Frame 177 - Snooker Hole. Whatever Rich thinks, it's Frame 177 and the first of 2024, but who will be the first winner in this final year of human civilization? You're going to have to fight your way through Name That Tune and the football scores to get there. But it's definitely the best frame of this year with surprises in store for everyone.

Frame 176 - Victorian Ghost Child. It's a crucial frame in this ongoing contest and maybe the last of 2023. Who will win at snooker? That's the ultimate question. There is an unwelcome visitor and some amazing breaks and so on. Plus big prizes for name that tune. If you watch live.

Frame 175 - Rwanda. In a crucial frame, Me1 faces up to Me 2 to see who is the best at snooker. All the usual features including name that snooker stick tune, puppet predictions, 20.04 football scores, interviews and also some snooker. Incredible action, incredulous commentary, a tired man who should be with his family. What more do you want? Blood?

Frame 174 - Without Prejudice. In a crucial frame Me1 takes on Me2 at snooker. One player has been in the doldrums. Will they turn up today? And if not, how the hell will we play the game with just one player?

Chalky Fingers/Predictive Hand. In a crucial frame Me1 takes on Me2 at snooker. Plus another name that tune with big cash prizes and some astonishing potting. But who will win? And what shall become of the doubters?

It's a crucial frame in the contest, with one player in extraordinarily poor recent form. Can they turn it around? Will Charles III experience the same fate as Charles I and who will be winning the battle of Man versus Boys at 8.03pm. Plus Guess that Tune and Whory Horse guesting as score predictor. And despite the huge number of football fixture, it's the quickest frame ever, so be grateful for small mercies.

Frame 171 - Carrot Based Prediction. In a crucial frame of snooker Me 1 takes on Me2 at snooker to find out who is the best at snooker. But who will it be? (Who is the best at snooker). Plus guess the cue chalk tune, puppet predictascore and the 8.03pm football scores. It's a perfectly acceptable form of entertainment.

Frame 170 - Very Little Sexism. Another thrilling and crucial frame from the old green board, from a time where it looked like York City might be in with a chance of winning a football match. Two very different foes with surprisingly equal statistics take each other on in the greatest sport ever created. Who will win? That's the basic premise. Plus advance news about RHLSTP guests: richardherring.com/rhlstp

The Birdy Song - In a crucial frame Me 1 takes on his opponent Me2 to see who is best at snooker. By the end of the frame we should know who is best for now. But not until death of one or all of the players will the conundrum finally be solved. Plus 8.04 football results. Will it be good news for York City in their bottom of the table clash (spoilers - no).

It's back! That's all you need to know! See RHLSTP on tour: richardherring.com/rhlstp

Frame 167 - It's Only A Game. Me1 and Me2 are both going to be snookering you tonight and you're going to love it. It's a show with everything, a song, a virtuoso playing their instrument, a hippopotamus obsessed with mammary glands. More than 3 two ball breaks. And the beautiful moment when Luton Town weren't going to be in the play off finals. Plus it's a crucial frame.

Frame 166 - Monarchy vs Republic. In this crucial frame of snooker, not only do we get to find out which Me is best at snooker this week, but also resolve how the UK will be governed for the next 1000 years. Plus Rich thinks he might be drinking real gin and loses his mind and gives you some 40 year old mnemonics and vocab songs from his o level studies and plays his snooker stick along with another classic comedy song. Was he drunk though? Nope, he checked. It was non-alcoholic gin. What a lightweight. Some good snooker though and hopefully you will know your place after this.

Frame 165 Simon Tutu - In a crucial frame tonight, Me 1 tries to defeat Me2 at snooker whilst Me2 in turn attempts to defeat Me1. But who will do the dirty business? Sybil has had a makeover and Richard is playing his cue like a Stradivarius and singing about Woolworths. More importantly it's an incredible standard of snooker for you to enjoy. So do that or this is all for nought.

Frame 164 - Orange. In a crucial frame Me1 takes on Me2 at snooker. I hope nobody protests. Not that that would make the board any more unplayable. Who will win? Me or me? The only loser is you, for wasting your time on this.

Write It Down! After a holiday break (geddit?) Me1 and Me2 are back for a crucial frame in the tournament which could have a huge impact on the final result. Richard seems distracted by half-remembered comedians and is incredibly still not over his recent bug, but the players, whilst shit, provide a thrilling match with incident and balls and a cat in it.

Frame 162 - Don Quixote. The snooker is back and so are the all important voices of the host and the commentators (well one of them). It's another crucial frame, but the cat litter box is proving a worthy adversary and the players aren't very good at snooker. Still it only ends with death.

Frame 161 - Strike. Nazi supporter Ian Twitch has suspended Richard Herring for offending him by saying that the Tories are the same as the Nazis. Consequently all the pundits, commentators and predicting puppets have gone on strike in support. So this is a bare bones edition of the contest, with just the action. Which means it has all the pots in, no "expert" analysis and will probably be quite hard to follow in audio only. But unless you are a scab you will still listen. Some great action. Just a shame we couldn't describe it. On the plus side, it is mercifully brief.

Frame 160 - Winner Gets Ants. All the usual rubbish from this long running snooker competition, plus all the excitement of the FA and Scotch Women's football. And also some snooker. It's a very exciting frame. But can some puppets predict the result? I used to be on TV.

Frame 159 - Potting through the Pain. It's another round of snooker and both players have been poked in the eye and also have painful hips. But that doesn't stop them playing snooker to a scarcely adequate standard. Who will win? They thought it was all over, but is it now?

Framer 158: Sh!thouse - An absolutely appalling game of snooker to follow last week's classic. Nothing in this is worth your time or your money. Luckily we are not asking for money, but you could potentially earn some money by doing something productive instead of experiencing this. There was a good shot near the end and also a great escape from an impossible snooker, though you can't see it properly because the logo was in the way. Back for more next week.

Frame 157 - Academical. It's the first frame of 2023 and what new year's resolutions will the players have and will anyone involved remember how any of this works? It doesn't matter. It's one of the greatest displays of self-playing snooker ever recorded. Sit back and enjoy it all, because sport does not get better than this.

Frame 156 - Politics and Sport. In a crucial frame Me1 takes on Me2 - one of them is on a bad run of form, can he turn it around? And will there be any repercussions for Referee 1 after last week's controversies. And will the LGBTQ+ community boycott the sport after this week. Find out by watching/listening to the latest instalment in this thrilling contest.

Frame 155 - Touching the Pink. It's a crucial frame and there's a couple of controversial moments that could alter the whole course of the competition, but the referee's decision is final. Plus a 7 year-old heckles as she insists we look at her art, the football scores are in at 8.03 and Prince Andrew is back. I remember when this thing was purely about the sport of kings, self-playing snooker, not the sport of noncy dukes. No Sweat. Enjoy it now before unlucrative ads ruin it.

Frame 154 - Nonce Sense. In a crucial frame Me 1 and Me 2 battle it out for the title of who is the best at snooker. There's arena naming controversy and Sybil is unavailable, but surely no one else is capable of seeing the future like her? It's a high octane contest and maybe the best snooker we've seen on the old green board since lockdown.

Frame 153 - Vision On. In a crucial frame Me1 takes on Me2 at snooker and to couldn't be more exciting. It's just not possible. Even if it was on a rollercoaster. In many ways that would spoil it.

Frame 152 Snooker, She Wrote - In a crucial frame in the contest Me1 takes on Me2 at snooker with hilarious consequences. Plus football scores at far too far into the matches to be of any interest to anyone.

Frame #151 Stone of Scoooooooon. In a crucial frame Me1 takes on Me2 as they attempt to ascertain who is the best at snooker. Plus news of the most important football match of the year, Halifax Town versus York City. And a scary doll.

In Liz We Truss. It's a century and a half of snooker in just ten and a bit short years and tonight is a pivotal frame in the contest. Crucial some might say. Some amazing snooker but from whom and for how long. Will defeat be snatched from the jaws of victory again. And who will buy Richard's book?

Frame 149 - Executioner. The period of mourning is over but one player is still reeling from the funeral, whilst the other expresses views on the monarchy that can not be condoned by any right thinking person. But away from politics and football scores it's a thrilling and crucial frame. Enjoy the action.

Frame 148 - Concord Rangers. We could have just sloped off and pretended we'd forgotten but we're back with a tired but thrilling frame in honour of her majesty Mrs Mclusky. There's a lot of football to get through first. And Sybil makes another prediction. And so on.

Frame 147 - Maximum Break. An incredible landmark as the podcast hits its 147th frame. Sadly everyone involved is so knackered that this is going to be a total waste of 20 minutes of your life. Richard seems annoyed to be there, the players can't play, the referee can't remember whose go it is. Absolute fucking shambles.

Frame 146 - No, I'm Czechoslovakia. In a crucial frame in the contest, Me1 takes on Me2 at snooker to see who is the best at snooker. They are both tired and dizzy and there are a few fouls in this one and practically no decent play, But you have to take the rough with the smooth and snooker is a game of two halves, so shut up with your complaining and just watch or listen to it and be grateful it's here at all. What's wrong with you?

Frame 145 - Württemberg. In a crucial frame in the contest, Me1 and Me2 face off on the old green board to try to determine which of them is best at snooker, whilst Richard propositions an 82 year-old woman who was widowed today and everyone gets a bit too excited about Referee 3 (can you spot the mistake she made in setting up the board?). Hang around til the end for the greatest shot ever made in the history of self-playing snooker - great in audio, even better in video. Tech difficulties meant that the latest football scores came at about 8.07pom which is no use to anyone. Sorry.

Frame 144 - Referee Three. In this crucial frame Me 1 takes on Me 2 at snooker to determine who is the best at snooker. And recent refereeing errors mean the frame begins with a bang, with no expense spared for the special effects. Will a new broom sweep the sport clean of claims of corruption. It's an incredibly spooky frame with thrills and spills and pills and gills. Watch to the end. You won't believe what happens.

Frame 143 - Fire Referee 1 (Into the Heart of the Sun). An exhausted Me1 and Me2 take to the old green board to see who will win this crucial frame. They are keen to get it over with as soon as possible, but another monumental refereeing error extends play time. Bad for them, but loads more snooker for you.

Frame 142 - Frog. A very tired Richard Herring presents this crucial frame in the contest. Can Sybil repeat her amazingly accurate prediction from last week? What were the football scores at 8.03pm? Who raids a snooker match after it is over? Why is an old bamboozled man hosting a Twitch channel? Who will win this crucial frame? Find out by watching/listening.

Frame 141 - Curse? It's a crucial frame in the contest that might well determine the eventual winner, but will the incredible shift in form continue? There's a big match of football too, but the two early goals arrive too late to get a mention on the soccer round up. Sybil's powers are getting spooky and Me2 is playing for a very special fan. And there's some phenomenal snooker action, plus watch out It'll Be All Right On The Night - a funny thing happens with one of the cameras. Even better in audio.

Frame 140 - Porn. It's a crucial frame in the contest, after last week's controversy. Referee one's life is hanging by a thread, but allegations have been made against both players. But at times like these we can only let the snooker do the talking and boy does it talk tonight? No, it doesn't. It's a game.

Frame 139 Yellow. The contest couldn't be at a more exciting point and this frame is absolutely crucial. Should the arena be named after the wife of a Neofascist? How are Gala Fairydean getting on in the football? Why are people still watching this when they're allowed to go out now? And will Sybil's Paddy McGuinness prediction come true? Oh and there's some snooker too and a bit of a controversy that threatens to shake the sport to its very foundations.

Frame 138 - Bad News For Paddy - Let the contest continue. More superb snooker action as well as expert football analysis and terrifying visions of the future from a scary doll. Can the Me who has been doing badly hit form at last? Or will the Me who is doing well continue to deliver the goods? And when is Twitch of Fun back? All questions will be answered (well these three will).

Frame 137 - Sixty-Nine. It's a crucial frame in this ongoing contest that could well decide the final result. Can the out-of-form player turn things around or will the in-form player stay in form and win? And more importantly, what are the football scores at 8.03pm and what does the Scrappy Doo of Self-Playing Snooker think is going to happen?

Frame 136 - These Are The Days of Miracle and Wonder - We're mourning the death of a cinematic great, but we still need to know the 8.03 football scores, however painful they may be for York City and can Sibyl keep up her amazing 1 week run of getting the result partially correct? It's an incredible frame of snooker from start to finish. You are going to be lucky too witness this, even if in audio only. Plus a baby with a baboon for a heart. This podcast has EVERYTHING.

Frame 135 - Post-Watershed. The snooker is recorded at 9pm this week, meaning a certain number of swear words are allowed, but will the Mes use them all? And can they top (or just copy) the Oscars? And how will having football scores from later in the game affect things? What the Hell is this thing? How is it still going on? Why are you enabling it by consuming it? This is your responsibility. Who will win this frame? Will Sybil predict it? What the Hell is this thing?

Frame 134 - Ajax. The snooker is in danger of being replaced by a football update service. Which I think might be more popular. But Sibyl would surely warn us if that was going to happen, so accurate are her predictions. Anyway, more snooker playing in what is a crucial frame in the competition.

Frame 133 - Young Boys. Richard is going great guns with his 8.02pm football score catch up. He might even stop doing the snooker and concentrate on that. But for now the snooker continues and it's a stone cold classic frame and it's a crucial one for the competition. Maybe as few as 1000 frames to go, so don't miss it.

