Most couples have no idea why their marriage isn’t as easy as they thought it would be. In the Secure Marriage Podcast, Paul Elmore, a Licensed Professional Counselor, and his wife, Shannon, use Biblical truth, the latest relationship research, 16 years of professional counseling, and 25 years of personal marriage experience to show you exactly what you need to do to make your marriage work better. It doesn't matter if you're just starting your marriage, you want your good marriage to be better, or your marriage is melting down, when you use the Secure Marriage Framework you are guaranteed to fight less, feel understood, and enjoy a deeper connection with your spouse.
Don’t Let Shame Destroy Your Relationship
If you spend a lot of time beating yourself up internally, chances are you’re pretty critical of everyone else around you, including your spouse. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re exploring how shame becomes a toxic element in your relationship and why it’s important to become the healthiest version of yourself.
2/19/2024 • 28 minutes, 49 seconds
How to Completely Remove Anger From Your Marriage
Remember the last time you or your spouse blew up in anger during a fight? Remember what they said and how they acted. Now imagine the same fight except without the blow up. How would things have gone differently? How would it have felt. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re introducing you […]
1/19/2024 • 23 minutes, 19 seconds
Why Doing Planks Makes Your Marriage Stronger
Shannon and I have committed to doing planks everyday of 2024. So far, we’ve kept our promise despite being sick for the first two weeks of the year. So what does this have to do with marriage? You’ll have to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast to find out.
1/15/2024 • 14 minutes, 29 seconds
Why I Woke Up SUPER Mad at my Husband
Husbands… have you ever woken up and the first thing you realize is, your wife’s really mad at you? Welcome to my world today. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re inviting you into our humor-filled morning of a wife who didn’t get enough sleep. Buckle up!
12/28/2023 • 14 minutes, 41 seconds
The RIGHT Way to Pick A Christmas Tree
It’s Christmas Day on the podcast, and out of the goodness of our hearts, we’ll share with you the RIGHT way to pick a Christmas Tree… which obviously is Shannon’s way. 😁 Merry Christmas to everyone who so kindly listens and supports us here at Secure Marriage. Without you, we wouldn’t be able to do […]
12/26/2023 • 22 minutes, 29 seconds
Why Love Isn’t Enough For A Happy Marriage
At some point in your marriage, you’ve probably said (either verbally or internally), “We’re sooooo in love!” And I have no doubt that this was (and maybe still is) true. But being in love will never be enough to have a healthy and secure Marriage. “Why?” I’m so glad you asked. That’s what we’re covering […]
12/21/2023 • 23 minutes, 26 seconds
My Husband Confides More in His Mother Than in Me
When your spouse starts sharing the intimate details of your relationship with other people, it can feel like a major betrayal. It can hurt even more when you find out those other people are extended family members, On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re exploring the options you have as you work through […]
12/12/2023 • 21 minutes, 50 seconds
Will Dating Other People Help Strengthen Our Relationship?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re challenging the belief that dating others can inherently strengthen a committed relationship or marriage. We’ll shed light on the emotional risks and potential damage it will inflict on the foundation of love and trust.
12/7/2023 • 22 minutes, 18 seconds
Why You Should Stop Using A Toxic Tone of Voice
If you truly want to be heard whenever you speak, you need make sure your nonverbal communication (posture, attitude, tone, and timing) isn’t sabotaging your message. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll learn why HOW you say things says more about WHAT you’re saying than the actual words you use.
11/28/2023 • 22 minutes, 28 seconds
How to Know When To Call it Quits!
When things are getting bad in your relationship, where’s the line between continuing to fight for the relationship and calling it quits? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll attempt to answer this difficult question as well as explore one of the deeper issues that lead to this question in the first place.
11/24/2023 • 24 minutes, 23 seconds
How to Respond to “I Don’t Want To Argue About This.”
It’s pretty difficult to find resolution when your spouse is trying to avoid any conversation about the topic. It usually leads to frustration, disappointment, and eventually discouragement. Instead of getting mad, in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we want to help you understand why they’re withdrawing and show you a better way to […]
11/20/2023 • 20 minutes, 16 seconds
Why I Yelled At My Wife Because I Care About Her So Much
It’s been a hard week at our house this week. Shannon went through an experience that scared the crap out of me, and my response, as I tried to care for her, was to yell at her. Yes, we know it doesn’t make sense, but in a backwards sort of way, it does. If you […]
11/2/2023 • 19 minutes, 30 seconds
What If I Get Married and Then Find Someone Better?
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re going to listen and respond to one the best answers to this question we’ve ever heard. It’s honest. It’s clear. It’s blunt. And, it’s also the truth. Thanks to @discovergrace and @pastormikeadkins on IG for the 30 second clip you’re going to listen to today.
10/26/2023 • 20 minutes, 35 seconds
Stop Trying To Teach Your Husband How To Be A Good Husband
When your spouse is doing something that’s bugging you, the first (and most natural) thing your survival brain tells you to do is to tell them what they’re doing wrong. Of course, you expect they’ll be ever-so-grateful that you told them how wrong they were because, after all, you were just trying to be helpful. […]
10/23/2023 • 23 minutes, 51 seconds
Help! My Husband Finds Other Women Attractive
What do you do when your husband, who is genuinely loving and kind most of the time, admits he finds other women attractive? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you how to navigate the variety of confusing feelings and learn how to respond in an appropriate manner.
10/20/2023 • 20 minutes, 41 seconds
What To Do When You Realize You’ve Been A Complete Jerk To Your Wife
Realizing you’ve been a less-than-stellar husband to your wife?. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we explore the journey of self-discovery and self-improvement when you’ve finally woken up to your shortcomings as a partner. Whether you’ve recently had this realization or it’s been a long time coming, this episode offers valuable insights on […]
10/9/2023 • 15 minutes, 26 seconds
What NOT to Say When Your Wife is Overreacting
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll reveal the things to say and, more importantly, NOT to say when your wife has “strong feelings”. Learn how to navigate these situations with patience and grace and create a more harmonious and supportive partnership, even when emotions are running high.
10/5/2023 • 21 minutes, 12 seconds
How To Be A Loving Husband During “That Time of the Month”
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, join us on an informative, humorous, and empathetic journey to understand the nuances of supporting your wife whenever “Aunt Flo” comes to visit. Learn how you can be a more loving and supportive husband even while the two of you are riding the rollercoaster of her hormone [ …]
10/2/2023 • 18 minutes, 17 seconds
Why Negative Self Talk Will Sabotage Healthy Conflict
Negative self-talk is a subtle cancer that can disrupt, and even escalate, everyday conflicts. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I are exploring the intricate connection between your inner dialogue and how it impacts your conflict resolution skill.
9/28/2023 • 22 minutes, 58 seconds
Why Getting Reconnected After A Fight is SO STINKIN’ HARD!
Working through a fight is one thing. Getting emotionally connected is an entirely different skill—one that not many couples have learned to do really well. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll talk through the psychological barriers to getting reconnected and a few practical steps to make it easier over time.
9/25/2023 • 23 minutes, 23 seconds
How Can I Fix My Marriage When My Spouse Doesn’t Want To
Fixing a marriage when one spouse is not willing to do the work can be challenging. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about the difficult decisions a spouse has to face when they realize they’re alone in wanting to improve their relationship.
9/7/2023 • 14 minutes, 15 seconds
How to Get Your Husband To Avoid Helping Ever Again
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll teach you the fine art of turning your loving husband into a certified expert in avoidance tactics. Forget about teamwork, communication, and shared responsibilities—we’re here to show you how to master the art of making your man conveniently disappear whenever there’s work to be done. After […]
9/4/2023 • 16 minutes, 33 seconds
Why Giving More Than You Get in Marriage Always Works Best
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re sharing some insights that underscore how acts of selflessness and generosity can lead to thriving relationships. From the small gestures that strengthen emotional bonds to larger sacrifices that shape the foundation of lasting relationships, we uncover why embracing the philosophy of giving ultimately paves the way […]
8/31/2023 • 21 minutes, 34 seconds
How to Take Your Marriage to the Next Level Using Emotional Intelligence
When you can understand and manage your own and others’ emotions, especially in the midst of complex and stressful situations, you’ve finally mastered the essential skill of emotional intelligence. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you how EQ will help you to communicate, collaborate, and positively influence your spouse despite them […]
8/28/2023 • 19 minutes, 13 seconds
Is AI Trying to Sabotage Healthy Masculinity
Earlier today, Shannon typed a question about marriage and relationships into an AI engine and was stunned by the response she received. Surprising, the answer it returned showed a strong bias against husbands. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll share with you the response she got and what it means for men […]
8/23/2023 • 19 minutes, 15 seconds
Giving Your Spouse the Best Day Ever
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about the art of creating unforgettable moments for your spouse. Through self-less, intentional acts of service, you can learn how to fill your spouse’s cup and make them feel loved and cared for.
8/17/2023 • 19 minutes, 34 seconds
Celebrating Our 300th Episode!
🎉 Celebrate with us on our monumental 300th episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast! Join Shannon and I in this special episode as we reflect on the most memorable moments, groundbreaking revelations, and heartwarming testimonials that have made our journey together so extraordinary. Tune in as we raise a toast to love, trust, and unbreakable […]
8/14/2023 • 16 minutes, 27 seconds
The Proven Exercise to Make Your Marriage Better (that my wife hates)
8/7/2023 • 39 minutes, 30 seconds
Why Men Find it Hard To Start Changing
When you become aware of something that needs to change in your life, it’s not always easy knowing how to get started. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about all the psychological obstacles and limiting beliefs you have to overcome in order to change.
8/3/2023 • 19 minutes, 48 seconds
Does Sharing Emotions Make a Man Weak?
It’s not easy to be emotionally vulnerable in front of your wife (or pretty much anyone). For a lot of husbands, the need to come across as strong and capable all the time is a non-negotiable. But how does it affect your marriage? That’s the questions we’re answering on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage […]
7/31/2023 • 28 minutes, 11 seconds
Why Making Your Spouse Take Responsibility NEVER Works
(A little FYI… Last week, we released a different episode with this week’s title. (Doh!!) While I have some words with our podcast editor, you can go back and listen to the episode title “Why You Should Show Love To Your Spouse, Even When You Don’t Feel Like It”, and we’ll do our best to […]
7/27/2023 • 30 minutes, 10 seconds
Why You Should Show Love To Your Spouse, Even When You Don't Feel Like It
Showing love to your spouse is an important part of a healthy and happy marriage—even when you don’t feel like it. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll talk about why making an effort to show your spouse how much you care will always make a big difference in your relationship.
7/25/2023 • 17 minutes, 3 seconds
Why Men Have Such A Hard Time Admitting They’re Wrong
Over the last week, I haven’t been a kind and loving husband. The times I’ve been wrong, I’ve responded with defensiveness, harshness, and offensive behavior. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, I take the time to own up to my bad attitude and apologize to my Beautiful Bride.
7/21/2023 • 15 minutes, 26 seconds
Our Husbands Won’t Get Off Their Phones
Does it feel like your husband spends more time on his phone than with you? Are you starting to get resentful and frustrated because you’re feeling lonely and neglected? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll show you how to start winning your husband back so you both can feel close and connected […]
7/17/2023 • 35 minutes, 33 seconds
Why Attunement Wins Your Wife’s Heart Every Time
Are you able to anticipate what your husband’s or wife’s needs before they need it? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll talk about how to share a deep connection with each other so that you can meet the needs of each other without feeling resentment or frustration.
7/14/2023 • 17 minutes, 14 seconds
If You’re Married, You Should Live Like You’re Single
One of the biggest complaints we hear from couples is “My spouse expects me to do everything.” or “My spouse doesn’t contribute anything to the relationship.” In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll introduce you to an idea that can make these feelings of frustration and resentment melt away so both of you […]
7/7/2023 • 14 minutes, 9 seconds
The Best Way to Fix Anger Issues in Your Marriage
It’s terrifying if your husband or wife continually blows up in anger. You never know what’s going to set them off and you’re always walking on eggshells. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll look at the best way to start dealing with unresolved anger issues and how you can go from fear […]
7/3/2023 • 19 minutes, 59 seconds
What's the Main Reason Someone Has an Affair?
If you’ve ever discovered your spouse has cheated on you, you’re immediately hit with a flood of emotions and questions. The biggest question is usually “WHY?” “Why did they do it?” “What’s wrong with me?” “What does that other person have that I don’t have?” In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll answer […]
6/29/2023 • 17 minutes, 23 seconds
Relationship Advice From Ted Lasso
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re tapping into some of the wisdom from your favorite mustachioed “football” coach and how he and his fellow Richmond characters can actually help you have a happier and more intimate relationship with your husband or wife.
