Do you have too much stuff? As you look around your home, is it crowded and cluttered? Does your space make you feel burdened, unhappy, and frustrated? If you said–or shouted–YES, you can’t miss today’s show. Join me to learn more about gentle organizing.  Alison Lush is a Certified Professional Organizer, Certified Virtual Organizer, and Master Trainer. After a 20-year catering career, Alison knew she needed better organization and management skills for her home and personal comfort. She learned to live and shop intentionally, creating and protecting the space in her home. Now she puts her expertise to work in helping others by empowering them and teaching them to put themselves at the center of their organization efforts.  Show Highlights: How Alison became an organizer with a gentle spirit Why our interactions with our home, space, time, and belongings form the foundations of our lives Why Alison’s focus is on “organic organizing” Alison’s answer to a question sent in by Samantha about dealing with clutter, letting things go, and the functionality of her space How to organize your space by using Zone 1, Zone 2, and Zone 3—and consider the frequency of access for each item Ways to keep, honor, and display memorabilia by identifying the risk level in letting items go How to consider the purpose of items in our lives in deciding to keep them or let them go Alison’s answer to a question from Kitty about decorating, a sense of style, and learning to feel good about her space How to reframe what might look crappy and rundown to you as a life well-lived, meaningful, and full of love Why your decor should fuel you and recharge your batteries Alison’s answer to a question from Aria about separating and managing work life and home life How to legitimize, categorize, and systemize your space for the best functionality Why the professional organizing industry has the reputation of telling people to “just get rid of your stuff” Resources: Connect with Alison: www.alisonlush.ca and TikTok    Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

In our first episode, you heard my conversation with Dr. Lesley Cook about executive functioning. Because she has so much great information and wisdom to share, I decided to bring her back to discuss self-compassion. Is it a bad thing to have TOO MUCH self-compassion? Join us for the conversation with Dr. Lesley! Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist who does a lot of work with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia and works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families.  Show Highlights: How to find the balance between the message of self-compassion and the need for better life management and progress A basic understanding of self-compassion from Dr. Kristin Neff’s writings A closer look at shame and how we experience it in relation to self-compassion How to gently shift shame into self-compassion How self-compassion can become a learned behavior that we pass down to our children Resources:  Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’m excited to introduce you to today’s guest. Imani Barbarin is a disability rights and inclusion activist and speaker who uses her platform for conversations around the disability community. I’ve followed her for a while on TikTok and appreciate the way she expresses her opinions and helps educate the rest of us. Come join us now! Show Highlights: How Imani explored and discovered her passion for advocacy for disability and inclusion rights How climate change and disability are linked Why environmental ableism is a real thing How people have become victims of their non-nuanced thinking, only wanting to be on the “right” side Why the COVID pandemic has become a “mass-disabling” event, especially regarding mental health Examples of ways in which the environmental movement has left those with disabilities behind Why society has a general disdain for disabled people and believes that they don’t (or won’t) contribute to society How the luxury of abled people trumps the necessity of the disabled What the function of capitalism is on disabled bodies How disabled people are used as pawns in the pro-choice/pro-life debate Why there is inherent racism in the pro-life movement What laziness is and is not Resources: Connect with Imani: Website and Instagram Resources mentioned: https://www.sinsinvalid.org, https://disasterstrategies.org, https://www.americanprogress.org  Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today, we are diving into executive functioning, which is a popular term being bounced around in mental health communities. I want to take a closer look at what it means and how it shows up in people’s lives. Join me to learn more from today’s guest! Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist who does a lot of work with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia and works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families. Dr. Lesley and I met on TikTok, and I’m happy to have her here today! Show Highlights: A common-language definition and explanation of executive functioning How executive function deficits show up in someone’s life How shame, guilt, and inconsistent performance are clues to executive function problems The difference between motivation and task initiation Why the underlying issue with lack of motivation is more about what a person values How a person’s sense of self is affected when they believe their authentic self is “bad” Why external supports are necessary when an internal system is down Why rhythm is better than routine for those with executive function disorder How neurotypical people experience interruptions with executive functioning on a regular basis because of overload and anxiety How blips in executive function occur in neurotypical people with predictability and response to intervention—as opposed to someone with a diagnosis How someone with ADHD can have incredible deficits in executive function on days when everything is going their way–and won’t respond reliably to normal interventions How to build into each day differing levels of acceptable outcomes–and give yourself permission to choose what fits your needs at that moment Lesley’s advice to those who think they have executive functioning issues Resources:  Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning Find great resources about executive functioning:   www.understood.org, www.psychologytoday.com, and https://chadd.org/

"Dear Listeners, "We want to inform you that this episode marks the end of our current season. We would like to take a break during the month of August to recharge and prepare exciting new content for you. We will be back with fresh episodes in September, filled with engaging discussions and insightful interviews. We appreciate your support and look forward to reconnecting with you soon" -KC Davis Codependency is one of those buzzwords often used in therapy and mental health around relationships. Today’s guest has provoked a lot of feedback by challenging people’s views on this subject. Join us for this intriguing conversation. I’m joined by one of my favorite people on TikTok, Shahem Mclaurin, a social worker in Brooklyn, NY, with over 500,000 followers on social media. Shahem is self-described as a person who is “queer as hell, Black as hell, and loud as hell.” They use their platform to address a wide range of social and mental health issues impacting people of color, patriarchy-impacted people, and members of the LGBTQ+ community. Show Highlights: ●      How Shahem’s view of codependency has challenged the worldview of many people ●      Why Shahem got a lot of blowback from his thoughts on codependency when he began to challenge popular worldviews ●      Why we need to differentiate between attention-seeking and connection-seeking behaviors ●      Why people get defensive when their “codependency identification” is challenged ●      How the term codependency originated as part of popular therapeutic language ●      How our culture sees having empathy for someone and expecting accountability from them as opposites that can’t both be true at the same time ●      Thoughts on codependency, outside validation, connectivity, and feeling emotionally safe ●      How to take a look at your unique journey “in the pool” Resources and Links: Connect with Shahem: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes  

I’m excited about today’s guest because she has had a huge influence on me. I can confidently say that finding her research on self-compassion was a turning point in my healing journey. Do you need more self-compassion? Join us to learn more! Dr. Kristin Neff is a renowned psychologist, self-care researcher, and author. Her work has had a profound impact on the field of psychology and has helped countless people cultivate self-acceptance and resilience.  Show Highlights: How self-compassion became Dr. Kristin’s main area of research Understanding self-esteem vs. self-compassion The three components of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness How self-esteem creates comparison and social disconnection by being conditional and unstable How self-compassion gives the gift of authenticity The difference between fierce self-compassion and tender self-compassion How self-compassion helps us get past our shame Why self-compassion doesn’t mean indulgence Pathways and blocks to self-compassion The connection between self-compassion and psychological functioning How self-compassion helps when we fail and make mistakes Why the goal of practicing self-compassion is to be simply a compassionate mess who is completely human Why the practice of self-compassion has to start small with baby steps of warmth and support (What would you say to a friend?) A look at Dr. Kristin’s latest book, Fierce Self-Compassion How anger fits into self-compassion Resources and Links: Connect with Dr. Kristin and find many helpful resources: Website Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