Frame 132 22/2/22. It's a day of massive numerical significance, but will that be reflected in the final score. Sibyl certainly thinks so. And will Rich finish the show in time to get some time to himself before his wife gets home? So much jeopardy, so many twos. This is a crucial frame in the contest that is bound to have an effect on the final result. But who will win. Who???

Frame 131 - For Whom the Bell Dongs. After a fortnight hiatus the Mes are back, in a crucial frame that could make all the difference in the contest. With a visit from the completely innocent Duke of York and another prediction from Sybil, the players get down to some very exciting snooker action. Who will win? I am not telling you in this blurb as that's more or less the whole point of the game. And then you wouldn't bother watching/listening. Oh, you aren't anyway.

Northampton 0 Barrow 0 - Richard tries to boost his viewership by offering an unparalleled sports service. Referee 1's life is hanging in the balance and the players are giving Vladimir Putin something to think about. Sybil brings her magic power of prediction to the festivities again and it's a record breaking frame which could have a real impact on the final score.

Frames 128 and 129 - Sybil. Me1's wife is out so the players get to do two frames tonight. There's potting, controversy and a good joke about balls going in the bin. And there's a new character with amazing powers that will blow your mind. Will Referee 1 still have his job next week? And when will VAR bring some consistency to the sport?

Frame 127 - Fifty Seven Years To Go - All the Mes have been declared Covid free and allowed into the country and so Self-Playing snooker can continue. But the curse of the world's oldest man has struck again and Richard is keen to get downstairs to see his wife after being denied his conjugal rights for 10 long days and nights. So the players play quick and play beautifully, but has the whole competition become one-sided and what can the Lord Jesus Christ do to help?

Frame 126 - Seventeen Years To Go. The contest is reaching a crucial stage where every frame played counts as one frame to whoever wins it and the trophy can be won or lost right now, though we won't be able to be sure about that until one or all of the players are dead. It's a cracking frame of snooker though and all good fun, until everyone gets a bit weird near the end. But don't let that put you off. You are not wasting your time with this, whatever other people might tell you. You're part of something important. At least, it's as important as anything. All of this will be stripped away and forgotten and we will be but dust on the breeze. Look/listen out for some amazing shots.

Frame 125 - The Not Christmas Frame Richard is back playing with himself, live on Twitch and he's determined that this fine sport should not be tainted by Yuletide chuff. It's a thrilling frame which could go either way, with some amazing talking points. Perfect to watch on Christmas morning (as long as you are not celebrating Christmas). Back the RHLSTP Kickstarter here: http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter

Frame 124 - All The Angles. It's all change at Me1 vs Me2 Snooker today, with an unnecessary degree of professionalism introduced (to the presentation at least). It won't really make much difference to the audiophiles though. There's high breaks, controversy and one of the Mes wins a frame of snooker. But which one? I can't say here as finding out is essentially the only thing that makes this worth experiencing.

Frame 123 - BJ Fan? - Things get a little political ahead of this crucial frame in the contest, with so much resting on the result, but there comes a time to let the snooker do the talking and there's a chance of a maximum break for one player, but will he take it? Or will he blow it? There's only one way to get the answer. Tune in to the world's premier self-playing snooker match now.

Frame 122 - Earthquake - As predicted in the Book of Revelations, on the 10th anniversary of the first self-playing snooker podcast the ground fhall fhake and the frame fhall freeze and no one will be fure which Me hath won the frame. It's 10 years since we started and we're still going strong. Expect some guest appearances from your least favourite Mes and some crossover guests too. But mainly expect some earth shattering snooker and real incident. Thanks for sticking with this. It will continue until there are zero listeners/viewers. So far you are winning in this stand off, but it can't be long now.

Frame 121 - To Vax or Not To Vax, That is the Question One week from the tenth anniversary of the beginning of this never ending tournament and there have been some booster jabs in the mix. Will they affect snooker arms? And are you better off unvaccinated? Some incredible break building in this episode and some tromboning too. But who is tromboning who?

Frame 120 - BJ - More self-playing snooker like in the other episodes in the ongoing mission to find the best me. Can we bring it home in under 30 minutes?

Poor Ziggy - it's back and it's nearly been going for ten years at a heady pace of almost a frame a month. But someone connected with the wider Self-Playing Snooker universe has passed on and there has to be a moment of reflection. Before the greatest sporting event of the millennium. It will keep you guessing right up to the last minute and wishing you could have joined the millions who saw it live.

Frame 118 - 118 118 - It's back. After almost 11 months, the classic self-playing snooker contest picks up again - no stupid accents, no knock outs, no bullspit. But who will prove superior tonight Me 1 or Me 2. There's controversy from the off, but from then on just pure excitement and amazing break after amazing break. Sometimes there are snookers. Some times the other player gets out of the snooker. And then one player wins. Plus an update of the England Hungary match for people who want to know what the score was about 20 minutes in. It's back baby.

Shoot up the Table - It's finally here, the final day of frames and the two one million pound winners (or one two million pound winner). Some people thought it was all over before these last two frames, but those people might be in for a shock. I promise you that this tournament will keep you on the edge of your seat right down to the very last shot. Will Ian Durex turn up and will he be backed by the Cockheads? Thanks for watching these 'lockdown' tournaments. Back to regular Me1 vs Me 2 now.

Things Get Serious - In the penultimate week of frames there are some huge matches that could change the top, middle and bottom of the table. Will Durex cough up their Johnny money? Will the highest break be beaten? Will we find out what Sam Beckett's mission was? Isn't this just the same bloke playing himself at snooker quite badly? Will Referee 1 be blasted into space? Some of these questions might be answered tonight.

Mates - Some people think it's all over, but there are still a few of the Mes in a position to win the whole shebang and three of them are playing tonight. At least one of them won't be in a position to win by the end of it. But there's some amazing action and some tough choices to be made by the professionals and still no word from our sponsors Durex. Don't be a dondom.

Eraser - It's all hotting up now isn't it and tonight's frames could put the pretty kitty amongst the pigeons or basically crown the champion with 6 frames to play. Me1, Me2, Me 11 and Me 31 are the players in action and any of them could be walking home with at least one million pounds in a month's time, courtesy of Ian Durex. But what will the results be? If only there was some way to find out. WATCH IT. And use a condom. Even though that ruins it really.

Highest Break It's the final matches of the fifth round and the tension if pretty much unbearable. But still just about bearable. There's discussion of the highest break so far in the tournament and then one of the players challenges for the highest break. But which one? And can she make it? There's a million pounds from our sponsor, Durex if whoever it is that can do it. If that money ever turns up. Which it probably will. Who will be top of the table at the end of this? I can't remember. Maybe you will remember if you consume this. Only four more weeks till the champion is crowned.

Xenophobia - The contest is really hotting up as we try to determine who will be the champion of the European Super League of Self-Playing Snooker and all the players in today's frames are in contention for the win. The ESLOSPS would like to apologise for some of the views expressed in this episode, but sadly they have no recourse to ban players for what they think or say, however offensive to slightly rubbish countries that might be. But let's concentrate on the action and all the places that a Durex can go. Because those are all that matter in this crazy world.

Johnny Be Good - The ESLOSPS is heating up. Can Me 3 go top tonight? Which Me will have lost all four of their first four frames? Is Me11's luck about to turn. Will the old-fashioned attitudes of some of the people involved in this enterprise ever change? And where exactly is Me31 even from? There's a week off as the Mes go on holiday together, but we'll be back soon, before going on holiday again. Sponsor Rich's half marathon at http://justgiving.com/monoball And don't forget to claim your free condom from our sponsors @durexuk

Captain Green: We approach the halfway point of the European Super League of Self-Playing Snooker and with four of the top five in action tonight, we should really see things start to take shape. It's unbearably hot, but it's not just the snooker players who have breaks, because the weather breaks halfway through and there's thunderbolts and lightning very very frightening during the second match. Absolutely the most astonishing night of self playing snooker so far and you won't believe the standard of play or the outcomes of any of this. It's genuinely the greatest sporting contest of all time. And we're only halfway through. Sponsored by Durex. Wife away? Treat yourself to a posh wank with Durex.

ESLOSPS #6 - 54 Years Old. Things are hotting up so much that one way or the other you will probably require a Durex. It's the remaining matches for the third round. Will there be a runaway league leader after this or can the pack at the back make a difference? Me 7 is taking on Me31 and more excitingly Me10 is up against Me11. But who will win? Only one way to find out. Unless you just ask someone who's seen it. So two ways. Sponsored by Durex. When you do your ex. Do-your-ex (Durex).

ESLOSPS #5: Don't Be A Dondom. Rich is singing obscure Barron Knights songs like some kind of unsuccessful Peter Kay who tries to remind people of things that they don't remember. But there's only one sport to worry about tonight as four of the players play their third match in the European Super League. It doesn't get more crucial than this. And the snooker is deep and crisp and slightly uneven tonight. You're going to love it. Sponsored by Durex.

ESLOSPS Week 4 - Alias the Jester. After the awful tired play last week, self-playing snooker bounces back with two of the most exciting frames EVER! But who will top the leader board. Also where is the leaderboard? Sponsored by Durex.

Sex Dew. Richard has had his arse handed to him by a professional 2-player-snooker snooker player, but he returns, sharply dressed to prove that he is the king of the 1-player version of the game which at least doesn't have a sarcastically big board. Me 1 takes on Me3 and Me 2 plays Me4 in their second matches in this super league. Sponsored by Durex.

It's a hot day and everyone in the arena has forgotten to bring any fluids so there's a real chance of collapse in this week's frames, but the ESLOSPS must go on. Me 7 takes on Me10 in a battle of the accents and Me 11 plays against notorious cheat Me31. Plus everyone is wearing a Durex condom thanks to our sponsor Durex - because the end of you cue needs to have chalk on it to protect everyone. In this metaphor the cue is your penis and chalk is a condom. Hope you enjoy this multi-million pound event.

ESLOSPS #1 - Money is More Important Than Fans. It's a new direction for self-playing snooker as the 8 most successful/richest players break off to form their own European Super League of Self Playing Snooker. The fans are up in arms, but unlike the weak fools in football, we're carrying on regardless. F the Fans. But which 8 players will make the cut and who will be playing tonight? I am not telling you in this as that's most of the fun. But the action will prove that it's best to have the best of elite playing if you want brilliant snooker. Big prize money for the winner and for the highest break of the league. Strap in. The next 14 weeks are going to be mega. Sponsored by Durex, for when you want to shoot your balls all over the place, but don't want to get an in off.

Pointless. It's been a long journey and some balls have popped out of the pocket along the way, but we're pulled out all the stops (ie changed the colour of the scoreboard) for the Grand Final. Which of the quite dull characters will win? Is anyone really behind either of them? And what next for self-playing snooker? Find out by ingesting this.

Winter Tourney - Semi-Finals - My Dog Has No Nose. Richard is very moved by the being that this week's arena is named after, but we're here for snooker, not tears. But will the snooker leave us in tears too? It's Viking Me versus Meninist Me and Serious Me versus Female Me. Richard is extremely partisan but can he somehow manipulate it for the big money Meninist versus Feminist final? Or are we looking at the boner killing Viking Me versus Serious Me? Or one of the other possible outcomes? Only one way to find out. The 500,000th view of the Twitch channel occurred during this stream. Kabang picture by Anton Mari H. Lim

Winter Tourney QFs 3 and 4 - They Think It's All Over. Back on the old green board and we're so close to the final now that you can literally taste it. Serious Me is taking on Total Recall Me and Motorcycling Me is facing off to Female Me. There's still a chance that the final could be between two qualifiers. Or between a sexist and a woman. Or a Viking and someone serious. But by the end of this presentation you will know who the last four are and what all the permutations will be. God it's thrilling.

Self-Playing Snooker Winter Tourney - QFs 1 and 2 - Marmite Face. Richard has had to make a difficult choice re making money or maintaining the integrity of the one player sport. I wonder which he has chosen. Tonight Viking Me takes on Oversharing Me (in a terrible, but thrilling frame) and then Successful Me attempts to overcome Meninist Me. It's four of the least likeable players and two of them will be in the semi-finals and one will be in the Final. God help us. We're really ramping up to the denouement of this seemingly never-ending contest. You have to stick with us to the bitter end now.

From Me and All the Mes - It's been a tricky few weeks for all sorts of reasons but the second round matches end with a huge bang as Samuel Beckett Me takes on the never defeated Motorcycling Me and 'Legs' 11 takes on Self-Doubting Me. We've lost some big scalps and some even better accents in this tournament. Will the disappointment continue? You will be on the edge of your seat for both frames with some fine, fine snooker on the old green board. By the end of this broadcast you will know the names of the 8 Mes who will be battling it out over the next four weeks to win the truly amazing trophy.

Which Me Is It? - A weary Richard, full of crisps is finding all the balls flying out of pockets a little bit triggering. In the first frame there's some confusion about whether Me 4 or Me5 is playing Conspiracy Theory Me. It's very offensive when commentators think that all Mes look the same. Then Boring Me 14 takes on Total Recall Me 27. Will any of the competition's big characters get through to the quarter finals or do we need a European Super League? It's a terrible and tired event, but at least we are closer to knowing who will be the winner of this cursed tournament.

