tl;dr JoEllen Notte is here to help us explore depression, relationships, and how depression and mental health can impact sex and desire, plus connecting during a pandemic. Explore More Summit is happening NOW! Grab your free ticket by registering today for this free, entirely online conference that happens April 20-29th featuring 28 delicious, timely, intimate talks. Head to exploremoresummit.com and register. We've got Pleasure Mechanics, Rachel Cole, Prentis Hemphill, Andrea Glik, Jennifer Mullan, Kai Cheng Thom, and so many others. Don't miss it! Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week you get to hear a bonus chat between JoEllen and I on this cultural idea that people with depression are essentially asexual, desexualized humans and what JoEllen actually found in all of her research plus looking at sex as an a la carte menu versus a buffet. (And Eeyore masturbating totally gets talked about.) Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. In this episode, JoEllen and I talk about her new book, "The Monster Under the Bed" which is all about sex, depression, and relationships. We talk about how the entire world is coping and struggling with depression, anxiety, panic, and trying to survive the unknown. How normal it is to be feeling numb and disconnected while also feeling more emotional and tender. We explore how being in close quarters with a partner can lead to a reckoning with our relationships, important questions to ask ourselves during these times when we're wondering if our relationship is the problem or just how terrible things are in general and how to tease out whether it's the person or the relationship. JoEllen and I share some of the catastrophizing stories our brains like to tell us and ways we cope, plus communicating our mental health needs with a partner and why context matters SO much when it comes to our libido and pleasure. JoEllen also cannot stress enough how important it is to read Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are" if you haven't already. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About JoEllen Notte: JoEllen Notte is a certified sex educator, writer, speaker, sexuality researcher, and mental health advocate. She blogs at The Redhead Bedhead and has been published by the BBC, Glamour, Bitch Media, xoJane, and Kinkly. JoEllen's book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren't Having will be released on March 27, 2020. Stay in touch with JoEllen at redheadbedhead.com and get a copy of The Monster Under the Bed at your favorite local bookstore. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep301

tl;dr Jaclyn Friedman on believing women, what happens when we disclose our trauma, and why our PERCEPTION of who is a victim impacts how we view all victims. We're talking about her new book with Jessica Valenti, "Believe Me". Explore More Summit is happening NEXT WEEK. Grab your free ticket by registering today for this free, entirely online conference that happens April 20-29th featuring 28 delicious, timely, intimate talks. Head to exploremoresummit.com now! Finally, Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week you get to hear a bonus chat between Jaclyn Friedman and I on Tina Horn's fantastic essay speaking to why pleasure should not be the measure for sex work and porn performers. It's SOOOO good and super important for folks who truly want to support those in the field. Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. I love every time I get to be in conversation with Jaclyn, and this was no different. We explore the difference between what it means to believe women versus what it means to believe ALL women, and why that distinction is important. We dive into what it means that women, femmes, and feminized folks often have a different set of memories than cis men. The ways survivors are retraumatized by courts, lawyers, and our "justice" system. So much of "Believe Me" demonstrates the ways we would all move closer to liberation if we centered Black women and trans women, and we explore all the ways so many of us are only trusted if we disclose the gory details of our trauma but in doing so we are also seen as discredited and no longer experts in anything except our trauma. Jaclyn shares what social researchers have long demonstrated: that collectively we not only hold women to much higher standards, but as a woman's credibility goes up, we like her less for it and actively punish her for that growing credibility. So what can we do about it? Where do we go? It's such an important discussion about a very important book, and I hope you'll get yourself a copy. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Jaclyn Friedman: Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, educator and activist, and creator of four books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009), What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety, Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All, and her latest, Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change the World. Her podcast, also called Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire. As an undergraduate, Jaclyn thought she was too smart to become a victim of sexual assault – until another student proved her wrong. That experience eventually led her to become a student and instructor of IMPACT safety training. At IMPACT, she helped bring safety skills to the communities which most need them, including gang-involved high school students and women transitioning out of abusive relationships. Friedman’s work has popularized the “yes means yes” standard of sexual consent that is quickly becoming law on many US campuses. In her book, Unscrewed, she calls on the movement for women’s sexual liberation to move past individualistic “empowerment” messages (for which she coined the term “fauxpowerment”) to focus on collectively transforming the systems and institutions invested in keeping women sexually servile. Kirkus called it “a potent, convincing manifesto,” and Kate Tuttle, president of the National Book Critics Circle, called it “the book we need right now.” Friedman is a popular speaker on campuses and at conferences across the US and beyond. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Nightline, PBS News Hour, Call Your Girlfriend, and numerous other audio and TV shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including The New York Times, Vox, Refinery 29, The Washington Post, Glamour, and The Guardian. Friedman is a founder and the former executive director of Women, Action & the Media, where she led the successful #FBrape campaign to apply Facebook’s hate-speech ban to content that promotes gender-based violence. More recently, she has been active in the Jews Against ICE movement, with whom she was arrested at a protest this summer.  Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep300 for the transcript

tl;dr Leonore Tjia on highly sensitive people, relational work, and why modern mental health models are inherently anti-erotic. Explore More Summit registration is OPEN. Grab your free ticket by registering today for this free, entirely online conference that happens April 20-29th featuring 28 delicious, timely, intimate talks. Head to exploremoresummit.com now! Finally, Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week you get to hear a private conversation Leonore and I had prior to recording for the podcast. We didn't intend for this to be heard, but it was so good I had to share! Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. In my chat with Leonore, we explore what a highly sensitive person is and why Leonore has been holding workshops on sex for HSPs. We also talk about the difference between highly sensitive and high sensation seeking. Leonore shares about how resentment builds with tolerating and performing emotional labor as a highly sensitive person. Plus, the impact to our libido and desire when we don't feel welcome as who we really are (because of a fear and experience of being too much). Leonore talks about the erotic suffering we are living in and how modern medicine pathologizes valid experiences. We explore what partners of HSPs need to know about supporting highly sensitive people, and what it means for Leonore to be shifting her professional work to a more relational capacity. What if we all had more places where people genuinely wanted to hear about our experiences, even if it was uncomfortable? We discuss how worthiness ties to healthier and more connected relationships, boundaries and how we take responsibility for things that aren't ours which leads to codependence and pain. Plus, why knowing what is not yours takes a lot of practice and work on our worthiness and self-love. Leonore names why eros can't move through us when we are in fight/flight/freeze/fawn, not to the extent that it's possible, so the process of finding our inner authority and transforming shame into courage creates a good container for eros to visit. We both talk about why our work is dedicated to deeply shifting our ways of relating with ourselves, each other, and the world - because we need to change things, and it starts with our most intimate relationships. Finally, we geek out on the harm and damage mainstream mental health causes when it operates from within the dominant paradigm. We discuss: the normativity of modern mental health models, how little sexuality training therapists receive, and its goal is to bring us into alignment with oppressive systems. Leonore sees much of modern mental health as inherently anti-erotic. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Leonore Tjia: Leonore is a feminist sexuality educator who helps people create more presence, play, pleasure and power in the bedroom and beyond. As a trained practitioner of Internal Family Systems therapy, she assists people in recovering the parts of their sexual selves that have been exiled and repressed. Her workshops and teaching bring an ecological focus to sexual empowerment, helping people to reconnect to erotic vitality and step into sexual wildness. She is the founder of the Nordic Woman retreat, which combines wilderness skills and expressive arts in the Swedish backcountry. Stay in touch with Leonore at rewildingtheheart.com and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon! at dawnserra.com/ep299

tl;dr We are talking vaginal discharge, FGM or genital cutting scars, cheating when a partner has Alzheimers, and how to teach your kids the importance of pleasure with food. Power in Pleasure, my 5-week online course all about pleasure is now enrolling. The next cohort starts March 22nd, so do not miss it! Especially now with the news cycle and the fear. Spending some dedicated time for 5 weeks, plus 6 intimate group calls, to explore pleasure and safety is sooo important. Check out the details and enroll now. First up - BE SURE TO SIGN-UP FOR THE BODY TRUST SUMMIT!!! There are still 3 days left which means NINE free talks to see, and there is a 90-minute Parenting with Body Trust panel on Tuesday, March 17th that is a MUST for parents and caregivers of small children. Register, for free, now because it's entirely online and ends March 17th. Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week's bonus will be at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Enjoy! Also, I love your emails. Send your questions my way! You can use the contact form at dawnserra.com. On to the episode! I Sense You Are Stronger Than Me wrote in asking about vaginal discharge. Occasionally, especially after sex, ISYASTM will have thick, white discharge and they are embarrassed to go to the doctor to get it checked. Is it normal? What is it? I share a few articles with you about the ways our discharge can change over the month and the impact that condom-less intercourse with a penis can have on vaginal pH and discharge. Links to all the articles mentioned in this episode are at dawnserra.com/ep298. Next up, North is struggling because they have a lovely partner they've been with a year. Everything is fantastic. The problem? North's partner experienced genital cutting (many people know it as FGM or FGC) and the scars on their partner's genitals trigger a disgust response. North isn't disgusted by their partner, but by the evidence of the violence that was done to them. How can they move past it all? Donald Alone wrote in concerned that he is cheating. He is in his 80s, and his wife has Alzheimers and is in a memory care facility. Donald recently met a woman who, while married has been left by her husband, and the two of them are hitting it off. They've kissed and they are wondering if what they've done is considered cheating. Finally, Eating Momma loves the idea of eating for pleasure and wants to help teach her 9-year-old daughter the importance of pleasure around food. How does she do that? A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon! at dawnserra.com/ep298

tl;dr Christy Harrison of Food Psych is here to talk about pleasure, happiness, weight stigma, what it means to be anti-diet, and why trusting our hungers around food & sex is so important. Part 2 of 2!   I am so excited to share Part 2 of this 2 part conversation with the incredible Christy Harrison! If you haven't heard Part 1, hop over and give that a listen before diving into this episode.   Christy is an anti-diet dietitian, host of the Food Psych Podcast, and she just published a book that we are exploring here called, "Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating".   Before we get into my chat with Christy, I wanted to share a post on Tumblr by Inkdot about clothing that I wish more of us knew. The dressing room can be a fraught place for many of us - clothes never seem to fit just right, or the arbitrary sizes bring up shame. Head to dawnserra.com/ep297 for a link to this piece about celebrities and clothes might bring some relief to those of us who struggle with finding clothing that fits our bodies.   Be Nourished's free online Body Trust Summit is March 11-17 and it is going to be fantastic. If you like my conversation with Christy this week, the summit is 24 talks that will take you even deeper into your relationship with food, body, pleasure, and healing. Register now!   Finally, Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week are going to explore our body stories and I'm going to share a few more awesome bits from Christy's book for us all to be in together. Hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.   So back to my chat with Christy:   This week on Part 2 of my conversation with Christy Harrison we continue our exploration of many of the lies we've been sold, desirability politics and changing bodies, and why the problem is NOT weight but rather weight stigma and a focus on dieting.   All of this ties so so intimately to the ways we experience sex, the ways we navigate consent, how we set boundaries, and do relationship.   Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Christy Harrison: Christy Harrison, MPH, RD, CDN is an anti-diet registered dietitian nutritionist, certified intuitive eating counselor, and author of the book Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating(Little, Brown Spark 2019). She offers online courses and private intuitive eating coaching to help people all over the world make peace with food and their bodies. Since 2013 Christy has hosted Food Psych, a weekly podcast exploring people’s relationships with food and paths to body liberation. It is now one of iTunes’ top 100 health podcasts, reaching tens of thousands of listeners worldwide each week.   Christy began her career in 2003 as a journalist covering food, nutrition, and health, and she’s written for major publications including The New York Times, SELF, BuzzFeed, Refinery29, Gourmet, Slate, The Food Network, and many others. Learn more about Christy and her work at christyharrison.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep297 for more.

tl;dr Christy Harrison of Food Psych is here to talk about pleasure, happiness, weight stigma, what it means to be anti-diet, and why trusting our hungers around food & sex is so important. I am so excited to share Part 1 of this 2 part conversation with the incredible Christy Harrison! Christy is an anti-diet dietitian, host of the Food Psych Podcast, and she just published a book that we are exploring here called, "Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating". Before we get into my chat with Christy, I have a few important things: First, at Alex's suggestion, I turned my answer from last week's episode about preferences for certain bodies into a blog post... that has as of six days later been read over 31,000 times. HOLY SHIT! There has been so much beautiful input, additional nuance, and depth in all of the things people are saying, and I am so grateful. If you like it, feel free to share it! Let's keep the conversation going. Second, Be Nourished's free online Body Trust Summit is March 11-17 and it is going to be fantastic. If you like my conversation with Christy this week, the summit is 24 talks that will take you even deeper into your relationship with food, body, pleasure, and healing. Register now! Finally, Patrons who support at $3 and above, don't miss my bonus chat with Christy at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Christy and I talk about my own disordered eating and orthorexia, the part of her book that made me burst into tears, the cost of the performances we do around food and also sex, and where the advent of the “obesity” epidemic came from and why it’s actually really new. Hint: it has to do with money in people’s pockets NOT science. So back to my chat with Christy: I expect a lot of you are going to have some big feels come up as you hear Christy and I talk about diet culture, weight stigma, and how dieting and disordered relationships with our hungers impacts our sexual desire and pleasure. This is a really nuanced conversation, so if you notice yourself constricting or feeling defensive, feel free to take a break, breathe, move, and then return to it later. Seven or eight years ago me would have felt really resistant to a conversation like this, so I get it. Part 2, which drops next week, continues our exploration of many of the lies we've been sold, desirability politics and changing bodies, and why the problem is NOT weight but rather weight stigma and a focus on dieting. All of this ties so so intimately to the ways we experience sex, the ways we navigate consent, how we set boundaries, and do relationship, so I hope you'll join me for this delicious 2-part conversation with Christy. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Christy Harrison: Christy Harrison, MPH, RD, CDN is an anti-diet registered dietitian nutritionist, certified intuitive eating counselor, and author of the book Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness Through Intuitive Eating(Little, Brown Spark 2019). She offers online courses and private intuitive eating coaching to help people all over the world make peace with food and their bodies. Since 2013 Christy has hosted Food Psych, a weekly podcast exploring people’s relationships with food and paths to body liberation. It is now one of iTunes’ top 100 health podcasts, reaching tens of thousands of listeners worldwide each week.  Christy began her career in 2003 as a journalist covering food, nutrition, and health, and she’s written for major publications including The New York Times, SELF, BuzzFeed, Refinery29, Gourmet, Slate, The Food Network, and many others. Learn more about Christy and her work at christyharrison.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep296 for the episode transcript.

tl;dr Are sexual preferences changeable? What if someone really just doesn't like short men or fat women? And what should a lesbian do if she wants sex with men? First up - BE SURE TO SIGN-UP FOR THE BODY TRUST SUMMIT!!! It's going to be incredible and challenging and so so so powerful. I'm not only a speaker but I'm also working behind the scenes with Alex to produce it for Be Nourished. Seven days of talks on healing our relationship with food and body? Yes please. Register, for free, now because it's entirely online and kicks off March 11th. Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week's bonus is an erotica reading. It's a hot Daddy/girl story that takes place in the woods with flogging and whips and all sorts of yumminess. Hear it over at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Enjoy! Also, I love your emails. Send your questions my way! You can use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Oh, and be sure to join the next Power in Pleasure course. It's enrolling now and starts March 22nd. On to the episode! First up, I share some beautiful words by someone named jedidiahjenkins. I shared the post on the Sex Gets Real Facebook page. It's all about friendship and love. Next, I'm running an experiment. Do you love mail as much as I do? Want me to write you a letter? Well, I want to write to you! If that's you, fill out the form (link is at dawnserra.com/ep295) and we'll see what happens. The form, at least for now, will be open until early March. I have no idea how many of you will want this! And then it's on to your emails. Paul wrote in asking about preferences. Can't people just not like skinny guys or short guys or fat women? After all, he suggests our preferences are personal, so can't people just not like or like certain bodies? Strap in because we are doing a really deep and wide exploration of all the factors that impact our "personal" preferences. As part of that exploration, I share some pieces from Imran Siddiquee's TEDx talk. Head to dawnserra.com/ep295 because I highly recommend checking out Imran's talk and his writing and essays in general. But this question begs of us - how can we all do better? Because it's those with the most privilege that are most resistant to examining their preferences and stories, so I invite us into different ways of relating with each other. I can't wait for you to hear it. Then, Curious Little Rabbit wants to know what she should do. She's a lesbian who hasn't had sex with men in 15 years, but lately she's been having lots of fantasies about it. Should she find a guy and give it a try? If so, where can she find some options in Houston, Texas? Be sure to tune in next week for Part 1 of 2 with my interview with Christy Harrison from the Food Psych podcast. We talk pleasure, desire, bodies, and her new book, "Anti-Diet". A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep295

tl;dr Inka Winter from ForPlay Films joins us to talk about making porn and why sexual healing and sex education is an important part of her work. Patrons who support at $3 and above, don't miss my bonus chat with Inka at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Inka shares about her experience growing up in a cult in Austria where sex was mandatory and why that informs so much of her work at ForPlay Films. In this episode, Inka and I talk about the very real challenges of what it's like to create erotic film. We talk about how Inka got started, how generous her friends in Hollywood have been at volunteering as cinematographers and support staff, and even why most of her films to date have featured friends instead of professional porn performers. We also explore the homophobia among men in the adult industry in Los Angeles and why she's struggled to feature more diverse bodies and stories in her films. I can't wait for you to hear this honest and approachable chat with someone who is creating erotic material with a focus on love, consent, and education. Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Inka Winter: Inka Winter is an erotic filmmaker and the founder of ForPlay Films, an independent, all-woman production company that puts female pleasure front and center. Inspired by the power of sexual expression, her films celebrate all shades of female desire. Winter believes that sex education and emotional wellbeing are a big part of a healthy sex life. She also produces  Sexucation, a short video series using humor to educate women and men all things sex and is training to become a sex and relationship counselor. An LA-based costume designer and lifelong artist, Winter spent her formative childhood years living in an artist commune in Austria, which set the foundation and aesthetic for her creative endeavors in film-making. Website: https://forplayfilms.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forplayfilms/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/ForPlayFilms Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep294 for the transcript.

tl;dr Can you change who you're sexually attracted to? Is someone gay for getting blowjobs from a guy? Is it OK to cheat with a sex worker?   Patrons who support at $3 and above, this week's bonus is several Am I The Asshole posts over at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. I want to know who you think is an asshole and who isn't, so come join me for some laughs and share your thoughts about these predicaments. Also, I love your emails. Send your questions my way! You can use the contact form at dawnserra.com.   We start by talking about the importance of treating sex workers with respect and we talk a little about a piece in The Guardian about self-care. Head to dawnserra.com/ep293 for the link. I love what it's offering about the ways self-care has been co-opted and what communal care can look like.   Then it's on to your questions.   First up, Q just got their masters degree and through grad school put on some weight. Their partner of 6 years told them they aren't as sexually attracted to them now because of that weight. Can someone change their sexual attraction?   Ohhhhh, do I have thoughts! If you want to hear more about situations like this, be sure to check out my chat with Carmen Cool at Explore More 2019, because we talked about this a lot, too.   Next, Britney is worried her boyfriend is gay. He was getting blowjobs from a gay guy in high school and might have done it again in college. Is he gay and how can she believe him when he's lied before?   Let's talk about sexual orientation and how it isn't always as simple as whether someone is gay or not. Plus, trust seems to be pretty damaged, so I weigh in on how I think they can re-connect.   Finally, Ryan is in a long-term relationship of six years. They have an active and amazing sex life. That said, he has a desire to work with a sex worker to get an erotic massage, but he worries his partner will see that as cheating. Does he deny himself this pleasure just because his partner might not like it?   Relationship agreements are important, folks, and if you can't abide by them, you shouldn't be in a relationship.   A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Check it out at dawnserra.com/ep293

tl;dr Bringing more racial nuance to sexual assault conversations, how to do oral sex when you struggle for breath, and how to deal with regret and hurt after a threesome.   Patrons who support at $3 and above, there are TWO bonuses this week at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. One is all about what people got stuck in their vagina, penis, and rectum in 2019. The other is about the science of biological sex by.... a biologist. Tune in and comment with your thoughts.   Be sure to send in your questions! I would love to hear from you. Use the contact form at dawnserra.com.   We start with some beautiful words by Heidi Preibe about loving someone over the long term. Grab the text and link at dawnserra.com/ep292.   I also mentioned my quarantine selfie which you can see at dawnserra.com/ep292, too!   On to your emails...   Scotney, a fellow sex educator, wrote in with some additional nuance around Kobe Bryant, sexual assault, and the institutional and cultural racism that we need to acknowledge when we are specifically talking about Black men and sexual violence.   Nick is preparing for a double lung transplant. He is short of breath and can't lay on his stomach to eat out his wife. How can he engage in oral sex with his wife without struggling to breathe?   I have ideas for Nick, plus permission to expand the ways he pleases his wife. It doesn't only have to be oral sex! Bodies change, and sometimes the ways we have sex need to change, too.   Gina Senarighi is here to help me answer the final question this week from Jealous friend and lover. JFL is feeling really hurt because her and her boyfriend were kissing and flirting with a friend of hers, but things escalated quickly and now JFL is feeling insecure, betrayed, and unsure of how to move forward.   What do you do when you open your relationship or try a threesome and things go wrong? How can you repair from a relationship oops? Gina is here to help me answer those questions with such generosity and compassion.   A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Gina Senarighi: Dr Gina Senarighi, PhD, CPC is an author, teacher, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach based in the midwestern U.S. She’s been supporting clean fights and dirty sex in happy healthy relationships since 2009. Gina has written several books and currently leads couples retreats and coaches online clients all over the world. Find Gina at heygina.com and nonmonogamous.com. Be sure to also tune into her podcast, Swoon. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep292

tl;dr STIs and how to protect ourselves, men who want masturbation buddies, shame and fat bodies, plus Kobe Bryant's death.   Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast tomorrow.   To kick off this week's episode, we are exploring some of the complicated feelings around Kobe Bryant's death, especially for survivors. We're also unpacking a new paper released by the CDC about STIs being on the rise. Check out the article at dawnserra.com/ep291   Sinclair Sexsmith recently pulled together a bunch of people, blogs, and helpful tidbits on chronic pain and sex. Grab the link at dawnserra.com/ep291.   Then it's on to your questions.   First up, Jose wants to know if it's healthy to have a sexual relationship with himself when he's in a relationship with someone else. And is it weird to want a masturbation buddy? Especially when he's a straight man and wants to masturbate with other men?   Next, Busy Cat is ready to leave the big city and get a job in a smaller city, but her boyfriend isn't ready to make the move. How can she convince him that this move will be good for them?   Finally, Ashamed is in recovery for an eating disorder and has complicated feelings about her fat body. She doesn't have much experience with masturbation or sex, and she wants to start but she doesn't know how.   What if you can't reach your genitals? What if you don't know where to start? We go all the places and focus in on pleasure - because that's what it's all about, right?   A huge thanks to the Vocal Few for their song in the opening and closing of the episode and to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Check it out at dawnserra.com/ep291

tl;dr How to have with someone in a wheelchair, being scared of sex and not knowing how to jump in. Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. We are diving into the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - the behaviors that indicate a relationship is in need of repair and heading for trouble and what we can do about it. This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements. An important article on abortion plus I also am sharing two interesting posts about men and testosterone and men and sexual desire by psychotherapist Eric FitzMedrud. There's some really interesting stuff here that helps to share our conversation masculinity and consent. I'd love to hear what you think! Grab the links at dawnserra.com/ep290 for everything mentioned. On to your questions! Cassandra is about to have sex for the first time with someone new and he is in a wheelchair. She's not sure how to ask what he likes or how to sext, espcially since he told her that he can't get erections. What should she do? Let's talk about sex with someone in a wheelchair! First, for folks who are super new to sex and disability, Amaze.org has this awesome video to get you started. I also highly recommend this soon-to-be-published book by Limerence Press, an imprint of Oni Press, called "A Quick and Easy Guide to Sex and Disability" by A. Andrews. It's a graphic novel all about - you guessed it - sex and disability and I love it. It comes out in May 2020, so follow Limerence on Twitter to hear when it's out! You can also pre-order it on Amazon. I offer loads of questions Cassandra can ask her new beau, and I also suggest a Yes No Maybe list. Head to dawnserra.com/ep290 for a great resource on those. Next, Scaredy Cat and Queer & Missing Sex are BOTH scared about sex. Scaredy Cat is in eating disorder recovery and found me through Christy Harrison's amazing show, Food Psych. SC hasn't had a boyfriend and is terrified of sex to the point that she is cutting off potential partners out of fear that they'll expect or want sex. What can she do? In addition to all the things I mention on the show, I also pulled together a reading list for SC as a way to start learning, practicing, and finding more language around sex, boundaries, needs, and desires. Some books to get you going can be found at dawnserra.com/ep290 There's a much bigger recommended reading list you can grab at dawnserra.com/books, too! Next up, Queer & Missing Sex is a few years out of an abusive relationship and feeling scared about sex, too. What can they do to reconnect with someone and have the fun sex they miss? Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep290 for the transcript.

tl;dr When the sex stops after you move in together, non-binary pregnancy, and why sex with fat folks is not revolutionary. Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Let's explore some of what we want to let go of and what we'd like to bring in for 2020, plus the most magical gift list I've ever read. This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements. First, you must read this magical thread by @shaanlashun on having sex with fat people. Share it widely. Sing it from the rooftops. The articles they mentioned are linked at dawnserra.com/ep289 I also am sharing two tweets from @pangmeli and you can find them here and here. On to your questions! First up, Lee recently moved in with her partner and the sex has stopped. What gives? Why did the sex stop as soon as they moved in together? The sex was kind of boring before that, so Lee is wondering how to talk to her partner about having sex, how not to build this up into A Thing, and if they can stack complaints of the things that aren't working? Let's talk about building a solid foundation of positive experiences and trust. We need to all be practicing our sex talk with partners when things are good because it's so upsetting to be in a relationship where the only time you talk about sex is when something is wrong. I know lots of people are in this situation, so I've got lots of questions and recommendations for Lee, including reading Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity. Next, Ama wrote in because she was raped twice by her best friend. It's been a year, but she can't stop crying and feeling unlovable. She's been trying to date, but she keeps choosing men who are unavailable. Finally, H is a non-binary person trying to get pregnant, but they are feeling all sorts of homophobia come up around their masculine body in this quest to have a baby. I found some awesome resources for non-binary and trans folks who are trying to get pregnant and who are pregnant. Check out the huge list of resources at dawnserra.com/ep289 Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep289 for the transcript.

tl;dr Abuse in polyamory. Can squirting cause incontinence? Are there men who don't like sex? How to have sex with someone with large breasts?   Patrons who support at $3 and above, there's a new bonus at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. It's a listener question about first time sex, birth control, and deep throating. Tune in to hear it and thanks for supporting the show financially.   This week’s episode is you and me and your emails. Before we get to that, a few announcements.   First, I am in two new books. You can find an essay I wrote almost 2 years ago in the recently released "Sex Positive Now" anthology and I have been turned into a comic character for Meg-John Barker's soon to be released "Gender: A Graphic Guide". Pre-order yours today!   This week, I am also bringing our attention to two articles about abuse in polyamory that I think offer important questions for us all to hold. Head to dawnserra.com/ep288 for the links.   We need to hold ourselves and each other accountable for the ways we are doing relationship, and unfortunately much of the mainstream polyamory/non-monogamy advice just doesn't hold the nuance that's needed for people who have trauma, who experience mental illness, and a whole host of other realities.   On to your questions!   First up, Cathryn wrote in with some really sweet messages about discovering the podcast.   Next, Sofia wrote in about squirting and incontinence. Can squirting lead to incontinence? I got input from several pelvic floor therapists, and though the answer is more complicated, the overall sense is yes, it can. We explore why in the episode.   Then, Jose asks, “Am I the only guy who doesn't like sex?" But the thing is, Jose has a thriving sex life - with himself. It's partnered sex he doesn't care for, so we explore asexuality, masculinity myths, and why it's perfectly normal and OK to prefer sex with yourself.   Finally, Breast Distress has a new partner who has large breasts. How can she become a better at sex with someone who has large breasts, especially when it's something she's never done before?   Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep288 for the episode transcript.

tl;dr Darcey Steinke on menopause, changing bodies, & a new way forward   MENOPAUSE! It's a thing loads of us go through that's fraught with misinformation, silence, shame, and PATRIARCHY.   So, this week, I'm chatting with author Darcey Steinke about her new book, "Flash Count Diary: Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life". I had a chance to read the book and chat about it with some friends in a queer elders book club I'm in.   Darcey and I dive into the ways menopause is vilified by the modern medical industrial complex, the stories we don't have, and what she discovered along the way around pleasure, sex, and changing bodies.   We acknowledge that this episode is cis and hetero centric as it's a largely about Darcey's memoir. If you're looking for some resources for other kinds of bodies and genders, head to dawnserra.com/ep287 for a few to check out.   You can grab "Flash Count Diary" wherever books are sold. Patreons, don't miss my bonus chat with Darcey just for you! You'll hear a moving story of how and why Darcey found inspiration in killer whales as she moved through menopause and what we can learn about changing bodies from these fierce mammals. It was one of my favorite parts of the book, too! The bonus is for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.   Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Darcey Steinke: Darcey Steinke is the author of the memoir Easter Everywhere and five novels: Sister Golden Hair, Milk, Jesus Saves, Suicide Blonde, and Up Through the Water. Her books have been translated into ten languages, and her nonfiction has appeared widely. Her web story “Blindspot” was a part of the 2000 Whitney Biennial. She has been both a Henry Hoyns and a Stegner Fellow, and a Writer-in-Residence at the University of Mississippi. She has taught at the New School, Columbia University School of the Arts, New York University, Princeton, and the American University of Paris. She lives with her husband in Brooklyn.   Stay in touch with Darcey at darceysteinke.com and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Tune in on Spotify. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep287 for the full transcript.

tl;dr Can someone explore their bisexuality while being in a monogamous relationship? Do things get better after you've been raped? How can you balance body positivity with Hashimoto's and how can you tell a potential date about your health issues? Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Also, your bonus this week is some fun journal prompts and questions about food and pleasure. Be sure to grab it! On with this week's episode. TJ has been diagnosed with Hashimoto's which is an auto immune disorder. After a lifetime of trying to be accepting of their body, now their body is changing. How can they balance a restricted diet without giving into diet culture? And, if you're just starting to date again, how do you tell someone about your health issues? When is the right time to tell them about a disease or a disorder? MJ is exploring her bisexuality, but there's a problem. She's in a monogamous relationship. Her partner is open to them trying a threesome, but MJ wants to try sex with a woman on her own just to see what's it like. Can she do that? This also opens the door for us to talk about the ways we treat people when we want to experiment with our sexuality or try a threesome - often we treat folks like objects to use for our pleasure. How can we do better? What kind of complexity do we need to grapple with if we're seriously considering trying something like this? Finally, N wrote in. She was raped and then betrayed by someone she cared deeply about. After a suicide attempt, N is in counselling and struggling. Does life get better? Do the nightmares and the fear and the PTSD get better? Is there hope for intimacy and being able to be touched? Let's talk about the realities of living in a body after trauma and what healing can look like inside of these very broken systems we're in. Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep286 for the transcript.

tl;dr Kai Cheng Thom on consent, healing, & pleasure This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners, save 30% off your first month's subscription of period products (tampons, pads, and liners) and sex products (ultra thin condoms, lube, and wipes). This week it's me and Kai Cheng Thom. I AM SO EXCITED! Kai Cheng and I talk about so many things from how easy it is for sex positive educators to default to a mechanized view of sex and why checklists around consent aren't enough to why sex is always political and why Kai Cheng is so committed to uplifting our humanity. We dive into healing, trauma, transformative justice, courage, pleasure, and Kai Cheng's vision for a post-apocalyptic world. Be sure to check out Kai Cheng's advise column for some great reading, and of course, grab Kai Cheng's new book, "I Hope We Choose Love: A Trans Girl's Notes From the End of the World" out by AK Press. Then, for Patreon, our bonus conversation is all about somatic sex education, the importance of having a place to practice and experience sex, and where you can learn more about somatic sex education. If you want to hear our chat, it's for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Kai Cheng Thom: Kai Cheng Thom is a writer, performer, and community worker based in Toronto. She is the award-winning author four books, all in different genres. Kai Cheng's work on mental health, relationships, and transformative justice has appeared in many publications internationally. Stay in touch with Kai Cheng at kaichengthom.com and on Twitter @razorfemme. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Tune in on Spotify. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep285 for the transcript.

tl;dr How to vulnerable and honest, is cheating bad, and what to do about a big penis? News! Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Let's take a touch inventory. Who in your life can you share touch with? Not just sexual or romantic, but platonic, comforting, or familial touch? I've been thinking a lot about the ways we're so touch-starved here in the U.S. and Canada, and then an article came across my feed this week that I thought was worth sharing. Check out Vice's article by visiting dawnserra.com/ep284. This week it's your emails! We're diving deep into three of them. Anxious Freshman grew up in a household where love was dependent on obedience and pleasing their father. As someone heading off to college, they're noticing that it's challenging for them to be open and honest about their feelings, to be vulnerable with others. They even lie to their friends about sex while knowing their friends wouldn't judge them. What can they do differently? Al has a big question. Is it wrong to cheat on his wife? They've been married a long time and sex hasn't been a part of the equation for many years. He is seriously considering cheating on his wife, and wants to know if it's wrong. It's a huge question and one I take some time with. Finally, Big Cock Blues has met someone wonderful, but there's a problem. His cock is massive and it leaves BCB feeling raw, sore, and irritated after they have intercourse. What can BCB do to accommodate this big penis? From different positions to cock rings to trying perineal massage, there are lots of ways to experiment here, but the bottom line is to always trust your body and to follow your body's lead - not to try and force it or override it's wisdom. I found an article on perineal massage for BCB. Check it out here. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon at dawnserra.com/ep284

tl;dr Relationship green flags (healthy relationship behaviors), community accountability, and play party etiquette. News! Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. How are you doing? No really. How are you? Share with me, if you'd like, and send in your questions because I'd love to hear from you. Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above? What are relationship green flags? In other words, what are healthy relationship behaviors? What's a green flag for relationships? Well, after seeing a meme circulating with a few of them, I compiled a list of 24 green flag behaviors for relationships, because we hear a lot about red flags and it's nice to know what to do versus what not to do. Anderbear wrote in wanting to know how to proactively set up an accountability pod for their kinky community and resources for community accountability. While the list isn't exhaustive, it is a jumping off point! Get all of the links and names at dawnserra.com/ep283. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Visit dawnserra.com/ep283

tl;dr Is squirting embarrassing? How can I find a fat-friendly therapist? What if my marriage is falling apart? News! Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. This week, it's me and you! An awesome video called "How to Support Harm Does in Accountability" came across my feed this week, and it turns out it's part of a multi-video series by the Barnard Center for Research on Women featuring Mia Mingus, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, adrienne maree brown, and a bunch of other amazing folks. Definitely check them all out. How can we become more committed to collective healing and safety? What do we need to let go of in order to center the most marginalized? I explore this a bit as I share a few quotes and tidbits from the videos. Then, we dive into your questions. Sad Gay Millennial and SaFyre both wrote in this week with really sweet notes about how the show has helped them. I'm holding them so tenderly. Ina wrote to me about being in a fat body and finding support. How can you find a fat-friendly therapist? I have resources for you to check out at dawnserra.com/ep282. Regardless of who you have near you for support, I recommend asking lots of questions about their values and going in with a list of requests and boundaries that would help you to feel more safe and supported. Is squirting embarrassing? Amy wrote in because she squirts and after she does, she often feels really embarrassed and worried about the mess she made. Her current boyfriend is really supportive, but she wants to know if there's a way to feel less awkward about the mess her body makes. Finally, Emotionally Wrecked Matt wrote in because he lost weight last year and as a result his wife has experienced a lot of insecurity and withdrawal. Sex isn't what it used to be, feelings are hurt, and now they've shared some fantasies with each other that left the other feeling even more hurt. What can he do? As much as there is to dive into in this email, what's clear is that Matt and his wife need some support. Repair needs to come before adventure and play, so let's talk about that. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Find it at dawnserra.com/ep282

tl;dr What should you do with sexy pics of your ex and what if you still get off to them? How can you have more pleasure if you have herpes and your partner does not? And what should you do if you can't stop thinking of someone who drifted out of your life?   News! The October Cohort of my 5-week online course, Power in Pleasure, is enrolling NOW. We kick off TODAY Sunday, October 20th and it's going to be amazing. Learn more and enroll here: dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse (it costs as much as a single coaching session but includes six live calls and five weeks of daily emails bursting with powerful prompts and questions). Join us! This week, it's me and you!   First up, I want all of us to know about SexEdSchool.ca with Nadine Thornhill and Eva Bloom. It's for kids and adults with kids in their lives, but let's be honest. We could all use a refresher. Check it out.   Thinking wrote in about still thinking a lot about an old friend who drifted out of their life. Sometimes those memories are erotic and sometimes not, but is this because Thinking loves them or never got closure?   Crystal from Patreon had a few thoughts for Thinking. And then I weigh in about memories and how they can serve to support the stories we need in our lives. But it's important that we use memories to nourish us or to feel into something that we enjoy rather than investing in the truth of this fiction we've spun. It's normal to look back, as long as looking back doesn't keep us from living in the present.   Increase My Pleasure Please has herpes and their boyfriend does not. They are using gloves and condoms, but they'd really like to try oral sex. IMPP is on anti-viral meds, but there's still a chance to shed the virus, so what is safe? How can IMPP increase their pleasure without increasing risk?   I love this question because current stats show that 90% of Americans have some form of the herpes virus, which means it's SUPER common. And the more all of us know, the more pleasure we can all experience!   Because I'm not a herpes expert, I turned to a few great resources for data and suggestions. Head to dawnserra.com/ep281 for the full list of links.   The long and the short of it is whether we are in a relationship with differing STI statuses, with disability, with chronic pain, with aging bodies, with fat bodies, with differing needs, or just want to have more options for pleasure, we can experience deep sexual fulfillment and erotic expression when we use our imaginations to connect around the infinite ways we can enjoy each other's bodies - lap dances, mutual masturbation, erotic massage, tickle fights and wrestling, power exchange, bondage, reading erotica together, clothes-on humping and making out, toys, fucking machines - the sky is the limit on pleasure.   Kate has a super short question that I find fascinating. Is it wrong to keep sexy photos of an ex and to sometimes get off to them? What if you're in a new relationship?   Let's talk ethics and respecting people and how the digital age can make us feel entitled to someone's body long after we're with them.   Finally, Patrons, this week's bonus will be some erotic breathwork practices. Join me! If you support the show at $3 per month, you can get access at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to help me answer listener questions, the $5 level is for you. Your support means so much!   Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep281 for the transcript.

tl;dr Nurturance culture, rape culture, accountability, and boundaries with Nora Samaran. Don't miss the October cohort of Power in Pleasure, my 5-week online course dedicated to exploring your pleasure. Details are at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Enrollment closes soon! This week, I'm joined by Nora Samaran, author of the essay, "The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture" and the recently published book, Turn This World Inside Out: The Emergence of Nurturance Culture, out by AK Press. Grab the book here. Nora and I spent three hours chatting the day we recorded this episode, so needless to say there was a lot for us to unpack and explore. In the main episode for the show, we talk about nurturance culture, rape culture, raising the bar for the relationships we have and what it means to have relational responsibility, how our brains are wired for interdependence, attachment styles and how culturally we value avoidant attachment styles while vilifying anxious attachment styles. We dive into why there's so much heartbreak in swimming against the current of neoliberalism and capitalism when we prioritize interdependence, but also the richness available there. What does mutuality look like? What does care in our communities look like? Nora offers some beautiful examples of what it means for communities to protect people facing harm while honoring the humanity of the person or people causing the harm, and how we can be more accountable in ways that nurture us all. She calls it the 'double move' and it all starts with meeting the need without centering our own shame and guilt. Then, for Patreon, our bonus conversation is all about gaslighting. It's fantastic. Nora shares how the culture we live in lies to itself and creates fictions, why we are all so disconnected and dissociated, why when we're addressing patterns of gaslighting and harm it's not a "meet in the middle" thing, the neurology of gaslighting, and trauma bonding. If you want to hear it, it's for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Nora Samaran: Nora Samaran is a white settler from a working class immigrant background. She was a member of the No One is Illegal-Vancouver collective from 2005-2008, and the Media Democracy Day-Vancouver collective from 2008-2010. Her essay ‘The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture’ went viral in February 2016 and has grown into a book, Turn This World Inside Out, out with AK Press in June 2019. She teaches at Douglas College in Coast Salish Territories, also known as Vancouver, British Columbia. Check out Nora's interview on the Healing Justice podcast. If you join the Healing Justice podcast bookclub, there is a live webinar coming up, plus you can save 30% on the book! Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Tune in on Spotify. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Episode transcripts are available at dawnserra.com/sexgetsrealpod

Radical love, resilient community, and never being discarded with Andy Izenson I am so excited to replay this episode with Andy Izenson. When it first aired, I received loads of emails as a response, and since I'm taking this week off to tend to me, it felt like a beautiful offering to tide you over until next week. I first saw Andy speak several years ago at a closing panel for Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and I was in awe. You'll see why when you tune into our rich conversation. After reaching out to Andy, asking if they'd like to talk about restorative and transformative justice as well as building resilient communities on the show, Andy also said they were thinking a lot about: -- the way orthodoxies of capitalism and scarcity infuse polyamorous community// polyamory should be inherently anti-capitalist -- the way the state is conspiring with your trauma -- disposability and anxiety and the fiction of moral purity -- resilience and bravery in sex and relationships -- what even is masculinity anyway RIGHT?!?! So, on this week's show, we talk about alternative justice, healing, building resilient relationships and communities, letting go of the fantasy of safety and why there are no good people, plus, we explore the power of anger, question what even is masculinity, and feel moved that the kids really will be alright. Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, a new bonus is landing on Tuesday (so I can continue to take the weekend to rest). Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. In this episode, Andy and I talk about: Andy’s take on restorative and transformative justice and how finding factors where the whole community can come together to heal is a form of radical love. The ways we've been taught to believe in good versus bad, heroes versus villains, and why that feeds our hunger for punishment and violence. But punishment doesn't heal wounds or create strong communities, so what's the alternative? The fantasy we have to let go of around punishment and banishment when someone does something harmful, and how safety is an illusion. Why we can banish all the "abusers" from the island if we expect to have community. Andy's definition for community and how we can start building that kind of fierce support in a tiny way. The power of our anger, and what happens when the people in our life can hold that anger with us. We also talk about how damn resilient relationships become when we're can fuck up and know we won't be abandoned or discarded. Cultivating resilience in interpersonal relationships and communities. Knowing how you want your community to be/look like and how it should be a space where you feel safe and supported. The hard work around radical love and that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. It’s actually really hard work Masculinity: What it would be like if it was not toxic and infused with violent misogyny? What even is masculinity? Imagining a world that just accepts us as who we are and who we want to be, opens the question of whether or not we’ll have a different language for what we have now? The excitement and the honest truth that the kids are alright. They will be. Period. About Andy Izenson: Andy Izenson is an attorney with Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC, and is a collaborative practitioner, mediator, and passionate advocate, working to reframe conflict through a compassionate and transformative lens. As a member of the National LGBT Bar Association’s Family Law Institute and the National Lawyers Guild NYC Chapter Executive Committee, Andy is tirelessly committed to support for queer community and families as well as to a radical, anti-assimilationist politic. You can find Andy on Twitter @AndyEyeballs, join the Diana Adams Law newsletter, or email Andy about speaking at your institution at andy.izenson at gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

tl;dr Why coming forward about sexual assault doesn't "ruin" lives, what to do when you're deeply ashamed of masturbation, & does loving penises make a straight man gay?  News! The October Cohort of my 5-week online course, Power in Pleasure, is enrolling NOW. We kick off Sunday, October 14th and it's going to be amazing. Learn more and enroll here: dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse (it costs as much as a single coaching session but includes six live calls and five weeks of daily emails bursting with powerful prompts and questions). Join us! This week, it's me and you! First up, I share a fascinating and crucial thread by Nicole Bedera on why rape allegations do not "ruin" lives. Grab the link to read it and share it here. This is such a relevant conversation, and pairs perfectly with an awesome post that made the rounds this week by Jennifer Michelle Greenberg. You can check it out along with my thoughts here. In short, speaking your truth about abuse and harm does not ruin lives and we all have a responsibility to take more action around instances of harm. This is not an individual problem but a communal and collective one. Then, I field your emails. Libby wanted to share some feedback and thanks, which felt amazing to receive. From Help Me to Help Myself wrote in because they feel extreme shame around masturbating and don't know what to do. They experienced abuse and were raised in a very sex negative and Christian household, so masturbation feels complicated. How can they change their relationship with self-pleasure? Finally, Brian is worried his fetish means something about his sexuality. You see, he is straight, but he has a fetish for penises and semen, especially around performing oral on a trans person. So what does it all mean and where did this come from? I do a deep dive into genitals, identity, and sexuality. I also want all of us to check out three articles about sex with trans women. Head to dawnserra.com/ep279 for those links. Finally, Patrons, this week's bonus will be a short reading and meditation with some journal prompts about masturbation and our pleasure stories. If you support the show at $3 per month, you can get access at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to help me answer listener questions, the $5 level is for you. Your support means so much! Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon at dawnserra.com/ep279

It smells like man and cow, and it's hot as hell. Dawn & Dylan hit the Mid Atlantic Leather conference in Washington, DC. Ready for a complete, and VERY kinky, run down of everything we saw? Let's talk sadism, spanking, leather, dildos, and hundreds of sweaty, gay men. For more information about Mid Atlantic Leather, visit leatherweekend.com In this episode, Dawn & Dylan: Talk about all the things they saw at Mid Atlantic Leather. Laugh over the smell of all that leather and man ass. Watch a sadistic display and fondle some dildos. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real: Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@dawnserra.com Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Anne Hodder-Shipp joins us to talk sex ed, entitlement in relationships, and sex after recovery and while sober. News! If you could use some support around your relationship to your body, to pleasure, to sex and desire, I have a few spots available for in-person coaching in Vancouver and in my online virtual practice. Check out the Work With Me page for details. Patreon supporters - Anne and I spent some time recording a special bonus chat for you all about dream work and sex dreams. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear. If you don't yet support the show, $3 per month gets you weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm joined by Anne Hodder-Shipp, an experienced and no bullshit sex educator who does incredible work on the front lines of sex education and behind-the-scenes helping with the marketing and promotion of many popular brands you likely know. We dive into the importance of authenticity in dating and relationships, why being in a relationship does not entitle you to your partner's body and the steps you can take if you've behaved that way in the past, Anne's awesome new sex education certification program through EDSE (there's a new course in November - if you're interested, SIGN-UP NOW!), and the complexities of sex when you're in recovery or newly sober. Anne also shares how natural dreamwork, a way to get in touch with your emotions, helped her doing some healing work. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Anne Hodder-Shipp: Anne Hodder-Shipp, ACS, (she/her) is a multi-certified sex and relationships educator with professional training in breathwork and holistic dreamwork. She boasts a unique understanding of age-appropriate sex education, trauma-informed healing, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence, and she brings a fun, friendly and sex-positive facilitation style to every session, group or event she hosts. Utilizing a non-judgmental and no-b.s. approach, Anne happily helps clients of all ages, experience levels and lifestyles heal, learn and grow. In addition to her private practice and public workshops, Anne is the founder of and lead educator at Everyone Deserves Sex Education (EDSE), and also leads treatment groups for clients recovering from substance use disorder, eating disorders, compulsive sexual behavior and other stigmatized illnesses. Private practice: https://annehoddershipp.com EDSE Certification:  https://everyonedeservessexed.com/certification Instagram + Twitter: @theannehodder Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep278 for the transcript.

