Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:02:20 Identify Your Communication Style00:04:20 The Passive Communicator00:07:57 The Aggressive Communicator00:11:15 The Passive-Aggressive Communicator00:19:19 The Assertive CommunicatorHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI• The best mindset to adopt in order to become a better communicator is the one that will best allow you to connect, meet your needs, solve problems, and express yourself. • Begin by asking yourself what your default communication style is: aggressive, passive-aggressive, or manipulative. None of these styles actually achieves the ultimate goal of communication, however. • The way you communicate is a choice. Assertive communication is the ability to express needs, wants, thoughts, and feelings directly without disrespecting or controlling others. Mature conversationalists are self-controlled, balanced, relaxed, open, and respectful.• Communicating well is simple and easy, but we need to remove the formidable psychological barriers that stand in the way. With awareness, we can remove them and improve our communication skills.#AggressiveCommunicator #AssertiveCommunicator #CommunicationStyle #ConversationSkillsTraining #ManipulativeCommunicator #PassiveAggressiveCommunicator #PassiveCommunicator #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ConversationSkillsTraining #TheBasicsAreNotSoBasic

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:02:46 Psychologist Shelly Gable coined the term “active and constructive responding”00:12:42 A truly active and constructive responseHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI• Your response to someone’s good news can vary, being passive or active, constructive or destructive. Aim for active, constructive responses that acknowledge and reflect the emotion and energy in a speaker’s message. • Give compliments—but keep them rare, sincere, specific, and appropriate.• Avoid giving advice. Problem-solving is best achieved by helping people discover what they themselves think, rather than telling them.#Compliment #Constructive #Destructive #Gable #PerfectCompliment #Problemsolving #PsychologistShellyGable #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #ACTIVEANDCONSTRUCTIVERESPONDING

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homeHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI00:01:18 In an article published in the Journal of Managerial Sciences in 200900:01:48 The Different Types of Conflict00:02:02 Not all conflict is the same—take a look at some variants: Affective Conflict 00:02:23 Substantive Conflict 00:02:45 Conflict of Interest 00:03:02 Retributive Conflict 00:03:19 Conflict in Values 00:03:33 Goal Conflict 00:03:39 Displaced Conflict00:04:29 The Thomas Kilmann Model 00:05:34 1. Competing 00:06:22 2. Avoiding 00:07:17 3. Accommodating 00:08:01 4. Collaboration 00:08:48 5. Compromising 00:09:36 VOMP 00:09:58 Ventilation 00:10:48 Ownership 00:11:53 Moccasins 00:12:20 Plan 00:14:24 Uh Oh—We Talked and There’s Still Conflict00:15:21 How to Master High-Stakes Discussions and Stabilize Intense Emotions00:19:17 How to Navigate a Crucial Conversation • Conflict is inevitable whenever people differ, but it can be managed with grace and tact. Try to understand the type of conflict: affective, substantive, conflict of interest, retributive, conflict in values, goal conflict, or displaced conflict from somewhere else. • According to the Thomas Kilmann model, people come into conflict simply because they have different ideas, values, motivations, or wants. There are five conflict-resolution strategies according to degree of empathy and assertiveness: competing, avoiding, accommodating, collaborating, and compromising. Each has pros and cons and is best used in specific circumstances. Compromising (medium assertiveness and medium empathy) is usually a good bet all around.#Affective #Collaboration #Compromising #Conflict #CrosbyKerrMinnoConsulting #DisplacedConflict #Emotion #Empathy #GoalConflict #Kilmann #ProfessorAbdulGhaffar #QurtubaUniversity #RalphKilmann #RetributiveConflict #ThomasKilmann #Ventilation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #WhenItAllGoesWrong:EffectiveConflictResolutionPatrickKing

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:03:22 The Perfect Apology00:04:41 A Mistake Can Be a Good Thing!00:07:37 1. Express your genuine regret00:09:50 2. Explain what happened 00:11:20 3. Take responsibility 00:12:24 4. Repent!00:13:58 5. Offer to make amends00:15:14 6. Ask for forgivenessHear it Here - adbl.co/3OJ4V72• Conflict will happen, but what matters is how people respond to their mistakes. A perfect apology can actually strengthen a relationship if it consists of these six parts: expression of regret, explanation of what went wrong (without excuses or blame), taking responsibility, repentance, offering reparations, and a request for forgiveness, in order of importance. • Good apologies are sincere and match the severity of the offense. Apologize quickly and remember that you are never owed an apology. #Apologize #EQ #Lewicki #PerfectApology #Repent #Repentance #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q. #Needs #Limits #Requests #Refusals...It’SAConstantNegotiation

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:01:48 Karen Huang and colleagues00:05:35 Chunking Up and Down00:18:15 When to Chunk Up00:19:13 When to Chunk DownHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI• Research suggests that talking about yourself makes you a little less likeable, while asking questions makes you a little more likeable. Open-ended and follow-up questions especially showed the greatest relationship to likability. People like those they believe are genuinely hearing them, seeing them, and reacting to them.• Questions that chunk up or down allow you to vary the degree of detail at which you present or request information. Both approaches have their uses, but it’s about balance, variety, and aligning with the other person. Become curious about where a current conversation is and whether it might need more chunking up or chunking down.#Chartrand #Chunking #ChunkingUp #GeorgeAMiller #KarenHuang #Lacan #Lacanian #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #Question-Asking

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:00:48 Judi Brownell from Cornell University 00:01:07 Here are the components of Brownell’s model: H: Hearing 00:03:01 U: Understanding 00:05:01 R: Remembering 00:06:48 I: Interpreting 00:08:33 E: Evaluating 00:10:57 R: Responding 00:15:29 Don’t Be a Conversational Narcissist!00:17:52 Reframe the Way You Understand the Purpose of Conversation 00:18:52 Don’t Jump Ahead 00:20:04 Avoid Advice 00:21:12 Stop Centering Yourself 00:23:06 Watch Out for Passive Conversational Narcissism, too00:23:56 What If They’re the Conversational Narcissist?00:26:37 The HURIER method asks us to Hear, Understand, Remember, Interpret, Evaluate, and Respond, in that order.00:26:53 Avoid being a conversational narcissist, who is someone who uses conversation to gain attention for themselves, rather than connect with others, share, or learn.Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI• Good listening is a collection of different skills: hearing, understanding, interpreting, and responding. The HURIER method asks us to Hear, Understand, Remember, Interpret, Evaluate, and Respond, in that order. Remember that listening is active and includes both verbal and nonverbal material.• Avoid being a conversational narcissist, who is someone who uses conversation to gain attention for themselves, rather than connect with others, share, or learn. Reframe the way you understand the purpose of conversation and understand that it’s not about you or your ego. Avoid giving advice, interrupting (or thinking about what you want to say), or centering yourself in the dialogue. Similarly, don’t be afraid to disengage when you encounter a conversational narcissist.#AvoidAdvice #Brownell #CharlesDerber #ConversationalNarcissist #CornellUniversity #Derber #DontJumpAhead #HURIER #Narcissist #PassiveConversationalNarcissism #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #TheHURIERMethod

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:01:43 How to Create Healthy Boundaries00:03:29 How to Set Boundaries00:14:24 Use DEARMAN for Polite Requests and RefusalsHear it Here - adbl.co/3OJ4V72• Human beings are complex, and not all problems and conflicts can be solved by simply heaping on more and more empathy and understanding. Emotional intelligence means having boundaries that are not too permeable or too rigid. • Take the time to understand who you are, what you want, and what is unacceptable to you, then take responsibility for communicating that message clearly and directly to others. Whatever type of boundary you are setting a limit for (time, money, emotional energy, etc.), make sure that you are willing to follow through, and not use boundaries to passively control or manipulate others.• The DEARMAN acronym can help you make requests and refusals while staying polite. It stands for describe, express, assert, reinforce, mindfulness, appear confident, and negotiate. Emotionally mature and intelligent people take responsibility for how they navigate social spaces, and know that their needs and limits are always changing and under constant renegotiation. Real life is messy sometimes; be flexible and open to accommodation.#AppearConfident #Ask #Assert #Asserting #Boundary #Communicate #Confident #Conversational #DBT #DEARMAN #Decide #EmotionWheel #EQ #HealthyBoundaries #Mindfulness #Negotiate #Relationship #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q. #OwnYourLimitsWithHealthyBoundaries

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homeHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI• Give the gift of solid, respectful attention at all times. Listen generously, as though you are prepared to hear the value, the sense, and the meaning in everything you hear. Don’t let your desire to seem like a good listener get in the way of actually being one. Let people know you are listening with small verbal and nonverbal gestures.• Try not to let your own perspective impair your ability to understand somebody else’s. Start from a position of ignorance and work your way up to real understanding, rather than making assumptions about what other people’s experiences mean. • To be a good listener, practice restating what you are told, paraphrase that content in your own words, summarize what you’re hearing in a useful way (or else condense things by labeling the core emotion), then potentially reframe the story or gently suggest something new if this might help solve a problem or create an emotional resolution. Do this without assumptions, biases, or interpretations, but with a mind to truly understand the other person’s point of view. #BeMindful #Concentrate #GoodListener #Listening #Mindful #Paraphrase #PayCloseAttention #Reframe #Restate #Summarize #Paraphrase #Summarizing #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #TheFriendshipMindset #THEARTOFACTIVELISTENING #PatrickKing

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:06:04 How to Use Funnel Questions00:08:26 Here's a summary of How To Ask Funnel Questions00:11:50 How You Structure a Question Matters00:15:14 Rhetorical Questions00:16:09 To conclude, here are a few Tips For Using Questions00:17:03 How to Be a Truly Effective ListenerHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI• One of the easiest ways to connect with another person is to just ask questions. The right questions help you gather more and better-quality information, build stronger connections with others, inspire trust and liking, learn, and help other people learn, too. • Closed questions (those that have very short or one-word answers) can be used to confirm your understanding, make conclusions or summaries, or set the tone and scope of a more formal or structured conversation. However, they can kill a conversation and make it feel interrogatory. • Open questions (any possible answer) allow you to probe for depth and can keep a conversation lively and open-ended. Use both in the “funnel question” technique, which probes for information down a narrowing path of increasing detail, starting broad and progressively becoming more specific. Start with open questions, then drill down for more detail as you go, eventually reversing the funnel if necessary.#FunnelQuestions #Openended #Probing #Question #Rhetorical #EffectiveListener #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #Communication’sMostUnderratedSkill

