Thank you everyone! Take care of yourselves.

The best offense is a great defense.

This is the first of the last three episodes of this podcast. Today, I tackle a listener question. How does a supervisor deal with toxic staff?

What type of content do you want to hear more of?  Send me an email with a suggestion or question and I will cover your topic. support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com I am open for coaching in the summer.  Need some insight from an objective 3rd party?  Click on the link to schedule a call.   https://bit.ly/2X5dDTq

Parents are often our first experiences with human contact. In an ideal setting, they are there to nurture and protect us. What happens when that dynamic is twisted into a power struggle? In today's episode, we examine common signs of dysfunction and ways to put yourself on the path to healing and taking back your power. These tips can apply to just about any toxic relationship, but we are specifically talking about toxic parents. CommonSigns: Belittling or devaluing - You accomplishments are never good enough. Competition – Parents pit themselves against their own children Sabotage – Parents will often interfere with their children's careers, friendships, or love prospects. Caution is fine, but this goes to the point of preventing their children from having normal, healthy lives. Keeping you at a “safe” age - By "safe," I mean they want to keep you in a child-like dependent state. It's easier for them to control you as a five-year old rather than as a thirty-year old. Gaslighting – They deny your experience by telling you what you're supposed to want or like saying things like, "That's not the career you want." Unless it's true, then they are gaslighting you. It also comes in the form of denying they said or did the things they actually said or did to make you question your reality. Refusing to admit wrongdoing - This one speaks for itself. Somehow no matter how culpable they are, they will turn the blame back on you. Projecting – If they accuse you of anything, it may be a sign that they themselves are guilty of that very thing. If they accuse you of being ungrateful, it means they are ungrateful. If they accuse you of lying, chances are that they are the ones lying.  This is not an exhaustive list by any means but are some behaviors to watch out for. If you are a victim of toxic or narcissistic parents, I wish you peace in finding a way past the hurt feelings. I am open for coaching in the summer.  Need some insight from an objective 3rd party?  Click on the link to schedule a call.   Links: https://bookme.name/TheToxicPeopleDetox https://bit.ly/2X5dDTq

“Learning how to go inside yourself, find what's in there, and learn how to make all the processes in your life support you, and you will be happy.”  Faust Ruggiero People more often go to see a psychologist when things are falling apart. The success rate on this can go two ways: your willingness to do the work and the skills of your psychologist. Faust A. Ruggiero’s professional career spans almost 40 years, and is diversified and compelling, as it has consistently established new and exciting cutting-edge counseling programs in its pursuit of professional excellence and personal life enhancement. He is a published research author, clinical trainer, and a therapist who has worked in settings that have included clinics for deaf children, prisons, nursing homes, substance abuse centers, inpatient facilities, and as the President of the Community Psychological Center in Bangor, Pennsylvania. In that capacity, he developed the Process Way of Life counseling program, and has developed it into a formal text presented in the Fix Yourself Handbook. Here are some highlights from the episode: The first thing you need to do to fix your lifeDeciding who enters your life and whyWhy people-pleasing leads to others disrespecting youGetting over the fear of being alone when leaving a bad relationship Resources Faust A. Ruggiero’s website – https://www.faustruggiero.com The Fix Yourself Handbook - https://amzn.to/2SXAw8Y Don’t forget to subscribe and rate this show.  

In today's episode, we cover two basic principles of self-care. These can be applied to just about any situation.

“When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.” Ralph Waldo Emerson How do you deal with intimidation and prejudice in a work environment?  Dr. Williams has 3 points to dealing with the situation head on.

“Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people that they don't like.” --Will Rogers You might have heard that quote before. It’s becoming a cliché but the brutal honesty is what makes it so powerful. During my Chapter 13 Bankruptcy, I had to rethink my approach to saving and spending money. Not only do I talk about 5 spending challenges that helped me build up a nice cushion, but how I stacked them to protect my bank account from those unexpected emergencies Here’s a link to an interactive 52-week challenge chart https://www.money-challenge.com/tools/52-week-money-challenge-printable-chart My upcoming book on 365-Day writing prompts for dealing with toxic & difficult people is available for pre-order at http://www.ToxicPeopleDetox.com

V “True detachment isn’t separation from life but the absolute freedom within your mind to explore living.” Ron. W. Rathbun The good news is that detachment is a skill that you can learn. The bad news is that detachment is a skill that you can learn. Skills take time to learn. There will be moments when we let ourselves get caught up in the moment. That’s human. Emotions are there to serve us, not control us. We must master them, not the other way around. Today we discuss 4 tips for detaching from toxic situations. Your Life in Weeks https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/05/life-weeks.html Subscribe, Rate, and Review, I would be most grateful. support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

The desire to win is human nature. Winning gives us satisfaction, but is winning always a good thing? People might quote Winston Churchill when he said, “Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never–in nothing great or small, large or petty–never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” I used to use this quote to justify my actions, however, Churchill said this during the second World War. His country was under attack. This was a cry to fight back against a force that wanted to wipe them out. This quote wasn’t meant to be on some personal development poster. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, fighting to win is not always the best option. In episode, we examine 4 tips for determining how to pick your battles. Subscribe, Rate, and Review, I would be most grateful. support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

