This year we spoke about Intimacy. Now it's time to confront *Intimacy.* Let's look at the discrepant programs that live inside of us, gathered across a lifetime of adaptation to extreme events and unhealthy narratives. We're talking Sexual Healing vs. Internal Family Systems and deprived needs. Need this conversation more than you knew? Check out patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for the application-heavy episodes, and see what you find out about yourself. While you're there, add a little mutuality to this exchange, by helping to support this DIY healing project. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

We're tying up loose ends in our discussion of relationships! Today, discussing the cognitive copy-pastes we accidentally carry out between past and present relationships - and they ways they set us back in our recovery goals while creating abusive dynamics. Need more thoughts about transference in all its forms? I've got another hour of material and an animated vid on this one. Check patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for more help, or go to t-mfrs.com to get your pubpod transcripts and learn more about the project. Cheers y'all! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Let's cut the brainy shit, the real answer to surviving the holidays is not abandoning yourself. Need more holiday support? Don't we all. For all the other holiday freebies, just hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Search "holiday" to find releases from the past for no cost, or subscribe to access the pre-wrangled Holiday Survival Collection for your listening ease. Stay safe, support yourself, and see you soon Fucker! MFJess and Marcus Barkus --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

We all know about the 4 survival Fs at this point. But how about the additional F reactions- Fronting and Feigning? Let's talk about learned reactions that keep us feeling safe in relationship... while rotting out the connection, engaging manipulation tactics, and using fear as a self-defense. Looking for more "real relationship talk"? Well that's the order of the month, over in the private podcast stream. We're dropping four full episodes of "less fluffy" relational conversations, talking about how relationally traumatized partnerships actually tend to shake out... and how to "read them" before you're in too deep. See you there! And cheers, Fuckers! MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

We've talked a lot about committing fully to relationships and overcoming our conflicts together, through examining the subconscious wounds that actually underly our relational upsets. But here's my question: Is that realistic? Today, we talk about getting clearer on the contents of our potential and current relationship partners' preprogramming, through checking our own somatic experiences, our shared trauma histories, and their adaptions to the social systems that raised them. For alllll the relationship x CPTSD details that will reframe how you view other people and yourself... hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and join the private conversation around relearning "healthy relating." Prepare to reflect. 🍻 --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Let's run through a bunch of messages today, and end on a trauma recovery inspired tune - sent by a gifted MF putting their skills to good use for all of us. We'll talk about fearing borderline diagnoses, redesigning life to meet our recovery needs, the utility of journaling and trauma narration, and beyond. Thanks again to Somber Mercy for their share and song submission! Find them at instagram.com/sombermercy If you want to be a part of the Mailbag or Motherfuckers Speaks episodes, send your shiiiiiit to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com to get on the show, in written or recorded form. Cheers y'all MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Why don't we sign up for close connections anymore? Especially after learning about our CPTSD patterns? It's an episode pulled from the private Fort! Let's talk about relationship hangups from an experiential standpoint, integrating what we've heard from the research with real life brain operations to demystify disorganized feelings about closely connecting with others. Check out ⁠⁠t-mfrs.com⁠⁠ for more info and blogged transcripts of each public episode. To help yourself help yourself, while also helping this project to support MFs round the world, hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for the full years-long conversation and private Discord support community filled with unfluffy folks like you. And cheers y'all MFJess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

