What do you do when trying to improve your life makes you feel worse? What if trying to be better comes across as ‘try-hard’? What if setting more goals is just your way of avoiding your own bullshit? This is the topic of discussion in today’s episode, “The Self-Improvement Paradox”—or in other words, why sometimes trying to be better makes you feel worse. It turns out improving yourself is nuanced and complicated. Who would have thought? Check it out.

Imagine if you could sit down with one of the world’s leading happiness researchers and ask her, one by one, what actually makes people happier and what doesn’t? Well, that’s basically what I did. In this episode, Sonja and I get deep into the subject of happiness. One by one, we conclude which of life’s simple and not-so-simple pleasures are underrated or overrated. Some of the answers will definitely surprise you. Do yourself a favor—watch, like, and share the happiness.

Get started with BetterHelp today and receive 10% off your first month when you use my link https://betterhelp.com/idgaf If you’ve ever been stuck working some BS desk job thinking there’s got to be more to life, then you were right. There’s travel. High-quality, intentional travel is one of the most transformational experiences a person can have. Without a doubt, my 10 years living abroad made me more confident, more self-assured, and ultimately more educated about the world and the people in it. It also informed a lot of the philosophy that I've written about over the past 10 years—the counterintuitive approach that so many people have come to love. This episode dives into the key takeaways I got from my years of traveling. I can’t be sure, but I think they might inspire you as much as they have me. Enjoy.

People are becoming increasingly lonely and are unable to relate to one another. Yet we have more access to more people than ever before. What's going on? Is it technology? Is social media replacing our sense of community with the empty calories of the sweet, sweet For You feed? Or maybe it’s the deterioration of the nuclear family — fewer kids are being born and being raised by fewer parents. Or is it the lack of religion in public life? Or the geographic exodus from small towns and communities towards big anonymous cities? Or the economic inequality and complete loss of work/life balance? These are questions that I, and renowned journalist and author David Brooks, unpack together as we nose dive into the social and emotional disconnect of millions of people. Need lessons on how to talk to the barista making your coffee? Looking to build a better relationship with Gary from across the fence? This episode won’t make you a master of communication overnight, but it’s a fascinating conversation packed with useful insight from beginning to end. Listen to it. 0:00 Introduction 2:46 Why we’re in a social crisis 5:55 The harsh judgment of social media 8:06 The growth of distrust 10:57 The decline of the traditional family 15:14 On communitarian cultures 16:24 Making America more “relationalist” 18:19 The Scandinavian and Israeli success 20:33 Is this success replicable in a diverse society? 23:32 The vice of today’s generation 29:19 David’s take on politics 32:11 Mark on the evolution of self-help 33:57 The recession of religion 38:33 Friction is the point 39:46 The “second mountain” 46:42 What we’re really motivated by 49:55 Can we go straight to the “second mountain”? David Brooks is a journalist and bestselling author of seven books, including his newest, “How to Know a Person.” David has had a popular column at the *New York Times* for over 20 years and teaches courses on philosophy at Yale. David Brooks on Twitter @nytdavidbrooks: https://twitter.com/nytdavidbrooks David Brooks’ column: https://www.nytimes.com/column/david-brooks David's new book “How to Know a Person:” https://www.amazon.com/How-Know-Person-Seeing-Others/dp/059323006X

It’s 2024 and hopefully you haven’t already given up on your goals for the year. Today, we’re going to talk about the best and worst ways to set goals. We’ll talk about the factors that make you more likely to achieve your goals, why you lose motivation by week three, and the most common error everyone makes when deciding to change themselves for the better. We’ll also be sharing some of our personal goal disasters along the way to learn what not to do. We’d also like you to share your goals with us! Details on how to do that are here. Happy New Year.

It’s easy to assume that the hustle culture or “the grind” is all about pain and suffering. But as you’ll learn today, this simply isn’t true. In today’s episode, I’m talking to Ali Abdaal, a former medical doctor turned YouTuber and author of the new book, Feel-Good Productivity. Ali has attracted millions of global followers to his ideas on productivity and working because he’s managed to do what others have not: actually make it fun. It turns out that finding ways to make your work fun doesn’t just make you hate your life less, it actually makes you more productive.

