Just like “Downton Abbey,” but with more feelings and swears! Bask in the glory of Dame Maggie Smith as hilarious Anglophiles Kelly Anneken & Tom Schneider explore the class struggle, cool Edwardian fashions, and the art of staring wistfully into the middle distance.
Red All Over Teaser
Special preview! Fake news, oppressive patriarchy, and an overall impending sense of doom: Join “Aunt” Kelly Anneken and Molly “Ofmitchell” Sanchez as we discuss this and more in Red All Over, a podcast based on The Handmaid’s Tale and weirdly not on current events.
4/9/2017 • 21 minutes, 57 seconds
Mailbag Fun Dust-Up
Kelly and Tom belatedly return with the promised Mailbag Fun Dust-Up! Thanks to all the cousins who sent in telegrams, this (literally) wouldn’t be possible without you!
4/3/2017 • 46 minutes, 19 seconds
The Corgi Ennoblement Act of 1763
Kelly & Tom are on their own for their recap of The Crown S1E10, having been stood up by not one but two separate gingers. They discuss their forthcoming Mailbag Fun Dustup, the newest Patreon goal, the Cave of Wonders tiger with the pierced ear in Aladdin, the cure for Ryan Murphy, TLM’s need to…
3/13/2017 • 1 hour, 18 minutes, 45 seconds
The Adventures of Time-Traveling Temple Grandin
Kelly & Tom recap S1E9 of The Crown, which is Kelly’s favorite episode! They encourage people to give up on their dreams, feel bad for Toby Jones, talk about rickety horse ankles and horse therapy, identify the partying-est king ever, create about three different spinoff series, get annoyed by gay Lefou, and have fish and…
3/6/2017 • 1 hour, 37 minutes, 43 seconds
Bring Back Mamie Bangs
Kelly & Tom are joined by Kelly’s internet love, illustrator & cartoonist Levi Hastings, for their recap of The Crown S1E8. The hosts are really coming around on the show, and they appreciate the character development of the Queen Mum, wish that everyone could impulse buy a castle when they are sad, take the controversial…
2/26/2017 • 1 hour, 36 minutes, 7 seconds
HRH Spocktopus
Kelly & Tom welcome back guest Allison Mick for their recap of The Crown S1E7. They patronize 1-800-AMERICA, clash in the eternal pugs v. Corgis matchup, say lots of things like they’re from Boston, wish Winston Churchill was dead (on the show), rate Pringles mustaches, try to make raven-poking seem family friendly, compare Heath Ledger…
2/20/2017 • 1 hour, 42 minutes, 15 seconds
All The Harpies Were In A Kick Line
Kelly & Tom are back on their own with this recap of The Crown S1E6. They like the episode, but cannot help asking “Why is show?” Scooby-Doo ghostwrites part of UYDS, Princess Margaret has 99 problems, a piece of fluff outweighs Joseph Stalin, the horrifying origins of the Rhodes scholarship is revealed, Wallis Simpson continues…
2/13/2017 • 1 hour, 24 minutes, 26 seconds
King Fred Durst
Kelly & Tom are joined by The History Chicks co-host Beckett Graham for their recap of The Crown S1E5. They wax frustrated about their feelings on the DO Dubs, replace King Lane Pryce’s face with Colin Firth’s, note Liz’s lifelong taste in cardigans, discuss the relative tackiness of crowns fictional and factual, participate in some…
2/6/2017 • 1 hour, 24 minutes, 52 seconds
Some Of Plenty Of Things Is Good
For their recap of The Crown, S1E4, Tom and Kelly welcome Failure to Launch co-host and noted critic of The Crown Molly Sanchez! Together, they cough-shame London, pitch an adaptation of Devil in the White City, discuss Sky Law, wonder about the Buffalo Bill of sheep, agree that humanity sucks apart from inventing Hot Cheetos…
1/30/2017 • 1 hour, 47 minutes, 15 seconds
Double Rizzo
A very hungry Kelly & Tom welcome back guest Natasha Muse for their recap of The Crown S1E3, and they spend a lot of time complaining about how their pizza didn’t get delivered. They also come up with a hit pop single, describe the Kato Kaelin of England, go to the BroB/Gyn, CGI a mustache,…
1/23/2017 • 2 hours, 2 minutes, 31 seconds
The King’s Sassy Address To Parliament
In their recap of The Crown S1E2, Kelly & Tom cover all three dimensions. They discuss the water of sexual harassment, Britain’s difficulty with filming its colonial history, interchangeable feet, gypsy curses, and a genuinely heartbreaking moment. Kelly nearly does a spit take, Tom writes a new Cole Porter song, and everyone agrees that Victoria…
1/16/2017 • 1 hour, 24 minutes, 32 seconds
Take a Hit, Sugar Cookie
Kelly & Tom welcome Red Scott of Boars, Gore & Swords for their first recap of the Netflix Original The Crown. They are relieved to report it is an actual show (unlike late period Selfridge) and delighted as they witness the toff version of a company offsite, explain what Gogglebox is, rate the many portrayals of…
1/10/2017 • 2 hours, 30 minutes, 2 seconds
The Godsomething
Kelly & Tom dip into their bottomless well of floozy jokes for their recap of the final episode of Mr. Selfridge. They speculate on the George Towler/baby intelligence continuum, wish Lady Mae would join a sort of Parisian First Wives’ Club, chat about Trading Spaces, continue whining about the absence of Beatrice, declare Mr. Selfridge…
12/26/2016 • 49 minutes, 50 seconds
Seven Brides For Seven Selfridges
Kelly and Tom soldier bravely on through their recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E9. They are pretty sure time is still a flat circle, George Towler is still a super genius, Alan Greenspan gets name-checked, Mr. Grove is cross from beyond the grave, and Eyebrows has a brand-new bag. Kelly can’t remember the name of the…
12/19/2016 • 41 minutes, 43 seconds
One Department, One Man!
In this recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E8, Kelly and Tom really lay into Eyeliner for pretending to solve racism. They finally bid Mr. Grove a not particularly fond farewell, wonder why New New Gordon’s kids are wearing dresses, applaud Mr. Crabb’s business reasons, and continue to marvel at Jimmy Dillon’s swank apartment from the 1980s.…
12/11/2016 • 48 minutes, 51 seconds
Queen Blanket-For-A-Face
Kelly & Tom shout a list of the most British things they know in this recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E7. They also shout NO at Lady Mae and Kitty a bunch of times, encourage Mr. Selfridge to finally hire a lawyer, talk smack about Spinner from Degrassi, and briefly experience actual feelings. Kelly invents Floozies…
12/5/2016 • 44 minutes, 45 seconds
Goons Are People Too
Kelly & Tom shout a collective “WTF” in this recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E6. They marvel at the Picture of Dorian’s Uncle, wonder how much actual time has passed this season, question Fraser’s fitness as butler, gloat as Mr. Selfridge finally has to pay his bill, and nominate a much better head of security than…
11/28/2016 • 58 minutes, 48 seconds
Stop Confusing Our Baby!
Kelly & Tom record their recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E5 live from a Burger King! Not really, but what an idea! They continue to not do their research as Bumby Wallace makes his stunning, fictional debut, Harry continues to not pay his bills, the shambling corpse of Grardle lurches on, Meryl continues to not be…
11/21/2016 • 56 minutes, 45 seconds
First Rule of Rumpelstiltskin
Kelly & Tom choose to be…a Ritz in this recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E4. They confirm that they are not watching Game of Thrones, have numerous criticisms of AA Milne and Christopher Robin, criticize Mustache’s life choices, wish for a Mardle/Kitty spin-off, and talk even more smack about floozies. Kelly reveals her favorite phone number,…
11/13/2016 • 1 hour, 2 minutes, 18 seconds
Automatic Bzooty, Chapter 1, Verse 5
Kelly and Tom establish a trust with Mr. Selfridge S4E3, because they like to gamble like rich people. They also breathe a sigh of relief about Kitty’s childbearing prospects, hate Meryl AND Mr. Grove, confuse Violette for Rosalie, continue to question why Mr. Selfridge is drinking so much, marvel at Elizabeth Arden’s messy suite, wonder if…
11/7/2016 • 1 hour, 6 minutes, 40 seconds
Nothing Worse Than a Tardy Floozy
Kelly and Tom realize that S4E2 of Mr. Selfridge is as far as they watched, so it’s all new to them from here on out. They feel that the credits music is getting more and more inappropriate each week, clock two named black characters in the episode (good job, Eyeliner; your move, Baron Julian), lament the…
10/31/2016 • 1 hour, 3 minutes, 58 seconds
I’m Glad We’re Living In the Crap Age
Kelly and Tom return at last with their very belated coverage of Mr. Selfridge S4E1! They struggle to remember why they hated this season so very much, herald the return of Lady Mae, welcome two brand new floozies and a very ugly mug, lament the continued absence of Miss Towler and Monsieur LeClair, plan to…
10/24/2016 • 1 hour, 31 seconds
That’s One Gay Ghost
Kelly & Tom completely geek out over the S3 finale of Peaky Blinders–so much so they have to totally wing the final scene. They cross their fingers for the return of Horse Bitch in S4, declare Tatiana the winner of Peaky Blinders, note that all the guys got new hats, and marvel yet again at…
7/18/2016 • 1 hour, 1 minute, 15 seconds
Bowie Take The Wheel
Kelly and Tom recap the penultimate episode of Peaky Blinders S3 and hope for a happy ending for Pol, wonder if it’s too soon for Bowie’s Lazarus (it’s never too soon), reflect on the awesomeness of Russian lingerie, celebrate the return of Alfie Solomons, and demand a BAFTA for Paul Anderson.