6/26/2023 • 21 minutes, 24 seconds
Announcing our 2024 Marriage Cruise
So, you want to work on making your marriage better, but the idea of sitting in some hotel ballroom for two days sounds about as fun as doing your taxes. That’s why you and your spouse should join us for 8 days on board the luxurious Harmony of the Seas cruise ship seeing unforgettable places, […]
6/23/2023 • 34 minutes, 53 seconds
Listen to Us Resolve Our Saturday Morning Fight
You know how we’re constantly saying, “We don’t have a perfect marriage, but we do have a Secure Marriage.” Well, in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll let you listen in on a fight we had over the weekend and, more importantly, how we resolved it and got reconnected. (This episode is a […]
6/5/2023 • 30 minutes, 57 seconds
My Wife Tears Me Down When I Open Up Emotionally
Being emotionally vulnerable isn’t always easy for men (duh). What makes it harder is when a husband makes an awkward attempt at sharing their feelings and are met with criticism and critique. It reinforces the “this-was-a-bad-idea” part of their brain. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking how wives can make it […]
6/1/2023 • 20 minutes, 42 seconds
Meeting Your Spouse’s Needs—Who Goes First?
Your survival brain says, “I want to make sure I get all my needs met first.” So what happens when two people, both with legitimate needs, are in the same room? Who’s supposed to give up their needs to serve the other? That’s the question we’re going to answer on today’s episode of the Secure […]
5/29/2023 • 21 minutes, 58 seconds
I Can’t Stop Hearing My Husband’s Cruel Words
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Hurt people hurt people”. Unfortunately, the words your spouse throws at you in the midst of their pain can leave permanent wounds. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll look at how those situations develop in marriage and what you can do to start healing from those verbal […]
5/25/2023 • 20 minutes, 29 seconds
My Husband Wants Us to Keep All Our Problems Private
Do you want to get some outside help for your marriage, but your husband doesn’t want to “air our dirty laundry” to some stranger? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at why some people are highly resistant to seeking help, even though their marriage is falling apart.
5/22/2023 • 14 minutes, 29 seconds
What Love and Respect Really Means in a Marriage
You’ve heard the terms “love & respect” thrown around for years now, but chances are you don’t actually understand what they really mean when it comes to marriage and relationships. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll break down what each term really means and how it applies to your relationship. P.S. You’ll […]
5/18/2023 • 25 minutes, 11 seconds
Why Unconventional Couples Have The Greatest Sex
Are you an Unconventional Couple? If you are, then you probably have a happier marriage than most couples out there. Why? Listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast to find out.
5/15/2023 • 12 minutes, 35 seconds
What to do if you Regret Getting Married?
Does it feel like you made a huge mistake by getting married? Wish you could have a do-over? On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at the mindset you need to have if you’re going to have a happy and long-lasting relationship.
5/11/2023 • 14 minutes, 48 seconds
How Secrets and Jealousy Will Destroy Your Marriage
Marriage is based on being vulnerable and transparent with each other. The minute lies, secrets, or jealousy creeps into your relationship, trust starts to erode. If you want to learn how to safeguard your marriage, listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
5/8/2023 • 20 minutes, 29 seconds
Are You Afraid Your Husband is Going to Leave You For A “Newer Model”?
Many older women are afraid their husband may be tempted to leave them for a younger woman. This doubt and insecurity can become overwhelming and incredibly discouraging. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at the things a husband can do to reduce this fear in their wives as well as the […]
5/4/2023 • 27 minutes, 24 seconds
How to Support Your Husband in the Midst of a Mental Health Crisis
Trauma can complicate the normal times of stress and conflict in a marriage. Understanding these unique dynamics is essential if your marriage is going to survive long term. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll give you some practical tips and tricks to help improve communication and conflict resolution with your spouse.
4/27/2023 • 31 minutes, 2 seconds
How to Handle the Silent Treatment
What do you do if your husband or wife simply ignores you whenever they’re upset? Is there a way to get them to engage so you can get things resolved? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re exploring your options to see what’s best for your relationship.
4/24/2023 • 25 minutes, 29 seconds
What Are the Signs of an Unhealthy Marriage
When you’re not feeling good physically, it’s nice to go to a doctor and have them tell you exactly what’s wrong with you. The same thing applies when your relationship is struggling. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll show you how you can determine if your marriage is sick or healthy. Music […]
4/20/2023 • 21 minutes, 55 seconds
Where to Start if You’re Looking to Improve Your Marriage
So. You want to make your marriage better. There’s a lot of places you could start, but what’s going to get you the biggest bang-for-your-buck? This is exactly what we’ll show you on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. Music by PianoAmor and JuliusH from Pixabay
4/17/2023 • 18 minutes, 50 seconds
Learning to Develop Tolerance to Annoying Behavior
Sometimes it’s the little things about your spouse that just drive you nuts. The things they do aren’t wrong, inappropriate, or immoral, but for some reason, they get under your skin and start to rub you the wrong way. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re working through the variety of feelings that […]
4/13/2023 • 16 minutes, 6 seconds
Is it Normal For Your Spouse to Always Be Expecting Rewards?
Does your spouse expect a reward every time you ask them to do something helpful for you? Does it feel like you’re having to keep score and always losing? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll look at the toxic dynamic of quid-pro-quo and how to get out of the contractual mindset in […]
4/10/2023 • 14 minutes, 40 seconds
How do the Ghosts of Your Past Impact Your Marriage Today?
Did you know a large portion of the conflict in your marriage comes from your personal stuff before you were married? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll learn why it’s critical to become the healthiest version of yourself so you can have the happiest marriage possible. Music by The_Mountain from Pixabay
4/6/2023 • 16 minutes, 19 seconds
How These Stupid Secure Marriage Tools Actually Work
On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I once again share how we actually use the Secure Marriage tools in our everyday lives and how they help us get through our fights and feel emotionally connected. Music by NaturesEye and Music_For_Videos from Pixabay
4/3/2023 • 20 minutes, 39 seconds
What’s Better for My Marriage? Pastoral Counseling or Professional Counseling
Okay. You know you’re ready to get help for your marriage, but you don’t know what type of counseling you should be doing. Should you find a professional counselor? Is Pastoral counseling just as good? What if we can’t afford counseling? On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll walk you through what to […]
3/30/2023 • 21 minutes, 39 seconds
How to Get Reconnected in Five Minutes or Less
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re sharing more personal stories of how Shannon and I get connected after having small (and sometimes large) fights. Music by Evgeny_Bardyuzha and Ashot-Danielyan-Composer from Pixabay
3/27/2023 • 19 minutes, 8 seconds
I Want One More Child and My Husband Doesn’t. How Do We Find A Compromise?
Learning to compromise in a marriage isn’t always easy, especially when it’s around the topic of having more kids. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll talk about the points of conflict when it comes to having more kiddos. Music by Lexin_Music and orangery from Pixabay
3/23/2023 • 17 minutes, 43 seconds
Can Going to Counseling by Myself Help My Marriage?
Sometimes your spouse isn’t ready to go to couples counseling when you are. Should you wait, or can doing counseling by yourself still be helpful for your marriage? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll give you the pros and cons of doing counseling by yourself. Music by The_Mountain and SergeQuadrado from Pixabay
3/21/2023 • 17 minutes, 28 seconds
Is Today’s Culture Producing Immature Men?
How does a mature, healthy man look and act? Do the men of today look different than the men of the last few generations, especially as it relates to marriage and relationships? We’re attempting to address this potentially sticky issue on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. We hope you find it thought provoking. […]
3/17/2023 • 18 minutes, 51 seconds
What to do If You’ve Been Missing Your Wife’s Emotional Bids
Recognizing and responding to emotional calls (or bids) is considered one of the key elements of a successful relationship. Unfortunately, not all husbands have been trained to see these opportunities when they come along. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at why this is so hard for some men and what […]
3/14/2023 • 15 minutes, 20 seconds
How to Start Getting Connected Even if Sharing Your Feelings Feels Impossible
For many people, being able to identify and verbally articulate their feelings feels like an impossible task. When overwhelmed, they simply freeze up and can’t think. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll look at why this happens and what you can do to start getting more connected with your emotional brain. Music […]
3/10/2023 • 20 minutes, 40 seconds
How to Patch the Holes in Your Emotional Bucket
What is the fastest and most effective way to deal with your past hurts and hangups? Do you have to do years and years of therapy? Do you have to spend thousands of dollars hoping to find the “thing” that’s going to make you feel better? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll […]
3/3/2023 • 29 minutes
Are You Finding it Hard to Make Your Husband Feel Loved?
What if you’ve tried everything you can think of to make your husband feel loved and appreciated and he still feels like you’re not trying hard enough? This is the sticky question we’re wrestling with on today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
3/1/2023 • 21 minutes, 54 seconds
Is Your Husband Emotionally Unavailable? Here’s What to do.
Have you tried everything you can think of to get connected to your husband, only to walk away feeling hopeless and discouraged? There may be a deeper issue going on that you’ve never learned about… until now. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll teach you about this “thing” that so many disconnected […]
2/23/2023 • 17 minutes, 31 seconds
Highlights From Our 2023 Marriage Cruise
Well, we made it! Shannon and I just got back from our first-ever Secure Marriage Cruise to the Mexican Riviera. In between sitting by the pool, zip lining, and having amazing food, we had a great time helping our cruise guests learn how to have a happier marriage. Today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast […]
2/16/2023 • 22 minutes, 51 seconds
257: I Want Connection And My Husband Only Wants Sex
Different sexual drives don’t have to ruin your relationship. Problems arise when you stop trying to understand—or actually stop caring about—the needs and feelings of your spouse. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we look at the most essential part of marriage (which is not actually sex).
2/14/2023 • 20 minutes, 53 seconds
Everyone is Wrong—Communication Doesn't Make Your Marriage Better
Even though communication is important in any happy marriage, it’s actually the bi-product of something much more important. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll tell you what that thing is and what you can do to work on creating it in your relationship.
2/6/2023 • 22 minutes, 46 seconds
5 Signs You’re Stuck In Abusive Relationships
There are very clear signs when your relationship has crossed over from a bad relationship to an abusive relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at those markers and what you need to do if you find yourself in this painful situation.
1/30/2023 • 23 minutes, 34 seconds
254: The Simple Secret to a Secure Marriage
You’ve probably heard that marriage is hard, and the people who say that aren’t wrong. But, believe it or not, having a happy and fulfilling marriage isn’t THAT hard. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re going to tell you the one simple thing ANY couple can do that will guarantee them having […]
1/19/2023 • 12 minutes, 57 seconds
253: Don’t Do These Three Things When You Find Out About Their Affair
If you just found out your husband or wife has had an affair, your brain immediately kicks into hyper-survival mode. In that state, it’s easy to make decisions that seem like a good idea at the time but, in fact, end up making things worse. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll clearly […]
1/17/2023 • 16 minutes, 42 seconds
This One Phrase Will End Almost Any Fight With Your Spouse
Only a handful of couples know how to use this magic tool that makes fights and conflict pretty much non-existent in their relationship. If you want to be let into the secret, just listen to this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
1/12/2023 • 13 minutes, 25 seconds
Our Path to a Happy Marriage
Shannon and I didn’t know how to have a good marriage when we first got married. But over time, we learned the essential skills to be able to say, “We don’t have a perfect marriage, but we do have a secure marriage.” In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we let you in on […]
1/10/2023 • 22 minutes, 53 seconds
A Wakeup Call For Lazy Husbands
Warning: This episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast was not part of our regularly scheduled programming and contains strong opinions that may offend some husbands. As always, it’s our hope and desire to bring truth to painful situations so husbands, wives, and couples can learn how to have healthier and happier marriages.
1/4/2023 • 20 minutes, 32 seconds
Making Your Marriage Better in 2023
If 2023 is the year you’re going to make some changes in your relationship, we’ve made it easy to become a better spouse and enjoy a happier marriage. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll give you some ideas and let you know what we’re doing to make our marriage better in 2023.
1/3/2023 • 20 minutes, 14 seconds
Is Your Wife An HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)? Here’s How to Tell Her
As many of you know, Shannon is a Highly Sensitive Person. When I first suggested that she might be an HSP, she did NOT take the news well. Since then, we’ve both come to understand and accept what it means to be an HSP and how it affects our relationship. In today’s episode of the […]
12/26/2022 • 21 minutes, 54 seconds
Want Your Wife To Love You More? Be More Decisive
Do you ask your wife, “What do you want to do?” a lot? Chances are, you’re asking this because you don’t want to make a decision that disappoints her. The problem is, when you ask this question TOO much, you end up putting all the emotional weight and responsibility on your wife, which disappoints her. […]
12/22/2022 • 21 minutes, 2 seconds
Believe it or Not, Men Have Feelings Too
We recently received an email saying the Secure Marriage Podcast talks more about husbands trying to meet the needs of their wives and not enough about the wife learning how to meet the needs of the husband. So, in today’s episode, we attempt to balance the scales. We hope you enjoy.