"So how do you feel about relationships?  Complicated?  You want them? You despise them? You fear them? You long for them? You try them? You exit them rapidly? Or you try to? You get stuck in them? And haunted by cycles of unfulfillment?" Today, let's talk about the obstacles we face when considering relationships or landing ourselves in them. The ways we attempt to protect ourselves from them. Why shallow, distanced relationships plague PTSD sufferers. And how vulnerability, intimacy, and trust are necessary foundations for our long-term healing. For the full conversation on VIT in relationship shitnanigans, hit patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and stay tuned as we dive deeply into relationships on trauma. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Today, sharing a mini essay I wrote for another platform, where controversial perspectives are the topic of conversation. In so much of this "trauma recovery game" we're inspired to hunker down against past patterns. But is that really healing? Want more Traumatized Motherfuckers? Join the Patreon to get hundreds of past episodes, weekly releases, and a part in supporting this DIY show. Or find more info on the project at t-mfrs.com. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Convinced you aren't individually damaged, doomed, or destitute yet? Sick. But that comfort doesn't do much good if your brain, behaviors, and life don't change along with the perspective.  Here are 10 steps for CPTSD recovery and your life redesign. Keeping in mind, "different strokes for different folks," "different gains for different brains." Let the experiment begin.  See you on the other side, Motherfucker.  For a lot more "moving forward" information and support... you know by now. Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for the catalogue of podcast episodes so far, some videos, some worksheets, and access to the private Discord support community.  Submit your recovery or struggle story any time - just send your recording to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com. Reach a hand back for the Fuckers that follow.  Cheers y'all, and thanks for the time you've given your brain.  Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Do you edit your daily activities to feel "acceptable," to the detriment of your own wants, needs, and goals? Can you see yourself clearly from the outside, on one timeline? Do you have the power to "drop out" of your brain and observe its activities as a separate observer?  Maybe not. Today, we're talking about the loss of "Self" - the most flowery and easily dismissible of the CPTSD hallmarks... which might explain why we continually lose progress in trauma recovery. It's the key to keeping your brain, behaviors, and 'balance' on track. The cognitive task-manager that knows what you're here to accomplish. The center of human "purpose" and autobiographical experience. And the most elusive of the CPTSD recovery tools - especially when its been deemed "shameful" for so long.  Let's talk about your Self. My favorite top-down and bottom-up tool for bypassing dissociation and keeping that brain in working order.  Uh, lot more to say about this one. My Self has been a bit conceptually Self-obsessed, as it relates to neurobiology and plasticity. Check those detailed episodes out at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers and prepare to see your brain from a management-enabling distance that allows life-managing clarity.  It might be the best thing you've ever done for your Self.    Cheers Fuckers. Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

What's the difference between "being a good person" and sacrificing your whole life to support others? In most of our families and social structures... there isn't one. Which makes it pretty hard to name the problem, re-examine your instincts to serve, or stand up for your right to operate your own brain.  Today, let's talk about one of the most ignored and normalized survival responses. Fawning.  If history has anything to say - sorry to everyone who kickstarts a new round of therapy because of this conversation. It's been a commonly enlightening topic for revealing accepted, pervasive, trauma patterning.  For a lot more talk on fawning, including some 2021 year-end wrapups that are coming out in January, hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Check t-mfrs.com if yer curious about the whole project, and to find visual versions of the shows.  Cheers, MFucking Fawners.  Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Here's a holiday release for ya. Merry whatever-you-do, and let's talk about families fuckin things up.   Mental illness seems to run in families, do'nnit? Turns out, there's some biological mirroring mechanisms you might want to hear about. Why are you "the way you are"? It's because of them. Why do they refuse to see your progress and personality realistically? It's also because of them.  Today, let's talk brain development, brain programming, and brain-protection tactics (you might know them as scapegoating, cognitive dissonance, and delusions). Buckle up, Blacksheep. it's time to talk about the dangers of dysregulated humans penning the blueprints for younger brains. Generational trauma, yeehaw.   Want to hear more about this? I've got a few shows from this summer that might make sense of your... world. Hit t-mfrs.com for more project information and patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers whenever you're ready to jump in to the episode backlog, exercises, and support community.   Cheers and good luck out there.  Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

So, let's say your brain is on fire 24/7. Your body is doing the same. You're uncomfortable every moment, from the inside and out. You, very literally, are too sick and tired to deal with another obstacle or point of pressure. So... You reasonably start avoiding sources of strain. But then it gets unreasonable.  What happens if everything is deemed "risky"? Talking the eventual extreme outcome of untreated CPTSD. Turns out, it's a lot more common than you probably think - TLC specials, aside. Today, let's rap about the agitated, agoraphobic, rigid-brained experience of rightfully avoiding everything that hurts.  Looking to stop avoiding life so much? (On a personal note; highly recommend.) Come hang out with me a bit more in the TMFR private podcast stream and community. Live vicariously through my "eh, fuckit," approach that's firmly replaced the anxious bubble where I used to hunker. Check out the story, research, and tips at t-mfrs.com or get the private feed at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

