of the plot, well this one nails it. Take 33% LA noir detective business, 33% chainsaw murders and 33 1/3% dancing topless hookers and you've got one of Fred Olen Ray's masterpieces. Hard to not love this blast o' laughs. HCH (to save time) is hilarious...and quite intentionally. It's the opinion of this writer that Fred Olen Ray could have easily linked up with the Zucker Brothers and Jim Abrahams. If only he had been involved during Jane Austen's Mafia. It may have not been the turd that it was. There's plenty of slapstick and parody that keep the viewer focused on the jokes more than the huge boobs (which is quite the achievement). Then there's the cast. Wowie. Its a cavalcade of silly performances mixed with killer comedic timing that really take this movie about boobs from a late-night wankfest into a 90% on Rottentomatoes.com. Linnea Quigley, John H. Richardson, Michelle Bauer, and Dukey Flyswatter (Michael Sonye) kill in front of the camera and put on a clinic of how to make a low-budget movie one heck of of a great time. It should also be noted that friend of the program, Christopher Olen Ray, appears as Kid at Bar, who gives the lead quite the snark while enjoying a fancy martini in a dingy "get stabbed" strip joint. Standing ovation. HCH cannot be missed by any fan of the genre and shouldn't be missed by the majority of film fans. It's up there with&nbsp;Hell Comes to Frogtown&nbsp;in low budget and exceptional pieces of art. Bravo Fred.&nbsp;

Jackie brings in the first Fred Olen Ray film in that old tale of hookers on a hellbent rampage with some nasty chainsaws and lots of boobies. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Deathrace 2050 - Netflix The Pumaman - MST3K - Netflix or YouTube&nbsp;OR without MST3K on YouTube The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Couple's Edition Tarzan and Jane Barney and Betty Rubble Joker and Harley Quinn

Matt Damon and Oberyn Martell find themselves in the middle of the Battle for Helm's Deep with an Elven army posing as Chinese on one side and an horde of Orcs posing as aliens on the other. Yep...aliens. Our front runner for dumbest film ever made. The plot of&nbsp;The Great Wall is easily the most poorly thought out plot since....well ever. Its dumber than&nbsp;Reign of Fire. It's dumber than&nbsp;Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.&nbsp;It's dumber than&nbsp;After Earth&nbsp;AND&nbsp;Lady in the Water&nbsp;AND&nbsp;The Happening combined. It can't be understated how dumb this film's plot is. The only way you can argue the logistics of this "war" between the Chinese and space dog-lizards is that both sides are complete morons. The entire thing goes that these space monsters flew across the expanse of space atop an asteroid that crashed into Earth. So their nasty and want to eat people...sorta. Well the Chinese aren't down with getting turned into poop so they built a 5,500 mile wall to keep these little bastards out. Out of what is yet to be determined. Now the other plot elements one must know:&nbsp; There's gajillizions of these monsters. There is no global damage to the Earth from the asteroid. They have three types of aliens: 1) Foot soldiers who are about the size of a great dane 2) Umbrella phalanx who use their head to make a shield and 3) the Queen who is about the size of an elephant. There's only 1 queen and she's the mothership from&nbsp;Independence Day,&nbsp;controlling the minds of all the other critters. The Great Wall is a 1,000 feet tall. There's plenty of people living on the alien side o' the wall. The bug-dogs only come out of their mountain cave once every 60 years. Once you find out about the existence of monsters you can never leave the Great Wall. The monster cave is just right over there from the main force of the Chinese Elven Army. Now... If the monsters fell to Earth on an asteroid and no damage was done to the Earth, we must infer that the monsters were either protoplasm and then evolved into this horde of gajillions OR only a few lived on the asteroid and the Queen is one hell of a breeder. BUT the movie tells us that this HUGE mass of gajillions came on the asteroid. Where did they fit? How did they survive entry into the atmosphere? How did they survive the impact? How did the Earth survive? Why would you want the monsters to be a closely held secret? Wouldn't you be like "Hey, uh...Europe...uh we got this problem..." Instead you can never tell. What the fuck? What the fuck are the aliens doing the rest of the time? What do they got going on for 60 years? And if they go dormant for 60 years, why wouldn't you walk down to their monster cave (that's also just right over there) and start murdering the shit out of them! And if they are just right over there and isolated to one geographical location, why in the FUCK didn't you just build the Wall in a circle around them?!?!? And because you're a moron and didn't trap them or murder them while they slept or bred or whatever the fuck it is they are doing inside their monster cave for 60 years, why wouldn't the lizard-bug-dogs just go down the wall a little ways, jump up (because they can I guess as must be inferred by one "action sequence") then run down the wall from either side of the Elven army and eat them while they are having some delicious General Tso 's chicken? Why in the hell are the monsters so interested in getting over the damn wall? I know that the film tells us that the Chinese myths say that they were sent to rid the world of man's greed and so they must eat the Chinese Emperor.... But really? There's tons of guys on their side of the wall. I'm sure some of them are greedy. Eat them! Aside from how dumb the plot is this film is well worth it for the incredibly bad action sequences, the horrendous dialogue and the wooden and confused performance from Matt Damon sporting a sometimes there Irish accent. It will have you cowering in your seat, while you giggle yourself to embarrassment at how awful it is. This flaming pile of lizard-dog crap is going to be tough to beat for Best Bad Movie of 2017.

We all lost a huge part of our show and entertainment in general in the passing of Bill Paxton. He was a one of a kind type of actor and while that may seem cliche to say in the wake of someone's death in Hollywood, we'll stand by it. Bill had a depth that few possess, taking roles as varied as the pyschotic Severen in&nbsp;Near Dark (and is the only reason to watch the movie) to the silly Matt Owens in (Slipstream) to the model for a douche in Simon from&nbsp;True Lies (and steals the comedic show from Arnold and Arnold) to the warm but frightened Fred Haise in&nbsp;Apollo 13. The guy could play anything.&nbsp; So with that in mind, we tackle the 1996 disasterooney of Twister. With all its cliches and tropes that run rampant in the disaster genre, can the immensely popular film stand up to 20 years of time since its release? Who is this Helen Hunt lady? How did Phillip Seymour Hoffman become a thing? Is that a flying cow? All this and more revealed in our podcast episode. Listen to it! Twister is WOW stupid. It falls into that mold of "these characters should have died in multiple instances but don't thanks to ludicrous writing". And they are all pretty blatant. One does not need to be a forensic scientist to understand that these people died multiple times. Pretty awesome stupid. The acting...wow. Bill and Helen Hunt do fine with their roles but EVERY single other actor blows at least one line, with Jami Gertz leading the crappy acting battle charge. It's hilarious. The action is fairly stupid and nonstop. In one sequence, the find themselves being chased down by a 'nado while being stuck in a ditch at 75mph. The chase ends in a head-on collision. Then there's the Dodge Ram. The most invincible vehicle ever built. Crap is flying all over the place at all times, the 'nados are monsters with sentience and a voice, and the heavy amount of 'nados in one day would imply that the Midwest is a desolate wasteland and completely unliveable (oh wait, that's true).&nbsp; The science is bad, the physics are bad, the invulnerability of humans and trucks are a staple, plot convenience abounds (where are they getting all these Dorothys?) and it never lets up. Go ahead and take a revisit of Twister and if you haven't seen it, stop what you're doing and check it out.

We get straight to weezin' the juice as a caveman gets called out for being, well...a caveman. It's that old story of boy meets girl, boy gets frozen in a glacier and then boy meets potheads and learns the wonders of the doobage. Encino Man is a movie that shouldn't be any fun at all. But it is. End of story. It has that strange ability to be not funny but fun throughout. It's outlandish, ridiculous, and stupid but never stops being a wild ride. What may not be overtly stated is that the movie tells us that the only way to not get murdered by a caveman and have a smooth transition for him into modern society is marijuana. There's no onscreen use of the pot but behind the scenes it's heavily implied. If you know anything about potheads and the things that surround them, you'll spot this pretty easily. Stoney (Pauly Shore) is the easy spot but those who know what I'm talking about will also recognize Dave (Sean Astin) as that straight-laced fella whose parents don't know he's into the weed. Need to seduce the popular girl and become prom-king? Dig a swimming pool by yourself with just a shovel. Potheads. So you find a caveman...and you put him in a shed with heaters so that he will thaw out....while you're at school. Potheads. Believe that the pile of melted ice in said shed means that the caveman melted along with the ice. Potheads. Believe that being friends with a caveman will make you popular at school and get the girl. Potheads. Even Dave's parents are potheads as evidenced by "Who is this caveman-looking-guy? And what's up with the house being trashed?" says mom. Dave's reply: "He's that exchange student I told you about." Mom: "Oh...ok I forget crap all the time!" Potheads. So much fun and shenanigans make&nbsp;Encino Man a great revisit from a popular film that shouldn't stand up to time but totally does. Check it out as soon as you can. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:Riffability: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

After weeks of pitching a fit, Jackie is subjected to a film she appears to be not much of a fan of. It's the story of a caveman frozen in ice for millennia only to thawed out in early 90's SoCal....what possibly horrors will he (or us) face in&nbsp;Encino Man?!?! The Stinker Madness Academy Award Special! We take a look at each of the films and share our meat and two bits with you! That makes this episode a bit on the long side but we had quite a bit to say about this years field. There will be spoilers so be careful! The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Sean Astin Brenden Fraser Pauly Shore

The hottest awards for bad films in 2016 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2016 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below. And the Nominees &nbsp;&amp; Winners are (winner in bold): Best Bad Movie - The Most Enjoyable Bad Movie London Has Fallen Gods of Egypt Nine Lives Independence Day: Resurgence Zoolander 2 Worst Bad Movie - The Least Enjoyable Bad Movie Mother's Day Warcraft Suicide Squad Xmen: Apocalypse Allegiant Best Bad Actor - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor Gerard Butler - Gods of Egypt Brent Spiner -&nbsp;Independence Day: Resurgence Gerard Butler - London Has Fallen Christopher Walken - Nine Lives Kevin Spacey - Nine Lives Best Bad Actress -&nbsp;Most Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor Margot Robbie - Suicide Squad Maika Monroe - The 5th Wave Vivica A. Fox - Independence Day: Resurgence Emily Blunt - The Huntsman: Winter's War Charlize Theron - The Huntsman: Winter's War MST3K Most Riffable - The easiest and most fun to make fun of film while viewing Gods of Egypt The 5th Wave Nine Lives Ben-Hur Independence Day: Resurgence Worst Bad Actor - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor Jared Leto - Suicide Squad Jesse Eisenberg - Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice Johnny Depp - Alice Through the Looking Glass Daniel Radcliffe - Now You See Me 2 Jeff Goldblum - Independence Day: Resurgence Worst Bad Actress - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor Jennifer Garner - Nine Lives Anne Hathaway - Alice Through the Looking Glass Jennifer Aniston - Mother's Day Kate Hudson - Mother's Day Cara Delevingne - Suicide Squad

USA Gold Medal magnet, Kurt Thomas, stars as John Cabot, a USA Gold Medal magnet/super secret agent/diplomat to strange lands. So he solo invades Parmistan, an absolutely insane country, to play "The Game" to get a satellite substation. Well that makes perfect sense! Gymkata is serious shenanigans. It could be argued that it's the most bonkers movie we've reviewed and definitely the most poorly thought out. While most might focus on the unawesome martial art that combines gymnastics and karate (which puts it in the Streaming Do's and Don'ts realm) the country of Parmistan is our focus. Parmistan is impossible. It can't work. How does diplomacy work? Do they have foreign trade? Is their military only made of ninja or are they more like the secret police? Is there a system of government besides the Khan? I personally believe that someone, probably Pakistan, would have bombed Parmistan back into the Stone Age, but Parmistan never got out of the Stone Age so I guess bomb them back to the times of the dinosaurs (they may also have dinosaurs). This is a really terrible movie. Sure, it's fun. But not fun in the usual manner. Take Megaforce for example. It's really bad but it's awesome. The action is awesome, the vehicles are awesome, the bad guy's awesome. It drips awesome. But Gymkata is the opposite. When Kurt Thomas fights guys using his special style it's quite not awesome. It's laughable at how dump it looks. If a child pretends to fight with Gymkata with their friends in the backyard, they are going to get beat up. It's a one way ticket to Bullytown. This is a so bad it's amazing material. SOOOOO bad. Great time.

This week on the podcast we gear up for one of the most notorious bad movies ever made and a hallmark of stupidity. When you need to invade a country that doesn't make any sense, send in an Olympic Gold Medalist! The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Immunity to negative drug side effects - 7.75 out of 10 stars The 2016 SMABFA Nominations Best Bad Movie The Huntsman: Winter’s War London Has Fallen Gods of Egypt Mechanic: Resurrection Nine Lives Zoolander 2 The Boy Independence Day: Resurgence Worst Bad Movie Mother’s Day Alice Through the Looking Glass Warcraft Now You See Me 2 Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Suicide Squad X-Men: Apocalypse Ghostbusters Allegiant Best Bad Actor Gerard Butler - &nbsp;Gods of Egypt Kevin Spacey – Nine Lives Gerard Butler - London has Fallen Jason Statham – Mechanic: Resurrection Brent Spiner – Independence Day: Resurgence Bill Pullman - Independence Day: Resurgence Chris Hemsworth - &nbsp;Huntsman: Winter’s War Christopher Walken – Nine Lives Worst Bad Actor Jared Leto - Suicide Squad Tye Sheridan – Xmen: Apocalypse Bill Murray – Ghostbusters Daniel Radcliffe – Now You See Me 2 Jeff Goldblum – Independence Day: Resurgence John Depp – Alice through the Looking Glass Jesse Eisenberg – Batman V Superman Best Bad Actress Emily Blunt - Huntsman: Winter’s War Charlize Theron - Huntsman: Winter’s War Jessica Alba – Mechanic: Resurrection Gal Gadot: Batman V Superman Margot Robbie - Suicide Squad Kristen Wig - Zoolander 2 Maika Monroe – 5th Wave Vivica A. Fox – ID4; 2 Penelope Cruz – Zoolander 2 Anne Hathaway – Alice through the Looking Glass Aubrey Plaza – Dirty Grandpa Worst Bad Actress Jessica Alba – Mechanic: Resurrection Kate McKinnon – Ghostbusters Jennifer Aniston – Mother’s Day Lizzy Caplan – Now You See Me 2 Kate Hudson – Mother’s Day Penelope Cruz – Zoolander 2 Cara Delevingne - Suicide Squad Anne Hathaway – Alice through the Looking Glass Mia Wasikowska - Alice through the Looking Glass Jennifer Garner – Nine Lives MST3K Riffibility&nbsp; Nine Lives Ben-Hur Mechanic: Resurrection Independence Day: Resurgence Batman V Superman Dirty Grandpa The 5th&nbsp;Wave Gods of Egypt Huntsman – Winter’s War

Roseanne gets "vengeance" upon a hubby-stealing romance novelist, by destroying her own life, abandoning her children, treating other's as pawns in her master plan, and exploiting the weak and trusting women in need that the films tells you she is freeing from oppression. This thing is a mondo-turd. I hate this movie. I'll make no apologies to start. It's not funny. It's infuriatingly preposterous and at no point can one sympathize or appreciate any of the characters. They are the "basket of deplorables" that I believe Mrs. Clinton was speaking about; politics aside, she just hated these three people. Let's start with the easy spots: Ed Begley's Bob and Meryl Streep's Mary. The viewer isn't supposed to like them. They are the antagonists with Bob being an emotionally abusive and cheating husband (with a side order of being a buffoon) and Mary, an egotistical, spoiled and sociopathic bitch (for lack of a better word). Sure, they're the bad guys. You shouldn't like them. But in a comedy, you should enjoy them. In this POS, the screen-time shared between Begley and Streep comes across as a poor impression of The Three Stooges (minus 1). "Wow, aren't they zany!?" said the producer. The audience responds by pissing on said producer's pants. Then there's ol' Ruth (Barr). Now she's had a rough go, right? Her husband's a twat, society told her that she's growdy and that darn Mary is just everywhere reminding her how inferior she is. So instead of taking a stand and defending herself against the offenses of her environment she plays along. She takes these punches and even stands by her cheating husband saying "He'll get bored of Mary and come back to me. I just need to be the good, dutiful wife until then." I'm sorry, you want him back? Strike one. Strike two is that you've let this happen before. The film subtly states that this isn't Bob's first escapade in cheating. Strike three, he's verbally abusive to you. I'm sorry but I feel that in even in sexist 1989, any woman that we should view as an inspiration should probably have told Bob at some point to eat shit. Yes I understand that abused women sometimes get a version of Stockholm Syndrome, but I'm not trying to make a point about reality. I'm making a point about a film that says that women shouldn't take no shit from no asshole, even if they are their husbands (and that is correct) but the film also states that hey, if you get lonely after you do, why not take him back? Screw this. Then there's the worst part of Ruth's "journey": her exploitation of the women around her. Her character starts as an abused and low self-esteemed housewife with no chance at anything because of what society and her husband has told her. Ok...then she starts an employment agency that specializes in finding placement for women that are exactly like she was. Ok.....but then she uses them, ruining their lives, as part of her revenge plot against Bob and Mary. She doesn't help these women. She exploits their weaknesses just as had been done upon her. Fuck this person and fuck this movie. In the end, take away these massively unlikable and unenjoyable characters and your left with a film with a poor story, little to none quality humor, absent directing, and too many cooks trying to pull the film into different directions of a women's empowerment piece and a screwball comedy and accomplishes neither of them. Avoid at all costs.

Roseanne Barr and Meryll Streep join up to deliver the yucks and yuck is what they deliver in a tale about a scorned middle-American housewife revengifying the atrocities committed upon her person and also liberating womankind from oppressions. She just makes things worse.... Listener Feedback @StinkerMadness Inappreciate you guys redoing a whole show to get it on the air. Technical difficulties suck. It happens. Still funny ? — Ry (@ryanmoralesaz) January 9, 2017 Brad Slager AKA @martinishark You guys can NOT deprive us of SMABFAS! Gut it out!!!! (he says from the frigid climes of So. Florida) Take a look at Brad's Worst of 2016 list! http://www.misfitspolitics.com/misfitmigrants/the-worst-films-of-2016-a-viewers-guide Streaming Do's and Don'ts Tenement - YouTube Demolition Man - HBO Now Dreamcatcher - Netflix The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Gun Butt - 3/10 Stars

Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer put on their best Abbott & Costello hats and deliver the hijinxs en masse. It's a banana show of endless goofs and shenanigans that never lets off the gas. The problem with this movie is....nothing. This is just a great legitimate comedy. We didn't laugh AT this movie, we laughed with it. The jokes are timed impeccably. They are new and fresh and unique. While completely outlandish and bonkers, this film never gets into that dangerous 70's live-action cartoon territory (we're talking to you C.H.O.M.P.S.). It's brilliant and a model for classic slap-stick that put the Zucker brothers in such high standing. Bud and Terrance are, as they should be, your classic comedy duo. They are complete opposites and tie right into the ol' straight-man/goof-ball model. But the unique thing is that the giant beast man that bares an uncanny semblance to Andre The Giant is the straight man, while the handsome, charming and snappy guy is the Daffy Duck. It's fantastic and works so well for these two. While the plot may be a bit dubious (the Navy wants to secure their hold on the Florida gaming market from the mob?) and some of the character motivations are...unexpected, this film delivers something that most modern comedy can't - legitimate laughs mixed with over-the-top shenanigans. We applaud this film and should be a much bigger deal.

For 22 pictures, Terrance Hill and Bud Spencer played the ultimate in comedic buddy-cop movies and this week on the podcast, Sam brings in one of their best in Odds and Evens. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Icebreaker w/ Rifftrax - Amazon Prime Vehicle 19 - Netflix Gor II (Outlaw of Gor) - MST3K YouTube The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor (Buddy Cops) Riggs & Murtaugh - Lethal Weapon Cates & Hammond - 48 Hrs.

Two cops find love in each other's egos, while attempting to clear their names from a villainous plot to take over the world's salted caramel industry. Stallone and Russell team up for one of the raddest buddy cop dumb-dumb rollercoaster. It's shenanigans. Tango and Cash is incredibly stupid. There is absolutely no sense of reality here. The villain uses mice, that he loves, to demonstrate his evilry. He owns monster trucks that have guns mounted on them. Hidden assassin's inside of mirrors (we think) and gun-shoes. Physics don't apply. Time and distance are more of guidelines... Then there's the leads...wow do they love each other. Let me be clear, if this had been made today, they very well could have been the first openly gay supercops in a major motion picture. They really love each other on the inside and feel passionately about each other's genitals. I'm not making this up. Longing gazes at junk are quite frequent. With all that, this film rules. It is so much freaking fun and really is a landmark in stupid action movies. It's over the top in all manners with an explosion count in the millions. Toss in some zingers, some puzzling character decisions, wild stunts, and a monster truck and you've got a pre-90's buddy cop blast.

This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast, we tackle the classic "buddy" cop film from 1989 with Stallone and Russell in a weird incestuous love triangle, framed for murder, take down the vague bad guy, and enjoy some off-roading. It's Tango &amp; Cash! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Miracles Still Happen - YouTube Maniac Cop - Shudder.TV &amp; Fandor Manhattan Chase - Amazon Prime Phenomena - Amazon Prime The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Being a Vulcan - 2.5/10 stars (Not good)

Roland pulls out all the stops in the disaster genre by blowing up the entire planet (sorta). Bad science and bad acting abound in one heck of a production, but does that translate into a good time? Lets just start by saying this film is way too long. By the 3/4 point even the diehard dumb movie viewer is tired and bored of the "excitement". It just keeps going and going and going. That would be ok if you could possibly be emotionally invested in the characters in anyway. But you just want them all to die. The acting is awful. Woody Harrelson steals the show with his terrible hippie Art Bell. But he's not alone. John Cusask shows us why he went straight to VOD after this. His Jackson Curtis is about the least likable character in all of film. He's a giant douche who at no point redeems himself. Amanda Peet (who somehow manages to keep her top on) does nothing to thrill us. Danny Glover looks quite confused throughout. The action/disaster sequences though...wow. If they were an amp, they would go to 11. But as mentioned they eventually become stale, bogged down by the surrounding idiocy of the script. Too much is such a thing.... So&nbsp;2012 was a sure disappointment on second viewing. This one is best left in the $2 bin at the pawn shop.

Roland pulls out all the stops in the disaster genre by blowing up the entire planet (sorta). Bad science and bad acting abound in one heck of a production, but does that translate into a good time? Lets just start by saying this film is way too long. By the 3/4 point even the diehard dumb movie viewer is tired and bored of the "excitement". It just keeps going and going and going. That would be ok if you could possibly be emotionally invested in the characters in anyway. But you just want them all to die. The acting is awful. Woody Harrelson steals the show with his terrible hippie Art Bell. But he's not alone. John Cusask shows us why he went straight to VOD after this. His Jackson Curtis is about the least likable character in all of film. He's a giant douche who at no point redeems himself. Amanda Peet (who somehow manages to keep her top on) does nothing to thrill us. Danny Glover looks quite confused throughout. The action/disaster sequences though...wow. If they were an amp, they would go to 11. But as mentioned they eventually become stale, bogged down by the surrounding idiocy of the script. Too much is such a thing.... So&nbsp;2012 was a sure disappointment on second viewing. This one is best left in the $2 bin at the pawn shop.