7/11/2016 • 29 minutes, 11 seconds
We Call It “Death Spin”
Kelly & Tom thoroughly enjoy recapping S3E4 of Peaky Blinders (the Entourage or Walking Dead of the UK, depending on who you’re talking to), one of the show’s best hours. They discuss the highly upsetting 1953 film Lili, the Shelby women finally getting their cool af day in the sun, Kelly’s awareness of Latin, Tom’s…
6/26/2016 • 36 minutes, 37 seconds
Kafka’s Children’s Book
Kelly and Tom finally return to their podcasting ways with this recap of Peaky Blinders S3E1! They continue to say GRAAAAAAAACE despite no longer having much of a reason to, have a surprising discussion of Thornton Wilder’s Our Town, try to decide where aristocrats go, wonder why Arthur is suddenly the voice of reason, lust…
6/5/2016 • 1 hour, 3 minutes, 17 seconds
For Further Information, See The Name Of Our Podcast
And so Downton Abbey ends, not with a bang, but with a Denker. Kelly & Tom recap S6E9 in slightly more emotional fashion than usual, but they still manage to pitch the spinoff “McG: Hospital Administrator,” wonder why Matthew Goode didn’t just take a job as Downton’s butler, hope that the eventual Downton movie is…
3/14/2016 • 1 hour, 55 minutes, 38 seconds
The Uncanny Valley Of Happiness
In Part One of their two-part recap of the Downton Abbey finale, Kelly and Tom fight off tears as they come to the end of a long, strange journey. They give Highclere Castle what-for, reveal Andy’s secret fashion design career, discuss the origins of Molesley’s baldness, long for the return of the Donk, praise Cruikshank’s…
3/7/2016 • 2 hours, 13 minutes, 7 seconds
The Golly Gumdrops Hour With Kelly And Tom
Kelly and Tom celebrate the penultimate episode of Downton Abbey with an extra-long discussion of S6E8. They pine for an Edith: Pig in the City spinoff, shoutout Branson’s monkey nephew, lament the lost potential of Charles Blake, reveal a surprise Gibson Girl winner, decide that Mary’s bitchery is the real turn-up, wonder about Hitler hipsters,…
2/24/2016 • 2 hours, 45 minutes, 4 seconds
To Pee On All My Priceless Possessions
Kelly & Tom recap Downton Abbey S6E7 with as much panache and flair as the Dowager Countess delivering an epic takedown. They try to comfort Spratt with promises of a denk-free existence, rename Edith’s magazine, miss Charles Blake, lose their minds over a puppy, recall the episode of Step By Step where JT has dyslexia,…
2/15/2016 • 1 hour, 30 minutes, 39 seconds
I’m The Oracle Now!
Kelly & Tom are very happy to report that they loved Downton Abbey S6E6, as is made clear in their recap. They reminisce about a time when helicopter parenting hadn’t been invented, wonder how Mary would find a new corpse girl, poke a lot of holes in the hospital storyline, shake their heads at Andy,…
2/8/2016 • 1 hour, 56 minutes, 41 seconds
Consumer Reports Can Suck it!
Kelly & Tom recap Downton Abbey S6E5 (but don’t forget to taste the Instant Take) and wonder why a servant is like a comma, decide that Tom should be Spratt for Halloween, make a Cockerton judgement, marvel at Andy’s acceptance of homosexuality, lament the lack of Whore Institute t-shirts, and plan to cut a baby…
2/1/2016 • 1 hour, 47 minutes, 29 seconds
They Paved Pig Farm, And Put Up a Parking Lot
In their recap of Downton Abbey S6E4, Kelly & Tom may have had a bit too much coffee as they declare these to be the show’s “Holly J years.” They also contemplate the implementation of ovesters, wonder why Downton is suddenly filled with sexual innuendo, speculate about port-related injuries, explain Satan’s only weakness, remind everyone…
1/25/2016 • 1 hour, 47 minutes, 51 seconds
Ruth Buzzi Better Watch Her Back
In their recap of Downton Abbey S6E3, Kelly & Tom discuss the cost of a sucking pig, forget that The Secret Garden is a musical, revel in another Isobel/Dowager fight, wonder why the twins from The Shining are at the Hugheson wedding, meet Tubby McFlopsweat & Rarebit, and wonder if Baron Julian is just flushing…
1/18/2016 • 1 hour, 21 minutes, 39 seconds
A Spring In My Cervix
Kelly & Tom are as lost as a Gutenberg Bible in their recap of Downton Abbey S6E2. They talk a lot about pigs and other fat stock, wish the Dowager wore more codpieces, revisit their favorite Ripon jokes, pour one out for poor Mr. Pamuk, imagine a meeting between Baron Fellowes and George RR Martin,…
1/11/2016 • 1 hour, 36 minutes, 11 seconds
Thirsk Is For Lovers
Kelly & Tom practically fall off a horse in excitement as they embark on their recaps of Downton Abbey‘s final series. In S6E1, they discover a new position downstairs, meet the Darnleys, wonder if LG is jealous that he didn’t get to go to Liverpool with Gilly, roll their eyes at Denker’s denkishness, celebrate the…
1/4/2016 • 1 hour, 59 minutes, 57 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E09
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E9 (the final Christmas Special). If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on Subbable, and…
12/26/2015 • 36 minutes, 15 seconds
12 Days of Downton – Nativity!
12 Days of Downton reaches its triumphant conclusion! Tom and Kelly are joined by Dowager Cousin Jackie, as they discuss Nativity!, featuring a (very brief) appearance by Phyllis Logan!
12/25/2015 • 1 hour, 21 minutes, 52 seconds
12 Days of Downton – Hogfather
12 Days of Downton continues with Hogfather, starring Michelle Dockery!
12/24/2015 • 38 minutes, 10 seconds
12 Days of Downton – The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
12 Days of Downton continues with The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, featuring Lesley Nicol!
12/23/2015 • 34 minutes, 47 seconds
12 Days Of Downton – A Christmas Star
12 Days of Downton continues with A Christmas Star, featuring Rob James Collier!
12/21/2015 • 16 minutes, 28 seconds
12 Days of Downton – The Golden Compass
12 Days of Downton continues with The Golden Compass, featuring Jim Carter!
12/21/2015 • 55 minutes, 28 seconds
12 Days of Downton – Mr. Stink
12 Days of Downton continues with Mr. Stink, starring Hugh Bonneville!
12/20/2015 • 33 minutes
12 Days of Downton – From Time to Time
12 Days of Downton reaches the halfway point with From Time to Time, written and directed by Julian Fellowes, and featuring Maggie Smith, Hugh Bonneville, Allen Leech, Daisy Lewis, Harriet Walter, and David Robb!
12/19/2015 • 44 minutes, 36 seconds
12 Days of Downton – Alice Through the Looking Glass
12 Days of Downton continues with Alice Through the Looking Glass, featuring Penelope Wilton!
12/18/2015 • 36 minutes, 6 seconds
12 Days of Downton – Paddington
12 Days of Downton continues with Paddington, starring Hugh Bonneville!
12/17/2015 • 1 hour, 1 minute, 36 seconds
12 Days of Downton – The Witches
12 Days of Downton continues, with The Witches, featuring an all-too-brief cameo from Jim Carter!
12/16/2015 • 52 minutes, 57 seconds
12 Days of Downton – Cinderella
12 Days of Downton continues, with Cinderella, starring Lily James and also featuring Sophie McShera!
12/15/2015 • 50 minutes, 46 seconds
12 Days of Downton – Snow White
Kelly and Tom’s 12 Days of Downton kicks off with our coverage of the Fairy Tale Theater episode of Snow White, starring McG!