What's the difference between your past high-functionality and current fears of "losing your fucking mind"? Bad information that was programmed into faulty neural networks being activated more regularly in ways that override the accessibility of the "human brained" prefrontal cortex.  The good news is, you can fix it. Your brain isn't "you" or a reflection of your value. And it's just a stupid biological reactor organ, waiting to be taught better.   "As much as we put it on a pedestal, your head isn’t infallible in interpreting your environment or history or future. It makes up stories to do so. It predicts events as quickly and accurately as possible, but the instructions or translations of events it contains might be flawed from the start..." Let's talk about collecting bad data, creating inaccurate stories, triggering ourselves to high-hell, obsessing, addictions, self-sabotage, and losing executive functioning.  Into the neuro-comprehension talk? Welp, that's what we're doing most often these days in the private podcast stream at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Learn how to see your brain and neural programming... so you can change anything you're not happy with. Looking forward at building better brains, not backwards at punishing ourselves for unchangeable events.  Cheers, Fuckers.  Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Time to talk about perhaps the largest post-traumatic complaint. It's time for Anxiety. (When isn't it?) Let's also chat about those highly related conditions often driven by anxiety... Obsession and Scattered Thinking. The link between all of them that might help you with managing the system? Neutralizing the "high energy" changes they create in your brain and body, plus rewiring that brain to recognize these neural activities are all unwinnable attempts to out-pace a rightfully-assumed-dangerous world.  "In anxiety, obsession, and ADHD, we try to predict the future based on what we’ve seen in the past. We try to control our world by out-thinking it. Out-preparing for it. Our thoughts move very quickly as our brains make automatic decisions based on existing neural connections. We can’t stop taking compulsive action because our brain never gives the “stop” signal." Let's break down some of the most holistically-debilitating conditions of life on trauma... the "neurotic" end of the energetic scale - Anxiety, OCD, and Unmanageable Thought Patterns.  Into this approach? It's just my brain's way of understanding this CPTSD experience, you won't find it elsewhere. Check t-mfrs.com to dig into the blogged and visually enhanced versions of these episodes to enhance your info absorption. Check Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for a huge backlog of shows on CPTSD and an ever-expanding focus on "managing your neurobiology" topics. And consider the TMFR private discord community if you're looking for supportive chats on shared recovery resiliencies.  Remember, your brain is just a neutrally-observing organ, equipped only to learn about your environment in order to predict and react to upcoming events. Oftentimes, its been taught wrong. It's your job to reframe what's correct.  Cheers Fuckers.  Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

You know the team well. They all travel together. One feeds into and strengthens the next. And getting away from them feels inescapable. It's a Traumatized Motherfucker's worst friends; rumination, shame, and depression. Which cognitive hellhole comes first? Current models aren't certain. All we know is, this horrible-thought-horrible-feeling cycle is one hell of a ride.   "The end result of trying to “put ourselves in our maggoty, scum-filled place” is sitting at home alone, isolating ourselves, and engaging in self-destructive behaviors while we try to pass the excruciating hours of the day, which are broken into even more terrorizing individual seconds of the day spent with our least favorite person on the earth."  Today, we're taking the neuro-psychological view of clinical depression... and discussing how their common "low energy vibe" might be the best tool for noticing, naming, and not-falling-for-their-shit next time.   Ready for more of this conversation? There are options. Hit up t-mfrs.com to see the blog post and visuals that go with this talk. Jump into the backlog of episodes available through patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers when you're ready for deep, dense, posts on similar topics. Or hit up the private discord community, also gated through the patreon page.   Got a story or perspective of your own? Hit me up any time at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com. Send in your voice or your written word, and make a difference for MFs who need to hear they aren't alone.  Cheers friends.  Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Emotional numbing. Over-intellectualizing. Depersonalization. Derealization. Fragmented Personalities. Let's talk about all the ways that our brains try to protect us from stress, overwhelm, and danger. The ways we might see this as "adaptive skill." And the ways we might not even realize dissociation is happening, by half-brained design.  Looking to learn more? You know what to do. Go to t-mfrs.com to see the visually-enhanced version of these posts (my shit-doodles, don't get excited). Hit Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to hear the full episodes already devoted to dissociative topics. Or hit that Google bar to start learning on your own!  Cheers Y'all Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