Do you worry that you might be wasting your life? That you’re doing things that don’t feel important? Are you constantly anxious about your to-do list? Is your mind blown that it’s 2024 already?!? This week, I’ve enlisted the help of my friend Oliver Burkeman, author of the bestseller Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, to help us get a handle on using time wisely. In this episode, we’re going to look at how our perception of time shapes our self-image, how it’s often advantageous to choose to be bad at something, why people-pleasing doesn’t actually please people, and a whole lot more. Oliver Burkeman is a renowned journalist and author, known for his unique ability to seamlessly blend philosophy and psychology to bring a fresh and counterintuitive take to classic self-help subjects.

Some of the most important truths in life are found in paradoxes. Paradoxes seem like opposites on the surface, but once you look deeper beneath what are seeming contradictions, there are real grains of wisdom that emerge. In this episode, I cover some of the most life-changing paradoxes I’ve ever come across, and discuss how they can improve how you approach your life.

In 2021, Matt from Yes Theory, one of YouTube's biggest channels, revealed he was quitting the platform. Despite being an internet celebrity, Matt's story is a common one—about someone who gave away too much of themselves to be liked by others, and now desperately trying to get themselves back. In this episode, Matt and I unpack this familiar dilemma, as well as covering topics like codependence, managing success, dealing with parasocial relationships, determining when vulnerability goes too far, and much more.

A comprehensive list of lessons you shouldn’t wait too long to learn. In this episode, I’m sharing 7 important lessons I learned far too late in life. I’m doing this so that you don’t have to live through as many clusterfucks as I did to find a bit of peace in life. Some of these lessons you may already know, some may surprise you. But they’re all guaranteed to help you live a better life. This is your one and only change to not repeat my godawful mistakes. So get into it.

Do I exist if I’m not on social media? Can I fake it till I make it? What’s the secret to a good life? In this week’s episode, I enlist my old friend and host of the wildly popular The Psychology Podcast, Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD. to dissect our psyche in the social media age. Reflecting on his personal experience and drawing on a wealth of psychological research, Scott asks—and answers—questions that might reveal aspects of yourself you never knew were there, and set you on the path to a better life. We’re going to dive deep and get existential. We’re going to talk neurodiversity, vulnerability, and Batman. What more can you ask for? Exactly. Go get it.

Make up or break up? Knowing when to call it quits. If you’ve ever been through a rough patch, you know this is a painful question to answer. Do you stick it out? Do you cut the cord and run? Do you sacrifice more to make it work? Do you demand your partner give up everything and run away to Fiji and live happily ever after? These are the hard questions we answer in this episode. To help us figure this out, I’m going to be roasting viewers’ relationships with their partners. I’m going to go over five real-world examples sent in from you, fans struggling with relationships, and in the process I’m going to share the three questions we must all ask ourselves to figure out if it’s time to break up. So get your hot sauce ready, because shit’s about to get spicy. Maybe even have your partner join you for this one. It could be fun… or it could ruin your marriage.

Everybody wants to get rich. But is the pursuit of wealth really about the money, or are we actually chasing something much deeper? These are just a couple of the fun ideas I toss around in this episode with Morgan Housel, New York Times Bestselling author of the smash hit, The Psychology of Money, which has sold more than four million copies worldwide. We’ll dig deep to uncover our relationship with money, answer the timeless question “Will getting rich make me happy?” and share some of Morgan’s best investing tips. So put away your spreadsheets, step away from the credit card, and for god’s sake stop trading crypto for five seconds, and settle in for this one. We might just make you filthy fucking rich.

Why is it that the most important truths in life are also the most painful to hear? In this inaugural episode, I discuss five of the most uncomfortable truths that have changed my life and will likely change yours—from human suckage to the cheeriest truth of all… death. So put your safety harness on, the ride’s about to get bumpy. Oh, and by the way, welcome to the The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast.

Are you your own worst enemy? Ever think that your life would be so much easier if you could just change your mind about a couple things? Yeah, me too.  In this episode, I am joined by my old friend Derek Sivers, the one person I know who is better at questioning beliefs and changing his mind than just about anyone… and a bona fide grandmaster at not giving a fuck.  We dig into the most fundamental aspects of our psychology and happiness—our beliefs. We talk about how to change them, which ones should be changed and which ones should not, and the wide-ranging effects these beliefs have throughout our lives.  I believe you will get a lot out of this podcast… see what I did there? I did the believe—eh, never mind.