Well we exit 2016 with a bang...sorta. We went ahead and re-recorded our previous attempt at&nbsp;2012, since we bungled the first versions and now in all it's glory we dive into the 2009 film from stinker Hall of Famer, Roland Emmerich in which the world explodes...sorta. Casual Do's and Don'ts Hellbent (1988) - IMDB Demolition High - YouTube The Village of the Giants - MST3K on YouTube OR standard version The Wild Card - Pop Quiz Hotshot (2012 Edition) A Judy Garland dress which sold for $302,000 in&nbsp;2012&nbsp;was worn in which movie?&nbsp;The Wizard of Oz What is the year&nbsp;2012&nbsp;in Roman numerals?&nbsp;MMXII Who became the oldest actor to win an Oscar in&nbsp;2012?&nbsp;Christopher Plummer What member of the Monkees died in&nbsp;2012? Davy Jones Name the devastating mid/N American hurricane of Oct&nbsp;2012?&nbsp;Sandy What film released in&nbsp;2012&nbsp;went on to win Oscar gold? Argo Razzie winner? Twilight 4

When you've been stuck in an attic, are literally yellow, and forced to be your mom's sperm donor for your whole life, you're probably going to have some issues. So pick up your pokey objects and take some eyeballs out in the name of Santa! The problem here is that this film, while somewhat entertaining, is just too generic and blasé. It's a slasher with fairly little imagination. When you come into a slasher film, you're here for one thing - ridiculous death scenes. This film does NOT have that. There's fairly vague death scenes (oh the camera cut away, the horror!), there's "deaths" that people wouldn't actually die from (such as a tiny icicle shattering through your skull, dropped from a height of 3 feet), and pretty meh makeup. The obsession with eyeball mutilation is over done and gets old after the first two eyeball sequences. HOWEVER, the plot is super-super stupid. There's two killers, spoilers (too late). And they are possibly the worst, least effective slashers in the history of film. As mentioned, most people wouldn't die from their injuries inflicted, one lady dies on complete accident, and two of them die from impossibility, leaving 3 actual murders accomplished and 1 girl to go ahead and kill the slashers. Meaning out of 12 people, only 3 of them die. Pretty good work guys. Jason or Freddy would have tore through these dumb girls in about 15 minutes. The killer's motivations are pretty unclear as well. Best we can figure they just want to have a nice Christmas with each other in the house they grew up in. So if that's actually the plot of the film....then this is a movie that understands and declares the true meaning of Christmas. So a surprise there, for sure. It's fine, there's nothing wrong with this one. But there's not anything that makes this stand out either. There's plenty of missed opportunities that keep this out of being a true stinker classic. Fun dumb plot, bad slasher deaths and a frustrating lack of nudity. Only watch if you are out of good things to do.&nbsp;

Jingle jingle and egg nog hangover ahoy! It's that magical time for awful crappy holiday movies and Jackie's dialed up a slasher with a special Xmas message; don't ever remake a classic film with a bunch of day-player bimbos. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Nine Deaths of the Ninja -&nbsp;Mill Creek - B-Movie Blast 50 Pack Hundra - Amazon/Epix Missing in Action - YouTube/TubiTV The Wild Card - Good Xmas/Bad Xmas Eternia - He-Man/She-Ra Xmas Special Hobo with a Shotgun Town Kazook - Star Wars Holiday Special

Two A-Listers make us question their entire career in what appears to be a metaphorical hang-down contest of who is the tougher guy that gets weekly manicures and follicle treatments. It's Costner vs Russell in full Elvis tradition....the tradition of dying on a toilet. 3000 Miles to Graceland is one of the most inaccurate titles ever. See this map:&nbsp;http://obeattie.github.io/gmaps-radius/?lat=53.484652&amp;lng=-99.643463&amp;z=3&amp;u=mi&amp;r=3000. That is 3000 Miles from Graceland (Elvis' house). Now we learn that the ship Kurt Russell tries to get to and is located in Mt. Vernon, WA and their trip starts in Las Vegas. That is a journey of about 1,800 miles. So good job already. Now as far as the film. It sucks. Costner stinks, Russell stinks, Arquette REALLY stinks (but dies early so there's that) and Slater stinks. Courtney Cox looks pretty good but she unfortunately stinks as well. No one in this film is likeable.&nbsp; The true tragedy of this film is the cast yes but the writing and editing truly is painful. Yes, it's got that early 2000 over-editing plague. Slo-mo, fast cuts and graphics. Butt music, check. Terrible looking CGI (Scorpions battle to the death?), check. Making farts not funny, check. It's a clinic on crappy film-making. The events of the film don't make any sense. Character interacts are dubious. The action is completely stupid. But in the end, the true tragedy of this film is that it's a 2 hour penis size competition with idiots. I didn't like it, I don't think you will either.

Put on your sequin jumpsuit, grow out your side-burns, and fry up them bananas because we've got a movie this week that features too many Elvis' and so many Razzie nominations. It's Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell in a no hold barred competition of who can suck more. Casual Do's and Don'ts Murder Weapon (1989) Future Hunters - Part of the Mill Creek Sci-Fi Invasion Pack The Wild Card - Who Would Win in a Knife Fight Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell

While we're too late for Thanksgiving, it's never too late for a movie about an ancient Native American curse that manifests itself in the form of a very dirty mouthed killer turkey. When you have 0 money and you accomplish what was done here gives us a tip of our hats but a wag of the finger too. ThanksKilling deserves to be congratulated. It's a better film in all standpoints than the majority of films that cost 0 dollars to make and better than even a majority of films by The Asylum or any crummy gimmick movie showing daily on SyFy. The effects aren't bad, many jokes delivers (some do NOT), the pacing is never dull, and the bad acting is pretty fun. It deserves some merits. With that it mind, it's a little much. The vulgarity of the turkey tends to get a little old, well after the first line really. The jokes can run a little many with the majority of them falling flat. That's not to say this isn't a funny movie. It's just there's about 60 times more jokes than your common film. It's wall to wall. So if they only have 6 or 7 really good jokes (which is pretty decent) that means there's a thousand that aren't funny.&nbsp; It's sophomoric and moronic. It's juvenile and offensive. It's clearly not for everyone. But there is a modicum of charm here too. So while easy to pick on, we all respect this film for A) getting done, B) delivering what they wanted, C) adding to the genre of mock-films. ThanksKilling while being really crappy, is well worth the watch. There's some decent commentary on cliche story lines and character developments, the effects are a lot of fun, and the handful of good jokes all make up a good 80 minutes of film. Oh yeah, it's 80 minutes.

Whether we're late on our Thanksgiving episode or not, we're still going to enjoy a delightful little film about a killer turkey enacting revenge upon all white people for the horrors put upon the Native Americans. Sounds plausible... Streaming Do's and Don'ts Judge Dredd - Netflix Hard Target 2 - Netflix Santo vs las Mujeres Vampiro - (Samson vs the Vampire Women) MST3K, YouTube The Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight? Turkey vs Pig Olive vs Cranberry Regular Mashed Potatoes vs Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes

If you love films where skinny guys with giant heads get into a "I'm tougher than you" contest with lots of undramatic slow-motion surrounded by even more unattractive women, than this movie is for you. Good luck with your life. This film is a huge POS. We normally give films the benefit of the doubt here but this film truly is a giant pile of crap with nothing redeemable to it. No film has less going for it. Truly. Its unviewable. Even&nbsp;A Star is Born or Mortal Kombat: Annhilation or&nbsp;Grumpy Cat's Xmas&nbsp;have at least one or two things going for them. This doesn't even have one. Not one. Every aspect of this film is crap. The actors (who some are respectable, not in this) all decided to get up and put on "punch me faces" for the making of this film, even notorious precocious scamp Frankie Muniz. Yes this film makes you want to punch a child, and Matt Dillon. And sorry Walking Dead fans, Norman Reedus stinks and so does&nbsp;Walking Dead. Stay away from Deuces Wild.&nbsp;

Sam's pick this week gives us an in-depth look of late 50s Brooklyn street gang tough guys. They are tough right? Stephen Dorff and Brad Renfro...they're notorious tough guys, right? James Franco? He's tough....right? Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Golden Child - Starz The Monkey King: Havoc in Heaven's Palace - Netflix Dirty Grandpa - EPIX Wild Card - Who would win in a Knife Fight? Kevin Bacon vs Stephen Dorff

Al Pacino stinks up the entire production of a film with such little story that 88 minutes is just ridiculous fluff. With tons of bad hair, sexual assault, disappearing actors, quite dubious motivations, non-linear time, drunk actors, and questionable filler material. It's pretty bonkers. Lets start with Al Pacino. He stinks. I'm sorry world, Pacino stinks. He's great. We love him. He's hilarious. But he's not exactly Lawrence Olivier. And this film is a highlight of how bad he is. His hair is outlandish. His skin changes shades of orange and he's just as confused with the film as we are. Great fun, great fun. Except for Alicia Witt, she gets sexually assaulted maybe more than any actress ever by an A-Lister.... Then there's the surrounding players. The world won't be too surprised but Leelee Sobieski stinks. She's always stinky though. Seriously, name a good movie she's ever been in. She's a pariah on film. Fantastic crappy performance here. There's a dean who is quite drunk. Billy Forsythe is exactly what you expect from him. All makes for fun. The plot is so bland but is barely noticeable because its surrounded by sequence after sequence of banana business. Take for instance, Campus Security. At one point, Al Pacino and Alicia Witt go to Campus Security...whose office rivals Quantico. I believe Dexter interned there. Fox Mulder has an office in the basement. At no time in the history of the world has Campus Security ever looked like this. While its no&nbsp;Dreamcatcher or&nbsp;The Wicker Man, it is a great ride through terrible acting and bad directorial decisions. It's just a little weak on plot, whether good or bad plot, it doesn't have enough of either. Still....great watch.

A fan request comes in this week for some Pacino so we attempt to tackle the 2007 trainwreck about a guy who only has 88 Minutes to solve a murder....his own. Oh my gosh what an amazingly original concept, he said sarcastically. But as fans of terrible acting, we think this has potential. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Serpent's Lair - Amazon Prime The Howling VI - Amazon Prime Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - Rent from take your pick The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor - the Pacino edition Michael Coreleone - The Godfather series Lt. Col. Frank Slade - Scent of a Woman The Devil - The Devil's Advocate any other role ever....

This episode of the podcast centers around the classic Thanksgiving film from 1972, Blood Freak. Its that old tale of a man who smokes a little pot, eats an entire turkey and those goes on a tryptophan fueled and murderous rampage by becoming a freaking turkey. Yep. That's it. Blood Freak is freaking insane and one of the worst movies ever made. The production values are incredibly poor with poor lighting, out of focus shots, terrible set design and horrible acting. It's right in line with films like Eegah!, Monster A Go-Go, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, or anything starring Tor Johnson. How this managed to get past the MST3K crew is a mystery deeper than where the hell is Amelia Earhardt. As its sooooo bad, it's super super super fun. Its so riffable as it is terribly paced and stuffed with ridiculous scenarios and dialogue. At one point, the main turkey's fresh girlfriend and apparent fiance finds that her love is now a turkey head guy but decides to have sex with him anyways. Add in the entire films premise and you've got a must see on your hands. The bizarreness never stops and gets going immediately with the director coming on screen and delivering a narrative moral explaination of "the events you are about to witness" and then takes a big drag on his cigarette mid-sentence. It should also be mentioned that he's reading his lines from a piece of paper and he can't even do that well. This happens about 5 more times throughout the film and each time is hilarious with the end lecture being a showcase of unintentional comedy. Wow. The sheer lunacy of the film is the big draw but the combo of terrible acting and hilarity via both the mistakes made on camera and the riffs coming that even someone unfamiliar with riffing a film (say your dog or your grandma) make this an absolute must do of fans of the worst of the worst. Very underrated stinker.

In early preparation for Thanksgiving, Jackie gets a headstart with pulling the trigger on a turkey of a movie from 1972, 3 weeks early. But that's OK because it's a spooky tale about a motorcycle guy who smokes some pot and gets turned into a murderous turkey. Just like your family. Special Segment - Films we've seen the most in a given period of time Jackie - Care Bears Movie, The Beastmaster, Love Actually Justin - Condorman,&nbsp;Batman, Fight Club Sam - Rambo II, Encino Man, The A-Team, Children of Men The Wild Card - Who Would Win in a Knife Fight A Thanksgiving Turkey vs The Easter Bunny

Duncan Jax and his faithful companion, Boon are back to take down a group of Nazis living in South America from accomplishing their dubious evil plans, mostly having a functioning laser and unfreezing their cryogenic leader, Ze Furor. Yes that one. Let's get right out there and say that Order of the Black Eagle and Unmasking the Idol are two of the funnest films we've had the pleasure of discussing on this show. They REALLY need to be re-release as a dual pack on Blu-Ray. As much fun as we had with the first one we may have had more fun with the second. These are fantastic. Ian Hunter is once again dialing up the charm and pizzazz to 50. He's not quite as eye-flaring as he was in the first one but he's just as goofy and wonderful. Boon has a reduced role but when he's there, whoa boy. He's epic. The majority of this film is getting to business. While the last one has a lot more dialogue this one has a lot more action. Both are equally awesome and ridiculous but this one is more packed from start to finish, with emphasis on the finish. Duncan teams up with a team of mercenaries (each with unique skill set and personality) and then things really fly off the handle. There's a ton of incredibly dangerous stunts again. Lots of bad landings and exploded stuntmen. I can't imagine there weren't a plethora of injuries after this one. This film may have "more" in it than most films. It's really got everything (except nudity) but let me just toss a couple spoilers - Hitler cake, Baboon Tank, hovercrafts, missiles, cat-burglarizing, huge guns, deadly poker games, a man-chucking man, dirt-bike hot-dogging,&nbsp; So much fun and so much shenanigans that the Duncan Jax duology should not be missed. We all love these films.

This week on the podcast Sam follows up the first Duncan Jax movie with what may or may not be the sequel to Unmasking the Idol. This time Duncan's going to take down a bunch of Nazis who happen to have a little special guest on their hands. Movies Discussed Shin Gojira A Tribute to Hastings, Your Entertainment Superstore Jackie shares tales of working there, Sam tells us about a little known side-effect of shopping there, and Justin remembers finding Pieces, America 3000 and the biggest piece of crap ever, Vampire Vixens from Venus. The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Duncan Jax Star Baron Goldtooth

Disney bungles a live-action version of a cartoon with the least believable action star that has ever delved into the spy/superhero game. But add one of the raddest car chases, laser turret boats, rocket powered zip lines, and the worst costume you've ever seen and you've got one of the best early 80's turds to ever grace the screen. Wahoo! The movie follows Woody who is the graphic artist behind the Condorman comic book frachise. Woody foolishly stumbles into a Soviet defection mission for the CIA and must employ the skills of his creation to help the beautiful and mysterious Natalia escape from the villainous Krakov and his right hand man, Morovitch and his team of skilled killers. You can use that if you'd like IMDB. Michael Crawford's Woody is seriously one of the strangest casting decisions. Yes he's goofy and bumbling but at the same point is completely devoid of charm. Yet he's so unlikable that he becomes likable. It also seems like they gave him teeth extensions and raised the octave of his voice by a factor of 2. The rest of the cast does a fine job including a clearly drunk Oliver Reed. The car sequence is the reason everyone shows up to this film though. While the Condormobile may be incalculably stupid looking, the things this car can do...whew. The sequence is so rad that we all truly believe that&nbsp;The Fast and the Furious used it as inspiration for Dom's team of skilled driver, bad guys. Come for the goofy, stay for the car chase. In the end, there is no way that&nbsp;Condorman could have been successful. It is just too goofy. But its beautiful in its likability. It's a fairly safe bet and a great film to share with your children when its time. We love it.

Back in 1981, Disney tried to gift the world with a live-action version of a comic-book character, and failed miserably. But their mistake is our great reward as&nbsp;Condorman sweeps through the show. We are giddy with excitement. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Death Wish II - EPIX Death Wish III - TUBITV Troll - EPIX and Prime The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Emo-Man -&nbsp;You gain powers based on your emotional state, ie angry you get hulky, peaceful you get zenlike, sad you can shoot water out your eyes, horny you get smelly genitals....

Michael J. Dudikoff and Steve James are back from&nbsp;American Ninja and this time the volume of ninja gets ramped up to ludicrous levels. How do you get so many ninja? Well you just build an evil clone army of them so you can be a drug kingpin. What? Yep. In another instance of Golan and Globus having very little understanding of the ninja, we also have very little understanding of their understanding. When you can clone ninja, what do you do with the ninja you've cloned? Well you become the kingpin of drugs. So why do you need ninja? Are they couriers? Are they drug dealers? Are they guards? Why not just have guys with guns? And why are your cloned ninja so inept? The plot is quite dumb. Dudikoff is back and we're all too happy to see him. However, due to no fault of his own, he's not quite the same Pvt. Joe Armstrong from the first film. We really missed the unnecessary and out of place James Dean poses. He's a little less featured in this one, the stars are the ninja. However, we do give props for the incredibly tight pants that inspired the cinematographer to focus the viewers attention on a bulbous package. Ridiculous. Steve James doesn't even bother waiting to get his shirt off and pretty much doesn't bother with clothes for the majority of this film. He fights a ton of ninja on his own and suddenly possesses very unusual weapons to dispatch them. Hilarious. The stunts are incredibly dangerous and &nbsp;many many men clearly get injured in horrific manners in the filming of this movie. There is a couple of extremely excellent action sequences (the beach fight, the ninja vs truck sequence, and the bar fight) that are top notch and make this film worth watching just for them. Forget all the other elements; these sequences are fantastic. With that in mind though, we didn't feel that American Ninja 2: The Confrontation is quite the same film as American Ninja. Yes there is a few sequences that are exceptional but there are also some very stale jokes and the final showdown pales in comparison to the final showdown in the first film. There is also less Dudikoff being a jackass and Charlie #2 needs more screen-time. Its a classic stinker but saying that it is the centerpiece of the franchise is a mistake.

It's time to finish off our Ninja-threepeat with a follow up to our&nbsp;American Ninja&nbsp;episode in which Michael Dudikoff dons the role of Pvt. Joe Armstrong, teams up with Curtis Jackson and fights hordes and hordes of random ninja. Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Wave - Netflix Knock Knock - Amazon Prime Malibu Beach - Amazon Prime Wild Card - Who'd win in a Knife Fight? Hillary Clinton vs Donald Trump

Worth Keeter's first Duncan Jax film is one of the film-world's must undiscovered gems. It's a glorious romp of all things awesome. If you like any fun film ever, then&nbsp;Unmasking the Idol is right up you're alley. It's banana's in the best manner. Somehow&nbsp;Unmasking the Idol&nbsp;has gone under the radar since its debut 30 years ago. Only 88 user ratings exist on IMDB&nbsp;(including the rating we gave). Host of Stinker Madness, Justin, has it as his 10th favorite bad movie of all time. That is enough right there to have this movie have at least 100 user ratings on IMDB. Unmasking the Idol&nbsp;is one of our "Stop what you are doing and go watch this film" movies. It's truly a gift and no fan of Stinker Madness should miss this film. As of this writing it is streaming on Amazon Prime so do yourself a favor and watch this now:&nbsp;

A little known film from 1986 that features untold amounts of ninjas, treasure, espionage, ninjas, 3-wheeler's, a baboon, a bad-ass Ford Ranger, and so many balloons comes to the show. This is one movie you won't want to miss. Streaming Do's and Don'ts The 5th Wave - Starz London Has Fallen - Netflix The Wild Card - Who Wins in a Knife Fight Boon (Unmasking the Idol) vs. Clyde (Every Which Way But Loose)

A deceased magical ninja with questionable motives possesses a telephone line working/aerobics instructor and gets her to revengify a bunch of cops who blew the ninja away (justifiably). Meanwhile, lasers, gymnastics, so much magic, and awful effects abound. Plus back hair and V8! Ninja III may be the worst movie Cannon ever made. We're talking about Cannon here remember. This thing stinks so bad. The story is incredibly dumb/nonexistant, the action is completely ridiculous, the acting is awful, the shots are poorly staged, the effects are horrendous, dialogue is unbelievable and the complete lack of understanding life/people/reality is abundant. With that in mind, it adds up for so much fun. Wow, what a great bad movie. It's a film like this that makes us feel lacking as reviewers of film, because this thing is just indescribable. Roger Ebert may not have been able to really figure out what&nbsp;Ninja III is. But watch it, I mean look at our star rating for it! We can't stress how awesome&nbsp;Ninja III&nbsp;is. This is the pinnacle of stupid ninja business ala Robert Hamburger (realutimatepower.net). So many deaths by ninja, so much ninja magic, and tons of closeups of people wearing eye-liner. Wahoo!

This episode of the famed SM show, we put on our best disguises, pull out our tree-climbing ropes, and get ready to assassinate one of Cannon's most ridiculous films brought to the big screen. Like a ninja this film is disguised as a ninja film but it's 100% banana business. Plus the whole thing is free on YouTube! Thanks Paramount Vault! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Jaws - Netflix Jaws II - Netflix Jaws 3 - Netflix Jaws: The Revenge - Netflix The Wild Card - Pop Quiz, Hotshot - Ninja Edition Q: The word/kanji for&nbsp;Ninja&nbsp;didn't appear until the 20th century. What were they called before then? Q: First record of&nbsp;Ninja? Q: The&nbsp;ninja&nbsp;star, or Shuriken is probably the most notorious weapon used by ninjas. What was it's primary function?&nbsp; Q: Describe the garb of the&nbsp;ninja? Q: What is a&nbsp;kusarigama? Q: What's a kunoichi?

In 2001, Mariah Carey decided to wreck thousands of lives and destroy Sam's affection for her visual appearance, primarily her face. While "glitter&nbsp;can't overpower the artist"&nbsp;Glitter can't even overpower it's own idiocy, racism, and sexism. What?&nbsp;Glitter&nbsp;is a period-piece? This takes place in 1983? WTF? Why on Earth does it take place in 1983? The clothes, the cars, the music, the set pieces, the vernacular, NOTHING was done that says "Hey, it's 1983" except a bottom 1/3 graphic. It's screams that it's actually 2001. And 1983 serves absolutely no purpose to the story. None. If there was a bad movie award for poor and unnecessary choices and the subsequent execution of said choice, this would have been that categories Gone With the Wind. So Mariah....is a pariah....to acting. Now that that terrible joke is over, she stinks. She truly looks lost and confused throughout the entire production. She appears to be on Quaaludes and just tripping balls at the production lights on the set. She's out of it completely. Unfortunately, her terrible performance is not a fun thing to view. It's not laughable or enjoyable. It's almost none-existent as this film hardly features any lines for her to screw up. So no fun there which this reviewer looked forward to the most. Bummer. Then there's the visual aspect to Carey. We're not going to talk about any physical characteristics that she was born with, so I feel we're clear here. We're talking about whomever was in charge of hair, makeup, attire, and shooting around her stupid eyebrows. It's awful. Mariah Carey very well could be an absolutely beautiful woman but we can tell you that she's positively down-right fugly in&nbsp;Glitter.&nbsp; The songs stink, the performances are nowhere to be found, the acting sucks, Terrance Howard has a "punch me" face, everyone is douche, the story is absent, and fails to come around and make the statement that it EXPLICITLY states at one point. Despite all of that, the fact that this film is #31 on the IMDB Bottom 100, but it is NOT that terrible. Possibly bottom 100 but #31 is way too high. It's just not very good. But it isn't very easy to hate unless you have some problem with the lead outside of the film. Hate is required for a film to be this high and there's just not enough going on to hate it. It's just not good. But with that, it's still not worth watching.

It's time for Jackie to choose another Razzie winning and highly nominated "musical". In 2001, men in ties decided to crap in our ears and eyes as the allow Mariah Carey to create her own movie about her career (sorta). Get ready for gluch.... Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Curse of Sleeping Beauty - Netflix Justin's Top 5 80's Action Guys! 5. Kurt Russell - Escape from LA, The Thing, Big Trouble, Tango &amp; Cash4. Chuck Norris - Delta Force, Firewalker, Invasion USA, Lone Wolf McQuade3. Jackie Chan - Project A, Meals on Wheels, Police Story, Armour of God2. Sly Stallone - All Rambos, Rocky IV, Cobra, Tango &amp; Cash1. Arnold Schwarzenegger - Conan, Commando, Predator, Running Man Here's who is NOT on the list: Bruce Willis - Blow Hard IV - I'm a douchebag Mel Gibson - Being in a film franchise where you make quirky faces and deliver lines at the speed Robin Williams tells jokes doesn't qualify as action guy. Carl Weathers - Action Jackson's lack of action is an instant out - nice backflip over a car though. Sigourney Weaver - Aliens is a shitty sequel and that's all she did. Honorable mentions Sonny Landham Cynthia Rothrock Bill Duke Sho Kosugi Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight? The Last Unicorn vs. Falcor the luck dragon

Chuck Norris, Louis Gosset Jr, and Melody Anderson go on a wild ride through various adventures on the way to get treasure. Along the way the face alligators, sinking cars, rebels, gang-rape village, the Mexican Gestapo, their own visual appearance, and elaborate aboriginal death traps. Sounds ridiculous? It is indeed. Firewalker is Golan and Globus' take on the very popular and quite good,&nbsp;Romancing the Stone. In fact, it's a veritable carbon copy of the film but with your typical Cannon Films ineptitude. It's writing is completely out of control stupid, the entire plot is irrelevant to itself, characters have strange motivations and are generally unneeded, the acting stinks, the cast possesses zero charm or chemistry, and the action sequences are written by children. With all that in mind,&nbsp;Firewalker&nbsp;is a lot of fun in the usual Cannon flair. It's incredibly dumb, the comedy is so hammy, the action is head-slappingly stupid, the acting is awful, the story is poorly envisioned, and it never lets up from it. We all liked it and feel it's a good recommend for any fan of Cannon.

Charles Norris returns again for his 3rd appearance on the show in a teamup with awful acting staple, Louis Gossett, Jr. in&nbsp;Firewalker. A film that appears to be a complete knockoff of Indiana Jones or Romancing the Stone or take your pick. Can Chuck Norris bring the comedy that he's so well known for? Or will this be as laughable as toothpaste?

