Not what makes a relationship real vs fantasy or made up, but the nubbins of relationships, the reality. Many people seem unprepared for what a real relationship looks and feels like, and this might be because of how they are portrayed on TV and on social media where many times it's only the polar opposites which are show: either people talking about how fantastic their relationship is or how terrible. Real relationships are quite ordinary. But what should they be like? Is it okay to argue? When do you know if your relationship has tipped from 'real' to dysfunctional or even abusive? If relationships are such hard work why do we even bother to have them?Joanna Harrison is the author of an excellent book called Five Arguments All Couples Need To Have, but she was also a divorce lawyer in a former life, and is now a senior clinician at Tavistock Relationships and a consultant to parents and separating couples at the law firm Family Law in Partnership. You can read more about her and her work at joannaharrison.co.uk. She's on Instagram as @joannaharrisoncoupletherapy.Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.comIf you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The in-laws, long the butt of jokes but in reality rich fodder for my Guardian mail bag. Of course, none of us think of ourselves as troublesome in-laws, but maybe we are? In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and CEO of the association for family therapy and systemic practise. Hannah has been a family and couples psychotherapist who has worked in the mental health service for thirty years. She’s also an associate professor at the university of exeter and deputy director of a clinical training department called CEDAR - clinical education development and research - that sits within the university’s psychology department.We talk about all the usual in-law problems, work out that three things seem to underpin them and I present my own theory.Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.comIf you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Talking about suicide is never easy, yet it's essential. In this difficult episode both Dr Stubley and I bring personal experiences to the conversation in the hope that it might facilitate your own conversations.Dr Jo Stubley is a consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy and leads the adult section of the trauma service at the NHS Tavistock Centre. Jo is a member of the British Psychoanalytic Society. Regular listeners will recognise that Jo is a returning conversationalist - this is our third episode together. The first one, on trauma in series one, would make a good listening companion piece to this one. If you have suicidal feelings help is available: https://www.papyrus-uk.org and https://www.samaritans.orgLet us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.comIf you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do some people find it so hard to talk about money? And whilst it's not a romantic thing to bring up it's absolutely essential if you're thinking of buying a property with someone or moving in with someone. As Chris says if it's difficult to bring up at the beginning of the relationship it's a whole lot harder to bring up at the end when things may have gone wrong.A lot of the letters I get at the Guardian are about Wills and Will disputes and whilst it's about the money, Chris and I also look into what money can stand in for, what it represents and how it can reflect the value we put (or not) on ourselves.If this episode has tempted you to get a financial advisor the please make sure whomever you deal with is registered with the Financial Conduct Authority https://register.fca.org.uk/s/.Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.comIf you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sibs is a charity which supports children and adults who grow up with a brother or sister with additional needs or a long term health condition. And Linda Owen is the rather brilliant, compassionate and informed (aptly) Information Officer for Sibs.A lot of the advice Linda gives can also be applied in a family which doesn’t have a child with these additional needs, and there’s a lot to learn here about sibling dynamics. But of course when a child does have additional needs the sibling can often get overlooked and their needs can feel - especially to them - as not important in the scheme of things. Linda talks about how to have conversations with your children, how to get support for them or for yourself. Note: as Linda explains we use the term sibling in this episode to denote the person who doesn’t have the additional needs, and the ones that do as brother or sister.A good companion episode to this one, is The Secrets of the Sibling Relationship with psychotherapist Nicole Addis in Series 1.The Sibs website: sibs.org.uk.Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa@gmail.comIf you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to episode 1 of Series 6A good few years ago, I started becoming aware of a term I'd hitherto not really heard much before, outside of my classics lessons: narcissism. Aside from all the s's making it hard to pronounce, I started to notice that it became a catch-all for anyone who was selfish, self centred or vain. Everyone, it seemed, was being called a narcissist. I'm not a fan of overly labelling behaviours (for one it's so lazy) and I have a natural tendency to avoid terms that everyone else is using, but eventually even I couldn't ignore it any longer. This is when I called UK registered psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer in. Mark is writing a book about narcissism and in this episode we talk about what it is, and what it isn't. And how just possibly everyone has some narcissistic traits occasionally, but that doesn't make them a narcissist. Someone with true narcissistic behaviours actually has a wafer-thin self esteem and is very tiring to be around. Who'd be a narcissist? But also what about poor Echo, who often gets forgotten in the tale of Narcissus, typical to air brush a woman out of history.If you'd like to learn more about Mark and his work his website is at brightonandhovepsychotherapy.comLet us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: conversationswithannalisa.gmail.com If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriThanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.