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:02:26 Anatomy of a Good Question00:04:10 A Good Quality Question Is Open-Ended.00:06:11 High-Quality Questions Actively Follow Up.00:08:23 High-Quality Questions Use Paraphrasing.00:09:37 High-Quality Questions Are Balanced With Self-Revelation.00:10:37 Questions You Should Never Ask00:17:53 Chapter SummaryHear it Here - adbl.co/3OJ4V72• High-quality questions are targeted, focused on understanding and not judgment, open-ended, and tend to paraphrase and connect to what has already been said. Balance questions with your own self-revelation. Remember what people say and follow up with thoughtful questions that show that you’ve truly heard and processed the message.• Certain questions should always be avoided: those concerning jobs, salaries, financial costs, choices around children, relationship status, weight, diet choices, or physical appearance. #HighQualityQuestions #SelfRevelation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q. #AnatomyOfAGoodQuestion

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:08:57 How to Build Curiosity00:13:49 Assume Nothing 00:16:40 Person, Not Story 00:19:15 You Go First Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI• Maintain reciprocal curiosity and the mindset that you can always learn something new from others. Be fully present, open-minded, and receptive rather than approaching with bias, judgment, or distraction. Instead of trying to convince others how fascinating you are, find what is fascinating about others. Conversations are co-creations!• Genuinely connect to others by listening deeply, focusing on the person and not their story, and never making judgments or assumptions. Listen to understand, not to respond; listen primarily for emotion, not just fact. One way you can show that you’re willing to really listen to people is self-disclosure.#Conflict #Conversation #Curiosity #Listen #ListenDeeply #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #ReciprocalCuriosity

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homeHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI00:02:31 How to Paint the Picture00:02:59 To get a hang of using imagery in conversation, you need to master the use of three tools: 1. Concreteness 2. Simile 3. Metaphor Concreteness is about being embedded in the world, about being real.00:08:02 Rhythm and How to Go with the Flow00:09:28 Parallelism 00:11:42 Repetition 00:12:39 Think about Winston Churchill’s famous “we shall fight them on the beaches” speech00:13:58 Alliteration and Assonance00:15:33 How to Be a Masterful Storyteller • If you want your listeners to really absorb what you say to them, paint them a mental picture. Do this by using vivid and concrete imagery, similes (using like or as), and metaphors to connect abstract ideas with more real-world ones. Use adjectives and interesting details and be a little unexpected. • Language is musical by nature, and much of the meaning it conveys comes down to its rate, its articulation, its flow, and the way it moves through time. Pay attention to the rhythm and flow of your speech. • In parallelism, we repeat certain structures to create an effect. Repetition drives our point home and makes it seem more true, as do alliteration (repetition of initial consonant sounds) and assonance (repetition of internal or vowel sounds). • Human beings react not just to “information” but to narrative; to be a good storyteller, you need to go beyond sharing information and facts, and help your listeners form an emotional connection to what you’re saying. Good stories enlist the use of our voice, body language, gestures, facial expressions, and even visual aids. • Make sure that your story illustrates supports or connects to your larger point or circumstance. Set the scene but don’t dawdle on unnecessary detail. Start with a bang and keep things at a moderate pace, being concise. Be relevant and interesting, and if you can, practice your story ahead of time!#Alliteration #Assonance #Brevity #ChipsChannon #Concreteness #Metaphor #Parallelism #Repetition #Rhythm #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #MasteringStyleandTone

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:02:26 The Emotions Wheel and Learning to Label00:04:47 Different versions of the Emotion Wheel00:07:39 1. Anger00:08:46 6. Disgust 00:09:53 7. Fear 00:10:53 8. Happy 00:12:26 9. Sadness00:13:37 10. Surprise00:14:45 11. Bad00:21:36 Step 1: Put a name to the emotion (the Emotion Wheel can help).00:29:31 What Invalidation Looks LikeHear it Here - adbl.co/3OJ4V72• Becoming more emotionally intelligent requires understanding of what emotions are, how to read them, how to feel and label our own experiences, and how to validate them in the people around us. We need to develop empathy, social skills, self-awareness, and self-control.• There are universal basic human emotions, but they express themselves in varying degree, variety, and intensity. A tool like the Emotion Wheel can help you build emotional literacy and pinpoint precise feelings and emotions. Primary emotions include anger, fear, disgust, happiness, surprise, and just plain “bad.” If you become an expert at knowing exactly how you feel, however, you are never in the position of misunderstanding yourself and will be a more effective and coherent person as a result.• The more emotionally literate we become with our own experiences, the better we can recognize them in others. Pay attention, listen, and then (tentatively) call out the emotion you think someone is experiencing. Verbalize the emotion by putting a name to it, and without judgment or interpretation, validate their experience. Remember that you’re not validating the factual content of what they’re saying, but the emotional content.#EmotionalValidation #EmotionWheel #EQ #Invalidation #DanielGoleman #Validate #Validating #Validation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q.

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:01:54 Bestselling author and self-help guru Tim Ferriss 00:04:20 Be Very Aware of Personal Space00:06:42 Stay Present00:09:07 In a now famous 1977 interview Barbara Walters did with Dolly PartonHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI• To create a reality distortion field, you will need to increase eye contact, be aware of your personal space, and stay present and open-minded in conversations. Charismatic, confident people are physically present, without being imposing or threatening, and their eye contact is natural. They do not let judgment, anxiety, or distraction undermine their presence in the moment. The key is to acknowledge people and make them feel important. • The biggest impact you make on people does not come from what you say, but from how you are.#BarbaraWalters #BeVeryAware #BillClinton #Charismatic #DollyParton #EyeContact #Ferriss #PersonalSpace #Charismatic #StayPresent #TimFerriss #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily/home/russell/Charismatic-confident-people-physically-imposing-threatening-eye-contact-natural/1-man-and-woman-near-sea-2833389-Emma-Bauso.jpg

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homeHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI00:03:51 Get Comfortable with Pausing 00:09:20 The Dangers of “Hedging Language”00:14:35 Upspeak and the Mystery of Tone00:19:37 The Five Types of Communication Tone00:20:55 Type 1: Informative 00:21:20 Type 2: Humorous 00:21:40 Type 3: Respectful 00:22:08 Type 4: Formal 00:22:28 Type 5: Informal 00:31:36 Transitioning to a New Point 00:32:34 Providing More Details on One Point00:33:17 Linking Similar Points Together#CommunicationTone #Conversational #DrKamiAnderson #HedgingLanguage #JamesGorman #Signpost #Signposting #Summarizing #Upspeak #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #EliminateCrutchWordsAndEmptyLanguage #PatrickKing #HowtoSpeakEffectively

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:02:24 Similarly, so called Barnum statements, named after famed showman and Hoaxbuster P t.00:05:56 Avoid Emotional Disconnectors and Word Trash00:13:47 Elizabeth Stoke is a professor of social interaction at Lowborough University00:16:13 Researchers at Amsterdam's Vu University 00:16:24 Lead researcher Camille Buickenboom 00:18:41 Jacob Hirsch and Jordan Peterson from the University of Toronto00:19:12 Social psychologist James W. Pennebaker and his colleagues00:29:14 Summary Hear it Here - adbl.co/3OJ4V72• Use the principles of cold reading to create quick rapport and “read” nonverbal expressions to gain insight into their personalities. Observe, redirect their attention, collaborate with them, and gather information during back-and-forth conversation. Pay close attention to the details and make constantly updated predictions, maintaining warmth while you redirect from incorrect guesses.• Finally, avoid emotional disconnect caused by “trash words” such as “just,” “honestly,” “amazing,” “slay it,” or “should.”• Listen to how somebody speaks and uses language to gain insight into their mental models of the world. Notice the focus of their speech, their pronoun use, their positioning of subject and object, and how they explain neutral events. Always be curious about what this expression tells you about the person’s perspective, beliefs, worldview, and focus.#AvoidEmotionalDisconnectors #Barnum #Beukeboom #BigFive #CamielBeukeboom #ElizabethStokoe #EllenLeanse #EQ #HowWordChoiceRevealsCharacter #JacobHirsh #JamesWPennebaker #JordanPeterson #Kufner #LinguisticInquiry #LoughboroughUniversity #Nonverbal #Openmindedness #Pennebaker #PTBarnum #Shotgunning #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q.

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:00:35 The Friendship Formula is a simple framework for building and maintaining strong friendships.00:07:04 The Friendship Formula 00:09:13 Dr. Jack Schaefer, former FBI agent and author of The Like Switch, has a theory that might have the answer.00:19:04 How to Use Schaefer's formula to Your BenefitHear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI • Dr. Jack Schafer’s “friendship formula” is as follows: Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity. Friendship will develop according to the sum of all these four elements. That means that one element can be relatively weak if another compensates by being extra strong. • Building friendships is about fostering increasing closeness—i.e., proximity. Greater frequency also means a stronger chance of friendship developing. The more frequently you engage with someone, the more they feel like part of your world. Friendship takes time to build, so greater duration of time spent together means greater chance of friendship. Finally, it matters how well you’re able to satisfy another person’s needs during any social interaction. The more you can, the better the chance of striking up a friendship. • When making friends, deliberately find ways to increase proximity and the duration, frequency, and intensity of your interactions with people, in that order. Go slow!#ACTION #CignaLonelinessReport #CityIndexSurvey #DrJackSchafer #DrSchafer #FRIENDSHIPFORMULA #LonelinessProject #Schafer #SchafersFormula #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:01:10 In 1974, business professor Chris Argyris created a handy tool00:06:22 How to Use the Ladder in Your Own Life00:16:02 Consider the following speech made by Barack Obama at the 2004 Democratic National Convention00:18:23 George Lakoff is an author and professor of cognitive science and linguistics.Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3N9lsjI • Poor communication arises as a result of a mismatch of perspectives, approach, or conversational skill. People process information differently, but to avoid misunderstandings, communicate consciously and use the “ladder of inference.” It shows the unique way that people use their experiences to make meaning: observations > selected data > meanings > assumptions > conclusions > beliefs > actions. • Conflict can occur when people are on different rungs. To improve communication, see where people are and how their ladder of inference is working for them, then speak to that, in sequence, and without blame or shame. • Good communicators deliberately create their own frames during conversations and position their line of thinking by using specially chosen words, expressions, and images. Change frames and you change meaning. • Deliberately engineer your conversational frame and invite the other person in using pre-existing concepts they’re familiar with to improve the chances they’ll be receptive. Remember that reality is fixed, but the meaning of reality is dynamic and subject to change. #ACTIONS #ACTIONSBELIEFSCONCLUSIONSASSUMPTIONSMEANINGSSELECTEDDATAOBSERVATIONS #Argyris #ASSUMPTIONS #BELIEFS #Birkin #ChrisArgyris #CONCLUSIONS #GeorgeLakoff #Hermes #MEANING #POOLOFOBSERVATIONS #SELECTEDDATA #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #SocialSkillsCoaching #PatrickKindConsulting #PatrickKing