Half Empty Bawl Bag - After a brief intermission for bollock removal, the Mes are back. King of the World Me, so far unbeaten, takes on Successful Me and Northern Me attempts to defeat horrible Meninist Me. Surely Rich can control the results? He can't. He really can't. If things had turned out differently he might be doing John Oliver's job and John Oliver might be taking to himself in an attic (oh, he kind of is). Anyway business as usual - bad snooker, poor refereeing, weak commentary but maximum excitement. Come and see Rich in person LIVE at the Clapham Grand for five weeks of RHLSTP (or buy tickets for online viewing) https://claphamgrand.com/rhlstp/

Winter Tournament - Round 2, Matches 1 and 2. Rich is about to take a shortish break (geddit) but manages to get in two frames before lockdown, though the snooker board is warping by the second. Impressionist Me37 takes on Viking Me15 and Oversharing Me18 faces off to one of only two previous semi-finalists still in the contest Gay Me3. And there's some pearls amongst the excrement tonight. We'll meet again, don't know where don't know when, but one thing will be different on the next time we're together. Apologies for the many technical issues with this event. But it's all part of the fun.

It's a thrilling end to round one of the Winter Tournament as we finally find out who the last 16 players will be. Interestingly all finalists from the first three tournaments are already out, so we're guaranteed two virgin finalists (even more virgin if teenage me was still in). Tonight sees Female Me take on Somerset Me in one of the most exciting frames ever and then self-doubting me takes on oversensitive me in one of the most forgettable frames ever. Next week, if God be willing, we'll be back with the start of round two. Incredibly exciting times, especially for any five year olds watching.

We're approaching the end of round one and tonight sees the Titans that are Samuel Beckett Me and Italian Me fighting it out for the chance to play newcomer Motorcycling Me and perennial loser Northern Irish Me. There's controversy, there's a lot of xenophobia and there is some of the worst self-playing snooker that has ever been broadcast in any medium. Support us if you're with Amazon Prime by using your free sub to give us money (at no extra cost to yourself) every month) or become a monthly badger (with free snooker stickers whilst stocks last) at http://gofasterstripe.com/badges. And I am really sorry for all of this.

The winter tournament continues apace as the arena gets renamed during the broadcast as news filters through of a tragic demise. It's Boring Me versus Sleepy Me and Ventriloquist Dummy Me versus Total Recall Me, so at least one dull and at least one high concept character will be in the next round. But which ones. Only one way to find out. Plus this month's monthly badger draw winner announced - Next month it could be you. Support us here http://gofasterstripe.com/badges and get loads of extras. Or use your Amazon Prime membership to give us monthly cash at no extra cost to yourself.

Big Drama. Two self-playing snooker legends in action tonight in former champion Me31 and three times semi-finalist Me7. If they both win they will meet in round 2, but Conspiracy Theory Me, me 22 and Serious Me, Me4 will be doing their best to stop them. All in an arena named after a murdered horse. What more could you want? Use your Amazon Prime sub to help us make more content or become a badger at http://gofasterstripe.com/badges

After a week off to accommodate Richard's film career, we're full steam ahead with Teenage Me taking on Yorkshire Me and former champ Welsh Me taking on the lowlife that is Meninist Me. By the end of tonight 40 players will have become 28 and we'll be halfway to knowing the line-up for Round 2. But for now let's just sit back and enjoy some of the greatest self-playing snooker ever committed to tape.

Two huge frames this week, as another lockdown is confirmed LIVE on air (and that's great for self-playing snooker). Scotch Me takes on King of the World Me and Successful Me takes on Me2. Nearly all these players have been knocked out in round one in previous tournaments, but which of them will flop out again? Controversy in the chat room, but only cos the chat room aren't reading their tea-towels.

Winter Snooker Tournament - Round one, Matches 3 and 4. 2020 has been an amazing year for self-playing snooker - more action, BBC TV exposure and now this fourth tourney do the year. And it's a low profile match betwixt Me18 and Me12 where God will test his only begotten son and then a high profile and tense encounter between heavyweights Me3 and Me1, the former angry not to have been in the elite championship and the latter crowing about winning it. What will happen. Support us with an Amazon Prime sub or by becoming a monthly badger http://gofasterstripe.com/badges

Finally we're into the first round proper and the draw throws up some cup final matches for round one. But the first one is newcomer Impressionist Me37 versus Neanderthal Me17 (both of whom made it through the qualifying round). There's refereeing controversy in this one, but a blistering contest to start the thing off. And then it's Viking Me 15 versus former finalist Angry Me32. Very similar personalities, but who will triumph on the old green board tonight. This is what the days before Christmas were made for. Check out all the other shit on Rich's twitch channel here http://twitch.tv/rkherring

SPECIAL Winter Tourney - Preliminary Round 4 - Technical Difficulties. Rich has had a beer and a half and his camera has packed up. Will he be able to finish the preliminary rounds? Or play snooker inebriated? Meninist Me and Oversensitive Me are the former players playing for their place in the first round proper, but what aspects of Richard's personality will they meet around the old green board. And when can we get on with the actual tournament? Rich is tired, emotional and his mind is falling apart. So business as usual.

SPECIAL Winter Tourney - Preliminary Round 3 - And This Is Me.... Kickstarter rewards are in the post. Get swapping your stickers guys. Richard brings you two more frames involving half-remembered figures Me26 and Me28 and new Mes Me37 and Me38. Will the newcomers overcome the straggler old hands. And when will we get into the first round proper? Support Richard's podcast endeavours by becoming a monthly badger here: http://gofasterstripe.com/badges for loads of bonus interviews, stand up shows, Taskmaster Watchalongs, badges, membership card and more. All money goes to making more content.

SPECIAL Winter Tourney - Preliminary Round 2- Mama Mia My Pizza Is Ready. It's the second week of the preliminary round to decide which old and new players will be in the first round proper. And Me21, the Italian Me is taking on newcomer Me35 and Me 24 the Chinese Me hopes to defeat young Me36. There's a special guest in the interview room and some talk of Tipping Point, but after 20 dull minutes the action gets going and snooker is the winner.

SPECIAL Winter Tourney - Preliminary Round 1: Nothing Sinister. It's lockdown 2 and so it's the fourth tourney involving more Mes than Me1 and Me2. Never podcast before, but we're now introducing Mes 33-40 and if they can beat the worst players of the rest then they could bet through to the first round proper. Tonight it's Neanderthal Me17 versus Fist of Fun Me33 and Left Handed Me20 versus Motorcycling Me34. Surely old leftie is just making up numbers like last time? Never be sure of anything with self-playing snooker Donate to Movember here: http://rhlstp.co.uk/movember Buy Rich's ebook for just 99p (till the end of November) here: https://amzn.to/2UXoRre

Frame 117 - Dog Chewed Reading Glasses. It's another frame of snooker, this time sponsored by Kevin Franklin. The moustachioed players (sponsor us at http://rhlstp.co.uk/movember) are both out for victory and there's so much hanging on the result of this frame. And there are several breaks of over 1 point to enjoy and some record breaking action. Why not buy a copy of The Problem With Men at gofasterstripe.com with a free signed book plate and badge? Or subscribe with Twitch in November to donate to Movember!

Frame 116: Biden His Time. It's 9th November 2020, but when's international men's day? Buy this book to find out https://amzn.to/2InQPsW Me1 and Me2 are back on a suspiciously wonky board, but can the player who has had a bad run of form change his luck? It's another extraordinary back and forth where nothing is clear, especially the pathetic moustaches on all the players' lips. Sponsor them at http://rhlstp.co.uk/movember or use your Amazon Prime sub in November and all the money will go to the cause too. Just listen to it/watch it/both. What are you expecting from this write-up? The result?

Frame 115 Blofeld - SPONSORED BY CHOOSE LOVE - https://choose.love/ Richard is giving November over to charity and doesn't he like to bang on about it, the bloody virtue signaller - though to be fair he wouldn't raise much money if he kept it all quiet. Anyway the snooker comes on eventually and there are thrills and spills aplenty. Plus bad sound for part of it, because Richard's mic is too close to his neck. If you enjoy November Twitch why not give your Amazon Prime sub money to the channel - we're giving it to Movember. Or if you want to give your own money head to http://rhlstp/.co.uk/movember Lots of other causes and ways to help too. And maybe a new tournament on the way. Hooray for lockdown!

Frame 114 - Bat on a Motorcycle: After last week's unbelievable contest, surely it can't be as exciting again. It shagging can. It's possibly even better. No spoilers. There's an awful lot of chat about charity that you can skip, but then there's a raid from another Twitch channel and a huge crowd and so a bonus frame from players picked at random from the Punani album. Who will it be? And who will triumph. It's a second unbelievable frame in one night. Download RHLSTP #300 and give some money to Refuge here: http://rhlstp.co.uk/300 Donate to Rich's Movember fundraising by subscribing to Twitch: http://twitch.tv/rkherring, becoming a monthly badger: http://gofasterstripe.com/badges or donating on his Movember page: http://rhlstp.co.uk/movember

By Royal Appointment. There's a special guest in tonight's snooker frame and a member of royalty no less. Will affect the play? And which way? Me2 is drinking fine whisky, but Me1 has gone tea-total. Will it affect the play? And which way? It's an absolute banger (the frame, not the royal guest). Don't forget to tune into Twitch on Thursdays for Twitch of Fun. And if you with Amazon Prime, please give us your free money. http://twitch.tv/rkherring

Frame 112 - Judge Not, Lest Your Cameras Stop Working. Rich is in a bouncy mood, no doubt due to his return to TV this week (Taskmaster C4, 9pm Thursday in case he forgets to mention it), but gremlins attack the camera feed and turn this into an old school Me1 vs Me2 snooker audio only contest. Podcast listeners won't notice much difference but if you're viewing via YouTube you might spot some differences. Every frame counts whether observed or not and there's some thrilling snooker going on behind the snap shot of the old green board. If you are an eccentric millionaire please bid on Richard's RHLSTP notebook: https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/184480101778

Life is a (Broken) Carousel (Cupboard) My Friends. Rich is tired and distracted after a battle with a broken cupboard, but that won't stop him and the Mes putting in 100% effort for a great frame of snooker. Referee 1 is faced with a problem that he should have been prepared for and everyone else should just be happy they're getting their Punani albums. It's the usual thing, but who will win this week and does it matter and will you be watching this for eternity upon your inevitable deaths?

Frame 110 - Is the Board Haunted? The long running feud betwixt good and evil (but which is which?) continues with Me1, the Normal Man taking on Me2, the Very, Very Strong Breeze in the greatest sporting contest of all time. But will the Self-Playing Snooker Punani album ever see the light of day? And can the people watching on Twitch raise the total by £1000 and guarantee a second frame of snooker between two guest players? And will Rich let them play even if they don't raise the money? We need £20,000 to be reached for the stuff to exist and all the profits are going to help keep live comedy going. http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter

Frame 109: Bew Nalance. The fate of the Punani self-playing snooker album hangs in the balance (to make it happen please donate at http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter. All profits go to help save live comedy) - or the nalance depending on which T shirt you are wearing - but there is still snooker to be played and it's another unbelievable, if not supernatural frame of snooker where some very weird stuff happens. Who will be the victor and who shall be vanquished? Richard Herring I reckon. But you can never be sure.

Frame 108 - Squashed Fly At Night, Snooker's Delight. After last week's unusual outbreak of maturity, will the players be up for concentrating on the beautiful game? Probably not, let's face it. But it's an interesting frame that breaks several records and leaves the Referee in a green ball conundrum. Support live comedy and get some fabulous rewards by backing our kickstarter here: http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter. Watch these live and see some other stuff as well on Twitch: http://twitch.tv/rkherring

Frame 107 - Astonishing. This frame decides which Me is best after 100 non-void frames (technically last week's frame did that as one frame was a draw) but who will be ahead or level at the end of this important yet also meaningless milestone in this best of infinity contest? The level of snooker is fitting for such an (un) important frame and has to be seen or listened to to be believed. Will the result bring these brothers from the same mother together or push them further apart and can we ever defeat ourselves in the ultimate contest of life. Check out the amazing rewards in our new self-playing snooker kickstarter: http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter. All profits going to keeping live comedy alive (and live).

Frame 106 - Green Screen Trip Hazard. An unprepared Richard Herring has just got his kids (almost) to bed and made his wife dinner and now his evening is his own, so he's playing snooker against himself and talking to himself. It's another thrilling frame though. Will the tides of fortune turn and will both players' plans to win all remaining frames come to fruition. Look out for the snooker kickstarter starting soon on http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter

Frame 105 - Vice Versa. It's been an amazing run of frames since the cameras have been allowed in to capture the action, but one of the players seems to not be himself and the other one seems to be the self that the other one is not. What has happened? It's like someone is having a breakdown. But which one? Or Ones? Some great play and another thrilling climax (and that was just Me1 on his weekend with no kids). Coming soon the Self-Playing Snooker kickstarter. But in the meantime, help out the stone clearers. I know they are your enemies, but they need your support. And without them what would you be? http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter

Frame 104 - Rode To Nowhere. It's the second frame of this contest to be filmed and it's another scintillating frame of self-playing snooker. Definitely the best televised frame you will see this week and definitely definitely the best one that you will just listen to. There are some fireworks off the green board too and some bad language and sportsmanship, but it's a beautiful ballet of balls on the board and I hope that will make up for it. To support the stone clearer kickstarter please head to rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter All profit goes towards making more online content. The content will always be free so that those of you who can't afford to pay can enjoy/endure it.

