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Designated Parent

English, TV & Video, 42 seasons, 197 episodes, 3 days, 18 hours, 5 minutes
About
Kids programming through the lens of adult beverages.
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Luca (2021)

It's new! New content! It's a blessing from the Pixar lords! It's also possibly a metaphor very apropos for the month.
6/28/20211 hour, 12 minutes, 53 seconds
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Sonic the Hedgehog

Video games make great movies, right? Right?
6/14/20211 hour, 56 minutes, 20 seconds
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Mighty Ducks

A 90's touchstone movie that includes who would turn out to be the least problematic of Charlie Sheen's kids.
6/7/20211 hour, 37 minutes, 56 seconds
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Muppets Most Wanted

It's the update to the Great Muppet Caper we never knew we needed.
5/17/20211 hour, 43 minutes, 47 seconds
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The Kid Who Would be King

The 392nd retelling of the Arthur legend. This time, with kids. For the 134th time.
5/3/20211 hour, 47 minutes, 10 seconds
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Storks

Storks delivering mutant babies to rich, trendy families. Or maybe something about how chasing financial productivity in every aspect of our lives has had a negative effect on the perception of motherhood. Or maybe it's just "every woman needs a baby to be complete." We're not really sure what this movie is about but, in our defense, it doesn't seem like the writers were, either.
3/29/20211 hour, 28 minutes, 29 seconds
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Home Alone

In this super ginormous sized episode Adam and Lisa get waaaay to into the psychology of the McCallister family. And a bit too far into congratulating ourselves for not being as bad of parents as we obviously could be. If we were rich.
2/22/20212 hours, 14 minutes, 15 seconds
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Dr. Doolittle 3

The movie that asks the real questions. Like "Why do we let Norm Macdonald be in things?" and "Can a monkey be charged with a felony?"
2/15/20211 hour, 35 minutes, 58 seconds
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Charming

What if all the Prince Charmings (Princes Charming?) were the same? This thoughtful experiment gets to the root of the most confounding mystery in the fairy tale world. Just kidding. It's a trainwreck with songs that seem like they were written by bad AI and a plot that really, really has some meaty questions to answer... but it will not.
2/8/20211 hour, 20 minutes, 9 seconds
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The Mandalorian Season 2

Mandalorian, The Second Part! We discuss that the best parts of this show are probably the call outs to previous episodes of this show or else Star Wars in general. Also, Baby Yoda.
2/1/20211 hour, 30 minutes, 10 seconds
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The Mandalorian Season 1

In this episode Adam confuses the Traveling Wilburys with the Wild Thornberrys. And also discusses this show that was on Disney.
1/25/20211 hour, 37 minutes, 35 seconds
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We Can Be Heroes

The (hopefully) final conclusion to the Sharkboy and Lavagirl series.
1/18/20211 hour, 12 minutes, 43 seconds
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The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D

Robert Rodriguez makes a family film about a series of acid trips he had in college. Or something. Starring two Taylors.
1/11/202150 minutes, 57 seconds
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Wonder Woman 1984

You will be screaming "TOM HARDY" at us for a few minutes. Sorry. Also, spoilers as we talk through the plot of a relatively new movie. But don't worry if, like us, you haven't seen Wonder Womans 2-1983. They apparently weren't needed.
1/4/20211 hour, 53 minutes, 47 seconds
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Soul

*SPOILER WARNING* This one just came out! Adam and Lisa discuss the importance of settling for the mundane.
12/28/20201 hour, 36 minutes, 15 seconds
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Ernest Saves Christmas

The second best Ernest movie works with the season.
12/26/20201 hour, 13 minutes, 2 seconds
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Ratatouille

Are we watching a Christmas movie this close to the holidays? No. Of course not. It's about a rat who wants to be Gordon Ramsay because of course it is.
12/21/20201 hour, 37 minutes, 55 seconds
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Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas

We watch a movie about small town animals and economic downturns and discuss the importance of estate planning and life insurance.
12/14/20201 hour, 1 minute, 16 seconds
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Christmas Chronicles 2

Kurt Russel is back to save Christmas, this time with Goldie Hawn and it's, somehow, so very, very bad.
12/7/20201 hour, 30 minutes, 48 seconds
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Incredibles 2

A children's movie addressing issues facing a woman attempting to re-enter the workforce and the whining of the man supporting her.
11/30/20201 hour, 28 minutes, 53 seconds
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Ugly Dolls

100th Episode Spectacular! Not really. We just drink while discussing the movie that teaches you it's OK to be ugly as long as you're rich and talented.
11/23/202054 minutes, 59 seconds
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Aladdin (2019)

The unneeded live action remake of the Disney classic isn't as bad as it could have been.
11/16/20201 hour, 7 minutes, 26 seconds
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Malibu Rescue: The Next Wave

We've had one movie already, but what about second movie? The sequel to the series that followed the movie that, really, no one really asked for.
11/9/20201 hour, 2 minutes, 26 seconds
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Nightmare Before Christmas

Simply the best movie combination of Halloween and Christmas. The perfect November movie. But it also makes no sense.
11/2/202057 minutes, 32 seconds
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Halloweentown

Debby Reynolds is in this. Debby. Reynolds. She deserved better.
10/26/20201 hour, 14 minutes, 58 seconds
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Double Double Toil and Trouble

A critique on the state of mandatory reporter laws in the 90's. Or another Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie. Or both.
10/19/20201 hour, 18 minutes, 51 seconds
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Addams Family (2019)

Can the remake of a 1991 classic remake of a 60's TV show be even better than the original material? I mean, it's possible, but this certainly isn't it.
10/12/202055 minutes, 45 seconds
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Addams Family (1991)

What is probably the most functional family in cinematic history meets reality and comes out ahead.
10/5/20201 hour, 14 minutes, 39 seconds
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Haunted Mansion

Eddie Murphy in a kids movie based on a theme park ride. This was never going to be good, was it?
9/28/20201 hour, 25 minutes, 3 seconds
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Hocus Pocus

Like, seriously, did Bette Midler know what she signed up for or was this just her doing what she does best? Either way, top 10 Halloween movies of all time.
9/21/20201 hour, 22 minutes, 27 seconds
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Trolls World Tour

The sequel to the movie based on those little troll dolls that get randomly popular every 15 years. At least it's introducing our kids to good music.
9/14/20201 hour, 16 minutes, 17 seconds
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Mr. Peabody and Sherman

Time travel brought to you by your dad the dog. Because the 5 minute cartoon segments were not enough.
9/7/20201 hour, 24 minutes, 58 seconds
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Despicable Me

The movie that launched the minions. And for that, it has much to answer for.
8/31/20201 hour, 22 minutes, 42 seconds
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Animal Crackers

What even is this movie? It's... not good. It's... not bad. It's just... weird.
8/24/20201 hour, 2 minutes, 21 seconds
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Kid Detectives

First, we know it's Stephen Baldwin. But also, we look at a lot of kids detective shows to figure out why we think children have the answers to all our problems.
8/17/202058 minutes, 10 seconds
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Muppet Treasure Island

Where do you know Tim Curry from? This movie answers that for our kids now. Decide what that says about them.
8/10/202048 minutes, 48 seconds
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Underdogs

How are there no dogs or caves in this movie?
8/3/202053 minutes, 29 seconds
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Monsters Vs. Aliens

Reminding children that the military industrial complex rains supreme and you only have the rights they want you to have.
7/27/20201 hour, 3 minutes, 28 seconds
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Wrinkle in Time

A beautiful acid trip where Oprah pretends to be 30 feet tall and the queen of the universe when we all know she's not a bit over 26 feet tall.
7/20/202051 minutes, 44 seconds
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UP

A charming story of an accidental child abduction.
7/13/20201 hour, 16 minutes, 9 seconds
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G-Force