Mark talks about the new pod.

Nearly every culture around the world encourages sacrifice today for a better tomorrow. So why is delayed gratification so hard?

There's a lot to like about stoicism, but it falls short in some key areas for me. Here's my take on it and the other influences on my personal philosophy.

Setting goals points us in the right direction and helps us clarify our values. But hanging on to goals when they no longer serve us is a recipe for misery.

Social media is the latest scapegoat to be blamed for all our social ills. Not only are these claims overblown, they're just wrong.

Even if 2020 was one long dumpster fire of a year, we sure learned a lot about ourselves. Here's what nearly 1300 people had to say about it.

Most people can't just sit with uncertainty, with not knowing what will happen. And this fear of the unknown makes us do some strange things.

The Dunning-Kruger effect stems from the ignorance of our own ignorance. But how do you fix something if you don't even know it's broken?

Creative people are anything but boring, but the creative process itself involves a lot of mundane work and boring consistency.

Therapy, journaling, and meditation have all been shown to improve mental health. When you look a little closer, they all share one thing in common.

Our beliefs can put healthy boundaries on questionable behavior. But limiting beliefs hold us back from what we want in life.

Some of the beliefs we hold seem so self-evident that they couldn't possibly be wrong. But if you dig a little deeper, you'll find that the beliefs that serve us in some ways can hurt us in others.

Sometimes the solution to a problem is worse than the problem itself. It's the Law of Unintended Consequences—and it's more common than you think.

Logical fallacies are incredibly common in our everyday lives. Here are some of the worst ones we all fall prey to.

We're all victims of our own biases. Some of them just make us more awful human beings than others.

Philosophy can help us live more meaningful live sand build better societies. We just need a framework of philosophy that fits our modern-day problems.

Achieving success in life has a lot more to do with how you define being successful than it does with doing what others tell you to do.

Decisions in life come down to trade-offs. And it just so happens we're really bad at evaluating trade-offs.

Resilience is the ability to positively adapt to negative events in your life. It doesn't mean feeling good all the time—it means you're okay with feeling bad sometimes.

Social isolation, lack of exercise, and financial uncertainty will almost certainly lead to deteriorating mental health around the world. But you can take steps today to soften the blow.

Like a muscle, forgiveness needs to be exercised consistently over a period of time. And just as our physical muscles keep our bodies healthy and strong, learning how to forgive can keep our emotional lives healthy and strong.

Most people think regret is a universally bad thing. But if you look a little closer, regret actually serves a very useful purpose in our lives.

The news is often heralded as a vital component of a thriving democracy. But here I argue that, in its current form, the news is doing more harm than good.

The 2010s were a decade of tumultuous change, growing pains, and incredible advancement for the world. Here are 10 lessons we learned.

Life is contradictory in many ways. Here are three paradoxes we all must face.

We all have demons, but overcoming them isn't really the goal you should be looking to accomplish.

Self-esteem isn't the silver bullet some people think it is, but it's still important. It just depends on how and where you're getting your self-esteem.

There’s a dark side to our constant stimulation. All of these low-value distractions in our lives have conditioned us to think that patience is for suckers; that we must “move fast and break things;” that if we’re not up-to-date on everything, all the time, we’re going to get left in the dust. This couldn't be further from the truth.

"Negative Self-Help" — an approach to personal growth based not on what feels good, but rather on what feels bad. Because getting good at feeling bad is what allows us to feel good.

No, You Can't Make a Person Change by Mark Manson

Distractions have become so pervasive in the digital age that we've come to accept them as normal. Here's how we can escape their grip and free our minds a little.

Emotional intelligence is a set of skills you can get better at with practice. Here are five skills you can cultivate to make you more a emotionally intelligent person.

What are your most important personal values? Do you actually value what you say you do, or are you lying to yourself? And just who the hell are you anyway?

Many equate self-discipline with living a good, moral life, which ends up creating a lot of shame when we fail. There's a better way to build lasting, solid self-discipline in your life.