tl;dr Anne Hodder-Shipp joins us to talk sex ed, entitlement in relationships, and sex after recovery and while sober.   News! If you could use some support around your relationship to your body, to pleasure, to sex and desire, I have a few spots available for in-person coaching in Vancouver and in my online virtual practice. Check out the Work With Me page for details. Patreon supporters - Anne and I spent some time recording a special bonus chat for you all about dream work and sex dreams. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear. If you don't yet support the show, $3 per month gets you weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm joined by Anne Hodder-Shipp, an experienced and no bullshit sex educator who does incredible work on the front lines of sex education and behind-the-scenes helping with the marketing and promotion of many popular brands you likely know. We dive into the importance of authenticity in dating and relationships, why being in a relationship does not entitle you to your partner's body and the steps you can take if you've behaved that way in the past, Anne's awesome new sex education certification program through EDSE (there's a new course in November - if you're interested, SIGN-UP NOW!), and the complexities of sex when you're in recovery or newly sober. Anne also shares how natural dreamwork, a way to get in touch with your emotions, helped her doing some healing work. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Anne Hodder-Shipp: Anne Hodder-Shipp, ACS, (she/her) is a multi-certified sex and relationships educator with professional training in breathwork and holistic dreamwork. She boasts a unique understanding of age-appropriate sex education, trauma-informed healing, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence, and she brings a fun, friendly and sex-positive facilitation style to every session, group or event she hosts. Utilizing a non-judgmental and no-b.s. approach, Anne happily helps clients of all ages, experience levels and lifestyles heal, learn and grow. In addition to her private practice and public workshops, Anne is the founder of and lead educator at Everyone Deserves Sex Education (EDSE), and also leads treatment groups for clients recovering from substance use disorder, eating disorders, compulsive sexual behavior and other stigmatized illnesses. Private practice: https://annehoddershipp.com EDSE Certification:  https://everyonedeservessexed.com/certification Instagram + Twitter: @theannehodder Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon

tl;dr Creating community memories of abuse, why giving advice is a double-edged sword, attending ACA meetings, and wanting to cuckquean when you have trauma and no body confidence.   News! Save 40% off your first subscription with LOLA and your pads, tampons, wipes, condoms, and more can be discreetly delivered right to your door on YOUR schedule. They are generously sponsoring this episode. Listeners save 40% when they go to mylola.com and use promo code SGR at checkout. First up, I want your questions! I zoomed through so many of your amazing stories and emails this summer, that I'd love to hear more from you as I line up the podcast for the fall.   Where are you struggling around sex, love, pleasure, and bodies? What would you love to know more about? How can I support you around the places that feel tender and confusing?   Email me at info at sexgetsreal dot com or using the contact form which is linked at the top of the page.   This week we kick off by exploring a few interesting posts I came across.   One that's a few years old by Ferrett Steinmetz on the dangers of giving advice. Grab the link at sexgetsreal.com/ep277.   Another is this amazing community memory that's meant to help a DC antifacist activist community remember some harmful behavior one particular individual has been engaging in. Is there potential for other communities to create similar memories as a way to foster accountability and change? Check out the piece and share it widely by heading to sexgetsreal.com/ep277.   We are diving into two questions this week.   The first is Ana Banana who wants to know what I think of going to ACA meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics).   I explore the power of community to heal and also some of the dangers of placing all the blame on individuals.   Next is a question from Confused Quean on how to be a cuckquean while having deep body trauma and self-image issues. I posed this question to Patreon, and a few folks help share their ideas and perspective.   Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.   If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.   Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)   Episode Transcript Coming soon at sexgetsreal.com/ep277

News! I am on episode 4.2 of the Secret Feminist Agenda podcast. Tune in as I talk all about the Sex Gets Real podcast, how I got into this work, and much more. Save 40% off your first subscription with LOLA and your pads, tampons, wipes, condoms, and more can be discreetly delivered right to your door on YOUR schedule. They are generously sponsoring this episode. Listeners save 40% when they go to mylola.com and use promo code SGR at checkout. First up, I want your questions! I zoomed through so many of your amazing stories and emails this summer, that I'd love to hear more from you as I line up the podcast for the fall. Where are you struggling around sex, love, pleasure, and bodies? What would you love to know more about? How can I support you around the places that feel tender and confusing? Email me at info at sexgetsreal dot com or using the contact form which is linked at the top of the page. I'd also love more of your love notes about the ways people in  your life make you feel appreciated and loved. It's so sweet having these little rituals to share with everyone. Send yours over whether it's something a lover, spouse, friend, coworker, neighbor, child, or community member does. Love is love! On to your emails. Mare is struggling because she betrayed her partner. He didn't want to open their relationship and she did, so she betrayed their agreement and now things are terrible. She feels guilty and ashamed, and wants some thoughts on the whole situation. Anonymous Girl has always considered herself to be straight, but she's getting bored of sex with men, and is starting to feel really curious about sex with people of other genders. Should she go for it? And how? Finally, Sydney Faith Rose recently wrote something amazing about how many women are talking about their anxious attachment, but how maybe instead of seeing it as something to fix, it's instead a huge sign that there are very good reasons to be anxious right now. I explore some of the limitations of attachment theory and offer some questions for us all to sit with. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. This week there are TWO bonus episodes because last week's had an issue. One bonus is all about a partner who lied about getting STI testing done which has put their whole polycule at risk. The other bonus episode is about arousal and whether a desire to be penetrated or not is the sign of full arousal for a vulva owner. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Available at sexgetsreal.com/ep276

News! I am going to be on Secret Feminist Agenda podcast. The episode drops Friday, August 30, 2019 and if you haven't checked out this rad podcast yet, do it here. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. To get us started, I came across two threads all about love and the simple ways we care for each other. I'd love to hear from you one the little things people in your life do that make you feel loved and what made you think "yeah, I want this human in my life for awhile". Platonic, creative, sexual, romantic - it doesn't matter. Let's start a love fest. Email me with your story! I also want to take some time to share that a porn performer named Rooster has come forward about abuse they experienced on the set of an Erika Lust film by guest director Olympia de G. I share some thoughts on how we can do better around accountability and complexity, but I think the most important thing is hearing from Rooster and centering their experience. On to your emails. Kate's boyfriend has a coworker who is pretty disrespectful with boundaries, but despite that, had an initially shitty situation turn into something super sexy and fun. Go Kate! Next up, Elizabeth has just recently started dating a couple. Things are going great, but the woman asked Elizabeth not to wear crop tops around their daughter and Elizabeth isn't sure if she's being shamed or not for her clothing. What gives? Finally, CassyBoBassy is curious about body trust. As someone who struggled with dieting and a family who vilified fat bodies, Cassy is starting to see there might be another way to experience pleasure and break-up with shame, but what does it mean to trust your body and how can she feel less lost? Grab all the links and resources mentioned in this episode at sexgetsreal.com/ep275. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Find it at sexgetsreal.com/ep275

News! I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. This week's episode is all about you and your questions. First up, there have been updates on #polyamorysmetoo and I wanted to pass those along. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for all the links you need. You can also check out the @bodyimage_therapists's post on restriction here, and you can follow Ashlee if changing your relationship with food and body is something you're working on. After sharing some passages from Nora Samaran's "Turn This World Inside Out", it's time to jump into your emails. Chelsea wrote in because she is going to her first dungeon warehouse party. Is it safe to go as a single straight woman? And what should she wear? Amy has been with her husband for 8 years and early in their relationship, she had one month where she had mindblowing ecstastic orgasms and then they disappeared as quietly as they arrived. What happened? Is it normal? And why? Lady Shyzune experienced some trauma in some messy relationships with loved ones, and is finally coming out the other side with healthier boundaries and more support. How can people avoid the messy traps she fell into? You can check out Dr. Chris Hoff's piece on the myth of codependency by heading to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for the link. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript  Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for the transcript.

News! GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED at Simple Health if you'd like to try their online access for birth control and automatic subscription service with free shipping. Complete your health profile at simplehealth.com/sgr or use code SGR at checkout to get that $20 annual prescription fee waived and to get your birth control mailed to your door. I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. This week's episode is all about you and your questions. I got two follow-up emails, both from people whose questions were featured in episode 271. It was great to hear from both of them, and I share a little about what I hope each of you takes from the answers I offer on this show. Crushing wrote in because they are married and love their spouse, but they are having some kind of crush on a new co-worker. What is this? What do they do? And can they give this person a gift before they leave this job?  Crushes are totally normal, and there are so many kinds of crushes! Friend crushes, admiration crushes, appreciation crushes, sexual crushes, and many more. It sounds like Crushing is having a friend crush, but let's talk about crushes and how we can all enjoy them and validate those feelings without being out of alignment with our values. Tina wants to know if I have a recommended book list and Tina is in LUCK! You can get the official Sex Gets Real Recommended Reading List full of all my favorite and most recommended books at sexgetsreal.com/books. Fill in your info and you'll get immediate access to that list of awesome books. Grab the rest of the links and books I mention at sexgetsreal.com/ep273 Anonymous wrote in because they are unable to voice their feelings or speak about their arousal with their amazing and supportive partner. In fact, they called themself a "relationship mute". How can they find their voice? I offer loads of suggestions including working with Tea & Empathy cards (I have a few dozen decks available for sale if you'd like one, hit me up via email or on Facebook - I'm selling them at cost which is $35 + shipping), Betty Martin's 3-minute game which you hear all about in my chat with her for Explore More 2017 or on her website here, plus several other little tips and things to consider. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Available at sexgetsreal.com/ep273

Before we jump into my conversation with Tristan, I want to take a few moments to share an important piece called: Dildon’t Disrespect Black Femmes: Our Personal Experiences With Wild Flower Sex Shop This piece, written collectively by Ev'Yan Whitney, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, VenusCuffs, and Cameron Glover, is an important account of ongoing exploitation and abuse that these Black Femmes experienced at the hands of Wildflower Sex shop. It's also an important invitation to us all to think about who we critique and who we harm when we take "ethical" stances against certain companies or practices, especially that ultimately then benefit our own interests. You can read Tristan Taormino's additional thoughts about the sexuality field and the ways work in this field continues to be devalued and exploited, particularly for people of color and other people who are marginalized. We must all do better. This impacts our abilities to be present with each other. This impacts our abilities to be in our bodies, experiencing pleasure, building a most just world. It matters.  Read these accounts by Ev'Yan, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, Venus Cuffs, and Cameron and take a few moments to reflect. Tristan is here this week! And it's EPIC. Oh how I love chatting with Tristan. And you're about to hear why - we GO places in this 90 minute conversation of lusciousness. It all started when I asked Tristan to come on the show to tell us about her ultra personal new memoir which dives deep into her childhood, growing up with a gay dad, losing him to AIDS, and even part of a memoir her dad wrote about his life. In fact, if you want to read snippets and get exclusive updates, support Tristan's Patreon: patreon.com/tristantaormino But, in this episode we also talk about fat phobia, changing and aging bodies, capitalism, white supremacy, the sexuality field, and much much more. I can't WAIT for you to hear it all. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Tristan. We talk about the ethics of triangulation in poly relationships courtesy of a listener question! If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Podcast Transcript Find it at sexgetsreal.com/ep272

News! I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. It's you and me this week because I have so many amazing questions from you that I wanted to answer a few before next week's epic episode with Tristan Taormino. So what's on tap for this week? Teacup Half Full wrote in because she is engaged to an amazing man named George. He makes her so happy. But she also has an ex from the past who has come back into her life and he has declared that he wants to leave his fiancé to be with her. She loves them both. What can she do? I shared this question in Patreon for patrons who support at $5 and above, and Katie weighed in with her thoughts. Part of what I think Teacup Half Full needs to evaluate is her relationship values, how she wants to be in relationship, and then evaluate her relationship with these two men to see what she notices about what feels right. The secret keeping from both her fiancé George and the ex's fiancé needs to be addressed. Next, Ashamed AF Amy is struggling because Amy feels deeply ashamed of her genitals. She's been thinking about surgery because she feels broken and ugly. In fact, the first person she slept with shamed her and refused to go down on her. Again, I posed this question in Patreon, and Hawthorn and Katie shared their thoughts. Among the things they offered, they also shared the following resources for learning more about the vast and extraordinary variation in how vulva look. Check out: The Labia Library The Vulva Gallery Laura Dodsworth's 100 Vagina's project Joani Blank's book Femalia I want for more of us, all of us regardless of gender, to check out these resources. To see the huge variety in how vulvas shape themselves - none is wrong or ugly, they're simply different and unique. We don't get a chance to see much genitalia outside of porn, and that can leave us feeling like there's something wrong. Am Me wrote in because their friend is sexually attracted to fat bodies. How can they find resources around that? Let's normalize finding fat bodies hot! Because fat bodies can be SOOOO sexy - all those soft places, sensitive places, and yummy places to get lost in. Let's also talk about the difference between finding something sexy versus objectifying or fetishizing someone. Finally, Violeta is struggling because she is from Mexico and the person she is falling for is in the U.S. Is there any hope for love across this border, especially considering the current political climate? What can she do? Everything feels so sad. This is the reality of racism, xenophobia, and all of the bullshit propaganda U.S. citizens have been fed forever about fearing those from Mexico, Central, and South America. The violence is having a real impact on so many people, not just those crossing the border. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep271 to grab it.

LAST CALL The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final DAY to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Touch. The erotic. And healing. Chris Maxwell Rose is here from The Pleasure Mechanics and we geek out about touch, changing bodies and how our relationship with the erotic changes over time, touch hunger, and much much more. The Pleasure Mechanics have a bunch of fantastic online courses, so if you want to check those out this is my affiliate link. A few of the things we discuss include: The many touch stones that we have in our life that help us stay grounded and connected to ourselves, our body,  and to the people we care about. What does saying yes to connection and touch mean? How do we explore our erotic selves with tenderness, longing, and hunger instead of fear, vulnerability, and terror? Chris shares their experience with mindfulness and being present, and how this practice can help us be more present during sex. Bringing erotic awareness into our daily lives and how skills based practice plays an important role in it.  Reverence and how we can turn our attention to the small and minute things of everyday and savour in those moments.   The different stories around touch, what touch hunger means, receiving touch, and to what degree is affectionate touch tied up to sex. What happens if touch is something that you’re not hungry for? How can we still practice this skill? The violence and harm that can come in how we touch one another and how do we practice the pleasure, love, radical empathy that can also happen through touch? Massage as the yes point for couples and the practice of massage as part of a culture within a relationship. The practice of sharing each other’s desires in a relationship and not taking no as a rejection. Creating micro-experiments as a couple to build foundational skills within the relationship. Honoring where you’re at and being present with yourself and/or relationship knowing that everything is a process and that there is no guarantee of the destination. Harnassing the erotic and how it grows your capacity to the experiences you want and the experiences that you have been practicing towards. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Chris! If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Chris Maxwell Rose: I am a sex educator with over 15 years experience teaching individuals and groups about sexual health and pleasure. Together with my partner Charlotte, I co-founded PleasureMechanics.com in 2006, dedicated to sharing practical, down-to-earth information and techniques for more sexual pleasure.We have criss-crossed the nation teaching workshops on sex to audiences from 3 to 3,000. Our car has over 300,000 miles on it from our travels. Our work has reached individuals in over 60 countries. As The Pleasure Mechanics we have combined our body based expertise with game-changing cultural insights that provide a unique path to a happier, healthier and more pleasurable sexuality. Our online courses teach the techniques of sexual pleasure to men and women around the world, and our podcast offers hundreds of hours of free erotic education to anyone ready to expand their capacity for pleasure, love, arousal and connection. I have been working as an independent sex educator since graduating Vassar College with honors in 2003. Truly, I’ve been a sex educator since my childhood, when I discovered myself camped out in the library’s sexuality section and answering all my friend’s questions on the playground. I try to maintain the wide eyed curiosity of my youth as I distill what I have learned in my decade of hands-on sex education leadership. My highest commitment is helping to create a world where all men, women and couples have the information and tools to become sexually fulfilled. My work is dedicated to creating an end to the cycle of sexual violence and abuse. As a survivor of child sexual abuse and teenage sexual assault, I believe that the cycle of sexual violence is dependent on a culture of sexual shame, fear and silence. These toxic cycles can only be remedied by advocating for sexual wellness, freedom and pleasure. To this pleasurable end I have dedicated my creativity and leadership. I’d love to hear from you! Be In Touch. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Podcast Transcript can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep270

LAST CALL The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final week to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Sinclair Sexsmith and rife are here to talk 24/7 power exchange First up, you can hear me on two podcasts this week talking all about pleasure, bodies, and sex. I chatted with Chris Maxwell Rose of The Pleasure Mechanics all about pleasure, hunger, and the relationship between sex and food. I was also on Rebecca Scritchfield's podcast Body Kindness talking about sex as a social skill. Check them out! This conversation with Sinclair and rife is beautiful. They pull back the curtain on their relationship and let us take a peek at the ways they've grown into their dynamic of 24/7 Master/slave. We explore the ways that bringing conscious, deliberate negotiation to the ways we do relationship can create beautiful conditions for love, support and growth.  Sinclair shares how they want to show more vulnerability as a Dominant, allowing room for growth, mistakes, and not knowing - the antithesis of how so many people see Domination. rife talks about their ultimate goal of creating a trust so deep and so strong that they can surrender all their boundaries and the long, slow process of how they're working in that direction. They also share some of the things they're holding around the language  Master/slave and the legacy of those words within the white supremacy of the United States. I can't wait for you to hear this. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Sinclair and rife all about using kink to experience embodiment and how kink can be a part of healing trauma. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sinclair Sexsmith and rife: Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them pronouns) is a writer, teacher, and performer studying sexualities, genders, relationships, and kink. Since 2006 they have produced the award-winning site Sugarbutch Chronicles at sugarbutch.net, detailing their personal adventures and in depth studies of how to be their best self. Their full-length collection of short stories, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica is a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in the erotica category (and they have copies of here at Bawdy, including an extra bonus story, “The Houseboy’s Rebellion”, on the USB ebook version). In addition, they were just awarded the National Leather Association John Preston short story award for their piece, “Awakening: Mistress Elise Winter & morgan.” Sinclair leads college workshops around the country, and teach puberty and sex ed to 4th through 8th graders around the Bay Area. They live in Oakland with their boy. rife is the property of Sinclair Sexsmith, and a genderqueer leather boy from Texas. He is the illustrator and co-creator of The GENDER Book, a fun, colorful, community-based resource. When not serving Master, he serves many other folks in the community through his graphic and web design small business rowdyferretdesign.com. Stay in touch with them and learn more about their courses and writing at the following links: dsplayground.com thegenderbook.com kinkopoly.com sugarbutch.net twitter.com/mrsexsmith Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Podcast Transcript Can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep269

Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Welcome to this week's episode, it's a very special treat, but first! Did you know you can support the show? You can, on Patreon. The show is entirely self-funded, so every single dollar makes a huge difference for me. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus is my chat with Adiposivity's founder Substantia Jones for the Explore More Bodies summit. We talk all about her project of photographing fat, naked bodies all around the world. Don't miss it! Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to support the show and get your bonus access. So, for this week's episode, in the spirit of treating myself to a vacation and working as little as possible (thank you to the person who emailed me and said I deserve a break - it felt so great to receive that support), this week's episode is my chat with Meg-John Barker from the very first Explore More Summit. Meg-John is someone I have learned SO much from and I adore their curious, compassionate approach to mental health, gender, love, and relationship. If you haven't checked out their awesome books, including one of my favorites "Rewriting the Rules", you can learn more about them here. In this interview, we talk about the ways we define love and how rigid it is, how we can find new ways to love and be in relationship, the romanticism and idea of The One that sets us up for a ton of distress, more expansive ways to approach happiness and love in our lives, self-criticism and intense emotions, and how we can begin healing and learning ways to navigate it all. Also, that book I mentioned, "Turn This World Inside Out" by Nora Samaran is recently out by AK Press, and you can grab your copy here. I'll be back next week with loads of your questions, so stay tuned! Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Grab the full episode transcript at sexgetsreal.com/ep268 Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

FULL TRANSCRIPT AT sexgetsreal.com/ep267 Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Welcome to this week's episode, full of your questions and some thoughts and questions I have in response. First up, a few years ago, Jasmine Kyon wrote an essay about why coming out is not the best option as the child of an immigrant family and how often the coming out narrative is white-centric and cis-centric. It's beautiful and important. Check it out here. Then, several of your awesome questions. Brooke struggled with wanting sex as she grappled with disordered eating, but now she's feeling more herself and she wants to explore more sexual things with her boyfriend. The problem? He never initiates and she doesn't want to have to be the one to always get things going. What can she do to honor this yummy horniness? Laura met her husband when she was 18 and they've been happily married for many years. He's an amazing husband and dad. The problem? She feels like she missed out by not having other experiences - especially when her friends share stories of old boyfriends and sexual escapades. All she can do is listen. Is the grass really greener? Is she missing out by only ever having had one sexual partner? Is this the culture or is it her? I love this question and we have a lot to explore here. Next up, find out why someone recently wrote this to me: “TAKE THE COURSE. You may think you're in touch with yourself and your desires, but this course opens your eyes to things deep within your soul that you didn't know existed. You will feel rejuvenated and insightful after each daily unit. The group chats each week provide beautiful perspective from others going on the journey with you. You won't regret signing up for this.” Finally, Paula is thinking about becoming a sex educator for the Hispanic community. She wants to know how I got started learning about sexuality and how she might get started herself. Hear where I got my start and why volunteering and being on the front lines of people's complex, messy, real lives is so important if you want to go into sex education. Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to a funny exploration of sexual injuries, inspired by an article I recently read - and I want to hear YOUR sexual injuries. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. My chat with Sinclair Sexsmith and rife got postposed, so this week's episode is just me and you. First up, I share about three new articles/resources that came across my feed this week. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep266 for all of the links mentioned in the episode. Then, we dive into two important questions from listeners just like you. Peter is a cis man who is a virgin. He has been listening to older episodes of the show and was confused by a conversation I had with a Dirty Lola in response to a cis woman who was a virgin asking about boundaries. Peter feels he shouldn't have boundaries if he ever meets someone who is willing to have sex with him in order to actually, well, have sex. Should he have boundaries or not? I offer feedback all about the importance of boundaries not only for our own pleasure but as a way to build trust with potential partners and because consent requires us to openly communicate our needs so that others can choose for themselves based on as much information as possible. Then, Allison is thinking about becoming a sex educator and wants to know what programs I recommend. Gosh, do I have thoughts! Because I get this question all the time, I share my thoughts about how most programs won't really meet anyone's needs if they want to become a sex educator and what I do see as the future of this field and what I think it will take to be a part of where we're going rather than where we've been. Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to my hour long and very intimate conversation with Isabel Abbott from Explore More Summit 2019. It's MAGICAL. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. This week's episode is just me and you. First, I get on a soapbox about the bullshit that is "straight pride" and how it's really just like white pride and men's rights activists. We've got to call this stuff out and do better. Listener Rick wrote in to share some changes he's experienced in pleasure since really listening to his wife. AMAZING! Next up, Confused Cookie has a problem. The love of her life keeps breaking their agreements and lying to her. This is not what ethical non-monogamy or polyamory are about, folks. If someone is breaking agreements, hiding things, and lying, that's unethical regardless of the dynamic. CC deserves so much better and I have suggestions for what to do next (*cough* leave him *cough*). Chuch has been having this new, bizarre sexual energy with a person in his life that isn't lustful, but definitely exciting. What is it and what are my thoughts, he wants to know? Will is 74 years old and he's started posing as a 20-something lesbian in an online golf game he's been playing. It's just for fun, but he isn't sure if he should tell his wife or not. Finally, @homebodytherapy on Instagram shared a powerful post about diet culture and our body's response to restriction. It ties so heavily to why so many of us struggle with pleasure. Let's explore it a bit. Patreon supporters, this week we're talking about sex abuse inside of marriage and committed relationships based on a Vox piece that recently resurfaced. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Your pleasure matters. Join the July cohort of  my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. This week's episode is just me and you. First up, some updates from the survivor pod around Franklin Veaux and hearing from more of the women. Definitely check out polyamory-metoo.com and Aida Manduley's twitter thread for some good stuff. You can also check out the Reddit thread with the comments I read here. Centering the stories and experiences of the women Franklin harmed is the most important thing, so if you do check out the updates from Franklin's folks, just remember that so far none of their updates have been from folks who understand trauma-informed work or alternative justice processes. They're actually quite harmful. Patreon supporters, this week I'm watching the new Vex Ashley and Four Chambered Heart erotic film and narrating what I see. It's fun and silly and by request. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Suppor at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to check out the article on incels and plastic surgery, I mentioned. You can check that out on The Cut. Now on to your questions! Alyssa wrote in because her fiancé won't talk during sex, but Alyssa thinks talking during sex would be super hot. How can she encourage him to talk more? Talking during sex can be super hot and super fun, and it can also make pleasure really difficult for some folks. Let's explore that dance of needs together. Fabulously Fem emailed me asking to hear more about cross dressing on the show and if I think dolls are ethical. I promise to have a crossdressing expert join us soon, but in the meantime you might want to check out Kink Academy's awesome videos on crossdressing for those who are interested. That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Want to work with me? Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. My coaching practice has a few new spots available. If you could use support around the places where you feel most stuck, I'd love to support you. Details about my coaching practice are here: dawnserra.com/work-with-me . In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Three of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley. This episode is my conversation with therapist Aida Manduley. In it, we are building on the previous two episodes which included a conversation with Eve Rickert and Samantha Manewitz as we explore emotional abuse, accountability, and different ways of being in community with each other. Aida has been a part of several transformative justice processes and has tremendous perspective around how we can center those harmed without throwing out those who caused the harm. We also talk about how white supremacy impacts the ways we show up in life, the false promises made to cis men, and why grief work is crucial to alternative justice practices and accountability. We dive into why communities are where we should start when we're considering how harm happened in the first place and why we all need to adjust our expectations for how long these processes take. It's not a superhero movie where everything is resolved with one fell swoop. I cannot wait for you to hear this awesome conversation, and as noted in the other episodes, your financial help for the survivor pod would mean so much. Resources mentioned in this episode include: Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Aida Manduley on what helps and what hinders accountability processes. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Aida Manduley: Aida Manduley is an award-winning Latinx activist, international presenter, and trauma-focused clinician known for big earrings and building bridges. Trained as a sexuality educator, social worker, and nonprofit management professional, they’re* working to make the word a more equitable place through education, therapy, and community organizing. Their perspective centers intersectionality and maximizing kindness, while retaining both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. From The New York Times to The Rainbow Times, Mx. Manduley has been interviewed by a variety of media outlets. They were even brought on for a debate on the Laura Ingraham show—a popular conservative radio program—and lived to tell the tale. You can follow them on Twitter (@neuronbomb) or Instagram (@aidamanduley), like their page on Facebook, sign up for their newsletter (debuting September 2018), stay tuned to what books they’re nerding out with, and/or get more information about their professional accomplishments via LinkedIn. Grab the episode transcript at http://sexgetsreal.com/ep263

Want to work with me? Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Two of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley. This episode is my conversation with therapist Samantha Manewitz. We build on the conversation I had with Eve Rickert in Episode 261, exploring emotional abuse and gaslighting in relationships. One of the things Samantha stresses in this conversation is how normalized gaslighting is in the world right now. We have the highest levels of power (the US President) gaslighting an entire nation, and none of us are immune. We also explore some things that help reveal behaviors that might lead to emotional abuse and what one word can change the way we enter into relationships. This is an important and powerful conversation about how subtle emotional abuse can be, and how to look out for DARVO which is how emotional abusers position themselves as the victim. The survivor pod resources mentioned in this episode include: Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start. Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to grab your bonus content this week which includes a little PDF of the questions Samantha offered around helping to figure out if we're being gaslit, plus a few bonus minutes of our conversation AND an embodiment exercise that can help us arrive in the body in a gentle way. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Samantha Manewitz: Samantha Manewitz, LICSW CST, is an educator and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She has trained mental health professionals, sex educators, and alt-sex communities on healthy communication, abuse prevention, and mental health in BDSM. Samantha was a featured presenter at multiple conferences, including CatalystCon West, American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities, and the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. Among her therapeutic specialties are trauma (complex PTSD), sex therapy, couples therapy (level 2 Gottman trained), and gender affirming care for transgender/non binary clients. Samantha is also on the faculty of the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment, where she has presented on sexual coercion and psychotherapy with kinky clients. Stay in touch with Samantha at beyondsafewords.com. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

WHOA! Birth control without a trip to the doctor? YES!!!! Simple Health is generously sponsoring this episode and YOU can get a free prescription for birth control without every leaving your home. That's right, Simple Health has made birth control easier and cheaper than ever. You fill out an online questionnaire about your health, body, insurance, and preferences. They have a doctor review your information and make a recommendation for contraception. Then, they issue a prescription and Simple Health MAILS IT TO YOU at regular intervals, without you ever having to go anywhere or remember anything. If you have insurance, using Simple Health is often totally free. If you don't have insurance, you can get birth control pills for starting around $15 per month. And...Sex Gets Real listeners, YOU CAN GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED! Head to simplehealth.com/sgr or enter code SGR at check-out and the $20 prescription fee will be waived. Birth control has never been so easy. More of your questions have poured in, so that's what we're doing today. But first, if you'd like to join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course, check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. You can also check out coaching at dawnserra.com/work-with-me - I have a few new spots opened up for new clients and I'd love to support you. First up, Not Asking For It wrote in about play party etiquette. At a recent play party, NAFI wasn't really into anyone there, but two women were following her around and she had to keep dodging their advances. As she left, one of the women hugged her, but then held on to her and kissed NAFI without consent. How can you set boundaries at a play party that aren't shaming or mean? I explore play party etiquette and how different organizers will have very different rules and values for their parties. We also need to talk about how assertiveness is in no way mean or shaming, and part of the work we have to do - especially women and non-binary/agender folks - is that being assertive is a big part of how we can navigate these spaces more safely. What comes up for you when someone says "You're making me uncomfortable" or "You're standing too close to me". If those statements make you uncomfortable, that's work YOU need to do around why someone taking care of themselves feels shameful or like an attack. I also recommend Cristien Storm's book "Living in Liberation" which is my favorite resource for learning about communicating boundaries, plus Jaclyn Friedman's "What You Really Really Want", Soraya Chemaly's "Rage Becomes Her", and "The Assertiveness Workbook". Please support your local independent bookstore, but if you want an Amazon link, those links are my affiliate link. If you need help being more assertive and you're a woman, gender non-conforming/agender, check out Marcia Baczynski's Good Girl Recovery program, too. Next up, AP has a bra and panty fetish. They look at pictures of plus sized bodies in bra and panties every day. Is that weird? And where do fetishes come from anyway? Is an early childhood experience AP had of getting caught trying on some bra and panties where it all started? Let's talk about our brains and where fetishes come from, plus why fetishes are totally normal, and how we can more ethically engage with our desires to that they feel spacious AND values-aligned. Someone wrote to me on Facebook asking about gay women and puppy play. In addition to contacting Ruby, the Black Sex Geek, in Dallas, Princess Kali also said all of the puppy play videos on KinkAcademy.com are by women. Plus, Fetlife! Finally, Paralyzed wrote in because while her father has always been a dud - creepy, uninvolved, sexually commenting on her body, she recently unearthed a memory of him sexually abusing her. But her family doesn't really think he's that bad and they think she's being dramatic in wanting to cut off ties. How can Paralyzed cut off communication with her father AND navigate the family dynamics with her mom and siblings? I highly recommend checking out generationfive.org, especially their resources, as well as Staci Haines' "Healing Sex". Finding support groups for survivors of childhood sexual abuse is so important as we navigate spaces like this. Community, friends, and therapists are all an important part of feeling supported, especially when part of our healing may mean disrupting our relationship with our family. We deserve to be believed. We deserve to be supported. We do not owe our family our time, access to our body, or any explanations about what we need to do in order to take of ourselves - even if that's really difficult to do. Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. The bonus this week is a worksheet about safety in our lives and how we can bring in more safety and less tolerating in order to make space for more pleasure. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)  

WHOA! Easy & cheap birth control? YES!!!! Simple Health is generously sponsoring this episode and YOU can get a free prescription for birth control without every leaving your home. That's right, Simple Health has made birth control easier and cheaper than ever. You fill out an online questionnaire about your health, body, insurance, and preferences. They have a doctor review your information and make a recommendation for contraception. Then, they issue a prescription and Simple Health MAILS IT TO YOU at regular intervals, without you ever having to go anywhere or remember anything. If you have insurance, using Simple Health is often totally free. If you don't have insurance, you can get birth control pills for starting around $15 per month. And...Sex Gets Real listeners, YOU CAN GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED! Head to simplehealth.com/sgr or enter code SGR at check-out and the $20 prescription fee will be waived. Birth control has never been so easy. So, let's dive into this week's episode. First up, I have some openings in my coaching practice. If you'd like to work with me around your body, your relationship to sex and desire, or get some couples support, head to dawnserra.com or fill out my intake questionnaire and we can have a quick chat to see if this might be a good fit for you. I'd love to support you. Yesterday, Mia Mingus shared some really thought-provoking questions about accountability. What if we cherished and ran towards accountability? What if accountability was about love, connection, and feeling into new depths of ourselves instead of about punishment? Let's explore that a little bit. I also got a short listener question asking about women who are into older partners. WHOA. I had a lot to say about this that I didn't realize was swirling around inside of me. So, let's talk about power, about preferences, and about the ways we are groomed to value younger women and older men. Plus, Patreon supporter Katie weighs in with her thoughts, as well. Then I field a question from Danny. You see, Danny is married but he doesn't want to have sex with his wife. He just wants to masturbate. Is that weird? Is it wrong? What's up? Solo sex is amazing. Talk about a skilled lover who can read your mind! And yes, solo sex, or masturbation, are REAL, FULL sex. But what about Danny's wife, who doesn't love his affinity for masturbating over having sex with her? Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. The bonus this week is all about pleasure. I've got some JUICY questions for you to explore that will help you consider your relationship with pleasure. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

It's time to deepen your relationship with pleasure. Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 29, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there. NEW: Transcript available at sexgetsreal.com/ep258 First, I apologize that this episode is so late. Between traveling, funerals, and getting caught up, it took a few extra days to get this uploaded and out to you. This week, it's your questions! We start with an email from Violet. She was in a relationship that was committed and kinky that turned emotionally abusive. She is working with a therapist to heal, but she's worried about getting back into the kink scene and about healing from the abuse. What can she do to take care of herself and to stay open to honoring her kinkiness? Then Ross sent a short email asking why his girlfriend used to have intercourse with him but now only wants to do hand sex and oral sex. Why the change? We'll explore the possibility of pain during intercourse, mediocre intercourse, and why folks who have a vulva often experience more pleasure from non-intercourse sexual activities. Plus, it sounds like Ross and his girlfriend are still having all kinds of awesome sex, even if intercourse isn't happening these days, so how can that be something to celebrate? And finally, Michael and his wife are thinking about trying swinging. What books should they read and how can they get started? I point them to all things Cooper Beckett and Life on the Swingset, including their Desire Resort swinging retreat they do every year. Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Is your relationship with pleasure complicated? Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 29, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there. On with the show! Anonymous shares how exploring and communicating with a partner can help open new possibilities to feeding your life and your relationship. Miss Submissive is hiring a professional Dominatrix and she would love some help learning how to be a bratty sub. Are there any resources for how to get started both as a submissive and as a brat? Some of the resources I share include Kink Academy's Brat series, "Submissive Fantasy vs Submissive Reality" as well as "Creating a Submissive Training Plan for Yourself" on Sugarbutch.net, plus Sinclair Sexsmith's Submissive Playground online course, Feisty Fox Films has this great post "In Defense of Brats", and Evie Lupine is a YouTuber who featured Brittany Simon on a video all about brats (and Evie has other videos on submission that might be worth a watch). B wrote in because she's in love with her ex boyfriend and he claims to be in love with her, but while they were together he cheated on her by sleeping with his best friend. B feels devastated and doesn't know what to do. I dive into trust, betrayal, the importance of friends, and why mental illness is never an excuse for treating someone badly. Plus, I ask folks to work to be mature enough to understand the level of devastation they can cause by betraying a loved one BEFORE doing something that hurts a loved one. No one should have to see the horror in a loved one's eyes to understand the impact of their own actions. Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check out this week's bonus where I read some SEXY EROTICA and support the show by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Is your relationship with pleasure complicated? Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there. M'kali-Hashiki is here! Let's talk about erotic healing and more. M'kali-Hashiki works with people's erotic wounds and erotic breathwork. She has such wisdom and experience in exploring the erotic and also being with our bodies in meaningful ways. Our conversation explores the ways we touch our genitals, the ways we become erotically wounded, what presence and breathwork can offer us in reconnecting with our pleasure and erotic sources. We also dive deep into the concept of safety and why safety isn't available to everyone. When we begin to examine the ways we have to armor ourselves to move through our lives, especially if we experience marginalization by the state, we start to see the ways safety may not be available to us, even in our most intimate relationships. This is a rich, yummy discussion that I can't wait for you to hear. Want to hear my bonus chat with M'kali-Hashiki about life-affirming, body-affirming, emotion-affirming sex? Pop over to Patreon! Folks who support the show at $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. Hear it and all the other bonuses at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About M'kali-Hashiki: M’kali-Hashiki is a Renegade Sexual Mystic; A Tour Guide to the realm of Eros; & a Teacher of Somatic Erotic Possibilities. She holds certifications in Sexological Bodywork; Sound, Voice, & Music Healing; and Tantric Sacred Intimacy. A published essayist; a former professional social justice organizer; and an Ifa devoteé, she believes the sexual & the spiritual are irrevocably intertwined. Her politics, spirituality, and lived experience as a queer, feminist, polyamourous, middle-aged, fat, kinky, Black Femme Dyke trauma survivor inform all aspects of her work. She is the author of the popular ebook "Turn Your Junk Into Treasure: Five Steps To Deepening Your Relationship With Your Nethers". She offers both individual sessions & transformational group journeys helping QTIPOC & allied folk access their erotic energy for radical transformation fuel. She also offers Enstatic Breathwork™ For Collaboration & Employee Wellness to companies & social justice non-profits. Stay in touch with M'kali-Hashiki at fiercepassions.com, and on Facebook and Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Is your relationship with pleasure complicated? Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there. On with the show! I received a doozy of an email recently all about a partner who watches porn and the damage that's caused to their relationship. The story of their relationship is long, complicated, and full of problematic behaviors, so this week, I spend a large portion of the episode slowly breaking down the email and what it looks like when we try to control our partner's behavior. We'll explore: Why snooping and looking at a partner's phone and emails never OK What to do when a partner comments on our bodies and tells us to make them look a certain way What to do when we are doing things we don't want to do sexually for a partner without receiving anything in return Why asking a partner to stop watching porn actually causes more harm in the long-run Why the science doesn't support sex "addiction", porn "addiction", or food "addiction" and who is profitting off of us thinking otherwise Unhealthy relationship dynamics And why we NEED to start our relationships with our values and dealbreakers so that people can enthusiastically opt-in rather than being forced to opt-out later Plus, a sad and confused email from Heart Broke Sex Freak. He cheated on his wife and left his marriage to be with the woman he cheated with only to have the new partner cheat on him. He feels lost and scared and like karma came for him. Can a relationship survive cheating? What's on the other side of infidelity? We've got some BIG questions this week, so tune in and see what you think. Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check out this week's bonus and support the show by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

NOW ENROLLING! Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there. On with the show! First up, Graeme Seabrook's latest blog post popped up in my feed a few times this week and caught my eye. It's titled, "Stop Grading Your Husband On A Curve" and spoke so deeply to so many of the questions I receive and the coaching that I do. Check it out, for sure. What would it look like to have everyone in a relationship show up and take 100% responsibility for the household, the chores, the management of scheduled? What would it mean if the women and femmes of the world weren't the ones who managed grocery shopping, meal prep, appointment setting, friend dates, and everything else that contributes to overwhelm and burnout? It's a big question that will require a lot of changes for many of us if we truly want equitable partnerships. That article paired perfectly with an older article that a marriage therapist I adore re-shared this week called, "9 Habits Of People In the Healthiest Relationships" and I want more of us to have more humor, transparency, positive regard, and connection in our lives, so let's chew on these a little and see what might need attention in our lives. If 69% of our disagreements in relationship are unresolvable, how do we continue to turn towards each other with humor and generosity, knowing that's true? How do we make time for each other, without distraction, when life gets busy? These are the kinds of questions I want more of us to sit in and grapple with. It would ease so much relationship distress for us all if we did. I'm also fielding two listener questions this week. First up, DNA has been with his wife for 17 years. They have an 11-year-old son. They recently decided to get divorced, but because they live in a really expensive area, they've decided to co-habitate as they co-parent. But DNA is having trouble moving on. He feels resentful that he's trapped, he can't deepen his relationship with the new person he's dating, and their families don't even know about the divorce because they're trying to protect their son. What can he do? Finally, Alice Joy wrote in because their partner is really dominant. So dominant, that they won't allow Alice Joy to touch them or to really receive pleasure. AJ isn't sure if it's because their partner doesn't want it or if it's because they aren't sure what they want, but it's impact AJ's confidence because what if it's them and how they do things? What can AJ do? This week on Patreon for folks who support at $3 per month and above, we're talking about sexual rituals and I'm answering a question from fellow Patreon supporter Just Fat about not being able to trust that her partner really wants her since she's in a fat body. Your support matters SOO much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

NOW ENROLLING! Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there. On to your emails! Adam wrote back after hearing his email on the show with an emotional thank you. Beginning Gusher and Waterboarding Victim both wrote in with the same question from opposite perspectives. How can you prevent squirting? I share some thoughts and advice from other sex educators before weighing in with my thoughts. Essentially, our bodies are going to do what our bodies are going to do, and instead of stopping something natural from happening, a better question is what ELSE can someone do that feels pleasurable and connecting that might not lead to squirting if it must be avoided. Naive Nancy has a question about condoms. Her boyfriend claims that he can't wear condoms because he's circumcised. Is she being naive? Her friends think so, but they're also having all sorts of other kinds of sex that works for them. Is it a big deal? Maybe. Maybe not. Because male entitlement to pleasure is the gold standard right now, many dudes have internalized this sense of "I don't want to so I won't" when it comes to condoms. That said, all bodies are different, and one person's experience may be different than another's. Practicing with condoms during masturbation, trying differing amounts of lube on the inside of the condom, and eroticizing condoms can all help. But, bottom line, as long as he's respecting Nancy's boundaries, he can have whatever experience he has and it doesn't have to be about anything more. Nic wrote in about being someone who was emotionally and sexually abused. How can Nic find feminist community? Where can Nic find folks who AREN'T invested in misogyny and sexism? Let's talk about finding community and the ways we survive. Among the things discussed, I mention Laura van Dernoot Lipsky's books "Trauma Stewardship" and "The Age of Overwhelm", "Healing Sex" by Staci Haines, as well as "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk and Peter Levine's books. Want to support the show? EVERY DOLLAR MATTERS SO MUCH. The best part is if you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. This week we're talking self-care and fantasizing about your girlfriend's mom and aunt. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

NOW ENROLLING! Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there. On to your emails! Kim wrote in with a sweet note about hearing a trauma story on episode 246 and how much it reminded her that she's not alone in her healing and trauma. Thanks for the support, Kim! Katie has a request. As someone who is a sex researcher and who does a lot of work around sex, the thing that shocks people the most is that she didn't have intercourse for the first time until she was 30. She'd love to hear more conversations about people who don't have sex until later in life and the benefits and struggles that presents. I have so many thoughts which include not only the importance of talking about this, but also how it ties to sex work and a sexually equitable future. Future Mrs. is three months from getting married but she's never been less sure about whether this is what she wants. Her fiancé wants her to have threesomes with other women, and even though she's tried, she just doesn't want. But he keeps bringing it up and it's led to arguments and a lot of conflict. What can she do? Let's talk about what it looks like to respect someone's boundaries, to have the maturity to hold that our desires will be bigger than our lives can hold, and why expectations are the enemy of connection and trust. Finally, Distraught has had a few angry outbursts recently that have been rather abusive towards their boyfriend, and while their boyfriend does have some boundary work to do to care for themselves around it, Distraught is hoping for resources to help with anger management amid a chronic illness, changing career, and shrinking financial security. Help! My recommendations include Karla McLaren's Gift of Anger post and her other anger post, as well as Soraya Chemaly's "Rage Becomes Her", Rebecca Traister's "Good and Mad", and Brittany Cooper's "Eloquent Rage". It might also be helpful for Distraught to check out Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha's "Care Work" and this crip lit round up on Autostraddle around the grief and realities of a body changed by chronic illness. I also cannot recommend Cristien Storm's boundary book, "Living in Liberation" highly enough to everyone everywhere. (All of the books are linked to Amazon with my affiliate link. Check with your local, independent bookstores first, if you can!) Want to support the show? EVERY DOLLAR MATTERS SO MUCH. The best part is if you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. This week we're talking spiritual bypassing and I'm fielding a question on invisible and emotional labor that women often do. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Two important things before we get started: Register for Explore More Summit, my free online conference! It starts February 25th, 2019 and the theme this year is PLEASURE. You do NOT want to miss it. Check it out here at exploremoresummit.com. Support Shine Louise Houston's crowdfunding campaign for her new erotic film, Chemistry Eases the Pain. Details are here. On to your emails! First up, CuriousMom was raised with a lot of sexual shame and body shame. As a mom of two daughters, she is doing her best to raise them in a sex positive way (and it sounds like she's doing a GREAT job), but she doesn't know what she doesn't know. Where can she find resources and support on raising kids in a sex positive home? I cannot recommend my chat with Melissa Carnagey from Sex Positive Families highly enough. It's at this year's Explore More Summit on the VERY FIRST DAY, so get on that. Also, Sex Positive Families is a MUST for all folks with kids in their lives. Check out their recommending reading list, too. It's for kids and adults. Also check out Nadine Thornhill, Cory Silverberg's books "What Makes a Baby?" and "Sex is a Funny Word", and once your kids are teens, they MUST know about Scarleteen. Next up, E wrote in with a sweet note about the ways the show has changed. I am so grateful for all of you!!! Then, Unimportant wrote in because they feel neglected by my lack of an email response. Let's talk about the realities of what happens on my end and why every single email is so treasured even if you don't hear back from me. Let's do this imperfectly! Finally, Adam wrote in. His wife has a very limiting disability and it's led to a sexless marriage. He's been hiring escorts to help with his sexual needs because he loves his wive and their children, and just isn't sure what to do.  And...THE AMAZING Shine Louise Houston joins us to talk about her new film, Chemistry Eases the Pain. Help support the film, check out the awesome perks, and spread the word. We need more awesome queer smut! Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content. This week? Supporters are getting something NO ONE ELSE IS GETTING! An exclusive extended clip from my chat with Melissa Carnagey of Sex Positive Families!  Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Before we get started there's a huge thing you should know about: Explore More Summit 2019 is HAPPENING! The 4th annual free online conference is all about pleasure this year. You do not want to miss these conversations. They are incredible. Check out the line-up and register FOR FREE at exploremoresummit.com. Embodiment as our path to pleasure What are the ways we can access pleasure? What if pleasure isn't accessible to us? And how does trauma impact the body? Sage Hayes is here to tell us all about embodiment, trauma, healing, safety, and the phenomenal pleasure available to us when we learn how to listen more deeply. It's a beautiful, deep exploration of what it means to be in a body in a world that isn't very kind to bodies. We also talk about the wisdom of our coping mechanisms, why leaving the body is wise, and ways we create feelings of danger or erode safety in our relationships through unspoken expectations and demands. Rich stuff ahead! Want to hear my bonus chat with Sage all about co-regulation and helping each other when we are anxious, triggered, or in a tough spot? Pop over to Patreon! Folks who support the show at $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. Hear it and all the other bonuses at patreon.com/sgrpodcast  Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sage Hayes: Sage Hayes is interested in creating collective conditions for embodied healing and liberation. In their work, Sage weaves together principles and practices rooted in somatic experiencing, biodynamic craniosacral, systemic constellations, quantum physics and love. Offering one-on-one support and workshops, Sage is curious about the evolutionary possibilities at the intersection of emergent life and a multi-layered consciousness focused on justice and liberation.  Pronouns: she/he/they - whatever your experience is of Sage in the moment. Stay in touch at embodiedliberation.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