A great reminder of why we drink. G-Force is the story of talking guinea pigs that... honestly, who knows? It's a mess.
7/6/202051 minutes, 24 seconds
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Artemis Fowl - LIVE

Tired of social distancing? Wishing we could be in your house with you watching a movie and making snarky comments? Then do we have an episode for you. This is our commentary track to be synced up with the Disney+ version of Artemis Fowl. So here's what you do. Get this somewhere you can listen to it out loud. Then, find Artemis Fowl on Disney+ and pause it a the exact beginning. When you hear the countdown and then the glasses clink, start the movie and we should be synced up. But the bad new is, now you've started Artemis Fowl and you're going to have to watch it with us. Sorry.
6/29/20201 hour, 32 minutes, 31 seconds
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The Goofy Movie

In this episode, Adam asks way too many questions about Goofy's biology, classification, and reproductive cycles.
6/22/202054 minutes, 2 seconds
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Finding Nemo

Lisa and Adam discuss gender and clown fish and incorrectly identify the capitol of Australia several times.
6/15/20201 hour, 4 minutes, 11 seconds
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Fantastic Mr. Fox

It's Baby's First Wes Anderson this week. Do our kids like style over substance or is this not their cup of fake British tea?
6/8/202043 minutes, 26 seconds
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Scoob!

The nostalgia button gets hit again and again as Adam relives his favorite Saturday mornings.
6/1/20201 hour, 20 minutes, 54 seconds
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Disney Studio Shorts

This is a weird one. A bunch of short little videos back to back with no coherent theme. Kinda like my life.
5/25/202056 minutes, 6 seconds
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The Princess Bride

As you wish...
5/18/20201 hour, 15 minutes, 22 seconds
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The Great Mouse Detective

Not the highest form of Disney animation, but not the worst. Except for that weird part in a mouse strip club.
5/11/202053 minutes, 50 seconds
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Abominable

Adam and Lisa attempt to get banned in China.
5/4/20201 hour, 9 minutes, 14 seconds
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Zootopia

Disney picks an unlikely setting for their follow up to Robin Hood.
4/27/20201 hour, 20 minutes, 59 seconds
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Spies in Disguise

Will Smith, the voice of the genie from Aladdin, according to my former children, stars as a bird. He's reached the part of his career where he's doing talking animal movies. I'm sorry, Will.
4/20/20201 hour, 2 minutes, 48 seconds
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Detective Pikachu

In the unofficial sequel to Deadpool 2, Ryan Renolds sasses his way through another franchise.
4/13/20201 hour, 3 minutes, 38 seconds
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High School Musical

The movie that spawned 2 sequels, a TV series, a licensable high school musical about this high school musical and a TV show where they watch people do the high school musical version of high school musical and then the final layer, the movie of the high school kids from the tv show doing the musical based on this movie. Also Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Effron are in this.
4/6/20201 hour, 10 minutes, 53 seconds
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The Great Muppet Caper

There's a point in the 1980's where you could get a job by walking into an office and demanding one. This is a throwback to that fantasy.
3/30/20201 hour, 3 minutes, 2 seconds
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Disney's Zombies

Reporting on a post apocalyptic vision where humanity has failed its most vulnerable. Man, that's hitting a little close to home this week.
3/23/20201 hour, 3 minutes, 22 seconds
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Onward

We review a movie still in the theaters! Adam reveals how little he knows about Dungeons and Dragons and Lisa does, too, but she's not surprised about it.
3/16/20201 hour, 35 minutes, 24 seconds
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The Incredibles

What could be easier than raising a family? Raising a family of superheroes without anyone knowing they're superheros.
3/9/20201 hour, 28 minutes, 58 seconds
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Harry Potter Revisited

Did you think Lisa got all her questions and concerns about Harry Potter out last time? Well, you were wrong. Here she goes again.
3/2/20201 hour, 3 minutes, 24 seconds
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Woody the Woodpecker