Most of us are pretty terrible at making decisions that affect our lives. We have to learn how to deal with the emotional realities of these decisions and see things a little differently. Here are 5 principles I use to evaluate big decisions in my life.

We typically don't think of being an asshole as a good thing, but there's a difference between "good" assholes and "bad" assholes.

Kant was one of the most influential thinkers in modern history. His philosophy of morality doesn't just have lofty, theoretical implications; we can apply it to our everyday lives as well.

Trying to change yourself—that is, who you are—will inevitably lead you to fail and feel hopeless. But if you instead focus on changing your actions without worrying about how it changes you as a person, real change becomes much simpler.

Trying too hard to get what you want in life—like love, respect, and happiness—often has the opposite effect: you end up lonely, dejected, and miserable. Here's why.

It's possible to be self-aware to some degree and still be unhappy and unfulfilled. And while self-awareness has many benefits, it is, by itself, not the point. This is how you can cultivate and develop healthy self-awareness in your own life.

There are many, many things you should stop giving so many fucks about. Here are 6 of them.

Learning how to grow up and be more mature starts with knowing what you truly value. Being an adult means sticking to your values, even when it's not popular or doesn't benefit you.

A difficult lesson in life is learning how to let go of broken relationships, our pasts, and even parts of ourselves. This is how I've learned to deal with loss in my life.

My recommendations for books that actually help with depression and anxiety

Life isn't about feeling awesome all the time.

Here's how I overcame crippling FOMO.

Painful and traumatic experiences suck. But it's possible to come out of trauma a stronger, more resilient person—and it's actually a lot more common than you think.

Many of us allow ourselves to be defined by how much money we have or don't have. But the real value of money is something else entirely.

Constantly striving for happiness in the face of life's challenges can be just as bad as being miserable all the time.

How romantic love came to be a cultural centerpiece in western societies and why it kind of screws us all up.

The ultimate goal of self-improvement can be paradoxically self-defeating. This is what healthy self-improvement looks like.

Feminism as a movement gets a lot right: equality for all shouldn't be up for debate. But feminism as an institution has become regressive in many cases.

Traditional definitions of masculinity have become more and more outdated—and men are paying a hefty price for it.

Doing "more work" doesn't necessarily mean you'll be more productive, and sometimes, it actually makes you less productive.

Paradoxically, the downside of a mental illness can sometimes be its biggest advantage.

Our ability to focus and hone our attention on what we need is a core component of living a happy, healthy life. But smartphones are polluting our attention.

Welcome, Player One, to a strategy guide for the game known as Life.

It's the ultimate question. The question that you and I and everyone has laid awake at night thinking about: What is the meaning of life?

Some people are still holding out that technology will save humanity from itself. But we keep forgetting that the world doesn't run on information—it runs on emotion.

Success is often the first step toward disaster. The idea of progress is often the enemy of actual progress.

That's right, I'm on to you. You do the shitty things we all do and you don't admit it either. Don't believe me? Here's eleven of them.

A few good reads to make you a slightly less awful human being.

Crowdsourced relationship advice from over 1,500 people who have been living "happily ever after." Learn how they make it work.

The values and beliefs that once defined the American Dream are not only no longer relevant, but they may be hurting us.

Some life skills are more valuable than others. Here are three you probably never learned.

The rise of artificial intelligence worries some and excites others. Here's why I don't really care what happens — and neither should you.

By nearly every objective measure, the world is a better place than it has ever been in modern history. So why doesn't it feel that way?

If we’re really honest with ourselves, we all have a little self-loathing going on from time to time. Here are some ways to stop hating yourself so much.

How we interact with technology affects our identities. Here's what we might we expect the 'self' to look like in the future.

In the age of trigger warnings and safe spaces, we've become addicted to our own self-righteous outrage. This is how we got here.

Find out how doubt can lead to more experimentation, more self-discovery, and more tolerance.

Eight reasons you can’t trust yourself, as demonstrated by psychology.

How modern marketing exploits your insecurities for their own profit.

The problem with conditional relationships is that they inherently prioritize something else above the relationship. Find out why this is a recipe for disaster.