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homeHear it Here - adbl.co/3OJ4V72• Be mindful of your meta-language and make sure that your verbal and nonverbal signals are aligned. Nonverbal communication can repeat, substitute, complement, or accent our verbal communication. If it doesn’t, we risk sending mixed messages or lowering trust. Pay attention to messages sent using facial expressions, body posture, gestures, eye contact, touch, use of space, and voice characteristics. • To build mindful awareness of your nonverbal communication, try to eliminate in-the-moment stress (by breathing, pausing, and connecting with your five senses) and cultivate emotional awareness (including the ability to tolerate and accept emotions as they are). • When reading body language, think holistically, dynamically, relatively, and in context. Don’t rely on single data points, but look for clusters of behavior, inconsistencies with context, and a shift from baseline. #AuthorNickMorgan #BodyLanguageBasics #Clusters #ColdReading #Collaboration #Communication #EQ #FourImportantColdReadingPrinciples #MasterNonverbalCommunication #Morgan #Observation #Posture #Redirection #Stress #Substitution #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q.

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:03:54 Use a Journal and Be Your Own Therapist00:06:50 How to Use AffirmationsHear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu• A journal is a powerful self-help tool that slows your thoughts, keeps track of your progress, and helps you uncover patterns as well as develop your values and goals. Use writing prompts to guide self-exploration without judgment.• Recurrent themes will emerge over time, and these can be inverted to create your own affirmations. These become like useful shortcuts to guide and shape your journey to healthier boundaries, better communication, and stronger self-identity.#Affirmations #Journal #Journaling #Meditate #Peoplepleasing #Relationship #SetBoundaries #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homeHear it Here - adbl.co/3OJ4V72• Empathy is the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation, and being able to occupy their perceptual position/perspective. In NLP’s “perceptual positions” exercise, first position is your own point of view, second position is another person’s, and third position concerns the view of you both from a third, neutral observer perspective. • By switching between these positions, you gain more insight, understanding, and empathy, and find solutions to problems. No position is best, but wisdom comes from being able to skillfully shift between all three. • Perspective-taking is an act of social imagination where you temporarily set aside your own frame of reference and entertain another, possibly very different one. Self-awareness and awareness of others means we can develop theory of mind and a certain mental flexibility.• Build this capacity by looking at pictures of people and trying the “step inside” activity, the “step in, step out, and step back” activity, or the “context” exercise. These will help you strengthen your ability to consider the world through other people’s eyes. • One of the biggest obstacles to genuine empathy and emotional intelligence is ego—our own and others’. When dealing with people who are constantly self-referential, uninterested in things that don’t benefit them, lacking in personal accountability and empathy, and have a heightened opinion of themselves, try to avoid getting into a battle of the egos. Lower expectations, stay firm in your boundaries, and maintain distance. • Watch for narcissism in yourself, too: Don’t assume you’re immune to self-absorption, work on your self-esteem, and consciously mix with those who don’t always confirm your worldview. #DrDurvasula #DSM #Durvasula #Egotist #EgotisticalPeople #Empathy #Entitlement #EQ #Incivility #RamaniSDurvasula #Narcissism #NLP #Perspectivetaking #Ramani #StepInsideExercise #StepOutStepBackExercise #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofEQ

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:02:32 You’ll Know That Codependency Is Part Of Your Need To People-Please If:00:05:00 Make Yourself Your New Rescue Project00:08:42 Gradually Separate Yourself.00:09:23 Become Curious Where Your Bad Feelings Come From.00:10:54 Stop Making Excuses.00:12:30 Use A Journal to discover the roots of your behavior.Hear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu• People-pleasers can sometimes fall into codependent relationships, where one person is reliant on another, whether that’s physically, emotionally, mentally, or even spiritually. These toxic dynamics can only be broken when the person is able to re-prioritize themselves as their own “rescue project” and rewrite the core belief that they are only good people if they are needed. This requires understanding the roots of behavior and refusing to make excuses anymore.#Addiction #Codependency #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #&StopPleasingOthers

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:03:40 In Aristotle's time, Oration was an honored art and tradition00:04:00 Ethos00:06:26 Pathos00:12:25 Cairos 00:20:29 Workplace Communication Etiquette00:32:16 The Seven C's of Effective Workplace Communication00:38:16 SummaryHear it Here - https://bit.ly/3GAwNag• Persuasion is about trying to change or influence someone’s mind, and it rests on knowing what that person’s values, perspectives, and needs are so you can address them directly. • According to Aristotle, the four main modes of persuasion are ethos (appeal to authority), pathos (appeal to emotion), logos (appeal to reason), and kairos (making an argument at the right time and place). Good oration and rhetoric are not about which mode fits you or your message best, but knowing how to put your message in a form that the audience is most likely to hear.• To speak to pathos, be vulnerable or share a personal experience or even a secret. To speak to logos, use hard data and evidence or a deductive or inductive argument. To speak to ethos, share genuine and relevant credentials. In all cases, try to understand your audience’s emotional state, their perspective, and their most pressing need, then present your message in terms that will appeal to them most. • Workplace communication runs on all the same communication rules, but we have to consider the bigger role that written and electronic communication plays, too. Professional communication is more about appropriateness, politeness, custom, convention, and formality. • We need to consider the goal, content, and medium to the message, as well as the audience. First, clarify the reason for communication and let that decide the most appropriate medium. Factor in your company’s unique communication culture and be mindful of your tone. • Professional communication should follow the seven Cs: It should be clear, concise, correct, concrete, considerate, complete, and courteous.

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:06:44 As Stephen Covey says, seek first to understand, then to be understood.00:10:38 The Four Types of Empathic Responses00:16:15 What Do You Do When Things Go Right?00:28:54 Shift responses versus Support ResponsesHear it Here - adbl.co/3OJ4V72• Emotional intelligence is also something we do rather than something we are. Thankfully, it can be learned. • Empathic listening is total, genuine attention to the other person and the message they are trying to convey. Set aside your own ego and perspective and become genuinely curious about someone else’s world, listening to understand rather than to respond. Be curious and receptive rather than reactive, “listening” to verbal and nonverbal signals. • To respond empathically, acknowledge their courage, ask questions to clarify their message, convey that you care, and check in with how they’re feeling. • Offer responses that are both active and constructive, rather than passive and destructive, to create trust and connection. Remember that your response to someone’s positive expressions is a bigger determinant of the relationship quality than how you treat them when they’re unhappy. Show genuine interest in what you’re told and match and reflect people’s emotional experiences rather than invalidating it.• Practice offering support responses (which maintain the focus on the speaker) instead of shift responses (which shift the focus of the conversation back onto you) if you want to avoid conversational narcissism. Try not to continually center your own emotional experiences or interpret other people’s experiences through the lens of your own. Instead, see conversation as a genuine back and forth and deliberately set aside yourself to learn more about others. #ActiveConstructive #ActiveDestructive #CharlesDerber #ConstructiveResponding #EmpathicListening #GableGonzagaStrachman #PassiveConstructive #PassiveDestructive #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q.

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:01:42 Pleasing others becomes a transaction or a deal 00:02:44 Mindfulness Meditation for People-Pleasers 00:06:09 1. Sit somewhere comfortably, slow your breathing, and relax. 00:06:16 2. If worries, concerns, and anxious thoughts pop up, say hello to them but set them aside. 00:06:26 3. Focus calmly on your breathing 00:06:37 4. When distracting thoughts pop up again, set them aside again and come back to your breath.00:09:02 Loving-Kindness Meditation for People-PleasersHear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu• Kindness and compassion are wonderful if they are genuine. People-pleasers need to learn to develop the skill of genuine kindness rather than acting out of fear, obligation, or a sense of transaction. Mindfulness and loving-kindness practice are two ways to help rescue genuine compassion from the need to please.• Mindfulness meditation is about presence and being aware of the present moment without judgment or grasping. Go calm and quiet within, setting aside thoughts as they arrive and accepting what is without trying too hard to achieve any particular end.• Loving-kindness meditation practices generating warm, accepting, and loving attention and extending it to others as well as to yourself. Visualize kindness flowing to the people you love, then progressively to others, and finally to yourself. Compassion does not mean agreement or forgiveness, only that we can acknowledge that as human beings, we all have worth since we are part of what is.#Boundary #Compassion #Lovingkindness #LovingKindnessMeditation #Meditation #Mindfulness #MindfulnessMeditation #Peoplepleasers #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:02:29 The COIN Framework 00:03:59 In Carroll’s book, The Feedback Imperative: How to Give Feedback to Speed Up Your Team's Success00:16:56 How to Say No 00:26:48 Technique 1: The Agreement Frame 00:37:41 Technique 2: VOMP 00:42:13 Technique 3: Nonviolent Communication00:53:53 The Six-Step ApologyHear it Here - https://bit.ly/3GAwNag• The goal during conflict is to increase positive feelings for everyone involved. One way to do this is with Carroll’s COIN framework—context, observations, impact, and next (follow-up actions). Use plenty of “I” statements, pause often, and be as clear and direct as possible. When giving feedback, focus on what can be done in the future rather than what has already been done.• There are many ways to navigate communication when you disagree. The agreement frame helps the other person release their resistance to your perspective because you are able to really support their views or values first and seek common ground that puts you on the same team. • The art of saying no includes understanding the different kinds of assertions, including basic assertions (statements of facts and limits), empathic assertions (asserting needs and limits whilst acknowledging others’ with kindness), consequence assertions (following through with consequences of not respecting your boundary), discrepancy assertions (drawing attention to difference between what was agreed and what is happening), and negative feeling assertions (owning your own emotions and stating them).• VOMP is another technique and stands for voice/vent, own, moccasins, and plan. Say your piece and allow the other person to say theirs, own your part in the conflict, show empathy for their perspective, and then move forward with a concrete plan on how to act in the future. • Marshall Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication is about making neutral observations, expressing feelings with “I” statements, sharing needs, and making reasonable and respectful requests. • If none of these three techniques work, you can manage a difficult person by “fogging” (being as neutral and non-reactive as possible) or repeating boundaries like a “broken record” until they lose interest. • Finally, learn the six elements of a successful and genuine apology: express regret and remorse, explain yourself, accept full responsibility, repent, make an offer for reparations, and, only at the end, request forgiveness. Realize that you are not entitled to forgiveness, and accept whatever happens with grace.#AgreementFrame #AnnaCarroll #COINFramework #Communication #Lewicki #MarshallFritz #MarshallRosenberg #NVP #Ransberger #RansbergerPivot #RayRansberger #RoyLewicki #SixStepApology #VOMP #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:05:11 Step 1: Be Aware of What You Feel 00:09:47 Step 2: Normalize 00:11:52 Step 3: Tell the Truth Hear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu• When we engage in people-pleasing, we are trying to extract validation, approval, and liking from other people. However, self-validation is the ability to provide all these things for ourselves.• We create self-validation when we acknowledge and accept how we feel without judgment, normalize that feeling, then speak the truth about it.#Boundary #Normalize #Peoplepleasing #Selfvalidation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers

Easily listen to The Science of Self in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/ScienceOfSelfPodcasthttp://bit.ly/GeniusHollins• Lincoln’s genius traits included intellectual honesty, morality, non-conventionality, and soft skills such as empathy and communication.• Lincoln had little formal education and had an ordinary background, but was someone who possessed all the skills we associate with genius. He was most talented, perhaps, at working with the genius of others.• After he was elected president, Lincoln surprised everyone by appointing his “team of rivals” consisting of the men he had beaten in the election, and who often disagreed with him. But with this team, he was able to achieve the enormous accomplishments he is still known for today.• Like Darwin, Lincoln understood that success and learning come from challenge and the courage to consider alternate and conflicting viewpoints. Lincoln’s cabinet also allowed him to make use of people’s diverse talents.• Lincoln was also, unlike many in this book, a master at soft skills such as empathy, communication, and the ability to tap into a strong moral code of ethics to power his goals. • The five genius traits already covered are enhanced and transmitted more effectively when combined with these soft skills, as Lincoln demonstrates. Under his leadership, the Civil War ended with emancipation and the end of slavery, as well as a new and unified national spirit that defined the democratic principles of the country going forward. • To be like Lincoln, we need to know how to ask for help, to work with others, to engage our critics and competition strategically, and to take even our enemies as our best teachers. • Lincoln also teaches us the power of connecting not only with our own moral compass, but with other people via their values and principles, to become better communicators and more effective leaders.#AbrahamLincoln #AdamSmith #AmericanCivilWar #Confederacy #Darwin #Declaration #Descartes #DorisKearnsGoodwin #Edison #Einstein #Genius #Gettysburg #GettysburgAddress #IsaacNewton #Kentucky #Lincoln #Nonconventionality #PoliticalGenius #Socrates #SoldiersNationalCemetery #Tesla #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PeterHollins #TheScienceofSelf #ThinkLikeaGenius

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:01:12 Broadly speaking, there are three types of validation: 00:01:44 1. Emotional Validation 00:03:52 2. Behavioral Validation 00:05:49 3. Cognitive Validation 00:10:02 In Listening to Conflict, author Eric Van Slyke outlines six listening levels.00:14:37 To be a good listener, try to remember H-U-R: •Hearing the Message •Understanding the message •Responding to the messageHear it Here - https://bit.ly/3GAwNag• Validation is the process of genuinely hearing, seeing, and witnessing another person’s lived reality and allowing it to be what it is. It’s crucial in good communication. Validation is not agreement or reinforcement but recognizing emotions for what they are. It can be emotional, behavioral, or cognitive—or all three. • Good listening is the ability to be open and receptive, to accept what we’re told, but also to process and really engage with that information so that we can also return it to the speaker if appropriate.• There are six increasing levels of listening: passive, responsive, selective, attentive, active, and empathic. Remember your role as a listener with the HUR acronym: hear the message, understand it, and respond. We can respond and show our understanding by paraphrasing, reflecting, and summarizing. #Clarification #Cognitive #CommunicationSkills #Confirm #EricVanSlyke #HURHearing #Reflecting #Responsive #Validation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #CommunicationSkillsTraining

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:02:55 Technique 1: Playing It Cool00:07:02 Technique 2: Pulling A Columbo 00:07:29 The technique is pretty straightforward: 1. Get People Talking Freely And Carelessly 2. Slip In A Question When Their Guard Is Down 3. Show No Indication Of What’s Happened 00:11:20 •Avoid Confrontation 00:11:36 •Don’t Make A Big Show Of Listening. 00:11:53 •Play Dumb. 00:12:14 •If In Doubt, Ask People To Repeat Themselves.00:12:53 Technique 3: False Replay00:17:00 Technique 4: Leading Questions00:24:19 Technique 5: Be Provocative00:29:18 Technique 6: Gauge Response, Not AnswersHear it Here - https://bit.ly/ExtractInfo• To take our information extraction to the next level, we can use lighter, more relaxed versions of the interrogation techniques practiced by law enforcement.• One key approach is to lower the person’s defenses by not appearing to them as a threat. This can be done by being casual and informal, or even prying when official interrogations are over. The trick is to behave as though you’re not especially invested in their answer.• The Columbo technique relies on this impression of casualness so that a question can be sneakily slipped in and answered while the person’s guard is down. Play dumb, ask people to repeat themselves, and maintain a degree of plausible deniability. Hide questions in comments or statements that the other person can’t help but respond to—and reveal themselves.• The false replay technique aims to confuse and disorient a liar and get them to slip up or confess. You repeat back their story but make a “mistake” with a crucial detail, and watch their reaction. A liar is most likely to ignore it, while a truth teller will correct you. Liars are also most likely to grow agitated, angry, or distracted with being asked to retell their story in different ways, or being asked about it repeatedly.• Leading questions are typically closed questions that guide a person’s response to where you suspect the truth lies. A question can be made with a built-in assumption, or you could lead a person with priming statements or question tags.• Being provocative is a great way to de-stabilize someone and observe their reaction—disproportionate anger, fear, or distraction indicate you’ve hit a nerve.• The golden rule is to gauge a person’s complete response to a question, and not just their verbal answer. Use questions to trigger an emotional reaction and analyze this in context.#BeProvocative #Columbo #FalseReplay #GaugeResponse #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:05:12 Tip 1: Just Keep Quiet Really.00:05:49 Tip 2: Show Your Compassion And Kindness ... Just In A Different Way 00:07:00 Tip 3: Train A Different Automatic Response 00:08:07 Tip 4: Change Apology Into Gratitude 00:09:12 Tip 5: Speak Plainly 00:10:45 Tip 6: Reframe Your Idea Of Politeness 00:12:27 Tip 7: Imperfect Is Not Wrong 00:13:34 Tip 8: Discern What Is In Your Zone Of Control Hear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu• People-pleasers often engage in self-sabotaging behavior: over-apologizing. This happens for many reasons, most commonly low self-esteem, the desire to please others, awkwardness and discomfort, conflict avoidance, anxiety, and perfectionism.• To overcome over-apologizing, try to practice simply staying silent or expressing concern and compassion in different ways. You could also train out the “sorry habit” by expressing what you really mean to express—for example, gratitude. Don’t apologize for being imperfect, and reframe your idea of politeness so that it includes plain, honest, clear speech, which is always more truthful and assertive. Finally, don’t apologize for things that are outside your control.#Apologizing #Politeness #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:02:56 According to Psychology Today, emotional intelligence (EI) is “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions as well as the emotions of others."00:04:02 Cultivating Emotional Awareness00:08:01 Harnessing Those Pesky Emotions 00:13:09 Emotional Management 00:16:15 Validation As Connection 00:17:47 What Validation ISN’T Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/3GAwNag• There is no communication without emotions. That means that conversational intelligence is emotional intelligence. EQ is a mix of three skills: awareness of emotions, harnessing emotions, and managing emotions. • If we are emotionally aware, we are able to identify what we are feeling in a conversation as well as observe and comprehend what another person is feeling—even if it’s wildly different from our own experience. We are also then in a position to harness those emotions and to proactively and consciously choose a response.• Slow down or pause, reflect what you’re being told, and see if you can put the newly identified and named emotion to good use. • Managing emotions means being conscious and deliberate: We can accept and acknowledge how we feel but still make conscious choices about our behavior according to our chosen goals. #CommunicationSkills #CultivatingEmotionalAwareness #DanielGoleman #EI #EQ #IQ #JohnDMayer #PeterSalovey #PsychologyToday #Validation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #CommunicationSkillsTraining

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:07:45 Technique One Shotgun Statements00:09:09 Technique Two Barnum Statements00:11:45 Technique Three ignoring the misses00:14:38 Technique Four passing off failures as successes00:17:11 Technique Five Keeping It VagueHear it Here - https://bit.ly/ExtractInfo• We can improve our information extraction skills by following some of the techniques used by fake psychics when they do “cold reading.”• General principles for cold reading include being subtle, open-ended, and allowing the other person to guide you—without them realizing that you are not doing anything magical but merely working with the information that they provide.• Shotgun statements are random statements made in order to see what response you get so you can follow it up on what sticks.• Barnum statements are those that are likely to be perceived as relevant to individuals, even though they apply to almost everyone. Barnum statements are broad guesses that look specific but actually have a high probability of being on the mark.• When using shotgun or Barnum statements, a cold reader can also ignore their misses and focus on their hits, concealing the fact that they are guessing.• Another way to mask misses is to pass them off as successes retroactively, or rework your claim to make it seem as though you were right all along.• Cold readers deliberately keep things vague to start with, and then fine tune their approach according to the feedback they receive. They begin with a non-committal, low-stakes guess and then, by degree, inch closer to the truth using their audience’s response or lack of it.• A key principle in cold reading is to pay attention to reactions of all kinds, including nonverbal ones.• Expert cold reading combines all of these techniques seamlessly and swiftly to give the impression that the “psychic” has plucked accurate information from the air, when in reality, it has been fed to him unwittingly by the audience all along!#ShotgunStatements #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo #ColdReading #BarnumStatements #/home/russell/temp/KingEpi-2023-05-23-06-54-yZQ96NEHwQ/psychic-mystic-clairvoyant/1-woman-in-gray-and-black-striped-long-sleeve-shirt-sitting-beside-black-table-7267741-Pavel-Danilyuk.jpg