I’m so excited to have my first in-person guest on the podcast! Frankie Simmons is here, and she’s literally sitting right next to me. I love Frankie’s TikTok content, and I resonate with so much of what she says. I feel like she is a younger version of me, as we have similar backgrounds and healing journeys. I hope you will join us for this conversation! Show Highlights: Get to know Frankie and our thoughts on being fellow Texans How Frankie exited her background in Christianity and fear and began to explore the world Why Frankie does TikToks about her functional responses to trauma and finding self-trust The journey from fear and insecurity into feeling worthy and accepted How Frankie experienced a mind-blowing shift in her approach to life Why Frankie has chosen to be sober–and how that has changed her life and relationships Frankie’s journey to understand herself as a confident introvert How we can experience a different version of life when we accept ALL of ourselves What things are like in Frankie’s relationship with love and acceptance How it harms us to be taught that we should feel guilty if life is “easy” and not a constant struggle How Frankie and KC describe their current relationship with Christianity, faith, and spirituality Resources and Links: Connect with Frankie Simmons: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Our topic today is intriguing, so I can’t wait to learn more from my guest. I’m joined by River Nice (they/them), who was originally in a tech job they hated. After using their skill set to help their partner with debt from her gender transition, River found their calling: to help queer people with their money. Now, they run their own financial planning firm, Be Intentional Financial LLC (BIF), to serve their clients and community and help to dismantle oppression in all its forms. Join us to learn more! Show Highlights: Misconceptions people have about the term “anti-capitalist financial planner” A look at the harmful and inaccurate mainstream financial advice in our world Why we live in fear and worry about our financial survival in a capitalist society A look at white privilege and how we can make the world a better place under oppressive systems What “redistribution of wealth” looks like, practically speaking How River helps clients with investing for long-term financial security A charity giving model vs. creating an interdependent community How River teaches financial emergency preparedness to clients How anti-capitalist financial planning is a holistic view of life, money, values, and relationships River’s advice about specific financial scenarios around debt management, living paycheck to paycheck, planning for the future, and accumulating wealth Resources and Links:  Connect with River Nice: Website, Instagram, and TikTok Check out River’s Website for FREE resources and a FREE 30-minute consultation! Also mentioned: the Mint app and the Honeydue app for couples Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Coaching is an interesting field with many nuances, and we hear a LOT of buzz about coaching right now. There are coaches for literally EVERY aspect of life. While there are things to appreciate about the field of coaching, there are definitely things to look out for, as well. I’m joined by my good friend, Heidi Smith, who is a Licensed Professional Counselor.   In Part 2 of this conversation, I’m joined by Rachel Ambrose for a coach’s perspective. Rachel is a coach for neurodivergents who has been diagnosed with ADHD and autism. As someone who holds multiple coaching certifications, she is here to give us a better look at the coaching field. She talks about the bounds of coaching and her personal experience around green and red flags in the industry. Rachel shares tips to help people know how to find a helpful coach and be more knowledgeable about the coaching field.  Show Highlights: How Heidi partners with clients and coaches in her counseling work Why there are legitimate questions about the training and oversight in the coaching field Why coaching is, by definition, a less intimidating relationship than with a therapist but is like “paying for a friend” How coaching and therapy embody very different relationships, lanes, and ethics What to consider in questions about licensure and certifications The ethical rabbit hole around the client’s relationship with therapists and coaches Why the coaching field is like the Wild West right now Pitfalls in the coaching industry around sexual integrity, case management, interventions, and narcissism KC’s experience in researching ADHD coaching  The vagueness around a “spirituality coach” The bottom line about coaching: “Do your research and be aware of potential drawbacks.” Part 2 from Rachel Amrose: Green and red flags around coaching around the following: Power dynamics in the relationship “I have the cure/the magical answer for your problem!” Concrete, actionable items How to know if a coach’s training is worthwhile or not How to gauge a coach’s willingness to refer out–and stay in their lane Resources and Links:  Connect with Rachel Ambrose: Website Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Racism. You may think you know what it is and in what ways it exists in our society, but it is a deep and multi-faceted topic. We could spend hours trolling the depths of language, attitudes, behaviors, and nuances that are influenced by race. We are attempting to explore and learn more in today’s show. I’m joined by Rebecca Slue, also known as the White Woman Whisperer. You may know her from TikTok, which is where I found her. We connected when I took an anti-racism course and reached out to her for help, and I’ve already learned a lot from her. Join us for more from Rebecca’s perspective. Show Highlights: An example of how KC got into a quandary over comments on social media and the fear of being labeled as a racist How amazing conversations are happening when we aren’t concerned about perfectionism in our words What we need to understand about white supremacy How Rebecca uses a caste system model of values to understand the behaviors that perpetuate white supremacy Why our understanding of anti-racism is a journey and not a destination Rebecca’s experience of racial identity as she grew up the child of Jewish and Jamaican parents How Rebecca’s experience played out when she entered corporate America How she became the White Woman Whisperer How racism created a holistic layer of chronic stress for Rebecca How Rebecca uses a metaphor to explain white fragility, white privilege, and the pinata of white supremacy Resources and Links:  Connect with Rebecca: Website and Podcast, Instagram, TikTok  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Technology can be challenging for those with ADHD, and I’ll admit that I’ve struggled at times in this area. If you are someone who responds better to tactile and visual learning, you can probably relate. There are many tools and hacks available to help with executive functioning issues, and I’m excited to learn more in today’s show. I’m joined by technology expert Kat Hunt, who is raising a neurodivergent daughter. Let’s learn more about technological aids that can be helpful for ADHD. Join us! Show Highlights: Three specific areas in which neurodivergent struggle and technologies that can help: Time blindness Solutions: Apps like Calendly, Artful Agenda, and Taskly Data loss/overwhelm Solution: Migrating events/tasks into Google Calendar Dopamine-seeking or dopamine-resisting behaviors Solution: Forest app Why mobile access to these tools is preferable over a physical tool, especially for those who travel or move from home to office frequently How Kat uses Alexa technology to her advantage in time management with her family and at her office How the Due app forces you to pay attention to notifications for events and tasks How parents can use Alexa features with neurodivergent kids to increase independence and self-efficacy while still having parental structure in place Resources and Links:  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