12/14/2015 • 45 minutes, 23 seconds
Bomb Squad Goals
Kelly & Tom are joined by returning guest and loyal Cousin Lauren Parker to join in eviscerating the cinematic snooze button that is Suffragette. Apart from the fact that there are zero characters of color and the protagonist is a “composite character,” there’s plenty to chuckle about, including the story of how Brendan Gleeson’s beard…
11/16/2015 • 1 hour, 9 minutes, 24 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E08
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E8. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. As always, we appreciate any love you can give us on iTunes, and your patronage of our amazon affiliate link, amazon.baldmove.com. Remember, when you…
11/8/2015 • 28 minutes, 3 seconds
I Thought This Was Meat
Kelly & Tom do their best to transform the mumblecore snoozefest that is 2008’s Brideshead Revisited into a Warner Brothers cartoon. They declare that Ben Whishaw is #NotMySebastian, name-check Bertolt Brecht, make fun of Haley Atwell’s atrocious wardrobe, advocate for more pop culture dong, and declare unusual characters to be their favorites. Kelly has gay…
11/2/2015 • 1 hour, 24 minutes, 22 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E07
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E7. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. As always, we appreciate any love you can give us on iTunes, and your patronage of our amazon affiliate link, amazon.baldmove.com. Remember, when you…
11/2/2015 • 24 minutes, 29 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E06
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E6. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. As always, we appreciate any love you can give us on iTunes, and your patronage of our amazon affiliate link, amazon.baldmove.com. Remember, when you…
10/25/2015 • 23 minutes, 12 seconds
This Is Where The Luncheon Began
Kelly & Tom thoroughly enjoyed Milos Forman’s 1981 epic Ragtime, so much so that Kelly barely gets any songs from the musical in. They are overwhelmed by many cute babies and cameos from everyone who’s ever been in anything, ever, but still manage to be quite moved by the plot, shocked by McG in her…
10/19/2015 • 1 hour, 18 minutes, 52 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E05
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E5. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. As always, we appreciate any love you can give us on iTunes, and your patronage of our amazon affiliate link, amazon.baldmove.com. Remember, when you…
10/18/2015 • 26 minutes, 34 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E04
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E4. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. As always, we appreciate any love you can give us on iTunes, and your patronage of our amazon affiliate link, amazon.baldmove.com. Remember, when you…
10/12/2015 • 21 minutes, 46 seconds
There’s Not Even Any Hippie Pie
Kelly & Tom close the loop with their recap of Upstairs, Downstairs S1E3. They’re feeling retroactively charitable toward the show due to Claire Foy’s performance in “Wolf Hall,” nobody cares about Christian names, Michigan J. Frog’s German cousin is unmasked, and Persie hasn’t even begun to monster. Kelly points out that people haven’t really figured…
10/5/2015 • 1 hour, 10 minutes, 55 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E03
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E3. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. As always, we appreciate any love you can give us on iTunes, and your patronage of our amazon affiliate link, amazon.baldmove.com. Remember, when you…
10/5/2015 • 15 minutes, 42 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E02
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E2. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. As always, we appreciate any love you can give us on iTunes, and your patronage of our amazon affiliate link, amazon.baldmove.com. Remember, when you…
9/27/2015 • 24 minutes, 38 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E01
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E1. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. As always, we appreciate any love you can give us on iTunes, and your patronage of our amazon affiliate link, amazon.baldmove.com. Remember, when you…
9/20/2015 • 41 minutes, 27 seconds
The Reddit Right Hand
Kelly & Tom wrap up their Bham journey in this recap of Peaky Blinders S2E6. They are excited to report that Rando finally pays off, ponces gonna ponce, Solomons is back in Cillian’s good graces, fake Irish identities continue to come in handy, Jeremiah makes an all-too-brief appearance, they finally figure out the origin of…
9/7/2015 • 1 hour, 6 minutes, 7 seconds
Our Lady Of Perpetual Office Hours
Kelly & Tom recap the penultimate episode of Peaky Blinders S2E5 and share some bonus listener feedback! They also make a bunch of apologies, point out one of Mrs. Whore’s sandwiches, continue to fret that Ada has sold Comrade Baby, realize that Esme is a way better strategist than Arthur ever was, reflect on Solomons’…
8/31/2015 • 1 hour, 10 minutes, 17 seconds
A Mop With A Dream
Kelly & Tom are back all by their lonesome with their recap of Peaky Blinders S2E4. The show really kicks into high gear with this one, featuring Cillian’s only truly unsettled look of the series, London’s hottest genderqueer nightclub, Esme’s questionable style choices, the Attractive Bitch’s Downton-dwarfing estate, a job listing for a smug jerk,…
8/24/2015 • 1 hour, 14 minutes, 56 seconds
r/Canes
For their recap of Peaky Blinders S2E3, Kelly & Tom welcome Princess of Bay Area Comedy and self-hating Irishwoman Allison Mick! They talk about every show imaginable that isn’t Peaky Blinders, declare a strong preference for Solomons’ “people management” skills, make fun of Grace’s senior photo, agree with Charlie that honest work sucks, and wish…
8/17/2015 • 1 hour, 30 minutes, 58 seconds
The Very Last Person Ever To Join Columbia House
Kelly & Tom are joined by Los Angeles comedian Rye Silverman for their recap of Peaky Blinders S2E2 and things get rowdy! The trio debates what constitutes a stigmata, the usefulness of horse medicine, Ada’s commitment to the tenets of socialist thought, the fact that church bells don’t have a snooze alarm, and whether Esme’s…
8/10/2015 • 1 hour, 22 minutes, 59 seconds
The Boy Who Couldn’t Stop Getting Older
Kelly and Tom are BACK with a brand-new recap of Peaky Blinders S2E1. Refreshed and ready to ally themselves with Tom Hardy, they are thrilled to see Cillian cosplaying as Scarecrow/Dr. Jonathan Crane, Ada back in top bitchy form, post-war spiritualism at its shadiest, the replacement of Not Churchill with someone who actually resembles Churchill,…
8/3/2015 • 1 hour, 5 minutes, 21 seconds
The Clang’s the Best Part
Open that bottle of champagne as Kelly & Tom wrap up their coverage of Peaky Blinders S1 with this recap of E6. They invent the term “laundrobrothel,”roll their eyes at Comrade Baby’s actual name, unexpectedly warm to Moss, applaud Mumper and Esme’s general approach to life, enjoy what is possibly the show’s very best scene,…
7/13/2015 • 53 minutes, 49 seconds
Good Call, Pathological Liars
In their recap of Peaky Blinders S1E5, Kelly & Tom can hardly believe they’re already covering the penultimate episode of series one. They worry about Comrade Baby’s welfare, feel absolutely gutted by Arthur, accidentally call Cillian by his character name, speculate whether Sam Neill and Scarface have ever been seen in the same place at…
7/6/2015 • 56 minutes, 41 seconds
The Scudboats Are Coming
Kelly and Tom find themselves alone again (naturally) for their recap of Peaky Blinders S1E4, which sees Steve!Knight get a new CD, the semi-return of Sam Neill, a fish with a terrible hat, Cillian’s ill-advised hiring criteria, one of the shows most emotional scenes, plus here a Lee, there a Lee, everywhere a Lee-a-Lee. Kelly wonders how hard it…
6/29/2015 • 48 minutes, 54 seconds
The Third Glass Is The Singing Glass
Kelly and Tom are joined by fellow podcaster Lauren Parker for their recap of Peaky Blinders S1E3. They chat about Fire Street, whine about the relative lack of Sam Neill, wonder if Ada has matured at all since the age of 9, debate whether Freddie Thorne or Arthur Shelby wears their terrible haircut better, clarify…
6/22/2015 • 1 hour, 19 minutes, 34 seconds
How Can You Have Any Pudding If You Don’t Eat Your Chalk?
Kelly and Tom are joined this week by the very manly Lee Keeler to recap Peaky Blinders S1E2, and that means three dueling impressions of Sam Neill’s insane accent! They pay homage to the Hops Council, explain the plot of Spartacus, try to decipher the meaning of “Diddicoy,” suggest that Aunt Pol start her own…
6/15/2015 • 1 hour, 29 minutes, 13 seconds
The Zoidberg Of The Shelbys
In the premiere episode of their Peaky Blinders podcast, Kelly & Tom cover S1E1 in stripped down, very manly fashion. They are pleased to report that there is more diversity in a single episode of Peaky Blinders than in an entire five seasons of Downton Abbey, plus Cillian Murphy. They also have more to say…
6/8/2015 • 1 hour, 44 seconds
Next Stop: Oz
Kelly & Tom wrap up Mr. Selfridge S3E9 and E10 in this supersized recap (thanks to Viking River Cruises, we assume). They identify the YouTube commenters of post WWI Britain, make merciless fun of Gordons Dumb, New, and New New, cheer Mr. Crabb’s vulgarity, explore the limits of the Defence of the Realm Act, ask important questions about…
5/18/2015 • 2 hours, 12 minutes, 19 seconds
A Chia Pet That Didn’t Work
Kelly & Tom say well-done Eyeliner in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S3E8. They speculate about monogamy amongst cavemen, root actively for Faircut and against Ceorge, wonder if Loxley’s new cronies are just Neil Gaiman characters in the wrong story, cheer as Fake Doris serves up some serious working class realness, wonder what the heck…
5/10/2015 • 1 hour, 14 minutes, 37 seconds
Buddy Hackett Is Just Imaginary
Eyeliner rides again (in a new car!) as Kelly & Tom recap Mr. Selfridge S3E7. They reveal the first rule of baby daddy club, offer shares in Pets.Commissary, declare themselves fans of Regan, give some admittedly useless marital advice to Harry & Rose, grant Matthew Crawley a surprise cameo, kick a cokehead out of their…
5/4/2015 • 1 hour, 19 minutes, 17 seconds
Knickers Are Your Friend
It’s another Eyeliner of an episode as Kelly and Tom recap Mr. Selfridge S3E6. This time, they discover the Elliott Stabler of Selfridge’s, sleeves that do not roll, Sergei looking like a hatrack or something, sexy telegrams, Loxley’s villainous competence, the Dowager Countess’ Shame Baby, Harry’s Nailin’ It scrapbook, and the return of Violette’s Couch…
4/27/2015 • 1 hour, 18 minutes, 19 seconds
The Debts Are Coming From Inside The House
Kelly and Tom finally catch up to PBS with their recap of Mr. Selfridge S3E5, no thanks to Viking River Cruises! The Homely Architect drops a bombshell, New New Gordon outs himself as history’s worst kisser, Moustache’s soft hands are in jeopardy, Shame Baby’s origin story is finally revealed, and everyone gets Mardled. Tom’s a…
4/20/2015 • 1 hour, 20 minutes, 46 seconds
The Probate Porch, Starring Tom Schneider And Art Carney
Kelly and Tom recap Mr. Selfridge S3E4 and marvel at Violettes’ theatricality, debate the merits of mutton, decide who the Heisenberg of Selfridges’ is, talk a lot about The Honeymooners, wonder if the Homely Architect is a Hufflepuff, and applaud the shockingly effective sexiness of Fat Thomas. Tom discovers that politics are hard, Kelly thinks…
4/20/2015 • 1 hour, 20 seconds
Wasting All The Peas
Kelly and Tom recap Mr. Selfridge S3E3, which continues this season’s trend of being dark and awesome. Shipping New New Gordon and Fake Doris finally pays off, Mustache gets up to some weird facial hair editing, George Towler continues to live out the plot of “Flowers for Algernon,” and Violette begins the exciting journey of…
4/13/2015 • 1 hour, 5 minutes, 19 seconds
Life On The Surface Is Harsh
Kelly and Tom very nearly have their sign on and sign off sorted out in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S3E2, which is a good thing, because they also have a lot of reactions to what is happening on the show. They are skeptical of the Russians’ Russianness, intrigued by the introduction of Mean Fat…
4/6/2015 • 1 hour, 10 minutes, 5 seconds
Long Live The New Propeller
Kelly and Tom kick off their first podcast spinoff with this recap of Mr. Selfridge S3E1! Despite a severe lack of our Dark Mistress Beatrice and no sign of Lady Mae or BLENKINSOPP, the episode delivers on all the old favorites–plenty of Piven, many mustaches, husbands behaving horribly, Fat Thomas making terrible life choices, the…
3/30/2015 • 1 hour, 26 minutes, 30 seconds
Baa-Ram-Ewe, Milady
Kelly and Tom discuss the additional scenes aired in the US version of Downton Abbey S5, announce a short break, discuss other TV shows they like, and get ready to start NAILIN IT on their upcoming coverage of Mr. Selfridge.