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:08:38 Psychologist Craig Malkin's book Rethinking Narcissism00:10:59 The Soft Startup 00:13:19 The Empathic Communication Toolkit for Handling Conflict 00:20:47 Use techniques like the Positive no or the Soft Startup https://adbl.co/3shIydQ• To be both assertive and empathic, use techniques like the “positive no” or the “soft startup” when setting a boundary. • When managing conflicts or difficult communication, remember to use open-ended questions; focus on strengths; let the other person lead; normalize rather than pathologize; and use open, conciliatory body language to show that you are on the same side. #Communicating #Communication #Conciliatory #ConversationalTools #CraigMalkins #DifficultConversation #EmpathicAssertion #EmpathicCommunicationToolkit #EmpathicStruggle #Empathy #ExpressEmpathy #Gottman #JulieGottman #Narcissism #NonviolentCommunication #SimpleEmpathicAssertion #UncomfortableConversation #UnconsciousMessage #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:01:34 Talk WITH people and not TO them.00:03:07 Dr. Karl Albrecht in Psychology Today00:15:53 Sustain Conversations with Conversational Threading and Useful Acronyms 00:22:50 Useful Conversational Acronyms The acronym HPM 00:25:17 Another useful acronym is EDRHear it Here - https://bit.ly/3GAwNag• Having charm and charisma is not about you. It’s about the other person and making them feel heard, liked, and supported.• Dr. Albrecht explains that conversations contain three elements: declaratives, questions, and qualifiers. The rule of three tells us that we should not have three declarative statements in a row and should instead mix it up with a question or a qualifier. • It’s not really about the content of what you say but the emotional implications and the energy in how you say it. • Conversational threading is a technique that will help you ensure you never run out of things to say. Listen to what the other person says, pick out a few noteworthy threads, then run with one of them. When the conversation dries up, return to these threads and pick up another one and follow that instead. Be patient, ask open-ended questions, and listen for emotions. • Being a good everyday conversationalist is about being open-minded, spontaneous, and genuine. Keep things flowing! #Albrecht #CasualConversation #Communication #ConversationalAcronyms #ConversationalNarcissist #ConversationalThreading #DeclarativeStatements #DepthTechniques #DrKarlAlbrecht #EDR #EmotionDetailRestatement #EverydayConversations #HPM #RhetoricalQuestions #SkilledConversationalists #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homeHear it Here - https://bit.ly/ExtractInfo00:01:16 From Patrick King's book how to Extract Info, Secrets and Truth, let's take a look at the importance of eye contact and then spend some time discussing active listening.00:03:34 Effects of Eye Contact and Social Status on the Perception of a Job Applicant in an Employment Interviewing Situation00:03:56 Accurate Intelligence Assessments in Social Interactions, Mediators and Gender Effects00:05:34 A 2016 Japanese study by Kajimura and Nomura titled When We Cannot Speak eye Contact Disrupts Resources Available to Cognitive Control Processes During Verb Generation00:06:22 Helping Children Think Gaze Aversion and Teaching by Phelps and Doherty Snedden, researchers found that kids told to look away while thinking and solving problems showed a 20% increase in performance.00:07:51 Eye Contact, Distance and Affiliation00:22:41 Label Emotions • Eye contact is essential for building trust. If you aren’t able to use eye contact, people will find you untrustworthy. The optimal eye contact period is around three seconds of eye contact at a time, with sufficient rest between gazes.• Active listening is a valuable skill set that any person should master, but the techniques of active listening can also help you improve your elicitation abilities and gather more information about people. You need to comprehend, retain and respond to the information people are sharing with you.• You can build rapport and connection in many ways, for example by restating, reflecting, summarizing, labeling emotions, probing (gently!) and using silence to encourage the other person to open up. Open-ended or leading questions (like those covered in the previous chapter) can subtly guide a person to open up to you.• Avoid giving advice, lecturing, sermonizing or judging.• Active listening techniques are best used when you would like someone to open up with you and share their true feelings. Other techniques are more appropriate for detecting deception.#ActiveListener #Binetti #CommunicationSkills #DohertySneddon #EmpatheticReflection #EyeContact #GazeAversion #GazeDuration #Kajimura #Kressler #LieDetection #NeuroLinguisticProgramming #Nomura #NonverbalCommunication #PupilDilation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo #Secrets #andTruth

Hear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu• People-pleasing behavior can stem from a harsh inner critic, who is the one telling us that we are not worth anything unless we serve others, or that we do not deserve to have our needs met or boundaries respected.• We can push against our inner critic by becoming aware of its voice and honestly answering some questions, such as: is the choice I’m making ultimately for me or for someone else? Is this voice in my head serving my interests or working against me? The inner critic, however, is there for a reason, and we can ask what that reason is. Seek to understand what that function is, then consciously choose to meet that need in a healthier way.#InnerCritic #NegativeCoreBeliefs #Peoplepleasers #Peoplepleasing #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #&StopPleasingOthers

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homehttps://adbl.co/3shIydQ00:01:33 What to Say, What Not to Say 00:03:34 Avoid Diminishing 00:05:00 Avoid Dismissing 00:06:14 Avoid Leading Questions 00:07:11 Avoid Advice or Personal Anecdotes 00:09:31 Acknowledge Their Courage 00:09:56 Ask Empathic Questions 00:10:48 Compliment Their Character 00:11:55 Show You Care 00:12:34 An Empathic Statement Formula 00:18:18 Nonviolent Communication/NVC 00:20:48 To use NVC, we must always remember to: 00:23:40 Feelings 00:26:19 Needs00:29:49 Requests 00:34:15 When the Shoe Is on the Other Foot 00:38:43 Let's take a moment to summarize • In empathic communication, we should always seek to understand first and to create connection. Empathic statements can help, but avoid deflecting, diminishing, dismissing, dominating the conversation with leading questions, or giving advice or personal anecdotes. Instead, ask empathic questions, compliment something in their character, or do something practical to show you care. • The nonviolent communication model consists of four components: observations, feelings, needs, and requests. First, become aware of the objective facts of the situation and separate them out from interpretations, assumptions, and judgments about those facts. Next, share what you are feeling, remembering that feelings are connected to our needs, met or unmet. • Then, express these needs without blaming and without confusing needs with strategies used to meet those needs. Finally, finish with a request for that need to be met. Avoid requests that are vague, impossible to fulfil, framed as what you don’t want, or framed as a demand that can’t be refused. A request does not entitle us to receive what we ask for, so we should graciously accept if it isn’t granted. #DrMarshallRosenberg #Empathic #EmpathicConversation #EmpathicStatements #NonjudgmentalPerspective #NonviolentCommunication #NVC #Rosenberg #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TrainYourEmpathyPhoto by sumit-kapoor and Pexels

00:05:40 Posture and Body Orientation 00:09:33 Eye Contact 00:10:54 A study led by Dr. Arthur Aron00:11:53 The Power of Eye Contact by psychologist Michael Ellsberg00:13:03 Kara Ronin’s “triangle technique” 00:13:41 Paralinguistics 00:15:08 The Four Ps of Voice 00:17:37 How to Improve Your Vocal Variety • When reading someone’s body language, pay attention to microexpressions, their overall posture and orientation in space, as well as their degree of eye contact. Paralinguistics refers to information carried in the tone, pace, pitch, etc. of the voice. • Think in terms of overall openness or closedness, but remember that no single detail is decisive and conclusive and that observations should always be compared against a baseline.#Communication #ConfidentSpeaker #DrArthurAron #EyeContact #InvoluntaryFacialExpression #MichaelEllsberg #NonverbalVocalCommunication #Paralinguistics #TriangleTechnique #VerbalCommunication #VerbalExpression #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #CommunicationSkillsTrainingPatrickKingPhoto by fauxels and Pexels

https://www.audible.com/pd/B094NZS81Q/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWU-BK-ACX0-258377&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_258377_pd_us00:02:54 “Stimulus Generalization as A Mechanism for Learning to Trust” by Oriel Feldman Hall00:03:23 “Trust in Close Relationships” by Rempel, Holmes, and Zanna 00:03:56 More Is Better 00:08:59 “Attitudinal Effects of Mere Exposure,” researcher Robert Zajonc 00:09:43 Credibility 00:10:50 Gass and Seiter in their book Persuasion, Social Influence, and Compliance Gaining sought to study credibility.• Trust has been shown to work in a linear fashion. The more you see someone, the more you trust them, regardless of interaction or depth. This is known as the propinquity effect and can be used to your advantage in making people feel psychologically comfortable with sharing more with you.• Credibility is a notch above trust; Trust is about people feeling that they can believe you, and credibility is where people also feel that they can rely on you. There are also proven ways to create an aura of credibility around yourself. These include highlighting qualifications, showing your caring and empathy, showing similarity, being assertive, showing social proof, not contradicting yourself, and avoiding being overly polite.#Festinger #Schachter #Credibility #Credible #DirectTrust #Familiarity #OrielFeldman #RobertZajonc #ThomasSmith #Zajonc #Zanna #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo #Secrets #andTruthPatrickKing

Hear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu00:03:25 Feelings Are Never Right or Wrong 00:05:26 People Are Responsible for Their Own Feelings 00:07:30 Understand What the Goal of Communication Is 00:09:18 Applying Self-Knowledge and Asking for What You Want • Assertive communication is not about force or coercion (aggressive) or pandering and submission (passive-aggressive) but about speaking confidently from the heart. To achieve mature, healthy communication, remember that feelings are never right or wrong, but it matters what we do with those feelings.• Other people are responsible for their feelings, and ultimately, the goal of communication is not to control others but to connect with them and get our mutual needs met. Finally, an important skill is to ask for what you need from a position of self-knowledge.#AggressiveCommunication #Assertive #Communication #CommunicationSkills #GoodConversation #AssertiveCommunication #NegativeEmotions #Passive #PassiveCommunication #Peoplepleasers #PoorCommunication #Reframing #SilentTreatment #SpeakLoud #SpeakClear #AndSpeakFromTheHeart #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #&StopPleasingOthers