12/20/2022 • 27 minutes, 18 seconds
Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late to Work On Your Marriage
Husbands, you can’t fix a marriage you’ve been neglecting in three days. When a wife is at the end of her rope and threatening to leave because of years of disappointment and loneliness, there are very specific things you need to do to not make things worse. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, […]
12/15/2022 • 30 minutes, 20 seconds
What to do If It Feels Like Your Spouse is Testing You All The Time
Nobody likes tests. And if it feels like your spouse is testing you all the time or trying to catch you doing something wrong, it can start to erode trust and connection. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll give you three tools or perspectives you can use if it feels like your […]
12/12/2022 • 17 minutes, 1 second
What to Do When “You Love Him, But You’re Not IN Love With Him”
It can be hard to do kind and loving things for your husband or wife when the warm, lovey feelings aren’t there. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll help you understand how you can have a healthy and loving marriage even when it’s hard.
12/5/2022 • 22 minutes, 42 seconds
How Do You Have A Healthy Long Distance Relationship?
If you’re in the military, or business requires you to be gone from home for extended periods of time, it can be hard to have a healthy and vibrant marriage. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re answering the questions of a young couple who have spent months apart because of military service.
12/1/2022 • 22 minutes, 3 seconds
My Husband’s Complaining I’m Not Prioritizing Him
If you’re a wife with kids, a job, chores, a dog, and a husband—all of which need your time and attention, how do you prioritize and meet everyone’s needs? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll tell you how to get you and your husband on the same page so you don’t have […]
11/28/2022 • 14 minutes, 12 seconds
What to do When Your Wife Won’t Stop Being Verbally Abusive
What do you do when your wife won’t stop attacking you despite every effort to de-escalate the situation? Is there something you can do or is the situation hopeless? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re going to show you the wisest, and safest, path out of this difficult situation.
11/24/2022 • 15 minutes, 8 seconds
This One Thing Makes Your Relationship Successful (according to 40,000 couples)
Even though relationships are complex, there’s one thing that’s been proven to be the most important if you want to have a happy and long lasting relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll tell you what that thing is and give you some of the research to back it up. We hope […]
11/21/2022 • 19 minutes, 40 seconds
How To Resolve A Fight In Under 20 Minutes
If you’re married, you’re going to have fights. But if you use the tools we’re going to teach you in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll be able to resolve those fights in less than 20 minutes.
11/17/2022 • 11 minutes, 29 seconds
What to Do When Compromise is NOT An Option
What do you do if you want another child, but your husband doesn’t and wants to get a vasectomy? Where is the compromise? This is the difficult question we’re tackling in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. Even though this is not an easy topic, there is a clear way to have this hard […]
11/14/2022 • 16 minutes, 21 seconds
It Feels Like My Opinion Doesn’t Matter
So… you’ve just shared your honest opinion with your spouse, and instead of them saying, “Thanks for sharing” it leads to a huge fight. They feel hurt and attacked by your ideas, and you feel dismissed and rejected. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I will tell you why this keeps […]
11/10/2022 • 17 minutes, 37 seconds
What Does A Good Relationship Look Like?
You probably know what it feels like when you’re in a bad relationship, but can you clearly answer what it looks like to be in a good relationship? Is there an objective standard that you should be striving for? We think the answer is ‘ABSOLUTELY’ and in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage podcast we’ll […]
11/7/2022 • 23 minutes, 39 seconds
What to Do If It Feels Like You’re Falling Out of Love
As your relationship moves through time, the feelings of “love” start to change. If those changes feel like you’re losing something or things are getting worse, you may start to consider making some bad decisions. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about how to respond when the emotional feelings of love […]
11/3/2022 • 18 minutes, 12 seconds
Is it Okay to Go Through Your Spouse’s Phone?
If it feels like your spouse is hiding things from you, it’s tempting to try and find “proof” of their wrongdoing. While this seems like a good idea at the time, it is a symptom of bigger problems in the marriage. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re exploring the core issues of […]
10/31/2022 • 16 minutes, 8 seconds
What To Do When Apologizing Makes Your Fights Get Worse
Taking responsibility, apologizing, and validating your spouse’s feelings are supposed to make things better, right? So what happens when you do that and your spouse sees this as an opportunity to lash out and attack you more? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll discuss why this tends to happen and the practical […]
10/27/2022 • 15 minutes, 33 seconds
Is Fighting About Chores Ruining Your Marriage?
If you feel taken advantage of because your spouse expects you to do all the chores, you’re going to want to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. In this episode, you learn two ways to make the chores feel “fair” and you’ll stop fighting about who does what.
10/24/2022 • 20 minutes, 54 seconds
Is Marriage About Personal Happiness or Duty to Family
For years (okay… for centuries), there’s been a debate on the purpose of marriage. Should it be for your own happiness or should it be for the happiness of your spouse and children. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll answer this age-old question once and for all so you can enjoy your […]
10/20/2022 • 7 minutes, 7 seconds
How to be Compassionate When Your Husband’s Behavior Embarrasses You
Does your husband embarrass you whenever he expresses his strong feelings? Do you wish he would be more conscientious of how his behaviors are affecting others? On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we talk about how to navigate talking with your spouse without sounding critical or complaining.
10/17/2022 • 19 minutes, 54 seconds
How To Move Through the Rough Patches In Marriage
Every relationship has its ups and downs. How you move through them will either build more connection or lead to more conflict. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll give you some ideas on how to navigate these rough waters safely.
10/13/2022 • 19 minutes, 36 seconds
Can My Marriage Survive Infidelity
If your spouse has betrayed your trust by having an affair, you’re probably doing everything you can think of to survive? The anger, hurt, confusion, and loss probably feels overwhelming and you’re not sure if your marriage is going to survive. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll explore what both people have […]
10/10/2022 • 13 minutes, 48 seconds
Stop Trying To Be Independent In Your Marriage
Most couples are trying to stay “independent” and failing. They have this flawed belief that they can get married and still live their life as if they are single. When you choose to get married, you are saying, “I now have to take someone else’s thoughts and feelings into account with every decision I make”. […]
10/6/2022 • 18 minutes, 2 seconds
Shannon’s Success Stories
Today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast is part two of Shannon’s Tough Mudder saga. You’ll find out how well she did, how far she actually went, and how she overcame the mental and physical obstacles that tried to hold her back.
10/3/2022 • 33 minutes, 21 seconds
#224: What A Kick-Ass Wife Looks Like
Shannon is an incredible woman. Earlier this year, she made the decision to run a 30K mud run at the end of September. This is the hardest thing she’s ever done, and it’s stirred up lots of feelings about her abilities, her self-worth, and her fear of failure. It also stirred up a few feelings […]
9/29/2022 • 13 minutes, 50 seconds
#223: Research Says Your Difficult Marriage WILL Get Better
You may have a hard time believing this (we did at first), but research shows that couples who said they were “unhappily married” later reported being “happily married” just five years later. So what the heck changed? What “magic bullet” did they find that made them like their spouse, their relationship, and their marriage better? […]
9/26/2022 • 12 minutes, 44 seconds
#222: How Do I Become A Happy Person
If you’ve listened to the Secure Marriage Podcast for any amount of time, you’ve probably heard us say, “It’s not your spouse’s job to make you happy.” But if you’re still being hurt by your husband or wife, how do you find happiness within yourself? That’s an excellent question. Thanks for asking. In today’s episode, […]
9/22/2022 • 18 minutes, 54 seconds
#221: My Husband Thinks “Marriage Shouldn ’t Be Work”
If your husband refuses to do the things to learn how to be a better husband, you’ll want to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. In a rare move, we blatantly take sides and have some strong recommendations for both people in this situation.
9/19/2022 • 17 minutes
#220: What to do if Your Husband Struggles With Depression
I (Paul) have been going through a season of depression. Obviously, it affects Shannon and our daily interactions. On today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we thought we’d share the things we’re doing to manage and make sure we don’t end up disconnected and frustrated with each other.
9/15/2022 • 16 minutes, 55 seconds
# 219: What to do if You’re Living in a Sexless Marriage
Being rejected every time you ask for sex is bound to lead to strong feelings of resentment, frustration, and disappointment. The low sex-drive person probably doesn’t feel that great as well. Most couples that have a sexless marriage have multiple issues going on under the surface that need to be addressed before they can experience […]
9/12/2022 • 16 minutes, 31 seconds
#218: Can My Husband Buy Anything He Wants if He makes all the money?
Yep. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about money. But, like with all things marriage, we’re not just talking about money but the underlying issues that get stirred up around money—things like control, and power, and communication, and empathy, and values, and several more core issues to having a happy marriage.
9/8/2022 • 22 minutes, 57 seconds
#217: The Absolute Best Way to Make Your Spouse Feel Loved & Encouraged
We’ve all heard the platitude, “Happy wife, happy life.” But, what would happen if we took that idea seriously? When a husband and a wife work hard at encouraging each other, their marriage becomes sweeter and sweeter each year. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll share with you one of the best […]
9/5/2022 • 17 minutes, 36 seconds
We’re Getting Married. Do You Offer a Pre-marital Program?
If you’re getting married (or engaged), you want to make sure you’re compatible with each other and marrying the right person. You also want to make sure you haven’t missed any hidden things that could sabotage your relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about the three tools we offer that […]
9/2/2022 • 13 minutes, 49 seconds
How Can I Make My Husband Fall In Love With Me Again
If your husband has grown distant and the spark has started to fade in your marriage, in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage podcast you’ll learn the thing you should do to make your husband fall in love with you again. We hope you enjoy.
8/29/2022 • 20 minutes, 45 seconds
Can I Tell My Wife to Shut Up?
Yes. This was a real question that was posted, so we decided to give it a real answer in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. We also decided to go a little deeper and discuss what causes someone to feeling like they need to resort to this behavior and how it will probably create […]
8/25/2022 • 11 minutes, 51 seconds
Is Tit-For-Tat Destroying Your Marriage?
Comparison and accusation will kill your marriage. Telling someone they’re inadequate because you’ve done more will never build trust and intimacy in your relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at why the tit-for-tat mentality can take over in a relationship and how to avoid all the negative consequences that come […]
8/22/2022 • 21 minutes, 18 seconds
How To Navigate Separating From Your Spouse
8/18/2022 • 18 minutes, 45 seconds
What to do If You or Your Spouse Are Verbally Abusive
Why do you say the meanest things when you’re fighting with your spouse? Why can’t you control your temper and your tongue? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll find out why it’s so hard to say nice things when you’re angry and why it IS possible to stop being mean and start […]
8/16/2022 • 21 minutes, 58 seconds
What to do if You're Stuck in a Horrible Marriage and Your Spouse WILL NOT CHANGE
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re addressing a very real problem… having to deal with a spouse that has no desire (or ability) to change. Here’s just a few of the comments I’ve read in the last two days from people who are stuck in this type of relationship: “I’ve been fighting […]
8/10/2022 • 32 minutes, 22 seconds
Things Paul Wished He Knew How to do Early in Our Marriage
Early in our marriage I didn’t know how to love my wife well. Because I never had anyone show me exactly what to do, I was guessing and making things up as I went along. Unfortunately, I was hurting Shannon and causing more problems. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re going to […]
8/4/2022 • 14 minutes, 35 seconds
How to Get Your Avoidant Husband to Pursue You
Has your husband been pulling away emotionally? Does it feel like there’s a bigger and bigger gap growing between the two of you and no matter how much you pursue him, you continue to feel lonely? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we dissect the situation and show you one of the magical […]
8/1/2022 • 18 minutes, 9 seconds
#207: Are You Afraid To Be 100% Honest With Your Spouse
The other day, I suggested to Shannon that we try a little experiment and see if we can be 100% honest with each other for the next 48 hours. The idea was, “Could we build enough trust where we don’t have to be afraid of being our honest selves and we could be fully vulnerable […]
7/28/2022 • 26 minutes, 23 seconds
When Your Husband Spins Everything To Be Your Fault
I wish today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast was based on theory. Unfortunately, I, like a lot of other husbands, have the uncanny ability to spin problems to make myself look good and leave Shannon feeling like everything is her fault. This is not something I want to continue. We hope that as we […]
7/21/2022 • 29 minutes, 1 second
When Do We Get To Do Things My Way?
If you choose to be married and/or have kids, you are making the decision to no longer live your life for yourself. It’s inevitable that, at some point, your selfish survival brain is going to kick in and start reminding you of everything you’ve had to give up. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage […]
7/14/2022 • 21 minutes, 12 seconds
My Wife Isn’t Attracted To Me Anymore. Is It Too Late?