ONE BIG THING before we get started: Register for Explore More Summit! It starts February 25th, 2019 and the theme this year is PLEASURE. It's free and online, and you do NOT want to miss it. Check it out here at exploremoresummit.com. On to your emails! First up, where can people go for alternatives to Tumblr now that it's banned porn? I found two articles with many of the same recommendations. Check out the Refinery29 piece and the Cosmo piece (this one is by Elle Chase, known as Lady Cheeky). As always, pay for your porn! Francis wrote in because they are struggling with being on top during sex. Is there something wrong? Why doesn't it feel good? They feel like everything is wrong, unsexy, and unfeminine and they are worried their ex broke up with them over not being able to do this position. The short of it is that not every position is for every body. We are all built differently and what we see in movies and in porn is meant to sell pleasure, not be a marker for "normal" or "real" sex. So instead, what would be pleasurable? What would feel yummy? Move in the direction of things that feel good and leave the rest. That's why sex can be so fun - it's an opportunity to be endlessly creative in all the ways our bodies are and possibly fit with other bodies. EEP! is struggling because their spouse is having some big feels and not managing them in a very skilled way. How can someone new to expressing emotions find a way to wield them with more care and how can EEP! care for their own needs through it all? First up, I highly recommend pre-ordering the new book "Burnout" by Emily & Amelia Nagoski which is all about stress, overwhelm, and ways we can process our stress feelings in better ways. I also recommend Tea & Empathy cards (which are in re-print status right now, so stay tuned by following Kate Kenfield). A free alternative is the feelings wheel. Aussie gal wants to know if having more disabled folks in porn will make them MORE likely to be abused since they're so vulnerable. Let's talk about invisibilizing and erasing folks in an attempt to "protect" them. NO NO NO. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Before we get started there are three HUGE things: This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners get 40% off their subscription at mylola.com using discount code SGR. Have organic cotton pads, tampons, wipes, and even condoms delivered discretely to your door at exactly the interval you need for your body. When you use the discount code it helps the show so so much. We hit 5 MILLION downloads and to celebrate, I made a little video plus a huge giveaway. Three lucky folks will be randomly selected to win three different prizes. Watch the video and put your name in the hat to win at sexgetsreal.com/five. Explore More Summit 2019 is HAPPENING! The 4th annual free online conference is all about pleasure this year. You do not want to miss these conversations. They are incredible. Check out the line-up and register FOR FREE at exploremoresummit.com. How have you been domesticated?   One of my favorite things to do is to have deep, wandering conversations with people I love and admire. It feels intimate, expansive, playful, and important. The kinds of conversations that I think about for days or weeks, mulling over new perspectives and confronting new edges. Leonore Tjia is one of those magical people that I LOVE diving deep with. I first met Leonore years ago when she was working with Amy Jo Goddard and I attended a few webinars. Leonore's fierce softness made an immediate impression. Over the years, Leonore's practice has expanded and shifting into this incredible practice around wildness, movement, sexuality, and the erotic.  So this week's episode is like a little peek behind the curtain. What happens when two folks who think about, write about, and dig deep into the caverns of sexuality and the erotic get together and dance? This is that conversation. We talk about wildness, the erotic as an expansive resource we are in relationship with rather than a thing we own, our inner critic, and why so often when we crave newness in relationship it's not actually new people we're wanting but newness in ourselves. This episode is literally an hour of brain sex. Yum. Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, Leonore and I talk all about the ways BDSM can help us heal past traumas. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Leonore Tjia: Leonore is a feminist sexuality educator who helps people create more presence, play, pleasure and power in the bedroom and beyond. As a trained practitioner of Internal Family Systems therapy, she assists people in recovering the parts of their sexual selves that have been exiled and repressed. Her workshops and teaching bring an ecological focus to sexual empowerment, helping people to reconnect to erotic vitality and step into sexual wildness.   Stay in touch with Leonore at luminoussex.com and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Before we get started there are three HUGE things: This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners get 40% off their subscription at mylola.com using discount code SGR. Have organic cotton pads, tampons, wipes, and even condoms delivered discretely to your door at exactly the interval you need for your body. When you use the discount code it helps the show so so much. We hit 5 MILLION downloads and to celebrate, I made a little video plus a huge giveaway. Three lucky folks will be randomly selected to win three different prizes. Watch the video and put your name in the hat to win at sexgetsreal.com/five. Explore More Summit 2019 is HAPPENING! The 4th annual free online conference is all about pleasure this year. You do not want to miss these conversations. They are incredible. Check out the line-up and register FOR FREE at exploremoresummit.com. adrienne maree brown is one of my heroes and she makes my heart sing. I am over the moon to get to share this with you. adrienne maree brown is one of my biggest heroes. Her work has influenced me on a very deep and transformative level, so getting to speak with her about her new book, "Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good" was a dream come true. We talk pleasure, pleasure activism, drugs, sex, and so much more. adrienne explains how pleasure activism is anti-capitalist because it's not about spending more money, but about tapping out of believing something is wrong with you and instead realizing you are enough as you are and you can access enough-ness and satisfaction through your body today. We talk about what gets taken from us, what it means to center the most marginalized when we consider access to pleasure, what it means to be satisfiable versus numbing out, and why all of this helps us to settle more deeply into our own wisdom and healing. AK Press, an independent anarchist publisher, has "Pleasure Activism" on sale RIGHT NOW for just $15 before February 24th when it gets released. Support them, support adrienne, buy it today. Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm rolling around in a listener question. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About adrienne maree brown: adrienne maree brown is author of the soon to be released "Pleasure Activism The Politics of Feeling Good by AK Press, "Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds and the co-editor of Octavia’s Brood: Science Fiction from Social Justice Movements. She is a writer, social justice facilitator, pleasure activist, healer and doula living in Detroit.   Stay in touch with adrienne on Instagram @adriennemareebrown. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Two things to get started: Grab the official Sex Gets Real recommended reading list now! Not only will you have access to my most recommended books, but it will add you to the show's newsletter which is going to be crucial as social media networks purge sex education from their pages. Enter to win "Girl Sex 101" and "Bad Dyke" by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! One lucky winner will be selected at random on January 15th, so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only. This week's Patreon bonus is some yummy poems (including one that ends with "Yes Mistress"), what it means to be an unchaste woman, and a super exclusive invitation for patrons to share their art for a project that's coming up this spring. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content. Time for your emails! Heidi wrote in with some thanks. I hope it's clear that what I share on this podcast is an invitation, not a prescription. Take what works and leave the rest. Amanda the Ace Mom wrote in because her son came out to her as asexual on Christmas Day. How can she support him? Here are a bunch of asexuality resources: AVEN - the biggest resource on asexuality I'm aware of. AVEN's FAQ for Parents Asexuality Archive - A Parent's Guide to Asexuality Teen Vogue: "What Being Asexual Means to Me" Booklist of YA Books with asexual characters (there are many of these, so this is just a starting point) Everyday Feminism: "5 Things You Can Do to Support Asexual Youth of Your Life" Trevor Support Project's page on Asexuality Jenny wrote in with a really touching and personal story about her experience with sexual assault, PTSD, and healing.  I got an update from Anonymous who wrote in last year with a question about not being able to have vaginal intercourse. Well, things have changed a lot for Anonymous and now she has a new problem. She can't get enough intercourse and her fiancé misses their old methods before intercourse was an option. What can she do? Finally, let's talk about #SurvivingRKelly.  Dr. Sami Schalk wrote an awesome, thought-provoking piece for Bust called "A Call-In To White Feminists About 'Surviving R. Kelly'". For those of you who have not yet see the docuseries or who aren't aware of all the conversations happening about the violence black women and girls face, read it now. Also, let's talk about centering survivors AND finding ways to accountability and healing that don't include prison. Because feeding the prison industrial complex helps no one. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Enter to win “Girl Sex 101” and “Bad Dyke” by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! Cut off for entries is January 15, 2019. One lucky winner will be selected at random , so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only. Also, if you're looking for support around healing your relationship with your body, deepening your relationship with a partner, unpacking your desire, and finding more pleasure, I'd love to work one-on-one with you. Learn more at dawnserra.com. ALOK is here. It's time to question everything. ALOK is someone I've long admired and learned so much from. Their talk at Explore More Summit 2018 was a fan favorite by a landslide. And for good reason. ALOK is not only an incredible thought-leader, but they are utterly transparent about the violence, harm, and vulnerability of living in the world as someone who is gender non-conforming - the rawness of how they show is important. We start our chat by fielding a listener question from SC who is struggling with HSV, PCOS, and hirsutism which means SC has body hair in a lot of places that cause distress and shame. ALOK talks about the ways the body positivity movement has failed to account for body hair diversity. Also, the ways ALOK was animalized and othered for their body hair, even as a younger person. What does it mean to be gender non-conforming and why is the gender binary so violent? ALOK has such honest, raw truths to share here. We also talk about why so many movements leave the most marginalized behind and why liberation and freedom are not conditional. Those folks who are cut out are the ones we should be centering - if the most marginalized are free, all of us are free. But framing queer freedom around gay marriage or body positivity over only cis "healthy" bodies actually reinforce the violence. Read the interview ALOK did with Mia Mingus on ugliness here. IT IS SO GOOD. Let's talk about why we want validation from people and institutions that do not see our worth and humanity, and why that's so scary. How art will set us free and imagine new worlds. And much much more. Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm rolling around in a listener question: he would rather self-pleasure and fantasize than engage intimately with his wife. Is that OK? Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About ALOK: ALOK is a gender non-conforming writer, performer, & fashionist@   You can find them on Instagram @alokvmenon. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Three things to get started: Grab the official Sex Gets Real recommended reading list now! Not only will you have access to my most recommended books, but it will add you to the show's newsletter which is going to be crucial as social media networks purge sex education from their pages. Enter to win "Girl Sex 101" and "Bad Dyke" by Allison Moon to celebrate the New Year! One lucky winner will be selected at random on January 15th, so enter now. U.S. and Canada folks only. See me speak FOR FREE about leaving my day job and starting life as an entrepreneur at the True Freedom Symposium starting January 14th. It's for folks who want to quit their day job. Note, some of the talks are super problematic, so watch with a grain of salt. Faves are Pam Slim, Leonore Tjia, Ed O'Neill, and SARK. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! This episode drops New Year's Eve Eve 2018, so just 2 days until 2019 begins to unfold. This week's Patreon bonus is one of my favorites from this year. We are doing a little New Year's ritual with some really beautiful self-reflective questions, I read two VERY erotic poems (shivers), and we're writing invitations for 2019. If you want to hear my invitations for the new year, my word of the year, and do some yummy little reflective rituals with me, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content. I went through all of my emails, social media comments, and shares, and found the five most commented on episodes of 2018. They were: 5. Cavanaugh Quick on Episode 197 4. Ev'Yan Whitney on Episode 231 3. Dr. Lori Brotto on mindfulness, libido and sex in Episode 227 2. Staci Haines on trauma, healing, and consent in Episode 235 ...and the most shared, commented on, and emailed about episode was... 1. Andy Izenson on transformative justice and masculinity in Episode 221 Now, on to your amazing questions. Curious Vanilla wants to know of any feminist sex toy shops in Canada, so I share my three favorites. Womyns Ware in Vancouver, The Traveling Tickle Trunk in Edmonton, and Come As You Are Co-Op out of Toronto. Happy shopping, Canada! Awkward is dating her friend's sister. The problem? She never told him and now they've been dating for over a year. Plus, her girlfriend recently found out that Awkward had a previous sexual relationship with this guy (the girlfriend's brother) and feels uncomfortable with their continued friendship. What can Awkward do? Anonymous recently learned her neighbor is secretly into crossdressing and being dominated while doing housework. Now he wants Anonymous to be his Domme. He's so eager to come over and clean her house. The problem? She's not a Domme and not really into the whole thing. What the heck should she do? Lookin' 4 Love is desperate to know when will men stop sucking!? She's been hurt by so many men, including the men who seem less toxic and more self aware. Is she doomed? Are there ANY good men out there who aren't steeped in toxic masculinity? She's awesome and wants to find someone awesome to be with. And you know what? Lookin' 4 Love isn't wrong. Privilege is invisible to those who possess it, and it takes a lot of CONSTANT work and checking to begin to unpack it. There are men out there who are doing this work and doing it well, like Imran Siddiquee and his colleague Jonathan MacIntosh of "Pop Culture Detective". Also, Mike Domitrz of "Can I Kiss You?"  Finding rad dudes who are unpacking masculinity and speaking to other men about what they're finding is super important, and the good news there are more and more men doing this work. But hurt is inevitable in love and life, so it's not only about finding really rad men, but also building our own resilience in our own lives for being able to hold that hurt. Finally, I end the show with deep deep gratitude for you, dear listener. It means so much to me that you listen and continue tuning in, so hear my end of the year thoughts. Then pop over to Patreon and join me in looking ahead to 2019. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio.

Have you grabbed the Sex Gets Real official book list yet? Not only do you get all of the show's most recommended books, but you'll join the Sex Gets Real newsletter which is becoming more and more important as all sexuality discussions are banned on social media. Grab your goodie and stay in touch by heading to sexgetsreal.com/books Also, if you're looking for support around healing your relationship with your body, deepening your relationship with a partner, unpacking your desire, and finding more pleasure, I'd love to work one-on-one with you. Learn more at dawnserra.com. Chronic pain, erotophobia, non-romantic love, and community-only spaces Andrew Gurza was kind enough to connect Cameron Glover and I recently, and I have to admit as soon as I started diving into the work Cameron is doing, I was excited. Cameron is unbelievably rad and our conversation was so organic and fun. We talk about sex work, SESTA and FOSTA laws, centering the most marginalized, staying in our lane, the diversity of sexual experience, creating community-only spaces that allow for rest and healing, emotional labor and what happens when it is not equitable in a relationship, chronic pain, and why sometimes it takes time to learn that a partner can hold our truths and the ways we cope in the meantime. Cameron also talks about transitioning from a polyamorous relationship to a monogamous relationship and how that was navigated generously. You will not want to miss this geek-tastic conversation. Plus, how can we accept more care and help loved ones to better support us? Check out that Beyoncé Feminism Rihanna Womanism here. Plus, Patreon supporters, Cameron and I had a BLAST with this week's bonus chat. We started talking about tantra and cultural appropriation, but then started talking about shame, failure, growth, boundaries, and a heck of a lot more. You can hear it if you support the show at $3 per month and above - weekly exclusive content is a don't miss! Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Cameron Glover: Cameron Glover is a sex educator, writer, podcaster, and bath witch from  New Jersey. Her expertise in sex and culture has been used to write for  publications such as Playboy, Glamour, GO Mag, them, and many others. Cameron co-hosts a podcast, "Nerds of Prey" hosted by four Black women as they talk abut nerd culture; and hosts her own show, Sex Ed in Color, shedding light on how sexuality professionals of color navigate the field. Stay in touch with Camera on Instagram and Twitter @BlkGirlManifest, and follow Sex Ed In Color on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Grab the official Sex Gets Real recommended reading list now! Not only will you have access to my most recommended books, but it will add you to the show's newsletter which is going to be crucial as social media networks purge sex education from their pages. You can also enter to receive a Merry Clitmas card from me to you. Ten lucky winners will be drawn soon. What a great week of listener questions! I can't wait to dive into these with you. But first, the episode ends with a beautiful fat acceptance poem by Angela Braxton-Johnson, who I met at the Body Trust Provider retreat a few months ago. Angela generously agreed to read her poem for the show and to share more about what it means to take up space and find pleasure in a fat body. You do NOT want to miss it. You can learn more about Angela and grab her new book at angelabraxtonjohnson.com/ Now, on to your questions. First up, Tell Me What I Want, What I Really Really Want wrote in to report their orgasms are better than ever because of a discussion we had on the show about breathing during orgasm. Also, they have a question about rejecting romantic relationships in their life. Is it weird that she hasn't been in a romantic relationship? What if she doesn't actually want a romantic partner? I found a bunch of resources for TMWIWWIRRW that you can find down below. I also recommend checking out Kale Gosen's Relationship Anarchy YouTube channel if you want to learn more about RA from someone I think is pretty rad. Mikayla's boyfriend can't orgasm during sex. She wants to know how to change that or how she can let go of thinking it's her fault that he doesn't come when they fuck. So much to unpack here, including asking him what HE wants. T is struggling. She desires her girlfriend SO MUCH, and her girlfriend just doesn't feel that kind of desire in return. T is poly and has other sexual partners for getting sexual needs met, but she can't help but feel sad and rejected when her girlfriend doesn't want sex with her. What can she do to transform these feelings of frustration and disappointment? I LOVE THIS QUESTION. So many thoughts. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 per month get access to exclusive weekly bonus content you can't hear anywhere else. This week we are doing a prompt from "Writing Ourselves Whole" on desire and what we most want the stars to bring us. If you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. Resources for Tell Me What I Want: 9 YA Books With No Romance To Read As An Antidote To Valentine's Day We Need More Books Without Romance: Why it’s so hard to find fiction that doesn’t focus on love and sex—and why that’s a problem Dear Prudence resource list for Tired Asexual The Value of Platonic Love Asexuality.org's Aromantic FAQ AAceClub's Aromanticism FAQ This is Why I'm Choosing to Remain Single Forever Single by Choice About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Want me to mail you a holiday card? Well, enter the Merry Clitmas card giveaway before December 18, 2018 and if you are one of 10 lucky names randomly drawn, I'll be hand-writing fun holiday cards and mailing them out the next day. Check out the details at sexgetsreal.com/holiday/ Welcome back, Andrew Gurza! When Andrew reached out to me asking to come back on the show, I immediately said yes. We always have so much fun chatting, AND I was delighted that it was an excuse to get to see his new documentary, Picture This. You can see it, too, for free here. Andrew and I talk about what it was like to have his life filmed, coming out to his mom about hiring sex workers for his sexual pleasure, creating sex toys that are truly for disabled people designed by disabled people, toxic masculinity in queer men's spaces, and so much more. Plus, Patreon supporters, this week's bonus chat with Andrew is super fun. We talk about some of the really important relationships in Andrew's life and what it was like to see people you love talk about you in a film about your life. Plus, how to advocate for people you care about and desirability politics. TUNE IN if you support the show at $3/month and above. Hear it all at http://patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Andrew Gurza: Andrew Gurza is a Disability Awareness Consultant and Cripple Content Creator whose written work has been featured in The Los Angeles Times, Men’s Health Magazine, Daily Xtra, Gay Times UK, Huffington Post, The Advocate, Everyday Feminism, Mashable, and Out.com, and several anthologies. He was the only disabled cast member of MTV Canada’s hit show, 1Girl5Gays. He is the host of DisabilityAfterDark: The Podcast Shining a Bright Light on Sex and Disability available on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, and Stitcher. Follow him on Twitter @andrewgurza.  Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Sign-up to stay in touch with the show if we get banned from social media and iTunes. Sex Gets Real Book List: http://sexgetsreal.com/books/ Explore More Summit: http://exploremoresummit.com Enter the holiday giveaway for a hand-written Merry Clitmas card: http://sexgetsreal.com/holiday/ Sweeping bans to social media means no more sex education. A number of sex educators have already had content flagged and banned on Facebook and Instagram. It may become nearly impossible for sex educators and podcasters to share their content on any social media platform because of FOSTA/SESTA. If you want to stay in touch if the show gets banned across the board, please subscribe using the links up above. Get your email address to me ASAP so I can save it offline and stay in touch. Supporting the show on Patreon is more crucial than ever - we don't know when we'll be kicked off the platform, too. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Important articles: FOSTA/SESTA piece is here, A new law intended to curb sex trafficking threatens the future of the internet as we know it Tumblr Porn Allowed Women To Be Sexual Architects Instead Of Objects. Now It’s Gone. Tumblr Was a Safe Space for Women to Consume Porn. Now It's Banning Adult Content. Tweet by anarcho_slut about Facebook changes. Facebook Community Standard updates. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course. It's me, my anxiety, and your emails. This week's selection includes advice on coming out, BDSM research, long distance love, and unprotected sex and herpes. At the top of the episode, I mentioned Ella Dawson's new piece, "In Case I Am Ever Murdered By a Man" and you can check it out here. Later in the episode, I refer a listener to Ella for her herpes activism, so use that link to get over to Ella's site and you'll see Herpes at the top of the page. Our first email is from a Patreon supporter, Tri. Tri has advice for a listener who wrote in a few weeks ago about a girlfriend who won't come out. I share Tri's advice and add a few of my own thoughts. Basically, each of us gets to come out in our own time, even if others don't understand. If you want to offer your own sage advice to listener questions, support the show at $5 per month! Suva wrote in because they are looking for BDSM researchers who are working with play theory. If anyone has any leads, let me know. In the meantime, I recommend checking out the researchers and articles in sexology journals. Here's a list of journals on Wikipedia. A little sidebar, too. Hear about a tiny oops Alex and I had with some lube this week. Plus, my anxiety makes a little show. That's life. Moving on, Lady Shy is a trans woman in a polycule, and one of her partners is about to move across the country. She hasn't done well with long distance relationships in the past. How can she set them up for success after this move happens? She really wants to preserve the relationship. Long distance can be hard, and it can also be such a beautiful opportunity for creativity and using all of this delicious technology we now have. What if you don't find your partner attractive? Is that normal? Is it a problem? How important is it to find your partner attractive? Let's talk about why attraction isn't always the most important thing and being in honest relationships. Anxious Annie has herpes. Her boyfriend insists it's not a big deal, but they've been having condom-less intercourse and AA is feeling really stressed about it. What if he gets herpes? What if she could have protected him? Does she trust his ease with it all? And if condoms would help ease her anxiety, should she insist on them or work on de-stigmatizing her own stories and beliefs? Let's talk about autonomy, herpes, and taking care of ourselves. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course. It's you, me, and your emails.We're tackling gender, virginity, & being a man. First up, I came across this super helpful article in The Advocate titled "15 Signs You're a Gay Misogynist". Misogyny in gay men's spaces is rampant, so if you're a gay dude, you might want to check out this list and start having some conversations with your friends. Becky wrote in with a really sweet and supportive note about the show. THANK YOU, BECKY!!! Mary is 39-years-old and questioning their gender. How can Mary find some resources for learning about what it means to be non-binary and how to unpack it all? To start, I recommend Mary check out Sage Hayes, Jacob Tobia, Them magazine, ALOK, Sarah Thompson, this great interview between ALOK and Mia Mingus, and this activist list of trans and non-binary folks. Oh, and register for Explore More 2019 now!!! Anonymous wrote to me on Instagram wanting to know if it's normal to be a 23-year-old virgin and how to get a guy to like them and have sex with them. Help! Let's unpack virginity, desirability, and focusing our lives on what brings us to life (rather than "hooking" a partner). Find what lights you up and brings your life the most joy. Let that be a beacon to potential friends and partners. Hire a professional. Work with a coach (who isn't all about reinforcing shitty gender norms and playing games to 'hook' someone). Polymedic is a cis man. He is struggling with how much men suck. Both of his partners have been sexually assaulted, and both of his daughters. How can he raise his sons to be different? How can he even be in the world when he feels ashamed of even being a man and being part of the problem? Men Can Stop Rape is a group that might be worth looking into. Also, "The Mask You Live In" documentary is a great one. Cory Silverberg's "Sex is a Funny Word" is a book I cannot recommend highly enough. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus is a response to a listener question I got about having her ass eaten out and sharing her fantasies with a partner she worries will judge her. Check it out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me. The Fourth Trimester with Kimberly Ann Johnson Kimberly Ann Johnson is here this week to talk about birth injury and birth trauma, postpartum healing and nurturing, what cultures from around the world do to tend to folks after giving birth, and so much more. We explore changing bodies, cultural myths about "pre-baby body", and sex after baby. We also dive into her work around activating your inner jaguar - which is all about tapping into both prey and predator energy, healthy aggression, and shifting your relationship with anger. As I note in the intro to the episode, most of Kimberly's work is with cis women in heterosexual relationships, so you will hear that in the language she uses throughout. To help supplement that, I want to offer this article in the Advocate, "I'm Pregnant and I'm Not a Woman". Plus, Patreon supporters, this week's bonus chat with Kimberly is FANTASTIC. She talks about sexological bodywork training and how to find a practitioner who meets your needs. We also talk about the myth of the tight vagina and why tightness is actually the last thing we want. We explore sexual pain, why it takes most folks with a vulva 35-45 minutes to become fully aroused, and a few other tidbits. TUNE IN if you support the show at $3/month and above. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Kimberly Ann Johnson: Kimberly Ann Johnson is a Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Experiencing trauma resolution practitioner, birth doula, postpartum care revolutionary and single mom. She specializes in helping women hands-on, hands-in prepare for birth, recover from birth injuries and birth trauma, and heal from sexual trauma. She is the author of The Fourth Trimester: A Postpartum Guide to Healing Your Body, Balancing Your Emotions and Restoring Your Vitality.  You can read more about her work and become a part of the Magamama movement at www.Magamama.com.   Check out the Activate Your Inner Jaguar Course here and follow along on Instagram.  Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course. Frustration, fear, and feeling stuck? Your questions, answered. I'm at the Rehoboth Beach Film Festival, which means it's time for listener questions!  But first, if you're curious about coaching support, head to dawnserra.com - I have a few spots left before the end of the year. girl out wrote in because her girlfriend hasn't been coming out about their relationship, and she's struggling with why. How can she tell her girlfriend that it bothers her without pushing her to come out? What if this conversation always leads to a fight? Anonymous wrote in because she suspects her husband may be asexual. They've long had mismatched libidos and sexual desires, but he almost never wants to engage sexually with her and she's wondering if he may be asexual. She also asks about my Sex Map game, which you can grab here for $9. It's a really delightful way to start having new and curious conversations about sex and pleasure, especially if you've long been stuck in frustration or shame. Finally, Dawn (no relation) is frustrated. VERY frustrated. Dawn and her husband are living with her mother-in-law who is always home and her adult son regularly drops by, so Dawn and her husband can't ever have satisfying sex. They've all but given up, and working 3 jobs makes finding time nearly impossible. What can she do? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me. This episode is sponsored by Simple Health, a new online service for birth control. You can have an online consult with a physician, get a prescription for birth control (even if you've never had one), and get your contraception mailed to you at no additional cost exactly when you need it. Listeners, you can get the $20 prescription fee waived by heading to simplehealth.com/sgr or by using promo code SGR at checkout. Talk to kids about gender, sexuality, and social justice with Lindsay Amer You've probably seen the viral videos of Lindsay Amer's Queer Kid Stuff show because I've been seeing them EVERYWHERE. Of course, I had to reach out to Lindsay to talk about what they're creating because it's so adorable and important. We chat about Lindsay's coming out process, first as gay and more recently as non-binary, and why it's so important to Lindsay to make content for kids around gender, sexuality, bullying, and social justice. We dive into the feedback they've gotten, plus what it was like to be on Dylan Marron's show talking with someone who left a hateful comment. We wonder what it might be like to live in a world where our identity and gender are encouraged to be fluid and explored from the youngest of ages, and what it means to choose authentic community and relationships that honor the complexity of who you are. Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, Lindsay and I talk all about Steven Universe, which is one of Lindsay's favorite shows. Hear it all, plus some extra little tidbits from me this week, at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Lindsay Amer: Lindsay Amer is a queer activist, artist, and storyteller. They create and host Queer Kid Stuff, an LGBTQ+ educational web series for all ages. They obtained their BS from Northwestern University in theater and gender studies and their MA from Queen Mary University of London for theatre and performance studies. They were named a Rising Star by GLAAD, are a Webby Award Honoree, and have been recognized by HuffPost, Teen Vogue, Refinery29, and Kidscreen for their work. They also serve as co-founder and artistic associate of Bluelaces Theater Company, making multi-sensory theatrical experiences for people with autism and other developmental differences in New York. When they’re not taking down the patriarchy, they’re probably roaming around Brooklyn with their uke, their incredible partner, and their new puppy!   Follow Queer Kid Stuff here: Youtube, Website, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon   And follow Lindsay here: Twitter, Instagram Pronouns: they/them Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me. Healing, survival, resilience, and how pleasure heals with Staci Haines Every once in a while, I have a conversation that brings things into focus. This week's conversation with Staci Haines one of those special experiences. I've long had Staci's book, "Healing Sex" on my shelf and used it as a resource for healing around sex. But speaking with her was a rare treat. We talk about trauma and oppression, surviving, and then move into a beautiful exploration of what it means to heal, having compassion for the ways we survived, and developing a practice around resilience and pleasure. Why is pleasure so important? How can we invite intentional rituals of resilience into our relationships? Why is social action so crucial to our well-being? What do human beings most need to feel their aliveness? It is so damn good, and I hope you savor it the way I did. Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, Staci and I continue the conversation and dive into how we can be better partners to survivors of abuse and trauma - we talk about resourcing yourself, avoiding saviorhood, and doing your own healing and boundary work.  Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Staci Haines: Staci K. Haines is a co-founder and the Executive Director of generative somatics. She integrates trauma and healing and a systemic analysis of power, into this unique and powerful work. Staci is committed to the interdependence of personal, collective and systemic transformation: “We are shaped by our deeply personal experiences and our social conditions. Through embodied transformation and collective action we can move ourselves, communities and society toward what is life­ affirming. The focus of gs is to bring the transformative power of somatics to serve social and environmental justice movements.” Staci is also a founder of generationFIVE, which has the mission to end the sexual abuse of children within 5 generations. She is the author of Healing Sex: A Mind Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma (Cleis 1999, 2007). Be sure to also check out generationFIVE, which seeks to eliminate child sexual abuse in five generations. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

If you've been thinking about working with a coach around your desire, relationship, body, or shame, I am now accepting new clients and my rates are increasing January 2019. Learn more at dawnserra.com/work-with-me. Why story hijacking and advice are rarely what the people we love need. Kate Kenfield is back and setting a new record for the show with her third stint as a guest. As a sex educator who is now diving deep into empathy, feelings, emotional intelligence, and self-care, we adore having brain sex and geeking out about all the things. Plus, Kate is joining us this week to celebrate a huge announcement - her Tea & Empathy cards have been turned into a Kickstarter campaign. If you've been wanting to grab some cards for yourself, the prices are awesome AND you can help Kate get this incredible resource out to even more people with your support. Check out the crowdfunding campaign here.  Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode: Kate's Tea & Empathy Cards Kickstarter. GO SUPPORT IT! I use these cards ALL THE TIME. About Kate Kenfield: Kate Kenfield is a speaker, writer, and empathy educator based in Melbourne, Australia. Her workshops, talks, and writing have improved people’s emotional literacy, whether in a professional or personal context. Kate’s internationally sought-after feelings cards called Tea & Empathy have been used across the world to train doctors, students, educators, and many others to better understand, engage with, and talk about feelings in a practical and non-confrontational way; changing professional and personal interactions. Kate holds a Masters in Public Health from the University of Melbourne, and a Bachelors in Anthropology from the University of California at Berkeley. She’s a frequent guest lecturer at the University of Melbourne and has provided hundreds of invited presentations in corporate settings and institutions such as UCLA, New York University, Indiana University, and Australian National University. She regularly consults for organizations in the education, healthcare, and non-profit sectors. You can find out more about her work at katekenfield.com. Stay in touch on Instagram and Twitter. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course. Jes Baker on Mormonism, sex, changing bodies, and saying "fuck it". If I had to point to a single person who caused my entire life to pivot and open up, it would be Jes Baker. She is the reason I even started questioning the stories I'd been given about my body. It was her blog, her fierce truths to fat folks, that was the catalyst for my own journey towards healing, towards being more curious about my pleasure and sexuality, towards nearly everything I have come to be at this point in my life. So, it's not an understatement to say that it has long been a dream of mine to interview Jes, and I had so much fun chatting with her for the show. Despite a LOT of technical difficulties, we made it work. From her upbringing within the Mormon faith to confronting her deepest fears around intimacy in love, we cover quite a bit in this episode, and I am incredibly delighted to share it with you. Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3/month and above, you score weekly bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. This week's bonus is a big ol' run down of what I learned in Narrative Therapy training. It's a huge fuck-you to traditional therapy and mental health, which I adore. Delight in it by supporting the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode: Jessica Valenti, Full Frontal Feminism Jes Baker, Landwhale About Jes Baker: Jes Baker is a positive, progressive, and magnificently irreverent force to be reckoned with in the realm of self-love advocacy and mental health. She is internationally known for preaching the importance of body liberation, hard conversations, strong coffee, and even stronger language. Jes burst onto the body positivity scene when she created her own ads mocking Abercrombie & Fitch for discriminating against all body types—a move that landed her on the Today Show and garnered a loyal following for her raw, honest, and attitude-filled blog missives. When not writing, Jes spends her time speaking around the world, working with plus size clothing companies, organizing body liberation events, taking pictures in her underwear and attempting to convince her cats that they like to wear bow ties. Learn more about Jes at TheMilitantBaker.com. Stay in touch with Jes on social media on Instagram and Twitter. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course. Listener questions on destroying a pussy, pleasure, and book lists. Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed for the Supreme Court the day I recorded this, so we start there. Howard Zinn's op-ed from 2005 speaks loudly to where we are today. And I read Monica Raye Simpson's letter to SisterSong followers today because it is more eloquent than anything I could say. "I have seen people talk about taking the country back, but as Black women we know this country and this government were never meant to serve or respect or protect us. We have to protect ourselves. And that is what we have always done and will continue to do." Monica Raye Simpson PainJane wants to destroy her pussy. She wants to make it unusable, to be used as a beer coozy, to be fisted, to be destroyed. She's worried her partner will think it's disgusting or weird, so how can she tell her partner about this fantasy and maybe even act it out? I enlisted a bunch of other sex educators to help me answer this terrific question. Sunny Megatron has some fantastic advice and lots of questions that can help PainJane and all of us investigate the "why" of our fantasies and the feelings of them that make it easier to talk to partners about our fantasies. Such good stuff. Anonymous wrote in because she's super new to sex positivity. She's looking for books and blogs that can help her learn more about sexuality, sex positivity, and unpacking her evangelical roots. So, I'm putting together an official book list. Join the Sex Gets Real newsletter here to get that recommended book list from me in a few weeks. Also, avoid educators and "experts" who position themselves as the expert in your body, your story, or sell One True Way to be sexual, woke, or kinky. Kat loves the show and wants more access to the resources I mention. Discouraged is struggling to find a hookup. She's a lesbian who wants to try kink, but every time she suggests meeting up with someone, they disappear. What gives? Is there a secret code word she doesn't know about? Celia wants to know how pleasure is political. Oh boy. HOLD ON. We're going for a ride on my passionate soapbox. Everyone should start with reading Audre Lorde - any of her work around The Erotic is crucial. Afrosexology and Feminista Jones are also terrific resources. This week's bonus is a very funny and sweet email about farting on a partner during sex. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course. Ev'Yan Whitney on sensuality, the erotic, and body hair I've followed Ev'Yan on Instagram for quite a while and been enchanted by the ways she shares and expresses herself there. As soon as she said yes to being on the show, I was excited. We talk about sensuality and how Ev'Yan struggled with the ways sensuality and sexuality were bound together culturally. Her process of teasing out her sensual self and separating it from her sexuality has opened her up to so much more pleasure and the erotic. What happens when you start sharing your sensual self with the world, like so many people recently did with the #SensualSelfieChallenge? And how does Ev'Yan tend to her self-care through the senses? We also talk about body hair and how women's bodies have been policed for capitalism purposes, plus navigating non-monogamy in her long-term partnership with her husband. Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Ev'Yan and I talk about sensual rituals. How can we create rituals that honor our bodies, our cycles, the erotic, and our senses? Delight in it with us and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Ev'Yan Whitney: Ev’Yan Whitney is a writer and sexuality doula who helps facilitate, educate, and hold space for women and femme-identifying individuals who want to heal and liberate their sexuality. She's also the host of the podcast, The Sexually Liberated Woman, which is an ongoing dialogue about sexual awakening and identity. You can find out more about Ev'Yan's work at sexloveliberation.com and see her brazenly celebrating her sexuality on Instagram at @evyan.whitney. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course. Donna Zuckerberg on pickup artistry, Red Pill, and the classics The last Harvard University Press book I had a chance to review for the show was "About Abortion" by Carol Sanger, which was such a spectacular experience. So, I was incredibly excited when HUP sent me a copy of Donna Zuckerberg's new book, "Not All Dead White Men." Not only do we take a critical look at pickup artistry, Red Pill communities, and how many members of these communities have co-opted the classics to serve their patriarchal vision, but we also talk about the ways that PUAs dehumanize women, approach dating, and treat boundaries and consent as optional. It's fascinating, important, and eye-opening, to say the least. (Also, we really had a blast recording the Patreon bonus - it might be even better than the full episode!) Grab your copy of "Not All Dead White Men" at Harvard University Press or on Amazon. It's such a thought-provoking read. Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Donna and I talk about negging, seduction techniques, and pickup artistry moving online. What question might a PUA lead with on an app like Tinder and why does it get under Donna's skin so much? Why is name calling and escalating to rage and threats part of the pleasure? Delight in it with us and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Donna Zuckerberg: Donna Zuckerberg is a Silicon Valley–based classicist who received her doctoral training at Princeton University. She is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Eidolon, a prize-winning online Classics magazine. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course. Listener questions, pleasure, and reproductive justice with Monica Raye Simpson of SisterSong. DeeLo wrote in with an a-ha moment around Hannah Gadsby's "Nanette" and something I said a few weeks ago. Yay bodies and rewriting stories. Julie wanted to offer some thoughts around mindfulness, anxiety, PTSD, and working with a professional after hearing Dr. Lori Brotto's episode a few weeks ago. Co-signed! Anonymous needs help. Her new partner's erection lasted for hours. Is he just nervous or anxious? Maybe things will get better? Is there something she can do? I got help answering this question from Patreon supporter Crystal Force, and then weigh in myself. And then, there's Monica. The first time I saw Monica speak at Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, I was moved to tears. Her clarity about the work she does, who she does it for, and how she wants to be in the world is extraordinary. She understands the importance of sexual freedom and the role that happiness, pleasure, and queer acceptance play in our overall lives, and how reproductive justice can be a gateway to freedom in so many aspects of our lives. I can't wait for you to hear it. Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, this week's bonus is an exploration into a relationship charter. I'll offer you some questions to reflect on and even talk to a loved one about, as a jumping off point for being more deliberate and co-creative in the way you do relationship with each other. Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Monica Raye Simpson: Monica Raye Simpson, a queer, black, NC native, has organized extensively against human rights abuse, the prison industry, racism, and systemic violence against Southern black women and LBGTQ people. A proud graduate of the historically black Johnson C. Smith University, she earned a bachelor’s in Communications and organized for LGBTQ rights on and off campus. She then became the Operations Director and the first person of color at the Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Community Center. Next, she trained black youth in activism, philanthropy, and fundraising as the Ujamaa Coordinator for Grassroots Leadership. In 2010, she moved to GA to be SisterSong's Development Coordinator; she was promoted to Deputy Coordinator in 2011, Interim Executive Director in 2012, and Executive Director in 2013.   Stay in touch at SisterSong's new website, and follow along at Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Pleasure can be complicated, hunger can feel like a betrayal, but our bodies were built for pleasure and it's time for you to reconnect with what it means to feel good, to prioritize what brings you delight and joy, and to unpack the old stories that keep you stuck in shame and guilt. My new online course, Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy, will start enrolling soon, so join the notification list now and get first dibs on the course. Developing body trust, examining masculinity, and exploring pleasure with Aaron Flores. This episode is generously brought to you by Casper sleep solutions. Get $50 toward select mattresses by visiting Casper.com/SGR and using SGR at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.  I had the delight to hear Aaron Flores speak at the ASDAH conference in August, and while I knew I really wanted to have him on the show, I was even more excited when I learned about his men's body trust course. So, how does body trust relate to the sex we have, the pleasure we feel, and the ways we enjoy or police our desire? What does it mean that so many men and boys learn about sex and pleasure from porn? Well, Aaron and I dive into the importance of body trust, how diet culture and toxic masculinity cut us off from our pleasure, and why vulnerability is so crucial to men's healing. I had a BLAST talking with Aaron, and I can't wait to have him back on the show. Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, this week's bonus Aaron and I dive even deeper into porn, pleasure, and teaching kids about consent. Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Aaron Flores: Aaron Flores is a registered dietitian nutritionist based out of Los Angeles, California. With nearly 10 years of experience, Aaron has worked with eating disorders in a variety of settings. A large part of his career was spent working at the VA Greater Los Angeles Healthcare System where he helped develop and launch one of the first Binge Eating Disorder programs to help Veterans struggling with this disorder. Since leaving the VA, Aaron has continued to work in the eating disorder community helping run groups and providing individual counseling to adolescents and adults. He currently works part-time at Center for Discovery and part-time in his private practice in Calabasas, CA. He is a Certified Body Trust® provider, and his main areas of focus are Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size®. In his work, Aaron helps individuals learn how to make peace with food and develop body-positive behaviors. His work has been featured during Weight Stigma Awareness Week, in blogs for the National Eating Disorder Information Centre and National Eating Disorder Association. Aaron is a frequent speaker and has presented at the 2016 and 2017 Binge Eating Disorder Awareness Annual Conference and the upcoming 2018 International Conference on Eating Disorders. Along with his work with eating disorders, he also is a co-host of the podcast, Dietitians Unplugged. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Have you been feeling stuck in your relationship, frustrated with your body, or totally disconnected from your pleasure & desire? One-on-one coaching spots are available in my private practice and rates are going up January 1st, 2019, so now is the perfect time to book a discovery call and learn more about how coaching might help you. Check out the clients I work with and my rates today.   The power of mindfulness on our pleasure, connection, and desire. In person interviews are some of my favorite, and Dr. Lori Brotto was able to pop over for this in-person conversation all about her 15 years of sex research on the power of mindfulness, which she's turned into a fabulous book called, "Better Sex Through Mindfulness." So, this episode is  all about what mindfulness is, how it affects our levels of libido and desire, why mindfulness might be a key to more pleasure, and how to balance mindfulness and fantasy. We also talk about depression, responsive desire, responsibility in relationships, and how we can get started with mindfulness. Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, this week's bonus is a little mindfulness exercise and some journal prompts around pleasure. Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dr. Lori Brotto: Dr. Brotto completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology from the University of British Columbia (UBC), where her research focused primarily on psychophysiological aspects of sexual arousal in women diagnosed with sexual dysfunctions. Her psychology internship at the University of Washington (UW) specialized in the use of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for mood, anxiety, substance abuse and psychotic disorders. Following her internship, Dr. Brotto’s Fellowship in Reproductive and Sexual Medicine at UW was mentored by Dr. Julia Heiman, director of the Kinsey Institute. As a registered psychologist, Dr. Brotto offers psychological therapy to patients referred from both UBC Departments of Obstetrics & Gynaecology and Psychiatry, as well as the BC Cancer Agency. Dr. Brotto also sees private patients. Her new book, Better Sex Through Mindfulness, published by Greystone Books, is a scientifically-informed translation of her research on mindfulness to improve women’s sexuality. It can be ordered here or here or on Amazon via my affiliate link. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries. What if period sex is awful? How can we find different kinds of people sexy? And why so many men feel attacked when people talk about...well, men. There was a little change of plan at the last minute, which means this week I'm fielding a bunch of your emails. Want to hear your question read on the air? Just hit Send a Note in the navigation! We start with Alyssa, who wants to know where to find a trusted sacred intimate. I get this question pretty frequently, so I offer a few tips and tidbits about starting your search. Eric wants me to know that I sound bitter, broken, and sad when I talk about #NotAllMen, which leads me to gushing about Scene On Radio's "Seeing White" series from last year as well as their brand new series on "Men". I cannot recommend this series enough, and it speaks perfectly to Eric's feels about our conversations around men on the show. S.C. needs help with changing the bodies they find desirable, especially male/masculine bodies. What can they do to shift the bodies they find sexy? Patreon supporter Steph offers some advice, which I add to. (And Todd wrote in feeling upset about prior advice in this very space.) As I mention in my feedback to Todd, if you don't follow Andrew Gurza, I highly recommend it for a variety of reasons. sex banter fan is grateful for the permission around friend zones and having friends who are dudes. Just because we want something different from a friend, and we feel disappointed, it doesn't mean we should throw it all away in a rage. Finally, KD needs help with period sex. I have lots of thoughts, plus I've opened this question up on Patreon for folks to answer. This week's bonus is an hour long treat all about writing erotica. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast where you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get access to the weekly bonus content and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. Check it out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Have you been feeling stuck in your relationship, frustrated with your body, or totally disconnected from your pleasure & desire? One-on-one coaching spots are available in my private practice and rates are going up January 1st, 2019, so now is the perfect time to book a discovery call and learn more about how coaching might help you. Check out the clients I work with and my rates today.   Communicating with ease about sex, love, and fantasies with Stella Harris. Stella Harris is a powerhouse in sex education. Her writing has long been something I've admired, and her vulnerability and storytelling are beautiful things. If you haven't seen her Bawdy Storytelling, go check it out. So, this week's chat, to discuss Stella's new book, "Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships" is one I'm super excited about. You've heard me mention again and again on this show that nearly all the questions I receive are about saying the scary things. Well, Stella is here to help us demystify talking about our fantasies, our boundaries, our needs, and to unpack some of our unspoken expectations and assumptions. Plus, Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Stella and I are talking about THREESOMES! How can we set ourselves up for success with threesomes? Why are dudes who try to convince their girlfriends to have threesomes the worst? And how can you meet that elusive person to join in the fun? Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Stella Harris: Stella Harris is changing the way people experience their sex lives. As a certified intimacy educator and sex coach, she gives her students the tools and confidence to explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. A national and international speaker, Stella teaches everything from pleasure anatomy, to communication skills, to kink and BDSM. Stella writes a weekly sex advice column for Portland’s Willamette Week newspaper and her erotic fiction has appeared in more than a dozen anthologies. Stay in touch with Stella on Instagram and Twitter. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries. What even is the friendzone, how can a man come to terms with his submissive desires, and questioning desirability politics. This week it's just you and me before we have another tsunami of awesome guests.  First up, Angela wrote in with a question about friendzones. Why are they even a thing? Why did her friend suddenly close her out after she denied his advances without any conversation or warning? Friendzones are bullshit, so I weigh in on the lies that are "friendzones". Plus, WendyCorduroy's Tumblr post on what the friendzone rhetoric has done to her is powerful stuff. Read it here. And, be sure to check out this thoughtful response to a guy who claimed he was "friendzoned" on Scarleteen. Looking for a therapist who understands intersectionality and oppression? The Establishment has this great little resource to get you asking potential therapists questions that might reveal whether they're a good fit for you or not. KinkyCarl wrote in because he wants to explore submission, but has trouble opening up to his wife about the depth of his desires. How can he explore submission for himself and bring her along, too? DNA wrote in sharing some thoughts about dating people in larger bodies, and that brings me to some thoughts on desirability and ways we can open ourselves to so much more love and friendship. If you haven't seen Nanette by Hannah Gadsby yet, GET THEE TO NETFLIX and watch it immediately. I share my thoughts about one particular part of her show - the predatory Lolita stories we've ignored and accepted by men in the arts and positions of power. Not. Any. More. Would you like to support the show? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast - you can support for as little as $1. Folks who support at $3 get bonus content every week and if you pledge $5, you get to help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus? A powerful question that cracked a lot of people open as well as some thoughts about what you might be ready to let go of.  Check it out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today.  Dating. Sex. Boundaries. Fat bodies. Virgie Tovar must be here! Virgie Tovar always makes me think and this chat is no exception. Holy smokes I love Virgie's brain, and she is going to take us into some BIG feels. Let's talk about dating while fat. Let's talk about misogyny and sexism. Let's talk about access to pleasure and delighting in our bodies. Let's explore the ways diets and dieting impact our ability to say yes and no in bed and in relationships. Virgie has a new book about to hit shelves and it is small but VERY mighty in scope, so be sure to check it out courtesy of Feminist Press. Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, I read a few paragraphs from Virgie's new book all about sexual labor and boundaries for fat folks as well as the submission that comes with thinness and women. Plus, some very excited thoughts about the conference I just attended. Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Virgie Tovar: Virgie Tovar is an author, activist and one of the nation's leading experts and lecturers on fat discrimination and body image. She is the founder of Babecamp, a 4-week online course designed to help women who are ready to break up with diet culture, and started the hashtag campaign #LoseHateNotWeight. She has been featured by the New York Times, Al Jazeera, NPR, Tech Insider and Self Magazine. Find her online at www.virgietovar.com and also on Facebook and Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today.  Body trust, queer identity, pleasure in a fat body, and losing attraction for a partner with Sarah Thompson In a few days, I head to Portland for the ASDAH (Association for Size Diversity and Health) conference which will happen over my birthday weekend. The next few weeks will be all about body trust, rejecting diet culture, research around health at every size, celebration, and fat acceptance. I could not be more tickled, especially because this week Sarah Thompson, the Resilient Fat Goddess, is joining us to talk about how everything changed for Sarah - access to pleasure, setting boundaries, shifting into new queer and non-binary identities - after doing body trust work with BeNourished. Sarah and I initially connected because of a new blog post Sarah put out to partners who no longer find their partner's attractive, especially after that partner has rejected diet culture and moved towards body acceptance. You can read it here. So, we talk all about bodies, why we never owe our partners sex or attractiveness, trust, fat identity, queer identity, and all the feelings that brings up. Plus, before my chat with Sarah, you get to hear Patreon supporters' responses to two listener questions. That's right - advice from YOU, the podcast supporters. If you support the show at $5 and above, you get to weigh in and share your advice in response to listener questions that I post. Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Sarah shares how a religious upbringing, growing up in a small town, dealing with fat bias, and living with an eating disorder kept Sarah from understanding their queer and non-binary identity until very recently. Listen and support the show at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. This episode is generously brought to you by: About Sarah Thompson: Sarah Thompson is an eating disorder recovery coach, consultant, and writer focused on body liberation, fat liberation, and body positivity. Sarah is a white, fat, queer, non-binary femme. Their writing combines ideas from a wide range of philosophies - Body Trust®, Health at Every Size®, Intuitive Eating, Fat Liberation, eating disorder recovery, harm reduction, and more. Being committed to helping others finding more freedom and compassion in their lives is what led them to become a Certified Body Trust Provider. They were also the co-creator of Do No Harm Podcast. Sarah is constantly wondering how they can contribute to healing, justice, and liberation in our world where there is constant suffering. They love working with people who are asking these same questions! Stay in touch with Sarah at resilientfatgoddess.com and on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @rslntfatgoddess. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today.  Radical love, resilient community, and never being discarded with Andy Izenson I am so excited by this week's chat with Andy Izenson. I first saw Andy speak several years ago at a closing panel for Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and I was in awe. You'll see why when you tune into our rich conversation. After reaching out to Andy, asking if they'd like to talk about restorative and transformative justice as well as building resilient communities on the show, Andy also said they were thinking a lot about: -- the way orthodoxies of capitalism and scarcity infuse polyamorous community// polyamory should be inherently anti-capitalist -- the way the state is conspiring with your trauma -- disposability and anxiety and the fiction of moral purity -- resilience and bravery in sex and relationships -- what even is masculinity anyway RIGHT?!?! So, on this week's show, we talk about alternative justice, healing, building resilient relationships and communities, letting go of the fantasy of safety and why there are no good people, plus, we explore the power of anger, question what even is masculinity, and feel moved that the kids really will be alright. Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, Andy and I recorded a bonus chat all about polyamory and how capitalism infuses so much of how folks approach polyamory (especially lots of cis dudes). We talk about generosity and hierarchy and abundance, and why polyamory needs to be much more than just where you're getting your dick (or other bits) wet, as fun as that might be. Listen and support the show at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. This episode is generously brought to you by: TomboyX - get 15% off your order at tomboyx.com/sexgetsreal with promo code SEXGETSREAL. And check out their drool-worthy Instagram. Sugar Bear Hair - get your tasty hair vitamins at sugarbearhair.com/sgr About Andy Izenson: Andy Izenson is an attorney with Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC, and is a collaborative practitioner, mediator, and passionate advocate, working to reframe conflict through a compassionate and transformative lens. As a member of the National LGBT Bar Association’s Family Law Institute and the National Lawyers Guild NYC Chapter Executive Committee, Andy is tirelessly committed to support for queer community and families as well as to a radical, anti-assimilationist politic. You can find Andy on Twitter @AndyEyeballs, join the Diana Adams Law newsletter, or email Andy about speaking at your institution at andy.izenson at gmail dot com.