3/9/2015 • 1 hour, 1 minute, 51 seconds
The Once And Future Donk
Kelly and Tom recap the S5 Downton Abbey Christmas Special with a non-violent bris and much more! They wonder what will become of Mertobel, wish for an all-McG series 6, get excited about bacon on a turkey, remind Baxter that snitches get stitches, debate the correct plural for “grouse,” celebrate the show’s new Muppet overlords,…
3/2/2015 • 2 hours, 39 minutes, 2 seconds
Knockoff Tamworths
In their recap of the penultimate episode of Downton Abbey S5, Kelly and Tom can’t quite believe how little actually happens. Thankfully, they do manage to spend 2.5 hours talking about it, banging out several new portmanteaus, ragging on Denker from the block, making a lot of Rebecca jokes, pulling a Gilly, wondering about taking…
2/23/2015 • 2 hours, 28 minutes, 56 seconds
Actually, It’s About Ethics In Baby-Stealing
Yes, Kelly & Tom get very weepy about a certain canine’s illness in this recap of Downton Abbey S5E7. They are not made of stone. They also manage to share two separate Edith/Gregson AUs that suck less than the actual canonical storyline, accuse Rosamund of going a hat too far, speculate about the trainability of…
2/16/2015 • 2 hours, 10 minutes, 5 seconds
Spoiler Alert: He Was Living In A Tree
Kelly & Tom continue to enjoy Series 5 of Downton Abbey in their recap of E6. They come up with a portmanteau for Atticus and Rose, wonder if Baron Julian & NEAME recently discovered 30 Rock, diagnose two cases of Terminal Bummer Syndrome, redefine the word “Ainsty,” invent a new DA drinking game, problem-solve on…
2/9/2015 • 2 hours, 8 minutes, 13 seconds
#NotAllGentiles
In their coverage of Downton Abbey S5E5 (the golden episode), Kelly & Tom cheer the continued existence of Empress Bitch Mabel Lane Fox, wonder what sheep would think of pigs, question Mrs. Hughes’ feminism, discuss Merty’s “single white female” approach to courtship, propose assassin training for babies, get excited that someone finally tips Carson, tell…
2/2/2015 • 2 hours, 49 seconds
Nyet, Nyet, Nannette
Kelly & Tom are in high spirits for this temporally complex recap of Downton Abbey S5E4, their favorite of the season so far. Among the many great points of discussion are a feminist reinterpretation of Candyland, shipping BrickG, a Downton/Marx Brothers mash-up, winelexia, missing Jimmy Kent, a cavalcade of terrible impressions, dealing with ghosts, and…
1/26/2015 • 2 hours, 20 minutes, 36 seconds
Chaps Seeking Chaps
Kelly & Tom are simply delighted with the goings-on in Yorkshire and the most romantic city in the world in their recap of Downton Abbey S5E3. They love absolutely everything McG gets up to, wax nostalgic for Series 1, figure out how The Brady Bunch would have gone down in Germany, talk smack about Little…
1/19/2015 • 1 hour, 50 minutes, 50 seconds
The Borg Of Yorkshire
Kelly & Tom celebrate 100 episodes of UYDS with a recap of the plate of semolina that is Downton Abbey S5E2. They liven it up as best they can with fart noises, banter, and other vocal effects as they discuss Sherlock Holmes as the original Mentalist, Sex as Job Interview with Mary Crawley, the perfect…
1/12/2015 • 1 hour, 46 minutes, 42 seconds
Middle Class Person Ruins Everything
Kelly and Tom are thrilled to return to Downton Abbey for its S5 premiere! They wrap up some pressing questions regarding Dune and hanging meat til it’s high before getting into their discussion of Baron Julian’s email address, their newfound hatred of Gareth Neame, Chekov’s fire brigade chief, the fragility of footmen, Baxter still being…
1/5/2015 • 1 hour, 36 minutes, 43 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S05E09
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E9 (the Christmas Special). If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on Subbable, and earn…
12/30/2014 • 29 minutes, 20 seconds
That ‘Tweren’t No Golden Bullet
Kelly & Tom interrupt their vacation to discuss the 1962 David Lean classic, Lawrence of Arabia with Bald Move network co-founder A.Ron Hubbard. They manage to clock in at about half the film’s 4-hour runtime, so this podcast is a real timesaver. Much lively chatter ensues about negging in the desert, the many parallels between…
12/28/2014 • 2 hours, 8 minutes, 47 seconds
Interview with Lucy Lethbridge
Kelly and Tom interview Lucy Lethbridge about her delightful and informative book, Servants: A Downstairs History of Britain from the Nineteenth Century to Modern Times. Remember, if you’d like to buy her book, why not use the Bald Move affiliate link?
12/15/2014 • 1 hour, 15 seconds
Stay Communist, Everybody!
Kelly & Tom stall for as long as possible before recapping Soviet propaganda film Battleship Potemkin. They wonder if anyone has ever been satisfied with borscht, meet the Russian Gilly, discuss cooking with axes, wax nostalgic about M*A*S*H, declare most denizens of 1925 to be ugly, and marvel at the many mustaches on display. Kelly…
12/15/2014 • 56 minutes, 2 seconds
Gentrification, 1925
Kelly & Tom eviscerate The Painted Veil, which they did not like at all, not one bit. They spend a surprising amount of time discussing Pablo Schreiber as they applaud the way Toby Jones is filmed in this movie, debate how cholera affects the real estate market in rural China, enroll at the Nicole Kidman…
12/1/2014 • 56 minutes, 34 seconds
Measlebraten
Kelly & Tom make a passionate plea for peace in their recap of the 1930 classic All Quiet on the Western Front. Otherwise, this episode sees the return of the baby brigade, lots of made up German words, a terrifying pair of hands, the only conservatory in the country, the power of a busted face,…
11/17/2014 • 1 hour, 21 minutes, 45 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S05E08
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E8. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on Subbable, and earn some cool rewards!…
11/9/2014 • 24 minutes, 46 seconds
Psychiatry 403: The Most Dangerous Class
The tears are flowing in this recap of The Wind That Shakes the Barley as Kelly & Tom get back on the Empire Exhibition wagon. They try to keep it together and crack jokes about being torn asunder, Tom Branson’s unforgivable cowardice, the difficulty of a consistent Irish accent, the deliciousness of pretzel buns, kangaroo…
11/3/2014 • 1 hour, 21 minutes, 25 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S05E07
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E7. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on Subbable, and earn some cool rewards!…
11/3/2014 • 20 minutes, 38 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S05E06
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E6. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on Subbable, and earn some cool rewards!…
10/27/2014 • 24 minutes, 30 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S05E05
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E5. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on Subbable, and earn some cool rewards!…
10/21/2014 • 28 minutes, 36 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S05E04
Reposting last week’s episode, sorry for the inconvenience! Kelly and Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E4. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out…
10/19/2014 • 23 minutes, 9 seconds
Biff Tannen’s Running The Palm Court
Due to the vagaries of travel, Kelly & Tom recap Upstairs, Downstairs S1E2 and find the series growing on them. They struggle to come up with shipping portmanteaus, fail to remember the name of that drunk footman, discuss the logistics of Madonna’s marriage to Guy Ritchie, are shocked by the horrific realities of everyday Fascism,…
10/19/2014 • 1 hour, 12 minutes, 26 seconds
You Want Wal-Mart, Go To Wal-Mart
In an act of fan-service, Kelly & Tom finally dip into the fan-servicey world of 2010’s Upstairs, Downstairs reboot. They agree that Sasha was hotter than Spargo, discuss inappropriate ways to “rock the vote,” reveal Queen Victoria’s secret love of impressions, root for a “Maud & the Monkey” spinoff, wonder what happened between Mrs. Buck…
10/6/2014 • 56 minutes, 7 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S05E03
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E3. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on…
10/6/2014 • 21 minutes, 59 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S05E02
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E2. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on…
9/29/2014 • 30 minutes, 38 seconds
Feral Children! Unschooling!
In their recap of 1993’s The Secret Garden, Kelly & Tom are thrilled to find that it’s a darn good movie, possibly thanks to executive producer Francis Ford Coppola, who is also Kelly’s close personal friend. The film itself features Maggie Smith earning all 5 Maggie Smiths as Mrs. Medlock, Kate Maberly as the kid lit…
9/23/2014 • 1 hour, 21 minutes, 55 seconds
Downton Abbey Instant Take S05E01
Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E1. If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on Subbable, and earn some cool rewards!…
9/22/2014 • 20 minutes, 6 seconds
There’s No E In Bingo
Kelly and Tom’s Empire Exhibition takes them to Ireland this week, as they recap episodes 1 and 2 of Strumpet City despite not having the slightest idea what anybody is saying. Nonetheless, they pass the time by reminiscing about Rosario Dawson, critiquing local dentistry, unearthing a lost Johnny Cash song, exploring the popularity of Friends in Edwardian Ireland,…
9/8/2014 • 58 minutes, 48 seconds
rec.boats.antarctica
Kelly and Tom are throwing an infidelity party following their recap of Shackleton, and everyone except Embeth Davidtz is invited! While they spend time with Tom’s favorite actor on Tom’s favorite continent, they chat about how many times people sleep with Kenneth Branagh, The Shaggy DA, what to do with an army of Welshies, drunk penguins, Frank…
8/25/2014 • 1 hour, 52 minutes, 1 second
Meth? Or Method Acting?