Whoever keeps putting these computer animated cartoon and video game characters into movies with real life actors really needs to stop.
2/24/20201 hour, 57 seconds
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Toy Story 4

For what is hopefully, but not probably, the last entry in the Toy Story saga we take a look at the transcendental terror of existence, dabble in the body horror genre, and deconstruct the waning status of monogamy in the 21st century. You know, for kids.
2/17/20201 hour, 1 minute, 18 seconds
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Tangled

Disney brings you Stockholm Syndrome, but cute.
2/10/20201 hour, 23 minutes, 54 seconds
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Hop

They make Easter movies now? About the Easter bunny? Was anyone really calling for that?
2/3/20201 hour, 11 minutes, 52 seconds
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Secret Life of Pets 2

The sequel we always wanted where we ask many questions about Hu greenlit this movie.
1/27/20201 hour, 11 minutes, 15 seconds
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Year in Review

We did it. We actually stuck with something for an entire year. What have we learned by this? Nothing much, apparently.
1/13/202027 minutes, 16 seconds
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Camp Cool Kids

In this episode, Adam has flashbacks to his days spent outside and remembers why he promised to never do that ever again.
1/6/20201 hour, 13 minutes, 53 seconds
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Star Wars Ep. IX - Rise of Skywalker

The final (riiiiight) installment of the Skywalker Saga aka the main Star Wars movie. We're pretty sure we forgot more than we remembered, but it's still a fun ride.
1/4/20201 hour, 36 minutes, 54 seconds
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Noelle

Anna Kendrick is probably part elf. You can't prove she isn't.
12/30/20191 hour, 12 minutes, 10 seconds
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The Christmas Project

WARNING: THIS EPISODE MAY CONTAIN SPOILER REGARDING THE EXISTENCE OR POSSIBLE NON-EXISTENCE OF SANTA CLAUSE. Now that is out of the way, we watch a sappy seasonal movie about recapturing the true meaning of Christmas in 1986.
12/23/20191 hour, 26 seconds
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Star Wars Ep. VIII - The Last Jedi

Sneaking in another episode before the next movie comes out. Enjoy?
12/18/201945 minutes, 29 seconds
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Star Wars Ep. VII - The Force Awakens

Because, yes, it's about time it got up and made someone a shitton more money.
12/16/20191 hour, 25 minutes, 3 seconds
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Star Wars Ep. III - Revenge of the Sith

Lisa just watched it for the first time. Adam hasn't seen it in years. We get several plot points very wrong. See if you can spot them by yelling at your phone when they pop up!
12/9/20191 hour, 3 minutes, 46 seconds
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Star Wars Ep. II - Attack of the Clones

If you didn't get enough stilted acting and parliamentary procedure from the last episode, have we got a welcome surprise for you!
12/2/201953 minutes, 20 seconds
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Star Wars Ep. I - The Phantom Menace

It's as if a million nerds cried out at once, and were still complaining 20 years later.
11/25/20191 hour, 2 minutes, 47 seconds
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Star Wars Ep. VI - Return of the Jedi

The Jedi have returned but... why? And for how long? And what's the big plan, anyway? There is a plan, right? I mean, we're not just walking into an obvious trap. Right? Right?
11/18/20191 hour, 17 minutes, 43 seconds
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The Lorax

A little, furry man saves the world. Yes, we're talking about Danny DeVito.
11/11/201954 minutes, 32 seconds
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Star Wars Ep. V - The Empire Strikes Back

Easily the most watchable of the Star Wars films, probably. At least Lisa thinks so, and she has opinions as to why.
11/4/201955 minutes, 42 seconds
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Star Wars Ep. IV - A New Hope

It's a classic. It's required viewing in my house. And, it turns out, Lisa's not impressed.
10/28/201954 minutes, 54 seconds
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The Grinch

The most recent re-telling of the legend of the Grinch, which still fails to justify its existence over a 30 minute cartoon.
10/21/201959 minutes, 39 seconds
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Alvin and the Chipmunks meet the Wolfman