“Just because one person’s problem is less traumatic than another’s doesn’t mean they’re required to hurt less.” J.A. Redmerski This is the 40th episode. I am 40 years old. I have lost 40 pounds. So that’s 40-40-40. How's that for timing! There are two issues I address in this episode. First, there are seasons to life. There are the dark times and the good times. There is a time to celebrate, and a time to buckle down and deal with the issue at hand. Second, during the dark times, be careful not to let people downplay your pain just because there is always someone else who is going through something worse. Let’s embrace the seasons of celebration in your life. Subscribe, rate, and review. I would be most grateful. Support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

Here's a webinar I did some time ago.  You will discover... 1.Why do controlling parents...well...control 2.  11 ways they control and how to counter it 3. Your best defense against them support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

Narcissists are emotional parasites. They don’t care about the people in their lives. They just care about getting their emotional“fix.” They want you dependent and broken. Whether a romantic relationship, platonic relationship, or even a work relationship, getting involved with a narcissist is a miserable experience. So, today we cover the signs to watch out for. Subscribe, Rate, and Review. I would be most grateful. support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

Are you in a working environment where people would throw you under the bus without the slightest hesitation? Does getting ahead mean selling their souls and backstabbing you? One listener demands to know why. In desperate times, people tend to do desperate things. When you look beyond all the posturing, you will see the fear that’s driving toxic work conditions. Subscribe, Rate, and Review. I would be most grateful. support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

Here’s another listener question. The person states, “How to deal with toxic environments where you, the victim, are turned/labelled the negative or toxic person. Especially when you know you aren’t.” There are three powerful methods to deal with this situation. Don’t be deceived by how simple they are. Send your questions to support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

How old must you be before you can live your own life in their eyes? Today, we explore some reasons why controlling parents are the way they are and how to deal with them. Click on the link to sign up for the Controlling Parents Webinar. https://www.toxicpeopledetox.com/p/Controlling-People-Webinar

Have you ever tried to be nice to toxic people? People are often surprised to hear me say that I am not a nice person. Of all the virtues in the English language, being nice would be at the very bottom of my list. When it comes to being a nice person, I will explain whether or not it works and what to do instead. Subscribe, Rate, and Review! I would be most grateful support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

Getting over a grudge is a process. I would love to say “do these 3 things and the grudge will be gone” but that’s not necessarily true. It’s not about letting go of it. It’s about it letting go of you. The mind can go to some dark places. In this episode, we discuss how to deal with these negative thoughts. support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

Are you speeding down a dead-end road? Are you throwing good money after bad? Are you on a ship to nowhere? I was there too. What happens when we don’t want to abandon a path after we put resources and time into it? Should you call it quits and move on with your life? In this episode, we give you some questions to consider before making a big decision. Subscribe, Rate, and Review! I would be most grateful.

Just a heads up, I will be updating on Mondays only for the next two-three months. I am recording episodes in bulk and will return to a multi-day update in the future. Until then, here are 3 gold nuggets you can use to help you get over the fear of looking stupid. Enjoy! Subscribe, rate, and review! I would be most grateful.

Are you doing your best to be an awesome human being and toxic people think that you’re being selfish? Well, we all have selfish tendencies, but we also have our virtues. A listener wants to know why toxic people feel the need to call other people selfish when they themselves are obviously being selfish. Today, I talk about a simple, yet powerful observation to help you but this into perspective. Subscribe, Rate, and Review; I would be most grateful! Support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

Read Full Transcript How did I gain 100 lbs.?  Simple.  I wouldn’t admit it to myself at the time but emotional overeating not only led to weight gain but to Type II diabetes.  It was a mess.  At the time of this episode, I lost 25 lbs. so I still have 75 more to go. In terms of technology, we have it good these days.  I can log on to a language website and have a conversation with a Spanish instructor from Ecuador.  I can connect to past classmates on Facebook.  I can walk into a Sam’s Club and walk out with the latest flat-screen TV. Food is also more accessible now and I can walk out of a grocery store with enough food to last me a week or two. However, this easy access to food has a sinister side to it. Once upon a time, people had to grow their food before they could eat it.  Therefore, food was more a necessity than a luxury.  They didn’t have weekly social gatherings with refreshments.  They ate only when they were hungry. Now, it’s no longer about eating because we were hungry.  We eat simply because there is food stored in our house.  We eat when we’re bored, when people visit, when we watch TV, when we entertain visitors, or whenever we feel like it. Well, this is where all that weight gain came from.  Food was too easy for me to come by. I ate when I was lonely, depressed, and angry.  Given my situation at the time, that was almost every day. Eating Emotionally We know that emotional eating often leads to overeating and secondary obesity. Like what happened to me, emotional eating is based on how you feel instead of hunger.  Like I said, our ancestors did not have the luxury of emotional eating especially if the harvest was bad.   With the convenience of food, I was making poor food choices—eating potato chips, ice cream and other salty or sugary foods. I could open a tub of strawberry cheesecake ice cream and not stop until the container is empty. I was eating hundreds or thousands of calories in one sitting. How can an emotional eater not help but gain weight then? Add to that, I was eating too much sugar.  Sugar is more likely than fat to make you gain weight. Many of the chemicals in food, like MSG, activates pleasure centers in the brain.  When I see that slogan “but you can’t eat just one,” I feel like they’re giving me the middle finger.  They’re right because a lot of junk food have chemicals that make you crave them like donuts, candy, ice cream and chips. When you are in a state of emotional vulnerability you have the perfect storm., for weight gain and Type II diabetes. 4 Quick Tips to Decrease Emotional Overeating There are things you can do to reduce the negative effects of emotional eating. Let’s look at some of these: ·         Recognize the connection. This is a simple yet difficult one.  This requires self-realization.  If I had just done this first, I would have not had the health problems I do now.  Once you recognize when you are eating because of emotions rather than eating for hunger alone, you can understand your emotional triggers and the emotions involved.  This opens the door for you can deal with your emotions in healthier ways. ·         Find out the emotion behind the eating. Once you recognize the connection, narrow down what emotion you are experiencing when you eat.  I said before that mine were loneliness, depression, and anger.  Did you get into a fight with a friend or family member and are now angry?  Do you feel lonely? Are you using food to reward yourself for accomplishing a goal?  Are you just bored? When you can recognize the emotion, you can deal learn how to deal with it or them in healthy ways and not with food. ·         Journal your thoughts. Put a pen to paper instead of a tub of decadent, rich, creamy, mouth-watering strawberry cheesecake ice cream. Write down in whatever detail you can exactly the emotions and thoughts that lead to binge eating. Something interesting happens when you write things down....