Kelly & Tom continue their very exciting Empire Exhibition with an assist from comedian Kevin O’Shea. They dive deep into the Lake of Shining Waters with Anne of Green Gables, only coming up for the occasional swig of raspberry cordial and a reminiscence about childhood community theater. The film passes the Bechdick test with flying colors…
8/11/2014 • 2 hours, 33 minutes, 30 seconds
There’s Knees Afoot
For their recap of both the 1917 and 1995 versions of A Little Princess, Kelly and Tom are joined by the delightful Allison Mick. The trio pretty much rolls their eyes every time Sara Crewe opens her mouth, but they manage to have a great time talking Passions (aka the greatest soap opera of all time), Ser Davos “Call…
7/28/2014 • 2 hours, 22 minutes, 36 seconds
Jokes Jokes Jokes Death
Kelly & Tom welcome the Dowager Cousin Jackie back to UYDS for their coverage of Blackadder Goes Forth. The trio is surprised by its tonal similarity to Parade’s End and spends a long time extolling the virtues of Orphan Black for no other reason than the fact that everyone should watch Orphan Black. Otherwise, they realize that Captain Flashheart is essentially Duffman from The…
7/14/2014 • 1 hour, 30 minutes, 21 seconds
Crocodile Don’t Care
While they find 1984’s A Passage to India awfully racist (even for the 1960s), Kelly & Tom like it almost as much as a video of a baby singing Outkast’s “Hey Ya.” It’s a Star Wars heavy episode as they encourage Questlove to put some damn pajamas on, get haunted by the Caves of Marabar,…
6/29/2014 • 1 hour, 38 minutes, 11 seconds
Lizard Prison
It’s time to close the doors on S2 of Mr. Selfridge, but not without one last recap from Kelly & Tom. They wonder how many tricks Fat Thomas turned to pay for Agnes’ engagement ring, hope Eyeliner will include more store windows next year, guess wildly at Mrs. Selfridge’s never explained diagnosis, tell Mr. Grove to…
6/2/2014 • 1 hour, 20 minutes, 26 seconds
That Cravat Is Unacceptable!
Kelly and Tom scoop themselves in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E9. They also decipher Harry’s social schedule, uncover the identity of Edwardian Deep Throat, lament the declining standards at the Palm Court, reveal some Belgian sex tips, discover a new weasel, ponder The Spirit Of Blank, and continue pining for the stick poking kid. Kelly announces…
5/26/2014 • 1 hour, 4 minutes, 55 seconds
The International Brotherhood of Magical Mannequins
As the finale rapidly approaches, Kelly & Tom can’t wait to see what happens next. In the meantime, their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E8 covers a variety of not-entirely awful American accents, the Rhett Butler of the West End, New Gordon’s unrelenting dweebiness, a message from the Tillie Foundation, how to succeed in business (if you’re Delphine),…
5/19/2014 • 1 hour, 14 minutes, 26 seconds
A Spitting Mad Weasel
Kelly & Tom are completely Crabbestruck in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E7. They also get paid by the Oliver! reference, confirm that Beatrice sees all, cheer Agnes’ excellent relationship skills, hope for the return of that stick-poking kid, get completely squicked out by Mr. Grove’s urges, declare The Plunkett to be Edwardian tech support, and are…
5/12/2014 • 1 hour, 8 minutes, 34 seconds
The Charlie Chaplins of the Sky
Kelly & Tom laugh at a lot of inappropriate moments in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E6. They also christen a Conehead, launch the good ‘ship Malorian, tell Monsieur LeClair to get his shit together, provide ill-informed book reviews, beg Beyonce to write a song about women of independent means, bet on Kitty Hawkins in a rap…
5/5/2014 • 1 hour, 17 minutes, 54 seconds
Look Out, Royal Baby!
Kelly & Tom go back to the tea emporium in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E5, but they can only podcast while riding a bus that’s pulling away. They meet the Artful Porter, suspect Eyeliner of being a Bond villain AND Judi Dench, realize that all violins look like a naked lady’s back, fall in love with…
4/28/2014 • 1 hour, 17 minutes, 27 seconds
Can I Bring My Own Dance Belt?
Kelly & Tom deliver yet another AP English-heavy recap for Mr. Selfridge S2E4. They declare Rose to be the Columbus, OH of people, demand more screentime for Lurch, speculate about Beatrice’s claim to immortality, find themselves fascinated by the Horny Chocolatier, identify French slut-shaming as the glue that held the British Empire together, wonder why New Gordon…
4/21/2014 • 1 hour, 17 minutes, 2 seconds
If Carmen Sandiego Could See Us Now
In their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E3, Kelly & Tom are shockingly won over by Mr. Grove’s gettin’ it done montage, find New Gordon’s pornography unimpressive, discuss how tigers like their afternoon tea, rejoice at Mr. Leclair’s return to retail, wonder what Pimble gets up to, express concern that Harry wants a drink, imagine Eyeliner’s various delusions…
4/14/2014 • 1 hour, 35 minutes, 31 seconds
The Baby Battalion of 1915
Kelly & Tom recover from tax season with their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E2. They speculate that Miss Towler may be experiencing Goblin King-related interference, point out that New Gordon is no Charlie Chaplin, elucidate Jeremy Piven’s internal monologue, count all the horrible things that should be highlighted in a British “Empire” exhibition, suggest the Lord Loxley…
4/7/2014 • 1 hour, 16 minutes, 53 seconds
Boobs v. Pickpocket
Kelly & Tom return to the wonderful world of Eyeliner in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E1. They discuss the difficulty inherent in following the PBS broadcast schedule, a superior credits sequence, the perfection that is Polly Walker, Marvilius: The Lost Hogwarts House, Mr. Crabbe’s cousin, the return of Lang, the origin of mannequins, a community theatre…
3/31/2014 • 1 hour, 10 minutes, 19 seconds
The Elderly British Showrunner Celebrity Deathmatch
Kelly & Tom cover the five people you meet at Downton in their S4 recap wrap-up! Among other things, they discuss Bates’ evolution into a Lifetime Original Movie, The International Brotherhood of Bangs, Ponytails & Mullets, Chekov’s refrigerator, the joys of shouting “Gilly” and “Pegglet,” the return(?) of FakePatrick, Greta and her biscuit, how Isis…
3/23/2014 • 1 hour, 17 minutes, 52 seconds
In Soviet Russia, Coat Gets You!
Kelly & Tom overcome the limitations of time and space to bring you this super-sized recap of Downton Abbey S4’s Christmas Special, “The London Season.” Together, they explore the most grating American accent yet, how children are reared on McG’s home planet, the many delights of Dudders, how much Rose’s ball could be improved with sideboob, Blake’s…
3/3/2014 • 2 hours, 54 minutes, 24 seconds
Nothing But Boots
In their penultimate recap of Downton Abbey S4, Kelly and Tom pretty much lose their minds over the Tamworths, can’t believe Bates is plunging us into yet another murder plotline, marvel at the McG-ness of McG, compliment the Dowager on her philosophical leanings, applaud the ingenuity of Yorkshire’s nascent carnie society, lament the return of the Homely…
2/24/2014 • 2 hours, 39 minutes, 53 seconds
As Far As I Know, There Was Only One Beastmaster
Kelly & Tom recap Downton Abbey S4E7 and explore why the Dowager is dressed like an extra from Zoobilee Zoo, whether the Abbey is really just a halfway house for idiot servants, the potential success of a website called Witch Date, Daisy’s rapid transformation into Miss Havisham, exactly where a pig man’s place it (hint: it’s with the pigs),…
2/17/2014 • 2 hours, 11 minutes, 34 seconds
The Sybil Crawley Memorial Golly
Kelly & Tom are just in love with Downton Abbey in this recap of S4E6. The objects of their rekindled affection include Baxter’s infuriatingly vague past, heathenish orange juice, hating Woodrow Wilson, the elusive Gutenberg Bible, Isobel’s official return to meddling, the sexploits of Leslie “Hutch” Hutchinson, Violet Kush, kangaroo thieves, Charles Blake’s unfortunate haircut, McG being…
2/10/2014 • 2 hours, 26 minutes, 39 seconds
The Wickham of Podcasts
Kelly & Tom wax cautiously optimistic for the rest of the season in this recap of Downton Abbey S4E5 as they talk refrigerators and the wacky adventures of Lord Byron. They also talk Branson’s upbringing, the proper way to mail a baby, shipping Daisy and the sewing machine, disgusting Top Chef fanfic, Baron Julian’s sudden recollection of everything that’s…
2/3/2014 • 2 hours, 9 minutes, 49 seconds
God Is Carl Winslow
Kelly & Tom take on Downton Abbey S4E4 and try not to talk about how things were before the war, with mixed results. They permit Edith’s use of the word “whilst,” wonder where have all the babies gone, puzzle over LG’s sudden emergence as the voice of reason, dispute whether anything should be allowed to be jellied,…
1/27/2014 • 2 hours, 4 minutes, 30 seconds
Two Parts Whiskey, One Part Eye of Newt
Kelly & Tom finally get down to making jokes about Downton Abbey S4E3, and they want to be very clear that they aren’t interested in helping rapists. However, they do address Anna’s assault, try to cast Futurama characters in Downton Abbey, recount a 1922 hipster conversation, speculate about Lady Raven’s subjects, decide once and for all whether Alfred is dumber…
1/20/2014 • 2 hours, 7 minutes, 20 seconds
UYDS Extra: So Many Feelings, So Many Thoughts
Kelly and Tom talk about the thing that happened.