What needs to change if Brazil really wants to change.

Goals are not all they're cracked up to be. Find out how lasting change is really achieved.

We all have this great inner psychological inertia in us, and real change takes time.

Why swear words and vulgarity have a place in our society and culture.

If you have to look for what you’re passionate about, then you’re probably not passionate about it at all.

Why romance and booze have a lot in common.

What if I told you that you could solve all of your life’s problems and live a life full of abundance and freedom while surrounded by adoring friends and loved ones?

Long distance relationships come with their own unique challenges, and I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. Here's what I learned surviving it all.

We’re still pushing kids through the same curriculum their grandparents went through. Here's what we should be teaching them instead.

Learn how to beat procrastination once and for all... as soon as you get around to it.

Here I argue for the merits of mediocrity, of being blasé boring and average. But there's a catch.

While staring at my navel the other day, I decided that that life happens in four stages. Here they are.

Cheating sucks. But here’s the reason why people cheat anyway.

My favorite moments reading non-fiction are when a book bitchslaps my brain and reconfigures my entire understanding of reality and my place within it.

How are you supposed to be confident about something when you have nothing to feel confident about?

The Secret teaches self-absorption and blind acceptance of your emotions, and I call bullshit on all of it.

Modern technology isn’t changing us. It’s changing society. The difference is important to understand.

Step 1: Slap yourself in the face. Hard, preferably.

The hard questions in life appear difficult to anyone who has them and they appear easy to anyone who does not. Here's why.

Why the idea that we can get everything we want out of life is flawed, and how we should deal with it...

Find your life purpose with these seven funny and thought-provoking questions.

Traveling the world, like any life path you choose, has its ups and downs, its highs and lows, its pros and cons. Here are 5 things I learned along the way.

By the time the 21st century rolled around, it was entirely normal and acceptable to discuss your parents’ shortcomings as some sort of explanation for your own. Maybe we took it too far.

Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough.

The real problem with school shootings is right in front of us, yet we choose to ignore it.

Learn how traits that don’t fit our traditional narrative of what love should be are actually necessary ingredients for a healthy relationship.

Over 600 people, age 40 and older, weigh in on what they wish they knew when they were 30. A few of them might surprise you.

My 20s certainly were dramatic. Here are some of the things I learned.

As with anything else, happiness has costs. It is not free. And despite what Cover Girl or Tony Robbins or the Dalai Lama once told you, it’s not always easy breezy either.

Why people who are perpetually single and don’t want to be… are perpetually single and don’t want to be.

We all judge and measure each other by our own standards. Accepting this goes a long ways in understanding others.

When you look at school not as a place where we learned information, but as a place where we learned about ourselves, you discover there are some lessons we pick up without realizing it.

The only way to make real progress in your life is to admit that you're always wrong. Find out why this is a good thing.

If you're not sure what you want out of life, there is one question you must ask yourself. And the answer may surprise you.

We’re often poor arbiters of our own emotions and desires. We lie to ourselves. And we do it for one obvious reason: to feel better.

If you have to try to be cool, you will never be cool. If you have to try to be happy, then you will never be happy.

Two things are abundantly clear: 1) sex education matters and 2) cultures that believe sex is shameful screw everything up. Here's why.

Death is a work-in-progress. The better question isn’t when you’re going to die — it’s what are you choosing as your vehicle to get there?

Comparing yourself to others is an innate part of our nature and that’s unlikely to change anytime soon. What we can change is the basis of that comparison.

Fix your weight by fixing your mind first. Most weight loss advice focuses on the unimportant details. Discover how this has been sabotaging you.

Trying to prove that you're special only feeds insecurity.

The internet has a way of bringing out the worst in people but it also changes them. Here's how.

Many toxic relationship habits are baked into our culture and we end up accepting them as normal. Here are a few ways we do this.

We often hold onto the people and things that make us feel important and worthy and don’t let go which only makes us slaves to those people and those objects.

Sometimes our dreams aren't really what we think they are. And sometimes we're better off not following them.

Life is too short to care about some things. Here are 12 of them.

Traveling the world while making a living is an experience like no other, but there's another side of it you don't often hear about.

Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

For those of your who are single and frustrated, a few simple words of wisdom to change your mind about dating.