We have another response to an email from a listener. If you are a freelancer, contractor, etc., what happens when clients or customers want to come back to complain after services have been rendered? What happens when they come back weeks, months, or even years after the fact to complain about your good work? support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

When you rearrange your life to appease/accommodate people, especially toxic people, don’t be surprised if those same people who you tried to accommodate won’t be with you when it counts. If they are, it’s more of a backseat driver type of thing. People are quick to dictate the terms of your life, but they very rarely take action. Let’s take a look at how to deal with these types. Questions? Comments? Email us at support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com  

In today’s landmark 25th episode, I am summarizing the previous 24 episodes in to 6 key points. These points represent the ideal mindset for dealing with toxic people.

Key Points 1. The problem of having expectations that are too high or too low 2. How to find that middle ground

Key Points 1. Why we tend to fall into the trap of living some else’s life 2. Three powerful things you can do to break that habit 3. A lesson from our often toxic higher educational system Thank you for your comments, reviews, emails. Email questions and suggestions to - support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

This is a short one as I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year!  For this month we are going to focus on crafting  your Toxic People Detox game plan.   Subscribe to stay in the loop.

Don’t let people run you over! In the last episode, I talked about 7 reasons why toxic people are attracted to you. The main factor that govern the rest is that you are afraid of conflict. The problem with some people is that they don’t want to come off as arrogant, pushy, selfish, a jerk, etc. A pushy or selfish person is one who cares only about their own needs and makes no effort to accommodate anybody else. They tend to expect others to drop everything because they assume that their time is more valuable than that of other people. Key Points 1. The Golden Rule for standing your ground 2. How to keep a situation from becoming a battle of ego 3. 7 tips for learning for not letting people run you over Thank you for your comments, reviews, emails. Email questions and suggestions to - support@TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

There are toxic personality types that make a point of seeking out people upon whom to unload their bad behavior and manipulation. A drama queen, for example, is far more likely to seek out a person who is highly reactive than one who isn’t. They want drama and a centered person is not going to give it to them easily. So, they go for the easy targets. Key Points 1. To understand how toxic people choose their targets 2. To look at yourself and identify behaviors or attitudes that might be making you an attractive target for toxic people 3. How your view of conflict attracts toxic people