Frame 103 - Sinking Balls, Sinking Economy. It's back! For the first time since lockdown the best sporting audio podcast in the world has returned and it's Me 1 vs Me 2, no frills, but many thrills. Me1 is riding high from elite tournament success, but can Me2 burst his bubble? Or at least shag his wife? If you haven't been watching the months of Twitch streaming you may be surprised by the leap in skill level, beautifully described in audio by Commentator 1. You can watch it, if you care to, in the video section at http://twitch.tv/rkherring or come and see lots of live stuff most weekday nights. And if you are with Amazon Prime you can pay us actual money at no cost to yourself - This video explains how. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL9jahbh0oA

Frame 102 - Streaker. It's the only sporting fixture available in the world today, but Me 1 and Me 2 are back with an action packed frame which has everything: good snooker, bad snooker, multiple pitch invasions, full frontal nudity, a box in the way, a confused babysitter and some cuddles. It's a shame and a relief in many ways that we weren't filming this one, but we might start filming some soon. Follow me at Twitch http://twitch.tv/rkherring and if you're an Amazon Prime customer you can link your twitch account and give me $4.95 a month for free by using your one free subscription. It doesn't auto-renew though, so keep coming back and donating it if you like the stuff I am doing. Should start in the next couple of weeks. You can also pay to subscribe, but don't start doing that til I am up and running. Me 2 is not happy about any of this. Any gambling companies want to sponsor the event or take bets on it - get in touch. It might just save your business. Thanks to Nathan Jay for the swanky new theme tune.

Frame 101 - A Quiet Place. Rich is meant to be working, but takes a break (get it) to play his final frame of snooker of the decade. But what if his wife finds out what he's doing? He has to be super quiet, a bit like in that film. Will this be the end of Me1's marriage? And is that what Me2 wants? And who will win? And does anything matter any more? The suspense will kill you and Me1's wife may kill him, which will make future episodes less exciting. Happy New Year Listener.

Frame 100 - It's finally here. We're made a century break and it's time to find out who will be in the lead at this crucial though completely arbitrary point of the contest. Will it be Me1 or Me2 or will a different Me come in and win it? There's only one way to find out. The Mes have failed to make a profit at snooker this year and the recent live event actually made a loss. But if you want to help and indeed to see that tournament when it is edited together then become a monthly badger at http://gofasterstripe.com/badges In the meanwhilst sit back and listen to this frame with some of the most impressive snooker in the whole 100 frames. Will it be the first frame ever where there isn't a foul shot? Only one way to find out.

Frame 99 - Commentator Two Is Impressed. We're approaching the 100th frame of this long running contest and both players seem keen to win this not very important frame. And there is some scintillating play and records tumble like frozen fractals all around. The headphones started running out of juice about halfway through so I hope the sound is OK. I couldn't be arsed to check. See Me1 VS Me2 snooker LIVE at the Cockpit Theatre on 4th December. Amazingly some tickets left: tickets here

Frame 98 - Recycled Art Exhibit. It's 17th November 2019 and the news is full of the antics (or not) and the sweat (or not) of the Grand Old Duke of York, but I doubt that that will get a mention in a serious sporting contest like this. But the snooker board has to be cleared of rubbish before the play can commence, which is apt as this is almost certainly the most rubbish snooker that has been witnessed in almost 100 frames. Who will be ahead at Frame 100 and does it matter? Does a foul on the final black ball end the game? All questions that must be answered in the next 26 minutes. See Me1 vs Me2 Snooker LIVE at the Cockpit Theatre on 4th December. Tickets here

Frame 97 - Wasp Mortuary. It's been too long, but Me1 and Me2 are back on the old green board for a quick frame, even if they floor is littered with the bodies of insects. There's early controversy as one player gets away with knocking and replacing a ball, but then it's pure high-adrenaline snooker where only one player can win unless it's a draw. Who will emerge victorious as Frame 100 looms. Don't miss the chance to see Me1 Vs Me2 Snooker live on December 4th at the Cockpit Theatre in London. Tickets here - https://www.thecockpit.org.uk/show/richard_herring_me_1_vs_me_2_snooker Be quick because who knows if they will sell out?

Frame 96: Dizzy The Mes are all ill having been dizzy and in bed all day, so perhaps it was an unwise decision to rise from the sick bed to play snooker. Or perhaps it was the best decision of all time. Although there are some lapses in concentration from the commentator and the referee that might have severely affected the result, the records were tumbling on the old green board and it's an amazing game of snooker. Who won? You know how to find out. Keep an eye on richardherring.com/gigs for news of the upcoming live frame. If you want to give to the RHLSTP kickstarter head to rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter

Frame 95: A Broken Man. As the 100th frame approaches, the contest to find out who will be ahead at this arbitrary stage is really heating up. But this is an awful frame of snooker, both players tired from late nights, with half an eye on baby monitors, under the dim lights of unshaded light bulbs. You are lucky you can't see it and just have to listen. And the victory is hollow and empty today with the loser broken and the pointlessness of the tussle maybe finally becoming clear in his mind. At least none of the people involved actually listen to this. Imagine how much lower than them you are.

Frame 94: Bung. Back from Edinburgh and the old slights literally forgotten in the last month, Me1 and Me2 return to the green board to try and settle this like men. Well like a man. Taking on two fairly similar personalities, both of whom aren't very good at snooker. Or are they? Some spectacular breaks await your ears and also some fouls. But hanging over it all like a ghost at the feast, the possibility of corruption. How is this still going on?

Frame 93: Mr Broofing. Welcome to Frame 93 of Me1 Vs Me2 Snooker, this week sponsored by MRB Roofing (http://mrbroofing.co.uk) for all your North Herts roofing needs. And it's a controversial grudge match, as the enmity between the two players increases, which might lead to fisticuffs in real life, but it just means fireworks on the old green board. After a voided frame tensions are higher than ever, but who will win. And who will sponsor this showcase for the UK's fastest growing new sport next. Contact herring1967@gmail.com to get your company or name above this well-roofed arena.

Frame 92: Snooker Egg. Welcome to the newly names Pliny Memorial Nest (like a bird's nest) Arena, renamed for our sponsor Pliny, a fictional crow who died on TV exactly 20 years ago to this day. And as the Tories battle it out to see who will lose to Boris Johnson, Me 1 and Me 2 are also at an epoch defining stage of this contest and the repercussions could echo down the ages. Who will win this tussle? The snooker is dirty and bad, but you can not fault the entertainment value that you will get in this frame. It will have you on the egg-de of your seat.

Frame 91: Dying Air Pods. There is still a lot of bad blood between the two players after the denouement of the last frame, but who will come out on top in the psychological thriller? And will the uncharged AirPods last the course of the frame? Plus which player is the best runner and how many drugs and Tories references can Commentator 1 get into the frame? It's another absolute thriller of a contest between these two snooker lightweights which will send you reeling this way and that and taking nose cocaines like a Michael Gove. Check out RHLSTP tour dates at http://richardherring.com/rhlstpt/tour

Frame 90: Anal Embarrassment. It's an exciting time for the Mes with sobriety and fitness adding a new level to the contest and both players start out in high spirits, but a thrilling frame is marred by post match petulance and unnecessary rudeness from the loser, with potentially career ending disrespect (cos you can't say anything these days, with all the politically correct brigade). Hopefully it won't spoil your enjoyment of a wonderful frame on the old green (and possibly slightly warped) board. If there was any way we could edit it out of this live broadcast, believe me, we would.

Frame 89 - No Offence. Richard is terrified one of the Mes might inadvertently bring a Twitter storm down on this sporting podcast by making an inappropriate joke, but will they? Or will they let their snooker do the talking? And when these players are on the practice board, who are they playing? It's an incredibly exciting frame with a denouement that no one could have predicted (apart from one person), which makes all European football look like the moribund multi-person entertainment that it surely is. Over 20 more of these in 2019. Imagine that.

Frame 88 - A Dog and a Dyson. The snooker board is being cleaned and the Mes are 4 months sober, but will this cleanliness count for or against the debauched Me2. I am not going to tell you in this blurb, that would be crazy, but there is incident aplenty, including a curious visitor to the arena (it's Wolfie the dog in a podcast crossover, there's no point in pretending otherwise, she's in the photo). Still a chance to own a signed snooker ball or cool T shirt or sponsor this podcast via our kickstarter www.rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter. Thanks to all those of you who donated. We hit the target! But still happy to pay for even more podcasts. Please do not watch the terrible two player snooker, which isn't even in audio only. It's an aberration.

Frame 87 - Cat Hair On My Balls. The team are back and raring to go on a rare afternoon frame of self-playing snooker, with one of the Mes really needing a win to keep within passing distance of the other Me. It's a thrilling frame with the shot of the competition thus far and an extraordinary end game that will leave you on the seat of your pants. Also Richard explains how clever it is what's going on here and not stupid like you thought. If you want to get 25 more frames of Me1vsMe2 Snooker in 2019 or see a filmed tournament between the players or get a Me 1 OR a Me2 T shirt (BUT NOT BOTH) or a signed snooker ball in a presentation case or have the arena named after you without having to die or be a shape, then please back our kickstarter http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter before May 5th 2019.

Frame 86 - The Contents of a Cat's Anus. The Mes are back, but do they have an ulterior motive to sell you something? If they do then all they are selling is the best quality audio only self-playing snooker podcast in the world. Commentator 1 has all his allusions to Brexit worked out and ready to go, and the trailing Me has some work to do if he wants to catch up with the leading Me. Balls fly off the board, the board is too close to the wall and there's cat fur everywhere and maybe worse. Meanwhile the babies sleep and Me2 misses alcohol. Enough to lose? Let's let the snooker do the talking. To find out the amazing snooker and stone related rewards in the latest RHLSTP kickstarter head to http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter and pledge to ensure Me 1 vs Me2 snooker gets to at least Frame 111.

Frame 85 - A Lot of Work For Charity. It's been a while but a debacle of a stone clearing podcast has sent the Mes back to the old green board to clear something more reliable, the 16 balls that make up the 6 by 3 snooker challenge. Everyone is finding their feet in this one, but there is some extraordinary play, a new score board, Robot Voice possibly beginning to become sentient and standing on polystyrene. All the elements that fans of a man playing himself at snooker badly will enjoy. And if you want to give to Refuge then here's the link: https://www.gofundme.com/whensinternationalmensday2019

Frame 84: It's About Snookering Time. Yes, they're back. It's been hard to get all the players back in one room for various reasons, but they're back in the arena and hungry for victory, even if they have forgotten how the podcast works, how to play snooker and how to count. But for now, all any self-playing snooker fan cares about is that they are at least returning to the old green board. And hopefully this time they're back for good. It's recorded on Apple AirPods, so if you don't like the sound then complain to Ian Apple, not me. See a 5 frame Me1 vs Me2 tournament/art installation in the extras of Richard's new DVD Oh Frig I'm 50 available here http://www.gofasterstripe.com/ohfrig as a DVD or download. A rare opportunity to see what the players look like and have visuals as well as audio in what was a very exciting event. If you enjoy this podcast you might also like Stone-Clearing with Richard Herring, available on iTunes or here: https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/stone_clearing_with_richard_herring/

Frame 83: Ancient Beam. After the controversies of Frame 82 there are some hirings and some firings into space, but the new blood seems to inject some new super snooker energy into the arena, with an extraordinary level of play which already has some people calling this the self-playing frame of the century. More back and forth that insert a topical reference in here. To see Richard on tour or talking to famous people rather than himself, check out his tour and podcast recordings at www.richardherring.com And to support the snooker please consider making a monthly donation at http://d.rip/richard-herring

Frame 82: Snooker Wars: A New Hope. It's been about 8 months and the arena has moved and the table has gone from London basement to Hertfordshire attic and nobody involved can remember what is involved in this podcast or what the rules of snooker are. But we're back motherfuckers with a frame wrought with controversy. Is the snooker board true? Is commentator 2 still on board? Where's the snooker scorer? Is Robot Voice booted up. Who will win? See an exclusive pre-match video on the secret channel accessible for Dripsters http://d.rip/richard-herrring or monthly badgers www.gofasterstripe.com/badges See Richard on tour (will there be any interval snooker) www.richardherring.com/ohfrig/tour

Chris Evans (Not That One) Trophy 2017 REPLAY - I Hate St Alban. After the missing pink controversy in the original CE(NTO) Trophy 2017, the National Self-Playing Snooker Convention has insisted on a replay of this crucial annual tournament, this time at the venue that was once know as the St Albans Arena (but is of course now renamed forever). It's a war of attrition and a difficult frame to listen to, let alone watch. But who will be the ultimate victor and take home the cup (it's actually a potato)? And why is this so much more excruciating with an audience? Three more chances to see THE BEST - alas without interval snooker at the Leicester Square Theatre, 8th-10th June: https://leicestersquaretheatre.ticketsolve.com/shows/873558949/ - RHLSTP will return very soon.