What do you do if you realize you haven’t been the kindest of husbands for the majority of your marriage and your wife tells you she’s no longer attracted to you? What can you do to change her feelings? Is it too late or are you going to be stuck in a loveless marriage? These […]
7/11/2022 • 19 minutes, 13 seconds
How To Set Boundaries Even When You Don’t Want To
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about the difficult task of having to set boundaries with someone you truly love but who is making really bad life decisions. We’re answering questions like, “How do you speak the truth in love?” and “How do you be firm but kind?” We hope you […]
7/7/2022 • 17 minutes, 41 seconds
The Habit that Leads to the Biggest Changes in Your Marriage
Oftentimes, the biggest changes come from the smallest actions. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll show you the little things you can start doing today that will lead to major changes in your relationship.
6/30/2022 • 19 minutes, 18 seconds
How to Help Your Wife When She’s in a Crisis
This week, while training for her Tough Mudder, Shannon had a little “accident”. This experience reminded us both of the importance of knowing how to care for each other when one of us is in some level of crisis. We hope you enjoy the latest episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
6/27/2022 • 28 minutes, 44 seconds
Holy Cow! It’s our 200th Episode
It’s a big big day for Shannon and I here on the Secure Marriage Podcast. We’ve hit 200 episodes and almost 100,000 downloads! To celebrate we’re doing something BIG for you and your marriage. Just listen to today’s episode to find out how to get involved.
6/23/2022 • 21 minutes, 3 seconds
Am I Broken Because My Husband Won't Listen to my Feelings?
Why doesn’t my husband want to try to understand me or my feelings? Why does he make ME feel so bad whenever I want to talk about how he’s hurt me? If this sounds like your relationship, you’re not alone. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we want you to understand that your […]
6/19/2022 • 18 minutes, 15 seconds
Are You A Woman That Suffers From Beauty and the Beast Syndrome?
If you’re in a relationship with a man who treats you poorly but you keep hoping he’s going to change overnight and become kind, empathetic, and loving, then you are struggling with Beauty and the Beast Syndrome. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we talk about why this story line is so tempting […]
6/16/2022 • 13 minutes, 20 seconds
What’s Crossing The Line With Coworkers of the Opposite Sex
Does your interactions with coworkers of the opposite sex make your spouse uncomfortable? Have those situations caused accusations, mistrust, and conflict in your relationship? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re tackling this tricky issue and showing what the real issues are that need to be addressed in the relationship. If you have […]
6/13/2022 • 21 minutes, 19 seconds
Healthy Ways to Handle Anxious Attachment Issues
The way we receive care as a child affects how we engage in relationships for the rest of our lives. For a lot of people, your attachment style leaves you feeling anxious and unsure. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about the specific issues anxious attachment creates and two things you […]
6/2/2022 • 22 minutes, 44 seconds
How To Have Better Connection, Communication, and Conflict Resolution
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I wish we had better communication in our marriage” then we have an incredible new course that you’re going to love. It’s intentionally designed to be super short (under an hour), super engaging (you’re guaranteed to laugh in every video), and super helpful. Listen to today’s episode of the […]
5/29/2022 • 17 minutes, 6 seconds
Why Everyone Has A Need For Connection
After spending the last few days being grumpy, I’m finally coming out from under the emotional cloud and I found myself really wanting to get connected to Shannon again. Why does this happen? What is it about our hard-wiring that makes us need and crave connection? These are the things we’re working on in today’s […]
5/26/2022 • 10 minutes, 33 seconds
How To Be Angry & Still Stay Connected
The last two days I’ve been “that husband” who’s been in a really bad mood and acting surly and grumpy with my wife and kids. And yet, I’ve been able to stay emotionally connected and not hurt their feelings. We understand if this might sound like crazy talk to some of you. In today’s episode [ …]
5/22/2022 • 18 minutes, 15 seconds
Why First Responders Have A Higher Divorce Rate
Policemen. Firemen. EMT’s. Doctors. Nurses. We’re grateful for each and every one of them. And yet, statistics show these first responders tend to have a higher divorce rate when it comes to relationships. There’s a very clear reason why this tends to happen, and that’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode of the Secure […]
5/19/2022 • 12 minutes, 52 seconds
How To Walk Through Loss With Your Spouse, Part 2
We are designed to heal. It doesn’t happen fast… the process isn’t always predictable… But it does always happen. In this follow up episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re checking in on Shannon and seeing how the grieving process is going after she discovered the loss of her necklace in last week’s episode.
5/12/2022 • 22 minutes, 29 seconds
How To Walk Through Loss With Your Spouse
It’s been a painful couple of days for Shannon. Yesterday, she found out she lost something that’s incredibly precious to her and the grief and loss hit her like a ton of bricks. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll tell you more of the story and how I, as her husband, have […]
5/5/2022 • 25 minutes, 15 seconds
Should You Check Up On An Unfaithful Spouse?
How do you rebuild trust if your spouse has cheated on you? Infidelity is a deeply personal and painful experience, and there are things that you can do that will help rebuild trust faster. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re looking at one of the common conflict points a couple has to […]
5/1/2022 • 11 minutes, 44 seconds
Why You Need To Be Careful Giving Advice To Your Spouse
Do you like to tell your spouse what to do? Are you “helping” your spouse by giving advice and they just haven’t learned to appreciate your deeper levels of wisdom and experience? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon is in the driver’s seat (literally) as we discuss why giving advice to your […]
4/28/2022 • 11 minutes, 11 seconds
How To Help Your Spouse Deal With Negative Self Talk
Everyone struggles with some level of self-criticism. So how do we support our spouse when they get stuck in an extended season of beating themselves up? Can we do things that help them snap out of it faster? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast you’ll hear us share our own story of dealing […]
4/24/2022 • 18 minutes, 51 seconds
How To Handle Major Life Changes With Your Spouse
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re sharing a major life change for Shannon, myself, and our entire family. As with any major change, there’s the chance for strong feelings and high levels of stress. You’ll hear how we process through making the decision and what’s next for us. We hope you enjoy!
4/21/2022 • 24 minutes, 40 seconds
How To Respond When You’re Treated Rudely
Last Saturday, I had a run in with one of “those people” who ends up on the news for getting kicked off of an airplane. It made for a very interesting and stressful flight between LAX and Portland. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast listen in as we share how we handled the […]
4/17/2022 • 17 minutes, 36 seconds
Are You Willing To Look Foolish For Your Spouse
We all have this built in alarm system that works hard to prevent us from looking bad. So what happens when you spouse needs something and there’s the chance you may end up looking foolish? Do you choose to protect your ego or do you sacrifice for the needs of your spouse? This is the […]
4/15/2022 • 18 minutes
Choosing To See The Best In Bad Situations
The trip from LAX to our hotel didn’t go quite as planned today. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, listen in as we process how we handled disappointing situations and how my (Paul’s) poor responses in the past used to ruin our times together.
4/7/2022 • 13 minutes, 55 seconds
What To Do When Your Wife Says She's Not In Love With You
What do you do with this statement? How are you supposed to respond? What does it actually mean? Is there anything you can do to change her feelings and help her fall in love with you again? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll help interpret the meaning behind this statement and show […]
4/3/2022 • 11 minutes, 18 seconds
How To Help Your Wife Find Herself
If your wife has also devoted a large part of herself to being a mom, when the kids are ready to leave the nest, your wife might need some help figuring out who she is. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast Shannon shares her own journey and what it’s like after raising four […]
3/31/2022 • 19 minutes, 59 seconds
What to do When Positive Intentions Get Lost
When my best intentions get executed poorly and end up hurting Shannon’s feelings I sometimes wish she could just read my mind and see that my motivations were good. Unfortunately, that doesn’t exist yet. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re talking giving each other the benefit of the doubt and how it […]
3/24/2022 • 12 minutes, 29 seconds
How Your Husband Should Respond to Being Inconvenienced
When other people make mistakes or don’t plan ahead and it costs you time, energy, or money, how do you respond? Early in my marriage, my responses were not that gracious and my wife took the brunt of my frustration and anger. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll show you what a […]
3/17/2022 • 15 minutes, 14 seconds
What To Do When Connection Is Missing In Your Marriage
How do you measure connection in a marriage? What exactly is it and how do you get more of it when it’s missing? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast you’ll get to enjoy listening to Shannon do her best trying to explain how it all works and eventually come to a clear understanding […]
3/13/2022 • 16 minutes, 42 seconds
Why Rigid Thinking Will Ruin Your Marriage
Has it ever felt like your husband wasn’t truly listening to you or your ideas and no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t convince him of your perspective? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re looking at the damage this behavior can cause and why it’s so important for husbands (and wives) […]
3/11/2022 • 12 minutes, 49 seconds
Can I Fix My Marriage If My Husband Won’t Do Counseling?
It’s easy to feel trapped and discouraged if your husband doesn’t think he needs to do marriage counseling. But that doesn’t mean you’re out of options. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re exploring a variety of options you can choose from that will help you personally and, eventually, your relationship overall.
3/4/2022 • 11 minutes, 11 seconds
How Can A Husband Love His Overweight Wife?
Physical health. Weight gain. Dress sizes. These are very common points of insecurity and conflict for a lot of couples. Shannon and I can clearly remember a time when these issues were front and center in our relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Mariage Podcast we’re looking at the underlying factors that make this […]
2/27/2022 • 17 minutes, 6 seconds
Why Miscommunication Doesn’t Always Lead To Conflict
When you get really good at doing marriage, not all misunderstandings will lead to conflict. Sometimes they’re so ridiculous and absurd, the only thing you can do is laugh at yourselves. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll get to hear how a random text conversation led to some pretty hilarious moments for […]
2/26/2022 • 14 minutes, 2 seconds
#173: How To Validate Your Wife Even When She’s Wrong
Did you know you can talk to your wife in such a way where you stay emotionally connected and both of you feel heard and understood even when you completely disagree about the topic you’re talking about? If this sounds nearly impossible or too good to be true then you need to listen to today’s […]
2/20/2022 • 14 minutes, 40 seconds
How to Initiate Hard Conversations With Your Husband
Does your husband get defensive whenever you need to talk about something important? Does it feel like he shifts the blame or tries to avoid the conversation altogether? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you how you can begin a conversation without triggering your husband’s survival brain and get him to […]
2/18/2022 • 20 minutes, 36 seconds
What To Do When Your Husband Wakes Up In A Pissy Mood
I didn’t want to record today’s podcast, but Shannon made me. I was in no mood to think about marriage stuff. I wasn’t in the mood to think about anything important. But she dragged me to the table, made me sit down and talk about my feelings. Honestly, I’m sorta glad she did. Even though […]
2/13/2022 • 9 minutes, 7 seconds
Why You Need A Relationship Roadmap
“I’m at the point in my marriage where I feel so ignored, neglected, and numb that I’m ready to start the process for divorce.” This woman posted this to a marriage forum hoping to find someone that can give her a clear path to a happy marriage. We know she’s not alone. So many couples […]
2/3/2022 • 14 minutes, 50 seconds
#169: How to Not Let Hamburgers Ruin Your Marriage
What was the last stupid thing you and your spouse had a fight about? For us, it was hamburgers. But like all ridiculous arguments, it’s never about hamburgers. It’s always about deeper, more important things that can either make or break your marriage. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll break down the […]
1/30/2022 • 15 minutes, 12 seconds
How To Respond Graciously To Your Spouse’s Mistakes
Your spouse just screwed up again. You’re fuming inside, feeling frustrated, hurt, and disappointed. You want to give them a piece of your mind but you know that really won’t help the situation (but MAN it sure would feel good). Learning how to regulate your emotions and respond with grace and kindness isn’t easy, but […]
1/27/2022 • 17 minutes, 56 seconds
Is Being Controlling Ruining Your Marriage?
When you (or pretty much any human being) become afraid, your survival brain tells you to try to get as much control over your situation as possible. It (your survival brain) believes that if you can control everything, you won’t get hurt. As you’d expect, this leads to some really awesome fights between you and […]
1/23/2022 • 14 minutes, 21 seconds
What to do when your spouse refuses to be honest
Resolving conflict is hard enough even on the best of days. When one person refuses to engage, lies, or deflects responsibility, it makes it even harder. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at the options you have if you find yourself in this sticky situation.
1/21/2022 • 11 minutes, 34 seconds
Our New Roadmap To A Secure Marriage
So… it’s 2022 and your marriage isn’t where you’d like it to be. You know it can be better, but you don’t know what to do or how to get there. Shannon and I want to introduce you to our new Relationship Roadmap and show you exactly what to do so you can finally have […]
1/2/2022 • 21 minutes, 5 seconds
Is Being Inconvenienced A Moral Issue?