Think it couldn't get worse than the live action Alvin and the Chipmunk movies? Well, you're right. But this one isn't really worthy of the nostalgia.
10/14/201949 minutes, 7 seconds
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Shrek

The greatest movie of our time? Probably not. The greatest performance by Eddy Murphy in a children's movie? Also, probably no. Mike Myers' best work? Still... no. But it's Shrek and it kept Smashmouth on the radio for longer than any of us could have ever expected.
10/7/201951 minutes, 42 seconds
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Descendants 2

With Lisa out of town, Adam has to rely on some even more unreliable narrators to get through this episode.
9/30/201928 minutes, 16 seconds
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Descendants 3

No, you didn't miss an episode. Our kids just didn't want to watch Descendants 2. So we watch this one instead. We'd like to think seeing the second part would make the third part make more sense but, honestly, we don't know how that would be possible.
9/23/20191 hour, 8 minutes, 50 seconds
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Descendants

In a world where all the Disney films apparently happened at once, and where Beast has united the kingdoms under his iron rule... Would have been a much better intro. Instead, we get a high school musical with the Disney villains' kids and way too much eyeliner.
9/16/20191 hour, 17 minutes, 15 seconds
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Middle School

The fight club of the next generation.
9/9/201944 minutes, 56 seconds
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Wreck it Ralph

Remember, you can never be anything besides what you were born to be so just make the most of your freakishness and hopefully you can help some of the other freaks you meet along the way. Or possibly something more encouraging. Honestly, I don't even know how to spin this one.
9/2/20191 hour, 15 minutes, 34 seconds
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Kronk's New Groove

It was the early 2000's and Disney decided everything needed a sequel. Even things they just made. At least this one kept most of the original cast. And, really, that's the best we can say about it.
8/26/20191 hour, 1 minute, 4 seconds
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Daddy Daycare

Eddy Murphy makes kids movies. This one thing you must remember or nothing that follows will make any sense. Approaching Pluto Nash levels of bad writing, acting, directing and special effects, we submit that this is not something he should be proud of.
8/19/20191 hour, 1 minute, 35 seconds
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Monsters, Inc.

Teaching our kids that anything is acceptable if you're doing it in order to produce energy. Right?
8/12/20191 hour, 15 minutes, 42 seconds
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Secret Life of Pets

When their owners are away, pets will get into a series of unbelievable exploits but still somehow make it back home through a locked apartment in time for their owners' return. But, somehow, it's not terrible.
8/5/20191 hour, 19 minutes, 34 seconds
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Emperor's New Groove

The best movie to come out of Disney between 1995 and... well... we're waiting.
7/29/20191 hour, 8 minutes, 1 second
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Despicable Me 3

Did the world need 3 Despicable Me movies? No. But they got them anyway. Here's our thoughts on the third.
7/22/20191 hour, 6 minutes, 33 seconds
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Peter Rabit

Mediocre children's book turned worse than mediocre children's movie.
7/15/20191 hour, 5 minutes, 49 seconds
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It Takes Two

Is this the best Olsen Twins/Kristy Allen/Steve Guttenberg/Rob Base & DJ E-Z crossover event of all time? I mean, I hope not. But here we are.
7/8/20191 hour, 31 minutes, 55 seconds
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Malibu Rescue - The Series

Did you think that one movie was enough to tell the saga of the lives of the Malibu Rescue team? You were right. But here's a miniseries anyway.
7/1/20191 hour, 6 minutes
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Malibu Rescue

Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski. Actually, if at all possible, we should all really try to stay out of this one.
6/24/20191 hour, 25 minutes, 39 seconds
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Lego Movie 2

Back after a little time off, we dig into the movies our kids watched on vacation, starting with the sequel to one of my least unfavorite kids movies.
6/17/20191 hour, 4 minutes, 32 seconds
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Bedtime Stories