I know, therapy probably hasn’t been a walk in the park so far. If you’re here, you’re probably looking for more information, more help, or more reassurance that you’re not the only one looking for a way out. But there's no real substitute to having a professional to keep you grounded, processing the right materials, and creating personalized progress goals in line with your individual struggles. As someone who did NOT want to go to therapy, after two very bad experiences with people who didn’t know what the hell they were doing, I can tell you, my trauma brain completely changed the day I found a qualified trauma therapist. And I want everyone to have that experience.  Today, let's talk about the challenges of finding effective help and the caveats of safely turning to prescription meds. Because trauma requires trauma-trained therapy, and there's a lot to choose from. For more help finding a practitioner who matches your personal preferences, go to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists.  For help affording therapy, check out https://openpathcollective.org/ Hit up t-mfrs.com to see some gnar-graphics that accompany these chats via the Blog. To talk with other MFs about the challenges and triumphs of this MF life, hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to join the private support community. See you there. Cheers y'all Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Let's take an unexpected step back, and talk more about the EXPERIENCE of living with CPTSD, not just the brain processes that make it reality. With memory, attentional, emotional, and relationship issues at the forefront of the list, not to mention all the stress-based health failures, there's a lot to say about the endless death march of having untreated CPTSD running the show.  The real cumulative CPTSD experience is probably when we take all these tormentors coming from the insides of our own brains and bodies, lay awake all night, every night, and enjoy that endless tour de “all the most humiliating, lonesome, and terrified times in my life.” In my book, there’s nothing worse than the insomnia-shame combo that rips away any lingering sense of control or sanity you may have had. It's helpful to know that all your struggles come from one single mental origin. But more importantly, it's critical to know that you aren't alone and your neurons aren't unfixable.  This may be your life on CPTSD so far, but it doesn't have to be your life forever.  For more information on your stupid fucking brain, hit me up at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com or jump into the community at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers  Cheers y'all Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Let's talk about everyone's favorite new buzzdiagnosis - Complex Trauma (CPTSD). What is it? Why is it so difficult to name? And what does it really do to your brain, as far as creating self-destructive neural structures that can undermine your lifetime? Here's a biological / neuropsychological breakdown of life on undiagnosed CPTSD, AKA living with "pervasive relational trauma."  In a nutshell, CPTSD is the same brain mechanism and downstream nightmare we just discussed last time in our PTSD talk... But specifically it’s defined by the early timing, the relational nature, and the persistence of trauma. Let's focus on the ways these early developmental influences tend to impart automatic, lifelong, destructive programming in your brain.  Ready to hear more about Complex Trauma, from an experiential standpoint? Great news, this isn't the first time around the block. There are two much longer, much less brain-directed episodes on defining the experience of CPTSD already streaming at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. And 150+ additional episodes where that came from.  Check out the full backlog of science meets insight meets struggle, and then consider jumping into the TMFRs Private Discord if this method of talking trauma makes sense for your recovery.  Cheers Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

It's not so mysterious, actually.  We’ve really made Trauma into a big word with a lot of negative connotation, qualification, and over-complication. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t shamefully uttered the phrase “But I wonder if that’s really bad enough to count as trauma, when other people have had it worse.” So let’s stop right there and clear up the fact that trauma has nothing to do with being in the top 1% of human tragedy. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. What IS Trauma, speaking from a neurological level? How do our memories split, our heads get littered with backed up data, and our bodies join in the dysregulated shitshow? What are flashbacks, triggerings, and intrusive thoughts? Where does rumination fit into the puzzle? What's our "Human" vs "Animal" power struggle got to do with it? And how can we visualize things, neurally, to understand our brain errors? Let's talk about Trauma, in one conceptualization of neuro-, systems, psycho-, and evolutionary biology... Plus, less-sunny snippits of "real life on trauma" experiential recall - because you're not the only one feeling like life's become an endless death march on bloody knees through a hurricane.  You aren't alone. You aren't the only one learning how to handle your T Brain or T Life. And there are a few hundred Fuckers waiting to talk trauma in the TMFR private community, available anytime through Patreon and Discord. If you're ready to hear the whole story, hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to get the full backlog of TMFR research and reveal episodes for figh bucks.  If you've got a story to share, record yourself! Use any headset and recording app, and send your Self to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com to get on the show. Send out a signal; let someone know they're not in this alone.  Cheers Fuckers Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