1/16/2014 • 49 minutes, 47 seconds
Leave Mrs. Tiggywinkle Alone!
Kelly & Tom recap Downton Abbey S4E2 and are surprised by how so little happens so conveniently in this installment. Otherwise, they wax rhetorical about Bates’s toilet leg, how blue one needs to be to move to Belfast, Gregson’s butler Tony Shalhoub, porking in York, a documentary about Molesley’s life, the head-eating powers of the mega-cloche, the…
1/13/2014 • 2 hours, 3 minutes, 21 seconds
Look At All Those Eggs!
Rejoice, Cousins new and old! It’s time to recap Downton Abbey S4E1 with Kelly & Tom and reveal a new UYDS! theme song. This ukulele/guitar arrangement is by Cousin Matthew Lister and he is accompanied by Cousin Nick Lanzer. Otherwise, Kelly & Tom are beyond excited to meet the new Breakfast Club, say farewell to O’Brien’s bangs, malign the Skank Braithwaites,…
1/6/2014 • 2 hours, 29 minutes, 5 seconds
From the Makers of “Unpopular Student”
UYDS! favorite Natasha Muse joins Kelly & Tom for this special holiday recap of Doctor Who Series 4, Episode 7, “The Unicorn & the Wasp.” The trio goes back in time to discover the smell of the 1920s, speculate about the origin of the record scratch, chat about hipster Christians, and wonder if Agatha Christie ever wrote a Choose Your Own…
12/30/2013 • 1 hour, 38 minutes, 29 seconds
Colonel Rambo Takes Charge
The parade ends here for Kelly & Tom as they bid a fond farewell to CBatch & the gang. Despite having other Wannops to Wannop, they struggle to accurately identify all the soldiers in the trenches, applaud McKechnie’s inveterate weirdness, wonder if Sylvia’s a bitch because she’s constipated, lay the Groby tree to rest, and…
12/16/2013 • 1 hour, 6 minutes, 5 seconds
I Want to Go to the Dung Pile!
In their penultimate recap of Parade’s End, Kelly & Tom dive into Part 4 with relish—but not mustard. They debate the merits of sharing one’s wife with an Egyptologist, consult Shmyahoo! Answers, point out that Sergeant Ferret is just like McG, retroactively nominate Roger Allam for all the awards, witness the making of a MacGuffin, pit Mary…
12/2/2013 • 1 hour, 14 minutes, 26 seconds
A Burning, Corset-Filled Hell
It’s Part 3 of Parade’s End, and Kelly and Tom are really Batching it up. They admire Sylvia’s treason dress, try to remember if CBatch got any love from the Emmys this year, brainstorm a new line of makeup, malign sailors on leave and Burning Man, reveal the most mentally stable denomination of British currency, and…
11/17/2013 • 1 hour, 25 minutes, 10 seconds
God Of Catalogs
After serious consideration and a viewing of Part 2, Kelly and Tom declare Parade’s End a riveting must-see! This is due in no small part to the horrifying Groby tree, CBatch’s Oogie Boogie smile, Sylvia’s plot-driven nudity, Tom “the Stoppard” Stoppard, a very whiny Wannop, the most German-looking of German houses, Potty Chumpstache, a very Edwardian gathering…
11/4/2013 • 1 hour, 28 minutes, 2 seconds
We Assume It Was A Dispute Over Tea
Kelly and Tom kick off their coverage of Parade’s End (aka “The Batch Witch Project”) in the usual fashion: critiquing Murray’s mustache! Though the jury is still out on what they think of the series after one episode, they amuse themselves by making up nicknames for Benedict Cumberbatch, declaring that Sylvia is Scarlett Johansson if…
10/22/2013 • 1 hour, 18 minutes, 11 seconds
This Is The Worst Prom Ever
Kelly and Tom welcome the much-vaunted Dowager Cousin Jackie to UYDS and the trio does not disappoint with this recap of Titanic: The Legend Goes On… The gang spends most of the episode completely baffled by the “film,” including (but not limited to) the bargain-basement animation, much ado about a locket, the fact that no one is fazed by…
10/7/2013 • 2 hours, 6 minutes, 36 seconds
Puberty Beach
In this recap of the excellent film adaptation of Maurice, Kelly and Tom learn how to pronounce “Maurice,” marvel at Hugh Grant’s trascendent good looks, figure out where to get their buttery waxed, fail to tell the difference between Thing 1 and Thing 2, spot a young Helena Bonham Carter, and are generally appreciative of…
9/27/2013 • 1 hour, 49 minutes, 53 seconds
In All Fairness, There Were Rats
It’s the first-ever UY,DS! bonus episode! Kelly and Tom interview Titanic Historical Society member Cousin Chris on the many, MANY failings of Titanic: BS (historical and otherwise). Please enjoy his fascinating insights, our hilarious banter, and the reasonably passable audio quality!
9/16/2013 • 1 hour, 9 minutes, 7 seconds
Blinded By The Boatship
Kelly and Tom run their coverage of Titanic: BS straight into an iceberg with this quick and dirty recap of the final five episodes. They talk about Simple Jack perhaps more than necessary, complain about Muir and Princess Steel, wish Michael McCann was in a better show, marvel at the resourcefulness of one “Kitty Burlington,” get mad…
9/9/2013 • 1 hour, 35 minutes, 20 seconds
Nice Sweater, Idiot
Kelly & Tom continue their arduous slog through Titanic BS with their recap of Episode 7. They celebrate the return of Chris Noth’s mustache, puzzle over Neve Campbell’s otherworldly, hideously costumed press agent, start shipping Malandrews, wonder what happened to Sad Andrea, kill a German munitions supplier, encourage the Cousins to open a bar and grocery, talk…
8/26/2013 • 1 hour, 25 minutes, 32 seconds
Law & Order: Steel Victims Unit
This week, Kelly & Tom skip ahead to Titanic BS Episode 6 on account of Episode 5 containing more BS than usual. There, they anticipate being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, figure out whether we are supposed to feel bad for Kitty Carlton, find a new favorite solicitor, hope that Violetta is hooking, mistake a German for…
8/12/2013 • 1 hour, 32 minutes, 18 seconds
CreateCelebBaby.com
In this recap of Titanic BS Episode 3, Kelly and Tom go on the hunt to locate Ewan McGregor, capture some escaped blue, explain Bastille Day to hipsters, reform the educational system, spot an attractive ginger, and give career counseling to Sad Andrea. Lord Pirrie’s hat is sincere, Sofia’s button is suspicious, Dad’s gin bottle is traditional,…
7/29/2013 • 1 hour, 39 minutes, 38 seconds
The HMS Moderately Sized
In this belated recap of Titanic BS E2 (now with a spaghetti co-host!), Kelly & Tom marvel at the Muirscope, demand more of JP Morgan’s mustache, rejoice at the return of Lady Skunkhead, balk at the beigeness of the Hatton family, gape at Kitty’s brazenness, wonder if Lord Pirrie and Mr. Andrews are related, and laugh and…
7/16/2013 • 1 hour, 43 minutes, 16 seconds
Rissoles Or Death
This week, Kelly and Tom finally get around to recapping Titanic BS–no steel barons allowed! Amidst the color saturated splendor and completely inappropriate sexual tension of Edwardian Belfast, they marvel at Neve Campbell’s “acting,” the period-appropriate whores, the machinations of the Onion Organizer, Stephen Oven-Bake, and Chris Noth’s mustache’s fantastic performance as Jiggery Pokery Morgan. Kelly…
7/1/2013 • 1 hour, 35 minutes, 14 seconds
Giggles And Drinking: A Life In Retail
It’s time to close the doors on Series One of Mr. Selfridge–we think. It’s possible that Jeremy Piven has been running around, setting all the clocks five minutes ahead. Kelly and Tom get unbelievably angry at Mr. Grove, imagine Sherlock Without Sherlock, weigh the pros and cons of living like the Eskimo, worry that Rosalie has appendicitis,…
6/17/2013 • 2 hours, 43 minutes, 27 seconds
Brought To You By The Mutton Council
Kelly & Tom go nuts for tea huts in their coverage of Mr. Selfridge Episodes 7 & 8. Their more quick-witted than usual observations extend to remembering that Drunky McGin exists, the plight of colorblind Edwardians, the return of Lady May’s hair bra, how Selfridge’s might have capitalized on the sinking of Titanic, Mr. LeClair’s…
6/3/2013 • 2 hours, 32 minutes, 3 seconds
The Divine Right Of Sandwich
In this recap of Mr.Selfridge episodes 5 & 6, Kelly and Tom crash headlong into a heap of scandal! They go to the papers with tales of gin-soaked bums, Jeremy Piven’s excellent yelling skills, a (nearly) fool-proof method of telling the Selfridge children apart, Lady May’s gigolo-naming system, which ‘ships are okay to support, the worst flashback…
5/20/2013 • 2 hours, 28 minutes, 29 seconds
You Just Get A Warmer Sound With Horses
Kelly and Tom return at long last with a recap of Mr. Selfridge episodes 3 & 4 sure to delight and amaze even the most curmudgeonly Cousins! They cover the awfulness of Viking River Cruises and the PBS video player, the over/under on whether Lady May and Ellen Love are actually vampires, Fake Gyllenhaal’s dilettantism,…
5/6/2013 • 2 hours, 28 minutes, 39 seconds
Smirkin’ And Merkin
Kelly and Tom set out to change the way the internet experiences Mr. Selfridge. Their discussion of the two-hour Masterpiece Classic premiere involves a LOT of made-up names, LinneyWatch 2013, the smile that dropped a thousand panties, the Ginger Gregson, a Torchwood alien, and the niceness of people being nice to one another. All this,…
4/8/2013 • 2 hours, 26 minutes, 37 seconds
Grand Canadian Trunkadelic II: Attack Of The Clones
Kelly and Tom wrap up their wrap-up discussion of Downton Abbey, Series 3. They ponder how to solve a problem like Molesley, the ever changing cast of babies, Isis-shaped lamps, the merits of sharing a diaper with a monkey, Ireland’s lack of cinematic quality, the real Dante’s Inferno, Mary’s similarity to the Queen Mother, the…
3/18/2013 • 1 hour, 45 minutes, 47 seconds
Grand Canadian Trunkadelic, Part I
This week, to the surprise of everyone, including themselves, Kelly and Tom kick off the first of a two-part (possibly three-part) Downton Abbey Series Three recap discussion! They cover alternative ways to write Matthew Crawley out of the show, the failings of the TARDIS when parsing trans-Atlantic slang, whether or not twigs are allowed in…
3/11/2013 • 1 hour, 54 minutes, 49 seconds
Our Sigil Is A Wet Blanket
In their final super-sized Downton Abbey recap for this season, Kelly and Tom finally catch up with the rest of the world as the events of “Journey to the Highlands” unfold. They chat about Lady Mary’s magically disappearing baby bump, the Crawley House motto, Branson’s Home Alone experience, Rose’s side-boob, haggis hats, O’Brien’s utterly terrifying Scottish counterpart, the long-awaited…
2/25/2013 • 2 hours, 54 minutes, 26 seconds
Something Hatches, Right?