Of all the vices I’ve mentioned so far, self-righteousness has the potential to be the most polarizing! A self-righteous person will oftentimes defend his or her actions as well-meaning. On the surface, nothing is wrong. The problem is the intention. Self-righteous people can actually make very good points. They’re not always wrong. However, they measure themselves by other people’s abilities to keep some preconceived rules. They may seem helpful, but they are tearing you down by constantly pointing out your inability to live by the rules. In today’s episode, we will explore some underlying reasons why self-righteous people are the way they are and how to deal with them. Key Points 1. 5 Signs to watch out for 2. 4 Tips for dealing with a self-righteous person 3. What is really driving them Subscribe/Rate/Review Read Full Transcript Of all the vices I’ve mentioned so far, self-righteousness has the potential to be the most polarizing! A self-righteous person will oftentimes defend his or her actions as well-meaning.  On the surface, nothing is wrong. The problem is the intention. Self-righteous people can actually make very good points. They’re not always wrong. However, they measure themselves by other people’s abilities to keep the rules. They may seem helpful, but they are tearing you down by constantly pointing out your inability to live by the rules. They may act out of envy, being jealous that you are living by a set of rules that they cannot or will not follow. For example, a fitness buff that eats right and goes to the gym 5-7 days a week may be jealous that a couch potato can eat and do whatever he wants. After all, it’s not fair for the fitness buff to do all the right things and let this couch potato get away with not living right. What an outrage! Thus, the fitness buff will use facts to put down or shame the couch potato into doing what the fitness buff wants. Heaven forbid the couch potato resists such well-meaning advice! As you can see, this is a subtle form of control. Self-righteous people can indeed be control freaks. Someone has told me that the truth is the truth.  What does it matter how one delivers it?  I agree except for one point.  You underestimate human nature. If you try to impose your will on someone, even if you’re right, the other person is likely to resist even if they know better. Let’s face it, nobody likes dealing with a self-righteous person. For the most part, we all do the best we can. Having another person – especially one who doesn’t know you well – stand in judgment of your behavior is a bitter pill to swallow. Rigidity – Self-righteous people often have a narrowly defined view of the world. They have a specific idea of the way things should be, and they truly believe that everybody should adhere to the same standards. It can be very difficult for a self-righteous person to acknowledge that there might be another way of doing things. Excessive criticism – Self-righteous people can follow up their rigid view of things with an excessive amount of critical talk. They tend to be very quick to share their often-unwanted opinions with everyone around them. They don’t seem to care whether people are interested in what they have to say. Rather, they think everyone should be interested, and they act accordingly. Tattle-telling – One thing that self-righteous people love to do is report wrongdoing on the part of others. A self-righteous person will be the first one to run to the boss to tell him that you’re late, or to let everyone in your book club know that you didn’t read the book. Shaming – This is related to tattle-tale behavior, but it is a little different. Oftentimes, a self-righteous person has the mistaken belief that holding someone up for shame or ridicule will bring on better behavior. Instead, the opposite is often true. The emotion of shame can have a negative impact on the shamed person’s self-esteem,

I have five simple but powerful writing prompts for you all today. The most powerful reason to write is to get out of our own heads. Have you ever heard someone say, or you might have said it yourself, that sounded better in my head? That’s because our minds can play tricks on us. It reminds me of that quote from T.S. Eliot’s “Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the acts, falls the shadow.” Key Points 1. Writing helps to bridge the connection between out reality and our fantasies. 2. Writing helps to focus our thoughts. 3. When we put things on paper, we activate that part of our brain (the Reticular Activating System or RAS). 4. Once RAS is activated, we begin to look for solutions that are right there in front of our faces.

Moving on can sometimes be as difficult as dealing with a toxic situation. We can be left with the emotional fallout and left carrying emotional baggage. So how does one move on? How do you deal with the anger at a person or situation? Key Points 1. Dealing with Anger 2. Severing ties 3. Confronting the negative emotions

We have an identity crisis in the US. We don’t let people express who they truly are and they in turn don’t allow us to express ourselves. So, they lose their sense of identity. People can then become disconnected from themselves and from those around them. It was a painful experience, but losing my sense of identity left me open to con artists and other people who took advantage of that vulnerability. It is a slow process, but you can gain confidence in who you are and not be overly dependent on what other people think. Key Points for This Episode 1. The one symptom of poor self-confidence to watch out for 2. Mental and emotional benefits of being comfortable with yourself 3. The cons of confidence – yes there are downsides depending on your point of view

Finding yourself is determining who you are without external labels. When it comes to self-discovery, ask yourself, “Who are you?” Most people probably have trouble answering that question. We live in a society where a good number of people have lost their sense of self. That’s why you see books, podcasts, and programs about how to find your authentic self. We tell people to look within. We know that means self-reflection or introspection, but what are you supposed to be looking for exactly? What questions should you ask yourself? In addition to answering those questions, I will talk about your secret weapon against toxic people. Key Points for This Episode 1. Making the distinction between something being simple and something being easy can drastically change your outlook. 2. Crafting your personal portfolio 3. Defining your core values 4. Defining your boundaries This is a direct download to my Personal Manifesto template. https://www.thetoxicpeopledetox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Personal-Manifesto-Template.pdf

Caring about what people think about you can actually be a symptom of another problem. The problem is a lack of self-esteem or self-confidence. There is a direct correlation between our confidence and our anxiety of what others think. That confidence, in turn, is related to our understanding of ourselves. In this episode I will address 4 key points: 1. If anything where to happen to you today, would all those random people you’re so worried about be there for you? 2. Watch out for people who put a burden on you that they wouldn’t take on themselves. 3. Write down you fears (People tend to have trouble with this.) 4. Give people permission to think whatever it is they think.

This skill is not only the most important skill in dealing with toxic people, but in dealing with life in general. It’s something that’s missing in our society particularly from the millennial generation. The best way to deal with toxic people is to focusing on creating an amazing life for yourself. It’ vague, but that’s because an amazing life means different things to different people. Read Full Transcript Episode 13 – The Most Important Skill For Dealing with Toxic People Practicing Detachment As the title states, in this episode I focus on what I consider to be not only the most important skill in dealing with toxic people, but in dealing with life in general. It’s something that’s missing in our society particularly from the millennial generation. Here is part a review someone left me referring to toxic people that states, “I think it's an issue I didn't give a space to in my life. I'm focusing all my life in so many good people that serounds me.” That’s exactly my point! The best way to deal with toxic people is to focusing on creating an amazing life for yourself. It’ vague, but that’s because an amazing life means different things to different people. One of the ground rules for creating your amazing life is developing this skill. And that is detachment. Detachment is not apathy, which is an absence of feeling or purpose and can be associated with depression. No, detachment is actually healthy. It’s not sticking your head in sand. It’s being aware of toxicity, drama, chaos, etc. but not being emotionally caught up in it. At the time of recording this podcast, there are 3 more days left in the semester. This is the time, I get bombarded with emails from students about their grades despite me telling them that in the final week, there’s not much you can do to change your grade at this point. I had one student in my office freaking out about her grade. I listened more than I spoke. Finally, she said, “Don’t you care?” I said, Sure I do, or we would be having this conversation. I’m just detached.” She gave me a puzzled look and asked what was the difference. I said, “I care enough to listen to what you have to say, but I am not getting caught up in the drama of it.” I know that’s not what she wanted to hear, but I was trying to get across that she has to take responsibility for her actions. By being detached, I was releasing myself from the burden of taking responsibility for someone else’s actions and happiness. We continued our discussion and I gave her some guidance on how to proceed from there. It’s one thing to say that you will learn to be detached from your emotions about a toxic person, and another thing entirely to achieve true detachment. It is not easy to get over a toxic encounter. You may be left feeling unsatisfied, angry, and manipulated. Your natural instinct may be to get back at the person who hurt you. Ask me how I know! You might feel a need to prove a point or get revenge, or even just to get in the last word. You might persist in the belief that you can work things out if you just give it one more try. All of those feelings are understandable, but none of them are particularly productive. If you want to truly recover from a toxic relationship, then you have to accept that no amount of revenge or talking is going to make things better. Those things won’t help because it takes two people to make a healthy relationship. If one person in the relationship is prone to toxic behavior, the relationship may never be healthy. It can be hard to accept that, but it’s true. Emotional detachment is a skill. It is something you can learn. If you find yourself replaying encounters with toxic people in your head, or if your emotions tend to get in the way of accomplishing the things that are important to you, then learning emotional detachment might be very helpful to you. Here are some of the things that emotional detachment can help you do:

Drama Queens and Kings cannot resist the opportunity to create conflict, and dealing with their manufactured conflict can be an especially big challenge. Even people who have excellent self-control can lose it when confronted with this kind of emotional manipulation. You can count on the Drama King or Queen to know how to push people’s buttons to get the result they want. Key Bits [1:35] Why drama queens and kings are the way they are [2:01]  Recognizing a drama queen or king [5:26]  How to stop the unnecessary drama Want More? www.TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

In this episode I cover 6 common types of toxic bosses and how to deal with them.  Hate playing office politics?  So do I.  Think of it less playing office politics and more about protecting yourself. Key Points [1:26] Two important questions to ask yourself [2:09] Your best defense against a toxic boss. [3:30] The Six Types of Toxic Bosses Want More? Visit www.TheToxicPeopleDetox.com

For this episode I talk about email scripts that you can use to deal with toxic situations at work. I will not go through all of them, but I will highlight a few. There are 11 scripts that are available on my site as a free download. There is a link in the description. After you download your scripts, there is a special offer for a 2018 calendar with 365 prompts for dealing with toxic people. Each month has a theme. There are also action plans to help you stay on track. [2:52] Where to get the scripts http://bit.ly/2jp0H9q [5:51] List of toxic situations [7:22] Do’s and Don’ts of using these email scripts [13:52] Sample email for dealing with someone who is harshly critical in public [14:14] Sample email for dealing with someone who overlooks your contribution to a project [16:01] Sample email for dealing with someone who overloads you with work [18:15] Sample email for dealing with someone who keeps you out of the loop on projects Download the scripts at the following link http://bit.ly/2jp0H9q

This is the first in a series of toxic people profiles that I will visit from time to time. Today’s profile is the passive aggressive. “Funny thing about passive aggressive people, they can smile and throw you under the bus, then get you to apologize for getting upset about it.” They’re like snipers. They take shots at you and you won’t even know where the bullets are coming from. [1:18] How passive aggressive folk operate Signs you're dealing with a passive aggressive [2:06] 1. A classic sign that you are dealing with a passive aggressive is that pit in your stomach that you can’t seem to shake off.If you have to wonder where you stand, then there’s your answer… on a slippery slope. They keep you in a state of uncertainty. [3:24] 2. You keep going back and forth. Things are good, now they’re not. Rinse and repeat. Every relationship has its ebb and flow. Such is life. Life has its ups and downs. This is different. [4:35] 3. You may be feeling angry and upset, but not sure why or if it is justified. [5:23] 4. They withhold vital information until the last minute. Sometimes they never reveal anything. Their desire is to undermine you. They will conveniently forget to tell you crucial information and revel in the resulting chaos. [5:54] 5. The feeling of uncertainty leads to feelings of powerlessness. Solutions [6:54] 1. Your first line of defense is awareness. That’s true of just about anything, but due to the sneaky nature of passive aggressive, awareness may not come initially. They do an excellent job of keeping their agenda’s hidden. Look at the signs. Listen to your body! [7:33] 2. Acknowledge Unless they have some epiphany, they won’t change. We tend to idealize a situation and say that things could get better and that there is so much potential in the other person. While that could be the case, don’t go by what could be. Go by what is. If the situation improves then, awesome. Until it does, be honest about where things are, and protect yourself emotionally. My line of defense is detachment. [8:54] 3. Accept Awareness is recognizing that the spade. Acknowledging it is calling it a spade. Accepting it is letting it be what it is. Accepting doesn’t mean lying down and letting the other person walk all over you. If the person changes, it must be a decision that they make. We can inspire. We can influence. Ultimately, the decision to change must be theirs. [10:44] 4. Leave a paper trail. Keep a file. Anyone can put up a front, but it takes effort to maintain it. Passive-aggressive are in it for the long haul. They’re not used to people who can wait them out. [11:08] Therefore, your secret weapon against passive aggressive is patience. Anytime you confront them , they’re just deny it anyway. Fantastic GuidanceFebruary 25, 2020 by CLP14 from United StatesI have worked with a therapist for close to five years and Dr. Williams reinforces my therapist’s insights and guidance. Dr. Williams is spot on and I love her no nonsense approach. Her university students are lucky to have someone like her in their young lives. wish I’d had a professor like her early in my life, before I continued some codependent behaviors that caused a lot of pain.AmazingDecember 26, 2019 by Bentbutnotbroken74 from United StatesI love this podcast and I needed this info and positive but yet straight shooting delivery! Thank you!EmpoweringSeptember 29, 2019 by CamSays from United StatesI really appreciate Dr. Shayla’s ‘practical advice’ on dealing with toxic people. She encourages her listeners to take responsibility where they can, to learn that their own self love and respect is the most powerful force to use in relationships. She reminds you of your power so you can stop feeling like a victim. I agree with another commenter- PLEASE get new intro music!!! The current dissonance makes my ears bleed and is, well.....toxic to my enjoyment of the podcast.Love this!September 17,

This is a touchy subject. There aren’t any easy answers, but there are answers. There are hard truths that may be difficult to accept. Always seek the advice of a professional before making any major decisions. On today's episode: [1:59] 1. People who are controlling, meddling [8:01] 2. People who won’t let you grow and change [10:55] 3. People who like to pick fights [13:10] 4. People who play the victim [13:58] 5. People who withhold affections [15:40] Solutions [16:21] – Taking the direct approach [16:47] – When the direct approach doesn’t work [17:43] – Why putting distance between you and toxic family can be a healing thing [18:55] – The downside of putting distance between you and toxic family [20:13] – A case study on drawing the line [21:10] - Showing compassion to toxic family Subscribe/rate/review I would be most grateful Until next time, I wish you peace in the midst of toxic people. Take care Fantastic GuidanceFebruary 25, 2020 by CLP14 from United StatesI have worked with a therapist for close to five years and Dr. Williams reinforces my therapist’s insights and guidance. Dr. Williams is spot on and I love her no nonsense approach. Her university students are lucky to have someone like her in their young lives. wish I’d had a professor like her early in my life, before I continued some codependent behaviors that caused a lot of pain.AmazingDecember 26, 2019 by Bentbutnotbroken74 from United StatesI love this podcast and I needed this info and positive but yet straight shooting delivery! Thank you!EmpoweringSeptember 29, 2019 by CamSays from United StatesI really appreciate Dr. Shayla’s ‘practical advice’ on dealing with toxic people. She encourages her listeners to take responsibility where they can, to learn that their own self love and respect is the most powerful force to use in relationships. She reminds you of your power so you can stop feeling like a victim. I agree with another commenter- PLEASE get new intro music!!! The current dissonance makes my ears bleed and is, well.....toxic to my enjoyment of the podcast.Love this!September 17, 2019 by Loopylooloo9999 from United StatesI listen to these over and over especially when I’m unsatisfied at work or dealing with difficult situations. Shayla always gives me a different perspective!7 Reasons why toxic people...September 3, 2019 by HMSDesign from United StatesI’m in Love with Shayla D Williams, so insightful. I learned a lot about myself and some of the toxic people I’ve aloud in my life. This show is something I can take with me in all my budding relationshipsDirect!August 22, 2019 by JennieBeanParachutePants from United StatesI appreciate how direct Dr. Shayla is. The information is great for a lay person.Love Dr. ShaylaAugust 19, 2019 by ashcat310 from United StatesMy new favorite pod!!! Love the tough love ❤️Thank you!!July 12, 2019 by x3_selegna from United States?Count Paris VeronaJune 16, 2019 by P Verona from United StatesAwesome ‼️get rid of that awful music!!June 15, 2019 by Nuu22 from United StatesThe podcast is great and helpful and quippy. But PLEASE get rid of that intro and outro music. So not serious and annoying sounding.You are the G.O.A.T!June 5, 2019 by MKW03 from United StatesBeing new to the podcast world I didn’t know where to begin. Your podcast was the first thing that popped up, so I gave it a try and I thank god I did. Your podcast came in my life right on time, just when I thought my life was the worse, I had no way of viewing situations or handling them. I had issues with saying no, I worried about what people thought, I had no self esteem. But your podcast has shown me I am better, and who cares what people think. You’ve shown me I can take up for myself and I deserve and I demand respect. Thank you!An answer to my prayers!June 1, 2019 by C-Sharpness from United StatesDoes podcast help me defend myself in a much more affective way and avoid a lot of possible hurt and frustrati...