If you’re like me (Paul), you learned the lesson not to inconvenience other people. That lesson got so ingrained into my psyche that it felt like I was morally wrong whenever I broke that rule. Yet, is it bad to inconvenience others? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at deeply held […]
12/30/2021 • 16 minutes, 39 seconds
A Special Christmas Gift For You
We understand if 2021 has been a hard year for you. So you can start 2022 with hope, Shannon and I have been working on a special project that’s designed to help you (and any couple) find a clear path out of your relationship struggles and onto the path towards having a Secure Marriage. If […]
12/27/2021 • 8 minutes, 45 seconds
A Tool That’s Guaranteed To Resolve Conflict Faster
Several years ago, in the midst of one of our fights, Shannon and I discovered a way for both of our feelings to be heard, understood, and validated, and have both of us walk away feeling loved and connected with each other. I’ve gone on to teach this tool to many of my clients, and […]
12/23/2021 • 14 minutes, 54 seconds
How to Avoid Hurting Your Spouse When You're Highly Stressed
When things that are out of your control go horribly wrong and you find yourself frustrated, disappointed, and irritable, how do you respond? Kindly and patiently or with anger and impatience? How do you treat your husband or wife in this situation? In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I share with […]
12/19/2021 • 33 minutes, 27 seconds
How To Make The Holidays Less Miserable
Has the holiday season become a season connected with disappointment and bitterness? Do times of love and connection too often end up in conflict and stress? If you’d like to learn how to make the holidays special again, then you’ll want to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast where a simple Christmas […]
12/14/2021 • 19 minutes, 37 seconds
How To Survive The Family Holidays
If the holidays are supposed to be times of joy and happiness, why do things too often melt down and end up in huge fights and overwhelming stress? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re giving you eight tips that are guaranteed to make your holidays less stressful and more relaxed, even if […]
12/2/2021 • 19 minutes, 13 seconds
Are You Unintentionally Ignoring Your Spouse's Needs?
It’s happened to all of us… You make a simple request to your husband or wife and they completely ignore you. They’ve just unintentionally (or sadly, sometimes intentionally) said, “I don’t care about you or your needs.” When this happens over and over in a relationship, it leads to a miserable marriage. Fortunately, it can […]
11/25/2021 • 16 minutes, 13 seconds
What Our Bathroom Taught Us About Our Marriage
Let me just say upfront, this episode was my wife’s idea. I thought we had agreed we were going to skip this topic but NOOOOO. After recording our last podcast she hijacked the microphones and MADE me do this episode. I sincerely apologize in advance.
11/21/2021 • 12 minutes, 7 seconds
Is Your Spouse Suffering From SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)
If you’re not familiar with the Pacific Northwest, starting in mid-October the clouds roll in and it becomes a grey, gloomy, wet, soul-sucking place for the next 8 months (I hear it’s a lot like England). For those that are solar powered—like my wife Shannon—the emotional clouds roll in as well and she starts to […]
11/18/2021 • 13 minutes, 22 seconds
How To Create Healthy Relationship Habits
Having a fun, easy marriage is possible when you’ve created healthy relationship habits. But how to create good habits and remove the bad habits? We’re glad you asked, because that’s exactly what we’re talking about in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. We’re also are going to point you to a book we’ve recently […]
11/11/2021 • 15 minutes, 40 seconds
How to Grieve The Loss Of Your Relationship
For those of you whose marriage is struggling right now… We know you’ve spent months and/or years trying to make it better. You’ve read countless books, listened to podcasts, watched videos, tried couples counseling… nothing seems to help. You know deep down your marriage is not going to last but it’s hard to admit it. […]
11/7/2021 • 13 minutes, 41 seconds
Paul & I Need Your Help
Shannon and I really want Secure Marriage to be something that’s way super helpful to you and your marriage. That’s why we’re asking for your help and looking for ideas to take Secure Marriage to the next level.
11/4/2021 • 12 minutes, 25 seconds
How Being A Highly Sensitive Person Affects Your Marriage
For those that don’t know it, Shannon is an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). We learned about this almost twelve years into our marriage which means the first dozen years of our relationship were filled with an abundance of arguments and hurt feelings. If you think you might be an HSP, or married to one, you […]
10/31/2021 • 18 minutes, 58 seconds
How To Bring Up The Topic Of Finances With Your Spouse
For a lot of couples, talking about money causes fear, anxiety, and panic. Sometimes, these conversations (or avoidance of them) lead to really loud fights or days of giving each other the cold shoulder. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about our not-so-pretty history with this topic and how we figured […]
10/28/2021 • 18 minutes, 49 seconds
Are You Avoiding Conflict To Keep The Peace
We’re just like you and hate having fights. In the past, I (Paul) admit to keeping things hidden from Shannon until the resentment and frustration became so overwhelming that it all came spilling out (NOT a pretty sight!). In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, I hope you’ll learn from my mistakes and learn […]
10/21/2021 • 21 minutes, 16 seconds
Is Your Husband Constantly Spinning The Truth?
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re introducing two concepts that have devastating consequences to any relationship—Skewed Memory Syndrome and Villainizing. Once you understand how both of these work, it’ll start to explain why you may be feeling really unstable in your relationship (and possibly in every other area of your life as […]
10/17/2021 • 13 minutes, 39 seconds
Is Your Husband Not Fulfilling His Promises
There’s nothing more painful than getting your hopes up just to have them dashed against the jagged rocks of reality. This happens frequently when a husband says he’ll do one thing and then struggles to follow through. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll look at how you can respond to this situation […]
10/15/2021 • 13 minutes, 51 seconds
Today's Episode Goes Horribly Wrong!
It’s happened again. We sat down to record one topic and our own dysfunctional stuff shows up while the tapes are rolling and hijacks the conversation. I ’ll admit I was tempted to just throw this episode out, but at the risk of pulling the curtain too far back, we decided to post it so you […]
10/10/2021 • 23 minutes, 50 seconds
Do Questions Feel Like Criticism
Shannon has this annoying habit of constantly asking me questions no matter how big or small of a decision I’m making. For a long time, it felt like she was criticizing me (or at least doubting the decisions I made). I’ve heard from many other couples that this same thing happens in their relationship. In […]
10/7/2021 • 20 minutes, 50 seconds
How Do You Get Over Resentment Hurt and Neglect?
How far can you go on with your marriage when your spouse keeps treating you unfairly? It is never easy to start a conversation to fix your marriage especially if your spouse is not on the same page as you. No one deserves to feel this way. More often than not, there’s a reason why […]
10/3/2021 • 17 minutes, 28 seconds
When Your Husband’s Disappointment Feels Like Anger
When men have strong feelings, it usually shows up as anger. Their team scores the winning touchdown… they’re fist bumping and slapping their friends. They smash their finger with a hammer… they holler and swear. They feel stressed… they start barking commands If your husband’s strong feelings end up hurting your feelings, then you’re going […]
9/28/2021 • 20 minutes, 22 seconds
Are You Married to Your Soulmate
Has it ever felt like you married the wrong person? That somehow the “right” person is out there waiting to be found? If this sounds familiar, then you have fallen for the myth of the “Soulmate”. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we take a look at the concept of a soulmate and […]
9/23/2021 • 16 minutes, 10 seconds
The One Question Shannon HATES To Ask
In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re going to pick on my wife for a little bit. Not because I’m mean (really, I’m not!) but because the one question she struggles to ask is the same question that most people struggle to ask even though it’s guaranteed to make your relationship better.
9/20/2021 • 16 minutes, 48 seconds
How To Prevent Conflict 95% of the Time
Do you find yourself stuck in tiny power struggles day-in-and-day-out? Do small decisions you have to make with your spouse end up in conflict and hours of disconnection? If so, then you’re going to want to listen to the simple trick you can do that will reduce conflict 95% of the time, guaranteed.
9/17/2021 • 13 minutes, 28 seconds
Why Do Married Couples Fall Out of Love?
It’s one of the most common excuses husbands and wives use when their marriage is falling apart—” We just fell out of love”. But what does this really mean? Is love something that just accidentally happens and therefore can just as quickly end, or is love within marriage something that can be more stable? In […]
9/12/2021 • 14 minutes, 56 seconds
When Is It Okay to Lie to Your Spouse?
It’s just sad that some people are led to believe that lying in any shape or form can turn out to be good. You can call it a white lie or whatnot but a lie is a lie. Period. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re not just going to talk about why […]
9/9/2021 • 16 minutes, 28 seconds
Some Unscheduled Conflict While Recording Our Podcast
In most of our podcast episodes we talk about some random fight we’ve had within the last few days. In this episode, we conveniently ended up having the disagreement just as the tape was starting to roll. Even though it’s not easy, we thought we’d let you listen in and see how Shannon and I […]
9/5/2021 • 20 minutes, 44 seconds
Why You Need to Manage Your Stress Better
When was the last time you said or did something awful to your spouse because you are stressed out? If you’re like us, you’ve probably lost it at some point and ended up hurting each other emotionally. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we share with you how I have to deal with […]
9/2/2021 • 10 minutes, 22 seconds
What to Do When You Love Your Spouse More Than They Love You
Do you feel like your spouse isn’t as engaged as they were before? Does it feel like they’re slowly drifting away, and you can’t do anything to keep the marriage together? Where do you even start? How do you even start when the person you LOVE and devoted your life to doesn’t have the same […]
8/29/2021 • 12 minutes, 13 seconds
Why Most People Feel Hopeless In Their Marriage
In a recent survey, people were asked, “What makes you feel hopeless in your marriage?” Out of all the answers, there was one overwhelming theme. To see if this issue is in your marriage, you’ll need to listen to this week’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast where you’ll learn how to prevent this same […]
8/24/2021 • 12 minutes, 25 seconds
Can You Give Up What You Really Want for Your Spouse's Happiness?
Have you ever thought (or said to your spouse), “If I can’t get what I want, then you won’t get what you want!” Amidst a brewing argument, you need to learn how to step back, calm down, and carefully think about how your response will affected your marriage. When you marriage comes first, it will […]
8/20/2021 • 21 minutes, 2 seconds
The Real Meaning of Unconditional Love
We hear the phrase “Unconventional Love” all the time, but do you really know what it means? More importantly, do you know what it’s like to experience it with your husband or wife? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’re going to define what it means to love someone unconditionally and how you […]
8/17/2021 • 11 minutes, 9 seconds
The Importance of Shared Values
Do you find it hard to start a conversation with your spouse about the things that are slowly tearing your relationship apart? Most of the time, these can be deal breakers in your marriage and need to be addressed right away. Where should you begin and how would you identify the cause of these issues? […]
8/9/2021 • 11 minutes, 7 seconds
Wives—Stop Emotionally Bonding With Other Men
When your husband isn’t available emotionally, it’s tempting to turn to other empathetic men and share all of your marriage problems with them. At first it feels helpful and harmless. In the long run, it can create bigger problems for you and your marriage. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re addressing this […]
7/29/2021 • 14 minutes, 52 seconds
Every Spouse Needs To Work Two Jobs
When you come home from work tired, it’s hard getting into a marriage mindset. You just want to sit down, relax, and turn your brain off. Having to intentionally engage with your husband or wife isn’t always easy, but it is essential. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we talk about the very […]
7/28/2021 • 13 minutes, 40 seconds
What To Do With A Narcissistic Spouse
Living with a narcissist is one of the most taxing and damaging thing that can happen to a spouse. It isn’t until years have passed and much of the damage has been done that a husband or wife starts to feel the effects and realizes it’s no longer sustainable. In this episode of the Secure […]
7/22/2021 • 17 minutes, 11 seconds
Is This Important Thing Missing From Your Marriage
There’s a thousand things that can make your marriage miserable. But at the top is one simple thing that I see in every marriage that is struggling. When I show couples how to fix this one thing, they report being happier, having less fights, and finally feeling connected and appreciated again. If your marriage isn’t […]
7/20/2021 • 15 minutes, 21 seconds
How To Stop Being Anxious Spouse
If you struggle with anxiety, you already know it affects not just you but your spouse as well. Your ever-present fears start to rob you of your freedom and end up putting unnecessary restrictions on your husband or wife. If you’re tired of the constant battles (both inner and outer), this episode of the Secure […]
7/12/2021 • 22 minutes, 31 seconds
How To Be Your Best While In Survival Mode
New jobs… Moving… Having a baby… We all go through season where things get a little stressful. Usually, instead of thriving, you’re in survival mode and just trying to make it through each day. In today’s podcast episode, we’re answering one of our listener’s question on how to be your best while going through one […]
7/6/2021 • 14 minutes
This Is Why A Husband Should Celebrate His Wife
Okay men… you wife wants to feel special. She wants to know that you think about her, that you love her, and that you actually want to spend time with her. She wants to be celebrated as your spouse so she knows she’s cherished and apprecaited. If you’ve never been taught how to do that, […]
5/27/2021 • 7 minutes, 18 seconds
How To Argue Without Being Defensive
If you’ve been married for any amount of time, you know that fights are gonna happen. But did you know that it’s possible to fight WITHOUT being defensive? Even more importantly, did you know you can fight in such a way that you don’t trigger your spouse’s defensive brain? In today’s episode of the Secure […]
5/24/2021 • 15 minutes, 36 seconds
What Are YOU Doing To Make Your Marriage Better?