As you can probably figure out from the title, this is NOT the show to listen to around children! I’m joined by Catie Osborn, better known as @catieosaurus on TikTok–with an average of 30-50 million monthly views. She is an actor, podcaster, sex educator, adult performer, and mental health and disability advocate based in Atlanta. We are diving into the interesting intersection of ADHD and sexuality. If you are curious to hear more, join us! Show Highlights: How growing up in a very conservative and religious household gave Catie an interesting perspective on sex that was based on shame How Catie became interested in kink, received an ADHD diagnosis, and became a sex educator Why sex is a “fragile moment” Why sexual dysfunction and sexual disappointment are NOT the same things How ADHD makes it difficult to stay focused during sex because of overthinking How neurodivergent people struggle to articulate their needs–especially with intimacy Why sex shouldn’t be in terms of obligation, duty, and service but in terms of being authentically ourselves in surrender to the experience How our sex lives are influenced by layers of white supremacy, capitalism, trauma, and heteronormative values that need to be unpacked and investigated What kink is at its core–and why it has saved Catie Why conversations about sex and intimacy connect you to your partner, breed trust and vulnerability, and lead to better sex! Why Catieosaurus’ TikTok series, “Burnt Out Gifted and Talented Submissive Brat with a Praise Kink,” has been hugely popular How kink allowed Catie to be the one who calls the shots and feels safe and supported–for the first time Resources and Links: Connect with Catie: Website, Podcast, Instagram, and TikTok Book mentioned: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Self-care is a term we hear EVERYWHERE right now, and you’ve heard me talk about it over and over again. Today’s discussion is around the disillusionment of the self-care industry that I’m feeling, along with many others. I’m joined by Taylor Elyse Morrison, the author of Inner Workout: Strengthening Self-Care Practices for Healing Body, Soul, and Mind. Taylor is a founder, facilitator, coach, and serial entrepreneur, and she uses her coaching, mindfulness, and movement training to meet people where they are and offer actionable steps toward avoiding burnout. I’m putting Taylor on the spot by asking questions and picking her brain about common self-care struggles, and she is up for the challenge! Let’s see how this turns out! Show Highlights: How the consumeristic quality of today’s self-care movement ignores the marginalizations and barriers that many people experience that bring distress and hopelessness Why Taylor urges us to ask, “Is it the Self, or is it the System?” Why Taylor created a self-care assessment to give people “practical starting points” How Taylor’s self-care assessment is based on the five yogic dimensions Why self-care is often confused with pleasure as the hard work of self-care is overlooked Why part of self-care is holding onto yourself in the presence of other people Why wisdom is a part of self-care, along with the components of presence, self-trust, and aligned action How curiosity and self-compassion play into effective self-care Why Taylor is satisfied with the feedback she is getting from her book Resources and Links: Connect with Taylor: Website, (Buy her book, take the free self-care assessment, and join her newsletter group.) TikTok, and Instagram. Find Taylor’s book on Amazon: Inner Workout: Strengthening Self-Care Practices for Healing Body, Soul, and Mind.  Find Inner Workout on TikTok and Instagram.  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Can you afford the services of a professional organizer? Most people can’t, and that’s one of the big problems with the industry. Many professional organizers have come up with alternative ideas that allow them to reach more people with their services. Join us to learn more! I’m happy to welcome back to the show Alison Lush, a Certified Professional Organizer who specializes in chronic disorganization. Alison last joined me for Episode 5 about Gentle Organizing. Today’s discussion is about the problems with professional organizing and how the industry is evolving to be accessible to more people. The good news is that there are different levels of help available more than ever before for organizing and decluttering your spaces! Show Highlights: Why a main problem with the professional organizing industry is that the services are not accessible for most people How the pandemic massively impacted professional organizers in beneficial ways that are far more economical for clients How Alison’s focus has changed to educating and empowering the individual to get unstuck Why there is a spectrum of disorganization in which most people exist somewhere in the middle Highlights of new gap-filling services that some innovative professional organizers are offering (See Resources and Links) Why Accountability Groups and Body Doubling have become the cornerstone of Alison’s work with clients Why the biggest question for professional organizers to ask regarding the client is, “What do they need?” The difference between being unwilling and being overwhelmed in organizing and decluttering Alison’s advice about finding a professional organizer  Resources and Links: Connect with Alison: Website and TikTok JUDITH KOLBERG Conquering Chronic Disorganization book – emotion-based decluttering and organizing strategies https://www.judithkolberg.com/ HAZEL THORNTON Go With the Flow!: The clutter flow chart workbook https://www.org4life.com/ SUSAN GARDNER The Focus Project “If your possessions interfere with your quality of life, The Focus Project is a way to look at them through a different lens.” Frame, Value, Edit. Exercises that promote looking at your belongings from a different angle. Reflection, partnering, creativity are encouraged, along with curiosity about the root causes of clutter. – Self-directed LYNNE POULTON Declutter GO! by Lynne Poulton - Once you start, you’re on a roll. Declutter GO! GAME NIGHTS – Group body doubling – weekly guided activities, prompts – group body doubling or autonomous -  JONDA BEATTIE AND DIANE QUINTANA Release-Repurpose-Reorganize CARDS https://releaserepurpose.com/?fbclid=IwAR3UkkdN6FdroVrQ260VV17XqvA2MnuMl5Hf9DHfzdMD_OaiYLz8tFbyYag - Self-directed – focused areas – systematic VICKIE DELLAQUILA Ophelia the Organizer – Follow her adventures and hear her organizing advice https://www.opheliatheorganizer.com/ JULIET LANDAU-POPE Organizing Bootcamp (5x15 minute sessions over weekdays) https://jlpcoach.com/ Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

**Content Warning: This episode references school shootings and the murder of George Floyd. Stress is a word we throw around regarding many aspects of life, and we all know what it is to feel stress, but how much do we truly understand about it? Stress can take any able-bodied, able-minded person and bring them to a whole new level, whether or not they have a diagnosed condition. As we break down the topic of stress, each person has different responses, personality styles, and primary goals. Join us to find out which stress animal you are!  I’m joined by Dr. Lindsey Cooley, who posted a TikTok about stress, and I knew we had to have this conversation on the podcast. She is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who specializes in school-aged children/teens, emotional and behavioral disorders, LGBTQ youth, ADHD, and autism spectrum disorder.  Show Highlights: Why we should be kind to ourselves–even if we don’t have a diagnosis What is stress? (THE million-dollar question!) The phases of stress (alarm, resistance, and exhaustion) and how prolonged stress can cause diseases of adaptation How our culture normalizes “too much stress” How stressful life events can affect executive functioning, relationships, energy, and more (The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale and Adverse Childhood Experience are well-known measurement tools.) Why we need to legitimize that most of our stress is caused by normal reactions to dysfunctional systems The medical model of disease vs. the social model of disease Common symptoms of being in a prolonged stress cycle Differences in acute stress, chronic stress, and traumatic stress How traumatic stress occurs when we watch something like the murder of George Floyd and school shootings How the “stress animals” (eagle, turtle, chameleon, and lion) concept came from Lynn Lott's Top Card Activity How your personality style and stress response help determine your stress animal How we can learn to care for ourselves in the middle of stress  Resources: Connect with Dr. Lindsey Cooley: TikTok Mentioned in this episode: Lynn Lott's Top Card Activity, the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, the ACE Scale, and "Kids Are Suffering from Toxic Stress" LA Times article Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning ​​We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