I’ve said previously that we fear our own success for a variety of reasons. One thing I didn’t mention was the fear of appearing arrogant. Which brings us to the title. What is the difference between arrogance and confidence? [2:04] The defining trait between the two [3:41] The truth behind why arrogant people are the way they are [6:30] How we can misinterpret arrogance [8:20] How to see arrogant people for who they are [9:13] The dark truth about false humility [10:18] Why introverts can be seen as arrogant [11:31] When you're afraid of coming off as arrogant [12:44] Episode Recap

“A battle of ego has no winner.” [1:10] Why do arguments escalate? [1:43] Lay the ground rules – Do this before you get into any argument. When you can be objective because if you wait until an altercation, it’s too late. You can easily get riled up if you don’t lay the foundation. That’s why people have trouble staying centered in an argument. That is what keeps you grounded. [4:24] Technique 1. Give them a way out. [6:30] Technique 2. Discover the real issue. [9:41] Technique 3. Acknowledge them and call them out. [11:35] Technique 4 – Involve them in the process.

Welcome to The Toxic People Detox, a practical guide for finding peace in the midst of toxic people. It’s not about changing toxic people but changing how you respond to them and doing so in a productive, healthy way. Today, I interview a former student Ms. Maci Brinson. She is currently a graduate student working on her Masters in physiology at the University of Louisville. Read Full Transcript Dr. Shayla: Hello and welcome to another episode of Toxic People Detox. A practical guide to finding peace in the midst of toxic people. Because it's not about changing them, it's about changing how you respond to them and doing so in a healthy, productive way. I have an interviewee today. She's one of our former students and she did a seminar just yesterday at the time of this podcast and it's called Transitions, Moving to Graduate and Professional school. Ms. Macy Brinson, spring 2017 ASU biology program graduate. As she was doing her seminar, I'm listening and I've sitting up here nodding head saying you know, I'm really digging this, because this is not something I normally hear a student say and not just students in general, but people. There's something about our society, we've become anemic and as a result many of us has become toxic, feeding off of ourselves and feeding off of each other rather than going out and doing something productive. So Ms. Brinson is going to talk to us about motivation and about dealing with rejection. So welcome to the show Ms Brinson. Ms. Brinson : Thank you for having me, I'm so so so excited for being here today. I'm now a grad student, getting my masters in Physiology at the University of Louisville and it's so nice to be back in Albany today. Dr. Shayla : Okay. Alright, so let's start with this question. Where did that motivation come from because you said a lot of things. You talked about sitting in a dentist office for 2 hours if you had to, just because you wanted to talk to the dentist to shadow them. That's not something I hear people doing. where did that come from? Ms. Brinson: I would have to say the thing that drives me the most will be my parents. Coming from not the best households growing up, or just not the most productive when it comes to going out and reaching your goals and doing your own thing to be successful, my parents instilled in me that if there's anything that you want, you're capable to go out and get. They also showed me by starting their own business like when I was...even not even in elementary school yet. So I was there to see them work. I've seen their determination, I've seen their drive. It did nothing but motivated me. I just was always taught if it's something worth having, you'll work for it and once you receive it, it'll only be better. Dr. Shayla: I agree, I agree. So your motivation came from your parent and growing up in a household where people had the entrepreneurial mindset? Ms Brinson: Yes. Dr. Shayla: Okay. Well because when you're an entrepreneur, you have to have that mindset. Ms. Brinson: Because if you don't do it, no one else is. When you're working for others, you should still have that mindset. Yes, you work for someone and they're also ultimately your boss, but .....it's okay to stand out, it's okay to go the extra mile in moderation. Like whatever you set out to do, be the best even if it is for your own satisfaction. Because not only will you be able to grow in ways imaginable, it's just... it feels good to be prospering at something that you're doing. Dr. Shayla: Yeah, I agree. It gives that sense of fulfillment, that sense of satisfaction, that people are trying to get that but they do so through addiction like drug, alcohol, the typical ones. So, now you grew up in a household where you had entrepreneurial parents. But what about someone who didn't? How would you develop that motivation? What kind of advice would you give to someone? Ms. Brinson: I feel like step one is knowing who you are.