Take a tour of the revolting world of a double-wide episode of UYDS! In this episode, Kelly and Tom recap Downton Abbey S3:E7 and S3:E8 in an attempt to reconcile themselves with PBS’ dumb programming schedule. Not only do they cover two totally riveting episodes, but Kelly attempts to sing the score of Norman &…
2/18/2013 • 2 hours, 55 minutes, 28 seconds
The Happy Pants Place
This recap of Downton Abbey S3:E6 is brought to you courtesy of podcast network BaldMove.com, the new home of UYDS! Kelly and Tom discuss crackpot theories, ways to make the podcast profitable, and the joy of wordplay. They also criticize Mrs. Bartlett’s wallpaper, Isobel’s face, and Bates’s very existence. They also seek out a mirror…
2/11/2013 • 2 hours, 11 minutes, 4 seconds
Why Couldn’t It Have Been Bates?
Kelly and Tom sob their way through this emotional recap of Downton Abbey S3:E5, possibly one of the best episodes of the show to date. The tearful twosome observe Daisy’s rapid transformation into Mrs. Patmore, Junior; welcome converts to the Church of Shank Bates; roll their eyes at the wacky exploits of Ethel in the…
2/4/2013 • 2 hours, 4 minutes, 5 seconds
That ’s Archbishop To You, Batman!
Kelly and Tom recap the dumbest thing ever, AKA Downton Abbey S3:E4. On the plus side, this episode features Thomas’s erotic pen pal, toffee noses, the comedy stylings of the Dowager Countess, a newfangled electric toaster, Ethel’s plotline finally paying some dividends and the really, really, ridiculously good-looking Jimmy Kent. Unfortunately, it also includes far…
1/28/2013 • 2 hours, 18 minutes, 31 seconds
Isis Is My Co-Pilot
Kelly and Tom celebrate the Year of the Twat in their recap of Downton Abbey S3:E3. They discuss O’Brien’s pickled bangs, Isobel’s Whore Institute, the adventures of Anna Bates, PI, the reason it’s hard to call Branson ‘Tom,’ McG’s unexpected ascendance to the show’s official voice of reason, the ins and outs of European car…
1/21/2013 • 2 hours, 18 minutes, 38 seconds
Get Out Your Silver Polish, Boys!
Kelly and Tom are bringing strumpet back in this recap of Downton Abbey S3E2. Daisy reveals herself as the Cassandra of Downton, Matthew and Mary keep having sex in lieu of an honest conversation about finance, our favorite replacement ginger reappears, Reed’s magical origins are uncovered, and MacL shares a sexually charged moment with the…
1/14/2013 • 2 hours, 32 minutes, 9 seconds
Hitler’s A-Comin’ and Fashion is King!
Welcome back to Yorkshire, Cousins! At long last, Kelly & Tom recap Downton Abbey S3:E1! They lay out their Linney strategy, speculate about Mary’s fertility, complain about how bitchy all the characters got while on hiatus, go into mourning for McG’s hat, come up with a Branson/Matthew spinoff, wish that Sybil had spent her travel…
1/7/2013 • 2 hours, 42 minutes, 41 seconds
What Happened In Bert’s Chalk Drawing, Stays In Bert’s Chalk Drawing
Kelly and Tom wish the Cousins happy holidays with this special podcast covering Mary Poppins! They discuss the film’s hidden protagonist, what was really going on during that “jolly holiday,” Dick Van Dyke’s accent, PL Travers’ dealings with Walt Disney, the fastest bath in history, whether or not Mary Poppins was a secret Communist, and…
12/17/2012 • 1 hour, 45 minutes, 23 seconds
Pass the Dalek on the Left-Hand Side
It’s mainly history in this second “Tom Repeats History/Fashion Backwards” episode as Kelly and Tom give book reports on Black Edwardians by Jeffrey Green and Edward and the Edwardians by Phillippe Jullian, neither of which are worth reading if you don’t host a Downton Abbey podcast. They also pitch a reboot of The Craft starring…
12/10/2012 • 2 hours
It Would Be Like ‘War Horse,’ Only About a Hat.
SPOILER ALERT: Kelly & Tom break off their engagement with A Room With a View early on in this podcast. They still talk about it–at length–but despite their undying love of Cecil, they just can’t sign off on the Merchant Ivory classic. Fortunately, they do manage to reveal Queen Elizabeth II’s favorite film, brainstorm Twitter…
11/26/2012 • 1 hour, 55 minutes, 52 seconds
The Cheerful Charlies Ride Again!
At long last, Kelly and Tom finally say “smell ya later” to James Cameron’s Titanic. They give Old Rose what for, speculate about what Young Rose did to survive once she arrived in New York, discuss the true meaning of “going Galt,” pine for vintage Britney Spears videos, watch Lovejoy tussle with some ghosts, and…
11/12/2012 • 1 hour, 7 minutes, 27 seconds
I Know What You Did In the Summer of 1912
Kelly and Tom embark on the second leg of their exciting voyage aboard James Cameron’s Titanic with lots of singing, sauciness, and silly voices. They discuss government-funded icebergs, Rose and Sven fanfic, Bill Paxton’s haircut, weird racial epithets, Jack’s invisibility bowler, and how to be naked without really looking poor. Kelly extols the virtues of…
10/29/2012 • 1 hour, 20 minutes, 58 seconds
Pucker Up, Billy Zane!
In this first of a three-part exploration of James Cameron’s bloated, beautiful, Oscar-winning Titanic, Kelly and Tom name themselves Cousins of the Week, critique the slipshod enforcement of Titanic’s health inspections, and wonder who brought all the free beer in steerage. They are also baffled by Leo Dicaprio’s lack of a Wisconsin accent, the exact…
10/15/2012 • 1 hour, 9 minutes, 8 seconds
Jenny McCarthy, I Hope You’re Paying Attention
Up Yours, Downstairs! is proud to present (at long last) the “Tom Repeats History/Fashion Backwards” standalone episode! Herein lies a collection of fascinating facts and titillating trends from the Edwardian period, never before discussed on this podcast! The most exciting tidbits include tales of China’s Qing Dynasty (aka 100 Years of Humiliation), the convoluted culture…
10/1/2012 • 1 hour, 34 minutes, 55 seconds
The Healthy Relationship Hour
The second half of Julian Fellowes’ Titanic is slightly better than the first half, but not by much. Kelly and Tom bid farewell to stink town (aka Julian Fellowes’ Titanic) and discuss why Baron Julian gave Lyndsey Marshal the O’Brien treatment, the make-out scene guaranteed to put the spark back in any marriage, and whether…
9/17/2012 • 1 hour, 25 minutes, 47 seconds
Two for the Ginger Hold!