Disney movies are responsible for your terrible dating life. Here's why.

A final and comprehensive look at vulnerability, why it's effective, and how to avoid the usual pitfalls with it.

A few thoughts about the Boston explosions yesterday. And why we should take a deep breath and make sure we're not indulging the wrong emotions.

How sex is related to our psychological needs and why our emotions determine our sexual behavior and not the other way around.

The one trait to look for in a partner. There were some comments yesterday saying that I was too harsh.

Finding an emotionally stable partner starts with you first. Here are 3 areas to work on that will help you find a healthy relationship.

There's a short and simple answer to your dating problems, and you might not like the sound of it at first. But trust me: this is for your own good.

What I learned from 15 years of playing guitar and my adolescent dreams of making it as a rock star.

What every entrepreneur should know before they start their first business.

How to break up with some one gracefully and respectfully. Learn the 10 fundamental principles to ending and recovering from your past relationship.

Support and advice for people who may consider suicide. A personal story and retelling of one man's experience with attempted suicide.

A lot of truths in life seem paradoxical on the surface. Here are 20 paradoxes that happen to be true.

Relax, you're OK. An article on self-acceptance and how accepting your flaws is the best and only way to improve upon them.

Strong boundaries form the foundation in any healthy relationship. Learn how to develop them here.

Finding yourself in one manipulative relationship after another is often due to an inability to be vulnerable. Here's how to break the cycle.

How and why you should be grateful for more things in your life.

5 ways the self-help industry isn't all that helpful.

It only takes a few seconds to realize that your mind is split in two almost all the time. Here's how to rein in all the clutter.

There's an interesting theme across many aspects of life that also applies to being productive. Find out what it is.

A sarcastic look at what makes one miserable and how to be better at it.

You won't really understand sexual harassment until it happens to you. Here's what I learned when it happened to me.

There is one belief from which all other self-development flows. Learn what it is.

Meta-awesomeness is a term I invented for when someone recognizes that something about themselves is uncool, which then ironically makes them cool.

Learn the most common reasons why you fail to achieve your goals and dreams.

Learn how to get lucky. Ever wonder why some people are luckier than others? Well, you can be one of the lucky ones too.

It's not as hard as it sounds to drop everything and travel the world. Here are a few ideas to consider.

Despite living in one of the wealthiest and most advanced societies in history, Americans know very little about themselves and the rest of the world.

Minimalism isn't just 'owning less stuff.' It's a state of mind that's to be inhabited. Here's what it means to me.

An in-depth look into why dating is so difficult in this day and age.

Ken Wilber was set to change the world. Here's why I think he never did.

Trying to learning a new language can be daunting at first. Here are some tips to get you started.

Just like with financial diversification, you should also invest in several different areas of your identity. Here's how.

What therapy is, what it can do for you, and how you should go about finding a good therapist.

Why anyone and everyone can benefit from meditation. What meditation is and how to do it.

How to tell if you or someone else is an emotional vampire and what to do about it if so.

Porn is messing up your relationships in more ways than you think. Here's a few of them.

It might sound cliché, but it's true: enjoying life isn't as complicated as it seems.

Getting motivated and taking action doesn't always work the way most people think it does. Here's my simple method for getting things done.

Learn how your attachment style affects your relationships.

My time spent in India left me with more questions than it answered. Here's why.

There's an art to nailing that interview, and it's a process that starts long before you sit down in front of a potential employer.

You probably don't believe this right now, but it's going to be okay.

Calm down. Take a deep breath. It's going to be okay. Your chances of getting an STD depend on a few different things, but you're likely overreacting.

Making eye contact can mean anything from "You don't exist to me" to "I'd like to see you naked." Here's how to tell which is which.

All advice is not created equal. Here's how to give advice without looking like such a jerk.

Men are often raised to withhold their emotions and to ignore any hint of introspection. But here's a way to draw strength from being vulnerable.

The three types of love are not all experienced equally. Find out how each can make or break a relationship.

"Having chemistry in relationships and being compatible with someone are not always the same thing."

The zen philosophy of unattachment presents a dilemma in modern life. Learn how to unfuse your identity from your goals and aspirations.