When your marriage is struggling, it’s easy to focus on the faults of your husband or wife. You believe that if they would change, then you’d finally be happy. While this makes sense, it’s usually a waste of time since you can’t make them change. Instead, what are you doing to make your marriage better? […]
5/6/2021 • 12 minutes, 47 seconds
Why You Should Correct In Private & Defend In Public
How do you talk about your husband or wife when they’re not around? Kindly? Harshly? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we’ll help you understand why you should always defend your spouse in public and, if you ever need to correct them, why you should do that in private.
5/4/2021 • 12 minutes, 26 seconds
What To Do When You Spouse Won't Get Off Their Phone
Back in the dark ages (like 1995) marriages never had to argue over technology. Now, couples fight over too much time on video games, social media, and time on their phones. If you’ve felt frustrated because your husband or wife would rather spend time on their phone instead of with you, then this episode of […]
4/30/2021 • 13 minutes, 3 seconds
Join Us On Our First Marriage Cruise
Working on your marriage should never be boring. Sitting for long hours listening to some guy telling you what’s wrong with your relationship sounds about as fun as taking the SAT’s again. (I’ve actually been that guy at one time.) Since Shannon and I want fixing your marriage to be fun, exciting, and truly memorable, […]
4/24/2021 • 10 minutes, 15 seconds
Paul Admits He Was Wrong (And Shannon Was Right!)
Admitting to your wife you were wrong is never easy. Yet, this is the unfortunate experience I’ve found myself in this last week. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you get to take a walk with us as we process just how important it is to be able to admit when you’re wrong […]
3/18/2021 • 19 minutes, 22 seconds
Why Being Grumpy Usually Leads to Less Sex
A lot of husbands (and some wives) have never understood the connection between emotional and physical intimacy. They are genuinely confused (and frustrated) when their spouse isn’t in “the mood” after a long day of arguing and tension. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage podcast we’re looking at why emotional connection is so important […]
3/10/2021 • 11 minutes, 55 seconds
How We Resolved Our Most Recent Fight
Like we’ve said many times… “We don’t have a perfect marriage, but we do have a secure marriage.” This last week is proof of that. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re talking about the fight we had last week and the steps we took to get is resolved as quickly as possible […]
3/5/2021 • 17 minutes, 13 seconds
What NOT To Do To Get Your Spouse To Change
Every husband or wife has that “thing” they’d like to see changed in their spouse, believing it will make their life easier and happier. While this is perfectly normal, you can make your marriage miserable if you go about it the wrong way. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at a […]
3/2/2021 • 12 minutes, 5 seconds
Accepting The Quirkiness Of Your Spouse
Does your husband or wife have that “thing” that drives you crazy, even though, you’d have to admit (reluctantly) it’s not actually wrong of them to do it? These things can actually become endearing to you, if you learn how to see them in the right light. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, […]
2/25/2021 • 7 minutes, 33 seconds
Why Date Night Should Still Be A Big Deal
Remember when dating was something that was fun and easy? Now, after a few years of being married, you probably don’t do it as often, and it seems to be more of a chore rather than something you look forward to. No matter how long you’ve been married, setting aside time together regularly is super […]
2/22/2021 • 18 minutes, 35 seconds
Does Selflessness Lead To Being Abused?
We talk a lot about the importance of being selfless and serving your husband or wife on a daily basis. But what happens if your spouse uses your sacrificial attitude as an excuse to abuse or take advantage of you? Obviously, we want everyone to be safe. That’s why we thought this insightful question was […]
2/12/2021 • 12 minutes, 16 seconds
Why Bonding With Your Spouse Is So Important
Friendship with your husband or wife is good. Compatibility with your spouse is nice. Physical attraction is exciting. But bonding with your spouse is essential. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at why this somewhat mysterious experience is so elusive for many couples and what you can do to start working […]
2/8/2021 • 10 minutes, 9 seconds
Are You The Pusher or Withdrawer In Your Marriage?
When stress creeps into a marriage, one person usually pushes for connection while the other person usually withdraws, hoping to stay safe by not rocking the boat. This is called the Anxious/Avoidant cycle and it’s common for almost every relationship out there. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at the consequences […]
2/2/2021 • 12 minutes, 7 seconds
Are You Willing To Sacrifice For Your Spouse?
Do you know what your spouse has given up because he or she decided to be married to you? I know… it’s a weird question, but, it’s an important one. And, it’s the question I asked Shannon the other day while out on a walk. Her answer was very insightful and showed me an area […]
1/28/2021 • 16 minutes, 37 seconds
How To Handle Your Wife's Monthly Mood Swings
For decades, women have been stereotyped (often unfairly) as moody and grumpy during their time-of-the-month. And yet, there’s always a little truth in sarcasm. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re taking a light-hearted, look at this very real dynamic in our relationship.
1/25/2021 • 11 minutes, 47 seconds
How Men Can Develop More Empathy
Has your wife ever said, “You don’t understand me” or, ” You just don’t care? If that’s you (and it probably is if you’ve been married longer than 15 minutes), then you need to learn the strange and mysterious art of empathy. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re answering a question from […]
1/21/2021 • 12 minutes, 26 seconds
What To Do When Your Husband Refuses To Compromise
For marriage to work, you have to listen to the needs of your spouse and be willing to give up some of the things you want. But what do you do if your husband would rather do things he likes by himself instead of choosing to be together? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage […]
1/18/2021 • 12 minutes, 47 seconds
What To Do If Your Husband Keeps Lying
Lying. If it’s done once, it’s easier to forgive. If it becomes a pattern, it will destroy trust and any chance of intimacy in your relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re dealing with this painful subject and offering a healthy way of addressing the issue with your husband.
1/14/2021 • 13 minutes, 52 seconds
Why It's Hard to Apologize After A Fight
Fighting is never easy. But apologizing is even harder. Admitting you’re wrong, listening to the feelings of your spouse, empathizing, caring… all of these are tough to do on a daily basis. True to form, in this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll listen in to Shannon and I discussing our latest fight and […]
1/11/2021 • 22 minutes, 25 seconds
What to do With a Moody Spouse
Let’s be honest… your spouse probably isn’t happy and pleasant to be around 24/7. If your spouse happens to be someone who is “moody” or emotionally draining, then you’re going to want to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. In it, we share how we’ve worked through that season in our marriage […]
1/7/2021 • 19 minutes, 24 seconds
Where Does Reconciliation Begin
If your marriage has been struggling for awhile, you may not know the first steps you need to take to make things better. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we look at how to start rebuilding trust and improve communication so you can start down the road to reconciliation.
1/4/2021 • 13 minutes, 30 seconds
What to do When Your Husband Refuses to Get Help
Few things are as painful as being married to a husband who insists nothing’s wrong and he doesn’t need to change even though he acts in hurtful and offensive ways on a daily basis. The feelings of helplessness and hopelessness can become overwhelming and discouraging. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we take […]
12/24/2020 • 22 minutes, 43 seconds
Should you defend your wife against insults from your family?
Sometimes the person you marry isn’t always welcomed into the family. There may be snide comments, back-handed insults, or even overtly insulting behavior. When you’re torn between your family and your spouse, who do you choose? With the holiday’s coming up, this is a timely topic to touch on. We hope you’ll find some thought-provoking […]
12/22/2020 • 13 minutes, 6 seconds
Our 100th Episode (and a cool giveaway)!
It’s took us a little while, but we’ve finally made it to our 100th episode! This podcast has been one of our favorite thing to do together, and we hope you’ve found it entertaining and maybe a little helpful in your relationship. To celebrate, we thought we should give away something cool and awesome and […]
12/9/2020 • 14 minutes, 40 seconds
Who Should Do More Chores: Husband or Wife?
It’s the little things that make or break a marriage… like chores. Ironically, it’s not about the chores. It’s about the disappointed expectations. It’s about feeling used or unappreciated. It’s about the family systems you grew up in clashing with the family system your spouse grew up in. Chores mean so much more than just […]
12/2/2020 • 19 minutes, 39 seconds
What To Do When You Disagree on Having More Kids
Even though they can drive you crazy at times, children can be a blessing in your marriage. But what happens when you and your spouse disagree on having kids? For some couples, this can be a deal breaker in the relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll help you understand why the […]
10/16/2020 • 13 minutes, 2 seconds
Does Your Marriage Suffer From Marital Remorse?
If your marriage has been a struggle, you may find ourself sitting in marital remorse (it’s sort of like buyer’s remorse). The brand new, shiny husband your wife you drove off the lot starts to fade and they don’t look like such a wise “purchase” anymore. If you let marital remorse go unchecked, it can […]
10/10/2020 • 19 minutes, 18 seconds
How To Hold Your Spouse Accountable To Their Goals Without Sounding Critical
So, your husband or wife says they want to lose some weight. Then you watch them make multiple trips into the kitchen to grab some cookies after dinner. What do you do? Do you tell them to stop it? Do you hide the cookies? When you see them doing things that are self-sabotaging, how do […]
9/11/2020 • 19 minutes, 58 seconds
How Shannon Has Been Overcoming Obstacles & Achieving Her Goals
(Shannon wanted an entire episode all about her, but she didn’t want to admit it, so this is what we did.) This year has been a monumental year for my wife. Listen in and hear about some of the monster goals she’s set for herself and what’s it’s taken for her to overcome the internal […]
9/10/2020 • 23 minutes, 48 seconds
How To Go 27 Hours In A Two-Seater Car With NO Arguments
For many marriages, traveling usually causes conflict and fights. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, listen in as we talk about our latest 27 hour road trip where we enjoyed ZERO conflict (and how you could do it too).
9/2/2020 • 17 minutes, 37 seconds
What To Do When You Feel Embarrassed By Your Spouse's Anger
Having your spouse angry at you is hard enough. When it happens in public or in front of family or friends, you add the feeling of embarrassment and shame. What should you do? Yell back? Hide? Explain or excuse their outburst? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll hear how we had to […]
8/15/2020 • 16 minutes, 14 seconds
Why Some People Don't Like Our Podcast
Believe it or not, and despite our best efforts, some people have told us they really don’t like our podcast. But it’s probably not for the reason you’re thinking. If you want to find out why, check out this week’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.
8/13/2020 • 17 minutes, 14 seconds
#92: When Should A Couple Consider Separation
When you’re in a difficult marriage, one of the hardest decisions you face is whether to separate to continue to stay together. Hurt feelings, constant conflict, intense emotions… all of these make the decision even harder. In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we look at the major issues that factor into the decision […]
8/10/2020 • 14 minutes, 38 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Keeps Threatening Divorce
Fighting with your husband or wife is hard enough. But when they threaten you with divorce, your survival brain kicks in and it’s a thousand times harder to resolve the issue you’re fighting over. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll explore why people resort to threatening divorce and what you can do […]
8/3/2020 • 16 minutes, 18 seconds
What To Do When You Feel Blamed All The Time
When something goes wrong for your spouse, do you feel yourself bracing because you know it’s just a matter of time before you end up being blamed for it? This can be an exhausting and demoralizing way to relate to your husband or wife. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I […]
7/27/2020 • 23 minutes, 5 seconds
Why It's So Hard To Forgive Your Spouse
When you’re hurt, finding forgiveness isn’t always easy. You want your husband or wife to admit they were wrong, that they understand how you feel, and demonstrate genuine remorse and contriteness. Unfortunately, their survival brain makes it really hard to do that right away. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at […]
7/23/2020 • 22 minutes, 26 seconds
What To Do When Your Dreams Make Your Spouse Nervous
Have you ever wanted to do something really badly but your spouse wasn’t on board? For many couples, this can lead bitterness, resentment, and some pretty good fights. But it doesn’t have to be that way. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage podcast, we’ll show you can work through the issue kindly and respectfully, […]
7/20/2020 • 15 minutes, 4 seconds
#87: How One Misinterpreted Text Led To Our HUGE Fight
Despite being a trained professional counselor with years of experience helping couples fix their marriages, last Saturday, Shannon and I got into a HUGE fight over a stupid text. If you want to see who won, you’ll want to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. We hope you enjoy.
7/2/2020 • 27 minutes, 30 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Secretly Has Lunch With Their Ex
Keeping secrets from your spouse rarely turns out well… especially when it concerns meeting up with your ex when your spouse is out of town. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re tackling the tough issue of rebuilding trust and how to prioritize your spouse’s feelings over everyone else’s feelings.