If you follow me at all, you know that I really don’t like the word self-care. But today, I’m giving you an entire episode about Real Self Care! My guest today is Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a perinatal psychiatrist, writer, and CEO of Gemma, a women's mental health community, has a fresh perspective on self-care. In her debut nonfiction book, Real Self Care, Dr. Lakshmin challenges the conventional concept of self-care, which is largely full of empty calories and devoid of substance. She argues that the game is rigged, and faux self-care only keeps us looking outward, comparing ourselves with others or striving for a certain type of perfection, which means it's incapable of truly nourishing us in the long run. Her insights on self-care are particularly relevant in the current times, when many people feel overwhelmed, overburdened, and burnt out. Show Highlights: The difference between a “system” and “philosophy”. There is no one right answer, there are hundreds of answers. Hope as a skill, not a new concept. A boundary is the process you went through where you decided that you were worthy of standing up for what you want. You know how to practice real self-care when you suffer from a mental health condition. There is no one answer for recovery from religious trauma. Links and Resources: Connect with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin: Instagram, Twitter Real Self Care, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning ​​We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Many adults, like me, are diagnosed with ADHD later in life. It is fascinating to hear the stories of how this diagnosis is missed in their childhood years. I’m joined by Dr. Sasha Hamdani, a board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD clinical specialist who just happens to spend some of her spare time on TikTok. Let’s get the facts from an expert! Join us for this interesting conversation! Show Highlights: The basics: What is ADHD? Why reframing is helpful for adults diagnosed with ADHD Why many of us do self-diagnosis, especially in today’s social media-driven world Factors that can cause a child to fly under the radar and go undiagnosed Why ADHD can be described as “an interest-based nervous system” How most people with ADHD have an “I’m dumb” moment because of how their brains process information and overlook details Why ADHD diagnosis is overlooked in so many people because of the ways they learn to compensate for symptoms Why people with ADHD mask their internal symptoms by learning to respond to their external environment Dr. Sasha’s advice about educating yourself and learning more about ADHD How to decide whether or not to take ADHD medication as an adult Dr. Sasha’s advice about noticing red flags in dealing with your healthcare provider  Resources: Connect with Dr. Sasha: TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Book, Self-Care for People with ADHD, and the Focus Genie App Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Do you agree that we live in a world that equates body size with a person’s value? What is our society teaching our kids about fat, body size, and a person’s worth? If you experienced body-size shaming as you grew up, don’t you want to do a better job with your children? Parenting around these topics is not easy, and my guest today wrote a book to help us understand more. I’m excited for this conversation with Virginia Sole-Smith, author of Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture and host of the Burnt Toast podcast. Join us to learn more! Show Highlights: Why parents struggle with fears and concerns around their kids’ body sizes Why the goal is to have kids who don’t feel anxious about their relationship with food Why we need to think about health as MUCH more than a number on the scale Why, to embrace body diversity, we need to challenge what we’ve been trained to think about health, beauty, and morality How weight distribution matches up with “thin privilege” and anti-fat bias How focusing too closely on our personal weight struggles causes us to reinforce and perpetuate fat bias in the world How our children receive messaging around body types and sizes from healthcare providers, sports coaches, etc.  How to have healthy conversations with kids about bodies, fat, diets, etc.  Why parents need to give counter programming to the default settings our kids receive from society about topics such as body shaming and racism Why Virginia included in her book a chapter called “Straight White Dads on Diets”  Resources: Connect with Virginia Sole-Smith: Website, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Burnt Toast podcast, and Fat Talk book Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Getting therapy and finding the right therapist is super intimidating! Most people aren’t even sure how to begin the process. Besides the fear and stigma associated with seeking help for mental health, therapy can be scary when you don’t know what to expect. One of my friends from TikTok has written a book with tons of practical information and advice about the basics of therapy. Join us to learn more! Shani Tran is a licensed therapist in Minnesota and Arizona. She wrote the book, Dope Therapy: A Radical Guide to Owning Your Therapy, to validate the anxiety that can arise around seeking counseling. Through her book, she offers guidance for navigating the uncomfortable conversations that can come up in therapy. In her professional work and on TikTok, Shani focuses on education around cultural humility and helping people of color, who have historically been underserved by the mental health community.  Show Highlights: Why Shani wanted to write her book to make the therapy process less intimidating How Shani’s book breaks down the therapy process, including all the financial information that people need to know Why it is important to be direct in your questions to a therapist How to reframe your thinking around, “Therapy didn’t work for me.” Why it’s OK to tell your therapist how you really feel (they WANT you to advocate for yourself!) Shani’s advice about firing a therapist (Hint: Ghosting them is OK!) Why the therapy room is a great place to practice new communication skills in a safe place Why your relationship with your therapist is different from every other human relationship How teletherapy brings new elements to the therapy process to improve accessibility Why Shani wants to be noticed for her diverse skills as a clinician and not just her work with the BIPOC community The difference in cultural competency and cultural humility  Resources: We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes Connect with Shani: Dope Therapy book (also available at other booksellers), TikTok, and Instagram Mentioned by Shani: The Gift of Therapy by Irvin D. Yalom Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Small things can make all the difference, and each person gets to decide for themselves what those little steps are that uplift our spirits and lighten our load. These little things are NOT the same for everyone! A simple thing, like having her hair washed and styled twice weekly, helps energize today’s guest and makes her feel that she can take on the world–and she doesn’t need to make excuses for it. Join us to hear my conversation with Heidi Smith. Show Highlights: How Heidi decided that having someone “do her hair” twice each week is a BIG deal for her mental health Why we have to decide for ourselves how to spend our emotional energy, which is in limited supply Why it is ridiculous that women put so much pressure on themselves to be presentable because of external motivation Why our self-care routines should serve us and have a place in our functionality How parenting responsibilities evolved for Heidi to finally allow her to take time for yourself Why the best advice around self-care tasks is to find what works best for YOU  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today, we are covering an important topic today, but maybe not in the way you expect. I’m joined by Rachel Mulholland (aka Shug CM), a therapist whom I met on TikTok because of her incredible content around sex education for children. Today’s focus is on how our lives as adults are impacted if we don’t get comprehensive sex education as children. Join us for the conversation! Show Highlights: How KC’s story from her teenage years illustrates the gaps that most people have in their education about sex and the fact that sex ed is NOT a one-time conversation How “purity culture” is impacting teenagers in certain places in the US in damaging ways How even most comprehensive sex ed doesn’t address the pleasurable side of sex–and (for females) that the pleasure doesn’t have to come from another person How sexual predators take advantage of the lack of information in sex ed from SAFE places Why parents have real fear about talking to their kids about sex ed The effects of NOT educating kids that sex and pleasure don’t always go together Rachel’s Four Pillars of Safe Sex: confirmation, communication, lubrication, and enthusiastic participation Why parents should be aware when their kids are ready to hear and learn–and begin at the most basic level appropriate for their age How to answer those first little-kid questions around, “Where do babies come from?” Why curiosity is a foundational part of body talk for kids–not just around sexuality How parents can work through their own feelings around sex ed with their children Why Rachel’s next project is a book about body talk Resources: Connect with Rachel: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Website (coming soon!) Recommended by Rachel: How Do You Make A Baby by Anna Fiske Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