Kelly & Tom are vastly disappointed by the first half of Julian Fellowes’ Titanic miniseries, but that doesn’t mean there’s no fun to be had. Come along on a fantastic voyage where stops include the worst movie on IMDB, sexy Russians, and the discovery of Titanic: Blood & Steel. Your intrepid hosts also marvel at…
9/3/2012 • 1 hour, 20 minutes, 11 seconds
Crazy John’s Discount Carpet Outlet
Kelly & Tom wrap up their recap of Manor House the way they started–by getting blasted with love and shouts and screams of joy, courtesy of returning guest, Natasha Muse! Laughs are thick on the table (like unhidden talents) as the gang invents words (like Mr. Edgar), tries to place a bet with florins (like…
8/20/2012 • 1 hour, 51 minutes, 21 seconds
Do Give Us A Call, If In Fact You Exist
In their penultimate recap of Manor House, Kelly & Tom reveal the Edwardian equivalent of Shark Week, chat about past and present problems of race in the British empire, and exhibit a strange focus on Dayton, OH. The residents of Manderston pull off both a Raj supper and fancy dress ball, Reggie Raj Singh is…
8/6/2012 • 1 hour, 14 minutes, 24 seconds
A Nanny of a Pickle
Isis ate their Tom Repeats History/Fashion Backwards homework, so Kelly & Tom host a spicy recap of Manor House Episode 4 and get really mad about fox hunting. Lavigne demonstrates Maggie Smith levels of awesomeness, Monsieur Dubiard remains the Chuck Norris of Manderston, and Master Guy delivers withering glares at the camera. While Kelly makes…
7/23/2012 • 1 hour, 29 minutes, 32 seconds
We Need To Talk About Kenny
Comedian and bon vivant Guy Branum joins Kelly & Tom for their recap of Manor House Episode 3, “The Servants Revolt.” The group reveal their ideal roles both upstairs and down, recoil at the sight of Edwardian hairballs, and dish about their hopes for Downton Abbey Series 3. Other topics include Morrison’s O’Brien-esque tendencies, the…
7/9/2012 • 1 hour, 21 minutes, 50 seconds
The Meek Shall Inherit Your Manor
Kelly and Tom recap Manor House E2 and return to snarking as usual . After they catch up on their long-neglected correspondence, Tom develops strong feelings about fox hunting while Kelly imagines a Twilight-esque love triangle with Rob and Charlie. Meanwhile, back at Manderston, Monsieur Dubiard makes Mrs. Patmore look like Santa Claus, Mr. Edgar…
6/25/2012 • 1 hour, 22 minutes, 47 seconds
Ruthie Got Alcohol Poisoning
Comedian (and returning guest) Natasha Muse joins Tom and Kelly as they dive into Episode One of Manor House and all the curiosity about bathroom breaks that entails. The trio discusses the worst idea since Dance Moms, the Human Centipede of alarm clocks, Jay-Z’s inevitable production of The Music Man, and the greatest bromance of…
6/11/2012 • 1 hour, 21 minutes, 2 seconds
Look For It On the Internet in 1998
Kelly and Tom take special guest Sam Roth on a weekend trip to get all up in the loins of Gosford Park, where they encounter a surprising amount of factory rape, a mesmerizing performance from one of the lesser Dames, and Ryan Phillipe’s coffee-scented penis. Kelly perfects her impression of Kelly McDonald while Tom and…
5/28/2012 • 2 hours, 39 minutes, 22 seconds
Put On Your Christmas Socks Anyway, Part II
Kelly & Tom’s final recap of Downton Abbey Series 2 is light on the Christmas, heavy on the special! Matthew goes full emo, Isis pulls a Great Escape, Mary mines the literary canon for humor, Jinksy gets caught with his robe on, and the hall boy speaks! Kelly & Tom wax emotional about the Cousins,…
5/14/2012 • 1 hour, 59 minutes, 34 seconds
Put On Your Christmas Socks Anyway, Part I
Kelly and Tom wish all the Cousins happy holidays in this recap of “Christmas at Downton Abbey.” They dream of Bates roasting on an open fire, punching Thomas in the nose, Yuletide secrets that are Mary-inspired, and folks dressed up like Jack and Rose. Everybody knows a pudding and some legal woes help to make…
5/7/2012 • 1 hour, 56 minutes, 28 seconds
We’ll Bring the Cholera, You Do the Rest
Kelly & Tom wrap up Downton Abbey Series 2 with a neat little mourning armband and a rollicking case of Spanish influenza. They decry the tomfoolery of Baron Julian, propose articles for Sir Richard Carlisle’s weekly newspaper column, debate Pope-marrying etiquette, chronicle Robert’s rise to Full Grantham, and get way too excited to finally see…
4/30/2012 • 2 hours, 13 minutes, 53 seconds
Because Nothing Bad Rhymes With April
It’s business as usual in this recap of Downton Abbey S2:E7 as Kelly and Tom chat about the Edwardian equivalent of Yahoo! Answers, Sir Richard’s epigrams, Grantham Bucks, Jane’s possible alcoholism, the Sallie Mae Shed of Failure, the zenith/nadir of Lady Mary’s bitchery, the capabilities of knickers, and Lord Grantham’s post-war hipster proclivities. They also…
4/22/2012 • 1 hour, 54 minutes, 23 seconds
Rupert Murdoch’s Gotta Wet His Beak
Kelly and Tom are joined by Boars, Gore, and Swords co-hosts Ivan Hernandez and Red Scott for the most upsetting episode of this podcast ever. In their recap of Downton Abbey S2:E6, the gang chats about all things Canadian, Downton’s own Scrooge McDuck, the emergence of the “Jaters,” Mrs. Patmore on Hoarders, what men get…
4/16/2012 • 2 hours, 27 minutes, 7 seconds
All the Gingers Are At the Front
Kelly and Tom make plans to maintain their sanity, advise the Cousins about driving safety, and go for a spin on “Whore Mansion.” They also speculate about William’s new mother, babies with mustaches, the probability that Matthew is the Antichrist or Darth Vader, champagne brunches, Daisy’s stress relief, the feasibility of chucking a bullet, the…
4/9/2012 • 1 hour, 42 minutes, 42 seconds
Ripon: City of a Thousand Dreams
At last, Kelly & Tom record a recap that’s not two hours long! They still manage to discuss Downton Abbey S2:E4 in its entirety, explain last week’s Character Ceasefire SNAFU, and rewrite a number of popular songs for your amusement. Other topics include Thomas’ futuristic sack, an attempt to delete sarcasm, Simon Pegg-leg’s cameo, the…
4/2/2012 • 1 hour, 44 minutes, 14 seconds
Now That’s One Irish Monkey
Kelly and Tom draw the inevitable Narnia comparisons in this recap of Downton Abbey S2:E3, and discuss the logistics of being a monkey’s uncle, the one and only Batman, whether or not Mr. Bates is a purity ball, Edwardian Cosmo, Double 00-Edith, the cure for Lord Grantam’s trench evy, and PBS euphamisms for sex acts.…
3/27/2012 • 1 hour, 55 minutes, 44 seconds
In Your Face, Bridget Jones!
In this recap of Downton Abbey S2:E2, Kelly and Tom geek out because Adebisi is following them on Twitter, come out in favor of embroidery, and suss out some really depressing facts about World War I. Back on the farm, Edith has her most interesting plot to date, McG impersonates Napoleon, Thomas fails to kickstart…
3/19/2012 • 1 hour, 58 minutes, 46 seconds
If I Don’t Come Back, Blackmail My Mother
Kelly and Tom come roaring out of hiatus for Downton Abbey S2:E1 to introduce a very saucy replacement ginger, explore Kelly’s canine obsession, plant a flag for the new nation of Batesylvania, proclaim that nail-filing is the new smoking, expose Tom’s crush on silent film star Clara Bow, unexpectedly root for O’Brien, do lots of…
3/12/2012 • 2 hours, 12 minutes, 2 seconds
How Many Packs of Marlboro Lights Is It Gonna Take?
This recap of Downton Abbey S1:E7 is supersized, so don’t feel obligated to listen to it in one sitting. Sam Roth of “Rigged Up” joins Kelly and Tom to brainstorm countless Downton spinoffs, dispute Mrs. Hughes’ made-up vocabulary, implement the Schlieffenplan, wonder whether Mary is older than Battlestar Galactica, critique the experimental film hidden in…
2/27/2012 • 2 hours, 21 minutes, 22 seconds
The Pluckiest Little Overbite You Ever Did See
This recap of Downton Abbey S1:E6 is accompanied by the sounds of the wild Patmore and Carson’s tardy dressing gong as Kelly and Tom consider the effects of breeding on being patronizing, McG’s scheming prowess, Julian Fellowes’ private life, how to get Batesed, Daisy’s belated self-awareness, the trouble with fairies, the difference between a crush…
2/20/2012 • 1 hour, 30 minutes, 14 seconds
Every Little Thing She Does Is Boring Magic
Kelly and Tom dodge bullets, drop balls, and have a quaff of ale in their recap of Downton Abbey S1:E5. They still find time to chat about Laura Linney’s smug, punchable face, how to prepare for dinner at Baron Julian Fellowes’ house, Mr. Bates versus Jesus, Cousin Isobel’s amphetamine-powered nagging, the siren song of the…
2/13/2012 • 1 hour, 25 minutes, 22 seconds
This is Edwardian England, You Dumbnut
Kelly and Tom take a ride on the Good Ship Maggie Smith as they recap Downton Abbey S1:E4. On their journey, they discuss various ways Mary Crawley might kill herself, make inevitable Clue jokes, come down with a case of Thomas fever, investigate the ancestries of Kelly Clarkson and Morrisey, and find out how hard…
2/6/2012 • 1 hour, 40 minutes, 44 seconds
Really Kind of a Half-Ass Title, If You Ask Me
Kelly and Tom are joined by San Francisco comedian Natasha Muse to recap Downton Abbey S1:E3 and learn how everything can get cancer, meet Laura Linney’s ghostly cinematographer, tag along on the most unsuccessful date, discover how Sybill invented the topsy tail, read the stud book, and lament Edwardian England’s lack of emoticons. Also up…
1/30/2012 • 1 hour, 53 minutes, 43 seconds
The Unhappiest Family Ever To Grace Olan Mills
In this recap of Downton Abbey S1:E2, Kelly and Tom cover how to mistreat a soufflé, the most dangerous game, dropsy cankles, the Carson Cave, knife-holding etiquette, goofballs, the flawless body of Jules Leotard, the right way to handle a Sycorax spaceship, whiny babies, valet advice columns, free speech in the servants’ quarters, Monte Carlos…
1/23/2012 • 1 hour, 42 minutes, 41 seconds
Felix, If You’re Listening, I’m Not Sorry
Kelly and Tom kick off their recap of Downton Abbey S1: E1 with the one and only “Downton Abbey Suite” remix, making fun of Laura Linney, learning about the Boer War (which has nothing to do with Pumbaa), the lameness of valets, luncheon versus lunch, Maggie Smith’s digestive habits, O’Brien’s face, the difference between eggs…