So, how’s life been lately? But how has it really been? Having some variety of experiences that goes beyond your normal baseline standard depression, anxiety, self-hatred and disinterest in being alive?  If you're new here - needing answers or a lobotomy ASAP - welcome to the club. Together we've had 18 months of trauma-learning through peer-reviewed research, connecting dots from our conversations in the community, and a bit too much personal experience.   Apparently this one-human project has been helping folks all over the world, but it's also gotten pretty "trauma-advanced" through all of our conversations together. We've gotten way past the introductory information that plenty of Fuckers still need to make sense of their baffling brains. So let's back up, start this thing again, and discuss a basic biological framework for understanding the 4 billion horsemen of CPTSD in one scowl swoop. Let's get on the same page before starting the next big chapter.  This is TMFRs, a trauma support and educational effort with less of a "look on the bright side" perspective, more of a "here's how to handle the science and psychology of mental illness, applied to our real life accounts of dealing with this raging neural dumpster fire" mission.  You aren't damaged, doomed, or dead yet. But if you're ready to be done ruminating, nervous system deregulating, isolating, and self-hating - you might be a Motherfucker.  Ready to hear the whole story so far? The backlog of 100+ trauma-defining and -refining episodes is available for $5 at Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Jump into the community, the private Discord, or my DMs from there. Send in your story anytime to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com, and let someone know they're not alone.  Cheers Fuckers Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Ever feel like you're just TOO observative and sensitive? Like your surroundings have an irrationally large effect on your concentration, mood, and emotions? Like you're strangely stimulated from the inside more often than not? Good news, it's not just you - it's Trauma.  Dig the Complex Trauma support project? Well, shit, this MF needs support too. If this trauma podcast is helping you in any way, please consider throwing a few bucks at it - you'll help other Traumatized Fuckers get the words they need to feel less alone, and help me afford to eat.   --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Ever heard that generality, "Complex Trauma survivors culture chaos in their lives because it feels normal"? Fuck that, amiright? No way this constant shitshow is my fault. I do NOT want any of this entropy that follows me. Well, Fuckers, today I'm taking a look at the more subtle forms of chaos that have been ruling my life and relations for the past 3 months. Maaaaybe it's time to acknowledge that chaos does something to calm this brain.... even if I don't want it to be true.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

I'm not a scientist anymore, but some things haven't faded. Today, I'm laying out my hypothesis that there are three major areas of life that need to be positively changed and maintained for lasting Trauma brain recovery to happen. The massive, overarching elements that require exhaustive attention and brave behavior changes. What are those areas? How do they impact our mental health? What happens when one or two of the components are in place - good enough, right? (Nah.)  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Ever feel overwhelmed and shut-down for... well... kind of mundane reasons? Like you're about to explode if your phone doesn't stop pinging? You might kill your significant other if they don't let *that issue* go? You might break down if you get an email at 9pm?  When the agitation from over stimulation builds up, what happens next? Shutdown, avoidance, aggression? A quick turn towards maladaptive behaviors that lingers for days? Yeah, Fucker, today I'm talking about Distress Intolerance, inner critics, and avoidant coping responses. Is it real, and what can we do about it? OH, and a replay from the podcast, Anxious and Angry.... you know, just one of my favorite bands, talking about Traumatized Motherfuckers! WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK. So excited that I'm pushing this episode to the front of the line! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Ever feel like you get "stuck" in a void? Like your brain goes blank and your tongue gets tied? Do you watch your life deteriorate while you're stuck in a parallel dimension? Hey, today I'm discussing Freeze States in Trauma survivors. I've got a research article for you, revealing the occurrence of "prolonged" Freeze States in rats under Complex Trauma Conditions. Plus, we're talking about the ways that this survival mechanism can become a long-term maladaptive response instead of a momentary defense. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