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries. A passionate lover. Body trust. Trans sex woes. Self-harm scars. Hello from Portland! I am here for BeNourished's Reclaiming Body Trust Intensive and it is hitting me hard. I'm still processing so much, and while I talk about the experience a bit this week on the show, I have some REALLY JUICY TIDBITS about trauma, bodies, trust, and healing in the Patreon bonus for the week. If you support the show at $3 and above, you get access to this truly special bonus and all the other bonuses, too. Check it out. A huge thank you to the two generous sponsors of this week's episode: TomboyX is gender-neutral, size-inclusive, eco-friendly undies and listeners get 15% off! How? Head to tomboyx.com/sexgetsreal and then use code SEXGETSREAL at check-out for 15% off. THIS COMPANY IS JOY. More please. Sugar Bear Hair is a delicious hair vitamin that's vegetarian, packed with hair-healthy vitamins, and is allergen free. Want to check it out? Please do - it helps the show. Head to sugarbearhair.com/sgr. So, what questions am I fielding this week? PassionateLover shares a story of a new delicious lover who is pleasing her in the most unexpected and hot ways. Yay for folks in bigger bodies finding appreciative and generous lovers! May has self-harm scars on her body and she wants to know when to bring it up with new partners and how. Is it a first date conversation? Is it something to hold off on? What if they realize she lied about more visible scars? While I'm not a self-harm expert, I do have some thoughts about how May can tend to herself and be transparent when it feels good for her. Because we never owe someone our medical history and setting boundaries around that is OK. Ellis has 99 problems and maybe being a transman is one of them. Why are the cis women Ellis is seeing not interested in penetration but then leave Ellis to be in a relationship with a cis dude? Is it bad luck? Is it something else? Let's explore it. Finally, Lala wants to know if I miss sleeping with women. Curious to know the answer? Tune in for more. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Are you ready to sign up for Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop? Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries. Intersex-inclusive language. Resentment in relationships. Questions from YOU! I am loving answering your questions this summer, and I'm so glad I'm getting a chance to get caught up on the backlog. Resentment is something that comes up a lot in my coaching practice. People tend to harbor all kinds of resentment without realizing it. A friend recently posted that whenever she feels resentment come up she asks herself, what aren't you saying?  And it's true - resentment breeds in the spaces where we silence ourselves, where are aren't witnessed and understood or heard and validated. When you're tolerating something, it's the launching pad for resentment. As soon as we stop being generous towards the people in our life, as soon as the little things they've always done start to irritate us or we get passive aggressive, resentment has shown up. I also wanted to share this AWESOME resource by Interact about intersex-inclusive language. I share a few excerpts on the show, but if you'd like the entire document you can find it here. I also recommend checking out 4intersex.org for more resources on intersex issues and inclusion. Intersex folks are as common as redheads, so we all need to level-up in this space. Enrique wrote in wondering what cis means and asked for a definition.  Anonymous wrote in because her boyfriend asks her every single day for anal sex, or at a minimum, hounds her for intercourse as soon as she gets home. The problem is anal sex hurts her badly, she experiences vaginal tearing when they have intercourse, and she wants to cry and avoid going home because of it all. They were each other's firsts and she feels broken. What can she do? I have big thoughts and big feelings on this one because too many men treat their partners like sex vending machines that owe them access to their bodies in exchange for being in relationship with them. That has got to stop. Sex should never be painful (unless it's intentional and mutually agreed up). Our bodies should tear. We shouldn't fear sex. Lots of thoughts on this one. Kate wrote in wanting help getting her husband to unpack his fatphobia. After many years together, all of which she's been in a fat body, he recently said some hurtful stuff about her fat body. She is super clear that her body is NOT the problem, which makes my  heart endlessly happy. But what can she do to help him work through the fat shaming? Truthfully, I think the issue is not at all her body and that he's got something else going on he can't express. That said, we can't make folks change their stories no matter how much we want them to. He has to want it deeply for himself. Tune in for my suggestions for Kate, including Sarah Thompson's blog post which comes out in mid-July 2018 about this very topic. Check it out at resilientfatgoddess.com. Patreon supporters - I got a new sexy consent game called Consentacle. It's about a human and a tentacled alien finding ways to build trust and engage in mutually satisfying sex. I tried it a few times and share my thoughts, plus a little excerpt from Dr. Lori Brotto's new book on mindfulness and women's desire. Tune in to this week's bonus (and all of the other weekly bonuses) at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal when you support at $3 and above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.   Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today for just $37. Ten lessons, ten worksheets, a lifetime of shifting how you feel about boundaries. Tender masculinity, condom expirations, and your questions answered. I recently came across an article called "In Praise of Tender Masculinity, the New Non-Toxic Way to Be a Man" by terra loire. You know I adore examining the ways gender show up in pop culture and the stories it teaches all of us about how to live our lives - who is failing and who is succeeding. I really love this language around tender masculinity. So, I share a few tidbits from the article, talk about cultural expectations of toxic masculinity, and invite YOU to share with me other examples of tender masculinity similar to Samwise Gamgee, Rumus Lupin, and Magic Mike XXL. YES, MAGIC MIKE XXL. A recent conversation came up in my circle about condom expiration dates, and I thought it might be an important thing to share with you, so let's talk about expiration dates and proper condom handling. TREAT YOUR CONDOMS WITH CARE! Then it's on to listener questions. Artemis is a trans woman Domme who loves being penetrated, but her submissive just doesn't like doing the penetration because it doesn't feel submissive. What can Artemis do? I share some thoughts, and recommend going through The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy with her sub to find some middle ground. Plus, Sinclair Sexsmith's Submissive's Playground online course is a must. Kat wrote in because she keeps seeing people in porn get fucked in the ass and then immediately sucking on the cock that was in their ass. Is it safe? Should you really do that? Anonymous can't stop fantasizing about pegging her partner, but he has said no. Does she live with the fantasy or does she take action and find a way to peg someone else? Wonderer is having wonderful sex with a larger dude, and they are looking for more sexual positions that are big body friendly. I cannot recommend Elle Chase's "Curvy Girl Sex" highly enough, plus Hanne Blank's "Big, Big Love" as starting points. Patreon supporters - This week we are exploring the cult of pussy eaters and how pussy eating is treated by so many men as a MUST DO when so few vulva owners actually get off that way. It stems from a conversation I had with a friend and it made me refer back to this awesome article about the horror of dudes who insist on eating you out. Hear my thoughts (and all of the other weekly bonuses) at http://patreon.com/sexgetsreal when you support at $3 and above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.   Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is now available on demand. Grab your spot today.  Nadine is saving comprehensive sex ed Ontario Canada recently elected a conservative leader named Doug Ford. One of his campaign promises is to roll back the comprehensive sex education program for Ontario schools. Nadine refuses to let that happen, so she decided to do something about it. Check out her Go Fund Me campaign and donate here. We talk all about what's in the comprehensive sex ed program and why life-long sex and relationship education is so crucial. What scares people and why do people want to roll it back? We also talk about why it's important for kids to see adults mess up and do things awkwardly, plus we answer an amazing listener question from Kip about teaching her brother about sex when their parents are fans of abstinence only. Queer the sex talks! GO KIP! Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus all about the Bloomberg Businessweek piece on OneTaste and Orgasmic Meditation plus I read some fun erotica by Rachel Kramer Bussel. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Nadine Thornhill: Nadine Thornhill has been helping families and educators talk to kids about sex for over a decade. She has a Doctor of Education in Child and Adolescent Sexuality and is a member of The Sexuality and Information Council of Canada. When she’s not working, Nadine enjoys adventures in the city with her husband and son, off-key crooning at karaoke, eating great food and watching reality television. You can find Nadine at NadineThornhill.com. She’s also on Twitter @NadineThornhill and YouTube with awesome videos. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Heard about it on the show? The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here. Your questions. Answered. Katie has a new fat fling. She really likes him, but he talks about diets and weight loss a lot. She's been learning about diet culture, health at every size, and fact activism, so she needs help on how to set some boundaries with him to prevent discussions about the very things she's trying to overcome. Loving Husband has lost his sex drive. On top of that, his wife only wants sex in the missionary position, and he feels so bored and uninspired by the sex they do have. Could that have an impact on his sex drive? And how can he talk to his wife about making things more interesting? A listener from a previous episode was very angry with my response and sent several angry, pissy emails to me as a result. So I take a few minutes to talk about my process and how grateful I am for the generosity and kindness most of you extend to me. Jake's girlfriend thinks masturbation and porn constitute cheating. But Jake really loves masturbating and he doesn't know how to talk her about his desire to have a sexual relationship with himself. Is it cheating? And what does he need to do to set their pending marriage up for success? AnaBanana was ghosted, but not before the guy who ghosted her kept a bunch of her BDSM toys. She's asked for them back and hasn't gotten a response. Should she keep pursuing them or are they a lost cause? Patreon supporters - I dive into the recent story of Chloe Dykstra coming out about the emotional and sexual abuse her ex Chris Hardwick subjected her to, plus some of the responses nerd culture is having to the story. Hear my thoughts (and all of the other weekly bonuses) at patreon.com/sgrpodcast when you support at $3 and above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Guess what? I'm still in China. Because if you're going to travel halfway around the world, you want to stay a bit. Here is a yummy Pride-related replay of my fantastic chat with Riley J Dennis. Riley J Dennis is someone I’ve been watching on YouTube for a little while and completely admiring. I adore her passion for anti-oppressive work, talking about feminism, politics, sex, trans issues, and a bunch more. So, I decided to reach out and invite her on the show. When she said yes, I immediately went to work watching as many of her YouTube videos as I could find. Some of the most fun homework because I spent hours geeking out over the topics and rolling around in her facts and super logical approach to things that a lot of people really hate. We not only talk about trans identity policing, trans porn, and being visible online, but we also explore what it’s like to be so hated in the online space and why Riley’s sex toy video for trans folks completely melted my heart. It’s super fun and I can’t wait for you to hear it. Oh! Don’t forget: Patreons who support at the $3 level and above get access to weekly bonus content – extra interviews, erotica readings, and much more. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Riley J. Dennis Riley J. Dennis is a trans, non-binary, gay, polyamorous woman who makes YouTube videos about intersectional feminism, politics, queer stuff, and a whole lot of other topics. She thinks all TV shows and movies should be gayer. You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @rileyjaydennis.

I'm in China on vacation, so this week we are replaying a popular episode from the past. This one is Lola Davina on thriving in sex work since it was International Whores' Day on June 2nd. How can you thrive as a sex worker, navigating the fact that you have no real safety while also performing erotic fantasies and sex at the same time? How can you care for yourself as clients bring in their pain, shame, and fear and expect you to heal them?  Lola Davina is here to help us answer those questions and more. Her new book, “Thriving in Sex Work,” is like a big sister’s guide to caring for yourself as a sex worker.  We talk about the unrealistic expectations clients often come in with, being financially responsible, setting boundaries and trusting your gut, creating rituals to celebrate small and big wins, and a whole lot more.  It’s fascinating and practical. It’s one of my favorite chats, and I think you’ll hear why.   Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.   Resources from this episode Grab Lola Davina’s book, “Thriving in Sex Work: Heartfelt Advice for Staying Sane in the Sex Industry: A Self-Help Book for Sex Workers”  About Lola Davina Lola Davina has spent more than 25 years in and around the sex industry, working as a stripper, dominatrix, porn actress, and escort over a fifteen-year period. She has earned an M.A. in Human Sexuality and an M.S. in Nonprofit Fundraising, and writes a self-care and wellness column for YNOTcam.com.  You can stay in touch with Lola at loladavina.com, on Facebook, and on Twitter @Lola_Davina

Do you struggle to say no without over-explaining? Do you feel hurt when people you love set boundaries that disappoint you? Are you looking for ways to stop apologizing and to start taking up more space? Well, Take Up Space, my online boundaries workshop, is releasing soon. Grab your spot today.  What if honesty isn't the best policy for rebuilding trust? Shadeen Francis recently spoke at Explore More Summit, and her talk was one of the fan favorites for the entire conference. Her formula for trust challenged many and offered new language and feelings of YES! That's it! So, in this episode, Shadeen shares all about how she became a therapist, why sex is crucial for our well-being, how Shadeen's relationship with self feeds her erotic experiences and how it ties to the work she does, and then we dive into relationships. We talk about trust, the difference between honesty and transparency, negotiating boundaries, tolerating uncomfortable feelings, and then we field a listener question from Lost Lonnie who is worried that their obsession with cheating is more about a fear of commitment. Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus which includes Shadeen and I talk about toxic relationship behaviors, control, and how to shift your relationship scorekeeping into something playful and productive. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Shadeen Francis: Shadeen Francis, MFT is a marriage and family therapist, professor, and author specializing in sex therapy and social justice. Shadeen has been featured on platforms like 6-ABC, the New York Times, and the Huffington Post to share her expertise, and she also speaks internationally on topics such as sexual self-esteem, intimacy, and inclusivity. Shadeen’s belief is that the world is built on the strengths of communities. This worldview has propelled her to focus on underserved populations: ethnic and cultural minorities, the kinky/poly/queer communities, and victims of economic hardship. Her work allows people of all backgrounds to improve their relationships and live in peace and pleasure. Stay in touch with Shadeen at shadeenfrancis.com and on Twitter @shadeenfrancis. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Three links to get you started: Ready to pre-order my boundaries workshop? Check out details for "Take Up Space: A Workshop on Boundaries, Self-Worth, & Strengthening Your Relationship With Self" Want free feminist porn? Enter this week's giveaway here. Deadline is Saturday, May 27th. The Sex Map game is just $9 and can be purchased here. Your questions. Answered. Bug has a funny sex toy story and wanted to share it. Beware of Pop My Cherry, folks. Regis looked up the definition of orgasm and it includes anal contractions. Regis' ex did it when she came, but their current partner's ass doesn't visibly spasm. Aren't they orgasming? Isn't this a tell-tale sign? NO. It is not. Find out why. Also, be sure to check out Emily Nagoski's new TED talk (on the big stage!) all about why body cues might not be the best way to tell what's going on with a partner. Christina's husband only gives her sex once per week. She is over it. What can she do? Why won't he fuck her but then why does he tease her with kisses and touches? There's some toxic behaviors at play here, so tune in for my advice. Sarah wants to know more about my sex life, so I field a few questions about my likes and dislikes. (And reveal much more in the bonus content for Patreon supporters, so pop over to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear it. Supporters are $3 and above get access! KZ wrote in wondering if it's unusual to have a foot fetish. KZ loves feet and has trouble staying aroused if a partner doesn't have attractive feet. Is that weird? Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Dreaming of quitting your day job to start your own business? Join the free virtual training, True Freedom Symposium: The When, What, Why, and How to Quit Your Day Job and What's Really On The Other Side, starting May 14th. It's free, online, and I'm a speaker alongside Modern Family's Ed O'Neill, Dinner and a Movie's Paul Gilmartin and the amazing Pam Slim of "Escape From Cubicle Nation." Sign up here. Your questions. Answered. Ana just started graduate school. She's working on becoming a sex educator, and needs a side hustle to make more money. She was thinking about a sex toy party business, but wants to find a company that is ethical and offers body safe products. Any recommendations? Anonymous wants his wife to have more sexual pleasure, but she doesn't masturbate, she doesn't like oral, and he bought her a vibrator that he wants her to use. How can he introduce it to her? To which I say, WHHOOOOAAA. You're putting the cart before the horse on this one. Here's where he should really start. Sam wrote in scared that his closeted gay relationship is about to end. In the beginning, he and his boyfriend had the most incredible NRE (new relationship energy). But things have been fizzling and his boyfriend is about to move 4 hours away. Is the relationship over? Sometimes people email me and I sit on their email until I feel resourced enough to reply. Joseph wrote in a few months ago with an email that made my blood boil, so I've waited until now to field it. His question? How can we possibly be sex positive when the differences between the genders are just SO HUGE? Anyone who listens to this show knows I've got some big feelings about gender, so here we go. Soapbox time. WiltingTulip has a heartbreaking email and needs support. Her partner spends hours a day downloading, categorizing, and watching porn. For seven years, there have been tears, fights, guilt, and shame. She feels like it's destroying their relationship and she doesn't know how to be more pro-porn when it feels so awful. Especially because the women he watches look nothing like her. Is there any hope? I'm actually quite proud of my answer for this one and I hope you'll give it a listen. I think the answer may surprise you and give you something yummy to think about. Patreon supporters - This week I'm reminiscing about masturbation in TV and movies. What was the first masturbation-related scene you remember? And did you know there's an entire college textbook just on masturbation in pop culture? Of course, I had to buy it. Let's talk solo sex, shall we? Supporters get access if they support at the $3 level and above. Tune in and support the show here: patreon.com/sgrpodcast THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY LOLA. My LOLA, the subscription service for organic tampons and pads has just launched Sex by LOLA. You can subscribe to receive body safe non-toxic condoms, water-based aloe vera lube, and personal wipes (gynecologist approved!) sent directly to your door. I LOVE IT. Listeners get 40% off their first order at mylola.com with Promo Code SGR40 at checkout. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram.   Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Did you miss Explore More Summit 2018? Not to worry. All of the talks are available for you to bring home, plus some yummy bonuses! See your options and explore your more in life, love, and sex: exploremoresummit.com. It's time for more listener questions. You know I love talking with super smart awesome folks on the show, and I also adore fielding your questions. So that's what we're doing this week - your questions. Jon thinks he might be bisexual. What should he do? Pete wants to try pegging, but he is up in Alaska without any shops nearby. Where can he and his partner get everything they need for newbie pegging? Of course, I recommend the SpareParts Joque and also dildos by Tantus.  Ronman7 wrote in because he is in love and feeling happy with the woman in his life. The problem is he has a secret fantasy and he doesn't know what it means. Should he act on it? How can he be monogamous AND also true to this fantasy he carries?  Anonymous wrote in because she just can't feel attracted to her boyfriend, especially after seeing pictures of him when he had a more "traditionally attractive" body. Anonymous feels entitled to a partner whose body looks a certain way, so what can she do? I'll boil my advice down to one thing: leave him. He deserves better. Sassy Cassie is a 21 year old who struggles with body image and has never had sex. She things her body image issues are keeping her from diving into the sexual adventures she wants to experience, so how can she find more confidence in her body? And finally, Dismay is a 19 year old who finds herself being disgusted about sex. She feels guilty when she masturbates, and she isn't sure if she's asexual, demisexual, or something else. What's with the strong, intense reaction about sex? What can she do? Patreon supporters - A little rant about incels. Because we need to talk about the toxicity of feeling like others owe you access to their body and the violence that erupts from that entitlement. patreon.com/sgrpodcast THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY HIMS. For a $5 first month trial, head to forhims.com/real. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real and the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

SIGN UP NOW! Explore More Summit 2018 is happening now. It ends May 2nd, so grab your all-access pass for free before it's too late. exploremoresummit.com. What is changing in the wake of the #MeToo movement? How do we talk about sex and power? Amy Jo Goddard is joining me this week to talk about BIG things. Amy Jo is a powerhouse of change, fierce and uncompromising in her commitment to sexual liberation and social change. I've been working with her on her Sex, Power, and Leadership Conference - which is a free online conference all about liberation, social change, pleasure, and the world in a post #MeToo movement. It. Is. So. Fucking. Good. So, this episode is us geeking out about sexual liberation, tolerating touch in relationships, the importance of pleasure activism if we want to experience real change, the Bill Cosby verdict, what transformative and patient-centered gynecology can look like, and holy shit - so much more. If you want to sign-up for the conference, it's all happening April 30th - May 7th. It features Jaclyn Friedman, Carol Queen, Betty Martin, Dr. Willie Parker, adrienne maree brown, Dr. Chris Donaghue from LoveLine, Andre Shakti, Tina Horn, Dalychia Saah from Afrosexology, and many more. This is actually orgasmic for me - these conversations are speaking my love language. I hope you're join us. Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, you can listen to this week's bonus which is me chatting with Sinclair Sexsmith all about strap-on sex. SO MUCH STRAP-ON STUFF. You do not want to miss it. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Amy Jo Goddard: Hailing from Military Dad and Recovering-Catholic-Proudly-Sandra-Dee-Mom, Amy Jo Goddard had no other choice but to become a sex educator just to sail the shaky waters of human experience and help her family survive. Actually they don’t really take sex advice from her.   But thousands of others have—Amy Jo is author of Woman on Fire: Nine Elements to Wake up Your Erotic Energy, Personal Power and Sexual Intelligence and co-author of the best-selling classic Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men, recently published in second edition. She earned her Master’s degree in Human Sexuality Education at New York University and has been teaching and speaking about feminism and sexuality for over two decades. She facilitates sexual empowerment programs for women, queer folks and couples, and works with companies to create workplace cultures that honor consent, equality, stellar communication and collaborative leadership. Join the conversation and sign-up for the Sex, Power, and Leadership Conference - it is free and online, happening April 30 - May 7, 2018. See you there. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

SIGN UP NOW! Explore More Summit 2018 starts in just a few hours and runs for the next 10 days. It's free and online. Grab your ticket now at exploremoresummit.com. What if we could not only write ourselves whole after trauma, but write our way into the erotic and desire? This week, Jen Cross, author of "Writing Ourselves Whole: Using the Power of Your Own Creativity to Recover and Heal from Sexual Trauma," is here to talk about healing and the power of the page. Let's start with the giveaway! Jen generously provided me with a signed copy of her book to offer as part of a giveaway to SGR listeners. If you'd like to put your name in the running, there's a handy-dandy entry form here. Jen and I talk about trauma and the ways it can impact us, plus the power of writing and storytelling to move beyond our trauma. There is something extremely meaningful in sitting in a group of people who understand the ways we move through the world and having that witnessed and held. We also talked about the importance of the people around survivors (partners, family, friends) in getting their own support and holding space for the pain that comes with trauma. Despite the heaviness of the topic, the conversation is surprisingly light and I had such a great time connecting with Jen. We also field a listener question from Fearful about dissociating during sex and why we have such high expectations for ourselves around staying present - with and without trauma. Patreon supporters - Jen and I talk about writing the erotic and how to get started with it. Pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Jen Cross: Jen Cross is a widely-published author and the founder of Writing Ourselves Whole, an organization that offers Amherst Writers & Artists writing workshops, creating spaces in which the true and complicated stories of the body can emerge. Jen has worked with hundreds of writers, through private workshops and in collaboration with colleges, social change organizations and other institutions throughout the U.S. For more information, visit www.writingourselveswhole.org. You can stay in touch with Jen on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter @VozSutra. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Eager to sign-up for this year’s Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23rd, 2018 and you can enroll for free at exploremoresummit.com. It's your questions this week, folks, and there are so many amazing ones to get to. KiltmanFL wrote in about AC's question in episode 203 wanting kink classes in Florida. Kiltman has some great resources for all you Florida listeners. Bee wrote in with a long thank you note, but basically Bee was inspired to have some really scary conversations with her partner and now some much-needed changes are happening in her relationship. Yay for courageous conversations. A listener wrote in with a subject line of Virgin. You know I love these. This listener doesn't want to have sex until marriage but her girlfriend wants to have sex before marriage to make sure it's a good fit. How can she talk about sex when she's had zero experience? Among other suggestions, I also recommend Allison Moon's, "Girl Sex 101", Barbara Carrellas' "Ecstasy is Necessary" and "Urban Tantra." Jon & Mandi just discovered the joys of anal fisting, but is there a such thing as stylish, above the elbow, silicone safe gloves? They need something practical and pretty. I asked a bunch of experts and offer some input. Unihorn is having lots of sex via dating apps. Unihorn has never been in a relationship and is worried that all the sex means they aren't developing the skills needed for a healthy relationship later. Should they be worried? I have thoughts about sex, relationships, and what Unihorn should do. Betrayed wrote in with a very vulnerable share about an abusive ex-husband, vulvodynia, sexual pain, and dissociating during pleasure. Betrayed asks: How can people still explore sexual things without having the goal be orgasm? How do you know when to stop if you're not using climax as the finish line? How can I find different ways to enjoy sex in general? I have so many thoughts and I really hope you savor this because it's helpful for so many of us. Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a really  juicy clip from my talk with therapist Shadeen Francis for the Explore More Summit. It's all about honesty versus transparency, especially after betrayal. Her analogies are spot on and she gave me language for feelings I'd held for so long and didn't know how to articulate. GOOD GOOD stuff.  Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra What if everything you've been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, and of the new weekly stream Pop Culture Undressed, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It's not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Eager to sign-up for this year's Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23rd, 2018 and you can enroll for free at exploremoresummit.com. What is intersectional sex ed? What does sexual liberation look like? This week, I'm joined by Roan Coughtry, a super rad sex educator who believes in having big conversations about how our pleasure and our bodies are impacted by the larger systems of our culture. We talk about Roan's beautiful personal statement for Trans Day of Visibility and how Roan started finding language for their gender and identity. We also explore what it means to be masculine and femme. Then, we roll around in intersectional sex education and what it brings to the table beyond comprehensive sex ed. Because we all know whatever's being taught now isn't working. And, sexual liberation - what does that mean to Roan? What can we imagine beyond where we are? Would consent even be a conversation we needed to have if we were all free? We also geek out about queer trans love stories and the ways queer trans folks have been portrayed in movies. We need more diversity! More stories! More trans actors! And Patreon supporters - Roan and I talk about cis men who get off on trans woman porn and what the politics of our fantasies can mean. Pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Roan Coughtry: Roan Coughtry, MSW, is a writer, facilitator and healing artist based out of Atlanta, GA. With a background in social work, integrative energy work and social justice organizing, they’re passionate about kindling the connection between healing, embodied practice and liberation. For 7 years they’ve served as a gender and sexuality consultant for the UN, where they write and research on violence prevention. They’re a lead producer of Sex Down South, a sexuality conference in Atlanta spearheaded by and centering folks of color and queer folks, and they’ve helped organize conferences such as Facing Race and Money for our Movements. They’re a co-founder of the national Sexual Liberation Collective, and they provide weekly livestreams on comprehensive sex education for the innovative platform O.School. They facilitate conversations around the country on gender, race, sexuality, spirituality and violence prevention, and they also provide coaching and healing sessions for clients. You can find out more about their work at www.roancoughtry.com. Plus, you can stay in touch on Facebook and Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Are you joining us for the 3rd annual Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23, 2018 and it's free and online. Grab your spot now at exploremoresummit.com. We did it. We did a live recording of the show with about a dozen of you joining in the fun. So, this is your chance to not only hear me fielding questions live, on the spot, but you'll also hear other people's thoughts and perspectives, too. I had a blast and I hope we do it again soon. So what did we chat about? DL has found that pleasure, sex, and embodiment aren't really talked about in the context of sobriety. How do they regain sensation? Why isn't anyone talking about this? On the call, I offered a few resources for DL, but afterwards, I reached out to my networks and asked for more. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep207 for the full list of recommendations. Emily has trouble with her body and specifically her belly. How can she heal that relationship because it's impacting how she experiences sex with her boyfriend. Another participant asked how we can grapple with the fact that as our definition of sex expands, so much our definition for sexual assault. How do we reconcile these things and hold space for them? One listener needs help with communication. She is constantly walking on eggshells with her partner to avoid another fight or blow-up. How can they get better at communicating about the tough stuff? And finally, someone wrote in asking about having a fantasy about teaching a bunch of male virgins how to be expert lovers. They think it's a fetish, and they're worried it's a problematic one. We roll around in this and it's pure delight. Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a world exclusive. It's an extended sneak peek of my Explore More Summit chat with therapist Quinn Gee. The clip talks about being a better parent and then the ways that Quinn has fun, which includes the funniest story of this year's conference. It's about a strap-on. Trust me - you want to hear it. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra What if everything you've been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, and of the new weekly stream Pop Culture Undressed, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It's not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

Eager to sign-up for this year's Explore More Summit? It kicks off April 23rd, 2018 and you can enroll for free at exploremoresummit.com. Are you a witch, a slut, or a feminist? Then this episode is for you because Slutist founder Kristen J. Sollée is here to chat with me, Dawn Serra, about her new book by ThreeL Media, "Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive." I'm not sure how much I've talked about it on the show, but I spent several years in my early twenties in a very close-knit witches coven. We met weekly, we did rituals for self-growth and world peace, and it was one of the most profound times of healing in my life. So, this book delighted the witch-of-old in me and the sex geek of now. I mean, you have to hear what "flying on a broomstick" really meant. It involves dildos. When we think about people who have been cast as witches or sluts throughout the ages, like midwives and sex workers, we see people who had power and knowledge that often men didn’t have. Kristen and I have so many thoughts about this. It's not a coincidence that the vast majority of the hundreds of thousands of people killed over the years for witchcraft were women, usually over 40. There is this deep fear of the feminine run wild. There is this deep fear that if women and feminine folks were in control than everything in the world would be destroyed. Hear Kristen and I geek out about that. I also ask Kristen about cis men who are "reclaiming" the word slut in solidarity with women. Her response is hysterical and perfect. We also talk about the power of ritual in our everyday lives as well as for sex and intention. There is SO much good stuff in this episode. And Patreon supporters - Kristen and I talk about money as power, money as energy, and why sex workers are so threatening to the current systems of power. Pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Kristen J. Sollée: Kristen J. Sollée is a lecturer at The New School and the founding editrix of Slutist, a sex positive site that delves into the intersections between sex, feminism, and the occult. Sollée’s signature college course, "The Legacy of the Witch" follows the witch across history, pop culture, and politics, from the Venus of Willendorf to The Love Witch. Her critically-acclaimed book, Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive, was published by Stone Bridge Press in 2017.   Stay in touch with Kristen on Instagram and Twitter. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

LAST CHANCE to grab your seat for the online, live taping of Sex Gets Real to celebrate our 200th episode. Enter to join us here. It happens on March 22nd at 5pm Pacific, so this is your last chance. This week Dawn Serra is chatting with author Juniper Fitzgerald and artist Elise Peterson who created the book, "How Mamas Love Their Babies" - published by Feminist Press. The book is the first children's book to feature a sex worker and it's brilliant. So, Juniper, Elise, and Dawn talk about sex working mothers, the realities of being a new mom, why this book is so important, and what they learned along the way. Sex work should not be stigmatized and you are not a better feminist for not consuming sex work. Let's talk about why. Want to hear the funny bonus chat about Juniper and Elise's favorite memories from sex work? Well, pop over to Patreon and if you support the show at $3 and above, you can tune into all the bonus content from each week.  patreon.com/sgrpodcast This episode is brought to you by HIMS. HIMS is an online men's wellness service that allows you to consult with a doctor and get treatment for hair loss, skincare, and sexual wellness all within minutes at a fraction of the cost. And, listeners get a special rate of $5 for your first month if you head to forhims.com/real. Check it out now! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Juniper Fitzgerald: Juniper is a mother, writer, academic, and former sex worker. Her work appears in Tits and Sass, Mutha Magazine, Pacific Standard, SeaFoam Magazine and others. She has a forthcoming essay in the anthology, The Red Umbrella Babies, is the author of the first children’s book to talk about sex work, How Mamas Love Their Babies, out by the Feminist Press, and is currently compiling a work of auto-theory on motherhood, sex work, and feminism.   About Elise Peterson: Elise R. Peterson is a writer, visual artist and on camera personality living and working in New York. Writing clips have appeared in Adult, PAPER MAGAZINE, ELLE, LENNY LETTER, and NERVE among others.  Her written work doubles as storytelling and investigating the nuance of identity and sexuality as it relates to marginalized communities.   Her multidisciplinary visual work is informed by the past, reimagined in the framework of the evolving notions of technology, intimacy and cross-generational narratives. Socially, it is her aim to continue to use art as a platform for social justice while making art accessible for all through exhibitions of public work and beyond.

Joanna Angel is joining the show this week and she's excited to talk about her new book, "Night Shift: A Choose Your Own Erotic Fantasy." We discuss how she came up with the story, the nostalgia of times past, feeling awkward and sexually inexperienced, and how some of Joanna's favorite memories of sex shop tours inspired so much of the book. You'll also want to check out the bonus reading on Patreon from Joanna's new book. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Joanna and I also talk about porn and what people get wrong about the industry, how she stays creative making 24 movies a year, how porn (and all of entertainment) is changing, and what's next for her literary adventures. I'm also doing a super soft launch of the 2018 Explore More Summit, so if you want to grab a spot head to exploremoresummit.com. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Joanna Angel: Joanna Angel is an award-winning adult film star, director, producer, author, entrepreneur and CEO of the venerated adult studio, BurningAngel Entertainment. Pacific Standard magazine stated she is, "One of the most powerful feminist icons in the adult industry." She's stormed mainstream media outlets being featured in the New York Times, Forbes Magazine, Vice TV, LA Weekly, and CNBC just to name a few. She was inducted into AVN's hall of fame in 2016 and continues to make her mark on the adult industry and the world at large.   Stay in touch with JoAnna on Twitter @JoAnnaAngel. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a big ol' rant after a listener wrote in with some pretty problematic arguments around why coercion isn't rape and that relationships are about persuasion and convincing. Um....you KNOW I have thoughts. So what's up for this episode? AC wants to know where to find a kink expert that might teach at a private party about bondage and flogging. I recommend Fetlife to get started. Drowning in Relationship Theory is so stressed. Her and her husband decided to open their marriage so she could explore her bisexuality. She's met a lovely woman, her husband is on board, but she's been listening to lots of poly experts who all say hierarchical poly is unethical and that prioritizing her marriage is wrong. Can she be ethically polyamorous while treasuring her marriage?  I have several thoughts, and also recommend Tristan Taormino's "Opening Up", Andre Shakti's IAmPoly.net, and Poly Role Models. And the short answer is yes, of course. You can be married and ethically open, especially if potential partners KNOW you're married and get to opt in. Anonymous confesses that she loves her husband, they have a great sex life, and she had affair. But she feels guilty because she DOES NOT feel guilty. It was a one-time thing that offered her deep healing, and she just can't feel guilty. Is she terrible? Another anonymous listener is terrified of sex. She's 21, has never had intercourse, and feels woefully behind all her friends. Plus, she experiences lots of vaginal pain and doesn't know that she'll ever be able to have intercourse. Is it hopeless? Is she doomed? Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra What if everything you've been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, and of the new weekly stream Pop Culture Undressed, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It's not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget to grab your seat for the LIVE taping of Sex Gets Real to celebrate our 200th episode. Enter to join us here. This week, I am joined by the incredible Bianca Palmisano from Intimate Health Consulting. Bianca specializes in training medical doctors, nurses, and staff to be more inclusive when treating marginalized folks, especially around sexuality and gender. So, we go there. We talk about all the ways doctors fail us and the emotional labor we often have to do to train doctors on how to treat us well. We also talk about how Bianca gets into their offices in the first place and how she's received. Then we geek out over the medical conferences we've both attended because good god, is there a problem with the research being done. Ugh. And of course big pharma spends loads of money at medical conferences attracting doctors. There's NO MONEY in giving people better communication tools. We field two listeners questions. One on when to disclose that you have a kidney draining pouch and the other on how to live with yourself after you've sexually abused someone. You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about the orgasm gap and how much variance there is in our orgasms. Because orgasms are at the top of everyone's minds when they feel like there's a problem. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. patreon.com/sgrpodcast If you want to grab my latest workshops, head to dawnserra.com/courses. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Bianca Palmisano: Bianca Palmisano is a sex educator, medical consultant, and the owner of Intimate Health Consulting. She specializes in training healthcare providers around issues of sexual health, as well as LGBT, sex worker, and sexual assault survivor competency.  Palmisano is the primary author of "Safer Sex for Trans Bodies," an outreach and education guide for the trans community sponsored by Whitman Walker Health and the Human Rights Campaign. She has been a guest lecturer at George Washington University, Johns Hopkins, and University of Chicago.   Stay in touch with Bianca on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @fun_size_SexEd. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

There are still spots available for the LIVE recording of Sex Gets Real on March 22nd at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern. If you want to help celebrate the 200th episode, just complete this little entry form - I would love to see you there! Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is a thinky-thoughty exploration of love and romance. I am now pre-enrolling three new on-demand workshops that you can take from the privacy of your own home, entirely online. They are affordable, fun, and will give you an opportunity to learn new things and engage with new ideas, either on your own or with a new partner. Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see all of the courses that are available. So what's up for this episode? Mary wrote in because she's have pain during sex. Her doctor didn't help and she's seeing a physical therapist for pelvic floor work, but what can she do? I'm not a doctor, but I can share a few resources about painful sex, which is often called dyspareunia for folks who have a vulva. If you have dyspareunia, you might want to check out a trial that's being conducted for a new device to help with pain during intercourse called the OhNut. Also, finding support groups and bloggers who talk about painful sex could be a fantastic place to start. I also have some questions about the types of sex being had and why trying some other forms of sexual pleasure might take some of the pressure off. Brooke is poly. She enjoys orgies, public sex, and dating others, as does her boyfriend. But she's terrified of STIs. What if someone lies about their status? What if they don't know they have one? What can she do to help with her fear? MistressNeon wants to become a sexpert. How did I get started and what do I recommend for folks looking to switch careers? My answer is going to disappoint and upset a lot of you, but if there's one thing I try to do it's keep it real. So, buckle up because I have thoughts. Ginger's husband wants to try receiving anal, but Ginger isn't so sure she's into that. She wants to be open to new things, but she's feeling a little anxious and a little grossed out. What can she do to find some joy in the fact that her husband asked for this and actually give it a try? Anonymous Please is young, recently married, and says her husband has a special way of making her feel really really lonely.  Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