Adam Sandler and Russell Brand bring you the story of how a grown man tries to manipulate kids' imaginations to get everything he ever wanted and instead ends up with the world's weirdest guinea pig.
6/10/201959 minutes, 13 seconds
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Zoom

Tim Allen stars in what was not his worst film of 2006. But it's bad. It's really, really bad.
6/3/20191 hour, 15 minutes, 39 seconds
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Tornado Update

We are fine. Everything is not fine. But we are fine.
5/30/20191 minute, 42 seconds
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Lion King

Reviewing a masterpiece before the inevitable unnecessary remake. Hippy Juice 1 Cup Watermelon Vodka 1/2 Cup Rum 1/2 Cup Triple Sec Top a gallon with pink Country Time lemonade made to instructions.
5/27/20191 hour, 9 minutes, 21 seconds
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Avengers: Endgame

We're in the endgame now... We finish up last week's discussion about the Marvel Cinematic Universe by looking at Avengers: Endgame. Again, maybe some spoilers.
5/20/20191 hour, 19 minutes, 33 seconds
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Lisa vs. The Marvel Cinematic Universe

*SPOILERS* THIS EPISODE CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR MOVIES CURRENTLY IN THEATERS. Lisa and Adam blow through the entire MCU up to Endgame in a single episode. Spoilers abound, but so does confusion. Also, Adam is wrong, Howard stark is in Captain America: The First Avenger. And he's probably wrong about other things, too.
5/13/20191 hour, 22 minutes, 23 seconds
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Harry Potter

We have many questions about the Harry Potter universe. But since half the team is a drunk Hufflepuff, we may never know the answers.
5/6/20191 hour, 15 minutes, 25 seconds
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Christmas Chronicles

Snake Pliskin does Santa Clause. Not the weirdest casting for the jolly old elf, but not a great movie, either. Melonade: 1 oz. Raspberry Vodka 1 oz. St. Germain 1 oz. Cranberry juice 1/2 oz. Lemon juice 1/2 oz. Simple syrup Add all ingredients to a shaker full of ice. Shake, strain into Wonder Woman tumbler* *Wonder Woman tumbler optional.
4/29/201957 minutes, 14 seconds
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Chicken Little

The timeless tale of why your town probably shouldn't get a significant portion of its identity from that time you all freaked out because a four year old told you the sky was falling. Also, there are aliens.
4/15/20191 hour, 41 seconds
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Hercules

Here's an idea... let's make a kids movie based on Greek mythology. It's the only logical direction to go after the success that was Hunchback of Notre Dame.
4/8/20191 hour, 6 minutes, 3 seconds
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Emoji Movie

It's a movie... about emoji. We've hit the bottom and kept digging.
4/1/20191 hour, 1 minute, 19 seconds
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Christopher Robin

What could possibly be creepier than the 1980's Winnie the Pooh show on the Disney Chanel? Oh. Yeah. Christopher Robin with PTSD.
3/24/201954 minutes, 48 seconds
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Super Buddies

The final installment of a 14-ish movie series based on that one video that won America's Funniest Home Videos in 1991. Really.
3/18/201945 minutes, 8 seconds
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Spy Kids 4D All the Time in the World

The most unsettling moving Robert Rodriguez's production company has ever made.
3/11/20191 hour, 8 minutes, 46 seconds
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Into the Spiderverse

Can an infinite number of radioactive spiders biting an infinite number of moody teens create a good movie?
2/25/20191 hour, 41 minutes, 13 seconds
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Gnome Alone

Looking into the happy side of child neglect and abandonment, it's this week's episode of Designated Parent.
2/18/201946 minutes
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Captain Underpants

Seriously, who is looking after these kids in Piqua, Ohio?
2/14/20191 hour, 12 minutes, 12 seconds
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Hotel Transylvania 3

The exciting conclusion to the immortal Hotel Transylvania trilogy. Wait, who are we kidding? They're going to make more and more of theses until they lose all meaning and outnumber the Land Before Time movies.
2/4/201957 minutes, 24 seconds