Me1 Vs Me 2 Snooker Special - Chris Evans (Not That One) Trophy 2017 - Who Sunk The Pink? It's an exciting day for self-playing snooker, as finally the sport is played in what was once a bastion of two player snooker, the Reading Hexagon. 500 people crammed into the venue to watch Richard Herring do stand-up and at least 100 of them stayed to watch the main event, the snooker, played under a tight time frame, during the interval. Herring was tired and unimaginative, but thankfully he could let the snooker do the talking, in this fascinating, but controversial frame on a much too small snooker board in which one of the players nearly lost his manhood or his trousers. It is all as embarrassing as it sounds. But that is part of the appeal. Onwards to the time when this is how Herring makes his living and becomes a self-playing snooker billionaire. Come and see Richard on tour. There is chance of a rematch at St Albans area on the 12th May. http://www.richardherring.com/the_best/tour If these prove popular enough we may tour just the snooker at some point. (Photo by Dave Dogfaceboy). WARNING Sound quality is terrible. Audiophiles will get what's coming to them.

Frame 81: The Blue Incredible Hulk. A week has passed in your humdrum lives, but only minutes have gone by in the Me vs Me Snooker universe as these two giants of the game play their 76th frame against each other (at least in this particular tournament - I am sure none of us have forgotten the embarrassment of the Me3 Apostasy). It's another corker of a frame which leaves the players as emotional wrecks with the souls of poets. It has to be heard to be believed. Though would have been better if you could have watched it too. See Rich on tour at http://www.richardherring.com/the_best/tour or pay to see AIOTM before anyone else at http://www.gofasterstripe.com/aiotm

Frame 80 - A Child's Organ. We've been away for a long time, but now for the first frame of 2017 the players and commentators have reconvened, having found a mutually agreeable space in their diaries, to play the 80th frame of Me vs Me snooker, in this long-running battle to find the best Me on the old green board. There has been some damage to the board and the room is littered with toys, but it's a thrilling frame. You will find out about an impending frame at the Reading Hexagon and all of Richard's stand-up tour dates http://www.richardherring.com/the_best/tour and the impending move into a brand new arena for future matches. It's like we were never away.

Frame 79: Big Brexit. After the death of arguably the greatest sportsman of all time, Me1 and Me2 must get back together for a frame in honour of that man, but also it's timely as they have the chance to play for whether the UK stays in Europe or Brexits. But which player will play for each side (even Richard isn't sure) and is it oddly apt that the snooker board is surrounded by childish things as they try to settle the most childish of debates. It's one of the most ridiculous frames of self-playing snooker you will ever hear and I promise you it was all for real. It's also the longest. And accidentally brilliant performance art. Which is apt ahead of the Mes appearance at the Tempting Failure festival of transgressive art that is happening at the end of July. Details here: https://www.facebook.com/events/508451952696150/

Frame 78: It’s Better Than Drinking Alone - After a heady night and a kickstarter triumph, the players relax with a little drink. It seems to hit them hard though and they both make uncharacteristic errors. And when you think how characteristic errors are for these players that is pretty amazing. It’s a denouement that beggars belief and will raise questions about collusion, betting patterns and off-shore tax havens. See Rich and the Mes (after the show) on tour. All remaining dates at www.richardherring.com/happy_now/tour

Frame 77: Vice-Versa. At times tonight it almost feels like the players have swapped styles of play. Is it possible that they could have switched bodies when they already have the same body? I am no scientist, but I say, almost certainly not. This is, seriously, one of the most thrilling frames of Me vs Me snooker ever. I wish you could have seen it. Catch Richard on tour: www.richardherring.com/happy_now/tour

Frame 76: But Is It Art? Excitingly or annoyingly depending on which Me you are, the Mes have been invited to perform in an extreme performance art event in June, but shouldn't they be being embraced by the sporting fraternity rather than the artsy fartsy genital manipulators? Who can say? You're just here to find out which Me is best at snooker, and this frame should help make that clearer. Or possibly obsfurcate it. There are children's toys and cats everywhere too. It's a nightmare. Having other beings to be responsible for, I mean.

Frame 75: To Kill (beat) a Mockingbird (mocking snooker player). It's the third frame in a night and so the chat is kept to a minimum and the snooker does the talking. A cat gets on the table. A child sleeps. Whisky is drunk. We try to work out if parenthood or self-playing snooker is more important. I think you all know the answer to that. See Rich on tour, not playing snooker: www.richardherring.com/happy_now/tour

Frame 74: Big Brexit (Break). Everyone has been given a kick up the arse and is trying properly now. And it's a big frame this week as the result will decide if the UK stays in Europe or not. Who is right Jeremy Hunt or Michael Gove? Is it ever possible that one of them is right? But if not, then what does that mean? Congrats to all concerned for not doing the 'Is there an Eco in here?' joke this time. The malaise is over. This podcast is back where it belongs. But is that in the UK or in Europe? Me2 wishes that they hadn't had beans for lunch. Lucky there is no smellovision on this thing. Pictured: Me1 and Me2 debating the issue in song (and wigs). Come and see Rich on tour so that more snooker can happen www.richardherring.com/happy_now/tour

Frame 73: A Total Boutros Boutros Shambles. It's been said before many times, but this might be the worst frame of Me1 vs Me2 Snooker of all time. It's amazing that something this bad could have a nadir, but it's all relative. Everyone was off their game from the players to the commentators to the referee to Richard Herring himself. Only Smithers and Phoebe (the future Me2) played their parts correctly. Still it's a great advert for Herring's tour, which is scripted to the most part and has no snooker in it. www.richardherring.com/happy_now/tour. I can only apologise, but if you want to win this challenge you know that you have to listen to it all.

Frame 72: Philip J Rock and Roll. In the third frame played in little over an hour, the intense rivalry of the Mes really comes to the fore, with some intense and brilliant snooker, plus at least on fart and a glass of whisky. Who will end this three frame marathon in the ascendant. And does it really matter? Self-Playing Snooker is not a matter of life and death, it is less important than both of those thing, yet brilliantly encompasses both of them. With some snooker.

Frame 71: Naked Sauna. Almost straight after the last frame finished these two gladiators of the green board were straight back at it, even though the room was as hot as a sauna with a naked middle-aged German woman in it... to see if they could ascertain which of them was best at snooker. Just like Bailey's Comets, the competition continues, never-ending unless it fails to get recommissioned. Who remembers Bailey's Comets? Just me. I will never be Peter Kay. See me on tour: www.richardherring.com/happy_now/tour

Frame 70: Blank-Playing Snooker. In tribute to one god of audio broadcasting, two almost equal gods of audio broadcasting play a frame of snooker against each other. Look at Terry Wogan there. Who is to say he isn't listening to self-playing snooker in the picture? Not me. I wouldn't dare presume. Thank God he didn't live to listen to this awful frame though. Some of the laziest and worst self-playing snooker and commentary you will ever hear in audio only format.

Frame 69: The 69 Club. By a bizarre coincidence that probably proves that God listens to Me1 Vs Me2 Snooker, we hit Frame 69 as the number 69 dominates the news and gives a tough choice for the name of the arena. The snooker board is covered in the residue of a Christmas tree and a cat. A baby is sleeping. There's an exercise bike and a wall in the way. But, even so, the players manage to put together a match of unbelievable tension and twists and turns and snooker skill that you won't believe. Also it might cure cancer. Come and see Rich on tour - dates here: http://www.richardherring.com/happy_now/tour

Frame 68: One Off My Favourite Number. With Me1's wife at a pop concert and Me1's baby asleep upstairs, the Mes dust off their cues and make a last ditch attempt to raise 924,000 in 19 hours via their kickstarter campaign: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/richardherring/me1-vs-me2-snooker With the world's news being so serious, the mood in the arena is respectful and sombre and this is a time to show the world that the way forward is for everyone to stay in their basements playing snooker against each other. Then we would be at peace. At such an important time the actual result is almost irrelevant. It's the fact that we're doing this that is important. That and raising a million pounds so we can do loads more of this. It's exactly the kind of thing that ISIS want to put a stop to. So for the love of freedom please give the Mes one million pounds.

Frame 67: A Frame Worthy of the Birth Year of the New Jesus. A week has passed for you, but in the dead film critic arena only seconds have gone by and Me1 and to the same extent Me2 are both at each other's throats trying to seek revenge/prove their worthiness for the controversial Frame 66. This is another scintillating tussle, easily worth the million pounds that the Mes are trying to raise via Kickstarter https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/richardherring/me1-vs-me2-snooker on its own. It sets the player up nicely for the Chris Evans (not that one) trophy which they'll be playing for immediately after this and which will only be available on the new Lord of the Dance Settee DVD which will be available from www.gofasterstripe.com before Christmas. You can listen to/watch the previous three Chris Evans (not that one) trophies by buying the What is Love Anyway? Talking Cock and We're All Going to Die DVDs at www.gofasterstripe.com. (only the first two were filmed). It's another amazing frame that helps cement Me vs Me Snooker as the premier sporting challenge and work of art of the 21st Century.

Frame 66: Making a Million. The Mes have launched a Kickstarter campaign to try and prove Me1's wife wrong and show her that self-playing snooker can ensure the financial future of her family (as well as pay for a state of the art playing arena)- it's here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/richardherring/me1-vs-me2-snooker And this is a frame that will reignite your love for this sport of Kings of Edinburgh. It has everything: loads of mistakes, a possible frame deciding controversy and some jingling and jangling and mild drunkenness. Please ensure the future of this sport of 'king idiots and donate a pound or more. Surely there are enough fans to take it over the million pound finish line. Surely.

Frame 65: Someone Likes Yogi. After last week's low energy frame, the Mes pull their fingers out and remind us what Me vs Me snooker is all about - breath-taking, heart-stopping excitement. Who will win this? Me 1? Me 2? Or the game of self-playing snooker itself? it's full of Yogi Berar-isms. Which are not as easy as they look. Though Yogi Bear-isms are pimpsy. Come and see Richard do some comedy, rather than exciting sport, on his latest tour Happy Now? www.richardherring.com/happy_now/tour

Frame 64: The Ghost of Brian Sewell Stole Our Score-board. The Mes are back, but in a particularly unenthusiastic manner, as if playing 64 frames of snooker has been a stupid waste of time and not (as some believe) a great work of art. But who needs a scoreboard when you have Robot Voice's amazing powers of calculation? And Referee 1's poor attention span. Who will win? One of the Mes I expect. Unless it's a draw. It isn't a draw. Records are broken. But which records and who cares?

Frame 63: Talisker Storm. It's an unheard of 3rd frame recorded in one evening, by a man who is very tired after looking after his child alone for 26 hours and tipsy from 2 drinks (though shared between all his incarnations). It is not amusing or interesting in any way. This one is all about the contest and one of the players doesn't seem to be trying so it isn't even about that. This is why you should never record 3 frames of self-playing snooker in one night. So never do that.

Frame 62: Liono Lion Protest. There is a protestor on the snooker board at the start of this frame, recorded just minutes after the last one for the first time in Me Snooker history. The pair have been eating an omelette and drinking medium priced wine and so the play is not as sharp as Frame 61, but it is not the play that is important, it is the result. Plus the added jeopardy that the baby will wake up and need to be comforted by two mildly sozzled snooker men.

Frame 61 - The Great Escape. Me1's wife is out of town, so Me1 and Me2 are trying to get as many frames under their belts as possible, whilst the Nazi floodlights are out. But with added jeopardy, the pair are in charge of Me1's 6 month old baby and must be prepared to stop playing snooker and play Me1 vs Me2 getting a crying baby to sleep at any second. Anything could happen. But what happens is a very exciting frame of snooker, which will have you on the edge of your seat, plus Commentator 1 has really been reading the papers.

Frame 60: Urine. Some unusual blips in the statistics of former frames means that the players will have mandatory urine tests after this frame. Will the future of self-playing snooker be in jeopardy and who can possibly replace Herring? For now enjoy the audio action while you can.

Frame 59: The Life Changing Phone Call Can Wait. In what is surely one of the most thrilling frames in the history of Me1 Vs Me2 snooker, two unbelievably matched players battle it out to see which one of them is the best at snooker. And Me1's wife said that it was a waste of our time and I should be doing my proper work. Well if she ever listens to this, which let's face it, she won't, then she might have to reconsider. This is the second most dangerous sport after jumping off a big rock dressed as a bird, but everyone comes out of it alive (and no animals are harmed or frightened or go for a poo near the snooker board). If you don't love this and immediately give money to the million pound kickstarter then you are an idiot. (kickstarter not yet set up).