HAPPY EPISODE 200! If you want to enter to win one of 49 spots on the online live recording of Sex Gets Real, complete this little entry form. Must be 18 or over to enter and be available March 22nd at 5pm PT/8pm ET. A random selection will be made on March 10th & winners will be notified via email. And Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is all about being heartbroken and how to deal with the tears & the pain. I also want to hear about how you've navigated heartbreak. Did you eat ice cream in your PJs and cry over romcoms? Did you go out with friends and have revenge sex? If you're a Patreon supporter at $3 and above, you can tune in and weigh in. So what's up for this episode? You all have been sending me some TERRIFIC questions lately, and I was eager to dive in. Aussie Gal wrote in from Australia with some love and delight. Satisfied Slippery Slut went to She Bop in Portland after hearing it mentioned on a previous episode and had a lovely experience. Let's all support feminist sex shops! They're awesome! A listener texted me asking what kind of strap-on harness I use and how I keep it tight when I'm using it. So, I talk about my favorite strap-on as well as some other options folks might want to check out. Scott wrote in with a question about orgasms. He's pretty sure he gave his past partners orgasms and noticed they curled their toes. He's pretty sure his new girlfriend is happy and enjoying their connection, but he's also pretty sure she isn't orgasming since she doesn't curl her toes when her body is spasming. Is toe curling a sure sign of orgasms? Anonymous has a condition that means vaginal penetration with her partner isn't a possibility for their sex life. They are really happy and incredibly passionate, but she's worried he is missing out since they can't have PIV sex. Is she being selfish or can sex that doesn't include intercourse actually work over the long term? Merel Ann is struggling because her and her boyfriend decided to open up their relationship after months of talking about it. Everything was going great until he broke the one and only agreement they had, and now she feels betrayed. Can she ever get over the feelings of betrayal and broken trust? How can she move forward? In addition to some of my thoughts on trust, betrayal, and moving on, I also recommend working with open relationship coach Gina Senarighi of Uncommon Love PDX. It might also help to check out Esther Perel's books "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs." Of course, I do work around this, too, if that helps. Finally, Ethical Fan is from Mexico and he just read a piece in the NY Times about porn and kids. Is it really that bad? How can he talk to his 13 year old and 15 year old about porn so that they don't suffer bad expectations around sex? That NY Times piece was a scare piece by an anti-porn writer. So, it's skewed and meant to terrify readers. Porn is not evil. The lack of education we offer young people is the real problem. We must start teaching media literacy to kids from the youngest of ages, and that helps with porn exposure. We have to start talking to our kids about porn at very young ages, because curiosity is natural and having sexual feelings as you're growing up is normal, so the more we can open that line of communication and arm them with the skills they'll need to see the difference between reality and fantasy, the better. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Formidable Femme, aka Sarah B Holliday, is here this week talking about sex toy companies, the ethics of selling sex toys, rejecting the perfect survivor narrative, healing from trauma, plus we field a listener question about abuse. Sarah is deeply committed to changing the way the sex toy industry operates, and she has loads of ideas about what makes for an ethical company in this field and where companies often fail. Let's stop gendered toys and the marketing we use to promote them and instead center marginalized identities and bodies to make sex and pleasure truly inclusive. We also discuss Sarah's terrific advice to sex toy companies, plus a few books for navigating trauma including "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Healing Sex." You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about pleasure as revolution, as liberation, and resistance. I mean, if masturbating means we're giving a big F you to the sex negative oppressive world, who are we to deny ourselves the pleasure? Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen now. patreon.com/sgrpodcast If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sarah B. Holliday: Sarah Brynn Holliday (pronouns: she/her) is a queer femme feminist sex blogger, educator, and consultant. She has a background in abortion rights and access, queer and trans liberation, and radical, pleasure-and-trauma-informed sex education.   Sarah runs formidablefemme.com, where she writes about how sexuality intersects with queerness, feminism, depression, and trauma. Much of her work centers around pushing for ethical, equitable, feminist business practice within the sex toy industry and helping people learn about how they can reclaim sex and pleasure after trauma.   Stay in touch with Sarah on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @sarahbholl. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Welcome to this week's episode of listener questions! And Patreon supporters - this week's bonus is me reading you a little queer erotica. Go listen now! First up, Love All of Him sent an update. Find out what happened after they followed my advice and what lead to them having PIV sex for the first time. Leo from Scotland wrote in. He's had digestive issues for a few years and now his butthole is kind of saggy. He feels ashamed and doesn't know what to say to potential partners. Internalized ableism sucks. The good news is most people have no idea what buttholes look like, so let's about genital diversity and sharing vulnerable stuff about our bodies. Soldier0510 is a service member stationed in South Korea with a wife back home in the US. She asks about keeping the heat burning while long distance, especially since they are both new and curious and BDSM dynamics. In addition to loads of recommendations about long distance kink and power dynamics, I also suggest a few books including "The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasies", "The Ultimate Guide to Kink", "Playing Well with Others", and "Radical Ecstasy." Christian, a 32 year old gay man who comes from an anti-sex religious background wrote in. After years of hiding his sexuality and using porn as a coping mechanism, he now has a boyfriend but doesn’t know how to enjoy sex with another person. He is having trouble staying hard and wonders if his porn use destroyed his sexuality.  I have a lot of thoughts, including the importance of spending time worshipping your partner without needing to have an erection, or without needing to focus on orgasm, or sex as the goal. Learn what happens when you slow down. Dega Glitter is a self-identified 34 straight female virgin who is terrified about sex but avidly reads erotica. She writes in about a complex, secret, problematic relationship with an older man she had in her early twenties and the psychological ripples of that liaison. This is an emotional one and I do my best to tread tenderly. Therapy and professional support are often our best resources when we're struggling. TS writes in to asks about Dawn’s opinion on the Five Love Languages book. Do you prefer receiving gifts, quality time, or acts of service? Find out what Dawn’s favorite love languages are and which ones she’d rather not receive anymore. Head to dawnserra.com/courses to see current courses that are available. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Talking to other sex educators, researchers, and experts is one of my favorite things in life, especially when the conversations are rich, personal, nuanced, and challenging. I met Cavanaugh Quick through O.School (where we both live stream sex ed for free), and the first time I saw Cavanaugh talk about feminist porn, I knew I wanted to have them on the show. This episode is incredibly beautiful and real. From the reality of being awkward to practicing being aroused in public, from consent and non-verbal body cues to kink and getting your first vibrator, Cavanaugh offers a warm, kind, thoughtful perspective that feeds my soul. You'll also want to check out our bonus chat on Patreon all about using techniques Cav learned for managing chronic pain to induce pain during sadistic kink play. SO FUN. Patreon supporters at the $3 level and above get access, so head over and listen. patreon.com/sgrpodcast If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Cavanaugh Quick: Cavanaugh Coury Quick is a queer, trans, polyamorous, AfroLatinx adventurer with a passion for critical thought and personal autonomy. He uses strengths-based techniques and reflective practice to assist folk of all ages in exploring the intersections of their personal and professional identities, beliefs, and behaviors. He also plays the tuba. Stay in touch with Cavanaugh on his website, and also on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @Heyawkwardology. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

What do butt play, pegging the patriarchy, non-sexual Dominance & submission, strap-ons, and sex clubs have in common? Why, Luna Matatas, of course. She is joining me this week to talk about all the delicious, yumminess that is kink and pleasure. As a fellow O.School Pleasure Professional (check out her Fuck Like a Goddess weekly live stream), she loves talking about sex club etiquette, anal and how to seduce the anus, pee play, and strap-ons. We go all the places, plus we field a few listeners questions while we're at it. Plus, we have a yummy bonus chat all about piss play exclusively for Patreon supporters. Not yet a supporter of the show? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to join the fun. If you want to grab my latest workshop on ethical porn and how to use porn in your relationship or any of my other online courses and workshops, you can check that out at dawnserra.com/courses. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Luna Matatas: Luna Matatas is a sex and pleasure educator, crafting goddess and burlesque performer wannabe. She celebrates femininity, sex and body-positivity and all things that glitter. Luna packs over 10 years of experience internationally and locally in health and sexuality education. She takes a playful, realistic and open-minded approach to adult education. As a self-identified pleasure pusher, Luna facilitates accessible, judgement-free and safe spaces for people to be curious about their bodies, desires and relationships with themselves and others. Her workshops are refreshingly funny, warm and inviting. She loves hugs and is terrified of spiders and eggplant. Stay in touch with Luna on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter @lunamatatas, and on Fetlife where she is somethingshiny. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Mona Darling is here to talk all things kinky. As a former pro Dominatrix with over 20 years of experience dominating folks in the kinkiest of ways, she has some fantastic advice on how to get started in kink, the skills most people overlook that actually make kink juicy and meaningful, and how to find your inner Domme if you're just getting started. She has a new kinky activity book that's soon to be published and helps me field listener questions on how to do punishments and rewards in a 24/7 dynamic and also for newbie Daddy/Little Girl dynamics. It's a fun, kink-tastic chat. Plus, we have a yummy bonus chat exclusively for Patreon supporters. Not yet a supporter of the show? Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to join the fun. Psst - looking for more details on working with me? Check out my coaching details now! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Mona Darling: Mona Darling is a former professional dominatrix who now teaches women and couples to discover, embrace and communicate their kinks. You can stay in touch with her on Facebook and Twitter @MsMonaDarling. If you're female-identified, you can also join her private Facebook community. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

If you're looking for a unique way to kick of 2018, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now. Happy New Year! This is dropping on New Year's Eve 2017, so let's shuffle 2018 in in style. I got myself a gift of a new vibrator. I'll be reporting back with my thoughts over on Patreon for supporters there. You can support the show, too! On to listener questions! A listener wrote in saying her hottest fantasy is having her boyfriend fuck another woman. But, there's a catch. She is super jealous and doesn't think she can handle it in real life. What can she do? Patreon supporters Cadessa and Seductive Verse have lovely advice about taking it in stages, and then I add on my thoughts. Sometimes fantasies are just that - fantasies. Ideas and scenes meant to fuel our arousal and desire. If we want to make our fantasies into a reality, we can do that slowly and with lots of support, especially if we're scared. Hungry for Cock wrote in. She's in a monogamous relationship of 10 years, but she started cheating 8 months ago with an older man. She had no idea sex could be this good and now she wants sex with everyone she sees. Is that wrong? Wanting sex is never a problem as long as we're choosing it for ourselves, but what is a problem is the cheating. It's time to either open up your relationship or end the relationship before exploring all of the sex you want to be having. Let's have sex with integrity and ethically - both for ourselves and for the people we have relationships with, even if it's hook-ups. Rod wrote in because he's 37, he's just started making out with a new partner, and he ended up with mono. How did this happen? How can he talk to this new guy about having mono? And is his sex life over forever? Mono is super common, especially when we're younger. Most people have dormant versions of the virus because it's just that common and spreads from coughs and shared drinks. You can read all about mono at the MayoClinic website. More importantly we have to be able to talk about these things with partners. If we can't, we shouldn't be having these kinds of relationships. So, the most important thing is for Rod to talk to his partner. How? I have thoughts. Polyamorous Duck has big feelings about OK Cupid's recent decision to eliminate usernames. I think it's a mistake and share why. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

If you're looking for a last minute holiday gift or you want to start your 2018 with a bang, don't forget you can grab my online on-demand workshops now! From porn to anal, from games to relationship charters, you'll find all sorts of fun, inviting goodies to help you level up. Want to hear my mini round-up of things I loved in 2017? Head to Patreon and support the show. You can hear exclusive content, including my own recap of the year when you support at any level. On to this week's show! JoEllen Notte is here to talk about her favorite things of 2017, as well as some of the tips and ideas she explored around sex, depression, and resentment. We talk about her love affair with the Doxy wand vibrator, how she decides what makes her Favorite Things list, why we both hate the phrase "porn for women", and why depression isn't really the relationship killer that so many people think that it is.  We also answer a few listener questions. Is it weird to hate touching your genitals? Is there a wrong way to use a bullet vibe? Tune in to find out! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About JoEllen Notte: JoEllen is a writer, speaker, researcher and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site >The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, University of Tennessee, Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit, the Guelph Sexuality Conference, and the Playground Conference and is currently writing her first book: “The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversations We Aren’t Having”.   Stay in touch with JoEllen on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @joellennotte. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget to grab 25% off your RXBAR order at RXBar.com/sgr using promo code SGR at checkout. They've generously sponsored this week's episode. Perfect little delicious snacks for your post-sex nibbles. Also, if you're looking for a unique holiday gift, check out all of my online workshops and DIY goodies. They can make amazing gifts and they're all around $5-30 each. Pop over and see what's available now. And away we go... Brandon wrote in because he used to find it super hot to spy on girls, like the scene in the movies Porky's. But now, as a father and adult, he finds it creepy and repulsive. What gives? Kev is lost and needs guidance and acceptance. He thought he was straight, but just started having sex with men and now he can't get enough. He wants to end up with a wife and kids, but he isn't sure if he's gay or bisexual. Is there a way to find a queer woman he can test things out with? I have lots of feelings about the homophobia in this message, and I also have thoughts about the need to find a label and to cling to certain identities, even in the face of other information and experiences.  A young queer woman wrote in asking how she can find information about safer sex for queer teens in Dallas Texas. What does safer sex look like? Who can she trust? I recommend checking out Scarleteen, first and foremost. Also, Planned Parenthood is a go-to resource, especially for sex positive care and sex ed info for teens. Once she's over 18, there's also the SW Sexual Health Alliance and a sex positive shop in Austin called QToys. And of course, Allison Moon's "Girl Sex 101" is a book everyone should have on their shelves. Dan wants to know where to find sex positive therapists. I recommend starting with the Open List by Tristan Taormino and also AASECT. Jack wrote in with lots of love. THANK YOU JACK! Also, how can Jack up their sexting game? They aren't very good at it. Check out my free Sexting Made Easy handout to get you started. Three cheers for uberlube. Random unless you listen! A 23-year-old wrote in. He just had sex for the second time but he couldn't cum. Is he just too used to his masturbation technique? Is something wrong? Let's talk about orgasms and goals and the pressure we put on ourselves during sex. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now streaming. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn! Here's that funny article I was giggling over called, "20 Things Guys Have Actually Said to Me In Bed." Now, on to your questions. Brittany wrote in seeking sexy kink events near her. The best place to go for kink events is Fetlife.com. You'll want to keep an eye out for munches and conferences. Because Brittany is in Massachusetts, she might also want to check out The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Rhode Island for workshops. Plus, Joellen Notte lists Oh My! Sensuality Shop and Good Vibrations in Massachusetts on her superhero sex shop map. Basically, any feminist sex shop will have classes and workshops that could be a fun way to meet folks. A listener wrote back with an update. They found a friend to watch them have sex and it's turned into a fun threesome situation. Yay! Jen wrote in because apparently there was a shit-show on another sex podcast where the guest did some major body shaming and had some sexist ideas about getting desire back. I love knowing people can turn to Sex Gets Real and Explore More Summit for more inclusive conversations. Ha. As sex educators and therapists, we have a responsibility to examine our advice and our stories to ensure we aren't hurting people further. Fatphobia is one of those things we must confront and rewrite as experts. Nugget wrote in with some words of love. Nandi is fat and confused and needs help with her changing body. She's getting bariatric surgery and wonders if there's a way to find ease in her body without surgery. I have so many thoughts, including the importance of checking out all the talks at exploremoresummit.com because they're all about this VERY topic. You never have to love your body. You are allowed to do whatever you need to do to survive. If you want to start diving into resources about fat stigma, self acceptance, fatphobia, and fighting diet culture, the resource page I created (which is growing) is a great place to start. Your body is NOT the problem. The problem is our culture, our fatphobic doctors, our media consumption. I highly recommend Hanne Blank's, "Big, Big Love", Elle Chase's, "Curvy Girl Sex", "The Intuitive Eating Workbook, "The Fat Studies Reader", and all the other books on the resource page mentioned above. We have to prioritize our needs. We have to prioritize our body. We will always disappoint someone and people will always feel like they have a right to comment on our body or threaten us with "health" concerns. Finding people who can help support us as we exist in our body, as it is, is crucial. Mastadon is a horny hubby. He and his wife opened their relationship temporarily a few years ago, and even though she doesn't want to do that again, he can't stop thinking about it. He wants adventure and new lovers and he feels like she just isn't adventurous or open to that sort of thing. He doesn't want to be a cheating piece of shit (his words), but he really wants to have new sexual experiences. So often these questions are about avoiding discomfort and awkwardness. But that's just not possible. You have to evaluate what you most value, what you're most curious about, and then make some tough decisions. You are either committed to your relationship, which means uncomfortable conversations and finding ways to feel expressive and creative inside of it. Or, if your pleasure is more important, then transitioning out of the marriage might be the discomfort you need to move into. Our partners may be open to changing things, but we cannot force them or manipulate them into it. Getting a sex coach or a sex therapist can be a good place to start, just to help the conversations to be more open and vulnerable. Honesty and integrity are not about comfort. They take practice and moving into uncomfortable spaces. But the payoff can be tremendous when we do that. Miss Lou is a BBW who has been asked to sit on a partner's face. What should they do? How should they do? How do you get on someone's face without it be awkward? Let's talk about fat face sitting! Sometimes we just have to climb on and wiggle around, try pillows in a variety of positions, and find what works in the moment. Awkward can be fun when you're both excited and open about the fact that it's awkward. It's sex! So, get on, bounce around, and see what works. Then, do more of that. Hoodie sex? Nick wants to know if it's weird that he wants to have sex with his girlfriend while she wears his hoodies. Is that weird?  Nope. Because if it's consensual and you're both having fun, then who cares? Sex itself is weird. Enjoy it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Did you hear last week? CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It's free and online, so sign-up today. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure. To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see a VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today. This week, Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg are here! Which means it's basically an hour of me laughing hysterically. We talk about their new sex podcast, American Sex, and some of the guests they've had - like the grapefruit lady and a guy whose fetish is death and sex. Ken talks about how his relationship to kink has changed due to some health concerns, and Sunny talks about menopause and her libido. We also answer listener questions about pubic hair and fisting. Ken even wows with the history of the merkin.  Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron: Superheroes of sex ed, married couple Ken Melvoin-Berg & Sunny Megatron are partners in every sense of the word. In addition to co-producing Showtime’s “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” they initially gained recognition writing and teaching about everyone’s favorite subject, SEX. In their sell-out workshops, their unique brand of “edutainment” plus combined 25+ years of sexuality teaching experience puts students at ease. Each session seamlessly combines their humorous lecturing style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research. Sunny hosts their Showtime original television series, “Sex with Sunny Megatron,” taking viewers on a journey into the world of adult play, as everyday people expose their deepest and most intimate fantasies. Always honest, funny, and sex-positive, the show provides an interesting, fresh twist on sexual exploration. Their latest endeavor is their podcast called American Sex that features an eclectic mix of guests from all walks of life. American Sex podcast is available on most major podcasting platforms. On a more personal note, this dynamic duo are married, parents, occasionally ethically non-monogamous, and lifestyle BDSM enthusiasts. Want to stay in touch? Check out American Sex Podcast on Twitter and Facebook. You can also visit Sunny's website sunnymegatron.com. Follow Sunny on Facebook and Twitter and Ken on Twitter. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

I am so excited. CrashPad Series is sponsoring the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition AND they sent me an exclusive audio clip of April Flores and Milcah filming a recent scene. You can hear the juicy details in the show this week. HEAR THE PORN!  If you want to hear more from April about porn and fat sex, she's speaking at the summit which starts December 4th. It's free and online, so sign-up today! We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure. To see the line-up for the summit and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. And if you want to see the VERY HOT scene with April and Milcah, head to CrashPadSeries.com and join today. This week, Barbara Carrellas joins me to talk all about tantra. Her incredible, inclusive book, "Urban Tantra" just celebrated it's 10 year anniversary by releasing an updated 2nd edition. The new edition includes tantra for asexual/aromantic folks and an entire chapter on erotic massage for trans and gender non-conformity bodies. If you've listened to the show for any amount of time, you know that I adore this book and Barbara's approach to tantra. And, this week's episode gives you a delicious idea of why - it's so inclusive, so open, so welcoming, and absolutely designed for you to customize it to fit your needs, desires, and life. Tantra shouldn't be about certain positions, heterosexual bodies, masculinity or femininity and certain genders because it's a spiritual practice. And spiritual practices need to include everybody in every body. Grab the 2nd edition of Urban Tantra RIGHT NOW. Looking for my new porn workshop? Pop over here. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Barbara Carrellas: Barbara Carrellas is celebrating the brand new second edition of her bestselling book, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty First Century—the world’s first LGBTQ- and BDSM-inclusive Tantric sex book. She has also written Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide To Sex, Relationships and Oh So Much More, and Luxurious Loving. Barbara is the founder of Urban Tantra® — a philosophy, an international community, and an inclusive conscious sexuality practice—and the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program, a comprehensive training program in the practice and application of conscious sexuality, supporting both personal and professional goals. She was named Best Tantric Sex Seminar Leader in New York City by Time Out/NY Magazine for her Urban Tantra® workshops, and was awarded a 2016 Sexual Freedom Award for Lifetime Achievement. You can stay in touch with Barbara on Facebook and also on Twitter @UrbanTantrika. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Two things! Sign-up for the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition at exploremoresummit.com. It's free and kicks off December 4th. Prepare to be challenged and cracked open. My porn workshop, Hands Down: A Workshop on How Porn Can Heal, Connect, and Be Ethical, is now enrolling. Check out the details at dawnserra.com/porn. Let's talk about the porn! Now, on to your questions. GR wrote in asking how porn stars and people in non-monogamous relationships protect themselves. How does safe sex work with multiple partners? It's such an important question. Ultimately, it depends on each of us. We all have different needs, different requirements around risk and prevention, so the answer is really all in how you negotiate it with a partner. The most important this is to remember we always default to the person who wants MORE protection. If you don't want to use their level of protection, then you either don't engage with them or you limit your activities, but we NEVER try to talk someone out of what they need for their peace of mind or bodily safety. Cece is trying to learn how to trust her partner after he betrayed her. How can she stop questioning his word? She even snoops sometimes because she's so convinced he isn't being upfront. How can she build trust? Is there any hope? Betrayals are absolutely something you can overcome, but rebuilding trust takes time. Like, years sometimes. And not just time, but consistent, reliable behavior that proves the person is who they say they are. A lot of people can't stand that uncertainty in the interim, so you have to decide for yourself if you can find some care and support in that uncomfortable space. I also recommend Esther Perel's two books, "Mating in Captivity" and her latest, "The State of Affairs."  There was an unfortunate incident on Dan Savage's podcast recently where a trans listener was misgendered and handled so poorly. If you want to read Bex Caputo's response as well as this great thread on Twitter about the whole debacle, check it out. Trans folks, you deserve better than what Dan & Buck offered you.  LoveAllOfHim wants some advice for having sex with her fat male partner. She loves his body, but sometimes positions are a little tough. Most sex books for fat folks focus on folks with a vulva. LAOH needs some guidance. I definitely recommend LAOH check out Hanne Blank's "Big, Big Love" book. Also, this article on Scarleteen about sex with a fat partner who also has a smaller penis. I also recommend sex furniture and cushions, using ropes and straps to adjust bodies, and also getting creative with sex toys made for a penis to possibly make access a little easier. Be sure to check out Chubstr.com, too. They don't have a sex section yet, but they do have loads of resources for large & fat men and masculine folks, and I suspect it will be added at some point down the road. Natalia wants to know if certain personality traits make for better worse lovers. Also, are artists better lovers? They're fun questions that I play around with for a few moments. Hint: it's not alpha males or folks who have something to prove. Julia is the final question of the episode. It's a heartbreaking, painful plea for help after Julia's husband betrayed her and blamed it on sex addiction and not being able to help himself. How can she recover? In the end, Julia needs to center herself and what she needs to heal, to grieve, to move forward. It's a tough place to be, and there is no easy answer. Can we grapple with that pain and uncertainty? We'll find out. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget, the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure. To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. This week, Jaclyn Friedman is here to talk all about her new book, "Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All." It is a powerful, comprehensive examination of all the ways our ideas about sex intersect with things like media, racism, justice, toxic masculinity, patriarchy. Basically, all my favorite topics wrapped up into one. We geek out about why sexual olympics and hedonism will NOT set everyone free. What it means to have "fauxpowerment" around our sexuality and why individualistic solutions aren't going to heal the world. We talk about Hugh Hefner (ugh), the ways doctors fail us, Jaclyn's visit to a sex research lab and what the vagina REALLY is. Seriously, that last bit blew my mind. We also talk about what we can do to actually start changing the world, how we can confront things like toxic masculinity and patriarchy, and why it all matters. You can pre-order the book here (it comes out November 14th, 2017). Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Jaclyn Friedman: Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, speaker and activist, and creator of the hit books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009, and #11 on Ms. Magazine’s Top 100 Feminist Nonfiction of All Time list) and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety. Her podcast, Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire. Stay in touch with Jaclyn on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jaclynf. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

First up, I am so excited to announce the Explore More Summit: Bodies Edition. It kicks off December 4th and it's totally free. We'll spend 5 days going super deep into body politics, self acceptance, fat activism, diet culture, weight stigma, and shedding body shame so we can center our pleasure. To see the line-up and to enroll, pop over to exploremoresummit.com. Also, I am taking new coaching clients, so if you're at a point where you want to unpack some shame, get unstuck, or ask for some personalized advice, head to dawnserra.com. This week we are talking about technology, innovation, and sex education. Andrea Barrica is here, the founder of O.School. She has long been in the tech industry, working with the titans in Silicone Valley, and it's clear that the internet is not designed for sex education or for safety. Andrea is on a mission to change that. She wants people to have a harassment-free, trauma-informed place to access sex education that is real, powerful, and available anywhere in the world. We talk about all the ways technology is currently failing us, what's next for sex education, and how we can design better solutions that center the most marginalized. This episode will totally scratch your geek side, so dive in! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Andrea Barrica: Andrea Barrica is CEO/co-founder of O.school, an online shame-free platform for pleasure education, powered by live-streaming and chat to help people unlearn shame, process trauma, and learn about sex and pleasure. Previously, Andrea co-founded YC-backed accounting and tax platform, inDinero.com, where she led sales and operations. She also served as a venture partner and entrepreneur-in-residence at 500 Startups, one of the world’s most active, global seed funds. Stay in touch with Andrea on LinkedIn and follow along on Twitter at @abarrica and @OschoolLive. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Your questions have been pouring in. And of course, if you want to practice being the sexpert, folks who support the show on Patreon at $10 get to offer their advice for the show, too. So, where are we going this week? Emma has been seeing someone for a few years who keeps disappearing and ignoring her. They have amazing chemistry and great sex, so what can she do about the way he behaves?  The truth is the way he's behaving is abusive and all about control and manipulation, and not at all about honoring this relationship. I dive into the why and how of what I think Emma should do next. Maddy and another listener both wrote in recently asking for help about how to raise sex positive kids. I have a bunch of resources to share from books to websites and big concepts that I think set us up for more success as teens and adults. Also, Nadine Thornhill talked about this on episode 109 of the show. Check that out, too. Because kids and sex is about more than just condoms and STIs. It's about emotional intelligence, resilience, finding your voice, knowing your own body, communicating boundaries and desires, and learning how to survive the awkward. If parents can help kids learn that? They'll be so much better prepared for all the stuff around sex that makes sex so confusing and difficult. Plus, FOCUS ON THE PLEASURE. Talking about pleasure doesn't make kids have the sex. But it does empower them around knowing what they want later in life. Another listener needs help finding a third for her threesome desires, but she has herpes. How can she find someone who wants to play with her and her boyfriend, and who won't mind her herpes status? Speaking of playing with others, Lindsey and her boyfriend love being watched while they have sex. They've done it once, but they want to do more. Where can they find voyeurs who will enjoy watching them get off? From Tinder and OK Cupid to exploring local poly groups and play parties, there are loads of options if you're willing to put in a little work and ask for what you want. Tori is a rape survivor with a long history of less-than-satisfying sex. She's in a new relationship and she's taking it slow, but she needs help around how to disclose her survivor status to her boyfriend. I have lots of thoughts about what it means to share your trauma with someone, and how to explore this space from a place of connection and curiosity rather than one of fear and shame. Finally, Nathan wants to know how to convince his girlfriend to be his keyholder because he is into chastity devices. Will she even want to? Once again, the only answer is to ask her, and I explain why. Love the show? You can lend your support by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast - supporting at $3 per month gets you exclusive weekly content you can't hear anywhere else. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode Scarleteen.com Cory Silverberg's books "What Makes a Baby?" and "Sex is a Funny Word" Anastasia Higginbotham's "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma", "Death is Stupid", and "Divorce is the Worst" Nadine Thornhill, a sex educator specifically working with parents on teaching their kids about sex. Check out her YouTube, too. Heather Corinna (founder of Scarleteen) has a book called "S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties" A great resource for parents about raising kids is John Gottman's "Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting" About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband.

This week's show is sponsored by RXBar. You can grab 25% off your first order at rxbar.com/sgr with promo code SGR at checkout. You want to know what's in your lube, and now you can see what's in your snacks! I am absolutely in love with this week's chat with Dalychia and Rafaella from Afrosexology. We talk about their mission to bring sexual liberation and agency to the Black community. We explore pleasure and how to center it in our lives, why masturbation is a powerful tool to finding our power, and why it's so important to focus on pleasure in sex education, especially for the Black community and POC. We also geek out about their spectacular Instagram account filled with beautiful bodies, genders, and erotic acts, all by Black artists. It's rich, deep, and powerful. Ready to hear it? Let's go... Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Afrosexology: Afrosexology provides comprehensive pleasure based education centered around the narratives and liberation of Black people. We curate community discussions, educational materials, and sex positive events that cover topics such as: masturbation, self love, enhancing communication in relationships, radical twerking, oral sex, body agency, and much much more. We work with diverse groups including sexuality professionals, community organizations, individuals, parents, youth, spiritual communities, universities, and anyone else who wants to live a sex positive life. Our mission is to educate, explore, and reclaim Black sexuality by promoting Black self empowerment through sexual liberation. We celebrated our second birthday this summer and are proud to have worked with over 1000 individuals. Afrosexology has created spaces where people feel free to express everything from shame to sexual desires, challenge stereotypes around sexual agency, and build an affirming community around shared experiences. We believe that there is so much to unpack and reclaim when it comes to our bodies and sexuality and we want people to live their most pleasurable lives. Stay in touch with Afrosexology on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Welcome to this week's show! We're talking books, housework & resentment, and cheating. Oh, and I just started watching Big Mouth on Netflix which is an absurd, bizarre cartoon all about going through puberty. You might want to check it out. Cadessa wrote in about her non-existent sex life and how listening to the show changed everything. Sarah has a girlfriend who refuses to help with housework and now she has deep resentment about always being the one to do it or to have to remind her. Is this a silly thing to be angry about? Or is this a big deal? Steph, a Patreon supporter, weighed in with her thoughts, and then I weigh in with mine. We have to remember that emotional labor is so real. When we are treating a partner like a child (either because they refuse to step up and help or because we have control issues), of course our libido is going to take a nose dive. You deserve support, it just depends on what that support looks like. Julia Callahan is here from Rare Bird Lit to talk about why they publish sex worker stories and why they love centering marginalized voices. They have a new book called Identity that's a photo book and essays all about gender identity. Absolutely worth checking out. We end this week's episode with a very messy situation sent in by Emily. She's in love and has been with her boyfriend for several years, but she's been cheating endlessly for a few years and doesn't know what to do. Being in a toxic relationship like this isn't good for anyone. Hear my advice to Emily and let me know what you think. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode Rare Bird Lit's books can all be found here. About Julia Callahan Julia Callahan oversees all aspects of sales, distribution, marketing, and author relations. Prior to joining the Rare Bird team, she worked for four years as Tyson Cornell’s marketing and publicity assistant at Book Soup where she helped coordinate thousands of events each year, notably The Doors’ 40th Anniversary, Ralph Steadman, Tony Curtis, and many others. Before that, she worked as an associate at Paramount Studios on The Dr. Phil Show and Star Trek. She grew up in Santa Cruz and has a BA in English. You can learn more about Rare Bird at rarebirdbooks.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Hello, from New Orleans! Hurricane Nate meant I was stuck in Louisiana for an extra day, but it also meant more time at SisterSong's "Let's Talk About Sex" conference. I share a little about what that conference brought up for me and then...it's your questions and my answers. You can see some of the videos from the conference at the show's Patreon page: patreon.com/sgrpodcast You can also see all of the permissions slips folks wrote in my workshop on Twitter if you look at my feed under #LTAS17. Horny Virgin needs help with navigating safer sex conversations when you're engaging in casual sex. How can HV have sex and feel safe? How do you talk about testing and barriers? And, how do you even have sex?  Ali wants to know if she kink-shamed a woman she hooked up with after this woman asked to be seriously injured during their sex without any kind of warning or conversation ahead of time. Masochism and consent are important. Not letting someone know you want them to break bones or skin before getting intimate is NOT consensual. Ash is a 29-year-old virgin who suffers from self-esteem issues because they're overweight and feel like a freak. What can they do to find some confidence, to find partners, especially when people ask them to lose weight? Is there any hope? I have so so much to say about this one. All the feels. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode Fat activists like Jes Baker, Melissa Toler, Bevin Branlandingham, The Body is Not An Apology Instagram accounts to check out include: FatWomenOfColor, FatGirlFlow, ThickLeeyonce, BlessMayFatHeart, QueerFatFemme Explore More Summit has several talks on confidence, bodies, fatness. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards. For the past few months, one of my favorite things on Instagram has been Maggie West's gorgeous nude photo series for Amber Rose's Slut Walk. The colors, the confidence, the variety of bodies. So, of course, I had to invite her on because her massive stained glass installation is available today in Los Angeles for Slut Walk. We talk about art, nudity, her body fluids series which jump started her relationship with Christophe Zeischegg (who was on a few weeks ago).  Plus, I field a listener question all about being in love with your current girlfriend, but still being a little obsessed with an ex. Is it OK to check up on exes on Facebook, even if you've moved on? Here we go! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Check out Maggie's Instagram to see some of her amazing work for Slut Walk's 98. About Maggie West Maggie West is a Los Angeles based artist specializing in experimental lighting and installation techniques. Her surreal, colorful photographs have been featured in acclaimed publications and sources worldwide. You can check out Maggie's work and stay in touch on Instagram and Twitter @maggiewest. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards (that I can actually deliver). What happens when two sex educators get together and geek out? You get this spanking new episode featuring Bex Caputo from the Dildorks podcast. If ever there was an episode that covered all the things, it's this one. We talk about piss play and watersports. We giggle over fisting. We talk about kitten play and puppy play which leads us into talking power exchange and being a good submissive. But it doesn't stop there. We also talk about the incredible awesomeness that is platonic kink - a thing that way too many people don't know is a thing. Then there's sex labs and practicing sexy stuff before you want it to BE sexy and the stunning advice Bex received when considering going on testosterone. What if you don't have to wait to be miserable to want to change your body or your gender, your relationship or your job? What if you simply want to be happier? What if joy was enough of a reason? We're going everywhere, so tune in and join the fun. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Read Bex's Woodhull wrap-up here. About Bex Caputo Bex Caputo is a sex educator, blogger, speaker, podcaster, and dildo peddler. They’ve been a proud and undeniable kinkster ever since they insisted on being served their meals in a dog bowl at the age of 8, (and even before that, probably). They’re a Virgo, a Hufflepuff, a pup, and a nonbinary queerdo who grew up into the pop punk skater boy they had a crush on in high school. Stay in touch with Bex on Instagram & Twitter @BexTalksSex. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Guess what? LOLA is sponsoring this week's episode. You can get pads, tampons, and liners delivered to you, via their rad subscription service, at 60% off your first order when you subscribe. Just use promo code SGR when you visit mylola.com and get started. This week it's you and me and all your emails. But before I answer your questions, let's talk about the Seattle Erotic Film Festival and Dan Savage's HUMP! Festival, both of which I attended this week. The Seattle Erotic Film Festival had a lot of films that really weren't my cup of tea. Which is OK, but it did tell me a lot about what I enjoy watching and what I don't. I mentioned "Cake" by Anne Hu, and you can see the trailer here. It was truly delightful. Boner Loaner and How to Date a Couple were also favorites. Oh, and two films with scat play! Color me surprised. HUMP had a lot more that I enjoyed and laughed over, but I was still bummed that the best sex films were both awarded to thin, young, cis, hetero-presenting couples. Jnix wrote in wanting to know what the definition of "cis" is. Great question. Shane not only showers me with love but needs some help with a new girlfriend who is scared of spanking and flogging. What can Shane do? I share my first experience with flogging and how I didn't really enjoy it. But now flogging and spanking are huge parts of the sensation and kink I enjoy. Marisa is worried that her new love of being restrained might become a problem is she does it too much. Will it stay exciting if she does it a lot or should she try and hold back so it continues to feel special? My thoughts include adopting an attitude of curiosity and wonder - whether we're talking about monogamy, restraints, or anything else in our life. I also touch on why newness doesn't always have to be the goal, despite what we're constantly sold in this world. Hopelessly Devoted to Boot is desperately in need of help because his boot fetish is ruining his marriage of 20 years. He needs boots, and while his wife used to accommodate his fetish by wearing boots, more recently she's been refusing to wear the boots he needs for sexual arousal and pleasure. Now their sex is virtually gone. What can he do? All the thoughts on fetishes, the humanity of our partners, and navigating tough spots in relationships. Sad Gay Millennial wrote a long, eloquent letter to me about his loneliness, his violations with gay male culture, and his fear of bottoming even though he loves it. I adore that he acknowledges a lack of consent culture and widespread patriarchy which is present in gay male culture. In addition to therapy & professional sexual help, hear my thoughts on how to navigate love, dating, and trauma when you feel alone and totally empty. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode My Sex Map game is only $9 and can help you find new ways to talk about sex. Grab it here. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

What happens when you get a herpes diagnosis? And more importantly, what happens if you begin hiding that you have herpes? Dr. Sheila Loanzon, an OBGYN who gives amazing PAP smears, is here to talk about her very personal story and new book, "Yes, I Have Herpes." From advice on how to deal to details about what herpes really is, Dr. Sheila has practical advice as well as powerful personal stories about why she didn't tell her partners about her herpes for many years and what it was like to go back and tell them the truth. We also talk about why it's so important to work on ourselves if we want healthy relationships, how to set yourself up for a successful PAP smear, tips for trauma survivors and trans folks to find a good doctor, why ALL vulvas are beautiful, and the strangest question Dr. Sheila has ever had from a patient. You don't want to miss this. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Interested in Dr. Sheila's book? Check it out here: "Yes, I Have Herpes" About Dr. Sheila Loanzon Dr. Sheila Loanzon, also known as the "Compassionate Gynecologist," is a board certified obstetrician and gynecologist with over 15 years of patient and personal experience with the diagnosis of herpes. Dr. Loanzon offers women specific tools to shift their perspective, gain insight, and move forward confidently and in self-love. Dr. Loanzon received her BA in biochemistry at Vassar College and completed medical school at the College of Osteopathic Medicine of the Pacific. She currently works at a large multispeciality practice in California. You can find her on Twitter @DrSheilaGyn. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