How are your emotions? Black and white, like everything else? 0 or 100? Big surprise, your trauma brain is just trying to keep you safe.  Today, I'm discussing some research on Emotional Dissociation as well as my own experience with the learned defense mechanism. The emotional "switch" that flips when things are overwhelming... and how it takes on a life of its own.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Struggle with work environments triggering your trauma and disrupting your life? Wonder why coworkers drive you over the edge? Ever feel like you're just "not cut out" for a 9-5? Yeah, Fucker. You aren't alone. Of course, our ACEs contribute to difficult work relationships and poor life balance. When organizations encourage security hierarchies, poor boundaries, and social aggression... is it really any wonder that Traumatized Motherfuckers feel their mental health going by the wayside?  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Ever heard of Deactivation? I hadn't either. But it explains a lot about my do-or-die relationships and flighty nature.  A die-hard companion. A martyr for relationships. A friend until the end. (READ: A codependent mess) UNTIL I'M NOT. Here for you one day, freaked out and disappeared the next. Is this a shitty personality, or survival instincts gone wrong?  Time to research something new - Deactivation. Does this sound like you, too? You might belong in the TMFR Discord community. Head over to t-mfrs.com and apply to join!  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

If you google Complex Trauma you'll find many mentions of Shame. I get it, I think, but also... What the fuck IS shame, exactly? How is it different from guilt? How does it interplay with Trauma? Doing some "real research" and reporting back on the hidden experience of Shame. One of the most painful and pervasive emotions. Wanna give me a new topic to look at? Report it at t-mfrs.com and I'll see what I can find on PubMed. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

So... things suddenly aren't going so well with your body? Weird shit is happening, acutely and chronically?  Sorry, Motherfucker. Welcome to the world of trauma manifestation in physical symptoms. Talking flashbacks, dissociation, and all the assorted ailments you can expect. Plus, my general advice based on what helped me quiet down these autoimmune diseases, digestive failures, acid reflux, FUPAs, migraines, and more. Take it or leave it. What did I miss? I'm sure there's a lot more. Let me know and tell me about your experience! Find me at t-mfrs.com  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Punk Rock Saved My Life. Original assertion? Nope. #frankturner  Punk is the trauma genre, drawing misfits and unwanted outsiders together to create their own community. And they don't have time for yer basic shit.  Fact is, if I hadn't become a punk, I probably would have followed in my family footsteps. Without this community, lord knows I wouldn't have escaped my circumstances; abuse, addiction, poverty, and rural-shittery. Wanna check out the musics? Find the Spotify playlist! Search Traumatized Motherfuckers and follow the skulls. Wanna tell me I'm missing something? Get in touch at t-mfrs.com  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Looking back on those days of trauma-responses and utter misery... sometimes feels more like trying to remember a fever nightmare, rather than recalling the past.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Anyone else have big emotions that shift faster than the wind? One moment I'm floating, the next I'm fucking sinking. External circumstances don't even have to wreck this ship; I have an explosive boiler room powering this ocean liner. With spiraling thoughts, fear-based perception, and a general ignorance of what "doing well" even means... it's hard to keep positive emotions stable or properly name your mental state. Everything is relative, and compared to others, I'm relatively-great at being miserable. You too? Sorry dude. Come hang at t-mfrs.com or traumatizedmotherfuckers.com if you want to find similar scales. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Revisiting an old post, from May 2020.  Tired of painting on a happy face? We all are. For better or for worse, we have all been programmed to keep our heads down and project utter bliss, or at least sufficient satisfaction, to the entire planet. This only equips us with the universal expectation that everyone is actually fine, and we should be too.  If you're tired of being "fine," you know where to find other Fuckers. Join up at www.t-mfrs.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Always waiting for something to change before you can? Convinced that the obstacle is too large - and uncomfortable - to start climbing? Yeah, me too. But rest assured, no one knows what the fuck they're doing. The inferiority fear and resistance is more than half the battle. Get moving and figure it out as you go, Motherfucker.  Find me at t-mfrs.com  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Sound quality warning! Get ready for some birds and bees. When you can't talk about your experiences and subsequent mental illness... you hide it. I spent my life trying to patch the holes with all sorts of disguise; fading into the background, embodying a subservient worker bee, coating my exhausted face with layers of paint. In hindsight, to pacify other people and fit into the "healthy herd."  Did it ever really work? Nah, motherfuckers. Nobody has ever called this walking war against self "healthy or happy-looking" until I actually got a grip on positive living. And that was like... right now.  Sorry for the nature-sounds; trying a new walk and talk format. Hope you enjoy ambient bird calls and bugs screaming. If you don't... shout it out. traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Last time we talked Endless Trauma Loops pt I, I recounted the disappointing discovery that I've been living the same trauma-born mistakes for the past 10 years on repeat. I was both so smart - and clearly so fucking dense - to get stuck in the same life-halting traps for a decade. So, what are those repeat mishaps? Stagnancy and overdrive, tough relationships, anxious attachments, health-obsession and abuse, escapism, and an undercurrent of giving up on myself, to name a few... Sounds familiar? Eek, sorry Fucker. But also, while I was too dumb to stop making the same choices in different costumes on repeat, at least I had SOME idea of the right ways to get out of it. There are also positive notes of gratitude, confidence, optimism, and narrative thinking, for short-lived times.  If I want to break the loops, I just have to make sure that my trauma brain doesn't push these ways of thinking to the back of the line again. I got it this time - hopefully. How bout you? If you've got something to say, let's fucking hear it! Find me and the other Traumatized Motherfuckers at t-mfrs.com. Email me at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com to say hey. Join the private Discord group and get connected with MFs eerily like you. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Anger has a bad rap. No, we don't need more angst or outrage in this world... but when your emotions are limited by anxiety, overwhelm, and triggers, a Motherfucker only has so many options. "Finding Peace," and, "Believing in Bright Sides," aren't going to be on that list.  This is how indigence can be a useful tool to kickstart a trauma recovery journey. Git mad, git proactive, and prove that all those fuckers who held you back back before won't hold you down forever.  By the way, I wrongly credit this idea with some flip-flopped words. For more learning, you should check Pete Walker's "Complex Trauma; From Thriving to Surviving." (Not the opposite. Note to self: Mind your mush mouth, MF.) Like my new music intro/outro? Yeah, we'll see how long it takes that cease and desist letter to arrive. Looking for community support of your pissy attitude? We're pretty positive these days, but we'll call your shit right out. Check it at t-mfrs.com/join. Sign up for the Discord group and get into the community of real Traumatized Motherfuckers. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