Frame 58: Labour Vs Conservatives. In a politically charged contest, family man Me1 takes on the wannabe Katie Hopkins Me2 on the green board to see who will win the upcoming election. Like Me3 it swings both ways and the finish is as tight as Nigel Farage's anus when he's walking through Brixton on his own at night. But there is some thrilling snooker followed by some rubbish snooker, that will surely make all those who favour the rubbish 2-player world championships reconsider their life choices. Bid for Me1 or Me2 T-shirts here: http://www.ebay.co.uk/sch/herring1967/m.html Join the RHLSTP Kickstarter here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/467836598/richard-herrings-leicester-square-video-podcast See Richard's remaining tour dates here: http://www.richardherring.com/lotds/tour

Frame 57 - Ill-Judged. Bad tempers, poor shot-choice and unpleasant opinions add up to make this one of the most scintillating and upsetting frames of snooker between one man that you are ever likely to hear in audio format. But perhaps we see in the play (both the snooker play and the play that is human life) where anger and bitterness come from. Or perhaps we don't. It gets deeply political too. This really is the podcast with everything. See Richard on tour: http://www.richardherring.com/lotds/tour

Frame 56 - My Daddy Plays Himself At Snooker In The Basement. It's the first post-baby frame of snooker and joining the cats as a spectator to the greatest sport on earth is Phoebe Herring, Me1's new daughter, who will one day inherit the family business. Me2 is not as enchanted with the mewling child as his opponent. Will fatherhood make Me1 weak or virile? Will having to care for a baby (even by proxy) diminish Me2 and cause him to disappear? It's the old age battle of lonely freedom versus loving responsibility. Who will win this tussle of the giants? And is Richard Herring the most irresponsible father ever, paying snooker with himself, near a tiny child who has wet her nappy? This podcast may be used in evidence in a courtroom. Which to be honest would make the whole thing worthwhile. Imagine a judge and jury being forced to listen to this.

Frame 55 - A Change is as Good as a Rest (no pun intended). Will normality ever be restored in the [insert recently deceased person or animal here] arena? It's hard to know, because what was normal down here was never all that normal. Maybe if they dig a bit further into madness the whole thing will come out sane. Me1 is awaiting the birth of his baby - will that focus his efforts or distract him? Can the podcast survive with a baby in the house? Will the baby ensure the long-term survival of the sport and ensure it is still being played in the 22nd Century? What happens when a horse thinks it's a lamb? These and an infinite number of other questions are really not answered during the frame. Who would have thought it would have lasted this long? Not Commentator 2.

Frame 54 - For the Sake of old Lang Died. Me Vs Me snooker is still in crisis and there are more sure to be unpopular decisions from Me79, the dictatorial head of the Self-Playing Snooker Federation or Board. But audiophiles will get some perverse delight from this frame as it is recorded with a new omni-directional microphone which seems to work OK. Who will be taking to the green board today? Will any of them draw any cartoons of fictional deities? Will he who has been shunned be allowed to return? What of the petition set up by furious fans? Is the word of the President of the Self Playing Snooker Federation or Board really final? We've lost our last Victorian, but what else have we lost?

Frame 53 - A New Dawn/Low - The Self-Playing Snooker Federation are in a flap about recent comments made by one of the Mes and it seems disciplinary action may be required. But no one could have guessed the level to which their disapproval would reach. And it means a brave new world for the sport of Self Playing Snooker in a development that will surely satisfy nobody. Where a man playing himself at snooker has been acknowledged as one of the greatest sporting and artistic events, this new and confusing substitute might be the nadir of all human achievement. Remember if you don't listen to it all then I have won. But which me (or which part of me) has done the winning? I can't help wondering if we're all losers. Happy Christmas.

Frame 52 - Could Ronnie O'Sullivan Beat Himself? An odd atmosphere in the Question Mark Arena this week as Richard seems genuinely annoyed by Me2 persisting in his controversial and unpalatable views. Will the furore that all this is bound to cause in all the Self Playing Snooker Press spell the end of this long-running series of podcasts? After listening to the extremely poor standard of play in this frame you might be hoping so. What dark secret is at the heart of Me2's depression? Has he gone mad? Can Me1 even see colour? And will Commentator 2 finally explain why he comes in every week if he really has such disdain for this podcast? It's one for completists, but then again, aren't they all?

Frame 51 - Tascam Sabotage? After the excitement of Frame 50, both players are keen to get back to the green board, if only to publicise Richard's upcoming Leicester Square Theatre tour dates. But the Tascam, recently fully charged, is inexplicably out of juice and after a half hour charge. Will there be enough power to get the whole frame in? That's part of the excitement. It turns out there isn't. And so the commentators and players try to take you through what happened next and give you the final score. Amazing scenes both on and off Tascam though with another early visitor and some quite exceptional play. Who will win? And if a snooker frame is not actually recorded properly, did it even happen?

Frame 50 - Wang Kun RIP. No one would have believed this when this mad adventure begun, but the Me vs Me snooker juggernaut has reached its 50th frame and shows no signs of slowing down (in fact it might be speeding up a bit). The Mes are both desperate to win this landmark frame and, although there's an awful lot of sponsorship messages to get through (the bane of modern sporting life), this is perhaps the most skilful and exciting frame of the lot. You'd be snooker loopy to miss it, it's got everything: almonds, an absent wife and a surprise appearance. And it's named after someone who died today. What better way to celebrate the half century? To subscribe to the monthly donations and be in with a chance of winning this T shirt go to www.gofasterstripe.com/badges and donate at least a pound a month. Check out Richard's non-sporting comedy tour dates at www.richardherring.com/wagtd/tour. Get 2 for 1 tickets for the Mon-Thurs gigs at the Leicester Square Theatre by using the code SETTEE (offer expires after Monday 24th November) Buy Richard's new DVD (including an exclusive audio frame of snooker) at www.gofasterstripe.com/wagtd

Frame 49 - 9/11. On Remembrance Sunday the players make their own poorly judged tributes to those who have fallen in combat and those who died in the tragedy of the 9th of November. But they're playing for something much more important than that: Who is the father of the baby that Me1's wife is carrying? There's some terrible things said, some awful commentating and some of the worst refereeing ever seen in this competition. Richard Herring would like to distance himself from the opinions and statements of all the Mes, including himself. Let the snooker do the talking.

Frame 48 - This is What I Do When You're in the Park. The Mes make a snap decision to play a frame on the old green board while the house is empty, but little do they know who is going to drop by. In the first frame ever to feature another human being apart from any of the many Mes, you won't believe what happens next. It's the shortest podcast ever and there's some spectacular play, but who will come out of this all important 45th tussle between the pair (not including Chris Evans - not that one - trophies, or the frames with Me3). You will get to hear about the very different political views of the players as they both meet the person in the world that they fear the most and feel the shame of being observed for only the fourth ever time (two Chris Evans - not that one- trophies, and the Edinburgh frame). They do not like having their shame exposed. But it's the snooker that you're tuning in for and that's all up the usual standard. Help support this podcast by buying a monthly or one-off badge at http://www.gofasterstripe.com/badges or by coming to see Lord of the Dance Settee on tour http://www.richardherring.com/lotds/tour. Or check out RHLSTP and RHMOL on iTunes or the British Comedy Guide, both with new episodes. And you can watch RHLSTP on video for free too on iTunes, Vimeo or YouTube.

Frame 47 - Almonds. In the brave new world of the (spoiler alert) Independent Scotland, self-playing snooker continues in England (though it is not yet clear whether there will ever be another Scotch frame). Me 1 has just been for a 10 and a half mile run, but his fatigue seems to have hit everyone. No one seems capable of talking, thinking, refereeing or playing snooker. Only the new scoring system is infallible and able to carry out calculations that would once have taken days in a matter of seconds (or a minute or two max). Liono is on hand for some non-snooker distraction and there's some searing topical observations as usual, but couched through the medium of snooker so the powers that be and the lawyers can't spot the establishment being shaken to its core. Hope you like it. To buy a badge and help support the free podcasts visit http://www.gofasterstripe.com/badges. To see if Richard is coming to your town on tour or to check out the line-ups for RHLSTP please visit http://www.richardherring.com/gigs Or sponsor whichever Me ends up running the half marathon here - http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/RichardHerring

Frame 46 - Union Break? - Finally they're back. Me1 and Me2 have been concentrating on their running (sponsor them here - uk.virginmoneygiving.com/RichardHerring - all money goes to SCOPE), but they've found time to reignite the ultimate contest on the green board. And this time they are playing for something almost as important as another frame in their never-ending battle: the fate of the Scottish nation rests in their cue actions. With their flags tied to their waistcoats each player is playing for either Yes or No and the result will determine what happens to Scotland (really it takes an Englishman to sort all of this out). Plus there's a special crossover guest from another podcast, some frankly astonishing play and the cats have a very exciting fight. If you want to help keep these free podcasts going and fund future (and possibly more worthy) endeavours then please consider making a one-off or monthly contribution at www.gofasterstripe.com/badges. Monthly contributors get access to a secret channel of extra video content, entry into a monthly prize draw and ticket offers and info about big RHLSTP guests before anyone else. And all the money will go to making more comedy. Or as this is a serious sporting podcast, in this case it should be 'some' comedy.

Frame 45 - So Fair and Foul a Day. The random nature of events is demonstrated by this frame. Had it not rained in York tonight Richard would have been watching the Division 2 play off semi-final, but as that game was postponed the exhausted Mes were called upon to produce a frame of snooker. And perhaps they need the preparation time as this frame sees without doubt the poorest play ever heard in this competition. It's just embarrassing. Even by the standards of this podcast. A cat being trod on is the best thing that happens. But who will win, who will lose and who will draw? Only one way to find out and that is to waster 30 minutes of your life listening to this (or you could fast-forward to the end I guess).

Frame 44 - MCJE Arena. After almost three months on hiatus the world's best audio only self-playing snooker podcast is back with a controversial sponsor, in an attempt to divert focus from the world snooker championship which is still so stuck in the past that it has two different players in each frame and allows video cameras in. Referee 1 can't find the right size triangle and the snooker board seems to be even more skew-whiff than usual. But the important thing is that Me 1 and Me 2 are back in competitive mode and both hungry to win. You know you've missed it.

Frame 43 - I Paid A Pound. Did you ever think that there might come a time when Me1 Vs Me2 Snooker was pay-to-view/listen? Well it still isn't, but if you enjoy any of the Mes free podcast work then you now have the opportunity to make a donation either as a one-off or a monthly thing (in return for a badge) at www.gofasterstripe.com/rhmol. But none of the Mes are in this for the money. They're in this for the ultimate prize of being the best Me at playing snooker or refereeing snooker or commentating on snooker. Apart from Commentator 2 who doesn't care. Anyway all the Mes are more tired and ill than they realised so this is a quick and low energy frame. I'd say it wasn't worth listening to, but then how would that distinguish it from the rest of the oeuvre?

Frame 42 - Massive Janus. It's the bank holiday fixture that everyone has been anticipating, a new year and a new frame. Some people fear that the sport is all about the sponsorship now, but those people should certainly not visit richardherring.cottoncart.com and buy a mug or a T-shirt. Never fear the important thing here is the self-playing snooker and finding out who is best at it. Happy New Year!

Frame 41 - Peter O' Tooletide. It's Christmas at the venue formerly known as Nelson Mandela Hall and there's some fun and high-jinks to start things off, but then we're down to the deadly serious business of a man playing himself at snooker to determine which of him is best. Alas fans of one of the players will have their own Christmas wrecked when they hear the result, but the fans of the other player will have the Yuletide of their lives. And the neutrals will probably not have their Christmas affected either way. You will probably want to listen to this on Christmas Day itself for full effect. And if the Queen looks distracted during her speech, you will know that she has this podcast playing in her ear piece. If I was you, I would insist on having this podcast playing during Christmas dinner, so all your family can become fans too and if anyone starts talking then shush them down. One day this whole festival will be called Self-playing Snookermas, but only if you put in the hard work now. Happy Christmas. Use your Christmas money to buy some Me1 Vs Me2 snooker merch from http://richardherring.cottoncart.com

Frame 40 - A Tribute To Nelson Mandela. The Mes play tribute to the greatest human being to ever have lived in the only way they know how: they play themselves at snooker. They also reveal how they were inspired by Mandela and how they in turn possibly inspired him. But let us remember him not with tears, but with self-playing snooker. And though it's hard to be sure what Mandela would have wanted of all the Mes in the basement with their snooker board, I think we can be almost certain that he would just have wanted play to continue and to have a thrilling frame to enjoy. And in that, he would only be marginally disappointed.

Frame 39 - Back to Black. Three months have passed since the controversial Scotch frame, but Me1 and Me2 and the Self-Playing Snooker Board have completed their enquiry and we will finally find out if the result of Frame 38 is allowed to stand. And more importantly who will win Frame 39? Everyone is finding their feet again and is unsure of who they are or what they're meant to be like, but the sabbatical from snooker has not affected either player's ability. They are both as good as they were in August. There is some astonishing play, inadequately described by Commentator 1 and to a lesser extent Commentator 2 (is he actually starting to enjoy the sport?). It might be nearly thirty minutes of your life wasted, but you know, it's good that we are back. Back to black. Black is a verb there. Clever, huh? You know you've missed it.

Frame 38 - Scotch - Me1 and Me2 and the team have headed north for the fledgling Edinburgh Festival of Sport and are playing for the Scotch Cup (the result also counts in their ongoing never-ending battle). And for the first time ever hoards of Me1 and Me2 fans have been allowed into the arena to see how the podcast is put together and to witness how accurately Commentator 1 (and to a lesser extent Commentator 2) describe the physical events through the medium of words. These lucky few, who will be able to tell their grandchildren they were there when the popular pastime of watching self-playing sport was invented, get to see what the players and the referee look like (though not the commentators who stayed safe in their commentary box) and to see their very different style of play. The players however were slightly flummoxed, mainly due to the fact that Scottish snooker boards have much smaller pockets and seemingly some kind of magnetic field running beneath them, but also because the crowd openly derided their play by laughing at almost their every move. This is a serious sporting contest and in future (if we ever do this again) it would be as well to remember to show these sporting professionals the respect they deserve. If anyone wants to buy the excellent snooker board that was used in this frame (worth £200) signed by all the players and commentators (you must also pick up the board or arrange for delivery) then please email Richard at herring1967@gmail.com with your offer. Highest bidder gets it. All your money will go to Scope (as do the profits - if any - of tonight's frame).