6/26/2020 • 19 minutes, 50 seconds
What To Do If You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Every couple fights. So when do those fights cross the line and become emotionally abusive? Or, if you know they’ve already crossed the line, what can you do to keep yourself safe? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we want to help inform those that may be feeling helpless and hopeless in their […]
6/18/2020 • 16 minutes, 4 seconds
Your Spouse Wants To End The Marriage
Very few things are as devastating as hearing your husband or wife wants to end the marriage. What do you do? Do you fight for the relationship? Do you let them go? How do you deal with the deep feelings of abandonment and betrayal? Today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast takes a sober look […]
6/15/2020 • 13 minutes, 23 seconds
Dealing With Sexless Marriages
You may not know this, but for a lot of couples, sex is pretty important (insert sarcastic look here). And when sex is experienced less and less it can lead to all sorts of nasty problems in your relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we look at why some marriages lose their […]
6/12/2020 • 17 minutes, 4 seconds
What To Do If You've "Fallen Out Of Love"
You hear people say all the time “I’ve fallen out of love”. Worse yet, they use that reason to end their marriage, hoping to “fall in love” with someone else. That’s not how “love” is supposed to work. Feeling of love are supposed to go from heated, passionate, crazy-stupid attraction to the sustainable warmth of […]
6/8/2020 • 12 minutes, 37 seconds
How To Change Your Negative Attitude Toward Your Spouse
Sometimes, your spouse just bugs the crap out of you. Everything they do frustrates or disappoints you and it’s nearly impossible to see any good in them. This negative attitude can grow like a cancer until it starts to eat at you from the inside out. If this sounds familiar and you’ve been wanting to […]
6/5/2020 • 16 minutes, 30 seconds
What To Do When You Crave Something New In Your Marriage
If you’ve been married for any amount of time, you know that the “feelings” can start to fade and things feel a little… boring. For some people, that disappointment causes them to become restless and desire something (or someone) new. If that’s happened to you, what are you supposed to do with those feelings? In […]
5/29/2020 • 11 minutes, 18 seconds
Is Doing Something Without Your Spouse Wrong?
Once you get married, should you do everything together? How can you keep your individualism while still being married? CAN you be an individual while you are married? SHOULD you try to be an individual while in a marriage? The answers to these questions may not be as easy as you think. In today’s episode […]
5/26/2020 • 16 minutes, 54 seconds
Who Does The Chores When Your Wife Starts Working From Home?
Chores are one of the most common things couples fight over. What can complicate the debate is when a wife starts working from home and she doesn’t have as much time. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at the age-old debate on roles and expectations and disappointments and communication and conflict […]
5/23/2020 • 21 minutes, 29 seconds
Husbands—Start Improving Yourselves
Gentlemen. If you want your wife to be happier, more attracted to you, and have less fight, you only have to do ONE thing. Start actively trying to improve yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s books, counseling, talking with friends, or superbly produced and highly engaging marriage podcasts. When you wife sees you working on […]
5/22/2020 • 8 minutes, 54 seconds
How To Become An Empathetic Spouse
Do you want to fight less with your husband or wife? You need to learn how to develop empathy. Do you want to have a better sex life? You need to have more empathy. Do you want to be genuinely happy and content in your relationship? Then start developing empathy. If there was one magic […]
5/18/2020 • 19 minutes
The Number One Thing To Look For In A Husband or Wife
The other day I posted a question on a Facebook Marriage Group asking, “What’s the one thing you wish you would have known about your spouse before you got married?” Within two days, I had 158 replies, all of which shared pain, hurt, and discouragement with their husband or wife. This got me thinking, what […]
5/15/2020 • 17 minutes, 13 seconds
How COVID-19 Is Affecting Our Marriage
This episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast is just a personal update letting you know how Shannon and I are doing in this crazy new world. Like every other relationship out there, our marriage is being affected by the Corona Virus and the social-distancing rules. Even though Shannon and I are usually on the same […]
5/12/2020 • 19 minutes, 31 seconds
Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?
If your husband or wife has cheated on you, you want to avoid getting hurt and make sure that never happens to you again. You also have legitimate questions or doubts that get in the way of trust. How do you know if the person is truly sorry? What do you look for to know […]
5/6/2020 • 12 minutes, 29 seconds
A Better Way To Talk About Feelings
Talking about feelings can feel awkward and uncomfortable for two main reasons. First, you might be that task-oriented person who doesn’t realize they actually have feelings and have no idea how to identify a feeling even if it came up and bit you on the butt. Or second, when you do share your feelings, your […]
4/3/2020 • 12 minutes, 45 seconds
Understanding Your Spouse's Primary Need
Do you know the primary need of your husband or wife? Did you even know that women have a primary need and men have a primary need? (Hint… event though they’re different words, both words start with the letter ‘S’.) Did you also know these two needs are the source of 95% of all of […]
3/30/2020 • 14 minutes, 15 seconds
How To Support Your Spouse When They're Trying Something New
When your husband or wife wants to try something new, it can rock the relationship boat. Things can feel uncomfortable, scary, or simply frustrating because life is no longer “normal”. If you’re not careful, the new thing can become a lightning rod for fights and conflict (and really… who wants to go through that). In […]
3/13/2020 • 19 minutes, 31 seconds
What Will People Say About Your Marriage At Your 50th Anniversary Party
Shannon and I just got back from celebrating her parent’s 50th Wedding Anniversary in Southern California. She threw them a wonderful party and they were overjoyed and deeply thankful. At the party, we asked those who were attending to share something they appreciated about Bill & Betsy, and the question got us thinking, “What will […]
3/3/2020 • 9 minutes, 5 seconds
How To Make Big Decisions Together
We know at some point, you and your spouse couldn’t agree on some major decision and it’s ended up in a fight. (Yeah, we’ve been watching you). Like every couple out there, Shannon and I struggle with this age old issue as well. So, to let you know you’re not alone, we thought we’d bring […]
2/26/2020 • 15 minutes, 35 seconds
Why You Need To Ask, "How Can I Be A Better Husband or Wife?"
Imagine how your marriage would change if, later today, your husband or wife stopped you in the kitchen and asked you, with all genuineness, “What can I do to be a better spouse for you today?” How would you feel? What would that question communicate about how he or she feels about you? In today’s […]
2/17/2020 • 13 minutes, 39 seconds
Practical Ways To Rebuild Trust In Your Relationship
When your husband or wife says they’ll do something and then they drop the ball and don’t follow through, doubt and mistrust starts to creep in (understandably). When this happens over and over, it can be tough to rebuild trust again. In this episode, we’re opening the virtual mail bag and tackling a real scenario […]
2/8/2020 • 14 minutes, 23 seconds
Why You Should Bring Your BFF Into Your Marriage (It's NOT what you think)
Wouldn’t it be nice to stop wasting time and finally get down to the REAL issues in your marriage? We think so too. That’s why in this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we introduce a new super-simple tool that does exactly that.
1/24/2020 • 22 minutes, 31 seconds
How "Captain Obvious" Can Save Your Marriage
Driving home from work the other day, I came up with a super simple technique that makes communicating with your spouse more awesomer. Even better, I came up with a crazy title you’re likely not to forget (which means you’re more apt to actually use it and enjoy the benefits of it). If you want […]
1/17/2020 • 9 minutes, 57 seconds
How Relentless Empathy is Guaranteed to Improve ANY Relationship
If you’re like us, whenever your husband or wife is hurting because of something they’ve done to themselves, it’s… (how do I put it)… “difficult” to show them support and understanding. Yet, believe it or not, this is one of the BEST times to show them kindness and empathy. WHY? Great question. Glad you asked. […]
1/12/2020 • 13 minutes, 9 seconds
How to Stop 90% of Your Fights Before They Even Get Started
Everyone knows, as a married couple you need to know how to resolve conflict. But wouldn’t it be better to know how to avoid the conflict in the first place? In today’s podcast episode, listen in and find out how a misplaced bed sheet helped us discover one of the best tools at preventing conflict […]
1/3/2020 • 7 minutes, 45 seconds
#61: Tired of Being The One Who Always Goes First?
If you’re the one who ALWAYS has to go first because your husband or wife won’t initiate, it’s easy to become resentful, discouraged, and disappointed. You may even be tempted to start withdrawing and telling yourself, “I’m not going to try any more until THEY start trying harder.” In this episode of the Secure Marriage […]
12/20/2019 • 21 minutes, 40 seconds
#60: 8 Essential Tips To Survive the Family Holidays
The holiday season isn’t always the easiest, especially when it involves extended family. Old conflicts… Unresolved tensions… Unspoken expectations… all of these lead to stress and frustration. And who usually gets the brunt of your distress? Yep. Your husband or wife. To avoid hurting each other this holiday season, we’ve put together a short list […]
12/13/2019 • 30 minutes, 13 seconds
How To Show Your Spouse You Love Them By Taking Responsibility For Your Crap
Admit it. If your spouse changed that one-little-thing about them, you’d probably be a lot happier. Right? Everyone wants to change their spouse a little bit. So why not give your spouse the best… gift… ever… and do that FOR them. Take a few minutes and ask yourself, “What can I do differently that would […]
12/9/2019 • 19 minutes, 44 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Won't Initiate Sex
Sex can become frustrating when it feels like you’re not wanted by your spouse. If you’re not careful, it can lead to a battle-of-the-wills and a toxic game of who’s-gonna-go-first. We don’t want this to happen to your marriage. In this episode you’ll learn the healthy way to handle your frustration and disappointment in your […]
11/22/2019 • 9 minutes, 59 seconds
The Magic Question That's Guaranteed To Change Your Marriage
What if you had to do just one thing to GUARANTEE you’ll have an awesome marriage? Sound too good to be true? Feeling a little skeptical? That’s totally understandable. Yet, we think we’ve found “The Magic Question” that comes pretty darn close. Want to know what it is? (Of course you do). Just listen to […]
11/15/2019 • 12 minutes, 23 seconds
#56: How to Overcome Sexual Shame in Your Relationship
If your sex life has been a struggle in your marriage, sexual shame may have something to do with it. Fortunately, sexual shame CAN be fixed if you follow the two simple rules we talk about in this episode of the podcast. They’re not difficult, but they are essential to make your sex life even […]
11/11/2019 • 17 minutes, 10 seconds
#55: How To Talk About Sex With Your Spouse
If sex has gotten boring and… uneventful in your relationship, but you’re not sure how to bring it up with your spouse, then today’s podcast is just for you. In this episode, you’ll learn why sex tends to taper off in long-term marriages, what you can do to reignite the spark, and the most important […]
11/1/2019 • 22 minutes, 20 seconds
How To Support Your Spouse When They're Totally Messed Up
If your spouse is suffering from any type of illness—physical or emotional—it can be taxing on a marriage. It’s easy to want to give up, run away, hide, shut down, or lash out. Instead, even though it’s not easy, we’re called to unconditionally love our husband or wife, no matter what. In this episode, we’ll […]
10/26/2019 • 15 minutes, 14 seconds
What To Do When Your Husband Works Too Much
Are you a wife that’s feeling lonely and less-than-important because your husband gives all of his attention to work and providing for the family? If so you’re not alone. Since I’m self-employed, this issue is one that Shannon and I have had to deal with. As the sole provider for our family, it’s easy to […]
10/2/2019 • 17 minutes, 14 seconds
5 Communication Styles That Are Guaranteed To Destroy Your Marriage
The way you communicate with your husband or wife will determine is you have a happy marriage or a frustrating marriage. Then there are certain things that you may be doing that are GUARANTEED to destroy your marriage. Now, don’t worry. Everyone has done at least one of these things in their relationship. It’s the […]
8/20/2019 • 12 minutes, 12 seconds
Four Tips For Effective Communication With Your Husband or Wife
If your marriage is struggling because of bad communication, you’re not alone. Most relationships are frustrating and disappointing, not because you or your spouse are bad people, but because you just haven’t learned how to communicate effectively yet. In this episode, we’re going to give you the Four tips for effective communication with your husband […]
8/13/2019 • 9 minutes, 23 seconds
Why Telling Your Spouse What To Do Can Potentially Hurt Their Feelings
Does it drive you crazy when your husband or wife offers suggestions or offers you their opinion on how you should do something? This simple but very powerful relationship dynamic can quickly create major tensions and blow ups in a marriage.
8/2/2019 • 19 minutes, 51 seconds
The Magic Technique We Use To Stay Emotionally Connected During A Fight
Back in the old days (like 2 years ago), when Shannon and I would fight, we’d go from talking about the problem to pointing fingers and blaming each other. We both ended up feeling defensive and pissed off at each other for a long time. Since then, we’ve stumbled upon a simple technique we now […]
7/19/2019 • 13 minutes, 8 seconds
Why The Little Things In Marriage Are So Important
Does your marriage feel stale, boring, or overall disappointing? If so, there’s a good chance you’ve been ignoring the little things. Doing the little things on a daily basis is like putting necessary fuel in your relationship. It keeps things from slowing down and running dry. No, they’re not that fun. They’re not very exciting. […]
7/12/2019 • 13 minutes, 24 seconds
How To Know If Your Marriage Is Worth Saving
When your marriage has been struggling for a while, it’s easy to start wondering if it will ever get better. After all, you don’t want to waste time or energy on something that’s dead, but you also don’t want to throw in the towel too soon. In this episode, we look at the things we […]
7/5/2019 • 27 minutes, 43 seconds
How To Stop Feeling Like Just Roommates
If you’re like us, life’s busy. We understand why it’s harder to find times to truly connect with your husband or wife. Days turn into weeks… weeks into months… and then you wake up one day feeling like your spouse is more like a roommate instead of a lover. We’re here to tell you, “It’s […]
6/28/2019 • 19 minutes, 16 seconds
We Talk Openly About Our Core Fears
What is the deepest fear that you have about yourself? Have you ever shared that with your spouse? Being that vulnerable is risky. There is the possibility that your fear will be confirmed by your spouse, that your spouse will hold it against you, or worst of all…your spouse may not love you as much […]
5/30/2019 • 18 minutes, 6 seconds
How Things Can Get Better Even If Your Marriage Is Off To A Rocky Start
What’s my most shameful mistake as a husband? This is the podcast episode I’ve been dreading to record. BUT I think it’s important to tell the story. If you’re just starting out in your marriage and you’ve never been taught HOW to love your new spouse… and you’ve had some mistakes along the way… you’re […]
5/28/2019 • 16 minutes, 37 seconds
How Do You Know If You Are In A Codepndent Relationship
Are you always trying to change your spouse’s emotional state, spending hours and hours of energy trying to fix them? Is your emotional state always dependent on your spouse’s emotional state? If you are in a great mood and your spouse is in a bad mood, do you find you are unable to allow yourself […]
5/23/2019 • 17 minutes, 56 seconds
How Much A Divorce Will Actually Cost You
Divorce is expensive. Really expensive. Unfortunately, sometimes you won’t even know the full cost of the experience until years later. In this episode we look at the actual cost of divorce—not just financially but also personally, relationally, and emotionally. If you want to know how to fix your marriage problems before they get out of […]
5/23/2019 • 12 minutes, 54 seconds
Relationship Red Flags When Looking For A Spouse
Do you know what you should be avoiding when looking for your future spouse? Most people don’t so they base their decisions on the spark and sizzle (is there lots of chemistry) or if the person makes them happy. Those things might seem ideal, but the reality is they just cannot sustain a long term […]
5/16/2019 • 23 minutes, 2 seconds
How Do You Know You've Found "The One"
How many times have you asked yourself, “Is this person ‘the one’?” Is there actually a failsafe way to figure out if the person you are with is the right one for you? Wouldn’t it be nice to know how to figure that out before you take the marital plunge? In this week’s episode we […]
5/10/2019 • 17 minutes, 20 seconds
Why You Should Never Use Name-Calling In Your Marriage
One of the most dangerous and toxic things you can do to your spouse and your marriage is use name-calling while in the midst of a fight. Not only does it tear down the heart and character of your spouse, it erodes trust and distracts from the real issue you’re trying to resolve. Name-calling is […]
4/20/2019 • 13 minutes, 35 seconds
The Story of How We Met
We’re asked all the time, “How’d you guys meet.” In today’s episode, you’ll find out. You’ll find out the things we love about the story and the things we wish we would have known how to do better. You’ll hear how I (Paul) still hadn’t learned the #1 thing most women want to see in […]
4/5/2019 • 25 minutes, 46 seconds
Three Ways To Reduce Defensiveness In Your Marriage
“How can I share my hurt feelings with my spouse without causing him to become defensive?” This question taps into the very heart of the Secure Marriage concepts. The idea of having a Secure Marriage is, “We can talk about hard things and we will be okay. We will be secure no matter what we […]
3/29/2019 • 22 minutes, 19 seconds
The Magical Power Of Empathy
What does it feel like to have your spouse listen to your feelings without trying to fix you or tell you that you should think, believe, or feel something else? Well, this week I, Shannon, tell what it’s like for me when I experience this with Paul. You really don’t want to miss my very […]
3/22/2019 • 14 minutes, 47 seconds
How To Start Moving Forward After An Affair
In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast we tackle the painful subject of infidelity in a marriage and how it is possible to move forward afterward. If you find yourself in this situation or know someone who is, the bad news is…this is a really difficult issue to navigate and there aren’t any quick […]
3/21/2019 • 12 minutes, 28 seconds
How To Reduce Defensiveness In Your Spouse
Correcting your spouse… always pointing out what they’ve done or said is wrong… is one of the best ways to produce bitterness, resentment, and defensiveness in your marriage. And of course, YOU never like being corrected. In this episode, Shannon and I discuss how we’ve slipped into this toxic habit and discuss a new “experiment” […]
3/8/2019 • 16 minutes, 58 seconds
How to Become A Better Student Of Your Spouse
No matter how long you’ve been married to your husband or wife, there’s still new stuff you can learn about each other every day. When you do this, your marriage will never feel boring or stale, you’ll continue to fall deeper in love with each other, and you’ll truly be able to experience a Secure […]
2/23/2019 • 19 minutes, 42 seconds
The Secure Marriage Framework (Revised)
If you want to learn how to communicate better with your husband or wife, you’re going to want to get the Secure Marriage Online Workshop. We just spent the last few months redoing the entire workshop from the ground up. You’ll learn how to change your communication so it no longer leads to the conflict […]
2/16/2019 • 19 minutes, 6 seconds
The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages have become a staple of all good marriage educational programs. Originally a book written by Gary Chapman way-back-when, it clearly shows the ways individuals best receive love. In this episode, we describe each of five and let you know what Shannon and I are personally, and how it plays out in […]
2/10/2019 • 19 minutes, 1 second
Why Unspoken Expectations Will Screw Up Your Marriage
Unspoken expectations are cancerous to any marriage. Whenever you want your spouse to do something your way and on your timeframe, but you haven’t overtly shared it with them, you’re setting them up for failure and yourself for disappointment. So why in the world are unspoken expectations so commonplace in every marriage. You’d think we […]
2/1/2019 • 16 minutes, 21 seconds
How To Help Your Struggling Spouse
Since moving to Portland, Oregon, Shannon has struggled with the winter weather. At first, we thought is was going to go away, but after 26 years of living up here, it’s clear that she suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). This is not an easy thing for her and it dramatically affects both of us—Shannon […]
1/25/2019 • 16 minutes, 51 seconds
How To Gracefully Receive Help From Your Spouse
It can be very difficult to allow your spouse to take care of you when you are sick or injured. For many of you, you don’t want to be seen as weak or incapable. For some of you, it may be because you don’t want to be an inconvenience to anyone, including your spouse. Paul […]
1/18/2019 • 13 minutes, 18 seconds
Why Negative Thoughts About Your Spouse Ruin Your Relationship
When you allow negative thoughts about your spouse to occupy your mind it has a negative impact on your marriage. And believe it or not, your husband or wife can sense what you are thinking about them, even if you don’t verbally express them. In this episode we talk about what you can do if […]
1/12/2019 • 20 minutes, 18 seconds
Why We Ditched Church To Go Have A Fight
Sometimes, you end up in a fight with your wife when it’s the highly inconvenient. For us a few weeks back, it was Sunday morning about 10 minutes before church started. Instead of sitting through a worship service not feeling very worshipful, we decided to go work it out in the car. It didn’t take […]
12/28/2018 • 21 minutes, 56 seconds
How To Get Your Spouse To Change
Let’s admit it. Everyone has those little things you want to change about your spouse. It’s a normal part of being married. But HOW you go about getting them to change will either lead to years of conflict and tension or moments of deep, intimate connection. In this episode we look at the not-so-helpful ways […]
12/21/2018 • 18 minutes, 57 seconds
How You Can Turn Off Your Survival Brain
In this week’s episode, we’re trying something a little different as we talk with Jon Furman, pastor at Beaverton Christian Church, about why couples struggle in marriage, why your “Survival Brain” causes marital pain, and what you can do to change it.
12/15/2018 • 24 minutes, 9 seconds
How Much It Sucks Admitting I'm Wrong To My Wife (And How Important It Is)
So,,, it’s one thing to be wrong. It’s a whole ‘nother thing to be wrong while I’m recording a podcast with my wife, insisting SHE’S wrong, and then going back to the footage to see, clear as day, how unbelievably wrong I was in the first place. Lesson to be learned… never have a fight […]
12/7/2018 • 18 minutes, 19 seconds
Three Essential Things To Look For Before Getting Married
There are lots of things that should be talked about before you get married. This week we talk about three of the most critical things that you should look for and talk about before you get engaged.
12/1/2018 • 13 minutes, 15 seconds
Pre-Marital vs. Pre-Engagement Counseling
We believe everyone should get some sort of counseling before they get married. Traditionally, that’s been pre-marital counseling, but in this episode we discuss the benefits of pre-engagement counseling.
11/23/2018 • 15 minutes, 6 seconds
How To Handle Extended Family During The Holidays
In this episode, Paul and I give 4 tips for for managing the stress that can happen when trying to navigate extended family and the Holidays.
11/16/2018 • 14 minutes, 5 seconds
What To Do When You Disagree On The Facts of A Situation
In this weeks episode, Paul and Shannon work though one of the recurring themes in their marriage, disagreeing with the facts of a situation, that causes them to be disconnected.
11/9/2018 • 16 minutes, 24 seconds
Why Happiness Is A Byproduct of A Secure Marriage
A Secure Marriage is knowing that your spouse is committed to you no for the long haul, that they are willing to fight for you when life gets hard, and they are not going anywhere no matter what. As a result you will inevitably experience more happiness in your marriage. Listen to this week’s episode […]
11/3/2018 • 10 minutes, 33 seconds
Why Is There No Test Before You Get Married?
Most couples, when getting married, have the expectation that marriage is going to be all sunshine and roses. In other words, easy. In this week’s episode, we discuss why marriage is hard and what we have found to truly help make it easier.
10/19/2018 • 12 minutes, 53 seconds
Our Favorite Tool To Improve Communication With Your Spouse
The most common question we get at workshops is, “How do we improve communication?” In this episode, we talk about our favorite tool to help improve communication.
10/5/2018 • 7 minutes, 24 seconds
Supporting Shannon Through Her Tough Mudder
We’re on the road for this podcast episode so Shannon can run her first 10 mile Tough Mudder up in Seattle. Follow along as we checkin before, during, and after the event, and the lessons you can learn about your marriage while playing in the mud.
9/28/2018 • 20 minutes, 44 seconds
What It's Like To Be Best Friends With Your Spouse
It's not enough to just be married to your spouse. It's essential to be friends with them as well. A friendship that grow stronger and more intimate is the things that will help you feel more connected and make it easier to endure the normal disagreements that come along.
8/25/2018 • 16 minutes, 36 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Is A Highly Sensitive Person
Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is not easy. In this episode, Shannon talks about what’s it’s like to be an HSP, how it’s affected the perception of herself, and how it’s impacted our marriage over the years.
7/19/2018 • 22 minutes, 49 seconds
What To Do When You Think Your Spouse Is Being Lazy
When you think you’re doing more of the day-to-day stuff, it’s easy to get resentful and start accusing your spouse of being lazy. In this episode, listen in as we talk about the toxic dynamic that brought into our relationship and what you can do to fix it in your marriage.
7/12/2018 • 18 minutes, 32 seconds
What To Do When Your "Helpful Ideas" Are Taken As Criticism
Sometimes, the helpful ideas your spouse offers can be perceived as critical, corrective, or controlling. In this episode, we look at how to shift your mindset so you're not constantly fighting whenever your spouse wants to contribute their thoughts or feelings.
7/8/2018 • 17 minutes, 56 seconds
What To Do When Your Spouse Is Struggling With Depression
Depression is never easy. When your spouse is having a hard time simply being happy there are things you can do to help them get through the experience.
6/29/2018 • 18 minutes, 30 seconds
What To Do When You've Been Wronged and You're Having A Hard Time Letting It Go
We all get wronged now and then, but we don't always have the ability to get justice. In this episode, we're talking about this exact situation in our life and how we've decided to deal with it.
6/27/2018 • 22 minutes, 1 second
How Mad Shannon Will Be If Paul Dies Unexpectedly
In the last 2 months, we've had two neighbors die unexpectedly. These men were relatively young, and this has made Shannon think about what she would do if Paul were to pass away without warning.
6/23/2018 • 14 minutes, 9 seconds
Why Speaking Harshly To Your Spouse Is Toxic To Your Marriage
How you say things to your spouse is just as important as what you say. Paying attention to your tone is the difference between building them up and tearing them down. Music by: Fluidscape by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/) Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100393 Artist: http://incompetech.com/