00:03:07 Can I just observe without judgment or evaluation?00:07:41 Brian Grazer is the author of the bestseller A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life.00:10:39 Type 1: Diversive Curiosity This refers to being attracted to novelty.00:11:03 Type 2: Epistemic Curiosity Epistemology is the philosophical branch of inquiry related to the theory of knowledge itself.00:11:51 Type 3: Empathic Curiosity The type we are interested in here.00:14:16 Keep the Spark of Curiosity Alive 00:17:25 Resist Superficiality 00:20:47 No Such Thing as Boring 00:21:26 Artist and composer John Cage gives this advice: “If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four.00:23:51 Random Acts of Kindness • Avoid psychologizing. When we interpret people’s experiences, we are no longer fully listening to them. • Empathy is impossible without curiosity. Curiosity is about more than asking questions—it’s about having a sincere desire to understand someone else’s heart, mind, and complete experience. It requires imagination, a hunger to learn, and an open mind.• The main thing that gets in the way of real curiosity in empathic listening is the impulse to insert our own opinion, perspective, or frame of reference into the conversation. Imagine that learning to be interested in others is not a boring challenge, but a gift and an opportunity. • There are three kinds of curiosity: diversive (interest in novelty), epistemic (deeper inquiry into knowledge itself), and empathic. Whenever you notice mild interest in novelty, see if you can explore and amplify it till it becomes richer empathic curiosity. • Keep the spark of curiosity alive by consistently asking why, digging beneath the superficiality of a situation, and challenging yourself to see nothing as boring. • Random acts of kindness can make us more empathic. Try to be more alert to other people’s needs and respond spontaneously to them. • Kindness is a shift from focus on the self to focus on the other. Continually ask yourself, “How are other people doing? What do they need?”#Empathy #Curiosity #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TrainYourEmpathy/home/russell/Dropbox/NMGMedia/Stock/JPGs/3182752.jpg

Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/3GAwNag00:01:58 Mirroring and Matching 00:03:03 In the 1970s, Richard Bandler and John Grinder introduced NLP00:05:24 Way 1: Match and Mirror External Communication Cues 00:07:31 Way 2: Match and Mirror Voice and Language 00:12:16 Way 3: Match and Mirror Internal Communication Cues 00:16:56 Way 4: Match on Content 00:18:38 Way 5: Chunking • Good conversation is firstly about the degree of concordance, harmony, and synchronicity between you and the person you’re talking to, i.e., rapport. • We can increase rapport by mirroring and matching both nonverbal and verbal expression. This can be done with internal and external cues, voice and language, content, and chunking style (i.e., up or down).#Chunking #Communication #EffortlessRapport #EmotionalContent #FacialExpression #JohnGrinder #NeuroLinguisticProgrammingNLP #NonverbalCommunication #RichardBandler #VerbalCommunication #TheRapportGame:FiveWaysToBuildRapport #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #CommunicationSkillsTraining/home/russell/Dropbox/NMGMedia/Stock/JPGs/64574.jpg

Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/ExtractInfo00:04:28 Elicitation Practice If none of the above work, that’s where the practice of elicitation comes in.00:08:15 Ellen Naylor in her 2016 book Win/Loss Analysis wrote about six specific elicitation techniques to get people talking.00:08:27 Recognition Practice Human beings are social animals.00:10:56 Complaining Technique This technique works with something else fundamental to human beings: how much we love to complain!00:15:45 Naïveté Technique In the same vein as the above, many people can’t help speaking up when they believe that someone is not wrong exactly, but merely trying to understand, and it’s their job to clear things up for them.00:17:57 Shift The Window This technique is a little more dramatic than the others, and may take a bit more practice, or otherwise being more familiar with the person in question.00:21:42 Silence Practice This last technique may not seem like the others, but in many cases, it can be the most powerful of all.00:25:05 Episode Takeaways • Analyze the answers to these questions cautiously, and remember to place everything in context. Note how they answer, not just the content, and also not what isn’t said. Use extrapolation to draw conclusions about what their answers say about them in a more general sense. • Questions needs to be iterative and responsive to the context and the answers you’ve already received. Also think about behavior online and in emails, or “read” a person’s possessions or home the way you would their body language. Use these observations to guide your questions.• Elicitation leads you to the information you’re looking for, without it seeming that you are. • Developed originally by the FBI, these techniques are really just ways to carefully work around conversational and societal norms to your advantage. They are effective because they work with human being’s natural social and behavioral tendencies.• For example, one tendency is towards recognition, or social connection. Use compliments or accurate observations to foster a rapport with someone or strengthen your connection. • You can also elicit information by encouraging people to complain, and in doing so, reveal something previously hidden, or else tap into the human need to correct someone’s error. Sued skillfully, most people cannot resist joining in on a complaining session or correcting an “error” you make.• Playing dumb or using naivete or ignorance will also encourage some people to try to educate you, and share vital information, especially since you will seem so non-threatening. • Finally, one technique is to say something quite dramatic to “shift the window” and then act as though nothing has happened; subtly, you may well elicit a revealing response. Silence can also be used effectively, since it encourages people to fill the gap with the information you want to know. #AccurateAssessments #AccurateObservations #AwkwardTension #BehavioralTendencies #Beliefs #BenignSituations #ComplainingTechnique #ElicitationPractice #EllenNaylor #IndirectQuestions #NaïvetéTechnique #SilencePractice #PuttingYourQuestionsIntoContext #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo #Secrets #andTruth/home/russell/temp/questions/questions-brown-and-black-wooden-blocks-10412820-Sara.jpg

Hear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu00:01:27 In 2019, Matthew Berry and Steven Brown did research on the vocal tones 00:06:14 Jo Emerson is a confidence coach 00:07:10 Watch Your Body Language 00:08:33 Maintain Comfortable Eye Contact 00:09:26 Dress the Part 00:10:38 Develop Your Personal Sense of Poise • Assertiveness is something you can fake till you make! Be mindful of your body language (stand tall and take up space), maintain comfortable eye contact, fine-tune your personal sense of style (whatever that is), and practice the habits of a poised, composed person (such as gracefully accepting compliments).#EyeContact #GenuineConfidence #JoEmerson #MatthewBerry #KarenPine #StevenBrown #BeingAssertive—OrAtLeastHowToFakeItTillYouMakeIt #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourselfPhoto by Vlada-Karpovich and Pexels

Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3shIydQ00:03:35 Psychologist Dr. Ann Vertel uses reflective listening in her practice00:04:35 How to Master Reflective Listening 00:13:48 Psychologizing—A Peculiar Kind of Invalidation • When we listen empathically and reflect, we go quiet and still within ourselves so we can receive as accurate a picture of the other person’s account as possible. We use mirroring and paraphrasing without questioning, leading, or starting a new thread. • We can reflect either content, feeling, or meaning, but should always remain non-directional and non-judgmental.#Empathic #EmpathicListeners #Invalidation #Jung #DrAnnVertel #Psychologizing #Reflecting #BeStillAndReflect #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TrainYourEmpathyPhoto courtesy of George Becker and Pexels.

Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/3GAwNag00:03:29 “But I thought you meant X!”00:07:00 Preconceived Attitudes.00:12:34 Judgment and Premature Evaluation.00:15:11 Other Bad Communication Habits to Avoid.00:17:12 Constantly Interrupting.00:19:10 Using Qualifiers.00:20:22 Equating Your Experiences.00:20:27 “I know exactly how you feel!"00:22:24 Waiting Instead of Listening.00:23:14 Fluff and Filler Words.Barriers to good conversation include assumptions, strong negative emotions like anger and aggression (which inspire defensiveness), preconceived ideas and prejudice, fear, inflexibility and a need to control, premature evaluation and judgment, and other negative conversational habits like interrupting or one-upping. #AmazingCommunicationSkills #BadCommunicationHabits #BadConversationalist #BadHabit #CommonHabitualConversationalTraps #Communication #CommunicationBreakdown #CommunicationHabits #CommunicationSkills #ConversationalNarcissism #ConversationFlow #DistortCommunication #EffectiveCommunication #FillerWords #Floundering #Fluff #GoodCommunicator #HumanInteraction #ManipulativeCommunicationStyle #PrematureEvaluation #PsychologicalBarrier #PsychologicalBarriersToCommunication #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoachingPhoto courest of PICHA and Pexels

Hear it Here - https://www.audible.com/pd/B094NZS81Q/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWU-BK-ACX0-258377&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_258377_pd_usAsking questions is an active way to deliberately elicit information from a person, but they need to be targeted and not too obvious. A few seemingly casual hypothetical questions can reveal a person’s deeper values, perspectives, and goals, for example asking what their favorite movie is, what they would save from a fire, or what animal they see themselves as.#Answer #Answering #DustinWood #Questions #Rorschach #AskedAndAnalyzed #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoachingPhoto Courtesy of Leeloo-Thefirst and Pexels

Hear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu• Everyone has a right to have boundaries. Try to reframe how you think of boundaries—they are there to protect and prioritize what’s important, and not shut someone out or offend them. Trust your own feelings and judgments instead of avoiding them.• State your boundary and don’t overexplain or ask permission. Then, if a boundary is violated, follow up with appropriate action. A big part of healthy boundaries is respecting other people’s boundaries, too.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Acquiescing #Assert #Boundary #Boundarysetting #Communicate #Peoplepleasers #Peoplepleasing #EveryoneNeedsBoundaries...IncludingYou! #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

• The best mindset to adopt in order to become a better communicator is the one that will best allow you to connect, meet your needs, solve problems, and express yourself. • Begin by asking yourself what your default communication style is: aggressive, passive-aggressive, or manipulative. None of these styles actually achieves the ultimate goal of communication, however. • The way you communicate is a choice. Assertive communication is the ability to express needs, wants, thoughts, and feelings directly without disrespecting or controlling others. Mature conversationalists are self-controlled, balanced, relaxed, open, and respectful.• Communicating well is simple and easy, but we need to remove the formidable psychological barriers that stand in the way. With awareness, we can remove them and improve our communication skills.#AggressiveCommunicator #Assertive #AssertiveCommunicator #Communication #CommunicationStyle #Communicator #Manipulation #Manipulative #ManipulativeCommunicator #Nonverbally #Passive #Passiveaggressive #PassiveAggressiveCommunicator #PassiveCommunicator #TheBasicsAreNotSoBasic #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