Frame 37 - Roundhead versus Cavalier - In the rush to commercially exploit the Royal Baby Fever that is sweeping the country the Mes get together to bring out this special and collectible Royal Baby edition of the Royal Family's favourite self-playing snooker audio podcast. But one of the players isn't happy about it. Can you guess which one? It's also an opportunity for the Mes to promote the first ever live frame of self-playing snooker which will be taking place at Assembly 3 in Edinburgh on 12th August at 9.30pm. Buy tickets here - http://www.assemblyfestival.com/event.php?id=730. But, you know, there's also a very exciting frame of snooker to listen to. Who will win? Oooh, I am excited to find out. I am not even pretending.

Frame 36 - More Rich Lavalier - It's exciting times for audiophiles (you disgust me) as Richard has dug out his old lavalier radio mic and so all the Mes and the commentators are properly recorded (though there seemed to be a lot of peaking). Hope you enjoy hearing all the players in crystal clear - too loud - stereo. In what is surely the most exciting sporting event of the summer, the Mes are speculating as to whether the Queen might be dishing out any honours to the players this year. One player is hoping to win for Prince Phillip, whilst the other is hoping his play can help Nelson Mandela back to health. So we're playing to find out if racism is right or wrong. Which way will it go? Will this week's frame see the 3rd ever increase in listenership in a sea of decline? And will Richard's wife stop him doing this before all the rats (listeners) have deserted the ship (podcast).

Frame 35 - Breaking The Laws of Physics - It's been three weeks, but the Mes are back at the Shepherd's Bush Jeroboam, one of them furious at Rich neglecting them for his movie star pals, one of them thinking it's good that Rich gets to do other things than play himself at snooker which some might see as being unhealthy. But once the talking stops and they let their snooker do the talking the podcast finds a whole new level. There is some spectacular play, an unbelievable bit of refereeing and always the chance that a cat or a wife might come through the door and do a poo. You'd be insane not to enjoy this. Or insane if you enjoy it. I can't remember. Just thank goodness that it's not you who is doing the playing.

Frame 34 - The Pink is on the Brown Spot - Me1's wife is at the Saatchi Gallery with another man and it's not Me2, so both players are in an odd mood. They're not really up to much with the chat, but the snooker is phenomenal (and I know this is why you all listen). The cats aren't allowed into the arena because Lion-o has been weeing on the sofa. But on the bright side, when moving furniture around for the frame, Rich did find a pack of Extra that he didn't know he had. So whatever the result, all the team had minty fresh breath after a post-match chewing gum. Referee 1 copes admirably with remembering the rules of where to place the coloured balls if their own spot is covered, but does less well at recalling whose go it is.

Frame 33 - UKIP UWIN - The Mes are back, all a bit tired out and confused after a long trip home from Belfast. No one seems to remember Frame 32 happening at all and maybe it was a dream or just something scribbled down by one of the Mes to make it look like they could win a frame. But in response to Ronnie O'Sullivan attempting to steal our shtick by assuming two contrasting personalities (one who loves snooker and one who hates it and just wants the money) the Mes are back at the board to finally try and resolve which of them is best than the other one. Does Me2 have dozens of secret children that he needs to support with his snooker playing? And if so how does he intend to make money from his snooker playing? Is Me1 a supporter of the UK's freshest and most disgusting political party? Does it matter when and should we just let the snooker do the talking? It doesn't seem to be ending does it?

Frame 32 - Thatcher vs the IRA. There's an odd atmosphere at the Shepherd's Bush (insert name of shape or dinosaur here) with half the team delighted at the demise of Mrs Thatcher and half of them in mourning. But what better way to settle which side of this argument is correct than by having one man play himself at snooker and let the winner decide. To be honest it's one of the duller podcasts (which is saying something in itself) but maybe that is fitting as we're sorting out a complicated issue on the snooker board this afternoon. And it is finally sorted out. By the end you will know who was right Mrs Thatcher or the IRA. Apologies if you can smell cat wee during this, Lion-o peed on the sofa again.

Frame 31 - The Snooker Does The Talking - The whole team have got another virus and they're confused and a bit angry. Me2 wants his snooker to do the talking, but what does he mean by that? There's some sitcom jeopardy with some foreign visitors imminently expected and the popular new non-Richard Herring characters, Lion-o and Smithers are back, threatening to streak on to the snooker board or poo on it, you never know what might happen. There's some refereeing controversy, some issues about the level of the board and mistakes aplenty. Plus you can find out all the latest news about how many people are downloading this genius/rubbish.

Frame 30 - Starting From Scratch. It's been a while, but we've dusted off the snooker board for a record breaking 30th podcast of a man playing himself at snooker and commentating on it (I think actually one frame might have been the record), but disaster hits the newly refurbished arena before recording even starts when a bit of cat litter grit gets caught in the wheel on the table leg and scratches the floor. Me1's wife will be furious. If she can get Me2's dick out of her mouth for a second. But the break has done the players good and they're in scintillating form in this thrilling contest: a frame with everything, including (at last) a feline pitch invasion. It's back to basics, stripped to its essence, the classic rivalry of two parts of the same man fighting for ascendancy at a game that neither of them are very good at, described by a man who doesn't really have the vocabulary to describe what's happening. You're welcome.

Frame 29 - What happened next? You thought it was over? You fools. This will never be over. Not til every last one of you has given up. And even then it will continue, unobserved, unlistened to, even after I am dead, in another astral plane the sound of snooker balls clanking together will go on for infinity, like a roulette wheel that will never stop. It's back (almost) to basics for the show that jumped the shark even before it began. One man, pretending to be two men, playing against each other at snooker and another two men commentating on it whilst another man acts as referee, whilst another man flies through space in a prism prison plotting his revenge. It's the classic story and we've seen it a thousand times before in movies, TV and the theatre, but it bears repetition. The cats are back but they save their ball juggling antics for after the action is over, but still have an important part to play in the match and in what is surely Commentator 2's finest 180 seconds. You know you can't resist it. The snooker is good in this one. A record is broken. Keep the faith. It'll get funny again in about another 36 frames.

Frame 28 - Shit in a Box - We're back. With cats. That's right. It's a whole new direction for snooker. The televised game is so far behind that it still has two actual players, but the Me vs Me snooker franchise takes another leap forwards by introducing two kittens to the room. What atrocities will occur? It sounds like a situation designed for video. Which is why the whole thing has been recorded in audio only. The two Mes are back from holiday (though who got to go to the Maldives with their wife?) and itching to get the competition back on track. Or maybe just itching due to a cat allergy. Neither of them care about the feline interlopers, all they care about is the green rectangle with balls on it. And who has been having sex with whose wife. A bit. You know you've missed it. Though you may wonder why during this frame. To book your tickets for Richard's (non-snooker based) tour please go to http://www.richardherring.com/talkingcock2/tour.php for details.

Frame 27: Wherever I Lay My Cue - It's New Year's Eve and even by the low standards of Me1 vs Me2 snooker this is a tired and rambling affair: the players too knackered to line up their shots and the commentators too exhausted to describe how bad they are. In any decent universe you'd never get to hear this, someone would intervene and insist that it was destroyed and that the person responsible be sent away for a long rest (no pun intended). But there is no one to stop this and if you want to stay in one of the dwindling band of people who have heard every second of this atrocity against humanity then you are forced to endure it. And it's worth it, because there is an unexpectedly thrilling denouement. Who will claim the title of winner of the last frame of the year? There's only one way to find out. Listen to this or ask someone who has listened to tell you. Or go and look on Mike Stoner's website. That's right. Just one way to find out. Happy New Year. What snookering delights will occur in 2013? Will we all still be doing this in another year's time? Oh God. No.

Frame 26: Red and Green Baubles - It's Chriiiiiissssstmasssss at the Shepherd's Bush Tridecahedron and the world has not ended - how could it when the result of Me 1 vs Me 2 snooker is as yet undecided? Santa Claus has six empty sacks (pockets) and he hopes they will be bulging by the end of the frame, but who will be the recipient of the Christmas miracle of victory. It's been an emotional year of changes in the Me vs Me Snooker world and tears of joy and/or defeat are in danger of spilling on the green baize. But even Father Christmas can't move at the speed of the potting action of the Very, Very Strong Gale. The lives of sick children depend on his victory. Will he let even more of his terminally ill fans down? Happy Christmas and here's to a new year with a lot more snooker in it.

Frame 25: Disease - A mystery illness has infected everyone involved in the snooker podcast but foolishly they all decide to proceed with the match. And it's a dull, snot-splattered, cough-filled half an hour which might well infect you if you are foolish enough to listen. Me1s wife has put up a Christmas tree in the Shepherd's Bush Quadrilateral, which is only going to impede play (what's more important here? Christmas or self-playing snooker), but suspensions have been served and maybe it's time to get back to what this podcast is all about, finding out which of two loosely defined and fairly arbitrary characters played by the same person is the best at snooker. There's thrills, but no spills. Did one of the players steal Richard Herring's identity and money? You will not find out the answer today.

Frame 24 - Crime and Punishment. After last week's despicable outburst from a player who should perhaps know better the Me vs Me Snooker association president is here to hand down retribution. I hope the game can survive this period of turmoil, but that remains to be seen. But the game must go on and there is some scintillating action for you to enjoy right from the get go today. Commentator 2 had thought of something clever to say earlier in the week, but when he gets the chance to say it the whole thing totally slips his mind. Listen out for that. He covers quite well, but it's still disappointment. Hopefully we can get back to what makes this podcast great, one man playing himself at snooker while commentating on it himself and forget all the extraneous issues of love, sexuality and of course race. There's some awesome snooker playing going on here. I hope Stefanie in America who doesn't know what snooker is enjoys it especially.

Frame 23: Homophobia. There's an unpleasant atmosphere hanging over the Shepherd's Bush Rhomboid today and a lacklustre podcast reveals the reactionary and unpleasant attitudes that are alas still prevalent in professional self-playing snooker. Yet in spite of that it still feels like there is something (or someone?) important missing from this once glorious audio event. We don't know what the future will bring, all we know is that today two players took to the green baize of the snooker board, perhaps with more than potting the pink in their mind. You will see the ugly face of Me vs Me snooker today, or at least hear that face, but when it comes down to it, we're all equal on the snooker board. Until one of us wins, then they are the best. Who will win today? Are you really still listening? Maybe at this stage we're all losers. It's the worst podcast yet by some distance. Which in itself is an impressive achievement.

Frame 22: The Breath of Fresh Air - Without giving too much away it's all change at the Shepherd's Bush Isosceles. Desperate times call for desperate measures and it's time to broaden the appeal of this sport and hopefully capture a new young audience who will bring with them valuable advertising revenue. The Mes may be in turmoil but surely that can only add to the soap opera of the snooker board. All life is here and the new broom that sweeps in to the field of battle today might well hold some decades old resentments which in turn creates some scintillating action. It's another roller coaster frame and there's no way of knowing which Me will win, but there's a good chance of you working out which Me definitely won't.

Frame 21: After last week's debacle all the Mes are hoping that there will be no recording malfunctions, but if you were disappointed to miss the most exciting frame ever - Frame 20 - then 21 should make up for it. Because the stakes are love versus death. It's a sombre and poignant atmosphere, made slightly spooky by some Rock Band guitars being moved perhaps by some Halloween spirit. There won't be a dry eye in the house after the astonishing denouement. Steel yourself for a harrowing 30 minutes of audio self-playing snooker. The Sony Award is in the bag.

Frame 20: Tascam disaster - Me2 is playing against the force of love? Can he destroy it and win? In one of the most exciting and unbelievable frames of Me snooker ever you might have found out, but Me2's dressing gown sleeve caught on the Tascam and destroyed the recording as it reached its thrilling climax. The result still stands but alas all you will hear is a sad summing up of the frame and the post match interviews. Disaster!

Frame 19: Clunk Click - Both players are a bit tired out after a late night drive home from Sheffield (home of the boring, old-fashioned, corrupt person vs person world snooker championship - who cares) and yet their fatigue seems to loosen both of them up for one of the most thrilling and skilled frames yet. You will be able to listen to what is already being called the single best shot of the entire series. It's just a shame you won't be able to see it. Who was the doppelganger that somebody photographed in Portsmouth and can he come along and play a frame at some point? Can the out of form player turn his tournament around? What shape is the auditorium this week? Is love so strong a force that it can be harnessed to win sporting events? When will the players set out on a countrywide tour? Is this really going to go on forever? Some of these questions may be answered in the 19th episode of this turgid and odd podcast.