How can you thrive as a sex worker, navigating the fact that you have no real safety while also performing erotic fantasies and sex at the same time? How can you care for yourself as clients bring in their pain, shame, and fear and expect you to heal them? Lola Davina is here to help us answer those questions and more. Her new book, "Thriving in Sex Work," is like a big sister's guide to caring for yourself as a sex worker. We talk about the unrealistic expectations clients often come in with, being financially responsible, setting boundaries and trusting your gut, creating rituals to celebrate small and big wins, and a whole lot more. It's fascinating and practical. It's one of my favorite chats, and I think you'll hear why. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Grab Lola Davina's book, "Thriving in Sex Work: Heartfelt Advice for Staying Sane in the Sex Industry: A Self-Help Book for Sex Workers" About Lola Davina Lola Davina has spent more than 25 years in and around the sex industry, working as a stripper, dominatrix, porn actress, and escort over a fifteen-year period. She has earned an M.A. in Human Sexuality and an M.S. in Nonprofit Fundraising, and writes a self-care and wellness column for YNOTcam.com. You can stay in touch with Lola at loladavina.com, on Facebook, and on Twitter @Lola_Davina. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Guess what? Christopher Zeischegg is here this week. You may know him as porn performer Danny Wylde. I had a chance to read his book, "The Wolves that Live in Skin and Space," and we talk all about his writing, the horror genre, leaving porn, bi-phobia within the porn world, why he's grateful to be in a monogamous relationship, how he got involved in creating a hot sauce called Wyldefire and a whole lot more. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Vice article on Chris and his hot sauce Chris' creepy essay "Moral Imperative of Sexual Suffering" About Christopher Zeischegg (Danny Wylde) Christopher Zeischegg is a writer, musician, and filmmaker who spent eight years working in the adult industry as performer, Danny Wylde. He's the author of two novels, Come to my Brother and The Wolves that Live in Skin and Space, and has contributed to The Feminist Porn Book, Best Sex Writing, Coming Out Like a Porn Star, Split Lips, and a variety of digital publications, such as Somesuch and Nerve. His industrial metal band, Chiildren, released their second EP, The Circle Narrows, through Records Ad Nauseam in 2015. He became the face of >Wyldefire Hot Sauce in 2016. Zeischegg lives in Los Angeles with his two cats, Victoria and Isis. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast This week it's you and me and all your emails. Let's dive in. Ariyanna wrote in about how the show changed her life. Coleman, too! Yay for learning from this show. Jess needs help finding BDSM porn that isn't extreme or just about the fucking. She wants sensual, intimate, connected porn that is also kinky. Where can she turn? I have a few suggestions, including EroticFilms.com. That's my affiliate link, and all the films on the website are curated by Erika Lust, so most of them are super sensual. Also, check out Jackie St. James, Crashpad, and Madison Young. Johnny wrote in wanting to give his partner an orgasm.  He says all his previous partners orgasmed from penetration alone (which I highly doubt). But his current girlfriend has never had an orgasm and he NEEDS to give her one because he's horrified. Long time listeners know this is one of those questions that gets me up on my soapbox, so let's talk about why orgasm is NOT the goal of sex. Also, the fastest way to not orgasm is to expect an orgasm. I have some big thoughts for Johnny, all of which I'm sure he won't like. Broad City Broad wants to know how she can find high quality lovers who actually want intimacy and connection, even if it's not a romantic relationship. How did I do it? A lot of it was luck, but being honest in your dating profile is a big part of finding good lovers. I share a few more thoughts. Greeney is struggling because she recently broke off a 10 year monogamous relationship. She developed a relationship with a polyamorous man, who just recently moved away. She's rekindling her relationship with the monogamous ex and wants to try and make all of it work. My thoughts? Don't. Hiding & lying as a way to claim you're trying not to hurt someone aren't the way to not hurt someone. Darkness Wonderer is worried that the sex with her partner is sporadic and that she gets turned on by women. Is she secretly a lesbian? Should their sex be more consistent? Why doesn't she want sex like she used to? There's a lot to unpack. A high school sophomore wants to ask out bisexual junior. How can he find out whether she prefers women or men and how to ask her out. Ahhh high school. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast I wanted to open this week's episode with a note about racism and white supremacy in light of the Charlottesville crap that's recently unfolded. I mentioned a bunch of places where you can donate money to help fight racism and support the folks on the ground doing the work. Find them here and here. On to this week's episode... This week I'm joined by author Rachel Hills and model Jennie Runk to talk about Rachel's book "The Sex Myth" and the new play by the same name starring Jennie that will run for 5 days in New York this week. We talk about all of the cultural myths that are keeping us trapped in pain and shame around sex. I particularly love Rachel's analysis on the myth that our worth as a human is determined by how other's see us sexually. This is a huge part of why we are all performing so hard to be seen as sexy and adventurous and wanted. Jennie also talks about being a plus-sized model and exploring her identity as a lesbian in the stage production of The Sex Myth. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Rachel Hills Rachel Hills is an Australian journalist, TED speaker, and writer based in New York. Her critically-acclaimed book The Sex Myth is a call for a generation to question how systems of power pull at the strings of our sexual experience. A devised play based on the book will debut in New York City in August 2017. Follow along with The Sex Myth's updates and play at thesexmyth.com, and over on Instagram and Twitter @thesexmyth. You can also find Rachel on Instagram and sign-up for her Tiny Letter. About Jennie Runk Jennie Runk is an American model represented by JAG Models in New York. Born in Georgia and raised in Missouri, Jennie was discovered in a Petsmart while volunteering for a cat adoption service. A proud (and recently married!) member of the LGBTQ community, Jennie is passionate about inclusion and empowerment for all people. Considered plus-size by the fashion industry, Jennie starred in the H&M summer swimwear campaign, graced the April cover of Marie Claire France and stars in the Straight/Curve documentary where she shares her compelling perspective on the future of her industry. You can stay in touch with Jennie on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jennierunk. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Riley J Dennis is someone I've been watching on YouTube for a little while and completely admiring. I adore her passion for anti-oppressive work, talking about feminism, politics, sex, trans issues, and a bunch more. So, I decided to reach out and invite her on the show. When she said yes, I immediately went to work watching as many of her YouTube videos as I could find. Some of the most fun homework because I spent hours geeking out over the topics and rolling around in her facts and super logical approach to things that a lot of people really hate. We not only talk about trans identity policing, trans porn, and being visible online, but we also explore what it's like to be so hated in the online space and why Riley's sex toy video for trans folks completely melted my heart. It's super fun and I can't wait for you to hear it. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Riley J. Dennis Riley J. Dennis is a trans, non-binary, gay, polyamorous woman who makes YouTube videos about intersectional feminism, politics, queer stuff, and a whole lot of other topics. She thinks all TV shows and movies should be gayer. You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @rileyjaydennis. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Guess who's here this week? Cooper S. Beckett from Life on the Swingset. It's been 2 years since he was on the show, way back when Dylan was still here, so it's wonderful to catch up and hear about his latest adventures. We geek out about live sex demos and the Swingset takeover at Desire resort, which is coming up in a few months. Plus, things get existential and deep as Cooper contemplates all of the ways his life has changed since he first started on his swinging adventures. We talk about the fragility of love, the lies we tell ourselves in relationship, his views on polyamory and labeling himself, and a lot more. Then we dive into a listener email from David all about his inability to orgasm during sex. Cooper has personal experience with erectile issues and orgasm, so his advice is personal and practical. Ready to hear it all? Me too. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Cooper Beckett Cooper S. Beckett is the co-founder and host of Life on the Swingset: The Podcast since 2010, author of swinging & polyamory novels A Life Less Monogamous and Approaching The Swingularity, and memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory. He teaches and speaks on swinging, polyamory, pegging, play parties, and coloring outside the boundaries of your sexuality. He is a graphic & web designer, photographer, and voice over artist, has been a guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast, & is the announcer of Tristan Taormino’s radio show Sex Out Loud. He is currently working on two instructional non-fiction books, one about beginning non-monogamy, and another about pegging. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Zena Sharman, editor of "The Remedy: Queer and Trans Voices on Health and Health Care," is here talking about queer and trans health issues, community-based care, and oppression within the medical community. We geek out about trauma-informed care and talk about why cis straight men are really suffering inside these systems, too, based on the statistics. What does it look like to have healthcare informed by community, disability justice, racial justice, fat justice, and trauma? Zena has some stories and amazing ideas to get the activist in all of us going. How do we start asking, "Who are you and what's important to you?" instead of assuming what kinds of care and cures someone might want? Change is on the horizon, but we need to start looking at different possibilities that include kinky folks and poly folks and people of color among so many other intersections of oppression. When this happens, our sexual health and our mental health would improve drastically. Ready to dive in? Me too! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Eli Clare's "Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling with Cure" Zena's blog post on Queer Interdependence "Living in Liberation: Boundary Setting, Self Care, and Social Change" by Cristien Storm Kelli Dunham's zine, "You Don't Have to Love Your Body to Take Care of It" and PLEASE send her a few bucks if you access this zine. Here's her PayPal to do just that. About Zena Sharman Zena Sharman is a femme force of nature and a passionate advocate for queer and trans health. She has over a decade’s experience in health research, including seven years as the Assistant Director of Canada’s national gender and health research funding institute. Zena co-chairs the board of the Catherine White Holman Wellness Centre, a holistic health care centre for transgender and gender-diverse communities. She served on the board of the Canadian Professional Association for Transgender Health from 2013-2015. Zena is the editor of the Lambda Literary award-winning anthology The Remedy: Queer and Trans Voices on Health and Health Care (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2016). The Remedy brings together her love of writing and stories with her commitment to making the world a healthier and more equitable place. Zena co-edited the Lambda Literary award-nominated anthology, Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2011), and she's presented on gender, sexuality, and health to audiences across North America. Zena has a PhD in interdisciplinary studies from the University of British Columbia. Her resume also includes party thrower, cabaret host, go-go dancer for a queer punk band, campus radio DJ, and elementary school public speaking champion. Zena is grateful to live and write on the lands of the Musqueam, Sḵwxwú7mesh, and Tsleil-Waututh peoples. As a small gesture of thanks for living on their unceded territories, she'll donate half of her royalties from The Remedy to Indigenous-led organizations. Follow Zena on Twitter @zenasharman Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast I know tons of you are either kink lovers or kink curious, so I have a feeling you're going to enjoy this chat with rope expert and rope love Emily Bingham. She recently published an erotic memoir all about her kinky, erotic bondage adventures. It is SUPER hot. So in this episode we talk about how she got into rope, some of the wild things she's done as a rope model and rope lover, and why she decided to write the book. We also geek out about teledildonics and a new strap-on that lets the person wearing the strap-on experience sensation. YES. There are some amazing episodes coming up, too, so stay tuned and enjoy. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Emily's book, "Diary of a Rope Slut" can be found here. About Emily Bingham Emily Bingham is a writer, kinky educator and consent activist.  The only thing she loves more than words is rope.  Her stories have appeared in a number of erotica anthologies and most recently she published an erotic memoir, Diary of a Rope Slut. When she isn't writing she's teaching folks how to have safe and sexy rope adventures in the bedroom. Follow her at www.emilyerotica.com Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast This week it's just you and me, working our way through some rad listener questions. It starts with some listener love from an episode I did around the election last year. Sometimes I feel a little nervous to share political stuff - like the oppression episode and the abortion episode, but I trust you to hold space even if we disagree. I will be having a vendor booth at the Vancouver Dyke March. YAY! Of course, I got love for Amarna Miller's interview in Episode 168 and Ruby Bouie Johnson's polyamory chat on Episode 166. Gavin appreciated Amarna's views on ethical porn and her deliberate choice to share herself on film. Me, too! It's so frustrating to me that we still need to constantly prove to the world that sex workers are people with agency and complex stories. But, I'm grateful it means I get to connect with amazing folks like Amarna and Andre Shakti and Kitty Stryker and Conner Habib... Michelle wanted to know about the fat-friendly wedge pillow I mentioned a few years back. That was the Liberator wedge and I highly recommend it. Jes wrote in with feelings she had about my Orgasmic Meditation episode. Let's make sure we all move into spaces that combine sex with other things like money or spirituality with an open mind and also a healthy dose of skepticism. Abuse is SO easy in these spaces because we're all moving through so much shame. T.S. is struggling with a lot of anger and big feelings. Her friend's dad just cheated on her friend's mom and she doesn't understand why. How can she support her friend and her friend's mom and how can she process her feelings about it? Why do people cheat? I have lots of thoughts, and explore so many of the reasons people might cheat and why it doesn't mean a lack of love, even if it does mean lots of pain and hurt. Ethan gets aroused by screenprinting on t-shirts and clothing. He wonders is this a fetish that others have? Where can he learn more? It's not a fetish, per se, but he gets very turned on by the look and smell and even taste of screenprinted letters. I weigh in. Zak needs help. His wife hates his cum and he wants her to love it. How can he get her to open up to the idea? Also, why doesn't she have any fantasies? I have big thoughts about "making" someone like anything. Instead, how can we create relationships full of openness, vulnerability, and curiosity, so that we can share our desires without feeling judged or like we have to force other people to change? Shout out to Wendy Strgar for developing fantasies. Miss B is worried about the age difference between her and her new partner. They're having AMAZING sex and they're in love, but will there come a time when the age becomes a problem?  Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I’m not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it’s not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast As for this week's episode? Amarna Miller is here and we talk all about ethical porn and why it's different from feminist porn, why she feels so committed to doing mainstream pornography, polyamory, and Iceland. Amarna also shares why she'd rather talk to a group of sexist men than to a group of like-minded feminists and what it's like to travel to places like Columbia and her home of Spain to talk about feminism and porn. It's a fun, charming episode and I can't wait for you to hear it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Erika Lust's films can all be found on EroticFilms.com where you can see Amarna, too! About Amarna Miller Amarna Miller is a 26 year old porn actress, pro-sex activist and writer from Spain. She has a Youtube channel where she talks about pornography, ecology and traveling, among others. Her first book was published two years ago and she is currently working on the second one. Faithful defender of feminism and polyamory, Amarna is graduated in Fine Arts and loves antiques, cats and everything related to the 60s. She considers herself an adrenaline junkie, obsessed with being outside of her comfort zone. She lives in her van and saves time to conquer the world. You can stay in touch with Amarna on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @AmarnaMiller. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Guess what? If you love the show, folks who support on Patreon with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Whew! Let's dive into this week's episode because Wendy Strgar is here from Good Clean Love. We're chatting all about her new book, "Sex That Works," and we also dive into keeping sexual passion alive in monogamy, cultivating sexual freedom and sexual responsibility, what love and healthy relationships look like, the importance of choosing a body-safe lube, and much much more. Ready to go? Let's do it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode "Your Brain on Sex" by Stanley Siegel  About Wendy Strgar Wendy Strgar is author of The New York Times-praised book, SEX THAT WORKS: An Intimate Guide to Awakening Your Erotic Life. She's also the founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, a pioneering organic intimacy product company, as well as a relationship expert. She has written for over ten years on the topics of love, sexual health, and positivity. For more information, visit wendystrgar.com and goodcleanlove.com. You can also stay in touch on Twitter @wendystrgar and Facebook. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Guess what? Supporting the show on Patreon is easy AND if you support with just $3 per month, you'll get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast On to this week's show with Ruby Bouie Johnson, the Black Sex Geek herself.  This is an episode entirely about polyamory. It's raw and funny, and so so real. This is a no-holds-barred chat about the good, the super bad, and the beautiful parts of poly communities. Ruby talks about how polyamory healed her in deeply personal and liberating ways, but only after expressing some mindblowing thoughts about the sexism, ageism, racism, and oppressive BS that's so common in poly communities around the country. Plus, she shares her thoughts on the folks who are constantly on the hunt for that perfect unicorn and why it's so exhausting as a poly educator to have to field these (typically offensive) requests. It's juicy. It's ugly. It's hysterical. And it will give anyone in or considering a polyamorous dynamic a lot to think about. My biggest take away? That inclusion is NOT a policy or a mission statement. It is a deliverable and it is VISIBLE. You can say you're inclusive all you want but unless you see that reflected in the people who actually participate and attend - unless you see POC and fat bodies and a variety of abilities and disabilities, it's all lip service. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode The New York Times piece on non-monogamy that Ruby wrote about is here. Ruby's response to the NYT piece, 'What the New York Times Neglected to See.' About Ruby Bouie Johnson Ruby Bouie Johnson is a clinical social worker and sex therapist located in Plano, Texas. Ruby’s primary client base are folks who are kinky, in consensual nonmonogamous relationships, queer, lesbian, bisexual, and gay, and sexual challenges. She works with individuals, couples, triads, quads, and polycules with power dynamics within their relationships. Ruby has published in various journals and in the African American Encyclopedia on Criminology. Ruby has presented at Kinky Kollege, Consent Summit, Association of Black Sexologist and Clinicians, and will present at the upcoming American Association of Sexologists, Educators, Counselors, and Therapists Conference. Ruby Johnson is a contributor for HuffPo and Black and Poly Magazine. Ruby Johnson is on faculty for the Kink Knowledgeable Program. Mrs. Johnson serves on the board for the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. You can stay in touch with Ruby at blacksexgeek.net and on Facebook and Twitter @blacksexgeek. Ruby is also the CEO, Founder, and organizer for PolyDallas Millennium LLC. The 3rd Annual Symposium is July 14-16 in Dallas Texas. You can learn more and register at www.polydallasmillennium.com and also check out the conference's Facebook and Twitter @polydallas2015 Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This week it's just you and me, working our way through some rad listener questions. Dave wrote in with one of the best complimentary emails I've ever received AND threw a few bucks my way on Patreon. Lala just found out she has HPV. She's brand new to dating after divorce and spending many years focusing on her kids, and she wants to know - is her sex life over? Can she find romance and love and great sex if she has HPV? I have so many thoughts, including checking out Ella Dawson and Ashley Manta as rockin' folks to follow who have amazing sex lives while navigating the world with an STI. Lovely J listens to the show with her honey. They can't remember the name of an author I recommended a while back (it was most likely Barbara Carrellas). Also, Lovely J is an inexperienced Dominant and her partner really wants her to dominate them. She's read some books, but how can she get some hands-on practice at being a dominant? My number 1 recommendation is Midori's Forte Femme weekend intensive. It IS possible to be a very effective, very sexy Dominant without it looking like the standard trope of a Domme you see on TV or at kink events. Jude is a white, middle-class woman who is new to learning about sex work. How can she learn more about why people choose sex work and what it's all about? It's critical to turn to sex workers themselves for their stories, for the lived nuance. All my book recommendations to Jude are below in the resources area. Frank wrote in needing help finding a way to get his wife to give him a blowjob. The advice will be disappointing, but it's the best I can offer when it comes to wanting something sexually from another human being. You have to be willing to talk about it - openly and without expectation or pressure. Kacey wants to know how common it is for women to have hair on their faces, cleavage and chest. Hirsutism can be caused by loads of things, and it's relatively common. Plus, there are so many women who are unabashedly embracing their rad beards and body hair and still having amazing sex lives and finding love. The Go Ask Alice article I mention in the episode is linked down below. Finally, K is having an issue with a butt plug. They can have anal sex just fine, but when you use an anal plug, it hurts on the out motion. What can they do? I have some thoughts. Yay butt stuff. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode "Ecstasy is Necessary" by Barbara Carrellas "Urban Tantra" by Barbara Carrellas "Coming Out Like a Porn Star" by Jiz Lee "$pread: The Best of the Magazine that Illuminated the Sex Industry and Started a Media Revolution" by Feminist Press "Truth, Justice, and the American Whore" by Siouxsie Q TheWhoresOfYore.com by Kate Lister Go Ask Alice's response to a woman with a hair issue Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show. Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Bridget Phetasy, Playboy's advice columnist on sex and relationships, is here to talk about her controversial article about orgasmic meditation. We talk about cults, praying on people's sexual shame, boundaries, consent, and the importance of trusting those little feelings that tell you something isn't right even if you desperately want to ignore them. Read Bridget's article over on Playboy to get the full scoop. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Bridget mentions the clit cult article, which is this piece by Refinery29. About Bridget Phetasy When she’s not penning Playboy.com’s Sex & Dating Column or the Playboy Advisor, you can usually find Bridget interviewing people on her podcast Benched. Once she was dared to do stand-up comedy. It is now her primary reason for getting out of bed. In her free time Bridget wrangles two insane puppies and is working on her humorous self-help book, Seducing Men Is Like Hunting Cows. You can follow Bridget on Twitter @bridgetphetasy and on Facebook, too. Her new podcast, Benched, is on Twitter, too, @benchedpodcast. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show. Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Curious about what has Dylan been up to? What's changed in her life? BIG THINGS, but only Patreon supporters will hear the juiciest of juicy details. Dawn talks about moving to Vancouver and watching the latest Four Chambers porn by Vex Ashley while having house guests. Then we field listener questions on nun and priest fetishes, how to eat pussy like a champ (again), and we rage over stealthing - because it's just not OK ever. You can hear round one of Dylan's oral sex tips way back on episode 5, but this is the new updated version after Dylan's latest adventures in pussy eating. Also, yay for the smell of pussy. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it. I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. Listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show. This week's episode is very special to me. I want to thank all of the brave souls who responded to my call for abortion stories. To read their powerful words, visit sexgetsreal.com/ep162. In fact, start there before you dive into this chat with Carol Sanger about her new book, "About Abortion: Terminating Pregnancy in 21st Century America". Abortion can be a ridiculously charged topic in the United States, which is unique among countries with legal abortion. Carol's book is a fascinating and dare I say fun look into the legislation, the imagery, how technology has impacted the conversation, and more than anything focuses on what happens when people in marginalized positions are forced to choose secrecy over privacy. We tie abortion to sex work, kink, polyamory, HIV/AIDS, and of course, to the larger oppressive systems at play in our society like patriarchy and gender role bullshit. Despite the heaviness of abortion, this talk with Carol is delightful - there's intimate moments and several genuine laughs as we dive into all of the terrific research Carol has done and why it's more important than ever that we share our stories. If abortion is a hot topic for you, I invite you to listen and to be patient. The stories, more than anything, are critical for us all to hear and absorb. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode Carol mentioned a paper called, "I Would Like to Give My Baby, Like, Everything In the World," which talks about women aborting to protect their children. While this is an academic paper that is not publicly accessible, Slate wrote about the paper here. Lindy West and Amelia Bonow started #ShoutYourAbortion and ShoutYourAbortion.com to share abortion stories. The Rewire book review by Katie Klabusich that Carol mentions in the episode. Check it out here. About Carol Sanger Carol Sanger is the Barbara Aronstein Black Professor of Law at Columbia Law School. She teaches courses on contracts, family law, and others focusing on reproduction, the legal profession, and law and gender. Her recent book About Abortion (Harvard University Press) is centered on the regulation of abortion. You can follow Carol on Twitter @carolsangernyc Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast I am constantly on the lookout for people who are doing amazing, inspiring, fun things in the world of sex and relationships. So, you just know I had to reach out to Feminist Press when I saw they were publishing a children's book with the title, "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma." And what better time to celebrate kids and parenting and sex and divorce and healing than Mother's Day? Anastasia Higginbotham is the author of a series of books called Ordinary Terrible Things aimed at helping kids to understand and find words for things like sex, divorce, death, racism, and queerness. Anastasia's books are about centering kids' wisdom and giving them space to have a full range of feelings and permission to be who they are. But the magic of these books is also in their healing power for grown-ups. If you were raped or molested, "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma" will offer a balm to your young self about what happened. If your parents split when you were young, "Divorce is the Worst" gives you permission to sit in those big feelings you may have tried to hide years ago. This is the kind of stuff that overturns patriarchy and helps young people realize that they actually hold a tremendous amount of wisdom and power. Also, at the end of this week's episode is a sneak peek of next week's incredible episode on abortion. Please do stay tuned. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode You can pre-order "Tell Me About Sex, Grandma" and purchase "Death is Stupid" and "Divorce is the Worst" from Feminist Press, and you know I love supporting feminist, independent sources, so please do buy from them over Amazon or a big box retailer. About Anastasia Higginbotham Anastasia Higginbotham is a writer and artist who created the children’s book series Ordinary Terrible Things, published by the Feminist Press. The series includes Divorce Is the Worst (2015), Death Is Stupid (2016), and Tell Me About Sex, Grandma (2017). It’s been embraced by children and adults for empowering and trusting kids as the authority on their own lives. Higginbotham makes the books in collage on brown grocery bag paper with clippings from magazines and catalogs, and bits of fabric and jewelry that have special meaning. Higginbotham’s series is informed by more than 20 years as a speechwriter for New York City nonprofits that combat all kinds of injustice. For 10 years, Higginbotham taught full impact self-defense to kids and adults with Prepare Inc., coaching students ages 6 and up to breathe, talk, and fight their way through confrontation and attack scenarios. Her essays have appeared in Huffington Post, Ms., Bitch, The Sun, Women’s Media Center, and The Women’s Review of Books. She’s featured in the anthologies, Listen Up: Voices from the Next Feminist Generation, 30 Things Every Girl Should Know About Women’s History, and Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape. She is a 2015 Hedgebrook Fellow. You can stay in touch with Anastasia on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @ahigginbooks. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This week's episode is brought to you by Talkspace. And listeners get $30 off their first month of therapy with coupon code SGR, so check it out and spread the word to support the show. Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Andre Shakti is BACK! She has a new project called I Am Poly and So Can You, and we go deep into non-monogamy and polyamory this week after geeking out over Erotic Film School. When did Andre figure out she was non-monogamous, what advice does she wishes existed when she was a teenager, and what do you do if you cheated on your wife and now she wants to cheat on you? Well, we talk about allllll of that and more this week. Andre has stellar advice for a couple who are wanting to try a threesome for the first time, and we also get a charming email from R who is in a loving triad but who needs more sex. Poly pressure to have sex is real and Andre explores why sometimes it's OK to step off the sex train if everything else in your life feels great. Don't forget to send in your sex confessions about May's theme of FOOD! I created a guidelines page for you. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode "I Love You, But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship" by Mira Krishenbaum - Andre recommend this for working through trust issues in a relationship. About Andre Shakti Andre Shakti is a journalist, educator, performer, activist, and professional slut living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is devoted to normalizing alternative desires, de-stigmatizing sex workers and their clients, and not taking herself too seriously. Andre wrestles mediocre white men into submission and writes about sex work, queerness and non-monogamy for Cosmopolitan, Rewire, Thrillist, MEL, Vice, Autostraddle, and more. She can frequently be found marathoning Law & Order: SVU under a chaotic pile of partners and pitbulls, and yes, she knows how problematic that show is. Andre is the reigning "polyamory pundit" at her non-monogamy advice column, "I Am Poly & So Can You!", which you can visit - and submit questions to! - via IAmPoly.net. Visit her on Twitter @andreshakti, on FB as "Andre Shakti", and as a pleasure professional on the new inclusive educational platform O.School. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast This week Jaclyn Friedman is here. Known for her incredible work around sexual assault, sexual violence, consent, and sex education, it is a really intense discussion that I can't wait for you to hear. We talk about sexual liberation and why sex positivity must include conversations around sexual violence if it hopes to achieve it's aim. We dive into stealthing and why removing a condom without consent is rape. Jaclyn explores the ways that stealthing is dehumanizing and why this power move is about erasing the humanity of the person you're sleeping with. She also talks about what centering humanity in sex has meant for her - being able to relax into her truth by getting off the sexual Olympics train. Plus, why all this buzz about hook-up culture on college campuses is actually a myth and the impact that myth is having on students. Then we go deep into victim-centering justice, needing community to step in and hold sexually violent people accountable, why transformative justice is not the answer, and she even challenges me on being too generous around people who commit acts of sexual violence. We may not have answers, but we certainly have a lot of feelings and even bigger questions. So strap in and prepare yourself. Don't forget to send in your sex confessions about May's theme of FOOD! I created a guidelines page for you. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Jaclyn Friedman Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, speaker and activist, and creator of the hit books Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers’ Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009, and #11 on Ms. Magazine’s Top 100 Feminist Nonfiction of All Time list) and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety. Her podcast, Unscrewed, is paving new paths to sexual liberation, and was named one of the Best Sex Podcasts by both Marie Claire and Esquire. Friedman’s work has popularized the “yes means yes” standard of sexual consent that is quickly becoming law on many US campuses. Her insistence that authentic sexual liberation is a necessary condition to end the systemic sexualization and violation of women led Lyn Mikel Brown (Co-founder of SPARK and Professor of Education and Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies, Colby College) to call her “this generation’s version of Dr. Ruth.” Friedman is a popular speaker on campuses and at conferences across the U.S. and beyond. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Nightline, PBS News Hour, the Melissa Harris-Perry Show, and numerous other radio and television shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including The New York Times, Vox, Time, The Washington Post, Glamour and The Guardian. Friedman is a founder and the former Executive Director of Women, Action & the Media, where she led the successful #FBrape campaign to apply Facebook’s hate-speech ban to content that promotes gender-based violence. Friedman also holds an MFA in creative writing from Emerson College. You can stay in touch with Jaclyn at jaclynfriedman.com, as well as on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter @jaclynf. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast NW Mom wrote in with her confession about the mess she's in with a married man. Can she find her way out? She's lonely, she just discovered her sexual pleasure after a 20-year marriage, and yet, this amazing man can't be there for her. He knows it's not easy on her, so ending things shouldn't be a shock for him. Jess wrote in about her improved sex life and the new body safe Fun Factory vibrator she just got. Listening to the show has helped her sex life in fantastic ways and I am tickled. Jenister has a problem. She is bisexual, has anxiety, and wants to explore group sex with her partner. The only problem is she and her boyfriend have had threesomes before to great success. But, she is finding herself feeling super jealous and insecure when they look for potential play partners and she feels terrible. How can she overcome her jealousy and make the group sex fun again? Also, let's just honor Jenister's frustration about telling straight guys that she's bi - it's like they assume it means threesomes are automatically in the cards. UGH. NO. How do we care for ourselves when we feel jealous? How do you make space for meltdowns and insecurity without judging yourself? If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, check out my options here. What do you do if your friend is obsessed with having a boyfriend and totally defines their worth based on whether they're dating someone or not? I have thoughts. We live in a world that tells us we should all be on a quest for relationship, and that our worth is defined by the romantic partners we have. It's a big box to unpack. Bree Speed has way too much cum in her life. Her boyfriend shoots everywhere and she is cleaning cum off of everything. Is she the only one in this position? I have big thoughts like why isn't HE cleaning up his own mess? Why isn't he doing his laundry and taking care of this?  Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it. I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast I am reading a devastating, lyrical book called "Abandon Me" by Melissa Febos. I'm desperately working to get her on the show soon to talk about her memoir (and her former work as a dominatrix). In the meantime, this week's show is a fun, informative interview with Siouxsie Q. We dive into her work with the Free Speech Coalition combatting harmful anti-porn, anti-sex work laws, including talking about what we can do, as consumers of porn, to help protect workers in the industry. You'll be especially horrified at the new set of laws sweeping the U.S. in the wake of the "porn health crisis" that everyone is freaking out about - with zero evidence, I might add. Then we talk about why porn is her favorite, what her parents think of her adult industry career, and we wrap up our chat fielding some listener questions about polyamory and non-monogamy. Oh! And we dive into why sex is magic and why sex workers are some of the most powerful beings on earth. LOVE IT. It's a blast, Siouxsie is so sweet and smart, and I know you're going to love it. Don't forget to send in your sex confessions! I created a guidelines page for you. March & April's theme will be messes! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Siouxsie Q Siouxsie got her start in the business dancing at the unionized Lusty Lady Theater in San Francisco, and has worked as a performer in adult films since 2012, garnering two AVN Award Nominations and a Feminist Porn Award. During that time, she has been an unrelenting advocate for the rights of all sex workers. Siouxsie Q is an author, weekly columnist for SF Weekly, and the creator of The Whorecast, a podcast network showcasing the diverse voices of the adult industry. She has lectured extensively on sex and sex work, and is regularly quoted and featured in the mainstream media, including CNN, USA Today, Cosmopolitan, Wired, Buzzfeed and America with Jorge Ramos. Her first book, Truth, Justice, and the American Whore, was published this year through 3L Media to rave reviews. She joined The Free Speech Coalition, the trade association of the adult industry, in May of 2016, to help them soundly defeat both Cal/Osha Regulation 5193.1, and Proposition 60, both of which would have put adult film performers at immense risk. She recently has returned to performing in adult films, and is excited to continue campaigning for the rights of adult industry workers, specifically through combatting the harmful wave of legislation declaring pornography to be a "public health crisis." You can stay in touch by following Siouxsie on Twitter @whorecast, @siouxsieqjames, @fscarmy, by reading her book "Truth, Justice, and the American Whore," by checking out Free Speech Coalition, and by popping over to Instagram as TheRealWhoreNextDoor. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Plus, some news about my personal life. I'm moving to Canada, FINALLY. Also, my Bartholin gland flared up - and I had to take my own advice around new ways to experience sex and touch when intercourse and masturbation were off the table for several weeks. Ugh. Bodies. This week's show features a listener confession from S about a mess she had in her life. We also get an update from Scarlett Grace about telling her friend that she doesn't want to have threesomes with her anymore. Hailey wrote in asking how she can support a friend who was raped but who doesn't want to call it rape and who hasn't asked for support. How can you be a good friend and let someone know you're there for them after sexual assault, trauma, or rape? Let's talk about centering survivors and what that might look like, even if it feels really terrible for the people around them. Also, I am planning a trauma summit in August. Get on the Explore More list to get the notification. It will be free. Kelsey wonders - what's the difference between having a type or having a fetish, especially when it's racist and oppressive? Kelsey has a co-worker who constantly talks about Asian women and why he loves them. It's tokenism and exoticism, and she wants to know what she should do. My thoughts include why we ALL have a responsibility to critically reflect and examine our fantasies. Kitty Stryker has a thought-provoking piece on this very thing that's linked below. Sometimes we need to feel ashamed and move through that to get to deeper, more meaningful understandings of ourselves. Micah loves Conner Habib's deep questions, especially about impossibility and opening up conversations to new thought. He wants to know - why do we so often jump to "never" when even bringing up new ideas around sex and love? I have loads of thoughts. A lot of it comes back to safety. Stephanie's boyfriend has premature ejaculation and it's impacting their sex life. Medicine hasn't worked. She hates her body. She's faking her orgasms. What can she do? Big big thoughts there on body neutrality, on removing goals and expectations from sex, and from trying something new when the things you're trying keep not working. You do NOT need to love your body to have enjoyable sex. If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, check out my options here. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in the show Kitty Stryker's article about examining our fantasies and challenging ourselves when they're racist, sexist, and problematic. Meg-John Barker & Justin Hancock's new book, "Enjoy Sex: (How, when and if you want to): A Practical and Inclusive Guide" Elle Chases's new book, "Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life" About Dawn Serra Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it. I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Andrew Gurza is here this week talking all about sex and disability. We geek out over Orphan Black, talk about his hashtag #diSAYbled, dive into body politics and ableism, and explore his experiences with sex and masturbation. It's such a delightful conversation full of giggles and the kind of awkwardness and realness that I adore.  We also talk about hook-up culture and how difficult it can be to communicate around needs and desires, especially for gay men. We explore what it means to be "too much" and also the institutional ableism around insisting that folks with disabilities need a cure. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Andrew Gurza Andrew Gurza is a Disability Awareness Consultant and Cripple Content Creator working to make the lived experience of queerness and disability accessible to all. His written work has been featured in Huffington Post, This Magazine, The Advocate, Everyday Feminism, Mashable, and Out.com. He is the host of DisabilityAfterDark: The Podcast to Shine a Bright Light on Sex and Disability available on iTunes. You can find out more about his work at www.andrewgurza.com or connect with him on Twitter @andrewgurza. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

If you missed the Explore More Summit, you can still grab all of the talks for as little as $1.20 each plus loads of bonus materials. This weekend I am in San Francisco attending Madison Young's Erotic Film School. I'm learning how to make porn. YAY! If you want to see some of the behind the scenes pictures and videos of Andre Shakti and James Darling, all Patreon supporters at $1 or more will have access. It was fun to be the director and to actually see ethical porn being made in this rich, collaborative space. I also field listener emails this week since I'm on the road. First, a listener wants to share his experience watching trans and pegging porn after Lauren from last week's episode shared her concerns around porn. Then, Mona wants help shopping for some kegel exercisers. What's best? Dawn shares a story of her ben wa balls gone wrong. Scarlett Grace has a friend that she used to play with sexually with her husband, but Scarlett's friend is now super promiscuous and Scarlett doesn't want to have sex with her friend anymore. How can she tell her friend she's worried about her safety and why she doesn't want to play anymore?  Delilah wrote in because she's in her first lesbian relationship and she wants tricks for making her girlfriend happy. So, how do you learn lesbian sex? What tricks and tips do I have? Long-time listeners will already know my answer to this. At a minimum, be sure to check out Allison Moon's, "Girl Sex 101" book. Ben is young and in love, but he and his girlfriend don't have much in common and he wants to have loads more sexual experiences. What should he do?  Finally, Leah wants to know - how do polyamorous folks avoid town gossips and people talking about their affairs? I have lots of thoughts because there are so many possible situations to navigate. Also, check out Franklin Veaux's "More Than Two" or Tristan Taormino's "Opening Up" for more information on living in a non-monogamous situation. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it. I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Reid Mihalko is here this week and our conversation goes deep. We start by geeking out over Reid's latest adventures into anti-oppression work, learning about emotional labor as a cis white guy, and he even tears up over just how important it is for dudes to level up in these spaces, even if it's just 10 or 20%. Then, we dive into listener emails. First, Lauren writes in wanting to know if her recent interest in lesbian porn means her sexual orientation is changing. Is she no longer straight? Jenny needs some advice around polyamory. Her and her partner have discussed it, but Jenny isn't feeling like her needs are getting met and their communication isn't great. Reid's advice around poly is beautiful and gives all of us - in any relationship style - tons to think about. Finally, Riffle needs help navigating a threesome with his fiance. Riffle wants their third to be a stranger, but Riffle's partner wants it to be someone they Reid. Reid, certainly a threesome expert, lets his wisdom shine with some awesome advice. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Reid Mihalko America’s favorite sex geek, Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com and Sex10xOnline.com helps adults and college students create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health and satisfaction in and out of the bedroom using an inspiring mixture of humor, keen insight, and comprehensive sexual health information. Reid appeals to audiences of all orientations, backgrounds, ages and identities. He’s one of the only male sex and relationship experts touring the country today who can speak pragmatically to nearly all areas of sexual self-expression, intimacy, dating and relating. Reid’s mission is to give men and women new tools to transform their love lives  into fulfilling, satisfying, and sustainable expressions of self. Stay in touch with Reid on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

I am eyeball deep in the Explore More Summit. Day 5 is unfolding today (March 12th) and you can sign-up for the Explore More Summit here. It's free and goes until March 17th. Anyway, because I'm so busy summitting, today is a hit it and quit it. First, I rant about a new piece of wearable technology that tracks penis thrusts and calories for condom wearers. Or, in other words, it is all about measuring all the wrong things and promotes bad sex - NOT sex that is about pleasure and communication. So terrible and frustrating. Then, I share a listener confession about being raped and healing from that rape with an erotic dream. If you're a survivor, be gentle with yourself around this story. The final question is from a young listener about being in a new relationship and feeling too excited to sleep. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it. I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

It's a very special episode this week because you are getting to hear exclusive, never before heard clips from nine of the Explore More Summit talks. You'll hear from Tristan Taormino, Allison Moon, Virgie Tovar, Melissa Toler, Dirty Lola of Sex Ed a Go Go, Cyndi Darnell, Betty Martin, Aida Manduley, and Orpheus Black. I also field listener questions on pussy slapping, pegging problems when your guy is 14 inches taller than you, foursomes where erections never happened, and ethical porn. It's a packed week of goodies and advice. Be sure to sign-up for the Explore More Summit. It starts March 8th and it's FREE.  Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra Sex is a social skill. I speak it. I write it. I teach it. I help you learn how to develop it. I am the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. I lecture at colleges and universities on sex and relationships, too. When I'm not speaking and teaching, I also work one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. But it's not all work! In my downtime, I can often be found watching an episode of Masterchef Australia, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with my sexy AF husband. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Enrollment for the 2017 Explore More Summit is OFFICIALLY open. The summit is free, runs for ten days, and features interviews with 30 incredible thought-leaders. You can sign-up at exploremoresummit.com. It all starts March 8th, 2017. This week, Madison Young is here to talk all about porn, submission, motherhood and sex, and her Erotic Film School, which I'm attending in a few weeks. Madison has had the unique and powerful opportunity to document so much of her sexual journey and personal stories on film, thanks to porn. And now, she is hard at work writing books on submission and BDSM, DIY porn, and parenthood. We roll around in all of the things she's learned and experienced, plus we share our struggles as people who have trouble prioritizing self-care (which many of you can relate to). Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode "Daddy: A Memoir" by Madison Young "DIY Porn Handbook: A How-To Guide to Documenting Our Own Sexual Revolution" by Madison Young "The Ultimate Guide to Sex Through Pregnancy and Motherhood: Passionate Practical Advice for Moms" by Madison Young Erotic Film School About Madison Young Madison Young is an artist and activist dedicated to creating space for revolutionary love. This body-based performance artist grew up in the suburban landscape of Southern Ohio before moving to San Francisco in 2000. Since then this Midwestern gal has dedicated her days to facilitating safe space to dialogue on the topic of fringe identities and cultures as well as documenting healthy expression of sexuality. Young’s breadth of work, in the realm of her artistic manifestations, intersects the fields of sexuality, identity, and pornography. Her work spans from documenting our sexual culture in her Internationally screened and award-winning feminist erotic films to having served as the Artistic Director of the forward-thinking nonprofit arts organization Femina Potens Art Gallery for over a decade. Young has exhibited Internationally with her performance art, video art installations, and photography.  Young values sexual freedom and self expression of queer identity in her work and has taught workshops, lectures, and acted as a panelist on the topics of sexuality, feminist porn studies, the politics of BDSM and queering the body with in the arena of performance art, at institutions including at Yale University, Hampshire College, Northwestern University, University of Toronto, University of Minnesota, and UC Berkeley. Her memoir, Daddy, was published in February 2014 through Rare Bird. Madison Young lives and creates work in Berkeley, California where she recently completed her second book The DIY Porn Handbook: Documenting Our Own Sexual Revolution (Greenery Press). Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. Enrollment for the 2017 Explore More Summit is OFFICIALLY open. The summit is free, runs for ten days, and features interviews with SOO many incredible thought-leaders. You can sign-up at exploremoresummit.com. It's been incredible creating these talks, so I hope you'll check it out. It all starts March 8th, 2017. This week, I'm so excited that Matie Fricker and Hunter Riley from Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center are here. We talk about community sex education, sex toy testing fatigue, and how they make their sex store welcoming and empowering. Matie goes deep into toxic toys and what happened when they gave customers a choice between toxic and non-toxic toys. Plus, their testers have to fill out an 8-page survey about each and every product the store carries. We also dive into bad sex toy design, the ONE product that Matie has been searching for for 10 years and has not found a decent one, orgasm stuckness and toy loyalty and why that can inhibit pleasure, and my frustration with sex classes... why do blowjob classes consistently sell out at stores across the country but not cunnilingus classes? Yeah. Let's name it. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources mentioned in this episode Hunter's blog post all about the drama at UNM's sex week That Travel & Leisure article on hotel sex that I mentioned in the intro. About Matie Fricker Matie Fricker is a smut peddling sweetheart with a deep love for the odd and tender. She owns Albuquerque’s best sex shop, Self Serve Toys. Self Serve is a shiny bubble of love and safety for those seeking pleasure and joy in their lives. One of her proudest accomplishments was causing Rush Limbaugh to say “female orgasm” on-air multiple times. Matie has been awarded the 2008 Tough Cookie Award from the National Association for Women Business Owners, Best Sexy Shop in ABQ’s Alibi Weekly Newspaper for 9 years and Albuquerque Pride’s Outstanding Retail Store Award. About Hunter Riley Hunter Riley is the manager of operations and outreach at Self Serve, a sex educator, speaker and social media maven. She helps young adults find their voice and comfort level around conversations about sex and sexuality. After earning degrees in psychology, Spanish and journalism, she moved on to teaching classes in English and Spanish about pleasure, sex toys, communication, safer sex, consent, oral sex, kink, non-monogamy, birth control and more! She has authored several sex columns for newspapers and online media outlets in New Mexico including the Daily Lobo, the Santa Fe Reporter and Albuquerque Free Press. She has partnered with organizations like Planned Parenthood, the University of New Mexico, UNM Hospital, Enlace Comunitario, Santa Fe Care Center and more. Anyone interested in hiring Hunter or learning more about the services she provides can contact Hunter via email: hunter@selfservetoys.com for more information. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. You are the first in the world to know that enrollment for the 2017 Explore More Summit is OFFICIALLY open. The summit is free, runs for ten days, and features interviews with SOO many incredible thought-leaders. You can sign-up at exploremoresummit.com. It's been incredible creating these talks, so I hope you'll check it out. It all starts March 8th, 2017. And... Because I've been conducting so so so many intense, deep interviews, I wanted to take a break and make this week nice and easy - you and me, powering through a ton of listener emails and keeping it casual and intimate. So, what are we talking about this week? Mike ALWAYS gives his wife an orgasm and the last three times they've had sex, she hasn't cum. Will it happen again? What can he do? Deb is a bottom but her husband wants her to top him sometimes. Can she find a way to enjoy being dominant? Ali wants more information on how people become strippers. I'm not a sex worker, so I can't speak to this, but I do reflect on some previous conversations with folks like Andre Shakti, Madison Young, Kitty Stryker. Big Vulva wrote in about how she feels about the way her labia look and it's wonderful. Plus, I get called out for an ageist comment, someone wants to know how common CFNM fantasties are, Mary wonders about whether anal sex will ever feel good for her, and can a porn addict husband be trusted to watch porn with his wife? Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Erika Lust's EroticFilms.com is a great place to find loads of feminist, ethical erotic films. (I'm an affiliate, too!) Siouxsie Q's podcast, The Whorecast, which is all sex workers talking about their stories, experiences, and issues. Check out my Anal 101 online workshop. Tristan Taormino's "The Ultimate Guide to Kink" which includes an awesome essay by Midori on FemDomme, female domination and how to get started. ForteFemme.com - Midori's website for her weekend intensive on female domination Midori's Facebook Live video on female domination. Check it out on Vimeo. About Dawn Serra In a world hellbent on making us feel like we aren't enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we're told about sex, relationships, and our bodies. Dawn is the creator and host of the laughter-filled, no-holds-barred weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real. She also teaches adult sex ed workshops online and in person, and works one-on-one with clients who need to get unstuck around their pleasure and desire. When she's not podcasting, lecturing, or writing about all of the ways we relate to each other, Dawn can often be found watching an episode of Hoarders, cooking up something delicious, or adventuring with her husband. Dawn's epic Explore More Summit is unfolding again now. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. Elle Chase is back, which delights me to no end (though, I'm wrong in the episode - Kate McCombs was the first repeat guest!). I adore this chat despite some audio issues, because we get so personal - sharing sex stories and awkward moments and keeping sex so very real, especially for folks who are fat and curvy. Her brand new book, Curvy Girl Sex, just hit stores, and of course, I use her beautifully curated LadyCheeky.com anytime I want to turn myself or my sweetie on. Rawr. So, here we are talking fat tummies and fat butts and bad backs and awkward sex noises and all the glory of anything-but-elegant sex. About Elle Chase Sex educator and sexuality and body image coach Elle Chase, is a graduate of the comprehensive San Francisco Sex Information, Sex Educator Training Program and a member of the American College of Sexologists. Elle also serves as the Director of Education & Lead Sex Educator at the Los Angeles Academy of Sex Education, which offers pleasure inclusive classes, on sexuality, gender, sexual health and sexual lifestyles. She is also the author of “Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower your Sex Life,” from Fair Winds Press and as her alter ego Lady Cheeky, is the editor of the smash hit (very) adult coloring book, the #NSFW Totally Naughty Coloring Book by SheVibe.com. Elle is also the creator, curator & editor of two award-winning and highly trafficked sexuality websites, www.LadyCheeky.com (NSFW) which has been named as the number one site for porn for women, and its companion editorial site www.SmutForSmarties.com which has been L.A. Weekly’s choice for ‘Best Sex Blog’ since 2013. Follow Elle on Twitter @TheElleChase and @LadyCheeky (NSFW). Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Sometimes, you luck into an incredible opportunity. That happened to me when I heard Mariya Karimjee's story on The Heart or This American Life. It's about her experience with female genital mutilation and having part of her clitoris removed when she was a young girl. I reached out to Mariya and invited her on the show to talk about being an FGM survivor, what it's been like in her life since her story went global, and she also brings some voices of other survivors to share with us. We talk about Muslim women, sex, changing relationships with our parents, patriarchy, and the importance of sex education. It's an important conversation that I hope you'll enjoy. I know I did. Resources discussed in this episode Mariya's episode on The Heart podcast Mariya's story on This American Life Additional voices on FGM "I’ve asked your mother many times since this occurred, why an educated woman who resides in a country where this is illegal subjected her daughter to this practice? I never received a valid reason. Simply saying that “it’s in our religion” is not a good enough answer for me to accept that my daughter went through this." Anonymous father "I had started to understand the terrifying implications of the practice which differed from person to person and the physical and mental trauma some of my own sisters and close friends had to go through, and are still going through. I also came across many justifications for the practice, some from my family elders which went along the lines of, 'This is done to curb a girl’s sexual desire so that she can put her mind to other things', among many others." Insia Jaliwala "It may have been just a pinch of skin, but it was a part of me, a part of my femininity and a part of my womanhood." Mariya Ali "I also don’t know whether girls from other communities enjoy better sex or not. There have been many reports about this that I am unsure of. There is actually a lot of vagueness on this topic that I would like to have some clarification on." Ummehani, from India "One of my main insecurities about sex was that I felt like I was driving without the headlights on. Often times, I didn’t know where to go or how to guide my driver. I felt like a failure. To this day, I still have not experienced orgasm. While sex is enjoyable for me and I could describe what I can achieve as a “mini-climax”, I am bothered by the fact that I may never get to experience this wonderful part of life. While it’s no secret many women who have not been “circumcised” struggle with the same issues, a part of me will always wonder if that would have been true for me had this not happened. I will never know." Anonymous "For the record, I have never been mutilated. I am not traumatized, damaged, or broken. Yes, something unfortunate happened to me that I wish had not; but I do not want to be labeled a survivor. Personally, I feel the word is inappropriate to my situation because my life was never at risk. What I do want is to live in a world where what happened to me no longer happens to others. The reason I want this is because although I have come to forgive my loved ones, accept what has happened to me, and move past the trauma, not everyone who has undergone khatna has been so fortunate." Anonymous, age 30 About Mariya Karimjee Mariya Karimjee is a freelance writer based in Karachi, Pakistan. She's currently working on a memoir about home and identity to be published by Spiegel and Grau. You can learn more at MariyaKarimjee.com, and follow along with her adventures on Twitter @m_karimjee and Instagram. Be sure to also check out Sahiyo for more information and voices/quotes from survivors and people impacted by FGM. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast This week there are two listener confessions - one at the beginning of the episode and another at the end after the interview. And who am I chatting with this week? The incredible Erika Lust about being an erotic filmmaker, the porn industry, evoking powerful performances from her actors, and her new non-profit helping parents to talk about porn with their kids. Of all the erotic filmmakers doing ethical porn in the world, Erika's videos are some of the most arousing for me. I adore the humor and shamelessness of her stories. She seamlessly incorporates beauty, eroticism, and playfulness into each and every video in a way that I find endlessly delicious. So here is me, geeking out over getting to chat with someone I deeply admire. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Erika's IKEA video, which is very funny, is in the XConfessions Volume 1 set. About Erika Lust Erika Lust is a filmmaker, mother, writer, blogger, owner and founder of Erika Lust Films where she offers an alternative to the mainstream porn industry. She is also the creator of groundbreaking audiovisual project XConfessions.com, the first crowdsourced series that brought adult film to cinema screens.   Born in 1977 in Sweden, she studied political sciences, feminism and sexuality at the University of Lund. Tired of chauvinistic and tacky mainstream porn, she moved to Barcelona in 2000 where she took classes in film directing before bursting into the adult industry in 2004, with the indie short film The Good Girl - a humorous statement of principles using the “pizza delivery boy” trope. The immediate success of this first attempt encouraged her to pursue a career in adult cinema. Erika has directed four multi-award winning features: “Five Hot Stories For Her”, “Barcelona Sex Project”, “Life Love Lust” and “Caberet Desire”, and has also written five books including “Let’s Make A Porno” and her acclaimed erotic novel “La Canción de Nora” (“Nora’s Song”). In 2013 Erika began the XConfessions series, a site where users watch short films based on their own anonymous sexual confessions. Every month Erika Lust picks two of her followers’ fantasies and turns them into erotic explicit short films. Now in it’s third year, Erika has filmed over 100 short films, released XConfessions seventh volume and has now invited guest directors to be part of the project, supporting the burgeoning alternative talent across the globe. In 2015, she gave her “It’s Time for Porn to Change” talk at TEDxVienna which gained her notoriety for her campaign to change porn. Erika’s philosophy for a new adult cinema is based on 4 main ideas: women’s pleasure matters, adult cinema can have cinematic values, we need more body types, different ages and diverse races and the production process has to be ethical. She defends the importance of the female gaze and the need of having women behind the camera in all key positions. Erika lives in Barcelona with her partner and husband Pablo and their two daughters, Lara and Liv. You can also see Erika's new project bringing together erotic filmmakers at eroticfilms.com and her non-profit helping parents talk to their kids about porn at thepornconversation.org. Want to connect on social media? Erika is on Twitter @erikalust and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

As you know, January's theme this year for confessions is FIRSTS. It felt wonderful to be able to have Amber Keyser, author of The V-Word, join in the fun this week as her book is an anthology of 17 stories all about first time sexual experiences. But what does first time sex mean? The V-Word explores that with beautiful depth and diversity, including trans voices and queer voices among the many stories. We dive into virginity and what a dated, patriarchal concept it is. Amber even has a phrase I've become obsessed with: the cult of virginity. We talk about teenagers and sex, resources for young people that offer possibilities rather than prescriptions about what sex should be, and dive into her new novel. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode "Beast" by Brie Spangler, which is a YA novel centering a trans character About Amber Keyser Amber J. Keyser is an evolutionary biologist-turned-author, who writes both fiction and nonfiction for tweens and teens. In addition to The V-Word (Beyond Words/Simon Pulse, 2016), she is the author of The Way Back from Broken, a heart-wrenching novel of loss and survival (Carolrhoda Lab, 2015), Sneaker Century: A History of Athletic Shoes (Twenty-First Century Books, 2015), and the forthcoming Pointe, Claw, a novel about claiming the territory of the body (Carolrhoda Lab, 2017). She is the co-author with Kiersi Burkhart of the middle grade series Quartz Creek Ranch (Darby Creek, 2017).   You can learn all about Amber at www.amberjkeyser.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @amberjkeyser. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This week, we have our first listener confession from CK all about the first time she ended a relationship. Heads' up that it contains themes of abuse within BDSM. Then, Sarah Pappalardo from Reductress is here! If you haven't seen Reductress yet, get thee over to their satirical site immediately and be wowed. We talk about media literacy, mainstream feminism, white feminism, and all the ways feminism has been co-opted by commercialize and media. Sarah talks about using satire and comedy to confront a Trump presidency, companies like Dove with their empowerment branding, and when satire goes too far. There is a ton of laughter and misandry mixed in with the very heartfelt and serious topics we dive into. Plus, what are Sarah's thoughts on Amy Schumer as a feminist? Sarah's response is incredible, and something all of us should be more aware of in our "feminist" icons. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sarah Pappalardo Sarah Pappalardo is the co-founder and editor of Reductress, and the author of How to Win at Feminism - The Definitive Guide to Having it All - And Then Some!   You can follow Sarah on Twitter @yourpappalardo. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