If you’ve thought about finding a counselor or therapist, you know it can seem overwhelming. Remember that those first few sessions are essentially a time for YOU to interview the therapist to see if there are good vibes and a good fit for you. Don’t be intimidated by the process! I’m breaking it down with tips and advice about finding the right therapist for you. Join me for this episode! Show Highlights: The basics: What is the difference between therapy and counseling? A breakdown of different providers and what they do: psychiatrist, psychologist, therapists, and counselors How to find a provider–with and without insurance (Visit my Shop at www.strugglecare.com to download my FREE pdf file, Finding a Therapist.) How to contact a provider when you’ve chosen one and what to say (Hint: It matters whether your private insurance is a PPO or HMO.) What to ask during the first phone call about scheduling constraints, experience with your specific issue, typical sessions, etc. Why it is OK to go into the first session with questions of your own What you should communicate to the provider during the first session How to ask the provider about their supervision, cancellation policies, emergencies sessions or phone calls How to tell the provider that they aren’t a good fit for you Probing questions you can ask to determine any biases/prejudices your provider might have around religion, spirituality, interventions, faith, LGBTQ people, gender identity, sexuality, psychiatric medications How to figure out the therapist qualities that matter most to you  Safety resources in the US (See Resources below for details.) Resources: If you are in a domestic violence situation and need safety now, call the 24-hour hotline 1-800-799-7233. If you are under 18 and need help, safety, counseling, or services, text “Safe” with your address, city, and state to 44357. The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) is America’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. If you’ve been assaulted and need help, call their hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.   Lifeline Suicide Help can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. They provide 24-hour free and confidential support to people in distress who need crisis resources. The Trevor Project is a chat, text, and phone support line for LGBTQ youth in crisis. They provide peer programs and resources. Reach them at www.thetrevorproject.com.  NEXT Distro is an online and email-based harm reduction service designed to reduce the opioid overdose death rate, prevent injection-related disease transmission, and improve the lives of those who use drugs. Find them at www.nextdistro.org.  Never Use Alone can be reached if you choose to use drugs alone. Their operator will stay on the line with you while you use and notify emergency services if you stop responding. Find them at www.neverusealone.com and 800-484-3731.  Connect with KC:  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Find the FREE pdf, Finding a Good Therapist, under the “Shop” tab.) Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We are focusing on one particular aspect of self-care today with therapist and professional organizer Amanda Dodson of Nesting Your Life. I love learning more about how these two roles intersect in helping people with real-life problems. Join us to learn more from Amanda! Show Highlights: Why Amanda became interested in “low-energy care of self” Why it is difficult to accept that you aren’t physically, mentally, and emotionally capable of doing the things you want to do How Amanda explains the “Spoon Theory” of energy An explanation of diminished energy and the blame and frustration that come with it Why resources for self-care should think outside the box regarding the unseen rules we live by Why budgeting your energy differently requires a sort of “mourning” the death of your able-bodied self as life changes occur How societal messages about dealing with low-energy cater to the well people Why neurodivergent people tend to have off-balance eating habits How Amanda helps her clients aim for regular eating routines to be in touch with their hunger and fullness cues Where to start if your home is not functional (Just take the first step!) How sensory issues factor into low-energy self-care—and how to address them  Why motivation pairing can be a real game-changer in making undesirable tasks more tolerable Why Amanda sees it as an important part of her work to help men become more involved in the care of their homes  Resources: Connect with Amanda Dodson: TikTok and Website Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s episode is a conversation in which Ellie Pike, host of the Mental Note podcast (this episode first aired on 2/27/23), and I discuss my adult ADHD diagnosis and the workarounds I’ve learned to get things done and function in my life. Join us! Show Highlights: KC’s background as a messy person whose life changed dramatically when her two children were born How KC had to learn how to keep a functional home in a totally new phase of life How an ADHD diagnosis as a young mother made sense of her whole life Why KC’s ADHD diagnosis was “missed” during childhood and youth because she didn’t “fit the mold” Why ADHD is NOT simply the inability to pay attention How success in school changed for KC during college when most of the work was to be done outside of class How ADHD affects what is going on in the brain, regardless of external behavior that may appear normal What KC has put in place to help her finish necessary tasks, even when they don’t interest her The difference between motivation and task initiation–and why we treat them differently How ADHD medication changed everything for KC Why late-diagnosed adults with ADHD usually hit some kind of barrier, event, or transition that brings everything to a crisis point The connection between KC’s depressive episodes and isolation, under-stimulation, and boredom KC’s advice for listeners about creating systems that work WITH your brain: “Do a little, and do it as a person that deserves to function.” Why KC’s message is that “care tasks are morally neutral” and have nothing to do with someone being a worthwhile human being  Resources: Connect with Ellie Pike and find out more about the Eating Recovery Center and Mood and Anxiety Center: www.mentalnotepodcast.com   Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’m excited to have Danita Platt on the show today. I didn’t know anyone of color in the field of care tasks until I met her. Her content resonates with me and my views around care tasks, so I hope you’ll enjoy hearing more from Danita! Show Highlights: Who Danita is and how she became an expert on gentle care tasks How our society over the last two generations has moralized care tasks and tied them to the worth of a woman Why we need to rethink our views about care tasks and “being a good woman” that go back to the founding of the US, historically speaking How the concept of “invisible labor” has carried over from colonial days even to today How many white people were able to live the lives they did because of the cheap, exploitable labor of Black women How the Great Migration happened to move many Black families to northern cities from the South How the shift happened to push Black (and white) women to work industrial jobs while men were away during the war How the push is recurring for 1950s homemaking to be viewed as the superior role for women What we DON’T talk about in the fulfilling life of a homemaker How Danita chooses to honor the Black women who had to wash clothes, clean house, and cook meals under duress–with no freedom or choice of their own What Danita would say to women who want to live more joyfully in their homes and experience more freedom and quality of life  Resources: Connect with Danita: TikTok and Instagram Mentioned in this episode: Sisters in Hate: American Women on the Front Lines of White Nationalism Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’ve never been a perfectionist. I’ve never cared if my bed is made or my handwriting is neat or if a picture on the wall is hanging perfectly. I’m not bothered by things being a little “out of place.” So imagine my surprise to discover that my whole life is run by perfectionism–a different kind of perfectionism. That’s today’s topic on the show. Join me to find out more! Show Highlights: How an 18-month-stint as a teenager in a long-term rehab facility turned me into a moral perfectionist How a militaristic 12-step program and an evangelical church forced me to examine every daily decision for pure, altruistic motives How this type of perfectionism told me that I had to be “good enough” to be loved and accepted How even self-improvement is approached differently with moral perfectionism Why it’s impossible to live with moral perfectionism The first step toward change: recognizing that I am a moral perfectionist who is trying to earn my worth through altruism and unselfishness Why you are not alone if you feel like a moral perfectionist An excerpt from my book, How to Keep House While Drowning, chapter 3  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s discussion is about high-control groups. If you aren’t familiar with this phrase, think of it as the clinical term for a cult, and most of us are familiar with that word. Let’s talk about it with my guest, Chris Wilson, who has spent many years studying this topic. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology, a Master’s in Religion, and is working on a Master’s in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Join us to learn more from Chris! Show Highlights: Why a high-control group is usually toxic, with the abuse of power and control that induces trauma in people How Chris witnessed abuse and experienced trauma in her religious upbringing–and became passionately determined to help others KC’s story of teenage drug addiction, rehab, and exposure to high-control groups How a recovery group that helps a person can also be a high-control group What makes a group a high-control group They use control tactics and don’t teach coping mechanisms. They prioritize predatory collectivism. Why not all religions with strict rules and regulations are high-control groups How high-control groups function with behavior control and punishment How high-control group tactics can show up in the toxic workplace How high-control groups implement information control and use thought-stopping cliches to stop people from evaluating what is happening to them How high-control groups remove a person’s ability and opportunity to make all decisions about even the most mundane things in daily life Tips from Chris and KC for joining a group and being aware: Balance your passion with rationality. Connect with others in the group and ask specifically about the “downsides” of the group. Beware if the group touts themselves as the ONLY ONE doing things right. Beware if the group leader claims to be clairvoyant, infallible, or claims to know you better than you know yourself.  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Games people play: we’ve all been guilty at one time or another, whether intentionally or not. I’m referring to the disingenuous forms of communication we use in daily life. There are various reasons why we alter our communication in certain situations, and it’s usually because we want something from another person. I’m joined by Heidi Smith, LPC, and one of my best friends, who just happens to be my former supervisor when I was learning to be a therapist. Let’s dive deep into games, manipulation, boundaries, and relationships. Join us for the conversation around this fascinating topic! Show Highlights: Is it disingenuous communication, manipulation, or something in-between? Why attention-seeking behavior might really be connection-seeking behavior The “games” people play: The trump card, (the “Ace of Spades”), is the issue, trauma, circumstance, or affliction that someone believes gives them carte blanche to never have to change and to always be accommodated by others. Examples: ADHD, PTSD, a serious illness Some people learn the script to say that excuses them from accountability, like “I’m working on it.” Even with their objectionable behaviors, people deserve and want to be loved and accepted.  Why, in our relationships, we have to be well and not allow others’ behaviors that damage us How different people have different tolerance levels for discomfort in relationships The most powerful, insidious trump card: “If you do/don’t do _______, I will kill myself.”  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today I’m joined by one of my favorite TikTok creators, Ann Russell. She has 1.9 million followers and is the author of How to Clean Everything: A Practical, Down to Earth Guide for Anyone Who Doesn’t Know Where to Start.  Show Highlights: Why we all deserve to feel safe in our homes and unjudged on standards that we don’t deem important How Ann has come to know how to clean everything Why every cleaning task follows the same process: “Find the solvent that dissolves the stain without damaging the surface.” How Ann creates a safe space for people to ask their cleaning questions without shame Why much of our care/cleaning task knowledge is bound up in the romanticization of our identity How Ann approached housekeeping tasks at home when her four children were young How Ann responds when her career as a professional cleaner is belittled Why basic cleaning tasks shouldn’t cost a lot of money or take a lot of time How consumption and capitalism impact how we feel about our homes Why keeping a perfect home doesn’t protect you from bad things in life or bring success and happiness How “Cleanliness is next to godliness” has been used as a big stick against certain groups of people Why people grow up thinking they are “bad people” when they cannot keep house  How to tackle old crayon marks off walls  Resources: Connect with Ann Russell: TikTok  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s episode is a Q & A. While you listen, I invite you to relax and unwind or use the time to care for yourself gently in whichever way you prefer.  I received questions from a working neurodivergent mom struggling to maintain a functional space, grappling with whether or not she should hire a housekeeper, and from someone living with a messy boyfriend with ADHD, looking for a way to establish a cleaning routine without creating resentment. I share some strategies to help people with ADHD become more functional and explain that struggling to keep your home clean and tidy has nothing to do with your character, work ethic, or who you are as an individual. Let’s get into it!  Show highlights: Is it beneficial or detrimental to hire a housekeeper if you’re working full-time and struggling with ADHD, RSD, anxiety, and major depression? Why paying someone to keep your home clean does not make you a failure. How taking a different perspective can make asking for help much less distressing. How can you establish a cleaning routine without resentment when your partner has ADHD and often forgets his promises to clean up? What happens in the brain when someone has ADHD? What is working memory? Why is it sometimes hard for people with ADHD to complete one-off under-stimulating tasks? How task-bundling and ritualization helped me (someone with ADHD) become more functional. How isolating the bottleneck, or the step in a task they dread most, can help people with ADHD become more functional. Links and resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Get KC’s decluttering workbook when you sign up for her newsletter 