It's a marathon episode of back-to-back blog posts, motherfucker! Talking about the mindset of fear and helplessness running the show of your life. What's stopping you from doing things you know you should? Probably yourself. For me, life gets stunted on repeat by runaway catastrophic thinking and sense of pending doom that fills my traumatized brain. How can you get started on anything when you're convinced it's going to be disastrous or deadly? Ya fucking can't. Where do these victimized assumptions come from and how to get steppin. Then, the merit of worrying must die. Discussing the major problem with always being "10 steps ahead." How did this MF transition from an agoraphobe who was anxiety-attack-level-terrified of driving to packing up and doing that shit errday, across thousands of miles? Well... the answer may be insulting. "Think less, do more." How? Wanna read the blogs? Find them and a whole lot of other trauma living articles at www.t-mfrs.com. While you're there... Subscribe to get on that Newsletter train. Join the Discord community for daily support with MFs like you. Reach out anytime to share your story or tell me this sucks! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

A wild update 'cast from adventures in trauma; off the cuff and sharing a busy week of learning & developments. PLUS - A fellow trauma traveler from across the globe reaches out! Sharing the goosebump-raising voice message sent from an amazing New Zealander, now proud to call herself a Motherfucker. A gift I accept with so much gratitude, and oh, her beautiful accent. This week... your motherfucker's actually keeping the trauma terrors at bay. Why? Because I'm finally not acting like an asshole to myself. Turns out, when you calm down, do the things that you know support your trauma recovery mindset, and stop indulging in your shitty habits, everything can change pretty quickly. PSA: consume the right information, keep up with your mental health management practices, and watch your perspective change your world. Also, talking about all the exciting and unexpected shifts happening! Holy MF! The pressure of people actually caring, the universe shifting away from shitting on my everyday parade, and the spontaneous trauma-healing words I never thought my mom would say. Healing generational trauma. You know, I'm starting to think there's a purpose to all this.  Wanna jump into trauma recovery like a MF? Join the Traumatized Motherfucker Community on Discord! Hit up www.t-mfrs.com to apply for membership! While you're there, feel free to get in touch, subscribe to the blog/newsletter, and read trauma recovery lessons shared from fuckers like you.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