It's New Year's Day, 2017. It seems appropriate to start the year off with an intimate show between you and me, including a diary entry of my very first kiss. If you'd like to share your own confession on January's theme of FIRSTS, then scroll to the bottom of this week's episode page for details. So many of you have written in with heartfelt thanks, and I share a few of them this week. Then, in response to Embarrassed's email from a few weeks ago, listener Hannah writes in about the trauma of her labiaplasty and Sarah from yaysex.ca shares her struggle with accepting her vulva appearance. I also field listener questions about consent and what consent looks like if you need a partner to talk you into sex, whether to stay in a relationship if your partner never wants sex, and what kind of anal vibrator to invest in if you are getting started with butt play. It's a packed week and I can't wait to share it with you. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Emily Nagoski's book on desire, "Come As You Are," as well as her blog, The Dirty Normal. LadyCheeky.com Barbara Carrellas' book "Ecstasy is Necessary" on all the ways we can have ecstasy, including without sex. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. It's Christmas Day! What better way to celebrate a holiday than with a sexy, fun chat with not one but TWO fellow sex educators? And from New Zealand, no less. Kate McCombs and Louise Bourchier are here to help me answer questions from you about getting started with anal sex after a bad first experience, dealing with big emotions after losing your virginity, feeling sexually frustrated in a relationship after moving in with your boyfriend, the importance of empathy, and a whole lot more. These two women are smart, kind, and endlessly fascinated in sexuality and communication. I adore them both. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Dawn's online anal course is here. "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel "When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life" by Sandra Pertot "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" by Tristan Taormino "The Ultimate Guide to Kink" by Tristan Taormino "The New Topping Book" and "The New Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton "Baby Got Back: Anal Erotica" by Rachel Kramer Bussel "Enough to Make You Blush" by Princess Kali Kink Academy for all those kinky how-to videos About Louise Bourchier Louise Bourchier, MPH knows sex. She presents workshops on sexual health, sexual pleasure and communication in relationships. Her focus is on the feel‐good aspects of sex, delivered with a healthy dash of humour. Equipped with a vulva puppet and anatomy diagrams, you can guarantee this is not the sex education you received in school. As a leading sex educator, Louise has taught over one hundred workshops to diverse adult audiences. She has presented at Sexpo Australia, spoken at universities including University of Sydney, University of Melbourne, and University of Auckland, as well as working with a wide range of professional and community groups. Louise has a Masters of Public Health, specialising in sexual health, from the University of Melbourne, and lives in Auckland, New Zealand. You can find Louise at LouiseBourchier.com, and follow her on Twitter @louiselabouche and Instagram. About Kate McCombs Kate McCombs, MPH is a sex & relationships educator who’s geeky about empathy and connection. Ultimately, all of her work is about helping people feel more comfortable talking about sex and feelings. She believes that meaningful conversations and accurate information can help us create a healthier and more joy-filled world. To that end, she writes articles and facilitates workshops on how to build amazing relationships. You can find out more about Kate at KateMcCombs.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @katecom and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)  

Rain DeGrey and I have been trying to make this interview happen for over 2 years, and it's FINALLY here. I thought it would be a perfect pre-holiday episode so everyone who is traveling for the holidays could have a fun little distraction. As you'll hear, Rain does not hold back on all of the things she loves doing with her body when it comes to BDSM and exploring her edges. She loves intensity and pushing herself to the limit. There may be some things discussed in this episode that are a bit intense, so settle in and prepare yourself for talk of being buried alive, black eyes, injuries, wrestling, needing CPR, breath play, and much much more. Plus, what it's like to have zero fucks to give and why more of us should stop worrying and start living. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Rain's tweet about Christian's wanting to fuck her. About Rain DeGrey Rain DeGrey is an international educator, writer, presenter and performer that has been teaching kink and sex education classes since 2009. After getting her start as a fetish model and Pro Domme, she was motivated to branch out into education, something she is extremely passionate about. Demystifying sexuality and presenting in a clear and humorous way are trademarks of her teaching style and she believes strongly in making sex education fun. She has taught on a wide variety of topics at Harvard, Northwestern University, Kink.com, The Citadel, Pure Pleasures, Stormy Leather, Folsom Fringe, The Looking Glass, KinkAcadamy, PassionateU, Mission Control and Boundcon in Germany. Her work has been featured in such places as Playboy TV’s “69 sexiest things to do before you die”, Seattle Erotic Arts Festival, The SF Fetish Ball, Exotic Erotic, Rope::Burn, Kink-e-zine and Femina Potens. Additionally, she is a regular contributor to multiple online magazines. You can find Rain at RainDeGrey.com, as well as on Twitter, Facebook, and Fetlife as Rain DeGrey. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. I have a ton of listener emails in the queue, so I was happy to get to a few this week on munches and online handles, pubic hair trends, and finding a sex position therapist. Plus, if your wife says she can get a bunch of sex toys for super cheap, does that mean they're bad? I weigh in on how to find affordable sex toys that are body safe. Then, I chat with Lora Ivanova from myLAB Box, an at-home STI testing service for folks in the United States. She has soooooo much information on STIs, tests that doctors often miss, and ways to reduce stigma around something over 30% of us experience in our lives. You can get 20% off STD and HIV test through myLAB Box until December 31, 2016 using code GIVETHANKS16. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About myLAB Box myLAB Box is a first-of-its-kind service that delivers STD screening solutions to your doorstep allowing you to keep private things private. Best of all, you can enjoy FREE prescriptions without setting a foot outside if you ever test positive. Uncomplicate your life and get results with a click! We’ve worked with some of the best experts in the U.S. to design a program that allows you to screen anytime and anywhere. Each test can be completed in less than 5 minutes (including reading the instructions) with no need to drive, schedule appointments or wait in line. We will remind you when it’s time to test again so you will never have to worry or keep track. And best of all, our revolutionary system is so affordable, you won’t believe you ever lived without it. Check them out at mylabbox.com and follow them on Facebook. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)  

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Save 5% with code SGR5off. Content note: talk of suicide. I always love when I get to have nuanced conversations about topics like sex work, porn, consent, and polyamory. So, when Kitty Stryker said she'd come on the show, I knew the discussion would be a gritty one. Kitty is currently working on an anthology book all about creating consent culture that comes out in 2017. We dig into what that looks like and how she's centering marginalized voices. Then we talk about what consent means within the context of capitalism and work. If you can't leave sex work because traditional employers won't hire former porn performers and you have to remain in sex work even if you're ready to leave, can you truly be consenting to the work? If we started focusing more on labor issues and capitalism, could we bridge the gap between anti-sex work feminists and pro-sex work feminists to find a common ground where nuance was encouraged? Kitty also shares a personal story about suicide and how it ties into kink and poly communities. What does a community actually mean, anyway? At the end of the hour, we field a question from a listener about polyamory and whether it's right for her. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Kitty's article "Porn Didn't Ruin Your Sex Life. Sorry." "So Someone You Love is Suicidal" by Kitty can be read here, too. The Five Love Languages About Kitty Stryker Kitty Stryker is a writer, activist, and authority on developing a consent culture in alternative communities. She was the founder of >ConsentCulture.com, a website that ran for 4 years as a hub for LGBT/kinky/poly folks looking for a sex critical approach to relationships and which will be relaunched on 2017. Kitty also cofounded the artsy sexy party Kinky Salon London, as well as creating the award winning Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society, the SF based kink party Whippersnappers, and acting as head of cosplay for queer gaming convention GaymerX. Now working on "Ask: A Discussion of Consent Culture", an anthology through Thorntree Press coming out in 2017, Kitty tours internationally speaking at universities and conferences about feminism, sex work, body positivity, queer politics, and more. She lives in Oakland, California with her fiancee and two cats, Foucault and Nietzsche. You can find Kitty at kittystryker.com, on Twitter @kittystryker, and on Facebook. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This episode is sponsored by HotelsByDay. Use promo code SGR5off to save 5%! Alex was the first person to ever share an Oh Joy Sex Toy comic with me. I was immediately enamored. Erika Moen's weekly sex education comic is full of so many wonderful topics, reviews, and done with such an approachable spirit. I've shared TONS of her stuff on social media because who doesn't love a comic about watersports featuring cute wolves or a fat-bodied review of the latest vibrator? In this episode, Erika and I talk about how she got started as an artistic sex educator, and roll around in some of her favorite issues and guest artists. We talk about visiting a porn set, why reviewing sex toys is so damn difficult, how sometimes you have to sacrifice nuance to get a conversation started, and pole dancing. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode StripSearch, the reality TV show Erika was on, can be found here. The water sports comic on Oh Joy Sex Toy that Dawn loved. About Erika Moen Erika Moen is the co-writer and artist behind the creation of the strips. She has been doing webcomics since she was 15 years old and has been a full-time, professional crtoonist and comic book creator at Helioscope Studio in Portland, OR since she was 25. She is a cisgender, white, able-bodied, queer lady who was born June, 1983 and has been happily married to Matthew Nolan since October 2008. Her work has been published by Dark Horse Comics, Image Comics, Villard, BOOM! Studios, Penny Arcade and Scholastic, among others. You can check out all her amazingness at OhJoySexToy.com, on Twitter @erikamoen, on Instagram, and support all her work at Patreon. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Hello, from Salt Lake City! Thanks for all of the feedback on last week's episode, post-election. So many of you had so many thoughtful and kind things to say. I appreciate it more than you know. This week, I field questions about sissification and being a masculine dude who loves feminine things, a gay guy who is having his first vulva sex in a few days, and a listener who is deeply ashamed of her vulva appearance. What makes a super skilled sexual partner so good at sex? Why are gender norms so deeply ingrained in our experiences? It's a fun week and I'm so glad to be rolling around in all of your questions and comments after a few weeks of chaos and moving. Also, YOUR GENITALS ARE NORMAL AND AMAZING. I had to get that off my chest. Make sure you're on the newsletter list, too, because I have some free online talks and a few workshops coming up. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Femalia by Joani Blank - a picture book of vulvas What Privilege Really Means on EverydayFeminism.com Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

What a week. Between moving from DC to Salt Lake City and the U.S. election, I've had so many big emotions and huge feels. This week's episode is a little different. It's not everyday we have an election and a public response like the one that happened a few days ago. So, instead of a big interview or an hour of answer questions, this week is a short, vulnerable little note from me to you about the world we live in. Specifically, how our sexual freedom and the way we love and do relationship is so deeply tied to racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, and all systems of oppression. (Shout out to Conner Habib!) It's short. It's political. It's me laying in bed, feeling exhausted, and sharing some thoughts about the world and the work we need to do. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode CodeSwitch - an NPR podcast by journalists of color Sporkful's "Who is this Restaurant For?" series on race and eating out 2 Dope Queens Sooo Many White Guys Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

One of the perks of my job is getting a chance to read a lot of books about sex, sexuality, kink, and relationships. Some are terrific, some are OK, but it's always fun to learn new things and take on new perspectives. I recently had a chance to read Mike Domitrz's new book, "Can I Kiss You?" and one of the things that most delighted me was the fact that the book is simple enough for teens to understand it but deep enough to be relevant for folks who have been married for 3 decades - all while being entirely gender neutral. So, this week, Mike and I had a lovely talk about consent, respect, rape, sexual assault, dating, hook-ups, why married folks in 40 year marriages need consent as much as teens dating for the first time, and we even roll around in Donald Trump and Rush Limbaugh. Mike's examples are approachable and realistic - it's clear he has dedicated his life to rewriting the rules we have about dating and consent. And while I have had several consent experts on the show over the years, I have a feeling Mike's approach and perspective will really hit home for a lot of you. ESPECIALLY the parts about interpreting body language incorrectly. I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed recording this practical and critical interview. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Mike's book, "Can I Kiss You?" Trevor Noah's piece on Comedy Central on locker room talk About Mike Domitrz Mike Domitrz is known for the impact his programs, trainings, and publications have made across the world for parents, teenagers, families, educational institutions, the US military, and the media. You may have seen him as the featured expert on Dateline NBC's "My Kid Would Never Do That." Today, Mike is one of the leading experts for transforming our sexual culture to one being built on consent and respect – discussing sexual decision-making, asking first, healthy relationships, bystander intervention, and supporting survivors of sexual assault. As the brother of a rape survivor, Mike's mission is personal. His ability to share powerful emotional moments (both serious and hilariously funny) while giving readers and audiences realistic “How To” SKILLS to implement in their lives is what separates Mike’s message from other experts and authors. Mike is an author with an unique combination of Provocateur and Advocate who captivates readers throughout his books. You can join the conversation to create a culture of consent and respect at datesafeproject.org. You can also stay in touch with Mike on Facebook, Twitter @DateSafeProject, and Snapchap: mdomitrz. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Grab a cup of tea, settle in, and prepare to be amazed. When Kate Lister, creator of Whores of Yore, agreed to come on the show, I did cartwheels. And it's pretty evident why as you listen to this fascinating and hysterical episode all about the history of sex, porn, and sex work. Kinky Victorians who loved spankings and piss play? Check. Medieval monks drawing trees full of dicks and women making strap-ons out of bread to fuck each other? Yep. From the oldest recorded dildo in history to Kate's research on sexual violence in contemporary media, you will learn more about the history of sex than you ever knew possible, and you'll giggle all the way. Plus, you'll gain a whole new perspective into Game of Thrones! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode An article about Whores of Your in The Daily Dot About Kate Lister Dr Kate Lister is a researcher at Leeds Trinity University in historical attitudes to sexuality and sex work. She has published on the history of media narratives around sex work, the history of menstruation and sexual violence in historical dramas. She is the curator of the popular Twitter account >@WhoresofYore where she tweets the history of illicit sex and works to promote sex worker rights and challenge stigma to over 57, 000 followers. Kate is currently working with leading sex worker rights activists and historians to expanded the Twitter feed to a website and online archive that will allow sex workers to tell their stories, and bring sex work history to an even wider audience. You can also follow along on Instagram @more_whores_of_yore. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Sign-up for my live, online anal 101 class! It's October 26th and going to be amazing fun. Learn more and register now. When I think about my sex educator heroes, Allison Moon is one of the folks who has had a tremendous impact on the way I approach and talk about sexuality and sex. Her own journey through lesbian identity to queer identity is very reminiscent of my own, and her approachable and matter-of-fact methods of talking about sex always inspire. So, when a pain-filled email came in from a listener who identified herself as A talking about her journey from religious conservative who married young to a sex positive, liberal, queer feminist who feels like her queer identity is suffocating inside a monogamous marriage to a cis hetero man, I knew Allison was the expert I needed to help field this rich discussion. Her perspective on wanting to dive into our newly discovered identities and ways to make space for a partner who isn't as far along on the journey is absolutely spectacular. We also talk about tandem threesomes, Hollywood story lines and how lazy the drama is that they cook up, vulvas and masturbation, body awareness, and a ton more. This chat filled me with joy, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Allison Moon Allison Moon is the author of the award winning, critically-acclaimed sex-ed book, Girl Sex 101, the Tales of the Pack series of novels about lesbian werewolves, and the sexual memoir, Bad Dyke. As a sex educator, Allison has presented her workshops to thousands of people around the US and Canada. You can find Allison at www.GirlSex101.com or on Twitter @HeyAllieMoon. [divider style='left']Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Sign-up for my live, online anal 101 class! It's October 26th and going to be amazing fun. Learn more and register now. This week is a fun chat with The Butters All Natural Lube creator and sex educator Jerome Stuart Nichols. We talk about lube and creating your own sex stuff, being a sex educator, STIs, and we answer two listeners questions. One of those questions absolutely broke my heart, so I was very thrilled Jerome could join me to help field it - how can a Black man with a smaller penis ever hope to find confidence and a lover who is pleased with is body? The racial stereotypes about penis size and the masculinity myths we are all drowning in can create a toxic situation for so many of us.  Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Jerome Stuart Nichols Jerome Stuart Nichols is the creator of LTASEX.com and The Butters All-Natural Lubricant, among other things. His overarching goal is to help people live better, sex better, and love better. He enjoys a wide variety of geekery, creative ventures, and bending a willing submissive boy over his knee.   You can also find Jerome (and The Butters) at jeromestuartnichols.com, on YouTube, and Twitter.   Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Ready for that online anal workshop? Head to sexgetsreal.com/butts to check it out and sign-up. Marcia Baczynski, creator of the Good Girl Recovery Program and co-founder of Cuddle Party, is here this week, and there were SOOO many nuggets of inspiration and amazing suggestions that I had a hard time not quoting the entire thing in my notes. We talk about asking for what we want in bed, setting boundaries, saying no gracefully so you're clear without being cruel, and how your happiness is being compromised by all of the things you're tolerating. We also field listener questions about rape fantasies and Marcia gives the most amazing advice to people who are about to try their first swinger party or sex party. Get your notebook handy and share this episode with a friend. It's full of incredible wisdom that you'll want to hear again and again. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Marcia Baczynski Marcia Baczynski is a internationally recognized expert on sexual communication, who works to provide people with practical tools to create extraordinary relationships. Her primary mission is to help people overcome shame and get in touch with what they truly want — romantically, sexually and relationally — even if it’s off the beaten path. As co-founder of Cuddle Party, she has empowered tens of thousands of people to speak up for the kind of touch they way, say No unapologetically, and foster more connected, affectionate relationships. Her popular virtual course, The Good Girl Recovery Program, helps women to break out of the roles that keep them small and unsatisfied, and move into being more of who they are in all areas of their lives. Marcia is a sought-after presenter and coach,and she has made hundreds of media appearances across the globe, including The Montel Williams Show,  NPR, the Washington Post, GQ, Marie Claire, People and Newsweek, to name just a few.  Marcia brings wisdom, humor, and creativity to all aspects of her work, and offers a fresh perspective on love, sex and relationships. You can find her online at AskingForWhatYouWant.com, as well as on Facebook and Twitter @AskMarciaB. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

This week is a little different from the normal show.  First up, I field a few listener questions about finding out you may have herpes and hepatitis C after a partner cheated and how to become a sex educator. NRE isn't only for relationships - we can also get high on our dreams and take huge risks when we're caught up in the excitement and desire. Then, the tables are flipped and I get interviewed by Parijat Deshpande about navigating sex and connection when you have a physical situation like a high-risk pregnancy where intercourse is off the table for a period of time. It's a fun chat that has lots of great information that can apply to chronic illness or post-surgery situations, even though we're specifically talking about pregnancy. I offer lots of script examples to help having difficult conversations, so grab a notepad and jot down some notes on how to have those conversations. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra For those of you who have listened for awhile, you know more about my sex life than most people know about their partners, but I figured it was time for a little bio action. First, you can check out my sex & relationship coaching over at DawnSerra.com. You can follow me on Twitter @dawn_serra, on Facebook, and over on Instagram, too. Here’s the official word: In a world that makes us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies. As a sex coach, sex educator, and fat-bodied trauma survivor, Dawn invites you to drop the shame, get curious, and explore sex on your terms, in whatever form that may take. Dawn is also the creator of the annual Explore More Summit. About Parijat Deshpande Parijat Deshpande is the leading perinatal wellness expert who specializes in working with women during a high-risk pregnancy. She educates and guides women on how to manage their stress and anxiety so they can have healthier pregnancies, decrease their risk of preterm birth and give their baby a healthy start to life. Parijat received her Bachelor's of Science degree in Psychology with High Honors from University of California, Berkeley, after which she earned her Masters' of Science degree in Clinical Psychology from San Francisco State University. She is a clinically trained therapist, a women’s wellness expert and a sought-after speaker on the impact of stress on health and wellness. She has over 4 years of experience as a Psychology Lecturer UC Berkeley and is the founder of MySahana, a South Asian mental health nonprofit. Parijat is also a certified wellness coach, a certified stress management coach and a certified marriage educator. You can find Parijat at parijatdeshpande.com and on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Erotica has played a significant role in my own sexual exploration and development - from teaching me about my own desires and fantasies to understanding the depth of other people's sexual landscapes. It's a yummy and delicious space to play in. That's why I'm so excited to be joined by Rachel Kramer Bussel this week, who has edited over 60 erotica books and who currently has 2 open calls for submissions. So listeners - if you are at all interested in getting some erotica published, take a look at the links down below. Rachel talks about what makes for good erotica, how we can use erotica to not only arouse but to heal, ways to make erotica political and transformative, and all the ways she wants to challenge the narrative around conventional beauty in the stories she writes. Where are the fat men and the bald men and the short men and the body diversity? We even talk about necrophilia, which may be a first for the show.  Plus, Rachel teases us with a few minutes from an erotic story called "Starstruck" by Lazuli Jones, so settle in and get ready to get excited about all things erotica. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Rachel's "I Want To Hold Your Hand" (about a woman who wishes her husband hadn't lost weight) Grab your copy of Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 call for submissions The Big Book of Submission, Volume 2 call for submission Rachel's LitReactor Class starting in February In or near L.A.? Check out Rachel's Erotica Writing 101 Workshop in January. About Rachel Kramer Bussel Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com) writes essays and articles about sex, dating, books, pop culture, feminism and body image for publications including The New York Times, The Washington Post, Elle.com and Salon. She's edited over 60 anthologies, including Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, The Big Book of Orgasms, Cheeky Spanking Stories, Dirty Dates and is Best Women's Erotica of the Year series editor. She teaches erotica writing workshops across the country at colleges, conferences and sex toy stores as well as online via LitReactor.com. Find out more at her blog Lusty Lady or EroticaWriting101.com and follow her @raquelita on Twitter. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Sinclair Sexsmith (you might know them as Sugarbutch) is here this week and we are talking ALL about kink, BDSM, and power dynamics. We take a look at Sinclair's journey from submissive to Top to Dominant to Daddy and Master. What is it like to live in a 24/7 Master slave dynamic? How can people learn more? We also discuss using BDSM to heal trauma and depression - it's a fine line, but it can be a powerful practice. Plus, what is Submissive Playground? Sinclair shares the details. I am so excited to share this chat with you, so settle in and let's do this. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday "Slavecraft" by a grateful slave and Guy Baldwin "Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers about Master/Slave Relationships" by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera About Sinclair Sexsmith Sinclair Sexsmith is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queer women" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for the Lambda Literary Award.Sinclair leads the 8-week online ecourse Submissive Playground (submissiveplayground.com) annually, where there is no wrong way to be submissive They identify as a white genderqueer butch dominant, a survivor and an introvert, and use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself. Follow all their writings at > patreon.com/mrsexsmith. You can also follow Sinclair on Twitter @mrsexsmith, Facebook, Fetlife, and Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

In the DC area? I'm teaching kink, anal sex, thriving relationships, blowjobs, and more in October and November. Check out the details at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page.  How does traditional consent education fail us? What do you do if you're in a new open relationship and it just isn't working for you? Can someone really orgasm without having their genitals touched? This week, Yana Tallon-Hicks joins the show and we roll around in all those questions and more (don't miss Dawn's story of aiming a penis). It's a fun, laughter-filled talk and it's clear why TEDx invited Yana to do a talk on sex education recently. The listener questions this week are particularly delicious, especially the final question from Lady Lilly - both Yana and I are near tears as we listen to the pain and heartbreak of her question. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Yana's resource guide to open relationships is here. Password: compersionimmersion Watch Yana's TEDx talk. Barbara Carrellas' book "Ecstasy is Necessary" A video of Barbara Carrellas having a brain-gasm (or thinking her way to an orgasm) in an MRI machine About Yana Tallon-Hicks Yana Tallon-Hicks is a consent, sex & sexuality writer and educator living in Northampton, MA. Her work centers around the belief that pleasure-positive & consent-based sex education can positively impact our lives and the world (like really though). Yana’s > workshops work to create a welcoming & comfortable space for all to explore crucial aspects of our sexual selves such as pleasure, communication, consent & the body and are taught at colleges, high schools, and sex toy shops all over New England. Read more about Yana & her work here, where you can also read her sex advice column, follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and watch her TEDxTalk: Is the Porn Brain Our New Sex Educator? during which she talks about watching porn with her husband, how we learn about sexual pleasure, and what that does for our concept of consent. Find out more about Yana and her work on her website, yanatallonhicks.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page. The October “From Curious to Kinky” isn’t up yet, so check back soon if you’ve got your eye on that. Sometimes I get intimidated or nervous about speaking with a guest. Other times I feel excited to dig in with a colleague or friend. But this week? The only word I had was delight. Karen BK Chan delights me with her words and thoughts and ideas. The way she questions our cultural stories and makes sense of them astounds me. I could listen to her talk for hours, honestly. So, when she agreed to come on the show, I didn’t know what to do with myself. How do you talk about all the things when you only have an hour? We go deep in this episode. Where we start off talking about kindness and consent, we quickly end up eyeball deep in discussions around the masks we wear to protect ourselves from rejection and being consent violators ourselves and finding those places within ourselves that are invested in perpetuating our stories about who we are. From rejection and emotional intelligence to a new approach to consent and digging into rape fantasies, it’s a packed show that left me brain boner-ing for days. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It’s true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Karen BK Chan ​Karen B. K. Chan is a sex and emotional literacy educator in Toronto. She has taught sex education and emotional literacy for 18+ years. Karen (aka BK) is dedicated to sex education that is plainly spoken, emotionally honest, and grounded in justice. Known for her accessible style and easy sense of humour, BK speaks internationally in classrooms and at conferences, to children, parents, and professionals. BK integrates curriculum content into stories, and theory into practice. Her 5-minute YouTube video “Jam” (which likens sexual experience to musical jamming) is used as a teaching resource internationally, and her chapter on sex and creative play was part of the AASECT Book of the Year in 2014. BK’s writing has appeared in publications like Sexology International, the Tete-a-Tete, SimplySxy.com, and national education manuals. In 2014, BK was named “Service Provider of the Year” by Planned Parenthood of Toronto for her work in sexual health. You can find BK over at karenbkchan.com and on Twitter @karenbkchan. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don’t forget about I Heart Radio’s Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for “sex gets real”. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it’s anonymous)

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page.  What can I even say about an episode that not only has Dylan, as the celesbian guest this week, but Dylan singing Rihanna? Yep. It was amazing having Dylan back on the show, beer in hand, for a fun, frank discussion and answering listener questions. She has been working so hard that we've had virtually no time to catch up.  On this episode, we dig into strap-on sex, sex positions, cuckholding and sharing the fantasy, plus how to find your voice as a submissive and what to do if your new hook-up only likes one position. There's a lot of laughing and over sharing, but you knew that. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. Do it.  About Dawn Serra For those of you who have listened for awhile, you know more about my sex life than most people know about their partners, but I figured it was time for a little bio action. First, you can check out my sex & relationship coaching over at DawnSerra.com. You can follow me on Twitter @dawn_serra, on Facebook, and over on Instagram, too. Here’s the official word: In a world that makes us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies. As a sex coach, sex educator, and fat-bodied trauma survivor, Dawn invites you to drop the shame, get curious, and explore sex on your terms, in whatever form that may take. Dawn is also the creator of the annual Explore More Summit. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

In the DC area? Sign up for my workshops at Secret Pleasures Boutique by popping over to their workshop page. The October "From Curious to Kinky" isn't up yet, so check back soon if you've got your eye on that. We all have those people that we admire to the point of fandom, and for me, one of those people is Emily Nagoski. Her work has had a deep impact on my personal life and my professional life. She single-handedly changed the way I work with clients who have low desire or libido they aren't happy with. And her blog? It's one braingasm after another. So, needless to say this week was a dream come true for me. Because I've already spent so much time gushing over her book, "Come As You Are," on previous episodes, we don't actually spend a lot of time talking about it in this hour. Instead, we talk about pleasure and joy as political rebellion, feminism, the importance of creating context that works for your sexual enjoyment, being inclusive of all bodies, fat acceptance, research, and her new book on burn out. She also invites us to weigh in on her new romance novel. You can tweet at the show @sexgetsreal and @emilynagoski with your vote - terrorist or werewolf? And next week? Dylan is back! So stay tuned. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode The epic, the amazing, "Come As You Are" Emily's romance novel, "How Not To Fall" (published under Emily Foster) The Militant Baker blog on fat bodies and fat activism About Emily Nagoski Emily Nagoski is the author of the New York Times bestseller, COME AS YOU ARE: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life (Simon & Schuster, 2015). She has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University (IU), and a Master’s degree (also from IU) in Counseling, with a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She also has a B.A. in Psychology, with minors in cognitive science and philosophy, from the University of Delaware. While at IU, Emily worked as an educator and docent at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex Gender and Reproduction. She also taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education. A sex nerd among sex nerds, Emily has the lowest Erdős number of any sex educator in the world. She lives in western Massachusetts with two dogs, two cats, and a cartoonist. She’s funnier in real life (and hardly ever speaks in the third person). You can find Emily on Twitter @emilynagoski, Facebook, and follow her over on her blog, The Dirty Normal. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

Conner Habib generously agreed to jump on the phone with me at the last minute for this week's episode, and our conversation is incredibly political and philosophical in ways you don't often hear on the show. This is my second time interviewing Conner and both times we've chatted, I've felt challenged and inspired to think bigger.  Strap on your thinking cap and get ready to feel stretched by some of Conner's ideas about feminism, sex work, consent, and oppression. I also invite you to listen to the entire conversation before forming your ideas and thoughts about some of the radical things Conner has to say. He often makes me uncomfortable with his visionary approach to sensitive subjects like consent, but as you'll hear, he is as self-aware and thoughtful as he is provoking. Sit with any discomfort that comes up and then let me know what you think. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.  About Conner Habib Conner Habib is an author, a lecturer, a porn performer, and a sex workers’ rights advocate. He serves as Vice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee and a member of PEN America. His essays have appeared in dozens of print and online publications, includingThe Stranger, Vice, Salon, Slate, and more. He gives lectures around the country about sexuality, spirituality, pornography, science, and art.  He teaches writing one-on-one and in groups. For seven years, he was an award-winning gay adult performer, and continue, occasionally, to perform in adult film. He is the only person who has ever won awards for writing, teaching AND porn. Follow him on twitter @ConnerHabib. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

There is something so delicious in talking about something that I have so little experience with. This week's chat with Princess Kali is just that - a fun, playful talk about erotic humiliation, objectification, mastering kink, and being a Dominatrix. It's rich, it's approachable, and it's terribly intriguing. Throughout the episode, Princess Kali drops truthbomb after truthbomb. I adore her story of how she got started as a stripper and Dominatrix. It's not often you find a woman who recognizes that men will be objectifying her simply because she's a woman, and so decides to make a profit off of that behavior. We dig into what humiliation is and why people crave it, how you can tap into your inner Dominant, and what happens when people stifle and ignore their deep sexual desires. Plus, tips for getting your submissive involved in scene planning! As Princess Kali says, kink is a team sport. I can't wait for you to hear this chat. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram.  Resources discussed in this episode KinkAcademy.com - over 1400 educational videos on kink "Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation" About Princess Kali Princess Kali takes her kink seriously and has spent over fourteen years exploring not only the how but the why of alternative lifestyles. Her experience working as a professional dominatrix has given her a unique understanding of the motivations behind erotic humiliation play as well as a passion for helping people participate in it more safely and enjoyably. Her dynamic and engaging style of presenting has been welcomed at more than 150 venues including kink events such as Dark Odyssey, Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Kink in the Caribbean, and IMsL as well as mainstream venues such as Harvard University and SXSW. Princess Kali is currently focusing on personal coaching and group workshops to help people safely discover their own style of kink with the benefit of her experience and guidance. Kali resides in the San Francisco area but travels often for workshops and events. You can also follower her on Twitter @princess_kali. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show   Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

It's just you and me this week. No guest. No interview. Just your questions and emails and me savoring every single one of them. We're talking transsexual fetish sex, pegging, exploring sex with a partner who is a rape survivor, what it means to be bad at sex, Hollywood myths about how sex should look, and ALL the ways to communicate with the folks we're fucking so that we can all be more successful in the sack. Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Resources discussed in this episode "Radical Ecstasy" by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton "Cyber Infidelity" by Dr. Eve SpareParts Joque harness - want one? I sell them. Contact me for details. Ruby Ryder, pegging expert Sex after rape. There's a great article here and here. About Dawn Serra For those of you who have listened for awhile, you know more about my sex life than most people know about their partners, but I figured it was time for a little bio action. First, you can check out my sex & relationship coaching over at DawnSerra.com. You can follow me on Twitter @dawn_serra, on Facebook, and over on Instagram, too. Here's the official word: In a world that makes us feel like we aren’t enough, Dawn Serra is on a mission to rewrite the stories we’re told about sex, relationships, and our bodies. As a sex coach, sex educator, and fat-bodied trauma survivor, Dawn invites you to drop the shame, get curious, and explore sex on your terms, in whatever form that may take. Dawn is also the creator of the annual Explore More Summit. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show Contact form: Click here

This week's chat is one of my favorites. Andre Shakti is an absolute delight. The first time I saw her in person at Sex Down South last year, I was in complete awe. She is this vibrant, powerful force to be reckoned with, and when she said she'd come on the show I was completely tickled. We dive into sex work, fetish wrestling, porn, and more. One of the things she mentions during our chat is how we do not have any resources in the world on how to be a good consumer of sex work or of porn. She draws an parallel between Julia Roberts and porn performers that is fantastic. Plus, we talk about the importance of letting go of goals in sex and instead, getting to know your body and celebrating what it's capable of, instead of obsessing over what you wish it could do.  Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Violet Blue and TinyNibbles.com - resources on ethically produced pornography About Andre Shakti Andre Shakti is an educator, producer, activist, and professional slut devoted to normalizing alternative desires, de-stigmatizing sex workers and their clients, and not taking herself too seriously. She wrestles mediocre white men into submission and writes about sex work, queerness and non-monogamy for Cosmopolitan, Harlot, MEL, and more. She can frequently be found marathoning Law & Order: SVU under a chaotic pile of partners and pitbulls, and yes, she knows how problematic that show is. Follow Andre on Twitter @andreshakti and check out her super sexy website >AndreShaktiXXX.com (NSFW). Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". You know I love hearing from you, so here's how to reach the show Contact form: Click here

Body positivity is something I constantly bring up on the show - not only because it's an important part of my own story, but because I'm constantly getting questions from listeners about their own body shame and struggles. That's why I am so excited by this unapologetic and energizing look into pole dancing and burlesque with Kaila Prins. Not only did she use both to help her work through an eating disorder, but she has also discovered what it means to be embodied and to live in a deeply consensual place, as a result. From controlling the gaze of the audience to sharing what it's like to get naked on stage for the first time, we roll around in gender, safe spaces, embracing 'ugly' as a by-product of feeling empowered and attuned to your body, and so so much more. Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Stripcast: True Stories of a Stripper with a PhD by Lux ATL. About Kaila Prins I’m a drag queen trapped in a cis-woman’s body. A ditcher of diet culture—after recovering from EDNOS/orthorexia, exercise addiction, and anorexia. A voiceover actor who is no longer afraid to use her voice. A burlesque and pole performer who found body acceptance and body positivity through dance. A certified health and wellness coach who teaches (and podcasts about) health at every size and discovery, not recovery. Kaila Prins is Performing Woman, a motivational speaker, workshop leader, wellness coach, and dance teacher. You can find her at PerformingWoman.com and on Twitter @performingwoman. Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

A listener question sent me on a quest to find some folks who could share their coming out stories, specifically cis men, and that quest led me to TT Baum. Several colleagues had the most amazing things to say about him, and when we finally connected, I adored his calm energy and beautiful openness. This episode has so many tender moments - from his coming out story to his thoughts on sex education for youth to his journey to becoming a sacred intimate. I wanted to listen to him talk for hours. So, settle in and get ready for a great chat with TT Baum. Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Bondassage The Body Electric School About TT Baum TTBaum is a Sacred Intimate and Sex Educator based in San Francisco. He has been dubbed a pleasure activist and a warrior of love. TT’s path to sexual awakening began over a decade ago. He has refined a powerful style of erotic facilitation that integrates his own sexual research with the teachings of his mentors (among them, Joseph Kramer, PhD., AnnieSprinkle, PhD. and Barbara Carrellas). TT has a unique approach to supporting clients mastering their own erotic energy. In his own words: “As a Sacred Intimate, I have been called to provide my clients with new tools and experiences to awaken into a more satisfying and intimate sexual existence. To this end I see my practice as a Sacred Intimate from a holistic place that requires me to consider the harmony of the entire being: physical, emotional, spiritual and mental.” Check out TT's website integral-eros.com and follow him on Twitter @integraleros. Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

Trigger warning: talk of suicide From the early days of queer porn to managing sex positive feminist shops to getting internet famous for her epic orgasm quest, Crista Anne - the rainbowiest of rainbow people - joins the show this week. One of the things I've admired about Crista Anne for so long is her fierce, unapologetic approach to sharing her own struggles. She doesn't hide behind the internet and try to craft a perfect image. Her vulnerability and courage when it comes to her struggles with orgasm and depression caught my attention a while back, and I'm excited she's bringing that spirit to the show this week. Plus, some of THE funniest quotes we've had on the show in a while. Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Goodvibes Tantus toys About Crista Anne Crista Anne is a rainbow colored pleasure revolutionary whose work focuses on starting conversations and busting stigmas surrounding the intersections of sexuality, mental illness and sex-positive parenting with her Partner XVO. With 15 years of working in different spheres of sexuality, Crista has been sharing her empowered sexuality online since before the term blog existed. You can find her work at CristaAnne.com and on Twitter @pinkness. Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

Are you ready for a mastery level version of Sex Gets Real? Good. Because this week, Sarah Mueller from Smitten Kitten joins the show to share her research on lube, as well as her findings around herpes and STIs. Did you know some lubes (like KY) actually INCREASE the likelihood of STI transmission because the lube damages your genital tissue? And why does silicone lube damage silicone toys but condoms filled with silicone lube don't? We also field a question from a listener about bacterial vaginosis, which takes us down the rabbit hole of just how little the medical community knows about this condition as well as STI diagnoses. This is an episode you'll want to listen to more than once because the information is so damn important. Settle in and prepare yourself! Psst...did you know you can follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook? It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Ella Dawson's amazing TED Talk about STIs is a must see. The Smitten Kitten carries most of the lubes mentioned above plus the She Pack for your vagina. About Sarah Mueller Sarah E. Mueller has been a Sex Educator at The Smitten Kitten since May of 2012. After nearly four years at Smitten Kitten Sarah realized personal lubricants are a huge contributor to people’s sexual satisfaction and health, but many struggle to find lubricants without adverse effects. Sarah then began an extensive research project on personal lubricant ingredients, regulations, and interactions with the body. Currently Sarah is the Lead Research and Education developer at The Smitten Kitten, and is expanding her research and educational offerings to topics from STIs, Cancer Treatment & Sexual Function, Menopause, and Social Justice within Gynecology. Her research has also allowed her to contribute to Allison Moon’s Girl Sex 101, contribute to the lubricant information in Joan Price’s The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty, and she has been interviewed as a Lube Expert on the Sexational Blog, VICE Magazine’s Blog, and Tristan Taormino’s Sex Out Loud Radio Show. Want to learn more about all of the awesome work Sarah is doing? Follow her on Twitter @sarah_e_mueller or by emailing her at sarah at smittenkittenonline dot com. Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

JoEllen Notte is a sex educator powerhouse - she is revolutionizing the discussion about sex and depression, and also has a beautiful blog all about sex positivity, sex toys, and introversion. She recently reached out to me and asked if she could come on the show to talk about sex positivity versus sex performativity. Or, as we discuss in this episode, the way sex positive folks often exclude people by their actions and behaviors in a way that makes spaces feel unsafe. Sex positivity has been an incredible response to our sex negative culture, but it's also just that - a response to the existing paradigm. Not everyone wants to have all the orgies or flirt all of the time, and that gets overlooked a lot. So in this episode, JoEllen and I have a really frank discussion about some of the ways sex positive communities are failing us, and then we field two listener questions about using inclusive language and not being a creep at sex toy stores when you have questions about sex. Don't forget: I just revamped my one-on-one coaching packages and spots are filling up. If you need some help around sex, your relationship, and connecting with a loved one, you can check out the new options over on DawnSerra.com. About JoEllen Notte JoEllen Notte is a writer, speaker, and mental health advocate who has spent the last 2 years exploring the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, vibrators, mental health, and how none of us are broken on the award-winning RedheadBedhead.com as well as for xoJane, Bitch Media, Daily Dot, AlterNet and Kinkly. She has travelled North America touring the best sex shops in the US and Canada, led workshops on sexual communication, navigating consent, having casual sex kindly, and online dating, and has spoken at length on sex toys but she is happiest and most effective when writing and speaking on behalf of quiet people who have sex– check out her video series on attending conferences as an introvert and extensive work on sex and depression. JoEllen is certified as a sex educator through Planned Parenthood of Massachusetts Sexuality Education Certification Series and has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit and the Playground Conference. You can stay in touch with JoEllen over on Facebook and on Twitter @JoEllenNotte. Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

Elle Chase joins the show this week, and it is such an incredible discussion. LadyCheeky, Elle's very famous Tumblr, is a resource that I mention regularly on this show. Lady Cheeky is not about getting off, but rather about getting aroused and sitting in those erotic experiences a little longer, savoring the sensual. We dive into the back story that brought her to this point with a world-renowned porn site. This episode is all about fat sex, fat bodies, and finding your own way to pleasure. Elle's approach to embodied consent is glorious, and her advice to a listener who can't orgasm without a vibrator is definitely worth a listen. Don't forget: Dawn just revamped her one-on-one coaching packages and spots are filling up. If you need some help around sex, your relationship, and connecting with a loved one, you can check out her programs over on DawnSerra.com.  About Elle Chase: Sex educator and sexuality and body image coach Elle Chase, is a graduate of the comprehensive San Francisco Sex Information, Sex Educator Training Program and a member of the American College of Sexologists. Elle also serves as the Director of Education & Lead Sex Educator at the Los Angeles Academy of Sex Education, which offers pleasure inclusive classes, on sexuality, gender, sexual health and sexual lifestyles. She is also the author of the upcoming book "Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower your Sex Life," due out in January 20, 2017 from Fair Winds Press and as her alter ego Lady Cheeky, is the editor of the smash hit (very) adult coloring book, the #NSFW Totally Naughty Coloring Book by SheVibe.com. Elle is also the creator, curator & editor of two award-winning and highly trafficked sexuality websites, www.LadyCheeky.com (NSFW) which has been named as the number one site for porn for women, and its companion editorial site www.SmutForSmarties.com which has been L.A. Weekly’s choice for 'Best Sex Blog' since 2013. Follow Elle on Twitter @TheElleChase and @LadyCheeky (NSFW). Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

Because it was such a huge week, I wanted to spend a little quality time with you. Despite having so many incredible interviews lined up and ready to go, I really wanted to field a few terrific emails and get cozy with you. Oh, and be sure to pop over to Kickstarter to check out the new sex game Weapons of Mass Seduction. It looks awesome and inclusive. In this episode, Dawn: Answers a question from Britt about wanting to toss her husband's salad (aka analingus) but being afraid of poop in her mouth. What can she do? Shares a little confession after audiophile wrote in commenting on some sound issues. Helps a vegan pain slut to track down some delicious and kinky retailers in the U.K. for cruetly-free BDSM gear like floggers, whips, and crops. (Links to all the sites mentioned are down below.) Rolls around in a sweet and vulnerable question from a young listener named DonkeyPunch about his fear that he isn't good enough for his girlfriend, despite her assurance that he is. It's all about trust, vulnerability, insecurity, and staying open even when it's scary. Explores some options for New Cowgirl, who recently tried the reverse cowgirl sex position with her husband and experienced some ouchy pain. Is it her or is something wrong? Don't forget Dawn just revamped her one-on-one coaching packages and spots are filling up. If you need some help around sex, your relationship, and connecting with a loved one, you can check out her programs over on DawnSerra.com. Resources discussed in this episode: Edgeplay Impact Toys Ds Whips Jacks Floggers Trussed UK Vegan Kink Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

Masturbation May. Just a few days left to pop over to our exclusive sale with podcast-approved toys. Treat yourself to something deliciously naughty. Showtime's new late-night show, Submission, is all about BDSM. We follow Ashley, a woman coming out of yet another sexually unsatisfying relationship, as she begins to explore her desire in the realm of power exchange and BDSM. Written and directed by Jacky St. James, who has taken the feminist porn world by storm, the show offers us a more complex, empowered, dynamic, and accurate look into the world of pleasure, pain, psychological play, and more. On this very special episode of Sex Gets Real, I sit down and chat with Jacky St. James and the show's lead actor, Ashlynn Yennie. We talk about how the show came to be, what it was like for porn director Jacky to shoot a mainstream show about sex, and how Ashlynn jumped into this world without any prior experience in kink. It's hot, and it's about to get even hotter. Submission airs Thursdays at 11pm ET on Showtime. In this episode, Jacky, Ashlynn, and I: Discuss what sets Submission apart from 50 Shades of Grey, including the important of having a lead character who chooses this path for herself instead of doing it for someone else. Laugh over cock socks and simulated sex versus porn sex. Explore consent and the role that it played in the creation of Submission. Jacky didn't want a polished version of BDSM, but a more flawed and real look at what BDSM can be. Talk about what it was like on set for the actors who were naked and engaging in actual BDSM for many of the scenes. Tease everyone endlessly with what's coming up next on the show. EPISODE 6! I NEED TO SEE IT. About Jacky St. James Jacky St. James is an award-winning writer and director in the adult entertainment industry dubbed by Salon.com as “the Woman Who Conquered Porn.” She’s guest lectured at UCLA, UCSB, and been featured in Slate, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, The Examiner, and many more. Follow Jacky on Twitter @jackystjames and check out her SUPER sexy site over at missjackystjames.com/. About Ashlynn Yennie Ashlynn Yennie grew up in Wyoming and Colorado, she moved to NYC when she was 18 to train at the New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts. She started her career in commercials and bit parts on soap operas but it was landing the part of Jenny in the cult horror films The Human Centipede 1 & 2 that put her on the map. She has appeared in several other indie film including Fractured, The Scribbler and The Ghost and the Whale as well as on the popular television series NCIS and Undatable. She is starring as Ashley in the new Showtime series SUBMISSION. You can find Ashlynn on Twitter @ashlynnyennie, Instagram @ashlynn_yennie, and on her website ashlynnyennie.com. Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

Masturbation May. Have you gotten yours on yet? If not, pop over to our exclusive sale with podcast-approved toys and treat yourself to something deliciously naughty. This week, August McLaughlin shares a little about her battle with anorexia and body dysmorphia, plus how that led her to creating Girl Boner. We also field some wonderful questions from listeners on the way our bodies and genitals look, plus struggling with orgasms. In this episode, August and I: Laugh and cringe over the sad state of sex education in the United States. Rarely is pleasure ever mentioned to young people, but if it is, it's usually reserved for folks with a penis, while the only info we get about vulvas is that they have cramps and periods. Explore August's eating disorder and body dysmorphia and how that led her to heal her relationship with her sexuality. Dig into the importance of letting go of shame around our shame. How can we confront our own stories and beliefs to lead a more empowered and authentic life rather than the one put on us by others? Contemplate a listener question about anal bleaching - is she doing it to please her husband and make herself feel more worthy or because she wants to do it as an act of power to celebrate her body? Stress the importance of consuming porn that has body diversity, including a wide range of pubic hair, labia, penises, and body size. Answer a question from a virgin who is worried that his uncircumcised penis is what's driving away potential lovers. (Our answer is a resounding NO.) Discuss a listener question about orgasms - she can orgasm on her own but can't from intercourse and is worried her partner feels frustrated by it all. Has she tried toys? Various positions? Talking to him about it and making it a fun exploration Gush over why we should replace "achieving orgasm" with "experiencing orgasm". About August McLaughlin August McLaughlin is an award-winning, nationally recognized health and sexuality writer and host and creator of Girl Boner®. Her work appears in Cosmopolitan, DAME Magazine, the Huffington Post, LIVESTRONG.com and more. Kirkus Reviews called her first novel, In Her Shadow, “an engaging story with an inventive structure and an intriguing focus on body-image issues.” Her latest book, Embraceable: Empowering Facts and True Stories About Women’s Sexuality, is a celebration of women’s sexual empowerment. Each week on Girl Boner® Radio, she interviews relationship experts, celebrity entertainers and more, exploring women’s lives and sexuality “like no one else.” Known for melding personal passion, artistry and activism, August uses her skills as a public speaker and journalist to inspire women to embrace their bodies and selves, making way for fuller, more authentic lives. Want to stay in touch with August? Find her at AugustMcLaughlin.com where you can also listen to Girl Boner radio. Be sure to like her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter, too. Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here  