Julie Lause, AKA the Bossy Mom, joins me today! She and I met and became friends on TikTok. Most new parents face the pressure of trying to make sense of things and figuring out how to get everything done. When Julie had her daughter, she was a school principal three years into a school turnaround project. Yet she still managed to keep her home organized by setting up systems. The Bossy House project started because she had friends who were bosses at their jobs, but things at home were a mess. So they needed help.  Julie is a Co-founder and Chief of Schools of a small charter school organization in New Orleans. She does the Bossy House project on the side to help families put systems in place at home. Let’s dive into how she does that! Show highlights: How the Bossy House started. The conflicting feelings Julie had after becoming a mom. How Julie’s daughter’s “table bedroom” came about. How the pandemic inspired many of those who took Julie’s Be the Boss of Your Home course re-imagine their homes in the wackiest of ways! The life-changing benefits of customizing your home in any way you choose! What keeps most people from making creative and functional changes to their houses? What you need to consider when re-imagining your house. How Julie helps moms develop the courage and confidence they need to create a personal area in the home that allows them to feel calm and happy. How Julie deals with people who have anxiety around clutter and clearing up. Why I believe that anxiety disorders are underdiagnosed in women. Links and resources: Connect with Julie: TikTok (@The Bossy House) and website Send in your email to get Julie’s free workshop on setting up and customizing your command center at your house. Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Get KC’s decluttering workbook when you sign up for her newsletter 

Clutter is something we all have to deal with at times. The biggest problem with clutter is not the item itself, but it’s in the emotional attachment we feel. This episode comes in response to a recent question I received: “Do you have any advice for going through boxes of stuff I’m emotionally attached to?” Let’s take a closer look at this important part in your functional space journey. Show Highlights: The only reason to declutter How to identify what you can do with items you don’t plan to keep Why your decluttering goals are important–and may differ from someone else’s The steps to decluttering by categories: Is it broken, expired, incomplete, or unusable? What do I want to keep? When it comes to keeping or getting rid of items, which is more important to me–the freedom of having it gone or the security in knowing it’s there? For sentimental items: Will this person know I’ve gotten rid of this item? If I get rid of this item, will I feel guilty momentarily or for a long time? Is the guilt I feel for getting rid of this item heavier than the weight I feel from having it around? Why you have to honor your emotional context while aiming for functionalism When you might need extra support in decluttering Why it’s better to keep sentimental items out of joy–not guilt Workable solutions for excessive sentimental items What I’ve learned about getting rid of clothes Resources:  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Click the “Hygiene” tab under “Resources” for more information about teeth brushing!) Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Dental hygiene is a Struggle Care issue that elicits very strong feelings, as evidenced by the number of responses I receive to any social media post on this topic. Why do so many people feel strongly about brushing their teeth? Let’s talk about it with today’s guest! Taylor McFarland is a pediatric dentist, wife, and mother who creates content on social media about dental care. She and I follow each other on TikTok, and I knew she was the perfect person to help us dive into the problem of why brushing teeth is a big Struggle Care topic for many people.  Show Highlights: How Dr. Taylor, as a pediatric dentist, came to the unique viewpoint of understanding why mental health issues cause people to struggle with teeth brushing Why everyone who experiences this struggle thinks they are THE ONLY ONE Helpful tips on how to find a dentist who will most likely be more understanding Why it helps to be honest about your specific barriers to brushing The purpose behind brushing—and why it’s OK to skip the toothpaste! How to “pick the pain” that will increase your functioning The purpose of toothpaste–(Fluoride is the key!) Why sodium lauryl sulfate is usually the ingredient that bothers most people who have toothpaste sensitivity Dr. Taylor’s tips for people bothered by toothpaste, and toothbrush bristles How apps can make brushing more tolerable, especially with electric toothbrushes Why it sometimes helps to brush your teeth in a different place, like in the shower or the kitchen Why charcoal toothpaste is NOT the best option for daily use Resources: Connect with Dr. Taylor: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Click the “Hygiene” tab under “Resources” for more information about teeth brushing!) Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s topic is weaponized incompetence. If you aren’t familiar with the term, stay tuned and learn more with us. I’m thrilled to be joined again by Dr. Lesley Cook, who is a psychologist and good friend. She lives in Virginia and works mostly with neurodivergent kids, adolescents, and adults. Join us for the conversation! Show Highlights: An explanation of “weaponized incompetence” and what it means How weaponized incompetence applies to the division of household labor  The key to analyzing weaponized incompetence: Why is it happening? Why this is a tricky topic, especially for those who are neurodivergent and feel challenged Why dignity should be preserved in these conversations with a partner Why it’s OK to set boundaries even if someone is unintentionally hurting you Ways to solve problems without shame or blame The difference in functional barriers and weaponized incompetence How to talk through solutions and support for a partner How “maternal gatekeeping” plays into the dynamic Why couples need to have conversations about care tasks, household chores, and childcare BEFORE they have kids Why there is a difference between weaponized incompetence and learned helplessness Dr. Lesley’s tips: “Approach your partner in good faith, open up the conversation, and ask for collaboration in finding something that works better for BOTH partners.” Why the question should be, “Is exploitation happening?” Why you can’t go on appearances regarding a division of labor How to begin the approach with a partner or child: “This isn’t working for me; how can we figure this out together?” Resources: Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Helpful resources mentioned in this episode:  How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn  Fair Play by Eve Rodsky       The Sensory Child Gets Organized by Carolyn Dalgliesh      Ready for Take-Off by Theresa E. Laurie Maitland and Patricia O. Quinn                  A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden, Michelle Frank, and Ellen Littman