Our good movie friend Tucker stops by to discuss one of the greatest/stupidest action movies of all time. Be prepared for ridiculous (hilarious) Arnold impressions. Commando is&nbsp;so iconic and such a staple in "men with guns" movies that it's hard to avoid and impossible to dislike. It's level of over-the-top is unequaled that for the next 15 years in film, every action attempts to be&nbsp;Commando but none have come close. It's the model, but at the same time it's SOOOOO stupid. So the plot...John Matrix must confront a fat man in a yarn shirt who isn't the main villain to rescue his daughter who probably is just really bored. Along the way there is an incredible amount of ridiculousness but SOOO much awesomeness as well as Arnold tears through a ludicrous amount of bad guys. It's very easy to understand Matrix's motivations but every other character really doesn't have any. Why is Cindy so involved? What could Bennett possibly have to gain? How does Dan Hedaya's guy possible expect to take over a country while he's just hanging out at home off the coast of California? None of it makes any sense. The violence...wow. It's at a 10 and none of it is anything but laughable. The end 15 minutes is the fastest death count until 2008's&nbsp;Rambo but does not bear the same brutality or gravity as&nbsp;Rambo. Its pretty much rolling on the floor laughing with tears streaming down your face levels of gravity. So none. Then there's Bennett. Vernon Welles (no offense) is one of the worst casts ever. He's pudgy, he's not very action-packed, he's got this crappy accent that isn't quite clear or necessary and then there's the character. Bennett is madly in love with John Matrix and very horny for him. His lust is supposed to be being mad with revenge but its clear that Bennett wants to have some alone time with Matrix involving a bear skin rug and a fire. Hilarious. Commando&nbsp;was written by a 12 year old, directed by one of the best stinker directors in history (Mark L. Lester), Schwaz is at his most Schwazy, so many one-liners and so many dead guys killed in horrific ways that it is an absolute must see/revisit/once once a year film forever.&nbsp;

To purge ourselves from the misery of last weeks movie we dowse ourselves in awesomeness and then light ourselves on fire (that was all figurative, in no way do we endorse lighting yourself on fire...unless you're a total tool, then go for it) and let Arnold take the show over it the quintessential action movie of the 1980s (maybe even ever) but still incredibly dumb,&nbsp;Commando. Fall SMABFA Contenders Ben-Hur - Uh, you know you screwed up here. Nine Lives - Thanks for telling our kids they are stupid and will like anything. Their not and they hated this. The Mechanic: Resurrection - Statham takes a shot at getting that Best Bad Movie title. Possible surprise one here. Rings - So what? Sumara lives in Netflix now? Come on it worked (barely) with VHS but 20 years later is too much later.... The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Joan Crawford - Mommie Dearest The Waits Family - Troll 2 Mike Roark - Volcano Harry Dalton - Dante's Peak

Here's a fun concept - take something as boring to watch as bowling and then make a movie that is just as boring about said boring thing. You've then got a very accurate representation of something super boring. Wow. Thanks a lot bowling movie. Dreamer&nbsp;is arguably the most boring movie ever made. There's levels of bad that are definitely worse as far as film-making. See Manos, Monster-a-Go-Go, Sssssss, and so forth come to mind. The good thing about all those films is that there's at least something to either hate, scratch your head over, or just be angry about. This causes no emotions on any level. Its the least interesting film we've ever seen. Ever. No question. I don't even know how to write an entire review. I guess I'll try to write the synopsis so here goes: Dreamer is about a guy who bowls. So that's the synopsis. There's no plot to talk about. There's no events or character journeys. Oh a guy bowls himself to death, but even that is shot boringly.&nbsp; Don't watch&nbsp;Dreamer under any circumstances unless you are trying to clear out house guests but that might not work because they'll just fall asleep on your couch.&nbsp; However, our podcast is quite funny so be sure to check that out.

In this week's podcast spectacular of majesty, we've dug into the vaults and pulled out a brown stain in sports film-making history from 1979. It's the tale of the super exciting world of bowling. What? You didn't know bowling could be exciting? Well put on your slippery shoes and grab your ball bag because we didn't either! "Streaming" Do's and Don'ts Deadly Blessing - Amazon Prime Warrior of Justice - IMDB Future-Kill - IMDB The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate The ability to control 5 mosquitos - 3/10 stars About Dreamer - Movie Information

Our second of back to back "stupid volcano movies from 1997" is the possibly the least disastery of any disaster movies ever created. Spoiler alert - body count is 5 and a tiny hick town gets cleared off the map. It's fine since they were just a bunch of smug buttholes anyways. So if&nbsp;Volcano&nbsp;should have been named "Lava; Not Volcano Really", then&nbsp;Dante's Peak should have been called "Volcano; No Lava Really". It's a perfect mirror in opposite land. The volcano is HUGE but has very little lava. In fact the only thing that lava kills in this film is some truck tires. Very strange. In the film Volcano, the disaster is at least disastrous, somewhat. In&nbsp;Dante's Peak its very not that way. A town of about 3000 people gets wiped out but only 4 people die due to the volcano; 3 of them didn't even live there and one was an insane old bitch that NO ONE liked. It's pretty not disastrous; quite unlike the structure of this sentence. Some notable features - the stupidest robot in a movie, an old hag who wants to bang a mountain, bad character naming (Harry and Terry), a mayor/coffee barista/horrible mom/town bicycle/news anchor, a chopper pilot who doesn't understand how choppers work, a pyroclastic cloud, some awful Mayor Wando vision, human soup, a splitting headache, and multiple climaxes.&nbsp; It's really stupid, horribly cliche, looks terrible, poorly written, and fairly uneventful. But somehow it makes for a ton of fun, IF and ONLY IF you have a great group of riffers sitting next to you. The film is just to boring to do by yourself, but because so little happens when something should be happening it's possibly the easiest movie to mock while viewing we've seen in quite some time (possibly since Q: The Winged Serpent).&nbsp;Its so riffable that we are going to add a new ratings category just for Riffability - 5/5.&nbsp;

Hey remember that OTHER volcano movie from 1997? Well its here on Stinker Madness to finally help us answer that age old question: which 1997 volcano movie is the most stupid? Dante's Peak stars Pierce Brosnan and Linda Hamilton. Roman's Do's and Don'ts Ninja Busters -&nbsp; Dangerous Men - $3.99 on&nbsp; The Barbarians -&nbsp; The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Extreme resistance to extreme heat but only from above - 3/10 stars

Tommy and Anne face off against some hot magma ("What's Magma?") in the first of two 1997 volcano movies. This one features a lead character who should be fired and never hired for his job, a slew of disaster movie cliches (Dog never dies, anyone?) and Stan, the Man-Chucking Man in possibly the stupidest movie we've ever seen on this show. Let's start off by declaring how incredibly dumb this movie is. Every single bit of "science" is telegraphed to the audience because "Hey! They're stupid!" such as the definition of tectonic activity, gravity and magma. The volcano has a mind of its own and has Tommy Lee Jones sense meaning if Tommy is coming its sneaky and hides from him. The government officials of LA have no clue how things should work and it seems Tommy's Roark is the mayor as everyone calls him or reports to him daily even before the eruption. The Chief of Police even calls to obligatorily yell at someone, even if its completely unrelated to Emergency Management of which Roark is the director of. I can in no way define how stupid this movie is because in order to define something you must possess some semblance of intelligence. That would be a slap in the face of this movies lack thereof. Then there's the effects. Too many people over use the "effects that don't stand up to time" but this thing never had a chance to stand up at all. I specifically talk about "the building" (and why there is a character to just set up that a building exists is beyond me). At one point, the cast stands in front of a large photo of the building as if they are there. Usually when someone looks at something fake they are looking at a painting that's supposed to be real but this time it's a photo....that's out of focus. Seriously. "Hey I went a took a picture of that building you wanted for a backdrop", says the studio photog. "I used my camera phone and also my finger is over the lense a little. Do you want me to do it again?" "Nope" says the director as he pencils in more exposition about what a volcano is to the masses of morons who never passed the 3rd grade who are watching this.

Surprise! Volcano! Tommy Lee Jones comes in to ask what magma is and see if his volcano movie of 1997 can be the dumber of the year. We all know its stupid, but how stupid can it be? Roman's Do's and Don'ts Lust for Freedom (1987) - YouTube Furious (1984) - IMDB The Zero Boys (1986) - IMDB Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Electro-magnetic Telekinesis - 3.5 stars

The Corey's team up to help Haim get his drivers license and bang a girl. Along the way, they go on a slew of crimes mostly involving reckless endangerment but also sexual assault and child pornography in a showcase of how horrible the 80s were. Not even Heather Graham and Carol Kane can save this. This film is a pukefest of 80s trends, stupidity, and selfishness. It's a perfect capsule of something that is horrible. So yes, it captures the essence of the decade but the decade sucks and so does this film. Sorry lovers of Aquanet.&nbsp; Feldman is passable and the least annoying of the two but that's not saying much. Corey Haim's performance and character are awful and within 20 minutes you just want Les (Haim) to crash the car and explode or just get grounded and actually follow the punishment by staying in his room for the duration of the film. Heather Graham's Mercedes Lane is a testament of how bad this film stinks. They've made an 18 year old, arguably the hottest woman in Hollywood look like a circus clown in an insane asylum. Her character is supposed to be this dream girl, but she's a trainwreck and soon to be buying a bus ticket to former porn star town. She's not a nice girl. The film is filled with groin-inducing hijinks and hamfisted sequences that fail to achieve either a level of excitement or humor. This is a film for creepo's that either like high school girls or want to go back and do their life over again because their current existence sucks ass. The three of us hated this film and wanted it to be over after the first 5 minutes. Stay clear and just watch&nbsp;The Lost Boys instead.

The "Coreys" make their official first appearance on the show with the 80's cheesefest about teenagers getting driver's licenses. This sounds like a recipe for disaster as the 80's sucked, teenagers suck and drivers training sucks the worst! At least Heather Graham is easy on the eye-balls. Streaming&nbsp;Roman Do's and Don'ts Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor (1990) - IMDB Hired to Kill (1990) - IMDB Steele Justice (1987) - IMDB Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Spit! The Acne Cure - 7 out of 10 Special Guest - Jackson Murphy Jackson from the Lights Camera Jackson film review blog stops in and shares with us his picks for the first half of 2016 for the SMABFA awards. He's also doing an incredible charity promotion for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. We urge all of you to contribute and follow Jackson through his fundraiser and his career. He's a great guy.

John Rambo comes to us in the third installment of the First Blood/Rambo franchise in the pinnacle of 80's over the top action. It's fun, it's stupid, its violent, and ridiculous. But in the year 2016 and how much we don't really care for ethnic cleansing, it's also a little offensive. Bullets and fire are allergic to Rambo, he has teleportation powers, and he's suddenly an expert horseman. He can fly choppers, drive tanks, use booby traps and shows how deadly glow sticks are. It's loads of stupid fun. Never letting off the stupid, the film continues to climb into an incredibly stupid climax that involves a game of chicken between two things that should never be used to do such a thing. Rambo III is a classic stinker and makes all the right/wrong moves. It's too much fun to be missed. Just try to leave your loathing of horrible bad men at the credits.

Carolco decides its destiny by spending too much on a ridiculous film that involves a man causes fire and bullets to steer clear. It's the Stallord's one jillionth appearance on the show and we haven't even gotten to Tango &amp; Cash, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot or Cliffhanger! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Reign of Fire - Starz Down n' Dirty - Amazon Prime&nbsp; The Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight? John Rambo (First Blood) vs John Rambo (First Blood: Part 2)

Troll 2&nbsp;has been widely hailed as one of the best bad movies ever made what with its documentary called "Best Worst Movie" and also topping the IMDB Bottom 100. Sometimes though a film can be overpraised in its horrendousness. Will&nbsp;Troll 2 stand up to the critical analysis that has debunked such films as&nbsp;Gigli&nbsp;and&nbsp;Mommie Dearest? The short answer? No. No this movie is one of the worst ever made. The long answer is that&nbsp;Troll 2&nbsp;is undoubtedly an incredible film. Each time you watch this film, you catch something new in its delirium. Its a wonderful treat upon each viewing. Its so crammed with crumminess that when you stop laughing maniacally you find just another terrible thing to laugh at in the next second. You can't stop laughing and it's brilliant. This movie is why we do what we do.

Finally, we hit one of the most notorious bad movies of all time. At one point, Troll 2 was the #1 lowest rated movie on IMDB.com until people realized it's freaking awesome. Praised by many and loved by tons, it's a treasure of a film and we can't wait to dive into it. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Darkman&nbsp;II: The Return of Durant - Starz Keoma - YouTube The Day the Clown Cried Edit - Youtube

In 1981, Faye Dunaway took the role of Joan Crawford and then thought she was on a one way track to Oscar Town. Instead, her completely unbelievable performance bought her a bus ticket to Razzieville. We take on this cult classic and try to determine the ultimate question of "Is it really that bad or good?" So there's truly only one thing to talk about regarding this film. It's Faye Dunaway's performance. So much has been said about this role and her completely ridiculous take on being an insane person. You can't take her seriously. The character is doing completely horrible things that bear no semblance to anything a rational person would do but Faye's take on it is outlandish. It's impossible and by far the most interesting part of the whole damn thing. Unfortunately, her freak outs are too few and far between. The rest of the film is painfully uninteresting. You're stuck wading through mooping around waiting for Joan to drink to much and throw a tissy fit. It's poorly paced, poorly written, and poorly edited. Characters disappear, others age at different speeds, makeup failed, plot points are dialed down (Joan's revolving lover door, her excessive drinking, her random insane speeches) and throughout you're disappointed because it's tedious but seriously not as bad as billed. The shots are well done, set design is great and directing is competent. It's truly not bad enough. So here's the deal. This film won "Worst Film of the Decade" by the Razzies. You morons....Over the Top, Can't Stop the Music, and Xanadu are by far worse movies. By far. I'm not even sure that this should have won Worst Picture for it's year. It's just not good. That's it. Not that bad, not good. Its along the lines of Gigli. Really? Thanks for the waste of time, world.

One of the most prolific bad movies of all time finally lands on the show with Jackie's choice in the Faye Dunaway "acted" biography adaptation of&nbsp;Mommie Dearest. It's the story of Joan Crawford and her very progressive and seemingly quite fair treatment of stolen baby, Christina. So many Razzie wins but will it hold up to the Stinker Madness treatment? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Twisted Justice - Amazon Prime Project Metalbeast - YouTube Striking Distance - Starz The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Fart force fields - 4 out of 10 stars

ID4:2 comes to a Bad Movie Field Trip on the show this week. Will it be stupid fun enough to get into that elusive Best Bad Movie category for the 2016 SMABFAs? Can it at least be better than that damn&nbsp;Jupiter Ascending? So now, to the fun. You can tell that Roland had fun making this. He had to work within the rules of a stupid studio but worked his silly business in without catching the ire of the men in ties at FOX. Specifically, Vivica A. Fox's completely unnecessary appearance in this film, except for the simple service of Roland saying "You were the worst thing to happen to me!" Her death caused all three of us to laugh out loud in the theater. Secondly, Brent Spiner....wow. Brent was in the first one and was fun then but his character was relegated to punchline deliveries only. This time, his character is central to the story and has a unique non-cliche summer blockbuster idiom. Throughout Brent Spiner kills each line and is the biggest show stealer we've seen in a summer movie in years. More Brent Spiner, please! So in whole 2 of us thought it was a blast. It's not super epic and not near as big of accomplishment as last years&nbsp;Jurassic World or this years&nbsp;Gods of Egypt, but it's still a ton of popcorny cheesy fun if you can get passed the missed opportunities and the fingers of FOX attempting to be Universal.

Sam brings us the least karate "karate" movie to ever exist with martial arts being replaced by romance, music, dancing, neon, sassy children, and pizza. While this may sound like something you want to put your head through a wall for,&nbsp;The Last Dragon is truly awesome. The Last Dragon is the tale of a kung fu obsessed teenager who is the son of a pizza restaurateur on a journey to be the best at kung fu. His adventures are endangered by The Shogun of Harlem, Sho Nuff and Arkadian, who wants to use his love interest to further his own fortune. Well that seems sorta straight-laced but this film is one of the silliest things we've done. The comedic acting is by far the high point of this film. Juluis Carry (Sho Nuff) and Leo O'Brien (kid brother) particularly stand out. They are completely over the top and hilarious. Brava good sirs. On the other side, Vanity stinks. Her songs are awful and she slugs through them as if she drank a gallon of vodka first. Blech. It's a lot of fun with many laughable moments and we highly recommend this film.

This week on the podcast Sam brings in a movie that made him quite angry as a child but then grew to love it's non-kung-fu ways. It's 1985's The Last Dragon in which a "kung fu" guy tries to achieve something called "The Glow". Streaming Do's and Don'ts Monster Dog - Starz Motorcycle Gang - Netflix Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - HBO Now Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate The Glow - You glow neon when you've mastered something

Danton returns to do his thing and his thing is killing so many people in ridiculous ways. This time he gets kidnapped by Colonel Hogan for the sake of a "never hunt a man" competition, faces off against Thorton, receives an assist from an old military buddy, has his wife kidnapped by a sexretary and does a fist pump in the air. Sound familiar? If you had told us that Deadliest Prey is just a remake of Deadly Prey without any of a new story we would have been deeply disappointed. It shouldn't work. But somehow Deadliest Prey does work. There's no better way they could have done it. It's so much fun and has so much fan service that works great that we absolutely loved it. Danton 2 is a hell of a good time, but you must see Deadly Prey first. If it has one strike against it, it can't be done as a standalone piece. We highly recommend both of them and ownership of these films is a must. Thank you David (RIP), Ted and Michael Prior for doing everything you guys did.

Mike Danton is back on the show and we can't be excited enough. Deadliest Prey is the 28 years later sequel to Hall of Fame movie, Deadly Prey and we can't wait to see how David and Ted Prior follow up one of the greatest bad movies of all time. Be sure to revisit our Deadly Prey episode and for god sakes, watch the movie. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Shotgun - YouTube Death Machines - YouTube Rage of Honor - YouTube Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Clark Kent - Superman IV: The Quest for Peace Selena - Supergirl Billy the Beaut - Punisher: War Zone

Jim Wynorski makes his Stinker Madness debut with 1991's tale of a spooky phone hotline that gives you the confidence to mow on Bridgette Neilsen's box and gain super-powers so that you can stock a lady with a tall butt. We're pretty confused on what this movie is about. Our best theory is that the dean of a community college has an obsession with his ex-office assistant. He's nuts and thinks that a 1-900 horoscope number will give him the powers to stalk her properly. So he somehow meets up with the proprietor of a spooky stuff supply store who if you give her cunnilingus you will be given the powers of Doctor Strange. Meanwhile, a guy who only has leather motorcycle gear to wear and who does not shower ever, thinks that the 1-900 number is somehow involved but they are just a red herring and are just a "phone company" with a really lame business model and a fairly bored CEO. The acting is atrocious, the effects are great, the plot is dumb, and the pacing is fantastic. Jim, you're the best at this and we can't wait to see more of your films in our episodes. Thank you, sir!

Jim Wynorski makes his very first and long overdue appearance on the show with 1991's&nbsp;976-Evil 2, a film so important that they wouldn't even bring Robert Englund to direct it. Will Jim continue his fine tradition and increase his presence in the Stinker Hall of Fame? Spoiler alert - totally. We'd like to say thank you to our fans that recently wrote in by sharing some thoughts from them on the show. If you'd like to join us in the bad movie discussion, like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter or write to us to talk@stinkermadness.com. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Not Another Teen Movie - Crackle (No Longer Available) Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator - Amazon Prime Night Vision - Amazon Prime Blind Fury - Starz Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight? E.T. vs Munchie?

Dirty Harry finally becomes the worst cop in the history of cops when he decides asking questions or arresting people is boring; it's just better to shoot everyone in the face. Sprinkle in some karate, self-deprecating jokes, an unnecessary love interest, old-man grumble dialogue, a car/rc car/car chase, dubious action, and a plot that leaves the audience thinking it was invented by monkeys and you've got the recipe for a franchise killer. Goodbye, Dirty Harry. It's a horrendously awful film. But it does have it's fun parts. The scenes where Harry and his love interest get googly eyes at each other are hilarious and are quite unbelievable. The RC car chase is possibly as dumb as anything ever in a blockbuster franchise, rivaling the likes of Roland Emmerich's 2012, or the invisible Aston Martin in Die Another Day. It's so dumb, but quite hilarious. It's only second in stupid to the epic Jim Carrey, Welcome to the Jungle lip-sync scene. It's just Jim Carrey doing his usual Jim Carrey thing....in the middle of Dirty Harry movie. I could have gone for so much more of Jim, but spoiler alert - he's barely in this film. But while he's there! As a whole, The Dead Pool, is a template for how to kill your franchise. I would have suspected that people would have started leaving the theater within 15 minutes. Unfortunately, the stupid story and sitting through it, waiting for the fun parts to arrive is just too much to give this a recommendation. The fun parts are great but just too few and far between. Who wants to see a grouchy old guy go on dates with a woman 30 years younger than him, while Liam Neeson says he's not the guy for an hour and a half. Blech.

This week we put on our best "squinty stink-eye whisper-yelling shoot everyone in the face" faces and get ready for Clint Eastwood to make his first appearance on the show in the franchise-killing&nbsp;Dead Pool. Can Harry Calahan keep his gun in his pants for more than six lines of dialogue? You're Wrong, Idiot! Regarding Superman IV: The Quest for Peace&nbsp; Whether the Fortress of Solitude scene happens in Clark's mind - Justin, You're Wrong, Idiot! Whether the pile of cash on Lex's desk is more than $1,000,000 - Justin, You're Wrong, Idiot! Whether the film made money - Sam, You're Wrong, Idiot! The Great Superpower Debate Benjamin Button Bones - Bones get stronger with age - 4/10

Our final film in our superhero threepeat is 2008's MCU bonkersfest Punisher: War Zone and its a masterpiece. Its the most violent, over the top, ridiculous, preposterous, bad-assery, poorly acted gem of an incredible time. It would have been impossible for this film to be successful but it is also impossible to NOT be a cult-classic. It's great. Ray Stevenson kills it as the Punisher. There should be no other person to ever play Frank Castle (Sorry Joe Bernthal, Punisher doesn't have roof top conversations with men in tights; he just kills people). Ray's big, formidable, and hardly has any lines. He's brilliant. Then there's the action sequences....bonkers. Within the first 10 minutes of the film, you've either left the theater or gobbling up popcorn while trying not to blink. Lexi Alexander basically said, "Fuck it" and just went out and gave everyone what they wanted (except the investors). While a totally bad and terrible film, there's a level of quality in how dumb it is. It seems that Lexi Alexander had nothing but bad surrounding her. She was working with a script that the guy who wrote Armageddon walked away from, she's got Doug and Dominic stinking it up because no one else would do it, and she's got Loinsgate to deal with and we know how good they are at ruining their own projects. She took all this bad and just had fun with it and we applaud her directing ability to make this turd a true gem. We can't stress how much this film kicks ass. There's few words to describe it and we insist that you don't miss Punisher: War Zone.

In the last of our Superhero Threepeat, we are super jacked to bring in one of the most ridiculous (and awesome) films ever made. Its just one of only two "Marvel Knights" movies and I can't imagine why there weren't more. Ray Stevenson becomes Frank Castle in a bonkers and violent manner in&nbsp;Punisher: War Zone. Do not fail to watch this epic film. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Frozen - Starz Sahara - Netflix Predator - Starz Wild Card - Pop Quiz, Hotshot Real or not real comic book characters? The Red Bee Madame Fatal Matter Eater Lad US 1

Part 2 of our 3 Superhero Movie Festival just so happens to be our 200th podcast episode! Congratulations to us! Sadly the movie,&nbsp;Supergirl, does not contain any of the fanfare that revolves around our momentous milestone. It's just one of the most boring, uneventful films ever made. There are so many problems with&nbsp;Supergirl. The first and foremost is that absolutely nothing happens of interest. It's truly unwatchable in the level of bore. Make something happen guys...anything. Secondly, it breaks its own rules constantly. First is the entire franchise. Superman's home of Krypton got exploded and he was the only survivor right? Well Supergirl is his cousin, which is fine. But the total lack of exposition about how she exists is troubling. She and a group of others who may or may not be Kryptonian live in the bottom of a lake in Minnesota (in micro-size, none the less). So did they get there before Krypton exploded? They've been on Earth this whole time? Shouldn't they have the powers of the yellow sun as well? Who are these people? Thirdly, it's horrendously offensive towards women. The "plot" is two women with unlimited power, the two most powerful beings on the planet, and all they do with their power is try to get a man. Seriously. It's a cat fight over a hunky gardener. Its saying women only need a man, even if they are given all the gifts in the world...still only care about getting a man. "Hey girls, how bout putting the Macy's card down for a minute and go do the dishes?" Ugh...assholes. There is nothing complimentary to this film. It is a true turd and should be left in the bin that says "Do NOT use". We want to say thank you to all our fans that have stayed with us through these 200 episodes. We started out with just a USB condenser mic, so much uhms, people talking over each other, yelling, the crappiest logo and no editing. Today we've got over $1000 in recording equipment, multitrack recording, 30,000+ downloads, so many awesome people we've met and had guest on our show and more knowledge of the genre than maybe any other podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening and being a part of what we do.

In part 2 of our Superhero fest, we follow Superman IV with another flop from the Supes franchise, 1984's&nbsp;Supergirl,&nbsp;starring Helen Slater of&nbsp;The Legend of Billie Jean&nbsp;fame. How offensive will Jackie's third 1980's teen girl movie be? Can it stand up to the horrible morals established in&nbsp;Teen Witch? Will it have as much creepy sexual misguidance as&nbsp;Tomboy? We're two for two in this genre so hopefully&nbsp;Supergirl will uphold the tradition. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Wolf - Starz Chain Reaction - Starz Cool World - Starz Wild Card - The Superhero Poop Battle Batman vs The Joker The Joker vs Lex Luthor Thor vs Lex Luthor

Superman takes on Lex Luthor's crappy cro-magnon clone of the Man of Steel while adding the power of the sun. So he's made of the thing that gives Supes his power on Earth? Bad design, Lex. Oh also, Superman owns a net specifically made to store nuclear missiles. Did he buy that? Wow, this film...wow. What a train wreck. Superman IV is very easily one of the worst executed films of all time. The writing is awful, the action is awful, the acting is awful, the set design, costumes, sound, editing and even the film credits are awful. At no point in the production process did anyone stop and say, "Guys, this is not it! Start over!" Its preposterous! So it's an awful pile of garbage....and one of the most enjoyable pieces of crap we've ever watched. It is so much damn fun. The lunacy is constant from the very beginning and never lets off until the end. It's a laugh riot from start to finish. For God's sake, please go watch this film, even if you have seen it recently. It's hilarious. It's fantastic! Some highlights: Russian Cosmonaut gets hit by space junk (his head comes off), Jeremy spoke in class today, Jon Cryer's "Ooh noa", Superman's sudden telekinesis powers, the giant statue of Superman that looks terrible,&nbsp; The great travesty of this film is that if they had left the deleted scenes in the final cut, we wouldn't be talking about The Room, Troll 2, and Birdemic. There would only be Superman IV at the top of heap for worst movie ever made. So if you have a copy on DVD be sure to watch them. They infinitely make the film so much worse which already seems impossible. This is likely making the Year 3, Year in Review list for multiple hosts of Stinker Madness. Look at these star ratings! It's unbeatable. We truly loved it and had such a blast watching it. We wish every movie we watched was Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.