For the past 2 years, I've had major epiphany moments about my trauma journey and recovery .I've made enormous progress in changing my mindset and behaviors to change my life - working towards building one I actually want, instead of one shaped by trauma. And then... I found an old journal that effectively demonstrates that I've known this information all along. Since, you know, a decade ago. I've had all the answers, I've known the right steps to take, and I've relived the same trauma patterns over and over again. What the fuck, self? What have you been doing? Loving this life of misery so much you couldn't give it up? Today, I'm talking endless trauma loops. Where do they come from? What's up with this trauma programming, inner critic, and fucked up core belief system? How does history repeat itself without being noticed? And how can we break these patterns before another decade flies by?  Plus... how to forgive ourselves for mistakes on repeat. Thanks, Universe.  If you've got something to say or just want to connect with other Traumatized Motherfuckers, search the Socials @traumatizedmotherfxckers! Find us at t-mfrs.com and request to become a member of the all-new community platform. Or, reach out at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com anytime to tell me what's up in your traumatized world.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

I'm not proud to admit, I have bad relationships. I get obsessive and anxious. I fall into unhealthy patterns with unhealthy people. And I let them destroy my life from the inside out.  Part of this pattern is due to insecure attachments and trauma brain. The other part? My love for equally damaged animals. I'm a sucker for "helping" people at the cost of helping myself. I'm drawn to people with problems. I'm skilled at orienting my life around someone else's. I'm great at being a little helper and telling myself that's all I'm good for. Thanks, trauma! It's easy to beat myself up, to feel like a "dumb girl," or to chide myself for being an emotional martyr... but the fact is, I never learned about healthy relationships. I have good intentions, but I can easily care too much for people who don't even care about themselves. And every time, I get blown off-course from wherever I was headed with my own life and mental health recovery. How about you? Wanna chat daily? Pop over to t-mfrs.com and sign up for the online community platform. We're talking trauma and offering mutual support 24/7. See you on the server! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

For months I’ve been great (you know, relatively speaking for a Traumatized MF). I’ve been focused, uber productive, healthy, and happy, locked inside my room in Atlanta..... and then I came home to Illinois. Triggers: everywhere. Trauma mindset: ACTIVATED. I’ve been a fucking anxious, fearful, defeated mess, our of nowhere - and I can’t help but wonder.... How can such a high high be immediately followed by a descent to trauma lows? Will I pull this shit back together, or is this another slip backwards on my long trauma trek? Guess we’ll find out in this OFF THE CUFF discussion of recent life challenges.  If you're into the message, come hang out! Join the community, find mindset support for your C-PTSD journey, and share your story at www.t-mfrs.com. Search the socials for Traumatized Motherfuckers and DM me with your perspective on trauma matters across the web. Let's rap about really living with Trauma. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Listen up! It's THE FIRST blog post I made (and kept) for Traumatized Motherfuckers... read in audiobook style for your easy consumption. Get to know my inner shit from a difficult early life, and see if it sounds a lot like yours. At the end of the day, we’re just Traumatized Motherfuckers (AKA trauma warriors leveraging our pasts to help ourselves in the future).  If you're into the message, come hang out! Join the community, find mindset support for your C-PTSD journey, and share your story at www.t-mfrs.com. Search the socials for Traumatized Motherfuckers and DM me with your perspective on trauma matters across the web. Let's rap about really living with Trauma. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

I’ve been too chicken shit to follow through with creating a podcast for the past year. The brutal voice in my head gave a million reasons not to. But Traumatized Motherfuckers don’t let fear determine their lives anymore. And I am the OG TMF. This is my Complex Trauma project, and I hope it can help - first, I just have to take the motherfucking steps. Join the community, find mindset support for your C-PTSD journey, and share your story at www.t-mfrs.com! Search the socials for Traumatized Motherfuckers and DM me with your perspective on trauma matters. Let's rap. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message