Today’s episode is a Q & A, so chill out while you listen, and take the time to do something kind for yourself, whatever that may be. I’ve been asked for advice about habits and discipline for neurodivergent people, which may be difficult for neurotypical people to understand. My message is that you are not broken if you haven’t yet found what works best for your brain. Let’s talk about it. Show Highlights: Why we need to begin with an explanation of the terms neurodivergent and neurotypical Why it is very common for self-help motivation to fall short for neurodivergent people How a neurodivergent person approaches routines and habits in different ways Why I (as an ADHD person) am motivated by pleasure, projects, pressure/panic, patterns Why it’s OK to realize that morning routines don’t work best for you Why there is a difference between routine and rhythm/pattern How I work around my house in patterns–not routines that are time-bound How patterns can help circumvent “executive dysfunction” (Want to know more? Check out Episode 1 with Dr. Lesley Cook at www.strugglecare.com.) What to look out for when your care tasks always require “pushing a boulder up a hill” energy How I can make myself more “disciplined” when I have structure Why you are NOT a self-help reject if you haven’t found what works best for you Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Parenting has its moments. Some are good, some are bad, some fill you with heart-melting fuzziness, and some make you ask, “What in the world was I thinking?” We all have visions of our parenting ideal, but real life gives us way too many opportunities to turn into the kind of mom we don’t even recognize. To sum it up, parenting is hard! If you are that parent who needs encouragement today, join us for today’s episode–and I welcome you to join us even if you are not a parent. You might learn something valuable, too! I’m joined by Momma Cusses, aka Gwenna Laithland. She got her start as a writer at the age of 18 and soon branched out into content marketing and has worked with museums, professional sports teams, accounting firms, and universities to help refine their content. She started Momma Cusses in 2020 in hopes of normalizing modern motherhood and giving moms a place to connect and feel less alone. Show Highlights: Gwenna’s story: her history of parenting in reactive mode as a young mom who came out of an abusive relationship–and the realization that hit her about what she was doing to her daughter Why there is not a magic answer or therapy tool for those reactive parenting moments when you lose your mind The difference in responsive vs. reactive parenting Gwenna’s advice about handling endless questions from your kids How our past personal issues determine the behaviors that send us into “Reactive Parent Mode” Why gentle parenting is NOT about how you parent but about how you regulate yourself Why “gentle childing” should NOT be what you want for your child How to do “offline work” with your child when emotions are not elevated How to gain a new perspective on parenting under stress Why there is immense value in a parent who can say, “I’m sorry”  Why we should stop demonizing screen time and teach our 21st-century kids to use devices responsibly Why it’s healthy to realize that you do not have to accept every “invitation” from your child How to find the “middle ground” when you are reparenting yourself while parenting your child Resources: Connect with Momma Cusses: Website, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook (Look for Gwenna’s book coming in Fall, 2023!) Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

 I’m joined today by Dr. Lesley Cook as we tackle some listener questions around various topics. Come and join us now! Show Highlights: Tips for someone with no energy due to chronic illness: take care of the basics, conserve your energy, and use whatever hacks work for you Tips for someone who struggles to cook dinner every night: switch things up, identify your mountain, and realize that a bowl of cereal for dinner is OK! Tips for how to study when no one ever taught you: experience the information in different ways, make a memory game, and share the information back and forth with a study partner  How to study when you don’t know what’s important to study How to use accommodations that are available to you How to ask a teacher or professor for study help How to take notes and encode the information in meaningful ways How fidget toys, drawing, and doodling can help you listen and learn Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’m excited to introduce you to today’s guest. Imani Barbarin is a disability rights and inclusion activist and speaker who uses her platform for conversations around the disability community. I’ve followed her for a while on TikTok and appreciate the way she expresses her opinions and helps educate the rest of us. Come join us now! Show Highlights: How Imani explored and discovered her passion for advocacy for disability and inclusion rights How climate change and disability are linked Why environmental ableism is a real thing How people have become victims of their non-nuanced thinking, only wanting to be on the “right” side Why the COVID pandemic has become a “mass-disabling” event, especially regarding mental health Examples of ways in which the environmental movement has left those with disabilities behind Why society has a general disdain for disabled people and believes that they don’t (or won’t) contribute to society How the luxury of abled people trumps the necessity of the disabled What the function of capitalism is on disabled bodies How disabled people are used as pawns in the pro-choice/pro-life debate Why there is inherent racism in the pro-life movement What laziness is and is not Resources: Connect with Imani: Website and Instagram Resources mentioned: https://www.sinsinvalid.org, https://disasterstrategies.org, https://www.americanprogress.org  Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I have the perfect person to answer a question about “trauma cleaning” as a result of being raised by a parent who was emotionally and verbally abusive about keeping a clean house. This question came from Maria, a TikTok follower, and I’m jumping into this topic in today’s episode with my guest, Amanda Dodson. Join us! Show Highlights: Why this is a common feeling for many people when they sense barriers around care tasks A good first step: Try to separate the behavioral home care task from the interpersonal problem with the parent Why you have to decide how YOU want your home to be for your own comfort and safety–not how your parent would want it to be Why it’s important to have compassion for yourself and awareness of what you need in your space to function well How to identify what you need from your space and use a triage approach to get there How to have your environment and emotions “meet” at a halfway point How to take small steps toward organizing that work for you and your family Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

If you joined us for Episode 7, you heard the beginning of my series with Kate. If not, you can listen to Part 1 on the Restoring Relationships Podcast. Kate and I met because of our differing viewpoints as we interacted through TikTok videos. We have since taken the time for discussion, proving that disagreements, conflicts, and drama are part of normal life that should be approached with mutual respect and understanding.  I’m continuing the conversation with Kate Leggett, a student in her final semester of graduate school to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. Kate uses her TikTok channel to help restore   relationships. Even though our relationship didn’t begin well, we are making strides in communicating with respect and understanding around disagreements and conflicts. The ability to gain a fresh perspective and engage with another person in the face of disagreement is an important topic in today’s world! Listen in and be the “fly on the wall” as we model real-life conflict, relationships, and reconciliation. Join us for a closer look! Show Highlights: Why KC’s initial reaction to Kate was aggravation The idea behind KC’s context: “How people treat you when they are angry is more revealing than how they treat you when they are happy.” The idea behind Kate’s context: “Anger isn’t necessarily the issue, but the lack of repair after the anger is the issue.” What our backgrounds and upbringings teach us about anger, hurt, abuse, relationships, and our worthiness Why it’s different trying to communicate to the masses, like online, rather than on a one-to-one basis in a relationship What Kate wishes she had done differently in her initial exchange with KC Why we should be able to expect creators, especially those with expertise, to be accountable for their words Why it’s tricky to make mental health content on social media Why therapy content can’t replace in-person therapy Thoughts on relationship boundaries, “gray areas,” and why “people are not disposable” The difference in “Setting boundaries” vs. “Being boundaried” Resources: Connect with Kate: Website, TikTok, Podcast Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’m offering up an appetizer–because today’s show is a teaser for an upcoming two-part episode. Disagreements, conflicts, and drama are part of normal life, but there CAN be mutual respect and understanding at the same time.  I’m talking with Kate Leggett, a student in her final semester of graduate school to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. Kate uses her TikTok channel to help restore relationships, and we became aware of each other because of a video exchange on TikTok. Our relationship certainly didn’t begin well, but we are making strides in communicating with respect and understanding around disagreements and conflicts. Come along as we model real-life conflict, relationships, and reconciliation. Join us for a closer look! Show Highlights: How Kate felt the need to fill in the gray area in relationships around boundaries and toxic relationships How online interactions can be transactional, personal, and very different with someone with whom you have a prior relationship A look at the TikTok videos that started the interaction between Kate and KC–and the thoughts behind the comments How people hold conflict in different and vulnerable ways How KC and Kate made space for deeper conversations around their conflict The difficulties around communication and conflict in the social media space An overview of Kate’s podcast, RR The Podcast, which you can find on YouTube and Spotify (Part 1 of Kate and KC’s conversation is up now!) Kate’s perspective on the much-used phrase, “You teach people how to treat you.” How to listen to the rest of our “respectful drama” Resources: Connect with Kate: Website, TikTok, Podcast Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

In our first episode, you heard my conversation with Dr. Lesley Cook about executive functioning. Because she has so much great information and wisdom to share, I decided to bring her back to discuss self-compassion. Is it a bad thing to have TOO MUCH self-compassion? Join us for the conversation with Dr. Lesley! Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist who does a lot of work with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia and works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families.  Show Highlights: How to find the balance between the message of self-compassion and the need for better life management and progress A basic understanding of self-compassion from Dr. Kristin Neff’s writings A closer look at shame and how we experience it in relation to self-compassion How to gently shift shame into self-compassion How self-compassion can become a learned behavior that we pass down to our children Resources:  Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Do you have too much stuff? As you look around your home, is it crowded and cluttered? Does your space make you feel burdened, unhappy, and frustrated? If you said–or shouted–YES, you can’t miss today’s show. Join me to learn more about gentle organizing.  Alison Lush is a Certified Professional Organizer, Certified Virtual Organizer, and Master Trainer. After a 20-year catering career, Alison knew she needed better organization and management skills for her home and personal comfort. She learned to live and shop intentionally, creating and protecting the space in her home. Now she puts her expertise to work in helping others by empowering them and teaching them to put themselves at the center of their organization efforts.  Show Highlights: How Alison became an organizer with a gentle spirit Why our interactions with our home, space, time, and belongings form the foundations of our lives Why Alison’s focus is on “organic organizing” Alison’s answer to a question sent in by Samantha about dealing with clutter, letting things go, and the functionality of her space How to organize your space by using Zone 1, Zone 2, and Zone 3—and consider the frequency of access for each item Ways to keep, honor, and display memorabilia by identifying the risk level in letting items go How to consider the purpose of items in our lives in deciding to keep them or let them go Alison’s answer to a question from Kitty about decorating, a sense of style, and learning to feel good about her space How to reframe what might look crappy and rundown to you as a life well-lived, meaningful, and full of love Why your decor should fuel you and recharge your batteries Alison’s answer to a question from Aria about separating and managing work life and home life How to legitimize, categorize, and systemize your space for the best functionality Why the professional organizing industry has the reputation of telling people to “just get rid of your stuff” Resources: Connect with Alison: www.alisonlush.ca and TikTok    Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today, we start with my take on a question that I get asked almost every day about how to keep from losing motivation to complete tasks, especially those simple ones like cleaning a room. If you’ve beaten yourself up over this struggle, then join me for a fresh perspective on cleaning your space!  Show Highlights: Why losing motivation to clean a room comes down to not realizing that tidying, organizing, and cleaning are three different projects What is required to “tidy a room”: a five-step method How organizing differs from tidying and cleaning What the cleaning process entails Why there’s nothing wrong with being a neat or messy person, but a functional level of organization is essential How the tasks of tidying, organizing, and cleaning bring emotional barriers, especially for those with executive function disorders Why we need to remember that these care tasks are morally neutral–and the only reason to do them is so we can function better Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

You have probably heard me say, “You can’t save the rainforest if you are depressed.” The truth is that eco-shame and eco-perfectionism can get in the way of our taking steps toward better functioning. If you have ever felt guilty for not being “eco-friendly enough,” this episode is for you!  Rebecca Gray is an environmental epidemiologist. With her master’s degree in public health, she studies disease, the patterns of disease, and health at population levels within communities and countries. She also studies how factors in the environment impact health by causing and promoting disease. Rebecca works with government agencies like the EPA and CDC to develop water guidelines to keep pollutants out of the water supply.  Show Highlights: How Rebecca has experienced forms of eco-shame in her profession How some people push the environmental movement in ways that are able-ist The trap we fall into to “embody the archetype” of the space we occupy How social media plays into the eco-perfectionism pressure we feel Why functionality matters more than the morality of what we do in care tasks, eating, the environment, etc.  Rebecca’s view of today’s environmental movement Why we should ask ourselves how an eco-behavior affects our health and well being What really does need to happen to prevent climate change How our capitalistic society colors what we can do to be eco-friendly How differing narratives make us feel pressured to make individual changes and collective changes to “save the world” How to identify what we need to function well, fill in gaps with eco-friendly behaviors, and learn how to conserve our energy How to take a more reasonable–and less stressful–view of sustainability swaps Actions that have the least impact and the most impact on environmentalism Rebecca’s advice about letting ourselves off the hook for the decisions we make Resources: Connect with Rebecca: LinkedIn  Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Welcome to another episode of Struggle Care! In our first episode, you heard my conversation with Dr. Lesley Cook about executive functioning. Because she has so much great information and wisdom to share, I decided to bring her back to discuss how to navigate care tasks specifically for ADHD adults and kids. Join us for the conversation with Dr. Lesley! Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist who does a lot of work with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia and works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families.  Show Highlights: How to find the balance between the message of self-compassion and the need for better life management and progress A basic understanding of self-compassion from Dr. Kristin Neff’s writings A closer look at shame and how we experience it in relation to self-compassion How to gently shift shame into self-compassion How self-compassion can become a learned behavior that we pass down to our children Resources:  Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today, we are diving into executive functioning, which is a popular term being bounced around in mental health communities. I want to take a closer look at what it means and how it shows up in people’s lives. Join me to learn more from today’s guest! Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist who does a lot of work with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia and works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families. Dr. Lesley and I met on TikTok, and I’m happy to have her here today! Show Highlights: A common-language definition and explanation of executive functioning How executive function deficits show up in someone’s life How shame, guilt, and inconsistent performance are clues to executive function problems The difference between motivation and task initiation Why the underlying issue with lack of motivation is more about what a person values How a person’s sense of self is affected when they believe their authentic self is “bad” Why external supports are necessary when an internal system is down Why rhythm is better than routine for those with executive function disorder How neurotypical people experience interruptions with executive functioning on a regular basis because of overload and anxiety How blips in executive function occur in neurotypical people with predictability and response to intervention—as opposed to someone with a diagnosis How someone with ADHD can have incredible deficits in executive function on days when everything is going their way–and won’t respond reliably to normal interventions How to build into each day differing levels of acceptable outcomes–and give yourself permission to choose what fits your needs at that moment Lesley’s advice to those who think they have executive functioning issues Resources:  Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning Find great resources about executive functioning:   www.understood.org, www.psychologytoday.com, and www.chaad.org

Meet KC Davis! Struggle Care is a podcast about self-care by a host that hates the term self-care. Therapist KC Davis, author of the book How to Keep House While Drowning talks about mental health, care tasks, and more!