Welcome to The Toxic People Detox, a practical guide for finding peace in the midst of toxic people.  It’s not about changing toxic people but changing how you respond to them and doing so in a productive, healthy way. This is Episode 004 – The Fear of Success & How to Overcome It.  If there’s one thing you can count on with toxic people, is that they fear your success.  What happens when you fear your own success?  Why would you fear your own success and how can you overcome it? In today’s episode I’ll cover: A lesson from one of my favorites movie of all time 4 Reasons why we fear success 4 solutions to those fears Read Full Transcript The Fear of Success Welcome to The Toxic People Detox, a practical guide to finding peace in the midst of toxic people. It’s not about changing toxic people but changing how you respond to them and doing so in a productive, healthy way. This is Episode 004 – The Fear of Success & How to Overcome It. If there’s one thing you can count on with toxic people, is that they fear your success. What happens when you fear your own success? Why would you fear your own success and how can you overcome it? In today’s episode I’ll cover: 1. A lesson from my one of favorites movie of all time 2. 4 Reasons why we fear success 3. 4 solutions to those fears One of my favorite movies is “The Wizard of Oz,” the one that came out in 1939. When you compare that movie with a lot of movies that have come out in the past, say, 25 years, “The Wizard of Oz” has held up exceptionally well. I remember a movie that came out in 1996. It’s called “Dragonheart.” It’s a dragon that’s voiced by Sean Connery, Mr. James Bond himself. You go back and look at that movie now and you realize, “Wow, this thing is not aging very well, especially compared to ‘The Wizard of Oz,’” which still looks great especially now that it’s come out in HDTV. My favorite character of “The Wizard of Oz” is Glinda the Good Witch. When I was a kid, there was something about Glinda. She’s only on screen twice, but she stood out to me. Why? Because she flat-out lies to Dorothy. And yet, she’s the good witch? Say whatever you want about the wicked witch, you doesn’t hide the fact that she wants you dead! Glinda tells Dorothy to go see the Wizard of Oz and that he might be able to help her get back to Kansas. Doesn’t Glinda know that the Wizard of Oz is a fraud? How could she not know that? Of course, she knows, she knows the Wizard is a fraud, and then toward the end of the movie, Glinda even says, “Dorothy, you had the power to get yourself home all along,” to which the Scarecrow asks, “Why didn’t you tell her that in the beginning?” I love her answer. Glinda says, “If I had told Dorothy the truth, she wouldn’t have believed me.” Glinda deliberately mislead the Dorothy because she knew that Dorothy wasn’t ready to hear the truth. To really bring this point home, if you had told me, say, back in 2005 that I would be a college professor, I would have said, “No way. There’s no way in this life or the next that I would ever want to be a college professor,” especially at the university where I graduated from, where I got my bachelor’s from. I said, “I would never want to set foot on that campus again, let alone teach there,” but yet, at the time of this recording, here I am, teaching and actually enjoying it. One of the highest-paid speakers in the world is Tony Robbins. If he’s not the highest paid speaker, he’s definitely probably in the top ten. If you look at Tony Robbins, listen to how he describes himself at a time where it was a very low point in his life, when he was living in a 400-square-foot apartment and he washed his dishes in the bathtub. If you had told him, “Hey, you’re going to be one of the highest-paid speakers in the world,” he probably wouldn’t have believed you. When you tell people that they have the potential for greatness, they probably won’t believe you because it’s hard to see beyond our ci...

Toxic People are difficult, but not all difficult people are toxic.  In this episode, we explore the difference between a toxic person and a difficult person.  Although they are sometimes used interchangeably, I do make a distinction. 1:16 - Why being difficult is not always a bad thing. 5:08 - Gas-lighting and why it's so insidious 7:26 - What to do when someone is gas-lighting you in a conversation 7:37 - Being polite vs being assertive 8:34 - How I got over the fear of being impolite 9:30 - Where is the threshold between being difficult and being toxic 10:58 - The key to dealing with difficult people and toxic people 12:09 - Recap of the first 4 episodes 13:11 - Who is to blame for my troubles 14:02 Episode recap Subscribe, rate and review.  I would be most grateful! www.TheToxicPeopleDetox.com  

In today's episode, I talk about this little gem called the 8 dimensions of wellness. These aspects of life will wax and wane in different stages of our lives. If one is out of tune then focus on bringing that aspect back into the picture.  The key is not balance but rather harmony.

Welcome to The Toxic People Detox, a practical guide for finding peace in the midst of toxic people. In today's episode I discuss my dealings with toxic people and 4 lessons I learned from them. If's there's one thing you can take away from this episode is that a battle of ego has no winner!

What is The Toxic People Detox? The term “toxic people” was coined by psychologist Dr. Lillian Glass.  The word “toxic” is a substance that can cause harm to living organisms.  As a noun, the word “detox” means the process of ridding oneself of unhealthy or toxic substances.  Realistically, we cannot always physically remove toxic people from our lives.  The good news is that might not always be necessary. The toxic people detox is a practical approach to finding peace in the midst of toxic people.  The most important rule is to protect yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, etc.  It is not about changing toxic people, but rather changing how you respond to them.  This puts you in a powerful position. Believe it or not, you are not really focusing on toxic people that much at all.  It’s like a sugar detox.  The more you focus on sugar, the more you crave it.  It is more effective to focus on delicious, nourishing recipes that are devoid of sugar.  This trains your body not to crave sugar.  Likewise, it’s amazing how empowered you feel when your focus is not on toxic people, but rather on creating an amazing life.  However, there is a such thing as going too far in the opposite direction when you NEVER think about them.  That’s just as unhealthy.  Acknowledge them, but don’t let them dominate your thinking.  Easier said than done and that’s why this this podcast exists.