• Body language signals cannot be interpreted in isolation. Rather, first seek a baseline of behavior to help interpret a particular new observation – a baseline helps you identify incongruent behavior and spot a deception. • Look for mirroring, pay attention to overall energy, and remember that body language is dynamic, so you need to gather as much data as possible. Then consider this data in context of history and the current environment. • The voice is a part of the human body and speed, timbre, volume, pitch, and degree of control can signify emotional state. The body is a whole, with verbal and nonverbal mingling together. • Reading “message clusters” helps us organize isolated observations, and note whether they are aggressive, romantic, assertive, deceptive ad so on, in aggregate. #Aggression #Assertive #Clusters #Context #Deceit #Deceptive #DondersInstitute #HumanBody #Nonverbal #PaulEkman #PNAS #Pouw #Submissive #TheHumanBodyIsAWhole—ReadItThatWay #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

• Use mirroring, paraphrasing, or reflecting to show active listening. • Body language can be empathic too, and when your body mirrors another person’s, this is a way to show physical “active listening” of the body.• To show that your body is listening, face the person, make comfortable eye contact, and seek to concur with “yeses” or head nods. Then mirror their words, voice, posture, or other idiosyncrasies. • When mirroring, be mindful of the gender or cultural context, and only reflect what is positive. Avoid mirroring strong negative emotions (panic, anger, depression) and instead model a sense of calm by slowing down and taking a deep breath; the other person may then mirror you. Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#DrKerstinUväsMoberg #Empathy #Gueguen #Heres #Listening #VanBaaren #TheBodyCanListen #Too #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #Mirroring #Paraphrasing #ActiveListening

One of the most useful tools in the people-pleaser’s survival kit is the ability to say NO. There are at least six different kinds of no to learn and practice: the direct no, the reasoned no, the reflecting no, the rain check no, the enquiring no, and the broken record no. Each can be used in different circumstances, according to the boundary you need to set. Whichever form you use, you’ll need to challenge your assumptions and beliefs about saying no and communicate clearly and confidently.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Assertiveness #EmotionalAppeal #EmotionalResponse #HealthyRelationship #PoliteRefusal #TrevorPowell #SixDifferentWaysToSayNO #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

• Ex-FBI agent Joe Navarro has some tips for reading body language, and they come from an understanding that body language is inbuilt, automatic and ancient, and based on fight, flight or freeze response in humans. For examples, “pacifying behaviors” like covering the neck can indicate the person is trying to manage stress.• Note how the body is occupying space, and whether it is generally closed or open. Posture and gesture can tell you about whether a person is assertive, aggressive, uncertain or fearful. Bodies expand when they are comfortable, happy, or dominant. They contract when unhappy, fearful, or threatened.#ArmsAkimbo #AutomaticResponses #BasicGestures #BouncyLegs #FacialExpressions #JoeNavarro #Navarro #NegativeEmotions #NervousTension #NonverbalCommunication #NonverbalSignals #Pacifying #PeopleSkills #PrefrontalCortex #Ventilating #BodyTalk #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• To listen effectively and empathically, we need to let our egos take a back seat so the other person can lead. If we are sensitive, alert, and respectful, we can listen without an agenda. • Listen with maximum attention without getting distracted by anything other than the perspective being shared with you in that very moment. • Seek to understand, not to judge, appraise, or evaluate—in fact, your opinion is irrelevant! Only your presence and awareness are necessary. Have radical acceptance for what is simply because it is. • Maintain deep curiosity. Ask questions that create space in which the other person can expand. This sends the message, “You are important. How you are feeling has value. I am listening because what you are going through is worthy of attention and worth knowing more about.”Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#CarlRogers #Mindful #Mirroring #Paraphrasing #RadicalAcceptanceFirst #Realizing #Reflecting #Don’TJustListenActively #ListenEmpathically #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

• People-pleasers can be conflict avoidant, but this is actually a high-risk strategy, and you may gather resentments only to explode later (“gunnysacking”). Instead, use “and” instead of “but” in conversations, or try the “Five Whys” technique to get to the heart of what you’re really avoiding.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Conflict #Gunnysacking #Peoplepleasers #Peoplepleasing #PeopleSkills #Reparenting #ConflictAvoidanceIsActuallyAHigh-RiskStrategy #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

• It’s possible to extract loads of useful information from people merely by using the power of observation. • First, observe the face, tiny, quick and involuntary movements of the face can “leak” a person’s true emotions – there are six universal ones: anger, fear, surprise, disgust, happiness. Look for microexpressions that contradict what is said verbally. #Ekman #Macroexpressions #Microexpressions #Observing #PaulEkman #LookAtMyFace #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo #Secrets #andTruth

• Your perspective on life is what makes you unique, but it can also be a source of isolation, misunderstanding, and conflict. • A pre-conceived notion about who another person is may be the single biggest obstacle on the path to genuine empathy for them. Getting rid of bias is about more than guarding against sexism or racism and more about consciously choosing to remember that all people are united in their shared humanity. • Prejudice is pre-judging what another’s experience is and what it means. Stereotypes and categories undermine authentic connections with others. Bias is a filter through which all the information we receive about that person is distorted. Being empathic is not just about being kind. It’s about clear, accurate perception and genuine comprehension of another worldview.• To tackle your own prejudice, first acknowledge that you do have it! Consciously choose to expose yourself to the unfamiliar and challenge yourself to empathize not just with similarity but with difference. Assume there is always a common ground between you and another individual and actively choose to focus on that instead of what is different. • Forget the Golden Rule and remember that the very meaning of compassion, kindness, and empathy changes depending on the recipient. Show people compassion, but on their terms, not yours. • In interactions, try to explore: what the other person thinks about themselves, what the other person thinks about you, what you think about them, and what you think about yourself. This can be especially helpful during a conflict.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#GoldenRule #PeopleSkills #Prejudice #Stereotype #Stereotypes #AccountingForBias #Prejudice #Ego #AndPerspective #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

In the face of trauma and conflict, some people respond with anger, some respond by fleeing . . . and some, like Person A, respond with a flood of appeasing, soothing, and conciliatory behavior. “Fight or flight” is an option for some people, but for those with a history of trauma, another option when faced with threat is to go into fawning mode and try to make it all better.Picture an animal defensively rolling onto its back, trying to appear as meek and agreeable as possible so that it’s spared by a powerful predator. Fawning is an attempt to fly under the radar rather than engage in conflict. It’s a way of deflecting attention.In a crisis or disagreement, is your first instinct to soothe, calm, or please others?Do you do anything to avoid conflict—even if that means ignoring your own needs?In a stressful interaction, is your focus on other people’s emotions?Fawning behavior is actually a kind of trauma response. This behavior, in other words, is something you might have learned in childhood, where “rolling over” this way was the only thing that helped you survive conflict.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Fawning #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #Trauma #DefenseMechanism #Conflict

• To rewrite our negative thought patterns, We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”• We can use the ABCDE acronym (activating event, belief, consequence, disputation, and new event) and explore the stories we’re telling in a thought journal. We can decide whether a new alternative is a good one according to its accuracy, helpfulness, and congruence with our values. • Once you’ve identified your current thoughts, ask if there’s a different way to think about things, and how you can bring that idea to life with concrete action. Seek out evidence for a new belief, practice self-compassion, and go into learning mode, asking questions instead of making statements. • Negativity can be relieved by shifting perspectives and creating psychological distance. Remember that pessimism, negativity, and gloomy nihilism are all coping mechanisms and once served a purpose. But right now, we can choose to cope with adversity in different, healthier ways (and there always will be adversity!) • Create spatial, temporal, and psychological distance from distressing thoughts, ask what others might do in our situation (role-switching), and turn your mind to concrete action instead of asking why. Focus on a small, concrete detail in the present and ask what you can do. Avoid identifying problems without seeking solutions—i.e., complaining! • When we are stuck in intense emotions, we can try the ACT technique of defusion. Imagine that your Mind is something separate from you and that you can watch it. • Remember that you are not your thoughts; you are just having thoughts. Make your thoughts earn their keep! #ABCDE #ACT #Negativity #StopNegativeThinking #AnalyzeThyself:TheABCMethodAndThoughtJournals #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #ThoughtJournals #ABCMethod

• Reading literature may actually make you a more empathic human being. It can reduce bias and prejudice and literally change your brain physiology. The key is in the ability to switch perspectives.• Choose literary fiction, preferably written in first person. Try authors who are different from yourself, or books about characters that are unlike yourself.• Read actively and engage with the story. Pause to ask questions to investigate the character’s point of view, switching perspectives and exploring motivations and desires. Ask yourself, “What does the human experience feel like for this specific human? Why?” Instead of asking how you would feel in their shoes, ask how they feel in their shoes. However, be discerning about what kind of perspectives you delve into!• Another way to build empathy is to create “emotional literacy.” Emotional literacy is the ability to identify and verbalize complex emotions. It is an act of self-awareness. With greater emotional identification and awareness comes more clarity, insight, and mastery—and better empathy. • The emotion wheel is a helpful tool that helps you develop increased self-awareness, empathic mastery, and precision when it comes to emotions. It outlines shades and nuances of the eight primary emotions: sadness, anger, disgust, joy, trust, fear, surprise, and anticipation.• We can use the emotion wheel both to identify and explore our own emotions and to identify and empathize with the emotions of others. To empathize with others’ emotions, pause to become aware, notice their body language, then identify a primary emotion on the emotion wheel. Keep asking questions, making observations, or offering emotion labels to home in on exactly what they’re feeling. Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#HowToDiscoverAndFlexYourEmpathyMuscles #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• Over-giving stemming from fear of rejection is not genuine generosity. Break the cycle by changing the core belief: “I cannot survive rejection.” Instead, court rejection deliberately and teach yourself that it doesn’t define you. Challenge your narratives with self-compassion, and focus on process, not outcome.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#AreYouGenerous?OrJustAfraidOfRejection? #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• How you think creates your life; negativity poisons everything in your world. • Changing negativity requires a degree of metacognition (thinking about thinking) and a leap of faith to do something that hasn’t been done before. Anyone can change their thought patterns; it requires only honest awareness and a willingness to take conscious and inspired action.• Our mental shortcuts, assumptions, biases, and stereotypes are great at saving time and effort, but are not one hundred percent accurate one hundred percent of the time. The “all-or-nothing” disease is when we overextrapolate from one experience to other experiences we haven’t had; we are making an error.• Words have power, and our speech reflects our thought patterns. “Out of power” language is passive, self-victimizing, doubtful, angry, unconfident, fearful, excuse-making, or pessimistic, and can create a self-fulfilling prophesy. • Become aware of your internal verbal habits. Then focus on what can be done, embrace nuance and shades of gray, and speak to yourself like you would a loved one. • A cognitive distortion is a persistently incorrect belief, perception, or thought—for example, mental filtering, personalization, jumping to conclusions, mind-reading, catastrophizing, and using “should” statements and labels. • Positive thinking is not just the absence of distortions, but thinking that helps you feel calm, hopeful, curious, grateful, stable, and confident.• To challenge your inner critic, commit to not allowing your thoughts to dominate you. Gain psychological distance by labeling the thoughts as thoughts, not reality, and have self-compassion. • Change happens outside your comfort zone, so realize that at some point, you’ll need to take the leap and try something new.#InternalDialogue #Self-Talk #NickTrenton #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #StopNegativeThinking