Its time for another great threepeat of similarly themed crappy movies and in honor of Cap Vs Iron Man we are going to delve into some of the less talked about but maybe even worse superhero movies that have graced the silver screen and then tripped upon entrance. You'll thrill at Superman IV's ineptness! You'll gasp at the offensiveness of Supergirl! You'll wonder at the banana business that is Punisher: War Zone! Join us for this excellent showcase of flops in the worlds of DC and Marvel. This week we prepare to enter the world of the 4 Christopher Reeves' Superman experience with the fourth and final of them. Superman faces off against Nuclear Man and the world's problem with too many damn nukes! We start the episode with Arch-Maker.com, the only speed dating experience for hero's and villain's trying to find the perfect nemesis match. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Smokey and the Bandit II - Starz The Saint - Netflix Demons - Shudder.tv Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate Static Electricity Sponge Person - 4/10 stars

Sandahl Bergman and a couple of nut-sacks take us on an Odyssey through one bonkers town to the next in a post-apocalyptic/swords and sandals mashup. We welcome our very special guest, Toren Atkinson of The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets and the Caustic Soda Podcast, to help us attempt to make sense of 1982's&nbsp;She. We want to say a huge thank you to the very funny, Toren Atkinson. We've all been huge fans of the Caustic Soda Podcast and are happy to have our second of the three hosts on our show. Don't hesitate to go back and listen to our hilarious&nbsp;American Ninja episode with Joe Fulgham for more Caustic Soda business. Toren is also the front-man of the "Chuthulu" rock band, The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets. TDotHT is recording and new album and Toren was kind enough to let us include one of the most badass of tracks, "Nyarlathotep".&nbsp; For more on Toren, Caustic Soda, and The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets, please please please visit: causticsodapodcast.com thickets.net http://www.thickets.net/toren/ And please help them finance their new album on IndieGogo. https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-darkest-of-the-hillside-thickets-5th-album

This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast we get ready for the 1982 Sandahl Bergman "post-apocalyptic" Oddysey,&nbsp;She. Be sure to join us on the main episode when special guest, Toren Atkinson, from The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets and the Caustic Soda podcast joins us to try and make heads or tails of&nbsp;She. We open the episode with the most pronouny game show of all time, "Who did that? We did!" Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Cave - Starz Running Scared - Netflix Leprechaun 4: In Space - Starz The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate The ability to rewind time by 30 seconds - See Life is Strange video game - 7.5 out of 10

Last weekend, millions of Prince fans watched the 1984 music film,&nbsp;Purple Rain, in honor of his Royal Highness, the Purple One. The 3 hosts of Stinker Madness joined in and celebrated the incredible talent and brilliance of Prince Rogers Nelson. The world won't be the same without him. Let's get to Prince. Wowie wow wow. I think we all know the man was talented but the music performances are so freaking incredible. Its truly breathtaking to watch. The man could put on one hell of a show. We would be bastards if we failed to mention The Revolution who not only support the performances but actually do solid in the acting department too. Well done, you! In whole,&nbsp;Purple Rain&nbsp;is a template to making a film with little narrative or well told character development exciting and never dull or boring. It's not stop awesome business and we all loved it thoroughly. It has its flaws for sure, and without Prince and the Revolution (you could have the same "story" with any band) this thing is nothing. Put Prince and the Revolution back in and its a non-stop toe-tapping electric neon jolt of enjoyment to your senses.

Yesterday, the Artist Foreverly Known as Prince left us here on Earth with our dicks in our hands saying, "Well that's it. If Prince can die then there is no hope of me living forever." And now, as tears subside, we celebrate the musical genius by honoring his work in 1984's&nbsp;Purple Rain. Wow, what an honor. Trigger Alert! Trigger Alert! We start the episode with an intro that some Western religious folk may find offensive. If you offend easily to the impression of God and Heaven then you may want to skip this one. What? It's not like we drew a picture of Moha- (the writer of Stinker Madness has been sacked). We then treat you with one of the sweetest jams The Purple One ever made (with The New Power Generation) - Sexy MF from the 1992's&nbsp;Love Symbol album. Streaming Do's and Dont's - The Prince Collection Purple Rain - YouTube $2.99 Under the Cherry Moon - Amazon $2.00 Graffiti Bridge - Amazon $2.00 Action Jackson - YouTube $2.99 Never Too Young to Die - YouTube! Who wins in a knife fight?&nbsp;- The Prince Wars Prince vs Bono Prince vs Sting Prince vs Madonna

Yesterday, the Artist Foreverly Known as Prince left us here on Earth with our dicks in our hands saying, "Well that's it. If Prince can die then there is no hope of me living forever." And now, as tears subside, we celebrate the musical genius by honoring his work in 1984's&nbsp;Purple Rain. Wow, what an honor. Trigger Alert! Trigger Alert! We start the episode with an intro that some Western religious folk may find offensive. If you offend easily to the impression of God and Heaven then you may want to skip this one. What? It's not like we drew a picture of Moha- (the writer of Stinker Madness has been sacked). We then treat you with one of the sweetest jams The Purple One ever made (with The New Power Generation) - Sexy MF from the 1992's&nbsp;Love Symbol album. Streaming Do's and Dont's - The Prince Collection Purple Rain - YouTube $2.99 Under the Cherry Moon - Amazon $2.00 Graffiti Bridge - Amazon $2.00 Action Jackson - YouTube $2.99 Never Too Young to Die - YouTube! Who wins in a knife fight?&nbsp;- The Prince Wars Prince vs Bono Prince vs Sting Prince vs Madonna

Betsy Russell cranks up the charm while the movie's everything else sets women's equality back 20 years. It's possibly the most offensive to women (and anyone with a brain) movie to come out of the 80s packaged as a rom-com. Enjoy this movie, but in no way practice anything from it in real life. We'll start with Betsy Russell, the star (Tommy Boyd). She's quite cute. She's quite charming. She's got a huge rack. But her hair stinks. She suffers from a case of Adrienne Barbeau head. Yes it was the 80's and yes perms were the norm but in "these modern times" perms look ridiculous and only belong on people that work the counter at your local golf course. With that caveat, we'd love it if we could find more stinkers with her in them. She's got IT! This is 80's schlock that rivals the stupidity of Teen Witch. It's completely offensive, chock full of boobs, blatant stupidity by the characters, and one of the silliest endings of all time. Watch Tomboy and then buy your mother/girlfriend/wife/neighbor lady a bouquet of roses and thank them for putting up with the shit they've been dumped on for 12,000 years.

This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast, Jackie chooses a classic 80's sexy-time "girls can do it too" cheese fest starring Betsy Russell as Tommy. Thus begins our third year in "bad" movie podcasting. Gear up! In this episode we've got a trailer for "Nancy Dan" a mashup of the trailer for Tomboy and Carol. What? Plus.... Streaming Do's and Don'ts Bail Out - Amazon Prime Poltergeist III - Starz Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - Shudder The Wild Card - Who wins in a knife fight? The Class of Nuke'm High VS Rock n' Roll High School

2016's Gods of Egypt has not done so well at the box office nor with the critics, so its time for the SM team to take another bad movie field trip. Can the power of Gerard Butler and Jamie Lannister facing off against each other prove to be awesome? This movie has been lambasted pretty hard by critics and the wiseness that is the Internet. So many people had mad-ons because there were 0 Egyptian actors in the film and its again just a bunch of white guys pretending to be ethnic, ie.&nbsp;Dracula Untold.&nbsp;Well I have a question....who gives a rats ass! If this film was chock full of Egypt's hottest stars (that aren't joining/getting murdered by Daesh) would it be a good movie? Nope. So eat shit, the Internet. The the casting, the super dumb/laughable dialogue, awful matte work, the bad character motivations, endless things that look bad on screen, the completely nonsensical plot, and you've got a film filled with bad decisions movies that rivals&nbsp;Jupiter Ascending but has NONE of the painful boredom. This thing is flaming god-king filled with gold paint electrified with a bullshit gun.&nbsp;

Happy Anniversary to Stinker Madness with our 2nd year of podcasting in the history books (or the toilet depending on your POV). With the final episode of each year we recap with the top ten most memorable cult, budget and "bad" movies that we saw over the last year. You can bet on each of these ones to be a great and enjoyable time. In this episode we cover numbers 4-1 and our top 3 best movies that came out in 2016. Be sure to go back and listen to Part 1 when we cover numbers 10-5 Best "Bad" Movies. Jackie's 4 through 1 Best Bad Movies 4. The FP 3. Roadhouse 2. The Apple 1. Cannibal: The Musical! Sam's 4 through 1 Best Bad Movies 4. Men of War 3. Biggles: Adventures in Time 2. Yor: The Hunter from the Future 1. Hell Comes to Frogtown Justin's 4 through 1 Best Bad Movies 4. Dreamcatcher 3. Slipstream 2. Gone with the Pope 1. Hell Comes to Frogtown Thanks for listening to us over the last year and we look forward to the next year of stinkers.

Happy Anniversary to Stinker Madness with our 2nd year of podcasting in the history books (or the toilet depending on your POV). With the final episode of each year we recap with the top ten most memorable cult, budget and "bad" movies that we saw over the last year. You can bet on each of these ones to be a great and enjoyable time. In this episode we cover numbers 10-5. Be sure to stay posted for Part 2 when we cover numbers 4-1 and our top 3 best movies that came out in 2016. Jackie's 10 through 5 Best Bad Movies 10. Killer Workout 9. Galgameth 8. Gunday 7. Queen of the Damned 6. Biggles: Adventures in Time 5. Starship Troopers Sam's 10 through 5 Best Bad Movies 10. Slipstream 9. Gone with the Pope 8. Templar Nation 7. Mad Foxes 6. American Kickboxer 2 5. American Ninja Justin's 10 through 5 Best Bad Movies 10. Fantastic Four (1994) 9. American Kickboxer 2 8. Midnight Ride 7. Gunday 6. American Ninja 5. Swamp Thing Thanks for listening to us over the last year and we look forward to the next year of stinkers.

It took four years and many many punches, but the final product is a roller coaster of a stinker. Jim Van Bebber's gang-revenge film has one of the craziest final fights ever captured in film. Along the way is a series of bonkers sequences that may or may not work for everyone but it's still a wild ride. The first 2/3 of the film is pretty slow, if we are honest. You have your typical "gang murdered my babe and now I gotta get me some revenge" plot but it seems there just wasn't enough material to have just that plot line. The film would have been about 30 minutes if it stuck to the plan. So there's alot of scenes that seem to be put in as time fillers. These time fillers setup the protagonist's (Goose) life and universe but they have very little to do with anything and can be a little tedious to get past. Once the movie hits the gas pedal though, watch out! The last 1/3 of the film is some seriously ridiculous action. Goose's handling of the attacks on him and his subsequent attacking of the gang members rivals Danton (Deadly Prey). He kicks some serious ass. He dispatches about 30 guys in less than 20 minutes. He's offing guys at a rate of 1.5 per minute. It's awesome. Deadbeat at Dawn&nbsp;isn't the most exciting of movies and most might walk away but the end is so worth the trip that we say it's a good choice for any fan of the genres of budget, action, or revenge films.

Its the final movie of our second year of podcasting and the last film eligible for our Year in Review episode. It's Jim Van Bebber pulling a Wiseau and killing his way to revenge and no amount of gang members are going to stand in his way. How much ass can he kick? Plenty. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Star Knight - YouTube Cannibal! The Musical - Hulu Wildcard - Amazon Prime Video Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor - The Presidents President Benson - Hotshots President Dave - Dave President Frankenstein - Deathrace 2000

Duke Mitchell gives us his best&nbsp;Godfather impression and along the way offends all of mankind, sails the Atlantic without problem, nabs the most powerful man on the planet with a pistol, and then finds God? It's one of the most bonkers films ever made and shouldn't be missed. This film is one of those rare "masterpieces" that come once every few hundred years. When films like&nbsp;Gone with the Pope&nbsp;are released, the stars and planets must all be in line and druids must sacrifice a virgin on top of some rocks. This is incredibly unique. It's two movies mashed into one with one of the least charismatic actors fronting the entire show all while not having a clue on how to make a movie. It's a vanity piece on par with&nbsp;The Room&nbsp;with a screenplay that is written on napkins and roll up hundreds primarily used for snorting coke. What Duke Mitchell put together in 1975 is a trainwreck of catastrophic proportions. But then you take the incredible work that Bob Murawski did with restoring and recutting the film and the incredible soundtrack by Jeff Mitchell (Director Duke Mitchells son) and you've got this travesty of a film packaged in a box that rivals the production qualities of&nbsp;Heat&nbsp;and&nbsp;Good Fellas. It's insane. Imagine if&nbsp;Troll 2 was reproduced by Steven Spielberg. The story is nuts, the acting is atrocious, the dialogue is a coke-filled nightmare, and behind it all is Duke smiling at himself in the mirror he's using to do lines off of. It's brilliant and nearly impossible to replicate. We may never see the likes of&nbsp;Gone with the Pope&nbsp;ever again in history and as such may be one of the most important bad movies you could possibly choose. Do not miss.

It's time for one of the craziest films ever to be made (sorta). In 1976, Duke Mitchell shot most of the film and then the footage disappeared..until now! We think it's about some mafia guys who kidnap The Pope, yes that Pope. You don't want to miss this one.&nbsp; Streaming Do's and Don'ts Eraser - Netflix Smokey and the Bandit - Starz Leprechaun 3 - Starz Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Yor, The Hunter from the Future Bodhi - Point Break (1991) Johnny Rico - Starship Troopers

Academy Award winning Nicolas Coppola (he's not the Nic Cage we know and love yet) stars as a completely insane man and gives a completely insane performance in a movie that seems to be about vampires but....no. It's known as a true stinker but we have a different take. This film has its flaws for sure. There's some technical flaws, there's some bad shots, way too much stock footage, a piss poor actress with a huge head that isn't deserved but for the most part it's a solid piece. The mystery from Vampire's Kiss stems from the over the top performance by Nic. So let's just discuss his little acting job. So the film does have it's problems, but Nic Cage is NOT it. He's brilliant and incredibly fun to watch. He nails the role. Whether over the top or not, that's what his job was and he does it. The story is great (in fact, it's a pretty similar story to praised Fight Club) and it's intentionally hilarious. This is a black comedy folks. If you think it's a bad movie then film may not be your thing. Try dirt bikes or backyard wrestling.

We open this week with a look at what could have been if "Superman Lives", starring Nic Cage, had ever been made. Special credits to Kevin Smith's (yes that Kevin Smith) original script. Serious credit to Kevin Mcleod at incomptech.com for the music. We hope you enjoy. Jackie brings in the supposed "Cagiest of Cages" this week with&nbsp;Vampire's Kiss. Is Nic Cage doing the worst job ever or was his performance something a naive 1989 critical audience just wasn't ready for? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Slaughterhouse - Shudder (sorry we said Starz on the podcast) Poltergeist II - Starz Horror High - YouTube (sorry we said Starz on the podcast) The Great Superpower Debate Clairvoyance of when someone is going to poop next - oofff.... 1 out of 10 - Our worst superpower ever...

A fairly accurate look into the life and mind of the bum that captures the essence of the transient; 100% crazy. Take a bunch of homeless people and then stuff them full of the worst alcohol ever created and watch them melt. Plus many not safe for children topics including penis keep-away...wait what? Street Trash really isn't for everyone. On many levels, it is almost too morally offensive. There's several sequences that are almost too uncomfortable. These bums are horrible, horrible people. They truly care about nothing but themselves and have as little regard for human life as Dr. Josef Mengele. Enter at your own risk and do not bring a date to a viewing of&nbsp;Street Trash.While horribly offensive, including instances of rape, murder, racism to Asians, sexual offensiveness to women, people getting peed and puked on, necrophilia, again...the penis keep-away scene, the presentation of this film is so bonkers and poorly made that&nbsp;Street Trash&nbsp;is still a going to get a recommendation from us. Just go in tentatively and with the right audience.

This week Sam brings in an seriously oddball in Street Trash, the tale of many, many, many insane bums that like to do horrible things to others. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Prophecy II - Netflix The Crippled Avengers - Netflix Best of the Best 4 - Netflix The Great Superpower Debate Self-Replication w/many caveats - 6 stars

That ol' nasty Aztec cult living in NYC rears its ugly head again and resurrects a giant flying hotdog-turtle that eats bikini ladies. Meanwhile, a low level criminal butthole douchebag treats his girlfriend poorly and then takes a couple of barely working cops on an egg chase. Believe it or not, this film shouldn't be called "Q", unless "Q" stand for "Quinn" because this film is not about a flying dinosaur(?) worshipped by an Aztec cult. It's truly about Jimmy Quinn, a low level criminal that doesn't understand how to do his job and his quest for fame and fortune, set to the background of a giant flying serpent attacking NYC. Here's a simple test to verify this: Tell us what the story of Q is in this film and then tell us what the story of Jimmy Quinn is in this film. You have a beginning, middle and end to Quinn; you understand his motivations, his relationships and his desires. Quinn is the main story. So in short, Q is a total blast and for sure a must see movie. Its hilarious, ridiculous, and non-stop banana business. You can really watch Q multiple times back to back. Don't just watch it online. You should own a copy of this gem.

This week its time for a definite must see stinker in Q: The Winged Serpent, starring Michael Moriarty, David Carradine, and Richard Roundtree. Sam and Justin have already proclaimed this as making both their Top 10 Year in Review films so you don't want to miss this one. Streaming Dos and Dont's Make sure to pick this 50 movie set Sci-Fi Invasion at Walmart. There's a ton of great bad movies on it and we highly recommend it. Hands of Steel - Youtube Top Line - Youtube Unfriended - HBO Now The Great Super Power Debate Never requiring sleep or rest - 4.5 out of 10

Private Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff) makes his dramatic debut to Stinker Madness with enough cool guy stares to melt a polar bear when he and Steve James team-up to punch and kick guys....and shoot them...and blow them up....sometimes run them over....and other ways you can kill guys. Joining us for this episode is Joe Fulgham from the always funny and sometimes grody podcast, Caustic Soda. If you've never heard or had the chance to listen to these guys you are blowing it. As in "not ever having seen No Holds Barred blowing it". We listen to each and every episode, its that good. Check out Caustic Soda Website - https://causticsodapodcast.com/ iTunes -&nbsp;https://itunes.apple.com/podcast/caustic-soda/id365188217 PodFeed -&nbsp;https://causticsodapodcast.com/feed/podcast/ American Ninja is one of those golden bad movies. It's non-stop fun from beginning to end with no shortage of head slapping stupidity. Cannon Group again wows us with the complete lack of knowledge on their favorite subject, the ninja. For silent assassins, these ninjas sure blow a lot of stuff up. American Ninja is a landmark in bad movies and shouldn't be missed by anyone.

Well, who didn't see this one making it to the program? It's 1). Michael J. Dudikoff 2). Cannon Films and 3). Ninja baloney that doesn't require any working knowledge of ninjas, just that they are sweet.&nbsp; We've got a VERY special guest for the&nbsp;American Ninja main episode, Joe Fulgham from the Caustic Soda Podcast. You don't want to miss this one. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Everly - Netflix Turbo Kid - Netflix The Great Superpower Debate The power to freeze time within spheres around you - 1 out of 10 - The worst superpower ever!

The deadliest game comes to Stinker Madness once again in the form of "Ozploitation" with 1982's&nbsp;Turkey Shoot. Brian Trenchard-Smith delivers a classic stinker with some seriously insane sequences and a hell of lot of fun. Turkey Shoot has a reputation for being pretty hardcore with heavy exploitative tones and excessive gore. We're not really seeing it. This is a fairly tame movie (in relative terms) to other "exploitation" films (see Cannibal Ferox, Mad Foxes, Killer Elephants et al.) So no one should go into this one thinking they are gonna get really offended or grossed out. The end of the movie is truly epic and glorious. If the first 3/4 of the movie is a 7 then end is 9. It's fantastic and puts this one in the must watch list.

Finally we get to another Ozploitation film. This time it comes in the form of a dystopian society that hasn't learned to "NEVER HUNT A MAN" in Turkey Shoot or Escape 2000 from Brian-Trenchard Smith. The full movie is finally on YouTube so be sure to watch this one. It's a hoot. Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Prophecy - Netflix The Worst Sports Movies We've Ever Ed - The further we get away from Ed, the more we like it. It's a strange phenomenon. No Holds Barred - Imaginary Non-People Sanctioned Street Fighting on TV The Babe - John Goodman stars as Babe Ruth and it completely doesn't work. Hokey and cheesy. Over the Top - Arm Wrestling Truckers....that's a sport right? Ruining your child's future may also be a sport. Rocky V - Rocky is suddenly poor....after defeating Communism...huh... Mathilda the Boxing Kangaroo - How did Eliott Gould get involved in this? Future Stinker Madness episode The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh - People born under the sign of pisces team up to save basketball in Pittsburgh with their star powers...Future Stinker Madness episode. The Great Super Power Debate Immunity to poison gas - 2.5 out of 10

The hottest awards for bad films in 2015 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2015 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below. And the Nominees &nbsp;&amp; Winners are (winner in bold): Best Bad Movie - The Most Enjoyable Bad Movie Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 The Transporter Refueled Furious 7 Jupiter Ascending The Last Witch Hunter Worst Bad Movie - The Least Enjoyable Bad Movie Hot Pursuit Mortdecai Aloha Fantastic Four The Gallows Best Bad Actor - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor Ray Stevenson - Transporter Refueled Eddie Redmayne - Jupiter Ascending Paul Bettany - Mortdecai Rupert Friend - Hitman: Agent 47 Jason Statham - Furious 7 Paul Walker - Furious 7 Best Bad Actress -&nbsp;Most Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor Emma Stone - Aloha Dakota Johnson - 50 Shades Julianne Moore - Seventh Son Rose Leslie - Last Witch Hunter Juliette Lewis - Jem and the Holograms MST3K Most Riffable - The easiest and most fun to make fun of film while viewing Jupiter Ascending 50 Shades of Grey Last Witch Hunter Point Break Seventh Son New SMABFA Categories: Worst Bad Actor - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor Johnny Depp - Mortdecai Eddie Redmayne - Jupiter Ascending Edgar Ramirez - Point Break Jeff Bridges - Seventh Son Ryan Shoos - The Gallows Worst Bad Actress - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor Teresa Palmer - Point Break Sofia Vergara - Hot Pursuit Kate Mara - Fantastic Four Reese Witherspoon - Hot Pursuit Julianne Moore - Seventh Son Least Funny Comedy - The "Comedy" movie that is the least humorous Hot Pursuit Pixels Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 Mortdecai

In October of 2015,&nbsp;Jem and the Holograms was released into US theaters with much fanfare, and by fanfare I mean people asking "They remade Jem? Well that was dumb..." and then one week later it was nowhere to be found, instantly making it a SMABFA contender. Whose idea was this anyways? The problem with&nbsp;Jem&nbsp;is the moral gets completely lost in the presentation. Sure, the plot is stupid. Sure, acting is not so good. Sure, the hunky boy is a total douche with the obligatory shirtless scene. These problems can be managed. The problem with&nbsp;Jem&nbsp;is the constant use of YouTube videos of other real life teenagers "practicing" music intercut into dialogue and montages. They are a hideous distraction and painfully annoying. Just what this film needs, more Internetting....blech. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

This week we finish off the last of our 2015 SMABFA contenders with the remake of Jackie's favorite 80's band of cartoon ladies. Could Jem and the Holograms preserve the cheese of the original cartoon or will they try to modernize it, making it completely boring? Jackie's Movie Call Cast List What animal do you bring to a open call casting so that the producer chooses you. What?!?! Get ready for the SMABFAs! They are coming out next week! Check for updates here.

Paul Verhoeven had a vision for a caricature of a Facist future society and totally nails it in the guise of a silly space battle movie. Toss in a 3 way love story with incredibly strong and easy to care for characters, exceptional acting and you've got one of hell of a good movie. Why then is this movie on Stinker Madness? Well because in 1997 the critics and Sam and Justin made a single mistake; they didn't get this movie. The world wasn't ready for&nbsp;Starship Troopers. We were expecting a film adaptation of the Robert Heinlein science fiction novel of the same title. We weren't expecting a high school football game with backflips. We weren't expecting children smashing beetles and mothers laughing maniacally at it. We weren't expecting&nbsp;Robocop&nbsp;and&nbsp;Total Recall&nbsp;with a serious story and moral statement. So it was panned by critics. Thus making it a "bad movie". But it truly is a masterpiece in pop culture. Starship Troopers&nbsp;has all the staples of a great bad movie. It's packed with action, its fast paced, its morbidly hilarious and the practical effects are gory and top notch. But the acting, story and masterful direction make the film a good movie packaged as a bad one. We applaud you, Verhoeven. This film is a masterpiece and should be viewed by everyone. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

With this episode of the famed Stinker Madness Podcast we prepare for 1997's&nbsp;Starship Troopers from master of stuff, Paul Verhoeven. Despite having a solid IMDB user rating, the critics panned it. Does Johnny Rico get better with age? Can Denise Richards be more than just walking boobs? IS the only good bug a dead bug? Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Runner - Netflix Pop Quiz, Hot Shot? - How do they do drugs in film? Sniffing cocaine - powdered lactose Heroin cooking - sugar &amp; baking soda Smoking weed - Wizard Weed - weed with no THC. Same things cops use when they go undercover. Crack rocks - Rock candy OR glue and baking soda Needle injections - prosthetic arms, trick needles, OR for budget movies - stunt guy just frickin' does it. The Great Superpower Debate Face freezing power - 2.5/10

For 25 years, people have been celebrating a film about a FBI guy spending 3/4 of the movie trying to get fired and perhaps sent to prison, while steadily falling in love with a dude brah. Since its release apparently no one has watched it because this crap stinks and not in good ways. There's quite a few more problems with the film including the casting of Lori Petty, how Patrick Swayze looks (he looks like an insane homeless person, he does NOT look cool), the extended "way too much information" dialogue between strangers, so much damn slo-motion, characters make choices that conflict with their entire idiom, there's shots of people/things that are there just to look cool and not to contribute to the story. Point Break&nbsp;is just a 5/10. Stop it with your nostalgia for this film. Put aside your 13 year old boy love for Bodhi and Johnny Utah. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Johnny Utah finally graces our presence in Kathryn Bigelow's second appearance on the show. Can it POSSIBLY be a good movie? Can it be a bad movie that everyone thinks is good? Or is it just the same as her Near Dark and just meh? Least Busey is in it. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life - Netflix (No longer available) The Thaw - Amazon Prime The Brain that Wouldn't Die - (with MST3K) - YouTube Darkman - Netflix The Great Superpower Debate Telekinesis limited to 8 ft range and 40 lbs. - 6.5 stars

For years people have been requesting a remake of a really stupid and poorly thought out 90's movie with horrendous acting and too many "dude bros" and then make it much much stupider. Wait...no one asked for that? Then wait the hell is the point of&nbsp;Point Break (2015)? The story of 2015's&nbsp;Point Break is truly one of the more poorly thought plots in recent memory. Johnny Utah must go undercover into some extreme guys again and to do it he must also do extreme stuff to build up their trust. There the plot similarity ends. The real dumb stuff is the motivation of Bodhi and his crew. They are going to save the Earth (environmentally, ie. "Mans progress is totally harshing my groove, bro" crap)...by doing 8 extreme sport/stunts. Yup. Save the Earth by jumping off stuff. Now one can argue that they are environmental terrorists who are going to stop corporations from damaging the Earth by extreme criminality but at no point would any of their stunts do that, one, in fact, damages the Earth more than the activity they are preventing and then halfway through the movie, they just give up on that completely and just do extreme sports so, as Bodhi puts it, "become one with the Earth". If only "becoming one with the Earth" meant splattering into the side of it at terminal velocity. The story is the only fun bad thing in it. Its absolutely not worth viewing by anyone as it rides in that black hole of "not good" and "not very bad" that films fall into. Maybe its worth viewing if you have the flu and are hopped up on NyQuil... Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

In what very well may be the worst mad scientist plan of all time, Professor Stoner (didn't make that up) turns innocent David from Man to Snakeman to.....well mongoose lunch. It's ssssssso ssssssstupid! It should be mentioned that no other film on this podcast is as worthy of being a MST3K episode. The film is not a fantastically fun time. There's periods of nothing happening and just shots of snakes and/or montages of David suffering from his condition. In truth there is only about 15 minutes worth of plot in this movie, but the end is so incredibly ssssssstupid that it can't be missed. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

This week Justin rolls the dice on maybe the worst movie title of all time. Seriously, try to tell your friends your watching Sssssss and listen how it comes out of your mouth. Onomatopoeia should never be used in film titles. But we think its about snake men... Streaming Do's and Don'ts Moonraker - Hulu Plus The Living Daylights - Hulu Plus Tomorrow Never Dies - Hulu Plus The Greatest Super Power Debate Fish Man - 6.5 stars

In the year 1994, disco has become such a force in culture that record producers can rule the government forcing the citizens of Earth to face prison time and social rejection if they are not down with "BIM"...we still aren't sure what BIM is but apparently you must be down with it. However, we are not. This movie stinks! Wow is this not how you make a movie and its such a mess that it becomes a spectacle. Normally, movies that predict the future are pretty off in their predictions of how we live but this one is WAAAAYYYY off. I don't remember glam in 1994's music. Maybe I misses something but I don't remember flannel having alot of glitter on it. But this film just can't believe that disco and "The Bay City Rollers" weren't going to rule music. However, the film is such a total disaster that there is a level of fun to it. The other primary bonus is that the film is short. You're not stuck in misery for way too long. There is only a few moments of pain that you must suffer from such as songs that run on too long and are crap to get to all of the good stuff. Without spoilers the ending is well worth the crappy parts to get to. Its not a great bad movie but its good enough for a viewing. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Jackie brings us her third musical mess with 1980's&nbsp;The Apple from Cannon Films, directed by none other than Menaham Golan. Can it beat out other similarily crappy 1980 films Can't Stop the Music&nbsp;and&nbsp;Xanadu? Streaming Do's and Don'ts 36th Chamber of Shaolin - Netflix Hidden Assassin - Netflix Assassins - Netflix The Great Superpower Debate Shitting Telepathy

Yor does not come from the future. He comes from over there. Sorry for the spoiler. He is still awesome. The ladies love him, the men fear him and Yor believes himself to be the most rad dude of all time and he might be right. Yor&nbsp;is one of those wacky Italian movies that believes to be a good idea with a good story but is just a mess of silly business. Yor bounces smugly from scene to scene veritably stating directly to the audience, "Hey, did you know I'm awesome? Cause I am." His motivations aren't clear, his actions are bonkers, and his idiom is dubious. He's great. He even has his own awesome theme song (Yor's World) that rivals "Do You Want to Be a Hero" from&nbsp;Biggles: Adventure in Time&nbsp;and "Stargrove" from&nbsp;Never Too Young To Die. Yor: The Hunter from the Future is one heck of a good time and is required viewing for any fan of the swords and sandals genre, as long as you like stupid crap.&nbsp; Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

For years, Sam has been praising&nbsp;Yor: The Hunter from the Future and now its finally time to share it's hunky goodness with the rest of the world. Let the scantily clad ladies fill our eyeballs. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films - Netflix Cannonball Run II - Hulu Plus Timeline - Netflix 36th Chamber of Shaolin - Netflix The Great Superpower Debate The Super Penis

We all absolutely loved Dreamcatcher. Its got all the qualities fans of bad movies look for. It keeps moving and never loses your interest in what is on screen even when you can't make heads or tails of what you are seeing. The story and key events are so confusing and dubious that you can talk with other viewers about theories and try to answer questions for hours afterwards. There's entire forums dedicated to trying to hypothesize what the hell happens in this train wreck. It's highly recommended you spend the time to view this masterpiece of horrendous film-making. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

In our first 2 parter ever, we break down 2003's&nbsp;Dreamcatcher. This movie is insanity. There is just about everything you want in a bad movie in this one. It is a scosh too long but this one's got it all with the combination of the stupid plot, the bad acting, the cheesy movie monster (it comes out butts), the dubiousness of Morgan Freeman and Tom Sizemore's characters, and Dudditts. Wow, Duddits. We love you, Duddits. The primary mistake this movie makes is poop. Really really. The film is meant to be frightening. The elements in concept are horrific. Being killed by something that is too big to be inside you coming out of your butt is possibly one of the worst ways to go. The Spanish Inquisition had nicer ways of killing people. Josef Mengele would have loved to have a bunch of shit weasels at his disposal. However, this is not scary in&nbsp;Dreamcatcher, it's hilarious. By the time the "horror" starts in this film, you've been giggling about farts and poop for ten minutes. So it's pretty tough to be scared. Questions abound in this thing. It is more dubious than&nbsp;Wicker Man.&nbsp;How do the aliens work? What's their reproduction cycle? Are the shit weasels actually the same species? Why is it called Dreamcatcher?&nbsp;Is Duddits mentally handicapped or just has a speech impediment? Who is Duddits? Did his mom screw an alien? Seriously, what's with Morgan Freeman's eyebrows...the list goes on and on. We were able to figure The Wicker Man out but this one defeated us. We just can't come up with theories to answer these....

Duddits is the man of the week as we go back to one of the most surprisingly bad (we mean bad) blockbusters of all time. It's 2003's Stephen King based&nbsp;Dreamcatcher starring every single actor ever! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Well we didn't watch any streaming movies. Stupid Xmas planning.&nbsp; However Jackie and Justin watched&nbsp;San Andreas&nbsp;and really should have been thrown under the bus by critics. It stinks! The Great Superpower Debate &nbsp;Sound Effect and Vocal Replication AKA Michael Winslow from&nbsp;Police Academy

An Internet meme gets its own movie which is supposed to be a Christmas movie but isn't. How long will it be before Lifetime calls us for the first Stinker Madness movie? At no point does this movie not piss you off. It's insulting to your intelligence and an offense on humor. While its not Grumpy Cat's fault, you still want to punt the stupid thing across the room. Yes this film will make you want to commit violence on innocent little critters. All of your morals will be thrown under the bus may lead some to murder.&nbsp;Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever&nbsp;may need to be confiscated by Homeland Security for the safety of us all.&nbsp; Boo this movie and boo fans of Grumpy Cat. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Jingle bells all and merry Decemberween to you. Jackie brings in a Lifetime Channel original Xmas movie starring a cat who is an Internet meme. It can't be awful right? Talking animals, the magic of Xmas and a network notorious for making awful cheese family fests? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Star Trek: Nemesis - Netflix Mortdecai - EPIX On Her Majesty's Secret Service - Hulu Plus The Great Superpower Debate Super Fast Wardrobe and Makeup Changing

Some guy who is NOT named Biggle's has ONE adventure in just ONE time. So with an inaccurate title, we travel back and forth to 1917 to defeat the Nazi's secret sound weapon that makes things too hot. Don't ask too many questions. Biggle's on paper sounds like a missed gem from our youth. The idea of a man named Biggle's traveling through time and having hijinx sounds like it would become your favorite movie when you're 12. Apparently the books are exactly that. But this movie is not. Biggle's is not the protagonist. It's a guy named Jim Ferguson who somehow gets transported back and forth from the present to 1917. So even he doesn't have "Adventures in Time" He just goes back to ONE time. So if you are looking for a sillier&nbsp;Bill and Ted's, you're not going to get it. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Timelonel, the best cure for time travel headaches and Ted Stevens, Time Gigolo This week Sam brings in one of his favorite movies from his childhood called Biggles. It's a time travel movie that desired to combine Indiana Jones with Back to the Future. Sounds like a recipe for success to us! Fans, we want to hear more from you and so we're giving you a task. Send us a story from back in the day of VHS tapes. Did you have an interesting story about renting one? Did you mistakenly record an episode of Transformers over your father's video presentation? What about good ol' porn mishaps. We want to hear it. Send us an email to&nbsp;talk@stinkermadness.com&nbsp;and the best stories we get we'll read on the air.&nbsp; Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Messenger - Amazon Prime The Masked Avengers - Netflix Men of War - Netflix Nemesis - Hulu Plus The Great Superpower Debate Thermal Spectrum Invisibility

Mac and Me is truly a turd. We didn't like it at all. Sorry about that. There's not enough here to enjoy by anyone. There's not even very much to write up. It just stinks. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Show opener - Justin has lost his ability to do anything but play Fallout 4 and Jackie is left with no choice but to go on Sammy Jesse Raphael. It's the final film in our 3 piece "Monster Buds" series and we close with a film we've been planning on since we started the podcast. It's the tale of a film executives trying to cash in on the buzz of&nbsp;ET&nbsp;(a film no one on Stinker Madness likes) so odds are pretty low that we'll enjoy this one. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Five Venoms - Netflix Gunday - Netflix The Great Superpower Debate It's a new game for this week. Each week we'll bring in a superpower and debate its merits for use in real life. This week - Super Hearing

C.H.O.M.P.S.&nbsp;is like a slow painful death from a stab wound in the tummy while getting your head pressed in an iron maiden. It's awful. Even if you are a dog lover, you will want this annoyance to cease to exist within 30 minutes.&nbsp; There is nothing redeeming for the film. Yes it has bad acting and yes its really stupid but these two items are masked by the overly intrusive soundtrack and the unending smorgasbord of generic sound effects that C.H.O.M.P.S. makes while he gallivants around town. There is nothing good here to be had. Steer clear of&nbsp;C.H.O.M.P.S.&nbsp;unless you want to eyeball torture Malcolm McDowell or are trying to extract intel from someone at Guantanamo. Its sucks. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Part 2 of our Monster Buds series and this time its a robot dog with superpowers played by an actual dog. That can't be a recipe for disaster in any possible way! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge - Netflix Creepshow 3 - Hulu Plus The Colombian Connection - Amazon Prime Senorita Justice - Amazon Prime Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Beethoven the Dog - Beethoven Hooch - Turner &amp; Hooch Kujo - Kujo

When you absolutely must rescue your vague kingdom from a usurper with unknown motivations and restore your position as the supreme ruler of the lands, reach for a Galgameth statue and squirt some tears on it. Just make sure you don't ever go near an ocean. It's the Adventure or Legend or just Galgameth and he's one family friendly&nbsp;Kaijū! There's some pretty great stuff in this one though for bad movie lovers. There is some possible moral tale about cats being evil and dogs being good, some seriously cheesy special effects, a poorly shot dummy that clearly gets crushed by Galgameth, some awful swordplay, some pretty crummy costumes, and pretty dumb dialogue. It's very easy to riff and great to discuss the stupid parts. We all enjoyed Galgameth and recommend it but its not for everyone by any means. Enter at your own risk.

It may be called Galgameth or it might be called The Adventures of Galgameth or it might be called The Legend of Galgameth; who's to say? Either way, it's the start of our "Monster Bud" 3 episode series. It involves a fantasy tale about a boy who gets a dragon who grows by eating metal. So we'll see how that works out. Sorry about the awful audio quality. Our new mixer is total crap. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Taken 3 - HBO Now Man-Thing - Hulu Plus Swamp Thing - Hulu Plus The Demolitionist - Hulu Plus Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor &nbsp;ET - ET &nbsp;Sloth - The Goonies The Alien Spaceship - Flight of the Navigator

Spookies is the very last of our Octoberween 3 bad horror movies of 2015 and what the hell do we say about this POS? Well it stinks. This is just one of those hot messes that some people will love and some will hate. There is some pretty fantastic moments and then there are others that are long and drawn out and get a little tedious. Some of the makeup and effects look great, some others look terrible. The good news is that none of it makes a lick of sense. The highlight of the film is certainly the farting Muck Men. This sequence should bring most bad movie fans to tears.&nbsp; Two out of three of us didn't enjoy this movie. By Rotten Tomatoes method of rating, that's a 33%. Not good. However, this reviewer thought that it was still worth doing. There is a few stale parts but when things happen they are good enough to carry you enough to the next nanners bit. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

57 Channels and Monsters On is how we kick off this episode. No Springsteen didn't make it. Its almost time kids. Just one more day until Halloween. So get a warm cup of pumpkin cider and curl up with a ridiculous podcast and an even more ridiculous movie. It's 1986's&nbsp;Spookies. Apparently it stars a bevvy of kooky monsters attacking a band of idiots.&nbsp; Be sure to come back on Oct. 31st as we are releasing our full episode on Saturday instead of Monday. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Vicious Lips - Amazon Prime Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight - HBO Now When a Stranger Calls Back - HBO Now Five Element Ninjas - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Dana Scully - The X-Files Fox Mulder - The X-Files Velma - Scooby-Doo

Lestat, a vampire, falls in love. That's it. The end. Podcast over. Really that's all that happens in this film. It is truly one of the most uneventful things ever viewed by man. It's a complete snooze fest. It may seem like important things are going on. But really it is just guys and girls moving incredibly slow (so they look sexy, I guess) and overacting. Or perhaps they are compensating for the huge teeth crammed into the actor's mugs. Speaking of actors... Aaliyah - She may have dead before this thing was released. That's a bummer. Many tears. That does NOT make her immune to having won an award for terrible acting. She was awful. Most notably her snake dance and her incoherent vamp talk. She's pretty hard to understand but when you did it doesn't matter.&nbsp; Yes this is a bad movie. No its not any fun. There's is just nothing happening. Something needs to happen. It doesn't. Boo this movie.

It's week 2 of our 3 episode Halloween trio of horribleness. This week Aaliyah stars in a sexy vampire movie called&nbsp;Queen of the Damned&nbsp;from 2002. While it avoided the Razzies completely this film was still quite pandered by critics but in the years since has gained a pretty heavy cult following. Is it because its filled with annoying glitter vampires or is there some merits to the shenanigans? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Private School - HBO Now Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror - Youtube Dark Was the Night - Netflix Motel Hell - Amazon &amp; EPIX Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Casper, the Friendly Ghost -&nbsp;Casper Slimer - Ghostbusters The Wolfman - The Wolfman

Gramps and Tucker from the If We Made It podcast join us for a Bad Movie Field trip with the most successful film of 2015,&nbsp;Jurassic World. It's been labeled by the geniuses of the Internet as a cinematic milkshake of bad movie tropes and not carrying the spirit of 1993's Jurassic Park. We ask, "What do you want from a monster movie?" Jurassic&nbsp;World&nbsp;at its core is just plain silly. The employees are all buffoons, the CEO may be the worst one of all time, and Chris Pratt's jungle man routine is about as preposterous as Donald Trump being President. It's all just silly. Critics and haters alike complain about the film not taking itself seriously enough and Bryce Dallas Howard traipsing through jungles and stepping in dino doo doo in high heels, with a bevy of buzzwords like one-dimensional, cliche, and lackluster. Perhaps you should just stick with Kurosawa films, it's a friggin movie about dinosaurs eating people! You can claim that your precious&nbsp;Jurassic Park&nbsp;is a film about taking science too far without considering the consequences but ask any child (which is the franchise's target market, not you Beardy) and they will tell you its about dinosaurs eating people. So we say, screw you purists. This isn't the newest biopic or historical depiction of how crappy things were 150 years ago or obligatory white man's guilt film. This is a film about dinosaurs fucking some shit up. Sit back in your seats, eat your popcorn and smile. You're there to have a good time. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Tom Atkins stars as a mustache-ride-given hacker doctor detective with the help of a young woman who may or may not be an android to take down a Irish/Californian novelty gift manufacturer who wants to use the powers of Stonehenge to transform millions of children into bugs and snakes. Don't come for Michael Meyers, stay for the endless sea of questions. The movie is completely silly. The plot of ridiculous and with each moment the viewer is just presented more and more questions. It's like the entire run of&nbsp;Lost&nbsp;or the heads of the Hydra. When you answer one question, five more questions sprout up. Each character's motivations are pretty confusing not to mention who the hell they are. Why is Tom Atkins the detective? Why is he alcoholic? Is the girl a robot the entire time? If so, why does she lead Tom Atkins directly to the Silver Shamrock Corp? Does Silver Shamrock murder children or do they just become bugs and snakes? If its murder, then is it murder by teleporting bugs and snakes into their brains? Just writing these questions make me think of more. We could spend 900 pages in just questions. We love this film and highly recommend it. Especially if you hated it when you were a child. Come back. It's fantastic. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Silver Shamrock, inventors of such gags as Sticky Toilet Paper and Super Tiny Undies. Get the gags going this Halloween with Silver Shamrock. It's that time again, kids. Time to enjoy the sweet smells of fall, the colors of the leaves as they fall to the ground, Mom's pumpkin pie and being transformed into bugs and snakes through the powers of Stonehenge. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (yes the one that doesn't have Michael Myers) stops in on Stinker Madness to kick off our three episode series on our favorite spooky films. Be sure to wear your masks! Streaming Do's and Don'ts A Boy and His Dog - YouTube The Substitute - Netflix The Paramount Vault w/ 3 American Ninjas, King Solomon's Mines &amp; Ninja III: The Domination!!!! - YouTube Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Elvis Presley -&nbsp;Elvis Jack Burton - Big Trouble in Little China McGrady - The Thing

Before the flop of 2015, before the two turds in the early 2000s, there was 1994's&nbsp;The Fantastic Four. It's a film that was never meant to be viewed by the eyes of man but we are super happy that we can. We are joined by special guest, bad movie blogger and friend of the show, Brad Slager (@MartiniShark) who knows and loves this movie. Check out Brad's write up on FF at http://www.lifezette.com/popzette/the-first-fantastic-dud/. The film is refreshing because it is a fan boy's dream. Nothing is changed about the origin of the FF, the powers, their characterization, stories, etc. It looks cheesy, its campy and its silly. At no point is there any modernization of things to make them look good on screen. It is just a movie made for fun and not for people to talk about how interesting the origin retelling was (see modern comic adaptations).&nbsp;That makes it great. We really loved this movie. Without a doubt, its the best of the 4 Fantastic Four films. It is one hell of a good time with so many plot holes that kept us talking about who and what was happening. Add in a great performance from Alex Hyde-White as the most likable Reed Richards ever on film and you've got a must see movie. It can be argued that it's the 2nd best comic book adaptation of the 90's. We highly recommend it. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by Fantastic Bore, the movie that breaks all the rules such as having an actual story. It's out of control Fantastic business this week as we prepare for 1994's The Fantastic Four from Roger Corman. Is it possible that it's the best or worst of the Fantastic Four movies? Well we'll now how it compares to 2015's Fantastic Four. This week instead of Streaming Do's and Don'ts we do a mini "Bad Movie Field Trip" review of one of the worst reviewed superhero movies of all time. Is it that bad? Is it even possible to make the FF look good in film?

Stallone writes a screenplay that is about three things he has no working knowledge of; 1) Racing, 2) Relationships, 3) Story. It is quite possibly the worst screenplay ever written. Manos: The Hands of Fate has a lot more story than 2001's&nbsp;Driven. If anyone can tell us what the story is, please let us know. Why this movie was made is vexing. What the inspiration was for Stallone to write this film is a mystery for the ages. He clearly has little to no interest in auto racing because he never shows any knowledge of how it works or even simple common sense regarding it. He appears to know that cars can go fast and that people sometimes try to see how fast they can go around a track but that's about it. Burt Reynold's character owns a race team but continually tries to sabotage his driver because he's just not good enough despite the fact that he's Number 1 in the world. Kip Pardue's character can't handle posing for photos and giving press conferences despite the fact that he's a rolling advertisement for his sponsors. The only thing that Stallone's character appears to do in the film is make people happy. Wow. This one is just too crappy and annoying for us. There is probably a market of bad movie fans that could enjoy this one but the complete lack of anything happening in this film keeps us from giving is a watchable review. It sucks.&nbsp; Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by "Top Pits" starring Tom Cruises and Valerie Kilmer. In 2002, Stallone gave us an 8 time Razzie nominated movie that he took the time to write. Remember! This is the guy that wrote the screenplay to Rocky for which he won an Oscar....the same guy. Yeah....right. It's sort of a movie about race car driving, it's sort of about race car drivers and then its sort of about absolutely nothing. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Exodus:Gods and Kings (first 12 minutes) - HBO Rapid Fire - HBO The Kid with the Golden Arm - Netflix Cyber C.H.I.C. - YouTube (but some butthole removed it....lame) Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Pete's Dragon - Pete's Dragon Artax - The Neverending Story Charlotte - Charlotte's Web

Mark Hamill kidnaps a lady so that he can have his doctor zap her brains but first he must give slip to the husband, one Michael Dudikoff. It's a thriller/action/slasher movie where Hamill shows he's nuts, Dudikoff gives us his "whoa-face", we learn who Tommy Wiseau's mother is and Robert Mitchum is on set for about 2 hours! This movie is pretty ridiculous. It never stops moving with absurdity. From Dudikoff getting strapped to the hood of a car in an elaborate death method to the explosion of a family in a station wagon to endless fog to the bad "Xtreme Sports" music choice. It's bat shit.&nbsp; The film has absolutely no clue what the heck it is. It's a slasher with no blood. It's an car chase movie with little car chasing. It's a thriller with non-diagetic music that fits a 90's Nerf commercial. What it is though is hot. It's fast-paced, laugh a second, splosions all over the place and never-ending ludicrousness. It's awesome. We all really liked&nbsp;Midnight Ride. It's a great time and should not be missed by fans of Hamill, Dudikoff, Oldsmobiles, and banana business. Great time. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

We start this episode with a letter from Justin to Mark Hamill in the hopes he will become his best friend and replace Sam and Jackie on the podcast. We have yet to hear back. It's a film with Mark Hamill and Michael Dudikoff which are no surprise show ups on Stinker Madness. But Academy Award winner Robert Mitchum is in this too?! How did Robert Mitchum make it on Stinker Madness??? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Templar Nation - Amazon Prime Monster Squad - Netflix Plus 2 bonus movies (Not Streaming) - Available at Walmart for $4 Captain America (1978) Captain America 2: Death Too Soon (1978) Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Matt Hunter - Invasion USA and Avenging Force Pvt. Joe Armstrong - American Ninja series Jersey Bellini - Bounty Hunters series

We dig into David A. Prior's bouncy lady bits slasher film from 1987, starring Marcia Karr, Fritz Matthews, and superior badass Ted Prior (who all were in the epic&nbsp;Deadly Prey). It's the tale of murder at the aerobics gym that also has a weight room for the tough guys. It's cheesy, with incredible 80's music, Ted and Fritz punching each other just cause, and so much bouncing and splits.&nbsp; Some of you may know this film as it's other title of&nbsp;Aerobicide&nbsp;but it's labeled as&nbsp;Killer Workout in IMDB so that's what we are going with here. Hope Amazon knows what the hell they are doing. Either way both titles are great. While this movie is no Deadly Prey, it is still a really good time. Especially if you like bouncing lady parts. I can not understate how much bouncy lady parts there are in this film. It's great because the gym never stops having ladies in leotards doing jumping jacks even though there's murders happening at the same time and cops are pulling bodies out. Still gotta make that aerobics class. Probably due to high gym fees. Killer Workout moves. If there's anything about David A. Prior films it's that you are never bored. There's very little exposition and is just about the fun stuff. Some highlights: A tanning bed that you can bury Spock in Employees showing up late to work just in time to close Sweet murder makeup Stabbing someone in the leg with a rake A cop that can't stop hassling everyone A lady with peanut butter all over here boobs Not knowing how phones work (Stinker Staple #8) Going out through the closed window (Stinker Staple #2) Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by Dr. Lecter's Killer Workout. Sorry Tina Turner and Chuck Norris, but Dr. Lecter needs your body more than you do. We are back! After a three week hiatus, we've returned in full force with this weeks fine episode. We prepare for our second David A. Prior film entitled&nbsp;Killer Workout aka&nbsp;Aerobicide from 1987. We pay tribute to the late Mr. Prior who will be sorely missed. Make sure to pre-order your blu-rays of&nbsp;Killer Workout, Deadly Prey&nbsp;AND&nbsp;Deadliest Prey which release on Oct. 13, 2015 (Buy Here). Streaming Do's and Don'ts Star Trek: Insurrection - Amazon Prime Heroes of the East - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor -&nbsp;The Indiana Jones special Dr. Marcus Brody Shortround Salah

When you take 70-bajillion characters with vague powers and zero characterization, toss in a very poorly cast James Remar who manages to act worse than Christopher Lambert, sprinkle with crappy, boring fight scenes with a side of the worst special effects ever, and then finish off with completely removing any bit of "Mortal Kombating" while still calling it Mortal Kombat, you've built a movie worthy of being called one of the worst movies of all time. Mortal Kombat: Annhiliation deserves to be in the IMDB Bottom 100, should have swept the Razzie awards and deserves to be mentioned alongside Birdemic and Manos: The Hands of Fate. It is a truly awful and painful film to view. The acting is terrible, the directing is terrible, the writing is terrible, the choregraphy is terrible, the set design is terrible, the music is terrible, the costumes are terrible, and so on a so forth. Despite all of this, the primary problem with this film is none of these. The problem is that it is painfully boring. While all of these bad qualities are worth laughing at in other bad films, these can't over come how bored you are as a viewer of seeing nothing happen for an hour and a half. Our very best recommendation is to NOT watch this film. It's not worth viewing for any reason. The good news is that it didn't even get nominated for a Razzie NOR is it in the IMDB Bottom 100. So a bad movie historian or tourist of Razzies and IMDB Bottom 100 have no reason to watch this. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

We open the episode with Sportcenter's coverage of the Mortal Kombat association vs. the Mortal Kombat Players Association legal battle over injuries in the sport. We get ready to experience the "watchable crap" called Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, the sequel to the massively successful Mortal Kombat (1995). Is there a chance that it could possibly be not a giant turd and as much fun as the first one? Odds are not good with it's 11 Metacritic score. In lieu of Streaming Do's and Don'ts this week, our friend @martinishark has gifted us the entirety of Seven (1979). We are now able to finish our total review from the debacle that was our episode that got cut short thanks to bad Internetting. Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Jar Jar Binks The Love Guru Ace Ventura (again)

Ed&nbsp;is the masterfully crafted story of a farmer turned worlds best pitcher ever with the help of a hilarious baseball-playing chimpanzee all while discovering the magic of baseball and the magic of children. Or it could be a film about the demonstration making a movie without knowing how baseball and/or animals work with the magic of baseball and the magic of children. You decide! Ed deserves to be in the IMDB Bottom 100. It truly is an awful movie.&nbsp;We think that&nbsp;watching&nbsp;Ed&nbsp;alone may be the worst idea that anyone could have. But with a pretty solid group of riffers&nbsp;Ed&nbsp;can be a good time. It does all it can to help you make funny jokes while watching it. If riffing a bad movie is like a gun, then&nbsp;Ed&nbsp;buys the expensive bullets and then loads the gun for you. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by TRASH. The new channel featuring animals playing sports. Order TRASH today! Matt LeBlanc graces our TV in the 1996 mega-stinker&nbsp;Ed.&nbsp;Its about a movie of a man in a monkey suit playing baseball! Plus there's a chimpanzee who plays baseball! (Our apologies to Matt LeBlanc, that joke is just way to easy to make) Streaming Do's and Don'ts Outcast - Netflix Can't Buy Me Love - Netflix Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace - HBO Now Star Wars Episode II - Attack of the Clones - HBO Now Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor&nbsp; Apologize to our fans, but Sam totally blew it and didn't come up with any good neighbor, bad neighbor picks. If you see him, please shame him publicly.

Donald G. Jackson, Roddy Piper, Sandahl Bergman, and Steve Wang all completely nail it in&nbsp;Hell Comes to Frogtown. It can be argued that there is no funner "bad movie" ever made, especially when how much little money was spent. Sam Hell enters Frogtown to gets some fertile women rescued and then make sweet sweet love to them. This movie rocks. We'll start with our dearly departed Roddy. There's no one out there that could have done a better job with the role of Sam Hell. Period. Roddy nails the role. He's snide, sarcastic, witty, action-packed, intense, funny, and charming. Sam Hell can rival just about anyone out there as for likable characters. Sam Hell is just as lovable as Ash (Evil Dead) or Danton (Deadly Prey). The guy is bad ass and too much fun. Our problem with this film is that its considered a bad movie. It's NOT. This is a high quality, well executed piece with absolutely no flaws. The acting is spot on, the effects are top notch, the story properly delivered, the script is incredible and the very well spent money make this a perfectly made film. Sure if you were to tell someone who has never heard of it that its a movie about a guy with superior sperm has to free some sexy ladies from giant mutated frogs it sounds like a typical bad movie. But this film is as high quality as 90% of films out there.

This episode we pay tribute to one hell of a human being, one of the best entertainers in history and possibly the sole reason that Vince McMahon has a successful business; one Roddy Rowdy Piper. In 1988, shortly after the success of They Live, Roddy starred in a little film called&nbsp;Hell Comes to Frogtown. It's the story of a man in charge of boning lots of ladies while kicking ass along the way. Well that sounds pretty rad....and it is. On a personal note, Hot Rod was a real big deal to me. I grew up watching and rooting for Rowdy and Macho Man more than any other wrestlers. I remember being astounded about how energetic Roddy was and how everyone else seemed so rehearsed but he was just off the cuff with anything he said. You could see whoever was on camera with Roddy being completely unprepared with dealing with Roddy. I loved it. Roddy, you'll be missed. Say hi to Randy Savage for me. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Moonbase - Netflix The Avenging Eagle - Netflix I Am Soldier - Amazon Prime Conan The Barbarian - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Rip "The Ripper" Thomas - No Holds Barred Fezzick - The Princess Bride Drax the Destroyer - Guardians of the Galaxy

LL stars in her Razzie winning opus/masterpiece of terrible cinema, twice! It's the story of a mixed up teen and her mixed up teen doppelganger who suffer from "non-religious stigmata" and death by not finishing piano training. It may be the least frightening horror movie ever made! Lindsey Lohan wows us in the film. She may not have been aware she was in movie for about half of the film. She appears to be either on ludes or vodka quite frequently. You can see her tune out of being there when not giving lines and sorta just stares at the wall. Her "stripping" is awful in that she doesn't actually strip. Oh she dances then? No she doesn't do that either. She just sorta makes a poopy face and slithers around the pole. Wow. I've never stripper danced before but I'm pretty sure I could have done a better job. Despite all this we kinda enjoyed this movie. Its VERY riffable. A couple funny friends and a couple Lohan style glasses of vodka and you can have alot of fun. It's really really bad and really really dumb but still alot of moments that are laughable. Giant cat balls, mirror monologueing, &nbsp;disappearing characters, inept cops, and a robot hand delivered by Snoop Dogg...this thing doesn't let up with dumbness. We recommend it. Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by "I Know Who My Agent Is" the horror film that only scares Hollywood. An agent sets out to kill Lindsey Lohan, Paul Giamatti and Will Smith's careers. The horror! Jackie brings in another multi-Razzie winner, with 8 wins, including Worst Actress and Worst Picture. It's the Lohan, starring in her first role as a crack whore but refuses to take her top off. Can it possibly be worse than Wicker Man? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Q - The Winged Serpent - YouTube Curtains - YouTube Mad Foxes - Now removed from YouTube, Sorry. The Invitation - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Gus Gus - Cinderella Catwoman - Catwoman Teela - He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

It's the second film from Stinker Madness stalwart, Andy Sidaris. No, it's not that one with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. It's the story of seven agency operatives taking down seven criminal overlords on lovely Hawaii for the price of seven million dollars. It's got all the classic staples from Andy and we love it! At least the first hour and 23 minutes, because we haven't seen the end of this film. WHAT?!?! You're going to do a review of a movie you haven't seen all of? Nope we aren't. Sorry to disappoint guys. There's not going to be a review in this one. However, it's quite important to still discuss this film and how we watched it. We were forced to watch this film on YouTube. Because it's not available by any other means. That's right you can't get your hands on this film. It's not for sale. Now here's the real rub. The YouTube copy cuts out at 83 minutes with an ad for a Japanese porno site. Nice. The real fun thing is that this movie keeps getting removed for copyright infringement by the copyright owner. They have that right. But if you're going to do that then make it available to buy, please. Idiots. (It should be noted that friend of the show, Arlene Sidaris does NOT own the rights to this film. We believe that Hugh Hefner does.) Anyways, there's still plenty of a good time in the 83 minutes we did see. It's an odd film in that it is a heist movie with nothing being stolen. It's setup and paced as a heist movie with the recruitment of a team of individuals with unique skill sets, a elaborate and difficult plan with only a small window of time to execute it and only one try allowed, quick interlaced cuts between moments of actions between the individual players, and so forth. But the story is just some guys taking down some bad guys. It makes for a lot of fun and is VERY well edited. From what we saw, this may be Andy Sidaris' best directed film.&nbsp; We really loved the first 83 minutes of Seven. Hopefully we'll be able to get a fully copy from a listener in the next few weeks and can update this review.

Before Malibu Express, Andy Sidaris directed a film called&nbsp;Seven. It's quite hard to find and rarely seen and has been on our list for ages. It stars William Smith and is about seven operators taking on seven villains in Hawaii. Buckle up for the ride! This episode we have no streaming do's and don'ts but we instead discuss the Top Ten Stinker Staples. Be sure to read the whole list. 10. Sobriety superpowers 9. Better take our shirts off 8. Not understanding how phones work 7. The bad guy is bad....because. 6. The lifeless dummy 5. Unlimited ammo 4. Freezeframe, credits 3. Truckin' 2. Leaving by unopened window 1. The Exploding Helicopter Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Jordan Tate - Under Siege (Erika Eleniak) Barb Wire - Barb Wire (Pam Anderson) Jill Munroe - Charlie's Angels (Farrah Fawcett)

It should be noted that Sam gets pretty wasted on this episode. We mean very wasted. Like Noah drunk. Be sure to listen at the end for drunk Sam outtakes. Near Dark is highly praised for being the best vampire movie ever made. However that's like saying that the Pinto is the best car that explodes on impact ever made. Its the tale of a farm boy who falls in love with a wandering stranger that's not like any of the other girls. He then goes on a wild ride with a gang of nomads in a van until sunlight wins the day again. Well....we don't like this movie. We found it to be a colossal disappointment with some really misses. In that, the primary problem with this film is that Bill Paxton is incredible. You heard it. Bill Paxton does a fantastic acting job. He nails it. He's infectious. He's memorizing. "Why is that a problem?" you might ask. Because there's far too little of him on screen. His role is super limited and angered us. Hey Bigelow, we want more Paxton! The movie would have been really great would have worked so perfectly as a graphic novel. A graphic novel would have allowed for ongoing stories about the vampire nomads going from town to town and wrecking bars, eating people and running from the fuzz. But there's no story here for a movie. A movie has a limited run time so a full story must be flushed out in that time. This does not happen here. The characters take no internal journey and can be summed up as "boy gets turned into a vampire, boy gets Tim Thomerson blood transfusion, vampires get lit of fire, freezeframe, credits." In the end, the film is just kinda glittery and boring. Characters just drive around and then drive around. Nothing happens. There's way too much Twilight business. And not enough Bill Paxton business!!! Boooooooooo..... Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by World War V. It's every single badass vampire killer vs every stupid vampire from the last 10 years. Blade leads Buffy, James Crow and the Frog Brothers against the Twilight buttholes, John Depp's Barnabas, Selene from Underworld, and Luke Evan's Vlad. It's time we take a look at one of the highest praised vampire movies of all time. It's&nbsp;Near Dark starring Bill Paxton, Adrian Pasdar and Lance Henriksen. Is&nbsp;Near Dark&nbsp;really that awesome or is it just one of the first films that stray from&nbsp;Bram Stoker's Dracula&nbsp;and&nbsp;Nosferatu? Justin is rolling the dice with this pick as it is so highly praised. Could this be the second "good" film reviewed by this "bad" movie podcast? We also get to some listener feedback and take alot of heat for picking&nbsp;Johnny Mnemonic.&nbsp;Apparently there's quite a few people that think it is a good movie. They are wrong. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Monsters; Dark Continent - Netflix Bill &amp; Ted's Bogus Journey - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighborhood Blade The Frog Bros Buffy

Dalton gets brought into make a bar even less fun, get paid way too much, prevent alcohol from being served and then rip everyone's throats out. It's the bad movie classic&nbsp;Road House,&nbsp;5 time Razzie nominee starring Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot. This is one of the most viewed and loved bad movies of all time and there's a reason it's so popular. It's ridiculous. It's one hell of a good time. The action is over the top, the dialogue is hilarious, the acting is a atrocious and the plot of completely stupid. It's fantastic. Road House is an epic in "tough guy" business. Every character is super tough (but not as tough as Dalton, of course) and all of the women are damsels that have one motivation in life; get your boobs out. If you get offended by some pretty one dimensional female characters you might want to avoid this one. But if you can get past how offensive this film is, you're in for a great ride. It is one of those rare films that never takes its foot off the gas pedal. It's a really dumb gas pedal but that thing is pegged for 90 minutes. Great great great time! Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by The Antiques Road House. Dalton stops by to help analyze some precious valuables. This episode we get a preview of the 1988 classic stinker, Road House, starring Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliot and Ben Gazarra. It's a whole hodown at the Double Deuce bar. How many bottles will we smash over each other's heads? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Congo - Netflix Deep in the Darkness - Netflix Donner Pass - Netflix Leprechaun 2 - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Oda Mae Brown - Ghost Baby Houseman - Dirty Dancing l

It's a cyberpunk trip through the Internet with Keanu Reeves as he portrays Johnny Mnemonic, a hard-drive installed brain courier guy who has to deliver the cure for Chronic Internetitis Addiction to a group of resistance fighters trying to free our minds from evil corporate influence.....or something? The primary problem with this film is that it makes no a lick of sense. Johnny's motivations are contradictory to his actions. The "bad guys" do things to stop Johnny from making his delivers when it seems that they are the only people that would want to hire him in the first place. Everyone seems to be just doing things to do things. Really if everyone just lets Johnny deliver his digital goods, then its in everyone's best interests. Lastly, the whole idea is that Johnny has to deliver 320GB in person with the data stored in his brain. Today, we do that by uploading the data to the cloud and no brain courier is ever needed. It's a terribly inaccurate vision of the future. The good news is that its a total blast of badness that is a true gem to watch. It's impossibly stupid, horribly ridiculous, and laugh a minute fun. The action sequences are super dumb and combined with the "going into the Internet" scenes make for a ton of laughs and good riffing with friends. There's never a dull moment in this film and makes for a great viewing experience. Get out your VCRs, put this in, travel into the future and then be ready to try to figure out what the hell just happened with some friends. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Johnny Pneumatic. Keanu Reeves and Rosmand Pike gets trapped in an annoying steampunk world and gets his armed replaced with a drill (just go with it). Its time for us to finally see what the Internet looks like from the inside with 1995's Johnny Mnemonic, starring Keanu Reeves and Dina Meyer, with fun appearances of Dolph Lundgren, Henry Rollins, Udo Kier and Ice-T doesn't screw it up! Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Lost Boys - Netflix The Howling V: The Rebirth - Netflix (no longer availabe, bummer) Cyborg - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Mr. Anderson (Not "The One", but Neo before he takes the red pill) - The Matrix Ted "Theodore" Logan - Bill &amp; Ted's Excellent Adventure Officer Jack Travor - Speed

Its the story of a virgin teaming up with a very loose woman on the hunt of an ugly car. It stars Mark Hamill and Annie Potts and its called Corvette Summer. Its possibly the greatest love story told in a bad movie and is one step away from actually being a good movie. But an ugly car, poor production values, and plot holes keep it from getting there. So Mark Hamill plays a recent high school grad, named Kenny who is a mechanical wizard, but a socially awkward virgin. Kenny has rebuilt a Corvette Stingray as part of his high school shop class. The car gets stolen on its first day out and Kenny is heart-broken. He gets a tip that the car is in Vegas so Kenny goes in search of it. Along the way, he meets a "hooker in training" named Vanessa (Annie Potts) who helps him out by letting him live in her van and search for the car. On the whole, this film is so close to being a sleeper for good movies. If we'd seen a little more adult content (such as when Vanessa gets beat up by a "john") and less kiddie elements (such as the car being so over the top and the score), it may still be talked about by good movie people today. Instead its an almost good film that is stuck in bad movie land, to which we say "Thank you". Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by Corellian Corvette Summer, the story of a moisture farmer and a Twilek with a heart of gold that gets his CR90 Corvette stolen. If only he'd made it to Tashi Station... Justin delivers his favorite romantic bad movie with Mark Hamill and Annie Potts and the buttest Corvette ever. Its Corvette Summer from 1978. It's the story of a socially awkward virgin on the hunt of a stolen ugly car, along the way falling for a hooker in training.&nbsp; Streaming Do's and Don'ts Repo! The Genetic Opera - Netflix Mortal Kombat: The Movie - Netflix Age of Ice - Netflix The Cobbler - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Agent Clarice Starling Eleanor Ripley Lance Stargrove

The very first Razzie winner gets an in depth look and wow, is it bad. It truly is worse than Xanadu (which we feel is quite the achievement). Its a fake biopic of how the Village People became successful but has no basis of reality. And we should mention that its super gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). The film builds a universe that is not something we want to have anything to do with. People don't have jobs, people just come in and out of people's homes, random people off the street get pulled into parties without wanting to come to and people have NO concept of how anything works in real life. New York is built to be Camelot from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail (Never mind, let's not go to Camelot. Ti's a silly place.) We would not like to go there. The real badness of this film is that they try to, as Sam puts it, "knock the gay off the Village People". The gayness of this movie is the truly fun part of the film but it is so muffled by the stupid story and by trying to make the Village People's characters be straight men. If you went to see this movie wanting to see a film about gay men shaking their asses, then you won't get it. Its so stuffed with characters that truly don't matter to the plot of the film and scenes that don't matter to the plot. Which leads to a too-long film with only about 10 minutes of fun. This one is close to being a fun time but it just is too damn long with too much dull dialogue and terrible jokes to make it truly fun. The stars of the show are the actual Village People but it's too muddled up with character development and backstories of Jack (Guttenberg), Samantha (Valerie Perrine), and Ron (Jenner). It is required viewing for bad movie fans but don't expect a good time. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by Behind the Music: The Village People. In this in depth look, we learn about the Village People's little known 7th member, the Homophobe. Jackie chooses yet another movie with crazy costumes and singin' and dancin'. But will the very first Razzie winner scare her away from making the same mistakes as A Star is Born and Xanadu? Or will a bunch of gay men that can actually sing and dance win over Sam's fear of disco? Check out Can't Stop the Music currently on Netflix and join in on the fun with us. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Dracula's Widow - Netflix G-Men from Hell - Netflix Pet Sematary - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Scooby Doo Mickey Mouse Flash Gordon

We go for a ride with Hard Ticket to Hawaii, directed by bad movie hall of fame director, Andy Sidaris. Expect guns, boobs, jokes, ridiculous action sequences, splosions, more boobs, tough guys and gals and don't forget there's a snake in this movie! It's the first film in the Sidaris collection that features Donna and Taryn, two rad hot chicks who work for The Agency, the super secret government organization that fights crime, drugs, kidnappers and terrorists. This time to duo team up with Rowdy Abilene and a karate guy named Jade to take down a drug dealer in Hawaii. Along the way, they make sure to take their shirts off whenever they feel like it, free a giant mutated snake, face a skate-boarding assassin, and play some deadly Frisbee on the beach. We love this film and highly recommend it. It's a must see. Make sure to listen to that and also be sure to visi tandysidaris.com&nbsp;and pick up a copy of the Girls, Guns and G-Strings collection (which includes Hard Ticket to Hawaii). Its one of the best DVD collections out there. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

We open this episode with Justin applying for The Agency, the guns, girls and g-strings government group from the Andy Sidaris films. We take up our second Andy Sidaris film with Hard Ticket to Hawaii. It's a fun film that we all love with busty ladies, fun jokes, crazy assasins, huge explosions and an evil snake. What more could you want? We also end this episode with a fine interview between Sam and the film's producer, Arlene Sidaris. Make sure to listen to that and also be sure to visit andysidaris.com&nbsp;and pick up a copy of the Girls, Guns and G-Strings collection (which includes Hard Ticket to Hawaii). Its one of the best DVD collections out there. 12 movies for only $9.98?!?! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Best of the Best 3 - Netflix Gunmen - Netflix Tales from the Darkside: The Movie - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Malibu Express Edition Coby Abilene The Buffingtons The Two Chicks from the Other Boat (Fay &amp; May)

Brian Bosworth stars this week as Joe Huff/John Stone/All Awesome in Stone Cold with William Forsythe and Lance Henriksen. Its the tale of one tough cop that goes undercover to accomplish absolutely nothing in preventing a biker gang destroying the entire government of Mississippi. Mullets, earrings, giant lizards, exploding choppers, and a ridiculously high body count makes up for one fun ride. The very funny Ryan Fortier from the "Writing Through Vet School" blog joins us this week to help us make sense of this movie. Ryan is the author of "Paranoia"&nbsp;(available for $2.99) and one of the funniest bad movie reviewers. You can follow Ryan at&nbsp;https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/&nbsp;and read his bad movie reviews at&nbsp;https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/category/bad-movies-2/. The film is quite action packed and rarely has any slow moments. When things do quiet down in the middle, there's just so head-scratching to try and figure out what the heck this thing is all about that it fills in nicely. The end is absolutely amazing, the beginning is at 11, the Boz fills out the middle quite entertainingly. We loved this movie (except for Jackie) and highly recommend it. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Take one Brian "The Boz" Bosworth, put him in the role of one tough cop and let him do his own hair and costumes and you've got 1991's Stone Cold directed by stinker staple Craig R. Baxley. It's one of Justin's favorite bad movies so get jacked! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Kung Fury - Youtube Nomads - Netflix Night Watch - Netflix Platoon Leader - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Ace Ventura Rocky James Bond

Take beavers, add radioactive waste, a cabin in the woods scenario and you've got the idea behind Zombeavers. Add annoying characters, a series of missed opportunities, confusion on what the film is trying to do, doing the dog in the wrong way, and far too many unintentional cliches to be bothered with. If you enjoyed films like&nbsp;Cabin Fever, Cabin in the Woods,&nbsp;or&nbsp;Dale and Tucker Versus Evil&nbsp;then this film is a platform for disappointment. This is much more like&nbsp;Wolf Cop. Bummer. In the end, there are some very good (but brief) moments in the film that are fun and new but they are SO few and far between with a majority of the movie being covered in filler. The rest of it just leaves you with anger as you wish that anyone else had written the movie because it's a complete waste of a great idea. It's also a complete waste of your time. Just go back and watch&nbsp;Cabin Fever, Cabin in the Woods,&nbsp;or&nbsp;Dale and Tucker Versus Evil&nbsp;again. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by Tap, Tap and View, the latest mobile app that allows you to obsessively play tappy freemium games on your mobile device without missing a moment of whatever crappy movie your friends and family are watching. This week the Internet sensation,&nbsp;Zombeavers,&nbsp;hits Netflix and we are hopeful for its furry goodness. Will it be as fun and satirical as 2002's&nbsp;Cabin Fever, or will it deliver a great title but also a series of missed opportunities and cliches like 2014's&nbsp;Wolf Cop? With irradiated undead woodland critters what could possibly go wrong? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Black Angel - Youtube Brick Mansions - Netflix Blown Away - Netflix&nbsp; Invasion - Netflix&nbsp; After Midnight - Netflix Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Willy Wonka The Last Unicorn The Care Bears

Bob Peck goes for a ride in a plane with Bill Paxton and along the way the pair go on a personal journey and discover who they really are. Oh and Mark Hamill chases them in his airplane as well. Its one hell of a hot mess, with confusing plot lines, unstated character roles, and mentions to major plot hubs that never get flushed out. But its still a pretty fun ride. Somewhere in&nbsp;Slipstream&nbsp;is a good movie. There some really cool science fiction ideas, gorgeous aerial footage, questions raised about what life truly is and solid concepts about life in a post-apocalyptic world. This really could have been a movie that people respected and possibly not cost Gary Kurtz his movie career. We don't think that it ever would have been a really successful film but a good ol' muligan may have turned this into a pretty popular film. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Slipstream the Game. The most exciting new board game you could possibly imagine, as long as you've never heard of or ever played a board game! It's got Bill Paxton, Mark Hamill, Bob Peck, Ben Kingsley, Robbie Coltrane, F. Murray Abraham and was produced by Gary Kurtz from Star Wars fame and directed by Steven Lisberger who wrote and directed Tron?!?! How is this such an unknown and poorly received film??? We'll attempt to discover the answers when we view it. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Odd Thomas - Netflix Jackie Chan is The Prisoner or Island of Fire - Shoutfactory.TV Fearless Hyena - YouTube The Last Shark - YouTube Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Hannibal Lector Luke Skywalker Samwise Gamgee

Matt Salinger dons the role of weak but honorable Steve Rogers and becomes Captain America as part of the Super Soldier Program so that he can be strong enough to stop the Nazi equivalent, the Red Skull. Sound familiar? Well that's about all this film has in common with anything that you know about Cap. The rest is pretty much the dumbest hot mess that you could possibly imagine. Albert Pyun's Captain America is maybe the worst adaptation of a single character that has ever been made. Matt Salinger is awkward moving at all times and shows absolutely no athletic ability. Captain America is a bit of a dick as he really shows little concern for other people. He's about as smart as a box of hair. He really never succeeds in any mission nor is he ever known by the world as a WWII superhero, even though when he is unthawed the world seems to care, despite having never heard of him before. The visuals (costumes, effects and action) are horrendous and make up the best part of the film. By best I mean that they are hilarious. Cap's outfit looks like its made of vinyl and seems to get ripped up randomly from what we can only infer is that Matt Salinger leaned up against walls too much. The shield looks like an after dinner peppermint. Red Skull only has Red Skull face for the first 5 minutes on screen. The Red Skull rat is epic bad stop-motion. The list of bad visuals goes on and on. Really the whole problem with the film is that Captain America is a true idiot and buffoon. His first mission as Cap is a failure as he gets his ass kicked by the Red Skull and then strapped to a rocket. After reanimation, he walks back to the states from Alaska instead of just asking someone "Where am I and how do I get back?" He does nothing to prevent his old flame and her family from getting murdered. And his main plan for taking on the Red Skull is to find the Red Skull's real name....huh? You just need to go back to the castle that your last memory is from, you moron! You can really tell that this film had about 10 million rewrites from the original script and the film just got away from the makers. It is a truly hot mess. Usually that works for us in bad movies but really this just stinks. There's far too little happening on screen at anytime and the story is just too convoluted to really be able to enjoy what is happening. You're too busy scratching your head trying to figure out what is going on to really be able to even make fun of it. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Captain Canada. Can Captain Canada, with the help of Jacques Pierre, defeat the villainous Josef Stalin and his evil right hand man, the Red Scare? Tune in to WABC on Stinker Madness to find out! It's time for some sweet pre-Avenger action, when Matt Salinger becomes Steve Rogers or is that Peyton Manning? Its 1990's Captain America directed by Albert Pyun and produced by Menahem Golan. Its gotta be a total slam dunk right? Streaming Dos and Don'ts The Core - Netflix Scorcher - Netflix Jack's Back - Netflix Abraxas Guardian of the Universe - WAS on YouTube but is now gone. Sorry. Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Teen Witch Condorman Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Raymond Chow)

Dolph and Jean Claude square off with the assistance of Roland Emmerich in the blockbuster film, Universal Soldier. The idea is that there is a military program that takes dead soldiers and reanimates them, while erasing their memories so that they can become undead badass guys. Are they zombies? Or just slightly retarded guys with guns? The film is a very early Roland Emmerich work and really lays the foundation for his career. All of the staples that you see in a Roland Emmerich film are setup here. Plot details that just get glossed over (JCVD's accent for example), punchlines that involve people looking quizzically at each other after something ridiculous happens, action shots that seem crazy but you just really can't tell what's happening...Of course, JCVD also delivers some of the staples of his films as well including excessive shots of his butt and a lack of explaining his ethnicity. Dolph is just Dolph. Unfortunately, this film is a tad boring. There's far too many scenes of the Universal Soldiers pondering what life is now that they are dead or reliving the last moments of the life before they died and then pondering. We get it. JCVD doesn't know how his weiner works and Dolph has an obsession with chopping ears off but there is far too little action. However, the action sequences that do happen are quite exciting and fun but are too few and far between. If you've seen this before, don't spend your time doing it again. If you haven't seen it, it's worth a view but don't expect something incredible. It's just ok. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Universally Older - the one stop pharmaceutical line of products for the aging badass. JCVD approved! This week Jackie pulls the metaphorical trigger on Roland Emmerich and Jean Claude Van Damme's first appearance on Stinker Madness. Plus Dolph Lundgren shows up for the fourth time in Universal Soldier. Can this be a good movie? Probably not.... Also this week we release a new segment that we hope you enjoy. It's called Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor and is a stalwart drinking game in our social network (the real life kind, sorry Tweeters). The rules are simple; pick someone famous and decide if they would make a good neighbor or a bad neighbor. It doesn't matter how much you like the person, even people you like may make bad neighbors (talking to you William Shatner) and people you dislike may make great neighbors (talking to you Kobe Bryant). Be sure to reach out to us with your thoughts on each weeks pick by hashtagging #GNBN. Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Entries: Dominic Torreto (Fast &amp; Furious Franchise) Maj. Scott McCoy (Chuck Norris) - Delta Force John Wick Streaming Do's and Don'ts Blood Surf - Netflix Hercules vs Moloch (Conquest of Mycenae) - Netflix DNA - Netflix Curse 2, The Bite - Youtube Cruel Jaws (Jaws 5) - Youtube

American Kickboxer 2 is a one of a kind achievement in horrendously bad acting, awful dialogue, poorly performed stunts, and incredibly stupid plot. It really is a perfect storm in bad action movies. With this combined tour de crap, it becomes a laugh a second tornado of awesomeness. This is too rad to ignore. Essentially, a rich family's child is kidnapped and the mother has to recruit two tough guys from her past to rescue her. Sounds simple right? Well lets try this again. The owner of a successful plumbing company has a slightly mentally handicapped child who gets kidnapped by action guys. She contacts her tough guy ex-husband and her tough guy ex-lover and explains to both of them that they have an 8 year old child and that she's been kidnapped. The two tough guys then proceed to fight each other more than bad guys until a hooker tells them that a warehouse that stores guys who don't actually work there and just have upstairs "Fight Club" also contains the kidnapped child. At that point they end up having to fight each other to the death, when a pothead frees here by using cockroaches. Movie ends with an implied three-way. Wow. A completely awesome terrible movie because of its flaws for sure. Highly recommended viewing. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by We're No Cupcakes, Cupcakes. Two tough guys are forced to take over a bakery and not kill each other or the customers. Sam brings in a dozy this week, when two tough guys have to team up and do assorted martial arts to free a young girl from a kidnapping ring. American Kickboxer 2 stars Dale Cook, Evan Lurie, Kathy Showers and Tackleberry. Our main question for this film will be: Is there any actual kickboxing in it? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Unfortunately we have no movies this week but we do think you should check this out. It's a new free movie streaming service, much like Crackle and with a solid lineup of good bad movies. It's called Tubitv and here are some highlights: Friday the 13th 1, 2, 5, 6, 8 Masters of the Universe Delta Force 2 Rumpelstiltskin Missing in Action III Jack Frost 2 Candyman Bad Taste Thankskilling Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles Check them out at:&nbsp;http://tubitv.com/ Pop Quiz, Hotshot Name 3 movies that: Have Throat Rips Have TOO much puke The main character is the US President Feature talking dogs (non-animated)

Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid and Nick Cassavetes do battle with making sense as The Wraith and vengeance storm Arizona. This movie is sweet. It's a real brainbuster as to why this isn't a more widely known film. If you were born as a male from 1975-1985 and you had seen this film at about the age of 11, it would have easily been your favorite film. Its got everything you could want: sweet cars, racing, cool guys, explosions, boobs, and a sprinkling of some magic baloney. We can only figure that because there's 4 sets of boobs in it that most parents wouldn't let their children see it. Well guess what, now we're all adults and this movie should be a big deal. If you haven't seen this, stop what you're doing and go watch it. It's for you. We really can't praise this film enough and highly recommend it. We really can't praise this film enough and highly recommend it.

Presented by Barret Jaxson and the Dodge M4S. Its finally time to review the most awesome concept car movie of all time, 1986's The Wraith. This film stars Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid, Clint Howard, Nick Cassavettes and the Dodge M4S. Sweeeeeeet! Vengeance always demands a K-Car. Thanks Lee Iaccoca! Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Nun - Netflix Surf Nazis Must Die - Netflix The Kentucky Fried Movie - Shoutfactorytv Day of the Dead - Netflix

Russ and Roger go beyond in this under-whelming tale of how LA is tough on people, I guess. It's really a tale of people having banter that doesn't work for the viewer and then boning. Nothing happens in the film until 90% of the way through. We say less banter, more boobies. We'll just go ahead and say that this was a massive disappointment. We were hoping for some really far out zany business with a nice backdrop of solid chests. Unfortunately, its mostly just music video, party, banter, music video, party, banter, tame boning, music video, banter, party, wedding, credits. This formula equals a sum of boring for 3/4 of the film. The pacing and writing seem to try to shock the viewer but I can't even imagining in 1970 that this film was shocking. Its as if you are told that people can be gay and then the person telling you this looks at you as says "Aren't you shocked? You must be shocked? That's SOOOO shocking" while you look at this person and wonder if they've ever been outside. How naive did Russ and Roger think people were in 1970? People have sex and do drugs?!?! Whoa... Either way, it's not good and not worth a repeat viewing if you have already seen it and ready to try again. However, this movie is important in the grand scheme of being a bad movie fan and we feel it is a must view.....ONCE. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Coming soon from Stinker Studios - Vampires and Vixens, the Russ Meyer movie they didn't want you to see! We prepare this week for the rated X Russ Meyer classic, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Jackie recently saw "Life Itself", the documentary about Roger Ebert and now she thinks Beyond the Valley of the Dolls may be the greatest thing to ever exist. Sam and Justin have already seen it and are on shaky ground. Who will be rewarded? Hopefully YOU, dear listener! Streaming Do's and Don'ts Hot Boyz Wolfcop Dead Snow: Red vs. Dead Hawk's Vengeance Special Guests - The Thurman and Lala Podcast Sean and Steve from The Thurman and Lala Podcast join us in studio to discuss how you can spot a bad movie within minutes of it starting. These very funny guys are completely worth checking out if you like a helpful of good laughs on your Mondays. Listen to The Thurman and Lala Podcast: Thurmopolis

We complete Carl's Inaction in Action trilogy with one of the most ridiculous movies ever made. The leaders of the world have confirmed the existence of Megaforce. They are then hired by a crusty old man to blow up his helicopter. We all feel that Megaforce is absolutely necessary if you love bad movies. Sam has it in his Hall of Fame. It's required viewing. If you haven't seen this please take 99 minutes and watch this on YouTube. Its a great time and the laughs never stop coming. One of the greatest debates of all time is what does Megaforce actually do? What do they accomplish? What is this movie about? What happens? There are as many theories to the answers of these questions as there are about the meaning of life. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

I think you may not need us to tell you whether you should view this film or not, because you've already seen it. Everyone on Earth has already seen it. This movie is a bigger deal than The Beatles, Moses, and Channing Tatum's undies rolled into one. So instead here's just some general thoughts. The Fast and The Furious franchise is maybe the best thing that Universal has ever given the world. Its single movie viewing experience that has a little bit for everyone. People from all walks of life love this shit. You could find yourself sitting next to the Mayor or a homeless man in the theater and at one point you'll give either of them high-fives. We should drop these movies out of airplanes instead of bombs and there would be peace. It should be noted that Justin gave bad info in this episode. The movie does NOT have an 87 Metascore. It's at 67. Which is pretty high. Everyone forgets that they are watching a movie that makes no sense and has terrible acting. And it doesn't matter. That's a good thing for bad movies. However, we all agree that this may be our least favorite Fast/Furious movie of the last 4. It has sped up footage, action that you can't tell what's happening, the one- liners are poorly thought out and not creative and has the least amount of ridiculousness over the other films. But it's still a total do if your the only person left on the planet who hasn't seen it. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by MegaB.U.T.T. - the elite force that takes over saving the world when Megaforce is just too busy doing nothing. It's time to complete Carl's Inaction in Action trilogy with the tour de force that is Megaforce. Barry Bostwick and team must do........something? Sadly, there is no Streaming Do's and Don'ts but instead we've got some great tools to use to watch and record online movies free and legally. Playon Playlater - The first online DVR, record movies directly from Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, YouTube, and many many more. Cost is $19.99/year. Check them out at&nbsp;http://www.playon.tv/playlater Upflix - Android and iOS app for daily updates Netflix catalog. Each day you will get a notification of what comes up on Netflix. Completely free and very useful. There is a ton of stuff that comes out that you don't even get to know about because Netflix just decides to show you about 1/10 of their online library at one time.&nbsp;http://www.upflix.net/ Two great Reddits for finding excellent bad movies on YouTube.&nbsp;http://www.reddit.com/r/badMovies/&nbsp;and&nbsp;http://www.reddit.com/r/fullmoviesonyoutube Pop Quiz Hotshot What is a: Hub Satellite Closeup Cowboy Shot Medium Shot Long Shot What is the difference between visual effects and special effects?

Here you go. The very best of the worst in the last year of watching bad movies. Between the 3 of us we watched over 400 bad movies in since we started this podcast (top that, HDTGM!) and these are the very finest of them. You MUST listen to the episode if you are looking for some of the greatest bad movies that you could possible watch. Stop what you're doing and listen to this show and then watch the films. Who needs to work? Jackie's 4 though 1 Best Bad Movies 4. Spiceworld 3. Flash Gordon 2. Teen Witch 1. The Beastmaster Sam's 4 though 1 Best Bad Movies 4. Ninja III: The Domination 3. The Beastmaster 2. Showdown in Little Tokyo 1. Deadly Prey Justin's 4 though 1 Best Bad Movies 4. Bad Taste 3. Halloween III: Season of the Witch 2. The Wicker Man 1. Deadly Prey We hope to see you all again in April of 2016. Get to the chopper.

In one of Roger Corman's first films, one guy gets framed for manslaughter (as best as we can guess) and must steal a Jag and a lady to escape to Mexico. He somehow ends up getting sidetracked by entering into an auto race and by falling in love with said stolen lady. Zowie! Well, this movie stinks. It's not worth your time at all. Its painfully boring all while trying to be super sophisticated and smart. It's neither of those things. The plot is not very flushed out and the series of events that happen to put the main guy (Frank Webster) on the path to the end are dubious at best. There's far too many things that just don't make any sense and kind of need to, even going by bad movie fan standards. And for those of you hoping that there might be some ancient secret living in this movie that ties together to the current Fast franchise, well sorry to dash your hopes. The title and that they center around people driving cars is about the best you can do. Steer clear here (get it?)! Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Fast and Furious 74, in the future the Fast crew cast is completely replaced by robots, except Kurt Russell. This week we travel back in time to 1955 to watch the Roger Corman classic, The Fast and the Furious. What's the tie-in to the current franchise? It appears to be a film about a car guy so maybe they are related? Stinker Dos and Don'ts Blood of Beasts The Chaperone Dangerous Curves Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan Pop Quiz Hot Shot What is a: Line Producer Rigger Wrangler Sabre Artist

If you listen to just 1 episode of Stinker Madness this year, it needs to be this one (oh and part 2). Its been an entire year of Stinker Madness and we put this extra special episode together in honor of the occasion. It's the Top Ten Bad Movies we saw in the last year. Each of us put down our favorites and we each recap what we loved about them. These are the films that cannot be missed. We highly recommend any movie fan to sit down with any of these films. We dare you to not like them. Dare! Dare! In part 1, we each go through numbers 10 through 5. Jackie's 10 though 5 Best Bad Movies 10. The Wicker Man 9. Deadly Prey 8. The Vineyard 7. Soultaker 6. Dead Heat 5. Winter's Tale Sam's 10 though 5 Best Bad Movies 10. Young Warriors 9. Never Too Young Too Die 8. Malibu Express 7. Hell Squad 6. Deathrace 2000 5. The Man from Hong Kong Justins's 10 though 5 Best Bad Movies 10. Teen Witch 9. No Holds Barred 8. Dead Heat 7. Ninja III: The Domination 6. The Beastmaster 5. Machete Thanks for listening to us over the last year and we look forward to the next year of stinkers.

We dare to tackle 1980's danceical/musical/drama/romance/comedy/disaster that is Xanadu. We all know the story. Its that old tale of an artist that has no talent or motivation or confidence meets a magical roller skating deity that gives him the ability to meet a guy who has all the money and to woo him into investing several millions of dollars into building a roller-skating club/disco. You know that old tale. Lets get straight to the mustard. This movie stinks. Its one of the worst ideas ever created. Let's take a the above idea, write a script that is 3 pages long, take a current hot "talent" who is mediocre at singing, dancing, and acting, intentionally put in bad special effects and throw in Gene Kelly just so you can feel bad for him. Xanadu is not so much a train wreck and more of a genocide of puppies. You really want to take your eyes off it. Don't waste your time with Xanadu. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Foot Wheels, the latest and greatest! It so simple it just might work.&nbsp; Jackie picks one of the all time well known worst musicals of all time, 1981's Xanadu. Its part of the pantheon of terrible roller skating movies with Skatetown USA, Roller Boogie and Solar Babies. Does it stack up to the other three? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Armour of God Knives of the Avenger Dracula 3000 Pop Quiz Hot Shot What is a ........? Production Assistant Production Coordinator Production Manager Production Designer Production Illustrator

Part 2 of Carl's Inaction in Action series, we look at Chuck Norris and Lee Marvin in the Cannon Group's The Delta Force. It's part best hijacking movie ever and then part iconic Chuck Norris ridiculous action. Sometimes you in suspense and then other times your slapping your head in how preposterous it is. So in review, this is a mega must-view movie. It's got all the things a fan of bad movies goes for and we recommend it. Just be warned about the first 100 minutes being bullet free. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by The Delta Force 4: Phoentigeddon It's time to pack up the dune buggies and the motorcycles with rocket launchers and prepare for part 2 of "Carl's Inaction in Action" trilogy started by Hell Squad and finishing with Megaforce. This time it's Chuck Norris &amp; Lee Marvin (his last film) vs The Middle East as Cannon Films makes their 4th appearance on Stinker Madness. Golan himself directed this nugget. Which Chuck Norris will we get? Bearded, Mulleted, or Clean Cut? Streaming Do's and Don'ts The Town that Dreaded Sundown (2014) Full Moon High Robocop 2 Robocop 3 Jackie's Rant - assorted trivia questions and a brief tribute to Leonard Nimoy because everyone else is doing it.

Episode audio warning: there is a weird bumping the mic sound for the first 20 minutes of this episode. We completely apologize but we can't fix it. Its annoying and I hate it and want it to die but we can't fix it. We are just going to say right out the gate that Catwoman sucks. It's awful. Pure garbage and terrible film-making. It very well may be the worst made movie that we have viewed on this podcast. This belongs in the bottom 20 on IMDB. Blech. This is an atrocious pile of trash and at no point should it be viewed by mankind. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Dogman! Left in a pet store by his family, one man fights crime with all the powers of a domesticated dog. This week, we follow up Gigli with one of the two films that Halle Berry chose to make instead, and then went on to win a Razzie for her performance. The film also won Worst Picture, Worst Director and Worst Screenplay in the 2005 Golden Raspberries. We have high hopes for this one as it could be another bad movie sleeper that got lumped in with comic book movies like "Punisher: War Zone." Streaming Do's and Don'ts Whoops we didn't watch a single movie that we can put on our list for this week. Sorry. Instead we are doing recap of each Saturday Night Live movie in honor of the 40th Anniversary. We take each movie and average the Rotten Tomatoes score and the IMDB user rating to find out the best and the worst of the 12 films. New Segment - Pop Quiz, Hot Shot! What is/are: The Dailies? A Squib? Dramatic Irony? Eyeline-match cuts? A Best Boy? A Gaffer? A Grip? A Key Grip?

The Razzie sweeping film chock full of idiots, invades! We get Bennifer all over the place and its icky. This film currently (as of Feb. 2015) sits at #71 on the IMDB Bottom 100, so is it the as bad as it's setup or is it just Bennifer backlash? The plot concept of the film is that one low level mafia guy (whose job is to make phone calls and hang out at restaurants) hires two other lower level mafia guys (Affleck and JLO) to kidnap and babysit a mentally handicapped teen brother, Brian, of a federal prosecutor. The hope is that this federal prosecutor will back off of the head mafia guy (Al Pacino). This plot is the first flaw with Gigli as it is completely dumb. Its revealed later that even Al Pacino's character thinks this was a terrible plan as it wouldn't work so therefore its just best to get rid of Brian and pretend like nothing happened....so there is no plot then? This is not good but there is a certain level of charm to it. It's easily riffable, moves very fast for a 2 hour film and at no point are you ever bored. There is very little technically wrong with the film. It's just a terrible story with terribly dumb characters. But there's lots of very memorable moments ("Suck-my-dick-dot-com", "I would do you big time" and "Turkey Time, Gobble, Gobble" for example) and we all liked it and recommend it. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Larry Gigli's "The Hits Keep Coming" Hitman Services....sorta. Gigli won MANY Razzie awards including Worst Picture. It sits at #71 on the IMDB Bottom 100. So we thought we'd give it a go. The plot seems awesome so we're pretty excited. Can it be THAT bad or was its poor reception be caused by "Beniffer" backlash? Streaming Do's and Don'ts Detective Bureau 2-3: Go To Hell Bastards Sasquatch The Deadly Bees Jackie's Rant If you were going to remake The Beastmaster, who would you cast as Dar (Marc Singer), Kiri (Tanya Roberts), Maax (Rip Torn), and Seth (John Amos)?

Take 1 kidnapped diplomat's son, a country that only has bad guys in it, one guy how is a bit of a dick, 9 strippers, shake and stir and you've got Hell Squad. We aren't really sure what this movie is (other than ridiculous), is it a comedy or action movie? The story is so dumb that I can only figure that its supposed to be a joke, but its presented in such a manner that makes it seem like its a solid premise for an action movie. However, jokes abound that may or may not be funny in the film. One lady can't use a rifle because he boobs are too big, there's a water shortage in Karajan so the girls all have to use the bath tub at once (and everyday) and spoiler alert - there's a Scooby-Doo ending. With that all said, Hell Squad is a really good time and a very underrated bad movie. It's inept film-making at its best with a completely ridiculous story and presentation. You can watch it twice in a row because of how much laughing at it you'll do the first time around. We recommend it greatly. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Z-Nationwide Insurance, making sure your dead loved ones.....stay dead. It's Sam's week to pick a movie and he's got Hell Squad on deck. Looks like a bunch of strippers become mercenaries and save the world or something. We've also got a special guest coming for the full episode and he says this is one of his favorite bad movies so hopes are high we can hit another home run with finding a great bad movie. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Brotherhood of Death - Netflix 6 Bullets - Netflix Betrayal - Netflix Jackie's Rant Why aren't there more dongs in movies?

Here's the deal...this movie rules. Period. It has instantly gone into our Hall of Fame because it does everything right in both good storytelling and horrendously terrible film-making. It is as good to watch as any "good" movie and is only topped by the very creme of the crap in bad movies. There may only be a handful of movies better to view than Deadly Prey and we couldn't argue with anyone if they put it at the top of their list. It's that good. So we rarely say this, but stop what you are doing - don't listen to this podcast episode, go watch Deadly Prey and then come back. Nothing is more important to you right now. Trust us. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Cutoffs and Mullets. Do you love white-trash reality shows? Then you'll love the newest reality show to hit TLC! David A. Prior brings to us his brother Ted, with one of the best hair-dos ever to make the big time. It's another possible "Hall of Fame" candidate that has a series of "10 star" user reviews on IMDB. This thing better deliver because it looks like its going to. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Dragon Lord - Netflix Meals on Wheels - Youtube Mankillers - Youtube Master of the Flying Guillotine - Youtube Action USA - Youtube Whatcho Talkin' Bout Willis? If you are a super rich hunting afficionado, and you could hunt anything from any movie, what would it be?

Cynthia Rothrock builds a team of elite tough gals made up of Zoe Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox, and Nicole Bilderback to take down a broad-shouldered Brigitte Nielsen who is hell bent on being the CEO of a bad-guy factory. With the power of plot convenience and inept villains, the team invade "The Citadel" to spring the kidnapped First Daughter and maybe some sex slaves. So as a whole, it's a unexpectedly decent action movie. It's silly and hooky here and there but executes its goals well especially with Christopher Olen Ray's directing. He honors his father well and we hope to see more from him in the future. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

This week we are turning to Netflix for the Christopher Olen Ray action lady team-up Mercenaries (Netflix Link), starring Cynthia Rothrock, Zoe Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox, Bridgitte Nielsen and Nicole Bilderback. It's an Asylum film so we are a little nervous about it... Netflix Do's and Don'ts The Enemy Hitman's Run Absolute Zero Whatcho Talkin' Bout, Willis? Must haves for a movie mercenary

Christopher Lambert (the T is silent apparently) dons the role of Beowulf and defends an outpost from Grendel, one of the "damned" who is a monster surrounded by a fart cloud, and his super horny mother. To defeat this evil duo, Beowulf must use his endless array of MI6-like weapon/gadgets and a series of flips and hand-springs. How many denizens of the outpost will survive before Beowulf gets the job done (spoiler alert - just 1)? We loved Beowulf. It is soooo dumb in the good way. The movie keeps moving at all times, with one laughable sequence after another. Its one of the most riffable movies we've seen recently and we highly recommend it. Not Hall of Fame material but a good effort. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

This week we prepare ourselves for the 1999 version of the classic poem with Christopher Lambert as the title character. Things to watch out for: How many back flips over the camera, how many times Lambert can't see anything, and how many times he cares too much. The movie is currently on Netflix so check it out and come back when we review the movie in full. Netflix Do's and Don'ts Beowulf (2007) Iron Sky Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (Part IV) Evolver Real Important Question What does "Best Picture" mean to you? What things do you look for in a film to make you think it should win "Best Picture"?

Godfrey Ho or one of his 1000 other aliases, directs this stunning look into one man's child neglect issues and the subsequent internal conflicts that come about....mainly crazy mullet painting, eyeball collecting, insane kung fu fights and taking your shirt off. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Brought to you by Scripts R' Us - the only spot to get a movie script when you have absolutely no writing talent. This episode, we prepare for what has been heralded as the most awesome thing ever, the Godfrey Ho YouTube sensation that is Undefeatable. From what we know there is lots of bad kung fu, some ridiculous stunts, an epic mullet, and the "best fight scene of all time", according to many movie reviewers. We have high hopes that this will be a new entry in the Bad Movie Hall of Fame. Netflix Do's and Don'ts Oculus Reindeer Games Spitfire Stranded Special ID

The votes have been tallied and the envelopes have been sealed. The competition will be fierce. Who will win for the Stinker Madness Achievements in Bad Film-Making Awards for 2014? The Categories are: Best Bad Picture Best Bad Actor Best Bad Actress Worst Bad Picture MST3K Most Riffable Award The leaders in nominations: Noah - 6 nominations A Winter's Tale - 5 nominations Sabotage - 5 nominations Left Behind - 5 nominations Godzilla - 4 nominations Expendables 3 - 3 nominations Vampire Academy - 3 nominations Pompeii - 3 nominations Hercules - 3 nominations Sin City: A Dame to Kill For - 3 nominations 3 Days to Kill - 2 nominations Drive Hard - 2 nominations Rage - 2 nominations See the Full List of Nominations

Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt remind us why the 80's should stay dead in this zaniest, craziest, wildest, freshest, bubblegum romp. Sarah Jessica Parker plays Laney, a girl who just wants to dance, and Helen Hunt plays Lynne who just wants to put weird stuff in her hair (lobsters, grasshoppers, dinosaurs, etc...). But the pair are thwarted by the reality of life and the harshness of societal norms (like jobs and school). The movie is the 80's in a can of pepper spray applied directly to the head. Everything is pink. Everything. Fine. Everyone has atrocious fashion sense. Fine. The music is awful princess pop. Fine. If you can get past those things there's still more non-decade specific problems that this movie suffers from (and rewards with). Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by "Boys Just Want To Do Nothing". Girls can keep their fun. We prepare for the 80's in a nutshell with Helen Hunt and Sarah Jessica Parker as they dance their way to fame and fashion. Dance TV will never be the same. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Curse of the Dragon Slayer Dragonfyre Dawn of the Dragon Slayer The Crown and the Dragon: The Paladin Cycle The 2014 SMABFA Award Nominations! Best Bad Picture Best Bad Actor Best Bad Actress Worst Bad Picture MST3K Achievement for Riffability

Stallone makes his 4th appearance on our show as he teams up with Golan and Globus (who make their third appearance) for the "one tough cop" showcase that is Cobra. Marion Cobretti has to protect a key witness that can identify the Nightslasher, who isn't just a raving murderer as his name would suggest; he's also the head of a criminal organization that wants to take over the world. How about that? We all quite like Cobra and would give it a recommendation. If you enjoy any type of action films with badassery in it, this is a must do for you. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

Presented by Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, because one Cobra isn't enough. Its time for us to give ol' Sly Stallone another go (for the fourth time) as he teams up with Golan and Globus for Cobra. One tough cop must teach some bad guys a lesson...or something. Streaming Do's and Don'ts Overkill The Burbs Killing Season Legendary Jackie's Rant Hollywood Trickery or going to a movie and you are lied to about it.

Prepare to have your childhood dreams shattered! There's a reason the Star Wars Holiday Special has been buried and left to bootlegs as the only avenue to its viewing. It's terrible. Birdemic is a better film. We kid you not. The entire "concept" (I can't call it a story) is that Life Day is being celebrated on Kashyyk, the Wookie homeworld and Chewbacca is trying to get back to his family to spend the day with them. But that pesky Empire won't go away (even though their Death Star just go sploded) and tries to prevent the Millennium Falcon from reaching Kashyyk (or Kashook, depending on who is talking). Meanwhile at Chewbacca's house, the Empire has decreed to raid all homes and look for evidence of Rebel Alliance affiliations. When put that way it sounds like it might be ok right? Wrong. Watch at your own risk! Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality: 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies Pod/Vid Crawl Be sure to check out these other fine programs to continue your journey through horrible Christmas movies! Misan[trope]y - Releasing December 5th – Santa Claus Dark Corners - Releasing December 9nd – Don't Open Til Christmas If We Made It - Releasing December 3rd – Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas The JT Movie Podcast - Releasing December 5th – Jingle All the Way

Watch the Original CBS Bumper and Intro! Brought to you by the Star Wars Prequels Awesome Editions - the way we would have made them (hint = more Splosions!) Justin's Christmas wish is about to come true as we all prepare to view a film so notorious even the filmmakers tried to block everyone from every viewing it. With every single major cast member from Star Wars Episode IV plus singing and dancing (is that Bea Arthur and Heady Lamar? (That's HEADLY!)) this has got to be the greatest moment of our 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies pod/vid crawl. 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies Pod/Vid Crawl Be sure to check out these other fine programs to continue your journey through horrible Christmas movies! Misan[trope]y - Releasing December 5th – Santa With Muscles Dark Corners - Releasing December 9nd – Elves If We Made It - Releasing December 3rd – Silent Night Deadly Night 2 The JT Movie Podcast - Releasing December 5th – Black Christmas

Two Earth children get swept away to the magical Christmas planet of Eternia, where no one knows what they are talking about, get kidnapped, get kidnapped by someone else, get imprisoned, get kidnapped again by someone else, crash land in a space ship, almost freeze to death, almost get eaten by a snow beast, and get sucked up by a tractor beam for kidnapping purposes. Along the way they teach the entire Eternia gang (including Skeletor) about Christmas. Skeletor learns that it's ok to be nice to people one day a year and we learn that robots that transform into other things are inherently evil and that we shouldn't buy them. Thankfully this movie is only 44 minutes long.... Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects: (For bad animation)Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality: 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies Pod/Vid Crawl Be sure to check out these other fine programs to continue your journey through horrible Christmas movies! Misan[trope]y - Releasing December 5th – Santa With Muscles Dark Corners - Releasing December 9nd – Elves If We Made It - Releasing December 3rd – Silent Night Deadly Night 2 The JT Movie Podcast - Releasing December 5th – Black Christmas

Week 2 of the #15BadXmasMovies pod/vidcrawl gets going as we pull our sword out, get "The Power" and attempt to enjoy the holidays with He-Man and She-Ra. Remember them from Episode 1?! Well they are back and Skeletor has an itchin' for some sweet Christmas loot...in the form of two Earth children who get teleported to Eternia. Hiyo Silver! I mean, I HAVE THE POWER! Also be sure to check out our 2014 Holiday Buying Guide for Bad Movie Lovers. 11 Great Xmas ideas for the movie lover in your family. 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies Pod/Vid Crawl Be sure to check out these other fine programs to continue your journey through horrible Christmas movies! Misan[trope]y - Releasing December 12nd – Santa with Muscles Dark Corners - Releasing December 16th – Don't Open til Christmas If We Made It - Releasing December 10th – Silent Night Deadly Night 2 The JT Movie Podcast - Releasing December 12th – Black Christmas (2006)

We kick off the 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies pod/vidcrawl with the non-Culkin theatrical Home Alone. This time its not even a Christmas movie (or is it?). A kid kinda gets left at Home Alone (he's got the chicken pox) and unintentionally inherits a chip that can render missiles invisible to radar. Four super espionage thugs seek to get the chip back and "hilarity" ensues when Alex Pruitt (the kid) sets them on a path to pain via Rube-Goldberg devices. So this movie strangely takes place beginning on Jan 8th and best as we can determine ends on Jan 14th. Yet everyone in this movie still has Christmas decor everywhere and is mentioned frequently. Why can't this have taken place during Christmas?!? We couldn't figure that out. But as is tradition in these movies, the protagonist is a precocious little scamp who is smarter than any adult and loves to inflict pain on bad guys. He also is a murderous little butthole because all 4 of the bad guys would have died at the hands of his death traps (in reality). Instead they just get lots of nether region calamity (i.e. exploding pants, butt electrocuted, and the bat to the gonads) and sore heads (plenty of head bonking and things falling on them). Its dumb and not funny but that can be expected. So knowing what you are going to get when you watch it makes it not unviewable but one we say you want to stay away from. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

We start off the 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies with the last of the theatrical Home Alones. Jackie gives us her rant about movie births and why they suck. Streaming Dos and Don'ts Snowpiercer DeepStar Six Hard Rain Lawless Follow the 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies Misan[trope]y – misantropey.com Releasing December 5th – Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Dark Corners - www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6EF2D18AD0AB7504 Releasing December 9nd – Elves If We Made It – ifwemadit.blogspot.com Releasing December 3rd – Ernest Saves Christmas The JT Movie Podcast - jtmoviepodcast.wordpress.com Releasing December 5th – Jack Frost

Nic Cage delivers one of the finest bad performances of all time in a movie whose plot isn't even a thing (bee crops?) all for the sake of the dumbest evil plan of all time. The Wicker Man serves as a shining example of why we do what we do, to find these movies that are so over the top awesome that you can't help but love them despite how terrible they are. Nic Cage plays a California highway patrol man/super detective who gets imformed that his ex-fiancee's daughter is missing and that he must come to the island of Summersisle in Washington to find her. Little does he know that this island has many many mysteries. He ends up being the focal point in a plot to restore the islands unsuccessful honey crop (because they angered the bee gods or something) and so now the island needs a sacrifice to restore their ability to grow honey....uh what? There are so many epic moments of sheer stupidity and horrible dialogue with even worse delivery that this movie is a complete must see for every bad movie lover out there. Individual Ratings: Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners: Overall Ratings: Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

We get set for Academy Award winning Nic Cage to make his second appearance on the show in the 2006 thriller "The Wicker Man". And this show is all about Mr. Ex Coppola with the commercial and improv featuring guest appearance from the Ghost Rider himself. It is also HIGHLY recommended to check out the 3 Minute Wicker Man video if you haven't seen this movie or don't have access to the whole film. Three Minute Wicker Man Streaming Do's and Don'ts: The Explorers Endangered Species 3 Days to Kill Dead Heat Jackie's Rant: Actors/Actresses who went away and came back but should have stayed gone.

This movie is like a slow painful death from baby-piranha bites. Mike Myers puts his career in a noose, takes its pants off and then kicks out the chair. Rubbish. Pure rubbish with no enjoyment value at all. Its so bad and unviewable that you would be better suited spending your time taking a tack hammer to your temples. Avoid this film at all costs. Even the appearances by every human ever in this film can't save it. I hate it! $*#& *#@$! AAAAARGGGGHHHH!!!!

Mike Myers commits career suicide and we want to see it happen as we prepare for The Love Guru. We review the Netflix streaming movies of: V/H/S 2 Shivers The Horror Show (or House 3) Left Behind: World at War Plus Jackie reveals her new segment called "The Rant". This week she complains about stupid 3D movies. This episode brought to you by Scatman Coruther's We're Going to Scatmando Guide to Dating for People Who Like to Poo on Each Other.

Imagine yourself in a world where everything that was on the left is now on the right and vice versa. What would you do? WHAT WOULD YOU DO?!?! Don't we have this now and its called England?

Sam takes us to space again as we get ready for the model work masterpiece from the Andersons. In honor of our 50th episode we recap our favorite movies that we've done episodes for (Beastmaster gets a vote from all three of us). Plus Streaming Dos and Don'ts, movie trivia and in depth info about the movie forthcoming. Get some.

We get in the Cage and the Rapture when we visit the local $1 theater to see the remake of a classic stinker. Can it be worse than Kirk Cameron's Left Behind? Can it possibly be worse than Noah? Can it be the worst movie of all time? The answers lie within...

LOTR director Peter Jackson directs and stars (with 2 roles) in Bad Taste, a film so amazing it took 4 years to make and was banned in Australia. This movie tells the tale of the Protectors of Earth as they take on the evil Lord Crumb and his evil fast food employee horde. Can Derek defeat Crumb or is the yummy goodness of human meat just too much to ignore? Will Crumb's Country Delights take over in market share? Will the board of directors see increased profits? How does Barry keep such an excellent beard for 4 years? Your questions are answered, when Mark guests with Jackie and Justin. Plus, seriously...is Sam dead?

Brought to you by Crumb's Country Delights - Try the Finger Ladies for only $1.00. It's Halloweeny time and for that we bring in a special guest horror movie expert, Jackie's mom Janet. We discuss the upcoming movie which is Peter Jackson's masterpiece, Bad Taste. We also talk about our three SCARIEST movies of all time. Plus where the hell did Sam go? Did a spooky ghost get him?!?! Did he get turned into intergalactic fast food and is now on the menu of Crumb's Country Delights?!?! Spoilers (Sam's probably just trapped on the toilet or something)

Rachel and three of the worst painters known to man get terrorized by a little green guy with bad hygiene. He just wants his gold, but no one thinks to just spend the gold OR kick him across the county. Also Warwick Davis rides a skateboard.

This is Halloween and we get super jacked for it as Jackie picks a movie about a tiny adversary (paging Joe Dante). He's green and smells like a homeless man, but he's lives in our hearts...and wants to kill us. Plus! Stinker Thinkers and SpooktoberFest Netflix Recommendations! OooooOOOOooo Rattle those Chains! And fear overusage of exclamation points!!!!

A group of teenage Jawas thaw out a frozen Jason, only to realize that the its time to die. Not even a karate version of C-3PO can stop Jason from enacting his vengeance on humpers. Plus, is that Candyman? And why are space stations so explodable?

Spooktober fest kicks off this week as we get ready to view Jason in Space or Cyborg Jason or Guy with Machette in the Future. Call it what you want to call it but this one looks like a great time. Plus Justin and Jackie go ONLY horror movies in their Streaming Movie Reviews plus SPPPOOOOOKY movie trivia. It'll be a ghoulishly good time (ugh....bad puns).

Jesse Pinkman and a band of nobody's get in all sorts of trouble with some fast cars...to end up with not much of anything but debt. Expect some crazy flying cars, helicopters everywhere, a complete lack for the public's safety and the never ending question; will Aaron Paul call someone bitch? It's the first time a video game movie graces our show and it's a hell of a ride, so go out, get the movie and a Redbox or whatever and then listen to this podcast to relive all the sheer stupidity or fun we find.

We strap ourselves into our five-point safety harnesses and don our crash helmets as we prepare to view the video game adaptation of Need for Speed with Aaron Paul. We drum up some mild streaming recommendations, complain about new releases, and more movie trivia. Varoom.

We keep our fingers crossed that this classic is actually a terrible movie...but no such luck. Even a movie with a silly plot and man-on-fish love can't stop the talent behind Splash. Diehard bad movie fans should avoid this one. It's a fun film with lots of laughs and career launching performances. Oops.

Jackie rolls the dice on whether a bunch of a list talent with a fantasy plot idea has the chance to make a bad movie in the Tom Hanks/Darryl Hannah/John Candy/Eugene Levy/Ron Howard classic "Splash". Plus more movie trivia and the usual nonsense.

Two tough action ninja cops find bromance while taking down the Yakusa with exploding beer, double reverse punch kicks, and the dullest samurai sword of all time. Dolph Lundgren, Brandon Lee, and Tia Carrere's stunt body team up for some out of control action in LA. This is one of the best bad action movies you've never seen.

It's time for us to prepare for the Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee ass-kicking team-up that is Showdown in Little Tokyo. We talk about our England tour, Sam enlightens us on whats up with Jesse Stone and more movie trivia. Kung-fu feet!!!

75 old guys and a handful of "youths" blow some stuff up, make poopy-faces, and break through the 4th wall WAY too many times. We go to the theater and expend $3 for one of the biggest flops of 2014. Get to the chopper!

Relive the late 90's with this guilty pleasure film. The 5 Spicy Ones take their magical Tardis bus on a tour of nowhere, where men with ass pants, molesting aliens, and some unnamed Asian pregnant lady all stand in their way to endless singing.

In honor of our tour through the United Kingdom, Jackie has decided to torture us with the world-wide phenomenon of the Spice Girls. We hope we are ready for their return. Plus bad movie trivia, and what to watch on Netflix and Amazon Prime.

Darby Hinton, as Cody Abilene, becomes our favorite "action" hero of all time in Andy Sidaris' epic b-movie, Malibu Express. We find a plethora of hidden jokes, talk about the endless stream of topless women, and what a great shot Cody is.

It's time to prepare for possibly the greatest budget movie ever made, Andy Sidaris' masterpiece, Malibu Express. We review some more streaming movies on Netflix and we give out the more bad movie trivia. Get ready for some Cody Abilene and the Buffingtons.

Some guys go for a ride in a motorhome. And that's about it. It's one of the poorest executed movies 20th Century Fox ever put out. The movie consists of 1) blow up world 2) blow up only safe place 3) drive to Albany 4) get a bump on the head and die, get eaten by cockroaches, get raped by mutant rednecks, pick up a junior sized Peyton Manning, float motorhome from Detroit to Albany 5) Profit?

We pack up and ride in our Landmaster as we prepare for a post-apocalyptic world in Damnation Alley. Sam shares his usual keen info on the movie, Jackie throws some more bad movie trivia your way and we all review our Netflix and Amazon streaming movies for the week. Brought to you by Nuke Juice, the only energy drink for a nuclear wasteland traveler.

Is this the hardest to watch film of all time? The answer is yes. This movie sucks, isn't about anything, and it's 2 and a half hours of the worst person to ever live. We cut this things to ribbons and you'll like what we have to say.

We prepare for what can only be described as the worst experience ever when we view A Star is Born with Kris Kristopherson and Barbara Streisand. Plus the Streaming Movie suggestions and bad movie trivia. Bonus - the top 3 worst on-screen couples of all time!

Bad movie authority Roman finally joins us in the studio as we view and yammer about the Ausploitation awesomeness that is The Man From Hong Kong. Are there any stuntmen or actors alive in Australia after this seriously dangerous movie?!?!

We gear up for an ass-kicker of a movie in The Man From Hong Kong or Dragon Flies. We also review more Netflix and Amazon Instant Movies, more ongoing movie trivia and perhaps the best opening commercial we've ever done - Fifty Shades of Brown trailer.

We take a look at the Kevin and Kevin epic turd that is Robin Hood. With special guests Hobbits, stunt butts, fisheye lenses, and a plot that makes absolutely no sense....oh and Shaun and Chelsea. Tallyho!

This 0.5 episode is sponsored by Bryan Adam's (not really) as we get ready for Kevin Costner's to charm our way through the turd that is Robin Hood. It's also a special birthday episode with Justin's top 3 bad movie birthday parties, more streaming movie recommendations, bad movie trivia and a slew of riveting information about Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Try to keep your pants on! We dare you!

Let the war for Planet Mongo begin! Its the QB of the New York Jets vs. Max Van Sydow's evil eyebrows, endless robots (are they robots?) and people that bleed oil. This is one bad movie...that rules.

Jackie gets us ready for one of the most popular bad movies of all time as Sam J Jones hits us in the face with his metaphorical football. Stinker Thinkers and Streaming Do's and Don'ts are here as well with reviews of: After Midnight XXX - State of the Union Escape from New York Homefront The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-up Zombies

What happens if you turn a gymnast into an action hero, a trashy whore into super spy, James Bond into a Ben-Gay ad, and Gene Simmons into a lady-boy? Why you get this DTV gem of a movie, duh! Uncle Jesse saves the world from dirty water and Gene Simmons gives us a "too believable" performance. YEEEEAHH!

John Stamos' hair gets the spot light (and the mousse) as we get ready for a gem of a turd in Never Too Young to Die with Stamos, Vanity (again), and George Lazenby and Gene Simmons (calling Dr. Love?). Plus, more Streaming movie recommendations, and Stinker Thinkers bad movie trivia. Uncle Jesse HO!

It's time for Jericho Jackson to try to live up to his nickname, yet for some reason he avoids the action for 3/4 of the movie. But when the action hits, boy does it hit. Vanity is the worst lounge singer of all time, Craig T. Nelson knows karate (at least his stunt guy does), and Sharon Stone just can't stay alive or happily married in any movie she's in. Get ready for some nonsense.

Justin gets to choose this week and he's dialed up a classic in Carl Weather's Action Jackson. How long can Vanity keep her shirt on? Also Streaming Do's and Don'ts and Stinker Thinkers. Get super pumped (but don't hurt yourself).

Let the ferrets fly and the tigers die as Jeff and Tucker from If We Made It podcast show up to help us try to make sense of The Beastmaster. Does PETA show up to put a stop to the madness? Does Tanya Roberts save the movie by letting the ladies out? Does anyone get 'sploded? (Spoiler alerts - no, yes, yes - respectively)

Sponsored by Critter Commander! This 0.5 episode contains the usual nonsense we have but we really amp it up in honor of Marc Singer's manliness. More Netflix do's and don'ts (with 3 do's this time) and Stinker Thinkers. Spoiler alert - Sam is still winning. Huzzah, my furry friends!

The first half is "The Bible as told by Tolkien". The second half is Cape Fear (no really). And the entire thing is sprinkled with crap. It's Noah and it's arguably the worst movie ever to see a theater release. We apologize for the poor audio on this episode. We had a new computer setup and frankly we don't know what the hell we're doing. But you all seem to like what we do so keep on'a listenin'.

Sam brings in Steven Seagal for his first time on Stinker Madness with his last time in the theaters and the reason for that becomes quite apparent. Oh and would someone please just off Ja-Rule within the first 4 minutes of this movie...please???? It's got Alcatraz, it's got gun fights, it's got slap fighting and it's also got all the characters from The Matrix! What could possibly be wrong with this film?

It's point-five time and Pappa Sando brews us up a sweet batch o' prison hooch (and we drink it) as we get sentenced to the first Steven Seagal appearance. As is tradition, we got more Netflix do's and don't coming at you, the stakes in Stinker Thinkers gets HOT, we do our best acting attempts and maybe get a little drunk. Who's ready for some slap-fightin'? Yeeeehhhhhaaaaw!!!!

VROOOM and SPLOOSH take center stage as David Carradine makes mince-meat out of pedestrians and Sly Stallone shows us the meaning behind "Mr. The Turbo". This one is ground-zero stinker!

The very first "Stinker Hall of Fame" movie makes it's debut; so let's get ready to run people over with David Carradine and Sly Stallone. Plus Stinker Thinkers (Sam is pummeling Justin) and Netflix Do's and Don'ts...we also may get a little out of hand here....

Hang on to your eye of newt and your spider legs! You're about to drink a powerful witch's brew of bad movie business. Betrayal, conceit, lust, and greed take over this week in a trip back to the 80's. You're going to be the most popular girl!

Magic (and baloney) is in the air this week as we prepare ourselves for Jackie's pick; a dancicul knock-off of Teen Wolf. Plus the usual other 0.5 episode stuff. Listen to it before we hex you!

We take a look into the future where Mick Jagger gets to be an action star, no one ages, and that fava-beans and chianti guy gets paid his day rate.

We get ready to travel to the future when Mick Jagger becomes a movie star in Freejack. Plus more Netflix dos and don'ts as well as our riveting improv work.

Truck stops, crummy arm wrestling, and terrible parenting make up this weeks stinker and P.U. does this one stink!

Justin, Jackie and Sam gear up for some truckin' and arm wrastlin' with Sly Stallone's "Over the Top". We also add more Netflix Dos and Don'ts, plus Stinker Thinkers, and Sam introduces us to the "Big Time TF"

Judging movies by their covers back-fires on us as we get duped into watching a non-wrestling "wrestling" movie. Jamie Kennedy and Edge slap us in the mouth, with special guest Mark.

We gear up for another epic from WWE Studios - this time starring Jamie Kennedy and Edge. We also give our first attempt at Stinker Improv, where we re-enact what we believe the movie will be about. Are you ready to fumble?????

Sam, Jackie and Justin delve into the intense neo-political sub-tones of Invasion USA...and all the Spolsions. Chuck Norris wears a curly mullet and tells you, "It's time to die" unless he doesn't also have a rocket launcher. BOOM!

We set for this week's Stinker with Chuck Norris making his first appearance. Also more Netflix Do's and Don'ts and Stinker Theater.

Good journey! Ever wanted He-Man to leave Eternia and show up in YOUR town. Well this week he does just that along with the rest of his goons and Skeletor..ish.

Get ready for a new podcast about bad movies. This episode we gear up for Masters of the Universe with Dolph Lundgren as He-Man and Courtney Cox as...Courtney Cox. Good Journey!