Masturbation May. Have you gotten yours on yet? If not, pop over to our exclusive sale with podcast-approved toys and treat yourself to something deliciously naughty. Nadine Thornhill is someone I admire greatly. Not only was she part of the Explore More Summit, but her approach to parenting and talking to kids about sex is revolutionary. And this week, we're going deep into consent, kids, teens, being a parent, talking about porn, and much more. I truly believe that future generations will be so much more consent informed and emotionally intelligent because of work like Nadine's. If all of us are better able to express ourselves and receive rejection gracefully, we'd have drastically healthier relationships and sex for it. You can find Nadine at NadineThornhill.com. She's also on Twitter @NadineThornhill and YouTube with awesome videos.  Resources discussed in this episode: Cindy Gallop's Make Love Not Porn website and TED Talk "Red: A Crayon Story" - a children's book on being different (Nadine referenced it as "Blue" but it's actually "Red" Cory Silverberg's books "What Makes a Baby" and "Sex is a Funny Word" S Bear Bergman's Flamingo Rampant for inclusive kids books Gender Spectrum PFLAG Kind, formerly Pink Triangle Services, in Ottawa Heather Corinna's book "S.E.X." The Midwest Teen Sex Show Laci Green's show Lindsay Doe's Sexplanations Dawn still has spots available for one-on-one sex and relationship coaching, so if you're interested pop over to her site to find out more. Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here  

Masturbation May is in full swing, so pop over to our exclusive sale with podcast-approved toys and treat yourself to something deliciously naughty. Victoria Rosa, from Open and Awesome, joins us this week. She shares stories from her journey with tantra and sacred spot massage. Then we dive into listener questions. First up, a listener shares that her husband is horrible at oral sex and yet he thinks he is god's gift to her pussy. What can she do when he doesn't take direction well? Orgasmically Challenged also needs help. Her sweet boyfriend cums before she orgasms and she is getting super frustrated. Between their anxieties and shyness, is the relationship doomed? Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

MASTURBATION MAY is here! And we are celebrating with an exclusive Sex Gets Real sale: njoy, Magic Wand, Lelo, Sliquid. Check it out now. Only happening for the month of May. Comedian and 4-Play Baltimore host, Prescott Gaylord, joins us for a second HIQI. Listener Dannyle wants to know how to talk to the guy she's dating about the fact that she can't orgasm from partnered sex. She cums on her own, but when she's with someone else, it just doesn't happen. How can she share that without turning it into a challenge? Then, Stage Fright, a listener who has been in a friends with benefits situation for 12 years, wants to know being in a FWB for that long is normal. Dawn still has spots available for one-on-one sex and relationship coaching, so if you're interested pop over to her site to find out more. Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

From BDSM to broken penises, from virgin stories to rope bondage. It's a packed week. Dawn has some new client openings for sex and relationship coaching. Want to check it out? Pop over to her coaching page and jump on it ASAP. This week is full of juicy questions. One listener reveals he has a broken penis and after being shamed by a few partners, needs help getting over the fear. How can he embrace his penis? Another listener is eager to try rope bondage and wants stories from Dawn, plus resources on how to safely get started. A virgin is super excited to write in with her first juicy story, even if it wasn't ideal. Also, where can you find BDSM conferences like the ones Dawn always goes to? Oh, and one listeners received a prostate massage from two massage professionals that ended in orgasm, and how his wife feels like he cheated. What can he do? Hearing from you is the best, so here's how to contact the show: Contact form: Click here

Dawn woke up feeling like she wanted an intimate chat with you. There's also a follow-up from a listener who wrote in recently about sex with vibrators. Plus, a 20-year-old virgin just got her first vibrator and wants help on working on internal orgasms. A mom also has some thoughts on safer sex kits for college kids. There are a few free replays from the Explore More Summit this week, so check it out at http://exploremoresummit.com. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Contact form: Click here

Sarah and Brian from YaySex.ca join in the fun this week. Since they recently started teaching an anal sex class, we start off with a question about anal sex myths. A listener who wants to study sexuality asks for book recommendations and we have quite the list (see below). Plus, a heartbroken listener is tired of his wife's interest in fast fucks and quickies. He wants lovemaking and slow sex. What can he do? In this episode, we mentioned a ton of resources. Here are the books we discussed with links! Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity" Mark Thompson's "Leatherfolk" Allison Moon's "Girl Sex 101" Christopher Ryan's "Sex at Dawn" Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are" (TOP PICK) Barbara Carrellas' "Urban Tantra" Tristan Taormino's "The Ultimate Guide to Kink" Amy Jo Goddard's "Woman on Fire" Franklin Veaux's "More Than Two" Meg-John Barker's "Rewriting the Rules" You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Contact form: Click here

What if you're already in love before the sex happens? Comedian and 4-Play Baltimore host, Prescott Gaylord, joins us for the first of two HIQIs. First, we hear from Sophie about college hook-ups and how she worked all her FWBs on campus. Then, Katie writes in because she is about to have sex with her girlfriend of one year for the first time. But she's never been in love before having sex and needs advice. We weigh in. Also, Prescott makes lots of t-shirts. Want to check out Dawn's Facebook community? Pop over here. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Contact form: Click here

Dirty Lola joins us this week! First up, there is a free webinar on March 28th all about intimacy in relationships as you explore non-monogamy and opening an existing relationship up. Register here! Second, Dawn is an expert speaking at the Love Detox online event that starts April 4th. Learn more here: http://www.thelovedetoxseries.com/dawn This week's co-host is Dirty Lola, a sex toy extraordinaire at Shag in Brooklyn, and also the creator and host of Sex Ed a Go-Go. After hearing all about Lola's new Daddy Dom, we jump into two listener questions. One listener wants to know how to prepare for experimenting with their girlfriend's vibrator. We have lots of thoughts. Another listener is sexually inexperienced and wants to know - how do you even get started with sex and how do you find people to experiment with? Prepare for LOTS of ideas. Find Lola on Twitter and check out Sex Ed A Go-Go online or over at swingset.fm. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Contact form: Click here

Dylan's official last episode and we talk blowjobs. If you have any parting messages for Dylan, just use the email down below to send them to Dawn and she'll pass them along. On this Hit It and Quit It, we heard from a listener about some horrible advice that Anna Faris and Adam Corolla recently gave on Anna's podcast, Unqualified. Just because your partner wants to watch you have sex with someone else does NOT mean they want a divorce. Ugh. Also, a listener wrote in feeling horrible about how grossed out she gets with blowjobs. Do we have any thoughts? But (butt?) of course we do. Also, we have an ask! Can you review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts. Just search for us in iTunes and leave a review. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Contact form: Click here

100 episodes of Sex Gets Real!!! Wow. 100 episodes. What an amazing 2+ years it's been. And it also seems appropriate that today is the day Dylan is announcing she's leaving the show. As sad as Dawn is about the news, Dylan has an opportunity that is amazing and something she's been wanting for a long time. The show isn't going anywhere though, so don't worry. We'll be having loads of amazing guest co-hosts and contests, so episode 100 is simply a chance for us to try something new with our next 100 episodes. And this episode doesn't disappoint - questions about threesomes and unicorns and ass sex and precum and much much more. Also, we have an ask! Can you go review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts. Just click the iTunes link below. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Contact form: Click here

CAN YOU TAKE THE PLEASURE?!?! It's OK to change your mind, just like Dawn did at a recent BDSM class. A few listeners write in with stories and thanks. Plus, our listener Dirty Daughter has a very embarrassing story to share about how her father responded to seeing her sex toys. And the age old question, should you tell him if he sucks in bed? Dawn and Dylan share their perspective, which may surprise you. Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes, even if you listen on Spreaker or Spotify. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Contact form: Click here

Dawn attended a BDSM conference for Valentine's in Canada and tried several new things. Dylan scored a ton of presents. We have a backlog of listener emails, too. One listener wants to give his girlfriend a vibrator but she's inexperienced and he isn't sure where to start. Another listener is a virgin and wants to know, should she just have sex and get it over with? How do you even start? What's sex like? It's a lot of laughter and lots of fun this week, plus some sweet texts from new listeners. We love you, too! Also, we have an ask! Can you go review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts. Just click the iTunes link below. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Contact form: Click here

That fits where? It all starts with an article about modesty and how women should expect to be treated poorly based on what they wear. You know Dawn can't let that go. So, let's put on our ranty pants and rage against the sexist notion that what you wear has anything to do with your value, intelligence, or ability. Then, we jump into a fun question from a listener who thinks she wants to try her fantasy. What is it? Fisting! We talk about lube and gloves and communication, plus why mainstream porn is NOT the place to go if you want to learn what it's about. Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes, even if you listen on Spreaker or Spotify. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Contact form: Click here

Dawn got her hands on a new sex toy that's a clitoral stimulator. She wants to give it a few more test drives, but offers her first impression. Then, we field listener questions on Bad Dragon dildos, taking money for sex off a craigslist ad which leads us to ranting about sex work laws, and a question about lesbian bed death. If you can't talk about sex with a partner, you probably shouldn't be having sex. And don't expect sex to be what you want it to be if you can't talk about it. It has to start there. Also, we have an ask! Can you go review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Butt stuff. It's all about the butt. Over 3,500 people turned in for the Explore More Summit. Hundreds of reviews poured in and people loved it. If you want to check out the 30 interviews for yourself, you can still buy them for just over $1 per talk. A listener needs advice on how to get started with anal. He has a new boyfriend, and he'd like to find a way to practice the sex. So, we talk butt plugs, fingers, dildos, and prostate massagers. Plus, what's with the bad anal experiences? Oh, and Dylan thinks she pulled a muscle shoveling all that damn blizzard snow. Also, we have an ask! Can you go review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

This is what happens when we have coffee and record first thing. Head over to Explore More Summit at exploremoresummit.com to register for Dawn's free 10-day online summit. It all starts January 28th, 2016, but if you see this after the event, you can still check out the interviews. We're a little hyper this time around because we recorded SO early in the morning, but what can you do? We talk ass hooks, porn, clown sex, intersex, and...a listener wrote in from the country of Iran and he is having some shame around masturbation and porn. So, we weigh in. Can you ever know everything there is to know about sex? Do you WANT to? And what if you're raised in a community or a culture that is very sexually repressed? Let's see where we end up. Also, we have an ask! Can you go review us in iTunes? We are trying to move up in the ratings charts. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Head over to Explore More Summit at exploremoresummit.com to register for Dawn's free 10-day online summit. It all starts January 28th, 2016, but if you see this after the event, you can still check out the interviews. Dawn has a new coloring book that is all gay men and group sex. Dylan loves it. Mike wrote back about the rape that he witnessed. And our listener Marcella wants to know which book Dawn recommends for new techniques for pleasing a penis. A few of the suggestions include: "Urban Tantra" by Barbara Carrellas "The Sex and Pleasure Book" by Carol Queen "My Life on the Swingset" by Cooper Beckett You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Register for the summit! As of January 17th, there are over 600 people signed up for the Explore More Summit that Dawn created. Ready to join in the fun? Head to exploremoresummit.com. It's free, and Dawn has 30 interviews for you to watch over the course of 10 days, starting January 28th. It's amazing and even has celebrity guests. We've got listener stories about sex, a question about why a group of swingers needed SO MANY DAMN TOWELS at this hotel, a transphobic politician trying to make horrible laws in Virginia, and a lot more. One listener writes in saying he tried to talk to his wife about group sex and it went really poorly. Is it him? Why did it go so wrong? Dawn and Dylan have LOTS of ideas on this one. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Dawn has a HUGE announcement.  Head over to Explore More Summit at exploremoresummit.com to register for Dawn's free 10-day online summit. She's been slaving over it for 3 months, in secret, and you do NOT want to miss all of the experts and celebrities she interviewed. It all starts January 28th, 2016, but if you see this after the event, you can still check out the interviews. A listener asks about what it's like when we watch cam sites and porn. Then, we talk about Buck Angel and his awesome vagina, trans bodies, intersex folks (they're SO much more common than anyone realizes) and the trauma of being non-binary and trying to go to the bathroom. Oh, and Dylan doesn't like Salon.com's suggestion that we all use gender-neutral pronouns, but Dawn is a huge fan. We discuss. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Well, Dylan is sick now, but we're still recording because we missed you. Listeners write in about getting caught by their parents giving a blow job and getting picked up by lesbians at a conference. Dawn gets a new remote controlled vibrator and has some fun with it. More on James Deen and Stoya. Plus, Cooper Beckett is offering a special on his new book, A Life Less Monogamous. And finally, we have a really intense discussion about a listener who witnessed a friend get raped at a play party. What was his responsibility in all of it? What can he do to move on? It's such a tough topic, Dawn reached out to some sex educator friends for their thoughts, as well. Next week Dawn has a HUGE announcement, so stay tuned for that. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

  Yes, we're on a break for the holidays, but Dawn just couldn't take it. To tide us over until January 3rd, here is a short little erotica reading called "Pink" by Helena Black. Talk to you in 2016! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

A listener wants us to be really real. Just how messy is anal play? She wants to try it, but she's psyched herself out over the poop. That sends us off on a bender on all things butts - from hair to the doorbell technique to Dylan getting REALLY excited about all the things she likes in her butt. And of course, loads of practical advice and personal stories on real butt sex and the mess factor. Dylan closes the show with a little victory statement about Rhonda Rousey losing her fight after the lube fiasco of a few weeks ago. Have a great holiday season, everyone! We had an amazing 2015. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Straight guys having sexing with straight guys? We want to start the episode by saying that we stand in solidarity with Stoya after she named James Deen as her rapist. It takes tremendous courage to speak up, especially when the person you're naming is so popular and beloved. Let's talk about the psychology of victim blaming. Let's also talk about supporting victims and focusing on healing. Bondage Bands sent us a free sample of their bands, so Dawn has Dylan try them out on-air. Hilarity ensues. A listener wants to know if their straight fantasies mean they are cheating or less queer. Plus, listeners write in about self-sucking. Finally, what's with straight guys having sex with other straight guys? Is this is a thing? Does that mean you're gay? We dig in. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Sex. The scariest thing in the world? Dawn really loved this conversation about STI stigma. A recent article in The Atlantic (link below in the show notes) talked about some research findings that show people are terrified of sex. People judge someone more harshly for transmitting a mild case of curable chlamydia than killing someone with swine flu. Why? Because someone with chlamydia likely had prior sexual encounters and people see that as completely unforgivable. Unfortunately, our abstinence-only focus on teaching kids how super scary sex can be - STIs can kill and pregnancy can ruin your entire life - means that as adults we simultaneously crave and vilify sex. It's a recipe for lying about STI status, taking huge risks to avoid shame, and driving behaviors into the closet. Plus, Dawn got a new therapist to help with some relationship feels and it's blowing her mind. Permission to be messy: granted. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

We're finally back on track after losing some episodes a few weeks back. We revisit a listener email about self-sucking. Should he introduce his talent to his wife? The thought kind of turns him on. Then, Dawn and Dylan talk about masturbation being a sin along with a new superpower: zombiefying vagina goo. Scary stuff. If you like a cushy, gel-like lube for anal, what's a body safe option? Online dating and hook-ups - it's SO easy to send a horrible first message. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Dawn & Dylan take a moment to talk about the Paris attacks, plus the lack of visibility on attacks in Beirut, Baghdad, and when the violence is against people of color. We wish peace for all us, but if we want human rights to be upheld, we need to acknowledge when racial justice issues arise. Dawn is in the process of creating a badass online summit that will be free with some of the world's leading experts in sex, relationships, sensuality, and body love. So, a listener wrote in with a question for the summit experts. Dawn and Dylan dig in a bit. Should a man married 14-years to a super monogamous spouse just accept that he can't have non-monogamous experiences or does he need to end the marriage with someone he loves in order to have these sexual adventures? Plus, a kid on a bus does the jerk off motion AND throwing the spooge on cars passing by, including Dawn. She reacts. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

We have a full episode for you this week. From listener stories about fingering circles as a teenager to warnings against soapy blowjobs, our listeners are certainly adventurous. Plus, one listener wants to know what can be done now that his wife has had a full hysterectomy and has zero desire for sex. Is there any hope? Dawn talks pubic hair, and Dylan horrifies us all with a story about a woman using a sausage to pleasure herself in a public bathroom. No, folks. Just no. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click her

Dylan is back from Hawaii. Basically, it was really hot and there was boob sweat. Dawn attended Sex Down South where she saw a hand sex demo, did a masturbation circle, and generally had an amazing time learning from Tristan Taormino and Amy Jo Goddard. Plus, we have so many listener emails - a sex newbie wants to know if she should carry condoms. A swinger reports back on her latest adventures. Peoria Illinois apparently had a rad Pride. And what if your boyfriend ONLY wants to do reverse cowgirl anymore? You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Dawn had a shitty week. Not only was she battling Strep, but she fried her laptop and lost this week's episode. So, we're doing a HIQI in place of our longer episode and we'll be back on track in 2 weeks. So, what are we talking about this week besides Dylan's vacation to Hawaii? Well, a listener, who is a special needs dad, wrote in with some feedback about the interview we had on sex and disability. Sex and a child with a social or developmental disability gets really complicated? What's right for them? How do you protect them from abuse? Can you? And when is medical treatment actually eugenics in disguise? It's a tough conversation full of some ableist language, but we have to start somewhere. Also, retirement communities and STIs. Teach your grandparents and parents about safer sex! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

We've reached a new level of gross, folks. So many listeners stories and confessions - from a new gross word for spooge to a story about an orgy in high school, our listeners are adventurous to the max! And, one listener wants to know if she went too far with her sister...was it OK or did it cross the line? We can't stress enough, either, how much we don't want unsolicited dick pics unless they're from Benedict Cumberbatch or Joseph Gordon-Levitt or George Clooney or something. And even then, an ask would be nice. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

If you're in the Atlanta area, also be sure to check out Sex Down South, a brand new sex conference happening October 15-17. Dawn will be there representing the podcast, and a ton of awesome folks are speaking on everything sex positive, kink, and racial justice. We are so excited to have Amy Jo Goddard joining us today to talk about her new book "Woman on Fire" and talking all things sexual intelligence, erotic empowerment, and pleasure. From finding your voice to staying adventurous, Amy Jo is so eloquent and wise when it comes to exploring and growing your sexuality. We talk about identities and finding community, being endlessly curious, and giving yourself permission to define your yes in a world that tells us sex is all of these no's. It's one of our favorite interviews we've done on the podcast, and you can find Amy Jo at womanonfirethebook.com and amyjogoddard.com. Listeners, if you're in the DC area and you're a sex educator of some sort, you HAVE to join Dawn at Tristan Taormino's Sex Educator Bootcamp on October 18th. Our listeners get 25% off with code "deal25". Check out details and register here.   You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Listeners, if you're in the DC area and you're a sex educator of some sort, you HAVE to join Dawn at Tristan Taormino's Sex Educator Bootcamp on October 18th. Our listeners get 25% off with code "deal25". Check out details and register here. Dawn and Dylan are back in the studio after being apart for a month. We talk about the sex adventures we've had over the past few weeks, including some yummy Domme'ing in L.A. that Dawn did. A listener, Baby, wrote in asking for our advice on how to ask her Dom to be more controlling and demanding, so we talk about all the fun ways you can play with asking for what you want in a relationship that has a power exchange. If you're in the Atlanta area, also be sure to check out Sex Down South, a brand new sex conference happening October 15-17. Dawn will be there representing the podcast, and a ton of awesome folks are speaking on everything sex positive, kink, and racial justice.   You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Pegging, porn, and prostitution. A listener wrote in with a terrific message and mentioned pegging. Which sent us off on a bender about butt sex. Then, Dawn and Dylan talk about the new pink Viagra pill and why that name is so misleading. Flibanserin/Addyi is not what they're claiming it is, and there are better ways for most people to stimulate low desire. Dawn ran across a fun article about Pornhub viewers that found women (yes, it's heteronormative) watch more hardcore porn than men. We discuss. Finally, after nearly a month, we talk about the amazing Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. With amazing talks by Charlie Glickman, Joan Price, Monica Raye Simpson, and more, it was a powerful weekend of sex and human rights.   You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

George O'Keepe was on to something Pussies are beautiful. Vulva are spectacular. And the problem is that too many vulva owners don't realize this. After reading an article on the alarming demand for reconstructive surgery on labia, Dawn and Dylan weigh in on the gloriousness of pussies. Also, a listener writes in with a confession and we talk dick pics. Again. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

If you live long enough, you'll become part of the club. Robin Wilson-Beattie joins us this week to talk all about sex and disability. So often people with disabilities are seen as asexual, but that is so wrong. Robin shares her journey with her body as an incomplete quadriplegic, sex and BDSM, ableism, and abortion as a disabled person. It's juicy stuff. Oh, and her BDSM scene at the end is so fun to picture. Rawr! If you're looking for more information on sex and disability, or you just want to connect with Robin, check out her website, Sex Abled with Robin WB, and also follow her on Twitter. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

What does sex positive mean to us? Dawn explores one of her super embarrassing fantasies. Sometimes taking the risk of sharing the scary stuff pays off. Oh Joy, Sex Toy recently did a comic on water sports, which gets us talk about peeing on folks. Plus, at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, Lotus Blooms asked us to talk about what sex positive means to us. Let's explore this and see where we land. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Camping, public nudity, face licking, and more. This episode is definitely a rainbow of all the things. We've got some listener emails talking about the Hitachi Magic Wand, face licking, and a really deep question about a spouse who claims that being put up on a pedestal is killing her libido. Dawn reports back on Sex Geek Summer Camp and the interesting things that unfolded there.   Plus, Dawn recently visited a Sacred Intimate for some hands-on healing work. Hear all the details of what happened and how profound the experience was for her.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

A listener calls us out. Small penises...they're the butt of many jokes, the catch in many commercials, and even featured on SNL as a reason to kill yourself. So, when a listener writes in to call us out that small penises really are that bad - after all, he's been broken up with four times specifically for his small dick - Dylan and Dawn take a step back and contemplate what it means. Hear our feedback and why the worst thing in the world may not be quite so bad. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

We are so excited to have the powerful, the fabulous, the game-changing Feminista Jones on with us this week. We talk about sex-positive feminism, BDSM, Dom/sub dynamics, how the term vanilla has become a slur, street harassment, birth control, how sex and body autonomy are the key to liberation and freedom for Black women, and so much more. If you want to check out all of Feminista's amazing work and her superstar bio, you can find her at FeministaJones.com. She is also on Instagram and Twitter, so check her out there, too. The Women's Freedom Conference that she's organizing is also on Facebook and Twitter. Be sure to sign-up for updates and attend in October. A few of Dawn's favorite articles by Feminista are below: Your Sex Life Should be Free of Regrets When Did Vanilla Become Such a Bad Word? I'm Not a Slut, I Just Love Having Sex Deconstructing 'Ho' You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

What happens when everyone learns about sex their whole lives? A listener writes back about their group sex situation. Dawn experiences a lovely display of empathy. Wouldn't it be amazing if we were allowed to have bad days? Plus, the Netherlands start sex ed at the age of 4 and carry it through their entire lives. What do the statistics show? What could we do better? What can go wrong? Let's discuss. In the DC area in August? Then join Dawn at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from August 13-16. Learn more on their website.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

This week is packed full of good random stuff. We talk about a fun article pontificating which famous fictional men have been pegged. Then we explore erogenous zones and where on our bodies we like sensual touch. A listener writes in with a sexy story about getting caught masturbating by her husband and the punishment that ensues. And, three leading relationship experts in the world all agree on this ONE thing that is destroying our relationships and our sex lives. Are you doing it? We can guarantee that you are. In the DC area in August? Then join Dawn at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from August 13-16. Learn more on their website.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Mutual masturbation is rad. Let's discuss. Two listeners write in with sexy stories about Spring Break and titty play. Plus, there's a new Johns Hopkins study showing men who are confident and empathetic (sensitive) have more satisfying sex. Boom!   And of course, we have to get our hands dirty by talking about the beauty and pleasure of mutual masturbation. Seriously, it's one of those things that is so often overlooked but can be totally rad in so many situations. In the DC area in August? Then join Dawn at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from August 13-16. Learn more on their website.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here  

We've got a sex geek to blow your mind this week.  We have the amazing Kate McCombs on the show today. Sex and communication are her bread and butter. She is incredibly skilled at helping people develop communication skills in their relationships, so that they can have better sex. From empathy to kangaroo vaginas to blowjobs with a cold rock on your anus, we have a really fun and informative chat with her. Kate can be found at KateMcCombs.com and also on Twitter and Instagram. If you want to find a Sex Geekdom near you, visit the website to see what your options are for connecting with other sex geeks.  In the DC area in August? Then join Dawn at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from August 13-16. Learn more on their website.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Dawn has a new experience with her wand.  Interested in attending Dawn's live Q&A all about relationships on Thursday, July 16th? Pop on over and sign-up. She'd love to have some listeners in the audience. Dawn talks about her new toy and an intense new experience. No, it's not squirting. A listener writes in with some fun 6-word stories and wants to know if what her and her husband are doing is swinging or poly. Listener Rob the Love Robot entertains us with his sex super power. Plus, we are so excited that next week's episode is an interview with Kate McCombs. You won't want to miss it.  In the DC area in August? Then join Dawn at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from August 13-16. Learn more on their website.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Listener questions galore.  Interested in attending Dawn's live Q&A all about relationships on Thursday, July 16th? Pop on over and sign-up. She'd love to have some listeners in the audience. One listener wants to know what to do after seeing someone she knows in a porn clip. Another listener isn't feeling so sexy in her body anymore and to top it off, her partner is bringing ex girlfriends into the bedroom with them and she doesn't like it. Finally, our listener in Minnesota has a small dick, a wife who won't touch him, and now she's started deleting text messages and will disappear for 3 hours at a time. Is it time to end the marriage? Oh. And one other thing - we love getting updates from listeners after we talk about your stories online. So report back with updates on stuff that happens. We love that.   In the DC area in August? Then join Dawn at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit from August 13-16. Learn more on their website.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Sex super powers. Let's have fun. Dylan is back. This makes us happy. So, a question came up about sexual super powers. Dawn and Dylan start imagining all the things you could do if you had a sex super power. What would yours be? You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

We talked to a bunch of people at the gay pride parade. Dawn discovers that more and more young people are coming out to the gay festivities. This year we hit the street to do interviews of random folks, asking about the weirdest things they've ever done in bed. Plus, a listener writes in with a question about BDSM and whether this guy's behavior is normal. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Dawn tries her hand at exhibitionism. Vancouver, you'll never be the same after you hear what Dawn did on a recent trip to your beaches and downtown condos. Show off much? Dylan isn't as brave, but she might get wild once she retires.  And a listener writes in with some great 6-word sex memoirs. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Prepare to be disgusted. In the DC area? Join Dawn for her relationship communication bootcamp on June 11th. Check it out here. Dawn makes Dylan almost throw up over waffles and cream pies. Twitter may ban all porn, Tinder is abundant with dick, & what would you buy in a sex vending machine? You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

A new service in Australia will break up for you. In the DC area? Join Dawn for her relationship communication bootcamp on June 11th. Check it out here. Breakups suck for everyone. Letting someone else do it for you is super wrong, but funny. We explore some of our breakups on this Hit It and Quit It. Dylan wins for worst breakups by a landslide. So much lesbian drama! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Two vaginas and a sex conference. Boom. Dawn and Dylan discuss SEXx Interactive and all of the awesome talks and workshops. Dawn calls the show out on being too poly and oppressive to monogamous folks. Plus, listeners write in with sex confessions and someone wants to know about ball stretching. Dylan is horrified. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Dawn's mind is blown. In the DC area? Join Dawn for her relationship communication bootcamp on June 11th. Check it out here. The Queer Porn Film Festival in Brooklyn was incredible. Dawn learned more than she could have imagined - she saw Jiz Lee, Courtney Trouble, Jacqueline Mary, James Darling, Chelsea Poe, and so many other porn performers and producers. Head to SexGetsReal.com to see some of the films that were screened along with some clips from a few others. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Cooper's here! Cooper's here! We are so excited to talk about his new book, My Life on the Swingset. If you haven't read it yet, get it now.  We talk about hour long prostate orgasms and the importance of having no end game and what happens when your cock doesn't perform and how constricting labels can be and how men need to up their game and about Cooper's first time experiencing subspace. All the things!!! Want to listen to Cooper's podcast or find all of his awesome stuff? You can find him at Life on the Swingset, or at Swingset.fm, or at CooperSBeckett.com, or on Twitter at @swingsetlife. All the places!!! Also, if you're in the DC area, join Dawn for her relationship communication bootcamp on June 11th. Check it out here. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Get on our mailing list to help with Dawn's sex toy store. Just pop over to sexgetsreal.com and sign up for our newsletter to get exclusive updates and specials as she plans her launch. Also, teen sex. It happens. Abstinence only and slut shaming don't work and create horrible  messages for teens as they navigate the world of sex. So how can we measure the success of a sex ed program? What does sex ed mean? Plus, Dylan shares a story about teen pregnancy that affected her recently.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Help name Dawn's new vulva puppet! Pop over to her Instagram and comment on the picture with your suggestion.  Listeners write in about a foursome, a threesome, and asking for advice on pubic hair. Which launches us on a pubic hair bender. Dawn can't be the only one who likes petting hers while watching Game of Thrones. Speaking of Game of Thrones, masturbating to your favorite TV characters is totally hot, especially when your partner incorporates them into your sexting. Oh, and what to do if you're marriage is falling apart but you really want a baby. Don't forget SEXx Interactive is around the corner in Philly in early May. Head to sexxinteractive.com if you're in the area. Dawn will be there! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Dawn has a few firsts and shares a few details. A few weeks ago, Dawn attended CatalystCon East. While the conference was amazing and deserves it's own episode, that same weekend she also attended a pink puja (or a sensuality workshop) and went to her first play party. Dylan wants all the details about all the sex. Will she be disappointed? Also, Dawn and Dylan are interviewing Cooper Beckett from Life on the Swingset next week. If you have questions about swinging or poly or Swingset-y, let us know ASAP. Near Philly? SEXx Interactive is May 7-10 and Dawn will be there. Head to sexxinteractive.com for details. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

What do we need to know about sex into our 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond? Joan Price joins us for a funny and really informative chat on sex as we age. What changes? What should we prepare for? What's it like? And so much more. Don't forget SEXx Interactive is in early May. Head to sexxinteractive.com if you're in the Philly area. Three days of talks and workshops on sex and inclusivity and kink and all that good stuff. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

A listener wants to know our favorite lesbian sex positions Episode sponsored by Yes Please, More Please - - the art of seduction through food. Don't miss their Mexican Aphrodisiac dinner in Washington, DC on April 4, 2015. Scissoring? Mutual masturbation? Strap-on sex? Lesbian sex positions often end up looking like any other sex position with any other gender or body. Though we do have one or two tricks up our sleeves... And since Dylan hates vibrators and Dawn's ex partner didn't like them either, we don't have any wild and crazy stories of vibes taped to inner thighs while hanging upside down from the ceiling. But wouldn't that be awesome? ;) SEXx Interactive is a few weeks away. Check out the line up and grab your tickets at sexxinteractive.com. Dawn will be there! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

From penis size (again) to pinball machines, from jealousy to one-hit wonder orgasms - plus a special guest Episode sponsored by Yes Please, More Please - - the art of seduction through food. Don't miss their Mexican Aphrodisiac dinner in Washington, DC on April 4, 2015. We have a very special in-studio guest this week (who happens to have a sore ass, courtesy of Dawn). We revisit penis sizes and balls, plus listener advice and confessions from previous episodes. One listener, Alexa, needs help with falling into old habits when it comes to communication styles and wanting to work on removing jealousy. Another listener claims to be a one hit wonder with her orgasms. Can she find a way to come in other positions? Don't forget SEXx Interactive is around the corner in Philly in early May. Head to sexxinteractive.com and join in the fun. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

What Google data reveals about our sex for sex Episode sponsored by Yes Please, More Please - - the art of seduction through food. Don't miss their Mexican Aphrodisiac dinner in Washington, DC on April 4, 2015. We were fascinated by a NY Times article on what people are searching for on Google.  Guys are obsessed with cock size. Women are worried about how they smell. We're all worried about how to be better in bed, why our partners won't have sex with us, and how to say harsh things in a nice way.  Curious about SEXx Interactive in Philly? Then go to sexxinteractive.com and check it out! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

We talk about ALL the things! Episode sponsored by Yes Please, More Please - - the art of seduction through food. Don't miss their Mexican Aphrodisiac dinner in Washington, DC on April 4, 2015. Episode 50! Wow. Halfway to triple digits. Well, this episode is a delightful cornucopia of sex. First up, Dawn tests out her new quartz yoni egg for practicing kegels and finds she has a lot of work to do. A listener has a confession about outdoor sex, while another listener wonders how she can work on her jealousy. Twitter bans revenge porn and Dylan, of course, gets sassy. Also check out SEXx Interactive. It's May 7-10 in Philly and Dawn will be there. sexxinteractive.com You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here  

Guys, stop worrying about being too small. You should be happy you aren't too big! A listener has sweet, caring boyfriend. There's only one problem - his dick is too big and she can't take it all. How big is too big? And what can she do to help ease the way? When you have a partner who is understanding and patient, you have options. Dawn and Dylan weigh in on some things she can do to try and prep for sex with her huge guy. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

AJ, a sex educator at Portland's sex positive toy boutique, SheBop, joins us. From phthalates and toxic toys to how to sterilize silicone and wood toys, AJ educates Dawn and Dylan on all things toys and sex. She also teaches an anal class called Back That Ass Up, so we dive deep into starting with anal play and pegging. We also talk about the rumors around how the Fleshlight was invented, and explore how to remain ethical when you're opening up a relationship.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Sex toy shopping horror story. Dylan tells a horrifying story of what happens when some friends of hers go into a sex store and face something awful. Which leads Dawn into a rage.  We also want your nightmare encounters in sex toy stores. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

Gina Senarighi on relationship counseling and the keys to making relationships work in the long run Holy crap. We have the fabulous and amazing Gina Senarighi from Amplify Happiness Now and Uncommon Love PDX on the show for a killer interview on relationships, kink, poly, jealousy, shame, sex, and all the things she sees in her therapy practice with couples who are struggling with so many things we all struggle with. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

**Congrats to Heavy B for winning our one-year anniversary giveaway!!!** Would you sleep with a virgin? And what does virgin even mean? After a fabulous dinner, courtesy of Yes Please, More Please on all things aphrodisiac and sexy when it comes to food, Dylan and I discuss one of the topics that dominated the dinner party: virgins. What is a virgin? What does it even mean, if anything at all? Is it just an oppressive social construct that doesn't actually have any meaning in a sex positive world? Is it something experience sexperts want to deal with? Dylan certainly is ready to take anyone's V-card. Dawn isn't so sure... though, there might be certain fantasies she has... What do you think about the label "virgin"? Is it a big deal? Is it penis in vagina sex? Does it require the presence of a hymen in women? Have things changed to the point where virginity is actually an out-dated concept that we should do away with?  We want to know! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here

ONE YEAR. BEST OF. BOOM. Make sure you sign up for the Healthy, Authentic Relationship Summit that is on February 12th and 13th. It's free and you get to listen to two days' worth of experts weighing in on all things relationship. Dawn's talk is on Thursday, February 12th at 6pm Eastern. RSVP here. Second, head to sexgetsreal.com and scroll to the bottom of the page to enter our One Year Anniversary sweepstakes to win a personalized gift from us. The giveaway ends February 7th, 2015, so get thee over there now!  On to the episode... We had a phenomenal first year with Sex Gets Real. This is a compilation of some of our favorite and most ridiculous  moments - from Dylan's burps and stories about being a total player to Dawn's rants about safe sex and her struggle with cum ropes. You'll laugh. You'll shake your head. And you'll hear just how real we really are.  Thank you for being a listener. We know we couldn't do any of this without you. MWAH! As always, here how to reach us with your stories and questions: Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) 

Dawn and Dylan are kicking off their one-year anniversary with a KICK-ASS giveaway. Check out the Sex Gets Real Facebook page to enter and for details (US residents only).  They also went back to Mid Atlantic Leather and all of the naked gay boys with their leather vests and floggers and flagging and BDSM. It was a smelly good time. Plus, don't miss Dylan's giggles over the Vagankle. If you're a foot fetishist, you're going to love this find. 

Dylan talks about being a total sexist at a motorcycle show. A listener wants to know where to go for classes on sex and BDSM. Dawn and Dylan also discuss dildo etiquette, female condoms, how to find your strap-on cock confidence, and Pornhub's new report.   Be sure to listen to the end for a random and exciting update from Dawn on a sweepstakes that starts next week for our U.S. listeners. The winner scores a free book on sexual fantasies, and it will be signed by Dawn and Dylan!

We birthed a sex podcast. Here's how it came to be. It all started with Dawn being a total stalker at a lesbian club... No seriously, it did. That's just the beginning. And then of course, with a few glasses of champagne in her, Dylan goes on a bender about all the action she got as a DJ at the dyke bars way back in the day. Things spiral. But in the end, it all comes back to us starting the podcast and loving all of you and Sex Gets Real was born. Ta da. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

A listener shares a few tidbits on his public sex adventures, a new listener goes back through previous episodes and asks questions about jealousy and ending a relationship that's at the height of NRE, and a couple seeks help on finding a 3rd or playing with another couple. Plus, a story about arousal pills, questions on precum, and Dawn talks about her latest adventures (it involves fisting and pegging). You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan embark on a scarring adventure into the world of flavored sex novelty items. Condoms and Bijoux natural body paint aside, everything is...horrific. Scarring. And, one item literally turns us into old school Oompa Loompas. Find out which it is...that shit lasted 2 days! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

We've got a few listener questions and confessions. Dirty perverts. We love it. Plus, a listener wants to know more about demisexuals, so we dig in and explore it. Plus, TinderNightmares on Instagram and a funny video on Buzzfeed about dudes trying sex toys for the first time. Then, Dawn & Dylan weigh in on Bill Cosby and Jian Ghomeshi. Down with victim shaming! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Hear what happens when Dawn wakes up and reads some bad sex advice. Sacred sexuality and tantra are beautiful practices, but too many gurus try to make their personal journey into advice for others. And Dawn isn't taking it anymore. Watch out - rant ahead! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan interview Frozen Meursault, a BDSM educator and sadist. He fields questions from listeners on everything from why pain or fear are interesting at all to rough body play like punching and rape fantasies.  He also breaks down the important of consent as the foundation for all play, and gives listeners practical tips for finding ways to incorporate some of the edgier, more risky play into their bedrooms.  Important links include http://kinkacademy.com, http://kinky.com, http://stefanosandshay.com, and http://frozenmeursault.com. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan help a listener come up with new places to engage in public sex with his wife. Also, Dawn discovers a phrase for man cum that turns her stomach. And what happens when Dylan does some new landscaping? Listen to find out! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan interview erotica writer, narrator, podcaster, editor, and all-round expert Rose Caraway from The Kiss Me Quicks.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

A listener asks what kind of strap-on harness his wife should get if he wants to be pegged. And, how can she rock some clit stimulation when she's banging him? Dawn and Dylan weigh in. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

A pro Domme weighs in on our advice about fetishes. A sassy listener says she adores 69. And what happens when you catch your parents doing something surprising? Plus, Dawn reviews the Crave Vesper vibrator, while Dylan is horrified over some really bad kissing. Finally, what should you do if the people you're attracted to never find you attractive in return?  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn recently visited Toronto and took nearly her entire arsenal of sex and BDSM gear with her in a carry-on. Let's just say some security agents at the airport have a few new stories to tell. Plus, Dylan's little bag of dicks. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

IPCookieMonster joins us in the studio for all things threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes. From tips for avoiding mediocre group sex to how to overcome the "lesbian sheep" moment in an FFM threesome (female-female-male), IPCookieMonster keeps us laughing and intrigued. Plus, listener questions on dorm orgies, titty overload, the virtue of female condoms, the best foursome positions, and what to do when the all-too-common uncooperative dick invades a night of fun. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Hashing. Never heard of it? That's probably because it's a super secret drinking society  for people with a running problem. Secret identities. Copious amounts of booze. Highly sexual names. And, it all ends in a dance party where you just KNOW naughty things are bound to happen. Hear all about Dylan popping her cherry with the local hashing group.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

A listener wants advice on whether she should arrange a double blowjob for her boyfriend. Dylan reviews a new finger toy and talks about getting DP'd.    Other listeners write in - what if you have a super ticklish asshole? And what do you do if you're accused of cheating when you didn't do anything and now your wife has gone off the deep end? Dawn has some strong opinions on this one.   You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan discuss how to get started with tantra. What is it, can it be done with same-sex couples, and what if you're kinky? Plus, can guys separate orgasm from ejaculation? You betcha. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Who actually likes scissoring? A listener claims it's worse than 69. Is that possible? A boyfriend just wants to massage his girlfriend's feet, but she won't let him. Does he give up? And what the heck is the difference between making love and getting your nasty on? Dawn has a new wearable vibrator, and Dylan takes issue with her dick. Hands off, people!  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dylan and her wife break out the mirrors and flashlights to look at their vulvas, urethras, and more. Plus, how can you tell when someone is fully aroused just by looking at their vulvas? Oh, and have you ever felt your clitoral shaft? How about your perineal sponge? So many places for pleasure!!! Let's get anatomical. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn has a small issue crop up with her labia (did you know about the Bartholin gland?). Dylan fills us in on what "soaking" is. A listener wants to know the definition of sex. Plus, we see some very unsafe sex at a play party and discuss pussy cleaning basics.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Hear all about Dawn's experiences with strippers in Vegas. Plus, sex work is so much more than stripping, porn, and street economists (prostitutes). Dylan teases us with her stripper stories. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

To prepare for her lover coming into town, Dawn has an ass wax fail. Then, so much sex - female condoms, pegging, whipping, flogging, and more. Plus, Nina Hartley, Buck Angel, and the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit where we learn about sex worker rights and food as sex metaphors. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

A listener gives us a juicy threesome confession. Dawn talks about threesomes and unexpected jealousy. Hey, it happens to the best of us! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn's got a pissy pussy, plus some serious ass pain. Find out about a guy who tried to smuggle an entire toolbox in his ass into a prison. Plus, listener questions on what's the difference between being a player and having multiple lovers, and a boyfriend who won't introduce you to his family. NRE junkies are REAL - find out how love is like cocaine. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dylan marvels over "pet guys" from Korean soap operas. Basically, submissive men who are shamed by what they do. Plus, Dawn talks about a new pussy exerciser called kGoal. it's like a Fit Bit for your girl parts. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan go to a sex & play party in DC and spill the beans on everything that happened (hints: loads and loads of sex). A woman wants to know if texting an old boyfriend is cheating. Plus, what do you do if your girlfriends pussy tastes horrible but she wants you to go down on her? You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn attends a Black Rose class on violet wands and using electricity in the bedroom. Dylan boycotts. Plus, what not to do with electricity and how to scar your penis until it's broken.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Kait Scalisi of Passion by Kait joins Dawn and Dylan to talk about sex when you or a loved one are dealing with chronic illness, such as cancer or diabetes. Plus, self-care to feel sexy, wet pussies and the importance of lube, and passionate monogamy. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Can New Relationship Energy be a fetish? What is a fetish, anyway? Plus, Dawn and Dylan talk about getting busted playing doctor as kids.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan discuss whether a listener should tell her lovers about each other, dig into whether cum facials are degrading and how to get a girlfriend to be more open to the idea, Dawn attends a rope bondage demo, plus - what if your wife keeps shutting you down? How do you get her to open up? And, butt sex. Lots of butt sex. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

In this short 15-minute episode, hear about Dawn's craigslist experience that went from finding male models to watching two dudes fuck. Plus, Dylan gets a new butt plug and goes anal on us. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan answer a listen question about obligatory blowjobs. Plus, hear about the g-spot and female ejaculation class Dawn attended in Portland, what it's like to be a first-time Dominatrix, and the wrong reason to open up a relationship.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Have you ever had a horny high? Dawn discovers a new way to cum (anal!) while Dylan and her wife have a guest in the bedroom.  Plus, Dawn's review of a caning class, how to make a rope vibrator, and the ugliness of jealousy.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan talk to the gorgeous and talented Lance Hart, a fetish porn star and producer. He tells us all the dirty secrets behind filming porn, getting started in pegging, and what it's like to get started in adult films. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan talk about closure and going crazy post break up. Plus, listeners ask how to overcome exhaustion, why does sex have to be so icky, and what to do if you get fat to prevent yourself from cheating? Plus, Dawn bangs a young stud. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan dive into the sting of being rejected. Plus, how does a bi-curious woman find ladies to hook-up with? Is female ejaculation real? And why do feminist women have rape fantasies?  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Don't forget! If you love the show, you can support us at patreon.com/sexgetsreal! Dawn and Dylan lay out how to give amazing blowjobs, the practicalities of navigating an open marriage (where? and how? and when?), and how to get started in kink. Plus, Dawn talks about her butt plug tail. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan discuss what to do if you cross a line or violate someone's consent. Also, tips on how to let go during sex and how to have a fun, responsible threesome. Kind of.  You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan tackle the delicate art of how to eat pussy like a champ (hint: it involves a bib). Plus, barebacking in the gay community, cock rings, and the worst/best first date ever. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan hit up the Dark Odyssey BDSM conference. Hear about all things kinky - from Fist-a-Palooza to orgies to rape play and so much more. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Dawn and Dylan take on strap on sex, playing during your period, sex work, and whether a man watching porn without having sex with his partner is a major problem or not. Plus, we want your stories about Valentine's Day! You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

Find out how to talk to a friend in an open relationship about how she does it, ways to introduce kink to a super vanilla partner, the down-low on STDs, and then we ponder just how important self-pleasure is when it comes to a great sex life. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Call or text: 747-444-1840 (standard messaging rates apply) Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)

You can support the show on Patreon! Check out patreon.com/sexgetsreal. In this first ever episode of Sex Gets Real, Dawn & Dylan hit the Mid Atlantic Leather conference and give a full, and VERY kinky run down of everything they saw. Let's talk sadism, spanking, leather, dildos, and hundreds of sweaty, gay men. You know we love hearing from you, so here's how to reach us. Email: info@sexgetsreal.com Contact form: Sex Gets Real website (anonymous submissions accepted)