Frame 18: Shattered dreams, shattered glass. It's all kicking off at the Shepherd's Bush Trapezoid, broken glass litters the floor after this scintillating contest of sporting giants. But how did it get broken and did either of the Mes get hurt? Did one of them glass the other in a misguided attempt to gain an advantage in this crucial frame. Both players have raised the stakes, Me 1 is gambling his very marriage on this, whilst Me 2 is toying with the lives of his terminally ill young fans - something has to give. In a frame that includes some of the best shots of the tournament and almost certainly the worst, there's everything to play for. Or is it there's nothing to play for and this is all a pointless waste of time for us all. I always get those two confused.

Frame 17: A Tuna Fish's Green Jaws - Emotions are running high at the Shepherd's Bush Dodecahedron. Has marriage destroyed the dynamic, even the friendship of the two competitors? Has the fame of being in a weekly podcast downloaded by over 5000 people gone to the participants' head? And if so, why? 30,000 people downloaded the first one. If anything they're less famous now. Your allegiances may shift as we see some surprising sides to both Me1 and Me2 - only Referee 1 and Commentator 1 seem to be holding it together at all as the podcast and Richard's brain both threaten to unravel from within. But the snooker is blistering and exciting. Plus the best largely visual impression of Alan Rickman that you will ever listen to. And that's a guarantee.

Frame 16: The Postman Only Rings Once - Richard has a lot of proper work to do, so of course he retreats to his basement to talk to himself for half an hour. And there's a chance it is just himself now. Can anyone still be listening? Both Mes are happy as there's a sofa in the Shepherd's Bush Rhomboid now which they can sit in between shots. And referee fans get an exciting development. Commentator 2 gets loquacious all of a sudden and Me1's wife gets disturbed just as she's chopping up some chicken for her husband's lunch. Is she already regretting her marriage? Does she wish her spouse (or one of his incarnations) might actually get on with some paid work? Will she give a post-match interview so all these questions can be answered? No. There's some great snooker on offer though. Shame you can't see it.

Frame 15: The Shepherd's Bush Rhomboid has been renovated and it now open for business and in a tribute to Prince Harry's naked pool antics and Princess Katie's bap papping everyone is in the nude - even Referee 2 is working without gloves. You will start to thank the Lord that this is still an audio podcast (but don't forget you can see a video frame on the newly released 'What Is Love, Anyway?' DVD from www.gofasterstripe.com). The nudity adds little to the action and it's a boring podcast as each of the characters struggles to remember who he is and why he's doing this and where his clothes are and how to play snooker. But over 5000 of you are still listening to this and we have to get rid of you somehow. If only the match itself wasn't so darn exciting. Who will win? And who will be the first to smash the flat screen TV that has been foolishly placed on the wall of the renovated auditorium? And when will Referee 1 return and why is no one demanding this?

Me1 vs Me 2 Snooker Frame 14 - Due to marriage and house renovation we haven't heard anything for months from the Mes, some might have assumed that they were dead. But if so they have risen again, at least for now, and itching to get back to the snooker board to see if marriage has improved or destroyed Me1's game. This frame was recorded after a scintillating and exciting first, a video frame, the two Mes playing for the Chris Evans (not that one) Trophy, which will be exclusively released as an extra on Richard's forthcoming 'What Is Love, Anyway?' DVD (hopefully available in August 2012). The result must remain secret for now and does not affect the podcast score in any case, but the players and commentators were tired and as a result this is an especially poor podcast, designed mainly to lose even more of the 20,000 listeners who began this Odyssey (less than 6000 brave souls listened to Frame 13). But it will pass the time, if nothing else and hopefully normal service will be resumed in July or failing that September!

Frame 13: Unlucky for Mes-o. The basement is being dismantled around their ears and, as the walls disappear, the Mes themselves begin to look as frail as gossamer. Both The Normal Man and the Very, Very Strong Gale are determined to go into the void fighting, for whatever the score, the rule of 'winner stays on' might prevail. But their determination might flag as Me1's fiancee is out buying Nandos and what if she returns before the frame is over? For whilst both players are fighting for something beyond tangible reality, the tangibility of extra hot sauce might be enough to distract them. How awful if this, their possible swan song, should be marred by delicious chicken. Yet, how apt. And are Referee 2's days numbered even if they players do return? The podcast may go on a brief to longish hiatus, but I hope that it shall return with all my hearts.

Frame 12: For the aid of insomniacs. A soporific frame of snooker recorded late at night after a long drive when Me1's fiancee was out longer than expected. It's actually a very exciting frame of snooker, but played by and commentated upon and refereed by people who seem to be out of their minds with tiredness. Everyone is contemplating the infinity of nothingness that will greet them at their death. A visitor from beyond the grave gives them all a terrifying taste of what it means to be nowhere and nothing. But there's a funny bit where one of the balls goes up on the cushion. Will this work live longer than all the participants and what if it is all of theirs that survives? More importantly what did the next door neighbours make of this late night weirdness? Surely no one is listening now. But if we stop then we stop existing. Don't let us die.

Frame 11: Time for Ref-erendum on the Ref-erratum? If only Richard Herring could actually split himself into 6 different people then perhaps he'd have time to do all the things he needs to be done. Instead he is giving up his valuable time to this, the least important and worst thing he is involved in, for increasingly diminishing returns. But does that elevate it to true art? Or just make him a true arse. The players are sensing that a hiatus is on the horizon and are both playing out of their skins so that they might come out on top in case this visit back to the void that they lived in from 1986-2011 proves permanent. But whilst we get to know the commentators a little bit better in this frame, it is surely the competency of Referee 2 which will be the talking point. Sure he's younger and cooler and better looking than crusty old Referee 1, but is he a fitting replacement? Should Referee 1 return? So far almost two people have called for his reinstatement. Will others join in the clamour? To read exclusive interview with the players visit http://bit.ly/Me1Me2Interview

Frame 10: A twist in Mes' Sobriety - After last week's debacle and drunkenness and revelations, it's a much more sober affair this time. No one seems to be missing Referee 1, but maybe his experience would have come usual in this unusual frame full of freak shots and misses. We find out how Me1 vs Me2 snooker is helping Britain's Olympic hopes (in archery rather than snooker - playing yourself at the former is frankly weird, but no one says anything about that) and also hear of plans to expand the playing arena which will surely not only spoil the fun for most listeners, but might also mean a hiatus for the podcast. Me1's fiancee is not happy about him playing with himself in the basement either, and the closeness of his nuptials seem to put voice to some confusing and upsetting ideas that might offend and shock listeners of a nervous disposition. But it's all about the snooker and this is a frame full of incident and mishaps and frankly it's a lot more dull when everyone is drinking Diet Coke (other colas are available).

Frame 9: Apocalypse - Recorded around midnight on Feb 2-Feb 3 there are some startling revelations and twists and turns in the soup opera that is Me vs Me snooker. One of the major figures in the show is given their marching orders. Is anyone safe? And Me2 is so upset that he has turned to drink, whilst Me1 sticks fastidiously to Ribena. Which will win? Sobriety or drunkeness? Monogamy or debauchery? And will the result of a snooker match really help us to understand these concpssts? Is it possible to be a winner and a loser? Can you be a winer and a loser? This is where it really gets dark and metaphuuyscal and interesting. This is why we've been waiting for the idiots to leave. Don't let anyone tell you this is a man on his own getting steadily drunker whiols he plays himself art snooker. It is much ore that than. This descripotin was written in the direct adtermath of the podcast. It will change your world a d warp you mind and slowly you will start to udnerstand why the people weho listened for 10 miuntuyes and then gave up are the idiots. And it's you qho is cool. Defineitly. There's a snooker mathc too.

Frame 8: Muffs and guffs. Something rotten is hanging over today's contest and it's not just the persistent accusations of match-fixing. There is a very actual and real odour pervading the whole thing, but no one is prepared to admit who dealt it. So that mystery will have to keep you entertained, because there's very little going on on the snooker board to give you any joy and even if there was, only Commentator 2 seems anywhere near capable of describing it. All the Mes are weary after a long drive back from Nottingham in the dead of night, but that can be no excuse in a professional sport. It might be worth hanging around for the metaphysical recriminations at the end, or if you just want to know who has won. But will we find out who guffed? When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Frame 7: An anonymous benefactor has sent Me1 and Me2 enough chalk to keep them podcasting for the next two decades and it seems to be having an affect on their play. Also the copies of Bye Bye Balham are gone (not sold alas) so there's a lot more room on the right hand side of the snooker board. Me 'the very very strong gale' 2 is in fighting mood, after having had his record break of last week (and his morality) questioned. And the referee is clearly shaken by having his authority questioned and gets confused about whose go it is on several occasions. But his decision/guess is final. Snooker is an unpredictable game and you never know what will happen, though you can probably assume it will involve some in/offs, some totally missed shots and Me2 shouting obscenities. But this is a crucial frame in the 1000+ frame series and the winner today will have a distinct advantage over his opponent. Can Commentator 2 predict the winner? You'll have to listen to find out.

Frame 6: After last week's shambolic performance everyone involved in this podcast is determined to show the world what they can achieve when they're at the height of their powers. And this week's broken records are much more pleasing, as the frame begins (almost) from the start with blistering hot snooker. Make no mistake, this is a sport, not a comedy, podcast and I don't think there is a genuine sports fan in the world who will not be on the edge of their seat during this competitive and twisting and turning frame. You couldn't write this stuff. You wouldn't write it. And believe me, no one has written it. We get to know the subtleties of our players' personalities a little more each week - who is the nice one, who is the nasty one? Which is which in the podcast picture? What lessons do they have to teach us about ourselves? Only by listening to every single second of this enterprise do you have any hope of finding out and while you're waiting, why not sit back and enjoy a person who isn't that good at snooker, play himself at snooker?

Frame 5: Both players have scores to settle and bad reputations to shake off in this crucial 5th frame of man versus himself snooker. Commentator 2 has some harsh truths to speak about the whole enterprise, which perhaps shake the rest of the Me crew to their core, because it's one of the shoddiest games of snooker with the worst possible commentaries you can imagine. But there are some of your questions answered at the start and an earth shattering (and genuinely unscheduled) phone call at the end, so I think it's worth listening to. Some Me snooker records are smashed to pieces and some hubris dished out and whispers of match fixing are bound to follow. A carelessly placed box of Hitler Moustache DVDs might have swung the whole game whilst the players show their true petulant and self-satisfied selves. Might this particularly poor podcast spell the end for this Icarus-like project (both in its vaunting ambition and its inevitable folly) and why am I suddenly getting so eloquent now the bloody thing is over? Maybe the whole project is about waiting for the idiots to get bored so I can reveal the true reason for doing this. Maybe there is gold hidden amongst the dung. The only way to find out is to gamble 40 minutes of your life to find out.

Frame 4: Me1 and Me2 have just been out for a gruelling six and three quarter mile run (they ran it in exactly the same time to the microsecond) and are now fit enough to tussle once again on the baizy board of snooker. And after the disappointing post-prandial amateurism of Frame 3 there is some dazzling snooker on offer today. I only wish you could have seen it. It was breathtaking. But it was only seen by the various Mes, none of whom seem capable of putting into words what has just happened in front of their own shared eyes. If you have any questions or words of support or opposition for any of the Mes then please do email them in to herring1967@gmail.com. If you want to see Richard Herring on what could be his last tour before he is institutionalised then visit richardherring.com for details. This is really all it is. This is all it's going to be. I hope you will cling on tight. It's going to be a long and terrifying ride.

Frame 3: With the competition delicately balanced at one frame apiece, Me1 and Me2 are battling to see who will enter the new year in the ascendancy. And though both are suffering post-Christmas illness, Dr Snooker Hall comes to their aid for a scintillating frame of snooker, showing both the most expert and amateur play yet. By now their different personalities and playing styles are beginning to shine through and their mutual resentment is growing, though both Mes seem to want to sort out their issues where it counts - on the green baize of the snooker board. One Me's fans will be ending the year cock-a-hoop, but the other Me's fans will be licking their wounds. Or the cock hoops of the opposing fans. Whatever they like. It's Christmas after all. And remember those of you who got a snooker table from Santa this year, a snooker table is for life, not just for Christmas. If you hone your skills in a quarter of a century you might be as adept at this game as Me1 and Me 2. Who will win? Do you care enough to waste 30 more minutes finding out? You know you do. You idiot.

Frame 2: Me 1 and Me 2 are fresh back from a holiday together in Thailand and it's hard to be sure exactly what went on in that non-snooker environment, but the dynamic has certainly changed. Me 1 has a lot to prove after his disappointing debut in Frame 1 but Me 2 is his usual confident and abrasive self and is sure he can hold him off. Meanwhile both the commentator and the referee Richard Herring's seem largely more comfortable with their roles and fans of Commentator 2 will be glad to hear that he makes an appearance. The ironing board is up against the light switch and Me 1 has been eating duty free Toblerone. Anything can happen, within very limited parameters and all that we can be certain of is that it's going to take a lot more frames before this starts to be funny again. But when it does it will have been worth the wasted hours and days. Sponsored by www.gofasterstripe.com, and please prevent any of the Richards cracking up completely by coming to see him on tour in the New Year. All details here

Frame 1: Me 1 and Me 2 return to the baize for almost the first time in a quarter of a century, but time has not dampened their bitter rivalry. Who will triumph is this battle of the same person who isn't very good at snooker playing against himself? There is only one way to find out. But it's 25 minutes long and you can't unlisten to it. Dare you tune in? You know you dare.