• Empathy is about the ability to take another person’s perspective. It is similar to “theory of mind,” which is the human capacity to understand another person’s state of mind and comprehend that it is totally different from our own. Empathy is not only theory of mind but “theory of heart”—to feel other people’s emotions—and it’s hardwired into our brains and bodies.• Empathy is not about any particular situation, but about a unique individual’s perspective on that situation.• Though it is an innate human ability, it is in decline. We need to consciously cultivate and develop empathy. • There are three kinds of empathy: Cognitive empathy is empathy based on knowing or understanding what someone else is going through, on an intellectual level.• Emotional empathy is the ability to actually share and take some part in the emotional experience of another person.• With compassionate empathy, we put our feelings of understanding and sympathy to good use. We try to resolve problems, remove burdens, or inspire insights that will help progress the situation.• In an empathic interaction, move from cognitive to emotional to compassionate empathy. • Sympathy is like seeing someone is in a hole, but standing on the outside looking in with concern. Empathy is like getting down into the hole and relating to the person side by side, with them. • Too little empathy is a problem, but so is too much. Becoming overwhelmed in another person’s world means we lose perspective—as well as the ability to be of any practical help to them. Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#CompassionateEmpathy #Empathy #Sympathy #UnderstandingEmpathyAndWhyWeNeedIt #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

• People-pleasing is a complex learned behavior, but it can be understood and changed. One of the most common underlying causes is the need to be liked.• We can counter this mindset by remembering we are like inkblots (i.e., what people see is about them, not about you) and understanding that your worth does not come from other people’s approval.• When you untangle yourself from other people’s opinions and judgments, you free yourself to ask what YOU want, what you care about, and what you value. The “separation of tasks” exercise helps you to tease apart your responsibilities from other peoples’—their feelings are not your business.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#SerenityPrayer #PeoplePleaser #RogerCovin #TheNeedToBeLiked #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself

• To this end, we come to the concept of active listening. It’s a way to participate in conversations while being on the receiving end. Most might think that receiving simply means sitting quietly, but that’s a huge mistake. There are nine types of active listening responses we cover, to be used when trying to connect deeply with someone: comprehending, retaining, responding, restating, reflecting, summarizing, labeling emotions, probing with leading questions, and silence.• Oversharing may seem like something to avoid, but there is plenty of research to suggest that honestly opening up to others actually makes them like and trust us more. You’ll distinguish yourself from the automatic stereotypes by giving specific details about yourself, and make your life seem more interesting and compelling.• We can divulge both by revealing additional information or by confessing to how we feel, sharing a story or revealing something unexpected about ourselves. People bond over emotional identification, so don’t worry about appearing weak or vulnerable—divulging will actually encourage others to do the same and foster good rapport.• When we engage with others, a golden rule of engagement is to focus on finding similarity and creating a sense of a shared experience and familiarity.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#AutomaticStereotypes #EmotionalIdentification #GoodRapport #Oversharing #NineTypesOfActiveListeningResponses #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• One quick technique is misdirection, where a statement has two parts: the first is expected and ordinary, the second contradicts it with unexpected and comedic results. Sarcasm can be powerful but is best when directed at yourself and used with those you are more familiar with. Ironic humor is similar to sarcasm, but more focused on the observation of the contrast between the expected and the actual.• The world of improv has a lot to teach us about good conversational chemistry. One improv rule is not to hold on to any outcome too tightly, and be ready to follow the emerging flow of the conversation.• Another rule is to rely on quick connections to make sure you always have something to say. This can be practiced by free associating one, two, or five words. Good improv is about having faith in the conversation’s direction, and your ability to be okay with where it goes.• The 1:1:1 method of storytelling is a mini story technique that relies on one action, summarized in one sentence, that evokes one main emotion in the listener. This keeps your stories engaging, short, and effective. Alternatively, you can ask for other people’s stories.• Conversational diversity is about having as many different tools in your toolkit as possible. Hypothetical questions are one such tool. These kinds of “what if . . .?” questions inject some excitement, creativity, and unpredictability, while showing something interesting about the person giving the answer.• Finally, thinking out loud can be a way to turn monologues into dialogues. If we speak freely and without self-censoring, we break the ice, share ourselves honestly, and invite (rather than demand) others to join us.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Conversations #Ironic #Sarcasm #SubtlyCharismatic:HumorAndMisdirection #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• Being charming is about developing social awareness and conversational intelligence. Much of this depends on empathy, and being able to step outside your own reality bubble and honestly see your own blind spots in conversations.• Try not to ever assume that other people think, feel or believe as you do, or that their conversation experience is the same as yours. “Double click” on what they share with you and be genuinely curious and open minded, rather than making assumptions and guesses.• Contrary to the conventional advice about small talk, you can build rapport with relative strangers by consciously choosing to go deep with them – and such conversations can be less awkward than you imagine. Just don’t complain or pressure people to respond in a particular way.• Show people that you’re paying attention and understand them by using the principles of cold reading. Invite their participation, use high-probability generalized statements, downplay incorrect guesses, and collect observations to show people that you really get them.• Generally, people tend to hide the fact that they want a conversation to end, and most people wish conversations ended sooner. Play it safe by quitting while you’re ahead. Gracefully disengage by waiting for a gap, starting with a positive, making an excuse, and leaving with warmth but also firmness.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#BlindSpots #ConversationalIntelligence #SocialAwareness #BoostYourCQ(ConversationalIntelligence) #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• In order to interact and engage more fully in conversations, we need to work against our not-so-useful habits and learn better ones.• A non-negotiable habit is becoming a master at using questions. The right questions help people feel closer to us, communicate our attention and care, share our competence, show that we’re aware and paying attention, deepen intimacy, guide the conversation, and make us more trustworthy.• All exchanges, and hence all questions, are typically on one of three possible levels: those exchanging factual information, those exchanging feelings and emotions, and those communicating deeper values. In social situations, you’ll lean more heavily on the last two, but a good conversation works when people have similar conversational goals and are matched in the level they’re interacting on.• Conversational narcissism is an impediment to curiosity, engagement, and good question asking. Whether unconscious or conscious, this usually results from us placing something other than connection with the other person as our goal for conversation, i.e. to brag, to defend, to compete.• We can reduce our own conversational narcissism by using questions. Follow-up questions are very effective, as are open-ended questions that don’t make people uncomfortable, but may gently push on the barrier or normal etiquette.• Just as a role model can be a guide and inspiration for your own behavior, a model can also help you stay curious when you talk to others. Talk show hosts are experts and placing their conversation partners front and center, so we can ask, what would they do? Usually, the answer is “treat my guest like the most interesting person in the whole universe.”• Curiosity needs to be genuine. We all have a bias against others sometimes, assuming they’re not very interesting, but unless we ask, we won’t learn about their more fascinating sides. Assume that everyone has something to teach you, and foster genuine inquisitiveness. into the details of their world. I guarantee you will not be disappointed.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#ConversationalNarcissism #GoodConversation #Questions–AnUnderratedSuperpower #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• Arguments are sometimes inevitable but we can argue best if we use “steel manning” rather than attacking a strawman. Create the best version of your opponent’s argument by breaking it down, then help them build that argument, actively arguing on your counterpart’s behalf. You will more quickly reach harmonious agreement, or at least disagree more civilly. • Use the fogging technique to manage people who are aggressive or unreasonable. By giving people a minimal, calm response that they cannot easily engage with, you defuse tension. Listen carefully for a kernel of truth, repeat the truth calmly and neutrally, but don’t add any new information and keep maintaining calm. • The Ransberger pivot is a way to “win an argument without arguing.” Listen carefully to start, look for points of commonality, and keep returning to any ways in which you and the other person are actually on the same page. • The “feel, felt, found” technique is another a simple way to mitigate conflict. Acknowledge how they feel, point to another person who has felt similarly in the past, then show what you have found works based on how this person managed the issue. • Finally, the agreement frame allows us to gracefully disagree with someone without destroying rapport. Use terms like I respect, I appreciate and I agree to signal an intention to cooperate. Agree, acknowledge their position, and acknowledge both your desired outcomes, using “and” rather than “but.” Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeoplekingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#DefuseTension #Harmonious #MitigateConflict #Ransberger #DealingWithConflictAndDisagreement #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• What you don’t say is also important. When you speak, remember to include pauses in the right places to convey confidence or emphasis. Give your listeners time to digest what you’ve said.• Use the Pareto principle, or the 80-20 rule, and try to make 80% of the conversation about the other person and 20% about yourself. Listen, ask questions, and pay attention rather than forcing a particular topic, being fake, trying to impress or interrupting.• Be aware of microexpressions (tiny, ultra-rapid facial expressions), especially those that don’t seem to match what is being said. Microexpressions tell the “truth” about someone’s feelings, so observing them can give you empathy and insight into how they really feel.• People feel like they “click” more often when responses are swift, so pay attention and keep things flowing and responsive. That said, it’s better to end a flagging conversation than panic too much when it goes quiet.• If you find yourself inching towards conflict, pause and ask whether the other person is speaking from a position of cognitive dissonance and, if they are, back away and try to re-establish rapport, since pushing will only invite more resistance. And, of course, be on guard against the tendency to hold incompatible or irrational views yourself!Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#CognitiveDissonance #Microexpressions #Pareto #ThePowerOfShuttingUp #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills